The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: -2).  It might be a bit jarring to see the Loons, who are still a middle-of-the-road team, taking the top spot in this Week's survey.  But I went to Saturday's Match, and their 3-0 demolition of a pretty good Colorado Rapids outfit may have been the most complete Game I have seen this XI turn in all Year.  Kelvin Yeboah braced, and he might be the Striker that everyone from Abu Danladi to Teemu Pukki hasn't quite or yet been for MNUFC.  Moreover, even though they are tied on Points with Portland for eighth and ninth in The Western Conference (the two final postseason slots), both teams are a whopping eight Points ahead of FC Dallas.

A postseason birth seems assured, so that's why I am putting these guys above Negative Numbers.  Now for the club, I think the goal is to amass more Points and avoid the Play-In Game altogether.  That goal is complicated by a busy screening Week for United FC, and they play both Matches on the road against squads ahead of them in the West -- Real Salt Lake Wednesday, Vancouver Saturday.  There is one Match after that to end the regular season, but this club could sew up a playoff spot before then ... or send every Twin Cities sports fan into a tailspin worrying if the Loons will pull a Twins (see below).

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (NEW SEASON!!).  I don't remember the women's college hockey season ever starting in late September.  Maybe it's me, or maybe it's because there's a three-week vacation for the Gophs from December 7 to New Year's Day.  Anyhoo, the second-or-third-ranked Gopher women icers kicked off their Year at Connecticut over the weekend and swept both tilts against the Huskies, 4-1 and, in Overtime, 3-2.  That 4-1 victory on Friday Head Coach Brad Frost's 500th for his career, so congrats to him.

I read on The Athletic what many people believe to be Canada's Next Great Women's Hockey Player, Defender Chloe Primerano.  In a huge injection of excitement into the program, she's a Freshman at the U.  And she had an Assist in both contests, apparently a sign of things to come.

This Week brings a big name brand who I don't think has played at Ridder Arena in a long time, if at all: Boston University plays Friday night and Sunday afternoon.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  They're 4-0, I'll give them that.  But I saw the whole Border Battle yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  It was fantastic seeing them blast their way to a 28-0 lead, but fuckin' Christ, they Vikes had to hold on for dear life to escape Green Bay with a 31-29 Win.  It helps that the Packers turned the ball over on consecutive possessions in the Fourth Quarter, and that a still-rusty Jordan Love threw three Interceptions.  But for the entire Second Half, the Offense, which was flying in the First Half, sputtered and froze to ice, and the Defense, while coming up with stops when need be, was torched for 22 Fourth Quarter Points.  That frightening near-collapse is why these guys are only third in this Week's WMNSS.

Will they have an easier time against Aaron Rodgers and The New York Jets, which lost at home, 10-9, to Bo Nix and The Denver Broncos, in London Saturday morning to go to 5-0?

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  I still don't know if this team's rank of 16th is too high, too low, or just right.  They began B1G play Wednesday with a big five-Set Win over then-seventh-ranked Wisconsin in front of a raucous Maturi Pavilion crowd.  Unfortunately, they followed that up with a five-Set home Loss at the hands of then-tenth-ranked Purdue.  Regardless of how the U. does, it's going to be one hell of a dogfight in the conference for women's volleyball.  They are in Los Angeles to take on the Southern California schools this weekend ...

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  ... which is where the Golden Gopher soccer squad came from, ironically enough.  They came back from a 2-0 First Half deficit to salvage a 2-all tie at my alma mater Thursday on Goals from Khyah Harper (her 13th on the season) and Sophia Boman (her third).  But they got blasted yesterday/Sunday afternoon at UCLA, 3-1, as the Bruins scored two Second-Half Goals ten Minutes apart in the Second Half to break a 1-1 tie.

Still, I am encouraged with the Gophs' 2-1-2 (Wins-Draws-Losses) in-conference and 8-2-2 overall records.  And they have just one Match this screening Week: They host Northwestern Friday night.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -4).  Touch me in the morning and then just walk away -- the Gophers almost pulled off the shocker and beat the Wolverines in The Big House.  I saw that the score was 24-3 Michigan when I began driving to downtown for my game-watching event.  By the time I noticed the TV at the bar I was at, the Gophs had cut it to 27-17.  And when Max Brosmer found Daniel Jackson for a 12-Yard Touchdown Pass to make it a three-Point Game, the entire bar and I paid attention.

Onside Kicks don't work ... but this one did!  Oh, my God!!  But then the officiating crew threw a flag for Offsides.  Minnesota had to re-onside-kick, and this one was smothered by a Wolverine to seal the victory for Michigan.  I had initially thought one Gopher's arm may have been in front of the Line Of Scrimmage when the ball was kicked, but I have seen several replays and still since then, and now I don't see that.  If that's the case, the Gophers got fucking hosed of a chance to kick a late Field Goal and send the Game into Overtime.  And that's why I put these guys only third-from-last: Injustice.

They host my alma mater Saturday night.

#-6: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  Well, fuck.  I thought that the Lynx won their season series with Connecticut this Year.  Turns out the Sun won two-of-three.  And goddammit, they took Game 1 of their Semifinals series last/Sunday night by three.

I don't know if I've talked about this before, but I have a rule: If a team is celebrating a player before a Game for winning an award such as Most Valuable Player or, in Napheesa Collier's case last/Sunday night, Defensive Player Of The Year, that team will lost that Game.  I don't think it's about the other club showing out to prove they're not going to be steamrolled; I think it's more a case that the recipient's team relaxes from the good vibes pre-Game and can't get it back on track.  And it cost them dearly in Game 1, even though the Sun may be a superior team on Defense.

It's over.  Blah-blah-blah over beating Phoenix in the Quarterfinal series and sending Diana Taurasi into retirement.  Connecticut is about to send the Lynx, who had as good a chance of winning the WNBA title as any other squad, into retirement for the season.  Goddammit!!!

#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -5).  And speaking of goddammit, fuck these Twins for completing the most humiliating collapse in recent Minnesota sports history.  I am such a dumbass for touting for the longest time how safe their spot in the postseason was.  The Twinks were 17 Games above .500 on August 17.  But they went 12-27 to finish the regular season, including losing two-of-three vs. Miami and getting swept at the hands of The Bastard St. Louis Browns (and they were home this screening Week, by the way) and they're heading off to Cancun with a record of 82-80.

And yesterday/Sunday afternoon -- in the middle of the Vikings Game against the Packers, the sports equivalent of a Friday political news dump -- the front office announced that Rocco Baldelli will return as Manager and then the owner announced that Derek Falvey and Thad Levine will return as, respectively, President of Baseball Operations and Senior Vice-President & General Manager.  I know that things got real ugly over the weekend.  Many people were holding signs that were being confiscated and many others were wearing shirts upbraiding the Twins for their choke job, of which one was, if I saw this on Twitter/X right, was told by security to leave the ballpark.  I just wished that the fans that decided to pay their good money to watch this shit said "Sell The Team!" instead of just "Fire Rocco!"  I understand that Managers get fired over seasons like this, but we all know that 2024 was pretty much damned to play out like this because the Pohlads declared that they would cut payroll.  They added no one of note, not during the off-season and especially not during the Trade Deadline.  The Twinks entrusted that their (cheap) Rookies and newcomers would get the job done, and they didn't, and everybody could see that.

And it feels as though next Year will bring about more of the same.  And so, if the fanbase wants to prove they're not a bunch of beta cucks, they'll either not show up and sell out Opening Day, or they'll show up some other day are start raining down boos or start chanting "Sell The Team!"  This penny-pinching, half-ass way to operate a baseball club has got to stop, and Twinks fans have to bite the bullet and stop coming to Target Field if they really want something to change.

#IStandWithTheMedia No More

At least not political reporting on the national level.  I know I have stuck my neck out for journalism time and again.  But at least when it comes to this presidential cycle, I can't do it any longer.  A significant chunk of reporting has failed, fucking failed, when democracy is being threatened.  Either I have seen the light or something has changed, but I'm convinced now that beltway reporting is ruined beyond measure.

When did it change for me?  Over the summer, over the subject of Biden dropping out of the race.  That remains a huge sore spot for me; I still think he would beat Trump, even though I see the breath of fresh air Harris has become in stepping in his place.  But even though forces behind the move may have been the final straw (and that hasn't really been sussed out ... which would be the responsibility of Washington reporting), beltway "journalists" did a lot of heavy lifting.  It really started with the debate, where Trump railroaded the moderators and the debate format and caught Biden looking ... well, I guess it all depends on how you look at it, but apparently the money forces in the Democratic party saw it and decided he needed to go.  And that was all the political reporting focused on -- Biden is too old, he might have dementia, "some people" say he's not up to the job of being President even now, oh, no, what is America gonna do???

I had thought, for a long time, that reporting had the important duty to tell what those in real power (in this case, senior Democratic strategists and, well, rich Democrats) are thinking.  But this, at least to me, went beyond reporting.  It was tipping the scales.  I had worried that national political publications were hellbent on reporting not on the stakes of America and American democracy, but on the horse race between Republicans and Democrats.  And the focus on whether other people think Biden is the Democratic candidate was one the beltway press hammered home, non-stop, to the detriment of covering vital topics -- such as Trump's own mental fitness for the job, and even (I would say especially) Trump lying in the debate.  They can cower behind the (possible, maybe probable) fact that Nancy Pelosi, George Clooney and others wanted Biden gone and they are just reporting that.  Those people in power might have moved to push Biden out because Washington reporters were relentless in talking about Biden's age, like a puppy to a chew toy, never mind ample evidence that Trump and Republicans have plans to turn the United States into a dictatorship.

That's when my feelings turned.  It has been cemented by this bullshit from The New York Times and The Washington Post and other reporting companies not to publish information a foreign country (in this case Iran) that hacked into Republican servers gave to the newspapers.  Those same fucking rags are the ones that gleefully published private information from Democratic servers that Russia -- helping Trump, who asked Russia to help him -- gave them eight years ago.  These reporters were gleeful in reporting every stupid thing about Clinton and her campaign.  But when the same goddamn thing happens with Republican secrets ... they have fucking standards now?  Honestly, they could say they they learned from 2016 that they failed then and are doing better now.  But as far as I know, not one publisher or editor-in-chief from any of those publications has said that.  I don't know if they've said anything.  That means that they and their reporters are either scared that Trump and Republicans will find their personal information and harass or even try to kill them -- to which I say I am sorry, but fuckin' A, our democracy is at stake, at some point you sack up and you publish the information anyway because that's the fair thing to do -- or they need to hype up a horse race that may or may not be true so that people continue to read their papers and websites -- to which I say, fuck you, that's not your goddamn job.

Yeah, I'm done.  I hate how the profession I got my degree from has curdled into a combination of public relations and empty-calorie snark.  It's supposed to be a noble job, one that involves serious people and a lot of humility.  When it comes to national politics, I no longer see it.  And it has gotten so bad that I no longer give it a pass.  I do believe people in a democracy have a responsibility to find and educate themselves on facts and real stories about things that affect all of us.  But it's been beyond time for Washington-area political "journalists" to dig for and publish that information to the people.  Instead, over the past several months, it has refused to publish important stories and to report on drivel.

A serious segment of journalism is beyond broken.  Ignore it.  Ignore it all.  And vote Democrat.

Throwing Up In My Mouth Lately -- Not Good

I think I've been eating so much lately that I have a lot of acid built up in my stomach and esophagus.  I have had the urge to get up off of my bed, sit up, and burp ... but instead of burping, a few times spit/acid has come up through my throat.  I have popped two antacid tablets each of the past two nights to counteract that, but my stomach still feels like a cauldron that's ready to boil over.

I wonder if exercise would help in settling myself down.  I haven't had time to work out in about a month.  My work schedule is just beating me up right now; pretty much every day, after I get home from work and eat dinner with my parents, my body is telling me to take a nap, and I am out for a good couple hours.  Actually, I doubt that working up a sweat will help with my COPD.  Maybe I'm just telling myself I really need to work out again.

Back To 7 A. M. And The Lab, Ugh

I understand that each of the three of us has to spend time out at The Main Department and going into the lab to open packages (and maybe I can't speak for them; maybe they're totally OK being out there and being in there) to make it fair.  I hadn't been there in a couple weeks, so being there yesterday/Thursday and today/Friday makes total sense.

And yet ... dammit, when I knew last week what my schedule was this week, my heart sank.  I have gone beyond being some data entry drone.  I have learned to like filing, and doing other things besides typing for eight hours a day.  While it may be easy, I have become so bored with it that it gets difficult staying awake.  And then beyond that is the reaching into piss crap I have to deal with in the lab.  And this afternoon I am scanning, which means I'll have to probably fight the scanner and hope I can keep up with all the forms that need to be handled.  Oh, and I have to wake up at 6 in the morning, too.

No thanks.  This would compel me to look for another job, but I just slept a hard two-plus hours in the evening, so I don't have time to do that.  Again.  And I'll probably be there a couple days next week, too.  Ugh-ugh-ugh.

I'm Going To Make Myself Sick Drinking Watermelon Juice

There is still a couple of bottles of blended watermelon Mother made that we -- or I -- still have to go through.  I smelled both and ... uh, they don't seem to be too bad, but I'm drinking them now and I don't feel all that good, to be honest.  You know, I don't see why my parents can't chip in and drink these damn things.  Mother made them.  They both bought the watermelons.  And they probably will buy more of them once they see them on sale again because they don't care that they're just sitting in the fridge going to waste.  Ugh.

Apparently, Tuesday Night Was Yoga Night In Minneapolis

So last/Tuesday night was the second consecutive night I was out on the town in the evening and I came back so tired I went to bed at a normal hour.  This time, however, I wasn't woken up by the alarm, like I was yesterday/Tuesday morning.  Last/Tuesday night I went to bed at, I think, around 9:30 and woke up, on my own, at 4 this morning.  I haven't been back to bed since, mostly because there was some alumni stuff I had to do.  No worries, though; I can stay in a little later because I have today/Wednesday off.

I had to go downtown last night to make sure my alumni friends could watch the Game there Saturday.  Kind of a bear to find parking amongst all the people coming in for the Twins Game (even though I heard the crowd was actually sparse, which serves them right considering how they are collapsing out of a playoff spot right now), but I found a spot and started walking toward the bar.  I swear, almost every woman I saw in downtown Minneapolis, in my car or while walking, was wearing yoga gear -- you know, tight Lululemon clothing, exposed midriffs, all of them looking real good.  I'm not complaining, but seriously, every woman I saw downtown last night seemed to have just left a yoga session.  Strange.  Hot, but strange.

Because I went to a stripper party after dinner instead of taking a nap (it was kind of a dud, BTW), I was wiped out when I finally got back around 9.  Felt the tug of tiredness around 11:30, closed my eyes ... and I woke up to my alarm at 7!  Got almost a full night's sleep when I was supposed to for the first time in months!!

But now I have to go to work.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  OK, I am starting to believe.  I worked yesterday/Sunday afternoon's tilt against a Houston Texans club that I still think is pretty good, and the Vikings absolutely pasted them, 34-7.  Sam Darnold seems like a man reborn through his confident play.  Justin Jefferson hasn't missed a beat after catching tuddies only from Kirk Cousins.  And the Defense, under Brian Flores, has become a revelation.  How gratifying is it to see Cousins leave and allow this organization to spread the money it saved with him going to Atlanta on several good players, more of them on a Defense that has played incredibly so far?  Jonathan Greenard, for examples, was a signing (from, of all squads, the Texans), and he sacked his former teammate, Quarterback C. J. Stroud, three times.  You can be such a balanced, and great, team if you invest in money all over the place.

I don't know if I said it here, but I predicted an awful, awful season -- four, maybe even three Wins and possibly flirting with only their second-ever #1 overall draft pick (their first was their inaugural season in The National Football League).  And I certainly didn't think they would be one of five teams (one of which, Buffalo, plays tonight/Monday night) that would be undefeated through three Games.  It's a testament to a front office that so far has selected the right Free Agents and a coaching staff that is putting them in positions to produce hand over first.  And so I put these guys in the top spot and in Positive Numbers because they are blowing away my pessimistic expectations.

Yes, we will see if this holds true next weekend as they travel to Lambeau to play Green Bay, who itself is exceeding some expectations getting to 2-1 despite losing QB Jordan Love.

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  They're on a six-Game heater where they have swept all of their Matches.  But this weekend, their last playing their non-con sked, at the Capital Credit Union Classic in Green Bay, they routed host Wisconsin-Green Bay, North Dakota, and Chicago State.  And before that they roadgraded St. Thomas, Long Island, and (the only name school they swept, but they're really not any good) Auburn.  These Gophers started off the season 1-3 against Power 4 Conference opposition, and I think that's a better indicator of their achievement level.

Guess we'll really see what these young women are made of when they face two incredibly tough opponents at Maturi Pavilion to start Big Ten play -- Wisconsin (ranked seventh as of press time) Wednesday, Purdue (ranked sixth as of press time) Saturday.

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  I really think they have as good a chance as any of the other seven clubs in the WNBA Playoffs of winning it all.  I might even put them above top-seeded New York.  They're just dialed in right now, and you can't create chemistry at this point in the season.  I ding the Lynx for a few reasons.  First, it turns out that even though Minnesota was on an historic pace to beat advanced defensive metrics in the league's history, it is Connecticut that finished the year with the best Defensive Rating.  Second, to be technical, they did lose their final regular season Game on Thursday, by 17, at home, to Los Angeles, even though Napheesa Collier and Kayla McBride sat out because the tilt was completely unimportant.

And third and most worrying, of the four Quarterfinal Game 1's played yesterday/Sunday, all won by the higher-seeded and home squads, the Lynx, seeded second, won by the smallest margin, seven, as The Phoenix Mercury stormed back from a 14-Point Halftime deficit to take their only lead of the contest with 126 Seconds left in regulation.  Do I think the Merc can finish the job they didn't yesterday/Sunday to take Games 2 and 3 (on Wednesday and Friday, respectively) and notch the huge upset?  No, even though forestalling the possible retirement of legend Diana Taurasi might be a huge motivating factor.  But hey, I am a pessimistic Minnesota sports fan.

I think that if the Lynx win the series, they'll start the Semifinals, either against the apparently better defensive Connecticut Sun or Caitlin Clark and The Indiana Fever, over the weekend.  If it's the Fever, the team might actually pull down those tarps and sell tickets all throughout the upper bowl that they didn't do for Game 1.  Not going to lie, that's kind of shameful.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Lost at home to FC Cincinnati.  I remember the first meeting between these two sides, where the Loons blasted expansion FCC 6-1 or 7-1.  Those days are long gone; those guys have amassed top-end talent, and the Goals they scored in winning 2-1 were scored by two players, Yuya Kubo and Luca Orellano, who showed off exquisite ability in slotting their balls home.  There is an obvious talent gap that MNUFC didn't close even with this recent Transfer Window.

But they did get Kelvin Yeboah.  He was the one who drew one back in that Match (albeit from the penalty spot), and he got the first Goal (and Game-winner) Saturday night as they defeated Sporting Kansas City, 2-0, in Kansas City for the first time in Major League Soccer regular season play.  Now, we have to calm down.  The Loons' last three victories were over SKC, St. Louis City, and The San Jose Earthquakes, the three worst teams in The Western Conference.  (Yeah, better to beat them than to lose to them, but still.)  Also, SKC drew a penalty late in the Match, but Striker William Agada hit the crossbar.  The Sporks then had to play desperate, and that allowed Robin Lod to find Bongokuhle Hlongwane to put the Game on ice with an insurance tally.

Still, right now, United FC has the ninth and final postseason birth in the West, and it has it by five Points over FC Dallas with only four Matches to go.  Saturday MNUFC plays Colorado, who is third in the West, at home, where it has lost more Games this Year than it had during its three-season "halcyon days" at the beginning of Allianz Field.  But again, the XI has Points to play with.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  On Thursday they blitzed Michigan at Robbie, 3-0, on a Hat Trick by the red-hot Khyah Harper.  She has a dozen Goals so far this season, second in top-flight women's soccer behind only Karlie Lema of Cal.  Unfortunately, Wisconsin gave the U. its first Loss of the Year yesterday/Sunday afternoon in Madison, 1-0.  And conference play sees a big upgrade in competition: The Gophers travel out to Southern California to play both Los Angeles schools this weekend.

#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -4).  This is the same shit we have had to witness since as far as I can remember.  Things actually looked promising going into the break, as the Golden Gophers were up on Iowa, 14-7.  But the goddamn floor disintegrated from under them.  The Hawkeyes, not known for the past, oh, two decades for scoring in bunches, outscored the Goofs 24-0 to take back Floyd of Rosedale, humble the fanbase, avenge what I think was a rightful Fair Catch signal by an Iowa Punt Returner in last Year's Game that led to the U. winning, and once again open up questions as to whether the university should move on from P. J. Fleck.  It is uncomfortable to see that Iowa was able to adjust and the Goofers were caught completely flat-footed.  And it is scary to think that the season might crater because of this defeat, especially since they play at Michigan early Saturday afternoon.

#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5).  Yep, this is the tailspin these fucking franchise put themselves in.  Once the hottest ballclub in Major League Baseball, these losers have just finished a 2-5 roadtrip (and screening Week) to Cleveland and Boston, and as of right now, they are on the outside looking in, one Game behind both surging Detroit and a Kansas City outfit that has just lost its seventh straight Game (the last six at home), both of whom have the final two Wild Card spots in The American League.  And don't look now, but the Twinks are only a Game ahead of Seattle.

This would be a great playoff chase for neutrals to follow in the final Week of the regular season, but since we follow the Twins, it has to be said that collapse sums up their fans' worst fears.  The frittering away of all goodwill following that scintillating Wild Card series Win over Toronto last Year by telling everyone they're cutting payroll.  The lassitude of making only one trade at The Trade Deadline .. and the reliever they traded for was rocked so badly the organization cut him.  And, I think, the taking for granted of a fanbase who have come out, time and time again, to love a squad who has proven it will never go for that brass ring, who will never splurge money even once to bring in that bona fide star that might make it a serious World Series contender, who has shown it will never love them back.

Six Games left to make this right.  All at home.  Three versus Miami starting tomorrow/Tuesday, three vs. The Bastard St. Louis Browns to end the season.  Can the Twinks limp their way to a playoff spot?  Or will the collapse be complete?

(Aside: I am cynical enough to think that the Pohlad family is happy that the Vikings are playing so well and that the Lynx are in the WNBA playoffs.  Those teams are taking attention away from the shittiness of the Twinks.  If these guys were the only game in town, the fans would be in open revolt right now over how management has refused to invest in this team.)

Never Follow Sports

Have I told you the Game I went to to see my alma mater over Labor Weekend was, like, one of the 20 best days of my life?  It was a great vacation.  And, to be honest, it was a great vacation because my team won.  If they had lost, I would have been glad to stay a holiday weekend in Las Vegas, of course, but it wouldn't have been the same.  (That pessimistic prospect didn't stop me, of course; I had a discount I needed to use through SeatGeek.)

My mood is dependent on the sports teams I follow.  Sad, very sad, but true.  My alma mater lost yesterday/Saturday in the worst way possible: Getting blown out early, then coming back to lead, only to blow that lead and lose.  Losing big and losing close are pits of hell only separated by type, not degree, and it felt like my team lost twice.  And I'm not in a good mood, quite frankly.

I had a notable interaction with a cashier at the Hard Rock Cafe's memorabilia store in Vegas the afternoon before going to the Game.  She noticed a lot of people were wearing cardinal like me as well as purple for the other team.  She asked me what was going on, and I told her I was going to a big Game at the Raiders stadium.  And then, while giving me back the pin I bought, she says something like, "Oh, I see.  Well, I don't follow sports, so I didn't know what is going on."

And so I replied with something like: "Good.  That's a good thing.  It's not good for you."  If I had time to think up a more articular answer, I would have said, "Good.  You don't want your mood to depend on how your sports teams do."  I was right.  I am right.  And even though things broke my way out in Las Vegas, they didn't yesterday, and I'm letting it make me feel bad and pissed right now.

Too late for me now.  I'll be addicted to sports till the day I die.

Blended Watermelon Is Just ... Pulp And Water

I think Mother thinks she knows how to make a smoothie, but she doesn't.  Churning up watermelons in a blender, like she just did after going all-in on a sale (at least I reckon), is not a smoothie.  It tastes refreshing, and there's a lot of re-used bottles in the fridge, but it ain't no smoothie.  It's just liquid watermelon.

And it separates, too.  I opened the refrigerator to start drinking them up and I was kind of surprised to basically see bottles of water.  Then I looked at the bottom of them and saw the watermelon pulp that settled.  I shake it up before pouring them into my cup, of course, but that is all what Mother made: Watermelon pulp and water.  Again, not the worst thing in the world, it's just ... fruit in liquid form.

By the way, I have to drink them all before it gets too old.  Made the mistake of drinking a bottle not too long ago that may have been in there for two weeks, and not only did it smell bad, it tasted bad.  Surprised that liquid watermelon spoils, but there you go.  And now I have to drink up all these bottles in the refrigerator now before they go bad.  Great.

Yeah, I'm Addicted To Twitter

I hate that I get much of my news, and spend much of my time, doomscrolling on it.  It sucks so much out of me.  First of all, it sucks so much of my time.  Second of all, it is by far the application with the biggest drain of energy out of my phone.  That should be logical, but I swear that it is taking more than it did from my old iPhone, and it's taken more ever since Elon Musk bought it.

And speaking of Musk, I am seeing how Twitter/X has gone from a reputable social media site with standards to one that only pushes Republican shitposters and repeatedly and shamelessly upsells you on stuff I have no interest in buying at all.  The latter is annoying, but unfortunately, the former keeps me tuned in because my outrage keeps getting pushed with any tweet that I either like or hate.  I haven't bought anything from Musk, but I damn well know he is still making money off of me the way I am hooked on that site.

Like I did just now.  I just spent five minutes looking through Twitter/X.  There were some sports tweets, which I enjoy, but a lot of it was about politics, and if I liked that it was bashing Republicans, I like-like-liked it to my heart's content.  And I need to get on my roller, brush my teeth, and go to bed instead of doing that.  Like I said, I'm addicted.  I wonder if I could live without it.  And I wonder if I should.

I Was Late, So I'm Slipping Into Delinquency Again

So there is a new attendance policy that came into effect August 1 -- have I blog posted about this already? -- and everybody was so up in arms about it it felt like this is a big sign that the company would shut down here.  This change frightened and ultimately chastened me, however; beginning August 1, I have never been late.  I have always been able to clock in at the top of the hour when I'm supposed to.  That is something that, at one point at this job, I found impossible to do.

But I broke that streak yesterday/Wednesday morning.  I wanted to get McDonald's on the way to work, but unfortunately I didn't leave the house early like I've managed to since August 1.  Add that I decided to order an egg-and-cheese bagel which I had to take a few minutes to eat, and once I pulled in and had only two minutes before the top of the hour came, I decided to be late so I could somewhat relax while eating my bagel.  Besides, I don't think I would get a demerit if I was five minutes late -- will I?

I finished my bagel (and drank all the orange juice I always bought at Mickey D's).  I left my bookbag and didn't put up the shades to block the sunlight from entering my car because I needed to make sure I wasn't too late.  I clocked in four minutes after I should have.  The first thing I did when I turned on my workstation was to check the tardiness policy again.  Yep -- at least you have five minutes of grace before there is a "point" marked against you.

Good that I don't have a black mark put on my permanent record.  Going back to my car to retrieve the rest of my stuff and put up all my shades later in the morning was the right thing to do.  But now that I have confirmed I have five minutes to work with, you damn right I will use it as often as possible!

I'm a rebel (again)!

Buddha Bless You, Bathroom Doorknob

Random thought, but one of the few things from my house that has remained as is as long as I can remember are the doors, in particular the door to my bathroom.  There is one component I am now astonished with because I realized recently that it has been there all my life: The lock.  I go into the bathroom and push in and turn the knob, and it locks.  This doorknob has been on this door all my life, at least I think, and it has never not worked.  You would think that at some point it would have broken and I would have locked myself in the bathroom, but that hasn't happened, at least not yet.  It continues to do its job, decades after it was installed, and I am now blown away at how it continues to function.  It really is amazing, and I'm so glad that it has been so reliable.  This thing might even outlive me.

I Hate The Third Department Now

I used to love it.  It was in a quiet part of the building, I got up to speed on my tasks quickly, and it felt as though the workload was so manageable that I had plenty of downtime to sneak in Internet surfing.  And if there was a buildup of work, or work that was difficult, there was always one person in that two-person department you could rely on for help.

That cushy cushion is gone after my co-worker got laid off/fired (but we don't talk about it).  There is now only one person dedicated each day to The Third Department, and when the person who wasn't fired needs a day off, someone else has to step in and try not to skip a beat.  That was me yesterday/Monday, and that is me today/Tuesday, and seeing how yesterday/Monday went, I fucking hate this goddamn job again.

What basically felt like, oh, a day where you could relax for a quarter of the time with two people now feels like 1 1/2 days of work for one person.  Add to that all the work that seemed to pile up both Sunday and Saturday (which surprises me; someone is supposed to work on at least some of the stuff that goes through that position on Saturdays), and I was behind the eight ball from the moment I stepped in.  And I hate that feeling.  I have a checklist I rely on to make sure all the stuff I absolutely have to do gets done.  And I got frustrated, perhaps visibly so, as the day wore on, more high-priority stuff came in that took precedence over what I was working on at that time, and I saw that I wasn't going to get done with all the stuff I needed to get done.  There were tasks that I was going to do that I didn't get to, and I'm not sure if I'm going to catch hell with my supervisor and/or boss.  If I do, I might snap at them and say that I only have eight hours in a day.

Oh, by the way ... yes, I would stay late in The Fourth Department.  This is different.  For one, I have never had a history of working overtime in The Third Department, so I'm not starting now (well, I stayed 20 minutes late yesterday/Monday because I was waiting for a fax confirmation that never arrived).  Second, I felt, and still feel, pressure that every piece of new work in The Fourth Department has to be worked on that day.  I don't feel that kind of pressure in The Third, and besides, new stuff comes much more frequently in The Third, so if I had to touch every single new form that came my way there, I would regularly stay past ten hours.  Things are so open-ended in The Third that staying late to accrue overtime would raise many, many red flags, much more so than the hell I catch in The Fourth if I stay late.

With that being said, my stress level yesterday/Monday was off the charts, and it blindsided me.  And it didn't help that my co-workers kind of got under my skin.  Nothing I want to type out here, but little comments from them rubbed me the wrong way.  I usually jam my earbuds into my ears to block out the noise, and even though I still had a bad day, encasing myself in my own aural bubble remains the best way for me to work.

Still, after all I've said and tried to do, there were calls I needed to make but didn't, and forms that needed to be filled out but weren't because I didn't know what to do.  And since it's a new day, there's more crap that I need to do.  I am hoping the backlog of work isn't as bad as it was yesterday/Monday, but I think there will enough crap to make today/Tuesday a headache.  And again, who knows what trouble I will get from the mistakes I have inevitably made yesterday/Monday?

The Third Department isn't a one-person job.  The Fourth Department might be, and I surprise myself when I say that, but I have learned enough of it to say I can "handle" it.  Not with The Third, at least not right now.  It is too much, and more days like the one I just had will friggin' break me.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Lynx (Last Week: 0).  The seven local teams in this Week's WMNSS went a combined 14-3.  If you lop off the ballclub bringing up the rear (and I think you can guess who that is), the other six went 11-0.  I don't think we've had that perfect of a run that far through a survey in The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey's history.

So I am going to have to be unfair to a lot of squads.  I mean, one of them is going to have to be next-to-last this screening Week.  So I look at things such as overall form and how significant the Wins a team has this Week are to its postseason hopes.  And when you factor in those tie-breakers, I have to put the Lynx on top again.  They're the hottest club in the WNBA, running the table this Week and currently being on a six-Game winning streak.  And it's not insignificant the teams they beat.  They trounced the Dream, who are fighting for the final playoff spot, Tuesday in Atlanta by a dozen; they beat the hell out of the Sky, another team still alive for the postseason, at home on Friday the 13th by 17.  (Aside: The three-way fight for the eighth and final playoff spot is intense.  As of right now, Atlanta, Chicago, and the Washington Mystics are in a three-way tie ... albeit with a record of 13.25.)  Most impressive of all, yesterday/Sunday afternoon they went into Brooklyn and bested The Best Team In The W, The New York Liberty, 88-79.  Now, they basically have home-court advantage locked up ... even though the Lynx are only two Games behind, so if Minnesota wins both its remaining Games and New York loses both of its remaining, they'd be tied, and maybe the Lynx have the tie-breaker?  But even if the Libs didn't care about this Match that much, Minnesota went out and won it.

The Connecticut Sun have slowed down a bit, so they are now two Games behind the Lynx, so it looks like Minnesota has second place all sewn up, which is a fantastic feat considering they've been behind the Sun for pretty much the whole season.  And their Defense remains one being compared to ones in the league's history books.  This team deserves Positive Numbers.  And I'm getting the word out: They have a decent shot of winning the title.

They finish the regular season with contests at Connecticut tomorrow/Tuesday and home versus The Worst Team In The League, Los Angeles, Thursday.

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  Expectations low as they are, winning conference Matches on the road is a big deal for a scuffling Golden Gopher soccer program.  So I think it is notable that they traveled to Champaign on Thursday and defeated Illinois, 1-0, on a Penalty Kick by Sophia Boman in the 88th Minute.  And then the squad finished their non-con by beating North Dakota St. at Robbie yesterday/Sunday afternoon also by a score of 1-0 on a 49th Minute tally by Khyah Harper, who now has nine Goals on the season.

This is the fact that pushed this U. football team over the local pro football team: At 7-1-0, they are undefeated through eight Games for the first time since 2008.  That has got to mean they can bob their heads above water, at least for a little bit.

This Week: Can they keep up this nearly-unblemished pace against Michigan Thursday at home and at Wisconsin Sunday afternoon?

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I didn't give the Vikes much of a chance to beat the 49ers.  I mean, they are The Defending NFC Champions -- would you?  But damn, they pulled off the upset, winning yesterday/Sunday afternoon, 23-17!  The big plays are what stand out to me; the Vikings picked off Brock Purdy once and recovered one Fumble (even though the Vikings returned exactly an Interception and a Fumble in kind), and there was that gorgeous 97-Yard moonshot from Sam Darnold to Justin Jefferson (with an assist, by the way, to Jalen Nailor, who was that "1P" guy with the arrow pointing out of the screen of the video game you were playing but raced down the field to screen a Niners defender so JJ could reach the far pylon and score).  But it's the Defense that really told the story.  Despite giving up 102 Yards rushing (and this is without Christian McCaffrey, who was put on the Injured List), San Francisco was a combined 3-for-13 in converting on 3rd and 4th Downs.  If Brian Flores wasn't suing the shit out of the NFL, The New York Giants might hire him as their Head Coach in the next month.

Strange fact: The 49ers have lost their last eight Games in Minnesota, a losing streak that stretches back to 1992.  And the Vikings have started a season 2-0 for the first time since 2016.  (Note that Kirk Cousins was the starting Quarterback for the Vikes from 2018 till last Year.)  I caught the Second Half of Houston's Win over Chicago on Sunday Night Football.  They don't seem to be great shakes.  The Texans come up here next Sunday.  Can Minnesota, a squad no one thought would go anywhere this season (including me!) go to 3-0?  Yes, they can!

#-2: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I'm stealing this observation from someone on Twitter/X: The Leagues Cup has sapped such momentum from league play that I'm not sure if I care about this side right now.  I haven't been to a Match since August 24.  Before then, because they were eliminated in the Group Stage, they had three Weeks to twiddle their thumbs and practice.  Major League Soccer took a quick one-Week International Break around Labor Weekend.  And it does not help at all that the last two tilts they've played been on the road.  This franchise is a rumor, and you don't want to be swept off the sports pages once the NFL gets up and running.

That being said, they won their last two Matches, both on the road, including Saturday's convincing 3-1 triumph in St. Louis.  Now, City (and, before that club, San Jose), are technically the two worst teams in the Western Conference.  But you have to win those Games, and win the Loons did.  And because of that, they hold down the ninth and final playoff berth by five Points over Dallas and Austin.  There are six Matches left, and it kind of sucks to go on the road for the Play-In Game, but considering that you can't change the mid-season swoon they had, they're in a not-bad spot.

This Week I finally get to see a team I'm paying good money to see Wednesday as they host a really good XI, FC Cincinnati.  They then visit the third-worst team in the West, Sporting Kansas City, Saturday night.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  Went 3-0 this Week, sweeping all three opponents, but it's not like they're playing those undefeated Penn St. teams from the past.  They beat St. Thomas and then, for their Diet Coke Classic, Long Island and Auburn.  These women were able to re-establish themselves after losing consecutive five-Seat Games the weekend prior, but I'm not sure that these victories prove that the U. is a really good team right now.

Next weekend the Gophers finish up non-conference action in Green Bay, where they play hosts Wisconsin-Green Bay, then North Dakota and Chicago St.  It's a fall from grace to see this program decide to be a bully in some nameless volleyball tournament.  

#-4: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  Note: I have made it a rule, even if I made it just now, that I will not note when these Gophers play a team from a lower division, like Rhode Island two Saturdays ago.  But a Mountain West school getting left behind by more powerful ones defecting for the Pac-12, such as Nevada?  Yeah, that should be noted here, as well as the result: 27-0, marking back-to-back shutouts for the Goofers.

But I don't know if that will last.  They host Iowa Saturday.

#-5: Twins (Last Week: -4).  I forgot to add in last Week's WMNSS Manager Rocco Baldelli's quote where, after they got swept by the Royals, he called his club's play "unprofessional baseball" and left the post-Game press conference.  I'm not sure a 3-3 screening Week is going to change his mind (the Twinks won the series vs. Anaheim but lost the won vs. Cincinnati, and both were at Target).  With 13 Games left in the regular season, you want to be gaining momentum, yet the Twinks have Pablo Lopez, Bailey Ober, and a Bullpen that you can't trust, plus a Lineup that still isn't at full power because Carlos Correa just got back from his complicated injury.

Worse than that, the Twins are equidistant from ALWC2, the Royals, as they are from Detroit and Seattle and postseason oblivion.  They're going to have to right the ship during a big and potentially fatal screening Week.  They are in Cleveland for a four-Game set with the Guardians starting tonight/Monday night, then travel to Fenway Park and play a trio against Boston, a team still on the fringes of the Wild Card race, beginning on Friday.  This Week could break this team.

Uh-Oh. MAGAt Frenemy About To Go Psycho Again

So someone tried to assassinate Trump again -- allegedly.  For all I know, he just made this shit up.  I am hearing that these shots fired were on his golf course, but that doesn't necessarily mean he was near the shots or was even on the course.  (By the way, not to be a conspiracy theorist, but we still haven't had a full account of the first assassination attempt.  If it were real, we'd hear the whole truth.  Right?)

But I will wait until journalists figure out what happened.  In the meantime, I am afraid that this will gin up the fever brain of my, uh, acquaintance who I will see in about three weeks.  I know that if I were still friends with him on Facebook, I would see his post about how big a victim Trump is, and that will bait me into responding to him about how karma is a bitch, and he would go psycho on me again.  Glad I stopped being his Facebook friend.  And maybe he'll forget to bring it up when we see each other a few weeks from now.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar, August 2024

I had to keep this calendar in my dresser drawer and, when I was vacationing in Las Vegas, I had to throw it in my storage locker in case my parents wanted to fucking snoop around.  So suffice it to say that I haven't seen much of the calendar at all.  I took a peep last night and I don't remember the last time I had cracked open the month before last night.  But I want to analyze the month now and not wait.

Of the dozen girls featured in the month, my quick glances filter out four for recognition even though I don't know if it's a great month.  In ascending order:

In fourth place is The Main Girl, Alexis, out of Rock Hill, S. C.  She has a cute figure despite posing in a way I don't like, with her body at a quarter-angle and her right hand in front of her body to hold a pole.  But the server with long, dark brown hair and wearing a purple two-piece bikini has a cute smile, so she has that going for her.

In third place is Cassidy, hailing from Denham Springs, La.  This babe with the wavy, short brown hair is a veteran, and I am sure I have noted her for distinction in previous Hooters calendar years.  She keeps getting it done; she is kneeling poolside in what also appears to be a blue two-piece bikini, and she does that thing where she's pulling the string covering her tits, as if she's about to tear off her top.  Like I always say, I'm a sucker for that type of stuff.

In second place is Kansas City's Jenny.  Wavy long blonde hair with a two-piece of orange bordered by baby blue.  She's photographed at a quarter-angle too, but what wins out are two things: She is also tugging at that string between her boobs, and she has a wide grin.

Finally, I'm giving first place to Alyssa, of Palm Bay, Fla.  Long blonde hair, purple or deep blue two-piece bikini.  She appears to be kneeling on stairs that lead into a pool.  And while I'm not a fan of her hair dropping in front of her chest, what I love is that the front of her body is aimed directly at the camera, and that she is smirking something devilish, like she's some modestly-priced stripper who will jack you off in the corner of the strip club and still leave you wanting for more, even though you can't afford to spend more money than you two agreed to.  That's my fantasy, OK?

So, congratulations to Alyssa and the other three hot Hooters waitresses in August 2024.  I will pleasure myself to all of you once I have time.

I think going to that stripper party on Monday, even though I have been to other house parties over the past few months, has supercharged my libido.  Don't know why exactly, especially since I didn't have anything done to me then, but I've been thinking perverted things about ******e ever since.  And the prospect of finally getting lucky, with either her or another stripper, when there's another party two weeks from now is totally on my mind.  At work yesterday/Friday ******e texted me that not only is it possible this one woman who surprisingly sucked my dick would be there, but another babe who I've gotten down with, ****e, might be there, too.  She went nuts on me the last time I saw her, but it's a sign of how horny I am right now that I don't care and that I want to get it on with her again.

I Should Be Afraid Today, But I'm Not

After screwing up again in The Fourth Department earlier this week and remembering there is no Game-watching event I need to go to this weekend, I decided I was going to end my week with a deserved cocktail or two at the only speakeasy I can go to now that the owner of the two others I like to go to is at war with her employees after they decided to unionize.  But today's Friday the 13th!  I could get a flat tire, or into a car crash, on my way there or on my way home!

You know, not too long ago realizing that the date is that date would frighten me, batten my mental hatches down, get my heart rate up and do only what I absolutely have to do to get through the day, which today would be to immediately go to work and then immediately go home.  But ... well, I think I've had a crappy week, and I think I want to celebrate myself making it to the end by going to a third space that makes me happy.  And so I am going to trust that everything will be OK and I will go to this place right after work, whenever that ends.  But I will cross my fingers anyway.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Wednesday, September 11:

• Actually I have to go back to Monday, September 9, where I had the dumbest conundrum that kept me up at night because of ... creamer.  I had run out of two and possibly all three bottles of creamer I had, and I was debating which days during my workday I would buy coffee in order to use up all my creamer.  My OCD forces me to use up every single drop of creamer, so when a bottle gets to its end, I make it go through a two-step process: I pour out as much as I can, then turn the bottle upside-down and store it in the company fridge.  The next time I use it, all the remaining creamer would be collecting in the underside of the cap, which I would carefully unscrew and pour into my reusable cup.  I was balancing that two-step/-day process with figuring out which days I could spend cash, which in itself didn't solve anything because I could have either bought coffee with it or a mocha, for which I would not need to use creamer.  But I was going to a stripper party later that night, so I decided that I would get a medium malted mocha at my Caribou which has my bank's ATM close by.  I would pay with cash, but not use the creamer until the next two days (Tuesday and yesterday/Wednesday).  It all worked out, and besides, I totally forgot the anguish I put myself through.  I also bought a chocolate croissant for myself.  With tip: $12.79.
• I already broke down the stripper party that evening.  I should add here that it was hosted not by the guy whose house was throwing the party but, of all people, the old, brokedown stripper who couldn't take the hint that I could not and would not go to her parties.  There were two main reasons why I wouldn't go: I didn't know anyone besides her, and her parties usually were way too far for me to drive to.  Well, I was invited by ******e and that's all I needed, and this place was in north Minneapolis, which is just about perfect.  I didn't even really recognize her until she brought up us no longer being in communication with each other.  But I think she's cool with it, even though I didn't get any dances from her or any of the other, half-dozen or so women who were there.  I just needed my five from ******e.  With cover: $125.
• And I think I stored a new quarter, even though it was minted last year: 25 cents.
• We fall back to Labor Day, where I made good on my vow.  Back in 2021, I visited my parents in Las Vegas.  Just for fun, we took the bus up from their place to downtown Las Vegas.  We stopped by a casino -- not to gamble, but to eat dinner, in particular a bargain prime rib dinner my parents always have a nose for.  I remember finally getting to the head of the line and the hostess, as she was checking me in, asking me if we have gambled at the casino before stopping in.  Now, you have to have the casino's rewards card to take advantage of their discount pricing and, I think, it was communicated to me that I should gamble before we ate.  We did not, of course, and I think that even though I answered yes, she swiped my newly-obtained card and immediately saw that I did not.  I feel bad for lying to her, even though my parents put me up to it, so when I made this trip to Las Vegas over the holiday weekend, I made a point of going into that casino and actually spending money.  (I had no intention of eating at that restaurant, and I am fully aware that the hostess, for all I know, no longer works there.  No matter; it's a matter of principle, and karma.)  I put $50 into a slot machine, max bet thrice, and came up empty all three times.  I think I paid my debt.  Total cost: $27.
• After I got back to the Strip I went over to the Westgate for one finally spin there before leaving the following afternoon.  I don't remember the last time I spent money there, so I plopped myself on a bandit for a minute and promptly lost money there too, namely: $10.
• But hey, I found a head's-up penny!  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• On Saturday, August 31 I got into Las Vegas.  I got lost trying to find the bus station that would take me to my parents' condo.  I was told that I was at the wrong terminal.  I didn't know Reid had two terminals just like MSP.  So I needed an inter-terminal shuttle driver to get me back to the other terminal -- the one from which I arrived, by the way -- and find the bus station there.  The shuttle driver threw my carry-on in the back, so when I got it back from him, well, I thought I would tip him.  No one else did, but I did: $1.
• It's Vegas, so even though I got in late and even later because of the bus station mishap, the night was laid out before me, inviting me into her exciting bosom.  And I went to the closest casino to where I was staying -- the brand new Fontainbleau.  Really nice digs, even though I would probably say that for any brand new casino.  I got their rewards card, sat my butt down at a slot machine, and threw money into it in order to get some of the free play money you get when you sign up.  This time I won something, even though it wasn't enough to offset all of the $20 I put into it.  I had some of that $20 left over when I was able to convert the remainder of the free play into actual money, but the Fontainbleau took me for: $8.
• Friday the 30th -- the final of four days at the Minnesota State Fair, Buddha bless it.  Ticket, a large honey lavender lemonade from the Farmers Union, a plate called Marco's Garden from SIMS on the north end of the Fairgrounds, a short mini donut beer (with tip), paella with egg from one of the new (and good) vendors at the Fair, and a Honey 'n' Spice Espresso Shake-Up from Hamline Church Dining Hall equals a grand total of: $72.
• After the Fair I went to Casey's to gas up my car.  After I filled up I tried to get a receipt from the pump, but the screen said to go inside.  When I explained, the cashier gave me a dime back.  I don't think I was shorted ten cents, so I don't know why I was given it.  But I didn't complain.  Total: $8.90.
• On Wednesday the 28th I had to see ******e because I needed to get wanked bad.  She was as good as always; wasn't all that happy to see the children she was babysitting that afternoon.  I paid her an extra $20 because her birthday was coming up.  Ugh.  Paid her: $140.
• There is a vaunted taco place close to her called Taqueria Las Canadas.  It's housed in one of those brokedown gas stations.  The chorizo taco was pretty good, even though there isn't much of a place to eat it.  With a can of Coke to which I paid the cashier at the gas station and not the cook next to him, it call came out to: $4.27.
• Went to the Fair afterward.  Ticket, sweet clementine beer with tip at Giggles, a Peachey's donut for which I waited in line for half an hour, corn, and a Grumpy Old Manhattan, replete with smoke bubbles, from the Hideaway (plus tip) and it all came out to: $45.25.
• And I went to the Fair the day before, Tuesday, August 27!  Didn't need to buy a ticket because I bought two before the Fair began at a discount.  This was the day where I tried all the best new foods (according to all the reviewers out there).  Mancini's cheer lime freeze with tip, Richey's buffalo cheese curd and chicken tacos, the Purple Reign IPA from Dino's (plus tip and, in exchange, got purple, Prince-themed sunglasses), and Sabin's Fried Bee-Nana Pie with ice cream and the whole day cost me: $45.
• Oh, I went to get my face shaved before I went to the Fair.  With tip: $13.
• Friday the 23rd ... first time at the Minnesota State Fair.  This was the day where I concentrated on the staples, the tried and true foods that inevitably make the most money there.  A small Blu slushie with tip, walleye cakes from Giggles, cheese curds from the Mouth Trap, and a Minneapple Pie with cinnamon ice cream (for my money The Most Underrated Food At The Minnesota State Fair) where I don't think I was charged for the syrup I asked for (got away with one, I guess): $27.75.
• Saturday, August 17 was Porchfest for a neighborhood in Minneapolis where bands play at strangers' porches and lawns.  This is a real neat idea ... until I can't find parking for my car.  I bought a cup of lemonade from these two girls (and I threw in a tip), and there was this rocking band called Littleton that was impressive.  Total: $4.
• To Thursday, August 15: I needed to get skin cream for Father at his pharmacy.  Didn't need to use a credit card when it only cost: $1.
• I then went to my local movie house to see The Palm Beach Story as part of its Claudette Colbert retrospective.  I love seeing old movies, and I am telling ya, I love The Palm Beach Story.  It was fast, witty, and had dialogue and subject matter that I didn't think would be as, uh, adult as it turned out to be.  So glad I watched it!  Charged the ticket, the popcorn and the pop, but for tips for concessions and the organist I paid: $2.
• Finally, back on Thursday, August 8, I went to see my ATF at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition).  Cover, tips, a Bud Light for me and a cocktail for her and twenty dances means: $232.

This is another huge gap between EWRs, but considering that, I thought catching up on over a month of these went a little faster than I feared.  Good through 9/11.

For the record, I slept a total of three times back on Sunday:

• From about 3 in the morning till about 10, for about seven hours;
• Then from about 1:30 to about 3, for 90 minutes;
• Finally from about 7 till about 9, for two hours.

Ten-and-a-half hours spread out over the course of a lazy Sunday?  I'll take it!

She Caught A Glimpse!

So I showed ******e it.  Finally, after decades and decades of being a good boy, and even though it was in a room with open doors where anybody can just walk in and see us grooving on a chair, I whipped it out.  Kinda.  I made sure no guys were looking in, and I maneuvered my thing through my open fly, but I stuck out the head because if I took out my whole shaft (as hard as it was -- showing a woman it for the first time remains a galvanizing experience for me even in my advanced age!) and someone interrupted us, I might be fucked.

So, ******e stood up from grinding me, turned around, was talking to me about something (we had years of catching up to do -- seriously, I hadn't seen her since before the pandemic at My Favorite Stripclub [Non-Cover Version], RIP), looked down ... and was, well mildly aghast at what she saw.  She didn't so anything with it after she tucked my thing back in ... but, she said that next time, if I had enough money and if I had protection with me. ...

Not too long ago I texted my thanks to her.  There's to be another party at the place I was at in north Minneapolis two weeks from now.  From what we tried to negotiate, I don't know if I could afford taking her upstairs, if you know what I mean.  However, a blast from the past may be at this party: ****e, whom I swear I blog posted about sucking my you-know-what after flashing her out of the blue might be at this party.  When she did that to me, she didn't ask for any more money than the $20 we were supposed to do, so she might be, let's say, more agreeable to terms that won't permanently damage my wallet.  At any rate, I think I'm back in the saddle again!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  Now, this is something new.  No, not the team playing well together as a whole.  That's to be expected this season, especially after going on the road and beating both an Indiana club that, frankly, scares me Friday by 11 Points and then a Washington squad after being down at Halftime yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  Add that to The Connecticut Sun starting to flounder a tad, and the Lynx are now in second place in The Dub by a Game over the Sun.  That is the accomplishment I need to put this team above negative numbers.  And my goodness, I can believe that this team has what it takes to win it all.

One more Game on the road, tomorrow/Monday night against an Atlanta Dream team fighting for the final playoff spot.  They then host Chicago (the team currently holding down the final playoff spot) Friday the 13th before playing at New York in a battle of 1 vs. 2 Sunday afternoon.

#-1: Vikings (NEW SEASON!!).  I think we need to pump the brakes on yesterday/Sunday afternoon's season-opening Win over The New York Giants at the Meadowlands.  It was 28-6, the home crowd was lustily booing its team early and often, and even though I fell asleep in the Second Half, I trust that, even though this is a Minnesota squad, there was very little doubt the Giants were going to mount a comeback.  (By the way, what a different team from the one that upset the Vikes two Years ago here.  It may be some measure of gratifying payback, and yet I still wonder how in the hell Daniel Jones beat our club.)  But while I am convinced that Kevin O'Connell can scheme any play for positive yardage regardless of opposing personnel and situation, Sam Darnold was only 19-for-24 for 208 Yards, two Touchdowns and one Interception.  He didn't need to do much to outscore the popgun Offense of the G-Men which allowed five Sacks and gained only 240 Yards total.  But how is Darnold & Co. going to fare against a good team, San Francisco, at home next Week?

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  They finally have a blemish on their schedule, a 1-all Tie at home versus Brown yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  That broke a five-Match winning streak to begin the season that was capped off Thursday with a 3-0 Clean Sheet of Army at Robbie Stadium -- a Game where, for the fifth Match in a row, a Golden Gopher scored more than one Goal.  And that person, like she has done twice already on the Year, was Khyah Harper, who braced with Goals in the 9th and 64th Minutes.

They begin conference play at Illinois Thursday, then finish out non-conference play with a home Match vs. North Dakota St. Sunday afternoon.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4).  Unfortunate screening Week for this group.  I was still in Las Vegas Monday/Labor Day and took the bus north to downtown Las Vegas to make up for screwing this casino there (I might blog post about it).  I was sauntering through a couple casinos on my way to eat at Steak 'n' Shake where I caught the Minnesota women's volleyball team playing top-ranked Texas to conclude the Intersport Volleyball Showcase.  I thought my eyes deceived when, not only did I see that the Match was in the fifth Set, but the Gophers had a huge lead on the Longhorns, too.  And wouldn't you know, they were able to close out and upset Texas, 22-25, 25-19, 25-20, 13-25, 15-7!!!  It was the first time Minnesota has beating the top-ranked team in the nation since Stanford in 2019, and I was hoping that might be the Win that will jumpstart the program.

And then this club went down to Waco and dropped both of their Games in the Big Ten/Big 12 Challenge.  Sure, both Losses went the distance, but they should have beaten Baylor, ranked 23rd, and unranked TCU.  (Aside: Like with the Intersport Volleyball Showcase, the U. switched partners with Wisconsin.  I just find it interesting that both schools participated in two tournaments while not playing each other either weekend.)  These defeats completely squander what they achieved Labor Night, and I once again wonder if this program is improving at all.

They are at home this Week: Tuesday against St. Thomas, and then the Diet Coke Classic comes, where they play -- geez, this is a step down -- Long Island University Thursday and Auburn Friday.  (Another aside: I see that the Sharks and the Tigers play each other early Saturday afternoon.  Now, since the DCC has shrunk to only three teams, I believe the Goofs played one team the first Day and the other team the last Day.  That, I believe, allows one of the participating schools to leave a Day early and the other to get to town a Day late.  That means that both visitors need to stay only two Days in Minneapolis, and that should save on hotel and transportation, no?  So why does LIU have to stay three Days instead of play Auburn Friday?  Is it because the university doesn't want to deal with a second big crowd since the football team hosts Nevada later Saturday afternoon?  And another aside: I know that the Gopher football team played on Saturday.  But that was second-division Rhode Island.  They're supposed to beat teams like that.  So no, I will not sully the WMNSS by regarding a Win over that type of school as legitimate.  Thank you.)

#-4: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I may have made pronouncements earlier this Year about this tilt or that series being The Moment things either all came together or all fell apart.  Well, this weekend's sweep in Kansas City at the hands of the Royals might have sealed the Twinks' fate as yet another one-and-done.  Maybe.  They were shut out twice and scored only two Runs in the other contest, the one on Saturday (in a national Game) where they were leading 2-0 but where Jhoan Duran and Griffin Jax, their two best relievers right now, pissed down their legs for four Runs in the bottom of the Eighth Inning.  Bailey Ober was cruising, fanning seven and allowing only one Hit, but Rocco Baldelli opted to lift him in favor of a Bullpen, specifically a Duran who has not been lights out the past few Weeks.

It is fair to say that there is no chance now, with about three Weeks left in the season, that the Twinks will catch Cleveland for the Division.  I think it's also fair to say, with how the Royals have rounded into form, that they have left Minnesota in the dust after stalking them all season.  The Twinks are now in third place by 2 1/2 Games.  And even though they hold a healthy 3 1/2-Game lead for ALWC3 (ahead of both Seattle and, don't look now, Detroit), they have played some shit-ass ball the last three Weeks.  Carlos Correa is nowhere to be seen, Byron Buxton is hurt again, and Royce Lewis has been removed from the lineup.  We are praying that they'll even make the postseason now.

Maybe a homestand against two outfits below .500 will cure what ails them, even though, with fall here and the Vikings back and the Twinks frittering away whatever goodwill they garnered from last Year's postseason run, I don't know if there's going to be much of a crowd.  (Don't have exact splits, but this season's Twinks club has been excellent against teams it's supposed to beat but awful against teams that should reach the playoffs.  That doesn't bode well for their chances of making noise in the postseason ... if they can get there.)  Three versus The Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of ... starting tonight/Monday night, then three vs. Cincinnati beginning Friday.

Nightmares

Got two nightmares I suffered through overnight.

The first one ... goddamn.  So Trump cheated to get into the White House again like he did in 2016, and for some reason I am trying to escape the White House, and him, through a series of doggy doors I continue to get stuck in.  Jesus, this asshole.

The second one is kind of escaping me now because I actually woke up from this one.  All I can remember is that I had this incredible urge to take a shit and I couldn't.  I woke up afraid that I crapped my pants.  I didn't, but I went to the bathroom just in case.  No, nature did not call.  Thank God I didn't have a wet dream going the other way, if you know what I mean.

Addendum To: So Where Did The Banana Bread Go?

OK, I assume I was wrong when I said it was banana bread, because something that looked like it was in my bag Thursday was put in my bag by Father yesterday/Friday.  It was, I believe, a taro root thing Mother made that Father actually put back in the fridge when, I guess, I laid it on the counter after not eating it at work.  So, even though he packed in a banana as well, I ate that bread/pastry and brought home the banana after a super-long day at work whereby I passed up a house party where I could have gotten double-teamed by *****y and ***e**.

For the record, I got home at around 10, by the way, passed out at 11, and got up at 6:30.  I am going in to work now because my boss asked before my vacation if I could substitute today for Tuesday (when I was still in Las Vegas) so I do not have to officially take time off.  And since I didn't eat the banana late last night, I am bringing it with me today to eat at work.

So Where Did The Banana Bread Go?

So Father usually packs two things for me to take to work: A banana and something Mother made.  I have told him repeatedly that I don't need to eat food at work (it makes me fat and sluggish), but he has never ever listened to me the three decades or so I have been a working man, so I have given up.  Instead, I eat one of the two items during my afternoon break and then take the other one home with me, hoping to eat that as a late-night snack.

Usually I eat the pastry/bakery item Mother makes me and bring home the banana.  But on Wednesday night, Mother made me drink this sugary-looking drink with seaweed that I have had to eat/drink all through my childhood after dinner, and so I didn't feel like eating the banana.  (Didn't matter; I ate Doritos and generic chips late at night to get the taste of that devilish concoction out of my mouth, ick.)  What I did was replace the new banana Father laid out for me on the kitchen counter with the one he gave me that day and put the "new" banana back to where he puts the bunch of bananas.

Yesterday/Thursday morning I looked into my lunch (plastic) bag to see what else is in there.  I think it was banana bread, though I wasn't sure because I was in a rush to leave and I was still groggy from getting up.  Well, yesterday at work was hell because the flight that brought us all our work was delayed by 90 minutes on Wednesday.  Even though I still don't know how much that domino effect shook the company to its core, the lab decided to carry over over a dozen bins of work to yesterday/Thursday, and for some reason they processed them all then.  That meant that we had to stay a bit late to enter the data into our system, and even then were so overwhelmed that my bosses decided to tell everyone to leave and give them the option of coming in early today/Friday.  See, we have a rack of folders into which we throw our, uh, folders of work.  That is entirely filled, and there are several folders on top of the rack that I saw on my way out the door.  If that has ever happened while I was at this job, it's been years.

The cascade rolled down to me in The Fourth Department, too.  I was pulled out of that position to do data entry, and by the time I realized everyone else had left, I saw that there maybe were thousands of forms to key plus all my stuff I still had to do.  I usually give myself an extra two hours of overtime to finish all my work that day, but honestly, there was so much I had to push aside and so much new stuff that came from the lab that I would have to put in a full workday to get it all done.

I thought my boss would drop by where I was working to give me instructions on how to finish up what I can, but apparently he just left, so I texted him on his phone.  He told me I could stay an extra hour, and that's what I did.  But all my work in The Fourth Department is unfinished, and considering the new work that will come in today, a full workday will not be enough to get it all done.  I usually hate leaving work unfinished in The Fourth Department, but this I believe is unprecedented, and while I want to rack up the overtime, the circumstances that prevented me from wrapping up all my work convinced me this time to let it go and to heed my boss' wish to leave after nine hours at the job.  It's that bad, and again, I have no idea how in the hell a flight delayed 90 minutes could cause these disastrous knock-on effects.

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Oh, I was talking about food, wasn't I?  Yeah, so as you can tell, it got so busy that I almost missed afternoon break.  I did eat the banana I tided over from the previous day, and I decided I would eat the banana bread once I came home.  But right now, I don't know where it is.  I swear I brought it in with me.  If so, Father probably put it somewhere in the refrigerator (although I tried looking for it in there and I can't find it), or he ate it, or he threw it away.  Hope to Buddha it still isn't in the car.  But if so, I will eat it, and I will hope that it hasn't gone bad just because it's been in the car since I came home.

I hate forgetting where I put stuff.  It makes me think I'm losing my mind.

Got done last/Wednesday night with the fantasy football league I'm in charge of, the one with the auction and the actual gambling.  Lost someone, so we're down to six people, but at least it's an even number.

Wanted to really, really prep for it, but between coming back from Las Vegas, needing to catch up on my sleep, and remembering that there were other things I needed to do, I really didn't have time, so I winged it.  Problem is, only one other guy showed up for the auction.  I think I cornered the market on studs, at least the ones I wanted.

I'm still bummed that I didn't act fast enough, and I botched, the last auction pick I made.  I wanted Zahir White of The Bastard Oakland by way of Los Angeles Raiders, but I got James Conner of The Bastard Chicago by way of St. Louis Cardinals instead.  I'm still somewhat cheesed off over that.  He is not the guy I wanted.

Got just about a full night of sleep -- and overnight, when I'm supposed to sleep -- and I realized when I was awake at a quarter to 5 that I have alumni stuff to do as well as doing my fantasy auction tonight as well as getting back to this guy about tickets to our Game as well as finding this information from a fellow alum who's coming in from California.  And I kind of need to do all this, like, right now, before I leave for work.

But I have to leave for work and I'm not done, so ... yeah.

The Thing I Hate About Vacations Is That They Have To End ...

... and if they have to end, why do I even go on them?  It always ends up only in heartbreak.

I have walked enough for a lifetime.  Sweated enough for a lifetime, too.  But the main reason I took this vacation was to see my alma mater.  My feelings on this vacation largely hinged on whether or not my team won.  If they didn't, I'd feel it were a waste, and I was girding myself to the probability that they would.  But no!  They won!!  And in exciting, come-from-behind fashion!!!  So this vacation, despite the two hours I had wasted getting to this speakeasy west of the Strip and, like I said, all the walking and sweating, this vacation was totally worth it ... well, besides it all ending and stuff.

I had the run of the condo all to myself for three days.  It was glorious.  I'm glad I finally took my parents up on their offer to give me this place whenever I wanted to vacay here.  Having the whole place to myself meant I could prance around naked everywhere in the condo.  I hope they don't have secret cameras.  It is a bit spacious, but it's not like the house.  I can see a girlfriend or even my sibling (either, not both) living here with me, but it's a pretty good size for a bachelor pad.  And I could strew around my clothes however I want, or defecate with the bathroom door open, and no one would care what I did.

All in all, despite the drawbacks, I have to admit that this was a great vacation.  Even though it has to end.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  I am really starting to notice the Gopher XI.  They went into Brew City and took both Matches there, 3-2 over Wisconsin-Milwaukee Thursday, then 2-1 over Marquette yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  They are now 4-0-0 to start the Year, and I don't know the last time the program could say that.  Moreover, in all four Games, one of the players has scored more than one Goal.  Versus the Panthers, Khyah Harper scored a Hat Trick for the second contest in a row, and vs. the Golden Eagles, Grad Student and Midfielder/Forward Sophia Romine braced in the Second Half for the come-from-behind victory.  I don't know how the U.'s tournament prospects looked before the season started, but they have to be much improved now.  That's why I'm putting these side above Positive Numbers this screening Week.

Whoa.  I just noticed that at least for the start of their season, the Gophers are on a strict Thursday-Sunday schedule.  That includes this Week, where they finish non-conference play with home tilts against Army (Thursday) and Brown (Sunday).

#-1:United FC (Last Week: -4).  Sometimes it's funny how one Match can change the perception around a team.  Such might be the case with the Loons.  After a hot start, the XI has exhibited too much toothless Offense and has been a sieve on Defense.  But on Saturday night they went to San Jose, by far The Worst Team In Major League Soccer, and came from behind to win, 2-1, behind Bongokuhle Hlongwane's Brace.  Yes, everybody's beating the Earthquakes these days, but the Loons really needed it because that victory lifted them back into playoff position, albeit ninth and in the Play-In Game.  Kind of funny that of all the reinforcements that arrived during the Transfer Window, it's one of the veterans that came through.

On International Break (?) into next Week.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  Crushed the Mercury in Phoenix by 13 Wednesday and outlasted Angel Reese (who set the record for most Rebounds in a single season ... not by a Rookie, but any player) and Chicago at Target Center yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  But inbetween was a confounding 18-Point Loss in Dallas to The Bastard Detroit (by-way-of-Tulsa) Shock Friday.  The Wings are the second-worst team in the WNBA, but they put their foot down in the Second Half of that Game, outscoring Minnesota 55-36.  Sure, even the best teams are due a clunker once in a while.  But that inexplicable Loss is the reason they are still a half-Game behind Connecticut for second-best team in the league.

The Lynx were going for a perfect August.  As such, they are 7-1 after the Olympic break ... tying Indiana for best record from that point.  They are at the Fever -- a team you do not want to meet right now -- Friday, then visit Washington Sunday afternoon.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -3).  They are still bearing straight towards a playoff spot despite having a lousy Week and a very lousy run of form.  They began it getting swept by Atlanta -- and remember, they are at home.  That was the third consecutive series they lost, a streak they were able to snap by winning two-of-three at home over Toronto (although the Loss, on Saturday, was embarrassing; 15-0 where former Twin Jose Berrios continues to pitch his best against the team he wanted to get the hell away from).

And yet they are still around 3 1/2 Games behind Cleveland in the Division, even though that lead has been so inert for so long I am beginning to doubt Minnesota can chase down the Guardians.  Also, they are by all means tied with Kansas City for ALWC2.  But Boston remains 4 1/2 Games back, so barring a collapse, the American League Wild Card race isn't much of a race.

This Week: They begin a four-Game set in Tampa against the Bay Rays starting tonight/Labor Night.  Then, it's a big one: They have a weekend trio at the Royals.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (NEW SEASON!!).  It gives me no joy to declare Minnesota a program a cut below the elite when it comes to women's college volleyball.  But it's true, and that distinction manifests itself in this weekend's season-opening Intersport Volleyball Showcase, being held in downtown Milwaukee.  The Gophs and fellow Big Ten school (and host, obviously) Wisconsin are playing both Texas and Stanford.  Texas is the pre-season #1-ranked school; the Badgers are third and the Cardinal are fifth.  The Goofers, meanwhile, are ranked 18th.  Moreover, and most damning of all, Fox is making a big push to televise the sport, and the Texas-Wisconsin Match (won by the Longhorns in four Sets) was broadcast yesterday/Sunday afternoon on big/over-the-air Fox.  (In fact, it pre-empted the Major League Soccer Match; that Game, between St. Louis City and the Los Angeles Galaxy, began on FS2 and went over to Channel 9 about a dozen Minutes in so Fox could not only show the entire Match but, if I recall correctly, have a quick wrap-up after the Game as well.)  The Gophers played Stanford after that first Match, but that was on FS1.  The tournament concludes today/Labor Day; I think Wisconsin plays The Farm first, and I think that is also on Fox/Channel 9.  The U. plays after, again ... and that matchup against Texas is on FS1, again.

I think it's an indication on how Fox views the Gooofers.  And unfortunately, try as they might, the squad didn't do enough to change that perception, blowing a 2-1 lead and losing to the Cardinal in five, even though they lost Set 5, 15-13.  By the way, I'm not worried about the four new schools from the Pac-12 coming in to the B1G; that conference long ceded women's volleyball supremacy to the Big Ten about a Decade ago.  I just don't like the fact that some programs in the conference -- Wisconsin, Nebraska, maybe Penn St. -- and some across the country (I'm looking at the SEC in particular) are stepping up investment and interest at a time when the collective American sports hive mind is taking a look at the sport with fresh eyes.  Now is the time to strike, but it looks as though Head Coach Keegan Cook, in his second year, has been caught flat-footed.  Is the opportunity lost?

After probably getting their brains beat in by the Longhorns (I think they closed out Wisconsin by holding the Badgers to only 11 Points in Set 4), they travel down to Waco, Texas, where there's a tournament apparently with no name nor sponsor.  They face a pair of Big 12 schools: Host Baylor Friday, TCU Saturday.

#-5: Gopher football (NEW SEASON!!).  Bummer and a damn shame.  I was working this Game, and oftentimes it looked like the same old staid, tired Offense that couldn't score.  And yet it was an eminently winnable Match Thursday night (delayed an hour by storms that, frankly, came through quickly enough that they could have started it at 7:30 and not 8) against a North Carolina club that had to reload (or rebuild) after losing Drake Maye to the NFL.  It may be more because the Tar Heels looked lost and out-of-sync, but the Gophers were able to take a 14-7 Halftime lead on Touchdown Runs by Marcus Major and Quarterback Max Brosmer.  But Carolina found themselves and chipped away, and Noah Burnette's third successful Field Goal was the first of three lead changes in the Fourth Quarter.

When Burnette kicked his fourth FG make (he was a perfect 4-for-4), the U. got the ball back with less than two Minutes remaining.  Brosmer then put together a drive that was competent and gutsy, two adjectives in short supply earlier in the contest.  He got them in Field Goal range, but Dragan Kesich kicked the football wide right from 47 Yards at the buzzer to send the U. to defeat by a score of 19-17.  By the way, that was Kesich's second miss of the tilt.

I encourage P. J. Fleck and the football program to schedule Games like this against fellow BcS conference schools.  Now, you just have to win them, and too many times, he simply hasn't.  But second-division Rhode Island should be more his and his squad; that Game is early Saturday afternoon.

Having This Condo All To Myself Is ... Now Good

I was bedeviled since getting in last night that I couldn't get the TV to work.  I just got it to work.  All I had to do was unplug the cable receiver.  Guess it needed some resetting.

Honestly, not being able to get the TV to work harshed my mellow last night, and it was driving me crazy till just now.  I will obviously be going around the city while I'm here, but dammit, I needed my TV, and if I couldn't get it to work all weekend, I would be quite upset.

The fridge is also unplugged.  I will be going without chilled food and drinks all weekend.  But I understand, because it's not the TV; it makes no sense to go out of my way to plug that in only to unplug it after three days.  But I'm drinking room temperature water, which is kind of useless in hot Las Vegas weather.  And I have to drink the rest of the Coke I got from leaving the Peppermill, and it's been sitting on the couch all night.

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Uh, what else?  I am sleeping in the guest room, and I just noticed that my parents have put up a picture of a nude woman.  So that's a choice.