Wow. Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow. Yesterday was the second time in as many weeks where my boss has ... uh, admonished me for, according to him, not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing.
Last week, I was scanning applications at the end of the day. We had a meeting, then I went back to scanning applications, because there were a lot of applications. Once I got done, I checked my e-mail where my boss sent me a message saying that I should be inputting data from the applications we have instead of scanning them in. I don't remember how he exactly worded it, but trust me, the tone was very passive-aggressive, very Minnesotan.
Yesterday was the breaking point ... well, I don't know if it's the breaking point, I don't think I'll snap or anything. But I can't believe he sent me a fucking message like last week's a second time. For some goddamn reason work dried up and we were scrambling to find other shit to fill up the end of our day. I had some notes from training I still needed to re-do. You know, I call that work. I remember my boss walking past me while I was trying to read my handwriting. A little bit later I received an e-mail. He said I should be, like, putting tubes into tubes, or putting boxes together. You see, those things are "work," and re-transcribing my notes are not. He actually fucking thinks that.
OK. Last week I don't get. The applications are just there, and they need to be scanned in anyway. Fucking Christ; Tuesday I was about to sit down and so these applications when my other boss (she's my boss when my actual boss isn't there) told me to scan the ones that came in. So which is it? Besides, I was told, by my boss, that I have the power to freelance. I determined that scanning was the thing I needed to do. And he tells me not to do it?
Yesterday was worse. I truly resent his inference that I was not working. I was not fucking off on the Internet. I was re-doing notes for work that I still don't have the hang of. And I really, really don't think I needed a second e-mail reminding me I'm "working." I'm not a fucking child. Jfc, he needs me to put tubes into tubes and assembling boxes instead?
These two incidents show me that he was looking around and just determined that I was not working, at least not working in a way that suited him. He may refuse to see it, but I was working, both times. And I don't know if I can help it if it doesn't "look" like I'm working even though I definitely am. He empowered me (at least I thought he empowered me) to do what I thought was most helpful, to the department and to me. And I cannot help any "perception" that I'm not. I sure as shit am not going to go around like a chicken with its head cut off straining to find work that delights him. I work how I think I need to, and at my own pace, and in my own style.
What I find most disappointing in him is that I really thought he was cool. What I thought was great about him is that he didn't take my shortcomings (of which I have demonstrated time and again that I have many) seriously enough to be called out on it. Until now. And these are two times where he totally fucking got me wrong, because I didn't do anything wrong. But now he sees a pattern. I don't think I can shake it. So I don't think I'll try. I'll just continue to be me. Because I'm me. I'm me.
I am me.
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