List Of Items I Am Donated To Goodwill Yesterday:

• The light gray fitted bedsheet that has a huge tear in it.  I am surprised something from Target would tear so easily.
• The red flat sheet, also from Target.  There's nothing wrong with it, but it's a flat sheet; how in the hell can I use it to cover my mattress?  Or is it supposed to go above my mattress?  I don't use those things; I just have a bedsheet and a blanket.  I mean, that's all you need, right?
• The dark gray fitted bedsheet, brand unknown.  It's not torn, but it's so big (it may be a queen-sized sheet) that it frequently pops off the corners.  It got so frustrating that I've come to the conclusion that it's useless for me to keep it.
• The brown long underwear top, brand: Kenyon.  I've complained about this on WAF before; the reason I'm dumping this clothing item, even though it is so warm it actually makes me feel hot in the winter, is that this long underwear is, uh, too short.  This is the one where, if I sit down, the edge of the shirt rides up and exposes my lower back.  I have tried tucking it back in too many times, so even though it does its job so (too?) well, I've had enough.
• The Puma long underwear/jogging pants that my sister bought me when she was working for the company's Europe division.  The elastic around the waist finally wore off, and the waistband was slipping down to my ass.
• The dark brown pants from the Gap, the one whose waist button has a tongue.  It held up extremely well, but I just don't fit in them anymore.
• The khakis with the cuffs, brand Route 66.  Which means that I bought these from K-Mart.  I got too fat for these, too.  But donating these pants means another thing I bought from a store I frequented a lot when I was a kid will have slipped away from me.
• And, finally, my porno pants, the grey linens I paid a pretty penny for from H&M.  It tore in the back, from right above to the top of my buttcrack.  But all the times I shocked strippers by walking around with my dick out through the button fly of those pants was worth it.  Got my return on investment from them, and so much more.  I will miss you, porno pants.