I Am Not Healthy. I Am Not Healthy

So yesterday/Wednesday morning, while at work, I, for some reason, wanted to make sure my health assessments were processed.  The cost of my monthly health premiums depend on it.  I didn't have any reason to believe they didn't come in, but I wanted to make sure since open enrollment is happening for our company this month.

One of those assessments is checking out my BMI.  It's ... OK.  Ish.  Well below the threshold needed to get a break in my premiums, but it's not good.  But my BMI was part of a battery of tests done with my blood panel, and I couldn't help but look at the other measurements -- or re-look, as I think I had seen these before, just a few days after I came in for my blood test.

I was concerned about my LDL, which was ticking higher and higher the past few times I've been tested for it (both for work and for my annual check-up).  It actually seemed OK than what I remember the last time it was measured.  But even if I had seen it before, I looked at my blood pressure measurement, which has also been creeping higher, and I was shocked.  The numbers for each measurement are color-coded in green, yellow, and red.  I think you know what each color signifies.  I had a couple yellows, which I'm not too worried about.  The blood pressure was in red.  And I saw that the numbers translate to hypertension.  No pre-hypertension -- hypertension.

Fuck me.

From that point till I got my lunchtime nap, I felt really funny.  My head was aching, I sometimes felt faint, and my stomach felt it was stretching my pants to its breaking point.  I don't know if I was not feeling well or if I was being psychosomatic.  Ironically, seeing that I have high blood pressure seems to have made my blood pressure rise.

I have been looking up "ways to lower my blood pressure without medicine" on Google up through now.  (I've also looked up "blood pressure medications.")  It's the usual suspects -- eat less, eat better, exercise more.  There's also consume less salt (hard to do that), drink less alcohol (I am drinking a John Collins as I blog post this), sleep more (I know I should do that) and lower your stress levels, to which I laugh my ass off until I get a heart attack.  If I were being honest with myself, I need to cut back on what I eat and how much.  But I think the everyday stress of life has taken a massive toll on my body and my health; if my bad blood pressure is a result of all the BS I have to deal with every day, then there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I've been looking up calories for the foods and drinks (especially the drinks) I've been consuming since last/Wednesday night.  As much as I know I should cut these out and limit myself, I'm afraid I won't.  What I saw in my results yesterday/Wednesday morning was a wake-up call ... which, after freaking out, I hit the snooze button on.  I understand now more than ever I need to change, and yet I feel like I won't change at all.