Just remembered that this year's SI Swimsuit Issue is coming out this week, and I also remembered that I had not jotted down my thoughts on last year's SI, so I will do that right now.
You know, it might be my old age or the fact that I've now seen boobs and buttso last me a lifetime. But even though I will not say I feel a burden to buy the issue, it is becoming less and less risque for me to leaf through it because the photos aren't scandalous anymore. And that battens down my excitement for it, because even though all the girls in there are hot as hell, they're not showing anything that I haven't seen before. And they're not showing a whole lot. I mean, if I ever have to see another photo of a model covering her breasts with her hands, it'll be too soon.
Asses are another thing. Well, I've come around to understanding that everybody's ass is going to hang out nowadays. But it's still a somewhat-taboo body part to show, so even though all the bottoms all the models are wearing thongs -- I wonder if this means that all female swimsuits are now thongs ... mental note: Go to a beach this summer -- I will never pass up lookin' at ass. Notable hineys in the issue include Kate Upton's surprisingly slim one on Page 42, Nina Agdal thrusting her shapely ass once again on p. 78, Kate Bock turning in a second-consecutive butt-showing on a couple pages, Rookie Lais Ribeiro's sand-speckled ass on p. 119, and best of all, the strong, sturdy, big ass shown a couple times by my vote for Rookie Of The Year, Vita Sikordina, especially the one on 166.
Before writing this blog post I combed over the issue one final time. Maybe I've been trying too hard to find something to recommend to you guys, and I see a couple. I like, for example, that the one-piece Upton is wearing on Page 33 is cut out on the side so a bit of her big right tit is spilling off to the side of her swimsuit. And I've decided that the best picture in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue is the one on Page 157, where Barbara Palvin -- come-hither look, back to the camera -- frames a bellyboard just under her real fine ass which has glued sand stuck to it.
Other than that, I've got to say that the edition is underwhelming. Hannah ... Jeter? I cannot stand that preening pretty boy who is carrying on John Henry's disastrous plan to operate the Miami Marlins on the cheap, and so I cannot abide by seeing his wife, either. Serena Williams is ripped, but I don't find her sexy. Eugenie Bouchard and Caroline Wozniacki are sexy, but they don't have great pictures in the issue -- and with one semi-exception on 134, neither shows ass. Two other athletes, gymnasts Aly Raisman and Simone Biles, are cut as fuck, but I can no longer look at these pictures knowing that Larry Nassar molested both of them.
And I need to set aside a paragraph for the special mother-and-daughters pictorial of Sports Illustrated SI Legend Christie Brinkley, Alexa Ray Joel and Sailor Brinkley Cook. First of all, I have to say that Christie Brinkley can still get it. I mean, look at her figure on Page 13 and tell yourself she's fucking 63 in that. Meanwhile, I know that Cook will be in this year's issue, and she's got a toned and tanned body, but frankly, that face does nothing for me. Its cheekbones are flat and her eyes are small enough to just be dots on her face. Contrast that to her half-sister, Joel. Her body is a tad pudgier, although I would never kick that out of bed. But her face is beautiful, especially her big, round eyes, contoured eyelashes and wavy, long hair. I've got to admit I can see in her face the features of her father -- the ugly Piano Man himself, Billy Joel. Well, there's that.
So I guess that's it. Well, this Swimsuit Issue had three different covers of Kate Upton for sale, and I was able to find the one that I liked the most, the one with the "handbra" and her hair flowing freely. She does look great, and goddamn Justin Verlander for being able to motorboard and bite into those titties whenever he wants to.
Nevertheless, I'm hoping for a more arousing SI SI this year/week.
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