The effort to rock the Pels -- which is nice to see but jarring to see so early in the Year -- may be the biggest difference between last season's and this season's club. As such, The Minnesota Timberwolves, as of press time, are in first place in the Western Conference. That is a fact I didn't think I would ever utter. And so I put the Wolves at the top spot, and in a very successful screening Week for local sports, I float them up to Positive Numbers for the second straight Week. I don't know if I've ever given them back-to-back perfect marks ever.
This Week: At Memphis tonight/Sunday night; an In-Season Tournament Game at home to The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics Tuesday; hosting The Bastard New Orleans Jazz Thursday; at Charlotte Saturday.
#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5). Fighting for their tournament hopes (or not -- I don't know if there's a volleyball bracketologist out there), they responded by sweeping all three Matches they had this screening Week -- at Indiana (in five Sets), then at home over Iowa and Ohio St. (both sweeps). I do not think any of those teams are any good, but I think they and I will take a three-Game winning streak, even if those on Twitter/X saying, "Omg they're peaking at the right time, you don't want to play them right now" are fucking delusional.
The regular season (mercifully?) finishes this Week at home vs. Illinois on Black Friday and, whoa, The Top Ranked Team In The Country, Nebraska, Saturday night.
OK ... I just checked the volleyball chatroom I go to from time to time. The Gophers probably are in trouble due to their low RPI (losing to Maryland and Rutgers will do that), but many people say beating The Illini will remedy that. Oh, and the squad is playing better now that Melani Shaffmaster finally got her cast off.
#-1: Gopher wrestling (NEW SEASON!!!). Another going-through-the-motions season for the once-vaunted Gopher grapplers. They've started out just fine, racking up three Wins over Bucknell, Morgan St. and George Mason, all away from the Pavilion. But can you beat Penn St.? Can you finish second to Penn St.? I just want to see something better than before. I'm that beaten down.
They don't play a Dual until next Sunday.
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). Swept once power (though Top 10-ranked) Minnesota-Duluth in Duluth over the weekend by matching 3-1 scores. I see on the U. athletic website a heading I think wasn't there before, a bright red block denoting "D1 in DC." I think the Games therein, against Harvard on Black Friday and Cornell on Saturday, have always been there. I didn't notice the Matches were being played in Arlington, Va., and I was not aware till now that this apparently is a push to advance the idea of placing a top-flight women's hockey program in the District Of Columbia. To which I say: Which university? Is there one thinking about it, or putting together a study, or raising money? Is it Georgetown? Maryland? George Mason?
#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Crushed Chicago St. by 58 (!!!) and North Dakota St. by 22, indicators that there was talent on the roster, they just weren't being coached up right. But now they step up in class: Hopkins native Paige Bueckers and Connecticut come to town this/Sunday afternoon to face the U. The Gophers face their toughest chall -- yeah, who am I kidding, the Gophers have no chance of beating The Huskies, this is only a test to see for how long they can hang with them.
Side note: The last time I think Bueckers played at Williams Arena, when she was with Hopkins, was The Final Sporting Event I Attended Before The World Shut Down. I remember getting really nervous about deciding to go into The Barn and being with other people, one of whom may have this COVID-19 virus that was rampaging through the planet. There was a sign that was put up the day of the Games (I think this was the Semifinals of Bueckers's class) that all tickets for the next Day's Finals will be rescinded because attendance will be limited only to schools and the players' families. (If I remember correctly, they changed that later that night and said that those Games were cancelled.) But while I was nervous as shit, I didn't get it, I was able to see Hopkins romp over Stillwater and then St. Michael's-Albertville defeat Farmington, and I went home before the pandemic came to Minnesota and the United States. Yeah, good times (not really).
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: 0). I'm putting these guys below four U. of M. minor league sports only because they won more Games over the screening Week. But don't let the -4 fool you; The Minnesota Vikings are, somehow, The Fucking Hottest Team In The NFL after winning its fifth straight Game, 27-19 over New Orleans last Sunday afternoon.
Three things stood out about the Win: 1) Josh Dobbs might be such a refreshing breath of air because he will scramble for Touchdowns, and that is a distinct difference from seeing Kirk Cousins stick it out in the pocket and not able to run when he's in trouble; 2) Kevin O'Connell is doing a masterful job getting Dobbs up to speed, but his creativity was in full bloom when he called a direct snap to Running Back Ty Chandler for a short Touchdown; 3) the Vikes unfortunately reverted to typical Vikes form in turning into a sludgy mess in the Second Half. Jameis Winston (who had to sub in for Derek Carr after he left with an injury) did throw two picks, but when you give up two TDs to him, you can't say you did a great job.
But hey, a Win's a Win, and I think that as of right now, they in fact would make the playoffs. That might change after tonight's/Sunday night's showdown at Denver against a suddenly frisky and competent Broncos outfit.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). Split at Mariucci over the weekend to Notre Dame. You know, I remember the Twitter/X admin for the Gopher men's hockey account tweeting a tweet about right after last Year's collapse to Minnesota-Duluth in the NCAA Men's Hockey Championship Game vowing they'd be back. I'm not saying they're going to have a shitty season this Year, but there's no fucking way I see this team replicating the success of that team, so any vow that they'll be back is so fucking ludicrous I wonder if that admin is really from here. We're a damned sports town?! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS REALLY THINK YOU'LL BE BACK?!?!?!
Hosting Michigan St. Black Friday and Sunday afternoon.
#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: -6). No miracle in Columbus, but what do you expect? Got rocked 37-7 yesterday/Saturday afternoon, and so have one more final matchup, versus Wisconsin Saturday at Das Bank v.1.0., to become bowl-eligible (which, BTW, I have just realized is akin to being safe from relegation in a country's top-flight soccer league). The Badgers just reached their sixth Win last/Saturday night by beating Nebraska, so there might be less incentive for them to win. But, of course, they want to win Paul Bunyan's Ax back.
Quickly looking back at his record with Minnesota, P. J. Fleck is suffering through his worst season since the pandemic-shorted 2020 one, where he went 3-4. This Year's record could reflect closer his second season, in 2018, in which he finished 7-6 with a Win in the Quick Lane Bowl. His first Year, in 2017, he went 5-7. By the way, this is his seventh Year at the U.; do you believe in The Seven-Year Itch?
#-7: Wild (Last Week: -4). This club's horrid start continues. They lost at home to The Bastard North Stars Sunday by a too-typical 8-3 score. The squad then went to Sweden (a fact I did not know when I did last Week's WMNSS, sorry) and lost to Ottawa in a Shootout yesterday/Saturday morning. The Mild is now on a four-Game losing streak. This season's fucking lost.
They'll play one more Game in Sweden this/Sunday morning versus Toronto. They'll return home from across the Atlantic and host The Bastard Quebec Nordiques Friday.
Oh, by the way, The North Stars Proviso remains in effect: I weigh both Wins and Losses to The That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0 heavily. The Mild should be dead last in this Week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, but they're not because of the. ...
#-8: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1). I don't give a fuck they beat South Carolina-Upstate by 14 yesterday/Saturday afternoon. I was at Williams Arena Thursday night for the Goofers' Game against Missouri (the first Game between these two schools since 1960, a fact I heard more than once in the build-up). This rare BcS vs. BcS matchup not part of a series between conferences (the Big Ten-ACC Challenge, for example) was going to be an indicator of how improved the U. is after two incredibly disappointing seasons to start The Ben Johnson Era -- or not.
The Gophers came out like a bat out of hell. Early on they couldn't miss, especially from three. They expanded a six-Point lead at Halftime to as much as 20 Points with 11 1/2 Minutes to go. About 90 Seconds before, a starter for The Tigers got hit with a Double Technical for slightly but definitely pushing a Referee after a loose ball and a call that did not go his way. The result was a six-Point campaign that pushed the lead to 14. It was at that point that I thought they couldn't, and they definitely shouldn't, blow this lead.
But fucking blow it they did. They were outscored 31-9 in the last 11 1/2 Minutes. Missouri took the lead for the first time in the contest on an And-One with 9.1 Seconds left to go. Two pathetic misses later, and the Goofs may have suffered their worst Loss in the past three Years, and maybe ever. (I have to believe that this comeback/choke was a school record on either side, but I've checked both colleges' athletic websites, and not seeing stats like, "This is the biggest comeback/blown deficit since [insert Year here]" means that while this was memorable for anyone who witnessed it, this was by no means an historic record on either side.) It appears as though the length of The Tigers suddenly bothered the Goofers when it didn't at the start of the Game, and I think they needed a Point Guard to rally the troops especially as Mizzou whittled down that lead. With that sad, I don't care how green Johnson or his team is; if you blow a lead like that, you deserve to be on the hot seat. I'm sorry.
Only one Game this screening Week: Hosting Arkansas-Pine Bluff to finish their season-beginning five-Game homestand on Tuesday.
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