Making A List For Tomorrow

I've told you guys before about not being able to make lists on my day planner.  Well, tomorrow is one of those days where it sucks the most.  There are a lot of things I should do, a lot of things I could do, and a lot of things I have the time to do, and therefore I don't know what to do.

So, because there's no room in the FQ, I will jot down my list of tasks for tomorrow here now:

• Go to Hooters and use one of those coupons for a free appetizer
• Visit my friend at the cemetary
• Shower and trim my nails
• Do the laundry
• Fill out The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
• Grab a bag from storage and look through it
• Eat a salad
• Water my parents' plants
• Go to the library and scan in the Minnesota United FC ticket to sell
• Cancel my health insurance through the state
• Watch So You Think You Can Dance

That's all I can think up for now.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Friday, September 7:

• I needed to go to the library.  I don't remember if I had blogged about winning some free appetizers from Hooters for predicting enough World Cup matches and picks right.  If I didn't, I'll let you know that I predicted enough World Cup matches and picks right that I won two different apps.  But I was waiting after the WC to get them, and I didn't get them.  The Official Rules said to contact your local Hooters, so I did, and after confessing that they have no idea what was going on (I'm skeptical about that, and if that were true, I have no idea how they did not know what they winners get in a contest they were advertising on their table tents), a manager called me up and said that they were giving me a $25 gift certificate.  And then, out of the blue, early this week Hooters e-mails me two coupons, each for a free appetizer, for winning both the group and the knockout stages out of everyone competing at Hooters MOA.  I was afraid of getting no free coupons, and now I have one extra.  OK.  I printed those out because I'm sure I'm going to be using one very soon.  And I printed out a United FC ticket because I know I won't be going to the game and need to sell it.  Total: 30 cents.
• Went to the Gopher soccer match in the evening.  Actually thought the game against North Dakota St. was Thursday, not Friday.  I have more to talk about in the WMNSS.  Hot dog, medium Coke and program, which has been shrunk from a folding one to a single sheet: $11.50.
• Even though I am working the Vikings game this weekend, I decided to get not one but two cups of coffee this Friday evening.  First I went to Wesley Andrews, the hoity-toity coffee place close to Eat Street.  You should see the cup and carafe I got my pour-over coffee in.  It's sweet, and even though it's expensive, I thought for presentation alone the price would be more than it actually was.  With tip: $4.89.
• I then went to Glam Doll around the corner.  Admit that I may have spent a bit too much, but the shop was rolling out new donuts, and I tried one that was four bucks and one that was three.  With another pour-over coffee and tip it all came out to: $13.66.
• Still don't have a whole lot of money in my checking account, so I've been still charging my expenses for the most part.  But I didn't on Tuesday the 4th -- well, at least when it came to tipping for my way-overdue shave at Moler.  The cost of a shave has gone up a buck, to six, but my tip is still the same amount: $4.
• Monday the 3rd, aka Labor Day -- last day of the Fair, and before and after my stint at the Mensa table, I balled out.  Finally got that Elote (corn roast with Mexican toppings) and two different State Fair beers (Passionfruit Pils and Two To Mango, Three To Tango) before my volunteer time and, uh, maybe I shouldn't have shown up drunk.  (At least I got a Holy Land lemonade to ease my way back on my way to the table.)  Afterwards I finally found Giggles to get Walleye Cakes, waited in line for that obscene Rainbow Cloud Roll with Superman ice cream, and a Rhubarb Blueberry Cobbler from the Farmers Union on way out the door for the final time at #mnstatefair2018.  Total, regretless damage (including tip for the second beer): $50.25.
• Went to the Fair Sunday the 2nd also because I was volunteering at Mensa then, too.  It was the morning shift, so I was able to partake in the new breakfast options: The All-Day Breakfast Nordic Waffle and the Nitro Cold Brew from Anchor.  After Mensa I got the Manny's Tortas Pina Colada and did the Sweet Martha's/All-You-Can-Drink milk combo, which I think I skipped last year.  Total: $30.
• Since my folks are not here, I went out to Caffetto to work on my computer at night.  Apple pie, small coffee and tip: $6.
• To Friday, August 31, where the only EWR I have actually is an Infusion.  I signed up for a sizing study because it was on the way to where I needed to go to the doctor's.  I had to wear this skimpy underwear and stand and sit while making positions with my arms and hands.  It was weird, but at least I got to keep the underwear.  In fact, I'm wearing it right now.  Oh, and I made money, too, an Infusion of: $25.
• Wednesday the 29th ... second time at the State Fair.  Got the Up North Pasty, a grilled peach, the Helles Ya, You Betcha beer, another Farmers Union BLT and the Ultimate Minneapple pie.  Man, I gorged myself at the Fair this year: $40.25.
• OK ... Friday, August 24 ... I went to a party because it was high time I got a BJ from ****e.  It'd been a long time, and she was still fantastic as always.  Also got a lapper from an Autumn, who works at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Whipped it out on her, which, frankly, felt good because I don't think I blindsided any new stripper with my cock yet this year.  I think she's down; I'll try and get her to a bed next week, maybe.  With cover and the goddamn bed fee (maybe I won't see ****e all that soon): $175.
• I needed to pay for this, of course, so before going to the party I pulled out some cash from the ATM.  But I lost the receipts.  I think I lost them at the party, so I have to mark down these here as EWRs.  And I actually withdrew twice because I only took out $60 the first time.  Took out another $120 after that, so it's a total Infusion of: $180.
• Thursday the 23rd was the opening day of the State Fair.  Got the following: a BLT and strawberry-basil lemonade from the Farmers Union (even though I waited 15 minutes for that BLT, not because they were out but because they forgot to give me one; the one I got was sitting under a damn heat lamp, so that's why I got a second one); finally a Swedish egg coffee; corn, the Sociable Black Currant ale (very good and distinctive); and cheese curds.  I spent a ton of money at The Great Minnesota Get-Together, and I don't mind injecting my own money back into the state economy one bit: $34.75.
• Wednesday, August 22 was the final of Da Beauty League.  Not a bad idea.  Hopefully it'll get more people to come over the years; Braemar Arena was, I think, 60% full.  Ticket, hot dog, large Pepsi, and a small order of mini-donuts come out to: $19.
• On Tuesday the 21st I went all the way to the theater at the Megamall for the back half of my personal double feature, Equalizer 2, aka The Sequelizer.  (I put everything for the first film, Ant-Man 2, on my credit card.)  Didn't know this was Denzel Washington's first-ever sequel, and he is at his Denzeliest here.  There is a speech that basically defines his roles in film, and it's a good speech, almost as good as Liam Neeson's in Taken.  The rest of the film?  Meh.  I don't get why he threatened his mentee; the kid knows about death, too.  I think I have the receipt for the pizza and Coke, so this EWR is for the ticket only: $5.40.
• On Sunday the 19th I went to The Local, first for EPL and then for the All-Ireland hurling final.  This is the first time I have ever seen hurling and ... not bad.  But because it's a sporting event with a very loyal but small following from the local Irish ex-pat crowd, I had to pay a cover, even though that covered a huge breakfast buffet.  Maybe I'll do it again: $20.
• In the afternoon I went to the Northeast Brewers' Block Party at Sociable Cider Werks, a brewery I've wanted to go to for some time.  Wouldn't mind doing it again.  Cover, donation, their Road Rash cider, a pork dish from the Cafe Racer truck and tips, and it all came out to: $23.
• In the evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Got an LD from Cicily.  With tips and coffee: $32.
• After that I went to Caffetto for a key lime pie and a small dark roast.  With tip: $6.
• Thursday, August 16: My friend got comp tickets for the Twins game vs. Detroit that evening.  Wish I talked to him and his two buddies more, but I was too wrapped out scoring the game to chit-chat.  I decided to ball out and, instead of just a hot dog, got a cheesy brat from Kramarczuk's and a Bud Light Lime.  Oh, and I tipped one of those guys who drum on those white plastic pails outside of the ballpark.  Total: $19.50.
• After the game, went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  Tips, coffee and a lap dance from Ashlee: $32.
• To Wednesday the 15th, where I had the time to take in a tripleheader from Da Beauty League.  Ticket, program, a Braemer Brat and Coke cost me: $19.
• And on Sunday, August 12 I found a penny at ... Caffetto, I guess?  An Infusion of: 1 cent.

Good through September 7.

Thanks For The Rubber, Random Dude!

So I'm here at Glam Doll.  I see a party of happy people sitting on the couches, as there often is here at Glam Doll.

I'm working on my receipts when I see one of the guys in this party come up to me.  I was assuming he was going to ask me something, or maybe ask to take a picture of the group.  But instead, without saying a word, he slips me a condom on my table, right next to my mouse.

Two things.  First, I would've said something to the effect of, "Naw, man, thanks, but if you know my sex life, there's no way I would ever need this."  But, truth be told, I have been thinking about fucking ****y again.  She was the one who gave me a handie but said that she would have let me inside her if I gloved up.  I have since imagined arranging something with ****y, and then after I show up at her apartment, I'd whip myself out and show her that I already had a condom on my dick and thus I was ready to get down.  I'd love to see the reaction on her face.  But I had no intention on buying a rubber.  Maybe if I, say, went to the U. and saw a health department or a student group giving condoms away I would get one, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to grab one.  Well, one was just given to me.  I take it as a sign that I should call up ****y again and tell her it's time.

Second, I noticed one of the girls in the group as she was getting up to use the bathroom.  She had African/Somali cheekbones.  More importantly, I could tell from her tight shirt that she had huge (fake?) tits and from her tight pants that she had a nice big (fake?) ass.  Believe me, she was physically gorgeous.  And I just happen to have a condom right next to me, given to me by her friend.  You know, I had half a mind to be a creep, go up to her, contraceptive in hand, and say, "Hey, your friend gave me this, and after looking at you, I think I know who to use this on!"  But I didn't.  I think we exchanged a half-smile after she came back after her group left because she needed to retrieve her keys.

Anyway, thanks for the rubber, random dude!

A Health Update

OK, so it doesn't burn when I pee anymore.  I think it started to get better, real talk, on Tuesday when the earliest time I could see the urologist was next month.  Then I was like, "Well, penis, you might as well deal with it, because I can't see a piss doctor sooner."  And I think my cock was like, "Well, if we're gonna wait that long, I might as well get better."  I felt nothing as of Wednesday.  And it's a damn miracle.  I feel so free now.

However, I may have pink eye.  The craziest thing, but my left eye has been red the past few days or so, but my right eye has not.  Isn't that pink eye?  Should I wear sunglasses, like I remember my schoolmates doing when they had pink eye?  More importantly, is this in any way related to my piss hose?  Could the infection that infected my dick have traveled up to my left eyeball?  I'm serious!

Oh, and for the past week or so my right index finger has been hurting, especially around the fingernail.  I think it began right around the time I was using that and my right thumb to pick my nose hairs.  Maybe I used it so much that I bruised it or something, but whenever I touch something with that finger, it hurts, and it's noticeable.

Everything Went Fuckin' Sideways On Me In The Last, Like, 36 Hours

I was hoping for a non-eventful week where I would come down from the high of the Minnesota State Fair and Labor Day, enjoy Tuesday off, mow the lawn after work and auction my fantasy football team on Wednesday, pick up Potbelly and eat it while watching the beginning of the NFL Thursday, do nothing on Friday, then work the Vikings game over the weekend while squeezing in my alma mater's game at our usual spot.  And this is where I say that the best laid plans are often ruined.

Start Tuesday night, when, out of the blue, one of the guys from The League (just between you and me, I consider him to be the slightly creepy scofflaw of the bunch) e-mailed and said he doesn't want to play anymore.  That fucks all of us over because that means we are at an odd number of teams, and with a non-even number, we can't draft.  Now, it turns out that Yahoo! Sports has instituted a new policy whereby a "bot" team can be created in order for leagues with odd numbers to draft and play.  I don't know how new this feature is.  But it saved our asses, even though this is an auto-team that will not pony up the $100 ante from which the rest of us humans could win.

In the meantime I'm squaring away the site of my alumni club's next game this weekend.  I assumed it would be at our old place, our home for games for the past, uh, eight years or so.  But I just got an e-mail from the head manager saying that he didn't realize until well, last night I guess that our game conflicts with the UFC PPV event.  I don't remember them holding UFC PPV events, but I guess they are now, and it looks as though it'll be so crowded that we'll be crowded out.  So I now have to hightail it downtown and either find some place that'll house us on short notice or tell the head manager face-to-face that we'll swallow our pride, hold our breaths in and squeeze into a corner to watch the game there.

Look, I don't think either the person who wanted out of fantasy football or the head manager of this bar are dicks.  I don't really think they pulled dick moves, either.  But the commonality with both of them is that they dropped bad news on me way too late.  With some foresight (easy foresight from the scofflaw fantasy footballer), I could have been given enough of a head's-up where, even though I wouldn't like it, I would have ample time to come up with a solution.  Now, there's no harm, no foul with The League, and I guess we could make do with a shitty situation come Saturday night.  But I really could have used some advanced warning.

---

Oh, and while those two predicaments were unfurling, Mother was fucking freaking out at LAX.  She called me twice to beg me to write a letter to a property management company over fines the homeowners' association in which they own a property levied against them.  It's a complicated issue, I have found; it's been going on for a long time, and my folks are definitely not at fault.  But Mother kept complaining and pleading that she doesn't know what to do, and she's scared and anxious, and she demanded that I write an e-mail to the prop managers basically saying, "I'm so skirred, what should I do now?"  And I really don't think it's necessary because I read the chain of e-mails between my parents, the company and the HOA, and there's really nothing that can be done until the HOA rules on my folks' appeal on the fines.  But Mother is losing it like a sundowning Alzheimer's patient -- she can't be suffering from ... can she? -- and what actually felt good because she was being needy towards me for once turned into outright annoyance.  "Alright, I'll send an e-mail before I go to bed!" I screamed at her before I hung up the phone.  Goddamn, she is fucking impossible to deal with.  And I know that she's not going to be satisfied with my e-mail and she's gonna let me hear about it because she thinks she can.

---

But hey, it doesn't hurt when I pee anymore!  Then again, my left eye has been red the past two days (but not my right -- do I have pink eye?).  Say, could they be related?  Am I having an infection that started in my dick but floated up to my eyeball?  Oh, well, my eye feels better now, so at least I'm healthy, right?!

My 2017 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Before the year is through I should select someone.

And I wish I could consider these 12 girls more than I am.  However, I have things to do right now.  And also, you have to remember that in 2017 Playboy changed their minds about nudity and started to show tits again.  That's all great, but without full nudity I find myself much less compelled to, uh, ruminate over the beauty of these girls.  Saying that, I think they might be showing bush again this year ... blog post about this might be ahead.

This transition back started in the March/April issue (they might be flip-flopping over nudity, but not over cutting down to only six issues per year, goddammit), so although they are obviously cute, Miss January, Bridget Malcolm and Miss February, Joy Corrigan are immediately disqualified.  From there ... uh, well, I posted a perverted comment on one of the Instagrams of Miss March, Elizabeth Elam, and she removed it and had me reported, so fuck her.  And about Miss November, Ines Rau, the first-ever transgender Playmate: I don't mind that PB picked a tranny PM, if only to see Republicans get all grossed out and shit over it.  But if Playboy is going to commit to making one a Playmate, they need to go all the way.  You may not know this, but Rau did not show any lady parts.  No, in a flashback all the way back to the Jan./Feb. issue, her tits and pussy remained hidden.  I really do think the magazine wants to be progressive, but in this spread, it teased and then ultimately chickened out.

Everybody else is OK, I guess, but frankly, it's difficult to single out one centerfold above the others when they're all so ... good enough, you know?  I certainly would not have selected Miss April, Nina Daniele, who has become the Playmate Of The Year.  My runner-up is Allie Leggett, Miss December.  She has some fantastic-sized bazoombas, and she is a former pageant girl; she was Miss Kentucky 2013 and went on to compete in the Miss USA pageant.  She resumes a long line of pristine pageant beauties who went on to take off that tiara and evening gown and show everything (well, at least her boobs), yow!

But my pick for PMOY goes to Miss July, Dana Taylor.  If everyone is playing on the same, even, fallow playing field (no pussy), I have to find some other differentiation.  And that comes in what the photographer poses the Playmate in.  So credit goes to tog (I think that's what people in the biz call "photographers" these days) Derek Kettela for choosing a water/scuba theme.  He has Taylor partially wearing a one-piece swimsuit, except that her neon orange suit is unzipped from the front, and so her ample boobage is flashing through, as if she's stripping on the ocean water.  For those two shots alone, I select Dana Taylor as my Playboy Playmate Of The Year.

Of course, I would fuck all of these women.

No? Not An STD?

Alright, now that it's not, I can talk about it freely.

Just got the results from tests I took before the weekend about my hurting dick.  I knew from my doctor's last visit that it wasn't a urinary tract infection, which made me think that it absolutely had to be a venereal disease.  But it turns out my results are all negative.  I don't have a sexually-transmitted disease!  I am clean as fuck, baby!

But I don't know if that's a good thing.

Hear me out.  The way my doc told this, if it were a VD, he could prescribe me antibacterials to clear it up.  (When he said this, he said, "If the tests for STDs are positive, great!"  And I'm going, is it really great that I could have an STD?)  But if my VD test is negative, then, what do I have?  It still burns when I pee, and even though I know it's not an STD, what the hell is it?

So my next step is setting up an appointment with this urologist my doc referred me to, and hopefully I'll have time to do it today, but now I made this spill after trying to fill up the water pot and then I want to go out to the U. to get first-day-of-school free stuff.  I get the day off from work, and I'm busy, and I'm pissing a firehose.  (sigh)

Oh, by the way, just to let you know, if the tests turned out to be positive, and that I did have a VD, I sure as hell wouldn't tell.  Come on, I have my principles!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  I don't know what is there to glean from the team's season-opening 48-10 victory Thursday over New Mexico St., a program that is already 0-2, got kicked out of the Sun Belt Conference, is trying to make a go of it as an independent and should by all rights drop down to second-flight college football.  Of course, if somehow the Aggies marched into TCF Bank Stadium and beat the Gophers, I'd be losing my shit.  But they won, convincingly, so I don't have to worry about that.

All I will say is that this is P.J. Fleck's second year.  He may not have all of his players installed in his program, but he got his mulligan last year.  Going 5-7 last year wasn't bad, and there were a couple losses that could have been victories with a break or two.  But I've heard at least one person believe that this club won't win more than four games this year, and that would be a disaster.  I need to see improvement.  A bowl game, even a shitty one that occurs in mid-December, is a reasonable goal.  And the schedule is lined up so that there are enough games against similarly-mediocre programs where Fleck and Row the Boat to, and I am not joking, eight or nine wins.  And it is not unreasonable to expect the Gophers to defeat Fresno St., also at home, this Saturday evening.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  OK, what I thought these players need to do, sweep all three matches of their Diet Coke Classic, they did.  Nevertheless, I am not impressed with North Dakota St., Georgia Southern and Arkansas as opponents, so compared to that, I didn't really have any program putting this squad behind a Gopher football team that might struggle all year.  I am just surprised as hell that even after their struggles against two vastly superior teams in the previous week's Big Ten/ACC Challenge, they rose in the AVCA Top 25 from #4 to #3 -- although that was mostly because Nebraska lost to Florida (in an actually tough non-conference tournament, the VERT Challenge) and dropped from second to fifth.

I still have doubts as to how tough this team is.  Maybe I will get answers this upcoming weekend in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge (can a conference play in two Challenges against two different BcS conferences in the same season?).  The Gophers and Penn St. represent the B1G in Stanford; the Gophs will play Oregon Friday and then the host Cardinal less than 24 hours later.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A 2-4 screening week, losing series to Cleveland and Texas, both on the road.  This listless week was punctuated Sunday with an 18-4 drubbing at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, where the foes racked up 16 runs between the Fifth and Eighth Innings and only one Rangers player, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, did not come around to score a Run in the contest, and that's only because he came in as a Pinch-Hitter in the bottom of the Eighth.

This squad has been largely irrelevant since, oh, the All-Star Break.  But now that football season and autumn is winding up, it makes it that much easier to even forget that the Twinks are still playing.  Maybe moreso since, after playing three in Houston beginning this (Monday) afternoon for a special Labor Day game, they will come home and play a trio with Kansas City.  Will anyone show up?

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  It's weird; I always make a point to attend U. of M. non-con games because they feature teams that may not ever come up here ever again.  For the novelty alone I want to see them; I'm sure I'll attend a game vs. Michigan St. or Illinois some time before I die.  Customarily women's soccer teams play non-conference matches and tournaments for the first four weeks of the season.  But it looks as though I will attend none of them this year.

How did that work?  The Minnesota female XI began their year in Utah.  They came home to the Robbie for a mini-tournament, of which I intended to actually go to all three matches being played on that weekend.  But because of lightning, officials and the teams involved decided to split up the planned Doubleheader that Thursday; I had my heart set on seeing back-to-back matches, so I didn't want to go when it was determined the Iowa-Washington St. match was going to kick off early, around noon time.  (Turns out that there were so many weather delays that it was decided that that match was cancelled.)  I was going to see the match versus the Cougars Sunday right after watching the EPL downtown, but again, due to inclement weather, it was decided that the time would be moved up by two hours, and I decided I wanted to watch soccer on TV and cash in on a deal provided by The Local.

This week things went sideways on me.  There was a game Thursday night, vs. DePaul, but I decided to help *****e*, one of the strippers I get to fuck, move.  And on Sunday Stanford -- which is #1, of all things -- would be playing at high noon, but I already made plans to help out Mensa at the Minnesota State Fair around that time.  There's one non-con game left, Friday against North Dakota St., but ... shoot, it's North Dakota St.  It's not that exotic of a school, is it?  They'll be around here to play again, I'm sure of it.

So at any rate I'm not playing on seeing any matches with this club for a while.  And that's probably a good thing because these young women went winless this screening week.  The Blue Devils beat the Goofers 1-0, and although Molly Fiedler tied up the match against The Farm in the 75th Minute to send the game into Overtime, Stanford's Sam Hiatt gave the foes the 2-1 Golden Goal victory in the 94th.  The U. is now on a three-game losing streak, and more importantly, it has given up pretty much all of its CV in case it winds up a bubble team drawing comparisons with other bubble teams.  At this point these Goofs need to play nearly flawlessly in-conference ... although they need to finish up their non-con against the Bison on Friday.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: August

Vast improvement in babeage over previous months, and yet who I would choose has never been clearer.

Of the ten babes for the month, only three of them are wearing one-pieces (including, surprisingly, main girl Kristen Arnhold, out of Baltimore).  The women showing body are uniformly hot, although Phoenix's Nekkei looks a hell of a lot like Melania Trump, ugh.  Runners-up include Samm from Douglasville, Ga. (cute smile, although she is standing in profile) and Philadelphia's Kristen (even though she has her arms folded in front of her).

But the hands-down best for the month of August is Portia.  She is posing where she's sort of leaning into the camera, and therefore her torso is kind of obscured and out-of-focus.  But she has ravishing black hair.  Most important of all, she hails from the Maryland Heights, Mo., location, and I swear that I had her as a waitress at least once before.  In fact, if I'm correct, I talked a bit with this Portia woman, and she was extremely nice and charming.  So, Portia is the winner this month!

I would jerk off to all these girls, but it still hurts when things shoot out of my urethra.

Perverted Through My Pissing Pain

OK, first things first: Went to the doctor after work yesterday.  He doesn't know what exactly is going on until the (long) weekend, and he couldn't prescribe me any pills to help my burning dick.  And it still hurts like a motherfucker.

The pills I had been prescribed didn't do jack shit for my health.  Did turn my piss orange.  Like, Tang orange, or the color of the orange-flavored artificial drink that passed for orange juice when I ate lunch at the elementary school cafeteria.  So tasty it was addicting, but none of it was nutritious ... which is probably why it was so addicting.

Anyway, I had a thought while taking these pills: If my piss turns orange, does my cum turn orange, too?  And so I had planned to masturbate while on them to see if, you know, I cum orange.  Well, it didn't turn out that way.  I was in so much pain, plus I got so busy with other things, that I didn't touch myself until just now, last (Friday) night, and I consumed the last of my pills yesterday/Friday morning.  But through this entire ordeal I still am able to get hard -- though I feel a stiffness up and down my shaft whenever I get a hard-on, which sort of doubles as pain up and down my urethra -- and, hey, YOLO, so I wanted to see what was up.

So I jerked off (to a great Penthouse pictorial, around the turn of the millennium, back when it was really good!), even though, again, my last pill was in the morning and most of the orange tinge to my urine left my body.  And when I had my orgasm ... well, first, my instinct not to even touch myself while I'm in such pain was smart because cumming hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, plus not a whole lot of semen came out.  And besides that it was its ... uh, normal color.  Maybe it would have been orange had I touched myself the night or two before.  But I'll take this as a legitimate experiment with a rigorous conclusion: If you take pills that turn your pee orange, your semen does not change color.  Everyone, know y'all know.