I was shunted into What Once Was My Favorite Department for work the afternoon yesterday/Wednesday. Whew -- it's always good to be in a secluded part of the building, with very few people hanging out back there, and no one walking behind you to catch you on the Internet. Plus I feel like I can do a lot of the tasks I need to do, and I can do so without feeling as if someone is watching over my shoulder, both literally and figuratively. I looked forward to it being a nice respite during the workweek.
But then my supervisor in the area gave me this checklist. A checklist? The hell? And she started by saying I need to follow this every time I'm back at this department because last week, "Some things were missed." Well, shit, some things are missed every time I go back there. I have been upfront with her and my boss that there were some things that I need to work on and some things I flat-out did not know. But compared to other departments I'm working in, this department was smooth sailing for me. I certainly didn't think I need to hue to a checklist, that's for certain.
But I had to. And, thus, I felt watched over, something I never have felt in this department before. If I was to adhere to this checklist, I would have to literally follow every single item listed for me in there. I was yoked to an assembly line when I didn't think there was one. And I hate it, I do. I had to ask my supervisor questions and for her help, two things I hate to do if I don't have to. I now know that someone is figuratively watching over my shoulder. And that has robbed me of a sense of security I had always felt I could nestle myself in to at work. Plus -- and this looks like a bad sign -- I got bogged down with this checklist. I felt more productive when I knew (or thought I knew) I had these tasks I knew how to do, and I could whip through them. I now have to tread carefully or else I would skip a task on this damn checklist. So I left work with a bunch of forms I didn't match up and some e-mails I couldn't get around to answering.
I understand I have not been perfect. I could use some training and re-training, and I get around to some of that next week. There is such a thing as "best practices" we should all strive for, I get that. And my supervisor has been very helpful in leading me through things. She's trying to help me while trying to do her job; I get that, too. And yet I can't shake my ego. I am not being left alone. I feel as though I am being controlled unfairly. And so that makes that part of the job no longer enjoyable.
But then my supervisor in the area gave me this checklist. A checklist? The hell? And she started by saying I need to follow this every time I'm back at this department because last week, "Some things were missed." Well, shit, some things are missed every time I go back there. I have been upfront with her and my boss that there were some things that I need to work on and some things I flat-out did not know. But compared to other departments I'm working in, this department was smooth sailing for me. I certainly didn't think I need to hue to a checklist, that's for certain.
But I had to. And, thus, I felt watched over, something I never have felt in this department before. If I was to adhere to this checklist, I would have to literally follow every single item listed for me in there. I was yoked to an assembly line when I didn't think there was one. And I hate it, I do. I had to ask my supervisor questions and for her help, two things I hate to do if I don't have to. I now know that someone is figuratively watching over my shoulder. And that has robbed me of a sense of security I had always felt I could nestle myself in to at work. Plus -- and this looks like a bad sign -- I got bogged down with this checklist. I felt more productive when I knew (or thought I knew) I had these tasks I knew how to do, and I could whip through them. I now have to tread carefully or else I would skip a task on this damn checklist. So I left work with a bunch of forms I didn't match up and some e-mails I couldn't get around to answering.
I understand I have not been perfect. I could use some training and re-training, and I get around to some of that next week. There is such a thing as "best practices" we should all strive for, I get that. And my supervisor has been very helpful in leading me through things. She's trying to help me while trying to do her job; I get that, too. And yet I can't shake my ego. I am not being left alone. I feel as though I am being controlled unfairly. And so that makes that part of the job no longer enjoyable.
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