The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  OK, what this team is doing is really good.  I gave this squad no chance to go into Iowa City and defeat the then-tenth-ranked Hawkeyes, but Thursday evening they shot an all-time best 71.4% (ten-of-14) for Three-Point range and rode hot shooting in the middle two Quarters and held them off, 91-85.  (Both the Gopher men's and women's b-ball teams notched upsets of the then-tenth-ranked teams in the country on back-to-back Days.)  It was the first time Iowa lost at Carver-Hawkeye Arena this Year.  It was the Gophers' first Win over a club ranked in the Top 10 since 2018.  It was the first time they beat the Hawkeyes on the road since 2007.  And it was the first time the U. beat a Top 10 opponent on their home floor since 2003.

And they suffered no let-down (not like the Gopher wrestling and men's basketball and men's hockey teams did, see below), comfortably beating Rutgers in Piscataway, 63-52.  That gives Minnesota a six-Game winning streak and some notoriety as a tough out.  I've said it before but I'll say it again -- these ladies are going to the NCAA Tournament, y'all.  That's why I have put these ballers above negative numbers.  I can't put the team in Positive Numbers, however, because the rest of the local outfits did not have good Weeks.

A busy Week ahead for this club, though: Home to Nebraska tonight/Thursday night, at Wisconsin early Sunday evening, then a home tussle versus eighth-ranked Ohio St. at The Barn Wednesday.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Was finally able to take up my friend on his offer and went to a Timberwolves Game for the first time this season on Monday.  The Woofs were fresh off two awful home Losses, a squeaker to The Bastard Charlotte Hornets and a blowout defeat to The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers.  What I saw is the Timberwolves team fans now expect, a sure-shooting, ball-hawking, smart-playing group that overwhelms inferior foes like The Bastard St. Louis Hawks.  Unfortunately, I saw several instances when the players were indifferent when it came to playing Defense.  But Julius Randle notched a Triple-Double, Jaden McDaniels was engaged in the affair and made two thrillingly nasty dunks (that young man has hops), and Minnesota won going away, 138-116.

They followed up that get-right Win with another 133-109 wipeout of Portland at Target Center last/Wednesday night, their final Match before this weekend's All-Star Break (which Anthony Edwards is participating in as a member of one of two Teams USA).  And for all their stumbles, they should be worse than fifth place in the West, which is where they sit for now.  It may be dumb luck, but it appears as if the universe is giving this team every reason to get their shit together.  Will they, or will they remain a confounding mystery?

#-2: Gopher softball (NEW SEASON!!).  And this new season has already started with a thud, as the softballers leave the SDSU Season Kickoff in San Diego over the weekend 1-4, their lone victory an 8-0 shellacking of Loyola-Chicago Saturday afternoon.  They got Mercy-Ruled by Kentucky 8-0 in five Innings Sunday afternoon.  And they got lost two Games to, of all schools, Miami of Ohio.  Women's sports is big in Minnesota, but this program simply hasn't been pulling its weight for the last decade.

This team is going to the El Paso-Las Cruces area this weekend, a place I remember fondly from my time working as an intern there.  Oddly enough, it appears as though they are playing two tournaments: The Dr. Diana Natalicio (who?) Memorial Tournament in El Paso just on Friday, when they play Idaho St. at noon and then hosts Texas-El Paso at 3; then The Troy Cox (who?) Classic in Las Cruces, when they play fourth--ranked Oklahoma late Saturday morning and then hosts New Mexico St. late Saturday afternoon and late Sunday morning.

#-3: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: 0).  I feel as though this screening Week is the opposite of last Week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  Last Week, all the teams won at least one Game, and several teams had a legitimate case to be on top.  This Week, several local teams fell on their faces and would have been at the foot of the table if it were most other screening Weeks.

Case in point are the Gopher grapplers.  They burned through all the currency they accrued after their awesome upset Win over then-fourth-ranked Iowa (at Iowa City, no less) by going to Rutgers Friday night and getting upset by the then-15th-ranked Scarlet Knights, 23-15.  Like the Win over Iowa, the Dual turned on the Matches at 149 and 157 lbs.  Drew Roberts and Charlie Millard, both of whom notched the upsets that made the team victory possible on January 30, had the tables turned on them and got upset themselves, Roberts (ranked #17 at 149) to 29th-ranked Andrew Clark, 5-1, and Millard (ranked #19 at 157) to also 29th-ranked Anthony White, 4-1 in Sudden Victory.  If those two Matches went according to seed, the U. ekes out a team Win.

The squad rebounded by pounding Maryland on the road Sunday afternoon, 37-6, but the reputational damage has been done.  They finish the regular season hosting Michigan St. Sunday afternoon.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4).  And fresh off their thrilling upset of then-tenth-ranked Michigan St., this Gophers club proceeded to piss away all their goodwill by allowing Maryland to score the final seven Points in the final 53 Seconds of their Game to go from a two-Point lead to a five-Point margin of defeat Sunday afternoon at Williams Arena.  Yeah, it's still Niko Medved's first season, but that chokejob is fucking inexcusable.  They play at the PNW schools Saturday (Washington) and Tuesday (Oregon).

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  And fresh off their home sweep of then-eighth-or-seventh-ranked Wisconsin at Mariucci, then hosted unranked Ohio St. and completely capitulated to the Buckeyes, losing Friday 6-2 (ugh) and Saturday 2-1.  Young team that can't regulate their highs, I guess.  At Notre Dame Friday and Saturday.

I may have gotten an hour of sleep overnight last/Monday night.  Kind of what happens when you almost pay off all your sleep debt over the weekend; I got about 7 1/2 hours of sleep Sunday and napped for another two or so Sunday evening.

Even though it was hot as the devil's balls outside, I was tired enough to take a hard nap for lunch yesterday/Monday afternoon at work.  Felt refreshed the whole workday -- even in the morning, come to think of it -- and I got home and ate.  And then, as the evening started to creep up and my parents went out for their after-dinner walk around the neighborhood, my head started to feel really, really heavy while I was relaxing while doomscrolling.  I got so tired that, even though I was lying in bed, my eyes started to droop and my arm started to collapse.  I caught myself, but that was terrifying.  I mean, what if I were driving instead of in my bed?  I wanted to stay up until my folks got home from their walk.  It was difficult, but I heard the front door open, and then I was able to relax, toss my phone to the side, and nap for a couple hours.

That sudden pass-out may have happened to me while in my bedroom once before.  Scary as hell.

---

Oh, and as I am trying to clean up things in anticipation for my quick weekend trip to Las Vegas, I accidentally washed a shirt wrong.  It was a white shirt with the logo of the old minor league baseball team I interned for when I was in El Paso.  I checked the tag that said to wash it delicately, but I forgot that and I put it in the regular wash with my other white t-shirt and all my white socks.  Other times I would have figuratively beat myself over the head over that mistake, but tonight ... meh.  Maybe I should remember the times I'm nonplussed about screwing up the next time I make a mistake and go ballistic at myself for it.  Hey, it's just a shirt that probably has been washed wrong before.  Who cares, right?

Hmmm ... These USWNT Jerseys Really Bring Out My Fat Belly

My USWNT jersey came yesterday/Thursday.  Hope to wear it once before Sunday, when they take on, and probably get steamrolled by, Sweden.  More on this later (I think), but I also hope to be able to wear it with some pride after bitter recriminations of falling short of their third World Cup title drop away and their 2019 WWC triumph (as memorialized by the fourth star atop the badge on the jersey) stand in our memory untarnished instead.

Kind of waited before getting the jersey ... just because.  But as I waited, the selection of sizes dwindled.  When I finally decided to buy it, I had two choices: Extra Small and Small.  Before that, when I checked the Nike website, they had Medium, but no Large.  When I saw that S was all that was left, I was at first scared I couldn't buy it.  But then I checked the two USWNT jerseys I do have, which I bought during the 2019 WWC (which had three stars) and, I think, shortly after the 2015 WWC (which had two).  The '19 shirt was a Medium, but the '15 was a Small.  And I fit in both, and with little trouble.  By the way, I can tell the S is smaller than the M, but the difference is slight.  Nike makes a good product, IMHO.

I put both of these on and strode up to my bedroom mirror.  Neither jersey suffocated me, but they are both tight around my stomach -- my fat stomach.  Yeah, whenever I walk around in these shirts, I'm reminded again about how everyone can see the bulge in my gut.  And this is where I lament again about how skinny I was in my childhood and into my twenties.  Seriously, when I got to college, I was between 115 and 125 pounds.  And I was there for a long time despite the different diets I decided to fall back on once I was out on my own, in both Los Angeles and later in El Paso.  And yet, at some point 20 years or so ago, the metabolism that kept my body rockin' like a furnace broke.  One day not too long ago I was rifling through old photos of myself (I don't remember if I was on my phone, I was online on Facebook, or I was looking through literal pictures I had in my hand).  I can date back to about a decade ago photos where the big belly I have now was quite visible then, so I've been fat and out-of-shape for at least a decade.

I wonder when it all went wrong.  I sometimes wonder how it all went wrong.  Was it because of the depression I went through in my twenties, when the lack of a full-time job and direction finally compelled me to eat so much my metabolism quit?  (I think my depression was a main reason I started Wailing And Failing.)  Did it coincide with Grandmother's mental deterioration?  Or is this all natural, and that I have eaten and drank as much as I wanted when I was a kid but my body no longer can just use it at a rate where my body doesn't look like I eat and drink a whole lot?

At any rate, I am fat and I look fat, and these now three USWNT jerseys really emphasize my fat belly.  But hey, I wanted to commemorate the team winning its fourth title, so I stuck to my principle of buying the USWNT shirt on the Year of a Women's World Cup if they won the previous Women's World Cup.  In other words, if what I think will happen happens, I won't be buying no jersey in 2027.  At any rate, since both the Medium and Small bring out my gut, I saw no reason why I shouldn't buy the Small.  It fits me, plus the only real reason I would buy a Medium is if it would hide my stomach, and if the M I do have is any indication, I don't think it will.  So I bought the Small, and I will wear it at least to the 4 a.m. Women's World Cup Final, featuring or not featuring the United States, and I will stick out my fat belly for all to see!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: June 2022

A pretty good month.  Of the dozen girls posing, my eyes are drawn to a pair with the smallest pictures for the month.  They both have got juicy asses.  In other months I say that as I perfunctorily place them up top.  But here, these two ladies have such fuckable booties that I put them up at the top proudly!

But first, a non-babe observation.  Every month is dominated by waitresses from Florida.  I'm pretty sure there are more restaurants in Texas and California, but still, Florida Hooters girls populate every page.  (It might have to do with the fact that Hooters was born in Florida.  There are now two "Hooters" corporations, and I have no idea how they can co-exist or how to differentiate between the two.)  But there are none here.  You also see a lot of Texas babes, but there are only two here.  Instead, there are four from the state of Illinois.  Two of those are from the same restaurant, Fairview Heights, including the main girl, Delaney.  The other waitresses are from the non-big-three states, which is good.  But I think the calendar needs to do a much better job diversifying on a geographical level.  I don't know why there has to be more than, say, two women from the same state each month.  And you shouldn't have two girls from the same friggin' city ever, for crissake, 'cause that just reeks of laziness.

By the way, neither Fairview Heights girl does much for me, but if I ever get to St. Louis, I'll bring the calendar and hope they're both there to sign.  I have five I want to single out:

• In fifth place is Marissa, out of Countryside, Ill.  Spinner of a thing, hot body, wearing a leopard print two-piece.  Long blonde hair, but it's distractingly wet.  Also, she's grasping her neck with her left hand, and so her left tit is behind her left elbow.
• Fourth place goes to Tiffany, of Orland Park, Ill.  Beautiful blonde with a pure yellow two-piece bikini.  Love the ridge down her stomach; it's a sign that's she's fit as fuck.  The only problem I have is that her hands are somewhat crossed in front of her, obscuring her tight bod.
• Brunette Mackenzie, hailing from Scottsdale, Ariz., takes third place.  Unlike Tiffany or Marissa, Mackenzie is smiling, and as much of a men's rights douche I sound, smiling goes a long way.  Also, her hands aren't in front of her bod; she's in a pool, and she's splashing water.  And her red two-piece bikini is holding up some impressive breasts.

Again, the top two are the top two because they're posing in such a way where they're showin' ass:

• In second place is Kennedy, out of Kingston Pike, Tenn.  A beautiful brunette with a soft face, she's sporting a black two-piece, and she's swinging her juicy peach and proving that she's exposing about half of her nice ass.
• And taking first place is Samantha, from Las Cruces, N. M., a place I actually visited when I was living in El Paso!  Like Kennedy she is photographed in side profile.  But her hands are up on her head, and she's sticking out her fine butt, and her yellow bikini bottom is sportin' more than half of her big, cushy ass!!!  Yowza!!!

So congratulations to Samantha.  No worries -- I have already masturbated to all these beautiful women.  But I might do it again!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: 0).  The sample size might be small, and there could be recency bias involved here, but it looks like The Bob Motzko Era has done a good job cleaning up the stultifying ennui that set in at the end of The Don Lucia Era.  At any rate, the finishing touches of a sweep at league leaders Ohio St., followed up by a victory last/Friday night at Penn St., means these Gophers have won five in a row.  Better yet, they beat the Buckeyes 5-1 and the Nittany Lions 3-1.  And doing quick math, during their winning streak, they've outscored their foes 18-7.  The Offense Motzko is known for seems to be kicking in at the right time.

So why have I busted down this team from 0 last Week when there seemingly is nothing they've done to deserve the bust-down?  Well, three of their guys were on Team USA's men's hockey team at the Winter Olympics, and they did lose in the Quarterfinal to Slovakia.  Sure, those guys didn't even know they were going to be representing their country in Beijing until, like, MLK Day.  But did you hear the Game?  They were up 2-1 and choked on the lead, then lost to the Slovaks in a Shootout.  There were no pro players (at least from the NHL, since they're playing catch-up with their season) in the Winter Games, so the medals were truly up for grabs.  The Americans had a prime chance to podium, if not grab gold, since they entered the medal round as the top seed.  Shit, man, they were undefeated!  And they pissed down their legs in the first medal-round Match.  To fucking Slovakia.  And three Goofers were a part of that.  So that has to effect this squad's ranking.  It would be their performances if I didn't.

One more Game in Happy Valley this/Saturday evening, then the final series of the regular season begins Friday versus Wisconsin at Mariucci.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Completed a home-and-home sweep of St. Cloud St. last Saturday afternoon by crushing the Huskies at Ridder, 5-1, then began a home-and-home series vs. St. Thomas by destroying the Tommies at Inver Grove Heights, 7-1.  Again, there is nothing to gain but everything to lose in this quiet end to their regular season, which ends this afternoon at home vs. UST.  But at least they're winning.  And they have won their last six.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!).  The next season of University of Minnesota baseball began last/Friday evening at Boca Raton, Fla., with a 9-1 Win over Florida Atlantic.  Great start to the regular season, although most things that happen this season should be a goddamn sight better than last Year, when they finished 6-31.  They finish a four-Game series vs. the Owls this weekend, the linger at the Twins' Spring Training site in Fort Myers.  On Wednesday they "host" Florida Gul Coast.  There was supposed to be an exhibition next weekend between the U. and the Twinks, but because of the MLB Lockout, that Exhibition has been canceled.  Instead, they play Northeastern Friday afternoon.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  I was a the Game against the Charlotte Hornets on Tuesday.  When I was at Target Center for their last Game, against the Bulls, and saw that the Hornets were their next opponent, I wanted to go.  I just had this, uh, urge to see the Charlotte Hornets.  But then I thought one Game per Year was enough.  And then I got an e-mail from the organization saying I could get an upper-level ticket for five bucks, and it was as if the universe was telling me to go.  So I bought a ticket and went.

Between midway through the First Quarter and midway through the Fourth, the Woofs were garbage.  They started out like gangbusters, but the shots didn't drop.  (It gets very conspicuous when all you're doing is shooting threes and bricking most of them, as the Dogs were doing.)  And then they were missing Free Throws.  And then Anthony Edwards sat all of the Second Half because he tweaked his ankle.  So all of a sudden, Charlotte was leading early in the Fourth by 13, and even though the Hornets weren't playing great either, the defensive effort those middle 36 Minutes made me think they just didn't have anything left in the tank.

And then ... I don't know, the Timberwolves realized they had talent on their team and Charlotte really only has LaMelo Ball, Mason Plumlee and Miles Bridges.  They started hitting their Threes again.  They started rebounding again.  And then Karl-Anthony Town took over the Game.  They tied it and in overtime they outdistanced the Hornets for a 126-120 Win.

Aside: KAT drained a Three that gave the Timberwolves the lead late in the Fourth.  It was a momentous moment in a Game that looked lost to the home team, and the crowd was as fired up as, according to many longtime observers, Target Center has been in Years.  And all I could notice is what KAT was doing after sinking that jumper.  He just walked back to the other side of the court -- not with swagger, not even confidently, just ... distant, even sad.  It was if he was sort of, well, ashamed that he hit that jumper.  I wonder if anyone in The Media caught that.

Anyway, I'm glad I went then because they hosted Toronto that next night and that was when the T-Wolves ran out of gas, losing 103-91.  That was the Loss heel that started with a defeat crown to Chicago Friday, which was followed up by a nine-Point Win in Indiana Sunday.  One hopes they could continue to gel and improve, but right now they're still solidly in Play-In position at seventh in the West.

The NBA is in their All-Star Break right now.  Three Wolves, however, don't have a respite.  Both Edwards (with his flip phone ...?!) and Jaden McDaniels participated in the Rising Stars Challenge last/Friday night.  And KAT will at least make a cameo appearance as one of the last players coming off the bench for Sunday's All-Star Game.  And then the whole club resumes play with another back-to-backer at Target: Bastard Vancouver Thursday, Bastard Syracuse Nationals Friday.

#-5: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  All I can say about the hire of Kevin O'Connell as the new Head Coach of the Viking is that if he can somehow convince Kirk Cousins to stay on the team and take a 50% pay cut, he's a God.  And if he can't do that, I'll have to hope new General Manager Kwesi Adofo-Mensah finds a team to which he trades him.  And then the Vikes can start over with a brighter future ahead.

#-6: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  The softballers have gotten busy this screening Week, and seeing their results ... I don't think they're going to have a good season.  They went 3-3, and while they beat the likes of somewhat good Fresno St., Longwood, and Texas-El Paso (the last a 10-1 trouncing that got cut short at five Innings), they lost a second time to Georgia (albeit in eight Innings, 5-4), shady for-profit Grand Canyon, and Littlewood Classic host Arizona St., and the Sun Devils kicked their asses, 8-0 that was Mercy-ruled after six.  The ceiling is dramatically lowering.

A repeat showdown with the Sun Devils approaches tonight/Saturday night, after a Game against Illinois St. and before tomorrow/Sunday afternoon's tilt versus Cal.  And then the program takes its caravan to Charlotte, where they'll participate in the Niner Invitational.  They begin that tournament Friday morning against Northern Iowa.

#-7: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Yes, I think it's time to panic.  A close, hold-on 3-2 Win over The Bastard Hartford Whalers Saturday (followed by a 7-4 ass-kicking of Detroit Valentine's Day), they have dropped two straight and looked bad doing it -- 6-3 at The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, and then 6-2 to really good Florida at the X.  Sure, Matt Dumba was not playing against the Panthers, but he sure isn't four Goals' difference good.

It's starting to look like the Mild are a cut below the real contenders, the Panthers, the Bastard Quebec Nordiques, the Tampa Bay Lightning, etc.  They're still making up Games that were delayed due to COVID-19 protocols, but I don't see that spark, the run of victory after victory that makes me think, Yeah, this team has it.  A bunch of other Mild fans have drunk the Kool-Aid, but leave it to me, again, to be the sober one.

And now they're in Canada for the next Week -- Edmonton tomorrow/Sunday, Ottawa Tuesday, tough Toronto Thursday.

#-8: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -8).  Last Saturday's six-Point home Win over Penn St. was good.  But they went on the road since and got drubbed by 25 in Ohio St. and, in a COVID makeup, lost at Penn St. by 21.  Penn St.!  There are some pro-U. bobos on Twitter that have incessantly cheered on this squad all throughout the Year.  They were beating their chests when they began with a hot non-con, but since the losing has set in they're trumpeting the "non-stop effort," and the "culture that's starting to form," blah-blah-blah.  This team sucks.  It's OK that they suck this Year, because it's Ben Johnson's first Year.  But they suck, and trying to deflect toward otherwise is not telling the truth and, frankly, pathetic.

They have a three-Game homestand, their final Home Games of the season.  Northwestern this/Saturday afternoon, Wisconsin Wednesday.

#-9: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5).  In their only Game of the screening Week, they lost at home to Rutgers by 18.  The Scarlet Knights' Head Coach, the legendary Vivian Stringer, is taking the Year off.  They were 8-17.  And they had only one B1G victory.  And they beat the Goofers.  On the road.  By 18.

This team really sucks.  And they don't have the excuse of a Head Coach in her first Year on the job.

At Nebraska tomorrow/Sunday afternoon, then home to Illinois Thursday.

#-10: Whitecaps (Last Week: -2).  You know, I think it's only fair for me to spread the scorn in the WMNSS.  I don't know if there's been a time in the regular season when I have put the Premier Hockey Federation club last (I have put them last when they lost the Isobel Cup Final), so I am going to place these women down here because they got swept last weekend in Toronto.  Therefore, I can now unveil, for real, my insulting name for this team: The Whitecraps.  Yes, you all played like crap last week, so I am going to call y'all the Whitecraps.  Or the 'Craps.

The Whitecraps play at TRIA versus the Metropolitan Riveters this weekend.

These Are The Minor League Baseball Teams That Have Lost Affiliation As Of 2021

I am a minor league baseball fan.  I even worked as an intern for one in El Paso in 2001.  So it pained me to hear that Major League Baseball decided to end what was a gentleman's agreement with Minor League Baseball that had lasted for a century and brutally take them over.  Honestly, I blame sabermetrics.

With this takeover, Minor League Baseball has been streamlined.  Leagues have been realigned, and affiliations with MLB teams redone so that a big club's farm teams are closer to them.  But the big thing is that 43 formerly affiliated ballclub have been cast out of the safe arms of big league baseball.  Well, some of them are going to be "partnered" up with MLB, but that's just bullshit.  Minor league ballclubs are the cultural lifeblood of many of the American towns that now don't have a connection to The Big Show, and will no longer be able to say that the stars they see on TV striding up to the plate or tossing on the mound once gave them an autograph after they spent ten bucks watching them play while sitting on an outfield berm in the local ballpark.  And while the cold efficiencies of "the market" and "player development" may make such a downsizing both inevitable and smart, there is something that definitively will be lost once these cities and teams head out to play in the uncertain future of unaffiliated baseball ... although in at least three instances, teams decided not to even find out: They committed suicide and shut down altogether.

To indulge my record-keeping heart, I will list The Fallen 43, first by level and then by league.  This reorganization was bloody, folks, and as someone who was a part of MiLB for one summer, it breaks my heart.

Big hat tip to SportsLogos.Net, from whose page I borrowed heavily:

• Rookie
• Appalachian League (entire league; becomes a summer "partner league" with MLB for college freshmen and sophomores)
• Bluefield Blue Jays
• Bristol Pirates
• Burlington Royals
• Danville Braves
• Elizabethton Twins
• Greeneville Reds
• Johnson City Cardinals
• Kingsport Mets
• Princeton Rays
• Pulaski Yankees
• Pioneer League (entire league; becomes a "partner league" with MLB)
• Billings Mustangs
• Grand Junction Rockies
• Great Falls Voyagers
• Idaho Falls Chukars
• Missoula Osprey
• Ogden Raptors
• Orem Owlz
• Rocky Mountain Vibes
• Class A Short Season
• New York-Penn League
• Auburn Doubledays
• Batavia Muckdogs
• Connecticut Tigers
• Lowell Spinners
• Mahoning Valley Scrappers
• State College Spikes
• Staten Island Yankees
• Tri-City ValleyCats
• Vermont Lake Monsters
• West Virginia Black Bears
• Williamsport Crosscutters
• Northwest League
• Boise Hawks
• Salem-Keizer Volcanoes
• Class A (aka Low-A)
• Midwest League
• Burlington Bees
• Clinton LumberKings
• Kane County Cougars
• South Atlantic League
• Hagerstown Suns
• Lexington Legends
• West Virginia Power
• Class A Advanced (aka High-A)
• California League
• Lancaster JetHawks
• Carolina League
• Frederick Keys
• Florida State League
• Charlotte Stone Crabs
• Florida Fire Frogs
• Class AA
• Eastern League
• Trenton Thunder
• Southern League
• Jackson Generals

RIP, Fallen 43.

My Left Hip, And The Left Side Of My Neck

Whenever I get massages, whether it's the somewhat-elicit ones I get from ******a I have gotten on a semi-regular basis or the legitimate ones that I haven't gotten in ages, the masseuses ask if there are any points of concentration on my body.  I have told them for a long time the left side of my neck; I have since told ******a to concentrate on my left hip.

The left side of my neck has bothered me for decades now.  I think I got it when I was a baseball intern at El Paso.  The efficiency that was reserved for me had a mattress but no box spring that lifted it up off the floor, so I slept on the floor, basically.  I have heard that that is actually good for your back, but only if you sleep on your back.  I think I'm a side-sleeper, and with a relative hard mattress that's on the floor, I'm sure it threw off the alignment in my neck.  Ever since I have had this stinging pain on the side of my neck, and no masseuse has ever been able to eliminate it.  Tonight, more than I ever remember doing it before, I have pressed against a part of my neck -- left, front side, near the bottom -- that seems to strike a nerve because I feel a hell of a lot of pain.

In the meantime, I think that old and hard bed threw out the alignment on my back, too.  I remember complaining frequently about my back ever since 2001.  Then, as I made my road trip by myself to St. Louis partly to catch the total solar eclipse back in 2017, I believe my long hours driving started to throw off my left hip.  That side feels so bad now that I don't even know if my back hurts.  I have had physical therapy in order to keep that pain at bay, but I sure as hell haven't been diligent with the exercises I have been given.

Lately I have really started to feel that act up.  Whenever I sit, whether at work on right now, on the bed blogging this, I suddenly feel this dull ache on my left hip that comes and goes.  It might be weather-related; we have had a sudden pinch of cold weather that began Labor Day.  But I have really noticed this pain while I sit for the past couple weeks now.

Pain in my neck, pain in my hip ... I'm one hurting unit.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February

This was a good month, to be honest.  Great-lookin' women posed well, for the most part.  I shall rank the top five in ascending order:

5. I will go with the main girl, Louisville's Sidney.  She's crossed her arms in front of her.  Also, my ATF from the Hooters at MOA wrote all over her photo, and even though I secretly pine for her, she did kind of ruin the picture.  But Sidney is blonde and hooters are big (although possibly fake).  And, like all the girls for February, she is in red, in this case a bikini.

4. I will go with Mayra.  She is kind of plain-looking, although by no means am I not lusting for her body, which is shown off in a two-piece (with her arms crossed in front of her, unfortunately).  But honestly, the main reason I'm ranking her is that I remember her from last year's calendar and she hails from El Paso.  Ah, the memories of being out on my own. ...

3. Samantha, out of West Monroe, La.  She's in a one-piece bikini, and her arms are crossed in front of her, and she's shown in sort-of-side profile.  But I love her toothy grin and her long, blonde hair.  Plus, she's got big tits -- maybe fake, maybe not.  Finally, she kind of looks older, therefore I am having dreams that she's a MILF.

2. Kiersten, out of Orlando.  Pure blonde hair, two-piece red bikini, she's full-frontal, and her arms are not crossed in front of her.  They are, in fact, holding ... uh, two sides of two windowless doors, or something?  Anyway, it shows off her hot figure.  She's not smiling, unlike the top girl for February ...

1. ... fellow Orlandoan (maybe they work at the same restaurant?!) Vivian!  Blonde hair with black roots, arms touching her sides.  But she's wearing a two-piece and a smile, and thus the total package is totally sexy, and wankable!  Congratulations, Vivian!

I will jerk off to the month of February as soon as things settle down with my parents.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: October

Not as good as September, but there are some beauties among the dozen.  But on top of all that I notice what I figure is a trend, and it is one that is reflected in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

It appears as though the Hooters girls are starting to show some ass.  Now, I don't remember seeing a whole lot of ass in the 2020 calendar.  But I know that swimsuit bottoms before this month did not show a lot of cheek.  However, there are two girls in October, Brookelle of Virginia Beach, Va., and Casey of Lake Buena Vista, Fla., who are posed in side profile.  I normally don't like that, but they're swung around enough to show off their butts, and I can see enough ass whereby, if I am walking on the beach and see a girl showing off that much ass, I will look, then stare, then look around to see if anyone is glare-shaming me, and then I would open up my eyes and nose out towards that ass as if I'm saying, "Hey, she's showing ass!  What do you expect me to do?"

Nudity's always a plus for me (of course).  In fact, I will name Casey, with her cat eyes and her pursed fat lips, as third-best for the month.  Second-best goes to Jacksonville's Susannah.  This fresh face is resting against a tree (at least a fake tree trunk), which prevents me seeing her entire body.  But the body I can see shows that she does have a hot body.  Susannah is also wearing turquoise two-piece bikini, and the top does not have straps, aka it's held up on the side.  She has a cute smile, too!

(Honorable mentions, by the way, go to Rochelle out of Pretoria, South Africa, and El Paso's Mayra.  Hotties who are, unfortunately, posed in side profile, not showing their ass, exposed or not.)

But the girl who gets first place wins it decisively.  In fact, she may be the best I've seen yet.  It's the main girl, Emily, from Dayton, Ohio.  She's set up in a barn setting and is resting her left elbow on bales of hay.  Emily is wearing a pink floral two-piece.  It is obvious she has breast implants, but it may be the biggest breasts I've seen in the Hooters calendar.  Best of all, she is wearing Daisy Dukes, and it is unbuttoned and unzipped.  In other words, Emily looks like she's undressing in order to fuck you in a barn.  It is as pornographically charged as a shot in the Hooters calendar ever has been.  And I approve!

Yet another month I need to spank to.

And since it's December 1, I'm still behind.

Went To Sleep With El Paso, Woke Up To Dayton

I had been to Cielo Vista shopping mall in El Paso during my internship down there in 2001.  There were times, especially on the weekends, where I didn't have to go into work (because the stadium was closed) and I had nothing to do except show up to the station on time, and since games and the show were during the evening, I had the afternoon all to myself.  There are two malls in the area, and for some reason, Cielo Vista, in the eastern side of the city, was more popular than Sunland Park in the west.

There was nothing remarkable about Cielo Vista, but that's the point.  Everybody was there, shopping but, like me, mostly people-watching, seeing family enjoying each other, just hanging out and living.  I don't know how it is now, since Amazon and online shopping have decimated shopping malls as a whole, but I hear that between 1,000 and 3,000 people were in the mall at the time of the massacre for back-to-school sales.  And that's not counting anybody in the adjacent Wal-Mart, which I believe was the start of the mass shooting.

My heart goes out to those who died, and who are injured, as well as their families and the entire city of El Paso.  But then again, my heart always goes out to the innocent of these massacres, and nothing has been done.  Politicians and others in a position of power -- people who have the power to stop these shootings through background checks and red flag laws and, fuck it, assault weapons bans -- they send their hearts out, too, but this has happened so fucking much after the, what, almost 300 massacres this calendar year alone that these notes of thoughts and prayers and now goddamn useless.

And I wake up to see there's been another shooting, this time in a bar in Dayton.  #ThisIsAmerica

Didn't Know There Was A State Park!

Dell apparently has a bundling agreement with Bing.  So, whenever I turn on my laptop, I am faced with a different wallpaper.  It's one of those Bing wallpapers, with a different picture popping up with a description and two ways you can learn more about something in that picture -- through Bing, of course.

I have never not liked the screengrab.  Most of them are landscape vista photos, of deserts and forests and mountains and beaches, etc.  The description comes with a solicitation of whether or not you like the photo.  I have never said "No, I hate it," because I love all of them.  Seriously, this is a great idea to both invite me to learn something and to freshen up my laptop with something new every day.

Today's grab takes me back, sort of.  It's a desert setting.  When I tap the description it says "El Paso."  Really, my old stomping grounds?  Well, El Paso is a desert, so I could see that.  But the other links point me to Franklin Mountains State Park.  In my six months interning down there, I had never heard of Franklin Mountains State Park.  But apparently, it is the largest urban state park within a city's limits.  I had free time while interning down there, and I got bored down there constantly.  Man, I could have used a day or two here.

At any rate, thanks for the link, Bing!

The Coldest Winter Chill

Late last (Monday) night I turned off the heat -- partially because it was really hot, partially because I had turned it on during the late afternoon, partially because I was afraid what would happen to the heater if I kept it running without access to the water, whose valve I continued to keep off for the time being.

I woke up around the 4 o'clock hour; shortly thereafter I burped up enough that I almost vomited.  GERD from the Cheesecake Factory, I'm guessing.  But then I noticed how cold I was.  The last time I felt such cold inside while I was alone was the early days of my internship in El Paso, when it was early March and the heat hadn't taken hold of west Texas.  The winds were wild a couple nights, pushing the cold air around the edges of my front door.  It was so cold that I actually though putting couch cushions around the edge would stop the winds.  I put on two pairs of pants and shirts to keep myself warm, and it still didn't work.  I fell asleep only because my body was too tired to stay awake.  It was that cold overnight.

Oh yeah; there was a heater in my apartment in El Paso, but I was making so little money that I didn't turn it on.  By the way, I checked recently at the apartment complex on Google Maps.  It looks as though the entire place was demolished.  In its place, I don't know.

I'm scared and I'm lonely.  I'll admit that.

The List Of Items I Am Donating To Goodwill Today

• Black/Dark Gray/Charcoal Gap khakis: They're great and they've been really good to me, but unfortunately, I don't fit in them anymore.
• A pair of light gray socks: Both have holes in the heels.
• Beige-and-white-striped Gap khakis: I remember last year, while I was working a Vikings game, I bent over and it ripped at my asshole.
• A blue-on-dark blue-vertical striped Perry Ellis shirt that was given to me by the one who hired me as an intern at the El Paso baseball club back in 2001: A series of washings and hangings has created hanger spots at the shoulders.  It's been good to me as well; the guy gave me the clothes, I took them back to Minnesota with me and wore them from time to time.  But those ... pilling spots (?) are too noticeable for me to wear this anymore, I'm afraid.
• Boxers from American Eagle, the one that's white but has a series of one wide yellow and two narrow blue stripes that run vertically throughout it: There's a tear in the, uh, underneath place.
• Boxers from Aeropostale, the one that's blue but is checkered, Mondrian-style and has a one-button fly: The elastic band is all stretched out.
• The red, checkered pajama bottoms Grandmother bought for me: I wouldn't mind still wearing it, to be honest with you, but the elastic band is all stretched out, the waistband is starting to tear (I put them on and when I tied it up with the drawstring, I tore it some more), and there's a rip just to the left of the one-button fly.  My parents would have a field day if I wore this.

RIP, My Coke Rewards

So this is the last day of My Coke Rewards, the frequent-drinker's program where you would get codes off of Coke plastic bottle caps and can-pack packaging and enter them into the company's website (or through an app, even though I never downloaded it).  Doing that allows you can eventually redeem them for stuff like ... uh, gift certificates.

I have absolutely no idea when I started this or how I got roped into this.  I know it's been a long time.  In fact, I remember when I was back in El Paso, after some event at a high school stadium let out, I saw all these Coke and Sprite bottles (apparently this high school contracted through Coke) littered on the bleachers.  I had all the time in the world, and I wasn't going to live there long-term, so I decided to not care how I looked and spent a good, oh, half-hour going up and down the bleachers, twisting off the caps of every bottle that had a My Coke Rewards code on the other side.  While I was doing this one woman shouted out to me something to the affect of, "Are you OK?  Oh, you're just finding caps."

I decided to spread out entering the codes because if I didn't enter a code over a period of, I think, 90 days, the account gets deactivated and, at a period of time after that, you would lose all your points.  So I think I shoved all these codes I gathered at the stadium and basically hoarded them for years.  When I visited my sister when she lived in Los Angeles she volunteered to enter some for me.  The rest I finally put in, several at a time, over the winter at work at the health insurance place.  Some of those codes I held onto for years.  I'll be honest, now thinking about it -- the codes I got from El Paso, they may all have been entered by my sister.  Maybe I didn't keep them with me until this past winter.  But I'll say that I kept them for a long, long time.

My plan of meting those codes out every three months so my account wouldn't go dormant didn't work.  I entered codes so sparingly I forgot to enter them at all.  I lost my account twice; the second time, over the past year (did I blog about this?), I had to beg and grovel to get my points back.  That was shortly before Coke announced that they're ending My Coke Rewards.  What timing.

There were two major deadlines.  A few months ago was the deadline after which you could no longer enter codes.  So all these bottles being sold with 10-(?) character strings of nonsense are now useless.  And now, today, is the last day to redeem those codes.  So after last week, when I cashed in about half my remaining points for an Amazon gift card (which I immediately used to knock ten bucks off the new cable modem I purchased), I've been in kind of a frenzy.

Well, make that last night.  After lamenting that I was four points short of another $10 Amazon gift card (dammit) I got a $10 Target gift card, bought this offer for prints on Shutterfly (a site that apparently is just giving shit away for free), made a donation for, get this, a nickel to my high school, and with nothing else I can spend it on, I redeemed the rest for chances on sweepstakes for debit cards.  Thank goodness for single-point redemptions; otherwise I would have surrendered them (after they were converted) to a charity of Coke's choosing, only the categories of their philanthropic aims were known.  (We get to vote on giving unused points to a charity that provides "Education," "Empowerment" or, uh, the "Environment?")

Best to do it now and be done with it.  I guess I had a relationship with it because I've done this for so long.  It was kind of a millstone, but sometimes, when I'm walking and I see a cap on the ground, I look around to see if strangers are looking at me.  And if there aren't (or if the strangers are people who seem cool), I would pick it up and/or twist it off the bottle and put it in my pocket to enter later.  That was a part of my life, irregular as it was, for at least 16 years.

And after tonight, it's officially gone.  I don't know if I am happy.  I don't know if I am sad.  I feel that torn about a lot of things.

ETA at 12:08 a.m. on Friday, June 30 a correction, a pretty big one: I got the end date wrong.  My Coke Rewards ends on June 30, which is Friday.  Late Friday night is when it shuts down.  Apologies.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  2-4 for the week.  Patrick Reusse of the Star Tribune of Minneapolis confirmed a fact I only thought was true after the Twinks beat the New York Yankees in the Bronx 7-1 on Sunday: That win marked the sixth time this year so far that they won the getaway game in order to avoid a sweep.  I think, however, that the number of series where this club has only won one game is far greater, as evidenced by their midweek series in which they won the first of a three-game set against the White Sox in Chicago but dropped the next two (the first of those two where they were down 9-1 in the top of the ninth and somehow scored five runs before losing, the second of which where they came back to the tie the game twice but coughed up the winning run in a 6-5 contest in the bottom of the eighth).  It seems like it's, like, the 20th series where they've done that, and that is how they became The Worst Team In Baseball.

Meanwhile, even though I may be late to the party when it comes to this, the youth movement that seemed to have finally crashed ashore for the squad appears to have ebbed back to the depths.  Oswaldo Arcia was given up and signed by the Tampa Bay Rays.  Miguel Sano is still injured.  The organization has finally come to the conclusion there is no use for Byron Buxton to be sent back down, but he's now riding the pine in the hopes he'll get his mind right when he gets to the plate.  And Byung Ho Park has fallen so far off the grid that he might be sent down to the minors.  How could so many young players playing so well last year all suck this year?  This reminds me of the Kansas City Royals about 15 years ago, when they were in the middle of their dark days.  Until their back-to-back World Series appearances in 2014 and last year, the only glimmer of hope the franchise had was this one first half where they came out of nowhere to go above .500 through the All-Star Break.  I think Mike Sweeney was the star on that team.  Anyway, they had a horrible second half, the Royals finished out of the money, and Manager Tony Peña Jr. went from a savior to fired not too long thereafter.  That is what the Twins' current plight reminds me of.

On the bright side, however, Brian Dozier, who is not injured (that would be Trevor Plouffe), became the first players since Alex Rodriguez and Chipper Jones a decade ago to have an extra-base hit in 11 straight games.  Dozier did that yesterday (Thursday) with a Home Run.  So at least the club has that going for him.  And Dozier now leads Eduardo Nuñez in the running for Twins Lone All-Star Representative.

They host The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0. for the weekend starting tonight (Friday night -- I wonder if my old boss from El Paso is going to try and reach out to me), then they'll host The Bastard Philadelphia-By-Way-Of-Kansas City Athletics for three games starting on Independence Day, they they'll head to Dallas to start a four-game series vs. the Rangers starting on Thursday.

RIP, Part One: Brooklyn Park Library

Death -- well, OK, changes -- comes in threes.  That may be the case here, even though I might only be arranging that in my mind.

This first one is coming late; even though I knew the date was coming and I made plans to be there on the last day, posting in time before it closed for good slipped my mind.  I am talking about the Brooklyn Park Library, which is the library across a parking lot from the community center I work out at.  It closed for good Memorial Sunday, and I was able to take in one final computer session that afternoon in commemoration.  (I would have stayed till the bitter end, 5 o'clock, but I had to hightail it home at 3:45 because my brother, sister-in-law and niece were having dinner at home.)

It may have been a good thing that I spent about 15 minutes there.  As usual in a place that's about to be shut down permanently, they didn't turn on the air conditioning, so even though they ran fans, I didn't feel all that comfortable sitting there, either the 15 minutes on Sunday or the 45 minutes-or-so earlier that week.  Can't imagine how the workers sticking it out there the whole frickin' day felt.

It wasn't as if the library was falling apart, but it was old.  It was built in 1976, the year I was born.  It doesn't have the bells and whistles of modern libraries, and frankly, I could use a coffeeshop like some of the more new-fangled ones around town.  But there was a roof that held, and the people there were almost universally nice every single time.  There were plenty of computer workstations for me to use, at least most of the time.  And they had a small quiet study area that I used often.  It was good to get away from the rabble and share time with people who at least also wanted to be quiet.

There were two glaring things wrong with the library that I think I can attribute to its old age.  First, and this probably is the less forgivable, is that the Internet browsers on the computers went buggy, especially lately.  I don't know how a library would allow something that so many people use to not be updated or fixed.  It was sometimes maddening when I try to bring something up and all I get is that circle.  When I was in El Paso I tried going to a library and it took minutes to load up a page.  Sometimes at its worst, surfing the Internet at the BP Library reminded me of the even worse El Paso Library Internet access.

The other thing is just stranger.  There was one bathroom, in the foyer between the double-doored entrance.  There are no doors in the men's bathroom.  Instead, there is a half-wall separating the door to the bathroom from the two sinks.  Then, there is another half-wall, although I saw a hinge attached to the wall that makes me think there once was a door there.  On the other "side" of this half-wall, at the very end of the men's room, there is both a urinal and toilet.  Side-by-side.  Without a partition between them.  Oh, and the door to the bathroom doesn't lock.  So if there's a guy who needs to poop, there's nothing preventing another person from just going in and peeing right next to him.

I remember once when I was not familiar with the floor map of the men's room that nature was calling and I had to go.  I then see this and look back to note that the front door doesn't lock.  So I held it and drove like heck back home.

Guess this was one of those 1976 things, or the people who decided to take down this hypothetical door didn't think about the implications of the lack of privacy.  However, for this reason alone, I think closing this library down is a very good thing.

So I assume that when this brand-spankin'-new library opens next month (several minutes further away from the gym, unfortunately), they will have doors (if not single stalls) for every single bodily fluid receptacle and their Internet browsers will be fully updated and working 100%.  Progress!

I Don't Want To Be Alone. Not Now.

I have the house all to myself right now.  But surprisingly, I wish I wasn't.  I wish my parents were home.  Not because I want to cuddle with them, I just them around, a familiar face that kind of likes me near my vicinity.  Why?  It's because of Him, at work.

It's ironic: A long holiday should be a great thing.  But if you're obsessed about a problem with a co-worker holidays in fact are the worst thing, because that gives you an extra day to worry about work even though you are at work.  I wish I could have relaxed for this Labor Weekend, but despite me going to the State Fair twice and the horse track yesterday (Monday) afternoon all I could think of was Him.  Fucking goddamn.

---

Have I ever told this story on WAF?  Just before I moved down to El Paso to start my internship (wasn't the night before but the night before that, I think) I was watching a movie with my parents in their bedroom.  I was cuddled up, underneath the sheets, between them in their California King-sized bed.  After the movie was over, I didn't want to leave the bed.  So I, who was 24 years old at the time, asked if I could sleep with them that evening, for old times' sake, just because.  And they said yes, and they didn't really convince me to leave.  In retrospect I am kind of surprised that they were just cool with their grown-ass man sleeping inbetween them.  But maybe they know me, they really know me.

Right now it would really be nice if I could just talk to them, about anything.  Anything that could make me believe that things are normal and that nothing's wrong at work.  Shit, I'd take them lecturing me about going back to school or something, because I'm also used to that, and that would feel like a warm hug after this inexplicable explosion on Friday.

But they are not here.  I am alone in this house, alone with my thoughts, fears, doubts and speculation.  I hear depression wants to get you alone.  Well, here I am.

---

You know what's so fucked up about this?  Most of the time I've been thinking about Him, I've been dreaming about ways we could make up and be friends.  I would go to work and he'd be there, quickly apologizing for his behavior and even smiling.  Or we would have a sit-down and talk about why he said what he said, and then we'd shake hands, or even hug it out.

Goddamn, I am so pathetic.  I want to be liked, I'm afraid I can't help that.  But like my friend said, an apology isn't coming.  So I shouldn't apologize, or at least apologize beyond what I already said.  Giving him this weekend is ceding power to him, and nothing that could make things better the way I want it to in my illusions is in my control.  It's all him, and I have no fucking guarantee he won't rip into me again.  So why pretend things could get better?

Because it'll make me look forward to work again.  Man, I so don't want to go to work today.  I dread it, and I have never dreaded going to work, even in the worst days when I thought I'd be fired for typing so slow and little.  I'm this innocent child who thinks things will get better if you just smile and say "please" and "thank you."  I have to disabuse myself of the notion even though I don't want to.

---

Of course, I can't let Him or anyone else at work see.  And I am trying my damndest to get my courage up so I can show up for work like nothing's wrong despite all my inner turmoil.

And you know, if I don't listen to my heart and listen to my brain instead, that would be easy.  I was sorry; he accepted my apology.  You would thus think that that means that we both have addressed the issue to each other's satisfaction and are now going to move past it -- not forgive necessarily, but move past it.  Thinking logically, I thus would have the right to think that it's over.

Sometimes I get mad at myself for thinking so emotionally.  I don't want to wonder if things are going to be OK between me and Him; I want to presume that they are, because I said sorry and he said OK.  And if not?  Honestly, at this point, that's on him.  I have pushed past it, but if there's any lingering bitterness on what I did (by mistake, by the way) that means that it is he who is holding a grudge and thus putting his personal feelings ahead of getting the project done.

That is what I think.  No -- that is what I know.  I just want to believe it in my heart so I can just fucking get on with work.

---

However, it is possible, very possible, that my heartache could get cleared up very quickly.  My angst and anxiety ultimately springs from uncertainty: Is he going to continue to be nasty with me, or will he lighten up?

I have to ask this guy for things, and it's likely that I'l have something for him first thing in the morning.  I will be as nice as I can, without proactively offering an apology for Friday, that he do this for me.  It would be awesome if he could do it with a smile, even better if he apologizes for his outburst.  But if, I suspect, he is going to be curt with me, says nothing, and/or doesn't even make any eye contact with me as he does this, well, in my mind (and heart) that tells me he's not over it.  Fuck, if I even get the sense that he's going to just be his quiet old self I will be convinced that he's not over it.

Either way, I will have certainty.  If he addressed what went down Friday like an adult, all will be better.  And if he chooses to remain an asshole about it ... well, like my friend said, expect assholes to get mad again about something else, so why bother worrying about it, and Him?  In my mind that would mean that he's not going to forgive me for one mistake I made, and I am no longer going to feel sorry about it, because there won't be a goddamn thing I can do that'll patch things up between us, so fuck Him.

I guess that's something to look forward to when I come into work, in a twisted way.  Of course, knowing my inability to see all the angles of a situation, there will be a third scenario that crops up where at the end of the day I'm saying to myself, "So are cool or does he still think I'm a putz?"

Three Things

1. I finally had time to cash in my paycheck.  But when I saw the new total, it was at least $500 less than what I thought my balance would look like.  I'll be totally honest: I was hovering around a grand total in my account.  I hadn't been that low since my darkest days in El Paso.  I had to check if everything was OK, specifically if I transferred my entire CD and paid my credit card in time.  I did.  Everything checked out ... which means that I really am down to my last my dollars.  Well, at least until the paycheck.  I do get paid tomorrow as well, and I can't wait to cash that in, just so I can look at my checking account like I did an Ethiopian child back in the 80's.  But shit, I once had an account that exceeded five figures, and now I'm flirting close to one that has only three.  What happened to me?  Or, what happened to Real Life?
2. Because of this I got into a panic about this future paycheck.  I have looked up the deductions.  For record-keeping purposes, I pay 6.2% out of every paycheck for Social Security, 1.45% out of every paycheck for Medicare ... and an uncertain percentage for federal and state taxes.  (I just tried calculating how much I get deducted for those two things from two previous paychecks and they were different for both.)  So I don't know exactly how much money I'm going to lose to the government.  Every penny I have to pay is less that goes in to replenish my account.  And I am already fucking anxious.
3. I forgot the third thing, so I'm going to either assume or make this the third thing: I am happy that we got overtime available Saturday.  I certainly need all the money I can get.  But I had a, ahem, "session" planned with my All-Time Favorite then.  I could get there if I can push it back an hour.  I need the relaxation, but I wouldn't mind if I could save my money if she says no or otherwise flakes out.  I should just be happy that I have the work.

I Don't Like The T-Mobile Girl Now That She's All Scowly

This has been eating away at me for some time, and now that I can't think up anything else to talk about, I'll blog about this now:

I have had T-Mobile all my life.  Check that ... when I was in El Paso I bought my first cellphone, through VoiceStream, which eventually was bought out by T-Mobile.  I know a lot of people complain about them, but I have totally been happy with them.  I think you get good service through T-Mobile in the Twin Cities area, I appreciate the lower price tiers compared to the other three big carriers, and I have never been hit with the service and customer service bugaboos others have with them.

But I do have a gripe about T-Mobile's spokesperson/mascot.  She's that beautiful woman (real name: Carly Foulkes) who landed the role in 2010.  You remember her in pink (actually, according to T-Mobile, it's magenta) summer dresses, a broad smile and chipper copy designed to push the product?  I do.  You think she's hot?  I think she's hot.





But other mean carriers, like Virgin Mobile, thought Carly ripe for parody.  I remember one commercial in 2011 (sorry, can't find it on YouTube and the one ad I wanted to use I couldn't embed from the non-YouTube site) made her look stupid and vapid.  If you remember the stand-in, I actually thought that rip-off looked like a taller Rachel Bilson.

Unfortunately, to me it seemed like T-Mobile reacted to the pot shots.  When they introduced their new 4G service a little bit after the send-up spots, they decided to dramatically change Carly's persona, from a happy waif to a badass:





I hate it.  I fucking hate it.  It's not like I'm going to drop T-Mobile because they changed their advertising strategy; I don't think I'm influenced by commercials at all.  But Old Carly was a perfectly inoffensive and cute spokeswoman, and it looks like the company thought that was bad.

To me, the New Carly is unapproachable, angry and kind of nasty.  It's like Old Carly decided to finally have sex with her boyfriend, and he took it a little too far -- pulling her hair, trying to stick his dick into her ass, not cuddling, shit like that -- and when he left her apartment, she got all confused, then cried the whole night for allowing it to happen, then immediately turned into a bitter, non-smiling bitch.  That's why she dropped the dress and shoved herself into that leather get-up in that "Alter Ego" ad.

And I really don't think this new direction helps T-Mobile, either.  So you now have this hot chick riding in a Ducati fast and flying around in a helicopter fast to show that their 4G is fast.  I have no idea if it truly is -- my God, I still use a flip phone -- but their new ad strategy looks like that of a lot of other products that uses speed, the night and aerial shots of big cities to show that their -- oh, cars or insurance policies or fracking methods or deodorant sticks -- are fast and the new thing and hot shit, basically.  Ridicule Old Carly and her Pollyannish disposition all you want.  At least that was unique.

I don't ever remember a company sticking with (let alone implementing) an ad campaign that radically changed their mascot like T-Mobile has.  If you're going to switch the tone and perception of your brand image from sunny to sleek, you might as well dump the mascot, too.  But they're not, and in my humble opinion, it's both a mistake and, well, really sad.

I think I would've liked Old Carly.  She seemed nice, yet sensible enough to pick the right cellphone carrier.

A Voice From The Past

Oh, shit, what I'm hearing right now is blowing my fucking mind.

I have mentioned in the past that I was in El Paso for six months in 2001 interning for the baseball team.  One of the two announcers of that team that season, one of the two people I essentially worked for the most,  was a lifer.  His first-ever game as professional, in Minor League Baseball, was a perfect game.  He's been toiling in the minors for years.

Well, after I went to the Minnesota History Museum tonight (I went to see the 1934 exhibit, which closes at the end of the month; did you know that one of FDR's New Deal plans to pull the country out of the Great Depression was to pay artists to paint?), I turned on my satellite radio while driving here to Caffetto.  I listened to the end of the Boston Red Sox's loss to Tampa Bay and then turned to the Oakland-Texas game.  I space out, driving and only halfway listening to what at the time was (and still is) a tie game between two teams vying for the playoffs.

But then the voice of the play-by-play starts to seep underneath my brain dermis.  And then I said to myself, "Oh my God, is that (his name here)?!?!?!"  And the more I listen, the more that voice sounds familiar.

Wow, this guy made the big time.  I know that he left El Paso several years after my internship for a better situation in, I think, Corpus Christi.  That is the AA affiliate of the Houston Astros.  But somehow he got called up to do games for the Rangers.  I've learned that to move up in the tough, competitive business of broadcasting, you have to take advantage of every opportunity, and he got his after one of the commentators on the radio side, Dave Barnett, was struck with aphasia during a game, which made him speak gibberish, and "decided" to take a sabbatical.

And you know what?  He's good, damn good.  He was great in El Paso, and he's doing great for the Rangers.  Now, we had our screaming matches when I worked for him 11 years ago, but really, on the whole, he treated me very well, and I consider him to be someone to emulate if I ever get back into sports on a serious level.  And so I am very, very happy for him that he finally, after almost, what, three decades surviving in the business, got his call-up to the Big Show.  Hope he sticks.