Record, Round 4: 7-0 (!!!)
Overall Record: 31-20
Outlay, Round 4: $550.00
Returns, Round 4: $18,067.64 (I will explain)
Gain, Round 4: $17,517.64
Overall Gain: $18,330.28
OK, real stuff out of the way first. Loyola of Chicago is continuing its miracle run, and Buddha bless them. Michigan really was the team I should have picked. And I knew I was going to get screwed over by Kansas-Duke, so even though my real bracket picks have gone to shit, at least I nailed all my Anti-Picks, including both two-leg parlays.
So about that return amount ... it all hinges on that Ramblers Moneyline odd of -1. I didn't know how to average the six M/L odds I saw on Doc's Sports. The oddsmakers saw L of C so close to Kansas St. that three of them put them as the Straight-Up favorite. What I usually do is average the odds, but with three of them negative (indicating Loyola-Chicago was the favorite) and three of them positive, I had to add them, which means adding to negative totals and subtracting from positive ones. After doing that I got something around -6, so when you divide that by six, you get -1.
That's already a screwy number. But I had no idea that it would bumfuzzle all the parlay calculators I used to compute the Ramblers' SU win as well as the parlay I roped in with the Jayhawks' M/L victory over the Blue Devils. Those calculators couldn't agree on the payout for those bets. I can't believe it. The calculators could not agree on how to compute a -1.
I have no idea what to do except find some agreement. It looks as though I have found two calculators that say that by itself, L-C, M/L, -1 at $50 gets you back a total, with original amount, and I'm not shitting you guys, $5,050. And that means that with Kansas M/L at +135, a $50 wager gets me back (hold onto your pants) $11,8675.
I know it cannot be real. But frankly, I don't have the brainpower right now to figure it out myself, and I don't really want to look at another calculator to see if they'd come up with an answer that looks realistic. So hey, this has been the most lucrative betting season I have ever had. More than 18 grand -- wow!!!
---
So, I think I'm gonna stop there. I have a huge bankroll, I don't like the Final Four lines, and the malaise I feel about screwing the pooch with my actual Final Four picks again has convinced me not to make any other fake bets. I feel good about stepping away. Don't need to make myself look like a fool again. Sometimes you've gotta quit while you're ahead, even when it simply cannot be true.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Friday, March 30, 2018
Two Jobs? Maybe Zero?
So I'm working this morning, right now ... well, I had to start my morning pulling the shells off the two hard-boiled eggs My Father made for me, then washing my hands, then getting tea, then washing a plum, then eating the plum, then washing my hands, so that took about 45 minutes out of my day ... so I'm working, and I get IM'd by a guy I worked with at the job here before the New Year. He's been watching out for me, I've got to tell you, and he has continued to both encourage me to look for full-time jobs here and to look for full-time jobs here for me.
Well, he IM'd me to say that he has finally connected to someone who he says will be opening up a spot in a couple weeks, and that he wanted me to meet up with him so he can introduce me to her. The meeting went well; I think I will be working for her, but I need to talk to the person who will be doing the hiring for that particular position first, and that won't even be posted until next week.
So, great! Except that when he messaged me, I was in the middle of this big report that seems to be important to my boss. (I'm still doing it right now. Well, not right right now, I'm doing this, but I'm doing that as soon as I'm doing this.) And frankly, I'm not sure when I'll be done with this job -- or if I will be done with this job. I've been extended from my original end date of two weeks ago, but have not been given a new one. Meanwhile, after stuffing envelopes and scrubbing this report, there might be another thing that my boss is lining up for me, and from what I remember her describing that role to me, it seems to be an ongoing concern ... something that someone full-time would do.
I like this job, I really do. I think my boss likes and respects me. She's caught me on the Internet a few times and she hasn't called me out on that yet, let alone fired me. That's signs of a real good job. The only problem, as far as I can tell, is that this isn't full-time. But I want it to be. But maybe it is and I don't know it yet. Or, it will be soon. And in the meantime I might go for this actual full-time job as early as next week, and there are people who know that I'm aiming for it.
What do I do now? I could abandon this current job, tell my current boss that I'm going for it, potentially burn my bridge with her, and, because I may not be quite right for it, not get the job, and be completely on the street, penniless. Or, I could betray both my friend who's looking out for me and the person I just met in this new department and say I want to be loyal to my current job and boss, and, because it is a temp job, lose my job as soon as its duties are done, and be completely on the street, penniless.
(shrug)
Well, he IM'd me to say that he has finally connected to someone who he says will be opening up a spot in a couple weeks, and that he wanted me to meet up with him so he can introduce me to her. The meeting went well; I think I will be working for her, but I need to talk to the person who will be doing the hiring for that particular position first, and that won't even be posted until next week.
So, great! Except that when he messaged me, I was in the middle of this big report that seems to be important to my boss. (I'm still doing it right now. Well, not right right now, I'm doing this, but I'm doing that as soon as I'm doing this.) And frankly, I'm not sure when I'll be done with this job -- or if I will be done with this job. I've been extended from my original end date of two weeks ago, but have not been given a new one. Meanwhile, after stuffing envelopes and scrubbing this report, there might be another thing that my boss is lining up for me, and from what I remember her describing that role to me, it seems to be an ongoing concern ... something that someone full-time would do.
I like this job, I really do. I think my boss likes and respects me. She's caught me on the Internet a few times and she hasn't called me out on that yet, let alone fired me. That's signs of a real good job. The only problem, as far as I can tell, is that this isn't full-time. But I want it to be. But maybe it is and I don't know it yet. Or, it will be soon. And in the meantime I might go for this actual full-time job as early as next week, and there are people who know that I'm aiming for it.
What do I do now? I could abandon this current job, tell my current boss that I'm going for it, potentially burn my bridge with her, and, because I may not be quite right for it, not get the job, and be completely on the street, penniless. Or, I could betray both my friend who's looking out for me and the person I just met in this new department and say I want to be loyal to my current job and boss, and, because it is a temp job, lose my job as soon as its duties are done, and be completely on the street, penniless.
(shrug)
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Why The Fuck Do I Do This To Myself?
My Final Four picks for this men's basketball tournament were Tennessee, Gonzaga, Purdue, and Duke.
Tennessee got pipped by a last-second jump shot by Loyola-Chicago, which is still alive and headed to San Antonio as a true Cinderella, and Godspeed, truly, to them.
Gonzaga got bulldozed by a Florida St. squad that was defensively deficient. And yet, some time on Wednesday, I had the Seminoles going to the Sweet Sixteen after knocking of Xavier. But I changed my mind and named Missouri as the one who would do the honors of upsetting the defensively even more deficient Musketeers and advance to the Regional Semifinals instead. It's one of those 8/9 games which usually don't count in the long run but, because I am in a field with hundreds of people, if I ever were to get in the money, 8/9 matchups, which usually get blitzed in the Round of 32 by the region's #1 seed, will be the difference in, oh, hundreds of dollars.
Purdue was going well until Isaac Haas fractured his elbow. It's rare that a team's fortune in The Big Dance is dashed due to injury, but once I heard that it was highly unlikely that Haas, the Boilermakers' Center, would be out for the rest of the tourney, I metaphorically pissed my pants. They survived Butler, their Second Round opponent, but got ganked by Texas Tech in the Regional Semifinal. (By the way, a tournament where Florida St., Texas Tech and Kansas St. all reached the Elite Eight is a strange tournament indeed.)
And Duke, fuck! I really wanted to see the 60 Minutes interview with porn star Stormy Daniels, but I didn't want to see the Kansas-Duke Regional Final at all. But since my parents were ready to eat and I didn't want to miss the beginning of the interview and, well, since the game was getting close, I had to watch. Well, fuck, I was bad luck because I started watching with the Blue Devils holding a lead and, with a series of turnovers and missed shots, the Jayhawks tied it at the end of regulation and then won the fucking game in Overtime.
With that loss, I am done for the NCAA Tournament. I failed to pick any team in the Final Four. And when it was clear that Dook was going to lose, I got up from the dinner table to go to my room and thumb through my clipboard, where I have a couple of my brackets from years past. I don't remember getting one Final Four team right last year, and I didn't. I couldn't find 2016, but I'm sure I didn't that year, either. I had to go back to 2015 where I correctly picked one, and thankfully, that year I actually picked two.
But assuming I didn't get one right in 2016, that means that for the past three years I didn't get any Final Four team. At all. That meant I finished way out of the money for the big bracket, where I chip in $20, or the small pool, where I just have to select the Final Four teams, where I chip in $5. That's $25 for picks that were completely off. And I've basically thrown $25 down the drain three years in a row.
And once I looked through my clipboard, it hit me: Why the fuck do I do this to myself? I'm terrible at this! Sure, I won the small bracket once, but that was, like, 15 years ago. The feeling I get about this, which I think is contrary to all the other people who play these pools with me, is similar to my contrarian point-of-view when it comes to other forms of gambling. People just plop in some money for these brackets and go, "What the hell," and if they win money, great, and if they lose money, hey, so what. I'm not that type of guy. There is no joy in losing money, period. And that I haven't even been close to the money the past three years, well ... it makes me reconsider why in the hell am I even playing. I've been doing this for about two decades now, so maybe I'm feeling this way because I just turned 42, but pissing away money like this has gotten pretty fucking old.
I've been thinking like this for three days now, and I feel just as turned off now as I did once Duke lost. So I'm seriously wondering if I should even play at all next season. I mean, why should I torture myself like this again? It seems like every goddamn year my anticipation for March Madness quickly curdles into "I hate this fucking tournament" once I lose, like, six of my last eight teams over the course of an evening. That's not fun at all. And yet it feels as though I've been going through this cycle of masochism a lot, especially the last few years. If the intent is to actually win one of these fucking pools, maybe I shouldn't toss my money into the sewer like this.
So I wonder if I could, or should, take a one-year sabbatical from The Big Dance. A year's remove from losing in the NCAA Tournament, and all its intended anxiety and anger, might do me good. And who knows, maybe that will convince me to make the sabbatical permanent. At the very least it would save me $25 a year.
Tennessee got pipped by a last-second jump shot by Loyola-Chicago, which is still alive and headed to San Antonio as a true Cinderella, and Godspeed, truly, to them.
Gonzaga got bulldozed by a Florida St. squad that was defensively deficient. And yet, some time on Wednesday, I had the Seminoles going to the Sweet Sixteen after knocking of Xavier. But I changed my mind and named Missouri as the one who would do the honors of upsetting the defensively even more deficient Musketeers and advance to the Regional Semifinals instead. It's one of those 8/9 games which usually don't count in the long run but, because I am in a field with hundreds of people, if I ever were to get in the money, 8/9 matchups, which usually get blitzed in the Round of 32 by the region's #1 seed, will be the difference in, oh, hundreds of dollars.
Purdue was going well until Isaac Haas fractured his elbow. It's rare that a team's fortune in The Big Dance is dashed due to injury, but once I heard that it was highly unlikely that Haas, the Boilermakers' Center, would be out for the rest of the tourney, I metaphorically pissed my pants. They survived Butler, their Second Round opponent, but got ganked by Texas Tech in the Regional Semifinal. (By the way, a tournament where Florida St., Texas Tech and Kansas St. all reached the Elite Eight is a strange tournament indeed.)
And Duke, fuck! I really wanted to see the 60 Minutes interview with porn star Stormy Daniels, but I didn't want to see the Kansas-Duke Regional Final at all. But since my parents were ready to eat and I didn't want to miss the beginning of the interview and, well, since the game was getting close, I had to watch. Well, fuck, I was bad luck because I started watching with the Blue Devils holding a lead and, with a series of turnovers and missed shots, the Jayhawks tied it at the end of regulation and then won the fucking game in Overtime.
With that loss, I am done for the NCAA Tournament. I failed to pick any team in the Final Four. And when it was clear that Dook was going to lose, I got up from the dinner table to go to my room and thumb through my clipboard, where I have a couple of my brackets from years past. I don't remember getting one Final Four team right last year, and I didn't. I couldn't find 2016, but I'm sure I didn't that year, either. I had to go back to 2015 where I correctly picked one, and thankfully, that year I actually picked two.
But assuming I didn't get one right in 2016, that means that for the past three years I didn't get any Final Four team. At all. That meant I finished way out of the money for the big bracket, where I chip in $20, or the small pool, where I just have to select the Final Four teams, where I chip in $5. That's $25 for picks that were completely off. And I've basically thrown $25 down the drain three years in a row.
And once I looked through my clipboard, it hit me: Why the fuck do I do this to myself? I'm terrible at this! Sure, I won the small bracket once, but that was, like, 15 years ago. The feeling I get about this, which I think is contrary to all the other people who play these pools with me, is similar to my contrarian point-of-view when it comes to other forms of gambling. People just plop in some money for these brackets and go, "What the hell," and if they win money, great, and if they lose money, hey, so what. I'm not that type of guy. There is no joy in losing money, period. And that I haven't even been close to the money the past three years, well ... it makes me reconsider why in the hell am I even playing. I've been doing this for about two decades now, so maybe I'm feeling this way because I just turned 42, but pissing away money like this has gotten pretty fucking old.
I've been thinking like this for three days now, and I feel just as turned off now as I did once Duke lost. So I'm seriously wondering if I should even play at all next season. I mean, why should I torture myself like this again? It seems like every goddamn year my anticipation for March Madness quickly curdles into "I hate this fucking tournament" once I lose, like, six of my last eight teams over the course of an evening. That's not fun at all. And yet it feels as though I've been going through this cycle of masochism a lot, especially the last few years. If the intent is to actually win one of these fucking pools, maybe I shouldn't toss my money into the sewer like this.
So I wonder if I could, or should, take a one-year sabbatical from The Big Dance. A year's remove from losing in the NCAA Tournament, and all its intended anxiety and anger, might do me good. And who knows, maybe that will convince me to make the sabbatical permanent. At the very least it would save me $25 a year.
Wednesday, March 28, 2018
I Fucking Hate My Parents. I Really Do.
I was afraid -- and yet I knew -- that both My Fucking Father and My Fucking Mother would yell at me as soon as they got home. But I cannot remember the last time both of them attacked me on the same night.
I'm still hurt, and angry, and confused by what happened last night, so I think I'm going to end this blog post before I can tell y'all the whole story, mostly because I am having a bad time processing it. Sorry.
The big thing is is that My Fucking Mother lost a couple 1099's that I left for her on the table, and she used that to launch into a bitchy screed about how I can't keep all the mail that she got while they were away on their two-month cruise intact. They have a dozen properties, dozens of credit cards, accounts hither and yon, and a fuck-ton of junk mail they've signed up for. How in the hell do I have to spend a day I'm working, after which I need to organize it by company and date, like how My Fucking Mother railed at me to do? This was all because of those goddamn 1099's, and I know for a fact I put those in a rubber band with all the other 1099's on the piano. This was totally her fault.
But she didn't act like it was her fault because she's a cunt. And like she does when she is a cunt, she uses my mistakes while she's yelling at me. Apparently I didn't pay insurance for one of her properties here. She says that she told me and she even provided a book for me to write it in. I don't remember her telling me, and I sure as fuck wasn't able to locate any "book" within all the other shit I had to keep track for her while they were gone. And wouldn't there be a fucking bill that would come due? Where the fuck was that? Or did I just have to magically pay insurance for a bill that never came on some random date? For fuck's sake, this isn't my house; it's a property they own whose responsibilities have fallen on my lap.
In fact, I don't even know if this was a "mistake." I'm going to call the insurance agent and ask him what the fuck was going on, because frankly, I think My Fucking Mother might be bullshitting me. Like her accusing me of taking her 1099's or throwing them away, I think she just didn't tell me about the insurance. Seriously, NOT EVEN A BILL?!
What is even stranger is My Fucking Father. While I was having dinner he stammered up the stairs and starting coming after me for not getting his sleeping pills on time. I told him that he used up all his refills -- he only got one month's supply when he felt entitled to two -- and that he needed to speak with the doctor to get re-authorized. But nope, he wasn't having any of that logic. Also, and this is even more fucked-up, he started screaming at me that I didn't put his supply of pills downstairs. WHY THE FUCK DOES WHERE I PUT HIS SLEEPING PILLS FUCKING MATTER?!?!?! He got 'em, right? Fuck this pill-popping addict.
I only gave you a little snippet of what I faced last night. I should go into more detail, but frankly, it hurts too much to relive the yelling with anything more than humor and disbelief. Again, I apologize, but if I told you how they really made me feel, I wouldn't be able to keep it together for work in a few hours. I hope you understand.
I'm still hurt, and angry, and confused by what happened last night, so I think I'm going to end this blog post before I can tell y'all the whole story, mostly because I am having a bad time processing it. Sorry.
The big thing is is that My Fucking Mother lost a couple 1099's that I left for her on the table, and she used that to launch into a bitchy screed about how I can't keep all the mail that she got while they were away on their two-month cruise intact. They have a dozen properties, dozens of credit cards, accounts hither and yon, and a fuck-ton of junk mail they've signed up for. How in the hell do I have to spend a day I'm working, after which I need to organize it by company and date, like how My Fucking Mother railed at me to do? This was all because of those goddamn 1099's, and I know for a fact I put those in a rubber band with all the other 1099's on the piano. This was totally her fault.
But she didn't act like it was her fault because she's a cunt. And like she does when she is a cunt, she uses my mistakes while she's yelling at me. Apparently I didn't pay insurance for one of her properties here. She says that she told me and she even provided a book for me to write it in. I don't remember her telling me, and I sure as fuck wasn't able to locate any "book" within all the other shit I had to keep track for her while they were gone. And wouldn't there be a fucking bill that would come due? Where the fuck was that? Or did I just have to magically pay insurance for a bill that never came on some random date? For fuck's sake, this isn't my house; it's a property they own whose responsibilities have fallen on my lap.
In fact, I don't even know if this was a "mistake." I'm going to call the insurance agent and ask him what the fuck was going on, because frankly, I think My Fucking Mother might be bullshitting me. Like her accusing me of taking her 1099's or throwing them away, I think she just didn't tell me about the insurance. Seriously, NOT EVEN A BILL?!
What is even stranger is My Fucking Father. While I was having dinner he stammered up the stairs and starting coming after me for not getting his sleeping pills on time. I told him that he used up all his refills -- he only got one month's supply when he felt entitled to two -- and that he needed to speak with the doctor to get re-authorized. But nope, he wasn't having any of that logic. Also, and this is even more fucked-up, he started screaming at me that I didn't put his supply of pills downstairs. WHY THE FUCK DOES WHERE I PUT HIS SLEEPING PILLS FUCKING MATTER?!?!?! He got 'em, right? Fuck this pill-popping addict.
I only gave you a little snippet of what I faced last night. I should go into more detail, but frankly, it hurts too much to relive the yelling with anything more than humor and disbelief. Again, I apologize, but if I told you how they really made me feel, I wouldn't be able to keep it together for work in a few hours. I hope you understand.
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
Changes At Work
So as I came in this morning I was asked how long it would take me to stuff envelopes. When I told my boss, she basically said, "Hmmm ... that's slow." Hey, it's boring. But I knew that if she ever asked me that question, I would be, uh, questioned.
Instead I am to go through these spreadsheets. My brain's already fried. My boss is helping me through it, but right now, I'd rather have the tedium of stuffing envelopes.
I need to eat something after I blog post this. It might be one of the last times I eat at the cafeteria, if my slow and bad performance doesn't go unnoticed.
Instead I am to go through these spreadsheets. My brain's already fried. My boss is helping me through it, but right now, I'd rather have the tedium of stuffing envelopes.
I need to eat something after I blog post this. It might be one of the last times I eat at the cafeteria, if my slow and bad performance doesn't go unnoticed.
Monday, March 26, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Is it wise to give the top spot in this week's survey to a club clinging to seventh place in the Western Conference and is only 1 1/2 games ahead of ninth place? No, but because we take this week-by-week, and they did have a 2-1 screening week (losing only to Philadelphia), and no one was better, and I highly doubt the Gopher baseball Nine is going to reach the NCAAs, I'm giving these guys first.
They outdistanced The Bastard Buffalo Braves-cum-San Diego Clippers, a team behind them, at Target on Tuesday and hung on for dear life to defeat New York at MSG Friday. Better still for the pups as they pursue a playoff birth for the first time in 13, 14 seasons: Their screening week, albeit busy, is littered with teams that have packed it in. They host The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies tonight (Monday night) and The Bastard St. Louis Hawks Wednesday, then travel to Dallas Friday before returning home to face Ricky Rubio and The Bastard (and good) New Orleans Jazz in a rematch of a pugilistic defeat of the Woofie Dogs on Easter/April Fools' Night. Could they sew up a spot this time next week?
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0). Kicked off their B1G sked winning two-of-three at Nebraska. Wish I had more to this, but I don't. Hey, good job, Nine, and I'll probably see you at the Saturday Getaway Game against St. John's (the big university in New York, not the small college in Minnesota) at Das Bank v.2.0.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -1). This club should still not feel safe after its 1-2 week. A confident 4-1 shellacking of a real good Nashville squad (who may or may not have been mailing it in) was sandwiched around Overtime defeats to a pair of playoff-bound teams, Los Angeles and Boston. That both losses came at the X kind of pops the balloon that the Mild is able to hold the fort. (ETA at 12:19 p.m. on March 26 that I would be remiss if I didn't say that the Mild were leading the Kings late in regulation, 3-2, before coughing up the game-tying Goal in the final minute. I had turned off the radio thinking they would win. Later, I went onto ESPN.com to see that not only had they given up the lead, they lost the game in OT, 4-3.) Hey, these guys are only four Points clear of ninth in the West, and even if they do make it, there are just too many questions and too much inconsistency to believe they are anything more than one-and-done.
Two weeks left. This week: At Nashville, then a home-and-home with The Bastard North Stars.
#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2). I did not know that there is a rule that no game (maybe it's just softball, but I'll soon it's any "diamond" game) can start if the temperature is less than 27 degrees. That's why the softballers' contest vs. Northwestern in Evanston, Ill., was delayed an hour to 2 o'clock. Another reason why southern schools excel at softball and baseball and northern schools don't.
The Golden Goofers lost that game, by the way -- 11-10, in Eight Innings. They got nipped in the Friday game as well, by a score of 3-2. But at least they won the Getaway Game. Mercy-Ruled the Wildcats too, 8-0 in just Five Innings. But it's still a series loss, and another nail in the coffin in regards to the possibility that this squad will return to the NCAAs.
This weekend they start the home portion of their con sched with three versus Illinois.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -Infinity). Not that there has been any need, but I feel the need to more precisely define the term "jumping the shark." It's been used to mark an event, the time after which something (usually pop culture-related, usually a TV show) that was good turns irredeemably bad. What gets lost in the definition, in my humble opinion, is that the event itself, before the decline into awfulness, has to be unforgettable, even notorious, something so gob-smackingly ridiculous that no fan can ever really say that it could ever be topped -- and that in fact because that TV show or pop culture property went there, it paid with such bad karma that it was never good ever again. (The creator of the term "jumping the shark," who got the idea when Fonzie did just that on Happy Days, actually created a website about such moments. TV Guide bought the site and incorporated it into its own site, but it appears as though it hasn't even updated articles that mention that phrase in passing since 2014.)
I mention this because if you can apply the term to sports, the University of Minnesota men's hockey program's jump the shark moment, at least in The Don Lucia Era, was most surely this:
That's right -- Justin Holl in the 2014 Frozen Four Semifinal, beating North Dakota with the game-winning Goal with .6 Seconds left in regulation to reach the championship. I mean, to get a rebound shot, at the virtual gun, doing it against your hated rival the North Dakota Fighting Racists ... and shorthanded? It doesn't get any better.
Turns out, it hasn't. They faced the Union Dutchmen in the final, and they got their asses kicked by a Division III school, 7-4. Union was seeded as the third-best team going into the NCAA Tournament, so this wasn't a David team at all, but the program itself hasn't even sniffed that success since. (They've been to the tourney once since, last year, and they were the opponent that gave Penn St. its first-ever NCAA Tournament victory, getting blasted, 10-3.)
Neither has Minnesota. In the four years since they've been eliminated in the first round twice and have been shut out from the tourney twice, including this year. If you're superstitious, it's as if the Golden Gopher hockey squad has been paying for the miraculously good fortune from the Hall Goal ever since. And, finally, it cost Lucia his job last Monday, the day after the field was announced.
I don't believe for a second that Lucia left "on his terms," as he insisted in his farewell news conference. Athletic Director Mark Coyle told him the writing was on the wall, but because of everything he has done for the program he permitted Lucia to say he's resigning. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. I mean, the knives have been out for him ever since that ass-kicking by fucking Union four years ago. Yes, he won back-to-back titles in 2002 and 2003, but that is more than a decade ago and, as some of his true haters insist, he won those championships with Doug Woog's guys. Those same detractors will say that recruiting, where the best players go the junior route, has passed him by, and/or that players don't develop for the NHL the way other schools do, and/or that other Minnesota players went to the other four top-flight Minnesota schools and have regularly beaten the Gophers in recent years. There is truth to those criticisms (even if the tenor of hate seems to be overblown, especially by Pete Kotz of City Pages, who seems to have something personal against Lucia, as evidenced by this fuck-you piece here), and paired with each successive season of not winning the title, the Notre Dame Of Hockey decided enough was enough.
But while it was time, it is concurrently fair to give Don Lucia his due. The Grand Rapids native finishes as the longest-tenured coach in U. hockey history. He ends with a record of 722-409-110 overall, 64-31-9 in the tournament. He ran, as far as I know, a clean program. And, yes, he returned the U. to prominence (and raised expectations of what the U. should expect) with those back-to-back titles 15 and 16 years ago. As much as I don't believe he quit, neither do I believe that he'll remain as a "special assistant to the AD" for long. A team will give him a fourth tenure somewhere. (Wacky thought? American International. Not-so-wacky? Bemidji St. Saner still? Back to Colorado College.)
As I said last week: It's time to turn the page. Nevertheless, thank you, Don Lucia. And Mr. Coyle? Don't blow this. (ETA at 12:19 p.m. on March 26 that, as a writing flourish, I should have said, "And Mr. Coyle? Don't jump the shark." But that doesn't make sense, does it?)
#-6: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Maybe we should have seen this coming. With injuries and international call-ups, the Loons started five new guys, four of which constituted a reconstituted Backline. And that, combined with the preternatural mastery of Bradley Wright-Phillips, resulted in the first real turd this side suffered, 3-0 at the New York Red Bulls.
As broken down astutely by FiftyFive.One's Alex Schieferdecker, the Backline of (from left to right) Marc Burch, Rookie Wyatt Omsberg, Brent Kallman and Rookie Carter Manley failed to hold the line on defense and failed to build up play on offense. The surge on the forward half never materialized, and some fans speculated that was dictated by Manager Adrian Heath, who, without many of his offensive-minded Backs, decided to play defensively and try to get his high guys, such as Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra, to counter-attack and basically steal a game in Harrison, N.J. Didn't work. Really didn't work.
The missing five will be back for Saturday's game (which was scheduled to be played Easter Afternoon but was changed because, well, it's Easter) against Atlanta United. The match also is at Das Bank v.1.0, so it should stand to reason that United FC won't get shut out 3-0.
They outdistanced The Bastard Buffalo Braves-cum-San Diego Clippers, a team behind them, at Target on Tuesday and hung on for dear life to defeat New York at MSG Friday. Better still for the pups as they pursue a playoff birth for the first time in 13, 14 seasons: Their screening week, albeit busy, is littered with teams that have packed it in. They host The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies tonight (Monday night) and The Bastard St. Louis Hawks Wednesday, then travel to Dallas Friday before returning home to face Ricky Rubio and The Bastard (and good) New Orleans Jazz in a rematch of a pugilistic defeat of the Woofie Dogs on Easter/April Fools' Night. Could they sew up a spot this time next week?
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0). Kicked off their B1G sked winning two-of-three at Nebraska. Wish I had more to this, but I don't. Hey, good job, Nine, and I'll probably see you at the Saturday Getaway Game against St. John's (the big university in New York, not the small college in Minnesota) at Das Bank v.2.0.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -1). This club should still not feel safe after its 1-2 week. A confident 4-1 shellacking of a real good Nashville squad (who may or may not have been mailing it in) was sandwiched around Overtime defeats to a pair of playoff-bound teams, Los Angeles and Boston. That both losses came at the X kind of pops the balloon that the Mild is able to hold the fort. (ETA at 12:19 p.m. on March 26 that I would be remiss if I didn't say that the Mild were leading the Kings late in regulation, 3-2, before coughing up the game-tying Goal in the final minute. I had turned off the radio thinking they would win. Later, I went onto ESPN.com to see that not only had they given up the lead, they lost the game in OT, 4-3.) Hey, these guys are only four Points clear of ninth in the West, and even if they do make it, there are just too many questions and too much inconsistency to believe they are anything more than one-and-done.
Two weeks left. This week: At Nashville, then a home-and-home with The Bastard North Stars.
#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2). I did not know that there is a rule that no game (maybe it's just softball, but I'll soon it's any "diamond" game) can start if the temperature is less than 27 degrees. That's why the softballers' contest vs. Northwestern in Evanston, Ill., was delayed an hour to 2 o'clock. Another reason why southern schools excel at softball and baseball and northern schools don't.
The Golden Goofers lost that game, by the way -- 11-10, in Eight Innings. They got nipped in the Friday game as well, by a score of 3-2. But at least they won the Getaway Game. Mercy-Ruled the Wildcats too, 8-0 in just Five Innings. But it's still a series loss, and another nail in the coffin in regards to the possibility that this squad will return to the NCAAs.
This weekend they start the home portion of their con sched with three versus Illinois.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -Infinity). Not that there has been any need, but I feel the need to more precisely define the term "jumping the shark." It's been used to mark an event, the time after which something (usually pop culture-related, usually a TV show) that was good turns irredeemably bad. What gets lost in the definition, in my humble opinion, is that the event itself, before the decline into awfulness, has to be unforgettable, even notorious, something so gob-smackingly ridiculous that no fan can ever really say that it could ever be topped -- and that in fact because that TV show or pop culture property went there, it paid with such bad karma that it was never good ever again. (The creator of the term "jumping the shark," who got the idea when Fonzie did just that on Happy Days, actually created a website about such moments. TV Guide bought the site and incorporated it into its own site, but it appears as though it hasn't even updated articles that mention that phrase in passing since 2014.)
I mention this because if you can apply the term to sports, the University of Minnesota men's hockey program's jump the shark moment, at least in The Don Lucia Era, was most surely this:
That's right -- Justin Holl in the 2014 Frozen Four Semifinal, beating North Dakota with the game-winning Goal with .6 Seconds left in regulation to reach the championship. I mean, to get a rebound shot, at the virtual gun, doing it against your hated rival the North Dakota Fighting Racists ... and shorthanded? It doesn't get any better.
Turns out, it hasn't. They faced the Union Dutchmen in the final, and they got their asses kicked by a Division III school, 7-4. Union was seeded as the third-best team going into the NCAA Tournament, so this wasn't a David team at all, but the program itself hasn't even sniffed that success since. (They've been to the tourney once since, last year, and they were the opponent that gave Penn St. its first-ever NCAA Tournament victory, getting blasted, 10-3.)
Neither has Minnesota. In the four years since they've been eliminated in the first round twice and have been shut out from the tourney twice, including this year. If you're superstitious, it's as if the Golden Gopher hockey squad has been paying for the miraculously good fortune from the Hall Goal ever since. And, finally, it cost Lucia his job last Monday, the day after the field was announced.
I don't believe for a second that Lucia left "on his terms," as he insisted in his farewell news conference. Athletic Director Mark Coyle told him the writing was on the wall, but because of everything he has done for the program he permitted Lucia to say he's resigning. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. I mean, the knives have been out for him ever since that ass-kicking by fucking Union four years ago. Yes, he won back-to-back titles in 2002 and 2003, but that is more than a decade ago and, as some of his true haters insist, he won those championships with Doug Woog's guys. Those same detractors will say that recruiting, where the best players go the junior route, has passed him by, and/or that players don't develop for the NHL the way other schools do, and/or that other Minnesota players went to the other four top-flight Minnesota schools and have regularly beaten the Gophers in recent years. There is truth to those criticisms (even if the tenor of hate seems to be overblown, especially by Pete Kotz of City Pages, who seems to have something personal against Lucia, as evidenced by this fuck-you piece here), and paired with each successive season of not winning the title, the Notre Dame Of Hockey decided enough was enough.
But while it was time, it is concurrently fair to give Don Lucia his due. The Grand Rapids native finishes as the longest-tenured coach in U. hockey history. He ends with a record of 722-409-110 overall, 64-31-9 in the tournament. He ran, as far as I know, a clean program. And, yes, he returned the U. to prominence (and raised expectations of what the U. should expect) with those back-to-back titles 15 and 16 years ago. As much as I don't believe he quit, neither do I believe that he'll remain as a "special assistant to the AD" for long. A team will give him a fourth tenure somewhere. (Wacky thought? American International. Not-so-wacky? Bemidji St. Saner still? Back to Colorado College.)
As I said last week: It's time to turn the page. Nevertheless, thank you, Don Lucia. And Mr. Coyle? Don't blow this. (ETA at 12:19 p.m. on March 26 that, as a writing flourish, I should have said, "And Mr. Coyle? Don't jump the shark." But that doesn't make sense, does it?)
#-6: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers). Maybe we should have seen this coming. With injuries and international call-ups, the Loons started five new guys, four of which constituted a reconstituted Backline. And that, combined with the preternatural mastery of Bradley Wright-Phillips, resulted in the first real turd this side suffered, 3-0 at the New York Red Bulls.
As broken down astutely by FiftyFive.One's Alex Schieferdecker, the Backline of (from left to right) Marc Burch, Rookie Wyatt Omsberg, Brent Kallman and Rookie Carter Manley failed to hold the line on defense and failed to build up play on offense. The surge on the forward half never materialized, and some fans speculated that was dictated by Manager Adrian Heath, who, without many of his offensive-minded Backs, decided to play defensively and try to get his high guys, such as Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra, to counter-attack and basically steal a game in Harrison, N.J. Didn't work. Really didn't work.
The missing five will be back for Saturday's game (which was scheduled to be played Easter Afternoon but was changed because, well, it's Easter) against Atlanta United. The match also is at Das Bank v.1.0, so it should stand to reason that United FC won't get shut out 3-0.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
My Last Night Of Freedom Was Spent Watching The Maid
So the good news is that the house is clean, really clean, so My Fucking Father should have no complaints at how spick-and-span it is after being away for two months. The bad news is that she took a whole fucking workday, eight hours, to do this. That set me back a lot of money, although it was only $220 instead of the $240 it should have been, bless her. (And I want to reiterate that she did a phenomenal job.) But what's worse is that I initially thought she could do this in the morning. Then Friday she said she'd be here around 2. Then yesterday (Saturday) morning she said it'd be closer to 3. And then she was late because the babysitter didn't show up. Finally she came at around 5:30, and with a full eight hours of meticulous cleaning, there was no way to do My Last Night Of Freedom plans of going to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) and then hitting Glam Doll.
Oh, well. The house needs to be clean, and it's clean, so at least I have that. Now to await any bitching from my parents.
Oh, well. The house needs to be clean, and it's clean, so at least I have that. Now to await any bitching from my parents.
Saturday, March 24, 2018
2018 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4
Record, Round 3: 6-2
Overall Record: 24-20
Outlay, Round 3: $700.00
Returns, Round 3: $1,327.55
Gain, Round 3: $627.55
Overall Gain: $812.64
You know, maybe I should extend this dream vacation in Las Vegas out to Round 3. I don't remember having such success in the Sweet Sixteen, but I bet on four underdogs, and all four of them came through. I can't recall a time where the underdogs have bit so hard in a tournament, which probably means that contrary to at least one advanced metric study before The Big Dance began, the topsy-turvy parity that riddled the college basketball regular season does indeed carry over to the tourney as well.
I got semi-lucky in that Clemson was able to close enough against Kansas to cover its +5. That fulfilled the two-leg parlay with Texas Tech +1 1/2. Moreover, I took the Red Raiders over Purdue Moneyline, and unfortunately for my real brackets and picks, they took it to the Boilermakers. (This shows that I should fade my own picks on every turn; in other words, the only Anti-Picks I should Anti-Pick are my own Anti-Picks.) My only miss was the Tigers beating the Jayhawks outright, which ruined my other two-legger. But that only sunk $100. I hit on everything else, which gave me a huge profit that increased my bankroll, thank Buddha.
---
I saw once that the Elite Eight is where the favorites finally assert themselves. Does that still hold true in The Most Level Season In College Basketball History?
Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Loyola-Chicago +1 (I can't fucking believe that one regional final pits the 9-seed against the 11-. That's bullshit. But hey, congratulations to the Ramblers, whose efficiency numbers proved that they indeed are a dog live enough to make it this far, and possibly even farther! At +1 against Kansas St. [and can you goddamn believe that Kansas St. could be a Final Four team?], why not take them Against The Spread ...) $100
2) Loyola-Chicago M/L ... uh, -1 (???) (... and Straight-Up?) $50
3) Michigan -3 1/2 (Also, can you goddamn believe that Florida St. could be a Final Four team, too? But this is a game where I'm going for the favorite. I should have taken the Wolverines in this region. They are destroying teams right now, and I think the Seminoles will be nothing more than a speedbump as well) $100
4) Kansas +3 (The only good thing about my busted bracket now is that I still have Duke going all the way. Which totally means that they will lose in the regional final to a Kansas club that took a hell of a long time to get their shit together) $100
5) Kansas M/L +135 (And by the way, I don't remember the last time one of my picks has reached the Final Four. I swear it's been at least three seasons since I was smart enough to choose a team that won its region. I am terrible at this IRL) $50
6) Parlay 1) with 4), for $100.
7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $50.
Good luck!
Overall Record: 24-20
Outlay, Round 3: $700.00
Returns, Round 3: $1,327.55
Gain, Round 3: $627.55
Overall Gain: $812.64
You know, maybe I should extend this dream vacation in Las Vegas out to Round 3. I don't remember having such success in the Sweet Sixteen, but I bet on four underdogs, and all four of them came through. I can't recall a time where the underdogs have bit so hard in a tournament, which probably means that contrary to at least one advanced metric study before The Big Dance began, the topsy-turvy parity that riddled the college basketball regular season does indeed carry over to the tourney as well.
I got semi-lucky in that Clemson was able to close enough against Kansas to cover its +5. That fulfilled the two-leg parlay with Texas Tech +1 1/2. Moreover, I took the Red Raiders over Purdue Moneyline, and unfortunately for my real brackets and picks, they took it to the Boilermakers. (This shows that I should fade my own picks on every turn; in other words, the only Anti-Picks I should Anti-Pick are my own Anti-Picks.) My only miss was the Tigers beating the Jayhawks outright, which ruined my other two-legger. But that only sunk $100. I hit on everything else, which gave me a huge profit that increased my bankroll, thank Buddha.
---
I saw once that the Elite Eight is where the favorites finally assert themselves. Does that still hold true in The Most Level Season In College Basketball History?
Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Loyola-Chicago +1 (I can't fucking believe that one regional final pits the 9-seed against the 11-. That's bullshit. But hey, congratulations to the Ramblers, whose efficiency numbers proved that they indeed are a dog live enough to make it this far, and possibly even farther! At +1 against Kansas St. [and can you goddamn believe that Kansas St. could be a Final Four team?], why not take them Against The Spread ...) $100
2) Loyola-Chicago M/L ... uh, -1 (???) (... and Straight-Up?) $50
3) Michigan -3 1/2 (Also, can you goddamn believe that Florida St. could be a Final Four team, too? But this is a game where I'm going for the favorite. I should have taken the Wolverines in this region. They are destroying teams right now, and I think the Seminoles will be nothing more than a speedbump as well) $100
4) Kansas +3 (The only good thing about my busted bracket now is that I still have Duke going all the way. Which totally means that they will lose in the regional final to a Kansas club that took a hell of a long time to get their shit together) $100
5) Kansas M/L +135 (And by the way, I don't remember the last time one of my picks has reached the Final Four. I swear it's been at least three seasons since I was smart enough to choose a team that won its region. I am terrible at this IRL) $50
6) Parlay 1) with 4), for $100.
7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $50.
Good luck!
I Will Miss ...
... getting up and not hearing the TV in the living room.
... leaving my clothes and papers and shit wherever the fuck I want to.
... not hearing the bickering and the shouting, especially when they do it all goddamn night.
... being able to go wherever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want -- such as a stripper party on a weekend, or the coffeeshop at 11 at night.
... not hearing the questions, all the fucking questions.
... the food I have to eat that makes me all fat and shit (even though it is damn good).
... the judgement. All the fucking judgement.
... most of all: The quiet. The quiet around the house, where the only noise is in my head. That is what I will miss the most.
... leaving my clothes and papers and shit wherever the fuck I want to.
... not hearing the bickering and the shouting, especially when they do it all goddamn night.
... being able to go wherever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want -- such as a stripper party on a weekend, or the coffeeshop at 11 at night.
... not hearing the questions, all the fucking questions.
... the food I have to eat that makes me all fat and shit (even though it is damn good).
... the judgement. All the fucking judgement.
... most of all: The quiet. The quiet around the house, where the only noise is in my head. That is what I will miss the most.
Friday, March 23, 2018
Today Is Not A Good Day
So I woke up to see that Gonzaga lost, so my bracket is busted. Then I saw that it got cold enough outside that my windshield frosted over, so I had to take a couple minutes to scrape the ice off. Then I tried to put the scraper back inside my car by opening the passenger-side back door, but I opened it up so much that I scraped the side of my parents' minivan. (I may have been able to lick it off. Oh well, my car got hit with hail three months after I got it, and their car is 18 years old, so who cares?)
Then there was a huge backup at 94 East. A nine-car pile-up, turns out. Wanted to turn off, but I had to stay because there was no exit, but I'm glad I stayed because I was able to zoom to Crosstown. But because I sort of cut off a car, I took 494 East instead of Crosstown East, and then it felt as though it took longer to get to work than if I took Crosstown. First thing I did when I got to my cube was to check Google Maps, and yes, 494E takes longer because it is longer. Cripes, I should have just cut in front of her.
And my parents come home in two days and I'm not ready.
Today kind of sucks.
Then there was a huge backup at 94 East. A nine-car pile-up, turns out. Wanted to turn off, but I had to stay because there was no exit, but I'm glad I stayed because I was able to zoom to Crosstown. But because I sort of cut off a car, I took 494 East instead of Crosstown East, and then it felt as though it took longer to get to work than if I took Crosstown. First thing I did when I got to my cube was to check Google Maps, and yes, 494E takes longer because it is longer. Cripes, I should have just cut in front of her.
And my parents come home in two days and I'm not ready.
Today kind of sucks.
Thursday, March 22, 2018
Am I Gonna Have To Pay For This Rehab?
So this morning I went to physical therapy, probably for the last time. Everybody knew I was coming in, and yet people seemed surprised that I was popping up at the clinic. When I reported to the receptionist (albeit five minutes late), she asked me for my insurance card. I had been there about half a dozen times for therapy before and I had only been asked for the card the first time. Huh; maybe it's because I skipped my usual biweekly routine.
And then, when I finally saw my therapist, he asked me, "So, why are you here today?" And then he spent the rest of our session, which lasted about 20 minutes (it usually lasts twice that long) making me do the same things he had me do before to make sure I didn't, like, slip a disc or something, plus half-heartedly trying to look at a couple other exercises that might ... make me feel better, I don't know. I got the sense he had no idea why I was there. And beyond feeling a little pain in my neck recently, the result of sleeping in my car on a bad car seat, frankly, I was at a loss as to what to bring to this session, too.
I should back up here and confess that I was afraid I could see this coming. Because it felt as though my last rehab session with this guy, three weeks ago, was supposed to be it. I say that because he basically said in that last session that he has done all that he could do, it's just a matter of me doing it. However, as I was leaving that session I had to drop off this questionnaire that I had to fill out. I was supposed to drop this off at a second receptionist, one situated within the bowels of the clinic after I reported with the first receptionist. When I dropped off the form the second receptionist asked, "OK, do you want to see him two weeks from now?" I was a little confused, but I didn't say anything about that time being the last time. I hesitated for, like, half a second before I thought about doing these exercises on my own and trying to fit cleaning the house before my parents come home into my schedule, and I told her that I would see him three weeks from then, which was this morning.
I guess I could have said something to the effect of, "Uh, but he said that I shouldn't see him ever again." But hey, if the receptionist says to make a time, who am I to argue? Also, my rehab therapist walked into the receptionist office just before we made this appointment. He certainly was within earshot of us making this appointment, and he didn't stop it.
So apparently I had made an appointment that neither he nor I wanted. Neither, maybe, did the clinic, because I now think back to when I handed over my insurance card. Why did I have to hand it over? That makes me think about this theory: There was only a set amount of sessions I get with him under my current plan. Any more and I'll have to pay. If that is true, that would have been nice to know before I saw him this morning. Hell, that would have been nice to know three weeks ago when I made this appointment. Could no one at the clinic -- the rehab guy, either receptionist -- tell me that this rehab session is extra? No one?
And then, when I finally saw my therapist, he asked me, "So, why are you here today?" And then he spent the rest of our session, which lasted about 20 minutes (it usually lasts twice that long) making me do the same things he had me do before to make sure I didn't, like, slip a disc or something, plus half-heartedly trying to look at a couple other exercises that might ... make me feel better, I don't know. I got the sense he had no idea why I was there. And beyond feeling a little pain in my neck recently, the result of sleeping in my car on a bad car seat, frankly, I was at a loss as to what to bring to this session, too.
I should back up here and confess that I was afraid I could see this coming. Because it felt as though my last rehab session with this guy, three weeks ago, was supposed to be it. I say that because he basically said in that last session that he has done all that he could do, it's just a matter of me doing it. However, as I was leaving that session I had to drop off this questionnaire that I had to fill out. I was supposed to drop this off at a second receptionist, one situated within the bowels of the clinic after I reported with the first receptionist. When I dropped off the form the second receptionist asked, "OK, do you want to see him two weeks from now?" I was a little confused, but I didn't say anything about that time being the last time. I hesitated for, like, half a second before I thought about doing these exercises on my own and trying to fit cleaning the house before my parents come home into my schedule, and I told her that I would see him three weeks from then, which was this morning.
I guess I could have said something to the effect of, "Uh, but he said that I shouldn't see him ever again." But hey, if the receptionist says to make a time, who am I to argue? Also, my rehab therapist walked into the receptionist office just before we made this appointment. He certainly was within earshot of us making this appointment, and he didn't stop it.
So apparently I had made an appointment that neither he nor I wanted. Neither, maybe, did the clinic, because I now think back to when I handed over my insurance card. Why did I have to hand it over? That makes me think about this theory: There was only a set amount of sessions I get with him under my current plan. Any more and I'll have to pay. If that is true, that would have been nice to know before I saw him this morning. Hell, that would have been nice to know three weeks ago when I made this appointment. Could no one at the clinic -- the rehab guy, either receptionist -- tell me that this rehab session is extra? No one?
2018 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 3
Record, Round 2: 9-2
Overall Record: 18-18
Outlay, Round 2: $1,000.00
Returns, Round 2: $1,796.28
Gain, Round 2: $796.28
Overall Gain: $185.09
First of all, I must apologize for the typos regarding the double Butler picks, namely that I typed "$200" twice when typing the Against The Spread pick and then not even putting in a line nor an amount for the odds wager. I could say I was drunk, but I blogged that Saturday morning, before I was headed out to the MNUFC Pre-Match at Surly, so I had my attention focused elsewhere. My conventional practice has always been that the amount I bet on the Straight-Up bet is always half of the ATS bet. So, for 4), Butler Moneyline, the wager was supposed to be $100.
That Butler M/L bet is one of only two bets that I lose in Round 2. As I said last week, I use the surviving teams' performance in Round 1 to inform me for my fake wagers in Round 2. But I noticed a contradiction: I had said that I have wised up from my underdog fetish in previous years, and yet all my wagers were on the dog. I would like to not think I'm falling back into old habits. But in my defense, you have to admit that this college basketball regular season has been the wildest ever. Also, convention holds that upsets really start occurring in the Round of 32, after The Big Dance has shaken off most of its low- and mid-major Automatic Qualifiers.
So, thinking back on my thought process when looking at the lines last week, I really liked the underdogs. Didn't notice it until writing this, but of the 16 games in Round 2, I bet the dog on eight of them and the favorite on none of them. I won all but one of them, all but Marshall over West Virginia. (I did get lucky in that Seton Hall and Butler were wins because of the half-point hook.) And I parlayed four of those dogs into a pair of two-leg parlays and I won both, which might be the first time I won more than one parlay in an Anti-Pick blog post ever.
Without looking back on it in previous years, I swear that Round 2 has been my most successful round. I also think that my tendency to pick underdogs has been consistent in Round 2. Therefore, unless I'm recalling incorrectly, you can almost count on underdogs winning you money in the Round of 32. In fact, it feels like shooting fish in a barrel. I have half a mind to, next year, ask my parents if I could use their condo in Las Vegas, take off for Vegas as soon as I'm done with work Friday afternoon, bet, clean house, go to a Wells Fargo branch Monday morning to deposit all my winnings, and fly back just before rush hour Monday afternoon. I'd miss one day of work and more than make up for it.
(What I should avoid, however, is playing underdogs SU. I know I loved doing that in the past, and I got burned so much that I've learned to stop picking them. I still tried my hand on one this time around -- the Butler pick which I did not fully write out. I was worried that the advanced metrics would come through for the Bulldogs and upset Purdue, one of my Final Four picks, but alas, even without Isaac Haas, the Boilermakers came through, albeit without covering. Of the eight underdog wagers I made, that team outright won four of them -- tantalizing enough for me to think about making a real odds bet, but hopefully not enough to convince me I should.)
This huge weekend got me roaring into positive territory, something I hope to ride in Round 3.
---
The difference between odd rounds and even rounds it that, in the tournament's current format, you play the even games only two days after the odd ones. Players aren't as fresh and coaches don't have as much time breaking down film, spotting tendencies and devising plans to beat the other team. All of that is mitigated when you're coming off the weekend. That makes me believe that favors the, uh, favored team. So why am I being pulled toward the underdogs again? Uh-oh.
Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Florida St. +6 (Gonzaga is another Final Four team I have. Scared as heck that I'll lose the Bulldogs to a Seminoles squad that is deficient defensively) $100
2) Texas Tech +1 1/2 (The Red Raiders are playing Purdue, so once again I foretell doom. In fact, I'm going to Best Bet this ...) $100
3) Texas Tech M/L +108 (... and then wager on them SU) $50
4) Syracuse +11 1/2 (That is one hell of a line, and you could understand it, seeing as the Orange is playing Duke. But the 2-3 Zone has perplexed both TCU and Michigan St., and even though Mike Kryzyweski has had five days to plan and practice for it, I'm scared as hell that Jim Boeheim's defense has struck fear throughout the tournament. I won't bet on them to win, but I'll bet some money that they'll make this a game) $150
5) Clemson +5 (Didn't think the Tigers would get this far. But I also thought Kansas would be upset by Seton Hall. This Jayhawks team isn't that good, so I think there's decent value to Best Betting the Tigers here ...) $100
6) Clemson M/L +185 (... and then picking them SU, just a little) $50
7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $100.
8) Parlay 3) with 6), for $50.
Good luck!
Overall Record: 18-18
Outlay, Round 2: $1,000.00
Returns, Round 2: $1,796.28
Gain, Round 2: $796.28
Overall Gain: $185.09
First of all, I must apologize for the typos regarding the double Butler picks, namely that I typed "$200" twice when typing the Against The Spread pick and then not even putting in a line nor an amount for the odds wager. I could say I was drunk, but I blogged that Saturday morning, before I was headed out to the MNUFC Pre-Match at Surly, so I had my attention focused elsewhere. My conventional practice has always been that the amount I bet on the Straight-Up bet is always half of the ATS bet. So, for 4), Butler Moneyline, the wager was supposed to be $100.
That Butler M/L bet is one of only two bets that I lose in Round 2. As I said last week, I use the surviving teams' performance in Round 1 to inform me for my fake wagers in Round 2. But I noticed a contradiction: I had said that I have wised up from my underdog fetish in previous years, and yet all my wagers were on the dog. I would like to not think I'm falling back into old habits. But in my defense, you have to admit that this college basketball regular season has been the wildest ever. Also, convention holds that upsets really start occurring in the Round of 32, after The Big Dance has shaken off most of its low- and mid-major Automatic Qualifiers.
So, thinking back on my thought process when looking at the lines last week, I really liked the underdogs. Didn't notice it until writing this, but of the 16 games in Round 2, I bet the dog on eight of them and the favorite on none of them. I won all but one of them, all but Marshall over West Virginia. (I did get lucky in that Seton Hall and Butler were wins because of the half-point hook.) And I parlayed four of those dogs into a pair of two-leg parlays and I won both, which might be the first time I won more than one parlay in an Anti-Pick blog post ever.
Without looking back on it in previous years, I swear that Round 2 has been my most successful round. I also think that my tendency to pick underdogs has been consistent in Round 2. Therefore, unless I'm recalling incorrectly, you can almost count on underdogs winning you money in the Round of 32. In fact, it feels like shooting fish in a barrel. I have half a mind to, next year, ask my parents if I could use their condo in Las Vegas, take off for Vegas as soon as I'm done with work Friday afternoon, bet, clean house, go to a Wells Fargo branch Monday morning to deposit all my winnings, and fly back just before rush hour Monday afternoon. I'd miss one day of work and more than make up for it.
(What I should avoid, however, is playing underdogs SU. I know I loved doing that in the past, and I got burned so much that I've learned to stop picking them. I still tried my hand on one this time around -- the Butler pick which I did not fully write out. I was worried that the advanced metrics would come through for the Bulldogs and upset Purdue, one of my Final Four picks, but alas, even without Isaac Haas, the Boilermakers came through, albeit without covering. Of the eight underdog wagers I made, that team outright won four of them -- tantalizing enough for me to think about making a real odds bet, but hopefully not enough to convince me I should.)
This huge weekend got me roaring into positive territory, something I hope to ride in Round 3.
---
The difference between odd rounds and even rounds it that, in the tournament's current format, you play the even games only two days after the odd ones. Players aren't as fresh and coaches don't have as much time breaking down film, spotting tendencies and devising plans to beat the other team. All of that is mitigated when you're coming off the weekend. That makes me believe that favors the, uh, favored team. So why am I being pulled toward the underdogs again? Uh-oh.
Lines courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Florida St. +6 (Gonzaga is another Final Four team I have. Scared as heck that I'll lose the Bulldogs to a Seminoles squad that is deficient defensively) $100
2) Texas Tech +1 1/2 (The Red Raiders are playing Purdue, so once again I foretell doom. In fact, I'm going to Best Bet this ...) $100
3) Texas Tech M/L +108 (... and then wager on them SU) $50
4) Syracuse +11 1/2 (That is one hell of a line, and you could understand it, seeing as the Orange is playing Duke. But the 2-3 Zone has perplexed both TCU and Michigan St., and even though Mike Kryzyweski has had five days to plan and practice for it, I'm scared as hell that Jim Boeheim's defense has struck fear throughout the tournament. I won't bet on them to win, but I'll bet some money that they'll make this a game) $150
5) Clemson +5 (Didn't think the Tigers would get this far. But I also thought Kansas would be upset by Seton Hall. This Jayhawks team isn't that good, so I think there's decent value to Best Betting the Tigers here ...) $100
6) Clemson M/L +185 (... and then picking them SU, just a little) $50
7) Parlay 2) with 5), for $100.
8) Parlay 3) with 6), for $50.
Good luck!
Wednesday, March 21, 2018
Blockchain Blockchain Blockchain
OK, so I'm getting a little obsessed with trying to "monetize" WAF, so I'm just going to put "Blockchain" on the title line three times and once in this sentence and see what traffic I get. Just an experiment, thank you.
Trying To Make Money Off This Blogging Thing
Before I start a blog post, the first thing I see once I sign into my Blogger is the list of the previous blog posts I've published. Next to them are the number of times each blog post has been "watched."
Sometime in the last ... oh, year, two years? my views have gone from single digits to double digits. That may not sound like a whole lot, but to me it does. And once it started it never really stopped. It doesn't get past the teens, but for my last Expenses Without Receipts post, I am at 63 and counting. I don't know what's so special about the places I've been to and the things I bought, but actual live human beings or Russian bots want to know, so thank you!
The way it works with Blogger is that you get money commensurate with the number of views you get for each page. Obviously you don't get anything for single-digit impressions. But I've been at this game long enough where I remember, a long time ago, Blogger actually paid me $25 for all the posting I've done at Wailing And Failing.
I had been curious whether this upturn in viewership would accelerate my payments, so I went to a different part of Blogger (where, surprisingly, I had to re-enter my login) to see the payment structure. When I saw it (and this was at least a couple years ago), they moved the payment threshold, the amount at which they would cut a check and deposit it into my account, from $25 to $100. So even though I believed I'm rolling up the impressions my writing is making, the goal post has been moved four times away, so it still feels like I'm running toward a horizon that will never come.
So I'm now desperate to make this site more efficient. Google has for years tried to sell me with ads and ad tools. So right now I'm doing something -- namely a script that is supposed to trigger advertisements that have a more direct appeal to you, the watcher. We'll see if it works.
Tuesday, March 20, 2018
Bad Driver: MAU 447
Another fucking goddamn incident on 94E heading into the tunnel. Just minding my own business, being a good driver, and then this motherfucker in a gray-ish Volkswagen jumps my line even though he had no fucking space whatsoever.
I wasn't going to let this go like the last time. I leaned on the horn for a good five seconds. Flicked the high-beams on too. Hopefully both annoyed him to the point he couldn't hold a conversation with his friend. Seems like it; he coasted through the lane and changed lanes a couple times. Hope he didn't get to my exit because I wouldn't've seen him.
Goddamn I hate people like him.
I wasn't going to let this go like the last time. I leaned on the horn for a good five seconds. Flicked the high-beams on too. Hopefully both annoyed him to the point he couldn't hold a conversation with his friend. Seems like it; he coasted through the lane and changed lanes a couple times. Hope he didn't get to my exit because I wouldn't've seen him.
Goddamn I hate people like him.
Monday, March 19, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
Positive Numbers: United FC (Last Week: -2). So I made my way out to Surly Brewery to day-drink, then marched with the rest of the Loon Faithful to TCF Bank Stadium to catch MNUFC's home opener against the Chicago Fire. Although the upper bowl remains empty, more than 20,000 people (considered a sellout) came to watch -- some of them curious, some of them probably hearing the victory at Orlando last week, some of them wanting to catch this year's home opener after sitting out last year's "snowpener."
It really was a great crowd with great enthusiasm. For the first time ever the supporters unfurled a tifo, an homage to Daft Punk with the phrase "Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger" on the bottom. (The team is using Kanye West's "Stronger" instead of The Rolling Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil" for the player introductions.) Everybody started waving their scarves on Corner Kicks -- me included. And people started to get into "Wonderwall" after the home team won. Keep this up, and there's another huge fanbase that'll make the Twin Cities a great place to watch sports in-person.
Oh, the game. The key apparently was to maraud the Fire down the flanks, and that's exactly how they scored both their Goals. Miguel Ibarra, finally winning the trust of Manager Adrian Heath, took the place of Kevin Molino (who I didn't know as of WMNSS press time last week that he tore his ACL in last week's game and is out for the rest of the year) as a de facto #10. Usually that means he passes and creates down the middle, but his slashing style took him to the Endline in the Second Half and a cross to a pestering Ibson, who knocked in the first Goal of the game off his own miss. The Fire quickly countered (in an echo all-too familiar from last season), but United was able to hold its own and score the knockout punch. Gathering a double team from the Touchline, he crossed to a wide-open Sam Nicholson, who headed the ball to the far post.
Passing, winning 50/50's, crossing, finishing, staying composed after conceding a Goal -- all of those were on display in Saturday afternoon's 2-1 victory. It's very early, but they're tied (on Points) atop the Western Conference. Things may change this Saturday at the New York Red Bulls; Francisco Calvo, Michael Boxall and Rasmus Schuller are all on international duty. But the only thing I wanted to see from this club is improvement from last year. And three matches in, they've definitely improved. So for being the only team in this week's survey to go undefeated (yeah, yeah, they only played one game), and because the teams just below the Loons had very good weeks, I'm pushing these guys up to their first-ever Positive Numbers. Congratulations!
#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6). The next three teams overall had very good screening weeks. They really are equally good, and it's only my mood that makes me put them in a somewhat-arbitrary order, because really, they should all be tied. While these teams had wins that are conspicuous, they each had a loss that also sticks out.
The Golden Gopher baseball team finished 3-2 for the week. The squad began by beating George Washington (in Dallas of all places) Tuesday, 12-5. The next night they went to the Dallas suburb of Arlington and lost to Texas-Arlington, not a good team, 13-5. They then spent this past weekend in Fort Worth against the ninth-ranked team in the nation, TCU. Or was the ninth-ranked team, because, inexplicably, they won two-of-three at the Horned Frogs! And the contest the U. dropped, which began on Saturday but was finished on Sunday due to rain, went 13 Innings before they lost, 5-4. How in the heck did these guys win a series at a Top 10 team? Guess TCU overlooked them.
They finish non-conference play at 14-8. They open up Big Ten play at Nebraska and Manager Darin Erstad this weekend.
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -3). Historically, the Wild have the number of The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. Not this year. Those guys crushed Minnesota at the X on Tuesday, 5-1. (After years in the wilderness, Colorado currently holds down Western Conference Wild Care 1.) That's really bad, and portends bad things if they somehow meet in the playoffs.
And yet they then go to the Southwestern United States and come away with the W on back-to-back nights. First they double-up the (Las) Vegas Golden Knights Friday, 4-2, somehow sweeping the season series from the possible Pacific Division champions. They then go to Phoenix (or the Phoenix area, I don't know where the hell they play) and beat The Bastard Winnipeg Jets, another squad who somehow have the Wild's number this year (which is even weirder because Arizona is The Worst Team In The NHL) Saturday, 3-1. They remain entrenched in third place in the Western Conference, five Points clear of ninth place. With about ten Games left to go in the season, they should make the postseason for the sixth year in a row. But not without a tricky Hat Trick this screening week: Los Angeles, Nashville, Boston -- all good teams, but all playing in St. Paul.
#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7). This club's bad loss was the first game of a three-game series vs. New Mexico St. in Las Cruces, N.M. The softballers, in fact, got shut out Friday, 3-0. No matter; they shut out the Aggies, 7-0, then tripled them up, 15-5 in a Saturday Doubleheader to take the series. But even better than that is that these women floated to Tucson, Ariz. on Wednesday and defeated ninth-ranked Arizona, 1-0 in eight Innings. (What is up with the Golden Gopher diamond teams beating teams ranked ninth in the country?) It is a fluky one-off, but this is their first impressive victory of the year.
They finish the non-con at 17-11 and start B1G play with three at Northwestern.
#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!). OK, so it's official: Kirk Cousins will be a Viking. Three years ... well, at least three years of guaranteed money. First of all, a commemoration for Case Keenum, a guy who, once he replaced Sam Bradford as Quarterback early last season, meant that this team was doomed for the year. I was totally wrong about him; put in the proper system, he flourished. And while it petered down in the end, culminating (so to speak) in a horrible NFC Championship Game performance, I will always remember him for this after The Minneapolis Miracle:
He cemented his bond with the Minnesota Vikings franchise with that throw and this Skol Chant afterward. I understand that this is a business, and that the front office (as well as many experts and pundits) believe that Cousins is an upgrade of Keenum and that this move had to be done. But Keenum stepped in and stepped up, and so I was going to be OK with riding into 2018 with him at the helm. Dance with who brung you, you know? Besides, there are others (myself included) who are not totally sold on Cousins being the last piece to this club finally winning a Super Bowl. I, for one, question how mobile Cousins is. Unless there is a huge upgrade on the Offensive Line, the QB will be on the move. Who do you prefer throwing on the run: Cousins or Keenum? Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but you just know this shit's going to backfire on them.
But I want to highlight the other big signing the Vikes made to open up Free Agency: They signed Defensive Tackle Sheldon Richardson to a one-year deal from Seattle. That gives the squad another disruptor on the D-Line, and that is a very, very good thing.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Came back to beat Washington on the road Tuesday by five, then traveled to San Antonio to get toasted by the Spurs on my birthday (and without Kawhi Leonard), then came home last (Sunday) night to lose by nine to Houston, a team that went 3-crazy and is making Head Coaches of other teams crazy.
If you look at the team's Schedule page, you'll see that the team lists the Timberwolves who led the team in Points, Assists and Rebounds for each game. For this week, do you know which player you don't see listed as a leader in any of the three categories? Andrew Wiggins. Just sayin' that maybe he and not Zach LaVine should have been traded to Chicago.
This week host The Bastard Buffalo Braves Tuesday before a back-to-back at New York and Philadelphia this weekend. There is still a good shot that this squad fails to make the playoffs for the 14th season in a row.
#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5). This club's here, and down here, because yesterday (Sunday) Shortstop Jorge Polanco was busted for testing positive for a performance-enhancing drug and is suspended for 80 Games. Polanco was going to be the starting Shortstop for this squad, and now, well, he's not. They're probably going to make do with Eduardo Escobar, but they might have to rely on Erick Aybar, who was recently signed for depth. Good timing for the Twins, and yet bad timing for the Twinks.
#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's basketball, Gopher men's hockey, Gopher wrestling (Last Week, respectively: -1, Re-Entry!, Re-Entry!).
You remember the Clint Eastwood movie The Good, The Bad And The Ugly? That's how I'm describing the three teams that anchor the bottom of this week's survey, and in order.
First, The Good: OK, so the University of Minnesota women's basketball team got their asses beat last (Sunday) night at Eugene, Ore., as the Ducks rolled up a 101-73 beatdown on them. But hey, on Friday the program won its first NCAA Tournament game in nine years by upsetting the 7-seed, Wisconsin-Green Bay, 89-77! They were down by five entering the Fourth Quarter, but the U. blitzed the Phoenix 30-13 to win. Seeing that at least one writer thought Green Bay was underseeded, I think this should be regarded as a very noticeable upset, and so this year should be seen as very positive one!
So Carlie Wagner finishes her Gopher career honorably. And Marlene Stollings proved that she can coach. Wagner and Bryanna Fernstrom are the two starters who graduate, but the other three starters (Kenisha Bell, Gadiva Hubbard and Destiny Pitts) who provided the bulk of the balance that unlocked the surprising success this team had this year are coming back. Here are the new recruits -- none of them stick out, none of them certainly are in the Top 100, so maybe Stollings needs to continue to recruit nationally, or she needs to find the best Minnesota players and keep them in the state, such as #95 Emma Grothaus, going from Mahtomedi to Lehigh. This year has shown that some of what Stollings is doing is working. Keep what works, fix what doesn't, and Minnesota is on its way up. Fingers crossed.
Next, The Bad: When it comes to understanding how the PairWise works and who is in or out based on conference tournaments, Adam Wodon of College Hockey News, with a gigantic assist from John Whelan, a man who apparently developed the web tool where you can see who would make the Tournament based on hypothetical champions, are the best when it comes to Conference Championship Saturday. And yet, even though the PairWise is objective (let's leave behind the debate over whether or not it should be the metric from which to decide which teams get into the tourney for another day), Wodon's explanation(s) show that this ranking is not always clear.
In Wodon's Saturday morning breakdown of the conference title games going on that afternoon and evening, he said that if Minnesota-Duluth lost to North Dakota in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Consolation Game (and if you read his article, you'll come away believing that game was The Most Important Consolation Game Ever), Minnesota would most likely make it into the NCAA Tournament. Barely, but they'd be in.
But when I came back from walking around St. Paul in the evening and looking up the scores and the running blog on CHN, Wodon said something somewhat different. Apparently the Bulldogs' loss to the Fighting Hawks didn't award the Goofs a postseason birth after all. In fact, the championship games from all six men's hockey conferences would decide which team would be the last at-large team to make it. To be specific, UMD would make it -- and Minnesota would not -- if the following six teams won their championship games:
Well, guess what the fuck happened?!?!?! The ECAC and B1G games went to Overtime, at least. Before I left for the stripclub and Caffetto Saturday night I saw on Twitter that Princeton won. While at Caffetto I saw on Twitter that Notre Dame won, and I think I and a few of the U. players, as well as Head Coach Don Lucia, wanted to throw their laptops against their windows in disgust. A 1-in-64 shot meant that that the U. tied the Bulldogs in the number of PairWise Comparisons won. In cases like this (and I could be wrong; College Hockey News has this PairWise primer) the tie-breaker is one of the three criteria used to compare teams for the PairWise -- the RPI. And with that unholy combination above, our Goofers slipped behind UMD by .0001 for the last at-large spot in the NCAA Tournament ... oneone-ten-thousandth of a point.
And you know what? I think that should result in Lucia getting fired.
I'll admit that this hot take is a visceral reaction based on angry superstition -- "The only reason this fucking six-team shit parlay hit is because you're a bad omen, Lucia. You're fired!" But don't forget that this team ended their season with four consecutive losses at Penn St., a team not too far above the Golden Goofers in the PairWise. Considering the talent that is on that club and the recruits that will continue to automatically gravitate to Dinkytown, a Head Coach makes sure he wins at least one of those fucking games. Do that, and Minnesota isn't even in this fucking situation, getting eliminated from playing for a championship in your home area by a perfect storm akin to getting struck by lightning twice.
It's been 19 years. Time for Lucia to go.
Finally, The Ugly: In the wrestling NCAAs, Minnesota, once (and long, long ago) a power in the sport, finished an irrelevant 17th. They finished right behind Lock Haven. Lock Haven? Fucking Lock Haven! J Robinson would be rolling in his grave if he were dead, which he isn't. The only rassler of any note on this club was Ethan Lizak, and he only finished fourth at 125 pounds.
To contrast, take a look at which school finished second: Ohio St. I had always considered the Buckeyes to be irrelevant in wrestling. But somehow they jumped up this season to finish second overall. And going into the final day they were leading Penn St. before the Nittany Lions chased them down and nipped them by seven Points for their third straight title and seventh in eight years because of Cael Sanderson. If Ohio St. can rise up from the murk and give Penn St. a run for its money, Minnesota can ... right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!
It really was a great crowd with great enthusiasm. For the first time ever the supporters unfurled a tifo, an homage to Daft Punk with the phrase "Harder, Faster, Better, Stronger" on the bottom. (The team is using Kanye West's "Stronger" instead of The Rolling Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil" for the player introductions.) Everybody started waving their scarves on Corner Kicks -- me included. And people started to get into "Wonderwall" after the home team won. Keep this up, and there's another huge fanbase that'll make the Twin Cities a great place to watch sports in-person.
Oh, the game. The key apparently was to maraud the Fire down the flanks, and that's exactly how they scored both their Goals. Miguel Ibarra, finally winning the trust of Manager Adrian Heath, took the place of Kevin Molino (who I didn't know as of WMNSS press time last week that he tore his ACL in last week's game and is out for the rest of the year) as a de facto #10. Usually that means he passes and creates down the middle, but his slashing style took him to the Endline in the Second Half and a cross to a pestering Ibson, who knocked in the first Goal of the game off his own miss. The Fire quickly countered (in an echo all-too familiar from last season), but United was able to hold its own and score the knockout punch. Gathering a double team from the Touchline, he crossed to a wide-open Sam Nicholson, who headed the ball to the far post.
Passing, winning 50/50's, crossing, finishing, staying composed after conceding a Goal -- all of those were on display in Saturday afternoon's 2-1 victory. It's very early, but they're tied (on Points) atop the Western Conference. Things may change this Saturday at the New York Red Bulls; Francisco Calvo, Michael Boxall and Rasmus Schuller are all on international duty. But the only thing I wanted to see from this club is improvement from last year. And three matches in, they've definitely improved. So for being the only team in this week's survey to go undefeated (yeah, yeah, they only played one game), and because the teams just below the Loons had very good weeks, I'm pushing these guys up to their first-ever Positive Numbers. Congratulations!
#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6). The next three teams overall had very good screening weeks. They really are equally good, and it's only my mood that makes me put them in a somewhat-arbitrary order, because really, they should all be tied. While these teams had wins that are conspicuous, they each had a loss that also sticks out.
The Golden Gopher baseball team finished 3-2 for the week. The squad began by beating George Washington (in Dallas of all places) Tuesday, 12-5. The next night they went to the Dallas suburb of Arlington and lost to Texas-Arlington, not a good team, 13-5. They then spent this past weekend in Fort Worth against the ninth-ranked team in the nation, TCU. Or was the ninth-ranked team, because, inexplicably, they won two-of-three at the Horned Frogs! And the contest the U. dropped, which began on Saturday but was finished on Sunday due to rain, went 13 Innings before they lost, 5-4. How in the heck did these guys win a series at a Top 10 team? Guess TCU overlooked them.
They finish non-conference play at 14-8. They open up Big Ten play at Nebraska and Manager Darin Erstad this weekend.
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -3). Historically, the Wild have the number of The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. Not this year. Those guys crushed Minnesota at the X on Tuesday, 5-1. (After years in the wilderness, Colorado currently holds down Western Conference Wild Care 1.) That's really bad, and portends bad things if they somehow meet in the playoffs.
And yet they then go to the Southwestern United States and come away with the W on back-to-back nights. First they double-up the (Las) Vegas Golden Knights Friday, 4-2, somehow sweeping the season series from the possible Pacific Division champions. They then go to Phoenix (or the Phoenix area, I don't know where the hell they play) and beat The Bastard Winnipeg Jets, another squad who somehow have the Wild's number this year (which is even weirder because Arizona is The Worst Team In The NHL) Saturday, 3-1. They remain entrenched in third place in the Western Conference, five Points clear of ninth place. With about ten Games left to go in the season, they should make the postseason for the sixth year in a row. But not without a tricky Hat Trick this screening week: Los Angeles, Nashville, Boston -- all good teams, but all playing in St. Paul.
#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7). This club's bad loss was the first game of a three-game series vs. New Mexico St. in Las Cruces, N.M. The softballers, in fact, got shut out Friday, 3-0. No matter; they shut out the Aggies, 7-0, then tripled them up, 15-5 in a Saturday Doubleheader to take the series. But even better than that is that these women floated to Tucson, Ariz. on Wednesday and defeated ninth-ranked Arizona, 1-0 in eight Innings. (What is up with the Golden Gopher diamond teams beating teams ranked ninth in the country?) It is a fluky one-off, but this is their first impressive victory of the year.
They finish the non-con at 17-11 and start B1G play with three at Northwestern.
#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!). OK, so it's official: Kirk Cousins will be a Viking. Three years ... well, at least three years of guaranteed money. First of all, a commemoration for Case Keenum, a guy who, once he replaced Sam Bradford as Quarterback early last season, meant that this team was doomed for the year. I was totally wrong about him; put in the proper system, he flourished. And while it petered down in the end, culminating (so to speak) in a horrible NFC Championship Game performance, I will always remember him for this after The Minneapolis Miracle:
He cemented his bond with the Minnesota Vikings franchise with that throw and this Skol Chant afterward. I understand that this is a business, and that the front office (as well as many experts and pundits) believe that Cousins is an upgrade of Keenum and that this move had to be done. But Keenum stepped in and stepped up, and so I was going to be OK with riding into 2018 with him at the helm. Dance with who brung you, you know? Besides, there are others (myself included) who are not totally sold on Cousins being the last piece to this club finally winning a Super Bowl. I, for one, question how mobile Cousins is. Unless there is a huge upgrade on the Offensive Line, the QB will be on the move. Who do you prefer throwing on the run: Cousins or Keenum? Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, but you just know this shit's going to backfire on them.
But I want to highlight the other big signing the Vikes made to open up Free Agency: They signed Defensive Tackle Sheldon Richardson to a one-year deal from Seattle. That gives the squad another disruptor on the D-Line, and that is a very, very good thing.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4). Came back to beat Washington on the road Tuesday by five, then traveled to San Antonio to get toasted by the Spurs on my birthday (and without Kawhi Leonard), then came home last (Sunday) night to lose by nine to Houston, a team that went 3-crazy and is making Head Coaches of other teams crazy.
If you look at the team's Schedule page, you'll see that the team lists the Timberwolves who led the team in Points, Assists and Rebounds for each game. For this week, do you know which player you don't see listed as a leader in any of the three categories? Andrew Wiggins. Just sayin' that maybe he and not Zach LaVine should have been traded to Chicago.
This week host The Bastard Buffalo Braves Tuesday before a back-to-back at New York and Philadelphia this weekend. There is still a good shot that this squad fails to make the playoffs for the 14th season in a row.
#-5: Twins (Last Week: -5). This club's here, and down here, because yesterday (Sunday) Shortstop Jorge Polanco was busted for testing positive for a performance-enhancing drug and is suspended for 80 Games. Polanco was going to be the starting Shortstop for this squad, and now, well, he's not. They're probably going to make do with Eduardo Escobar, but they might have to rely on Erick Aybar, who was recently signed for depth. Good timing for the Twins, and yet bad timing for the Twinks.
#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's basketball, Gopher men's hockey, Gopher wrestling (Last Week, respectively: -1, Re-Entry!, Re-Entry!).
You remember the Clint Eastwood movie The Good, The Bad And The Ugly? That's how I'm describing the three teams that anchor the bottom of this week's survey, and in order.
First, The Good: OK, so the University of Minnesota women's basketball team got their asses beat last (Sunday) night at Eugene, Ore., as the Ducks rolled up a 101-73 beatdown on them. But hey, on Friday the program won its first NCAA Tournament game in nine years by upsetting the 7-seed, Wisconsin-Green Bay, 89-77! They were down by five entering the Fourth Quarter, but the U. blitzed the Phoenix 30-13 to win. Seeing that at least one writer thought Green Bay was underseeded, I think this should be regarded as a very noticeable upset, and so this year should be seen as very positive one!
So Carlie Wagner finishes her Gopher career honorably. And Marlene Stollings proved that she can coach. Wagner and Bryanna Fernstrom are the two starters who graduate, but the other three starters (Kenisha Bell, Gadiva Hubbard and Destiny Pitts) who provided the bulk of the balance that unlocked the surprising success this team had this year are coming back. Here are the new recruits -- none of them stick out, none of them certainly are in the Top 100, so maybe Stollings needs to continue to recruit nationally, or she needs to find the best Minnesota players and keep them in the state, such as #95 Emma Grothaus, going from Mahtomedi to Lehigh. This year has shown that some of what Stollings is doing is working. Keep what works, fix what doesn't, and Minnesota is on its way up. Fingers crossed.
Next, The Bad: When it comes to understanding how the PairWise works and who is in or out based on conference tournaments, Adam Wodon of College Hockey News, with a gigantic assist from John Whelan, a man who apparently developed the web tool where you can see who would make the Tournament based on hypothetical champions, are the best when it comes to Conference Championship Saturday. And yet, even though the PairWise is objective (let's leave behind the debate over whether or not it should be the metric from which to decide which teams get into the tourney for another day), Wodon's explanation(s) show that this ranking is not always clear.
In Wodon's Saturday morning breakdown of the conference title games going on that afternoon and evening, he said that if Minnesota-Duluth lost to North Dakota in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Consolation Game (and if you read his article, you'll come away believing that game was The Most Important Consolation Game Ever), Minnesota would most likely make it into the NCAA Tournament. Barely, but they'd be in.
But when I came back from walking around St. Paul in the evening and looking up the scores and the running blog on CHN, Wodon said something somewhat different. Apparently the Bulldogs' loss to the Fighting Hawks didn't award the Goofs a postseason birth after all. In fact, the championship games from all six men's hockey conferences would decide which team would be the last at-large team to make it. To be specific, UMD would make it -- and Minnesota would not -- if the following six teams won their championship games:
- Notre Dame in the Big Ten;
- Boston University in Hockey East;
- Denver in the NCHC;
- Princeton in the Eastern Collegiate Athletic Conference;
- Michigan Tech in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association;
- and Air Force in Atlantic Hockey.
Well, guess what the fuck happened?!?!?! The ECAC and B1G games went to Overtime, at least. Before I left for the stripclub and Caffetto Saturday night I saw on Twitter that Princeton won. While at Caffetto I saw on Twitter that Notre Dame won, and I think I and a few of the U. players, as well as Head Coach Don Lucia, wanted to throw their laptops against their windows in disgust. A 1-in-64 shot meant that that the U. tied the Bulldogs in the number of PairWise Comparisons won. In cases like this (and I could be wrong; College Hockey News has this PairWise primer) the tie-breaker is one of the three criteria used to compare teams for the PairWise -- the RPI. And with that unholy combination above, our Goofers slipped behind UMD by .0001 for the last at-large spot in the NCAA Tournament ... one
And you know what? I think that should result in Lucia getting fired.
I'll admit that this hot take is a visceral reaction based on angry superstition -- "The only reason this fucking six-team shit parlay hit is because you're a bad omen, Lucia. You're fired!" But don't forget that this team ended their season with four consecutive losses at Penn St., a team not too far above the Golden Goofers in the PairWise. Considering the talent that is on that club and the recruits that will continue to automatically gravitate to Dinkytown, a Head Coach makes sure he wins at least one of those fucking games. Do that, and Minnesota isn't even in this fucking situation, getting eliminated from playing for a championship in your home area by a perfect storm akin to getting struck by lightning twice.
It's been 19 years. Time for Lucia to go.
Finally, The Ugly: In the wrestling NCAAs, Minnesota, once (and long, long ago) a power in the sport, finished an irrelevant 17th. They finished right behind Lock Haven. Lock Haven? Fucking Lock Haven! J Robinson would be rolling in his grave if he were dead, which he isn't. The only rassler of any note on this club was Ethan Lizak, and he only finished fourth at 125 pounds.
To contrast, take a look at which school finished second: Ohio St. I had always considered the Buckeyes to be irrelevant in wrestling. But somehow they jumped up this season to finish second overall. And going into the final day they were leading Penn St. before the Nittany Lions chased them down and nipped them by seven Points for their third straight title and seventh in eight years because of Cael Sanderson. If Ohio St. can rise up from the murk and give Penn St. a run for its money, Minnesota can ... right? Right?! RIGHT?!?!
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Expenses Without Receipt
Starting from Saturday, St. Patrick's Day:
- I started off my birthday day by going to Surly, which was the host of MNUFC's home opener. I need to confess something: I find nearly all the craft beers I taste to be way too hoppy. It may be because I've been weaned on domestic beers such as Budweiser, Miller and Coors. However, there is one particular beer that I like a lot: Surly Pentagram. And the one I got this time was infused with cloves and fruit. The Pentagrams are billed as "sours," and yet not only do they taste sweet, they smell fragrant as well. Well done, Surly! I don't even mind paying a premium price for it! With tip: $8.
- I got back into the swing of things when it comes to getting a hot dog and a Redd's Apple Ale before the match began. But I swear the price was a lot lower for those two items last year: $15.25.
- I was going to make a double sports bill out of my, gulp, 42nd birthday. After the match my plan was to ditch my car at Surly's parking lot and take the light rail to St. Paul and to procure a ticket to the NCHC Championship Game at the Xcel Energy Center. I forgot that a fare went up a quarter back in the fall, so the cost of a one-way trip was: $2.
- The scalper there was a motherfucker who wanted $50. Fifty bucks for a conference title game that wasn't even close to selling out? Don't fucking make me laugh, slapnuts. I then went to the box office (of course this game wasn't sold out) and the cheapest price was $30, a little higher than the $27 I saw at scalper websites and a lot more (at least I swear it was a lot more) than tickets were at Target Center. So even though I was determined to go, when I learned that the cheapest price was $45, it made it easy for me to walk away. Instead I went to Mickey's Diner to make sure that I had my yearly meal there. Burger, fries and beans. And since I did all of this in two hours, I didn't need to pay for the LRT coming back. (Besides, once it passed 6 p.m. on St. Patrick's Night, all public transportation was free.) With tip Mickey's Diner was: $11.50.
- In the evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), which was hosting a party for the owner, who died a few weeks ago. Wanted to check the scene in case things were popping. Nothing was except that bitch of a waitress shooting me looks all night. That cunt complained to me about going there to watch sports, yet the first thing I goddamn see when I got inside was her watching a boxing match. Fuck that hypocrite. Anyway, things were so busy that I got away without getting a drink. Got a dance with Lexi, though, because she was having a shitty day. Plus stage tips and it all came out to: $26.
- I then went to Caffetto to sort out my papers and, well, do this EWR. Key lime pie (even though I didn't really need to eat it -- tastes good, though), small hot chocolate, and the third time I donated to this friend of the coffeeshop who is very badly injured down in Mexico. They are trying to raise money to pay for his hospital bills. I really want to help, yet I can only spare a buck, and that is in lieu of tipping these guys. Total: $7.
- Back on Friday the 16th I went to the Rogue Buddha in the evening for an opening of a new exhibition. I wanted to get there earlier, but 1) I got stuck in Hooters eating all the food a coupon gave me and chatting it up with a couple dudes there and then 2) listening in my car after I parked to the end of the UMBC-Virginia game. The first time a #16 beat a #1!!! That might be the last true underdog milestone that had never been met, and it's now been done!!! So I had to stay in my car several minutes to listen. That meant that, even though I usually want to stay for an hour looking at the art, I blew in and out of there in ten minutes. I got there so late that things apparently were winding down, even though I kind of thought it would be busy at 11 o'clock. It wasn't, so after saying hi to the owner, I ushered myself out. But not before dropping a donation: $3.
- Back to Monday, March 12 ... since Chase Elliott finished third in the previous day's NASCAR race, I went to Hooters to get my free fried pickles. The manager said it was the first he's ever heard of it. Uh, OK. With beer and tip: $5.75.
- I found a nickel while I was there. An Infusion of: 5 cents.
- Sunday the 11th: Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), where I got a lapper with Asia, the only "veteran" of the four working there. Also got a Coke. Only tipped one girl on stage, and it wasn't Asia. Total for the stripclubbin' trip: $26.
- Afterwards I went to Caffetto to sort out my receipts. Caramel pecan cheesecake, small chocolate, and the second donation to the dude who's seriously hurt: $7.
- Saturday the 10th ... spent the afternoon packing meals for an organization as part of an alumni club event. Besides the lower turnout, things went extremely smoothly, thank Buddha. I made a donation after we got through our shift: $2.
- I was so tired afterward I slept for a few hours, straight through the time I wanted to get up and get to St. Paul for the Boys' State High School Hockey Tournament Class AA Final, where Minnetonka finally won its first title in beating Duluth East. I didn't try scalpers because I thought that the box office in fact might have tickets for cheaper. They did -- $17 ... but Standing Room Only, and only in the Upper Level. I stood the entire time at the top of an aisle, and I could somewhat see everything. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea. Ticket, program, hot dog, Coke: $34.
- Went to Caffetto afterward. Got the same thing I got on the 11th, including the first time I saw this solicitation of raising money for this dude. Cost: $7.
- On Friday, March 9 I went to *****a's place to, essentially, fuck *****a. I must say, I did her like a goddamn jackhammer. With the previso that she could totally be faking it, I went balls deep on her for a good five minutes, and all *****a could do was moan and scream and pull me closer while I was banging her. I almost feel like ... she liked it. She liked it so much that once I came all over her tits, she left the room, promised to come back ... and went into another room to service another dude. That was my cue for me to exit, stage left. (*****e* was also there, but I didn't get anything from her because I promised to fuck her at her place soon. I texted her; she hasn't texted me back.) With cover: $170.
- Went to Glam Doll to refill afterward. I think I got home after going to *****a's place and before going to Glam Doll, and I weighted only 167 pounds. Did I expend that many calories plunging into her? That might be my new exercise. Anyway, two donuts, pourover and tip equaled: $11.27.
- Tuesday, March 6 -- my annual health insurance form came in. I just hope to Buddha that just signing and returning it will be enough. I went to the company mailroom to mail the larger-than-usual envelope at a cost of: 68 cents.
- That evening I went to see Annihilation, the movie that I got to too late, which I complained about here. Ticket, popcorn, pop: $9.67.
- Spent all day Sunday, March 4 at U.S. Bank Stadium watching the three Sunday games of the Dairy Queen Classic. Like I say, there are many worse ways to spend a day on Planet Earth than watching baseball. Have receipts for the food, so this EWR is only for the program: $1.
- On Saturday the 3rd, after watching the EPL and visiting Grandmother's best friend (she's in pain ;-(), I went to Able Beer for their TC Record Shop shindig. I nursed a citrus-flavored beer and walked around thumbing through records I can't play because I no longer have a record player. But I also bought a box of Girl Scout Cookies there. With tip for the beer: $8.
- That evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version). Tips, Coke and an LD with Lexi totals: $32.
- Thursday, March 1 ... I had for many a month wanted to go to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version) because I know my ATF still works there, she just shifted from nights to days. That's even better for me, because this bar is about 20 minutes away from where I work; all I needed to do all these weeks is to go there right after work. And after checking the schedule, that's exactly what I did on this day. And I finally saw her, and thank Buddha she recognized me. She's a little fatter, but hell, so am I. We caught up on old times -- it literally has been at least a couple years since I saw her. So I got ten table dances with her before I scooted. I then got trapped by a hot Hmong thing named Melinda, who I thought I remember from a party or another social situation where her clothes stayed on. I was afraid my ATF would be mad that I told her I would be leaving as soon as we were done but instead stayed, but she's friends with Melinda, so phew, she didn't mind. With a couple dances from her, beer, tips but no cover because I donated some food, I got out of there spending only: $136.
Saturday, March 17, 2018
2019 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2
Record, Round 1: 9-16
Outlay, Round 1: $2,250.00
Returns, Round 1: $1,638.81
Loss, Round 1: $611.19
I didn't realize how much fake money I laid out for Round 1. I was struck by how close I was to either winning or losing several picks this Round. While I just got under spreads for Davidson and San Diego St, I missed by the hook on South Dakota St., Providence and Georgia St. Meanwhile, I would have nailed my first-ever five-leg parlay if not for Murray St. completely pooping out against West Virginia.
---
I've noticed something. I went 23-9 for Round 1 in my bracket. I lost one of my Eight (that one being Virginia, and everyone with common sense lost the Cavaliers -- and by the way, how about that, huh? Go UMBC!) and four of my Sixteen, but that is very good compared to years past. I think I've learned to control my fetish for underdogs. But Round 2 is nut-cutting time, where it basically is 50/50 whether your pick is the right one. That gaudy record above is going to fritter away. And my bracket could still be busted, like it has at this stage last year and the year before that and the year before that.
But for my Anti-Picks it's the other way around. I throw so much crap wagers in Round 1 that I usually am in a massive hole. But I learn from the performances from the surviving teams and use that to make better bets in Round 2 and beyond. Hopefully that holds to form this year.
I am forced to switch to Doc's Sports for these odds because, per usual, they at least have some odds in this short turnaround when Covers doesn't:
1) Loyola-Chicago +5 1/5 $50
2) Seton Hall +4 1/2 $100
3) Butler + 3 1/2 $200 (I hope I'm wrong on this; I have Purdue going to the Final Four. But the Bulldogs statistically is seen as underseeded and the Boilermakers are playing without their Center, Isaac Haas, who's out for the tourney with a fractured elbow. So I will Best Bet this ...) $200
4) Butler M/L + (... and then play them to beat Purdue Straight-Up)
5) Syracuse +8 $100
6) Nevada +7 $100
7) UMBC +11 $100
8) Florida St. +5 /12 $100
9) Marshall +12 $50
10) Parlay 2) with 6) for $50.
11) Parlay 5) with 8), for $50.
Good luck!
Friday, March 16, 2018
Too Much Money Spent On Too Much Food
Despite my steady paychecks (at least for now), the money moves out of my checking account as soon as it comes in. It kind of sucks, largely because I don't see tangible, for lack of a better word, "investments" that money is going toward. I regularly put money into a couple investment accounts, but other than that, I'm not really "bettering" myself with all the money I spend. I guess you could say I keep myself sane with all the cash that goes to strippers, but come on, that's more of an urge than a need.
No, most of it is going to food I buy outside of the house. Especially this week, but probably before that, I have bought food for lunch and dinner. I have virtually run out of food at home, but I think I am using that fact and that my parents are coming home next week (fucking gulp) to overcompensate by spending a lot of money on a lot of food.
For example, with lunch tonight, I am going to be buying food for the work commissary each day all week. Don't know if I've done that yet this season. The food is good, don't get me wrong. But I usually try to control myself by not eating, or subsisting on other food I brought from home. Not this week. Not only that, but I am getting huge amounts of food. I spent ten bucks on a tamale on Tuesday, I believe, and it's not the first day I've spent more than ten bucks here.
And even though I made a point of going out to eat while my folks were gone, I really didn't put that into practice until, well, this week. I might go to Hooters for the second time this week. I went to this great restaurant, Heyday, to work on my bracket on Tuesday. I went to two places after work last (Thursday) night: Green Mill because I got a free pizza for my birthday and then this bar in St. Paul where a guy who bartends there was someone I worked with for the Super Bowl. (Didn't see him. Maybe I have to go back there again.) I realized last night that I have not come home directly from work one day this week. That's because I'm eating out after work.
So it should be no surprise that when (well actually if) I look at my account, it's as if I haven't worked to make money nor went out to spend money. It truly is remarkable that with all the work I'm doing, I'm running in place. I hate the situation I'm in, and then I have to remember that I put myself in that situation.
Oh, well. I'm getting fish now for lunch. Ten bucks, probably.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
2018 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 1
I wish I could explain my picks, but I'm really tired.
I usually get my odds from Doc Sport's, but at least for Round 1 I am using Covers because the odds there are listed in chronological order:
1) Loyola-Chicago +1 1/2 $200
2) Loyola-Chicago M/L +107 $100
3) South Dakota St. +7 1/2 $100
4) South Dakota St. M/L +312 $50
5) Seton Hall -2 1/2 $100
6) Davidson +5 1/2 $100
7) Davidson M/L +196 $50
8) San Diego St. +4 $50
9) Buffalo +8 1/2 $50
10) Montana +11 $50
11) St. Bonaventure +5 1/2 $200
12) St. Bonaventure M/L +202 $100
13) Providence +3 $50
14) Marshall +12 $100
15) Georgia St. +14 $50
16) Butler -1 1/2 $100
17) Murray St. +10 1/2 $100
18) Texas +1 $100
19) Texas M/L -36 $50
20) College Of Charleston +9 1/2 $50
21) Missouri +1 1/2 $100
22) Missouri M/L +107 $50
23) Parlay 2) and 12), for $200
24) 1), 11), 16) and 21), a four-leg parlay, for $100
25) 5), 6), 9), 14) and 17), a five-team parlay, for $50.
Good luck!
I usually get my odds from Doc Sport's, but at least for Round 1 I am using Covers because the odds there are listed in chronological order:
1) Loyola-Chicago +1 1/2 $200
2) Loyola-Chicago M/L +107 $100
3) South Dakota St. +7 1/2 $100
4) South Dakota St. M/L +312 $50
5) Seton Hall -2 1/2 $100
6) Davidson +5 1/2 $100
7) Davidson M/L +196 $50
8) San Diego St. +4 $50
9) Buffalo +8 1/2 $50
10) Montana +11 $50
11) St. Bonaventure +5 1/2 $200
12) St. Bonaventure M/L +202 $100
13) Providence +3 $50
14) Marshall +12 $100
15) Georgia St. +14 $50
16) Butler -1 1/2 $100
17) Murray St. +10 1/2 $100
18) Texas +1 $100
19) Texas M/L -36 $50
20) College Of Charleston +9 1/2 $50
21) Missouri +1 1/2 $100
22) Missouri M/L +107 $50
23) Parlay 2) and 12), for $200
24) 1), 11), 16) and 21), a four-leg parlay, for $100
25) 5), 6), 9), 14) and 17), a five-team parlay, for $50.
Good luck!
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
The Best House Party Ever?
So it started with *****a answering the door fully clothed. As I was walking into *****e*'s party, an hour before is supposed end, *****a was leaving. "But I wanted to get a dance from you," I cried. "Well, do you wanna give me $20 because I had a shitty night?" she replied. I was willing to do that ... if she was willing to do me, if you know what I mean, and if you don't know what I mean, I'll just flat-out tell you that I whipped out my cock right in the living room and told her, "Will you squeeze me?" And with the front door open and I think the truck that I passed on my way to the front door supposedly her ride, she did! I wanted to grab her gigantic tits while she gave me a handjob, but that would've been an extra five bucks. I should be angrier at her for trying to extort money from me, but hey, she squeezed my cock out in the open; I can't complain. I just hope the guys who were at the stripper party didn't see me do this.
Beyond that, there were four other strippers working *****e*'s party: *****e* (of course), *****a, ****a, and another girl who I know was there because she was selling her daughter's Girl Scout Cookies there, but who I never saw in my time there because she was in the back doing, er, something. She's like that neighbor in Home Improvement. In retrospect it made my life a lot easier because I could get at least a dance from three girls instead of four. Moreover, each of those above three are veterans, strippers I've known for a long time, and I didn't have to inveigh over trying to give a new girl a shot and choosing which one of the vets to not give money to. The new girl kind of eliminated herself, you know?
And beyond even that, I didn't have my normal ennui about which of the vet dancers I was going to really get down with because I had already fucked *****e* not too long before this party and I got an HJ and I think a BJ from *****a, recently as well. In fact, I think they both did me in separate parties in the same week. Fairness dictates that I go to the bedroom (which I think is *****e*'s kid's room, replete with a bunk bed) with ****a, with whom I couldn't remember the last time I got down.
And ****a was super fucking sexy this time around! I stripped her, and then we started grooving to the music playing on her Pandora. After some coaxing -- I know I'm trading sex for money, but that's no excuse not to make this romantic -- I got her to take off my pants and long underwear, the latter of which she started to make fun of me for wearing: "It's so hot outside!" ****a said. "Are you kidding me?!" I cried, before I took them all the way off and she ordered me onto the bottom of the bunk bed.
That's where she really fucking went to town on my ass. Well first ****a noticed how my pubic hairs were confined to my, uh, genital area and didn't spread all the way out of my bikini area and down my legs. She said that her vagina hairs do that and she has to take the time to shave them. I wouldn't mind all that hair on her; she's hot, and besides, I wouldn't spend a single damn second grooming myself for other people. I don't do it!
Oh yeah, the messing around. ****a bit my nips, then grabbed my dick, then jerked it off, then sucked me off, then deep-throated me. ****a then licked my balls and then, after I asked her to be, ahem, a little rougher on me, she started slapping them. Hard. And then too hard, to which I said, "OK, that's a little too much!" I apologized for having her do that to me and then telling her to stop, but I didn't know how much it was going to hurt.
But I finally came. Thought I came in her mouth. Wanted to, probably did, but I didn't clear it with her beforehand, so I apologized to her if I got any in her mouth when she didn't expect it. ****a was cool with it. That's why when she's sober, she is a blowjob queen! The best part about this is that I didn't need to jerk myself off onto her. This was all ****a's work. All I had to do was lie in the bottom bunk bed and take it. She made me cum, thank Buddha!
After that tryst with ****a I got lapdances out in the open with the host *****e* and *****a. Both were in buoyant spirits and were pleasant to talk to (not to say that they are ever unpleasant to talk to). *****e* talked about being open to more one-on-ones, and *****a said she would be willing to finally fuck me -- which I did, just last week!
So I have to conclude that this is The Best House Party I Have Ever Been To. I spent pretty much $200, but I got everything I wanted and a little more -- a spontaneous and thus authentic orgasm that followed some fake romance; nice talks with all the girls, none of whom sported any attitude; me perving out in the living room and a stripper being up to the pervertedness; and only a few guys, all whom were also pretty pleasant. Never for a second did I feel ripped off or taken advantage of or disrespected. It was ... it was perfect, just about absolutely perfect.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Less Than Two Weeks Before They Come Back, Which Means They're Already Here
In a sense, having this week and next week to get my affairs in order (or to hide them) in anticipation of my parents coming back home is a relief because it gives me time. Then again, they've been gone for more than six weeks and there are a lot of things I could have done and didn't, such as seal up my Entertainment Weeklys or going through my papers. At least I got my folks' stock purchase records complete; I'll have to devote some time on going to the library and completely typing those out.
It'll get done, somehow, because it has to. But in worrying for, oh, the past week-and-a-half about them coming home and ruining all I got going on at the house makes me realize that, in a sense, they're already here, you know? When I'm worried about what they'll think of all their mail on the table, or how I got this new stepladder I was given, or how clean my room should be, I'm not enjoying my time at home with them gone. And if I'm so preoccupied with getting the house ready to make them happy -- well, really, how different is my life than what it is when they are actually back at home making my life miserable because of all my stuff around my room? Does that make any sense?
It's kind of like (and I may totally get in trouble with this) a woman with a family history of breast cancer. I have heard women who have undergone mastectomies preemptively because all the women in her family received and died from a very aggressive and malignant form of it. I feel as though those women have been burdened by the fear of breast cancer, that they're afraid of getting it even though they may not even have it. And this fear dominates their thoughts so much that, essentially, they already have breast cancer, you know? They could not live their lives freely until they had an operation they felt totally unburdened them from this fear. So long as one is living under this fear of getting cancer, how different is your life than if you actually did have cancer?
I'm seriously about this analogy. And so me running around worried about what my parents think for the past ten days or so means that, heck, they're already home. And that may be why I lollygagged so much as soon as my parents left on their trip. It was only then, during those weeks, where I knew they wouldn't be home any time soon. I believed then I was without fear, and therefore I was free from worry.
Those days are over now.
It'll get done, somehow, because it has to. But in worrying for, oh, the past week-and-a-half about them coming home and ruining all I got going on at the house makes me realize that, in a sense, they're already here, you know? When I'm worried about what they'll think of all their mail on the table, or how I got this new stepladder I was given, or how clean my room should be, I'm not enjoying my time at home with them gone. And if I'm so preoccupied with getting the house ready to make them happy -- well, really, how different is my life than what it is when they are actually back at home making my life miserable because of all my stuff around my room? Does that make any sense?
It's kind of like (and I may totally get in trouble with this) a woman with a family history of breast cancer. I have heard women who have undergone mastectomies preemptively because all the women in her family received and died from a very aggressive and malignant form of it. I feel as though those women have been burdened by the fear of breast cancer, that they're afraid of getting it even though they may not even have it. And this fear dominates their thoughts so much that, essentially, they already have breast cancer, you know? They could not live their lives freely until they had an operation they felt totally unburdened them from this fear. So long as one is living under this fear of getting cancer, how different is your life than if you actually did have cancer?
I'm seriously about this analogy. And so me running around worried about what my parents think for the past ten days or so means that, heck, they're already home. And that may be why I lollygagged so much as soon as my parents left on their trip. It was only then, during those weeks, where I knew they wouldn't be home any time soon. I believed then I was without fear, and therefore I was free from worry.
Those days are over now.
Monday, March 12, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). I am publishing this survey late because I wanted to include the Gopher women's b-ball seed in it, and so I had to wait for the Selection Show this (Monday) evening.
Ever since Turner became a broadcaster for the March Madness games, there has been a creep that has turned what was an elegant, professional, beautiful broadcast into an ugly, opportunistic hype machine. It's now spread to women's basketball. The NCAA, in a desperate effort to whip up any publicity, released over the weekend a list of eight teams, only four of which will make the NCAA Tournament. Despite a strong late-season push and finishing fourth in the Big Ten, Minnesota was one of those eight teams.
And so the team, and Gopher Nation, were waiting in suspense. Well, more like being stuck in a lurch. How does this make things more entertaining? You're just fucking with people's feelings. And this is a hoary, undignified way to maintain interest. The NCAA and ESPN have turned this into a reality show -- like telling couples on Dancing With The Stars "they're in danger," or, to use a show that's more in the pop culture conversation right now even though it's a worse analogy, basically saying, "Which teams will receive a rose from the NCAA?" Seriously, what the fuck is this bullshit?
At least they got in. For the first time in three years they are in The Big Dance, as a 10-seed. And not knowing anything about the field beyond, like, the four-best teams, I don't think the U. has a completely impossible shot of reaching the Elite Eight. They have a test against 7-seed Green Bay, a perennially good mid-major program, and if they beat the Phoenix, they'll have to play 2-seed Oregon, and since this is women's basketball, they'll have to play on Oregon's home court. But beat the Ducks, and it might mean a rematch with 3-seed Ohio St. with 1-seed Notre Dame in the Regional Final in Spokane, Wash.
I don't know how I feel about this team now. I didn't think they'd make it to the tournament this year, so they have already pleasantly surprised me. I guess I would be happy even if they're one-and-done, but would it be too much to ask if they can beat Wisconsin-Green Bay? Of course, if they upset the Ducks and reach the Sweet Sixteen, well, I'd be over the friggin' moon. But hey, at least this program made the field, something I was not sure Marlene Stollings could do with her own recruits, so good for her, and good luck starting Friday in the tourney!
Ever since Turner became a broadcaster for the March Madness games, there has been a creep that has turned what was an elegant, professional, beautiful broadcast into an ugly, opportunistic hype machine. It's now spread to women's basketball. The NCAA, in a desperate effort to whip up any publicity, released over the weekend a list of eight teams, only four of which will make the NCAA Tournament. Despite a strong late-season push and finishing fourth in the Big Ten, Minnesota was one of those eight teams.
And so the team, and Gopher Nation, were waiting in suspense. Well, more like being stuck in a lurch. How does this make things more entertaining? You're just fucking with people's feelings. And this is a hoary, undignified way to maintain interest. The NCAA and ESPN have turned this into a reality show -- like telling couples on Dancing With The Stars "they're in danger," or, to use a show that's more in the pop culture conversation right now even though it's a worse analogy, basically saying, "Which teams will receive a rose from the NCAA?" Seriously, what the fuck is this bullshit?
At least they got in. For the first time in three years they are in The Big Dance, as a 10-seed. And not knowing anything about the field beyond, like, the four-best teams, I don't think the U. has a completely impossible shot of reaching the Elite Eight. They have a test against 7-seed Green Bay, a perennially good mid-major program, and if they beat the Phoenix, they'll have to play 2-seed Oregon, and since this is women's basketball, they'll have to play on Oregon's home court. But beat the Ducks, and it might mean a rematch with 3-seed Ohio St. with 1-seed Notre Dame in the Regional Final in Spokane, Wash.
I don't know how I feel about this team now. I didn't think they'd make it to the tournament this year, so they have already pleasantly surprised me. I guess I would be happy even if they're one-and-done, but would it be too much to ask if they can beat Wisconsin-Green Bay? Of course, if they upset the Ducks and reach the Sweet Sixteen, well, I'd be over the friggin' moon. But hey, at least this program made the field, something I was not sure Marlene Stollings could do with her own recruits, so good for her, and good luck starting Friday in the tourney!
#-2: United FC (Last Week: -4). Did not catch the match Saturday night, but boy howdy, this could be an indication that this side may not be ragtag disassemblage of spare parts like they were too often last year.
It feels good to get back at your old team, as Adrian Heath managed to do against Orlando, especially if you feel you were made the scapegoat after years of what you assumed to be a healthy, convivial relationship. But look at Ethan Finlay! Acquired via trade late last season from Columbus, the Duluth native braced to give the Loons their first win of the season -- and on the road, no less.
There are many positive performances to be taken from this team. Christian Ramirez reasserted his role as starting Striker and was able to bully his way to possessing the ball that led to the first Goal. Mason Toye subbed in in the Second Half and sprung Miguel Ibarra that led to the second Goal. (I didn't understand how Batman got into Gaffer's doghouse last season. He has a lot to offer this team and Major League Soccer. So it actually leavened my heart to see Heath embrace Ibarra after the victory.) Most notably, the Backline didn't suck!
So MNUFC has some momentum going into the home opener Saturday vs. Chicago. The Fire has upgraded their roster since last year, but if this match isn't an illusion, United should play well on St. Patrick's Day.
It feels good to get back at your old team, as Adrian Heath managed to do against Orlando, especially if you feel you were made the scapegoat after years of what you assumed to be a healthy, convivial relationship. But look at Ethan Finlay! Acquired via trade late last season from Columbus, the Duluth native braced to give the Loons their first win of the season -- and on the road, no less.
There are many positive performances to be taken from this team. Christian Ramirez reasserted his role as starting Striker and was able to bully his way to possessing the ball that led to the first Goal. Mason Toye subbed in in the Second Half and sprung Miguel Ibarra that led to the second Goal. (I didn't understand how Batman got into Gaffer's doghouse last season. He has a lot to offer this team and Major League Soccer. So it actually leavened my heart to see Heath embrace Ibarra after the victory.) Most notably, the Backline didn't suck!
So MNUFC has some momentum going into the home opener Saturday vs. Chicago. The Fire has upgraded their roster since last year, but if this match isn't an illusion, United should play well on St. Patrick's Day.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3). I didn't realize this: As of right now, not only do they hold down third place in the Central Division, not only do have the fifth-highest Point total in the Western Conference, but they have the seventh-highest Point total in the National Hockey League. This despite getting shelled in Edmonton Saturday, 4-1. They did play in Vancouver the night before, however, and beat the Canucks, 5-2 and, before that, tripled The Bastard Hartford Whalers at the X Tuesday, 6-2. It looks like things are good; in fact, right now, the Wild have a better chance of reaching the postseason than the Timberwolves when we would have flipped both teams not even a month ago. But this squad's road woes still continue, the win over the Canucks excepted. The players have to understand that many of the games in the Stanley Cup Playoffs are played not at home.
For the second week in a row the Wild will have a home on Tuesday/road games Friday and Saturday workweek. The home game comes vs. The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. They then go to Las Vegas and Phoenix.
For the second week in a row the Wild will have a home on Tuesday/road games Friday and Saturday workweek. The home game comes vs. The Bastard Quebec Nordiques. They then go to Las Vegas and Phoenix.
#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). I've said this before and I'll say it again: The loss of Jimmy Butler might hurt, but it shouldn't hurt because the Woofie Dogs have two #1 overall picks who, presumably, should be able to become franchise players in their own right. Franchise players become leaders of their teams, so dammit, lead!
And, well, after a layoff of almost a week they, uh, lost their third game in a row to Boston at Target Center. But in a game where everyone wrote them off, in the Sunday afternoon national game they beat The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors, 109-103! Sure, the Dubs played without Stephen Curry and Andre Iguodala and a few other rotation players. But we all thought the Wolves were still going to lose this game. But they didn't, and that is in large part to Karl-Anthony Towns's 31 Points and 16 Rebounds. This is how you step up, lead your club and become a true franchise player. Andrew Wiggins, take note.
One win doesn't mean everything, but picking up a game people think you lost should count. As of now, the Timberwolves sit fifth in the Western Conference. The schedule remains tough: They visit Washington (playing better with John Wall out) Tuesday, then have a bad Saturday-Sunday back-to-back where they head to San Antonio and then come back home to host Houston. Again, Alpha Dogs take situations like these by the horns. I am waiting for someone to show what he is made of.
And, well, after a layoff of almost a week they, uh, lost their third game in a row to Boston at Target Center. But in a game where everyone wrote them off, in the Sunday afternoon national game they beat The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors, 109-103! Sure, the Dubs played without Stephen Curry and Andre Iguodala and a few other rotation players. But we all thought the Wolves were still going to lose this game. But they didn't, and that is in large part to Karl-Anthony Towns's 31 Points and 16 Rebounds. This is how you step up, lead your club and become a true franchise player. Andrew Wiggins, take note.
One win doesn't mean everything, but picking up a game people think you lost should count. As of now, the Timberwolves sit fifth in the Western Conference. The schedule remains tough: They visit Washington (playing better with John Wall out) Tuesday, then have a bad Saturday-Sunday back-to-back where they head to San Antonio and then come back home to host Houston. Again, Alpha Dogs take situations like these by the horns. I am waiting for someone to show what he is made of.
#-5: Twins (Re-Entry!). The overriding story over Major League Baseball's offseason has been the frozen, then deflated, free agent market. Unlike in past years, players without a team have been able to hit the mother lode with their new teams. Not so in this case. The number of players who were on teams last year but found themselves on the street after the New Year was so high that there was training camp just for those, uh, orphans. There have been some signings as Spring Training began, but there are still many players sans teams, and those who have been picked up recently signed for contracts much less than they expected and, in some cases, much less than they rejected just after last season ended.
People have been speculating that this is a sign that teams are colluding. Many fans, I think, are complaining that owners are screwing over players by not paying them what they should be worth on the open market. I bet those same fans would bitch when their team's highest-paid acquisition goes .210 and hits only 15 Home Runs the first year of his jackpot contract. First of all, it's not his money, so why the fuck does he care? Second of all, the guy I'm talking about, Pitcher Lance Lynn, turned down an offer of $17 million for the year from his old club, the St. Louis Cardinals, and saw that the market wasn't going to spend more money on him. That's just Lynn gambling and losing at that point in the offseason. And third of all, isn't a team trying to find diamonds in the rough, assuming those underrated players turn out to overperform compared to their contracts, a sign of great strategy? Yes, I know the Pohlad Family is worth billions of dollars. I don't think that necessarily means they are obligated to be the most freewheeling organization in MLB. And if they can get a guy who's banking on himself getting a bounce-back year after this yearlong contract is up, I think it's a fair deal. A steady workhorse for $12 million? That's a good thing. So would be getting Alex Cobb (Anibal Sanchez getting cut mere weeks after getting signed is weird, however.)
People have been speculating that this is a sign that teams are colluding. Many fans, I think, are complaining that owners are screwing over players by not paying them what they should be worth on the open market. I bet those same fans would bitch when their team's highest-paid acquisition goes .210 and hits only 15 Home Runs the first year of his jackpot contract. First of all, it's not his money, so why the fuck does he care? Second of all, the guy I'm talking about, Pitcher Lance Lynn, turned down an offer of $17 million for the year from his old club, the St. Louis Cardinals, and saw that the market wasn't going to spend more money on him. That's just Lynn gambling and losing at that point in the offseason. And third of all, isn't a team trying to find diamonds in the rough, assuming those underrated players turn out to overperform compared to their contracts, a sign of great strategy? Yes, I know the Pohlad Family is worth billions of dollars. I don't think that necessarily means they are obligated to be the most freewheeling organization in MLB. And if they can get a guy who's banking on himself getting a bounce-back year after this yearlong contract is up, I think it's a fair deal. A steady workhorse for $12 million? That's a good thing. So would be getting Alex Cobb (Anibal Sanchez getting cut mere weeks after getting signed is weird, however.)
#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -7). I think we need to center on the fact that the ballclub lost two-of-three versus Creighton at Das Bank v.2.0 over the weekend, and even though they actually finished above .500 for the screening week due to midweek wins over Nebraska-Omaha and Wisconsin-Milwaukee (also at U.S. Bank Stadium), that they lost a series at "home" to a pretty decent at-least mid-major program means this is a down week for these guys. Sure, they avoided a sweep by crushing the Bluejays in the Sunday game, 15-1, but they lost both previous meetings in the series by matching 7-3 scores.
This weekend also wraps up a ten-game homestand where they finished 6-4. Yeah, I don't see a whole lot that says, "This team's good!"
This week they travel down to Texas: One-offs against George Washington (in Dallas ... huh?) tomorrow/Tuesday and at Texas-Arlington Wednesday, then a three-game series against TCU in Fort Worth for the weekend.
This weekend also wraps up a ten-game homestand where they finished 6-4. Yeah, I don't see a whole lot that says, "This team's good!"
This week they travel down to Texas: One-offs against George Washington (in Dallas ... huh?) tomorrow/Tuesday and at Texas-Arlington Wednesday, then a three-game series against TCU in Fort Worth for the weekend.
#-7: Gopher softball (Last Week: -6). As if previous weeks didn't put into stark relief how good and not so good this club will be, they sandwiched three games with ranked Arizona State around a GCU Invitational in Phoenix, which consisted of just a doubleheader against two teams, Georgetown and hosts Grand Canyon University (which is a for-profit school, and I know that will never be a problem for the NCAA in the future). Well, they crushed the Hoyas in Six Innings and then quintupled the Antelopes in the nightcap Saturday. But they got shut out by the Sun Devils Friday and then lost a DH to them Sunday, the opener in Five Innings and another shutout in the closer.
Again, it is what it is. I feel like I'm kind of running around in circles explaining that this is a good team but far from a great team, and unfortunately that reaffirms the narrative that the screwjob the NCAA gave last year's team was in fact the correct call. They have had numerous chances this non-con season to say fuck you to the NCAA, and they have whiffed every single time.
On Wednesday they play a single game against Arizona. This weekend they play three at New Mexico St. That will finish up non-conference play for the U.
Again, it is what it is. I feel like I'm kind of running around in circles explaining that this is a good team but far from a great team, and unfortunately that reaffirms the narrative that the screwjob the NCAA gave last year's team was in fact the correct call. They have had numerous chances this non-con season to say fuck you to the NCAA, and they have whiffed every single time.
On Wednesday they play a single game against Arizona. This weekend they play three at New Mexico St. That will finish up non-conference play for the U.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1). Last week I said these Goofers were going to get killed by the Wisconsin Badgers in Madison, and on Saturday, that's exactly what happened. For those who thought their win over Wisky in the Frozen Faceoff Final the week before at Ridder was an indication that they're, like, peaking at the right time: 1) You guys probably are stooges; 2) you didn't pay attention to the inability for this squad to kick it into maximum gear at any point this year; and 3) you believe that conference tournaments featuring teams that have their tournament spot locked up and have nothing else to play for means everything (really, ignore conference tournaments entirely). They got a rude fucking awakening this past weekend, and meanwhile, the U. fail to reach the Women's Frozen Four for the first time in seven seasons.
That this year's Frozen Four is at Ridder has to really suck. The U. hosted in 2015 and 2013, and the U. won both times (remember that the 2013 club is the one that went the entire season undefeated). Minnesota hosted the women's college hockey national championship back in 2010, a year in which the Golden Goofers did not win, but there at least they reached the semifinals, where they lost to Minnesota-Duluth (on the Bulldogs' way to winning the title). This year they didn't even get to play at home, which is really embarrassing.
Yeah, I guess all good things come to an end, and a six-year run of making your sport's national semifinals is a hell of an accomplishment, especially since they won four titles in that span. But I still think this crushing defeat raises a lot of questions for the future of this program. The University of Minnesota is a blue-blood school in this sport, and since it leads in NCAA championships, you can call them the premier college in women's top-flight collegiate hockey. But there are only 35 teams in Division I. I understand the pool of high school hockey players is small, but I see no reason why the U. cannot reload, in and out, and not just compete for championships but make the Frozen Four every year. That isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking; judging the current landscape of women's hockey, I believe that is a reasonable benchmark. And the U. failed to reach it this year, completely.
And why is that? If Sarah Potomak, who sat the year out trying to make the Canadian Women's National Team (she was one of the last cuts), makes that much of a difference on this team not being a contender for the NCAA championship and winning it, and they roll through the sport with her next year, I'll gladly shut my mouth. Otherwise, I am looking to the abrupt execution of the University of North Dakota women's hockey program last year (a decision made by UND President Mark Kennedy, a teabagger Republican who lived in Minnesota until he got his ass kicked trying to take Amy Klobuchar's Senate seat and left politics altogether afterward) as a factor. Apparently North Dakota is a hockey factory; take a look at the Lamoureux twins and what they did in the Olympics to see the best of a very robust pipeline. When Kennedy followed the money in football and men's basketball and ended women's hockey, he created a statewide diaspora that eventually migrated to other parts of the Midwest/North, but curiously, not at the U. In explaining his decision in this story, Gophers Head Coach Brad Frost said he wanted to be fair to the players who stayed this year, the ones who left this year to try out for the Olympics, and the recruits who are coming in next year. Bringing in a Fighting Hawk presumably would bump out one of those players, and Frost would not do that.
OK. Fair enough. But I think it's safe to say that there are many young women who want to emulate the Lamoureux twins after they helped Team USA win a gold medal in Pyeongchang, South Korea. And unless North Dakota revives the sports, which they should, there will be an untapped market just to the northwest of us. Frost and the U. should make some inroads -- hire an Assistant Coach with NoDak ties -- and try to outmuscle Minnesota-Duluth for the blue-chippers from that state. That would be the most surefire way to bring the U. back to the women's college hockey firmament, where they belong.
That this year's Frozen Four is at Ridder has to really suck. The U. hosted in 2015 and 2013, and the U. won both times (remember that the 2013 club is the one that went the entire season undefeated). Minnesota hosted the women's college hockey national championship back in 2010, a year in which the Golden Goofers did not win, but there at least they reached the semifinals, where they lost to Minnesota-Duluth (on the Bulldogs' way to winning the title). This year they didn't even get to play at home, which is really embarrassing.
Yeah, I guess all good things come to an end, and a six-year run of making your sport's national semifinals is a hell of an accomplishment, especially since they won four titles in that span. But I still think this crushing defeat raises a lot of questions for the future of this program. The University of Minnesota is a blue-blood school in this sport, and since it leads in NCAA championships, you can call them the premier college in women's top-flight collegiate hockey. But there are only 35 teams in Division I. I understand the pool of high school hockey players is small, but I see no reason why the U. cannot reload, in and out, and not just compete for championships but make the Frozen Four every year. That isn't pie-in-the-sky thinking; judging the current landscape of women's hockey, I believe that is a reasonable benchmark. And the U. failed to reach it this year, completely.
And why is that? If Sarah Potomak, who sat the year out trying to make the Canadian Women's National Team (she was one of the last cuts), makes that much of a difference on this team not being a contender for the NCAA championship and winning it, and they roll through the sport with her next year, I'll gladly shut my mouth. Otherwise, I am looking to the abrupt execution of the University of North Dakota women's hockey program last year (a decision made by UND President Mark Kennedy, a teabagger Republican who lived in Minnesota until he got his ass kicked trying to take Amy Klobuchar's Senate seat and left politics altogether afterward) as a factor. Apparently North Dakota is a hockey factory; take a look at the Lamoureux twins and what they did in the Olympics to see the best of a very robust pipeline. When Kennedy followed the money in football and men's basketball and ended women's hockey, he created a statewide diaspora that eventually migrated to other parts of the Midwest/North, but curiously, not at the U. In explaining his decision in this story, Gophers Head Coach Brad Frost said he wanted to be fair to the players who stayed this year, the ones who left this year to try out for the Olympics, and the recruits who are coming in next year. Bringing in a Fighting Hawk presumably would bump out one of those players, and Frost would not do that.
OK. Fair enough. But I think it's safe to say that there are many young women who want to emulate the Lamoureux twins after they helped Team USA win a gold medal in Pyeongchang, South Korea. And unless North Dakota revives the sports, which they should, there will be an untapped market just to the northwest of us. Frost and the U. should make some inroads -- hire an Assistant Coach with NoDak ties -- and try to outmuscle Minnesota-Duluth for the blue-chippers from that state. That would be the most surefire way to bring the U. back to the women's college hockey firmament, where they belong.
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