#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). The Dinkytown gridiron men take the top spot this screening Week by virtue of their 49-7 septupling of Colorado at Huntington on Saturday. They complete a home-and-home series with that Game, and Minnesota outscored the Buffaloes by a combined score of 79-7. Only a Touchdown six Minutes into the Fourth Quarter prevented Colorado from getting shut out for the whole series.
That's a great thing, and goes a long way toward giving these guys the WMNSS perch. However, the result may also be evidence that the University of Colorado has The Worst Football Program In The BcS. Also, while the U. is 3-0, and that's a lot better than 0-3, one of the Wins came against a second-division school and the third came versus New Mexico St., a program you can say should be a second-division one. So, you can say that they still haven't proven anything yet. If that's the case, playing at Michigan St. this/Saturday afternoon might be the test this club finally needs to prove that they are more than paper tigers. We shall see.
#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). Routed Indiana at Robbie Stadium Thursday, 3-0, the last two Goals being scored 85 Seconds apart. That's great, especially since this was the only Match this club played this Week. But this is not the traditional power of the Indiana men's soccer program; the Hoosiers after the Game had a record of 2-6-1 (that's two Wins, six Draws and one Loss). The Gophers, meanwhile, still aren't good at 5-1-4. This XI still has a lot of work to get into tournament shape, and they'll have a chance to do that this Week because they finish a three-Match homestand with Games vs. ninth-ranked Northwestern Sunday afternoon and Michigan Thursday.
#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -1). OK, so they're not going undefeated this season. In fact, the euphoria expressed by The Purple Faithful after Week 1's dominating Win over the Pack was matched in its intensity by contempt and despair after getting humiliated Monday night in Philadelphia. We are an impetuous, impressionable people, aren't we? You shouldn't get too high after Wins, and you shouldn't get too low after Losses ... wait a second, what the fuck am I talking about -- of course you should get too low after Losses! This is fucking devastating! The season's already over! Kirk Cousins is washed! Kevin O'Connell is no better than Mike Zimmer!
OK, I'm joking. A little bit. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever, it's a Head Coach's first Year, you always give him a mulligan.
This Week's home matchup versus the Detroit Lions is no gimme. Seriously.
#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -6). There's something very wrong with this team. They beat Washington St. in four Sets Saturday, but then go to West Lafayette and get swept by 11th-ranked Purdue last/Friday night, 18-23-30. There is continued dissension in chatboards over Hugh McCutcheon not putting different players in the rotation, or even giving gassed players a breather here and there. Do something, they say, because shit isn't working right now, and they're going to slip down from sixth to eighth, where they are now, to something worse in the AVCA Top 25. Please note that this squad is 5-4, and they have Matches against Wisconsin Sunday night and Northwestern Wednesday coming up this Week. Those start a three-Game homestand, and maybe that'll help, but right now, who the fuck knows?
#-5: United FC (Last Week: -3). These Loons are fucking wheezing to the finish line. With a slew of injuries and talisman Emmanuel Reynoso sitting out for too many yellows, they went Saturday to Sporting KC, a team that is all but officially eliminated from the playoff race and got boatraced, 4-1. As has happened too many goddamn times, the Backline cracked after one Goal and then allowed a couple more in quick succession. In this case, Michael Boxall gave SKC the lead in the 31st Minute, and then MNUFC coughed up two tallies four Minutes apart, the second of which came in the 45th. My fucking God.
This team, which was once third in the West, is now in sixth place, two Points above eighth. And still they have a decent chance of making the goddamn postseason at least because the two teams left to play are slumming with Sporting in the bottom of the West, the first of which is the final road Game of the Year at San Jose on the 1st. They should get Bebelo back for that one, so maybe all will be right with the world, but right now, who the fuck knows?
But hey, at least they're not the ...
#-6: Twins (Last Week: -5). Holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. A 1-6 screening Week, which overlapped a 1-8 road trip. The Guardians beat 'em won four-of-five in Cleveland, all but putting their playoff hopes out of reach. And then they go to Kansas City and get fuckin' swept by the Royals.
Goddamn this whole organization. Things looked so good early on, but then everything went to shit -- the Lineup got hurt, the Rotation couldn't hold up, and the Bullpen, including the relievers they brought in at the Trade Deadline, crapped out on them. And this is new -- Byron Buxton is having surgery! And he's going to miss the rest of the Year!!!
The reaction from the local fan base has gone from anger to apathy. This team started to slide shortly after the Trade Deadline, and by the time this club put together a string of bad play, it was Vikings season, and like the 100th grounder you've seen this season, the locals go through their routine of shrugging their shoulders, whispering to each other, "Hey, it's the Twinks," and putting on their Vikings jerseys. And closer to the New Year, after it's clear the Vikings aren't fucking going anywhere either, we'll either put on our Wild or, nowadays, our Timberwolves Jerseys. For every time there is a season.
Ten Games out of first place in the A. L. Central. And four Games under .500. Why do we give a shit?
They play the Angels (and by the way, I made the right decision not going to last/Friday night's Game, even with Shohei Ohtani pitching; I'll watch a baseball Game outdoors if it's cloudy, cold, windy and dry, but cloudy, cold, windy and raining, even at a drizzle? Fuck and no) through the weekend, then host the White Sox, then go to Detroit starting Friday.
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