The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -4).  Both the women's and men's ice hockey teams play in Columbus this weekend.  Sure hope they're on the same plane; saves money and greenhouse gases, ya know.

The Gopher men are #1 in the polls this Week.  The Gopher women are #2.  The Ohio St. men's squad is #11.  The Buckeyes women's squad is #1.  So, on the women's side, you have a titanic early-season matchup of #1 hosting #2.  The men's Game of #1 at #11 is pretty damn good, too.

However, only one Minnesota club won on the road against a formidable opponent.  And since you understand how rankings work, you know it's the women who upset the #1 team in the nation last/Friday night.  More remarkably, they did it in come-from-behind fashion.  The Gophers drew first blood nine Minutes into the First Period courtesy of Nelli Laitinen.  The Buckeyes took the lead on back-to-back Goals late in the Second less than a Minute apart.  The U. tied it just 18 Seconds into the Third Period on a Power Play Goal by Taylor Heise.  The Game-winning Goal from Peyton Hemp came halfway through the period, and Abigail put this gargantuan tilt away with 3 1/2 Minutes left for the 4-2 Win.

The only, and I mean only, reason, these players aren't above negative numbers is because of the first Game of this team's screening Week.  In Saturday afternoon's series-ender versus St. Cloud St. at Ridder, the Gophers were playing catch-up against an inferior opponent for much of contest.  Emma Gentry opened up scoring for the Huskies just 54 Seconds into that Game.  Minnesota didn't tie it up till about eight Minutes left in the Match (by Madison Kaiser), and Grace Zumwinkle tallied the Game-winner four Minutes from the end of regulation.  It's a Win, and like with Ohio St., it's impressive they didn't quit in either Game after going down.  But dynastic teams never trail.  That's why they're at #1.  OK, so that might be petty.

One more in Columbus this/Saturday afternoon.  And then the schedule continues to be on the challenging side; they host Minnesota-Duluth, currently ranked fifth in the country, for a pair beginning Friday.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  With the shock of the news Hugh McCutcheon is leaving the program at the end of their season starting to subside, the Gopher volleyball club is putting things together.  Saturday they avenged their road embarrassment at Purdue earlier in the season by putting away the then-twelfh-ranked Boilermakers at the Pavilion in four Sets, then they sweep Michigan St. at home Wednesday.  That's four in a row since getting swept at home to Ohio St.  That streak, however, will be put to a severe test this/Saturday evening, when they're at fifth-ranked Wisconsin.  Then they play Michigan at Maturi Friday night.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  With nothing to play for (since their eighth-place finish and a spot in the conference tournament was secure), the U. finished the regular season with a 2-2 Draw at Illinois, who about a couple Weeks ago was fighting with the Golden Gophers for that final spot in the field.  They have had a Week to practice, and boy, will they need it.  Tomorrow/Sunday afternoon they play at Michigan St., who has the Big Ten Forward, Defender, Goalkeeper, and Head Coach Of The Year.  Good luck!

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -6).  OK, so maybe they're putting that shit-ass start behind them.  Lost in OT to Boston Saturday, then beat Montreal Tuesday and Ottawa Thursday, their first regulation Wins of the Year.  I'm just happy that Marc-Andre Fleury has allowed a normal number of Goals his previous two outings (one to the Canadiens, two to the Senators).  They finish their five-Game road trip with a backer-to-backer tonight/Saturday night and tomorrow/Sunday night vs. Original Sixers Detroit and Chicago, then host Les Habitants and Seattle Tuesday and Thursday, respectively.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  Went 3-1 this Week.  But two lines of thought convince me to put the Wolves under the Wild even though the latter went 2-1.  First, Brandon Mileski of KFAN's The Common Man Progrum pointed this out yesterday/Friday afternoon, the day Minnesota's current pro basketball team hosted Minnesota's former (and stolen) pro basketball team.  So far, the Woofs have had to play San Antonio twice, The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics twice, The Bastard New Orleans Jazz and The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0.  Now, Utah and the Spurs have surprised, but it's not like these guys are playing Red Auerbach's Celtics.  The Timberwolves beat The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers (sans Anthony Davis) by nine.  That squad started off their season playing The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors, The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers, two teams off to great starts (Portland and Denver), and our team.  What would the Dogs' record be playing their schedule?

Second is something I find more infuriating.  The squad had a back-to-back: At Oklahoma City Sunday, home to San Antonio the next Monday.  Neither of the two teams are considered to be championship contenders, so Minnesota could take them.  Moreover, Head Coach Chris Finch stumbled upon an cobbled-together lineup featuring Anthony Edwards and four bench players that boatraced OKC in the Fourth Quarter on their way to a 116-106 victory.  That means that Karl-Anthony Towns, Rudy Gobert and D'Angelo Russell were able to rest most (if not all) of the Fourth -- and they would, theoretically at least, be fresh to rotate in and play big minutes the next evening against a Spurs club headed by Greg Popovich, considered to be as close to a master of the Game of pro basketball as there is walking this earth.  Still, Minnesota has much more talent on paper.  So, what happens?  They lose, 115-106, and the deficit was not laughable only after they outscored San Antone in the final stanza, 35-12.  They were down by as much as 35 Points in the Second Quarter.  The team's starters, their most talented players, were as rested as they can be, and they get flattened into lefse like that?  Their effort isn't consistent, at least not yet, and that's why I slip these guys under the pro ice hockey team this Week.

(Aside: I hear The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers on Sunday will retire the #99 jersey in honor of George Mikan ... who played for the Minneapolis Lakers ... in Minneapolis.  Why in the fuck is his jersey getting retired in L. A.?  He ended his playing career in 1956, never, ever playing for or in Los Angeles.  Why in the fuck would anybody out in L. A. give two shits about this guy?  And I don't give a fuck about the organization's history [wanking motion].  As a bitter Minnesota North Stars fan, that is fucking bullshit.  A legend is celebrated by the place he played in, not by the fucking team he played for.  A team is nothing without its community.  A TEAM IS A TEAM BECAUSE OF ITS COMMUNITY.  Now, if the Mikan family wanted this ceremony, as I heard on Common yesterday/Friday -- well, frankly, shame on them.  They shouldn't give a good goddamn about Los Angeles.  They should give a good goddamn their family member has a statue in the front lobby of Target Center, in the city whose residents revered him, and whose descendants will learn about him forevermore.)

Playing the Spurs again (this time in San Antonio) tomorrow/Sunday night, then at Phoenix Tuesday, then hosting Milwaukee Friday.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Hey, no shame in losing at the 11th-ranked team in the nation.  Unfortunately, this comes on the heels of these Gophs losing Saturday at Mariucci to North Dakota, then the seventh-ranked team in the country, 5-4 in Overtime, splitting their two-Game set vs. their sworn-but-now-intermittent rival.  They will try to break their first losing streak of the season this/Saturday afternoon at Value City Arena.  The team then comes home for a two-Game series against Notre Dame starting on Friday.

#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -7).  I somehow thought the Goofs had a chance of making this one interesting.  Nope -- 45-17 was the final score, and the boat is listing after losing three in a row.  Even if he has come up woefully short the previous two Losses, Tanner Morgan was the squad's best bet at pulling off an upset.  Once he was determined to be out for the Game (replaced by newcomer Athan Kaliakmanis, 9-22-175-1-1), I think it was a safe bet that Minnesota was going to go down in flames.  So's the season now, therefore there's nothing this team can do except the equivalent of changing into sweatpants, plopping down in front of the couch and watching Real Housewives while eating a pint of ice cream.  The ballclub's next three opponents are beatable, starting with Rutgers this/Saturday afternoon.  I just don't know if we can assume they'll win anymore.