The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Just another reminder: With the advent of another year, we reset The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey to the day of the week corresponding with January 8.  That means for 2018, the survey comes out on Mondays.  Hope I can still do them on a regular basis; I felt I could breathe when the WMNSS was on Sundays.  I had time to do them, usually.  Anyway:

#-1: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  With their somewhat convincing win over the Chicago Bears to end the season 13-3, this edition of the Vikes are the best since the 2009 edition.  They may not have gotten the #1 seed in the National Football Conference, but the team that did, the Philadelphia Eagles, go into the postseason without their starting Quarterback, Carson Wentz, the main reason for that club's turnaround.  In fact, of the six teams in the NFC, general consensus is that the Eagles are the worst of the six.  That means that it's possible that the Vikings will play at U.S. Bank Stadium for their Divisional Game, the Conference Championship Game ... and, if they win out, Super Bowl LII, thereby becoming the first team in National Football League history to play for the Lombardi Trophy in their home stadium.  And with their top-notch defense, I think this team has as good a chance as any Vikings team in history to finally reach the Super Bowl in my memory.

So why in the hell am I placing these guys at -1, even though this squad gets the top spot?  Well, first of all, I watched all the Wild Card games this weekend, and both Atlanta and New Orleans look formidable.  I'm scared.  (And it's not lost on me that both the Saints and the Falcons are the two franchises that eliminated the last two best Vikings teams in history.  This is cosmically aligning for this franchise to exorcise some demons, and that possibility scares me.)  Also, the offense has been sputtering the last few games even though they were facing poor teams that had mailed it in already.  The Offensive Line is banged up; Nick Easton is out for the year and Pat Elflein is going to make a go of it for Sunday's Div Game.  Finally, my pessimism stems from the fact that ... THIS IS THE FUCKING VIKINGS!!!  THEY ONLY EXIST TO BREAK YOUR HEART!!!

Cross your fingers.  And pray.  That's all we can do.

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -6).  Routed Michigan St. at Maturi Pavilion yesterday (Sunday) 29-3 to begin conference play even though four starters sat this one out.  Doesn't much about the U., or Sparty, for that matter.  Busy weekend for the grapplers; at Ohio St. Friday, home to Illinois Sunday.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  In an incredibly busy past eight days, the Woofie Dogs went 3-2.  They won home games against The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers and The Bastard Charlotte Hornets as well as at Indiana.  But there was a short two-game roadie, and they dropped both games, inexplicably to Brooklyn by a point and predictably to Boston by seven.  Nevertheless they retain the fourth spot in the Western Conference, so they remain on track to end their playoff drought at 13 seasons.

That victory over New Orleans began a five-game homestand which concludes this screening week.  In another busy span, they will host Cleveland, The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, New York and Portland.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Split with St. Cloud St. -- make that the top-ranked team in the country St. Cloud St. -- in a special Saturday-Sunday home-and-home; both schools held serve.  Saturday's game at Brooks was awful, 5-2.  But with Casey Mittelstadt and Ryan Lindgren coming back for the U. (as well as St. Cloud St. Head Coach Bob Motzko) from the World Juniors in Buffalo, where the U.S. finished third, it looks as though that was the lift the Gophers needed to take out the top team in the land at Mariucci last (Sunday) night.  Nothing special; #1 ranked teams lose all the time.  Still it's good, especially considering the still middling .500 record the U. is sporting.

Next week they get back to the B1G grind as they host Michigan -- conventionally, on Friday and Saturday.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Overall the Mild didn't experience a bad screening week.  They drubbed Florida (5-1) and Buffalo (6-2) at the X before going to Denver and getting drubbed themselves by The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, a club whose voodoo doll they have stored in their office, by a 7-2 score.  But with that, they supplant the Mild for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference, and that's why this team is so low.  The only good news is that both Charlie Coyle and Zach Parise appear to be back, so now this team is (theoretically at least) finally 100%.

This week they have a pair of back-to-backs.  They host The Bastard Atlanta Flames Tuesday and visit Chicago Wednesday in basically the least taxing back-to-back one can have.  Then they host The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers (all these bastard teams!) Saturday and Vancouver Sunday.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  This 1-2 screening week should be emblematic about how adrift this program continues to be.  I don't think Nebraska's a juggernaut, yet they beat the Golden Goofers at home on New Year's Eve, 79-74.  They then got blasted by Ohio St., a good team, at Columbus Thursday, 91-75.  At least they survived Michigan St., 83-77, at Williams yesterday (Sunday).  But, geez, can we definitively say that this squad ain't making the NCAAs this year, either?  This week they're out east -- at Penn St. Wednesday, at Rutgers Saturday.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  But even though the vagina Dinkytown ballers were under .500 for the week, I don't think any local team had a worse week than the penis Dinkytown ballers.  They finished their six-game homestand with a victory over Illinois and a come-from-ahead defeat to Indiana.  But the big news is that Reggie Lynch has been suspended for at least two years for an investigation into an allegation of sexual assault.  If you think Lynch had been cleared of sexual assault, you're right.  This is another one.  I don't know how you can suspend a college player for two years, especially if the player can just transfer.  But that's just another bad thing that is ruining what was supposed to be a very good year for the U. on the court.

Oh, and on top of that, Amir Coffey was hurt and unavailable for the loss to the Hoosiers Saturday.  This season -- and this program -- is spiraling out of control.  This week: At Northwestern Wednesday, home to Purdue Saturday.