Missed Deadline?

Now that my panic over reaching daily production goals has passed -- I don't know if it was a phantom goal that was supposed to spur me into working hard, but I'm sure I have fallen far short the past several days and my heart's not beating out of my chest -- I'm starting to feel a nice warm glow when going to work.  Even if I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn, face still-hot lunchtime naps in the car and worry about how I'm going to sleep when I need to when it starts to get cold outside, I'm very, very happy with work.  The people I work with are great.  My boss, whom I once was afraid didn't "get" me again, is cool now, especially since he laid off the goals talk.  I like the other billers, and all the other people who work in the building are nice.  And the work is manageable and not too over my head.  For a weekly paycheck that'll help me shore up my reserves and maybe get me some sex play in the process, I love my job!

But one thing scares me.  For the past week-plus I've been asked to concentrate on a series of packets for a company whose contract we just won.  We (well, my boss's bosses) felt the pressure of getting this done sooner than I anticipated.  The deadline for completing it all, which I initially wanted for Wednesday, was today.  And unfortunately we are not done; there is still outstanding information about a few people, which prevents us from finally entering information for all the packets, putting them into a report and billing them properly.

I don't know if I could have pushed the issue.  Getting this information goes to people besides my supervisor, and they in turn have to get that info by calling other folks.  Moreover, my boss was busy training new people, so I didn't really have the authority to interrupt his teaching and say, "Hey, what's going on with the packets?"  So it looks like he isn't really sweating it, although he did allow that the company is screwed.  Whatever his boss thinks, I don't know.  I just assume, really assume, that neither my boss nor me won't catch hell over this.

NFL Anti-Picks, Week 4

Record, Week 3: 3-2
Overall Record: 9-8
Total Outlay, Week 3: $300.00
Total Winnings, Week 3: $286.35
Loss, Week 3: $13.65
Overall Gain: $186.32

The Browns-Vikings Under really killed me.  Never thought either team could score because their offenses can't get out of their own way.  Apparently the defenses have the fortitude of saloon doors, so they combined to score 58 points, enough to blow that Under pick and the parlay, thus leaving me with a tiny loss for the week.  Aside: In retrospect, I should have bet big on the Vikings losing.

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Have to make these picks quick, too:

1) Cincinnati -3 1/2 (Cleveland will come down from their surprise "upset" of Minnesota.  The Bengals, on the road, may assert themselves as best team in the AFC North) $50

2) Baltimore -3 (At Buffalo, whom I still believe is one of the worst franchises in the league) $50

3) Kansas City -3 1/2 (A lot of sharp money believes the Chiefs will cover at home against the Giants.  Who am I to disagree?  Best Bet this) $100

4) Pittsburgh -3 (In London.  OK, Christian Ponder got benched, fulfilling the wishes of many Vikes fans.  But the writer for The Big Lead was right: The shitty offensive line is still there to allow pass rushers to come through at will, and Matt Cassel isn't as mobile as Ponder is when the shit goes down.  To make up for my timid bet on Minnesota last week, I'll Quadruple Best Bet this bitch) $200

5) Atlanta -2 1/2 (Despite hosting New England, a lot of sharp money says the Falcons might win this easily.  Is the public still blindly following the Patriots?  Best Bet this) $100

6) Miami-New Orleans Under 48 (Two 3-0 teams with two Quarterbacks passing pretty well.  Despite this being played in the Superbowl, this is strictly a pick against the grain) $50

7) I'm nervous that my first two wagers are on road favorites, so I'll compound my anxiety by parlaying 1) with 2), for $50.

8) The two "square" Best Bets, 3) and 5), also for $50.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 5

Record, Week 4: 6-0!!!
Total Record: 14-7
Total Outlay, Week 4: $275.00
Total Winnings, Week 4: $871.36
Win, Week 4: $596.36
Overall Gain: $428.55

Man, I wish I could go on and on and how awesome it was that I went totally right last week.  This is the first time I won so many wagers while going undefeated.  Wish I laid more money, but I still won a huge payroll and got back in the black.

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I have to make this quick:

1) South Carolina -6 1/2 (Why are they only favored by this much at Central Florida?) $50

2) Arkansas +14 1/2 (They choked away a loss in Rutgers, and I think a lot of public money is on visiting Johnny Manziel and Texas A&M.  This seems like the perfect time for an unexpected result.  Best Bet this) $100

3) Nevada -12 (I hear that the starting Quarterback for visiting Air Force was suspended, causing the opening line to move way up.  I'll go out on a limb and say it's still not enough) $50

4) USC-Arizona St. Under 49.5 (Betting this mostly on seeing USC being unable to move the ball) $50

5) Parlay 1), 3) and 4), for $50.

Good luck!

My Fucking Father Back To Being An Asshole, Once Again

I stayed out tonight.  Had the third of a three-day brandy taste test to complete, otherwise I wouldn't've gotten the $150 debit card I earned for getting drunk.  While I was out of the house, I might as well take in the Cold War Kids concert last night.  Succinct review: Good, but uncomfortably homoerotic.  The band members were touching each other frequently the whole night.  The bassist in particular was pawing his bandmates all damn night.  Maybe it's good for the CWK's camaraderie, but I found it more and more annoying and creepy as the set progressed.

Didn't tell my parents that I was going to a concert, of course.  Told them instead that I was doing some alumni club stuff, or maybe they just didn't care.  At any rate, when I came home around midnight, one of the first things My Fucking Father said was to take out the laundry so he can do it tomorrow.  Once again I ask, "What's the rush?"

And then he said, "It seems like you can't take care of yourself," and even in my tired and inebriated state, that just set me off.  Wow, you just can't shut the fuck up, can you?  A pile of clothes means I'm just a dumb lazyass, aren't I, Father?  Dude, I was, and am, busy.  Fucking busy.  And you know what?  I also have a bunch of clothes, which means I don't have to do laundry every fucking weekend to make sure I don't have to walk outside naked.  And knowing him he'll just throw all the clothes together without even trying to separate whites from colors, like you're supposed to, like I do, so they'll just come out all fucked-up.

What an asshole.  Man, I totally miss not having both of them scream in my ear or insult me to my face.

Yeah, I Thought I Could Do It All

I'm in the middle of a huge packet.  Because it's all the same thing and I don't have to waste my time getting up for new packets, I thought I'd be able to reach 300.  I told my supervisor it wouldn't be a problem, and I told another person there that I should be done with it today.

I'm not even fucking close.  I'm halfway through, maybe.  And so I'll have to give up doing this packet because my boss is shifting me to do other stuff that has to get out.  I don't think he's upset, but I sure am.  But I should have known that there was no way I was going to get to tear through all of those claims in one day.  I'm kind of embarrassed at my failure.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Team New Zealand

Haven't done this in a long time.  Feels good to finally find one.

I barely know anything about sailing, so even though I know a lot about the comebacks it's being compared to, I still don't think I can say this with a lot of confidence.  But comparing it to, say, the Boston Red Sox coming back from an 0-3 deficit to the New York Yankees in the 2004 American League Championship Series seems, at least on the surface, a weak comparison.  I mean, the BoSox had to win four straight.  Oracle Team USA had to win eight straight to win the America's Cup or else lose to Team New Zealand.  By my estimation, eight is twice as much as four.

And sailing?  Shit, baseball seems pretty easy compared to sailing.  In baseball you have a bat and a ball and a glove, but you have your feet and your arms, both of which you've been using all your life.  In sailing you have ... a boat.  I took a sailing class once where you could sail a boat for a weekend.  I wound up not being able to go because I didn't have a ride to the port and I forgot my weekend, but if I did get on the boat, I totally would be overwhelmed.

And another thing: In baseball you have nine guys whose success depends on whether they can do their job well.  In sailing you're all pulling on the same boat, so you have to work together as a team.  I have no idea what's harder: A group of individuals succeeding alone, or a team succeeding together.  (It remains overlooked that the sport of baseball isn't really a "team" sport, but rather a sport of aggregates, where players have little influence on each other's play, so the team wins if each person does his part.)  I guess in sailing the group can cover if one guy isn't doing his job.  But in baseball it's more likely that one person, usually the pitcher, can have an outsized influence over the game compared to his teammates.

All in all, having an eight-point lead, twice, only to cough it up at the end may be The Greatest Collapse In The History Of Recorded Sport.  And so, while prices need to be paid for that, I nevertheless have to feel for those on the butt end of The Greatest Comeback In The History Of Recorded Sport.

For the people comprising Team New Zealand: Poor Bastards.

Alright, I Didn't Fucking Water The Garden, OK? I Just Didn't Give A Shit, OK?!?! I'm Sorry, OK?!?!?!

So one of the big things I was supposed to do for my parents -- actually the biggest thing I could do for them -- while they were gone was water the garden in the backyard.  One hour, Mother said -- two if you could on the weekends.  I nodded in agreement, knowing deep in my heart there is no fucking way I would waste my time doing that shit.

And I didn't.  Never once did I get even close to sixty minutes.  I started out doing more than a half-hour before thinking this is just way too much fucking water for the plants to absorb.  Over the two weeks my folks were gone I tapered it off, to  30, then less than 30, then 15 minutes.

Then, in the days before my parents were coming back, I decided I couldn't do it any more.  There was some rain the middle of last week, but I really didn't think it was enough for me not to water, but it was my excuse.  I have another excuse: I was just too fucking busy.  It actually started the first weekend they were on their cruise because of that extra shoot where I came in at 7 Saturday evening and couldn't go home until 9:45 the following fucking morning.  I was able to water somewhat, but I was too wiped out to even do half an hour, let alone an hour.  But in the middle of last week I was preparing for an alumni club fundraiser, and I just got too goddamn busy to do it before night fell.  OK, I'll admit I did stay out and go to stripclubs and shit.  And I guess I could have watered at night.  But I didn't.  I really didn't water after Saturday afternoon.  I just didn't have the energy or the time.  And no, I didn't give a shit.

My parents came back Monday night, so they couldn't see the consequences on their garden until Tuesday morning.  And I came back last night because after work yesterday (as well as today and tomorrow; I'm writing from a hotel right now) I'm participating in a taste test.  My Fucking Father, as usual, was tactless in saying that all the plants had died.  "What-what-what?!" I said in umbrage, walking out into the wet backyard in my slippers to see Mother trying to salvage all the other plants by drowning them.  After a minute of staring out, acting as if I had no idea what the fuck happened because I told them I watered them for an hour every (well, most every) fucking day, I went in for dinner.

I don't give a shit.  I.  Just.  Don't.  Give.  A.  Shit.  I get up to work at 7, I have shit to do after I get done with work at 3:30, I get home to look at my computer for an hour, then I have to eat, and then I have a choice of either going outside to water the garden or taking a nap.  And because I'm so fucking tired, I went 50/50.  And that was on days I was home at night.  Several days I had stuff to do (OK, I wanted to go out) and I didn't make it home at all.  How the fuck could I take out an hour of my day to water the fucking plants?

But now ... I feel a certain guilt.  There's nothing I can do, but we are talking about death here, death of living things, things that were at the mercy of my hose, and through fatigue or indifference, I didn't give it to them.  Most of the plants that shriveled up, according to Mother, were the ones closest to the fence, the ones farthest away from me while I watered.  Maybe I could have spent some more time on the hard-to-reach places.

I also feel guilty, kind of, for letting my parents down.  They gave me a responsibility, and I couldn't fulfill it, unreasonable as it was.  But a funny thing happened after I went in for dinner.  I expected them to be mad.  But they barely talked about the garden at all.  Instead they were talking about dinner and bickering about stuff.  Father told me about some mail they needed me to take care of; Mother wondered if I got the e-mail she sent me when they were in Montreal.  And they kind of forget about what I failed to with the garden.  It's as if it was no big deal.  I'm happy they're not fixating on it, yet confused why they aren't.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

(This has to be quick and dirty.  This is what I get when I have to cover six teams and decide to sleep early the night before because I have work at 7 in the morning.)

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  In a WNBA Playoffs that have turned into a rash of upsets, only the Lynx were able to sweep as favorites, taking out the Seattle Storm in two games and thus retaining their spot atop the WMNSS.  The three-point series-clinching win Sunday in Seattle ended the career of Tina Thompson, the last remaining player who was around when the league itself began 17 (?) years ago.  To commemorate her legendary career, the Lynx asked Thompson (who, by the way, is a Woman of Troy), to pose for some photos with them.  I understand the sentiment, but if I were Thompson, I don't know if I would want to snap pictures with a bunch of players who just ended my career.

It gets better for the Lynx.  I was deathly afraid that they would lose to Los Angeles in the next round.  Turns out they won't even have to face them.  The Phoenix Mercury were instead able to beat the Sparks in three games, winning both matches in L.A.  I don't want to overlook the Mercury; they have Britney Griner, who may very well be rounding into form as The Next Great Player In The WNBA.  But they won all five games against them.  Sure, they were all games played before August, and a 5-0 series record means Phoenix is motivated to win.  Wow ... I think I just talked myself into thinking the Jynx will lose to the Mercury.  Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals is Thursday at Target Center.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  For the second year in a row this team is 4-0.  What I will give them extra recognition for their 43-24 victory over San Jose St.  Because that means that their four wins, even if three of them were at home, were by, respectively, 28, 23, 17 and 19 points.  I like the fact that this team is soundly beating programs they should beat.  Another plus: Jerry Kill did not have a seizure.

Now, let's see if this team can pick on teams their own size.  They finish their three-game homestand with their Homecoming game against Iowa Saturday afternoon.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4).  The Goofs rebound from their first defeat of the season with four victories in two days in the Dartmouth Tournament.  I have to downgrade them, though, because none of the four teams they beat are worth a damn, and they finally dropped a set in a win for the first time all year, to UConn.  So they finish the non-con part of their schedule at 12-1.  They now begin Big Ten play at home versus Indiana Wednesday and Purdue Sunday.

#-4: Twins (Last Week: -5).  A 2-5 week, including a four-game road sweep in Oakland -- a team with a shittier stadium and a smaller payroll (at least for now), but a team that's about to win the American League West Divison.  I'm not saying you can compete in Major League Baseball with a meager payroll; I think they benefit from an Anaheim squad that vastly under-calculated its pitching and a Texas club that underachieved.  But to see the Twinks have a bigger payroll and still be regressions worse than the Athletics?  That at least shows that spending money in baseball isn't everything.

Take a look at this chart: It is expected that six of the nine men in next year's starting lineup will make only half a million dollars.  And of the four guys in the projected rotation, four of them will make only around that same number.  And we gave them $350 million in corporate welfare for this shit?

Home to Detroit and Cleveland to end the season.  I'll be working the Saturday game against Cleveland; at least I'll be able to take back some of the taxpayer money I had to give to this organization.

#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Uh-oh.  I'm not saying this team is supposed to contend in the B1G.  But despite facing undefeated Indiana on the road, their 1-0 loss scares me into thinking their non-conference sched wasn't as rigorous as I thought it was.  Their five-game roadtrip concludes with visits to Michigan St. Friday and Michigan Sunday.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  Well, at least I can say that I knew this game wasn't going to be a blowout ViQueens victory.  But I am still extremely bummed out that they lost to Cleveland at home.  Let me just say that that defeat was the fault of all parties.  Christian Ponder was a big part of it, but special teams shouldn't have been fooled once, let alone twice, coaching that couldn't defeat a third-string quarterback deserves scrutiny, a defensive line that only got one (?) sack isn't doing its job, an offensive line that allowed Ponder to be dropped five (?) times isn't doing its job and, most importantly, a defense does not allow a C-string QB to drive down the field for a winning touchdown late in a game.  I don't give a shit how shitty your quarterback is, if you need to stop the other team to win the game, you fucking stop the other team.

Can you believe it: The National Football League, in its continuing quest to expand its popularity to Europe, are sending a pair of 0-3 teams to London this Sunday.  Maybe they should just keep both teams here so as not to embarrass The Shield.  Either the Vikes are the Pittsburgh Steelers are flying back to the States with an 0-4 record.  Ugh.

Not A Good Day At Work

Let's just say that, after doing this particular job a second time, I don't operate well in high-pressure situations where people constantly rely on me for the right information.  I tried, but man, once that surprise play happened I just got screwed up, then I missed information, then I said the wrong player number, and it just got all fucked-up from there.  I'm glad it's over, but my days of doing that might be done as well.

NFL Anti-Picks, Week 3

Record, Week 2: 5-3
Overall Record: 6-6
Total Outlay, Week 2: $650.00
Total Winnings, Week 2: $954.52
Gain, Week 2: $304.52
Overall Gain: $199.97

The difference between last week and Week 1 is like night and day.  It felt good to get most of my picks right, including nailing down my first parlay.  As a result I was able to bring in almost a grand and go from the red to the black.

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I have to get gas, shower, shave and go to bed early because I have to work in the morning, so I'll make this quick:

1) Cincinnati +3 (The host Green Bay; just a hunch) $50

2) Cleveland +6 1/2 (The Browns just traded away Trent Richardson and named scrub Brian Hoyer as their starting quarterback.  Feeling that this is no better than a high school team is the perfect reason to take them and the points.  Trust me; the Vikings are not that good) $50

3) Cleveland-Minnesota Under 40.5 (The Browns offense will not be worth a damn, but Christian Ponder is going to struggle in his first game at home.  Seriously, the first to 18 might win.  Best Bet this) $100

4) Miami -2 1/2 (The Dolphins could be better than advertised.  They host a dome team, Atlanta, in their first game at home this year) $50

5) Parlay 2) and 3), for $50.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 4

Record, Week 3: 2-5
Total Record: 8-7
Total Outlay, Week 3: $650.00
Total Winnings, Week 3: $286.35
Loss, Week 3: $363.65
Overall Loss: $167.81


Ouch.  I overestimated Notre Dame, South Carolina,Boston College and Iowa St.  I blew both legs of my parlay.  And the huge payday I had Week 1 is now all gone, replaced by a pretty sizable debt.

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Let's make this quick, I'm tired:

1) Utah St. +6 1/2 (Still think USC's overrated) $50

2) Michigan St. +5 (All the trends point against Notre Dame) $50

3) Penn St. -22 (Kent St. is beset with injuries) $50

4) Stanford -6 1/2 (Their game against Arizona St. is the only match-up this week pitting two teams ranked in this week's Associated Press Top 25 poll.  Some people think the Sun Devils are on the upswing, but I think the host Cardinal win this going away) $50

5) Parlay 2) and 3) together, for $50.

6) What the hell: Parlay all four together, for $25.

Good luck!

Wait A Second ... I Might Get Fired Tomorrow

So it all started with Buffalo Wild Wings Wednesday night, where my alumni club held a fundraiser.  I got a sampler platter with wings dipped in a sauce that I thought wasn't spicy, but was.  Moreover I got those poppers with peppers, which were also hot.  I hate hot food because the food becomes less about tasting how good it is and more about fighting off the spiciness.

Then my friend, the former president, decides he's going to order desert nachos for the table.  It's a huge tortilla deep-fried then sprinkled with cinnamon with four scoops of ice cream on it.  Oh, and there are these cheesecake bites added to it.  Each of us took a quarter.  I was already stuffed by the sampler, but this dessert was good, very good.  I then washed it all down by trying to deal with a hoppy beer.

The next day was not so good for me gastrointestinally.  In fact my body woke me up early because it wanted to shit.  So I did, though not a whole lot.  It was a bunch of farting followed by cheese curd-sized feces.  Went back to bed, had to get up again, and then I might as well stay up, punch in a blog post and settle my unemployment status.

It got worse once I got to work.  Had to run to the bathroom three times because I got the feeling -- you know, the "gotta shit" feeling.  But like in the morning, very little came out.  Damn B-Dubs.

You would think that with me feeling the need to shit so much I wouldn't eat.  I wasn't really hungry.  But today just happened to be a chili-and-soup cook-off contest/fundraiser.  Moreover, my boss was gone for a third consecutive day, so I thought that if there was an opportunity to take it easy on myself and indulge in some food, today was it.  (By the way, all week someone has made free food at work.  I'm starting to think my job at this place is to just eat the free food.)

But my belly took a toll.  I'm stretching these khakis to the point where it's stabbing my entire torso.  (Scary thing is, these used to fit me just fine last winter.)  That should be a sign to take it easy.  But I already put my $5 in, so let's fuckin' eat!  And I had to slow down as I went through the ten pots, trying to select which soup and which chili were the best.  In the afternoon I could feel the stabbing around the waistband of my pants intensify.  I literally got bigger at work because of the free food.

But take a step back: With all the bathroom runs and the sneaking bites of food, I'm not really sure how hard I worked yesterday.  My supervisor has to be back today, and I could totally see him checking out our stats to see if the mice played while the cat was away.  And then he'll see that I did, what, 125 claims and promptly fire me on the spot.  All because I ate too much food Wednesday night and Thursday afternoon.  But-but-but ... I worked my ass off Wednesday!

We'll see.  But I might have pushed taking it easy a little too far yesterday.

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By the way, I just checked in and jerked off to VEF.  First time I logged in there in 13 days and 13 1/2 hours.

Not Catching Up When It Comes To Leftovers Or Laundry

Yes, I have work.  And set aside the edict from Mother asking me to water her plants for at least an hour a day, if not two.  (I'll blog about that later, but let's just say I hope she doesn't notice.)  But most of my evenings during their cruise vacation has been taken up by stuff.  Sometimes I have obligations which just happen to fall while they are away.  Sometimes, I will admit, I'm going out because my parents aren't here.

Regardless of the reason, I have not been at home most evenings.  That has prevented me from doing the pile of laundry more than once.  It always has prevented me from picking off the plethora of leftovers my folks left for me before they left.  Mother said she was worried about me when she packed the refrigerator for The End Times, but she had to know in the back of her head I would be going out to eat while they were away.  Nevertheless both my parents expect me to either it or freeze the rest.  I haven't done that either because, hey, I might get around to eating them.  There are five days left, after all.

I wanted to write more, but I have to go to work right this minute.  And I don't think I'll be back by 6, if not later.  See, I can't be a failure, I'm totally busy!

Liking Both My Car And The Mechanic Around The Corner Again!

I have to say that ever since I got the hood of my car fixed, it has run very well.  A month ago I listed all the things wrong with it, but I have to admit that, even though the paint job on the hood and the left side of my car is different that the original finish on the rest of it (I think the new finish looks like a matte while the right side and the trunk have a wet satin look), it looks as good as new.  Moreover, the left side included a dent on the side of my left taillight, which I got on my way to getting my car serviced at the dealership.  Looked like the body shop looked at it, banged out the dent and smoothed over the scratches.  It's not perfect; you could still tell that the car was in an accident.  But it looks a hell of a lot better.  Oh, and before that I did get the power steering leak fixed.  Turns out there was a hole in the power steering pressure hose.  No leaks on the driveway since.

And I've got to admit that The Mechanic Around The Corner is earning back my trust again.  This ties into my paranoia about my car, namely the cold start problems, the "second sound," the slow acceleration and the vibration and noise while driving.  A few weeks ago I brought the car in because it was getting to be way too much.  But after a quick drive around the neighborhood, the guy who regularly works on my car says that it probably wasn't worth worrying about.

Nevertheless I wasn't convinced.  So when it was time to bring in the car for an oil change, tire rotation and transmission flush, I decided to have them take a thorough look at it last week.  My parents are still away, so I had their car to use while they had the run of my car; I just wanted them to fix all the noises and driveability issues.  I even had a guy there ride with me as I had him hear the loud noise emanating from my car after I got there.  Both he and the manager (who took the car behind their shop to store it overnight so they can try to start the car cold in the morning) heard the "second sound," which assuages my fears that I'm the only one hearing things.

But the next afternoon they told me that after leaving it overnight they could not reproduce the "second sound."  And, at least I guess, if the problem isn't consistent, it ain't that much of a problem.  That, or they can't really fix what's wrong if they can't hear what's wrong.  And I actually feel OK with that "sorry, can't diagnose" conclusion.  I take away the assurance that they know exactly what I'm talking about.  Besides, the car's working just fine (even though the low oil level light popped on starting the day after I got it changed and it's been on and off since).  And without extensive work on the car, I didn't have to pay the hundreds of dollars that I was girding myself to shell out for it.

Finally to yesterday (Tuesday), when I tried to use the windshield wash-and-wipe mechanism.  No fluid came out of the nozzle.  Looked at the tank under the hood; it was full.  Then I remembered that when the hood flew off of its hinges, I saw two stray hoses that basically were the only things connecting it to the rest of my car.  Didn't give it a second thought until I couldn't spray down my windshield.  That's when I put two and two together: Oh, they had to cut off those hoses in order to fix my hood, and those lead to the wiper fluid.  Like with the hood shocks, the body shop did not replace everything I thought they would, but then again, they don't do mechanical things like that, do they?  Maybe it was too much to expect out of them, maybe not; regardless, I thought today was the best day to, once again, bring the car in and have whatever needed fixing or replacement.  This is after bringing it in less than a week ago.  Hey, winter's coming, and I can't go without wiper fluid, right?  Besides, they said they needed to retorque my wheels.  Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

Well, once again I overestimated my car trouble.  I brought it in the last hour of operation, intending to drop it off and pick it up the next day or the day after.  But The Mechanic Around The Corner first retorqued the wheels nuts without me even turning off the car.  And then he popped open the hood real quick and quickly saw that the hose running from the tank to the nozzles were cut off so the body shop could fix the hood.  I was OK just getting an estimate, but this guy got to work immediately.  Within five minutes, his supervisor gave me back my keys.  Apparently the guy rigged a segment of hose lying around the shop to reconnect the two segments of the original hose.  This guy, whom I thought was in over his head last year, has now looked into and quickly diagnosed two problems with my car in a matter of minutes -- both times for free.  And the washer mechanism works again.

So instead of bitching about my car, I have to admit that it's safe and reliable right now.  And The Mechanic Around The Corner may be someone I can bring my car back to for reasons beyond being walking distance from my home.  Peace of mind is a great thing, and I should count my blessings.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  In virtually the flipside to what had happened previous WMNSSs, every single team here lost at least one game.  So I give the top spot back to the Jynx, who finished the regular season with a 2-1 week and clinched home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs with a convincing 79-66 win at home over the Chicago Sky in the last game of the year Saturday night.  Because of the subjectivity of foul calls and the potential points a team gets from them, the influence of a home crowd is more important in basketball than it is in any other sport.  Sure, it didn't help the Jynx when they had the best record in the league and lost both a WNBA Finals home game and the title to the Indiana Fever last year, but it's much better to have it than to not have it.

However I will give a prediction: They lose in the Western Conference Finals to the Los Angeles Farmers Sparks.  They lost the season series to L.A. 3-2, after losing the penultimate game of the regular season by a point, 85-84 Thursday.  Oh, sure, both teams held court and thus the Lynx only lost because they had to play in L.A. three times.  Still that does not bode well, and it's always better to underestimate than to overestimate.

They begin the playoffs with a best-of-three series against the Seattle, whom they crushed in Seattle Tuesday 73-60.  The Storm grabbed the fourth seed in the Western Conference despite finishing with a losing record.  Seattle will not be a problem.  L.A., and potentially Chicago, will be.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  I agree with Jim Souhan for the most part; if the seizures continue, I believe Jerry Kill has to step down as head couch of this team.  It's not necessarily because of his epilepsy, although have seizures during three games so far into his tenure here is getting to be ridiculous.  We were told by Kill himself that with hydration and a calm demeanor, there would be no seizures.  Being a head coach doesn't help with the latter, and it's apparent that he's not doing enough of the former or else who wouldn't be having these seizures.  It did not help, by the way, that in today's press conference Kill refused to answer questions about his health, even though Minnesota taxpayers fund his million-dollar salary and have witnessed his illness on the sidelines three times now.

Guess whether he remains Head Coach depends on what it always depends on: Wins and losses.  Beating Western Illinois is a plus, even though they're a second-division team.  Let's see what happens, on the field and on the sidelines, early Saturday afternoon at Das Bank vs. San Jose St.

(By the way, I have never seen a newspaper editor undercut her high-profile columnist the way Star Tribune editor Nancy Barnes did when she apologized on behalf of the paper for Souhan's column -- and on an online journalism blog, no less.  If I were Souhan, I'd be pissed off enough to quit ... and if I then were Barnes, I'd breathe a sigh of relief that I was able to cut another person's salary out of the paper's shrinking budget.)

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  Well, it had to happen: The team suffered their first loss of the season at then-ninth-ranked Florida 2-0.  They then completed the non-con part of their sched by beating host Jacksonville 3-0.  So they begin Big Ten play with a 7-1 record, even though I have no idea how that will stand up to other teams' resumes when it comes time to picking a field for the NCAA Tournament.  They start conference play at Indiana Saturday.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  Well, this also had to happen, but since this was a Top 5 team, a loss to a worse squad (albeit a ranked Kentucky club) is, in my opinion, a sign of trouble.  They handled their business in the first game of the Bluegrass Battle when they swept Louisville Friday night (all eight of their wins are by 3-0 scores).  But just couldn't put the Wildcats away in the clutch in that final set.  So, yes, I wonder about how good this team really is.

Apparently they will complete the non-con portion of their sched by playing four teams (Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Connecticut and Dartmouth) over two days this weekend in the Hanover, N.H. Dartmouth Tournament.

#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5).  A 2-5 week with a four-game losing streak thrown in, blah-blah-blah, when is this fucking season over so I don't have to write about them anymore?  They complete the road part of their regular season schedule at the White Sox and Oakland (watch your head; I hear pieces of the infrastructure are falling down) before they turn and head for home, aka the last week of the regular season, starting with Detroit on Monday.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  The stat: Out of the 190 teams that started a season 0-2, only 22 of them made the playoffs.  Now that includes the New York Giants team that won the Super Bowl the year they won that, but the Vikes are not those G-Men.

I fell asleep just before halftime of the ViQueens' game against Chicago and woke up just after Cordarrelle Patterson fumbled the ball on the kickoff with two seconds left in the game.  I heard it got really good in the second half, but I had just spent 14 3/4 hours in a house in Summit Ave. in St. Paul as an extra for a movie, and my biological clock is still out of whack.  I should blog about that.  Anyway, it seems as if Christian Ponder saved his bacon again, but that the final offensive and defensive drives were total fuck-ups.  The final three plays at the Bears' doorstep, where a touchdown would turn a three-point lead to a two-possession game with about three minutes to go, where two Adrian Peterson runs sandwiched around an incomplete pass.  No play-action?  I understand if the coaches don't trust Ponder, but in a situation like this, you're going to have to hand the ball and the gameplan to him; if he fucks up, you have even more ammo in which to bench him.  And then apparently there was confusion in the fourth-to-the-last and the last defensive plays of the game, which resulted in a touchdown and a 31-30 defeat.  I guess I should be heartened that both defeats this season have been close with should-could-woulda moments.  But at the end of the day, you are what your record says you are.

I'll be going to Sunday's home opener against Cleveland.  First to break 18 wins.

300, Therefore I Believe I Get To Keep My Job

Well, I did get my wish on a single big packet to work on.  Unfortunately it was a new contract they won, so all the people whose claims I looked through were all new, therefore I had to input every single piece of information in -- name, date of birth, address. ...

I didn't think I made it.  However, there was an added wrinkle to this daily goal.  My computer has been kind of slow.  Moreover, one of the programs we use is also very slow.  I had complained to my supervisor about this while checking on how many claims I had done and then waiting for it to load for about an hour.  He apologized and then told me to keep track of how long it takes to load; he said he would figure that into this calculations on how many papers we had done.

At that point I kind of relaxed.  In fact my martyrdom kicked in.  If I was going to be fired for not reaching 300, at least I could leave knowing that it wasn't my fault, it was the computer's!  I did go through on my plan of not taking lunch, but instead I waited for this program to fully run, so I didn't do anything that half-hour anyway.  Once it booted up I just shut that down, put my nose down and worked.

Well, I'll be: After packing up for the day, I just had to look.  I spent a couple minutes waiting for that program to come up again ... and I reached 300.  I let my boss know that I overcame such great obstacles in order to reach that goal.

So ... I guess I'm OK now?  I certainly acted like I had a job in the bag today, kind of like I did the middle of last week before I sort of lost my shit.  Oh, I worked hard.  But did I work to the point where I got 300?  Even with a couple very easy packets near the end of my day, probably not.  Logic says I should be worried.  However, I have not received a phone call from my temp agency, so I think that means I get to go back to work, at least for another day.

But I wonder if any single move, along with me not reaching 300 on a regular basis, could convince my supervisor to change his mind.  For example, it was getting to be the end of the workday and I thought I was packing up alongside the rest of my co-workers.  But as I was headed out the door I saw the other three remain at their seats -- presumably to clean up and head out, but usually I'm the one who leaves last.  Then I looked at my watch.  There was a minute left before I could go.  I was depending on the clock in my computer, however, which apparently is a minute fast.  Now, is it possible my boss thinks I'm being a dick, checks my stats and figures that I'm just a slacker?  Not going to say no.  Let's just hope I get to continue to work, OK?  I have sexually active plans I need the money for.

NFL Anti-Picks, Week 2

Record: 1-3
Total Outlay: $200.00
Total Winnings: $95.45
Loss: $104.55

Shit.  Only got the Tennessee cover over Pittsburgh.  And that is why the National Football League is the most popular league in the country: Any Given Sunday. ...

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I need to make this quick.  I was an extra in a movie in St. Paul.  The call time was 7 yesterday evening.  I got out of that place at 9:45 this fucking morning.  And I got paid a measly $75 for it.  There are harder ways to earn a paycheck besides lying around on a hardwood floor of a renovating house and taking cat naps when you can, but I kind of wonder if my original Saturday night plan of eating at the Mall of America Hooters and then hitting My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) would have been more worth it:

1) Chicago -6 (This may just be me being a Vikings pessimist, but everything that got exposed against Detroit last week -- shaky defense, poor offensive line -- will be banged on by the Bears all afternoon.  Plus this is a dome team playing outdoors.  Best Bet this) $100

2) St. Louis-Atlanta Over 47.5 (Two dome teams with shaky Ds.  There is so much leaning to take the Over that I should contradict myself and take the Under, but I'll go out on a limb) $50

3) Tennessee +8 (They're at Houston, the city they deserted.  I defy logic in making this pick, but when has the NFL been logical?) $50

4) New Orleans -3 (Although this also is a dome team playing on the road, news this week has shown that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is a team in complete disarray, topped off with the revelation that Quarterback Josh Freeman was stripped of his captaincy after sleeping late and missing the team photo shoot.  This is a sign this franchise is going south in a hurry.  Best Bet this) $100

5) Jacksonville-Oakland Under 41 (I'm scared that, say, Terrell Pryor will go off on the Jaguars.  But this is a matchup of possibly the two worst teams in the league, early in the season when offenses have not had time to gel.  I kind of think one of them doesn't crack ten points.  Best Bet this) $100

6) Seattle -3 (Good to see that the next best rivalry in the NFL is out in the West Coast, which has been neglected when it comes to pro football love.  In a game between two really good teams that have said they don't like each other, go with the home favorite every time.  Triple Best Bet this) $150

7) Parlay 1) with 3), for $50.

8) Also parlay the O/Us: 2) and 5), also for $50.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 3

Record Week 2: 3-2
Total Record: 6-2
Total Outlay, Week 2: $400.00
Total Winnings, Week 2: $327.26
Loss, Week 2: $72.74
Overall Gain: $195.84

Well, I suffered my first loss of the season.  Thought that Oregon St. would assert itself at home against Hawai'i after being upset by a second-division team, but they didn't.  And since I had that Beaver bet as part of a two-team parlay, I lost twice and, summarily, was in the red for the week.  Therefore I took a step back after my fantastic start to the season.

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I don't know if this blog post will show up.  Apparently cutting and pasting from last week's Anti-Picks fucks up the color, size and font.  Whatever, I have to do this now:

1) Boston College +14 (I don't know how good they are, and they are playing on the road, but they're at USC, which looked awful, I mean awful, in losing [at home] to Washington St., and I don't see how it can get any better.  Best Bet this) $100

2) Oregon -28 (Appreciate the fact that an SEC team, in this case Tennessee, has shown the graciousness and the balls to play up north.  They will be repaid for that graciousness and ballsiness with a curb-stomping.  Best Bet this as well) $100

3) Iowa St. +2 (Just a hunch ... they are hosting the annual Cy-Hawk game against an Iowa program that is going nowhere.  Shit, Best Bet this too) $100

4) Kent St. +36 1/2 (I have noticed that Les Miles, Head Coach at LSU, has not regularly pounded weak opponents.  I don't know if this means he hasn't covered spreads as a favorite, plus the Bayou Bengals are playing at home.  But that five-touchdown-plus mark is a bit much, you think?) $50

5) South Carolina -14 (They are hosting Vanderbilt a week after losing a very close game against Georgia.  They they'll take their frustrations out on the Commodores.  Best Bet this!) $100

6) Notre Dame -18 1/2 (The Fighting Irish are on the road, but Purdue is as weak as I've ever seen it.  Notre Dame may not be BcS material, but I can't see how they don't destroy the Boilermakers.  Double Best Bet this) $150

7) Parlay 3) with 6), for $50.

Good luck!

Addendum To: Yeah, It's Time To Stress Out

Didn't reach 300 today either.  I'll be honest: I didn't take it seriously today.  And since I didn't reach the mandated goal, I guess I have to fucking take it seriously.

I'm screwed.

I was close yesterday.  I was OK today, too.  But there was a bunch of shit that happened to slow me down.  Maybe I shouldn't've taken those public packets; fuck 'em, I need to do the private ones.  Maybe I shouldn't've corrected those files my boss gave back to me.  It would help if I didn't need to learn other shit and just did the things I could do.  But, here I am now, under the gun.

What is weird is that I know it in my head, but not in my heart.  Logically I'm thinking, OK, if I don't hit the magical 300 tomorrow (actually more like 5 1/2 hours from when I type this), I'm in big trouble -- assuming my fate hasn't already been sealed.  But my heart is nowhere near as stressed out as I was around this time last year, when I was pretty pissed as I was looking down the barrel of said gun.  Emotionally I am as lackadaisical as I was today, when I didn't even check my progress once.

You want me to hit that fucking 300?  You want me to tell you how I can hit that fucking 300?  Give me a huge stack of easy private claims, filled with people with the same insurance who already have a fucking record so I don't have to put it in.  Then leave me alone -- no more training, no explanations, just leave me the fuck alone.  Then you can have that goddamn 300.  He continues to believe that it's easy.  Unless the planets are fucking aligned (or you just fucking cheat), it's goddamn impossible.

And the worst thing is I don't believe I could have worked any faster.  It was not like I was slacking off, either today or the day before.  I work hard, man, really hard.  And it's still not enough?

So I undercut myself by going to a Saul Williams spoken word performance (intriguing, although I must say I really like the opener, Guante) and give myself no sleep.  Gives me a good reason to try that two-year-old Red Bull; let's see how awake I'll be!  And I'll probably have to give up my lunchtime nap.  In fact, I've decided I'm going to wake up and get in early so I can start as soon as possible.  If it's before 7, so be it.  And no, I won't ask for overtime.  I'll just behave as desperately, as bitterly and as angry as possible.  All so I can reach that magical 300.

Except that I probably won't.  By this time tomorrow, I'm afraid I will be out of a job.

You Know, Maybe I Shouldn't've Drank That Second Pop -- Especially After The First Pop Tasted Awesome!

First of all, why do leftover Cokes that I get from fast food places taste so good after I leave them in the refrigerator after a while?  I went to Which Wich? before dropping off my car at The Mechanic Around The Corner, then put the take-home Coke in the fridge while I water my parents' plants in the backyard.  Decided there was so many leftovers that, even though I wasn't hungry, I decided to eat some chicken.  Had the Which Wich? Coke to wash it down, and it tasted so good.

So good, in fact, that I decided to drink it all, even though I had some chicken left.  I was in the mood for some more pop, so I popped open a can of Coke from the fridge downstairs.  Um, not that tasty, for some reason.  Still tasted good, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't the same.  Why is that?

And now that I've woken up for work I feel this huge thing in my now-huge gut.  Got to be the second pop.  Felt this before, ugh.  The man I was ten years ago wouldn't feel this shitty.  I'm getting fucking old.  Shouldn't've drank that second pop, especially so soon before bed.

Yeah, It's Time To Stress Out

Started the flu billing job Monday.  Felt good about being back in a place I'm familiar with, mostly because I was asked back, which meant they must have liked me.  Unfortunately, yesterday (Tuesday) I was met with the standard again, and all the bad memories came back to me.

I started work with three other people, a couple and a guy who's lived a lot.  None of them are Minnesota natives, oddly enough.  We finally started putting in claims Tuesday, and at the end of the day our supervisor had us check how many claims we did.  The three newbies weren't really close, although, to be fair, we started inputting that stuff in the late morning.  Extrapolating for the whole day, they would not have reached the goal.  The guy next to me, the man who's lived a lot, I could see him being really stressed out once we were done with training and started working.

However, I was little better.  While I did outwork the other guys, extrapolation meant I would not have hit the standard either.  When I saw my number, I remember the call I got from my temp agency contact registering his "worry" over how I'm not making it.  I then remember the day after that call, feeling my heart beat, being in a bad attitude all day.  I checked my production number constantly, and when it was lunchtime and I still wasn't progressing at the right pace, I did what I consider to be not normal: I worked through lunch.  That was the only way I could hit the number I needed to keep my job.

And now, not only do I think the other three need to do that, I fucking might need to do that, too.  That sucks.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -4).  In another successful WMNSS, where the top four teams had perfect weeks, I'm putting the gridiron U. program on top.  Why?  Couple of reasons.  First, I really don't know if I'll ever get a chance to put these guys first again.  Second, I think their 44-21 whipping of New Mexico St. proves that Head Coach Jerry Kill is making some progress.  I don't know if the squad is making great strides.  Hell, I'm not even sure if you could see the progress through a microscope.  But not too long ago, asking this team to double up any team, let alone one as hapless as the Aggies, on the road would be like asking them to navigate their way through the U.'s underground tunnel system.  So beating up a low-level top-flight program like NMSU makes us feel, in our inflated heads, right, like the Gophers are supposed to do this on the regular, like Bronco Nagurski is still on the team.

One unfortunate happening, however: Defensive Back Briean Boddy-Calhoun tore his ACL early in the game against the Aggies and is out for the year.  Good news for the team: Their next game Saturday is against second-division Western Illinois.  They should be OK without Boddy-Calhoun.  In fact, I don't think this is a fair fight, and I wonder if I should include the American footballers in next week's WMNSS.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  The opposition remains weak.  But I do have to give the program props for blitzing their Diet Coke Classic by sweeping Ball St., Western Illinois and Duke.  Through their seven wins they have yet to drop a set.  Middle Blocker Tori Dixon followed up last week's Big Ten Player Of The Week honors with conference Defensive Player Of The Week for her efforts in the U.'s host tournament.

My only observation I can make for Hugh McCutcheon's schedule-making might be an inaccurate one, I'll admit: I don't think he's doing his program any favors if he lines up a month's worth of cupcakes.  Coming up this weekend is probably the strongest field of the four non-conference tournaments: The Bluegrass Battle in Lexington, Ky., as the Gophers face Louisville Friday and host Kentucky Saturday.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  I always fear the worst for this club because they are probably favored to win the WNBA championship more than any other team, and therefore have the target on their backs.  No team would suffer a greater failure than the Lynx.  So even though they won both of their games this week, and against a pair of good teams at that (by nine points at home over Los Angeles Wednesday and, probably more impressively, 15 points at Seattle), and have ripped off six in a row after that blip in the middle of the season, and lead Chicago by two games for best record in the league, my hopes remain tempered.

The end of the regular season is nigh, though.  I guess the Lynx remained in the Emerald City after vanquishing the Storm Saturday because, due to this weird quirk in the sched, they face them again this evening.  They then visit the Sparks before finally ending the season Saturday at Target against the Chicago Sky in what could be a fight for the best record in the WNBA, home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs, and a possible (probable?) WNBA title matchup.

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  Yes, they won both their games and thus won their Minnesota Gold Classic at Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium last weekend.  But while they won a pair of 2-1 decisions over SEC teams, the latter victory over Ole Miss happened in overtime, and I need a reason to discern between this team and the three I put above them, so they're fourth.  Nevertheless they're undefeated and untied in six games, and that's a great thing.

By the way, I met one of the mothers of a player on the Ole Miss squad.  I feel bad for stereotyping the South after she was so nice to me.  Let me say, then, that I wish that one of the SEC football teams had the curiosity (or is it just courage?) to come up north for a game in B1G Country the same way the Rebel and LSU Tiger women's soccer teams did this past weekend.

This week is the fourth and final weekend of non-conference games.  This also starts a five-game road trip for the lady footballers, so they must tread lightly if they want to come back to Minnesota with an unblemished record.  At Florida Friday, at Jacksonville Sunday.

#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5).  All you need to know about the depths of this shitty team's shitty season is that they had a ten-game losing streak at home.  Well fuck, why the goddamn hell did we give these guys a $540 million stadium for?  This losing streak included their fifth dicksmack at home, at the hands of underachieving Toronto over the weekend.  Only a make-up win Monday over another underachieving team, Anaheim, broke said streak.  Oh, and they lost their final and only game of the season series against not an underachieving but the worst team in the league, Houston.  They went 2-4 this week, yet it seemed much, much worse.

The quirk of baseball schedules mean that the Twinks have not played the Oakland Athletics at all yet.  But they will take care of both series against The Bastard Philadelphia A's over the next week and a half, starting tonight.  A weekend series against Tampa finishes the team's ten-game homestand, which had to have been packed.  On Monday they begin their final roadtrip of this damned year at the White Sox.

#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  Since my alma mater was also participating in the Minnesota women's soccer team's Minnesota Gold Classic, I decided to take in both games Sunday (which featured the first loss by my alma mater due to a bullshit red card and an even more bullshit call on the goalie trying to catch the ball on a breakaway, leading to an LSU converted penalty kick and the only tally of the match).  Last time I heard it was 14-6 Vikes, and Harrison Smith managed to swat the ball away from Detroit Tight End Brandon Pettigrew to get the ball back.  I was scared that they would lose, but that news made me think that I did not have anything to worry about.  Why would I, if, as my friend told me while we were watching the game, that on the first play from scrimmage Adrian Peterson busts a 76-yard run for a touchdown.

Well, just touch me in the morning and then just walk away, because when I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to just veg out and watch titties, I saw on the FOX crawl that the ViQueens, in fact, lost by ten to the Motor City Kitties.  Christian Ponder seemed (and his three interceptions and two fumbles he was involved in) was the biggest problem, but apparently the defensive secondary was gashed repeatedly by Matthew Stafford and Reggie Bush, and, I think more troubling, an offensively line no one thought would be an issue was repeatedly pushed back and run over.  Us Pessimists In Purple have good reason to be afraid.

What else is there to say?  At Chicago Sunday.  Can you say 0-16?

One Last Shot Before He Goes

All I wanted to do was watch Sunday Night Football in the dining room because I still can't get any fucking reception on Channel 11 in my room.  And so My Fucking Father had to interrupt my football-watching and Internet-surfing to nag at me about finding a job with benefits and going back to school and then, the kicker,
"setting a schedule."  All only because he decided he wanted to wake me up on Saturday for help related to the cruise they're taking.  Fuck him; he's not leaving yet, I'll help him on my own goddamn schedule.  And then he knocked on my door Sunday because he needed my help storing things from The Store up in the attic.  Glad my body woke me up before he fucking did.

I need these two weeks away from them.

NFL Anti-Picks, Week 1

1) Indianapolis -11 (They're hosting Oakland) $50

2) Minnesota +4 (Not they're saying going to go on the road and beat Detroit, but I don't understand how the Lions are favored by this much) $50

3) Tennessee +6 1/2 (Watch out for Pittsburgh; they could be even worse than some people believe) $50

4) Atlanta-New Orleans Over 54.5 (Both teams have excellent passing offenses and mediocre, at best, defenses) $50

I think I'm going to cool it on the parlays this first week.

Good luck!

College Football Anti-Picks, Week 2

Record Last Week: 3-0 (!)
Total Outlay, Week 1: $200.00
Total Winnings, Week 1: $468.58
Win, Week 1: $268.58

What a way to start the college football handicapping season!  I don't think I've ever gone perfect on college football's opening week ... though it helps that I only bet on two games instead of the 6-10 I've done in years past.

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1) Oregon -23 1/2 (Taking a flier that the Ducks are as good as they've always been, and that hosts Virginia are as bad as I've always thought they've been) $50

2) Ohio St. -28 (They host a San Diego St. team that got creamed by a second-division squad at home.  I doubt the Aztecs are going to bounce back against the Buckeyes, and I don't think there's going to be any opportunity for a letdown.  Triple Best Bet this) $150

3) Michigan -4 (The Wolverines and Notre Dame are not scheduled to play each other after next year, therefore this might be the last time in a long time they face each other at Michigan Stadium.  Two years ago they played the first night game in Michigan's history, and it was a classic: Three touchdowns in the last 72 seconds, with the Wolverines getting the ball last -- and the victory.  One other thing at stake Saturday night: The best winning percentage in the all-time college football standings, according to Yahoo! Sport's Pat Forde.  Now that's research.  Anyway, such a rivalry with so much importance favors the home team) $50

4) Oregon St. -27 (The Beavers were ranked last week but were beaten by second-division Eastern Washington at home.  They will be focused against Hawai'i, who covered a big spread against USC but now have to travel to the mainland.  This does not look good.) $100

5) Parlay 2) and 4), for $50.

Good luck!

I've Just Been Threatened On Facebook

I am Facebook friends with a long-ago and famous Playmate.  I made the mistake of commenting that an actor unfortunately died.  This Playmate corrected me, I said I was sorry, and that was that.

Except that one asshole took it upon himself to not let things slide and in fact take umbrage of something said in a conversation that had nothing to do with him.  So I open up my facebook and see that some English prick messaged me that he was offended by what I said and wanted me to delete it.  Say what?

Wow, I've just been bullied in facebook.  What does it fucking matter to him what I say to this Playmate friend of mine?  It's none of his goddamn business.  Besides, I apologized -- to her.  I don't need to fucking apologize to this asshole.

But ... is it worth fighting?  I just deleted this comment that so offended him five, ten minutes ago, just to keep the peace.  I've got too many problems on my plate to bother with some guy across the pond reacting to something I said to someone else.  One stupid comment that obviously matters more to him than me.  So I deleted it.

And ... to make sure that this will be the last time I ever have to worry about this ... human, I blocked him.  But although it gives me the finality of never having to face him ever again, it didn't make me happy.  By messaging me he threatened my privacy.  So I finally found the tab where I could also report his message.  I told Facebook that he threatened me.  Let's hope that these guys give this douche a hard time for threatening me.  They have all my personal information to make money out of; it's the least they could do.  Finally, to really clean the slate, I deleted the conversation.

However ... however, I still was not satisfied.  I regret deleting that message because I gave in.  I do not want to give in.  Keeping the peace is the same as giving in.  What I should have done is messaged him back essentially saying, "I'm not deleting it; what are you gonna do about it?"  But once you delete a message it's gone for good.  Also, to do this I would have to unblock him, and when I do I wouldn't be able to re-block him for 48 hours.  I don't know why, but that's probably my rage overpowering my thinking.  Facebook might be thinking that the abuse I'm reporting can't be that bad if I'm talking back to him.  But I had to get my shots in.  So I unblocked him so I could send him the message that he was being hypersensitive.

I hope I'll remember to block his ass two days from now.  And I really, really hope this asshole pays for messaging me.

I Can't Remember My Passwords Anymore Because It's Too Damn Hard To Remember All Of Them

It all started with PayPal.  Taking a quick glance through my Spam I saw that "supposedly" I made a payment to some guy I didn't know through it.  That's when I remembered that my password for my PayPal isn't the strongest, so I finally acted on the passing thoughts I've had on my password over the past few years and changed it.

Then, some time this week, Yahoo! told me to change my password while at a library computer.  (I really don't remember when: I haven't been to a library computer between this past weekend and yesterday [Thursday], and I'm sure this warning, that Yahoo! detected that someone either successfully hacked or tried to hack my e-mail, happened earlier this week.)  This is my e-mail password, so I did what any normal person would do: I changed it.  But to what?  I've done that from time to time, but this time I realized something: The new, longer, stronger password I'll put in is something I probably won't remember.  And then I realized that I can't remember the new PayPal password.

After trying to get back into my bank and access my temp timesheet Wednesday and failing (and getting locked out) on both sites, I now have to admit that I have a problem with passwords.  Before it was easy getting into all my secure accounts online because I only had one.  I knew that was not safe, but the few passwords I used were manageable and easy enough to remember.  But now that all passwords online have to be at least eight characters long and include an uppercase letter and/or a number and/or a symbol, I tried an even larger array of gobbledygook so that my accounts would be safe.  Only now have I realized I've bit off more than I can chew in thinking I can remember all of them, but I'm sure I forgot at least one of my new passwords soon after this generalized push to strengthen them began.

What I should do now is cull on the sites that use passwords together, try to go through each and see if I can get into them, write down the passwords that do work and write down new passwords for the ones that don't ... and then store that list in a fucking safe somewhere.  Then, if I forget, I can just go to the safe, try to remember the goddamn combination, and grab that password list.  That's the only way my stuff online can truly be safe; make it so hard for anyone to penetrate my accounts that even I can't penetrate them.

Yeah, fuck my life.

Fantasy Football Auction Fail

I was afraid this was going to happen.  Like I usually do, I conduct my drafts (which have been auctions the past several years) somewhere outside my house, usually a coffeehouse.  It's a combination of not being distracted by my parents, taking this occasion as a reason to go out and enjoy myself, and not completely trusting our in-house modem.  There was a time when I tried doing a draft from home while it was bugging out, and it frustrated me to the point where I darted out of the house to go to, I think, the library in order to get it done.  If I had not endeavored to do my drafts outside before that unfortunate incident, I would have done so because of that fuck-up.

Tonight I had both of my auctions.  I'm the commissioner of both, and I believe it's best to conduct these as close to the beginning of the NFL season as possible to minimize the surprise of injuries and maximize the use of pertinent information, notably who is seen as the starting Running Back or Tight End.  And call me crazy, but not only did I hold the auctions of both my leagues on the same night, but I did them at the same time.  Why?  Well, it is hard to carve out time to do two leagues when one of them can last as long as three hours.  But, like I said, I am kind of crazy.  Shit, I did it last year, but with overlapping, not concurrent, times, and ... well, it was out-and-out chaos, but it didn't imprint a memory bad enough that I swore not to do it again, obviously.

I was able to handle both ... until something I was afraid would happen did happen: The Internet at the coffeeshop I was at (I've said the name's place many times because it's my favorite coffeehouse, and it sill is, and that's why I won't name it in this blog post at least) starting going on the fritz, and then it was so bad it got knocked out altogether.  Like my house this coffeeshop's modem hasn't been totally reliable; from time to time it's just been knocked out to the point where I just could not go online all night.  But also like home, the coffee place has been pretty good.  Aware of what could happen, I rolled the dice.  And I crapped the shit out.

At one point the guy who owns the place took the modem; the girl at the counter said she had no idea when or even if Internet would be back up.  Couldn't leave to go back home because I estimated that by the time I got back (which would take longer than usual because of all the fucking closed exits close to my house) the auctions probably would be over.  So I bade my time in the hopes that the guy came back with either a fixed or a new modem.

And he did.  It took less than an hour, in which I spent working on my sports article ... about how I thought my fantasy football auctions went.  Unfortunately by the time I got back into my auctions, my small, free one, the one that has only four teams total, was done, and the big, gambling one, which was twelve teams strong, had gone through 42 picks, and the computer, taking over the reins while I was off, arranged for me to take a guy I would never have taken for $36.  Partly because of that, I could only spend a dollar for most of the rest of my roster.  My small, free roster is good, but my big, gambling one is one I do not like.  So I am using the waiver wire hard.

All because the fucking modem decided to go haywire.  Maybe I should have stayed home.

Finally Making Some Progress On Mafia Wars

I shouldn't be spending so much time on an online game, and it really isn't a game, more like pushing buttons to help grow this character and his properties.  This really isn't Dungeons & Dragons.  But I can report that within the last two weeks I have been able to master tasks to 100% and, in fact, complete whole levels of tasks.  Specifically, if I can recall correctly (guess that's an oxymoron), I had completed Level 1 of a London "area" and followed that up with finally getting down with Level 2 in a New York "area."  And this comes about three weeks, maybe a month after finishing Level 3 of the first Brazil "area."

If you've never "played" Mafia Wars it's hard to describe what I did.  Let me just say that my OCD has a way of forcing me to even out the progress of finishing the tasks and the levels, so that when I finally complete one task, I'm close enough to complete several others shortly thereafter.  That's probably why I clear tasks and whole levels one right after the other.

Don't get my navel-gazing wrong, this is great.  When you start out there is very little you can do in New York, your first theater of "war."  But once you get past the first tasks and levels you gain the ability to increase how much Energy you have, thus allowing you to do more tasks before your Energy completely runs out.  After a while, though, more places open up -- Las Vegas, Italy -- and you can start your mobbing and network-growing there, too.  Pretty soon you can go to four and sometimes (depending on whether the gamemasters decide to close a place, like they did recently with Las Vegas) five places, and you have a plethora of tasks you can partake in.  And within those places are different areas, and within them you can do them all and then go back and do them again to "gain master" of the tasks.  So, right now, there are about four to five dozen "tasks" I can do, and although I've "completed" them, I'm not remotely "finished" with any of them because there's more I can always do.

In other words, there is no rest for the wicked, as those playing Mafia Wars are.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  I will say this: They are putting the blip in their schedule, where they lost three in a row and four of five, as far behind them as possible.  This past week was a lot easier than I may have let on, as they destroyed the New York Liberty in Manhattan by 26 and then routed Seattle at home by 23.  That means the Jynx have won four in a row and are still the team with the best record in the WNBA, albeit by one game over hot Chicago, which has won six straight games.  Watch the rest for best record: The last game Minnesota plays is home to Chicago.

In the meantime, however, the schedule winds down in an incredibly hinky way: Starting with their victory over the Storm Saturday, the Lynx play five games against two teams.  The other is the Los Angeles Sparks, who sit only 1 1/2 games behind Minnesota for first place in the Western Conference.  They play at Target Wednesday.  They then play the Storm, this time in Seattle, Saturday.  The Storm may have sewn up a spot, but they sit only a game behind Phoenix for third and a chance to avoid Minnesota in the first round of the WNBA Playoffs.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  This has been a very good week for Twin Cities teams.  Everybody except the last-place team in the WMNSS (and I think you can hazard a guess as to which team that is) had undefeated weeks, going a combined 9-0.  So how do I rank four teams with perfect weeks?  Well, it's hard to do, and I think I was a bit capricious.  I put the Lynx on top because they have the best record in the league and their regular season is about to end.  Then, I thought about the football team and, even though it's unfair to point out they only played one game, I had to differentiate that from the other two squads who played more than one.

So then what -- take the soccer team or the volleyball team?  The volleyball team won more games this screening week, 4 to 2.  But look closer.  The volleyball club's in the beginning part of their schedule, which traditionally for volleyball is four weeks of tournaments played on (at least officially) neutral sites.  Moreover, none of the four teams that U. program beat are that good.  On other hand, I do not know the quality of Illinois St., whom the Gophers curb-stomped 4-0 Friday at Robbie Stadium.  But they traveled down to play Iowa St. Sunday afternoon and won a pure road game ... even if the only goal in the match was an own-goal by the Cyclones' Alyssa Williamson off a Gophers corner kick.  Minnesota Head Coach Stefanie Golan called it "one of the ugliest games I've been a part of" in the post-game press conference, but hey, I'm pretty sure she ain't giving the win back.  I don't know how the NCAA's RPI is computing the team's 4-0 start, but I can't see how they could do any better.

This weekend they host their second tournament of the season, the Minnesota Gold Classic.  It's a four-team tourney, but all of them play only two games.  The Gophers play a pair of SEC opponents -- at least some SEC teams have the balls to play up north in the fall -- in LSU Friday night and Ole Miss Sunday afternoon.  (The other team is my alma mater, who'll play the Rebels Friday and the Tigers Sunday.  I should contact them to tell them that we're here.  I've had plans that we could do something. ...)

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Re-Entry!).  I'm just not impressed with the four teams they beat in the UAB/Samford Tourney played in Birmingham, Ala. last weekend.  In fact, I'm scared that this hurts their RPI to the point that it means a lower seed and a tougher road against better clubs in the NCAA Tournament.  I mean, neither Jacksonville St., UAB, Georgia St. nor Samford (UAB and Samford hosted the tourney, even though I assume these games are technically neutral site) are considered good teams.  Nevertheless, sweeping all four matches is good, even if they were expected to do that.

As a result, Minnesota, which was ranked sixth in the preseason AVCA poll, rose to fourth.  One of the teams they passed is preseason #1, Texas, went to a tournament hosted by Hawai'i and lost to the host Rainbow Wahine in four sets.  I kind of prefer seeing my team challenge themselves and lose a game than wallop programs beneath them.  The other squad is Washington.  Those slackers won only three games and were pushed in that third game to the full five sets by Gonzaga.

They come home to host their annual Diet Coke Classic.  Once again, none of the field is imposing.  They play Ball St. Friday, Western Illinois the following evening and Duke later that day.

#-4: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  I kind of feel bad for giving the U. gridiron club the shaft.  I really thought the team would have trouble against UNLV; the Runnin' Rebels are not a good squad, but neither are the Gophers.  But they managed to do the runnin' over the Rebels by a 51-23 score.  Don't know what else to say besides that I did not know that Defensive Lineman Ra'Shede Hageman might be a very good player on the team this year.  Let's see if they can continue this when they visit New Mexico St., a team that got ruined in Texas 56-7 last week (and a team who I say play to start the 2001 season, a loss to a ranked Oregon St. squad), Saturday evening.

#-5: Twins (Last Week: -3).  Does winning two out of three over the weekend in Arlington, Tex. against a Texas Rangers club fighting for the playoffs, and a come-from-behind win Labor Afternoon over the Houston Astros (courtesy of Chris Collabello's second home run of the game, a grand slam in the top of then ninth) despite a boneheaded baserunning mistake that cost them the chance to take a lead earlier in the game make up for the fact that the Twinks embarrassingly got swept at home by the Kansas City Royals?  I'm ashamed to admit this, but because the road wins happened more recently than the sweep, I feel a bit better about the team than I did than when the sweep was completed Thursday.

The big news, of course, is the trade of Justin Morneau Saturday to the Pittsburgh Pirates.  The 2006 American League Most Valuable Player, a man who was drafted, grew up in and played for this organizaion all 11 years of his career, and second only to Joe Mauer as a face of the team, Morneau was never the same after that concussion he suffered a few years back.  And although he's been concussion-free since and has been hitting home runs at a rate much better than I've remembered recently, the Twinks were in danger of losing him over the offseason without getting anything of substance in return.  It did not help that Morneau reacted with tempered frustration after the Non-Waiver Trade Deadline passed without him being moved.

Situations like this are always tricky.  Morneau probably thinks he should get more money in his next contract (he's playing out the final year of his current one) than the Twins probably think he should get.  There's a good chance that he will have moved somewhere else, and that would mean an end of an era, namely the M&M Boys of Mauer and Morneau, two guys who came up with the organization together and largely helped the team achieve its recent success.  Unfortunately, a franchise can have, at most, one sacred cow, the one player fans grow up with.  Two is a luxury that the Twinks, a non-lucrative club in the unfair salary deregulation of Major League Baseball, cannot afford.  And you cannot place Morneau ahead of a Minnesota son who is an AL MVP, has won the batting title twice and can still hit for average with the best of them.

Nevertheless, in a season, in fact a cycle where the team simply isn't good enough to attract fans because they're winning, people come around for the stars, or at least the players they are familiar with and like the most.  There is a sizable contingent who have turned their backs on Morneau, and I will admit from time to time I am one of them.  But you have to understand that he is also a face of the franchise, and I really do believe a baseball team does big damage to fan relations if they trade away all their good, or at least name, players in an effort to hasten the rebuilding process and collect prospects that might help them eventually win the World Series several years down the line.  Besides, the Twinks haven't had a good recent record of the future players they traded fan favorites for.  Trading him away could backfire as badly as keeping him for the rest of the year could.  The bottom line is that Saturday marked a very, very sad day in Twinks history.

The other thing I need to point out is that the team has officially changed its identity 180 degrees.  A lineup that used to preach Moneyball, specifically taking pitches and drawing walks, is now digging the long ball.  The Twinks hit four homers in the win over The Bastard Houston Colt .45s, and last week they broke the team record for most strikeouts in a season with just about a month left to go.  You know, a lot of people were bitching that this team was playing too much small ball, that they have to stop bunting and trying to steal and just fucking hit.  Well, they're doing that now (probably due to necessity) -- is this any better, or even more entertaining?

After finishing the rest of their three-game series in Houston, they come home for ten straight days of baseball.  They start that homestand Friday with a weekend trio against Toronto, then play a make-up date against the Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Of Anaheim Angels Of ... Monday, a make-up of another postponement from April (specifically the 17th).  With Monday now a workday, Thursday is the last rest day of the regular season for the Twins; once they start against the Blue Jays Friday, they play every day until the regular season is over.