So my first lie came Monday (ETA on March 10 that I had saved this blog post for a long time, so long that it wasn't Monday but a date several weeks ago and a date that I can't remember, but yeah, it was on a Monday), when I received a call on my new smartphone from my aunt and uncle. They invited me out to dinner the next night because they thought, probably, that I am eating out every day and could use the free food. I, however, did not tell them that my parents had already come home and I am eating well, too well. They still wanted me to come out anyway. My aunt just wanted me to not tell my folks that I am eating out with them. I totally understand; when I emerged from my bedroom and met them back at the dinner table, I told them my friend at the radio station surprisingly asked me out. (Oh yeah ... in case you don't know, I don't work at a radio station anymore. Haven't worked in one since 2001.)
We had Chinese. Oh shit. I'm OK with Chinese, but I eat it so often that there's a chance that the place we go to is a place I've been to. And since my parents had a business delivering to Chinese restaurants around the area, there's a chance, a very good chance, that the place I went to was a place my folks did business with. Moreover, there was a chance that I had eaten at this place. And since it would be a place I'd be eating without my parents, it would be very, very awkward.
And so it was. In fact it's a Chinese place fairly close to us. The owner was there and recognized me, as well as my aunt and uncle and cousin. Probably didn't think anything was hinky because on our way out he said to tell my parents he says hi. Here I have to confess: I just assume that Chinese people are paranoid, about anything. Applied in this situation, I was somewhat surprised that he didn't think that it was weird I was eating at his place without my parents. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way. Maybe the only Chinese paranoid people I know are family, and me.
I guess I should've just nodded and said I will, but that meant the next time the owner of the restaurant sees them, he'll tell them about the time I ate there with my aunt and uncle and cousin, and my parents will get mad and there'll be hell to pay once I get home. So to explain that I asked him if he could keep a secret and not tell them I'm here. Yeah, like that'll work. I'm pretty sure he was thinking, "What the hell are you talking about?"
---
While driving there we went back to discussing my parents coming back home. I think it was my uncle, who was driving, who was surprised that they came home so early; I think he told me, either during this drive to the restaurant or a conversation we had some time ago, that Father told him (they're brothers) that they'll be away for a long time.
"Well," I said, "They had to come back from Europe some time."
"Europe?" my uncle asked. "I thought they were in Vegas."
Fuck!
I don't remember if my uncle told me that Father told him that he'd be in Vegas for the winter, or if I told my uncle that. See, that's why I hate lying: I have to keep track of them, and I'm the worst at organizing anything, let alone lies.
I may have let out a small "shit" while looking out the passenger-side window thinking way to cover my ass after my mistake. What to do? I hedged. I had to tell them the truth, that they were visiting my sister who lives with my brother-in-law in Switzerland (although, like with the owner of the Chinese restaurant, I swore him to secrecy). But during dinner I told my cousin's wife's parents that they spent some time in Las Vegas over the winter, too. Saying that probably confused my aunt and uncle, but I had to hold onto the lie that I think I or My Father told my uncle. Or ... well, fuck, I don't know what I was thinking. All these lies have caught up to me, and once I lost track they came tumbling down on my head.
I don't know how close my aunt and uncle are to my parents. Although they are brothers, I'm fairly certain they do not talk to each other. From time to time My Father gives me something to give to my uncle. We live close to each other, and neither of them work anymore, so My Father could easily drive there to see him. But I'm sure he hasn't seen his face or even spoken to him in months. Therefore, I think my secret is safe with him. On the other hand, my aunt, even though I know My Father doesn't like her and Mother may or may not like her, likes them, or at least is gossipy enough to tell them everything. (I'm not sure I can take her asking me not to tell my folks I'm eating with them for dinner at face value; it'd be her, not my uncle, who I think would blab about dinner with me to them.) So, I could be totally overreacting to things, but I also have reason to believe my parents will eventually find out I had dinner behind their backs, so to speak, and then there would be hell to pay once they do.
---
I'm supposed to have lunch with them -- aunt, uncle, cousin, his wife, and her parents -- again Saturday afternoon. Probably will be at the same Chinese place. More hiding and not telling. But hey, in for a penny, in for a pound. Besides, they offered to take me out for lunch this Saturday when I stopped by there to drop of my aunt's plastic container and a book of my sister and brother-in-law's wedding, so I'm not paying for it.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Thursday, February 27, 2014
This Polar Vortex Can Kiss My Ass
All winter, and now it's been a long one (almost as long as last year's) has been cold cold cold cold snow! cold cold cold cold snow! And it's been awful now that last week's 8-9" snowstorm was followed up by a cold front so quickly that all the slush that reached the pavement has iced over. The roads are still very bad; I'm sliding whenever I'm not being jerked around by the ruts.
Just got into my car to start it. The door shuts tightly, as it does whenever it's this freezing. I've been getting to work later and later because I've been getting out of bed later and later because it's been so goddamn cold outside I don't want to go outside. Today I was dreading it too, but I'll say that it doesn't feel worse than any of our worst days this winter. The lack of wind helps.
Then again, I'm writing this when I should be driving to work. I'm late because I'm blogging now. Gotta go.
Just got into my car to start it. The door shuts tightly, as it does whenever it's this freezing. I've been getting to work later and later because I've been getting out of bed later and later because it's been so goddamn cold outside I don't want to go outside. Today I was dreading it too, but I'll say that it doesn't feel worse than any of our worst days this winter. The lack of wind helps.
Then again, I'm writing this when I should be driving to work. I'm late because I'm blogging now. Gotta go.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#0: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -2). Just realized this after skimming the school's recap of the Gophers' 27-12 destruction of 15th-ranked Iowa St. in Ames Sunday afternoon (and when was the last time the U. beat the Cyclones, let alone on the road?): They finish the regular season with a 14-1 record. If not for a 19-14 ambush at Michigan, this team would be undefeated for the first time I can remember. They are ranked #1 in the country. Dylan Ness, who led Minnesota to their third straight National Duals title the week before and was named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week for the second week in a row, took the day off against Iowa St. -- and the Gophers still crushed them.
Could they be national champions? That would be sweet.
We'll find out at the NCAAs in about three weeks. Between now and then are the conference championships in Madison, Wisc. a week and a half from now.
#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). They are several games out of the eighth and final spot in the Western Conference playoffs, and despite the balance of the schedule being slightly easier than the 50-plus the deficit to make up probably is too wide. Nevertheless they surprised the hell out of everyone by starting off the post-All-Star break with a 3-1 week. Two of those wins were on the road, and all three of them against teams better than them -- one of them against a Utah squad that is seeing dividends in its rebuilding program, another against a Phoenix club which was supposed to bottom out this year but instead is rebuilding so fast that they're fighting for that same playoff spot, and the third against Indiana, arguably the best team in the Eastern Conference and possibly even the National Basketball Association.
If it hasn't been affirmed before, this week proved that Kevin Love is hands down the best player on the team, even over Ricky Rubio. He broke a streak (franchise or league? Don't know) of scoring 30+ points per game. And he's basically carrying this team on what probably is a quixotic quest to get to the postseason. He may be burnishing his credentials to score that huge-ass free-agent contract once he leaves the Woofie Dogs, which we all think he'll do. But for at least one week we can all believe that he's doing all he can for us. And that is a shitload.
They finish their five-game roadtrip this screening week with two winnable games, Sacramento and Denver.
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0). Welp, the program isn't going to go undefeated this week. In fact, they are currently mired in their first losing streak of the season after dropping the last two games of their three-game series against Creighton in Ft. Myers, Fla. And they had to come back to beat the Bluejays on Friday, scoring six runs in the bottom of the fifth inning after spotting Creighton a 5-1 lead after the top of the third.
I've got nothing else.
This weekend they face their first true road games as they visit Louisiana Tech.
#-3: Swarm (Last Week: -Infinity). Maybe they got paid between Saturday and Sunday, because the Smarm finally got that elusive second victory on the 23rd in Philadelphia. That ended their losing streak at five, which was caboosed the night before, 14-12 to Toronto. Their only two wins on the season are against the Wings, both of them in Philly.
Wow, this is a surprise. I just popped on over to the National Lacrosse League website for the first time all season, and I see that the Swarm was moved this year from the Western to the Eastern Conference. Moreover, I thought this team was buried as the worst team in a nine-team league, but partly by virtue of those pair of wins, they sit only a half-game behind Philadelphia for a playoff spot. And just to be certain, if the eight playoff spots are not strictly halved between the two conferences, the Swarm are also only a half-game behind The Bastard Portland by way of Washington Stealth as well. So I guess things are not all lost!
They're off until March 8, when they complete a three-game swing away from St. Paul by visiting Buffalo.
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Going down to the wire this team is going backwards -- not so good, even if I continue to try and convince myself that not making the Big Dance is OK because this is Richard Pitino's first season.
That 62-49 embarrassment to bottom-dweller Illinois hurts, a lot, basically because they shit that brick in front of Goofers fans at Williams Arena. Their subsequent loss at Ohio St. is almost as painful because they had the lead at halftime and then quit just as the United States men's hockey team did in the bronze medal game against Finland. Both defeats highlighted again the serious weaknesses on this club: Toothless clutch play, inconsistent scoring from their starters, and all those fucking turnovers.
This team had lost six of their eight games at this point. No wonder the bracketologists that publish their field of 68 projections on Mondays put the Goofs as one of the "First Four Out" (which, by the way, is the exact opposite of what they should be called -- they should be called the "Last Four Out" because they should be the one of the last teams you need to consider allowing into the Big Dance, but I digress).
So they needed that victory over Iowa Tuesday night in the worst way. I don't know who this Charles Bugg person is, and finding role players who can step up this late in the season doesn't make me believe the club can rely on him, but nevertheless it was a good win that stanched the bleeding. Up next as a Saturday early evening tilt at Michigan, which (as of this writing) just defeated the Boilermakers at Purdue with the most unique end-of-game inbounds play I've ever seen: A lob to Glenn Robinson III followed by a lay-up with 2.9 seconds left.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers). I was afraid of this. They have little to nothing after Rachel Banham and Amanda Zahui B., and they got exposed this week with a double drubbing by ranked Purdue (by 21 at home) and Michigan St. (by 14 on the road). Because of that inopportune slide, the only (?) women's college bracketologist on Planet Earth, Charlie Creme, have the U. on the bubble -- just like the men, only the women are on the good side of it, although they are hanging on for dear life as an 11-seed.
Creme has the team in largely on the strength of their schedule. They don't have a bad loss against that touch schedule, although they don't have a good win either. He says that the games that finish their regular season -- home vs. Indiana Thursday and Ohio St. Sunday -- are extremely important. I think he's saying that winning both games makes the Gophs assured as any bubble team of reaching the NCAA Tournament. If so, they may be the weakest NCAA team -- men's or women's, any sport -- I've ever seen. Therefore, such a feat would be, to say the least, remarkable.
Could they be national champions? That would be sweet.
We'll find out at the NCAAs in about three weeks. Between now and then are the conference championships in Madison, Wisc. a week and a half from now.
#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). They are several games out of the eighth and final spot in the Western Conference playoffs, and despite the balance of the schedule being slightly easier than the 50-plus the deficit to make up probably is too wide. Nevertheless they surprised the hell out of everyone by starting off the post-All-Star break with a 3-1 week. Two of those wins were on the road, and all three of them against teams better than them -- one of them against a Utah squad that is seeing dividends in its rebuilding program, another against a Phoenix club which was supposed to bottom out this year but instead is rebuilding so fast that they're fighting for that same playoff spot, and the third against Indiana, arguably the best team in the Eastern Conference and possibly even the National Basketball Association.
If it hasn't been affirmed before, this week proved that Kevin Love is hands down the best player on the team, even over Ricky Rubio. He broke a streak (franchise or league? Don't know) of scoring 30+ points per game. And he's basically carrying this team on what probably is a quixotic quest to get to the postseason. He may be burnishing his credentials to score that huge-ass free-agent contract once he leaves the Woofie Dogs, which we all think he'll do. But for at least one week we can all believe that he's doing all he can for us. And that is a shitload.
They finish their five-game roadtrip this screening week with two winnable games, Sacramento and Denver.
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0). Welp, the program isn't going to go undefeated this week. In fact, they are currently mired in their first losing streak of the season after dropping the last two games of their three-game series against Creighton in Ft. Myers, Fla. And they had to come back to beat the Bluejays on Friday, scoring six runs in the bottom of the fifth inning after spotting Creighton a 5-1 lead after the top of the third.
I've got nothing else.
This weekend they face their first true road games as they visit Louisiana Tech.
#-3: Swarm (Last Week: -Infinity). Maybe they got paid between Saturday and Sunday, because the Smarm finally got that elusive second victory on the 23rd in Philadelphia. That ended their losing streak at five, which was caboosed the night before, 14-12 to Toronto. Their only two wins on the season are against the Wings, both of them in Philly.
Wow, this is a surprise. I just popped on over to the National Lacrosse League website for the first time all season, and I see that the Swarm was moved this year from the Western to the Eastern Conference. Moreover, I thought this team was buried as the worst team in a nine-team league, but partly by virtue of those pair of wins, they sit only a half-game behind Philadelphia for a playoff spot. And just to be certain, if the eight playoff spots are not strictly halved between the two conferences, the Swarm are also only a half-game behind The Bastard Portland by way of Washington Stealth as well. So I guess things are not all lost!
They're off until March 8, when they complete a three-game swing away from St. Paul by visiting Buffalo.
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4). Going down to the wire this team is going backwards -- not so good, even if I continue to try and convince myself that not making the Big Dance is OK because this is Richard Pitino's first season.
That 62-49 embarrassment to bottom-dweller Illinois hurts, a lot, basically because they shit that brick in front of Goofers fans at Williams Arena. Their subsequent loss at Ohio St. is almost as painful because they had the lead at halftime and then quit just as the United States men's hockey team did in the bronze medal game against Finland. Both defeats highlighted again the serious weaknesses on this club: Toothless clutch play, inconsistent scoring from their starters, and all those fucking turnovers.
This team had lost six of their eight games at this point. No wonder the bracketologists that publish their field of 68 projections on Mondays put the Goofs as one of the "First Four Out" (which, by the way, is the exact opposite of what they should be called -- they should be called the "Last Four Out" because they should be the one of the last teams you need to consider allowing into the Big Dance, but I digress).
So they needed that victory over Iowa Tuesday night in the worst way. I don't know who this Charles Bugg person is, and finding role players who can step up this late in the season doesn't make me believe the club can rely on him, but nevertheless it was a good win that stanched the bleeding. Up next as a Saturday early evening tilt at Michigan, which (as of this writing) just defeated the Boilermakers at Purdue with the most unique end-of-game inbounds play I've ever seen: A lob to Glenn Robinson III followed by a lay-up with 2.9 seconds left.
#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers). I was afraid of this. They have little to nothing after Rachel Banham and Amanda Zahui B., and they got exposed this week with a double drubbing by ranked Purdue (by 21 at home) and Michigan St. (by 14 on the road). Because of that inopportune slide, the only (?) women's college bracketologist on Planet Earth, Charlie Creme, have the U. on the bubble -- just like the men, only the women are on the good side of it, although they are hanging on for dear life as an 11-seed.
Creme has the team in largely on the strength of their schedule. They don't have a bad loss against that touch schedule, although they don't have a good win either. He says that the games that finish their regular season -- home vs. Indiana Thursday and Ohio St. Sunday -- are extremely important. I think he's saying that winning both games makes the Gophs assured as any bubble team of reaching the NCAA Tournament. If so, they may be the weakest NCAA team -- men's or women's, any sport -- I've ever seen. Therefore, such a feat would be, to say the least, remarkable.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
I Wasted Time Going To The Same Fucking Place Two Days In A Row (Scheduled Post)
OK, so if money isn't seeping through my checking account fast enough now, last week I was reminded that my semi-annual storage room payment is due. I need it, but I always forget that I need to pay until it comes through the mail. Plus, my parents got the mail the day that bill came. They asked me once before if I bought a storage unit and I said no. I think I'll be able to lie and say that I got it over the holidays while they were gone because, well, they wouldn't let me keep my shit here.
So I need to pay by the end of the month. Well, I know that if I don't pay by Friday, February 28, it's not as if they're going to through all my shit out of the unit the next morning. Nevertheless, I decided to drop by the storage unit to just get it out of the way Sunday before going to the gym ...
... only to see that the office is closed on Sundays. Well, shit, I just wasted gas going up there when I could have gone directly to the gym.
Today I decided to chain together a bunch of things I need to do: Get chicken for dinner (Mother texted me that just after I got off of work), get a haircut (which I thought about doing Sunday), and drop off a plastic food container and a book of my sister's wedding to my aunt and uncle. Sunday night I started to map out my post-work drive to hit all the places, including finding the closest barbershop ('scuse me ... salon) to the storage unit so I could drive there, pay for the next six months, get my hair cut, go to the grocery store to buy the chicken, drop off the stuff at my aunt and uncle's place, and get home at a time that still seemed appropriate for dinner (and with chicken that was still hot).
The roads are still bad. Some lengths are still just coated in ice, others have small tracks of pavement by virtue of car after car cowardly following the same lines of the car before them, creating ruts which turn your vehicle into a white noise machine if you don't drive in the groove. And fuck, I hope someone has told the city of the big-ass pothole near the train track. But eventually, after just over a half-hour, I got to the storage place so I could finally pay six month's rent ...
... only to see that the office closed on Mondays. I saw the sign just outside of the automatic gate Sunday: "Office Hours Tue-Sat blah-blah-blah, Closed Sun/Mon." Well, fuck me twice. I just wasted even more gas when I could've gotten my hair cut at a place closer to home and came home probably 30 minutes earlier. And it's not a good time to waste gas money now that the price of a gallon has rocketed up 35, 40 cents since I came home from St. Louis.
So I need to pay by the end of the month. Well, I know that if I don't pay by Friday, February 28, it's not as if they're going to through all my shit out of the unit the next morning. Nevertheless, I decided to drop by the storage unit to just get it out of the way Sunday before going to the gym ...
... only to see that the office is closed on Sundays. Well, shit, I just wasted gas going up there when I could have gone directly to the gym.
Today I decided to chain together a bunch of things I need to do: Get chicken for dinner (Mother texted me that just after I got off of work), get a haircut (which I thought about doing Sunday), and drop off a plastic food container and a book of my sister's wedding to my aunt and uncle. Sunday night I started to map out my post-work drive to hit all the places, including finding the closest barbershop ('scuse me ... salon) to the storage unit so I could drive there, pay for the next six months, get my hair cut, go to the grocery store to buy the chicken, drop off the stuff at my aunt and uncle's place, and get home at a time that still seemed appropriate for dinner (and with chicken that was still hot).
The roads are still bad. Some lengths are still just coated in ice, others have small tracks of pavement by virtue of car after car cowardly following the same lines of the car before them, creating ruts which turn your vehicle into a white noise machine if you don't drive in the groove. And fuck, I hope someone has told the city of the big-ass pothole near the train track. But eventually, after just over a half-hour, I got to the storage place so I could finally pay six month's rent ...
... only to see that the office closed on Mondays. I saw the sign just outside of the automatic gate Sunday: "Office Hours Tue-Sat blah-blah-blah, Closed Sun/Mon." Well, fuck me twice. I just wasted even more gas when I could've gotten my hair cut at a place closer to home and came home probably 30 minutes earlier. And it's not a good time to waste gas money now that the price of a gallon has rocketed up 35, 40 cents since I came home from St. Louis.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Shampoo? No Shampoo?
So I went to get my hair cut this evening before buying chicken to bring home for dinner and the girl asks me if I wanted her to wash my hair.
First I thought what I always thought about this: No thanks, as soon as I get home I'll just hop in the shower, so that won't be necessary.
But then I remembered my day (maybe I'll blog about it soon) and I thought that there might be an occasion where shampooing at the barbershop ('scuse me ... the salon) would be a good idea, namely when I can't go home and I have to rush off for something that evening. Such as, for example, seeing a movie with a friend who got us tickets, like he did tomorrow night for Non-Stop, the latest from Liam Neeson, Hollywood's Most Unlikely Action Hero. And you know, I don't have to pick up my friend until 6:30 or so. I could have -- maybe should have -- gotten my hair cut tomorrow because I had time to kill, and with the shampoo job I didn't have to worry about scratching the back of my neck every 30 seconds during the movie.
But then I thought, Hey, way a second ... I don't think I remember the last time someone volunteered to give me a shampoo. Maybe I would get it, maybe even do so on the regular, if it were regularly offered. And if I am not regularly offered, well, why the hell aren't I? Isn't that something that's just given?
Or, maybe I've been offered a shampoo before I go every single time and I've dismissed it because I opt to do it myself once I get home.
Just a thought.
First I thought what I always thought about this: No thanks, as soon as I get home I'll just hop in the shower, so that won't be necessary.
But then I remembered my day (maybe I'll blog about it soon) and I thought that there might be an occasion where shampooing at the barbershop ('scuse me ... the salon) would be a good idea, namely when I can't go home and I have to rush off for something that evening. Such as, for example, seeing a movie with a friend who got us tickets, like he did tomorrow night for Non-Stop, the latest from Liam Neeson, Hollywood's Most Unlikely Action Hero. And you know, I don't have to pick up my friend until 6:30 or so. I could have -- maybe should have -- gotten my hair cut tomorrow because I had time to kill, and with the shampoo job I didn't have to worry about scratching the back of my neck every 30 seconds during the movie.
But then I thought, Hey, way a second ... I don't think I remember the last time someone volunteered to give me a shampoo. Maybe I would get it, maybe even do so on the regular, if it were regularly offered. And if I am not regularly offered, well, why the hell aren't I? Isn't that something that's just given?
Or, maybe I've been offered a shampoo before I go every single time and I've dismissed it because I opt to do it myself once I get home.
Just a thought.
Hit A Car
I really don't want to talk about it because I'm confessing a crime. I ... I just didn't want to back up. I thought I parked with enough space in front of me. Plus I woke up early this morning, I didn't take a nap before I went out exercising, the winter and the shitty roads got to me, I thought I was going to the wrong address to go to this art show whose final day was Sunday, and finally there was a bus stalled on the street I wanted to turn into.
I go to the house, see that it's a house with no markings saying that it is a house, hear a dog barking from the inside, then back away. I don't know what's going on, but that isn't a place I think I should be buzzing. So I go back to my car and immediately head out ... and I hit the car ahead of me, passenger-side front bumper to its driver's-side rear bumper. I then had a chance to reverse the car but ... I don't know, I thought at the time I didn't really bump it, that I just imagined it, and even if I did, it wouldn't be that bad. At this point, though, I probably panicked and thought that if I reversed, someone would catch me. So I gunned it, and sure enough, I pushed the car ahead of me even further.
I drove around to what the other address of this art gallery could be before stopping to take a look at the bumper. Obviously I was hoping it wasn't going to be bed, but, of course, it was: Two scrape marks, fairly long, on the corner of my bumper.
You know, I could blame the weather or my fatigue or anything, but the bottom line is I wanted to get out of that spot right away, and I didn't even want to spend the time to back up. And now I will, because I'll be reminded of the fucking hundreds of dollars I now have to spend at the auto body shop whenever I try to do this again.
And all because I decided I didn't want to back up. I'm an asshole as well as a felon ... oh yeah, I totally buried the fact that I ran away!!! I so am a goddamn felon!
---
By the way, the address I went to was the wrong fucking address. I should have been three blocks north. I don't know how or why I got the address wrong, but I shouldn't have even been in that fucking area.
I go to the house, see that it's a house with no markings saying that it is a house, hear a dog barking from the inside, then back away. I don't know what's going on, but that isn't a place I think I should be buzzing. So I go back to my car and immediately head out ... and I hit the car ahead of me, passenger-side front bumper to its driver's-side rear bumper. I then had a chance to reverse the car but ... I don't know, I thought at the time I didn't really bump it, that I just imagined it, and even if I did, it wouldn't be that bad. At this point, though, I probably panicked and thought that if I reversed, someone would catch me. So I gunned it, and sure enough, I pushed the car ahead of me even further.
I drove around to what the other address of this art gallery could be before stopping to take a look at the bumper. Obviously I was hoping it wasn't going to be bed, but, of course, it was: Two scrape marks, fairly long, on the corner of my bumper.
You know, I could blame the weather or my fatigue or anything, but the bottom line is I wanted to get out of that spot right away, and I didn't even want to spend the time to back up. And now I will, because I'll be reminded of the fucking hundreds of dollars I now have to spend at the auto body shop whenever I try to do this again.
And all because I decided I didn't want to back up. I'm an asshole as well as a felon ... oh yeah, I totally buried the fact that I ran away!!! I so am a goddamn felon!
---
By the way, the address I went to was the wrong fucking address. I should have been three blocks north. I don't know how or why I got the address wrong, but I shouldn't have even been in that fucking area.
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Defiance
Yeah, the roads are bad after Thursday's horrific snowstorm and subsequent cold blast. While Friday's and Saturday's sunshine helped activate the salt in order to evaporate the snow and ice (really, once you get to Valentine's Day, the rays of the sun are fairly intense; on a sunny day in your car, you can feel quite warm), there was so much to begin with that there are slippery patches and ruts of dry pavement all over the place. The rides are rough pretty much everywhere in the metropolitan area.
And yet ... despite the road conditions, despite the fact that we had just saw the news saying that driving isn't advised, and despite the car that I saw rolled over on the way back from the gym ... well, the North Star Roller Girls (they're the roller derby team based on this side of the river, aka the inferior league) had its championship bout last night. I have yet to go to a game at the NSRG, and this appears to be the last game of the season. So, I wanted to go.
I asked them, "Mind if I go out tonight?" while they were cleaning dishes. Mother said no, but I thought that she said she didn't mind when she meant she did mind. One of the few times English is obviously a handicap to her. Meanwhile, My Fucking Father quietly stopped washing dishes, then continued after Mother said no.
She asked me where I was going. I told her a movie in Columbia Heights. I tried to tell her it was close to a branch of the bank she went to, but she didn't understand, and then I thought maybe it was better if I didn't go, and I told her that, and I went back to my bedroom.
But then My Fucking Father screams from the kitchen: "Why don't you clean your room?"
Now, I think I've been pretty good and not throwing papers and clothes all over my room. A little too clean, in fact; the shit I do have I've been hiding. So for him to basically accuse me that my bedroom is dirty ... well, that just set me off.
"You know what? Maybe I will leave." And then I did some quick picking-up of stuff and stuffing them into my night desk, all the while muttering, "Why don't you clean your room" in Chinese. And then I left.
I was about 15, 20 minutes late the bout, but at least I saw both halves of the title bout. The three-time defending champion Violent Femmes were unable to four-peat, getting blasted early and often by The Banger Sisters, who the Femmes beat soundly earlier in the year, apparently. The commute there and back wasn't great, but with careful and slow driving, I was able to make it to the Minneapolis Convention Center, then to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) and finally home a bit past 11.
No problem, 'Rents, no fucking problem at all.
---
Thought they'd be upset. I decided I'd get up early and stomp around the house, clearing up the snow around the mailboxes and wiping up my bedroom floor. They aren't angry. In fact, they offered me oatmeal. They're acting as if our fight didn't happen at all.
And yet ... despite the road conditions, despite the fact that we had just saw the news saying that driving isn't advised, and despite the car that I saw rolled over on the way back from the gym ... well, the North Star Roller Girls (they're the roller derby team based on this side of the river, aka the inferior league) had its championship bout last night. I have yet to go to a game at the NSRG, and this appears to be the last game of the season. So, I wanted to go.
I asked them, "Mind if I go out tonight?" while they were cleaning dishes. Mother said no, but I thought that she said she didn't mind when she meant she did mind. One of the few times English is obviously a handicap to her. Meanwhile, My Fucking Father quietly stopped washing dishes, then continued after Mother said no.
She asked me where I was going. I told her a movie in Columbia Heights. I tried to tell her it was close to a branch of the bank she went to, but she didn't understand, and then I thought maybe it was better if I didn't go, and I told her that, and I went back to my bedroom.
But then My Fucking Father screams from the kitchen: "Why don't you clean your room?"
Now, I think I've been pretty good and not throwing papers and clothes all over my room. A little too clean, in fact; the shit I do have I've been hiding. So for him to basically accuse me that my bedroom is dirty ... well, that just set me off.
"You know what? Maybe I will leave." And then I did some quick picking-up of stuff and stuffing them into my night desk, all the while muttering, "Why don't you clean your room" in Chinese. And then I left.
I was about 15, 20 minutes late the bout, but at least I saw both halves of the title bout. The three-time defending champion Violent Femmes were unable to four-peat, getting blasted early and often by The Banger Sisters, who the Femmes beat soundly earlier in the year, apparently. The commute there and back wasn't great, but with careful and slow driving, I was able to make it to the Minneapolis Convention Center, then to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) and finally home a bit past 11.
No problem, 'Rents, no fucking problem at all.
---
Thought they'd be upset. I decided I'd get up early and stomp around the house, clearing up the snow around the mailboxes and wiping up my bedroom floor. They aren't angry. In fact, they offered me oatmeal. They're acting as if our fight didn't happen at all.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Oh My God, I Am So Fucked (Charity)
I knew I couldn't do this. I knew I couldn't be a leader. I had other things I needed and wanted to do, and I thought things were going smoothly but I had to wait until I got the OK. The ball wasn't in my court, alright, it wasn't!
So now that I get the go-ahead to signing people up for this charity -- or at least I thought I had to wait, I don't know now! -- I see that there is no room for the date that I need. How did this happen? And more importantly, what the fuck do I do now?
I have no idea. I simply have no fucking clue. I have to talk to this person to basically beg for my goddamn life to squeeze me in, somehow. But that might take money -- no, seriously, that might take money.
My back-up plan ... well, it's shit, but I don't think I have any other choice. Everybody hated what we did last year, but we might have to go back to this.
Oh, I am so fucked.
I had no idea. Couldn't this thing be done a month in advance? Are these things supposed to be done more than a month in advance? I have no fucking clue.
Facing people ... now, that's the worst part. I don't want to hear what they'll say about me, God. But I am their leader, and I have to talk to them to see what we do next.
What's worst is the fellow board member. I had to tell him what's going on, and he texted me with this: "I thought this was already booked." Oh my God, did you think I already booked this? I sent in the proposal, but I couldn't do anything until they gave their approval. Or I think. Oh my God, I don't know. Did I say that I booked it already? I don't know, I don't think so, but I don't know.
What the fuck I going to do?
So now that I get the go-ahead to signing people up for this charity -- or at least I thought I had to wait, I don't know now! -- I see that there is no room for the date that I need. How did this happen? And more importantly, what the fuck do I do now?
I have no idea. I simply have no fucking clue. I have to talk to this person to basically beg for my goddamn life to squeeze me in, somehow. But that might take money -- no, seriously, that might take money.
My back-up plan ... well, it's shit, but I don't think I have any other choice. Everybody hated what we did last year, but we might have to go back to this.
Oh, I am so fucked.
I had no idea. Couldn't this thing be done a month in advance? Are these things supposed to be done more than a month in advance? I have no fucking clue.
Facing people ... now, that's the worst part. I don't want to hear what they'll say about me, God. But I am their leader, and I have to talk to them to see what we do next.
What's worst is the fellow board member. I had to tell him what's going on, and he texted me with this: "I thought this was already booked." Oh my God, did you think I already booked this? I sent in the proposal, but I couldn't do anything until they gave their approval. Or I think. Oh my God, I don't know. Did I say that I booked it already? I don't know, I don't think so, but I don't know.
What the fuck I going to do?
Friday, February 21, 2014
USA Women's Hockey Chokes At The Olympics
I skipped my lunchtime nap for that bullshit.
So this project I was talking about on the blog post before last? Well, we got down to the brass tacks and made a huge push to get it done in the afternoon. This push meant I had to take off my satellite radio and relay numbers to the person I was with, so I didn't hear the women's hockey gold medal game after the U.S. went up 1-0.
I don't know how long finishing took, but by the time I got done and put my headphones back on, they were going to overtime. Well, at that point I had to know how it was going to end, so I went to the place across the street and charge a bowl of mushroom curry wild rice (not bad) to my credit card so I could hang out and listen.
And goddamn if I learned that the Americans were up 2-0 late in the third period before choking away the lead with two goals in 3 1/2 minutes. And then this Marie-Ellen or whatever Canadian bitch, the same cunt who tied the game, won the game in OT.
Fuck this. I don't care if this pisses people off: What the United States women's hockey team did was nothing less than a goddamn choke job. And I don't care if they're women who have no professional hockey opportunities beyond this. Being accepted as equal to men in sports means that I get to say that you suck. And you do. All of you. Hard.
What a fucking joke. I am so goddamn disgusted with them right now. ...
So this project I was talking about on the blog post before last? Well, we got down to the brass tacks and made a huge push to get it done in the afternoon. This push meant I had to take off my satellite radio and relay numbers to the person I was with, so I didn't hear the women's hockey gold medal game after the U.S. went up 1-0.
I don't know how long finishing took, but by the time I got done and put my headphones back on, they were going to overtime. Well, at that point I had to know how it was going to end, so I went to the place across the street and charge a bowl of mushroom curry wild rice (not bad) to my credit card so I could hang out and listen.
And goddamn if I learned that the Americans were up 2-0 late in the third period before choking away the lead with two goals in 3 1/2 minutes. And then this Marie-Ellen or whatever Canadian bitch, the same cunt who tied the game, won the game in OT.
Fuck this. I don't care if this pisses people off: What the United States women's hockey team did was nothing less than a goddamn choke job. And I don't care if they're women who have no professional hockey opportunities beyond this. Being accepted as equal to men in sports means that I get to say that you suck. And you do. All of you. Hard.
What a fucking joke. I am so goddamn disgusted with them right now. ...
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Stress Eating
Oh my fucking Buddha. I love Mother, I really do, but I yelled at her constantly tonight.
She hasn't asked for computer help in a while, but today she was kind of in a tizzy after I came home because she wanted to download something and she alleges a bunch of programs all of a sudden popped up on her computer. Or something. Mother wasn't that specific on what happened. She usually isn't -- which is the problem.
Mother wanted these programs that "invaded" her laptop, her old laptop, gone after I got done eating dinner last night. This is an OCD My Fucking Father usually wants done, but for some reason tonight was Mother's time to flip out over superfluous shit. But at least she knows that there is an "Add/Remove Programs" window she needs to go to. What she did and said next just pissed me off.
I don't use that computer. Well, I did while my laptop was in the shop, but not now. So I don't know what these programs are. Apparently, neither does Mother, because she clicked on one of these programs that took up space on her lap and asked me, "What's that?" And I think it was Adobe or something, and since there are many .pdf files I know she will need to see, I told her to not remove that. But then she goes onto the next one and goes, "What's that?" And this was a program I've never heard of, so I told her to remove it.
Now, imagine your mom asking you, "What's that?" -- those two words, in Chinese as well as English -- for 45 straight minutes, for every single goddamn program that's on her screen. It truly was like taking a kid shopping at Target with you: She wouldn't shut up. All she did was repeatedly, incessantly ask me, "What's that? What's that?? WHAT'S THAT?!?!?!". And, well, you can probably guess I was soon screaming at her, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!"
On top of that, because My Fucking Mother was on this goddamn cleaning jag (on her computer at least) she kept asking me, "Can we remove that?" Soon she followed up asking "What's that?" by then asking, "Can we remove that?" for every single goddamn program. "What's that? Can we remove that? What's that? Can we remove that? What's that? Can we remove that?" I was already set off by her asking me, "What's that?" But the thing about "Can we remove that?" that pissed me off was the word, "we." I know she can't help it because English is not her native language, so her use of subject will always be slippery. But saying "we" to me in my already frustrated state made me believe that somehow I was responsible for putting these strange programs I've never heard of and My Fucking Mother has never used on her laptop. So finally -- well, I think it must've been the second or even the first time -- I went, "I DON'T KNOW IF WE NEED TO REMOVE THAT, I DON'T USE YOUR COMPUTER!!!!!!"
Then after 45 minutes she was done. Remarkably, she didn't raise her voice at me. I hope she understood how she pissed me off. But once she shut off her computer (and I hope to fucking God I won't have to help her with these programs tonight) she told me there was coffee cake. No thanks, Mother, I'm going to have Doritos instead.
---
Oh, I need to write to my title. Yeah, in the middle of Mother pissing me off, I thought, "Man, after this bullshit I'm going to eat some Doritos." And I then had a flashback to the time My Fucking Father pissed me off when he fucking ordered me to write down every single goddamn expense at my parents' fucking real estate properties while they were in Europe. (He reminded me of doing that a few weeks ago too. Yeah, good luck with that.) After I got off the Skype with him I immediately opened up a bag of Gardetto's because of all the stress he fuckin' gave me. Same thing last night.
But I knew, both times, that I was going to overindulge and get fat and feel guilty afterwards, but goddammit, I needed that after the bullshit they put me through. Same thing here, although I also ate because Hawaii Five-O was on on a special Wednesday night.
Fell asleep a bit past 8, woke up a bit past 2 and had that pit in my stomach that tells me, whoa, I ate too much. I like Dorito's, but I ate through three-quarters of the bag -- awesome I can still do that, I guess, but the me from 20 or even ten years ago would have been able to sweat off the extra pounds I got from eating it. Not anymore.
I need to stop this. My parents are going to piss me off, but I can't react to that by stuffing my face. At least not anymore.
She hasn't asked for computer help in a while, but today she was kind of in a tizzy after I came home because she wanted to download something and she alleges a bunch of programs all of a sudden popped up on her computer. Or something. Mother wasn't that specific on what happened. She usually isn't -- which is the problem.
Mother wanted these programs that "invaded" her laptop, her old laptop, gone after I got done eating dinner last night. This is an OCD My Fucking Father usually wants done, but for some reason tonight was Mother's time to flip out over superfluous shit. But at least she knows that there is an "Add/Remove Programs" window she needs to go to. What she did and said next just pissed me off.
I don't use that computer. Well, I did while my laptop was in the shop, but not now. So I don't know what these programs are. Apparently, neither does Mother, because she clicked on one of these programs that took up space on her lap and asked me, "What's that?" And I think it was Adobe or something, and since there are many .pdf files I know she will need to see, I told her to not remove that. But then she goes onto the next one and goes, "What's that?" And this was a program I've never heard of, so I told her to remove it.
Now, imagine your mom asking you, "What's that?" -- those two words, in Chinese as well as English -- for 45 straight minutes, for every single goddamn program that's on her screen. It truly was like taking a kid shopping at Target with you: She wouldn't shut up. All she did was repeatedly, incessantly ask me, "What's that? What's that?? WHAT'S THAT?!?!?!". And, well, you can probably guess I was soon screaming at her, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!!!"
On top of that, because My Fucking Mother was on this goddamn cleaning jag (on her computer at least) she kept asking me, "Can we remove that?" Soon she followed up asking "What's that?" by then asking, "Can we remove that?" for every single goddamn program. "What's that? Can we remove that? What's that? Can we remove that? What's that? Can we remove that?" I was already set off by her asking me, "What's that?" But the thing about "Can we remove that?" that pissed me off was the word, "we." I know she can't help it because English is not her native language, so her use of subject will always be slippery. But saying "we" to me in my already frustrated state made me believe that somehow I was responsible for putting these strange programs I've never heard of and My Fucking Mother has never used on her laptop. So finally -- well, I think it must've been the second or even the first time -- I went, "I DON'T KNOW IF WE NEED TO REMOVE THAT, I DON'T USE YOUR COMPUTER!!!!!!"
Then after 45 minutes she was done. Remarkably, she didn't raise her voice at me. I hope she understood how she pissed me off. But once she shut off her computer (and I hope to fucking God I won't have to help her with these programs tonight) she told me there was coffee cake. No thanks, Mother, I'm going to have Doritos instead.
---
Oh, I need to write to my title. Yeah, in the middle of Mother pissing me off, I thought, "Man, after this bullshit I'm going to eat some Doritos." And I then had a flashback to the time My Fucking Father pissed me off when he fucking ordered me to write down every single goddamn expense at my parents' fucking real estate properties while they were in Europe. (He reminded me of doing that a few weeks ago too. Yeah, good luck with that.) After I got off the Skype with him I immediately opened up a bag of Gardetto's because of all the stress he fuckin' gave me. Same thing last night.
But I knew, both times, that I was going to overindulge and get fat and feel guilty afterwards, but goddammit, I needed that after the bullshit they put me through. Same thing here, although I also ate because Hawaii Five-O was on on a special Wednesday night.
Fell asleep a bit past 8, woke up a bit past 2 and had that pit in my stomach that tells me, whoa, I ate too much. I like Dorito's, but I ate through three-quarters of the bag -- awesome I can still do that, I guess, but the me from 20 or even ten years ago would have been able to sweat off the extra pounds I got from eating it. Not anymore.
I need to stop this. My parents are going to piss me off, but I can't react to that by stuffing my face. At least not anymore.
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Work Karma?
Was put on a project just before I was supposed to have lunch. Got buried in papers, and then I got stuck fixing the files in which those papers are contained. I kind of hoped it would have gotten done today because, to make a long story short, the couple that temped with me were in charge of these files and I presupposed that the math and the accounting were good, but, alas, not all of them were good, or at least not clear. That doesn't mean I think they now suck, but right now I'm at the library and I'm still frazzled by all the computing I did the last three hours -- and I'm nowhere close to being done with this project.
I had to work through my lunch hour. Probably makes up for all the long lunch hours I've taken recently. But then again ... weren't those long hours already made up by the fact I've been leaving later and later? Oh, wait a second ... I did that because I'm getting to work later and later.
My brain's so fried right now. And for all I know, once I'm done with this project, I could be done ... at work.
I had to work through my lunch hour. Probably makes up for all the long lunch hours I've taken recently. But then again ... weren't those long hours already made up by the fact I've been leaving later and later? Oh, wait a second ... I did that because I'm getting to work later and later.
My brain's so fried right now. And for all I know, once I'm done with this project, I could be done ... at work.
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
Positive Numbers: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0). Have I done Positive Numbers in back-to-back Weekly Minnesota Sports Surveys? This is my fifth year of doing Wailing And Failing and thus the WMNSS, so I must have. Yet I'm kind of worried that raising the level of the survey this far two weeks in a row will sully my reputation of being a depressing hard-ass.
Nevertheless, all I see from this team, this perennially mediocre squad whose halcyon days are now a decade gone, are two straight wins on the road, beating Wisconsin and Northwestern. Sure, both teams are in the bottom half of the Big Ten, but I didn't expect this team to win either game. Because of that, because the squad has won four in a row, and because of the continued weakness of the bubble this far into the women's college basketball season, ESPN.com's women's bracketologist Charlie Creme now has the Gophers as one of the Last Four In. Assuming his prediction is completely correct, not only would the program be in the Big Dance for the first time in five years, but they would face Maryland and Pam Borton's predecessor, Brenda Frese (nee Oldfield) for the first time since she left the U. (though the visits will come more frequently starting next year, when Maryland officially joins the B1G) in the second round.
Amanda Zahui B. has become as important a cog to this team as Rachel Banham; Zahui is the conference Freshman Of The Week for the sixth time and most assuredly will be the Big Ten Freshman Of The Year. Nevertheless, it'll be the health of Banham that will dictate whether this club makes the tourney. And I still have my doubts. They now face two teams in the top half of the conference, Purdue (at home) and Michigan St. (on the road).
#0: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!). Just before starting to write this WMNSS I was looking forward to the fact that I didn't have to write so much as before (after checking to make sure they didn't play a game after the Wednesday cutoff) because the Wild didn't play last week. But then I checked the Golden Gophers composite schedule and saw that, oh my goodness, the U. baseball team just began their season in Glendale, Ariz.! And good for them, they have begun it with a three-game sweep of Northern Illinois. For that, you guys get a 0!
I have no idea how this team is supposed to do. They finished fourth in the B1G but failed to win the B1G Tournament which was held at Target Field. I do know that Baseball America predicted the postseason field of 64 teams and Minnesota was not on it. They play Creighton in Ft. Myers, Fla. this weekend.
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I attended Friday's game against Michigan, meaning I've been to the series-opening games of four of the five conference opponents in the inaugural season of the Big Ten hockey conference. I'm proud of that, and hopefully I won't be run over by a bus or suffer some tragedy before the 28th, when I get to complete this obscure goal when Penn St. comes to town. Anyway, although I learned later that Michigan was ranked, by the way they played, I didn't think the Gophers were in any trouble of losing that game, especially after they were swept in Wisconsin the weekend prior. And while the Wolverines got to within one in the third period, I still thought the U. was going to score another goal to put it away. And Gabe Guertler (a freshman from ... Florida?!) did with 4 1/2 minutes left in the game. Congratulations to Adam Wilcox (saving 63-of-67 shots) and Hudson Fasching (two goals and one assist) for taking the conference's top two stars of the week. Nevertheless, not only are they still second the rankings behind Boston College, but the Eagles have just about coalesced unanimity among first-place votes. I know this is a long time from now, and upsets happen frequently in the tournament, but can you see an inevitable clash between B.C. and Minnesota for the NCAA title?
Off next weekend. Play said Nittany Lions in the home finale the weekend after.
#-2: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: Positive Numbers). OK, so the U. grapplers won National Duals earlier this week. That's a good thing. They won it for the third time in a row. That's a great thing. But should I be impressed over that when the previous two National Duals championships didn't result in an NCAA title either year? I don't think so. I think last weekend's home upset over previous #1 Penn St. is a much better (let alone impressive) harbinger that this team and program might finally get over the hump and win the NCAA title, which, frankly, is the only thing that matters.
Hmmm, that's odd ... although they're done with conference play, they are not done with regular season play. I thought they were, but couched between National Duals and the Big Ten Championships is a quick visit to Iowa St. Sunday afternoon. Let's see if they can avoid a letdown.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). They trounced Denver by 27 Wednesday in the last game before the All-Star break, but they still sit several games behind Phoenix, Golden State and Memphis in the race for the last spots in the Western Conference playoffs. What's much more noticeable is the pallor of dread shrouding not only this team by this organization. Everybody knows that this team won't make the playoffs. Most people are just assuming Kevin Love will eventually leave the Woofie Dogs and are debating whether the franchise is going to trade its franchise player over the offseason or by Thursday's trade deadline. Some folks think Head Coach Rick Adelman will leave after this year. And shit, I've heard a few people think this team might relocate, possibly to Seattle.
About the possible detonation of this club as it's currently constitued: OK, so Kevin Love might not want to play here. First of all, if we had a better team (and that may not be possible with Love on the team, and maybe he's not the answer, but go with me) he might not want to leave. And I don't understand something I hear quite often, that free agents don't want to play in Minnesota. If you're going to get money and playing time here, why wouldn't free agents want to play here? Is it because of the cold? It can't be because you play indoors!!! I just don't get that.
Nevertheless, we continue this slouch towards irrelevancy. They finish the month with four games this screening week: Home to Indiana (a team that's been built from nothing into a great squad despite being located in a city with less to do than Minneapolis, just saying), then a five-game road trip out West starting with Utah, Portland and Phoenix (three more teams built the right way, also just saying).
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). A loss in Wisconsin and a win at Northwestern means, according to ESPN.com's men's bracketologist Joe Lunardi, that the Gophers remain one of the last "legitimate" teams in the field. Deandre Mathieu is stepping up, but today this Ellenson kid said he's leaving the team to pursue track. I think this team is holding on for dear life.
They have five regular season games left. Weirdly, they have three games this week. And fortunately, I don't have to be high to believe they can win all three and basically stamp their ticket to the Big Dance. It starts Wednesday night (tonight) against last-place Illinois at Williams Arena. They then visit scattershot Ohio St. early Saturday evening. Then, in an unusual early Tuesday evening contest back at the Barn, they host Iowa, possibly the best team in this competitive, inscrutable Big Ten.
#-Infinity: Swarm (Last Week: -4). I went to Saturday's Smarm/Minnesota RollerGirls twinbill, which they do every year. I ostensibly went for the MNRG, but they were throttling this All-Star team somewhere in Iowa so bad that I decided to take in this art show in Nordeast Minneapolis and bugged out early.
But at least the roller girls actually won their game. The Swarm were on the receiving end on what really was an embarrassing ass-kicking, 14-9. It wasn't even that close. I was shocked, shocked, that the men on this year's squad seemed to make turnovers almost at will, and have trouble completing passes, and be unable to shoot anywhere close to the goal. They've always been a young team, but a bad one? Well, I saw that Saturday night. I don't know much about box lacrosse, but this Smarm team may have been the worst I've ever seen it. It was so goddamn pathetic I'm going to scare them with a -Infinity this week.
I have a thought, though. They may truly suck. Or, they may have played as if they haven't been paid yet. The owners of the Swarm asked for money to begin the season, and I doubt they got the monetary donations they wanted. Is it possible they're encountering payroll problems? Absolutely.
They are now 1-6 and falling down a shaft while the National Lacross League playoffs wave bye-bye to them from the edge. They have lost four in a row, including all three home games they've had so far (which includes the last two games). And this weekend they visit Toronto on Saturday and Philadelphia on Sunday. This will not be fun.
And by the way, the incessant blaring music which changes every five seconds and the DJ who won't shut the fuck up are barely tolerable when the home team's winning. In a loss, let alone one as bad as this, I wanted to fucking punch somebody.
Nevertheless, all I see from this team, this perennially mediocre squad whose halcyon days are now a decade gone, are two straight wins on the road, beating Wisconsin and Northwestern. Sure, both teams are in the bottom half of the Big Ten, but I didn't expect this team to win either game. Because of that, because the squad has won four in a row, and because of the continued weakness of the bubble this far into the women's college basketball season, ESPN.com's women's bracketologist Charlie Creme now has the Gophers as one of the Last Four In. Assuming his prediction is completely correct, not only would the program be in the Big Dance for the first time in five years, but they would face Maryland and Pam Borton's predecessor, Brenda Frese (nee Oldfield) for the first time since she left the U. (though the visits will come more frequently starting next year, when Maryland officially joins the B1G) in the second round.
Amanda Zahui B. has become as important a cog to this team as Rachel Banham; Zahui is the conference Freshman Of The Week for the sixth time and most assuredly will be the Big Ten Freshman Of The Year. Nevertheless, it'll be the health of Banham that will dictate whether this club makes the tourney. And I still have my doubts. They now face two teams in the top half of the conference, Purdue (at home) and Michigan St. (on the road).
#0: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!). Just before starting to write this WMNSS I was looking forward to the fact that I didn't have to write so much as before (after checking to make sure they didn't play a game after the Wednesday cutoff) because the Wild didn't play last week. But then I checked the Golden Gophers composite schedule and saw that, oh my goodness, the U. baseball team just began their season in Glendale, Ariz.! And good for them, they have begun it with a three-game sweep of Northern Illinois. For that, you guys get a 0!
I have no idea how this team is supposed to do. They finished fourth in the B1G but failed to win the B1G Tournament which was held at Target Field. I do know that Baseball America predicted the postseason field of 64 teams and Minnesota was not on it. They play Creighton in Ft. Myers, Fla. this weekend.
#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I attended Friday's game against Michigan, meaning I've been to the series-opening games of four of the five conference opponents in the inaugural season of the Big Ten hockey conference. I'm proud of that, and hopefully I won't be run over by a bus or suffer some tragedy before the 28th, when I get to complete this obscure goal when Penn St. comes to town. Anyway, although I learned later that Michigan was ranked, by the way they played, I didn't think the Gophers were in any trouble of losing that game, especially after they were swept in Wisconsin the weekend prior. And while the Wolverines got to within one in the third period, I still thought the U. was going to score another goal to put it away. And Gabe Guertler (a freshman from ... Florida?!) did with 4 1/2 minutes left in the game. Congratulations to Adam Wilcox (saving 63-of-67 shots) and Hudson Fasching (two goals and one assist) for taking the conference's top two stars of the week. Nevertheless, not only are they still second the rankings behind Boston College, but the Eagles have just about coalesced unanimity among first-place votes. I know this is a long time from now, and upsets happen frequently in the tournament, but can you see an inevitable clash between B.C. and Minnesota for the NCAA title?
Off next weekend. Play said Nittany Lions in the home finale the weekend after.
#-2: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: Positive Numbers). OK, so the U. grapplers won National Duals earlier this week. That's a good thing. They won it for the third time in a row. That's a great thing. But should I be impressed over that when the previous two National Duals championships didn't result in an NCAA title either year? I don't think so. I think last weekend's home upset over previous #1 Penn St. is a much better (let alone impressive) harbinger that this team and program might finally get over the hump and win the NCAA title, which, frankly, is the only thing that matters.
Hmmm, that's odd ... although they're done with conference play, they are not done with regular season play. I thought they were, but couched between National Duals and the Big Ten Championships is a quick visit to Iowa St. Sunday afternoon. Let's see if they can avoid a letdown.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). They trounced Denver by 27 Wednesday in the last game before the All-Star break, but they still sit several games behind Phoenix, Golden State and Memphis in the race for the last spots in the Western Conference playoffs. What's much more noticeable is the pallor of dread shrouding not only this team by this organization. Everybody knows that this team won't make the playoffs. Most people are just assuming Kevin Love will eventually leave the Woofie Dogs and are debating whether the franchise is going to trade its franchise player over the offseason or by Thursday's trade deadline. Some folks think Head Coach Rick Adelman will leave after this year. And shit, I've heard a few people think this team might relocate, possibly to Seattle.
About the possible detonation of this club as it's currently constitued: OK, so Kevin Love might not want to play here. First of all, if we had a better team (and that may not be possible with Love on the team, and maybe he's not the answer, but go with me) he might not want to leave. And I don't understand something I hear quite often, that free agents don't want to play in Minnesota. If you're going to get money and playing time here, why wouldn't free agents want to play here? Is it because of the cold? It can't be because you play indoors!!! I just don't get that.
Nevertheless, we continue this slouch towards irrelevancy. They finish the month with four games this screening week: Home to Indiana (a team that's been built from nothing into a great squad despite being located in a city with less to do than Minneapolis, just saying), then a five-game road trip out West starting with Utah, Portland and Phoenix (three more teams built the right way, also just saying).
#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). A loss in Wisconsin and a win at Northwestern means, according to ESPN.com's men's bracketologist Joe Lunardi, that the Gophers remain one of the last "legitimate" teams in the field. Deandre Mathieu is stepping up, but today this Ellenson kid said he's leaving the team to pursue track. I think this team is holding on for dear life.
They have five regular season games left. Weirdly, they have three games this week. And fortunately, I don't have to be high to believe they can win all three and basically stamp their ticket to the Big Dance. It starts Wednesday night (tonight) against last-place Illinois at Williams Arena. They then visit scattershot Ohio St. early Saturday evening. Then, in an unusual early Tuesday evening contest back at the Barn, they host Iowa, possibly the best team in this competitive, inscrutable Big Ten.
#-Infinity: Swarm (Last Week: -4). I went to Saturday's Smarm/Minnesota RollerGirls twinbill, which they do every year. I ostensibly went for the MNRG, but they were throttling this All-Star team somewhere in Iowa so bad that I decided to take in this art show in Nordeast Minneapolis and bugged out early.
But at least the roller girls actually won their game. The Swarm were on the receiving end on what really was an embarrassing ass-kicking, 14-9. It wasn't even that close. I was shocked, shocked, that the men on this year's squad seemed to make turnovers almost at will, and have trouble completing passes, and be unable to shoot anywhere close to the goal. They've always been a young team, but a bad one? Well, I saw that Saturday night. I don't know much about box lacrosse, but this Smarm team may have been the worst I've ever seen it. It was so goddamn pathetic I'm going to scare them with a -Infinity this week.
I have a thought, though. They may truly suck. Or, they may have played as if they haven't been paid yet. The owners of the Swarm asked for money to begin the season, and I doubt they got the monetary donations they wanted. Is it possible they're encountering payroll problems? Absolutely.
They are now 1-6 and falling down a shaft while the National Lacross League playoffs wave bye-bye to them from the edge. They have lost four in a row, including all three home games they've had so far (which includes the last two games). And this weekend they visit Toronto on Saturday and Philadelphia on Sunday. This will not be fun.
And by the way, the incessant blaring music which changes every five seconds and the DJ who won't shut the fuck up are barely tolerable when the home team's winning. In a loss, let alone one as bad as this, I wanted to fucking punch somebody.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Remember The Band: Uncle Lucius
With so few terrestrial television stations, you learn to appreciate the ones you have. I'm no country fan, but since there have been many slow periods where there's nothing on, I've seen a lot of this new subchannel called The Country Network, which in the past year or two renamed itself Zuus Country. (And what the hell kind of a name is "Zuus?") Stupid.
Anyhoo, there are some things I like about it. First of all, if you can dodge the informercials that they air from time to time, all Zuus Country does is play music video after music video -- you know, the way MTV was before they stopped airing music that's part of its name. The other thing I like is that the don't just play mainstream country, which frequently is pop these days. There is a two-hour show which they air a couple nights a week called "Americana," which shows videos of not pop-country acts like Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum, but folk and roots and bluegrass bands and artists. It's the "country" I can dig that burnishes the hipster airs I have for myself, while at the same time allows me to sneer at the redneck attitude pervasive among the type of country most people like.
One of the acts I would like to hear more of is a group called The Humming House. I don't remember the name of the song and video that got me hooked on them, but the breakdown of their song has them dancing something kind of close to hip-hop. Meanwhile, there was another song that was good and downbeat which I had forgotten. I remembered it once, thinking, "Yep, that was a good song -- what's the name of it? Yeah, I forget." But while flipping through the channels late this evening I saw it on tonight's "Americana." How fortuitous. This band is called Uncle Lucius, and its timely song is called "Keep The Wolves Away":
It's a very personal song of how the lead singer grew up in poverty, environmental disaster and corporate exploitation. And Uncle Lucius is promoting Feeding America with the video. Good song, great message, fantastic deeds.
Oh, and also an awesome band from a show that should become must-watch for me.
Anyhoo, there are some things I like about it. First of all, if you can dodge the informercials that they air from time to time, all Zuus Country does is play music video after music video -- you know, the way MTV was before they stopped airing music that's part of its name. The other thing I like is that the don't just play mainstream country, which frequently is pop these days. There is a two-hour show which they air a couple nights a week called "Americana," which shows videos of not pop-country acts like Taylor Swift and Lady Antebellum, but folk and roots and bluegrass bands and artists. It's the "country" I can dig that burnishes the hipster airs I have for myself, while at the same time allows me to sneer at the redneck attitude pervasive among the type of country most people like.
One of the acts I would like to hear more of is a group called The Humming House. I don't remember the name of the song and video that got me hooked on them, but the breakdown of their song has them dancing something kind of close to hip-hop. Meanwhile, there was another song that was good and downbeat which I had forgotten. I remembered it once, thinking, "Yep, that was a good song -- what's the name of it? Yeah, I forget." But while flipping through the channels late this evening I saw it on tonight's "Americana." How fortuitous. This band is called Uncle Lucius, and its timely song is called "Keep The Wolves Away":
It's a very personal song of how the lead singer grew up in poverty, environmental disaster and corporate exploitation. And Uncle Lucius is promoting Feeding America with the video. Good song, great message, fantastic deeds.
Oh, and also an awesome band from a show that should become must-watch for me.
Monday, February 17, 2014
Expenses Without Receipt
Starting from Monday, February 17:
- Stopped by My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). There was this one girl who is hot but may be a five-dollar chick. I avoided embarrassment and left instead of giving her money. Hope I didn't make the wrong choice, but I think she'll be OK if I am wrong and she accepts two bucks instead. Coffee and tips: $9.
- Sunday the 16th was the day where we went to the Bayfield Ice Caves, and I got a coffee and hash browns at the Burger King in Superior, Wisc., but I paid by credit card, so no EWRs that day. So I go back a day, to Saturday the 15th, when I went to the annual Swarm/Minnesota RollerGirls doubleheader. Between games, when they were taking off the lacrosse artificial turf to reveal the flat track below, I cooled my heels at the corner bar at the Xcel Energy Center. Got a drink, a Goose Island Honker's Ale. I liked it and I thought I had never had it before, but I just remembered that I did, at last year's golf tournament. Anyway, I cannot fucking believe what I paid. Goddamn sports prices. With tip it came out to -- gulp: $10.50.
- ETA an hour before the day turns to March 15 that I forgot to put in the amount for the ticket I scalped for the doubleheader: $15.
- With several minutes remaining in the MNRG's demolition of some All-Star team from Iowa, I bugged out early (swore I would never be the guy to leave a game early, but times are changing) to catch the opening night of an exhibition by a local musician/performance artist/transgender at the art gallery I go to. Put in a small donation before I left after an hour. It's not much, and much lower than the suggested donation according to the sign. I kind of feel like I'm the owner's parents, giving him an amount of money that's useless in the world we live in now, and he just takes it just to humor me: $3.
- On Friday the 14th, after going to a place called Parkway Pizza because I was going to stay out that evening, I started to make my way to the U. in order to catch a men's hockey game, aka the reason I was staying out. Before hitting Mariucci Arena I stopped by Bordertown Coffee to warm me up. Coffee with tip: $2.25.
- My scalper asked for five more dollars for this ticket, against Michigan, than two weeks ago, when the Gophers played Michigan St. What gives? With program, hot dog and Coke: $29.75.
- Wednesday, February 12: Stopped by the place across the street from the place I work instead of taking a nap during lunch. KFAN's The Common Man's annual Preposterous Statement Tournament (in its sixth year!) had its Selection Show, and as usual, it was glorious. While listening I got a chili, as usual. With tip: $3.50.
- After work I stayed out because I had a alumni club teleconference I had to listen in on, and I think I would have been distracted if I tried to conduct it at home. I started off spending an hour at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), where I finally got that dance from Savannah for the first time she came back to work there. That, along with coffee and tips from only three because I kind of bugged out on the fourth dancer: $29.
- I then went to Diamonds for the teleconference. Decided to eat an early dinner there; besides, the other option would be to get a third cup of coffee, and I don't think my heart could take that. I got the special, two hot dogs (two?) with chips. Might as well get a Coke with that, too. And I'll be goddamned if I didn't forget the total after I vowed to myself to remember it. Shit! I have to make up an amount, fuck. And I forgot to take out my punch card, too. Fuck me. Uh ... with tip: $9.
- Going back to Monday the 10th, my last day in St. Louis. I first left a tip for the housekeepers about to clean up my room, including the bath towel I ejaculated into. Does anyone leave tips for housekeepers? Total: $2.
- I then tipped the rental car shuttle bus driver who took me to the airport. I wanted to give a tip to the person who drove me to the rental car place when I touched down in STL, but I didn't because it felt weird with two other people to tip the driver, especially if no one else does it. Do people tip rental car shuttle bus drivers? Have they ever? Total: $1.
- I also think I picked up a quarter off the ground somewhere during the trip -- I'll just put it here. An Infusion of: 25 cents.
- OK, Sunday, February 9 ... I'm glad I wrote these down in my day planner ... after trying out the Tilted Kilt for the first time (my thought on the girls: Eh ... my waitress was great and funny, but they're not as hot as the e-mail ads purport), I went to Ameristar, where I played slots once and won money, so I got the hell out of there. An Infusion of: $6.
- I then went to Dollie's for some dick-pulling time. Cover, beer, tips, a drink for this new girl who was very nice but wasn't feeling any horny vibes for, and **y: $72.
- After going back to the hotel, I started off my night by hitting Hollywood Casino, formerly known as Harrah's. Won money playing slots one time there, as well, so yes, I left after that. An Infusion of: $2.
- I then hit Hollywood Show Club. I'll keep the details for my review, but suffice it to say a boring night became a pretty good one. Cover, beer, tips and dances with two girls, ***a and ******a: $121.
- Saturday the 8th: Dollie's again. Cover, beer, tips, and A*****: $76.
- Decided to keep wearing my porno pants up to Edwardsville because I got lost on the way to a casino hotel close enough where I could change in its bathroom. Took in a Southern Illinois University-Edwardsville doubleheader where both Cougar basketball clubs faced Tennessee-Martin. Both won! In fact, the SIUE women's team became the first team to beat the Skyhawks in Ohio Valley Conference play. OK, I think I'm the only non-alum to care about this. Ticket, a hot dog, a bottle of Pepsi and one raffle ticket for the women's "Pink Cancer" raffle: $11.50.
- Afterwards I went to Lumiere Place, the beautiful casino in downtown St. Louis, and finally played craps. And I eked out a profit there, too, an Infusion of: $26.
- Oh, fuck ... I hung out at the city's only 24-hour coffee shop, Coffee Cartel. You'd think that with the two-plus hours I spent trying to balance my checkbook (even though I couldn't do much since I was on the last page of the register I had and I forgot the new ones I brought along with me) I would remember to write down the price of the (overpriced) bacon sandwich and coffee. But I didn't. So I'll pull an amount out of my ass again: $8.75.
- To Friday the 7th, where for some reason I got so ran down I didn't do much. Did hit Dollie's for the second straight day, though, where I finally saw A*****. Her, along with beer and tips (no cover because the asshole old man let me in for free): $75.
- Thursday the 6th was my trip to St. Louis, and I was able to make a beeline from the airport to Dollie's, the place where I basically was going to live in while I was down there. My ATF, A*****, was not there, as I feared, but no matter, I wasn't going to let that break my stride. Another girl, *****y, did that for me. Cover, beer, tips and her: $69.
- I then stopped by the casino between Dollie's and the Scottrade Center to change from my porno pants and put on long underwear in order to brave the cold, windy weather on my way to the hockey game. I had a few minutes left before I had to find parking in downtown St. Louis, plus I didn't know if I'd have time to hit this particular casino (I wanted to at least bet a little something in each of five casinos in the STL area). Three pulls in two different slot machines. I got some money on the third, and I thought that I should cut my losses, plus it was time for me to go. Loss of: $6.
- St. Louis Blues game, and a very good matchup with Boston, a team that is one of the best, like the Blues. But after squandering a 2-0 lead, the home team won in overtime by a rebound stuff by T.J. Oshie, a guy who moved to Warroad at 15, the current Olympic hero for the U.S. men's hockey team after scoring four of six times in the shootout win over Russia, and he of the really hot wife. Ticket (at student rate; went legit at the box office, not to a scalper -- oh, and thanks to the National Car Rental guy for pointing out that Thursday nights are student nights!), hot dog, Souvenir-sized, unlimited-refill Pepsi, five bucks for the 50/50 raffle (this promotion is sweeping the nation, isn't it?) plus four bits for street parking add up to: $43.50.
- After the game and after changing in my hotel, I went up to the Pub Room in Alton, Ill. to see if the bartender girl will show her tits. For the second time in a row, she didn't! What a gyp!! Bud with tip: $3.75.
- I then hit the Argosy, which is within walking distance. There I tried slots and I suffered the largest damage to my wallet in my short times at the casino: $15.
- Wednesday, February 5 ... I bought some chocolate truffles for work, but unlike last week, when it was a bit hit, I had several people decline. People don't like chocolate truffles?!?! So I had this surfeit of chocolate and nowhere to give them away. But then I remembered the time I unloaded cake from an alumni club function to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version). More than half the cake was left over, but they took it all. So why not nine pieces of chocolate? So I went there instead of Barnes & Noble. And although it was a struggle, they took them all, especially the nice waitress who took three pieces and the box. The coffee, by the way, was free because the waitress said the bartenders were too damn busy to help her pour the coffee for her, so she had to do it herself. The total is for tips to the strippers only: $8.
- Had chili at the place across the street from work anticipating it was my last day. Actually it wasn't, but I still went. With tip: $3.50.
Sunday, February 16, 2014
The Ice Caves Of Bayfield
On Monday Father told me about the Ice Caves in Bayfield, Wis., abutting the southern shore of Lake Superior. He wanted to go because, hey, they're retired and they have money, what the hell else would they do?
This didn't seem too far-fetched. And I did look at a slideshow of the caves, which is seeing a resurgence if not a newfound popularity because the lake has frozen over for the first time in five years, allowing anybody to reach and even get into these caves just by walking on the lake, and it looked pretty cool. Finally, it was something for the family to do, so why not? And hey, it's not as if I had anything productive to do on a Sunday.
Driving to do play-by-play for games in the Bay Area, Corvallis, Ore. and Seattle while I was in college was the last time I took a road trip. And since I technically did not get behind the wheel for any of these journeys because I was being driven by people who owned those cars, today was the first time I have driven so long on the road. Well, there was one time where I was going to a graduation party for a friend in St. Paul, but the directions were wrong so I drove all over the metro area for, like, two hours before I finally asked for directions and go to his mother's place. My Lexus was brand new at the time, too, which is a bad thing, because the owner's manual said to break it in gently over the first 500 miles, and I know I had put on less than that before getting lost. Maybe that's why it's giving me so much trouble at 20 years old.
I digress ... so it was 3 1/3 hours to go up there and come back, 4 if you include our stopover at the Burger King in Superior, Wisc., which became the spot where Mother and I switched places behind the wheel. I wouldn't consider it white-knuckle, nor was I nodding off to sleep, like I did that one time working the night shift at Macy's over the holidays. It was fine, although because Father wants to keep the heat on, I was sweating through my underwear by the time we got back at just before 9 p.m., almost 14 hours after we started.
Go. If you have time, and if the weather cooperates (I think there's supposed to be a warm-up to well above freezing, which may start to melt the ice covering Lake Superior), check it out. I wouldn't say they are "caves" per se, more like crevices, although there are some big cut-ins of rock you can try to see close-up if you don't slip and fall on the ice. Also, the first time I saw a curtain of huge icicles I thought that I spent a whole day just to see something that I can see if I look out onto the back deck. But there is something to being in an area that you can't get to over the summer (or, for that matter, even in most winters) because you would be in water that extends downward at least ten feet. And there is something about seeing such copious amounts of water just frozen off the side of a cliff, or stalactites hanging underneath rock, and thinking that winds howling across the lake were so cold and so fast that it was able to freeze that cascade in its tracks.
I thought my parents had fun. Once they decided to hightail it back (I wish we could have gone as far as we could, but I'm sure we didn't) Mother walked faster than she did when we started out to the caves. Father and I walked as fast as we could, but she just dusted us. I was thinking, "Did she hate going up here?" I don't remember her being enthusiastic about the ice caves. But she says she just had to pee.
All in all, it was a great time, and more important, a time for the family to do something together. And best of all: 14 hours, no arguments. Well, when we got into the car for the ride back and Mother was fiddling with the GPS, Father, thinking that she needed to stop because we were across the border and so she couldn't bring up any Minnesota destinations like our house, slapped her hand in order to get her to start driving. That wasn't nice. But hey, I wasn't involved, so I'm happy.
This didn't seem too far-fetched. And I did look at a slideshow of the caves, which is seeing a resurgence if not a newfound popularity because the lake has frozen over for the first time in five years, allowing anybody to reach and even get into these caves just by walking on the lake, and it looked pretty cool. Finally, it was something for the family to do, so why not? And hey, it's not as if I had anything productive to do on a Sunday.
Driving to do play-by-play for games in the Bay Area, Corvallis, Ore. and Seattle while I was in college was the last time I took a road trip. And since I technically did not get behind the wheel for any of these journeys because I was being driven by people who owned those cars, today was the first time I have driven so long on the road. Well, there was one time where I was going to a graduation party for a friend in St. Paul, but the directions were wrong so I drove all over the metro area for, like, two hours before I finally asked for directions and go to his mother's place. My Lexus was brand new at the time, too, which is a bad thing, because the owner's manual said to break it in gently over the first 500 miles, and I know I had put on less than that before getting lost. Maybe that's why it's giving me so much trouble at 20 years old.
I digress ... so it was 3 1/3 hours to go up there and come back, 4 if you include our stopover at the Burger King in Superior, Wisc., which became the spot where Mother and I switched places behind the wheel. I wouldn't consider it white-knuckle, nor was I nodding off to sleep, like I did that one time working the night shift at Macy's over the holidays. It was fine, although because Father wants to keep the heat on, I was sweating through my underwear by the time we got back at just before 9 p.m., almost 14 hours after we started.
Go. If you have time, and if the weather cooperates (I think there's supposed to be a warm-up to well above freezing, which may start to melt the ice covering Lake Superior), check it out. I wouldn't say they are "caves" per se, more like crevices, although there are some big cut-ins of rock you can try to see close-up if you don't slip and fall on the ice. Also, the first time I saw a curtain of huge icicles I thought that I spent a whole day just to see something that I can see if I look out onto the back deck. But there is something to being in an area that you can't get to over the summer (or, for that matter, even in most winters) because you would be in water that extends downward at least ten feet. And there is something about seeing such copious amounts of water just frozen off the side of a cliff, or stalactites hanging underneath rock, and thinking that winds howling across the lake were so cold and so fast that it was able to freeze that cascade in its tracks.
I thought my parents had fun. Once they decided to hightail it back (I wish we could have gone as far as we could, but I'm sure we didn't) Mother walked faster than she did when we started out to the caves. Father and I walked as fast as we could, but she just dusted us. I was thinking, "Did she hate going up here?" I don't remember her being enthusiastic about the ice caves. But she says she just had to pee.
All in all, it was a great time, and more important, a time for the family to do something together. And best of all: 14 hours, no arguments. Well, when we got into the car for the ride back and Mother was fiddling with the GPS, Father, thinking that she needed to stop because we were across the border and so she couldn't bring up any Minnesota destinations like our house, slapped her hand in order to get her to start driving. That wasn't nice. But hey, I wasn't involved, so I'm happy.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Averted Two Potential Ripoffs?
I had worried, if not complained, about the possibility that a gas station attendant will do the math incorrectly or even negligently on the coupon I use to get a discount. I know it's happened before, and I had to avert one this afternoon.
In preparation for a trip to the Bayfield Ice Caves, Father asked me to fill up the minivan's gas tank from half-full. I got a ten cents-off per gallon coupon with me, and I filled up 10.501 gallons of it, so I am supposed to get ... well, I was supposed to get more than the dollar off the girl I gave the coupon initially gave me, but she didn't use the calculator sitting on the edge of the cash register. She just looked at the number of gallons that popped up on her screen and gave me a dollar off.
I'll be honest: I thought it was supposed to be $1.50. So yes, my math is off, too. But I knew I should have gotten more than a buck, and while I wasn't exactly about to blow my stack, my fears that I would get shortchanged at the gas pump resurfaced in my emotions. Therefore, I made a slow move to my wallet, looked up at the discount, and told her, "Shouldn't that be $1.50?"
The girl helping was nice. Was, because I detected a bit of consternation when I, uh, asserted myself. I corrected myself, saying maybe it should only be $1.05, but that was enough for her to use the calculator. And, yes, I got the five cents off I think was warranted. I kind of made a complicated transaction even more so when I also asked for Powerball tickets and she told me I had to pay separately for it since lottery tickets must be paid in cash and I had a credit card for the gas. At the end, I said thanks a couple more times than usual. She may or may not have been cheerful to see me go.
---
I thought about getting McDonald's for lunch because I could take advantage of their "Bacation," where I could one of their newer sandwiches for two dollars and add a small fries and drink for another buck. But then I remembered that Taco Bell has been plugging their XXL Nachos for some time. The national commercial features Kevin Love, some of the time wearing an old-school Minnesota Timberwolves jacket:
If you are an NBA fan, you have heard that there is incessant chatter that Love will leave the Wolves as soon as he can, if not sooner. I'm not saying it isn't true, and I'm not saying that that gossip means that this ad is a joke. I will say that I like him wearing that jacket, I like the spot, and since I remembered that he is starting in the National Basketball Association All-Star Game Sunday, I thought that, just to commemorate him and that honor, I'll eat the XXL Nachos and go to TB instead of Mickey D's.
So I get there, on my way to the gym, and I see the XXL Nachos come in three different meats: beef, shredded chicken, and steak. I thought about getting steak, the most expensive iteration, but then I thought about how I hyperventilated after seeing my checking account and credit card bill, and I thought I could get it another time, and even if I couldn't, hey, no big loss, I like Taco Bell's beef (or at least its version of "beef").
After ordering, however, I notice a stand-up sign along the wall. It says "3X Nachos." And then I remember the narrator of the spot above saying something about "steak nachos." Wait ... is the featured limited-time-only item XXL Steak Nachos? If so, why is that being lumped in with beef and shredded chicken, and why didn't the commercial just say you can get extra-extra-large nachos with any kind of meat that you like?
I felt kind of burned. But then I thought, "You know what? Screw 'em. If they're only pushing the highest version of these nachos, if they're touting that you get triple the amount of steak when you offer cheaper meats, well, no wonder I'm confused. Look, if I like it, I'll get it, and if not, well, I need to save my money. So I stuck with the "beef" flavor and it was good and filling and I'll probably have to run to the bathroom in a couple hours and that's fine.
Man, why don't you just offer just XXL Steak Nachos? You're confusing me, TB.
In preparation for a trip to the Bayfield Ice Caves, Father asked me to fill up the minivan's gas tank from half-full. I got a ten cents-off per gallon coupon with me, and I filled up 10.501 gallons of it, so I am supposed to get ... well, I was supposed to get more than the dollar off the girl I gave the coupon initially gave me, but she didn't use the calculator sitting on the edge of the cash register. She just looked at the number of gallons that popped up on her screen and gave me a dollar off.
I'll be honest: I thought it was supposed to be $1.50. So yes, my math is off, too. But I knew I should have gotten more than a buck, and while I wasn't exactly about to blow my stack, my fears that I would get shortchanged at the gas pump resurfaced in my emotions. Therefore, I made a slow move to my wallet, looked up at the discount, and told her, "Shouldn't that be $1.50?"
The girl helping was nice. Was, because I detected a bit of consternation when I, uh, asserted myself. I corrected myself, saying maybe it should only be $1.05, but that was enough for her to use the calculator. And, yes, I got the five cents off I think was warranted. I kind of made a complicated transaction even more so when I also asked for Powerball tickets and she told me I had to pay separately for it since lottery tickets must be paid in cash and I had a credit card for the gas. At the end, I said thanks a couple more times than usual. She may or may not have been cheerful to see me go.
---
I thought about getting McDonald's for lunch because I could take advantage of their "Bacation," where I could one of their newer sandwiches for two dollars and add a small fries and drink for another buck. But then I remembered that Taco Bell has been plugging their XXL Nachos for some time. The national commercial features Kevin Love, some of the time wearing an old-school Minnesota Timberwolves jacket:
If you are an NBA fan, you have heard that there is incessant chatter that Love will leave the Wolves as soon as he can, if not sooner. I'm not saying it isn't true, and I'm not saying that that gossip means that this ad is a joke. I will say that I like him wearing that jacket, I like the spot, and since I remembered that he is starting in the National Basketball Association All-Star Game Sunday, I thought that, just to commemorate him and that honor, I'll eat the XXL Nachos and go to TB instead of Mickey D's.
So I get there, on my way to the gym, and I see the XXL Nachos come in three different meats: beef, shredded chicken, and steak. I thought about getting steak, the most expensive iteration, but then I thought about how I hyperventilated after seeing my checking account and credit card bill, and I thought I could get it another time, and even if I couldn't, hey, no big loss, I like Taco Bell's beef (or at least its version of "beef").
After ordering, however, I notice a stand-up sign along the wall. It says "3X Nachos." And then I remember the narrator of the spot above saying something about "steak nachos." Wait ... is the featured limited-time-only item XXL Steak Nachos? If so, why is that being lumped in with beef and shredded chicken, and why didn't the commercial just say you can get extra-extra-large nachos with any kind of meat that you like?
I felt kind of burned. But then I thought, "You know what? Screw 'em. If they're only pushing the highest version of these nachos, if they're touting that you get triple the amount of steak when you offer cheaper meats, well, no wonder I'm confused. Look, if I like it, I'll get it, and if not, well, I need to save my money. So I stuck with the "beef" flavor and it was good and filling and I'll probably have to run to the bathroom in a couple hours and that's fine.
Man, why don't you just offer just XXL Steak Nachos? You're confusing me, TB.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Dispute? What Dispute?. (click, dialtone)
Yesterday I began to hyperventilate over the lack of money in my account after I scheduled a payment of almost $1,200 to pay for my credit card (which, by the way, won't be enough to cover my expenses for the month). I then remembered (or re-remembered) I disputed a charge for the rental car I used while vacationing in Kansas City, and I hadn't seen what came of it.
So today, two days after waiting 20 minutes to talk to someone, I tried to talk to the credit card company about the fate of my dispute. Although it was hard to hear the people helping me (I was doing this at a pizza restaurant, which is where I am blogging this) and I had to stay on hold for another 20 minutes, I was making headway ... Until I was put on hold and then got disconnected. Stupid Visa customer service.
I am now obsessed with getting this charge off of my account. It would so help me with paying the credit card this month. I just hope I don't get punished for not following up till now, when I filed this dispute in May.
So today, two days after waiting 20 minutes to talk to someone, I tried to talk to the credit card company about the fate of my dispute. Although it was hard to hear the people helping me (I was doing this at a pizza restaurant, which is where I am blogging this) and I had to stay on hold for another 20 minutes, I was making headway ... Until I was put on hold and then got disconnected. Stupid Visa customer service.
I am now obsessed with getting this charge off of my account. It would so help me with paying the credit card this month. I just hope I don't get punished for not following up till now, when I filed this dispute in May.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Well, At Least The Car's Not Shaking
The oil level light comes on from time to time, as it has for years. The Check Engine light now comes on from time to time. (By the way, I brought it into The Mechanic Around The Corner, who, after more than a half-hour, said it was a Knock Sensor Code, and that it's driveable so long as the Check Engine light doesn't come on and stay on, which it hasn't.) It's very slow to accelerate on the really cold days this winter. And whenever I turn the heat on I have to make sure to switch the air flow from external to internal because if I don't, I smell gas fumes.
But hey, you know what? I haven't felt those violent shakes as my car idles like it did last winter. Realized some time through this harsh winter that I haven't felt those yet, at all. Guess just waiting it out a season will make it go away. I have other issues to deal with, so I can't be overjoyed as if I'm free from all trouble. But I have to recognize that something that was giving me a huge problem isn't there anymore ... at least for now.
But hey, you know what? I haven't felt those violent shakes as my car idles like it did last winter. Realized some time through this harsh winter that I haven't felt those yet, at all. Guess just waiting it out a season will make it go away. I have other issues to deal with, so I can't be overjoyed as if I'm free from all trouble. But I have to recognize that something that was giving me a huge problem isn't there anymore ... at least for now.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
Positive Numbers: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1). Well, now I don't feel so bad about this team losing in Michigan! In front of a sold-out Sports Pavilion Sunday afternoon, the U. grapplers defeated the top-ranked team in the country and the sport's current powerhouse, Penn St., 18-17. It was the first time the Gophers beat the Nittany Lions in ... well, I don't know, the U.'s press release didn't say, nor did it say the last time the U. beat the #1 team in the country. I think noting those records would be in order.
This was a back-and-forth affair, where the teams split the ten matches five apiece. Minnesota's Dylan Ness, ranked 8th at 157, was named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week with an emphatic pin of #4 (and undefeated) Dylan Alton, giving the Gophers six points and (at the time) a 12-7 lead. They would need every single one of those points, although you can't overlook the upset win by #6 Logan Storley over #3 Matt Brown at 174 and, of course, #5 Tony Nelson's Heavyweight win over unranked Jon Gingrich that pulled Minnesota ahead at the end from a 17-15 deficit. That gives Minnesota a share of the conference championship.
This weekend is the NWCA National Duals in Columbus, Ohio.
#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Do the U. vagina ballers deserve a 0? No, not really. But the Gopher wrestlers really deserve Positive Numbers for their historic upset win over Penn St., and I can't have a Positive Numbers without a 0. And the news is the most good for this program, even if there isn't much of it.
They only had one game, their annual "Pink Cancer" game, Sunday afternoon and they outlasted Illinois at the Barn 66-61. In the first half of that game, Amanda Zahui B. set the Minnesota record for most blocks in a season, eclipsing the 65 set by Janel McCarville. That is surprising because I've seen Zahui play in-person, and I swear she's, like, 5'8" when McCarville's, like, 6'5" or something. She also leads the league in double-doubles with 11 after tallying 23 points and 12 rebounds in the win over the Fighting Illini. For those reasons, she was named conference Freshman Of The Week for the fifth time this season.
Partly because of that, shockingly, ESPN's women's college bracketologist Charlie Creme has Minnesota as one of their last four out of the NCAA tournament (termed according to him "First Four Out" -- all bracketologists seem to call the four best teams to miss the bracket the "First Four Out" when they should be referred to as the "Last Four Out," and it's pissing me off) -- all despite having a record of 15-9 overall and 4-6 in the B1G. Creme does write that the bubble is messier at this point in the year than usual, and while it will inevitably untangle itself, it's so tangled right now that a team sporting a resume as unimpressive as the Gophers still have better than a fighting chance of making the Big Dance.
Assuming he's right (and I'm not a big enough fan of women's college basketball to keep track of his accuracy come Selection Monday), the team has plenty of chances to put themselves on the good side of the bubble. Opportunities best come, however, during times of crisis, and this screening week presents the worst of them: A pair of road games against Wisconsin and Northwestern. I can't believe they'd be able to win one of these games, let alone two, but if they somehow sweep, they plant a sure foot in the tourney.
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -4). I guess the team (sans of course the five players who will be playing for flag instead of money in Sochi) needed the break. Then again, I've seen the Mild play a lot worse, so while they begin the Olympic Break with a 3-2 overtime over Nashville, things could get even better with most of their team staying away from the ice for a while and healing up. The goaltender situation in particular needs every day of the three weeks of rest. If Nicklas Backstrom can get his head on straight and Josh Harding finally finds the right equation for his MS meds, this team, although it has righted itself to the point of having a relatively comfortable five-point cushion against the teams clutching the last spot in the Western Conference with their fingertips, the Bastard Winnipeg Jets and the Bastard North Stars.
Meanwhile, I could use a break from writing so much for the WMNSS. Wild, I'll see you guys in three weeks.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6). I listened to the end of Wednesday night's game in Purdue, an end that was a false end ... which gave away to another false end ... which gave away to yet another false end. And speaking of giving away, as one OT became two and then three, it was embarrassing and, frankly, pathetic to see not just the Goofers but the Boilermakers being unable and unwilling to grab this game by the lapels. And finally they just gave out and lost a game they should have won, 77-74 in triple overtime.
They bounced back and finally ended their losing streak at three with a 66-60 win at Williams Arena over Indiana. However, their recent slide has put them in contact with the oily dermis of the bubble: Bracketologist Joe Lunardi (aka "Joey Brackets," which is the best nickname you can have, Mafia-sounding-yet-non-threatening division) had them around the 10-line, but now the U. has one of the "Last Four Byes." In other words, they would be the "Last Four In" the real NCAA Tournament.
In a scheduling quirk, the men play the same pair of games as the women: At Wisconsin, then at Northwestern. Unlike the women, however, the men have so much more to lose.
---
The next three teams went winless this week, therefore they really are indistinguishable from each other. How to rank these three losers?
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). The loss to OKC came early enough for it to count in last week's survey, so technically the Woofie Dogs went 0-3 this week, extended their losing streak to four. They are now well outside of the playoff picture, and a personal issue forced Head Coach Rick Adelman to leave the team Monday as they lost to Houston at home by 18.
I caught a small bit of Dan Barreiro on KFAN on my way to Barnes & Noble after work. He noticed that not only has this organization had a shitty track record when it comes to draft choices, he also chides Owner Glen Taylor for trading players and draft picks for cash, specifically to get under the salary cap and to pay off the contract of ex-Head Coach Kurt Rambis. He has a point as this franchise slouches towards yet another season of meaninglessness. At least they're winning right now at home against Denver, the last game before this weekend's All-Star Break.
#-4: Swarm (Last Week: -7). Why is the Smarm below the Woofie Dogs even though they lost two fewer games? That loss, at home to Calgary on Saturday, pushes their losing streak to three and puts them at 1-5 for the season. That's a worse record than the Wolves. Worse over, the Timberpups aren't in danger of folding. At this rate, the Swarm being put down would be an act of mercy. This Saturday they face Edmonton at the Xcel Energy Center as part of their annual Swarm/Minnesota Roller Girls doubleheader. I might go there ... or I might go to an art show opening. I don't know.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). They peaked too early. I am really afraid that they peaked too early. Last weekend they suffered their first outright losses (to go with two shootout losses) and the first sweep in Big Ten play at Wisconsin by a pair of 2-1 scores. What scares me is that the Badgers are a team on the come. They played mediocre, if not bad, early in the season, but they have worked those kinks out (if their sweep at home against the top-ranked team in the country is any indication) and are coming together at the right time. Meanwhile, possibly for the first time all season, the Goofs are not the #1 team in the country, replaced by Boston College, which won the Beanpot and are gathering momentum as well. So why is this program beneath the Woofs in the WMNSS, and also the worst team this week? Their aura of invincibility has been punctured, possibly for good.
They host a pair against Michigan. I'm hoping to see Friday's game. I'm also hoping to see them bounce back from these defeats.
This was a back-and-forth affair, where the teams split the ten matches five apiece. Minnesota's Dylan Ness, ranked 8th at 157, was named Big Ten Wrestler Of The Week with an emphatic pin of #4 (and undefeated) Dylan Alton, giving the Gophers six points and (at the time) a 12-7 lead. They would need every single one of those points, although you can't overlook the upset win by #6 Logan Storley over #3 Matt Brown at 174 and, of course, #5 Tony Nelson's Heavyweight win over unranked Jon Gingrich that pulled Minnesota ahead at the end from a 17-15 deficit. That gives Minnesota a share of the conference championship.
This weekend is the NWCA National Duals in Columbus, Ohio.
#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Do the U. vagina ballers deserve a 0? No, not really. But the Gopher wrestlers really deserve Positive Numbers for their historic upset win over Penn St., and I can't have a Positive Numbers without a 0. And the news is the most good for this program, even if there isn't much of it.
They only had one game, their annual "Pink Cancer" game, Sunday afternoon and they outlasted Illinois at the Barn 66-61. In the first half of that game, Amanda Zahui B. set the Minnesota record for most blocks in a season, eclipsing the 65 set by Janel McCarville. That is surprising because I've seen Zahui play in-person, and I swear she's, like, 5'8" when McCarville's, like, 6'5" or something. She also leads the league in double-doubles with 11 after tallying 23 points and 12 rebounds in the win over the Fighting Illini. For those reasons, she was named conference Freshman Of The Week for the fifth time this season.
Partly because of that, shockingly, ESPN's women's college bracketologist Charlie Creme has Minnesota as one of their last four out of the NCAA tournament (termed according to him "First Four Out" -- all bracketologists seem to call the four best teams to miss the bracket the "First Four Out" when they should be referred to as the "Last Four Out," and it's pissing me off) -- all despite having a record of 15-9 overall and 4-6 in the B1G. Creme does write that the bubble is messier at this point in the year than usual, and while it will inevitably untangle itself, it's so tangled right now that a team sporting a resume as unimpressive as the Gophers still have better than a fighting chance of making the Big Dance.
Assuming he's right (and I'm not a big enough fan of women's college basketball to keep track of his accuracy come Selection Monday), the team has plenty of chances to put themselves on the good side of the bubble. Opportunities best come, however, during times of crisis, and this screening week presents the worst of them: A pair of road games against Wisconsin and Northwestern. I can't believe they'd be able to win one of these games, let alone two, but if they somehow sweep, they plant a sure foot in the tourney.
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -4). I guess the team (sans of course the five players who will be playing for flag instead of money in Sochi) needed the break. Then again, I've seen the Mild play a lot worse, so while they begin the Olympic Break with a 3-2 overtime over Nashville, things could get even better with most of their team staying away from the ice for a while and healing up. The goaltender situation in particular needs every day of the three weeks of rest. If Nicklas Backstrom can get his head on straight and Josh Harding finally finds the right equation for his MS meds, this team, although it has righted itself to the point of having a relatively comfortable five-point cushion against the teams clutching the last spot in the Western Conference with their fingertips, the Bastard Winnipeg Jets and the Bastard North Stars.
Meanwhile, I could use a break from writing so much for the WMNSS. Wild, I'll see you guys in three weeks.
#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6). I listened to the end of Wednesday night's game in Purdue, an end that was a false end ... which gave away to another false end ... which gave away to yet another false end. And speaking of giving away, as one OT became two and then three, it was embarrassing and, frankly, pathetic to see not just the Goofers but the Boilermakers being unable and unwilling to grab this game by the lapels. And finally they just gave out and lost a game they should have won, 77-74 in triple overtime.
They bounced back and finally ended their losing streak at three with a 66-60 win at Williams Arena over Indiana. However, their recent slide has put them in contact with the oily dermis of the bubble: Bracketologist Joe Lunardi (aka "Joey Brackets," which is the best nickname you can have, Mafia-sounding-yet-non-threatening division) had them around the 10-line, but now the U. has one of the "Last Four Byes." In other words, they would be the "Last Four In" the real NCAA Tournament.
In a scheduling quirk, the men play the same pair of games as the women: At Wisconsin, then at Northwestern. Unlike the women, however, the men have so much more to lose.
---
The next three teams went winless this week, therefore they really are indistinguishable from each other. How to rank these three losers?
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5). The loss to OKC came early enough for it to count in last week's survey, so technically the Woofie Dogs went 0-3 this week, extended their losing streak to four. They are now well outside of the playoff picture, and a personal issue forced Head Coach Rick Adelman to leave the team Monday as they lost to Houston at home by 18.
I caught a small bit of Dan Barreiro on KFAN on my way to Barnes & Noble after work. He noticed that not only has this organization had a shitty track record when it comes to draft choices, he also chides Owner Glen Taylor for trading players and draft picks for cash, specifically to get under the salary cap and to pay off the contract of ex-Head Coach Kurt Rambis. He has a point as this franchise slouches towards yet another season of meaninglessness. At least they're winning right now at home against Denver, the last game before this weekend's All-Star Break.
#-4: Swarm (Last Week: -7). Why is the Smarm below the Woofie Dogs even though they lost two fewer games? That loss, at home to Calgary on Saturday, pushes their losing streak to three and puts them at 1-5 for the season. That's a worse record than the Wolves. Worse over, the Timberpups aren't in danger of folding. At this rate, the Swarm being put down would be an act of mercy. This Saturday they face Edmonton at the Xcel Energy Center as part of their annual Swarm/Minnesota Roller Girls doubleheader. I might go there ... or I might go to an art show opening. I don't know.
#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). They peaked too early. I am really afraid that they peaked too early. Last weekend they suffered their first outright losses (to go with two shootout losses) and the first sweep in Big Ten play at Wisconsin by a pair of 2-1 scores. What scares me is that the Badgers are a team on the come. They played mediocre, if not bad, early in the season, but they have worked those kinks out (if their sweep at home against the top-ranked team in the country is any indication) and are coming together at the right time. Meanwhile, possibly for the first time all season, the Goofs are not the #1 team in the country, replaced by Boston College, which won the Beanpot and are gathering momentum as well. So why is this program beneath the Woofs in the WMNSS, and also the worst team this week? Their aura of invincibility has been punctured, possibly for good.
They host a pair against Michigan. I'm hoping to see Friday's game. I'm also hoping to see them bounce back from these defeats.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Nightmare
Since I got back from St. Louis (aka the past two nights) I've reverted to taking a nap shortly after I've had dinner. I've been able to put away about 2 1/2 hours of nap time before waking up refreshed, albeit mucking up my sleep schedule.
Anyway, this evening I just woke up from the strangest dream I've had in a long time. All I remember just before waking up was thinking that I was in bed with my head probably resting on the lap of -- and please don't judge me -- long-ago New Orleans Saints Quarterback Bobby Hebert. And we were trying to punch each other in the fact, like we were boxing except my head was in his lap looking and punching up at him and he was looking and punching down at me.
I don't know what that means, and if it does mean something, I don't want to know.
Anyway, this evening I just woke up from the strangest dream I've had in a long time. All I remember just before waking up was thinking that I was in bed with my head probably resting on the lap of -- and please don't judge me -- long-ago New Orleans Saints Quarterback Bobby Hebert. And we were trying to punch each other in the fact, like we were boxing except my head was in his lap looking and punching up at him and he was looking and punching down at me.
I don't know what that means, and if it does mean something, I don't want to know.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Men Are Just Being Fucking Goddamn Assholes
Wow, un-fucking-believable. In the past 36 hours I've been yelled at, unjustifiably, by three guys.
First, it's this old prick at this jack shack in East St. Louis named Floyd, an old coot who, on Sunday afternoon, accosted me for something he let me do during the week. On Friday, I had an old ticket from my visit on Thursday he let me in with. On Sunday, I tried doing the same thing with a ticket he gave me from my visit on Saturday. This time, he didn't let me in and I had to pay the $2 cover. I explained to him that he let me in with an old ticket Friday. He didn't understand; he just kept going on about paying a cover and getting a ticket every time.
And finally, when I just let the issue go, and says, "What level of education do you have?" To which I said, "I have plenty," but to which I really wanted to say, "More than yours, you fucking lamebrained coot." How dare he say that to me? This is pissing me off the more I think about it.
The next one's kind of a letdown, but it's the same I've had to deal with all my life. While parked on the way back from getting picked up at the airport this afternoon, I was in the car all alone with My Fucking Father, and after softening the ground between us by asking an innocuous question (to which I answered civilly, because I am a civil person), he starts on me again with the, "Why don't you find a fucking jooooooooooooooob, or if you can't find one, go back to schoooooooooooooooool?" bullshit, complete with his signature whine. It would completely wash off my back if not for the fact that I indeed will lose my job on Friday and will have to find one. This, combined with surgery to get rid of this seton in my asshole, are two dilemmas I haven't been able to come up with explanations for. One I might be able to slide by. Two at the same time and my head hurts.
But nothing right now is pissing me off more than my brother, when I had to go over to his place because my parents decided to buy food and drop it at his house. He has this newfangled technology where he can remotely open his garage from his smartphone, and he did that so Mother could put this food in the garage. But then she was looking for something and failing to find it, so eventually we all got out of the car to scour the garage for ... something.
Turns out they also went to his house to pick up Mother's laptop. Eventually Mother gives up and hands me her smart because she doesn't think she understands him. So I'm listening to his instructions and I can't find this laptop bag, until he eventually says to open the garage door.
"Am I allowed to go inside?" I asked, like a civil person.
"No, you're not. Of course you are!"
"Well, I'm not supposed to go inside. ..."
"Don't be fucking stupid, go inside."
Don't be fucking stupid? Sarcasm while you're at work? Who the fuck does he think he is, 12? I was just talked down to by my brother when we were fucking kids. WE'RE IN OUR LATE THIRTIES! AND HE'S TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT? WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS?!
I have not been spoken to like that from him since ... oh, maybe just after college. So I am shocked, shocked that he would revert to childish language he should have dropped after he graduated high school. Seriously, how dare he, especially since he's going to be a father in May. When he told us the news of their baby I didn't ever imagine him being a dad. Now, I'm as sure as ever he isn't fit to be one.
---
By the way, I don't know if it's a coincidence that I had issues with men. I quite enjoy the company of women, as evidenced by my daily sojourns to East St. Louis strip clubs. For some reason my issues with women are different than those with men.
From my childhood, all I could think about dealing with men is through arguments. Sure, I have had many male role models, and the vast majority of interactions I have with males (most people actually) have been good. But for some fucking reason I have to deal with a dickhead, and I'm left thinking that men are just assholes. That was reinforced by my three run-ins I detailed above.
Women on the other hand ... well, they're crazy to deal with when I have run-ins with them, but I don't get the feeling I'm bullied as I am with a man. Maybe that's as sure a sign that I am homosexual as an arrow.
(OK, maybe I went out on a very long and speculative limb there. Just throwing that out.)
First, it's this old prick at this jack shack in East St. Louis named Floyd, an old coot who, on Sunday afternoon, accosted me for something he let me do during the week. On Friday, I had an old ticket from my visit on Thursday he let me in with. On Sunday, I tried doing the same thing with a ticket he gave me from my visit on Saturday. This time, he didn't let me in and I had to pay the $2 cover. I explained to him that he let me in with an old ticket Friday. He didn't understand; he just kept going on about paying a cover and getting a ticket every time.
And finally, when I just let the issue go, and says, "What level of education do you have?" To which I said, "I have plenty," but to which I really wanted to say, "More than yours, you fucking lamebrained coot." How dare he say that to me? This is pissing me off the more I think about it.
The next one's kind of a letdown, but it's the same I've had to deal with all my life. While parked on the way back from getting picked up at the airport this afternoon, I was in the car all alone with My Fucking Father, and after softening the ground between us by asking an innocuous question (to which I answered civilly, because I am a civil person), he starts on me again with the, "Why don't you find a fucking jooooooooooooooob, or if you can't find one, go back to schoooooooooooooooool?" bullshit, complete with his signature whine. It would completely wash off my back if not for the fact that I indeed will lose my job on Friday and will have to find one. This, combined with surgery to get rid of this seton in my asshole, are two dilemmas I haven't been able to come up with explanations for. One I might be able to slide by. Two at the same time and my head hurts.
But nothing right now is pissing me off more than my brother, when I had to go over to his place because my parents decided to buy food and drop it at his house. He has this newfangled technology where he can remotely open his garage from his smartphone, and he did that so Mother could put this food in the garage. But then she was looking for something and failing to find it, so eventually we all got out of the car to scour the garage for ... something.
Turns out they also went to his house to pick up Mother's laptop. Eventually Mother gives up and hands me her smart because she doesn't think she understands him. So I'm listening to his instructions and I can't find this laptop bag, until he eventually says to open the garage door.
"Am I allowed to go inside?" I asked, like a civil person.
"No, you're not. Of course you are!"
"Well, I'm not supposed to go inside. ..."
"Don't be fucking stupid, go inside."
Don't be fucking stupid? Sarcasm while you're at work? Who the fuck does he think he is, 12? I was just talked down to by my brother when we were fucking kids. WE'RE IN OUR LATE THIRTIES! AND HE'S TALKING TO ME LIKE THAT? WHO THE FUCK DOES HE THINK HE IS?!
I have not been spoken to like that from him since ... oh, maybe just after college. So I am shocked, shocked that he would revert to childish language he should have dropped after he graduated high school. Seriously, how dare he, especially since he's going to be a father in May. When he told us the news of their baby I didn't ever imagine him being a dad. Now, I'm as sure as ever he isn't fit to be one.
---
By the way, I don't know if it's a coincidence that I had issues with men. I quite enjoy the company of women, as evidenced by my daily sojourns to East St. Louis strip clubs. For some reason my issues with women are different than those with men.
From my childhood, all I could think about dealing with men is through arguments. Sure, I have had many male role models, and the vast majority of interactions I have with males (most people actually) have been good. But for some fucking reason I have to deal with a dickhead, and I'm left thinking that men are just assholes. That was reinforced by my three run-ins I detailed above.
Women on the other hand ... well, they're crazy to deal with when I have run-ins with them, but I don't get the feeling I'm bullied as I am with a man. Maybe that's as sure a sign that I am homosexual as an arrow.
(OK, maybe I went out on a very long and speculative limb there. Just throwing that out.)
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Condoms, Goddamn Condoms
Well that was a buzzkill: I go to my designated jack shack in St. Louis, and all the girls there are using condoms when they suck my dick. When the fuck did they start doing this? I was last here two years ago, and trust me, if you saw this club, you'd think this place was stuck in time, so why the hell would they change anything? And why the fuck did they all of a sudden decide to have "standards?". That really bugs me. Now I can't get wanked properly.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Pitter-Patter Of Some Goddamn Feet
Woke up at 9, maybe 8:30 again today. And like yesterday morning, there was this loud pounding from upstairs. I'm not saying that woke me up, but it is pissing me off. Who is this kid? Where are his or her parents?
One other thing: I wonder if the family of that kid is living here long-term. I read an article about families who've fallen on hard times living in hotels. Also, there are cars in the parking lot that obviously haven't been used in some time because there is snow piling up on and around them. No use using the car if you have no place to go.
One other thing: I wonder if the family of that kid is living here long-term. I read an article about families who've fallen on hard times living in hotels. Also, there are cars in the parking lot that obviously haven't been used in some time because there is snow piling up on and around them. No use using the car if you have no place to go.
Friday, February 7, 2014
I'm On Vacation ... And I'm Bored?
That feeling hit me when I woke up at 8:30 this morning to the sound of pounding feet from the ceiling.. I thought about finally balancing my checkbook at St. Louis' all-night coffeeshop, but I was too tired. So that I woke up early kind of irked me.
I then was thinking while in bed33 (naked) trying to sleep about what I was going to do. And although I decided to hit this barbecue place I planned on going to when I prepared this trip, a part of me wasn't looking forward to it. That's when I realized something kind of frightening: Have I run out of things to do?
A lot of things have contributed to this feeling. Working full-time prevented me from looking up things to do. (I realized when I dropped my bag on the room's desk that I had no either brought or got an AAA guide for Missouri.). I probably thought that I could wing it, mostly because most of my time down here will consist of hanky-panky at strip clubs. But as I have finally been able to think about how my weekend will go, I realized that everything I'll do costs money. No shit, but going to strip clubs and sporting events costs a lot of money.
What I also am planning to do is eat at a lot of places. Some more expensive than others, but I'm spending money either way. Vacationing means eating out a lot. There's no way I'm going to lose weight down here, especially since it's just about as cold here as it is in Minneapolis. Hey ... Many times walking outside I'm thinking, "Fuck, this is cold!" And that is an inducement to just stay in my hotel.
Well, if I have the energy, I'm going to this recommended art show, then to the best restaurant in the city tonight.
I then was thinking while in bed33 (naked) trying to sleep about what I was going to do. And although I decided to hit this barbecue place I planned on going to when I prepared this trip, a part of me wasn't looking forward to it. That's when I realized something kind of frightening: Have I run out of things to do?
A lot of things have contributed to this feeling. Working full-time prevented me from looking up things to do. (I realized when I dropped my bag on the room's desk that I had no either brought or got an AAA guide for Missouri.). I probably thought that I could wing it, mostly because most of my time down here will consist of hanky-panky at strip clubs. But as I have finally been able to think about how my weekend will go, I realized that everything I'll do costs money. No shit, but going to strip clubs and sporting events costs a lot of money.
What I also am planning to do is eat at a lot of places. Some more expensive than others, but I'm spending money either way. Vacationing means eating out a lot. There's no way I'm going to lose weight down here, especially since it's just about as cold here as it is in Minneapolis. Hey ... Many times walking outside I'm thinking, "Fuck, this is cold!" And that is an inducement to just stay in my hotel.
Well, if I have the energy, I'm going to this recommended art show, then to the best restaurant in the city tonight.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Recovered The Numbers!
I didn't know if I could do it, etching out the hole for what is now my Micro SIM was tough, it sure as heck wasn't pretty and it involved a lot of elbow grease, tendon-pulling and Scotch tape. But I was able to fit my Micro SIM back into my old flip phone in order to retrieve all the numbers in my contacts.
I followed directions I found online, although it was really difficult and I had to do it over two nights. The first step was using a used-up debit card I was given for helping out with a brandy taste test to cut out a template of a regular-sized SIM. That was last night, and I had to leave for a bit and come back because I was so frustrated that I wasn't able to cut through the card. But I went back, realized things could be easier if I also cut on the other side of the card, and I was able to carve it out. I was tired to continue by then, but I put it into the holder in my old flip and it was very snug. Quite encouraging.
The next step, which I just did this morning after deciding I wanted to take a nap around 1 in the morning, was carving out a hole the size of my Micro. What you're supposed to do is carve out that hole, stick the Micro inside it, and tape it down so it's secure when you put it back into the old cellphone. This time the cutting wasn't hard, although the Micro had to be lined up in such a way that the borders along three sides of the regular-sized template were so thin I actually cut the back side off. The problem was securing my Micro within this now-three-sided carcass, with two of the sides flaring out because they were so thin.
I put it into my old cellphone and turned it on. It read, "Insert SIM." Shit. Re-jiggered the SIM and tried it again; same message. The problem was that my Micro SIM was lifting off the contacts. Turns out I did it right, just not well enough. So I had to tape down that side of the Micro SIM to the flimsy side of this regular-sized SIM Trojan horse so when I fit it in, it stays in.
Tried it a third time ... and it worked! And when I got into my phone book all my contacts and numbers were right there, as if I hadn't changed phones at all. I spent a half-hour writing down all the numbers I didn't have in my day planner. Didn't know if I had the time to do it before I leave for St. Louis today, so my right elbow is hurting me. But I lifted all the numbers I needed to. Then I turned it off, peeled the Micro SIM away from the template, put it back into my iPhone (it works, not a problem), then put the template back into my old flip. You know, just in case I need to get something else in there. At least I now know I'll be able to, and it'll be a lot easier the next time around, if there is a next time.
It feels good to do something you didn't know you could do when you started. More importantly, I got some important phone numbers I was afraid were lost forever when Mother cut down my regular SIM card. Foremost among those numbers are, of course, those of my stripper girlfriends. But I got 'em. You know, it feels like I turned back time in order to get back what I was afraid was lost. In that sense, not only do I feel a certain level of accomplishment, I feel that I am whole again. No, seriously.
Now I just wish I could find those bank statements I need to go through. I had them all rubber-banded up from the last time I went to St. Louis. I don't think I got through them the last time, and that last time was two years ago. They are here somewhere -- I didn't take them out of the rubber band -- but where did I put them? Oh well; I can only write down all the ATM slips I've saved up on the check registers I got after work yesterday.
I followed directions I found online, although it was really difficult and I had to do it over two nights. The first step was using a used-up debit card I was given for helping out with a brandy taste test to cut out a template of a regular-sized SIM. That was last night, and I had to leave for a bit and come back because I was so frustrated that I wasn't able to cut through the card. But I went back, realized things could be easier if I also cut on the other side of the card, and I was able to carve it out. I was tired to continue by then, but I put it into the holder in my old flip and it was very snug. Quite encouraging.
The next step, which I just did this morning after deciding I wanted to take a nap around 1 in the morning, was carving out a hole the size of my Micro. What you're supposed to do is carve out that hole, stick the Micro inside it, and tape it down so it's secure when you put it back into the old cellphone. This time the cutting wasn't hard, although the Micro had to be lined up in such a way that the borders along three sides of the regular-sized template were so thin I actually cut the back side off. The problem was securing my Micro within this now-three-sided carcass, with two of the sides flaring out because they were so thin.
I put it into my old cellphone and turned it on. It read, "Insert SIM." Shit. Re-jiggered the SIM and tried it again; same message. The problem was that my Micro SIM was lifting off the contacts. Turns out I did it right, just not well enough. So I had to tape down that side of the Micro SIM to the flimsy side of this regular-sized SIM Trojan horse so when I fit it in, it stays in.
Tried it a third time ... and it worked! And when I got into my phone book all my contacts and numbers were right there, as if I hadn't changed phones at all. I spent a half-hour writing down all the numbers I didn't have in my day planner. Didn't know if I had the time to do it before I leave for St. Louis today, so my right elbow is hurting me. But I lifted all the numbers I needed to. Then I turned it off, peeled the Micro SIM away from the template, put it back into my iPhone (it works, not a problem), then put the template back into my old flip. You know, just in case I need to get something else in there. At least I now know I'll be able to, and it'll be a lot easier the next time around, if there is a next time.
It feels good to do something you didn't know you could do when you started. More importantly, I got some important phone numbers I was afraid were lost forever when Mother cut down my regular SIM card. Foremost among those numbers are, of course, those of my stripper girlfriends. But I got 'em. You know, it feels like I turned back time in order to get back what I was afraid was lost. In that sense, not only do I feel a certain level of accomplishment, I feel that I am whole again. No, seriously.
Now I just wish I could find those bank statements I need to go through. I had them all rubber-banded up from the last time I went to St. Louis. I don't think I got through them the last time, and that last time was two years ago. They are here somewhere -- I didn't take them out of the rubber band -- but where did I put them? Oh well; I can only write down all the ATM slips I've saved up on the check registers I got after work yesterday.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1). Rolled over Indiana Super Bowl Sunday afternoon, 35-6. Can't say anything more than that because their next match, their last in the regular season, is at home against the #1-ranked team in the land and the best program in top-flight wrestling in recent years, Penn St., led by Head Coach (and undefeated wrestling legend) Cael Sanderson. This match has been so anticipated that it's sold out. If I were in town Sunday afternoon, I would head down to the Sports Pavilion -- not to necessarily see if I could get a ticket, but to see if there's enough interest from scalpers to try and flip some tickets there.
#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). See, this is one of the quirks of failing to complete a WMNSS before that evening's games are done. I got last week's survey done a bit past the 9 o'clock hour, when, it just so happened, the University of Minnesota women's b-ball team had just lost at home to Iowa but just before the Timberwolves won their game. I had to count that defeat in last week's survey, where they cemented their last-place finish.
By all rights that loss should have been calculated into this week's survey. But it's not. The only results I have for this screening week is a pretty good beatdown of Michigan on the road. I have no idea how good or bad the Wolverines are, but I didn't think the Gopher women ballers had an 85-69 road rout in them. The game-shifting as a result of my failure to publish this in time forces me to deny this team the top spot, unfortunately.
They only have one game this week as well: At Williams Arena versus Illinois Sunday afternoon, the start time of which is one hour later than the Gopher wrestling team's dual against the Nittany Lions. If you're going to this game, plan accordingly.
#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). So I was at Friday's Chinese New Year's game against Michigan St. at Mariucci Arena, and I was stunned that they fell behind at home 2-0. Is this the first time they've behind by two goals at home this year? Both goals were breakdowns in positioning, I think. At least and possible three Gophers went after a loose puck along the half-wall, leaving the Spartans' Mike Ferrantino all alone in front to slap the pass from teammate Matt Berry past Gopher Goalie Adam Wilcox. The next goal, scored just 94 seconds later, was scored when an unmarked Villiam Haag wristed the puck home while Wilcox was screened by his own guy.
It's a testament to the U.'s speed, patience and overall talent that they were able to come back with two goals of their own, even though they eventually lost in a shootout that had to go to six rounds instead of the mandatory three. Technically, this goes down as a tie, which means the U. currently hold the nation's longest active undefeated streak at 13. But they only get a single point because they lost the shootout (the Spartans get two). Whatever; they came back to win a tight second game Saturday 1-0. For all his efforts, Wilcox was named the Second Star for the week by the Big Ten, the second straight week he has made the conference Three Stars. They travel to Wisconsin for a pair this week.
One other thing I noticed in Friday night's game: The public address announcer erroneously said after all six scheduled shooters in the shootout failed to put the puck in the net that the game was going to "sudden death." He should have said "extra shooters," I think, because when the fifth Michigan St. shooter, Berry, finally scored, all the Gophers were standing there as if the game was over. After a few long seconds, they realized they still had a chance to extend the game. Taylor Cammarata went over the boards and slid the puck between the legs of Spartans Goaltender Jake Hildebrand. (Michigan St. scored the next time and the Gophers didn't, ending the game.) I guess Minnesota should know the rules about what happens in a shootout, but this is the first year the program is using it. I still don't mind ties and wonder what is the obsession over getting to a score where one team has more "goals" than the other.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4). Just when you start to think this team is finally living up to the lofty expectations they placed on themselves, they stub their toes. This week they had to roar back from a 5-1 deficit but lost in Colorado by a goal. They then lost to Calgary in overtime before surviving at home against Tampa Bay.
Five Mild players will be in Sochi for the Winter Olympics, foremost among them Ryan Suter and Zach Parise playing for the Americans, the latter of which was named last week as captain. Lofty yet deserved designation for Parise, but I wonder if both the wear and tear of playing in Russia as well as the extended schedule the Olympics forces will take a toll on him and the squad once the National Hockey League resumes play. In the meantime the Wild has one final game before the Olympic Break, at home Thursday against Nashville.
#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). It is very weird, but the fortunes of both the Timberwolves and the Wild mirror each other. Both teams have the misfortune of being in not only the more competitive conference but a year where that Western Conference is decidedly better than the Eastern. And both teams, have had trouble establishing consistency. The Wolves have had the tougher time at it. After nosing above .500 for the first time in a dozen attempts with a win over New Orleans, they lose two in a row against Memphis and Atlanta. They rebounded with a win over the Lakers, but tonight (Wednesday night) they lost to The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics. (Once again I miss the Wednesday night deadline; I have to take in this result for this current survey.) They are below the Mild in the WMNSS because they are below .500 now while the Wild are not, and as of now the Woofs would not make the playoffs while the Mild, despite all their difficulties, will.
Two details in dissecting the Woofie Dogs: Kevin Love has frequently been the only offensive weapon the team relies on, but it's been show that the more he shoots, the less of a chance the club wins. Also, Ricky Rubio, for all his passing prowess, has progressed in his shooting -- and his free-throw shooting is not characteristic of a guard. They play in New Orleans before coming home to play Portland and Houston.
#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Let me start by making excuses. Northwestern is headed up by a man named Chris Collins, son of former NBA player and legendary (and peripatetic) Head Coach Doug Collins, who himself is a rookie Head Coach but a longtime assistant under the legendary Mike Kryzyzewski at Duke. He is doing very good things, as his road win at the Barn can attest.
That being said, you cannot choke at home, 55-54, to a program that has never been to the NCAA Tournament, but they did Saturday. (And by the way, Saturday was an extremely busy day for Twin Cities sports: Gopher basketball, men and women; Gopher hockey, men and women [the U. women's hockey team won, BTW]; the Timberwolves and the Wild. Twin Cities teams went 3-3, if you want to know.) Now, Andre Hollins was not playing because of his ankle, but really, that's no excuse. We'll see if they bounce back against Purdue, whom they are playing on the road as I type this. They then host Indiana Saturday.
#-7: Swarm (Re-Entry!). Oof -- I will say that they began the regular season on the road for four of their first five games. Saying that, with their 14-12 loss in Colorado Saturday, they are now 1-4 to begin the year. (Those four defeats weren't all on the road; the Smarm's only win was in Philadelphia, it's just that their only home game so far, also against the Wings, was a loss.) Not a good way to start when you spent the off-season pleading your case for more money or else you'll fold the team. At least they have two in a row at the Xcel, beginning this Saturday against Calgary.
#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6). See, this is one of the quirks of failing to complete a WMNSS before that evening's games are done. I got last week's survey done a bit past the 9 o'clock hour, when, it just so happened, the University of Minnesota women's b-ball team had just lost at home to Iowa but just before the Timberwolves won their game. I had to count that defeat in last week's survey, where they cemented their last-place finish.
By all rights that loss should have been calculated into this week's survey. But it's not. The only results I have for this screening week is a pretty good beatdown of Michigan on the road. I have no idea how good or bad the Wolverines are, but I didn't think the Gopher women ballers had an 85-69 road rout in them. The game-shifting as a result of my failure to publish this in time forces me to deny this team the top spot, unfortunately.
They only have one game this week as well: At Williams Arena versus Illinois Sunday afternoon, the start time of which is one hour later than the Gopher wrestling team's dual against the Nittany Lions. If you're going to this game, plan accordingly.
#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2). So I was at Friday's Chinese New Year's game against Michigan St. at Mariucci Arena, and I was stunned that they fell behind at home 2-0. Is this the first time they've behind by two goals at home this year? Both goals were breakdowns in positioning, I think. At least and possible three Gophers went after a loose puck along the half-wall, leaving the Spartans' Mike Ferrantino all alone in front to slap the pass from teammate Matt Berry past Gopher Goalie Adam Wilcox. The next goal, scored just 94 seconds later, was scored when an unmarked Villiam Haag wristed the puck home while Wilcox was screened by his own guy.
It's a testament to the U.'s speed, patience and overall talent that they were able to come back with two goals of their own, even though they eventually lost in a shootout that had to go to six rounds instead of the mandatory three. Technically, this goes down as a tie, which means the U. currently hold the nation's longest active undefeated streak at 13. But they only get a single point because they lost the shootout (the Spartans get two). Whatever; they came back to win a tight second game Saturday 1-0. For all his efforts, Wilcox was named the Second Star for the week by the Big Ten, the second straight week he has made the conference Three Stars. They travel to Wisconsin for a pair this week.
One other thing I noticed in Friday night's game: The public address announcer erroneously said after all six scheduled shooters in the shootout failed to put the puck in the net that the game was going to "sudden death." He should have said "extra shooters," I think, because when the fifth Michigan St. shooter, Berry, finally scored, all the Gophers were standing there as if the game was over. After a few long seconds, they realized they still had a chance to extend the game. Taylor Cammarata went over the boards and slid the puck between the legs of Spartans Goaltender Jake Hildebrand. (Michigan St. scored the next time and the Gophers didn't, ending the game.) I guess Minnesota should know the rules about what happens in a shootout, but this is the first year the program is using it. I still don't mind ties and wonder what is the obsession over getting to a score where one team has more "goals" than the other.
#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4). Just when you start to think this team is finally living up to the lofty expectations they placed on themselves, they stub their toes. This week they had to roar back from a 5-1 deficit but lost in Colorado by a goal. They then lost to Calgary in overtime before surviving at home against Tampa Bay.
Five Mild players will be in Sochi for the Winter Olympics, foremost among them Ryan Suter and Zach Parise playing for the Americans, the latter of which was named last week as captain. Lofty yet deserved designation for Parise, but I wonder if both the wear and tear of playing in Russia as well as the extended schedule the Olympics forces will take a toll on him and the squad once the National Hockey League resumes play. In the meantime the Wild has one final game before the Olympic Break, at home Thursday against Nashville.
#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3). It is very weird, but the fortunes of both the Timberwolves and the Wild mirror each other. Both teams have the misfortune of being in not only the more competitive conference but a year where that Western Conference is decidedly better than the Eastern. And both teams, have had trouble establishing consistency. The Wolves have had the tougher time at it. After nosing above .500 for the first time in a dozen attempts with a win over New Orleans, they lose two in a row against Memphis and Atlanta. They rebounded with a win over the Lakers, but tonight (Wednesday night) they lost to The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics. (Once again I miss the Wednesday night deadline; I have to take in this result for this current survey.) They are below the Mild in the WMNSS because they are below .500 now while the Wild are not, and as of now the Woofs would not make the playoffs while the Mild, despite all their difficulties, will.
Two details in dissecting the Woofie Dogs: Kevin Love has frequently been the only offensive weapon the team relies on, but it's been show that the more he shoots, the less of a chance the club wins. Also, Ricky Rubio, for all his passing prowess, has progressed in his shooting -- and his free-throw shooting is not characteristic of a guard. They play in New Orleans before coming home to play Portland and Houston.
#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5). Let me start by making excuses. Northwestern is headed up by a man named Chris Collins, son of former NBA player and legendary (and peripatetic) Head Coach Doug Collins, who himself is a rookie Head Coach but a longtime assistant under the legendary Mike Kryzyzewski at Duke. He is doing very good things, as his road win at the Barn can attest.
That being said, you cannot choke at home, 55-54, to a program that has never been to the NCAA Tournament, but they did Saturday. (And by the way, Saturday was an extremely busy day for Twin Cities sports: Gopher basketball, men and women; Gopher hockey, men and women [the U. women's hockey team won, BTW]; the Timberwolves and the Wild. Twin Cities teams went 3-3, if you want to know.) Now, Andre Hollins was not playing because of his ankle, but really, that's no excuse. We'll see if they bounce back against Purdue, whom they are playing on the road as I type this. They then host Indiana Saturday.
#-7: Swarm (Re-Entry!). Oof -- I will say that they began the regular season on the road for four of their first five games. Saying that, with their 14-12 loss in Colorado Saturday, they are now 1-4 to begin the year. (Those four defeats weren't all on the road; the Smarm's only win was in Philadelphia, it's just that their only home game so far, also against the Wings, was a loss.) Not a good way to start when you spent the off-season pleading your case for more money or else you'll fold the team. At least they have two in a row at the Xcel, beginning this Saturday against Calgary.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Expenses Without Receipts
Starting from Tuesday, February 4:
- Monday, February 3: Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) to hang out. Coffee and tips: $11.
- Sunday the 2nd ... went to the library to print out a template for a regular-sized SIM card. That's because when I got that iPhone Mother cut my SIM to micro size so it'd fit. I am determined to construct a dummy regular-sized SIM, not to go back to my old flip phone but to lift my messages and contact numbers out of there. Hope it works: 10 cents.
- To Saturday the 1st, where, partly because it needed it and partly because I wanted to forestall My Fucking Father bitching about, "Why didn't you wash the car today?" I got the car washed. Have a receipt for this, so I'm only putting in the tip: $2.
- I then took the time to go back to the Heights Theater. The movie Philomena has been playing there the past two, three weeks, I had time to kill, I wanted to see it, and Saturday afternoon was the time. I will say that it was a very good movie, and that Dame Judi Dench acted the hell out of this. She gave dignity to a woman who could be seen by more condescending minds as a simpleton -- as her co-star, Steve Coogan, does portraying the journalist who takes her on a journey across the Atlantic in an effort to find the son she was forced to give up half a century ago. Dench's close-ups are fantastic: You can not only see the expression of pain, happiness and wonder on her face, but you can see the lines, too. She ain't takin' botox, y'all, and she's all the better for it. Lines on an experienced face gives character, and she has it in spades. And that is what you call growing old gracefully. Ticket, popcorn and small pop: $13.
- After I got home My Father paid me back for the lottery tickets he asked me to buy for him, plus a bunch of stuff I bought for him while he and Mother were in Europe. What he gave me was too much, again, but once again he told me to keep it anyway. Aw, I guess. At least I can blow it in St. Louis on a stripper willing to suck my dick. An Infusion of: $100.
- On Friday, January 31, also known as Chinese New Year's, I spent it not with my family but at the University of Minnesota men's hockey game. They lost in a shootout to Michigan St., boo. Scalped ticket (cultivating relationships with scalpers helps with prices!), program, hot dog and small Coke: $24.50.
- Oh, before that I went to Bordertown Cafe, a small coffeeshop in a converted frat house in a secluded part of campus. Coffee with tip: $2.25.
- Going back to Monday the 27th, where I stopped again after work at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). This time I got a dance, from Vivian, a girl whom I hadn't seen in some time. In fact, the last time I saw her was fully clothed, at a spoken word performance. Sexy as hell. With coffee and tips:
$31.ETA on February 5 that I forgot that I did not give a tip for the coffee. This bartender, who was once a stripper, doesn't care for tips. Actual total: $30.25 - On Sunday, January 26 I went to the gym. Did I get a receipt for it? Just to be safe: $3.
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