Sunday, June 21, 2020

I Had No Chance, But I Sure Didn't Need The Visual Aides

So the most gorgeous and beautiful woman at work started after me; I think she's only been there for just over a year.  She works in the department across ours, and in filing away folders, she sometimes literally is working across from me, through the big window that separates her department from mine.  So, as I'm working at my workstation, she walks in, and my day gets a bit brighter.  She is a petite thing, with long, brown hair (it probably would be shorter; she might be waiting to get her hair cut) and, whenever I catch her taking a glimpse through the window at me, I get affixed by her (I think) pale blue eyes.  And this one time, she was wearing an unbuttoned flannel shirt, and I saw that her white undershirt rode up once to reveal her belly.  I'll remember that for some time.

But while I fantasize over her, I know I have no chance.  We have exchanged pleasantries only a few times -- hellos and thank-yous, nothing more.  She seems friendly with her co-workers in her department, but from the way she is described in a flyer denoting that she was one of several employees singled out for awards for her work last year, she is professional, although curt and aloof might also be apt.  If I were the pervert I was 20 Years ago, I might've made an ass of myself in order to get her attention, and I'd be so bent out of shape after she professionally, curtly and aloofly rebuffed my overtures that I would have done something so stupid it would get me fired.  If she were to come on to me, that'd be different.  But she's been on the other side of the window for over a year now, and she hasn't come on to me at all.  There's nothing between us.  Hell, someone as hot as her is probably married to a biker who could beat my ass.  She could have four kids for all I know.

Last week I noticed something.  She again was walking to the table that is set so that she would be arranging these folders while being directly in my line of sight through this big window.  I noticed her from my peripheral vision.  She had not buttoned up her lab coat yet, she was wearing a relatively tight shirt and ... I detected what I believe to be a baby bump.  Wow.  And then, she just so happened to lift her left hand, palm toward her, up to her chest.  In retrospect I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to surreptitiously see if she has a ring on her finger.  Well, she does.  So she is married to a biker who could beat my ass and has four kids.

Like I said, I said to myself there is no chance we could ever have a relationship.  I don't lust after co-workers anymore; I've grown up in the past two decades -- it's a waste of time.  And yet, seeing her baby bump followed by her wedding ring was a 1-2 punch that knocked me onto the canvas for the full 10-count.  I knew not to get my hopes up, but when I got actual confirmation not to get my hopes up -- and not just one sign but two -- I realized that there was a small part of me that thought, "You know, if we ever got to talking for an extended period of time, maybe it could lead to something."  And then karma went HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Have to admit: My dreams are dashed.  This one hurts.

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