In my work room, all of the people there are older than me. And, I'm afraid, ugly. And half of them are men. Ugh.
I can't help but gravitate, or at least focus my attention, on the youngest, hottest test scorer there, the one who might have graduated but don't know what to do yet with her life, or got stuck doing this temp job for no other reason than she's unemployable everywhere else, at least for the time being. Hey, that's good for me -- gazing, salivating, looking at her butt, trying to impress her, shit like that.
This young cutie -- actually the only young cutie, and in fact that only young woman there, but decades -- probably just got out of college, so she's half my age. She's white, has brown, curly hair, and today was wearing a shirt with a sort-of see-through back; the top half was cross-stitched, or whatever you call that.
I was hoping that I could do that Monday when I bring these exotic Kit-Kat bars from Japan that I think I can buy at this Asian grocery market in St. Paul tomorrow. But, just as I was leaving for the day and week, I saw this babe talk to the room supervisor and take all her papers to the shred bin. That means only one thing: She's not coming back. Probably found a job, or maybe hated this job so much that she lied about finding a job in order to leave and never come back.
Now there are no hotties in the room.
The cute ones always leave early.
Friday, March 31, 2017
Person At Work Pissing Me Off, #1: Mr. Inside Voice
OK, so for as long as I am on this project, I am going to have to put up with a lot of crap. There are about 70 people in a room, and even though it's a big enough room where we're not knocking knees and elbows, sometimes it feels as though we are.
In particular, a personal tic, tolerated hour after hour and day after day, becomes unbearable. That is the case with four such individuals. I have had it with all three of them, and therefore, to blow off steam so I don't get into it with them at work, I'm just going to talk about it here.
The first, and possibly the worst, asshole at work is the one who sent me over the edge yesterday (Thursday). The guy is old, schlubby, probably stinks. He has two deals. The less aggravating one is that, without fail, if he has a question, he will go to the overall supervisor in the room. That's not a total big deal, but the way the organization in the room works is that there are us worker bees, immediate supervisors, and then the room supervisor. There is an immediate supervisor for, oh, every 10 of us drones. I'm sure he has one, but for some goddamn reason he does a disrespectful (IMHO) end run around that person and goes to talk to her. Because he's Senor Hotshit or something.
But the most galling fucking thing he does is talk in a loud, outdoor voice. All. The. Fucking. Time. I first noticed it when he beckoned the room supervisor over to his computer to look at a paper he has trouble scoring, which is much more often compared to the average. I could hear him talking. He's in the middle of the room while I'm off to the side, and he's talking loud enough for everyone to hear. And when he goes up to the front of the room to ask this supervisor for help, I can still fucking hear him. Does this old fart know how to whisper? Seriously, one of these days if he's going to start talking as if he's the only one in the room, I'm going to either sidle up behind him or shout from my workstation, "Just give it a 1!" And when he asks, "Who asked you?" I'll go, "Well, it ain't my business, but you're talking so goddamn loudly you've made it my business. So give it a 1!" And then he'll get mad and at that point I'll be so pissed at him that I'll be spoiling for a fight and I'll be ready for one. And then I'll be fired. And then I won't have to worry about him shouting and distracting me, because I'll be out of a job.
In particular, a personal tic, tolerated hour after hour and day after day, becomes unbearable. That is the case with four such individuals. I have had it with all three of them, and therefore, to blow off steam so I don't get into it with them at work, I'm just going to talk about it here.
The first, and possibly the worst, asshole at work is the one who sent me over the edge yesterday (Thursday). The guy is old, schlubby, probably stinks. He has two deals. The less aggravating one is that, without fail, if he has a question, he will go to the overall supervisor in the room. That's not a total big deal, but the way the organization in the room works is that there are us worker bees, immediate supervisors, and then the room supervisor. There is an immediate supervisor for, oh, every 10 of us drones. I'm sure he has one, but for some goddamn reason he does a disrespectful (IMHO) end run around that person and goes to talk to her. Because he's Senor Hotshit or something.
But the most galling fucking thing he does is talk in a loud, outdoor voice. All. The. Fucking. Time. I first noticed it when he beckoned the room supervisor over to his computer to look at a paper he has trouble scoring, which is much more often compared to the average. I could hear him talking. He's in the middle of the room while I'm off to the side, and he's talking loud enough for everyone to hear. And when he goes up to the front of the room to ask this supervisor for help, I can still fucking hear him. Does this old fart know how to whisper? Seriously, one of these days if he's going to start talking as if he's the only one in the room, I'm going to either sidle up behind him or shout from my workstation, "Just give it a 1!" And when he asks, "Who asked you?" I'll go, "Well, it ain't my business, but you're talking so goddamn loudly you've made it my business. So give it a 1!" And then he'll get mad and at that point I'll be so pissed at him that I'll be spoiling for a fight and I'll be ready for one. And then I'll be fired. And then I won't have to worry about him shouting and distracting me, because I'll be out of a job.
Thursday, March 30, 2017
So I had two things I wanted to do after work today: Get a money order for my alumni organization's account before April Fools' Day, and, well, this -- blog.
I get to the bank, but when I giver the teller my money (a dollar), she says she can't do it. Why? Their goddamn printer ran out of ink. Really?
I tell her I'll just fucking come back tomorrow when they bought their new cartridge from Office Depot or something. Oh well, I thought, this means I get to spend more time at the library. Except that this library, this teeny-tiny library, had all their computers filled with people. Well, except for the express one, and I needed more than 15 minutes to do all the stuff I wanted to do.
Well, shit. I wanted to do two things, and now I can't do either. However, I thought that the full computers at this library (the first time I've ever seen it this full) was a sign: I should get that cashier's check at a different branch.
So I did. And after some minutes of waiting (there were four people in line and, when I first got there, only one teller -- the hell?) I got that check. (Hopefully I'll remember to deposit it before tomorrow.) And then I went to another library, one that is bigger and has more computers, to do this. And thankfully there are a hell of a lot fewer people, hence a bunch more computers to go on and blog post and surf.
Just wanted to say this.
I get to the bank, but when I giver the teller my money (a dollar), she says she can't do it. Why? Their goddamn printer ran out of ink. Really?
I tell her I'll just fucking come back tomorrow when they bought their new cartridge from Office Depot or something. Oh well, I thought, this means I get to spend more time at the library. Except that this library, this teeny-tiny library, had all their computers filled with people. Well, except for the express one, and I needed more than 15 minutes to do all the stuff I wanted to do.
Well, shit. I wanted to do two things, and now I can't do either. However, I thought that the full computers at this library (the first time I've ever seen it this full) was a sign: I should get that cashier's check at a different branch.
So I did. And after some minutes of waiting (there were four people in line and, when I first got there, only one teller -- the hell?) I got that check. (Hopefully I'll remember to deposit it before tomorrow.) And then I went to another library, one that is bigger and has more computers, to do this. And thankfully there are a hell of a lot fewer people, hence a bunch more computers to go on and blog post and surf.
Just wanted to say this.
The E-Mail Backlog (Scheduled Post)
I am typing this on a Wednesday evening at the library, away from the occasional yelling of my folks. It's actually peaceful. I told them that I was coming here to study. Total lie. Well, if I get off my ass, a partial lie. But I like just going off and being my introverted self, listening to songs on YouTube, blogging this on a fast and reliable computer ... and, amongst other things, going through my e-mail.
Partially because this started when I was in Hong Kong, because I am no longer at the test scoring place, partially because the test scoring place doesn't allow you to check your mail during work, partially because I am tentative of using my old computer at home, and partially because I am tentative of using our old and slow wi-fi at home, I have allowed my main Yahoo! account to balloon. However, I let it -- or had to let it -- balloon to that many unread e-mails because, ironically, after my parents were away I found myself busy doing things, necessary and optional, and not checking up on my e-mail.
When I opened up my e-mail at the library tonight (Wednesday night), I had 800 unopened e-mails.
People who work actual jobs are right: E-Mail can get away from you if you don't keep on top of it. They're also right in another sense -- a lot of e-mail is impersonal, if not necessarily junk. I have had maybe three e-mails that were phishing schemes. But most of it are newsletters from places I signed up to of my own volition, websites like job searches, rental car companies, airline sales sites and political groups. I could unsubscribe from these places to cut down on e-mail crap in the future -- in other words, to avoid situations like this. But I'm not. I wanted to sign up for all of them, just in case some little link or job offer or donation appeal or cheap airline ticket speaks to me and I want to see it. (With one exception: The goddamn Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee has sent me e-mail after e-mail even after I unsubscribed at least three times. Ignoring my request is doing you no favors in order to fight the Republicans in the government. Christ.)
I had dreams of just clicking the Up Arrow in my Yahoo! and just melt down the e-mails. But because I'm sidetracking myself with a bunch of other things -- printing out something for Mother, checking Facebook, doing this -- I will be lucky if I get through 100 messages. Yahoo! occasionally doesn't advance to the next message either, so I have to reload the whole thing, scroll down to the earliest message, and climb that hill again. Uh, yeah, this will take more time than I planned.
And this does not bode well at all for the e-mails I have to go through on my Hotmail account, which, as of press time, I think is above 26,000 and extends back to 2012.
Partially because this started when I was in Hong Kong, because I am no longer at the test scoring place, partially because the test scoring place doesn't allow you to check your mail during work, partially because I am tentative of using my old computer at home, and partially because I am tentative of using our old and slow wi-fi at home, I have allowed my main Yahoo! account to balloon. However, I let it -- or had to let it -- balloon to that many unread e-mails because, ironically, after my parents were away I found myself busy doing things, necessary and optional, and not checking up on my e-mail.
When I opened up my e-mail at the library tonight (Wednesday night), I had 800 unopened e-mails.
People who work actual jobs are right: E-Mail can get away from you if you don't keep on top of it. They're also right in another sense -- a lot of e-mail is impersonal, if not necessarily junk. I have had maybe three e-mails that were phishing schemes. But most of it are newsletters from places I signed up to of my own volition, websites like job searches, rental car companies, airline sales sites and political groups. I could unsubscribe from these places to cut down on e-mail crap in the future -- in other words, to avoid situations like this. But I'm not. I wanted to sign up for all of them, just in case some little link or job offer or donation appeal or cheap airline ticket speaks to me and I want to see it. (With one exception: The goddamn Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee has sent me e-mail after e-mail even after I unsubscribed at least three times. Ignoring my request is doing you no favors in order to fight the Republicans in the government. Christ.)
I had dreams of just clicking the Up Arrow in my Yahoo! and just melt down the e-mails. But because I'm sidetracking myself with a bunch of other things -- printing out something for Mother, checking Facebook, doing this -- I will be lucky if I get through 100 messages. Yahoo! occasionally doesn't advance to the next message either, so I have to reload the whole thing, scroll down to the earliest message, and climb that hill again. Uh, yeah, this will take more time than I planned.
And this does not bode well at all for the e-mails I have to go through on my Hotmail account, which, as of press time, I think is above 26,000 and extends back to 2012.
Wednesday, March 29, 2017
Man, I'm Now Achin' In Places I Didn't Know I Had Places!
Maybe it was coincidental that it began last year, after I turned 40, but all the pains in my joints have really caught up to me lately. Especially Monday, the day after I worked out for the first time in about a month.
In case I haven't run down all the places I'm hurting, here goes (again):
In case I haven't run down all the places I'm hurting, here goes (again):
- The worst one is my right forearm extensor, also known, I think, as "tennis elbow." All that damn writing while back at the health insurance place has pinched together a really bad spot in and around my right forearm and elbow, even though I know the pain will radiate about to my shoulder and down through my fingers. It got so bad that I had a masseuse try and massage the pain away, and her pressure (and I have to say she's got strong hands) was so much that the first time she did it to me, I told her to dial it back. Never had to tell someone that before. (Have I blogged about this already?)
- Then there's my back, which, actually, has felt better, even though I still sleep in my car for lunch breaks. Don't know how it happened, but this is a pain that I can push to the backburner, especially compared to the tennis elbow and ...
- ... my hip. Yeah, I've noticed this a lot to, particularly when I get in and out of my car. I need to squat and push myself in or out, and when I do it with my right leg, I feel this noticeable twinge in my right hip. All that dangling when I was using my computer on my bed instead of at a proper desk or table, plus all that W-sitting, twisted it out of control.
- And you know what? This is something I have had for a long time but have brushed off, but now that I'm feeling all these aches all over, I'm including these as well. If I raise my elbows and shoulders just so (usually as I'm bending my elbows), I feel this tremendous pain in my shoulders, especially my left one. I think years upon years of sleeping on my side contributed to this rolling pain. I knew about it, but I didn't know about it, you know? I've always been able to ignore it. But I can't anymore, not if my whole damn body is breaking down.
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Why The Fuck Do I Do This To Myself? (Scheduled Post)
The only way -- the only way -- I was going to be able to make any money off of the big bracket pool I'm a part of was for Kentucky to keep winning. If they lost, either on Sunday or even in Saturday's Final Four, I'm fucked. But if kept winning, I would be in the money, and potentially a lot of money.
But I still couldn't chance it. I was at a Buffalo Wild Wings trying to concentrate on the Notre Dame-Massachusetts-Lowell regional final instead of the Wildcats' Elite 8 matchup vs. North Carolina on the big screen next to it. I really, really wanted to see the hockey game, but goddammit, I couldn't help but be riveted to the opening tipoff of what came to be my make-or-break basketball game. So around the time I had to go home for dinner, and after the River Hawks scored the go-ahead goal in the Third Period, I left B-Dubs, went home, was lucky to just watch the news alongside my parents for dinner, then went to my bedroom and fell asleep.
(By the way, I didn't catch the conclusion of the hockey game. But Notre Dame tied the game up a few minutes after Mass-Lowell scored and won in Overtime to advance to the Frozen Four.)
I actually managed to not come across the result of the South Regional Final through Monday morning. Stayed off of sports websites and Twitter, and I managed to dodge what looked to be status updates from my college basketball friends on my Facebook Feed. I usually read the sports pages whenever I need to take a brain break from my test scoring place, but Monday I avoided them. (Ironically, there were, like, two separate copies of both Twin Cities papers on Monday. Usually when I go there wanting to read the sports section, I can't find one.)
However, I knew at some point I would be spoiled as to the result. I figured it would be after work at Victory 44, a place that serves a great hamburger but has a TV at the bar I thought would be tuned to ESPN. And if it's not that, I think that I would have to know about it by Saturday, either through friends telling me I'm still in this thing or, at the very least, doing my Anti-Picks for the Final Four.
I braced myself that I would eventually know, but I decided that, if for no other reason than the administrator for either pool I'm in needs to talk to me about something, I might as well be a man and, if not actively seek out the score, not avoid it when I went through my Twitter and/or Facebook when the news popped up. Actually I did avoid the first couple of tweets, but I figured it out when, of all things, LG had a sponsored tweet congratulating, sigh, North Carolina on winning by showing a captured GIF of its mascot, Ramses, opening up one of LG's new fridge with see-through doors.
I don't even get one of my Final Four picks right. I had Duke, West Virginia, Kansas and Kentucky. The Blue Devils got upset by South Carolina in the second round, the Mountaineers failed to hold off Gonzaga in the Sweet 16, the Jayhawks get their doors blown off by Oregon in the Regional Final, and now the Tar Heels. Not even one???
I looked at my place in the huge pool. After Friday, after Wisconsin snatched defeat from the jaws of victory against Florida, I actually rose in the standings. But that went to shit after the KU upset, and once UK lost, my bracket was completely fucking broken. I checked the standings after all was revealed; I'm currently in the 90's, and I'm probably going to fall even further. This year may not turn out to be my best finish ever in that pool after all.
Combine that with my embarrassing 0-fer in my frenemy's pool, where I just have to pick the Final Four teams, and I'm out $25. Again. And this is the time of year where I ask myself, again: Why the fuck do I do this to myself? I always hope that my sports fandom will lead me to some insight that'll bring me riches and satisfaction to my ego, and nearly every single time (I have to admit that I won this Final Four pool about 14 or 15 years ago) I've been proven wrong. Only this time me nailing Wisconsin's upset of Villanova and Xavier over Florida St. was a tease, a cruel tease to make me believe I was onto something. I'm not. I'm just a pathetic loser as I've been every single goddamn time I played this fucking game.
When will I ever goddamn learn to stop fucking playing?
But I still couldn't chance it. I was at a Buffalo Wild Wings trying to concentrate on the Notre Dame-Massachusetts-Lowell regional final instead of the Wildcats' Elite 8 matchup vs. North Carolina on the big screen next to it. I really, really wanted to see the hockey game, but goddammit, I couldn't help but be riveted to the opening tipoff of what came to be my make-or-break basketball game. So around the time I had to go home for dinner, and after the River Hawks scored the go-ahead goal in the Third Period, I left B-Dubs, went home, was lucky to just watch the news alongside my parents for dinner, then went to my bedroom and fell asleep.
(By the way, I didn't catch the conclusion of the hockey game. But Notre Dame tied the game up a few minutes after Mass-Lowell scored and won in Overtime to advance to the Frozen Four.)
I actually managed to not come across the result of the South Regional Final through Monday morning. Stayed off of sports websites and Twitter, and I managed to dodge what looked to be status updates from my college basketball friends on my Facebook Feed. I usually read the sports pages whenever I need to take a brain break from my test scoring place, but Monday I avoided them. (Ironically, there were, like, two separate copies of both Twin Cities papers on Monday. Usually when I go there wanting to read the sports section, I can't find one.)
However, I knew at some point I would be spoiled as to the result. I figured it would be after work at Victory 44, a place that serves a great hamburger but has a TV at the bar I thought would be tuned to ESPN. And if it's not that, I think that I would have to know about it by Saturday, either through friends telling me I'm still in this thing or, at the very least, doing my Anti-Picks for the Final Four.
I braced myself that I would eventually know, but I decided that, if for no other reason than the administrator for either pool I'm in needs to talk to me about something, I might as well be a man and, if not actively seek out the score, not avoid it when I went through my Twitter and/or Facebook when the news popped up. Actually I did avoid the first couple of tweets, but I figured it out when, of all things, LG had a sponsored tweet congratulating, sigh, North Carolina on winning by showing a captured GIF of its mascot, Ramses, opening up one of LG's new fridge with see-through doors.
I don't even get one of my Final Four picks right. I had Duke, West Virginia, Kansas and Kentucky. The Blue Devils got upset by South Carolina in the second round, the Mountaineers failed to hold off Gonzaga in the Sweet 16, the Jayhawks get their doors blown off by Oregon in the Regional Final, and now the Tar Heels. Not even one???
I looked at my place in the huge pool. After Friday, after Wisconsin snatched defeat from the jaws of victory against Florida, I actually rose in the standings. But that went to shit after the KU upset, and once UK lost, my bracket was completely fucking broken. I checked the standings after all was revealed; I'm currently in the 90's, and I'm probably going to fall even further. This year may not turn out to be my best finish ever in that pool after all.
Combine that with my embarrassing 0-fer in my frenemy's pool, where I just have to pick the Final Four teams, and I'm out $25. Again. And this is the time of year where I ask myself, again: Why the fuck do I do this to myself? I always hope that my sports fandom will lead me to some insight that'll bring me riches and satisfaction to my ego, and nearly every single time (I have to admit that I won this Final Four pool about 14 or 15 years ago) I've been proven wrong. Only this time me nailing Wisconsin's upset of Villanova and Xavier over Florida St. was a tease, a cruel tease to make me believe I was onto something. I'm not. I'm just a pathetic loser as I've been every single goddamn time I played this fucking game.
When will I ever goddamn learn to stop fucking playing?
Monday, March 27, 2017
Analyzing The 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue
Yes, yes, so this is very late. I'm late for a lot of things. But I still remember complaining (at least to myself) about not having things to talk about, and then I remember that I wanted to do a yearly dissection of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, the 2016 version of which I haven't done yet. I understand that this year's is already out, but I haven't found the perfect time to go to a gas station and hit up the only male worker so I wouldn't feel skeevy about buying it. So before I find the right opportunity to do that, I think I have enough time to talk about last year's here.
I think one of the main reasons I have delayed writing about this issue for so long is that it didn't give me enough of an impression. Sure, I jerked off to it as soon as I cracked open the issue. But I honestly cannot say that there were many models or even pictures that stood out to me. I don't think I've gotten jaded or polluted by porn or anything. I just didn't think the photographs were that hot. I've looked over the issue from time to time over the months, and I'm going through the edition right now, and I'm still underwhelmed.
Not to say that I get all flaccid whenever I see the shots. Far from it. For example, there is a surfeit of ass in the pictures. I love a good ass, and of course, swimwear models all have nice asses. I don't know if this is a trend reflected of or being reflected in beaches everywhere, but if it is, I should go over to my nearest beach and risk getting arrest for indecent exposure. Because showing off the ass in a swimsuit is nudity. No two ways about it. And an ass shot in a photo, even in SI? It's pornography. I don't care what you think it is. Nor should you be ashamed that it is, because it is. Nudity and porn are fucking awesome.
So yeah, the ass shots are appreciated. But I've seen a growing trend that seemed to be in half the shots in the Swimsuit Edition: The "hand bra," or covering up the tits with your hands. It's "implied nudity," they say. No, you're not nude at all because you're covering up your boobs with your hands. That's all. And that's why I'm kind of underwhelmed by those shots. When you see an ass, bam! there's an ass. But to make you think that you're seeing breasts when you're not is like the overrated bodypainting. If you can't see it, why get aroused caring?
As for the models ... let's start with the rookies. I have no problem with curvy models. Honestly, the reason I don't like Ashley Graham's shots isn't because of her body. I can't get her personality out of my head when seeing her in swimsuits. I've seen her on interviews, and she's annoying as fuck. She's too outward, to extroverted ... hell, she's too loud! And in her introduction page in the issue she calls herself as "curvy sexilicious." What the fuck does that mean? And who gave you the right to identify yourself -- and allow you to make up words like "sexilicious?"
My Rookie Of The Year (out of five, which is a good number even though it seems small; is that the reason Nina Agdal and Hannah Davis appear in two different locales?) is Bo Krsmanovic, the Serb. Her ass stands up most amongst them, and the close-up shot on pages 148-9 where she's leaning back in the middle of the water, heaving up her breasts whose nipples you can see through the cropped mesh top, is fucking faptastic. (Runner-up dap goes to Tanya Mityushina, the Siberian who I like mostly because she was a journalist for a little bit before becoming a model.)
As for the regulars ... again, fine as a group, but as a whole, the year didn't stand out. I have realized that most of the models here I've seen for several years, yet they look so young. This is Agdal's sixth year; she's 25 years old and she's a grizzled veteran. You even forget that relatively "quieter" models such as Erin Heatherton, Emily Didonato and Kate Bock are still gracing the issue, and well too. Shout-out to Bock's ass on page 182. Bam! Also a single picture standout: Davis's back-to-the-camera, come-hither look on page 144 where, you guessed it, her ass is showing as she's standing just so above the waterline of a pool. And there is a quick salute to Irina Shayk, who is appeared in the SI Swimsuit Issue for the tenth time in 2016. There is a small chip pic of each of her ten years. She looks so different in her first year, 2007, than she does the others. It must be the eyes, and the make-up. Oh, and this only means one thing: 2016 was the last time she'll ever appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. They did that with Anne V for 2015, and she's not in this one.
Two other things to talk about. I haven't seen this with other editions, but here there are some pages dotted with three and even four smaller pictures, and none of them are credited. A lot of these are good, even hotter than the full-page pictures, but frankly I can't tell which models these are. What's the stylistic thinking going into that? Also, they've smushed the bodypainting spread and the athlete appearances into one, and they're only using two: Ronda Rousey and Caroline Wozniacki. Rousey seems less attractive to me here, but that may be because she is now a loser in Mixed Martial Arts and may be retired. But Wozniakci ... well, I wish she weren't painted so I could actually see her body, but she's got a nice one. In fact, I'm kind of bothered by how many people took Rory McIlroy's side when he and Wozniacki broke up. I don't know what split them apart, but it certainly wouldn't be because she's not a babe. All y'all can be on Team Rory; I'll be on, and in, Team Woz, every day and twice on Sunday.
OK, the best part of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition features girls who aren't technically SI swimsuit models yet. The magazine ran this contest whereby they showed six models, one of which will be in next year's (which is technically this year's) Swimsuit Issue, and the people got to vote. Each Rookie-To-Be has her own page with three pictures. But the introductory shot to the spread is the hottest thing in the mag: It's a bird's-eye shot of just the six, each of them laying on a beach towel on sand. Some of them are laying face-up and hand-braing it; others are face-down (or close to it) and showing off their nubile asses. And I don't know what about it, but these babes, especially the ones sticking out their asses -- it got me hard the first time I saw it, and it's getting me hard now.
Add to it the final shot of the issue, on page 208, which is Agdal posing on some marsh, on her tiptoes, back to the camera, wearing a $175 Wicked Weasel and, yes, flashing The Best Ass In Modeling (and I don't think it's the first time she's ended an issue mooning us), and now I'm going to end this blog spot so I can masturbate to it. Bye!
I think one of the main reasons I have delayed writing about this issue for so long is that it didn't give me enough of an impression. Sure, I jerked off to it as soon as I cracked open the issue. But I honestly cannot say that there were many models or even pictures that stood out to me. I don't think I've gotten jaded or polluted by porn or anything. I just didn't think the photographs were that hot. I've looked over the issue from time to time over the months, and I'm going through the edition right now, and I'm still underwhelmed.
Not to say that I get all flaccid whenever I see the shots. Far from it. For example, there is a surfeit of ass in the pictures. I love a good ass, and of course, swimwear models all have nice asses. I don't know if this is a trend reflected of or being reflected in beaches everywhere, but if it is, I should go over to my nearest beach and risk getting arrest for indecent exposure. Because showing off the ass in a swimsuit is nudity. No two ways about it. And an ass shot in a photo, even in SI? It's pornography. I don't care what you think it is. Nor should you be ashamed that it is, because it is. Nudity and porn are fucking awesome.
So yeah, the ass shots are appreciated. But I've seen a growing trend that seemed to be in half the shots in the Swimsuit Edition: The "hand bra," or covering up the tits with your hands. It's "implied nudity," they say. No, you're not nude at all because you're covering up your boobs with your hands. That's all. And that's why I'm kind of underwhelmed by those shots. When you see an ass, bam! there's an ass. But to make you think that you're seeing breasts when you're not is like the overrated bodypainting. If you can't see it, why get aroused caring?
As for the models ... let's start with the rookies. I have no problem with curvy models. Honestly, the reason I don't like Ashley Graham's shots isn't because of her body. I can't get her personality out of my head when seeing her in swimsuits. I've seen her on interviews, and she's annoying as fuck. She's too outward, to extroverted ... hell, she's too loud! And in her introduction page in the issue she calls herself as "curvy sexilicious." What the fuck does that mean? And who gave you the right to identify yourself -- and allow you to make up words like "sexilicious?"
My Rookie Of The Year (out of five, which is a good number even though it seems small; is that the reason Nina Agdal and Hannah Davis appear in two different locales?) is Bo Krsmanovic, the Serb. Her ass stands up most amongst them, and the close-up shot on pages 148-9 where she's leaning back in the middle of the water, heaving up her breasts whose nipples you can see through the cropped mesh top, is fucking faptastic. (Runner-up dap goes to Tanya Mityushina, the Siberian who I like mostly because she was a journalist for a little bit before becoming a model.)
As for the regulars ... again, fine as a group, but as a whole, the year didn't stand out. I have realized that most of the models here I've seen for several years, yet they look so young. This is Agdal's sixth year; she's 25 years old and she's a grizzled veteran. You even forget that relatively "quieter" models such as Erin Heatherton, Emily Didonato and Kate Bock are still gracing the issue, and well too. Shout-out to Bock's ass on page 182. Bam! Also a single picture standout: Davis's back-to-the-camera, come-hither look on page 144 where, you guessed it, her ass is showing as she's standing just so above the waterline of a pool. And there is a quick salute to Irina Shayk, who is appeared in the SI Swimsuit Issue for the tenth time in 2016. There is a small chip pic of each of her ten years. She looks so different in her first year, 2007, than she does the others. It must be the eyes, and the make-up. Oh, and this only means one thing: 2016 was the last time she'll ever appear in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. They did that with Anne V for 2015, and she's not in this one.
Two other things to talk about. I haven't seen this with other editions, but here there are some pages dotted with three and even four smaller pictures, and none of them are credited. A lot of these are good, even hotter than the full-page pictures, but frankly I can't tell which models these are. What's the stylistic thinking going into that? Also, they've smushed the bodypainting spread and the athlete appearances into one, and they're only using two: Ronda Rousey and Caroline Wozniacki. Rousey seems less attractive to me here, but that may be because she is now a loser in Mixed Martial Arts and may be retired. But Wozniakci ... well, I wish she weren't painted so I could actually see her body, but she's got a nice one. In fact, I'm kind of bothered by how many people took Rory McIlroy's side when he and Wozniacki broke up. I don't know what split them apart, but it certainly wouldn't be because she's not a babe. All y'all can be on Team Rory; I'll be on, and in, Team Woz, every day and twice on Sunday.
OK, the best part of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition features girls who aren't technically SI swimsuit models yet. The magazine ran this contest whereby they showed six models, one of which will be in next year's (which is technically this year's) Swimsuit Issue, and the people got to vote. Each Rookie-To-Be has her own page with three pictures. But the introductory shot to the spread is the hottest thing in the mag: It's a bird's-eye shot of just the six, each of them laying on a beach towel on sand. Some of them are laying face-up and hand-braing it; others are face-down (or close to it) and showing off their nubile asses. And I don't know what about it, but these babes, especially the ones sticking out their asses -- it got me hard the first time I saw it, and it's getting me hard now.
Add to it the final shot of the issue, on page 208, which is Agdal posing on some marsh, on her tiptoes, back to the camera, wearing a $175 Wicked Weasel and, yes, flashing The Best Ass In Modeling (and I don't think it's the first time she's ended an issue mooning us), and now I'm going to end this blog spot so I can masturbate to it. Bye!
Sunday, March 26, 2017
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
OK, before I start the WMNSS I have to say that Saturday was the day I got fucking fed up with Minnesota sports. All this goddamn losing has just set me over the edge. I tweeted a lot two or three years ago about how shitty Twin Cities teams were in January and February, and calendar year 2017 hasn't been good so far. But it was Saturday, with the Gopher men's hockey team eliminating themselves, the Wild getting embarrassed at home, United playing like an NASL side and the Timberwolves acting like, well, the Timberwolves, when I had it. I've had it!!! Every single fucking team in this town fucking sucks. And it seems as though I'm the only one here who gives a shit. How fucking humiliated will we get before we start burning up sports talk radio lines, or booing our own team, or (and I know this is extreme, but the times call for it now) throwing debris onto the field of play after our team loses yet again? I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore, but everybody else just shrugs their shoulders and looks forward to buying fucking alcohol on Sundays. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this goddamn city?!?!?!
Fine. To the survey.
---
#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3). They swept Ohio St. in Columbus; they played a doubleheader Saturday because they thought they wouldn't be able to get Sunday's game in. That's great, I'm happy for them, and if The Sports Media in this town finally feels the need to find some good news for Twin Cities sports fans, they'll start covering this team. But until then ... well, this is college baseball we're talking about, so I don't think they're really penetrating the local consciousness. Sorry, Nine. They finish out their 12-game roadtrip with a pair against Kansas and a weekend series vs. Michigan St.
#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1). The U. softball squad's track record is better. They're now ranked eighth in the country and they are enjoying a six-game winning streak after crushing Nebraska Friday 16-0 (a game that was mercifully put down after five innings) and then plating three runs in the top of the seventh despite being down 4-2 to beat the Cornhuskers 5-4 Saturday. Since these guys are ranked in the Top 10 and have been profiled before, I think you'll see more coverage of this club. But like with the college baseball team, how much exposure will they really get? They finish up their series versus the Blackshirts this (Sunday) afternoon, then start a three-game set with Illinois in Champaign starting on Friday.
#-3: United (Last Week: -4). Michael Rand of the Star Tribune put it best; this team is playing so atrociously now that it might be hard to even take these guys seriously. I told you guys before that beatdowns like the 5-2 drubbing in New England yesterday (Saturday) afternoon can damage the franchise. Can we have relegation? I mean, like now? Can we introduce relegation now? Because these goddamn United deserve to be in the NASL ... where they probably will still wind up the ass of the league. And I don't give two shits that most of their players were either injured or called up for country duties. These guys suck, and right now I am very fucking ashamed I spent $300 on season tickets to see what is turning out to be a glorified semi-pro side.
They come home for a match Saturday night against Real Salt Lake. It'll be April 1. If they get the piss kicked out of them again (note that they have given up at least five goals in their three defeats so far) the April Fools are me and the people who bought tickets to show up for such hypothetical shit.
But hey, expansion team!
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -8). This is how unbelievably shit the Mild are playing right now. OK, Brock Boeser played for the North Dakota Fighting Hawks, which lost in Double Overtime Friday in the first round of the NCAA Tourney to Boston University. (Had them going to the Frozen Four -- thanks, Boeser and your racist fans.) He quit the Hawks and signed with the team which drafted its rights, Vancouver, Saturday morning. They had a game that afternoon -- against the Mild, in St. Paul, not too far away from Fargo.
And he scored a goal. He scored a goal against sieve Darcy Kuemper on their way to a humiliating fucking 4-2 loss by the Mild, at home. THIS GUY WAS SIGNED THE MORNING OF A GAME AFTER FUCKING PLAYING A COLLEGE GAME THE NIGHT BEFORE AND HE SCORED AN NHL GOAL. My Fucking God, the Mild will let in a hat trick by some schmuck in the fucking stands, that's how bad they are.
They still haven't clinched a playoff berth yet. The Mild, which once held the best record in the Western Conference, are now tied for the fifth-best record in the league. They are now eight goddamn points behind Chicago for the Central Division, so what was once a foregone conclusion is now a foregone conclusion the other way. I'm not entirely sure at this goddamn point they can hold off Nashville for home-ice in the first round. This fucking team, this fucking franchise is in a middle of a collapse.
So how in the fuckety-fuck are they the third-best team in the survey? They've lost to Winnipeg, Philadelphia and now Vancouver. Oh, wait ... I just checked the standings and this is -- oh my God, this is fucking unacceptable. The three teams they lost to this week are out of playoff position. THIS FUCKING TEAM HAS JUST LOST TO THREE LOSER TEAMS, WHICH MAKES THE MILD THE ULTIMATE FUCKING GODDAMN LOSERS. You know what? Just because of that, I am changing the rankings. Mild drop to -4, and United go up to -3. I have to. Losing to three teams out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs hunt is ... fuck you, Mild.
They play less two games in less than 24 hours. And this second game is on the road: Detroit, at godforsaken 11:30 in the morning. And then the schedule actually gets harder: They host league-leading Washington and playoff-bound Ottawa, then visit the red-hot Predators Saturday.
Oh, they beat San Jose this week. That's why I had them third-best. Till now.
#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). Oh, and the beatings just keep on coming, don't they? Why, God, why do you punish me like this?
The Gopher men's hockey team, Wild and United at least had the decency to lose in the afternoon; that way, we sports fans would be able to concentrate the whole evening on drinking ourselves unconscious in order to forget that we are Minnesota sports fans. (The alcohol should be plentiful because we can buy them at liquor stores since it's a Saturday. Bonus.) But while watching the North Star Roller Girls bout last (Saturday) night (my first roller derby bout on either side of the river this season) I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and, inbetween updates of the double gut-punches of Gonzaga winning and Kansas losing (OK, NOW my bracket is completely fucked), I saw tweets about the Timberwoofs' game in Portland.
And the evening pours my pain on top of my head. The Trail Blazers' dozen-point victory over Our Supposedly Professional Basketball Team gave our Woofie Dogs a winless screening week and a six-game losing streak that for sure has eliminated them from any postseason consideration. (The worst, most hair-pulling loss was at the Lakers, where they were leading by eight with 2 1/2 minutes left, only to choke on it and loss to them in Overtime.) What is troubling about this final slide into piss-poor play, yet again, is defense. What was once dramatically improving has freefallen, and so have the Woofs.
I received an e-mail from Wolves PR that they are unveiling a new logo at halftime of the last regular season game at Target on April 11. I wonder if it's going to be a wolf pissing down its leg.
This week: At Indiana, then home games against The Team That Was Stolen From Us and The Bastard Cincinnati Royals by way of Kansas City-Omaha.
#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). Wow. What a fucking embarrassment. I know that 1-seeds lose in the first round in the NCAA Men's College Hockey Tournament all the time. It's hockey, after all. But it cannot happen to the University of Minnesota, supposedly one of the blue-chip programs in the sport. And that it happened in a year where Head Coach Don Lucia got a contract extension despite naysayers who decry his lack of winning titles makes this all the more emasculating. Finally, and worst of all, they blew a fucking goddamn two-goal lead to Notre Dame, Lucia's alma mater. How do you do that? Seriously, how the fuck do you do that shit?
This could be a lot of bitching on my part. And there could be a halo effect from all the losing in the area -- and, personally, from my bracket falling apart this weekend. It was a year ago that this program did not even reach the NCAA Tournament, which is why you heard those naysaying decriers. And even reaching a #1 seed is an accomplishment. But you have to, at the very least, play to your seed and win two games to reach Chicago. I really doubted that the Goofers could win; Denver and Minnesota-Duluth seem to be heads and shoulders above everyone this year. But getting past Round 2 was an imperative, even if Massachusetts-Lowell proves to be a mighty opponent. And you had to -- had to -- beat Notre Dame. And they couldn't even do that.
So now the exodus of players on this team will begin in earnest, mark my words. And then the program will reload again with a bunch of blue-chip Minnesota products with one eye on the NHL. I think there's a lot of fluidity in college hockey; even the best programs will sit out the tourney for a year and have long spells inbetween championships. But isn't it reasonable to ask for this U. squad to at least play up to seed? Isn't it?
Fucking Christ.
Fine. To the survey.
---
#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3). They swept Ohio St. in Columbus; they played a doubleheader Saturday because they thought they wouldn't be able to get Sunday's game in. That's great, I'm happy for them, and if The Sports Media in this town finally feels the need to find some good news for Twin Cities sports fans, they'll start covering this team. But until then ... well, this is college baseball we're talking about, so I don't think they're really penetrating the local consciousness. Sorry, Nine. They finish out their 12-game roadtrip with a pair against Kansas and a weekend series vs. Michigan St.
#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1). The U. softball squad's track record is better. They're now ranked eighth in the country and they are enjoying a six-game winning streak after crushing Nebraska Friday 16-0 (a game that was mercifully put down after five innings) and then plating three runs in the top of the seventh despite being down 4-2 to beat the Cornhuskers 5-4 Saturday. Since these guys are ranked in the Top 10 and have been profiled before, I think you'll see more coverage of this club. But like with the college baseball team, how much exposure will they really get? They finish up their series versus the Blackshirts this (Sunday) afternoon, then start a three-game set with Illinois in Champaign starting on Friday.
#-3: United (Last Week: -4). Michael Rand of the Star Tribune put it best; this team is playing so atrociously now that it might be hard to even take these guys seriously. I told you guys before that beatdowns like the 5-2 drubbing in New England yesterday (Saturday) afternoon can damage the franchise. Can we have relegation? I mean, like now? Can we introduce relegation now? Because these goddamn United deserve to be in the NASL ... where they probably will still wind up the ass of the league. And I don't give two shits that most of their players were either injured or called up for country duties. These guys suck, and right now I am very fucking ashamed I spent $300 on season tickets to see what is turning out to be a glorified semi-pro side.
They come home for a match Saturday night against Real Salt Lake. It'll be April 1. If they get the piss kicked out of them again (note that they have given up at least five goals in their three defeats so far) the April Fools are me and the people who bought tickets to show up for such hypothetical shit.
But hey, expansion team!
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -8). This is how unbelievably shit the Mild are playing right now. OK, Brock Boeser played for the North Dakota Fighting Hawks, which lost in Double Overtime Friday in the first round of the NCAA Tourney to Boston University. (Had them going to the Frozen Four -- thanks, Boeser and your racist fans.) He quit the Hawks and signed with the team which drafted its rights, Vancouver, Saturday morning. They had a game that afternoon -- against the Mild, in St. Paul, not too far away from Fargo.
And he scored a goal. He scored a goal against sieve Darcy Kuemper on their way to a humiliating fucking 4-2 loss by the Mild, at home. THIS GUY WAS SIGNED THE MORNING OF A GAME AFTER FUCKING PLAYING A COLLEGE GAME THE NIGHT BEFORE AND HE SCORED AN NHL GOAL. My Fucking God, the Mild will let in a hat trick by some schmuck in the fucking stands, that's how bad they are.
They still haven't clinched a playoff berth yet. The Mild, which once held the best record in the Western Conference, are now tied for the fifth-best record in the league. They are now eight goddamn points behind Chicago for the Central Division, so what was once a foregone conclusion is now a foregone conclusion the other way. I'm not entirely sure at this goddamn point they can hold off Nashville for home-ice in the first round. This fucking team, this fucking franchise is in a middle of a collapse.
So how in the fuckety-fuck are they the third-best team in the survey? They've lost to Winnipeg, Philadelphia and now Vancouver. Oh, wait ... I just checked the standings and this is -- oh my God, this is fucking unacceptable. The three teams they lost to this week are out of playoff position. THIS FUCKING TEAM HAS JUST LOST TO THREE LOSER TEAMS, WHICH MAKES THE MILD THE ULTIMATE FUCKING GODDAMN LOSERS. You know what? Just because of that, I am changing the rankings. Mild drop to -4, and United go up to -3. I have to. Losing to three teams out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs hunt is ... fuck you, Mild.
They play less two games in less than 24 hours. And this second game is on the road: Detroit, at godforsaken 11:30 in the morning. And then the schedule actually gets harder: They host league-leading Washington and playoff-bound Ottawa, then visit the red-hot Predators Saturday.
Oh, they beat San Jose this week. That's why I had them third-best. Till now.
#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). Oh, and the beatings just keep on coming, don't they? Why, God, why do you punish me like this?
The Gopher men's hockey team, Wild and United at least had the decency to lose in the afternoon; that way, we sports fans would be able to concentrate the whole evening on drinking ourselves unconscious in order to forget that we are Minnesota sports fans. (The alcohol should be plentiful because we can buy them at liquor stores since it's a Saturday. Bonus.) But while watching the North Star Roller Girls bout last (Saturday) night (my first roller derby bout on either side of the river this season) I was scrolling through my Twitter feed and, inbetween updates of the double gut-punches of Gonzaga winning and Kansas losing (OK, NOW my bracket is completely fucked), I saw tweets about the Timberwoofs' game in Portland.
And the evening pours my pain on top of my head. The Trail Blazers' dozen-point victory over Our Supposedly Professional Basketball Team gave our Woofie Dogs a winless screening week and a six-game losing streak that for sure has eliminated them from any postseason consideration. (The worst, most hair-pulling loss was at the Lakers, where they were leading by eight with 2 1/2 minutes left, only to choke on it and loss to them in Overtime.) What is troubling about this final slide into piss-poor play, yet again, is defense. What was once dramatically improving has freefallen, and so have the Woofs.
I received an e-mail from Wolves PR that they are unveiling a new logo at halftime of the last regular season game at Target on April 11. I wonder if it's going to be a wolf pissing down its leg.
This week: At Indiana, then home games against The Team That Was Stolen From Us and The Bastard Cincinnati Royals by way of Kansas City-Omaha.
#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). Wow. What a fucking embarrassment. I know that 1-seeds lose in the first round in the NCAA Men's College Hockey Tournament all the time. It's hockey, after all. But it cannot happen to the University of Minnesota, supposedly one of the blue-chip programs in the sport. And that it happened in a year where Head Coach Don Lucia got a contract extension despite naysayers who decry his lack of winning titles makes this all the more emasculating. Finally, and worst of all, they blew a fucking goddamn two-goal lead to Notre Dame, Lucia's alma mater. How do you do that? Seriously, how the fuck do you do that shit?
This could be a lot of bitching on my part. And there could be a halo effect from all the losing in the area -- and, personally, from my bracket falling apart this weekend. It was a year ago that this program did not even reach the NCAA Tournament, which is why you heard those naysaying decriers. And even reaching a #1 seed is an accomplishment. But you have to, at the very least, play to your seed and win two games to reach Chicago. I really doubted that the Goofers could win; Denver and Minnesota-Duluth seem to be heads and shoulders above everyone this year. But getting past Round 2 was an imperative, even if Massachusetts-Lowell proves to be a mighty opponent. And you had to -- had to -- beat Notre Dame. And they couldn't even do that.
So now the exodus of players on this team will begin in earnest, mark my words. And then the program will reload again with a bunch of blue-chip Minnesota products with one eye on the NHL. I think there's a lot of fluidity in college hockey; even the best programs will sit out the tourney for a year and have long spells inbetween championships. But isn't it reasonable to ask for this U. squad to at least play up to seed? Isn't it?
Fucking Christ.
Saturday, March 25, 2017
March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4
Record, Round 3: 7-3-1
Overall Record: 18-24-1
Total Outlay, Round 3: $1,050.00
Total Winnings, Round 3: $1781.14
Gain, Round 3: $731.14
Overall Gain: $494.13
You know, maybe it's best that, if I ever do bet on March Madness for real, I visit Las Vegas the second weekend, not the first. I had, if I may say, an excellent Sweet Sixteen -- well, when it comes to Anti-Picks. I continue to ride underdogs and they continue to cover. And this may have been the first time I hit not one but two parlays in the same round ever.
Saying that, the draw and three losses came from two games, both of which adversely affected me on the pools I'm playing IRL. West Virginia, for some goddamn reason, didn't even get a shot off at the end of the game; after forcing Gonzaga to play the way they wanted them to play, they let the Bulldogs off the hook at the end. Fortunately for me, I had the Mountaineers at +3; since it was a three-point defeat, the single wager turned into a push and the three-team parlay I had an Against The Spread bet on turned into a two-teamer that still hit. The Straight-Up odds bet, of course, was lost.
Wisconsin ... oh, like I needed another goddamn reason to hate Bucky Badgers. The matador defense on that buzzer-beating prayer for Florida was absolutely unacceptable. But what was even worse was the five fucking missed free throws by the Badgers, four of which came off the hands of Nigel Hayes, putatively this team's leader. I knew these missed FTs were going to bite them and me in the ass. How is the leader of a team that shitty of a free-throw shooter. Un-fucking-believable.
(By the way, I may have said that the losses by West Virginia and Arizona Thursday ruined my chances of winning this huge pool I'm in? Actually, when the guy running it gave us updates before Friday's games, I still -- somehow -- had a chance of winning it all. With this fuck-up by Wisconsin, now I have no shot. Thanks, Badgers, and fuck you.)
---
Elite Eight? Hard to read. Plus since I'm in the black I don't have much incentive to be wildly. Finally, I don't have a whole lot of time to do this, so let me quickly go through Doc's Sports and see what's biting. Oh, look -- they have the odds for all four games this weekend!
1) Florida-South Carolina Under 134.5 (I have no idea how the Gamecocks did it, nor do I know if they're going to win. I am going to have faith, however, that Frank Martin's vaunted defense will show up to stymie the Gators, which got cold at important points on Friday. Now, whether South Carolina can capitalize on that offensively is a different story, but one I hope they can't answer) $50
2) Kentucky +2 1/2 (The nightmare bracket has one final matchup, even though I've been right with the Wildcats so far. North Carolina is an awesome foe, and I fear that the Tar Heels can run them off the floor. Two things that made me think the 'Cats would beat UNC: Kentucky has more NBA talent, and I don't often believe that teams can make it to the Final Four in back-to-back years. Am I confident about this? Hell no) $50
That's it. Good luck!
Overall Record: 18-24-1
Total Outlay, Round 3: $1,050.00
Total Winnings, Round 3: $1781.14
Gain, Round 3: $731.14
Overall Gain: $494.13
You know, maybe it's best that, if I ever do bet on March Madness for real, I visit Las Vegas the second weekend, not the first. I had, if I may say, an excellent Sweet Sixteen -- well, when it comes to Anti-Picks. I continue to ride underdogs and they continue to cover. And this may have been the first time I hit not one but two parlays in the same round ever.
Saying that, the draw and three losses came from two games, both of which adversely affected me on the pools I'm playing IRL. West Virginia, for some goddamn reason, didn't even get a shot off at the end of the game; after forcing Gonzaga to play the way they wanted them to play, they let the Bulldogs off the hook at the end. Fortunately for me, I had the Mountaineers at +3; since it was a three-point defeat, the single wager turned into a push and the three-team parlay I had an Against The Spread bet on turned into a two-teamer that still hit. The Straight-Up odds bet, of course, was lost.
Wisconsin ... oh, like I needed another goddamn reason to hate Bucky Badgers. The matador defense on that buzzer-beating prayer for Florida was absolutely unacceptable. But what was even worse was the five fucking missed free throws by the Badgers, four of which came off the hands of Nigel Hayes, putatively this team's leader. I knew these missed FTs were going to bite them and me in the ass. How is the leader of a team that shitty of a free-throw shooter. Un-fucking-believable.
(By the way, I may have said that the losses by West Virginia and Arizona Thursday ruined my chances of winning this huge pool I'm in? Actually, when the guy running it gave us updates before Friday's games, I still -- somehow -- had a chance of winning it all. With this fuck-up by Wisconsin, now I have no shot. Thanks, Badgers, and fuck you.)
---
Elite Eight? Hard to read. Plus since I'm in the black I don't have much incentive to be wildly. Finally, I don't have a whole lot of time to do this, so let me quickly go through Doc's Sports and see what's biting. Oh, look -- they have the odds for all four games this weekend!
1) Florida-South Carolina Under 134.5 (I have no idea how the Gamecocks did it, nor do I know if they're going to win. I am going to have faith, however, that Frank Martin's vaunted defense will show up to stymie the Gators, which got cold at important points on Friday. Now, whether South Carolina can capitalize on that offensively is a different story, but one I hope they can't answer) $50
2) Kentucky +2 1/2 (The nightmare bracket has one final matchup, even though I've been right with the Wildcats so far. North Carolina is an awesome foe, and I fear that the Tar Heels can run them off the floor. Two things that made me think the 'Cats would beat UNC: Kentucky has more NBA talent, and I don't often believe that teams can make it to the Final Four in back-to-back years. Am I confident about this? Hell no) $50
That's it. Good luck!
Friday, March 24, 2017
Well, Now I'm Fucked
I needed West Virginia and Arizona to win last (Thursday) night. Neither of them did. Seems as though Gonzaga prevented the Mountaineers from hoisting a tying three-point try before the buzzer (even though on the radio it sounded like WV was just putzing around), and Xavier made its last bucket and then the Wildcats failed to make theirs.
The person running this behemoth bracket pool sent out another missive before the night's games. First of all, I guess I was in a tie for 21st coming in, and not 3xxx like I was before. Let me just say that even with Duke going down in Round 2, this guy's gadget thingy said I still had a chance to win the whole damn thing. Doesn't matter now, of course. I'm not going to be sniffing any money this year either.
Look, this is as good as I have ever been being right with the bracket. Going into Round 3, I nailed 13 of the Sweet Sixteen; previous the best I ever did was ten. Sure, I lost two of my Elite Eight, one of which was Duke, which I picked to lose in the championship game. But if the software still thought I could win the whole damn thing, well, I was doing something right, right?
Well, it all came crashing down on me Thursday. Even if I do finish with my best placement this year (and that's still up in the air), if you're not first, you're last. Every year I re-learn the lessons of the cruel mistress that is March Madness. Trying to gamble on her is a true road to perdition, one that, after I get battered to the floor and bloodied to near death, I forget the assault ever happened and come next year, I walk down it again, whistling a happy tune about good fortune. I remain so, so dumb.
The person running this behemoth bracket pool sent out another missive before the night's games. First of all, I guess I was in a tie for 21st coming in, and not 3xxx like I was before. Let me just say that even with Duke going down in Round 2, this guy's gadget thingy said I still had a chance to win the whole damn thing. Doesn't matter now, of course. I'm not going to be sniffing any money this year either.
Look, this is as good as I have ever been being right with the bracket. Going into Round 3, I nailed 13 of the Sweet Sixteen; previous the best I ever did was ten. Sure, I lost two of my Elite Eight, one of which was Duke, which I picked to lose in the championship game. But if the software still thought I could win the whole damn thing, well, I was doing something right, right?
Well, it all came crashing down on me Thursday. Even if I do finish with my best placement this year (and that's still up in the air), if you're not first, you're last. Every year I re-learn the lessons of the cruel mistress that is March Madness. Trying to gamble on her is a true road to perdition, one that, after I get battered to the floor and bloodied to near death, I forget the assault ever happened and come next year, I walk down it again, whistling a happy tune about good fortune. I remain so, so dumb.
Thursday, March 23, 2017
March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 3 (Scheduled Post)
Record, Round 2: 6-6
Overall Record: 11-21
Total Outlay, Round 2: $1,325.00
Total Winnings, Round 2: $1,762.69
Gain, Round 2: $437.69
Overall Loss: $237.01
Not bad. Not bad at all! Most of the surprises we all expected would happen in Round 1 actually happened in Round 2, most notably Duke losing to South Carolina (which none of us expected) and #1 overall seed Villanova losing to Wisconsin (which I totally nailed!). I was riding underdogs again this round, and finally some hit. In fact, I hit a three-team parlay on Sunday, wagering that Wichita St., USC and Rhode Island would all cover. They all lost outright, but they kept it close enough that I won $446.84 on a $75 wager. You know what? That may have been the first time I hit on a three-legged parlay in Anti-Pick history!
That means that I ate about two-thirds of my Round 1 deficit over the weekend. The deficit still seems a lot, but it's a hell of a lot better than what I was facing going into Saturday. Here's hoping this is validation of what I think will happen!
---
What do I think will happen for the Sweet Sixteen Round?
1) Oregon +1 (I am surprised that the Ducks, the 3-seed, are underdogs to 7-seeded Michigan. Sure, the Wolverines are playing impressive ball right now and Oregon is without that front-court rim protector. But from what I have heard that guy wasn't an integral part of the starting lineup. I still believe Oregon is a formidable team, and with the line so low, I might as well put a feeler, both Against The Spread ...) $100
2) Oregon M/L +69 (... and Straight-Up) $50
3) West Virginia +3 (Well, I've been telling you all about my bracket in this massive pool I'm playing for, like, the 20th time. My success or failure after stumbling with Duke rides on the Mountaineers. If Bob Huggins & Co. can reach the Final Four, I probably have done all I can do. If they lose, and the real test starts against Gonzaga, I will have succeeded as well as I have ever done in that pool and still won't be close to winning any money. Frankly the Bulldogs scare me. But the questions surrounding this Anti-Pick are the same ones surrounding the Zags. Sure they're impressive, especially when it comes to advanced metrics -- but have they played anyone? Meanwhile WV fought (and lost often) in arguably The Best Conference In College Basketball This Year, the Big 12, and their sabetmetrics were so good their 4-seed was an underseed. I will feel sorry for Gonzaga if they field such a strong season and still fail to reach the final weekend, but dammit, I need this for my bracket! So I am going to play this ATS ...) $100
4) West Virginia M/L +142 (and SU as well) $50
5) Xavier + 7 1/2 (They aren't Big Dance virgins by any means, but they as the only double-digit seed left in the tourney, they are by definition the Cinderella. And even though I thought they were listing badly headed into last weekend, they are now rolling and face an Arizona club I still have doubts about. So why not?) $150
6) Kentucky +1 (I have the Wildcats going all the way in my bracket. I was hemming and hawing all the way to late Wednesday evening where I stumbled upon an ESPN.com article stating that only Kentucky has done what all other previous champions have either done or have. Shit, that was good enough for me. But after grinding out a huge win over Wichita St. in Round 2, they now face the other squad that scared me, one that I thought enough to put into the championship game -- UCLA. Lonzo Ball may be the next Stephen Curry. And don't let the talk about the Bruins' half-ass defense fool you; they have played better lately, and so their D is really, uh, average instead of awful. But they have an exquisite, if not preternatural, offense, one I have yet to see on TV. If Big Blue Head Coach John Calipari can force his team to play defense, I think they'll win. I'm counting on it. But if this UCLA O is what they say it is, we might be looking at something special and rare. Till then, I bite on the skinny line and go dog ATS; I wanted to play the Cats SU too, but according to Doc's Sports, the only online oddsmakers giving odds for UK have them favored ... along with UCLA. Can both teams in a game have negative odds SU?) $100
7) Wisconsin +2 (I could use the Badgers for one more win. They can then lose in the next game to either Baylor ... well, I would prefer the Gamecocks because no one saw South Carolina coming. But I really feel that this veteran-laden team can go toe-to-toe with a Florida squad that I still think should have lost in the first round. So I'll Best Bet this, both ATS ...) $200
8) Wisconsin M/L +114 (... and SU) $100
10) Moneyline parlay -- 2), 4) and 8), for $50.
11) I want to hit another parlay, so let's go with two legs, and I'll select 5) and 7), for $100.
12) And just in case I'll gather the other three odds bets together: 1), 3) and 6), also for $50.
Overall Record: 11-21
Total Outlay, Round 2: $1,325.00
Total Winnings, Round 2: $1,762.69
Gain, Round 2: $437.69
Overall Loss: $237.01
Not bad. Not bad at all! Most of the surprises we all expected would happen in Round 1 actually happened in Round 2, most notably Duke losing to South Carolina (which none of us expected) and #1 overall seed Villanova losing to Wisconsin (which I totally nailed!). I was riding underdogs again this round, and finally some hit. In fact, I hit a three-team parlay on Sunday, wagering that Wichita St., USC and Rhode Island would all cover. They all lost outright, but they kept it close enough that I won $446.84 on a $75 wager. You know what? That may have been the first time I hit on a three-legged parlay in Anti-Pick history!
That means that I ate about two-thirds of my Round 1 deficit over the weekend. The deficit still seems a lot, but it's a hell of a lot better than what I was facing going into Saturday. Here's hoping this is validation of what I think will happen!
---
What do I think will happen for the Sweet Sixteen Round?
1) Oregon +1 (I am surprised that the Ducks, the 3-seed, are underdogs to 7-seeded Michigan. Sure, the Wolverines are playing impressive ball right now and Oregon is without that front-court rim protector. But from what I have heard that guy wasn't an integral part of the starting lineup. I still believe Oregon is a formidable team, and with the line so low, I might as well put a feeler, both Against The Spread ...) $100
2) Oregon M/L +69 (... and Straight-Up) $50
3) West Virginia +3 (Well, I've been telling you all about my bracket in this massive pool I'm playing for, like, the 20th time. My success or failure after stumbling with Duke rides on the Mountaineers. If Bob Huggins & Co. can reach the Final Four, I probably have done all I can do. If they lose, and the real test starts against Gonzaga, I will have succeeded as well as I have ever done in that pool and still won't be close to winning any money. Frankly the Bulldogs scare me. But the questions surrounding this Anti-Pick are the same ones surrounding the Zags. Sure they're impressive, especially when it comes to advanced metrics -- but have they played anyone? Meanwhile WV fought (and lost often) in arguably The Best Conference In College Basketball This Year, the Big 12, and their sabetmetrics were so good their 4-seed was an underseed. I will feel sorry for Gonzaga if they field such a strong season and still fail to reach the final weekend, but dammit, I need this for my bracket! So I am going to play this ATS ...) $100
4) West Virginia M/L +142 (and SU as well) $50
5) Xavier + 7 1/2 (They aren't Big Dance virgins by any means, but they as the only double-digit seed left in the tourney, they are by definition the Cinderella. And even though I thought they were listing badly headed into last weekend, they are now rolling and face an Arizona club I still have doubts about. So why not?) $150
6) Kentucky +1 (I have the Wildcats going all the way in my bracket. I was hemming and hawing all the way to late Wednesday evening where I stumbled upon an ESPN.com article stating that only Kentucky has done what all other previous champions have either done or have. Shit, that was good enough for me. But after grinding out a huge win over Wichita St. in Round 2, they now face the other squad that scared me, one that I thought enough to put into the championship game -- UCLA. Lonzo Ball may be the next Stephen Curry. And don't let the talk about the Bruins' half-ass defense fool you; they have played better lately, and so their D is really, uh, average instead of awful. But they have an exquisite, if not preternatural, offense, one I have yet to see on TV. If Big Blue Head Coach John Calipari can force his team to play defense, I think they'll win. I'm counting on it. But if this UCLA O is what they say it is, we might be looking at something special and rare. Till then, I bite on the skinny line and go dog ATS; I wanted to play the Cats SU too, but according to Doc's Sports, the only online oddsmakers giving odds for UK have them favored ... along with UCLA. Can both teams in a game have negative odds SU?) $100
7) Wisconsin +2 (I could use the Badgers for one more win. They can then lose in the next game to either Baylor ... well, I would prefer the Gamecocks because no one saw South Carolina coming. But I really feel that this veteran-laden team can go toe-to-toe with a Florida squad that I still think should have lost in the first round. So I'll Best Bet this, both ATS ...) $200
8) Wisconsin M/L +114 (... and SU) $100
10) Moneyline parlay -- 2), 4) and 8), for $50.
11) I want to hit another parlay, so let's go with two legs, and I'll select 5) and 7), for $100.
12) And just in case I'll gather the other three odds bets together: 1), 3) and 6), also for $50.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Expenses Without Receipts
Oh, fuck me. I don't know what happened, especially because I constantly bitch about not having stuff to write about. But how in the fuckety-fuck did I wait this long to do this Expenses Without Receipt? Christ.
OK, starting from Tuesday, March 21:
OK, starting from Tuesday, March 21:
- I lost my keys during or shortly after the family roadtrip to Niagara Falls. One of those keys I lost was the one to my storage unit. I needed to get into it with my parents gone, but I had to pay them to bust open the lock and give me a new one. I had the keys waiting for me when I got there after work to pay for it. I have a receipt for this, but this is one of those things where I will probably forget that I got a receipt, so I'm writing down the charge for this here: $30.
- That evening I went to Caffetto (instead of going to the movies, which I originally wanted to do) to ... well, to write this and to finish off my monthly expense list for the month of February. Large mocha, apple pie, tips: $9.
- On Monday the 20th I went to satisfy the second session of a Groupon I got to Wellspring, a combination physical therapy/massage spa. Wellspring is different in that it doesn't luxuriate in hour-long massage treatments. Instead their sessions last only half an hour, and they target problem hours the client (me) point out. As I requested, I was kneaded like dough from Kate. Her hands are strong; the first time I had her she massaged my right extensor muscle so hard I told her to stop because it hurt. I pride myself in not bending to a masseuse's strength, but she was ... uh, powerful. And professional too. So I felt really bad when I had absolutely no money to tip her the first time. I hope she wasn't pissed about that. She didn't act like it this time around, so I was able to just slip the receptionist the tip for this and the last session so she could give it to Kate: $25.
- That night I went to my third house party in the last five days. My God, I am a perverted, broke dumbass. I was looking forward to being taken into by *a***. But a half-hour after I got there (albeit late) she was dressed and leaving. I was very disappointed, but frankly, I was also relieved because that meant I didn't have to shell out all the money I had planned on spending, even though I knew I shouldn't have spent it. Nevertheless I eventually got four dances from the last three dancers there: *a***, *i***, and *a****, who charged me for two dances because I asked for lappers from her after she got dressed. Pfft. She'll be touching my pee-pee soon enough. With cover I still spent: $100.
- On Saturday, March 18 I went to the NCHC Frozen Faceoff Final, a game between Minnesota-Duluth and North Dakota that was more entertaining than important. Both schools were making the NCAA Tournament, but they nevertheless fought tooth and nail at each other, literally; there were, like, 21 total penalties for, like, 45 minutes or something. The Bulldogs won the conference tournament title late in regulation when the Fighting Hawks faced a 5-on-3. The way I ascertained the scalped ticket was interesting. I was just looking for one by myself, but then there was another guy, a NoDak fan, who was also solo. We teamed up to buy two tickets, which are easier for scalpers to sell. The guy wanted $45; we (at least I) wanted less. He then took out a quarter and offered me a deal: If the coin winds up tails-up, we pay $40 each; if heads, $30 apiece. The guy was willing to pay $40 straight-up, but he was OK with this. Luckily the coin wound up heads and we couldn't shell out the cash fast enough. Hey, all scalpers are hustlers, but at least this guy was honest about losing a coin toss. By the way, once we got into Target Center, I never saw that guy again. I did get to my seat late, so I am worried that he was there at the start, didn't see me, and just bolted for a better spot. Seemed like a nice guy. With program, hot dog and Coke: $46.50.
- I went to my club's football game-watching bar up the street because my alma mater's basketball team somehow made it to the second round of the NCAA Tournament and the alumni association wanted the satellite clubs to host parties. Needed to talk to the manager to make sure it was OK, and I chugged down a Coors Light to preserve good relations. Slammed that down in, like, 15 minutes. Am I building up tolerance? With tip the beer, for late-night Happy Hour, came out to: $4.
- Went to Glam Doll afterward. There is a guy there that seems to work late nights. He likes me. I don't know in what way, but he likes me. I usually get a Night Moves and pourover cup of coffee, and a bit after I get a second donut. This guy has often given me that donut for free, and in return I tip a dollar as a thank-you. It got kind of stranger this time around because on this visit he didn't have any beans for my coffee. I got a hot chocolate instead, but because of this "inconvenience," he didn't charge me for that drink or either of the two donuts I asked for. I tipped a buck for each of the three items. I hope he's cognizant that I'm not gay. Total is the cheapest trip I have ever made to Glam Doll Donuts: $3.
- On Thursday the 16th I went to a party in St. Paul. Beforehand I had been texting back-and-forth with a *a*****. I agreed to give her $150 for services at this party, but when I went there she mumbled that she doesn't just put out during a VIP. I felt seriously burned at first. But then we started talking about things, and I began to like the conversation. That conversation eventually turned to shaving my pubes, and that's when she took out my penis and started grabbing it. It wasn't a handjob per se, but I didn't care because at least she was touching it. In fact she was complimenting my male sex organ, in particular saying that my "girth is good." I don't quite believe it, but even if she wasn't stroking my dick to completion, she was stroking my ego, and so I don't feel all that bad that I gave her so much money. With one dance from host *****a, cover and tips because *****a is a money-grubbing parasite, the total is: $187.
- Wednesday, March 15: I went to a party that evening. Lord knows I wouldn't have gone if my parents were in town. But this was being hosted by a guy whose phone list I am on. He has invited me to three parties up to this point, and each time I turned him down. I felt bad, so I finally agreed to go. Thank Buddha I did -- even though I knew none of the three strippers working this party (I thought I knew one but it was a different dancer dancing under the same name), the girl I got, ******e, was very good to go, if you know what I mean. And afterward, I realized that I may have seen her before after all. I hope to see her again; she herself is hosting a party soon, but she lives too far away from me to make that feasible. Hope I see him at this guy's party again. That was the only dance I got, and needed. With cover: $130.
- To Tuesday the 14th, where I went to the library to print out a tournament bracket and final pre-tournament Kenpom ratings: 30 cents.
- Went to see Logan that evening. Had heard that everybody involved took a pay cut in order to make the movie the way they wanted without interference. I was surprised at how little CGI there was in an X-Men flick. This was a road movie -- one that shows an old, mortal Wolverine, something I'm not used to and still am not used to. Yeah, I guess I wish the movie was better, but I appreciate it being different, quieter. Got free popcorn for this from watching a film last week, so the cost of the ticket and pop comes out to only: $7.50.
- Sunday the 12th was the date of the first-ever home match for Minnesota United, a date which will go down in infamy for 1) the snowy and blustery conditions and 2) the 6-1 ass-kicking Atlanta United laid on them. I decided to wait out the crowd and cooled my already cool heels at Espresso Royale. Got a large mocha because I was cold, but dammit I forgot the price, so I'm going to guess that with tip I paid: $5.25.
- Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) afterwards. Got two dances, one from Sammi, who I do know, and one from a Jasmine, who I did not know but talked enough good game for me to get a lapper from her. Jasmine ignored me as soon as our LD was down, though; goddamn user. With coffee and tips and I don't know if I've ever spent so much there before: $51.75.
- Saturday, March 11: Had my alumni club's annual volunteering effort. It asks for donations, and I donated: $5.
- I used the light rail to get to St. Paul ...: $3.50.
- ... in order to watch the Boys' State High School Hockey Championship, Class AA, won by Grand Rapids over fellow northern school Moorhead. Scalped ticket, program, and a Maui Wowi, the first time I ever got a smoothie (an pina colada) one from them: $39.
- On Friday the 10th I finally saw a Golden Gopher baseball game at U.S. Bank Stadium. They were there for a multi-game homestand, and I caught them on their final Friday, a victory over Missouri St. Ticket was free with my very old student card; hot dog and beer (which isn't served on campus) totals: $15.
- Went to Glam Doll afterward. As usual nowadays my second doughnut was free, so I give a buck in gratitude: $9.27.
- On Tuesday, March 7 I saw Hacksaw Ridge, the movie that got me my free popcorn ticket for Logan. Andrew Garfield seems to be a nice guy, and Mel Gibson is a competent director. Totally awesome true story, too, about the first conscientious objector (he would not pick up a gun to fight the Japanese in WWII) to win the Medal of Honor. But it is a war movie, and geez, Gibson laid on the splattering blood and the flaying body parts a lot. A lot. Ticket, popcorn, pop totals: $9.64.
- Sunday the 5th -- Caffetto for a small coffee and apple pie. With tip and I spent: $6.25.
- (Note: This was the time I went to Hong Kong. I used Hong Kong currency, obviously, and even though it is my money, I decided that figuring out the exchange rate is too rigorous for me to bother with. I also know that I spent some money at LAX when I laid over in Los Angeles, and I feel bad I'm just going to skip over that too, but in the end, it's just too much. So that explains this hole.)
- With that said -- to go back to Thursday, February 23 ... I needed to print my China Eastern boarding pass out at the library: 10 cents.
- At the coin machine connected to the printer, however, I saw a quarter. Someone just dropped it and didn't notice it. I did. I actually made money on a printout. An Infusion of: 25 cents.
- Back to the 22nd, where I used the light rail for an interview into downtown. Was lucky to get a parking spot at Cedar-Riverside, aka the place where all the Somali refugees now live. The stop is close by, and in three stops I was at where I was supposed to be. Moreover, I was able to get my shoes shined, get money, buy a donut, do the interview and get Hong Kong money within the 2 1/2-hour window for one fare: $1.75.
- Lisa, the shoe shiner, just so happened to have her birthday on this day. Shining shoes usually costs eight bucks; I usually give her $15 total, but on this day I gave her double the normal price: $16.
- Said donut, Bogart's in the IDS kiosk. Plus tip: $2.75.
- On Tuesday, February 21, with the help of an abbreviated U. research experiment because a machine wasn't working, I got to the theater and, even though I probably missed the first reel, I finally took in Moonlight. I will say that my heart wasn't as rendered as I had hoped. But the critics were right that this is a coming-of-age story of a person who fits into categories we rarely see on film. Of the triptych, I sympathize most with Chiron, the bullied teenager. Wonderful story, and I think that in these politically-charged times, it should win the Oscar for Best Picture. Ticket, popcorn and pop: $9.64.
- To Sunday the 19th, where I went to Caffetto for a medium hot chocolate. Computer wasn't working then, I don't think. Plus tip: $4.
- On Saturday the 18th I went to Hooters for lunch. I still don't have a 2017 calendar, and I thought about getting one here, because I think three of the waitresses posed for a locally-focused one. If you buy, those models sign the calendar. Well, I know two of them, and once I decided I wanted to buy a calendar, I have had to wait until both of them were working at the same time. It's been about three weeks, and I haven't seen them together yet. I told one of them my plight, and she, uh, just shrugged. Hey, maybe I won't buy a Hooters calendar after all. But I did get an Angry Orchard and Lots-A-Tots. With tip it came out to: $17.
- Saw my co-worker/friend's play that evening. Snuck out of the house that night to do it. My goodness, he is so good. Oh yeah, this was at my parents' former theater. I have some thoughts on that, and I might share them later. But the price of the ticket, which I got through my very old student ID: $20.
- Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) afterward. I think this was the first time I saw *e***** since she kind of weaseled out on me from some one-on-one time. I think we're back on track, but I need to make sure I talk her down on price if we ever actually go through with this. With tips and coffee: $31.75.
- And I finished off the night with an uncommon trip to My Favorite Late-Night Italian Place, just for a salad and soup. With tip: $7.50.
- On Friday, February 17 I took advantage of my half days at work by visiting *a***, a wild Moroccan cat who eats me out for cheap. I wanted to show up at the front door with my pee-pee out, but I was afraid that someone would see me. Well, it was one step worse; the car driving right ahead of me (or was it behind me?) drove up right to the driveway. When I knocked on the door, *a*** told me he is renting out one of her rooms. Just my luck. At least he left quickly after he got there, so we had our two hours alone. Actually, once she got done with me, I took a nap on her bed. I wish we could have cuddled together, but the fact that she let me stay there for two, 2 1/2 hours without charging me extra makes her one cool chick who sucks dick real good. Wish she lived closer. Total for sexual service rendered: $120.
- Almost forgot ... I live a double life. I had scheduled *a*** this day because that evening I would be in that part of time for ... uh, this club I just joined. In addition to meet-ups the first Friday of every month, there is a dinner the third Friday of every month. This was the first time I had this, er, feast, and I wouldn't have been able to do that unless I stuck around the area there. Ironically, though, because of Lent, the club is moving its feast to my part of town for this month. I will be able to partake in this one (possibly my last one) because it's just ten minutes away from me. Dinner cost me: $21.
- Finished up the night going down to the new Glam Doll. Night Moves, pourover, free donut, tip: $9.27.
- Thursday the 16th ... I went to Chatime in Dinkytown only because I was there the 7th and I forgot to write down how much my pourover was. Glad I remembered to note it this time. Plus tip, the coffee came out to: $3.50.
- On Wednesday, February 15 I found a quarter somewhere, I forgot. An Infusion of: 25 cents.
- To Tuesday the 14th, aka Valentine's Day, where I celebrated by watching Hidden Figures in the afternoon by myself. Good movie, but one of those feel-good Oscar bait films that touches on all the right topics of rising above adversity and all that. Ticket, popcorn, pop: $9.64.
- I then went to the library to print out my free admission to the pilot of the HBO miniseries Big Little Lies that was happening that Thursday. BLL was good too, although after hearing how the book upon which the TV series is based, I would have liked to see the end. Cost: 10 cents.
- Monday the 13th -- used the light rail because I wanted to spend time watching Monday afternoon English Premiere League soccer in downtown Minneapolis. Wanted to get my shoes shined then too, but the shoe shine lady was on vacation. At least I got to the Local in time to watch the kickoff; otherwise I wouldn't have. Total cost for the round trip, plus a dime extra that got fucking wedged in the machine: $4.10.
- On Sunday the 12th I had Caribou ... got a deal for coffee because I bought a sandwich. With tip the total was: $5.50.
- That evening I went to an event by the same club. Well, sort of. This is only for people born within a certain age, namely Generation Y. And that's funny to me, because all my life I thought I was part of Generation X. But for this club at least I'm Y. That's alright. We went to this indoor mini-golf/amusement part area which serves alcohol called Can Can Wonderland in St. Paul. I think the place got seed money through the city, so I hope it makes it. I charged a lot of my time there, but I paid cash for the mini-golf, the food, and tips: $35.76.
- I believe I didn't have any EWRs back through until (is that phrase correct?) Tuesday, February 7, where I finally saw La La Land, the presumptive pick for Best Picture at the Oscars before the foul-up. (I saw the very tail end of it in Hong Kong; I woke up and realized the Academy Awards were live during that time. I turned on the TV to see a bunch of people causing a commotion, something that doesn't happen in what was supposed to be the very end of the ceremony. That's when I caught wind that La La Land was incorrectly named Best Picture when it actually was Moonlight. Shortly after I knew for sure what had happened, Jimmy Kimmel ended the show.) It was a very good movie; in particular, the ending dream sequence, where Ryan Gosling thought what might have been, was particularly powerful. But ... well, shit, the Trump victory has put me in a permanently sour mood. The times have made me hunger for something more substantial. If Hillary Clinton were in the White House now, maybe I would feel a lot better about this movie. Ticket, popcorn and pop: $9.64.
- Like I said, I had pourover coffee from Chatime this day at the U. I think I threw in a buck tip this time, however, so the total for this visit actually was: $3.69.
- That evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition). I got my regular coffee. I spent a lot of money there. I tipped and I got a dance from sexy *a***. And then I bought drinks for two hot strippers there: A Toni, who was finishing up her shift, and *******a, who was just starting and seemed so strung out from the day that I thought she needed something. All told the total damage came out to: $41.
- Somewhere around this day I found a dime. Infusion of: 10 cents.
- Saturday, February 4 -- How did I wind up at T-Rex Cookies? Oh ... that place (formerly occupied by Cupcake) was one of several bakeries in the area pledging to donate a percentage of their sales that weekend to Planned Parenthood ... or another organization under attack by Republicans. In solidarity with that fight, T-Rex had this special sandwich called the Donald Trump. It was white bread, American cheese and bologna with salty chips and a small pickle. The sign trumpeting this said it wasn't meant to be mean-spirited, but Christ, of course it was! I would have gotten that if I had seen it before I got one of their huge cookies and a coffee. Still good, though. With tip: $7.46.
- I then went to the library to print out a pass to use Metro Transit that night for Crashed Ice. (I forget the official name of the sport, if you could call it that.) Total: 10 cents.
- So I went to St. Paul for said Crashed Ice. Went once before. Forgot how packed it is, and forgot that even though the ramp is high up above the crowd, it's really hard to see the skaters without aid from the huge TVs dotting the course. There were food trucks around the area. I finally tried a place that has a mortar spot in Nordeast, New Bohemia, for its Surly Brat. Big, juicy good; just wished it were small enough so that it's toppings didn't fall off the top of the dog. With tip: $9.
- Afterwards went to the new Glam Doll. I eschewed their doughnuts for a sandwich called an Old School. And unlike the original GD, this place can serve alcohol, so I bought a can of Global Warmer, whose brewery I have forgotten. With tip it came out to an expensive: $17.35.
- Let's take it back to Friday the 3rd, where the health insurance place treated me out to Khan's Mongolian Barbecue. It was supposed to a fete just for me and my fellow temp co-worker, both of who was working our last day. Except that it wasn't; I got extended, albeit part-time, for what turned out to be an extra three weeks, just in case. Furthermore, my friend, of which it was still his last day, didn't even show up. So the day before was his last day, and he missed out on Mongolian barbecue. It had been a long time since I ate it. It's tasty. But I didn't realize that that meats are frozen and then they just fry the hell out of it. I guess it's the sauce that makes it tasty. Tips only, as per custom: $2.
- On Thursday, also known as Groundhog's Day, I went to the library to print out ... I don't remember. Could be Mother's stuff, could be mine. Total: 60 cents.
- Jesus H. Christ, it's been a long time since I did this EWR. Going back to Sunday, fucking January the goddamn 29th, where I went to Caffetto for some hot chocolate in the morning. With tip: $3.
- That late afternoon I, for the second straight year, headed to the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships. It's less than a decade old, yet it seems to have entered the local consciousness and become a bucket-list item for sports fans around the world. Not too shabby. I saw the Open Final, where the same team, Wright Homes, a ... real estate company or something ... won a second straight time. I think they play dirty. I don't like Wright Homes, and if I ever muster enough money to buy a house, I sure as hell am not going to patronize these Wright Homes ringer fuckers. Labatt Blue was sponsoring the championships, so I got a can of Labatt Light. Add to it chicken wild rice soup to warm up from standing outside on a frozen lake and tip, and I spent: $11.
- Saturday the 28th ... I used the light rail (round trip) ...: $3.50.
- ... to go see the final final North Star College Cup. It pitted the five Minnesota teams (the U. was always in it; Minnesota-Duluth, St. Cloud St., Bemidji St. and Minnesota State-Mankato rotated out) playing over two days. It's a great concept; after all, this is The State Of Hockey. But from the crowds this night and the night I went in its first year, it didn't quite catch on with the local populace. Plus this fell right in the middle of conference season, and I think all five schools agreed that that weekend could have been better spent scheduling in-conference. I stuck after the Bulldogs won the last cup; officials were so hellbent on wiping away the memory of this ill-fated tournament that they started ripping down the adhesive board ads within, oh, 15 minutes of the end of the trophy ceremony. Too bad; I hope they find a use for the North Star College Cup. Scalped ticket, program, mini-donuts [first time I ever bought those at a sporting event], a Goose Island Green Line [is that named for our Green Line?] and tip equaled: $40.50.
- And then I finished off my night at the original Glam Doll. My second donut was free; as is my custom I give him a dollar for it. So, with all tips the total was: $9.27.
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
So You're Saying I Still Have A Chance?? Uh ... Turns Out, No
So Sunday morning, Day 3 of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, I check the standings of a pool where there are about 938 people playing. For Saturday's games I went 7-for-7; I had no horse between Florida and Virginia because I thought both teams would lose their first games, but I nailed Wisconsin upsetting Proverbial Kings Of The Hill Villanova. I felt good, really good.
And it was reflected in the standings. The Best Tournament Day Of My Life propelled me up 377 spots to a five-way tie for 25th place. Only the top 20 entrants hit the money, but believe me, I have never -- and I mean never -- been this close to winning this damn pool in the two decades I've been playing.
Then, on Sunday night, Duke goes down to South Carolina. South Carolina? A team with a stellar defense but so constipated on offense it stumbled at the end of the season? I have Kansas, Kentucky and West Virginia also in my Final Four, but I had (and still have) constant misgivings over whether or not those teams are going to make it. But I swore that I didn't give much thought to the Blue Devils not making it because they were playing well heading into the tournament, the advanced metrics favored them, the common indicators of supreme talent (namely that they have players who will play in the NBA, period) were all in their favor and the pathway was so open for them. Duke was my One Sure Thing, the Best Bet that I didn't have to inveigh over. And they were gone in the second round. Such is the Big Dance.
Because of that I thought my run had ended. It felt worse than all the years where I knew my bracket was busted by the end of the first round, because this year I actually had hope. I was knocking on the Top 20, dammit, and now my runner-up team (I have Duke losing to Kentucky in the final) is gone. And so am I.
So just now I checked the standings through Day 4/the first two rounds of the tournament. And ... well, I had misread the standings. I actually thought I went up, but no, because of Duke, I went down 13 places to a seven-way tie for 38th. And the dividends on my Duke loss will pay off through the end of the tournament.
(sigh) And I thought I had a chance. Man, it really would have been better if I had been wiped out after Friday.
And it was reflected in the standings. The Best Tournament Day Of My Life propelled me up 377 spots to a five-way tie for 25th place. Only the top 20 entrants hit the money, but believe me, I have never -- and I mean never -- been this close to winning this damn pool in the two decades I've been playing.
Then, on Sunday night, Duke goes down to South Carolina. South Carolina? A team with a stellar defense but so constipated on offense it stumbled at the end of the season? I have Kansas, Kentucky and West Virginia also in my Final Four, but I had (and still have) constant misgivings over whether or not those teams are going to make it. But I swore that I didn't give much thought to the Blue Devils not making it because they were playing well heading into the tournament, the advanced metrics favored them, the common indicators of supreme talent (namely that they have players who will play in the NBA, period) were all in their favor and the pathway was so open for them. Duke was my One Sure Thing, the Best Bet that I didn't have to inveigh over. And they were gone in the second round. Such is the Big Dance.
Because of that I thought my run had ended. It felt worse than all the years where I knew my bracket was busted by the end of the first round, because this year I actually had hope. I was knocking on the Top 20, dammit, and now my runner-up team (I have Duke losing to Kentucky in the final) is gone. And so am I.
So just now I checked the standings through Day 4/the first two rounds of the tournament. And ... well, I had misread the standings. I actually thought I went up, but no, because of Duke, I went down 13 places to a seven-way tie for 38th. And the dividends on my Duke loss will pay off through the end of the tournament.
(sigh) And I thought I had a chance. Man, it really would have been better if I had been wiped out after Friday.
Monday, March 20, 2017
Too Much Sexytime, Not Enough Moolah
I just realized that I have to get money for this masseuse I'm seeing tomorrow. It's not what you think; this is a real masseuse giving me a real massage.
The hanky-panky comes later in the evening, as I am going to a house party where *a*** will probably suck my dick till I come again. It'll be the third stripper party I'm going to in a week. Five days, to be technical. I knew I was going to do this to myself since my parents were away. Still, all this fun has done some serious damage to my checking account. I still avoid seeing my balance anyway, but now I really don't want to see it.
I've gotten so squeamish that, once I get done blogging this and leaving for the gas station, I am going to get only $20, enough to cover the cost of the tip I need to give the masseuse not just for the session this evening, but for the one I had with her a couple weeks ago. Got a deal through Groupon, but I forgot that I needed cash to tip her the first time. I hope this makes up for it, and I hope she doesn't, like, break my elbow for not tipping her after the first visit.
But I digress. I am making too many trips to the ATM these days. And even though I could save myself some grief, I plan to do one ATM run now and another after I watch the season premiere of Dancing With The Stars 24. That way the money I take out of my account tomorrow won't technically be counted against it until the following day, even though in the long run that accounting horsepucky doesn't really matter. It matters to me, so I'm doing it.
I am doing it even though I shouldn't. But oh, man, the experiences I am getting from these hot strippers who don't mind touching my pee-pee!!! Maybe I'll tell you guys all about it soon!
The hanky-panky comes later in the evening, as I am going to a house party where *a*** will probably suck my dick till I come again. It'll be the third stripper party I'm going to in a week. Five days, to be technical. I knew I was going to do this to myself since my parents were away. Still, all this fun has done some serious damage to my checking account. I still avoid seeing my balance anyway, but now I really don't want to see it.
I've gotten so squeamish that, once I get done blogging this and leaving for the gas station, I am going to get only $20, enough to cover the cost of the tip I need to give the masseuse not just for the session this evening, but for the one I had with her a couple weeks ago. Got a deal through Groupon, but I forgot that I needed cash to tip her the first time. I hope this makes up for it, and I hope she doesn't, like, break my elbow for not tipping her after the first visit.
But I digress. I am making too many trips to the ATM these days. And even though I could save myself some grief, I plan to do one ATM run now and another after I watch the season premiere of Dancing With The Stars 24. That way the money I take out of my account tomorrow won't technically be counted against it until the following day, even though in the long run that accounting horsepucky doesn't really matter. It matters to me, so I'm doing it.
I am doing it even though I shouldn't. But oh, man, the experiences I am getting from these hot strippers who don't mind touching my pee-pee!!! Maybe I'll tell you guys all about it soon!
Sunday, March 19, 2017
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5). First of all, let me just say that with all of the losses and off-the-field signs I think are negative, I truly don't think the Twin Cities sports scene has had a shittier week than the one it suffered through the screening week of March 11-8. Things are so negative here I had a hard time putting the teams in an order.
I managed to do so, and at the top at least, the "winner" appeared to be clear. The U. softball team continues to chug along at an impressive, though no longer invulnerable, pace. In the nightcap (or daycap) of the Washington Tournament, the nine lost to the host Huskies once again. What's worse is that they got bludgeoned, 9-0, in a game mercy-ruled at the minimum of five innings. Washington will remain just ahead of Minnesota in the rankings. However, they won the other five games they played, including a road victory against a currently-ranked Cal squad in Berkeley, and three wins that ended in five innings, including a doubleheader sweep at Pacific Friday. In the win over the Bears, Pitcher Sara Groenewegen reached 1,000 Strikeouts in program history, the third player ever to do so. That is good enough to reach the top spot, even though the top spot has to be a -1.
They finally begin Big Ten play next week when they are at Nebraska next weekend for a three-game series.
#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Can a team actually have a good week in the survey when they went winless? In this case, yes. Despite Minnesota getting bounced/upset against Penn St. in the semifinals of the B1G Tournament (and in double Overtime at that) in the squad's only game this screening week, it appears as though they nonetheless will grab the final #1 seed for the NCAA Tournament. And after a year where they didn't make the tourney at all, and with the calls for Head Coach Don Lucia's head (which definitely will not subside much, if at all, after the Gophers snag that top seed), that is saying something worthwhile for this year's team.
How did that happen, the U. actually rising up despite losing? I can't really get into it, but the PairWise rankings, the rigid (and some say inaccurate) formula the NCAA uses to select the at-large teams and rank the eligible teams, had Western Michigan ahead of the Gophers heading into Tournament Weekend. But in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Frozen Faceoff at Target Center, the Mustangs lost its semifinal to Minnesota-Duluth. The NCHC stands out amongst all conferences in that it also hosts a consolation match ... and Western Michigan lost that one too, to Denver. My guess is is that those two losses, especially the one in the third-place game, gave Western Michigan enough losses to give up the comparisons to enough of the other teams in top-flight men's college hockey that they came up short behind Minnesota (and in fact other teams -- they went from, like, fourth to seventh or something) after the conference tournament games were over. (I heard from a source that the Mustangs did not practice yesterday [Saturday] morning, the day of the consolation. Practice makes perfect, right?)
Now, getting a #1 seed is not a panacea. Hockey upsets occur all the time. Also, as the last #1, they will go where the NCAA dictates they go, so the possibility they head out east is distinct. Finally, it was announced on Monday that freshman Defenseman Ryan Lindgren will be gone the rest of the year because of a lower leg injury suffered in the regular season finale to Michigan St. It'll be up to Goalie Eric Schierhorn (named B1G Third Star Of The Week and conference Goaltender Of The Year), Jake Bischoff (named conference Defensive Player Of The Year), Justin Kloos (named First Team All-Big Ten) and Tyler Sheehy (named conference Player Of The Year and Hobey Baker finalist) to play up to seed.
#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). A 2-3 week. Dropped the rubber match with Missouri St. at Das Bank v.2.0. Sunday, got drilled in the one-off at Cal 7-1, then got beat at Sacramento St., 7-1 before winning the final two games to take that series. Like the softball club, these guys begin conference play on the road, namely three with Ohio St. next weekend.
#-4: United (Re-Entry!). Two weeks ago I teased that United would be playing two games the following week. Since the home opener vs. Atlanta was eight days after the season opener against Portland, the side actually fell out of the WMNSS last week. My bad.
Was anyone else at Sunday's home opener at Das Bank? I was cold and I made the stupid mistake of wearing my boat shoes instead of my steel-toed Docs because I didn't want the hassle of security wondering why my feet were beeping. And then the fucking game started, and a snowy and wet afternoon turned into a ghastly sight on the pitch. My goddamn God, I didn't think a soccer defense could be so obviously exploited, but Atlanta United made it look like child's play. I really thought that, even though our team is mostly made out of players from warm-weather countries, the, uh, imprimatur of Minnesota cold would make MNUFC better equipped to handle the weather. Instead, Atlanta seemed more comfortable with Minnesota weather than the Minnesota squad, and that is downright fucking embarrassing.
I wanted to say that footy fans have been waiting for professional soccer for a long time, and that after Atlanta's 6-1 ass-kicking of United, those fans are still waiting. But you know what? The team finally earned its first point ever in MLS Saturday, a 2-all draw at Colorado. The main highlight taken from this is that MNUFC led for the first time ever in top-flight soccer by virtue of Christian "Superman" Ramirez tallying in the 58th ... followed by United once again fucking up on D and allowing the Rapids to tie it up scantly a minute later. They held onto the tie for dear life shortly thereafter when United stalwart Justin Davis was Red-carded. So yes, they pissed away a lead. But they didn't get their doors blown off. That's what I consider progress.
They visit New England Saturday.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). This is where I start to talk about the off-the-field stuff that's bugging me. Minnesota held its girls' state high school basketball tournament this week. In conjunction with that, both local papers named their first teams. I checked both the Star Tribune and Pioneer Press for the lucky young women, in particular where they will go for college.
Guess what? Not one of the seniors in the first, second or third teams selected by either newspaper is going to Minnesota. Not one. That really should be embarrassing for Head Coach Marlene Stollings. The first thing you make sure of is that you get the best from your home yard, and right now, the Minnesota border is an open fence. Stollings might be able to make that up by recruiting the best from other places, but frankly, she ain't no Geno Auriemma. Why in the hell isn't she keeping home-state blue-chippers home? It's a very bad look especially considering that the team 15-16 overall, 5-11 in the Big Ten, and ain't even going to a shit tournament this year. Stollings has this young woman named Destiny Pitts coming in, but ... (shrug).
Is something good going to happen to this program, or are we still drinking the Kool-Aid from The Whalen/McCarville Era?
#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Oh, and sinking ship that is the Vikings. Riley Reiff, Mike Remmers and Latavius Murray signing with the team will not make up the hemorrhaging of former players that quickly signed elsewhere. Adrian Peterson -- well, that's something I've anticipated for a long time. But Cordarrell Patterson, who had a breakout year for the Vikes this year and may have been the best receiver on the team, left for Oakland. And Matt Kalil, who the team had apparently settled upon to be the starting Left Tackle next season, decided to join his big brother Ryan in Carolina. We settled for the oft-injured, spiraling Matt Kalil, and he decides to spurn us. What a fucking comment on the state of the team.
Worst of all was Rhett Ellison (another Trojan) leaving for the Giants. On their way out, Ellison's father, Riki, blasted the ViQueens, noting that the players fleeing Winter Park is a sign of "toxic leadership" (he tweeted that and then deleted it) and went on longer in a somewhat-flowy (?) screed here. To which I say: I think Riki Ellison is onto something. All these former players leaving the team is a pattern, a bad one. I don't know if Vikings fans realize they are seeing such a different team next year. But it could be a terrible one. We shall see. But I shall anticipate with a hell of a lot of fear for the future of this organization.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). Monday's rout of Washington at Target was nice; Ricky Rubio, who has kicked his game up several noticeable notches, dished out a franchise record 19 assists in that game. But subsequent losses on the road to Boston and Miami have further shaved the already slim margin for error this team has in getting the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. They are now 4 1/2 games the Denver Nuggets for eighth, and they need to climb through Portland and Dallas to get there. Not impossible, but if you keep losing, it very soon will be. And this screening week is going to be a tough one: In New Orleans (who's only a half-game behind the Woofs) this (Sunday) evening, hosting San Antonio, then at the Lakers and the aforementioned Trail Blazers back-to-back.
#-8: Wild (Last Week: -6). OK, this is getting fucking serious. They lost every single goddamn game this screening week (at Chicago, at Washington, at Carolina [all two-goal defeats], then at home to the Rangers 3-2). They have slipped behind Chicago for the Central Division lead, and then some. They're not going to fall out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and hockey is not a sport where building momentum is important. But -- seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this goddamn team?!?!?!
They visit Winnipeg this (Sunday) afternoon before some home cooking the rest of the week: San Jose, Philadelphia, and Vancouver.
#-Infinity (tied): Gopher wrestling, Gopher men's basketball, and Gopher women's hockey (respectively, Re-Entry!, -2, and Re-Entry!).
I know I need to say a lot about these three programs, but I'm tired. Plus, if I go off on these three, I might pop a blood vessel and really hurt myself, and I can't do that because I have shit to do. So let's just mow them down.
The Gopher PR site touted Minnesota returning to the Top 10 in the NCAA Championships. All well and good, except that they didn't win. In fact, they finished seventh, and it wasn't too long ago that a seventh-place finish would be well nigh unacceptable. Two Gopher grapplers did make it to the final match. But at 197, Brett Pfarr got dominated by Missouri's J'Den Cox, 8-2 (finishing the season undefeated), and at 125 Ethan Lizak got doubled up by Lehigh's Darian Cruz, a guy who Lizak grew up 20 minutes away from in the Lehigh Valley area in Pennsylvania. So no U. wrestler finished the year with a title. Also a fall from great heights. OK, so I am willing to give Head Coach Brandon Eggum a mulligan in his first year as actual Head Coach. But I remember when the U. went back-to-back at the beginning of the millennium, and it's those standards that the program has to get back to. I don't know if they're capable of doing that anymore.
As for the men's basketball team, well ... it appears as though Middle Tennessee St. was the first 12-seed to be favored over a 5-seed in a First Round game in Las Vegas sportsbooks since 1999. Everybody could smell the upset, so it wasn't really an upset -- and it wasn't, as the Blue Raiders held off the Gophers and bumped them out of The Big Dance as early as possible with an 81-72 humiliation Thursday in Milwaukee. The U. was the highest-rated seed to lose in the first round. That is embarrassing, although it might be even more embarrassing to have the majority people think you are going to lose and be proven right. This certainly is an improvement over last year; they transposed the "8" and the "24" so that the higher number was in the win column; no team this year had such a drastic turnaround. That earned Nate Mason a place in the All-B1G First Team and Richard Pitino Head Coach Of The Year. But now comes next year and the question of whether the program can build on this. Pitino has a talented class coming in next year, led by Isaiah Washington out of the Bronx. That would make Minnesota, according to some, a contender in the league next year. But I'm really afraid that Reggie Lynch and Amir Coffey will declare for the NBA. And if that's the case, then what? All the signs point higher, but it comes with the usual Minnesota level of pessimism.
And goddamn, the Gopher women's hockey team. They fail to three-peat, falling in the national semifinals to, gulp, Clarkson, 4-3 on Friday. These are the same fucking women who upset the Goofers in the 2014 title game when everyone thought Minnesota was going to win. And to think of it, if not for Clarkson's two wins over the U., this program would be playing this afternoon for a sixth consecutive national championship. I am really, really starting to hate Clarkson University. Those cunts. I really want Wisconsin to beat the living shit out of the Golden Knights. Yes, Wisconsin. No, you can't keep this up forever, although the UConn women's basketball team is making it look easy. Maybe this was a rebuilding year, or maybe the loss of too many players, most notably Dani Cameranesi, for large periods of time this season was finally too much to overcome. But fans have been accustomed to this program winning titles and not settling for anything short of that. They did this year. And like I always say, any season short of a championship is a failure. And that gets this club back onto tracking on the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for the first time since the 2015 season. Welcome back, and thank you for making this weekly list longer.
I managed to do so, and at the top at least, the "winner" appeared to be clear. The U. softball team continues to chug along at an impressive, though no longer invulnerable, pace. In the nightcap (or daycap) of the Washington Tournament, the nine lost to the host Huskies once again. What's worse is that they got bludgeoned, 9-0, in a game mercy-ruled at the minimum of five innings. Washington will remain just ahead of Minnesota in the rankings. However, they won the other five games they played, including a road victory against a currently-ranked Cal squad in Berkeley, and three wins that ended in five innings, including a doubleheader sweep at Pacific Friday. In the win over the Bears, Pitcher Sara Groenewegen reached 1,000 Strikeouts in program history, the third player ever to do so. That is good enough to reach the top spot, even though the top spot has to be a -1.
They finally begin Big Ten play next week when they are at Nebraska next weekend for a three-game series.
#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1). Can a team actually have a good week in the survey when they went winless? In this case, yes. Despite Minnesota getting bounced/upset against Penn St. in the semifinals of the B1G Tournament (and in double Overtime at that) in the squad's only game this screening week, it appears as though they nonetheless will grab the final #1 seed for the NCAA Tournament. And after a year where they didn't make the tourney at all, and with the calls for Head Coach Don Lucia's head (which definitely will not subside much, if at all, after the Gophers snag that top seed), that is saying something worthwhile for this year's team.
How did that happen, the U. actually rising up despite losing? I can't really get into it, but the PairWise rankings, the rigid (and some say inaccurate) formula the NCAA uses to select the at-large teams and rank the eligible teams, had Western Michigan ahead of the Gophers heading into Tournament Weekend. But in the National Collegiate Hockey Conference Frozen Faceoff at Target Center, the Mustangs lost its semifinal to Minnesota-Duluth. The NCHC stands out amongst all conferences in that it also hosts a consolation match ... and Western Michigan lost that one too, to Denver. My guess is is that those two losses, especially the one in the third-place game, gave Western Michigan enough losses to give up the comparisons to enough of the other teams in top-flight men's college hockey that they came up short behind Minnesota (and in fact other teams -- they went from, like, fourth to seventh or something) after the conference tournament games were over. (I heard from a source that the Mustangs did not practice yesterday [Saturday] morning, the day of the consolation. Practice makes perfect, right?)
Now, getting a #1 seed is not a panacea. Hockey upsets occur all the time. Also, as the last #1, they will go where the NCAA dictates they go, so the possibility they head out east is distinct. Finally, it was announced on Monday that freshman Defenseman Ryan Lindgren will be gone the rest of the year because of a lower leg injury suffered in the regular season finale to Michigan St. It'll be up to Goalie Eric Schierhorn (named B1G Third Star Of The Week and conference Goaltender Of The Year), Jake Bischoff (named conference Defensive Player Of The Year), Justin Kloos (named First Team All-Big Ten) and Tyler Sheehy (named conference Player Of The Year and Hobey Baker finalist) to play up to seed.
#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). A 2-3 week. Dropped the rubber match with Missouri St. at Das Bank v.2.0. Sunday, got drilled in the one-off at Cal 7-1, then got beat at Sacramento St., 7-1 before winning the final two games to take that series. Like the softball club, these guys begin conference play on the road, namely three with Ohio St. next weekend.
#-4: United (Re-Entry!). Two weeks ago I teased that United would be playing two games the following week. Since the home opener vs. Atlanta was eight days after the season opener against Portland, the side actually fell out of the WMNSS last week. My bad.
Was anyone else at Sunday's home opener at Das Bank? I was cold and I made the stupid mistake of wearing my boat shoes instead of my steel-toed Docs because I didn't want the hassle of security wondering why my feet were beeping. And then the fucking game started, and a snowy and wet afternoon turned into a ghastly sight on the pitch. My goddamn God, I didn't think a soccer defense could be so obviously exploited, but Atlanta United made it look like child's play. I really thought that, even though our team is mostly made out of players from warm-weather countries, the, uh, imprimatur of Minnesota cold would make MNUFC better equipped to handle the weather. Instead, Atlanta seemed more comfortable with Minnesota weather than the Minnesota squad, and that is downright fucking embarrassing.
I wanted to say that footy fans have been waiting for professional soccer for a long time, and that after Atlanta's 6-1 ass-kicking of United, those fans are still waiting. But you know what? The team finally earned its first point ever in MLS Saturday, a 2-all draw at Colorado. The main highlight taken from this is that MNUFC led for the first time ever in top-flight soccer by virtue of Christian "Superman" Ramirez tallying in the 58th ... followed by United once again fucking up on D and allowing the Rapids to tie it up scantly a minute later. They held onto the tie for dear life shortly thereafter when United stalwart Justin Davis was Red-carded. So yes, they pissed away a lead. But they didn't get their doors blown off. That's what I consider progress.
They visit New England Saturday.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). This is where I start to talk about the off-the-field stuff that's bugging me. Minnesota held its girls' state high school basketball tournament this week. In conjunction with that, both local papers named their first teams. I checked both the Star Tribune and Pioneer Press for the lucky young women, in particular where they will go for college.
Guess what? Not one of the seniors in the first, second or third teams selected by either newspaper is going to Minnesota. Not one. That really should be embarrassing for Head Coach Marlene Stollings. The first thing you make sure of is that you get the best from your home yard, and right now, the Minnesota border is an open fence. Stollings might be able to make that up by recruiting the best from other places, but frankly, she ain't no Geno Auriemma. Why in the hell isn't she keeping home-state blue-chippers home? It's a very bad look especially considering that the team 15-16 overall, 5-11 in the Big Ten, and ain't even going to a shit tournament this year. Stollings has this young woman named Destiny Pitts coming in, but ... (shrug).
Is something good going to happen to this program, or are we still drinking the Kool-Aid from The Whalen/McCarville Era?
#-6: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Oh, and sinking ship that is the Vikings. Riley Reiff, Mike Remmers and Latavius Murray signing with the team will not make up the hemorrhaging of former players that quickly signed elsewhere. Adrian Peterson -- well, that's something I've anticipated for a long time. But Cordarrell Patterson, who had a breakout year for the Vikes this year and may have been the best receiver on the team, left for Oakland. And Matt Kalil, who the team had apparently settled upon to be the starting Left Tackle next season, decided to join his big brother Ryan in Carolina. We settled for the oft-injured, spiraling Matt Kalil, and he decides to spurn us. What a fucking comment on the state of the team.
Worst of all was Rhett Ellison (another Trojan) leaving for the Giants. On their way out, Ellison's father, Riki, blasted the ViQueens, noting that the players fleeing Winter Park is a sign of "toxic leadership" (he tweeted that and then deleted it) and went on longer in a somewhat-flowy (?) screed here. To which I say: I think Riki Ellison is onto something. All these former players leaving the team is a pattern, a bad one. I don't know if Vikings fans realize they are seeing such a different team next year. But it could be a terrible one. We shall see. But I shall anticipate with a hell of a lot of fear for the future of this organization.
#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). Monday's rout of Washington at Target was nice; Ricky Rubio, who has kicked his game up several noticeable notches, dished out a franchise record 19 assists in that game. But subsequent losses on the road to Boston and Miami have further shaved the already slim margin for error this team has in getting the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. They are now 4 1/2 games the Denver Nuggets for eighth, and they need to climb through Portland and Dallas to get there. Not impossible, but if you keep losing, it very soon will be. And this screening week is going to be a tough one: In New Orleans (who's only a half-game behind the Woofs) this (Sunday) evening, hosting San Antonio, then at the Lakers and the aforementioned Trail Blazers back-to-back.
#-8: Wild (Last Week: -6). OK, this is getting fucking serious. They lost every single goddamn game this screening week (at Chicago, at Washington, at Carolina [all two-goal defeats], then at home to the Rangers 3-2). They have slipped behind Chicago for the Central Division lead, and then some. They're not going to fall out of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, and hockey is not a sport where building momentum is important. But -- seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this goddamn team?!?!?!
They visit Winnipeg this (Sunday) afternoon before some home cooking the rest of the week: San Jose, Philadelphia, and Vancouver.
#-Infinity (tied): Gopher wrestling, Gopher men's basketball, and Gopher women's hockey (respectively, Re-Entry!, -2, and Re-Entry!).
I know I need to say a lot about these three programs, but I'm tired. Plus, if I go off on these three, I might pop a blood vessel and really hurt myself, and I can't do that because I have shit to do. So let's just mow them down.
The Gopher PR site touted Minnesota returning to the Top 10 in the NCAA Championships. All well and good, except that they didn't win. In fact, they finished seventh, and it wasn't too long ago that a seventh-place finish would be well nigh unacceptable. Two Gopher grapplers did make it to the final match. But at 197, Brett Pfarr got dominated by Missouri's J'Den Cox, 8-2 (finishing the season undefeated), and at 125 Ethan Lizak got doubled up by Lehigh's Darian Cruz, a guy who Lizak grew up 20 minutes away from in the Lehigh Valley area in Pennsylvania. So no U. wrestler finished the year with a title. Also a fall from great heights. OK, so I am willing to give Head Coach Brandon Eggum a mulligan in his first year as actual Head Coach. But I remember when the U. went back-to-back at the beginning of the millennium, and it's those standards that the program has to get back to. I don't know if they're capable of doing that anymore.
As for the men's basketball team, well ... it appears as though Middle Tennessee St. was the first 12-seed to be favored over a 5-seed in a First Round game in Las Vegas sportsbooks since 1999. Everybody could smell the upset, so it wasn't really an upset -- and it wasn't, as the Blue Raiders held off the Gophers and bumped them out of The Big Dance as early as possible with an 81-72 humiliation Thursday in Milwaukee. The U. was the highest-rated seed to lose in the first round. That is embarrassing, although it might be even more embarrassing to have the majority people think you are going to lose and be proven right. This certainly is an improvement over last year; they transposed the "8" and the "24" so that the higher number was in the win column; no team this year had such a drastic turnaround. That earned Nate Mason a place in the All-B1G First Team and Richard Pitino Head Coach Of The Year. But now comes next year and the question of whether the program can build on this. Pitino has a talented class coming in next year, led by Isaiah Washington out of the Bronx. That would make Minnesota, according to some, a contender in the league next year. But I'm really afraid that Reggie Lynch and Amir Coffey will declare for the NBA. And if that's the case, then what? All the signs point higher, but it comes with the usual Minnesota level of pessimism.
And goddamn, the Gopher women's hockey team. They fail to three-peat, falling in the national semifinals to, gulp, Clarkson, 4-3 on Friday. These are the same fucking women who upset the Goofers in the 2014 title game when everyone thought Minnesota was going to win. And to think of it, if not for Clarkson's two wins over the U., this program would be playing this afternoon for a sixth consecutive national championship. I am really, really starting to hate Clarkson University. Those cunts. I really want Wisconsin to beat the living shit out of the Golden Knights. Yes, Wisconsin. No, you can't keep this up forever, although the UConn women's basketball team is making it look easy. Maybe this was a rebuilding year, or maybe the loss of too many players, most notably Dani Cameranesi, for large periods of time this season was finally too much to overcome. But fans have been accustomed to this program winning titles and not settling for anything short of that. They did this year. And like I always say, any season short of a championship is a failure. And that gets this club back onto tracking on the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for the first time since the 2015 season. Welcome back, and thank you for making this weekly list longer.
March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2 -- Sunday
The odds for all eight tournament games for today (Sunday) are up on Doc's Sports. Good.
I don't remember how I did it last year, but this time around I'm going to not evaluate how I did in picks and money until I finish up each round. Therefore, how I did in Round 2 I won't touch until Thursday. It's easier for me that way. But what I can tell you is that, because my bracket is real good this year (I went 7-for-7 in picks on Saturday, the first time I've done that well), I should actually have trusted myself more this time around.
---
Not being as confident reading anything to this day's slate of games, I fake-wager the following:
1) Wichita St. +5 (The two pods that include the Shockers, Kentucky [Wichita St.'s opponent] and UCLA was possibly the most agonizing series of games I've ever had to pick in my March Madness gambling career. I still don't have a good reason to pick the Shockers to cover, but I know that these two teams are too good to be facing each other in Round 2. Naturally, I will go for the underdog) $50
2) USC +6 1/2 (I still can't believe they made it this far. Along with Baylor Head Coach Scott Drew's track record of playing underseed, and I can see the Trojans not only making a game of it ...) $200
3) USC M/L +242 (... but to also take the game and reach the Sweet 16. Sweet!) $100
4) Rhode Island +5 1/2 (Rams seem a hot Giant Killer; Oregon lost a frontcourt shot-blocker just before tournament time. Stars are aligned, let's just say) $100
5) Parlay 1), 2) and 4), for $75.
Good luck!
I don't remember how I did it last year, but this time around I'm going to not evaluate how I did in picks and money until I finish up each round. Therefore, how I did in Round 2 I won't touch until Thursday. It's easier for me that way. But what I can tell you is that, because my bracket is real good this year (I went 7-for-7 in picks on Saturday, the first time I've done that well), I should actually have trusted myself more this time around.
---
Not being as confident reading anything to this day's slate of games, I fake-wager the following:
1) Wichita St. +5 (The two pods that include the Shockers, Kentucky [Wichita St.'s opponent] and UCLA was possibly the most agonizing series of games I've ever had to pick in my March Madness gambling career. I still don't have a good reason to pick the Shockers to cover, but I know that these two teams are too good to be facing each other in Round 2. Naturally, I will go for the underdog) $50
2) USC +6 1/2 (I still can't believe they made it this far. Along with Baylor Head Coach Scott Drew's track record of playing underseed, and I can see the Trojans not only making a game of it ...) $200
3) USC M/L +242 (... but to also take the game and reach the Sweet 16. Sweet!) $100
4) Rhode Island +5 1/2 (Rams seem a hot Giant Killer; Oregon lost a frontcourt shot-blocker just before tournament time. Stars are aligned, let's just say) $100
5) Parlay 1), 2) and 4), for $75.
Good luck!
Saturday, March 18, 2017
Final Day Of PairWise 2017
Starting last year I've been getting to what virtually is men's college hockey bracketology. Unlike men's basketball, where a committee decides the at-large teams, in men's college hockey there is a formula to determine the ten at-large bids to the 16-team tournament.
It's called the PairWise, and while I don't have time to break down how it works, let's just say that it's been under fire for being not objective for some time. However, the upside to it is that there is transparency to the way the PairWise rankings shake out depending on the results of games, such as the conference finals being played today. You may not like it, but at least you know where your team stands depending on results.
For this year, 2017, I can break down the final spots for the tourney this way:
In the meantime I'm going to rest at home, then try and scalp a ticket to the NCHC tournament final between Minnesota-Duluth and North Dakota. Last time I checked, a ticket was going for $100. What the hell?
It's called the PairWise, and while I don't have time to break down how it works, let's just say that it's been under fire for being not objective for some time. However, the upside to it is that there is transparency to the way the PairWise rankings shake out depending on the results of games, such as the conference finals being played today. You may not like it, but at least you know where your team stands depending on results.
For this year, 2017, I can break down the final spots for the tourney this way:
- Once again, the WCHA (Michigan Tech or Bowling Green) and Atlantic Hockey (Air Force or Robert Morris) will have only one bid, the conference tournament champion.
- There are two teams in the conference tourney final that will not get in as an at-large playing a team that will be in even if they lose. Boston College plays Massachusetts-Lowell for Hockey East, and Wisconsin takes on Penn St. for the Big Ten title.
- There are two teams whose seasons are over (for now) and are projected to be the Last Two Teams In as of press time: Providence and Ohio St. And that is in order.
- Therefore, if both the Eagles and Badgers lose, both the Friars and Buckeyes are in.
- If both the Eagles and Badgers win, both the Friars and Buckeyes are out.
- And if either the Eagles or Badgers win, the Friars are in, but the Buckeyes are out.
In the meantime I'm going to rest at home, then try and scalp a ticket to the NCHC tournament final between Minnesota-Duluth and North Dakota. Last time I checked, a ticket was going for $100. What the hell?
March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2 -- Saturday
Record, Round 1: 5-15
Total Outlay, Round 1: $2,225.00
Total Winnings, Round 1: $1,550.30
Loss, Round 1: $674.70
Once again, my grand fantasy of winning big on underdog parlays for the men's college basketball tournament go up in smoke. I will say this, though: Even though the Giant Killers Blog on ESPN.com didn't nail down all the upsets that were going to happen (I was salivating over North Carolina-Wilmington and East Tennessee St. winning and facing each other today), they did nail down ones that were so obvious that a sizable minority, if not a majority, of people bet on them for real.
For example, in a game I didn't wager on, 12th-seeded Middle Tennessee St. became the first 12 to be favored in Las Vegas since 1999. The oddsmakers (and most of the wagering public) were right in backing the Blue Raiders, for they vanquished with some ease 5-seed Minnesota. (For more on the Golden Gophers, see the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, published in 2017 nearly every Sunday.) The same was true for 11th-seeded Rhode Island, who submitted 6-seed Creighton even though I think they also went off off as the favorite.
Nevertheless I roped in enough losers that all my parlays went to pot. GKB were very high on Kansas St. pulling off the upset of Cincinnati, and the Wildcats being only 3 1/2-point underdogs, I figured this would mean an even game with a chance for KSU to pull it out at the end. Nosirree. Adding to Head Coach Bruce Weber's perception as a bad coach (even though he won the play-in game ... even though that was against Wake Forest, whose HC, Danny Manning was a hell of a player but questionable as an HC), they were blown out in the second half by the Bearcats.
That probably was the worst Anti-Pick I made, but Marquette similarly crudded out against thoughts they were a live dog. South Carolina, a team who had trouble making baskets all season, turned into Phi Slamma Jamma Friday night. Meanwhile, even though my bracket is actually pretty healthy compared to most years (I finally learned my lesson to not go crazy over upsets in Round 1), I lost an Elite Eight team and My Pet School That Is A Double-Digit Seed And Goes On To Make The Regional Final, Oklahoma St. It was a tight one against Michigan, but the Cowboys came up short. However, I heard that Okie St. made a three-pointer or something at the buzzer, turning the margin of defeat from three or four to just one. The odds I had for that game was +2 1/2; regardless, Vegas books saw a huge swing of payouts from one side to the other. I don't know if Vegas itself took a bath on that game, but a lot of bettors did when they thought they were going to get money just a second or two before. Ah, gambling. So glad I'm not doing this for real.
---
So I checked Doc's Sports and as of press time, not only did they not have all of the odds for Sunday's Round 2 games, they didn't have any. So I'm confined to betting and parlaying on today's (Saturday's) games and hopefully I'll fit in another blog post for Sunday's. I'll need as many games as I can to dig out of my $700 hole:
1) Notre Dame +2 1/2 (I have West Virginia going to the Final Four in my bracket, so naturally I'll go against my instincts and pick the Fighting Irish here. Mike Brey used to be good to be bumped off early in The Big Dance; is he now one of the elite tournament coaches today?) $100
2) Wisconsin +6 (I have the Badgers upsetting Villanova in my bracket. A quiet Round 1 should mean that the upsets begin in Round 2, and I have to believe that the battle-testing Badgers are primed to pull off a big one) $200
3) Xavier +6 (I have no reason to believe a Musketeers team that went into the tourney cold can beat Florida St. ... and yet I have them beating the Seminoles here. Why? Just because. It's a better reason than what I have been doing before. And so it is with this bet) $100
4) Middle Tennessee St. +3 1/2 (I have Butler beating the Blue Raiders in my bracket. But I've been impressed that MTSU has a seasoned veteran team who seem to have the air of confidence about them. Besides, the second weekend has to have a mid-major in its 16; why not these guys?) $150
5) St. Mary's +5 1/2 (I develop blind spots in my bracket. I've been trying to see and think about all my decisions, and earlier this week I thought about the Gaels upsetting Arizona. I ultimately thought against it, but Sean Miller has yet to prove that he can guide a Wildcats team to the Promised Land. And St. Mary's is a good team) $100
6) Let's start small. Let's parlay 1) with 3), for $100.
7) And then we'll parlay 1) through 5), for $50.
Good luck!
Total Outlay, Round 1: $2,225.00
Total Winnings, Round 1: $1,550.30
Loss, Round 1: $674.70
Once again, my grand fantasy of winning big on underdog parlays for the men's college basketball tournament go up in smoke. I will say this, though: Even though the Giant Killers Blog on ESPN.com didn't nail down all the upsets that were going to happen (I was salivating over North Carolina-Wilmington and East Tennessee St. winning and facing each other today), they did nail down ones that were so obvious that a sizable minority, if not a majority, of people bet on them for real.
For example, in a game I didn't wager on, 12th-seeded Middle Tennessee St. became the first 12 to be favored in Las Vegas since 1999. The oddsmakers (and most of the wagering public) were right in backing the Blue Raiders, for they vanquished with some ease 5-seed Minnesota. (For more on the Golden Gophers, see the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, published in 2017 nearly every Sunday.) The same was true for 11th-seeded Rhode Island, who submitted 6-seed Creighton even though I think they also went off off as the favorite.
Nevertheless I roped in enough losers that all my parlays went to pot. GKB were very high on Kansas St. pulling off the upset of Cincinnati, and the Wildcats being only 3 1/2-point underdogs, I figured this would mean an even game with a chance for KSU to pull it out at the end. Nosirree. Adding to Head Coach Bruce Weber's perception as a bad coach (even though he won the play-in game ... even though that was against Wake Forest, whose HC, Danny Manning was a hell of a player but questionable as an HC), they were blown out in the second half by the Bearcats.
That probably was the worst Anti-Pick I made, but Marquette similarly crudded out against thoughts they were a live dog. South Carolina, a team who had trouble making baskets all season, turned into Phi Slamma Jamma Friday night. Meanwhile, even though my bracket is actually pretty healthy compared to most years (I finally learned my lesson to not go crazy over upsets in Round 1), I lost an Elite Eight team and My Pet School That Is A Double-Digit Seed And Goes On To Make The Regional Final, Oklahoma St. It was a tight one against Michigan, but the Cowboys came up short. However, I heard that Okie St. made a three-pointer or something at the buzzer, turning the margin of defeat from three or four to just one. The odds I had for that game was +2 1/2; regardless, Vegas books saw a huge swing of payouts from one side to the other. I don't know if Vegas itself took a bath on that game, but a lot of bettors did when they thought they were going to get money just a second or two before. Ah, gambling. So glad I'm not doing this for real.
---
So I checked Doc's Sports and as of press time, not only did they not have all of the odds for Sunday's Round 2 games, they didn't have any. So I'm confined to betting and parlaying on today's (Saturday's) games and hopefully I'll fit in another blog post for Sunday's. I'll need as many games as I can to dig out of my $700 hole:
1) Notre Dame +2 1/2 (I have West Virginia going to the Final Four in my bracket, so naturally I'll go against my instincts and pick the Fighting Irish here. Mike Brey used to be good to be bumped off early in The Big Dance; is he now one of the elite tournament coaches today?) $100
2) Wisconsin +6 (I have the Badgers upsetting Villanova in my bracket. A quiet Round 1 should mean that the upsets begin in Round 2, and I have to believe that the battle-testing Badgers are primed to pull off a big one) $200
3) Xavier +6 (I have no reason to believe a Musketeers team that went into the tourney cold can beat Florida St. ... and yet I have them beating the Seminoles here. Why? Just because. It's a better reason than what I have been doing before. And so it is with this bet) $100
4) Middle Tennessee St. +3 1/2 (I have Butler beating the Blue Raiders in my bracket. But I've been impressed that MTSU has a seasoned veteran team who seem to have the air of confidence about them. Besides, the second weekend has to have a mid-major in its 16; why not these guys?) $150
5) St. Mary's +5 1/2 (I develop blind spots in my bracket. I've been trying to see and think about all my decisions, and earlier this week I thought about the Gaels upsetting Arizona. I ultimately thought against it, but Sean Miller has yet to prove that he can guide a Wildcats team to the Promised Land. And St. Mary's is a good team) $100
6) Let's start small. Let's parlay 1) with 3), for $100.
7) And then we'll parlay 1) through 5), for $50.
Good luck!
Friday, March 17, 2017
Most Boring Birthday Ever?
Hey, I just realized that technically, it's my birthday. I will turn 41 ... and I will turn 41 alone.
Right now, my plans are for me to go to work, get done with work, drive home from work, eat a salad, maybe watch (or more likely listen to) the men's basketball tournament games, maybe have some cereal, maybe do some laundry, stack my papers to go to storage, and sleep early. I'm not saying I'm embarrassed that it's my birthday ... although I have no plans on telling anyone at work that it is, and in fact just thinking about being called out for my birthday is giving me anxiety right now. I just ... well, since there's no way for me to really celebrate the right way, I guess I am a little embarrassed that it's my birthday.
Maybe it shouldn't be this way. It's been great not having my parents around, but they would be the first ones to wish me a Happy Birthday (well, after all my friends on Facebook), and it would be nice to have that acknowledged by the ones who birthed me. Maybe the fact that they're not here to do so makes me want to hide the secret of my birthday.
Oh, well. I am going to go to Facebook now and reply to everyone who has sent me wishes.
P.S. I do this thing where I write down all the songs playing on radio stations at the time of my birth. Since I will be busy scoring papers right then, that will be an impossibility this year. Just a head's-up.
Right now, my plans are for me to go to work, get done with work, drive home from work, eat a salad, maybe watch (or more likely listen to) the men's basketball tournament games, maybe have some cereal, maybe do some laundry, stack my papers to go to storage, and sleep early. I'm not saying I'm embarrassed that it's my birthday ... although I have no plans on telling anyone at work that it is, and in fact just thinking about being called out for my birthday is giving me anxiety right now. I just ... well, since there's no way for me to really celebrate the right way, I guess I am a little embarrassed that it's my birthday.
Maybe it shouldn't be this way. It's been great not having my parents around, but they would be the first ones to wish me a Happy Birthday (well, after all my friends on Facebook), and it would be nice to have that acknowledged by the ones who birthed me. Maybe the fact that they're not here to do so makes me want to hide the secret of my birthday.
Oh, well. I am going to go to Facebook now and reply to everyone who has sent me wishes.
P.S. I do this thing where I write down all the songs playing on radio stations at the time of my birth. Since I will be busy scoring papers right then, that will be an impossibility this year. Just a head's-up.
Thursday, March 16, 2017
March Madness 2017 Anti-Picks, Round 1
The big downside for doing this is that not all of the first-round odds are in because of these stupid play-in games (and by the way, nice comeback by my alma mater -- congratulations to them for making the real tournament!!!). There are only 14 games listed for Friday's, and I have no idea when I'll get them, so I'll just have to make do without them. Same is true for Rounds 2 and 4, both of which come on the weekend and whose matchups are only determined 48 hours in advance. That means that the rounds, played over the course of two days, won't have all the games' odds before the first game of that round tips off. I hate that. But, again, I must make do.
Since I am so busy, I am now concentrating only the underdogs I would go crazy and bet on if I were at an actual casino in, for example, Las Vegas. I know it is unwise to do so, but I cannot shake my fantasy of roping in some huge-legged parlay for, oh, $75 and make thousands upon thousands because they hit. I surely would lose my shirt, but hey, this is what the Anti-Picks are for.
---
Odds courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Princeton +6 1/2 $200
2) Princeton M/L +252 $100
3) North Carolina-Wilmington +7 1/2 $200
4) UNCW M/L +282 $100
5) East Tennessee St. +10 1/2 $100
6) ETSU M/L +442 $50
7) Xavier +2 $200
8) Xavier M/L +114 $100
9) Oklahoma St. +2 1/2 $100
10) Oklahoma St. M/L +121 $50
11) Kansas St. +3 1/2 $200
12) Kansas St. M/L +145 $100
13) Marquette +1 1/2 $150
14) Marquette M/L +53 $50
15) Giant Killers Blog (ESPN.com) parlay, which is taking the underdogs this blog says have the best chances of happening. I then removed the underdogs current at Pick 'Em (Rhode Island) or, in fact, favored (Middle Tennessee St.), and then because I got spooked by the matchup, I have removed UNCW: 1), 7) and 11), for $200
16) Same thing, but only for odds: 2), 8), 12), for $100
17) Might as well group the others: 3), 5), 9) and 13), for $75
18) And 4), 6), 10) and 14), for $50
19) For completion's sake -- all the odds bets (by which I mean the, uh, odd-numbered bets), for $75.
20) And all the M/L's/even-numbered wagers, for $25.
Good luck!
Since I am so busy, I am now concentrating only the underdogs I would go crazy and bet on if I were at an actual casino in, for example, Las Vegas. I know it is unwise to do so, but I cannot shake my fantasy of roping in some huge-legged parlay for, oh, $75 and make thousands upon thousands because they hit. I surely would lose my shirt, but hey, this is what the Anti-Picks are for.
---
Odds courtesy of Doc's Sports:
1) Princeton +6 1/2 $200
2) Princeton M/L +252 $100
3) North Carolina-Wilmington +7 1/2 $200
4) UNCW M/L +282 $100
5) East Tennessee St. +10 1/2 $100
6) ETSU M/L +442 $50
7) Xavier +2 $200
8) Xavier M/L +114 $100
9) Oklahoma St. +2 1/2 $100
10) Oklahoma St. M/L +121 $50
11) Kansas St. +3 1/2 $200
12) Kansas St. M/L +145 $100
13) Marquette +1 1/2 $150
14) Marquette M/L +53 $50
15) Giant Killers Blog (ESPN.com) parlay, which is taking the underdogs this blog says have the best chances of happening. I then removed the underdogs current at Pick 'Em (Rhode Island) or, in fact, favored (Middle Tennessee St.), and then because I got spooked by the matchup, I have removed UNCW: 1), 7) and 11), for $200
16) Same thing, but only for odds: 2), 8), 12), for $100
17) Might as well group the others: 3), 5), 9) and 13), for $75
18) And 4), 6), 10) and 14), for $50
19) For completion's sake -- all the odds bets (by which I mean the, uh, odd-numbered bets), for $75.
20) And all the M/L's/even-numbered wagers, for $25.
Good luck!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)