Saturday, October 15, 2022

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Want to note that with the Wild beginning their season, the Timberwolves starting back up next Week, and the Gopher women's and men's basketball teams kicking off around Veterans Day, we officially have started the WMNSS's busy season.  However, because I have to take time installing a new battery for my car (and I hope to Buddha the slow and fitful starts in this downturn of weather is because of the battery and not something more serious), I don't think I can afford deep dives for any of the clubs below.  I have to wake up early in the morning:

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3).  Nope, parity has yet to come to collegiate women's hockey, as evidenced by a 4-1 ass-kicking of Bemidji St. at Ridder Arena last Saturday afternoon and an 11-0 immolation of Minnesota-Mankato in Mankato yesterday/Friday afternoon.  More tomato cans, apparently.  The Mavericks will be served up for fodder again this/Saturday afternoon at home, then this Minnesota program faces, for the third straight Week, another in-state school this weekend, St. Cloud St.  The teams start to blur together when they're not actually decent, huh?

#-2: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Do I regret not being at Allianz to see the Loons seal their fourth consecutive playoff birth by defeating the Vancouver Whitecaps 2-0 on Sunday?  No, not really.  I think I was grazing through every single meal the Vikings laid out for press and the television production crews during the Match, and that wouldn't stress me out like trying to get out of the post-Game traffic congestion to get to the Game in St. Paul on time.  (Plus, I think I sold the ticket for way higher than the average season ticket price, so there's that.)

There is also the case that, as euphoric the fans there probably were (and I think they said they had the largest crowd ever in that stadium, surprising given that the Vikings Game let out maybe 90 Minutes prior so sports traffic around town had to be a bitch), they could've easily sewn up a spot if they beat Kansas City and San Jose, two clubs way worse than the Whitecaps, in their two previous Matches, but instead lost and lost humiliatingly.  If they had won both those Matches, they would've wound up in third place and would have hosted a First-Round Match.  Now, they have to go to Dallas to play FC Dallas on this round's nightcap, Monday night at 8:30.  (The only upside is that I don't have to stress out not being able to attend a Game because I have to do something.)  The Major League Soccer postseason is a topsy-turvy one, and road teams win all the time.  But not this one.  It's a Minnesota team.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  So this is how this squad is going to win Games -- by looking good early, looking like shit in the middle, then getting their shit together and making a play at the end to win.  They were firmly in control against the Bears at Das Bank v.2.0, but then allowed Justin Fields -- Justin Fields! -- to lead them back.  And this matchup wasn't sealed until Cornerback Cam Dantzler, who was beaten on a catch by Chicago Wide Receiver (and former Vikings Wide Receiver) Ihmir Smith-Marsette, came back and ripped the ball away from Smith-Marsette like he was a purse-snatcher.  Minnesota wins 29-22, and thanks to the New York Giants upsetting Green Bay in London, the Vikes are in first place.

Tomorrow/Sunday afternoon's tilt at Miami appeared to be a probable loss.  But that was before Tua Tagovailoa became the poster child for the NFL's inadequate concussion protocol and backup (and former Vike) Teddy Bridgewater followed him into that protocol.  So the Dolphins will be led by their third-string Quarterback, Skylar Thompson, a Rookie out of Kansas St.  And it'll be no fucking surprise at all if the Vikings let Thompson beat them like they let Cooper Rush (with the Dallas Cowboys) beat them last Year.

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -6).  An actual decent -- dare I say good -- screening Week for the Dinkytown XI!  On Senior Day (I think, and if this is correct, that's weird, because these players have one more home Match) Sunday afternoon they beat Iowa, 1-0.  Maybe more impressive is the club going to eighth-ranked Rutgers on Thursday and managing a 2-all Draw.

I have no true idea on this squad's tournament hopes, even though being 6-2-7 overall and 2-1-4 in the Big Ten doesn't appear to be good.  However, these Gophers, believe it or not, deserved or not, have a decent shot at making the conference tournament ... as eighth and final seed (assuming the tournament takes only the eight teams with the most Points), but they'd still be in.  With three Matches left, the U. is tied with Illinois in eighth place with seven Points.  (The gap between those two schools and the seven ahead of them is gaping; seventh-place Penn St. has 13.)  Those two teams face each other in Champaign the afternoon of the 23rd in the last Game of the regular season, aka Decision Day.  Before then, this Week, Minnesota travels to 1-0-6 Maryland and hosts 0-2-5 Purdue.  Yes, there are chances to grab hold of the final spot in the B1G tourney ... or squander a gift big-time.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  The Mavericks paid back the U. in their half of the home-and-home series Saturday, beating the Gophers 3-2 in Mankato last Saturday night.  No shame there, seeing as Minnesota-Mankato is/was ranked fifth and Minnesota was ranked second.  The season is young.  Maybe too young for a break, but that's what Minnesota sorta has this screening Week before rekindling their rivalry with North Dakota with a two-Game series at Mariucci beginning on the 21st.

#-6: Wild (Re-Entry!).  The Mild began their season Thursday and they began it with a fucking turd, a 7-3 loss at home to the New York Rangers whereby the back half of the team was absolute shit.  A young-ish defensive corps to its share of the blame, but this was Goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury's worst regular season Game in a long, long time.

There a lot of people high on this squad to repeat at least the regular season success that they enjoyed last Year.  I'll be a killjoy and say they're wrong.  The huge sword of Damocles is the decision by General Manager Bill Guerin to trade Zach Parise and Ryan Suter and eat the dead-cap space.  That happened before the start of the 2021 season, but that choice is going to start to bite this Year, as those two ghost contracts eat up over $12 million.  That's $12 million other teams have that Minnesota won't, and that's a, if not the, reason why Kevin Fiala was traded to Los Angeles during the off-season.  These guys have no choice but to roll with what they've got, in particular tapping a much ballyhooed group of young Defensemen who have cut their teeth in Iowa.  But they didn't look good Thursday.  And even if they do gel, what happens if Flower continues to flounder?  This could be another goddamn situation where a Minnesota team grabs a legend who's way over the hill.

By the way, Fiala and the Kings come to the X tonight/Saturday night, part of a four-Game homestand to start the Year; they'll host defending Stanley Cup champs The Bastard Quebec Nordiques Monday and Vancouver Thursday.

#-7: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  This fucking team continues to befuddle me.  The Sports Pavilion used to be a fortress where no opponent won, but this fucking squad is now 5-4 at home after not just losing but getting swept at home by sixth-ranked Ohio St. Wednesday.  Yeah, this is sixth-ranked Ohio St.  But this is also Ohio St. -- a big school, but a relatively light history when it comes to women's volleyball, even compared to Minnesota.  Well, apparently not this Year.  (In this context, their sweep at Michigan St. Sunday truly is irrelevant.)

Host Illinois this/Saturday afternoon, then travel to Iowa Wednesday.  But this is yet another club that will surely make the NCAA Tournament and just as assuredly will not win the NCAA Tournament.  Ho-goddamn-hum.

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