Monday, January 15, 2024

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  A 3-1 Week.  Lost in Overtime at Boston, but took care of Orlando (on the road) and Portland and The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers (at home).  That last Game vs. the Clips was kind of dicey, but they managed to stave them off by a 109-105 score.  That keeps them up on The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics for best record in the West, albeit by half a Game.  This team continues to amaze us and, recklessly, makes us wonder what they can do in the playoffs.  A championship -- egad, am I still saying that could happen with the Timberwolves?? -- is still a fantasy for now, but they keep the top spot in the WMNSS.

This Week: At Detroit, then home to The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies and said Bastard Sonics.  I was offered a ticket by my friend to the Game versus Memphis, but that Game starts at 9.  Really, 9 p.m. local time?  I don't think a Game should start any later than 8:30 p.m.  If I were younger, that would not be a deterrent, but because of principle (as well as needing to get up to work in the morning), my old ass had to decline.  Damn, TV can just say they can play that late?!  Shit. ...

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5).  This is the achievement I expected out of this club with new Head Coach Dawn Plitzuweit.  They swept both matchups they had this screening Week, routing Michigan in Ann Arbor Tuesday evening, then coming home and barely squeaking by Nebraska yesterday/Sunday afternoon, 62-58, courtesy of a very late Three from Amaya Battle.

That puts this team at 3-2 in the B1G and 13-3 overall.  More importantly, Charlie Creme of ESPN.com, in his latest Bracketology (which was run on the 12th), had the Golden Gophers in the Play-In.  In other words, this team isn't in the "real" tournament -- yet.  It is for this reason alone that I have these players behind the Wolves for the top spot in the survey and not above negative numbers.  That might, and maybe should, change now that they've racked up two Wins.  And they might just be getting started: They're at Indiana Wednesday night and host Michigan St. Saturday afternoon.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  This is an instance where the Monday-Sunday screening Week format for 2024 helps a local squad.  The Gopher men's hockey club is able to cut off their Loss to Colorado College on the 7th and get three Wins instead, a payback 6-2 victory over the Tigers on Monday and a sweep of Robert Morris (in their final non-conference series of the season) over the weekend, all at home.  Unfortunately, according to the latest PairWise, the U. ranks 12th, dangerously on the bubble.  They need to rack up some Wins soon.  They host Ohio St. for a pair this weekend.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: 0).  In their only Game this Week, they lost at Indiana by 12, but hey, what are you gonna do?  They are markedly improved from the previous two iterations, and Ben Johnson is doing a good (maybe not excellent) job of keeping in-state talent at the U.

This Week they host Iowa and visit Michigan St.  These two, believe it or not, are winnable Games.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  I cannot recall another regular season series that turned out to be such a humiliating disaster for the Gopher women icers than this past weekend where top-ranked Ohio St. came into Ridder Arena and didn't just sweep the Goofers but outright dehumanized them.  They lost by scores of 7-0 and 6-1.  I don't think that program has ever lost a two-Game series at home by a combined 13-1 ever.  And this is Minnesota we're talking about here.  They're the first program to ever build a hockey arena just for its women's hockey program.  And the Buckeyes just waltzed in here and took it over.

This is sad but true: Minnesota is no longer one of the leading blue bloods in top-flight women's college hockey.  It's Wisconsin and Ohio St. (led by Nadine Muzerall, a U. alum, by the way), and then there's everyone else.  This weekend proved that Minnesota is no longer in the inner circle, and I think that's a goddamn embarrassment.  (Hey, can Mark Coyle pony up enough money to bring her here?)

They're at Bemidji St. for two, but I don't know why I'm covering this squad because they're not fucking going anywhere this Year, or any other Year, for that matter.

#-Infinity: Wild (Last Week: -3).  It is exceedingly rare that I give out an in-season -Infinity, but motherfucking goddamn, the Mild certainly deserved it after the shit performance they pulled this screening Week.  They lost every single fucking contest this Week, all four of them, and that's bad enough.  But they also lost both ends of a home-and-home to The Bastard North Stars, and I fucking hate that we act like such goddamn cucks to The That Was Stolen From Us.  WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING PRICE, ASSHOLES?!?!?!  (And I say that not only to the Mild players but also to the Mild fanbase.)  They then proceeded to lose in Overtime to Philadelphia and then got fucking mauled by The Bastard Winnipeg Jets (hey, are they leaving Phoenix or what?) by fuckin' 6-0.  And those last two Losses were at home!!!

These guys weren't too far away from a playoff spot, believe it or not.  Now they're eight Points behind, and by the way they played this screening Week, they don't deserve it.  Yeah-yeah-yeah, Parise & Suter, and all the injuries, blah-blah-blah; the bottom line is that there is very, very little pride being exerted by most members of this godforsaken squad.  I'll go further than that: I totally believe that this passivity is organization-wide and it's because they embrace the name of the Wild and don't give two shits about the history of the North Stars.  They bring back the name and fight for its logo and colors (yeah, they use North Stars colors, but they still plaster that fucking shit-ass creature logo with it) and history, and they wouldn't go through shit like they just did.  Man, fuck this organization.

Four more tilts this Week -- home to the Islanders then away to both Florida clubs and The Bastard Hartford Whalers.  Great; four more Losses to pile on.  Might as well tank, right, boys?

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