Now My Psychotherapist Says I Should Push Myself

So last week I was able to speak with my psychiatrist because my work schedule allowed me to get out of work early.  Sometimes, frankly, I struggle with figuring out what to say to him.  I want to talk to him.  Sounds bad to admit this, but I don't really talk to my friends or family about my struggles or worries.  It's my shrink that I speak to.  Have done it for many years now.  But sometimes things are so good that I, well, struggle to talk about things.  That's partly why I only speak with him sporadically.

What I came up with, the thing that I'm "struggling" with right now, is finding another job.  My rush to leave my current job has cooled, mostly because of insouciance and inertia.  My friction with my boss has abated, even though it's not because we solved anything; it's because there has been such little work that I haven't been able to accrue overtime to finish the work I need to finish, and therefore my boss hasn't yelled at me over OT in a month or more.  I should look for other work anyway, not only because this issue could rear its ugly head if work picks up but, somewhat paradoxically, I need to find a job that gives me more to do than what this one has been able to give me all year so far.

But I haven't looked in a while, and that's the problem that I mustered enough effort to talk to my therapist about, even though, to be fair, I raised this issue with him when I was really considering leaving my job.  I admitted to him that I haven't looked lately, however.  To which he ... well, he didn't snap at me, but he was more forceful with me than he ever has with me before on any other subject I have raised with him.  He said that my boss and this company don't value me, that I am worth more, and that I should look for another job that helps me fulfill my potential.

I hear him ... but I don't hear him, you know what I mean?  This reminds me, sadly, of the times Father would talk to me about going back to school or finding another job.  I understand I could potentially put myself in a better place but ... man, I just don't have the energy.  Father hasn't done that with me in years.  Maybe it's because he finally realizes it's not working, or that he's just happy I have full-time work, or that he's just tired in general.  So it is kind of jarring to hear my psychotherapist essentially take over Father's job, especially when I have spoken so much about Father to him, and usually not in a positive light.

And, bottom line, I probably won't do anything about leaving this job unless things get really, really bad there again.