Case Of The Shits (I Wish I Had A Less Crass Title, But I Have To Be Transparent)

I am blog posting this just because I want to post twice today.

I had not felt an attack of the shits until tonight.  Coming back from the United match, whereby I stopped by a craft brewery called Blackstack (their Local 770,000 is really good), and thankfully, that pang in my bowels of, "Oh, literal shit's literally about to blow," as I was driving on my street.  Two minutes later I was sitting on the toilet, my underwear (relatively) clean.

I ate a lot, a lot of junky.  I went to the soccer game early enough to take advantage of the "Happy Hour" pricing at some of the concession stands; I bought a hot dog and a slice of pizza, as well as got an MGD Light.  I also woke up early enough today for breakfast at The Bachelor Farmer, where I got a coffee, cinnamon bun and yogurt.  But the latter wasn't it because I had a healthy movement when I got home.  And I'm not sure it's the former, either, because I think the main culprit was the frozen custard I had at Culver's between the game and Blackstack.  Haven't eaten dairy or any frozen ice cream in a while, but it appears as though my Chinese lactose intolerance kicked in.  Either that or the custard was so damn frozen that my body couldn't digest it and just pushed it out.  Or maybe they're both one and the same.

Anyway, I had three more attacks after that one, and I didn't know if it was smart of me to go to Caffetto (where I'm typing this now) and risk getting another attack.  I would probably scuttle downstairs with my laptop to make sure it doesn't get stolen, but it wouldn't look good.  However, so far, so good, and maybe this hot mocha will get rid of the vestiges of the frozen custard out of my colon ... gently.

List Of Items I Am Donated To Goodwill Yesterday:

• The light gray fitted bedsheet that has a huge tear in it.  I am surprised something from Target would tear so easily.
• The red flat sheet, also from Target.  There's nothing wrong with it, but it's a flat sheet; how in the hell can I use it to cover my mattress?  Or is it supposed to go above my mattress?  I don't use those things; I just have a bedsheet and a blanket.  I mean, that's all you need, right?
• The dark gray fitted bedsheet, brand unknown.  It's not torn, but it's so big (it may be a queen-sized sheet) that it frequently pops off the corners.  It got so frustrating that I've come to the conclusion that it's useless for me to keep it.
• The brown long underwear top, brand: Kenyon.  I've complained about this on WAF before; the reason I'm dumping this clothing item, even though it is so warm it actually makes me feel hot in the winter, is that this long underwear is, uh, too short.  This is the one where, if I sit down, the edge of the shirt rides up and exposes my lower back.  I have tried tucking it back in too many times, so even though it does its job so (too?) well, I've had enough.
• The Puma long underwear/jogging pants that my sister bought me when she was working for the company's Europe division.  The elastic around the waist finally wore off, and the waistband was slipping down to my ass.
• The dark brown pants from the Gap, the one whose waist button has a tongue.  It held up extremely well, but I just don't fit in them anymore.
• The khakis with the cuffs, brand Route 66.  Which means that I bought these from K-Mart.  I got too fat for these, too.  But donating these pants means another thing I bought from a store I frequented a lot when I was a kid will have slipped away from me.
• And, finally, my porno pants, the grey linens I paid a pretty penny for from H&M.  It tore in the back, from right above to the top of my buttcrack.  But all the times I shocked strippers by walking around with my dick out through the button fly of those pants was worth it.  Got my return on investment from them, and so much more.  I will miss you, porno pants.

Bad Driver: ATP A24 (white Volvo?)

Kid, your problem was veering to the lane to my left as I was preparing to get onto 35WN.  That's all.  You couldn't fathom being behind me, so you changed lanes and changed back in front of me ... and you slowed down before we hit the on-ramp.

I'll be honest: You are not the first asshole who's pulled that shit.  But tonight, after taking it in the chin for so goddamn long, you were the one I finally challenged.  You were the one who convinced me to turn off the ECON button and see what my car's got.  And goddamn, when I cut in front of you and pissed you off, man, that was satisfaction.  Knowing you feel just as pissed off as I do whenever you and other pricks cut me off, everything else you did was gravy.  Sure, maybe you pulling back in front of me was dangerous because 1) construction cut off the number of lanes and 2) there was another driver neither of us accounted for.  And I must say, your passive-aggressive stunt of driving behind me was a neat trick.  Until the time you drove away from the 100 exit, I was wondering if I knew a police station I could pull into.

But shit, man, anything I made you feel, you brought on yourself for that bullshit maneuver before 35WN.  But hey, at least I know my car can go 100.  It can't really brake as fast, and I probably did a number on my transmission (same to you I assume), but now I know what my car's capable of.  And you know what?  I have your punk ass to thank for that, too!

You Know What I've Been Pushing Back?

OK, so here's what I've done after work this week, since my parents left:

• Monday: The blizzard hit, so I took, my time getting home.  Even stopped by Buffalo Wild Wings at MOA before coming home at 9:30.
• Tuesday: Had to finally see The Last Jedi -- which, by the way, is good; took some detours, but if any movie franchise had to shake up what it's been doing, it's Star Wars.
• Wednesday: Probably my only "normal" night this week.  But I've got grated cheese that's about to spoil and no food at home to use it on, so I went to my local grocery to buy some chili ... except that they were all out of chili, so I got some beef & vegetable soup, and I came home to put cheese in that.  Should I have?
• Thursday/last night: Went to a stripper party after work.  Ate there.
• Friday/tonight: Won't be going home; Notre Dame officially plays its first game at Mariucci against Minnesota as a member of the Big Ten.  I think I saw all B1G opponents play their first games at 3M during the conference's inaugural season in 2013-4, and I intend to do the same thing tonight.

So, what is the commonality in all of this?  I haven't been eating at home.  And before she left, Mother left me a ton of leftovers to eat.  And I haven't eaten any of them.  Probably will tomorrow/Saturday; I have my eye on the pork chop and rice.  Hope I can still eat them!