My Anxiety Has Won

Not a good day.  That rattling sound came out of my car again, and even though it's quick, it seems to be happening a bit more often.  Even worse: I got out of work early yesterday to try to take it to my mechanic for an impromptu diagnosis, but there was so much fucking road construction that I couldn't overcome it and just went to Taco Bell instead.  I am now scared as hell that something the engine is about to blow or my radiator is about to fall out of my car and I'll be fucking stuck along the side of the road, or stuck on it.  Or, maybe it's not bad at all and I'm just scaring myself to death.

Work wasn't great, either.  I mean, it was fine.  But there is still that empty chair behind me, and people still aren't talking about what the hell happened to my co-worker.  And yet I had an epiphany, such as it is, while at work yesterday/Monday.  For all this time I thought he got fired.  Now, I'm not so sure.  It is possible that he was laid off.  I have been complaining for a while that the work hasn't been coming in for a while, and that has pretty much affected all departments, though some more than all.  We have been completing the work well before we need to, except for The Main Department, and there they have missed cutoff so often that I no longer think anyone cares.

Another thing that has come up is that we have been told to document our work -- by that I mean we need to write down on a sheet of paper what we are doing, from what time and to what time.  We had to do these "audits," for lack of a better word, once or twice before, and we're supposed to do it again.  To me, that means only one thing: Headquarters is trying to justify letting people go.  Can't be anything else.

Now, layoffs don't quite explain the suddenness of my co-worker's departure, or why more people haven't been let go last week at the same time he was.  But work is now a too quiet, very depressing place to be.  And this might be the thing that gets my ass into finally looking for another job.  I don't like what's going on, and I think it's time to start looking for a way out.  This goes whether I lose my job based on merit or not: At some point, I have to look out for me.  It might be that point.