My God, we have a long and busy WMNSS starting this Week. This is why I am thinking of cutting down on sports after St. Thomas fully onboards to top-flight. Anyway, here goes:
Nevertheless, this screening Week's sole Match is a pivotal one: The eighth-ranked Golden Gophers host ninth-ranked Purdue Sunday afternoon (it starts a half-hour after the Vikings Game -- shitty timing, Big Ten Network). They still have to prove their mettle in the NCAA Tournament, but a Win here would convince me even more that this squad ain't so bad after all.
#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!). I'll admit this is a perfunctory placement. Every local team below did not go undefeated this past Week, even though the U. male ballers kicked off their season with only one Game and it was a bodybag one. Nonetheless, Missouri-Kansas City (they're called the Kangaroos) actually gave the Gophs a tussle till about eight Minutes left in the Game, at which point New Head Coach Ben Johnson put the accelerator down and boatraced UMKC to a 71-56 victory at the Barn Tuesday night.
The adage applies here: I always give a mulligan to a Head Coach in his first Year. I have no idea what the season will bring. I'll just, you know, observe. They are in Asheville, N. C., this week for the Asheville Championship. They play Western Kentucky tonight/Friday night, then either South Carolina or Princeton Sunday. I've wanted to visit Asheville, N. C. I hear it's a place that's both beautiful (the Blue Ridge Mountains are nearby) and progressive. And yet Madison Cawthorn, that bigoted Republican cripple, is the Representative of that House District. I don't get it.
#-2: United FC (Last Week: -3). Well, they did what they needed to do: Get a Point to get into the Major League Soccer Playoffs. Yeah, they blew leads of 2-0 and 3-2 out in Carson, Calif., to the Los Angeles Galaxy (my first MLS love) Sunday, but they somehow didn't completely fold. Other results meant that the Galaxy had to win in order to get into the postseason, but the Loons denied them by tying. (In an odd circumstance , the two sides that were in playoff contention in the Western Conference but were eliminated on Decision Day were the two Los Angeles teams ... and they join the three XI's in Texas as the Western Conference organizations sitting out this postseason. It's California and Texas out, all other states in. Weird.) It hurts, but then again, I saw the Galaxy eliminate MNUFC at Allianz with my own eyes, so meh.
Now, fifth-seeded Minnesota United will travel to fourth-seeded Portland on the 21st to take on the Timbers. It's the first time the Loons have to go on the road for their first postseason Match. The Timbers have a leaky Defense, but Minnesota scored fewer Goals than any club still playing. I'm worried that Portland will just key on Bebelo Reynoso and stop the Offense cold. We'll see.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4). They just lost last/Thursday night in (Las) Vegas, 3-2. It was a Game where the Golden Knights actually led 3-0 after two Periods, the last of which started on a dumb play by, uh, Matt Dumba. After the Game, Dumba owned up to his, and these are his words, "Fucking dumb mistake." Well, I'm glad he's admitting to it.
That broke a four-Game winning streak and ruined what could have been a perfect screening Week: They survived at Pittsburgh in a Shootout, routed Zach Parise and the Islanders at the X, and made mincemeat out of The Soon-To-Be Houston Aeros Wednesday night. They're off to a fast start and are tangoing with St. Louis atop the Central Division. It pisses me off that they lost to Team Born On Third Base And Thought It Hit A Triple, but they'll have more chances against them.
This Week: A return trip to Seattle to avenge their Loss to the Kraken, then home to San Jose and The Team That Was Stolen From Us.
#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). A split at Wisconsin. Fair, although they had a lead in Friday night's matchup, blew it, and then lost in Overtime, 4-3. A comfortable 4-1 Win the next night made things better. It's Ohio St. for two this weekend at Mariucci.
#-5: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!). Remember the NWHL? Well, it's now the Premier Hockey Federation, or PHF. We have Leagues and an Association, but not a Federation, but let's run with it. Anyway, the Whitecaps began their season last weekend at the team that beat them in last Year's Final, the Boston Pride -- and they got swept, 6-4 and 1-0. Humbling. I'm on their e-mail list, and over the summer I saw a slew of messages about the team signing this player, and re-signing that player. I hope it congeals, but I really hope they can get over the Pride hump. And it just so happens that they'll have that chance next weekend because Boston comes to Tria Rink for a two-Game series.
#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: 0). OK, this club puzzles the shit out of me. They won four in a row, become bowl eligible, and appear to have put Bowling Green behind them, and then they lay another goddamn egg like this -- at home, like with Bowling Green -- last Saturday to woebegone Illinois, 14-6. It doesn't matter that you're down to your fifth-string Running Back -- they should've destroyed the Illini. But the running game P. J. Fleck relies on got continually swallowed up (only 89 Yards total), Illinois' running game was on the move (185 Yards total), and Tanner Morgan once again showed that he can't carry a team all by himself: 200 Yards, but two picks. Stupid fact: Illinois Head Coach Bret Bielema still has never lost to Minnesota. Never.
They're still somehow in first place in the B1G West, although Purdue of all teams is nipping on their heels, courtesy of an upset of Michigan St. on Saturday. But the Gophers this Week travel down to Iowa City and fight Iowa for Floyd Of Rosedale. The Hawkeyes are down, too; which squad will be less down and hoist the pig early Saturday evening?
#-7: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). Minnesota has signed a Top Ten class this past Week ... and yet somehow opened up their season Tuesday afternoon (once again it's the women taking the shit-ass times) at Williams with a 69-66 Loss to Jacksonville. They were outscored 15-9 in the First Quarter but took the lead at Halftime, 32-29. The key stretch was in the middle of the Fourth, where the ... Dolphins ripped off seven in a row to go from down three to up four, and they never relinquished it.
You know, I wonder if the hiring of Lindsay Whalen was a set-it-and-forget-it deal: She'll be on the job for ten Years at least, and the fanbase and boosters won't care how bad her teams are because, hey, she's Lindsay Whalen. You know?
I do at least appreciate the aggressive scheduling. They are in Tempe, Ariz. to face Arizona St. tonight/Friday night, then come home to host George Washington Sunday afternoon -- an hour before the Vikings Game begins. Yet again, I don't understand the shitty timing.
#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). Yeah, this is the Timberwolves team I know and hate. But I think I've said that before. A perfectly winless screening Week (0-3) extends their losing streak to six. They blew an early double-digit lead to the Clippers Friday and eventually lost by 20. I was working out Monday while watching the Woofie Dogs blow a lead late in regulation to The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies, and even with a miracle Three-Pointer by Karl-Anthony Towns to get that tilt into OT, the Grizz won going away (and beat the spread, if I'm not mistaken). And then on Wednesday the Wolves got a healthy dose of Andrew Wiggins, who was all over the fucking place and dunking on his old team at will. Where was this fucking motivation when you were up here, Big Wig? And Golden State crushed the Woofs by 13.
Their four-Game roadtrip ends with a mini-residency at Staples Center whereby they face off versus The Team That Was Stolen From Us (Beta) and the Clippers back-to-back this weekend. They then have a four-contest homestand with Phoenix Monday and back-to-back tilts vs. Sacramento and San Antonio Wednesday and Thursday.
#-9: Vikings (Last Week: -6). Yeah, the ViQueens are done. They had a 14-Point lead on The Bastard Cleveland Browns twice. But the fucked-up clock management issues came up again, and the Offense that was humming to start the Game browned out in the Second Half. The Defense actually made some momentum-changing plays, foremost of which was Anthony Barr's deflection to himself for the Interception in Overtime. But then the godddamn Vikes O go three-and-out to hand the ball back to Baltimore, and then the D reverted back to its sieve costume, and then Justin Tucker ended our (and maybe Mike Zimmer's) misery with a Field Goal to win it.
The National Football Conference is so top-heavy that Minnesota is still in the hunt for a Wild Card spot. But do you really think this team is any good? And is anyone willing to lay money on the Vikes this Sunday, when they travel to SoFi Stadium and, well, "host" the Los Angeles Chargers as three-Point underdogs? I sure as shit wouldn't.
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