Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2022

You know, I want to start off with getting the Honorable Mentions out of the way.  Out of the dozen (or baker's dozen -- you'll see what I mean) babes for this month, I want to give some plaudits to Haley out of Lone Tree, Colo., and Kimi of Costa Mesa, Calif. -- the former for her, uh, full-frontal posing and the latter for having that sexy-ass vertical line down her abs.

I can rank five/six above them, but I'm torn between the top two.  Again, that's a tease that I'll pay off later.  At any rate, fifth place goes to Katherine, hailing from Downers Grove, Ill.  She's a blonde wearing a light-purple two-piece swimsuit.  What I like best about her is her aw-shucks body language -- right arm languidly hanging just in front of her body, left hand up to her neck, head slightly tilted to its right -- even though she is so goddamn hot.

In fourth place is Olivia, of Loveland, Colo.  Slim brunette sporting a light-blue two-piece.  There is a general cuteness about her, an approachability that some of the other models, for all their gorgeousness, lack.  And her smile, as Mona Lisa as it is, helps a lot.

OK, so the reason I gave two different numbers up at the top is that, for the first time I can recall, there is one photo of twin Hooters waitresses, Megan and Kalen, out of Pensacola Beach, Fla.  Long raven hair and matching red two-piece bikinis.  Yes, twin fantasies stir in my mind whenever I see that photo.  So they get third place.

So now I'm up to two.  One of them is the main girl, Allie, also hailing from Lone Tree, Colo.  The other is Haley, also of Loveland, Colo.  (Aside: There are two Hooters waitresses from not one but two cities in the same month, and they both just happen to be in the same state.  Maybe next time you wanna, y'know, mix up the women so that they aren't all on the same damn month?)  I remember Allie.  She has been in previous calendars.  She was just in the last Hooters pageant, and I believe she placed fourth.  Hell, I vacationed in Denver, went to her Hooters restaurant, and had her sign her photo (from a previous year) for me.  And yes, she's fucking hot as hell, including in her photo: Periwinkle two-piece bordered in white, cascading blonde hair, kneeling on a rock with her right leg in the water, fake snow giving the picture a unique mise-en-scene.  Allie's a knockout.  However, Haley is showing her ass.  Showing only about half of it around her deep blue two-piece bikini, but showing it nonetheless.  And I have a rule that if a Hooters girl shows her ass, she immediately rises to the top of that month's list.  But ... it's Allie!  (Like she remembers who the hell I am, but still.)

So, who to pick first and who second?  You know what?  I'm not going to decide.  Allie and Haley can tie for first.  That way I don't violate my rule and, more importantly, I don't have to decide.  You two are both winners!  And I will eventually masturbate to you and all the rest of you so I can retire the calendar and actually move on to 2023!