The Most Gross Thing I've Seen In A Long Time

Was at the NCAA women's volleyball tournament at the Sports Pavilion.  Creighton swept Marquette in three tight sets decided by a total of seven points, then Minnesota swept Liberty, but not before the Lady Flames took the Golden Gophers to the edge in the third, 34-32.

But that's not what I want to talk about.  I want to talk about why I hate taking a shit in public, even if I have been resigned to taking a shit in public.  When you gotta go, you gotta go, you know?  But I always hate doing it because of the possibility that someone else would shit in the stall next to me.  I know it's natural, but I don't need to hear a stranger's scatological noises.

I took a dump at work today because I had a banana in the morning.  My mistake was going down to the ground floor bathroom.  I didn't want to use the bathroom up in the floor I work at because other guys at the place I work use it, and I might be in the very awkward position of hearing my supervisor or another guy at work grunting and shitting feces through his asshole.  No, thank you.  I might get so disgusted I would quit right then and there.

But I keep forgetting that other people who are entering the office building would use the ground floor bathroom.  And mere seconds after I went into the stall at a bit after 11, which I think is the beginning of lunch hour, what seemed like a group of people went into the bathroom to relieve themselves.  One guy took the second, other stall.  Thank goodness he wasn't loud.  In fact, I don't remember much beyond a couple forlorn farts.  But I swear that the guy following him (I don't know if he was with him or not) wanted to use my stall and saw my feet.  And then there were two other guys talking to each other at the urinals.  My God, it's like these men were congregating in the bathroom, even if they probably weren't together.

But anyway, onto the Sports Pavilion.  I had a pizza at the eatery on the ground floor at work before leaving for the Pav in time to catch the Bluejays-Golden Eagles game at 4:30.  But I thought I needed to shit.  Even though I guess I could have held it in, I decided that because I had arrived well before the first match was supposed to start and the crowd would be sparse because only fans of the two non-local teams would be there, I would just dook there.

I guess I thought in passing I would have complete quiet, but I didn't.  However, I don't think it would've been this hectic.  I took the middle of three stalls.  Someone used the one on the left, then someone used the one on the right.  And this asshole on the right, he kept farting and farting and farting.  Then I heard his belt buckle jingle, indicating to me that he was about to be done.

But then I heard no noise at all.  Then I heard some rubbing, like he took toilet paper and starting wiping his ass with it, but wouldn't stop and kept wiping and wiping and wiping his ass.  Except that what he was wiping didn't sound like his ass.  More like fabric or something.

That was the noise that creeped me out and got my blood boiling.  He sounded so gross in there that I was going to punch him if I saw him face-to-face and he did something weird towards me.

I bolted out the door and towards the sink.  Thank Buddha he didn't leave at the same time.  But he did exit while I was washing my hands.  It was an old guy, who had that time of hairstyle where he was bald at the top but had long hair around the sides and back of his head.  He had on these old sneakers that I saw underneath the divider between the stalls.  And he had this brown pleather jacket, very 70's-like.

He shuffles out of the stall ... then leaves the bathroom without either flushing the fucking toilet or washing his fucking hands.  Oh, are you fucking kidding me?!?!?!  The last time I saw something that fucking gross was when I was defecating at the Ridgedale library; some guy pushed the door of the stall next to me open, dropped his pants, quickly evacuated his wet bowels, and got up and left without flushing the toilet or even wiping his ass.  He was in and out in, like, five minutes.  This reminded me of that, and it just about made me throw up.  Now I was going to punch him if I saw him face-to-face because he already did something weird towards me.  I'm glad he wasn't the Seinfeld cook.

When I was done drying my hands I held up my coat so, when I walked past that dirty fucker's stall, it would be between me and ... that.  And I looked off to the other side, the right side, just to make sure.

The bathroom door was propped open for some reason.  Thankfully no one was in there while I was washing my hands.  But as I was leaving the bathroom some guy walked up to it, turned his head as if he finally found the men's bathroom, and passed me as he was going in.  Great -- now he's going to look at that fucking pile of shit in that goddamn toilet and forever think I did that.

My Father Found Out About It

Guess there was a chance of it happening.  After dinner My Father needed my help bringing this 200-year-old (or so he says) wood carving he wanted to donate to MIA into the house after taking it from The Store.  And as I was putting my shoes on he came back through the door and asked me, "Do you smell gas around your car?"

Uh-oh.  Well, at least I'm not imagining things.  I told him that I filled up my gas tank yesterday, and that mollified him.  But I know that that smell is going to linger, so the next time he's around the car he's going to know something's wrong with it.  Which means I'll have to bring my car in -- not to The Mechanic Around The Corner, but to the place My Father recommends because they will be open Saturday, when I have time.

So why do I feel this sense of freedom?  I'm not angry, or mentally scurrying around to find a way to evade My Father's withering accusation.  I wanted to wait three weeks and go to this car shop close by, but now I really can't, and now I have to move up my timetable by two weeks, or else My Father will get mad.  But I'm not.  I think it's because of two things: 1) the anxiety I have waiting those three weeks before I have the use of my parents' minivan is gone because I'll now just have to survive till Friday night; and 2) the choice has been made for me, i.e. I have the choice of doing it this weekend or two weekends from now, but it's obvious that I have to do it this weekend because of My Father.  I still have that avoidance of responsibility I need to shake, but I can't deny that I have a weird sense of peace come over me after My Father found about the car.

Nightmare

Went to sleep early last night, just after dinner and showering.  I missed the season finale of Dancing With The Stars because I went to bed early.  It's a combination of the cold weather and early sunset, and depression over my car.

Had a nightmare, a strange one.  In it I got LASIK surgery because My Father told me he assigned me to get it.  Strange, I know.  So I got it, but then the next morning that blindfold you're supposed to wear for the next day after getting the surgery, it was taken off, either by me or My Father.  And then I flipped out because I needed the eye drops so the LASIK would take, but I didn't have any, and I was yelling at My Father (or at least I think) as I was paranoid I was going to lose my eyesight.

And then I woke up and realized it was 2:30 in the morning.

Had apple pie and finished off the orange drink my parents got for me because we had Burger King for dinner.  Watched World News Now to catch up on who won (yay, Melissa and Tony!), am blogging now, and hopefully I can go to sleep in 15-20 minutes because I have to work soon.  Just trying to make it through another day. ...

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from yesterday, Monday, November 26:

• Exiting the grocery store where I got chicken, I saw that the Salvation Army was there with their kettles.  Felt obliged: 25 cents.
• Saturday the 24th I went to Caffetto to work on stuff.  Coffee with tip: $1.75.
• I have a receipt for the GameWatch, but in case I did not write down the total amount I gave, I'm going to write it here.  For the nachos, beer and Coke, with tip: $17.
• Went to the gym earlier that afternoon.  Price for admission: $3.
• Friday the 23rd ... had to tool around the Mall of America for Black Friday while I waited on them to "fix" my car (which is not fixed at all).  Had to pay rush-hour fare going down, but only non-rush going back, although I fell into both heavy periods in the morning and the afternoon.  Oh well, saved me 50 cents.  Total price: $4.
• Did I use cash for the movie?  I think I did.  Thought holiday prices would be in effect for Black Friday, but they weren't.  Skyfall, by the way, was very good.  Ticket, popcorn and pop: $16.50.
• Had to donate to the Salvation Army at MOA because one of the bell ringers was being very joyous, singing his heart out, opening doors and smiling: $1.
• Wednesday, the 21st ... Mother paid me back for all the times I bought the family chicken.  It was more than I thought she needed to pay me back, but OK.  An Infusion of: $20.
• Then she gave me more money ... to buy lottery tickets that evening.  Another Infusion: $5.

I think I'm caught up.  Have to try and take a nap anyway.

Addendum To: My Car Is Brand New Again! No More Angst!!!

Yeah, what I said about my car being all fixed?  Yeah, fuck that.

I hate myself for jumping the gun.  Friday night I just took my car, with new fuel damper, home, went to bed at 6:30 and didn't wake up till 7 in the morning.  Wanted to get coffee at My Favorite Coffeeshop (Morning Edition) to see the barista there that I've known for a long time but haven't seen in a long time.

Started my car.  Took a long time, and didn't start the first time I cranked it, but I chalked that up to the cold weather.  But after 2 1/2 hours at the coffee place, I started my car again and I had the same goddamn problem that I've had before I brought it in to The Mechanic Around The Corner: I had trouble starting.  Trying to start it after I worked out later that day confirmed the continuing problem.

It may be getting worse.  It always starts the second time, so I thought I would crank it about halfway, turn the key all the way back off, then try it again.  Doing that would at least save me the anxiety over seeing the thing die on me, and it also prevents me from overcranking and flooding the engine.  But it still happens, therefore the car dies on me twice now.  Maybe it's the weather.  Maybe.  OK, maybe not.

Also I still smell gas fumes coming through the external air vents.  The gas mileage?  Well, let me fill up a whole tank and see if anything changed.

This is frustrating.  One of three things happened: The Mechanic Around The Corner ripped me off; The Mechanic Around The Corner thought it was the fuel damper and it wasn't, and therefore is incompetent and not ripping me off; or the car is so bad that the fuel damper had to be fixed and there is yet another problem.

Whatever the case I don't have the time nor energy to bring my lovely car in for repairs again for another three weeks.  That's when my parents are out of town and I might be out of a job, but I will at least have the means and possibly have the time to look into this.  And if I do, I will be going to another place besides The Mechanic Around The Corner.  I don't care if I have to walk a little farther, I need a fresh set of eyes looking at this thing.  And even if this isn't intentional, I am tired of giving these guys my money.

I hope my car makes it.  But to be honest, if it's on its last legs, it's on its last legs.  My fucking God, if it's not one thing about this moving trash heap, it's another.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -2).  I was hoping they would continue to win this week so I can put them atop the WMNSS and therefore make it up to them for a) not doing so last week and b) missing the beginning of their year.  And they obliged: They trounced Boise St. at the Sports Pavilion Sunday 30-6, then went to North Dakota St. and (unbeknownst to me because the university sports site did not indicate this) they were part of a tournament called the Bison Quad, and they tore through the host Bison as well as Eastern Michigan and a tagalong community college.

This meet marked two very significant milestones.  The Gophers become the sixth school ever to reach 900 wins in program history, and Head Coach J Robinson became the all-time winningest coach in U. wrestling history, surpassing I don't know with 394 wins (alongside 129 losses and four ties).  He seems to be a conservative hardass; several years ago he handed out pamphlets decrying Title IX and he has been scrutinized for his side work of real estate properties he owns around the Dinkytown arena, residences he has sold at cut-rate costs to his players upon their graduation.  But the guy knows how to coach.

They take next week off.  And they'll need it, because they have three games the following screening week.  All three opponents are ranked, as of now: Northwestern (tied for 16th, at least according to InterMat), Oregon St. (10th) ... and traditional power Oklahoma St., which sits fourth, one place behind the Gophers.  The match against the Cowboys happens next Sunday afternoon; for that reason I'm thinking about going to my first-ever wrestling meet.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  You can't ask for a team to finish the regular season in better fashion -- unless, of course, you want them to go undefeated.  The volleyers finished Big Ten action with back-to-back road sweeps of Wisconsin and Indiana.  They finish the year 24-7 overall and 15-5 in conference play, winning their last four and sweeping the last three.  Even their micro-finish was awesome; they were down to the Hoosiers 20-12 in the third set, but then went on an 11-1 run to put away IU 25-22.

Next up: The Selection Show, which will be at 3 this (Sunday) afternoon.  Last year there was a bit of controversy about how the NCAA Selection Committee relied on the Ratings Percentage Index for both picking at-large teams and seeding the field to the point of co-dependence.  Turns out that the actual rankings of the teams in the polls at the end of the regular season was a better indicator of how the teams would fare in the tournament ... or do I have that the other way around?  Anyway, this is the site to see the NCAA RPI, essentially the list of who makes the tournament and in what order, and this is the last AVCA Top 25 before the last poll, the one taken after the whole year is over.  The Gophers are ranked 7th in the former and 11th in the latter; we'll see where they are placed.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  Now that's better: They sweep Vermont in their first-ever trip to the state by scores of 5-1 and 3-1.  They have been victorious in their last three games and are unbeaten in their last six.  They come home to host a pair against Nebraska-Omaha.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Well, they won't pull an Indiana and run the table, but it turns out that their first journey on the road and against really good teams didn't turn out so bad.  They got busted down to the consolation bracket of the Battle 4 Atlantis Thanksgiving afternoon with an 89-71 loss to Duke, but they rebounded with an 84-75 victory over Memphis and a thrilling 66-63 win over Stanford in, if I am not mistaken, a rematch of last year's NIT Final.

Andre Hollins stepped up and regulated in the Bahamas this weekend.  The point guard poured in 41 against his hometown college team (his residence is Memphis because his father is Lionel Hollins, current [?] Head Coach of the Memphis Grizzlies), then got fouled on a half-court attempt with .4 seconds left and sunk all three free throws to beat The Farm.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

Next week: The annual Big Ten/ACC Challenge, where they go to Florida St. Tuesday, then home to North Florida Saturday.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  Like the Gopher men, they Gopher women went to paradise this Thanksgiving Weekend to play in a tournament.  And they also lost their quarterfinal game, to Richmond.  And they also came back to win the consolation bracket of the Cancun (Mexico) Challenge with wins over James Madison and Missouri.  Does this mean that this team is also not bad?  I don't know, but I put them below the male ballers because it looks like the female ballers faced lesser competition.

One game this week: They host their game of the Big Ten/ACC Challenge against Virginia Thursday.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6).  Wow.  The season is young, but I can see the wheels falling off this team already.  They lose all three games this week, none of them close.  They have now lost five in a row and now are below .500 at 5-7.  At least one beat reporter says that there are chemistry issues now that Kevin Love is back playing.  I thought things would be better with him back, but ever since he shocked the world (let alone Wolves public relations) by getting activated and inserted into the starting lineup at home to Denver Wednesday, they have not won.  The grind continues with games at Sacramento and the Clippers and a home game versus Milwaukee.

#-Infinity: Gopher football (Last Week: -7).  I thought the Goofs could beat a weakened Michigan St., or at least do well enough to cover the spread of 8 1/2 or so.  Instead, the team finish listlessly, 26-10.  What was more embarrassing: That the team allowed 266 yards to Spartans Runningback Le'Veon Bell; that the U. only amassed 96 yards total; or that they officially ran for only four fucking yards?  OK, by my italics you can tell I think it's the last fact.

What is probably worse than all that is the fact that Head Coach Jerry Kill suffered a seizure yet again.  This occurred at the half, and he wasn't on the sideline at all for the second half of the defeat.  If only the paying customers at TCF Bank Stadium could have been so lucky.

I feel bad for saying this, but the seizures are starting to get tiresome.  I'm sorry, but if the leader of a team isn't able to be there for the three most important hours of his week, maybe he shouldn't be there.  I don't remember if he had three seizures during a season at any of his previous stops, but it's starting to become kind of a joke, I'm afraid.

But they got to six wins and therefore they will play a bowl game.  Will I talk about it?  Unless something extraordinary happens, I don't give a shit.  To me, this team is done for the year.

My Car Is Brand New Again! No More Angst!!!

OK, my diagnosis that it had to be the idle air control valve was wrong.  And the nice old man at the car repair shop I'm thinking about taking my business also was incorrect, saying that it was the pressure regulator.

It turns out the problem was (drumroll please) ... the fuel damper.  Or the dampener, which I thought was proper English, but turns out to be two letters too much.  It looks like a giant screw, or even a bathtub plunger.  But this simple thing, hopefully, was the cause of my car not starting, the fumes, and the plummeting mileage.  Three problems, one solution!

Plus it was less than $300, so my fears that The Mechanic Around The Corner would gouge me for even more money proved to be unfounded.  So my faith in them has been reborn, and my car is absolutely like new, and I have absolutely no cares in the world!!!

Until my car breaks down again.  I've only driven my car twice, from The Mechanic Around The Corner home, and home to My Favorite Coffeeshop (Morning Division), where I am currently blogging this.  So something else could crop up.  Well, something else will crop up.  Which means I should enjoy these hours with my car being "perfect" as much as I can.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Hope y'all had a Happy Thanksgiving.  Right now I'm eating a second helping of apple pie my brother and sister-in-law bought and brought.  I am not hungry, but something about turkey and/or Thanksgiving and/or eating a lot of food makes me want to eat even more of this tasty pie.  Just saw a photoshopped picture of a joke Louie C.K. apparently has: "I don't stop eating when I'm full.  I stop eating when I hate myself."  I don't help myself.  Yet.  Well, I already hate myself, but not today.  Today I am eating happy.

---

I was woken up, again, but My Father doing shit in the morning.  I resolved days ago that I was going to sleep in because it's Thanksgiving, and I want to sleep in, dammit.  At least till 11, when I was going to take a shower.  I thought that would placate My Fucking Father, but after I step out of the shower he badgers me about eating something for lunch and then says, "Why don't you do something?  You sleep too much, and your eyes ... they no good!"

Oh, fuck you, you paranoid dumbfuck.  I so could not stand this that what I planned on doing -- taking a brisk walk outside so I could lose a pound or two and boost my metabolism -- turned into necessary distance from him as he was tooling around doing shit around the house.  I took my tablet, my checkbook, all the deposit and withdrawal slips I haven't recorded in my checkbook, and a greeting card I need to fill out and send to my sister's in-laws (they sent one to my parents), and I decided to walk to the coffeeshop and spend, oh, as much time as I could there until I had to come home for Thanksgiving Dinner.

Let me say this: With all the talk about Black Friday creep, where stores are opening earlier to the point of Thanksgiving evening, virtually everything was closed this afternoon.  The coffeeshop, which I swore was going to be open for at least part of the afternoon, closed up at noon.  Then I thought about the Dairy Queen, which had a TV and maybe I could eat something while watching the Houston Texans-Detroit Lions game (which turned out to be great, which sucks because all I really wanted to do was sit on my ass all day and watch football, and because of My Fucking Father I couldn't do that), but they were closed, too.

So now what?  I thought about my currently piece-of-shit car and a potential future without not only that but with no wheels at all.  I've thought about how I would get around without private transportation, and I decided that there's nothing better than using my own two feet.  There are no complications with engine trouble, no fighting with weird strangers on a bus, and I know that my legs work, at least for now, plus I could always use the exercise.

I live between two fairly busy streets.  Along with the two smaller roads that bracket the street I live on, I am bordered by four intersections that have fast food restaurants and gas stations that I could get by walking if I needed to grab a bite to eat.  This was the perfect time to see if I could get there on my own, and if so, how long.  So from the intersection where the coffeeshop and DQ were, I walked as much as I ever have.

Actually, now that I think about it ... there was a time when I was in preschool, and I was telling my Grandmother (not the one who lived with us, the "fake" one, but Father's mother, who died back in 1985) that I didn't have to go to school that day, but she insisted that I had to, and she took me to walk with her all the way to what I think was the local mall before she tried opening the door to our school and seeing it was locked.  Anyway, I went to the Four Corners Of My Neighborhood, going to the gas station with a Taco Bell in it (also closed), then cutting through to my house where I saw Mother was home because the minivan was parked on the driveway.  Still, there was way too much time, and I hadn't checked the Wendy's over there -- yep, that's closed.

Finally getting to the four places that could sustain me if I had nothing to eat and no car to get me somewhere, I went back to the original corner, the one where the coffee place is.  There is also a local produce store, and thank God that was open till 3.  I wanted to try cheaper places first, but there was no other place where I could just sit and hang out, so I went back there.  This may be the first time I walked to this particular intersection twice in one day.

They had a turkey dinner available to eat.  I didn't want to eat that because I knew I had the same thing waiting for me at home.  But I didn't want the salad either because I knew we would be eating that, too.  So even though the turkey was more expensive, I finally decided to get that because a) all that walking made me think I could handle two huge dinners today and b) I wanted to compare their turkey with the one my folks made.  Verdict on the latter, by the way: Parents win, hands down.  Little good comes from turkey that's been under a heat lamp, even if it is soaked in gravy the whole time.  With Coke it came out to ten bucks, which I didn't want to charge on my credit card, but fuck, I couldn't fucking stay at home!!!

At 5 to 3 I went home.  Good thing, too; the clouds came over the sky, the winds picked up and the temperature dropped while I was eating a pre-Thanksgiving Dinner Thanksgiving Dinner.  And I got home just before the surprise snow showers came.  Too bad I'll now have to scrape snow off my car and hope I don't get into an accident tomorrow morning when I bring my car in.  At least I won't have anywhere to drive; after I dump my car I'm taking the bus all the way to the Mall of America.  Another test to deprive myself of wheels and to test my patience taking public transportation with the great unwashed.  Wish me luck.

Addendum To: Oh, It's The Pressure Regulator! Yeah, That Makes Sense. The Pressure Regulator. Sure, That's What It Has To Be, And All That Is, Right?

I thought the pressure regulator was going to be an expensive part.  When dealing with getting my car fixed in the past, I've heard that a strut spring, a power steering hose, and the low oil level light sensor would all cost around $500, not including labor.  Barring multi-problem things or just replacing the whole engine or transmission, these seem to be the most expensive parts on a car to replace.  That would still suck for me, but I would at least know how much it cost and take steps to absorb the financial blow.

Well, I just checked the prices for a pressure regulator for my car, and guess what?  The part itself costs ... less than $100.  Great, huh?

Uh, not exactly.  First, I Googled signs for what makes a bad pressure regulator.  One of the big signs is black smoke coming out of the exhaust.  I don't see that, at least not yet.  Another sign is rough idling, and while it's not smooth now, The Mechanic Around The Corner virtually eliminated the bad thudding when the car was accelerating and stopped at a light/sign.  So maybe it isn't the pressure regulator.

And this still doesn't erase my feelings of mistrust toward these guys.  They could still rip me off, or at least be way over their heads in dealing with this.  They still could say that they are going to fix this but add, "We also found something else. ..."  I still have to gird myself to the possibility that I'm still going to get reamed.

Oh, It's The Pressure Regulator! Yeah, That Makes Sense. The Pressure Regulator. Sure, That's What It Has To Be, And All That Is, Right?

There is this repair place that has been recommended by both the local version of Consumer Reports and a local TV station.  It's so homespun that its website is still under construction, which leads me to believe no one's working on it.  That's OK, that probably means they're too busy fixing cars to fix their website.

I had thought about these guys over the past several months as I kept taking my car back in for repairs, but this place does not have what The Mechanic Around The Corner does: location.  It's two miles away and on the other side of a busy street.  Moreover, it's in an isolated part of town; if I wanted to use the bus to go home or do something else, I would have to walk a hell of a way to get to a stop.  That's the reason I have eschewed these guys.

But this, with the fumes and the inability to start, made me change my mind this morning.  So what if takes me 15 minutes to get from this place to a bus stop -- and 40 minutes to get home?  If I don't trust The Mechanic Around The Corner anymore, why not try these guys instead?

So I did.  Unfortunately, these guys are also closed on Friday.  Fuck me.  However, the gentleman on the other line, a seemingly old guy, asked me, "What's the problem?"  So I did.  He said that he works on imports as well as old cars.  And when I told him the problems, he surmised that they are in fact interconnected.  Assuming that what I'm smelling when I turn on the air to external is gas fumes, he said that it's probably a pressure regulator.  When it gets busted, he says, "The car runs pretty rich."

I asked him if one of the symptoms of a broken pressure regulator is decreased gas mileage.  What I have been noticing (and afraid of) ever since these problems began is that my car is fucking just eating through gas.  I have computed that I generally get between 20 and 24 miles per gallon, and that a full tank gets me through at least 320 miles before I hit the "E" on the gauge.  But the needle has been descending at a much faster rate.  And when I went to deposit my U. of M. "tube work" check and I took a sharp left turn onto the frontage road, that needle, which was on the tick mark just above "E" when my trip home began, dipped as if it was in a compass on the Black Pearl and Jack Sparrow decided to spin the ship to evade the British Royal Navy.  It's now just above the empty mark.  Ten miles and so much gas, gone like that.  My car is fucking jacked up.

You may ask, Why do you now think it's a pressure regulator?  I really don't know.  I think I'm being lied to by The Mechanic Around The Corner, so I'm susceptible to hear certainty about my car from someone.  And I've gotta tell you, the man on the other end of the line sounded like -- and this may be preposterous -- a father figure to me.  He was helpful, knowledgeable, and patient with his diagnosis.  I want to believe him, I want to think that he has a handle of what is wrong with my car just by how I described the issues to him over the phone.  And right now I so regret that not only is his shop closed this weekend, he doesn't even regularly work Saturdays.

If I could have held out three more weeks I would have gone to him and his folksy old shop.  But I have no choice.  I'm going to The Mechanic Around The Corner Friday morning, and hopefully whatever needs to be fixed will be fixed by the time they close that day.  That opens me up to a wrong diagnosis; who knows, maybe they'll say it's not a pressure regulator, and maybe it really isn't a pressure regulator.  But I'm at their mercy -- these guys could call me back with one of those "Oh, and we found something else ..." calls.  I'm girding myself for that.

And in the meantime I'm going to check the prices of pressure regulators.  But before that I'm going to look at my checking account online, just to make absolutely sure I have money in case the The (fucking) Mechanic Around The Corner says this repair is going to cost me another goddamn grand.

I can't take it anymore.  Don't have to go in for work on Friday, so I decided to bring the car in solve the starting problem and the smell problem ... and I'm taking it to the Mechanic Around The Corner, even though I don't want to.

Yes, the same guys from which I took the car after another round of repairs just three weeks ago -- which is around the time both problems began.  The same guys whom I've spent countless thousands of dollars to repair and fix stuff.  The same guys from whom other things have sprung up, like a more massive oil leak, the sudden draining of my coolant and power steering fluids, and now the long time in starting, which is taking longer and longer.

Why am I taking it back to these guys?  In my gut, I don't trust them.  I was going to go to this place My Father recommends.  Well, actually it's a mechanic whose card he gave me back after he forced himself to help me with the car that night.  I had the route mapped out and everything; I was going to go there top of Friday morning, take the bus and then the light rail to the Mall of America, and use Twin Cities public transportation all the way back to Father's mechanic, where hopefully my car would be returned to perfect health.  Unfortunately, they're closed Thanksgiving Weekend.  And The Mechanic Around The Corner is not.

I could be very, very stupid.  These guys could just be jerking me around, shaking me down for more money because I'm just a goddamn sucker with a sentimental streak for a car that should have been destroyed five years ago and they want to see what they can get away with, in terms of both doing shit to my car and seeing how much I'm willing to pay to get things fixed.  But, maybe I shouldn't attribute malevolence to that which is easily explained by incompetence.  Since these problems began right after I got the car back from them, maybe they forgot to put something back, or they hit something as they were fixing the car three weeks ago.  Maybe I'm being paranoid, and maybe they genuinely want to fix what is genuinely broke.  And hell, maybe the fix will be cheap and inexpensive.  Naw, I'm fooling myself about the cheap and inexpensive.

Bottom line is that it's getting longer and longer to start the car, and now I'm fucking worried.  My heart is literally pounding most of the time I'm driving, and it's affecting me hours after I'm done driving.  I can't handle the fucking stress!  I wouldn't have minded holding off a month, but I can't because this is driving me fucking crazy.

So I'm going back to The Mechanic Around The Corner.  Either I have been asking them to douse fires on a car with cascading problems (which is something that happens with really old cars), or I'm inviting them to rip me off for another thousand dollars again, or they're just going to fuck up the car again.  We'll see Friday -- assuming the car makes it.

Expenses Without Receipt

I need to put something down for today, so I'll go with EWR.  From today, Monday, November 19:

• I've got this thing at work.  The eatery on the first floor?  It looks like they have one breakfast special and one lunch special each of the five days.  I don't think they change.  Before I lose this job, I want to eat each at least once.  Because my parents usually want me to buy chicken on Mondays, I might as well spend money today.  So I did, for lunch, a lasagna casserole (which actually looked like just plain ol' lasagna, but it was good).  Cost: $7.27.
• Maybe the reason my car smells of exhaust/fuel/coolant is that my car hasn't been washed in, like, two months.  I wanted to do it sooner, but the damn power window on the rear passenger side was broken, so I waited.  Maybe there were, like, leaves that was blocking something and backing something up, so that is the vapor coming in through the external air.  Well, I tried it, and survey says ... uh, no.  The smell's still there, maybe even worse.  But I at least washed the car.  Charged the wash, but the tip was straight cash, homey: $2.
• Saturday the 17th ... after the USC loss I tried this new place downtown, an arcade/nightclub called Insert Coins.  It makes no damn sense, but the first Insert Coins is a hit in Vegas, apparently.  I played three old-school games: Karate Champ, Track & Field, and Centipede.  They're each 50 cents; man, I miss when games were just a quarter.  So: $1.50.
• To Friday the 16th -- had the hallock at work.  Had it before, but I thought I had it the last time with nothing else but tartar sauce, and this time they threw in macaroni and cheese.  Total: $6.20.
• After work I went to that enervating women's volleyball match where the Gopher came back from a 2-1 set deficit to beat Nebraska for the first time in 32 years.  Hot dog, Coke and program: $8.50.
• And after that I had a mocha for the first time in a long time.  And this may be the first time I had one at Caffetto.  With tip: $3.50.

Thursday?  Wednesday?  Um, I'm going to say no, so I think I'm caught up.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -7).  At the end of the day, if I can't have my team, all I want to see is a good game.  I constantly say that at its best, (insert sport here) is better than any other.  Well, at its best, women's volleyball is better than any other.

The U. just lost a pair at the Michigan schools.  They were facing a home game against a very good program, Nebraska, and it looked probable that they would lose their third game in a row and four of five.

Volleyball is a momentum sport; signs that a less-talented team is about to lose include losing sets in a match by wider leads and getting blown out after winning a set.  I saw those classic signs at the Sports Pavilion.  The Gophers blew out Nebraska in the first, 25-12, but then the Cornhuskers got up on the Gophers two sets to one and was leading in the fourth set 7-2.  This is where the ninth-ranked 'Huskers crush the U., ranked 14th and, presumably, falling.

But turning things around in a volleyball match is rare, and shows a lot of heart, and somehow the team came back.  They finally took back the lead in the fourth at 19-18.  They then fell behind early in the fifth and final set also by a 7-2 score before coming back and winning the set and the match in extra points, 21-19.  It's the first time Minnesota has beaten Nebraska since October 4, 1980.

I have never seen the Pav as crowded as it was Friday, but the game was virtually sold out.  The game was one many looked forward to, but Nebraska is a school that both travels well and has a huge presence in Minnesota.  And they were treated to one fucking great game, as was I.  Possibly the best game I've seen in person this year.  Selfishly, that is the reason why I'm putting this team on top of the survey even though the team below them has a very, almost airtight, case.

They closed out the home portion of their schedule sweeping Iowa Saturday on Senior Night.  They now sit 13-5 in the soon-to-be-14-team Big Ten and 22-7 overall as they finish their regular season at Wisconsin Thanksgiving Eve and in Indiana Saturday.

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Yeah, I'm sorry that I overlooked you guys.  They actually began their year on the 9th with a home crushing of Hofstra, 32-6.  They continued Friday with a 27-7 rout in Nebraska.  And they may or may not be done putting the finishing touches on Boise St. at the Pavilion, a meet that's going on right now.

The big news, however, is that the Gophers are the preseason #1 team according to USA Today (in conjunction with the NWCA and the AWN alphabet soup groups).  I would've put them #1 in the more-important WMNSS, but another group, InterMat, had them and currently has the team ranked third, behind two-time defending national champion Penn St. and Iowa.  I just noticed that the Nittany Lions are not on the schedule.  Anyway, they are at North Dakota St. Saturday.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Didn't make it to the game against Toledo Monday; car trouble, plus it was cold that day, plus I think my parents would bitch about me going to "work" out in the cold.  Not a huge loss; the Goofs won, 82-56.  And they followed that up with a similar pasting, 72-43 over Tennessee St., a team I may have seen when I vacationed in St. Louis in February and caught a game at Southern Illinois-Edwardsville.

Anyway, it's great that they're undefeated, and they will go 4-0 once they polish off Richmond this (Sunday) evening.  But the rubber meets the road starting Thanksgiving, when they finally go on the road and finally pick on teams their own size -- or bigger.  Their quarterfinal opponent in the Battle 4 Atlantis?  Duke.  At least they'll be in the Bahamas.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  Like Tubby Smith, Pam Borton is using home cooking to pad her team's record.  She, however, uses the imprimatur of home tournaments.  The Subway Classic kicked off Saturday with an 85-40 immolation of Ohio, and right now it looks like they're putting the finishing touches on Maine to claim yet another tournament trophy.  They are also about to go 4-0.

And, like their Y-chromosome analogues, this team also goes to warmer climes to play in a tournament starting on Thanksgiving: The Cancun Challenge (oh, Cancun!), where they start play vs. Richmond.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  I have a friend who has season tickets to this team.  He was disappointed that Wisconsin, a team that is not ranked (?), managed to tie the Goofs Friday at 2.  I am surprised that they are still ranked third in the country, but it is hockey, a sport where goals are scored through hard work and fluky bounces.  And they are 8-2-1 overall, so I'm not going to hit the panic switch yet.  Besides, they beat the Badgers last (Saturday) evening 3-1.

I hear the fall leaves are best in Vermont.  That's where the team will be this holiday weekend, playing a pair against Vermont.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  It feels like the losses of Ricky Rubio and Kevin Love have finally caught up to the Woofie Dogs.  Although they began the screening week with an improbable 90-82 win at Dallas, they were taken out at home by Charlotte on a dagger by Kemba Walker with time running out (what  is the Timberwolves' all-time record against the Bobcats?  They won their first-ever game with them the year after the Woofie Dogs went to the Western Conference Finals and the "MV3" of Kevin Garnett, Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell was starting to fall apart, and it seems like they've swept them every year since. It's ridiculous), and then Golden State won going away, also at the Bullseye.  The Wolves have now lost three-of-four.

That game against the Warriors was on Friday.  And they are off till Wednesday, Thanksgiving Eve, where they host Denver.  After Turkey Day, they visit Portland and Golden State to finish out the week.

#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  The football team has lost to Nebraska 15 straight times.  The last two times they went to Lincoln, they were completely wiped out by a combined score of 104-0.  So it was time for them to win one, right?

No.  They lost, as predicted.  They did score 14 points (the Cornhuskers notched 38), but they were late points after Nebraska felt sorry for them.

There's not much else to say.  As is tradition in the tradition-rich B1G, they finish the regular season at home Saturday against their traditional rival ... Michigan St.  You know, they could win this one, actually. ...

Saturday Night, And I Ain't Got Nobody

For the first time in months, I am home on a Saturday night.  I would be out, but the goddamn car has me scared.  It has always started and drives fine, but it seems to take longer and longer to start up.  At this rate, I'm scared that it'll conk off and not start, and I don't want to be in the middle of downtown Minneapolis late at night stranded.  So even though it seemed to ignite OK, I played it safe and got home just after 7.

If the car was perfect, I would have gone to the North Star Roller Girls bout at the Convention Center.  However, coming home early was enhanced by the fact that the games there have not been close lately.  In fact, the two matches were blowouts of 52 and 115 points.  Kind of boring, so I'm not too broken up about decided to stay in.

It is weird to be nothing on a weekend night, but at least I have two college football games to watch (one of them, Stanford at Oregon, is shaping up to be a good one as I type this).  Plus, there is a new episode of Saturday Night Live tonight, and I should see one of these live before football season's over.  Plus I have to blog the WMNSS, make NFL picks on MySpace, maybe write a column about the World Series, and try to see if I can fix this goddamn starting problem with the car by looking at stuff online.

In the meantime I just jerked off, just because.  Third time I did it today.  Two days ago I wanked myself about a half-hour apart, maybe less.  Maybe it's stress over the car, and the need to change my nights at play because of its issues.

I Just Realized What The Smell In My Car Is

That smell isn't coolant, nor is it fuel.

It's exhaust.  I really think there's a leak in the exhaust in my car.

What I have been smelling is carbon monoxide slowly poisoning me.

Oh my God, I was so light-headed coming home.  I had to push the window down to get clean air into the car.

The problems are just cascading with my baby, isn't it?

No Pictures Of Me As A Youth

Something profound Mother asked me over dinner last night: "Why don't I have pictures of you when you was young?"

In her office there are pictures of us kids when we were young.  Did all of you guys have their pictures taken every year at school when you were young?  It's one of the ties that binds all of us Americans.  Anyway, I had noticed that she had tacked all these photos onto her wall.  She has my brother's, and my sister's.  But not mine.  Why is that?

I remember having a lot of angst come picture time.  I had looked forward to my picking out what package of small and large photos I wanted my parents to buy me.  But I think they hated that because they thought it was a waste of money.  However, there is another aspect to this that I've buried for a long time: I had stick-up hair.  I had, like, the shittiest hair -- and in fact I still do, all standing erect, like I have a million tiny black boners on top of my head.  But it was even worse in elementary school.  Seriously, the length of my hair before I cut it was almost as long as my face.  Combing it didn't help, although the fact that I didn't really do anything to lay it down also didn't help.

Can't reconcile how I looked forward to buying my photos with this, but at some point I dreaded Picture Day.  Probably started shortly after my brother and classmates made fun of me.  So I don't know what happened to any pictures that I bought.  Could be that I listened to my folks and didn't buy any.  Or, I hated seeing my face, punctuated by a non-smile that conveyed fear and sadness at what the world was going to see encased for all-time, staring back at me and I either hid it or threw it away.  Either way I did not wonder about where my pictures went as I got older.

It seems so small now.  I want Mother to have photos of me as a kid taken at school, even with my Stick-Up Hair.  But it's gone now, permanently.  Seeing my siblings' pictures on Mother's office wall and not mine drives home another wedge between me and my brother and sister.  I've felt it all along.  What I still am reckoning is whether this divide real or something I decided to create.

Things I Realized When Mother Brought Me Fried Rice For The Potluck At Work Today:

1. She now knows where I work, which will be an impediment to the time I no longer can lie to her (or My Father) that I won't be working there this time next month.  Plus there's the fact that I'm kind of bothered that she now knows where I work, even though it was either disclose this or have any food to offer to the people I work with today, which would be worse.
2. This further reinforces that I need Mother's help.  I can't cook, but there definitely will be a time when I'm supposed to bring some food to my workplace.  I could buy things, but this time around my supervisor kind of demanded that something homemade be brought in.  I'm still dependent -- if still living with my folks didn't announce that already.
3. Father wasn't with Mother.  Is he at home?  That would really suck, because then that means that once I lose this assignment I will be sharing the house with My Fucking Father, and that would really, really suck.  Or, Mother dropped Father off at The Store.  Earlier this week she said she was working, presumably at The Store, which warms the cockles of my heart.

August 14, 2012: The Day I Saw Grandmother For The Last Time

I promised that I would talk about if we got Grandmother to Hong Kong.  It's been a long time; I wanted to take a break from blogging about her, and then Life intervened.  But now I can write about her.

She did make it into the plane without incident and with the help of my sister, who was accompanying her.  But it wasn't without its hiccups.  For some reason, the flight out of MSP to Tokyo-Narita (there are no direct flights between here and Hong Kong) was delayed by six hours.  So we spent the time, the three of us, just hanging out in the bowels of the airport, sitting, eating comped Starbucks and waiting.

Grandmother was fine, if a bit docile.  My sister told me that the wait was going to get on her last nerve because she was afraid that Grandmother would be so needy that she would expend all the energy she needed tending to her on the plane tending to her at the airport.  Grandmother continued her nasty habit of blurting things out of the blue, but I shushed her so as not to bother my sis.

So she wouldn't have to walk all through the airport, we got her a wheelchair, which allowed her to cut through the TSA line.  Being pushed by an airport helper and with my sister supervising things, I kissed Grandmother and said goodbye.  Typical of her state at the time, all she responded with was a grunt.

Standing at the edge of the ropes I could still see them go through security, my sister put her and Grandmother's valuables on the conveyor belt, and walk to the gate.  At the conveyor my sister looked up and saw me and waved, either to say goodbye again or to shoo me away.  I didn't budge until they were clear out of sight.  Later, while I was loitering around waiting for my sis to call and say they're boarding, she called and ask me to get the belt she left at security.

I may never see Grandmother again.

---

My sister gave me the numbers of the contacts Grandmother is now living with, her real son (home and work) and the maid he supposedly hired to take care of her.  I tried calling her once, a couple months ago, but the language barrier was too great and frustrating to overcome.  I haven't tried since.

About a month ago my sister e-mailed the family saying that not only is Grandmother fine, she says she's doing even better.  Hopefully that is a result of her being weaned off the anti-anxiety and sleeping pills the nursing home put her on in order to control her.  But I can't completely believe it because I don't think she witnessed this herself.  More likely she just spoke on the phone with Grandmother's real son and that's why he told her.  She could be worse.

But what can I do?  I've been incredibly busy lately since I found work, and putting off attempting to call her again out of fear I now do easily because of fatigue.  And I feel incredibly guilty.  Maybe I can ask my parents to help me (by the way, I don't think they've even tried to call Grandmother, even though she is the woman who helped raise them when they were young), or my sister.  But then I'm tired, and I figure I'll do it some other time -- pushing away from my mind the possibility that half a world away, something bad could happen to the person who raised me when I was young.

---

The last day my sister was in town (this is after she came back from Hong Kong) we were eating at Dairy Queen and she said something that has stayed with me: After hanging out with her, she believed that Grandmother could not have stayed at home.  I protested then and I still protest.  All we have to do is continue to take away things that could harm her, us or the house and make sure she stays home, and we could continue to be a family, like we always were.

It's still clear to me that my parents didn't want to remain a family unit.  But I wonder what my life would be like if she were still with us.  I probably wouldn't have this job, for example.  I might have to tend to her every need and thus stay home instead of wriggle away every afternoon.  Or maybe I would leave her alone because I couldn't stand her, and maybe I would find a job.

Maybe my sis is right.  Maybe she had gotten so mentally degraded that she would need care 24/7.  It could have been so overwhelming that I wouldn't have been able to handle it.  But because she is so important in my life, maybe I would have considered myself up to the challenge, and I would take my PCA duties seriously.

Maybe, maybe, maybe.  And my guilt grows.

My Fucking Father's Mindgames Begin Again

Although I have been busy for the past two weekends, My Fucking Father chided me for not cleaning the bathroom.  He did, and he had no problem telling me tonight: "You need to learn, every week, to clean the bathroom.  It took me an hour!"  Yeah, the bathtub was getting a little grody, but I didn't think it was that bad, and besides, I was so tired I didn't give a shit.  Whatevs, pops.

Then I opened the bathroom closet door.  The towels, as of right now, are on the bottom.  They didn't used to be, but they were cleaned out while the contractors were remodeling the bathroom (half-assedly) and that bottom component got very dusty.  So My Fucking Father decided to lay down papers so the towels don't get dirty.  And he decided to use the City Pages and ESPN The Magazine, two papers of mine.

I immediately put them back where they were: In the next compartment in the closet up from the bottom.  I'll have to move the towels somewhere else, but no doubt that this was My Fucking Father's shot across the bow.  It's on, motherfucker.  You have no idea how passive-aggressive I'm about to get.

Expenses Without Receipt

Since today, Tuesday, November 13, when I spent nothing:

• Monday the 12th: I fell dead asleep very early Sunday night, so I woke up a full night's sleep ... and an appetite.  I wanted to resist, but I gave in and got a croissant sandwich from the eatery at work: $3.77.
• Sunday the 11th I finished my long, 11-hour day at the Vikings game unwinding at My Favorite Stripclub (No-Cover Division).  The Vikings won, yet the bar still felt more boisterous than it usually is after a victory.  Not much of a crowd, but many of the guys there were getting dances from the girls working that shift ... well, three of the four.  The fourth was Silver, a lifer, and someone I had been meaning to get a lapdance from.  So I did.  That plus tips and coffee: $32.
• Saturday the 10th: Stripclubbin' at the same place.  No coffee, I guess, tips only: $8.
• And before that I went to St. Paul (glad the car made it without incident) and went to the Minnesota RollerGirls bout.  One of the games finished close, a rarity.  It was so close, in fact, that one of the coaches from both teams started shoving each other when it was over.  Good times, great oldies.  Another thing I noticed: I usually tip a dollar for my beer, but this time I only gave back the change.  I did that because all I saw in front of the bartender were quarters.  I then thought back, and I think that I tipped a buck because I always saw piles of dollars in tips in front of the barkeep.  So am I influenced to tip depending on what the people before me tipped, whether it was a dollar or only 50 cents?  One other thing: I felt a sense of relief only tipping 50 cents because I felt giving a buck was just too much.  Saturday I finally got an out to do what I want to do without the social consequences.  So anyway: Ticket, beer and tip total: $22.
• Thursday the 8th ... the only thing I spent money on was valet parking for a new car event featuring an appearance by Ricky Rubio at the Lexus dealership in Wayzata.  He was there to take pictures with fans in front of a sweet new Lexus, but I demurred for two reasons: 1) I still fancy myself a journalist and I thought that was beneath me, and 2) He showed up a quarter past 6 when I thought he was scheduled to be there at 5, and I promised Mother I'd be home around 6:30.  I tried staying a little late, but seeing that there were so many kids, I just split with all the free food I ate, memories of the new line of Lexuses, and a brochure.  The valet cost: $2.

I'm all caught up.

More Car Shit

Today, the first real snow of the winter and the first day temperatures did not rise above freezing, my car had even more trouble starting than before.  But I'm not worried about that now because it's starting a hell of a lot later than it once did.  Add in the cold, and the engine holding on while not cutting out is not something I had a lot of anxiety.  It's not going to start instantly anymore, but it has never failed to start eventually.  Today continues a pattern; I guess this is The New Normal.

What I have also noticed is there are car smells while I drive.  Seems to come from underneath the hood.  It smells mostly like gas.  I'm not getting skeeved over it for now, although I went to Barnes & Noble today and checked out an article from the Consumer Reports off-shoot magazine whose cover headline was something like "10 Signs That That You Have Major Car Problems," and one of those things was a gas smell, and it says that it may indicate a fuel leak that might mean an explosion if there's open fire close to the car.

Fuck My Life. ...

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  We start what probably will be the longest WMNSS of this season with the U. lady ballers on top.  Savor this, program; I highly doubt you will top such a large heap again.

Don't be fooled by the bona fides of this squad's opening screening week.  They really shouldn't be up here, but they are 2-0 and won their host Best Buy Classic.  However, they had to go to double overtime to defeat Washington St., 87-83.  They coasted past Villanova this (Sunday) afternoon to claim their tournament.  They get to host another tourney, the Subway Classic, this weekend, starting with Ohio Saturday.

But soon they will have to go on the road, and they will be exposed soon enough as an also-ran who had a brilliant few years before going back to the muck most of us know the program for.  Head Coach Pam Borton has Rachel Banham, probably her best player since Lindsay Whalen and Janel McCarville.  But they are not considered a tournament team, let alone a contender in the Big Ten.  I guess Borton has to get credit for running a clean program, and they did win a fourth-rate postseason tourney.  But it's beyond clear now that she went to the Final Four with players recruited by her predecessors, Cheryl Littlejohn (who recruited Whalen) and Brenda Oldfield (McCarville).  I might as well ask now because it's obvious we will ask after the club is shut out of the Big Dance: When in the hell will Borton lose her job?

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -5).  They beat Illinois to become bowl-eligible for the first time in three years.  Yay.  The opening line from the recap on the Gophers' official sports website: "Minnesota coach Jerry Kill did it again."

Don't make me laugh.  They won the two remaining conference games they had to win to reach the magical number of six, but that was padded by beating second-division team New Hampshire.  Really, only victories against top-flight (FBS, formerly called Division 1-A, but I think FBS is a stupid name so I refuse to use that official designation) programs should count.  Plus, with games at Nebraska Saturday and home to Michigan St. to finish the year, six is all they'll get.

Why the hubbub over getting to a bowl?  Really, who gives a shit?  The bowl system is a vestige of a time when people were too stupid not to care about who is the champion of a sport.  At least Minnesotans are smart enough not to go to wherever the fuck bowl they'll be given.  This is a money drain for the school.  So why go?  The power players with the U. football program -- Kill, Athletic Director Norwood Teague, and the subordinates to both -- get big bonuses for getting the team to a bowl.  Meanwhile, they make the school agree to a bowl's onerous and obsolete "bowl packages" they are forced to try and pawn to alums and fans, where for hundreds of dollars they could get tickets with hotel and car when they could spend a shitload less if they go online and go to scalpers.  Any tickets and packages that aren't sold -- and there will be a lot of that -- will be money the school will have to eat.  It's all bullshit that was exposed in the great book Death To The BCS, and the university is going ga-ga over this ripoff.  You've got to be kidding me.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  Myron Medcalf, men's college basketball writer for ESPN.com and former writer for our local Star Tribune, says that Tubby Smith is the coach that needs to win the most now.  He says that this isn't a list of coaches on the hot seat, but come on, what the fuck's the difference?

Smith has to win now.  He was supposed to win yesterday.  But he did win Friday in their season opener, doubling American (how dare they do that the week we hold a presidential election?) 72-36.  To tip fortunes in his favor for another consecutive year, he is padding his non-conference schedule with home games: He starts off with four at Williams Arena, including games against Toledo (tomorrow [Monday]; I might go) and Tennessee St. (Thursday).

Unlike their distaff analogues, the team has potential to make the NCAA Tournament; they are projected to be a middle-tier team behind B1G powers Indiana, Michigan, Michigan St. and Ohio St.  But they also seem to be a middle-tier team, and Smith was brought in with the thought that he would do better than that.  But they only have two Big Dance appearances in Smith's five years, and they didn't win either time.  And who cares about their NIT run last year?  They got blasted in the final, and besides, it's the fucking NIT.

The same thing I said about Borton I must say about Smith: When in the hell will Smith lose his job?

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  I still don't fucking understand why Alaska-Anchorage has a top-flight program in anything.  It's in Alaska; the travel costs alone should be so prohibitive that the school should look twice about having athletics at all.  Well, maybe they want to feel like they're a part of something, and it's always cold up there, so ... OK.

The U. at one time seemed to routinely whip the Seawolves.  And it's not as if they got crushed in Anchorage this past weekend.  But they give up one out of a possible four points in Saturday's 2-all tie.  (Minnesota blanked UAA 4-0 Friday.)  With the Goofers starting the Big Ten Men's Hockey Conference next year, at least they won't have to fly all the way to Anchorage for a long time.

Next up: Home to Wisconsin this weekend for two.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  Well, with their defeat at Toronto in the second game of the regular season, their hopes for a perfect season were over.  But they finished the screening week (well week plus one; sorry, I've been so busy this weekend that I'm blogging this version of the WMNSS Sunday evening) 3-2, and with the team's two best players injured, that's pretty good.

Channels 4, 5 and 9 have Sunday night sports shows after the 10 o'clock news.  I prefer Channel 5, even though it begins at 10:45 and lasts only 15 minutes, because host Joe Schmidt (a guy who I hated when I saw him for the first time decades ago for his schtick but now seems to be the most professional of the local sports anchors) invites journalists on to his show, not mush-mouthed athletes or analysts paid by the teams they cover.  Judd Zulgad of the Strib was Schmidt's guest last week and they covered all the sports teams playing that weekend.  Zulgad had two very good insights about the Woofie Dogs: The players on this year's team, unlike the detritus forming much of last year's club, shut up and know their roles; and Brandon Roy's knees look like they're really slowing him down.  (By the way, the ending to Friday's Indiana win was fucking cray-cray, wasn't it?)

This week: at Dallas, then home to Charlotte and Golden State.

#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  Maybe Christian Ponder really is the problem.  I praised his development, most notably his touch, in the win over San Francisco.  But in the ViQueens' recent slide, the biggest problem has been the pop-gun offense.  I may have been late to seeing Ponder's scary backsliding, but the bounce passes, inability to throw on-target downfield, and his flight instinct beating his flight instinct when he senses pressure has short-circuited this team.

The defense hasn't been playing bad.  They lost to Seattle last Sunday 30-20, and with a competent performance by Ponder, they may very well have won that game.  But like their previous defeat to Tampa Bay, the D got gashed left and right by the opponent's running game.  I swear I thought Marshawn Lynch was done four years ago.  Instead, Beast Mode may be the most popular sports figure in Seattle now.

Then again, maybe Percy Harvin is the problem.  With him subtracted from the team because of an ankle injury, Ponder was forced to rely on other receivers, and himself; I think he threw to ten different people (one of them himself after a ball was batted back to him) in today's 34-24 win over Detroit.  He was able to throw a little farther downfield to guys who got open.  And, of course, it helps that Adrian Peterson can run for 170+ yards.  Oh yeah, Jarius Wright might be the stretch threat Jerome Simpson was supposed to be.

There have been reports that Harvin was openly grousing, if not yelling, at Vikes Offensive Coordinator Bill Musgrave.  I understand that the offense sucks, but I think everybody also understands he is the best athlete on the team, and they are trying to get the ball to him as much as possible without having every 11 defenders just hone in on him every game.

But maybe Harvin's outburst isn't justified.  Maybe it's less showing leadership and passion and more him being an asshole.  Remember, back in April reports came out that while he was at Florida, he beat the shit out of then-Gator OC Billy Gonzales.  Unless he can prove that Gonzales had it coming (and I can give Harvin some leeway in what "it" entails), Harvin should be seen as nothing but an abusive prick who has absolutely no respect for authority figures.  And maybe him being out of the gameplan is the best thing for the Vikings' offense to grow.

This week they're on a bye.  And this allows me to ice my hands so I don't get carpal tunnel.

#-7: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  Now this is dispiriting.  Back-to-back defeats at Michigan St. and Michigan (both OK teams, neither receiving a significant number of votes to even get a blurb in the latest AVCA Top 25, the latter a sweep) follows a win at Ohio St. when they dropped the first two sets.

They will surely drop from their #10 ranking, where they've been seemingly all season long.  However, according to the NCAA's Ratings Percentage Index, the metric by which they seed the women's volleyball tournament, the Goofs are securely ensconced at #6, although that surely should drop because of their week.  And once again, this doesn't feel like a team that can go far.

Their final two home games of the year come this week: Nebraska Friday (it's the perfect night for me to go, but I'm afraid the U. will get killed), Iowa Saturday.

#-Infinity: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  So they didn't make it.  I don't think the university planned a tournament announcement watch party, so that's good.

But if you look at the field (and by the way, if you want to follow any sports tournament, you can do a hell of a lot worse than the interactive bracket furnished by the NCAA; it's big and clean, and live games are updated, at least I think), you will notice that Illinois made the field of 64.  Remember that the last game the Goofers played was their Big Ten Tournament opening-round defeat to ... Illinois, one that they lost in penalty kicks 3-2 and thus in goals 3-2.  The U. was seeded fourth, the Illini fifth.  It appears as if their CVs, or at least the appearance of their entire profiles, are similar.  Is it possible that that game was an elimination game?  I think some of the players see it that way, and that's got to hurt.  (By the way, Illinois is still alive in the tourney; they beat Missouri in the first round of the NCAAs on PKs, and will next face the most storied program in women's college soccer, North Carolina.)

The final book on this team's season: 6-4-1 in-conference, 11-7-2 overall, Sophomore Striker Taylor Uhl named to the All-B1G First Team.

---

By the way, I apologize for the WMNSS being so long, even with the eight teams I had to write about.  If I'm going to do this half a day after I'm supposed to, I might as well take my time, because late is late.  I also apologize for my tone this blog post disparaging most of the entries, all of them associated with the U.  However, I really don't need an excuse; I think what I said about the teams I slagged are very true.

Weird Energy

I am working this weekend's Vikings game.  In a first, the guy with the production crew gave me the choice of coming in only on Sunday or both days this weekend.  I thought, Hell, I need the money -- not knowing that I wouldn't be working with production at all but instead just being a gopher for the entire crew.

That means that I will be working (not counting being an extra last Sunday) 12 straight days for now until next Saturday.  That's totally cray-cray, but it beats not working.  I'm taking this as making up for all those months not working.  Then again, I could totally be singing a different tune if I'm burned out from working.

Moreover, I will have to wake up early both Saturday and Sunday.  Which means there won't be a single damn day I won't have to wake up in the morning, which is something I hate to do.  I immediately go back to my 7 a.m. job on Monday, so staying up right now blogging this is freaking me out.  I have to be at work by 8 this morning, and when contacting the crew supervisor I will be working for this weekend, he told me that I would have to be up even earlier on Sunday, and he gave a little snort when he said that.  I hope he's not a dick.

Felt tired and hit the hay at 10:30, but woke up at 2:30 and haven't been able to sleep since.  I'm reconciling my monthly expense list and folding my clothes while I blog this in order to get tired again.  But my mouth was so dry waking up that I had to drink a Pepsi, which will probably assure me of staying up through the late night.  Doesn't help that I was told by this supervisor to get donuts, and I've decided to be fancy by going to a special place in town that has, like, the best donuts.

I should be asleep, but there are so many things I have to do, plus I'm wide awake.  Weird energy right now.

Artist To Watch: Lianne La Havas

Anyone have TheCoolTV?  It's just a music video channel, what MTV was while I was growing up and is so not now.  It's one of those "subchannels" that local TV stations can operate now that we've gone from analog to digital.

It's great when you're trying to watch TV and there's nothing on.  Sometimes I get to watch videos from long ago that I haven't seen in years.  Sometimes I finally see a video to a song that I like a lot.  And sometimes I just watch and am transfixed by a someone I have never heard of.

I was said that sometimes in the afternoon of Friday, August 31, TheCoolTV was apparently taken off the air.  The subchannel was operated by the local CW affiliate, which in turn is owned by the Sinclair Broadcasting Group, the biggest owner of local TV stations in the country.  They are also a bunch of a right-wingnut teabaggers, where they are notorious for airing extreme conservative propaganda specials on their bigger network (ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox) affiliates nationwide from time to time.

So when I heard the news, I thought that they suddenly took TheCoolTV off the air because they finally had it with the racy material and imagery prevalent on many of the videos that run on the subchannel.  But the reality is less political, and much more reasonable: It looks like the owners of TheCoolTV have not been keeping up with payments to Sinclair for broadcasting the subchannel.

That's too bad.  Like AOL Music about a decade ago, I could switch to TheCoolTV and watch experience music I've never heard before.  And from time to time I could hit paydirt and find someone who blows me away.  One of those artists is Lianne La Havas, an indescribable singer from London.  And I think the music bookers at Late Show With David Letterman have noticed, too: She was the featured musical guest on their Thursday show.

Unfortunately, she played the title track to her latest album, "Is Your Love Big Enough?" instead of the one I saw on TheCoolTV; while the former is good, this is much better -- "Forget":

ETA: The video I saw on TheCoolTV is the upper one.  I think the lower one is a "new official" video cut for Stateside audiences.  La Havas was recommended on Entertainment Weekly for those who like Sade's "Soldier Of Love" (also a great tune and video) more than a month ago and its website had a link to the below vid, and I prefer the other one because I think the one above is trippier.

This ensures that she'll be in the States soon enough.  Hopefully I'll have the foresight to plan to go to her show, and that I'll have the money, the time, and the car to see her concert.

Things I Learned About Myself While Cleaning My Car Battery

Again, something else is wrong with the car.  Shortly after I got it back from The Mechanic Around The Corner, I noticed that it took a few cranks longer for the engine to start.  And then, something worse: A couples times after the car started, it would immediately quit on me, lights on the dashboard all lit up.

Seeing that this is winter and I had noticed corrosion around the terminals, I surmised that there wasn't enough juice getting to the ... whereever it goes.  So in the past few days I got ready to disconnect the battery and clean the terminals and posts, something that people are supposed to do to prepare for winter, yet something I have never done because I was too afraid to attempt.

The car died on me again last night from the library to home.  That's when I decided to fucking do this.  I told My Father -- not to ask for his help, just to make sure he knew where I was and what I was doing if I got electrocuted.

Either he didn't understand me or he just thought I was too weak to do this on my own; he got up and went outside and looked at the car himself.  He didn't use any of the battery cleaner or brush I bought.  Instead, he got some WD-40 and a towel and a light.

There, he told me to open up the trunk and turn the car on -- which, by the way, it did this time with no hesitation at all.  My Father sprayed some WD-40 and told me to turn it off and turn it on again.  The car started up as if it was new.  "That's it," he said, and after a total of 20 minutes, we were back inside.

I want to think that was all that needed to be done.  But this is another case where, confronted with a task, he took the lazy way out.  I researched on the Internet; WD-40 is only a lubricant, and it has no properties where it eats into rust, so what My Father did didn't do shit.  Now, I felt better because the car started without a problem.  But we didn't clean the battery.

---

There is an event featuring Ricky Rubio of the Timberwolves at the local Lexus dealership tonight; I am blogging right now from their public computer.  Since I had time inbetween work and here, I decided to just fucking do this myself.  What's the worst that could happen -- I would break off a bolt?  I would electorcute myself?

And I did it!  I took the terminals off with very little problem; thank God Lexus put a tool bag in the trunk with wrenches that fit the bolts!  I used the battery cleaner, the brush, and the protector, I was able to put the terminals back on (negative end out first and on last, so you don't die), and in half an hour, that was it!  Seriously, guys, I'm very proud of myself.  This is something seemingly everyone knows how to do, and now I can say I know how to do it.

And then I started my car.  It started, but with those extra couple seconds that seems to be the norm nowadays.  You know, it didn't seem as if there was a whole lot of corrosion on the terminals.  So it's not that after all.  I don't know what it is.  And if the car dies on me again, I'll have to bring it back for repairs again.

One thing through all of this: Since My Father knew my car was in the shop when they came home from vacation, he was harping that The Mechanic Around The Corner did not know what he was doing.  He always says that because he's an asshole.  But because I don't want him to know, I'm keeping this secret: He might be right.  I have spent way too much fixing up this car over the past year, and every time I get it back something else seems to be wrong.  This thing with the ignition is only the most overt sign.  I feel paranoid when I say it, but I'm really starting to think these guys are ripping me off.

After we went back inside he gave me a card of a shop owned by a friend of his.  I usually don't trust Asian shops, but my belief in the one I have now is rapidly diminishing.  I think I have to try this guy, or someone other than The Mechanic Around The Corner.

At the very least, though, I can say I know how to clean a car battery.

Expenses Without Receipt

My goodness, I haven't done this in a long while.  Should do it now:

• Starting backwards from today, Wednesday, November 7 ... only one expense, which I did not plan for, unfortunately: Tried a breakfast pie/quiche (?) of ham, egg and vegetable at the ground floor eatery of the place I work at: $2.42.
• Saturday the 3rd ... assuming I have receipts for McDonald's, the gym, the car parts store and the place where I watched my team get beat down, the only non-receipted expense is for Caffetto, where I had a coffee.  With tip: $1.75.
• ETA other EWRs.  Let's start with Halloween, where I was going to go to Hooters, but because I was confronted with health insurance renewal form whose deadline had passed, I vainly went to the library to cobble it together to send posthumously.  Needed to make copies and printouts, so it's a total of: 70 cents.
• That morning I was so hungry I grabbed another Bagel Slim from the eatery at the ground floor where I work.  With tip: $3.77.
• ET also A: A trip to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Coffee, tips, and a dance from Mariah, a beautiful girl I hadn't seen in the longest time!  All told: $30.
• Hurtling back to Saturday, October 27 ... got up in the morning, much earlier than usually would on an afternoon.  But I had to rake the leaves.  Was able to put ten bags (three of which I did the week before) in my parents' minivan, so I was able to perpetuate economies of scale -- ten bags, one trip, and for the fee to dump them in the city's compost pile: $4.
• I then went to the library to print out a brokerage statement form from my parent's account.  It usually costs ten cents, but I checked the coin return slot, and in one of those times that will ensure that I will always check a coin return slot, I found a nickel.  Seriously, that made my day.  The printout thus only cost: 5 cents.
• Friday the 26th: After I helped with dumping stuff at The Store, I went to this place across the way called Wings 'N' Things.  I wanted to help out the neighborhood economy, and who knows if I'll ever eat there again?  Not bad wings and fries, but the best thing there is the seasoning they put on the fries.  Free water for libations.  With tip: $4.50.

And now I am caught up with the previous EWR.

And you know what?  I think I'll leave it there.  Gotta watch the news.

Post-Election Confession

May I confess something?  After Barack Obama won the presidency four years ago, becoming the first person of color to do so.

I was watching ABC News -- when it didn't suck -- and as the clock struck 10 o'clock Central time I saw a Cheshire Cat grin spread across Charlie Gibson's face.  He knew what he was about to say next was a moment in history, the reason why people make journalism their calling.  The polls closed in the Western United States, solid blue territory.  With his wins in some battleground states out east, Gibson could project that Barack Hussein Obama would become the next President of the United States.

One of the first things I did?  I texted the only black friend I knew and congratulated him.  Racist?  Probably.  But at least he texted back saying something to the effect of, "Lol, I'm just glad the country can move in a better direction," or something.

More later.  Let me just say I am overwhelmingly happy with how the election, for nearly all the offices and questions, turned out last night.

Obama Almost Lost Over One Fucking Debate?!?!?!

By far the most indispensable website to track the election is Nate Silver's FiveThirtyEight blog at the New York Times.  He crunches poll numbers through statistical analysis to predict which candidate (President mostly but he does also track Senator races) will win each state and gives chances of who will win the election.  Because of his dogged research and his ability to use math and science, he predicted the right result in all the states except Indiana in 2008.

As I type this, Barack Obama has a greater than 90% chance of being re-elected.  Yes!  He has not been the transformative figure all of us who believed in his hope and change would be the past four years.  In fact, he has at many times disappointed -- failing to jail those who got us into the Great Recession, a timid ignorance of guns, changing his mind about helping NASA in Florida.  But really, what president doesn't disappoint us once he becomes president?

I just remember that President George W. Bush didn't just disappoint, he flat-out sucked.  Many political figures who worked with him when he was prez says he's not as dumb as he's portrayed.  I still take exception to that.  At the very least I still think he was an indifferent, even dumb cipher who didn't think there was a whole lot important to do as the leader of the free world, and so allowed people around him to take advantage of him, his office and his willingness to rubber-stamp anything they wanted, and so they (in my opinion) looted the government and taxpayers of money in order to line their pockets.

As shallow as this may sound, because Mitt Romney is a member of the same crazy, backwards, bigoted party as Bush and these right-wingnut teabaggers, I cannot trust him.  Compared to others, I kind of give him a greater chance that he really is a moderate at heart.  I want to think that, years after this race and after he leaves the political process (and years after he makes millions as a businessman), I could sit down with him, talk about his views, and come away thinking he ain't crazy.

Right now, I'm not so sure.  Because if he isn't as crazy, backwards and bigoted as the other Republicans who might bring him into the Oval Office, he at least is a willing pupped for those who are.  I really am voting for Obama.  But I have to admit that I need to vote for him in order to vote against Romney and the people who gave him money and will demand he dance to their tunes.

---

Anyway, Obama's chances has skyrocketed since its nadir, which, according to Silver, was on Oct. 11, where Obama only had a 61.1% chance of winning.

Eight days before, Obama had his greatest chance (at least until these last few days), at 84.7%.  So what happened between?  The first debate, one I decided to sleep through, and one where I guess Obama looked like such a passive wet noodle that Americans actually started to think that a guy who lies confidently would make a better President than one who's a wimp, no matter how right he may be.

I was shocked, shocked that one debate could torpedo a guy's chances.  Yes, debates are important, but other things are, too -- viewpoints, things you write about, and things you say behind the public eye and only in front of your donors.  Mitt Romney is best a blank and at worst a vessel through which the greediest and most reactionary of us will impose their views on the rest of us and take what little wealth the middle class and the poor have left.

So how in the fuck did it look like Barack Obama was going to lose this thing?  Over only one goddamn debate, one fucking debate???  I'm sorry, but the only reason I could think of us racism -- namely, that anyone who look unfamiliar in an unfamiliar position has less room for error.  If the incumbent were white and he or she had a similarly shitty debate performance, would his or her chances of winning dive that much?  Hate to say it, but I don't think so.

But hopefully I won't have to worry about that now.  I have to rely on Silver, and science, and math.  And not rely on the Redskins Rule.  And rely on the Alabama-LSU Rule.

Just heard that the psycho PR assistant prick who flipped out and threatened to fire became a new father over the weekend.  I'm actually shocked that a woman would allow that fat fuck to insert his penis into her.

This shouldn't bother me as much as it is.  I really shouldn't give a shit.  But what does bother me is hearing all of his friends and co-workers congratulating him, as if he's some great guy.  He could be -- to them.  He wasn't to me.  In no uncertain terms he threatened to take my job from me.  And it feels as if these congratulations are like these people -- people I don't know, granted -- are taking his side.  The guy's an asshole.  Is he going to raise this kid to be a bully just like him?

Man, it's going to take a lot for me to hold my anger in and not cold-cock the son-of-a-bitch in the face if he ever crosses me again.  But I really can't do that.  So I'll try the high road: I hope being a father is going to make the bastard grow up, and see he can't push people around anymore.  Yeah, let's wish for that.

Better that than believing he'll be the same asshole he's always been, with the added excuse that he's really tired from being a new parent.  Fuck that excuse.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  First of all, I do find it kind of weird that ten of the 15 players on the roster are white.  I didn't know that there were 10 white people in the NBA!  Just kidding; I know there has to be more because of the Europeans.  Still, it is weird to see a majority-white team, the whitest since the Celtics, in that bastion of diversity, Boston, since the Bird-McHale-Johnson eighties.

The racial balance will be a bit more even for at least the next six to eight weeks.  That's because the franchise's best player, Kevin Love, is out for that time because he busted up his hand doing knuckle push-ups.  God, that sounds like that sucks.  Meanwhile, Ricky Rubio is still trying to heal up from his torn ACL; he isn't expected to be back till the New Year or so.

Therefore, the team has to weather the storm without their two best players.  Good thing, then, that their season opener was at home against what probably is the worst team in the Western Conference, the rudderless, soon-to-be-ex-Sacramento Kings.  They have Tyreke Evans and DeMarcus Cousins, two great talents with temperamental attitudes.  They could be great, but they sabotage themselves, and so the Woofie Dogs are so far undefeated in this very young year.  Without Love and Rubio, they need to take any victory they can get.

The schedule, obviously, gets harder.  But I hope that screening weeks aren't as hectic as the five fucking games this team has to play, which includes back-to-backs that begin and end the week: At Toronto and being the second-ever team to play the Brooklyn Nets; home to the now-sucky Orlando Magic; then a quick-flip of vs. Indiana and at Chicago.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Should the supposedly-second-best team in the land be losing at home to MSU-Mankato?  Well, if they did, like the Goof icers in Saturday's 5-3 defeat to the Mavericks, they won't be #2 any longer.

At least they won the first game in the series Friday, 3-2.  And that follows a 1-0 decision over Canisius Sunday.  This week they take what I think will be their final trip to Anchorage to play the Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves for a pair.  Of the many reasons to like leaving the WCHA for the new Big Ten hockey conference, flying three time zones and a world away has to be one of them.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  A split.  They swept last year's runner-up, Illinois, in the annual Williams Arena/cancer fundraiser game, then they went to powerhouse Penn St. and lost.  Well, at least they won a set, and they weren't blown away in any of the three sets they lost (for the record, they won 21, 19 and 21 points).  They finish their four-game roadtrip this week: Ohio St. today (Sunday), Michigan St. Friday, Michigan Saturday.

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  OK, now I am confused.  I thought this team's Rating Percentage Index was the main determinant in whether or not the U. would get into the NCAA Tournament, and they were, to my surprise, a shoe-in.

Um, maybe not.  Either I overlooked this or the guy whose site I turned you guys onto last week just plopped down an entire sheaf of new reports, but this team has gone from no chance to certain chance to definitely maybe for the tourney.  Crunching the numbers, this guy has spat out several worksheets listing the teams in order of their, uh, RPI and/or chances of reaching the tournament, and the Goofs are one of about 25 teams that could be in, and yet might not be in.

So it didn't help that the lady footballers lost the first game of the Big Ten tournament, 3-2 after penalty kicks, to Illinois.  Even though this was a 4/5 matchup, I still consider it an upset, particularly because they had a 2-0 lead on the Illinois with goals -- both by Taylor Uhl, who has to get some recognition for her finishing prowess by the conference -- scored early in the first half 3:04 apart.  But the Goofs couldn't hold on, and they lost 3-2 in PK's.  That's got to put them squarely on the bubble.

I thought about just ending their year here, this week.  But I don't want to announce anything before it is time, especially since I'm utterly confused as to how good their chances are.  I'm not holding my breath, but I certainly don't want to pull any team from #-Infinity before their season truly is done.  We'll know for sure Monday at 3:30 Central Standard Time, when the field will be announced.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  Philip Nelson for Heisman?  Anyone?  He went 13-of-29 for only 142 yards and a touchdown as they got crushed by Michigan (last) Saturday afternoon, 35-13.  The Wolverines keep possession of the Little Brown Jug for the 38th year in the last 41.  Worst of all, the last time the Goofs have beaten Michigan at home was all the fucking way back in 1977.  I was a year old at that time.  They have beaten the Wolverines in Michigan more recently they have at home.  Un-fucking-believable.

Seriously, what was the point of burning Nelson's redshirt?  And this proves that he may not be Senor Hotshit.  Regardless, this season has boiled down to whether they can beat Illinois in Champaign next Saturday afternoon.  Win that, and they get that "magical" sixth win that puts them in some shit bowl.  Lose -- and Illinois has yet win a conference game yet -- and they're losing the rest of the way.  Gopher fever: Catch It!!!

All I Did Was Cough

The cough that I got last month, the one that went away after I spent the rest of a Sunday night sleeping early after working the Vikings game, seems to have come back with a vengeance.  Seemed to have returned either yesterday or the night before.

Unfortunately I have done this as soon as my parents came home from their road trip.  And the worst of it came just after dinner, as I was watching the Timberwolves game.  I don't know how it started; my nose isn't runny, but I just get a little that runs down my throat and I cough.  And this time I was coughing up a lot, really hacking and stuff.

And so My Fucking Father had to start nagging again: "Why don't you see a doctor?"  That's paranoid bullshit coming out of his goddamn mouth again, but I couldn't tell him that because I'd get thrown out of the house.  So I just told him the truth; Mother got a letter from The Store (guess that went today!) saying that my insurance has been taken away from me because I replied to their renewal form late (although the door isn't completely closed; I have till the 9th to have them "re-open my case," so maybe I overreacted when I sent in the forms, though I didn't know it at the time).

Well, here comes the rant: "Then why don't you get a long-term job then?  You know, you've been out of school for like ten years now!"

Man, what the fuck am I supposed to say to that?  Should I just drop everything and enroll at the U. right then and there?  He always says this nagging shit, and I never have a good answer for him.  So I just didn't say anything, cleared the dinner table and left.  I was going to watch the rest of the game and maybe blog a bit last night, but I got so depressed that I just turned off the TV and slept at 9.  Yes, I blame him.

I wanted to avoid confrontation with My Fucking Father.  If I said anything back to him, he'd just get even madder.  But hearing him clean the kitchen for whole fucking hour after we were done eating, all the clanging of pots and pans, I know he was already pissed over what he thinks I did to him, my seeming indifference to my own health.  He's probably angry at me anyway.

I don't know what My Fucking Father has in store for me tomorrow.  I can wait.

God Fucking Christ, all I did was cough!