Yeah, That Guy's Gonna Be Pissed

So, in that one department at work I had this guy passive-aggressively critique my work because I screwed up when I was filling in the shift before?  Well, it's going to happen again.

Yesterday/Sunday, I got a text from my boss, who does not work Sundays.  There is one person in ... this department, and she left work very early because she felt sick.  So, he asked me to step in to do one certain part/station of her job for the day for an hour, then do my usual role for Sundays (well, it's only for four hours, and I'm working Sundays because the person who had that shift/position quit), then once I'm done, go back and see if there is any more work in that particular station/part.  I was by no means working a full day, but my boss allowed for some leeway.  This particular part/station had work that needed to be done because it would eventually be given to other people in the department next door.  I needed to keep the assembly line moving, basically.

So, instead of my usual duties, I started my half-day in this department, then after I got done with my four hours, I looped back there to see if there was more work that had to be pushed through.  This certain station/part consisted of forms and folders that needed to be found and given to this department next door.  And for the life of me, not only was there a shit ton of work to find these things (moreso than I could ever remember doing in, in aggregate, two hours of work there), I cannot remember not being able to find so many of these goddamn things.  I looked in the filing cabinets and the folders that were piling up (because they were in another station/part, I was not supposed to put them back where they belong), but I repeatedly could not find these things.  In a situation like that, I am supposed to write something to the effect of, "I don't know where the fuck this is," then just give what I found to them.

I can totally believe, and fear, that this guy who passive-aggressively critiqued my work is going to either catch wind of all these forms and folders I couldn't find or find out that I couldn't, and ... well, judge me.  You know, here's a situation: I bought chocolates for the departments I work in.  I have a box that I'm going to be giving to these guys, but I know this guy doesn't eat chocolate.  But I can't just eat this box of chocolate by myself.  No, I'm going to give it to these people, and that's when he'll judge me -- or, worse, call me out for not finding these things, calling me lazy and shit.  Hey, this department is not my favorite.  But goddammit, I couldn't find these things, and at some point I had to go do the job I am supposed to do on Sundays.  I just ... (sigh) I hate this particular job, but I want to be over thinking about what this guy thinks of me and my work.  If he thinks he's so fucking good, he should just keep his fucking opinions to himself and do it himself, OK?

Wanted to note that, right now, right this minute, I have won three in a row in the fantasy football league I am the Commissioner in and I have won four in a row in the fantasy football league I am not the Commissioner in.  Both are active league highs.

I note this now because in the league where I am Commish, my winning streak is about to end because the opponent I'm facing this week has Tyreek Hill, and he ran for over 200 Yards and two Touchdowns in the First Quarter.  Yeah, I'm gonna lose.

Fuck, I Don't Want To Talk To These People Tonight!!!

So the last time I blog posted about this thing with the alumni club, I had totally misunderstood that the last Zoom meeting we were going to have with the alumni association was actually the week of, not the week after.  I was working at the time, so I couldn't attend.

We haven't talked to the alumni association since.  I have not talked to my fellow rebels since.  Well, I have, but instead of Zoom we're on GroupMe, and we don't talk about this dissolution with alumni clubs, we talk more about our football team.

On my last post about this subject, I confessed my dwindling interest in furthering our goal in maintaining some semblance of what we had.  The intervening weeks confirmed my disinterest.  In fact, I have to tell you that I haven't thought about this alumni chapter thing at all ... and, I must confess, not thinking about has not bothered me one bit.  Shit, man, it's not bothering me now at all.

From what I got during the call I should have been on but wasn't, the alumni association basically said that beyond the meager concessions they had already made about creating this new position for alumni from everyone in the United States to basically do what clubs did until the summer, there was nothing else they wanted to do with us.  They had a plan, and they were now focusing on implementing this plan.  I had the feeling in prior meetings that they wanted and indeed were going to rely on our participation to give helpful critiques about their plan.  But I got the feeling that there was going to be no more bargaining or compromising.

However, they were going to reconnoiter with us in December so we both could exchange information about how their plan is going.  And this is where my lack of caring is going to be found out.  I have not helped out with the alumni association's efforts to reimaging alumni relations.  For one thing, I have been too busy.  Second, without meaningful concessions on their end, I was not eager at all to help.  That rolls into the third thing, namely being busy with doing nothing work and other stuff to survive the pandemic.  And, finally, I am going to call out the AA.  I have not seen a whole lot of effort on the part of the AA to reach out to me (and I'm guessing other alumni) as to the new ways the university is going to continue to engage with its graduates.  Well, I do see these series of Zooms available for me to register.  But they're 1) on a bunch of subjects I am not interested in, 2) have a networking focus -- "Wanna jumpstart your career?" and 3) are meetings that convene during the workweek, when I have to work.  If this is their "new plan," it's useless, at least to me.

Now, objective analysis of how this is going is going to be nearly impossible because of the pandemic.  Are people not interested in these Zoom meetings and organizing events on their because they genuinely are not interested, or are they just trying to adjust and survive because the coronavirus has upended their lives to the point where they can't even think about their love and loyalty for their university?  But I can tell you the alumni association was totally gung ho about how their new ideas were going to reimagine and kickstart a new way for graduates and my alma mater to interact, even in a fucked-up environment such as this one, and I am going to go out on a limb and say alumni relations haven't moved the goddamn needle at all this fall.

And now I realize that I have thought and felt more about how this thing is going between them and us/The Resistance in the time I have taken to blog post about it than I have in weeks, if not the past couple months.  We already have a time set up for the Zoom meeting with the AA, but before then we Resisters are going to Zoom tonight about what we have seen and done ... or, in my case, not seen and not done.  I don't know if my inaction is going to further alienate them from me, or me them, like I was afraid was going to happen when I had to beg out of the last Zoom meeting.  But I have to be honest: I don't want to talk to them, at least not about this.  They've sort-of become my friends now, so if we could talk about, say, the team cancelling this week's game, I would love to talk to them about that.  But I honestly don't give two fucks anymore about this alumni relations shit -- not what happened, not what is happening now, not what we could be doing, not what we are going to say or demand, not what will we do if things with them continue to be rocky, all of that.  This could cost me my relationship with my university.  But frankly, I'm tired now, I'm not interested in patching things up, and I so don't understand what is going on with The Other Side that I don't care if this costs me my relationship with my university.  Jesus fucking Christ, man, I could be doing other stuff that is less hard and makes me happy.  I'm going to go do that.  I have been doing that right now.  And talking to The Other Side -- and to my fellow Resisters about this alumni relations bullshit -- is hard and does not make me happy.

Half-None-Full-None-Half

Noticed something -- yesterday, I think.  For roughly this Thanksgiving Weekend, I:

• worked half a day Wednesday,
• took Thursday off because it was Thanksgiving, of course,
• worked a full day yesterday/Friday,
• did not work today/Saturday because it was today/Saturday,
• and will work tomorrow/Sunday, for a half-day, because I'm filling in for a shift that needs to be covered for only four hours.

So, half-none-full-none-half.  Work is symmetrical this holiday weekend.  I think that's cool.

One Last Time Getting Naked In Front Of A Stripper And Then I'll Be Good, I Promise

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My 2019 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Before I proceed, I think I need to make an announcement.  This, in all probability, will be the final time I crown a Playboy Playmate Of The Year.  This follows a long slide into irrelevance for what was once the vanguard pornographic magazine in the world.  But the advent of cheap and free porn on the Internet led to slumping advertiser dollars which forced The Bunny to make editorial cuts.  To try and change the image in order to save it, they then switched over to non-nudity, which was a total mistake.  They brought back breasts (though not necessarily pubic hair), but the issues each year were cut from 12 to 11 to six and, for 2019, four.  It's now not even in print anymore; they discontinued hardcopy issues earlier this spring, although before the pandemic.

I would be sad, but I have disagreed with the changes for several years now.  The cutting down on issues was the first truly disappointing sign, but the pivot to non-nudity damaged my image of Playboy beyond repair.  I tried following along with pictorials on the website Vintage Erotica Forum, but I got the feeling so many former aficionados were so dismayed by its new direction that even they stopped caring enough to pilfer the images and put them on the website.  So that made me care even less.

But it's time to put 2019 to bed, so I looked at what images I do see from VEF, and I'm finally making some decisions.  Overall it is nowhere near the heyday of Playboy, which in my opinion was the late eighties, when I looked over my parents' Hong Kong editions of PB when I looked through them at The Store, to around 1998, when I graduated from college.  (I know a lot of Playboy diehards think those halcyon days were much earlier.)  Showing pubes makes a big difference, but near the tail end of the magazine they were going for much, well, artier photos when all I really wanted to see were tits, ass and pussy.  Playboy always said they sought a higher-end depiction of female nudity, and they tried to distance themselves from Penthouse, its smuttier competitor, throughout its life.  But I always thought that The Bunny always had the central intention of arousing carnal desires in the person looking at these spreads.  I didn't feel that way about the mag in the last, oh, two or three years.  Guess that's another reason why I'm not so heartbroken on the death of the print magazine.

With that being said, there are a few bomb-diggity photos that I like.  What I was hoping for were so pussy shots, such as the single, solitary one from a Playmate in 2018, which is the only reason why I voted for Olga de Mar for 2018 PMOY.  For example, Miss January, Vendela (her last name is Lindblom, but she doesn't go by that name in this pictorial) and Miss Septembe, Sophie O'Neil, are posed in such a way where you think you see their vajajays, but they've lifted up their left legs just enough whereby their thighs are sort-of-covering their triangles.  Drat!

With that being said, Vendela has a couple peek-a-boo shots where her slim tits are poking out on the outsides of a singlet.  Her whole boxing motif is a good one, and it harkens back to the days where Playboy had themes for their centerfolds.  Miss March, Miki Hamano, has this one shot where she's wearing a black slingshot swimsuit, but either she's wearing it backwards or she's pulled out the straps that would cover her nipples so that the suit is not covering anything.  Shots like that drive me wild.  And I love that she was considered to be a model for Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue that came out over the summer.  Going from nude to non-nude in a more "reputable" magazine is so subversive it gets me erect, to be honest.

Yoli Lara, Miss June, has got a banger of a body.  The Puerto Rican is slim and tight and would fit with the vintage Playboy Playmates.  She's got two fantastic shots.  One of them is just a fabric wrapped around her breasts except that her left nipple is peeking out.  The other is her wearing just a bikini bottom that sort-of evokes the American flag, holding a glass bottle that seems to be holding Coke (branded with The Bunny logo) and her throwing her head back so we can only see her chin.  Man, her small tits in that shot, fuck. ...

So I gave you roughly my fourth through second picks.  My pick for top model, however, has to go to Miss April, Fo Porter.  I'll be honest, y'all: Her pictorial doesn't do much for me.  But if you were a fan of America's Next Top Model, you'll remember Fo as a contestant on Cycle 12 of ANTM, which aired the spring of 2009.  She finished fifth, and although I remember dutifully watching most episodes of that season, I don't remember much of her.  Still, like Eugena from Cycle 7, she took off her clothes (well, at least showed her breasts), and got recognition from me.  And in Fo's case, that recognition is best Playboy Playmate of 2019 from yours truly.

OK, so my reasons for crowning her may be cheap and inauthentic.  But, honestly, so was the magazine around this time.  Maybe it's fitting.

By the way, Playboy is still publishing Playmates online, I think.  I have not gone to their website.  Neither has anybody on Vintage Erotica Forum, nor has anyone on Wikipedia updated their list of Playmates.  We all stopped caring.

Christ, Father, I Used Them For One Fucking Day

So Father continues on his cleaning jags.  And maybe it's a case where I've gotten used to them, but it feels as though he has lightened up.  I do see that all my stuff on the floor is stacked up, some of them sometimes on my bed, and he is moving everything in the bathroom and not putting it back, which is a pain in the ass.  But there is one thing I am, I guess I should say today, thankful for is that he has not either touched or talked about the piles of papers on the dresser next to the television.  I don't even know what's in there -- guess it's a mix of mail and copies of City Pages -- but I know I should get around to it.  And I will.  Soon.  Maybe.

Anyway, one of the things before I go to work in the morning is throw my pajamas on my bed.  I usually see them on the bed when I come back home.  But on Monday (I think) was one of those, uh, uncommon times where Father takes my pj's and throws them in with the rest of my dirty clothes to clean them.  So I came home to a hamper full of new, clean clothes, but my pajamas were missing.

I didn't like it this time because I had just worn my pj's once.  I usually keep wearing the same pajama shirt and pants for weeks at a time.  I had just changed out of these warm and comfy pj's that I think I had worn for more than a month.  Why do I need them cleaned so often?  I only wear them around the house.

And that was my plan for these pajama bottoms, although I don't have pajama tops I'm wearing this time around because I don't have too many and my thermalwear top is bulky enough.  Father took that plan away from me.  So I went to the next one.  I have this, uh, "cycle" where I roll up (not fold) my clothes and line them up in order, so I just go into my pajama drawer and pull out the next pajama up.

But the next pajama up is a off-yellow, sheer, summer, Chinese one that, turns out, has lost its elastic.  I have had to continue to hike up my pants whenever I get up.  That's annoying.  I tried giving it a chance, but I couldn't take it anymore, and this morning, I threw that in the hamper and took the next pair of pj bottoms, which is not as fitting nor as thick as the one that Father cleaned after just one wearing.  Pssh.

And you know what?  He did the same thing when he took my bath towel, too.  I know, right?  I had changed towels Sunday night, cycling to this new, big, deep one.  That replaced a green one that I have had since college -- smaller, whose fibers are now shortened and deadened after years of washing.  And it smells kind of funky, too.  And since My Father took the new one away from me for a cleaning it didn't need, I took the next towel out of the closet ... which was a yellow towel that I have had since college, and was just as small and had fibers that are just as shortened and deadened as the green towel, because I remember buying both at the same time.  And that towel smells funky, too.

I didn't realize how annoyed I am with those green and yellow towels.  They were literally made a generation ago, and I guess I didn't realize the trend and technology of bath towels have changed significantly since then.  Those towels are old, but they still do their jobs, and I have a sentimental attachment to them.  But if they don't cover my body as I walk from the bathroom to the bedroom, and they don't dry me as well as my newer towels, and if they continue to stink up ... yeah, I have thought about donating those towels.  I am going to donate those Chinese thin pajama bottoms.

But hey, I don't think I would even be thinking in such an existential way if Father and his cleaning OCD didn't take pajamas and bath towels that didn't need to be cleaned because I used them just one.  Fucking.  Time.

Oh -- Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

I Drinks A Bit ... With Little-Bitty Bottles

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The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Congratulations to the Loons, who won their first-ever Major League Soccer postseason Match (albeit in an expanded format due to the coronavirus pandemic) Sunday night with a dominating 3-0 win over the Colorado Rapids.

I really didn't think they had it in them.  I really thought they were going to lose a second consecutive playoff Game at home, albeit in front of a completely empty Allianz Field.  I thought so because four very important players on the squad were called up to international duty.  Much to my surprise, only Romain Metanire was unavailable (and off the roster) for the Eighthfinal.  In fact, Jan Gregus and Robin Lod started the Match; Kei Kamara was named for the bench and came in as a substitute.  I thought that quarantine rules after coming back to the United States would prevent all MLS players who flew overseas to participate in at least the play-in and Round of 16 Games that started a week-and-a-half ago.  But apparently, MLS was told that if those call-ups were flown back on charter flights, and so long as the tests they took overseas continued to be negative, they would not have to quarantine.  It sounds like an unethical loophole endorsed by this corrupt government to me, but hey, MNUFC won.

What apparently has happened, and over a longer period of time than what I am aware of, is that Head Coach Adrian Heath finally has a fleet of attackers he can rely on.  Lod, Kevin Molino, Ethan Finlay and Emmanuel Reynoso has formed that most valuable, ineffable of things in soccer: Chemistry.  And it seemed in top gear Sunday, as Finlay provided attack, Reynoso was spraying the ball around like a magician, Lod scored (with his left foot!), and Molino braced.  I now sort-of understand the almost Trump-like hold Molino has on Heath; when Molino is healthy, he can diagnose MLS play as well as anyone I've seen since I started intently following the league.

And now they'll have Metanire back for the Quarterfinal at Sporting Kansas City, a place where they've been so unsuccessful they'll need all the help they can get.  But that Match will be played next Wednesday, which seems odd to me.  You see, two of the Quarterfinals will be played Sunday, a third on Tuesday, and SKC/MNUFC Wednesday.  But, there were three Eighthfinal Matches that were played last/Tuesday night, and each of those results completed three of the four matchups.  The only one that was already known before last night was SKC/MNUFC, and so I thought that to be fair, they would meet either Sunday afternoon or Sunday evening.  Alas, the television partners decided otherwise.  That gives the Loons ten whole days to recuperate and get ready for Kansas City.  But so does SKC; they also won their Round of 16 matchup on Sunday, beating San Jose on Penalty Kicks.

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  The retooling of college sports once the fall season began laid bare what the NCAA, and by extension the member schools and its respective athletic departments, values.  And the answer, of course, is money.

What has been underreported, I think, is the ... uh, for lack of a better term, discrimination non-revenue sports, and by extension women, have to put up with this year.  Ideally, all college sports would be shut down, or at least "bubbled," until there's a vaccine.  (The weekly rash of college football Games postponed or cancelled is irrefutable evidence for such moves.  More evidence?  As of press time, today, the start of the delayed men's college basketball season, has already had 23 Games postponed or cancelled.)  But the NCAA and colleges' athletic departments need money.  So college football started.  So will men's (and women's) basketball.  But Olympic/non-revenue sports, like women's volleyball and soccer?  For some (but not all) conferences, it's no schedule yet; circle back after the New Year to see if there's a plan by then.  A lot of people worried about these student-athletes' routines and chances to impress scouts getting ruined if there was even the slightest delay to their football or basketball seasons.  But don't volleyball or soccer players have the same worry, and have the same right to worry, if their delayed season pushes up against the, say, National Women's Soccer League season, or v-ball seasons in other countries?  Just because it doesn't make beaucoup bucks on domestic soil doesn't mean those players' seasons can get jacked up all over the place.

With that being said, top-flight college hockey for both men and women began in earnest recently, and both U. skating teams played, without COVID-19 incident, over the screening week.  I did not notice until shortly before their season began that the men would begin their season with a Thursday-Friday series, something I have never seen before from the Gopher men's hockey program.  They swept Penn St. at home those two Games, 4-1 and 3-2.

I got blindsided even further when I saw the schedule for the next series, at home to Ohio St. -- the following Monday and Tuesday!  Four Games, all played within the same calendar week, but not one of those Games falling on a weekend?!  What fresh hell is this?  (Although there is a chance that this was by design; maybe the Big Ten Network wanted content during the week?)  That's 2020 for you, man.

Regardless, the Gophers are rolling.  They swept the Buckeyes, by 4-1 and 2-0 scores.  And they start a season 4-0 for the first time in six Years.  Maybe Head Coach Bob Motzko is turning things around for the better.  But now the squad strikes out on the roar for two straight series, the first one against Michigan St. ... next Thursday and Friday!  I am absolutely surprised that these guys still are not playing on a weekend!

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Riddle me this: The Gopher women icers open up their season splitting with Ohio St. at Ridder Arena ... and they actually rose a spot in the USCHO poll, from fourth to third?  (Blame Cornell; they were ranked second in the first poll taken two Weeks ago, then fell out of the poll entirely.)  The program can't just roll over every single team in its wake in top-flight women's college hockey anymore.  In fact, they were in danger of not reaching the Frozen Four with a home rematch with Ohio St., which upset the Gophs in the WCHA Final Faceoff Semifinals (at Ridder, natch), looming.  In that sense, the cancellation of the season due to the advent of the coronavirus pandemic was a godsend because who knows if they were going to get upset again?

Couldn't break down the prospects of this team winning it all, sorry.

They visit Minnesota-Duluth for contests Black Friday and Saturday.  Wow, a Friday-Saturday college hockey series.  How uncommon!

#-2: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  What the Woofie Dogs did this week with the draft and free agency is rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Sorry.

I swear I told other people this, I swear: If I were the Wolves, I would want no part of the top of the NBA Draft.  There was no clear-cut #1 player, and none of the three that could even be considered #1 (Anthony Edwards, James Wiseman and Lamelo Ball) are bad fits with Karl-Anthony Towns and D'Angelo Russell.  Gersson Rosas should have traded down -- maybe not for pennies on the dollar, but dimes on the dollar, and then the Woofs could have picked up a at, say, between picks 4 and 11 a defensive wunderkind at a friendly contract and fill a gaping hole for this club when they don't have the ball.

Instead, their second-ever #1 overall is a guy who is all offense and no defense.  He can't protect the rim, he has yet to demonstrate prowess with the pick-and-roll, and he's superior ballhandling isn't needed when Russell is being paid to be the main Point Guard.  Worse yet, he frequently loses focus (especially on defense) and he settles for jumpers way too often.  And that points to what could be his biggest weakness: His lack of effort.  Do all these downsides remind you of Andrew Wiggins?  That's because I think he is the second coming of Standrew.  And these fucking Timberwolves made him the #1 overall pick.  Prediction: Both and Onyeka Okongwu (selected by The Bastard St. Louis Hawks at #6) and Tyrese Haliburton (who went to The Bastard Cincinnati Royals-By-Way-Of-Kansas City/Omaha Kings at #12) will have much better careers than Edwards.

All the other moves this franchise has made are underwhelming.  I know nothing about the other two draft picks, Leandro Bolmaro and Jaden McDaniels.  The only player they have taken from another team is Ed Davis, who signed as a Free Agent from Boston.  They signed to an extension Malik Beasley, a guy who showed enough promise to be considered the third part of the T-Wolves' Big 3, but is currently charged with waving a rifle at a couple and possessing pot.  Seriously, this guy is going to be your third wheel?

The only move I even half-like is the convoluted-but-typical-for-the-NBA trade where, with New York and The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, Ricky Rubio is coming back home.  He was cast off to The Bastard New Orleans Jazz because Tom Thibodeau didn't like him.  And to be fair, he has not lived up to the prodigy reputation his hype men bestowed upon him.  But he can still pass like a motherfucker, and quite frankly, his appearance on the team already makes him the team's best defender.  He'll be a steadying presence for the second unit, and he probably can step in for Russell on the first team (although he still can't shoot).  Finally, a familiar face after all the turnover on this squad is very refreshing.

Otherwise, I say the Timberwolves fucked up another offseason.

#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  Beat Purdue Friday night at TCF Bank Stadium, 34-31.  Exciting Game, obviously, but talk after it has boiled down to an offensive pass interference call by Purdue Tight End Payne Durham with 52 Seconds left in regulation.  He caught a pass by Quarterback Jack Plummer in the End Zone.  But he was called for OPI, and review showed a very, very weak shove-off by Durham.  The Boilermakers were pushed back 15 Yards to the Gopher 34, and on the very next play, Plummer threw an Interception to Minnesota's Josh Aune to seal the win.

One shouldn't be too embarrassed about the phantom flag; an upstart sportsbook took it upon themselves to declare the OPI bullshit and thus decided to refund money to all those who bet on Purdue, which I think is bullshit because who are they to say what the actual score of a contest should be?  But instead of saying something to the effect of, "Hey, I could see it being a no-call, but obviously we'll take the call and the win," P. J. Fleck did not cover himself in glory with his comments after the Game and the day after.  At one point, in addressing haters, Fleck said something like, "We were going to have our detractors regardless of what we did this season.  We are only playing eight Games, so obviously there will be people who said we are underachieving compared to last Year."  That's a lame argument, Coach, and I like you, but I can now see how people think you're obnoxious.

I was going to put the gridiron U. at -1, which is a perfect summation of where they should be compared with the other local teams this screening week.  However, news came last/Tuesday evening that Saturday's rivalry Match versus Wisconsin, for Paul Bunyan's Axe, has been cancelled.  This is a huge fucking deal.  Minnesota-Wisconsin will remain as the rivalry with the most meetings, with 129.  But it has been the longest continuous rivalry; the two schools first met in 1890, missed meeting in 1906, and have played each other every year since.  That streak will be broken, to be replaced by the Palmetto Bowl, between Clemson and South Carolina.

As heartbreaking as breaking this rivalry is, it looks like it's the Goofers' fault.  They announced they have an outbreak amidst their team and staff.  (For the record, Wisconsin has had to wrestle with COVID-19 as well, and they've cancelled two Games already, but they apparently were fully healed and were fully out of quarantine.)  College football's approach to deal with the pandemic has been as half-ass as America's.  Top-flight college football has soldiered on even though more and more teams have failed to exhibit self-control and avoid contracting the virus.  This week Minnesota fucked up, and that has ruined a storied record.  And this gives more reason to think the whole goddamn season should not have even started.

At any rate, though, this doesn't get the U. off the hook.  It's their people that tested positive, and therefore it is them that has cancelled this rivalry Game.  Shame on them.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  Although I forgot to enter my pick in one Eliminator competition -- did I blog post about that? -- I am still alive in the other, the one on ESPN.  Not only have I remembered to put in a team there every week, I have picked correct every week so far.  I think that's fucking amazing.

Each week, you can see how many people, by percentage, has picked a team for Eliminator that week.  Last week, I'm certain that the leading team picked were the Vikes.  And why not?  They're on an upswing, having won three in a row, and they were at home facing the Dallas Cowboys, who had only two wins and has been shuffling Quarterbacks the past couple weeks.

I really wanted to pick Minnesota.  I thought I should pick Minnesota.  But I selected Cleveland instead.  Why?  Because I'm a Vikings "fan," and I know that it's times like these where this moribund organization underachieves.  And by God and Buddha, I was vindicated.

Watching the end of the Game (even though it was at home, I was not asked to work it due to COVID), it was obvious that, once again, it was the Defense that fucking blew it.  The only strength the Cowboys had was a fast Wide Receiving corps, which was supported by a solid, just not flashy, QB backup in Andy Dalton.  And that strength was repeatedly utilized against a non-existent pass rush and a Secondary that is still learning on the job.  For a third Game this year (the others being the ones vs. The Bastard Houston Oilers and Seattle), the Defense needed to hold the line and keep a fragile Vikes lead, only to relent late in the Game.  And this time around this defeat wasted what could have been the best performance Kirk Cousins has turned in all season.  Sure, he could have led the team to a Game-winning drive with less than a Minute left in the Game, but he did so much getting Minnesota to that point that it really shouldn't be his fault.  Once again, where the fuck was the D when we needed them?

This is a particularly galling loss because this was supposed to be the easiest part of the schedule.  Dallas was the first of three tilts against teams with records worse than the Vikings, and those three were/are all at U. S. Bank Stadium.  The ViQueens now sit at 4-6, and they have a horrible climb to somehow get into the playoffs.  And now we don't even know if this organization is good enough to beat the Carolina Panthers, who come to town for a Game this Sunday.  The playoff, at least and though, seem securely out of reach now.  (shakes head)

Nightmare

Fell asleep shortly after 7:15, when I turned my radio on to hear Monday Night Football.  Besides one time to turn it off, I think I was out until 4 in the morning.

Woke up shortly after my nightmare, which consisted of waiting in line at the grocery store and not getting checked out.  I waited and waited and waited, even though I don't remember seeing people in a line in front of me.  I get to the front of the line and the cashier is not there.  I wait some more.  I then ... well, I think I was then told that line was closed.

Then I waited alongside some White dude with dark blonde hair.  I was standing really close to him.  I realized he wasn't wearing a mask, and I don't think I was, either.  I then got away from him.

That's all I remember.

The masking thing I understand.  But waiting in line at the grocery store, especially when I rarely do that anymore?  Huh.

Thoughts On Election Day, Part 2

Some hubbub was made about the increase of Trump's support among minorities.  While we need to step back and look at the big picture -- mainly that Blacks, Latinx, Asians and Native Americans as a whole overwhelmingly voted for Biden over Trump -- I think that growing appeal by people of color for someone whose actions show he has nothing but contempt for people of color is another sign that there plainly are stupid people in America who vote against their self-interest.

That said, the New York Times took a comprehensive, data-driven approach to how voters at the county level shifted their votes for president from 2016 to 2020.  (This article is behind a paywall, so you'll have to be a subscriber.)  And one big takeaway stood out: The suburbs went big for Biden this year, and maybe moreso as a group and as a percentage than groups of color.  Now the suburbs are rapidly diversifying, but they remain mostly White.

I am heartened by this trend.  It feels as though many White people who gave Trump a chance finally understood how much of an asshole he is.  I really don't want to give people credit for changing their minds when there were so many (like me) who saw Trump as a menace before the 2016 election, but what they did in securing Biden's win this year is undeniable.

So if they were the "blue wave" that outpowered even turnout from minority communities, is it fair to say that in fact ... White people saved America from four more years of fascism?

Anti-Masker Fantasy

So there a couple of fuckin' dudes, construction dudes, who refused to wear masks while ordering inside Uncle Franky's Thursday afternoon despite there being a sign on the front door saying masks are mandatory when inside.  The next day, I had to step around an anti-masker asshole to get root beer at Culver's.  I thought that dude had left; instead, he was expelling air around the soda pop machine, and now I'm afraid that prick gave me COVID.

I've been harboring this fantasy for a while, and now that there is resistance from a lot of Republicans Trump supporters dumb anti-masker motherfuckers out there to Gov. Walz's mandate to shut bars and restaurants and gyms down for a month -- yeah, like those guys could stand a second taking care of people who are dying from the coronavirus -- I'm going to let my fantasy loose.  It's a revenge fantasy, one where a smart yet docile person -- me -- finally can't stands no more and takes the law into his own hands.

I step into a situation where some person totally freaks out over some employee of a store for telling him or her to wear a mask.  He or she chooses to escalate the situation and begin yelling at and threatening me.  He takes out a gun.  I take out a knife and use my ninja skills to slit his or her wrists, then I break his or her arms, then I take out my gun and shoot him or her until he or she is lying on the ground, unable to move, gasping for air as blood rushes out of her or his mouth.

Then, I grab him or her by the head, shove my pistol into his or her mouth, and I say my catchphrase, something Arnold Schwarzenegger would always say in the movies: "You shoulda worn a mask!"  Then BAM! I kill the anti-masker.

Emboldened after finally popping my killing cherry, I start going on a killing jag, offing all these anti-maskers.  And I'm known for my "You shoulda worn a mask!" catchphrase I yell when I do it, and I come to be a folk hero to all the smart, correct-minded people tired of following the rules and science while other people take it as their birthright to put other people in danger because to them, putting a mask on is tyranny.  T-shirts are printed with my name and likeness on it.  There are memes about me.  The costume I make (oh, I have to make a costume) inspires kids and adults to dress up as me for Halloween.  And my name (yeah, I guess it's too late to come up with a hero nickname, but that's cool) is the one my admirers will name their kids after nine months after all this starts.

How does it end?  Haven't thought of that.  Why do that?  I mean, I'm the hero of my own story -- I'm never gonna die!  Silly rabbit!

I've Got A Scalded Tongue -- Is It COVID?

I don't know when it happened.  Maybe earlier this week?  But my tongue has hurt for the past, oh, few to several days.  It feels as if I drank hot coffee ... which I have, yes, but I don't think it would hurt so much that I would feel it this bad for this long.

Is a scalded tongue a symptom of COVID-19?  I am wondering the same thing about my itchy right kidney, and all the fatigue I've been feeling this winter, and the headaches I've been feeling this winter, too -- have I talked about the headaches?  I know the headaches and maybe the fatigue are symptoms, but the itchy kidney is not.  Is the scalded tongue?  (sigh)  Who knows?

Expenses Without Receipts

Yeah, fuck me, I'm late in doing this again.  Starting from Friday, November 20:

• Before getting a handie from *****a, I went to Culver's for lunch.  Hung out at the patio to eat; even though it was cloudy and in the forties, I felt it was safe eating out there.  I ate out there instead of in my car because I set up a rule: I will not eat fries in my car.  It is way too much of a pain in the ass to balance a cup of ketchup when there are no good places to place that cup of ketchup.  A table, on the other hand?  Easy.  And I had leftover ketchup from the day before; I didn't want to waste it, and since I knew I was going to eat fast food on my day off, it was easy to plan on getting fries.  Hell, I even had two leftover packets of ketchup in my desk.  I put them in my bag and used them along with the carryover ketchup.  Used it all with several fries to spare, too.  Had the crispy chicken sandwich.  I must say that Culver's makes damn good fast food.  It is a regional chain and not a national one like McDonald's or Burger King, and it's a bit more expensive than those places (without, I just realized, a value menu at all).  But what they do is very, very good, and so they have successfully developed a loyal following with their good fast food priced just a tad higher than others.  Oh, and besides, I used a coupon for my meal.  Total price: $8.15.
• Went to *****a's new place.  She is in a suburb, about three weeks after she got kicked out of her place in the city because of renovations.  Has to suck not only to pay rent, but to then be told she had to leave.  Man, trying to find a place, and then moving all your shit out so abruptly like that?  That's why I'll most likely die where I sleep.  She's beautiful, she treats me well, she doesn't have a parade of guys traipsing through her place for service, and she looks beautiful in the light of the small windows above her bed: $150.
• I think while trying to find the closest door to her apartment I came across a dime I found on the ground.  It was tails-up, but I think bad luck only happens when you find a penny tails-up.  An Infusion of: 10 cents.
• Back on Thursday the 19th, after work, I wanted to eat at Centro one last time before patio seating is shut down, by order of the Governor, the next day.  But Centro was not open, apparently.  (They beat the Guv to the punch.)  But I remembered the last time I went to Centro that Uncle Franky's was close by, and I wanted to go there at some point.  Well, some point was this day.  You know, I never really noticed that relish has a psychedelic shade of green.  Hot dog, fries and can of Coke, plus tip: $13.62.
• Back on Friday the 13th I fucked ****e.  It was great, as usual, but then I soon realized I was just an appointment in her packed day planner, as I blog posted about here.  I was going to see her again the following Friday, but instead I decided to take a break from her.  I might be good for a few months, actually.  Total: $120.
• I hope I'm right on this: I have go all the way back to Friday, October 30, where I squeezed in a haircut before seeing the doctor's.  Just because I want to help out the haircutters who were essentially out of work for half the year, I tipped much more than I usually do, and more than I want to do (I have a receipt for the price of the cut): $5.
• After the doctor's (and Chipotle) I went to Lisa's to get my Doc's shined.  With tip: $15.
• Hmmm ... back on Friday, October 16 I fucked ****e then, too.  I have gone balls deep inside her so much now that I have begun to forget all my fuck sessions with her.  It's a testament to how, uh, generous a lover she is.  Paid her: $120.
• Then back to Sunday the 11th ... I saw ******a for a massage.  I blog posted about her ... weird relationship with her new boyfriend and how I was worried he was being a bad influence on her.  Turns out he did not say I could not come.  In fact, after I got wrapped up with her -- a session in which she insisted I keep my underwear on and where he called near the tail end of our session -- I realized that he was just there with ******a, she told him to leave while I was getting a massage, and he was coming back as soon as I left.  Now that's just fucked up.  (I was going to see her again earlier this month, but she had to cancel because, according to her, she needed to deal with malwear on her phone.  Can that happen?)  But she gave me a discount because her boyfriend interrupted the session: $70.
• I found a penny somewhere, heads-up.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• Saturday, October 10: Went to the library to help construct and print out invoices for Mother.  Cost: 20 cents.
• I found a penny somewhere, heads-up.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.

I am good through November 20.

So My Mask Masterpiece Is ... Not

So I did buy the mask with the public domain blood tear.  But I had a devil of a time positioning the tear.  You know, it only would make sense if the tear came down an eye, know what I mean?  But how could I know where the tear should be if, frankly, I didn't have a precise picture of me wearing the mask so I would know where the tear should be placed?

Vistaprint either had someone or an algorithm take my suggestions and concerns -- "Can you make the blood tear smaller?"  "Can you put the tear one inch closer to the ear?" -- and an e-mail would come, in short order, with the tear smaller, sometimes, and an inch closer to the ear, sometimes.  At some point I ran into a wall.  I could imagine where my eyes would be while wearing this disembodied mask I see on my screen, but I got back so many places where the tear was on the mask that I figured that one of them was "right," I just didn't know for sure which one.  So I picked one.

On Wednesday it came.  I tore open (impressive, Vistaprint!) the packet, unfolded the mask, saw the tear, went up to my mirror, took a deep breath, and put it on.  And ... I don't think the blood tear is in the right place.  Well, for one thing, although it looks as though the tear is below the left eye, it barely is.  Moreover, the tear is in the middle of the mask, and that looks way too low and far from the eye to make it look as though I have cried a tear of blood, which was my idea all along.

So, no.  Frankly, it doesn't look as cool as I wanted it to look.  And if I walk around with it in public, I think I'll be embarrassed because people will look at me and go, "Huh?"  But I have to tell you this: I have felt the Vistaprint mask, and it feels like a cloud!  It may not look good, but honestly, I want to wear this mask because it'll feel so silky good on my face.  I have heard great things about Vistaprint masks (and it has a filter pocket, too), so I think that if I am out on my own one night this winter to, like, just walk or something, I'll wear it.  It'll feel so good, and hopefully people won't point at the misplaced blood tear and go, "What the hell is that?!"

Right Kidney Itches

My right kidney itches.  Has been for ... I don't know, a week?  Longer?

I've heard that whenever someone looks up something that's bothering them on WebMD, a grim diagnosis comes back -- "You've got leprosy," or something.  I won't do that.  But I'm also scared to find out that there is something serious to this.

My right kidney has itched from time to time in my life.  Maybe it's the pandemic that makes me fearful there is something serious to this.

That's it.  Well, if I die, it might be because my right kidney itches.

Last night was, when it comes to rest, what I should be doing all along.  Instead of what I did on Tuesday, when I conked off at 7, only to wake at midnight and essentially be awake until lunchtime at work, last/Wednesday night I stayed up to listen to the NBA Draft (quick take: Boo on the Wolves for taking unmotivated Anthony Edwards -- big mistake by this franchise, again) until the First Round ended after three Hours, and then I conked off -- a bit past 10.  And I woke up just a bit ago, around 5:30.  Seven-and-a-half Hours of sleep -- almost-perfect length, and I woke up almost just in time to go to work (which, by the way, is only a half-Day today.  Score!).

Confession: I woke up with a raging boner, but that is nothing new, at least not lately.  For the past ... shoot, I don't know, but it started some time after the pandemic/lockdown, whenever I've gotten hard, I've gotten real hard.  And not to boast, but I don't think my erections have been, uh, erect.  And it's not like I'm big ... although women tell me that, snicker-snicker.  (OK, they could be lying.)  But it really feels as though something's happening to my body whereby, either because of sleep or health changes or libido, I am wangin' out.

And, to confess again, that will be a good thing when I have a one-on-one with *****a tomorrow.  Yep, despite the new spike in coronavirus cases, it looks like my hard dick is a divining rod pointing me to her new place.  Hopefully I'll be able to conjure up my big cock and do my business, and tell my middle-aged self the best is yet to cum.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Want to add a quick note that this, this weekend right here, will probably be the quietest this time of the sports year will ever get in my lifetime.  I mean, only two sports in mid-November?  Have to note, and enjoy, this break before United FC's playoff Match and the (cross your fingers) beginning of the Minnesota Golden Gopher men's and women's hockey seasons this weekend.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  Not the most robust outing for the Vikes.  But in a place where they have had a recent history of struggling regardless of the records of both teams, Minnesota went into Soldier Field, and for the second time in three Years, came out of Chicago with a victory, bruising, at-times stultifying 19-13 win over the Bears.

For the first time in three Games, Dalvin Cook was not the offensive engine; he gained just under 100 Yards, and he needed to carry it over 30 times in order to do so.  No, this time the Game was won largely on ... the arm of Kirk Cousins, who did not have a stellar performance on the field, but with the Bears mostly keyed to stopping the run, he stepped up and ... well, more than managed the Game, but made the throws he needed to make.  His two TD passes to Adam Thielen were the difference.

Now, sure, it helps that the Bears Offense was gob-smackingly inept all Game.  They managed only two First Downs in the Second Half and had three consecutive Three-And-Outs in the Third Quarter.  But the margin of victory was only six Points, and with a 104-Yard Kickoff Return in that Third by former Vikings Cordarrelle Patterson, Chicago took the lead.  (Aside: Patterson now ties Leon Washington and Josh Cribbs for most KR TDs in NFL history.  That is an accomplishment I did not foresee when Patterson was a Vike.  I also did not foresee him being the focal point of the Bears Offense Monday night.  He was never such an option when Minnesota drafted him in 2013.  Some career!)  That KR TD triggered Mike Zimmer into ripping one into Special Teams Coordinator Marwan Maalouf on the sideline.  I don't think I've ever seen Zim get that angry at anyone during a Game.  I really wonder if Maalouf is going to keep his job at the end of the season ... or even be let go in the middle of it.

So the Vikings have now won three in a row and now sit at 4-5.  And now with talk that the NFL may expand the playoff field for 2020 to eight teams in each conference, Minnesota, who is on the outside of the playoff picture looking in, has a live shot of reaching the postseason despite starting the regular season 1-5.  (This also highlights how painful those come-from-ahead losses to Tennessee and Seattle are becoming.)  They can, and should, make some real hay now that they are at U. S. Bank Stadium for three straight contests against subpar squads, beginning with Dallas late Sunday afternoon.  An upset defeat in any of the next three Weeks would be a killer, and a disappointment.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -3).  And speaking of disappointments ... yep, Floyd of Rosedale is staying with Iowa, after the Hawkeyes came into TCF Bank Stadium and took the Goofers' lunch money on Friday the 13th to the tune of a 35-7 rout.  I didn't even begin to think these guys were going to make the College Football Playoff -- I think most sports fans, if they were honest with themselves, are going to write off a lot of 2020 sports-wise, especially if their teams weren't any good -- but I thought that at the very least, the Offense was going to be good, especially with Tanner Morgan still being there and Rashod Bateman changing his mind once the Big Ten changed its mind about playing in the fall.  But the O isn't there, as clearly evidenced by the "7" in that score.  And the "35" in that score shows how non-existent the Defense was, and has been in all three of the team's losses.

This is disappointing.  The Gophers took advantage of a favorable schedule last year and at the least beat all the other dregs in the conference and got lucky with a traditional power that underachieves (Penn St.).  Programs should build off of that, not be a one-off.  (Meanwhile, it looks as though Indiana is the team that the Goofers were last year -- and in this cock-eyed season, it's the Hoosiers that have firmly planted themselves in the Top 10 rankings, a level Minnesota did not get to till later in the 2019 season.)  So even though they're going to a bowl -- who isn't -- they are now set to play a Purdue club, at home again, on a Friday night again, where the Boilermakers are favored.  It is possible that the U. doesn't win any more Games this abbreviated season.

Where Businesses Are Doing The Right Thing And The Government Is Not

I say the following with the proviso that I believe Governor Tim Walz is doing a very good job.  I wish he would do more, but I know that those Republican fuckers in the Minnesota Legislature would just piss and moan about more safety measures, and the stupid people in outstate Minnesota (and crazy-ass anti-maskers living in the metro area) will really get pissy about it.  Besides, what really should be done -- shut everything down and pay everybody money to stay home -- can't be done without money from the federal government, and that sure as shit ain't happening because of those Republican fuckers in the United States Senate.

I was pulling in a half-day at work on Sunday.  I usually buy something for myself -- coffee, maybe breakfast -- and I had a bevy of choices.  I decided I finally would bite the bullet and use the Starbucks gift card I got from Mother (she went to have outpatient surgery and the doctor gave them to her).  Also, Starbucks began advertising their new holiday mochas, and this time, commercials worked to influence me.  So sue me.

There's a Starbucks on the way to work.  I wanted to walk in and take out the mocha (as well as a cranberry orange scone that they said was new for the season), and the website said I could do such from this location.  But as I parked and went up to the front door, I saw a handmade sign that, and I'm paraphrasing, they were going to be drive-thru only for that day, as well as, for some reason, Friday/two days ago, even though the sign said nothing about Saturday/the day before.  I was sort of irked, but the pandemic has reached its third, deadliest wave, and this Starbucks is closing down its store out of an abundance of caution.

I didn't want to go directly home after work.  After I filled out the gas tank of my car, I went to Dairy Queen to use an app coupon.  So I parked and went to open the front door ... and it wouldn't open.  What, DQ is closing its storefront, too?  I eventually went to jones out on eating food I decided to eat for myself at the closest Taco Bell.  It was open on the inside, but that's because it's connected to a gas station.  And after I ordered one of its new items I ate it in the car.

I very initially thought that those two places were being over the top when it came to safety in the midst of the pandemic.  And I could be wrong, but when the Governor issued new rules closing down bars and restaurants at 10, I don't think there was a concurrent rule that fast food restaurants had to shut its doors to dine-in diners.  Those businesses appear to be doing it on their own.

And you know what?  I think they're doing the right thing.  I said when this pandemic began that I was freaking out because I was thinking that the coronavirus was literally in the air around us.  I could have been paranoid then.  I even caught myself holding my breath many times.  But with the exponential spike in infections, here and in the country, I might not be wrong now.  It could literally be around us, right now.  The Wall Street Journal has a story up (but you'll have to be a subscriber) literally saying that.  Before, where COVID-19 was spreading mainly in super-spreader events such as Sturgis, it is now also spreading in day-to-day situations, such as family dinner.  It is not readily being transmitted from, say, work to home.  And when you can't even do routine things without transmitted the coronavirus, that's pretty fucking pervasive.

So in an effort to do all they can to cut off that method of transmission, it looks as though restaurants, and not just the ones I went to on Sunday, are just taking it upon themselves to shut down their indoor spaces.  That may not be paranoia.  And they would be private businesses taking a step farther than what even the government now mandates.  That's 2020 in a nutshell.

Finally, can I confess something?  I have to admit that if I was able to go into Dairy Queen, I was going to get a cone and eat it there, inside -- quickly, but inside.  Also, it would have been the third time in, oh, as many weeks where I did that.  I just wanted the peace of enjoying a meal at a proper table and not in my damn car seat.  Now, this may be a rationalization, but the previous two times at DQ there was no one else eating in the dining area.  Still, I realized I was taking a risk, as low-risk as I talked myself into thinking it was.  Now that DQ decided it was not safe enough for anyone to stay even for a quick bite, it makes me think I made a big mistake in eating indoors.  Please don't tell anyone.

And Strike And Strike And Strike And Strike!

OK, so Paula White is a huckster pastor/evangelist in, where else, Florida, who glommed onto the Trump Administration as his spiritual adviser.  The day after Election Day she made a crazy an impassioned speech trying to, I guess, summon God to get Trump re-elected.

Lord willing, it's not going to work (although I'm still not 100% certain it won't).  But with her crazy-ass ramblings, people on the Internet took White's words and turned it into a remix.  Orlando Weekly lists some of the tweeted-out versions, but I am going to embed what I think is the only White rant in heavy metal.  It's really good, and it fits perfectly:

Overthinking It In Fantasy Football

Should update everyone on how my fantasy football teams are doing.

Both of them, in the one in the league where I am Commissioner and in the one in the league where I am not, I am below .500.  And yet I am optimistic because my teams are playing better, and winning, lately after starting off very roughly.

I think, historically, that I have also been below .500.  And yet there was one time, not too long ago, when I won the whole thing.  And the main takeaway I got from winning that league's title (I think it was the one in which I'm Commish) is all the transactions I made.  I looked back at the roster of my winning team and I realized that I had very, very few players that I drafted when the season began.  I concluded that to win it all, I needed to win each week.  And that meant I couldn't be too beholden to the players I got at the beginning of the year.  If there is a player I should pick up because he has a favorable matchup, I should pick him up and be willing to drop someone I drafted because he is not pulling his weight.  That would make fantasy football look more like Daily Fantasy Sports, but if that strategy leads you to a title, I don't think I should care.

So I'm listening to Fantasy Football Weekly on The Fan while at work yesterday/Saturday.  First time hearing it this year.  I listened to it when I had a Tuesday-Saturday schedule, but since I have Saturdays off now, I didn't have occasion to listen to it.  Anyway, I think the three guys on the podcast/radio show are experts, and I think their advice is really good.  Yesterday (although I think they record their episodes on Fridays), they were extremely high on Rams Wide Receiver Josh Reynolds.  He I think is the slot guy, and he and the Rams faced the Seattle Seahawks, whose Defense is on the verge of allowing the most Yards (passing and total; don't know about rushing) in the history of the NFL.

I won both of my games last week, and both by the slimmest of margins.  I won one by more than two points, and I won the other by, get this, .12 points.  I have to believe I have never won by a smaller margin.  I'll take both victories, but if I were really good, I'd blow out my opponents instead.  Beyond that, I felt as though other things in my life right now (the pandemic being foremost among them) distracted me from tending to my fantasy teams.

So, once I got home, I thought long and hard about picking up Josh Reynolds.  I then looked at both of my leagues.  He was free in both, but who on my squads would I drop in order to pick him up and enjoy the bounty of a surprisingly productive game?  So I went to bed deciding I wouldn't.

And then I went to work, where on Sundays I had no one I was working with and therefore I could go check my fantasy teams without worrying about being ratted on by my co-workers or any bosses.  I revisited Reynolds and my team.  And I decided, about 15 or even ten minutes before the noon kickoffs, that I was going to be bold.  So I not only picked up Reynolds for both of my teams and, since I saw a huge reward looming, I started him on both.  And so I made the tough calls on who to drop and who to bench.

I have Josh Jacobs on both of my teams.  Has been a good #1/bellcow Running Back for my teams.  But he was facing a Denver Broncos team that, while overall not having a good season, has a good run defense.  Meanwhile, in the league where I am not Commish, I had Nick Chubb coming back from injury and J. D. McKissic, who, like Reynolds, is unheralded but had a very juicy matchup (he and Washington was facing Detroit).  So I did it.  I started Chubb and McKissic, slid Reynolds into one of my flex positions, and benched Jacobs.  (But I started Jacobs in the other.  My other RBs are James Robinson and Zach Moss, and Jacobs is a better play than Moss, even with the matchup.)

Oh, and who did I drop?  Fantasy Football Weekly said that D. J. Moore of Carolina is rapidly falling out of favor with Carolina.  On my Commish league, I have him and Robbie Anderson, who I believe are the starting Wide Receivers for the Panthers.  And frankly, they have felt interchangeable.  I usually start both, but I have started Moore once while benching Anderson and vice versa another week.  That recommendation, even though it's not quite backed up cleanly with the stats for both Carolina WRs, convinced me that there was a difference between Anderson and Moore, so I dropped Moore in order to get Reynolds.  In my non-Commish league, I decided I could part with Jamal Williams, since Aaron Jones is back to being the bellcow for Green Bay.

So, what happened in the NFL Sunday?  Well ...

• Moore out-yarded Anderson, 96-21.  And Moore scored a Touchdown; Anderson didn't.
• Williams took a backseat to Jones, but he was still used; he racked up 55 yards total.
• McKissick had 49 total yards from scrimmage.  But hey, at least he ran for a TD!
• Moss?  Only 21 yards.  Chubb?  Hit paydirt once, 126 yards on the ground!
• And Reynolds?  He did gain 94 yards through the air.  That led all Rams and it's a season high for him.  But I wish he had scored.  I also wish Reynolds got to 100; in both of my leagues (as well as most fantasy leagues) I would have received a bonus if he reached triple figures receiving.

Not to jinx anything, but I think I'm going to win both games this week going away.  But to be honest, it won't be because I decided to get and start Reynolds.  It'll be because guys like Chubb and Kyler Murray (and, in the league where I started him, Jacobs) had monster games.  It'll be because Cole Beasley is the one who overachieved in that wild Cardinals-Bills matchup.  It'll be because both of my Kickers (Rodrigo Blankenship and Ryan Succop) came through with big Kicker games.  (Oh, and in the league where I'm Commish, it'll be because my opponent underachieved.)  So the huge changes I made, and all the angst I invested?  It didn't matter, and maybe it wasn't worth it.  And maybe, if someone picks up what I dropped and get Moore and Williams off the waiver wire, and they roar back to life, it'll cost me.

It is in times like this where I should like fantasy football.  But I am mentally exhausted.

Tired And Unmotivated AF

Lately -- maybe since the end of Daylight Saving Time, maybe a little bit before that -- I have kind of hit a while energy-wise.  By that I mean late in the evening, past 10 p.m., when I usually have some energy to do some chores, I have instead hit a wall.  My head gets heavy and my body tells me to go to sleep, and at that point all my plans on going through my receipts and reconciling my monthly expense list, for example, fall by the wayside because I'm fucking tired and unmotivated.

Now, why is that?  Is it because I'm getting old?  Is it because of the weather?  Is it because of COVID-19?  I don't know.  Shoot, it could be all three.  All I know is I don't remember my body ever feeling this way at this time of the year.  And it sucks because I really should get around to those receipts.

But maybe tomorrow.  I'm about to pass out.

She's Back To Whoring, I Guess

So the last time I saw ****e before yesterday/Friday, she told me she was in the "massage" business.  I put "massage" in quotes so you know what I mean.  I had no idea she did that, but then it dawned on me that I should have known.  For one thing, I'm not really certain how she makes money.  I cannot be her only source of income.  And second, I did meet her for the first time at a stripper party.  Sure, it was years ago, but there were a lot of babes at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version, RIP) that were, uh, "veterans," so if you know how to do something, chances are you're going to continue to do it.

That being said, I was still kind of shocked.  She told me that she stopped "masseusing" because the, uh, clients had become, well, violent, let's leave it at that.  But beyond that, I suddenly felt, well, unsafe being with and inside her.  Again, maybe I should have known, but all this time plunging into her I felt like I was the only one to plunge inside her.  Beyond that, she told me that these clients came to her house.  And she reminded me of the time before this (so two times ago) where I hustled out of her house because some dude was about to come in for, well, whatever she was willing to do and whatever he was willing to pay.  Come to think of it, when I left ****e's house that time, a guy was driving in.  I thought he was the guy who lives in the same house as her, just in the basement.  But maybe not.

Oh, well, I thought.  It's not as if I'm going to stop fucking ****e.  And besides, she said she stopped, so I have her all to myself -- or at least I can pretend with some evidence that I do.  But I don't, if everything I heard and saw yesterday is any indication.

So I just railed ****e and was going to stay in her bed in her bedroom for my post-coitus nap.  She has two (used to be three, but she told me on my visit before she had to say goodbye to that third) who always yap whenever someone's at the door.  Well, I heard them yapping, and then I heard the door open, and then I heard a man's voice -- something about a "massage."  I didn't plan on going anywhere, but having a client over definitely meant I had to stay in her bedroom ... and be as quiet as possible, for her massage table is in the room next door, and I did not want to make a sound to let him suspect another guy was there.  But I was more afraid of hearing sounds from that room -- moaning sounds, slurping sounds, satisfied sounds and, if she said it happened to her sometimes during her work, screaming and slapping sounds.  I didn't hear any of that.  Thankfully (I think), I passed out.

Around 2 I thought it best to leave; I did have some things I wanted to do.  I heard no sounds, so it sounded as if the coast was clear.  I put on my clothes, gave ****e her money, and kissed her goodbye as she shut the bathroom door behind me.  I gathered my coat, heat, gloves and mask that I left in the living room when the dogs started to yelp again.  I looked down to the front door; I saw some darkness through the window, and it shifted side to side because its feet were tired from standing in place.

"Someone's at the door!" I shouted to ****e through the bathroom door.  I put on my shoes and stiffened my upper lip.  There was no way I could avoid this guy, dammit.  I opened the doors, pointed my thumb behind me and shuffled to the side of him.  The guy may have said hello, but if I grunted anything back in acknowledgement, it was so quiet he didn't hear me.  And that's because I didn't want to give him any information to identify me.  Didn't want to be rude, but shit, let's be real here -- we both knew why we're there.  And it's not so we could find new friends with shared hobbies.  All that dude saw was a guy wearing a winter hat, gloves, glasses, a green mask, and a dark overcoat.  I was so covered I hope he doesn't even know I'm Chinese!

But back to her revolving door ... why didn't ****e tell me she was back in the whoring business?  She said she was out, but she got pulled back in, I guess?  I will make my peace with the fact that it's likely my penis isn't the only one in her vagina.  But on the same day?!  And I'm not cool with dodging her clients on my way in or out of her place.  With the traffic that was going in and out yesterday, it's obvious she's running a whorehouse.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I want to be the only one going in and out of that whorehouse that day.  Seeing dudes, looking each other in the eyes and knowing implicitly what we're there for is awkward as fuck.

I have Friday off.  I thought about dropping by her place and giving ****e a two-fer, if you know what I mean.  But maybe it's better to space visits out.  Her vagina seems to have no vacancy nowadays.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: October

This is one of those "busy" months, with 14 babes each having a smallish photo.  Can't say there a bunch of knockouts.  Some of them are good but are cancelled out because their arms are conspicuously held in front of their bodies.  They include Sara from Odessa, Tex.; Alexis out of Flint, Mich.; Gianna from Wayne, N. J.; and Alyssa out of Dayton, Ohio.  Another one who looks kind of good is Shona, hailing from Myrtle Beach, S. C., but a Mall Of America Hooters waitress autographed around her head, and that kind of ruins her photo.

Yeah, I'm afraid that the more I look at these waitresses, the less I'm impressed with them.  The main girl, Isabel of Jacksonville, N. C., is ... nice.  She's got long dark hair, and her one-piece Hooters-branded black bikini has a deep cut that emphasizes her sideboobs (which might be fake).  I really, really she wore a two-piece, however.

Hmmm ... there are two blondes, Toronto's Bianca and Ashley of Costa Mesa, Calif., who are showing body, but are wearing these full tops (both branded with Hooters graphic identification) that I cannot help but think are distracting.  I mean, they do not look like bikini tops, more like ... uh, training bras?  Sorry.

With that said, I think I can suss out a top three.  Third is Abby.  This small, dark-haired beauty is third because she is out of Fairview Heights, Ill., which makes me think one day soon I can get her to autograph this calendar.  That makes up for her small picture, her posing on her side, and her right arm in front of her stomach.  Second will probably be ... Tayla, representing Daytona Beach, Fla.  Another small, dark-haired beauty, she is sporting a pink two-piece that is bordered in white and branded with "HOOTERS" on her bottom.  And hey, she's standing up!  But I wish she smiled more.  Yeah, I'm gonna be that toxic male.

So I am awarding first place to Alexa, out of Loveland, Colo.  Long, straight-haired brunette, beautiful blue two-piece showing off her hot body, and she's smiling.  Her body is turned more than 90 degrees away from the camera, but ... she's the best out of 14 on this page, what can I say?

So, congratulations to Alexa, and I'll get around to masturbating to all these women after I rub one out for September, to which I don't think I've done yet.

The Masters Is The Most Overrated Event In Sports

So The Masters tees off starting today, more than seven Months after its customary early April/weekend after the Final Four slot.  Most golf and sports fans have been waiting with bated breath on the return of this storied, annual event.  I am not one of them.  Never have been.  Thank God.

I'm sorry, but I just don't get the big deal with this thing.  People talk in hushed tones about the sacredness of Augusta National.  There so many weird quirks about the course I find off-putting.  Each hole is named after a tree; pieces of nature (put there by meticulous architects) are given this hushed reverence as if ordained by God, such as Rae's Creek and The Big Oak Tree.  Ordinary buildings and events get spun into hallowed traditions because it's The Masters!!!  The Champions Dinner is just a fucking dinner, OK?  And Butler Cabin is just a fucking cabin, too.  People talk about the greens being a perfect, uh, green.  And did you know the bunkers aren't filled with sand, but instead North Carolina feldspar?  It kind of looks white on TV, and so the white-on-green gives the course a psychedelic palette that makes Augusta National first among equals!  Holy shit!

The, uh, formalism of the golf course and the tournament, which is demanded by the membership of Augusta National, cuts mostly in a bad way.  The few rules surrounding the Masters that are good -- only four minutes of commercials per hour; only three companies allowed to run commercials (as of press time they are AT&T, IBM, and Mercedes-Benz); no cellphones or photography allowed by fans ... excuse me, patrons watching The Masters in person -- are more than overshadowed by onerous control.  If I scream, "Holy shit!" in the "gallery," I will be thrown out.  Broadcasters have been barred from being part of the coverage if membership claims they are not acting in accordance to the rules of the golf club.  That's fucking censorship.

And oh, don't get me started on their racist, sexist beginnings.  I'm not just talking about 2002, where women launched a boycott because Augusta at the time did not invite women to be part of the membership.  People who defended the course's membership and First Amendment right to peaceably assemble how they wanted to didn't understand that it wasn't the women protesting who were snowflakes.  Hootie (God, what a stupid, fucking Southern nickname) Johnson decided not to ignore a letter by a chairwoman of a feminist organization asking why there wasn't a female member at Augusta and instead made a huge goddamn deal about it, stating that there wouldn't be a woman invited to join Augusta "at the point of a bayonet."  If Hootie didn't flip out like a bitch, the controversy, sexist as it was, would have died a quiet death.  Instead, his snowflakiness turned up the scrutiny on this famous yet shunning group until they finally admitted two women in 2012.

Oh, by the way, August had no Black members until 1990.  No Blacks were allowed to golf there until Lee Elder was permitted to in 1975.  But while there couldn't be Black golfers, Augusta actually demanded that the caddies be Black since the course's inception and for the longest time.  Up to such a point but no farther, I guess the thinking went.  And Augusta basically tying up its entire recent history to Tiger Woods doesn't change its past plantation mindset.

But ooooh, the green jacket!!!  And that tinkly music that makes golf fans want to jerk off in their pants, wow!!!  The stifling "standards" of the golf membership is strict enough.  The preciousness with which all of these rules and conventions are held by adoring golf fans is what really sets me over the edge.  This is just a fucking goddamn golf tournament, indistinguishable from any other pretty, well-maintained golf course in the Twin Cities.  Jesus fucking Christ, get your heads out of your asses.

I will set foot on the holy ground of August if I ever am hired to work The Masters.  But if I get ever get a ticket (for free; I have no desire to pay for one), I will scream and fart until I get hauled out of there by Pinkerton, the security firm that appears to walk the golf course and enforces Augusta's rules.  The hold this tournament and this golf course has on people fucking astounds me.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Overall, a very highly successful screening week for all local teams (even though, once again, I have to point out that it's very quiet around these parts; normally the Wild and Timberwolves would be in full swing, as well as Gopher volleyball.  I noticed that last night there was nobody locally playing when you get the feeling there should have been on a mid-November weeknight, you know?).  And yet, for this week, I am giving the top spot to the team that, if you want to stretch the definition of a Draw out, was the only Twin Cities club to lose.

Yep, MNUFC tied the Chicago Fire at 2 last Wednesday.  But that, along with a decisive 3-0 victory over FC Dallas on Decision Day (which was Sunday) sewed up a First Round playoff Match at home (albeit in a pandemic-induced expanded playoff field) for the second Year in a row.  One thing I need to note that augurs well for the Loons: The squad has now scored in the 79th Minute or later in each of their last four Games (even though one, the deciding Goal in the team's 2-1 win over Colorado on the 28th, was an Own Goal).

Unfortunately, there are two big things that could end this team's run, especially in a one-off format which begins versus the same Rapids Sunday the 22nd.  The more immediate one are call-ups.  The First Round will take place as Romain Metanire, Jan Gregus, Robin Lod and Kei Kamara are playing for their country.  By contrast, the Rapids will only lose one player, Chile's Diego Rubio.  The depth of this team could be a lot worse, but that will be tested, and the young players are going to have to step up.  Meanwhile, you have to worry about injuries, too.  Ike Opara is out for the year, even though the team has not officially said anything close to that.  Ozzie Alonso probably is good for this Match -- he'll have to be, otherwise the Loons are screwed -- but United FC needs him for the whole run.  And Kevin Molino has proven to be a difference-maker so long as he's healthy.  But will he be for the whole run?  If not, it'll be another one-and-done ... and another playoff upset at home.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  Have to note that this team should be 5-3 instead of 3-5.  But yes, with the help of a seventh team in each Conference making the playoffs from now on, the Vikings still have a shot at making the postseason after they took care of business and took care of the Detroit Lions Sunday in a fashion that will be as close to "dominating" as this club will get.  I had as good of a seat as one can get watching the Game, and it was funny to not feel as though the Vikes were going to give away the lead.  Well, I kind of felt it when the Lions scored to cut the deficit to three late in the Second Quarter.  But Matthew Stafford threw two Interceptions, the second of which was in the End Zone, and then he was taking out of the Game to enter the concussion protocol, and then substitute Chase Daniel threw an INT, and when the opponent is sabotaging itself, winning a contest gets infinitely easier.

Not to take away from what Dalvin Cook did Sunday.  Jesus fucking Christ, he's good.  Adding 206 Yards rushing, another 46 Receiving and two Touchdowns to what he did last week ... frankly, I think he is approaching Adrian Peterson territory.  All Day (who, ironically, was playing with the Lions on the other side of the field) was a beast for longer, but Cook seems to have matched Peterson's best days on several occasions, you think?  And we no longer think the Offensive Line sucks!  Yay!

Again, they still have a hole to climb out of.  And next week's Game at Chicago (on a Monday night), even with a Bears squad way out of form, will be a tough one because this franchise has always been shitty in Chicago.  But with three straight home Games vs. mediocre teams after that, they could complete that climb with a 4-0 run to gain momentum into December.

#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -3).  I don't want to say too little, too late.  I didn't have illusions these young men would make the College Football Playoff or anything.  But the 41-14 trouncing at Illinois Saturday was more in line with what I thought this club was capable of.  And the running attack, led by Mohamed Ibrahim and an imposing Offensive Line, may be as good in top-flight college football as the Vikings', led by Cook and a now-passable O-Line, might be in the NFL right now.

Believe it or not, this week is a Rivalry Week.  It's against Iowa, who is also 1-2 in this strange Year, but they're playing for Floyd of Rosedale once again.  It'll be at Das Bank v.1.0. (even though no one is allowed to watch, unlike Notre Dame ... idiots), and it's a Friday the 13th tilt.

Second Snowstorm ... Like The First

First snowstorm of the year ... wait, it's the second snowstorm of the year, and it's coming today, and unlike the first one, I am really, really nervous about this one.  Like the first, it's coming during work (I think the first one came during work), and they're saying about five inches, like the first, maybe more.  But this one scares me.  Maybe because the ground is a little colder and so less of it will melt on contact, which means there will be more I'll have to shovel -- or, gulp, maybe plow.  And there will be less of a warm-up in the days after, even though, like the first snowstorm, temperatures during the day will be above freezing, so less snow presumably will melt.  Yeesh and ick!

I bought a huge snowbrush/ice scraper through Amazon.  It's a huge one, and I am hoping to sneak it past my parents now.  We'll see if I can pull it off.  Maybe that's the reason I'm so anxious.

I don't know when, but these days I have uttered swear words under my breath.  Usually it's when I'm relaxing and I realize I have to get up to do something, or my attention is on one thing but then I realize I need to focus on something else.  That's when I usually say, "Shit!" or "Fuck!"  I don't think I cursed under my breath like that last year, or even at the start of the pandemic.  But I have now, somehow, and have been for a while.

And shit/fuck, I now need to take a shower so I can trim my nails.

So I always go into working Vikings Games thinking that people will hate me, and that I won't get along with them.  I am just a day player, so it's always better to assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised when they're cool.

Going into the weekend I thought I remembered the name of the person who I would be working for.  I remembered ... well, I won't get into details now in case she somehow comes across this blog.  She was weird, and she was not the gregarious type, let's put it that way.

I am not sure if the person I'm working for now is that person.  However, this other guy and I were asked by this person to put up this tarp of safety information on this metal bar barrier.  There was string knotted through each of the grommets drilled in to this tarp, but we had a bitch of a time tying them up.  Like we told each other, we were never Boy Scouts.

This person who told us to put this up, the one I was afraid I had a bad experience working for before, was around when the guy I was working with grabbed some zip ties.  "Don't do that!" she said (maybe), "Just tie it up!"  But I couldn't do it, and later, while she was walking to the tarp to put some papers in it, the knot unraveled.  It was the knot I did, and while she tied it up (well, actually), I fell on my sword and said, "I'm sorry, I'm terrible with knots."  To which she said, "Apparently so."

Well!

I later saw her blow up (not necessarily at me, although she asked me to help out) at the stadium catering department.  And once that was resolved, she thanked me and implored me to eat.  And she was nice thereafter.  Which makes me think that, even if she is not the person I had the bad experience with several years ago, she is one of those people who are intense when things go bad and kind of intense when things go good.  No thanks -- I prefer someone more even-keeled.  So I can tolerate a boss like that for a weekend, but full-time, or if I'm asked if I have a favorite?  Uh, hard pass.

This Is A Sign I Failed

So I was working a Vikings Game in this new position that I hadn't done before, and I was freaking out, but things actually went well, after I realized I could turn up the volume so I could hear the person I was speaking to?  And the guy I was speaking to said he'd put in a good word for me so I would work in that position again?

Well, I'm working this week's Vikes Game, and I am nowhere near that position this time around.  I am working two days, which means two days' work, which will help me sleep at night.  But the person who's doing the job I did a few weeks ago usually is on the field, and for some reason, this time around he has been replaced, but he's been kicked up to what was my position that one time, so I'm just going to be running around (or more like sitting around).

Again, it's good money, so I can't complain too much.  But I liked the promotion.  I thought I could use another crack at the responsibility.  And it paid more too, if the checks I just got and will try to cash tomorrow is any indication.  I'm not saying the guy's a liar, but if he had any hand in deciding I should not be up there after all ... well, I guess I should have remembered well before the Fourth Quarter that device I was wearing had a volume knob.  (sigh)

Last Good Day Of The Year (Well, Actually It's More Like The Third-Last Good Day Of The Year) ... And I Decided To Work?

As part of my plan of using up as much paid time off as I needed to before I lost it at the end of the year, I set up a series of Fridays for me to take off.  Well, my company changed that policy very late, and I can carry double the amount of paid time off than usual.  So, theoretically, I could cancel all those Fridays and work them instead.

I eventually decided not to, almost entirely.  I planned this so intently and for so long that I have my heart set on having those days off.  Deciding to work them instead would be kind of a buzzkill for me.  However, there was one half-day that I decided to cancel and work the whole day instead: Today.  Along with this new paid time off policy, I noticed that The Second Department had two people skipping that day, leaving only one person to do everything during first shift.  I thought that a second hand would help, and so I told my boss to cancel my paid time off so she would have a wingperson, so to speak, all day.

And of course that coincides to what will be a gorgeous day outside.  Sunny, little wind, dry, and temperatures in the afternoon well into the seventies.  I had that afternoon off, and I decided to work instead, so I will view all that beautiful weather while cooped up inside a filing room.  (facepalm)

Honestly, I would be more perturbed if I wasn't cut early from my job Wednesday and yesterday/Thursday.  Surprisingly, there was no work, at all, those two days, so I actually used four hours of paid time off Wednesday and, even though I almost made it to the finish line, I decided to use one hour yesterday/Thursday.  I am afraid if work is slowing down to the point where this will happen often, which I didn't foresee; if this keeps up, I will take back all those Fridays I planned off.  However, with my surprise free time, I was able to get out and enjoy the unseasonably hot day.  Wednesday I ate tacos at Centro, had donuts at Glam Doll, and visited Grandmother and enjoyed a walk around the cemetery.  Yesterday/Thursday I did a quick jaunt around the park closest to home and ate at Dairy Queen because it was one of the last times this year I would enjoy dessert when the weather suggests it would be a good idea.  If I were working whole days both days, being indoors today/Friday would anger me to no end.