My Thirst

Running around yesterday/Saturday between the United Match (crazy-ass Game that turned out to be) and putting the finishing touches around the house in time for my parents to come back, I have developed a thirst.  It happens from time to time when I'm doing things at a breakneck pace, and it also usually happens in the summer.  Yesterday/Saturday was hot, with temperatures just below 90, but it was not humid (the dew point was below 60).  It will be hot and humid starting today/Sunday, and I think that will last through next weekend.

So all day yesterday/Saturday I was thirst as all get-out.  I had two mini-Cokes, and I burned through both of them, the last one finished as I was on my way to pick up my parents from the airport.  Also, while topping off the tank in my parents' minivan, I dashed in an bought a bottle of generic apple juice.  I got back into the minivan, opened up the bottle and drank around half.  Once I got to my driveway (which is not far at all; I could walk from this gas station to my house in 15-20 minutes), I drank the rest.  Thirst, I tell you.

Reminds me I should pick up some juice on the way back from watching the Women's Euro Final this/Sunday afternoon.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -1).  I should just tell you now that the order of the teams in this Week's WMNSS is unchanged from last Week's WMNSS, mostly because the weekly records are pretty much the same and the fortunes of each of the teams are pretty much the same.

With that being said, I should shine a little more light on the Loons, who were pretty much dead in the water just a month ago.  In their only match of the screening Week, they went down to Houston and defeated the Dynamo last Saturday, 2-1.  And they did it without Emanuel Reynoso, who was kept off the pitch due to injury.  Adrian Heath kept his patented 4-2-3-1 formation.  So who replaced Bebelo as the pivot?  Of course, it was Joseph Rosales.  He stayed on the whole Match and apparently acquitted himself nicely, even though he didn't figure into the box score.  Meanwhile, United FC didn't need Rey on this night to score.  Franco Fragapane scored in injury time in the First Half, and then, hold onto your butts, Bongokuhle Hlongwane finally scored in a Minnesota United uniform, striking from distance in the 72nd Minute.  Bongo's blast turned out to be the Game-winner as Houston's Fabrice Picault cut it to one in the 86th.  (By the way, Dynamo Striker and former Loons Striker Darwin Quintero had no Shots.)  The defensive midfield pairing of Robin Lod and Nabilai Kibunguchy (the latter making his debut with the club, I think) also stayed on for the whole 90 and did well enough.

Combine that with Real Salt Lake's Loss to FC Dallas that same evening meant Minnesota, out of the playoff picture barely 30 Days prior, is now third in the Western Conference.  The top two teams in the West, LAFC and Austin FC, are double-digit Points ahead of the Loons.  But it's one damn impressive run (six in a row unbeaten) that has propelled them back into relevancy.  Can the XI keep it going with a home date this/Saturday afternoon against the Portland Timbers, who are unbeaten in their last seven (and whose last Loss, by the way, was to Inter Miami ... the last squad MNUFC lost to), in a Match that will be broadcast on ABC?

By the way, Robin Lod isn't going anywhere.  After a rumor surfaced that Ligue 1 organization Toulouse wanted to pay him $2 million to pry him from the States, yesterday/Friday he signed an extension that will keep him and his family here for a few more Years.  Not bad for a guy who had a horrible start, blossomed into a creative and resourceful Goal-scorer, and is now taking one for the team and embracing his new role as a Defensive Midfielder.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Yeah, this franchise is starting off the second half of the season similarly to the way it ended the first half: Wobbly.  They began the Week with a two-Game sweep in Detroit, but then they were swept over two Games in Milwaukee.  And last/Friday night they began a proper three-Game set in San Diego by getting the shit kicked out of them, 10-1.  They've lost three in a row, but they still maintain the lead in the A. L. Central, albeit only by 1 1/2 Games over Cleveland.  This may not be their Year after all.  But what would this ballclub look like if they had out of the blue traded for relief pitching, oh, a Month ago?

After finishing this weekend against the Padres, the Twins come home for a trio versus Detroit.  My friend has invited me to the Game on Tuesday.  After that series, Toronto comes in for four beginning on Thursday.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  Lost at home to Connecticut by seven on Sunday, they defeated the Dream in Atlanta by seven on Thursday.  But they're not gaining any ground for a playoff spot; they are two Games behind Los Angeles and Dallas for the final spot in the postseason, and both of those teams have played two fewer Games than the Lynx.  Yeah, Sylvia Fowles's last season is unfortunately going to end in a whimper.

The team's on the road this Week -- at said Sparks tomorrow/Sunday night, at Seattle Wednesday night.

#-Infinity: Aurora FC (BRAND NEW!!!).  I've said what I needed to say here.  But I want to add something that I should have come up with immediately after I saw it but didn't until the next day.  The Penalty Kick in Added Extra Time by Morgan Turner that was blocked was pretty much like Gary Andersen missing that Field Goal in '99.  I don't know if Turner had been perfect in PKs up to that point, but my point stands: If you are a cursed Minnesota sports fan, you know that was when Aurora FC fucking lost that Game.  You just knew it.  I did.

My belief that that franchise should go fuck themselves has abated, but only by a tiny bit.  That damned team of failures ain't showin' up back here until they win it all (maybe ... after all, it is only a semi-pro league) or somehow lose their chance at a championship in excruciating fashion once again.  Until then, good goddamn riddance.

Well, ****e* finally got to my house (three hours later than she said she would, but that's not surprising).  Had to take an extended lunch break to open the door for her and drive back to work.  At this point, I trust her to have the run of the house while I'm away.

She took only 7 1/2 hours to go through the house.  There have been times when she's taken 11, 12, even 13.  This is fast, and yet it looks as though nearly every room is spotless.  She's damn good.

Best of all ... finally, after all these years, after she got done, and upon my request, she lifted up her shirt so I could feel her boobs.  Been a long time.  I took it a step further and helped myself to sucking her nipples.  And she didn't mind at all!  In fact, she said that if she didn't have a big cleaning job to do in the morning, we could revert back to her strip club/stripper party days and had some real fun!

I love being a pervert.  I just do!

T-Minus Two Days

Yeah, I just hit a fucking wall last/Wednesday night after work.  Lot of stuff I need to do about my stuff, particularly in my bedroom, but I'm too damn tired and indifferent to do them.  Hell, I'm doing enough as it is, moving stuff around and into the stay-dirty rooms so that my stripper girlfriend can (cross your fingers she shows up) come in and tidy up the place.  I might take tomorrow/Friday and Saturday to make final decisions on what to keep here and what to move into storage, but right now, I'm drunk as fuck (I once thought I had the ability to drink all the remaining alcohol I have; instead, I'm going to see if it keeps after a month in a non-controlled environment), worried about waking up extra early tomorrow/Friday for my screening, and hoping she comes when she's supposed to so that I won't have to take up more than a little of my lunch "hour" to drive back here and pop open the door so she can start working because she's a bit, shall we say, unreliable when it comes to coming on time.

Man, I feel more unprepared for my parents coming home than at any previous time.  I don't know why, but I just do.  It's a helpless feeling.

Out, Damned Spot!

Right now, I am obsessed with getting rid of these chocolate stains on my t-shirt: My Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt from the long-shuttered downtown Minneapolis location.  I remember the hubbub of its opening.  It was supposed to anchor the Block E downtown entertainment district, which had a nightclub and a theater.  The mayor of the city at the time, R. T. Rybak, had a grand opening speech which he finished by smashing a guitar on the ground.  It was open for nine years, when I went in for, oh, a handful of times.  (I remember one time my waitress got real pissed when I told her the total I was going to leave with her, with tip.  I think I may have miscalculated the 15%.)

Anyway, as is my practice, I always get a medium white logo tee from every HRC I encounter.  Since this place closed in 2011, it's important for me to keep it.  And that's why I have taken to soaking this in dishwasher soap and baking soda for several times now to vaporize the stain.  I got it, by the way, eating ice cream; damn chocolate dripped onto it, I was going to be out for much of the rest of the day, and it apparently dried and caked in by the time I put my Tide pen to it once I got home.

I usually don't care about such spots.  That's why I threw it in the hamper and left it there for weeks before washing a load of white clothes several days ago.  But when I pulled the t-shirt out of the washer and saw that those goddamn chocolate stains were still there, I didn't want to make the mistake of putting it in the dryer and setting the spots in it for good.  So I went online real quick to see what I could do, and a website recommended dishwasher soap and baking soda.  There's a bunch of the former lying around, and I have a couple boxes of the latter soaking up odors in the refrigerator because my parents are away and won't make a stink about me buying said baking soda.

I applied both to the stains, then soaked them in this shallow pan in the laundry room.  I went back down there the next day to look at the tee; I think they've faded somewhat, but they're still there.  So I did it again, last/Tuesday night; they're fading just a tad more, but somehow there's a new stain, right below the collar.  Did I transfer the chocolate stain from one part of the shirt to another?

So back I went.  And I'll probably do it again, and maybe even again, and maybe through till Saturday, when my folks come back.  At some point I have to stop because I can't keep going like this.  Maybe on Saturday I'll throw the t-shirt in the washer, put it on maximum soil, throw in as much bleach before I pass out from the fumes, and have the washing machine agitate the hell out of my shirt to get as much of the chocolate stains out.  And then ... well, it'll still be there, and therefore my Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt will still be ruined.  Dammit.

The Dangers To Dining Al Fresco

As I was doing some midnight chores -- cleaning dishes, going through receipts -- my right arm started to itch.  Really badly.  That's what I get for dining outdoors.

I am/was scheduled for second shift yesterday (Monday) and today (Tuesday).  Since I had a large chunk of my afternoons off, I decided that for yesterday/Monday I would eat at Centro, a real good Mexican place not too far from where I live.  I have dined there several times.  I consider it the closest place to me that is 1) well regarded among serious foodies and 2) open weekday afternoons.  I love Centro; their tacos are real good, they have a knockoff Taco Bell Crunchwrap that obviously is miles better than that fast food place, and I always have a good drink to calm me down on an ideal afternoon.

For all but one of the times I've been to Centro, I have dined outdoors.  I usually hate eating outdoors.  The wind blows away my napkins and there's a high probability insects will, well, bug me (like they did yesterday).  Worst-case scenario: I get eaten alive by mosquitos.  That happened one summer night when eating ice cream at a patio.  But Centro's outdoor patio, I think, looks cool; it's outside the front door, and while it faces railroad tracks (I drove through those tracks once and blew out a tire -- did I blog post about it?), I think that scene looks way cool.  And also, of course, there is the pandemic, where eating outside apparently is vastly safer than dining indoors.

That was the calculus baked into my thinking when I sat outside and ordered.  Since I got there just after it opened, there was only one other group eating al fresco, and they were more than sufficiently distanced from me.  I usually get Centro's lunch special (two tacos and chips & salsa), but I got a rice bowl and their knockoff Crunchwrap, both of whom were tasty.  The frozen mescal was great, too.  But a usual annoyance came back, reminding me of a big downside to eating outside: The damn sun bearing down on me while I eat.  It started to hurt the last time I ate outside at Centro, and it hurt this time around, too.  It was baking my skin, to the point where my skin started to itch.  All I could think of is the radiation poisoning me -- the consequences of which I felt last night.

I put some Aquaphor on my right arm (that's where I felt the burn) before going to bed.  I feel good now.  But I have to wonder if it's worth eating outside at Centro again.  Maybe I have to put sunscreen on me before I do the next time I decide to eat there.  Or, maybe I'll wait until the fall.  I ate outside on a day either barely going into or just getting out of last winter.  The server looked at me funny, but the patio was open (I called ahead to check) and even though it was fairly cold, I didn't get COVID then!

You know, I love the massages I get from ******a, but my ribs now hurt.  She sits on me from time to time during our sessions, and I noticed last/Sunday night that she was both sitting higher on my torso and pressing down where my ribs end.  That must be why I'm hurting.

No, I'm not going to make her stop.  I might ask her to shift her body.  But if she wants to sit on me, hell, she can sit on me.

My Security Guards, My Parents

I don't think I realized this until I blurted it out to ******a as she was rubbing me down.  While it's a pain in the ass to have my parents come back home, I have to admit that there are some ways in which I actually look forward to them coming home.  For one thing, it will be nice to see them all healthy, which I assume they are.  Second, I miss Mother's cooking -- both because it tastes good and because it saves me money that I don't have to spend eating out.

But the third thing is something a bit more subtle.  I am sleeping odd hours -- a half-hour nap here, four hours overnight there, etc.  If I recall correctly, I take much longer and deeper naps when they're at home.  Now, one of the reasons why is I try to retreat into my bedroom as much as possible while they're home, so lying in bed so often leads to sleeping.  But I think there is a security in knowing other people are living in the same house as you.  I think the reason why my sleep is very often shallow is because my body is instinctively ready to jump into action in case someone's as the door or water is leaking in the basement.  I don't have to do that if I feel as though other people are going to take care of any issue that arises.  And if I am being honest with myself, that is what my parents have done a lot in my life: Take care of any issues that arise.  Once they get home to guard the house, I can drift peacefully into Dreamland as often and for as long as I want.

Just a thought.

T-Minus Six Days ...

... and nothing I'm doing to prepare for them coming home.  Too damn tired.  Worked today, then ate out, then I think I need to nap right after finishing this blog post.  I do work second shift the next two nights, plus I have ******a massaging me in a bit, so maybe that'll invigorate me into finally cleaning up around here.  Or, maybe not.

God, I'm so screwed.

Fuck You, Aurora

You were undefeated up until last night's title game.  The ref red-carded the manager of the other team.  And then they were given a penalty kick in the second half of added extra time.

But then they fucking blew it.  And then they allowed the match-winning goal.  And all of this was done at home, in front of 6,500 suckers -- including me.

I was hoping Aurora would be different.  I was hoping they would be a championship team.  But nope.  They just became a Minnesota team instead.  Failures, all.

So fuck you, Aurora.  Won't be coming back.

Oh, and your name sucks, too.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -2).  It was nice to see the Loons finally play a Match where the victory didn't seem in doubt.  In a reversal of roles on Saturday, it is the team's No. 10, Emanuel Reynoso, that took two feeds from Striker Luis Amarilla in bracing in MNUFC's 2-0 Win over D. C. United.  (Wayne Rooney had not assumed his role as Manager yet and was thus not on the Touchline because his work visa had not come through yet, but he was in attendance watching the Game from a suite.)  They are now unbeaten in their last five Matches that count, and believe it or not, they sit fourth in the West.  Considering how shitty they were not too long ago, that is mind-blowing.

Jeremy Rushing, founder of local soccer website Sota Soccer, has this excellent breakdown as to how United FC has turned things around.  Basically, no one else was stepping up earlier in the season, and so when opposing defenses locked down on Reynoso, the whole Offense grounded to a halt.  But Left Back Kemar Lawrence has found chemistry with Left Winger Franco Fragapane and Amarilla has finally found his scoring touch (and, as last Saturday showed, some passing creativity as well), and that loosened up the keying around Rey.

But there is one other thing I have noticed, and I don't know if this tactical switch is also a reason the Loons have got their groove back.  False 9 Robin Lod has become a Defensive Midfielder for the past several Matches now.  I believe his new role was born out of necessity, particularly the season-ending injury to team Swiss army knife Hassani Dotson.  He hasn't scored in the past several Matches, but he appears to be holding his own in front of the Backline, using his dribbling and sturdy frame to break up runs and get inbetween passes.  He has found a rhythm with fellow DM Will Trapp ...

... and that rhythm may be tested.  Trapp appears to be out for this/Saturday night's tilt at Houston.  Moreover, the Friendly United FC played Wednesday night vs. Premier League club Everton may have taken more of a toll on the team than initially thought because of who hobbled off the pitch.  I didn't see it in front of me, but apparently Jacori Hayes suffered a season-ending injury during the contest on a hard tackle.  He was an early substitution for Reynoso, who, after opening the scoring with a Penalty Kick past Toffee Goalie Jordan Pickford, was taken out in the First Half walking gingerly and holding his knee.  He is questionable for the Match against the Dynamo.

Trapp, Hayes, Dotson, maybe Reynoso -- add in Romain Metanire still not back 100% and the injuries really are mounting for the Loons.  In that context, this squad holding down fourth in the West right now is a goddamn miracle.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The baseball Nine did not go into the All-Star Break on a good note.  They took the only Game of their four-Game series versus the White Sox at Target Field Saturday, but then got blasted Sunday afternoon by a score of 11-0.  They lead Cleveland by 1 1/2 Games as of press time, but they are 3-7 in their last ten showdowns.  And it seems as if the entire team are exhausted.  Maybe the All-Star Break gave everybody a much-needed rest (well, besides All-Stars Luis Arraez and Byron Buxton -- they played in the All-Star Game; Arraez got a Hit on a grounder that ate up San Diego Padre Jake Cronenworth, and Buxton followed Yankee Giancarlo Stanton and was both the "to-back" of back-to-back Home Runs off Dodger Tony Gonsolin and the winning Run in the American League's ninth consecutive victory over the National League, 3-2), because the season basically starts now ... with an extremely rare two-Game weekend set in Detroit (like I said in last Week's WMNSS, the Twins are an outlier in that they resume their Year today/Saturday as opposed to Friday or, in some cases, Thursday).  The Twins then have a midweek twofer in Milwaukee, then have a trio starting Friday in San Diego.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  Their recent hopeful run of form was stopped in its tracks with a pair of humbling Losses, at Washington Sunday and then at home to Connecticut last/Friday night.  They still trail Phoenix for the final spot in the playoffs by two Games, but these decisive defeats over this past screening Week may prove that this club just isn't very good.

There are only eight Games left in the regular season.  Minnesota plays two this Week -- the second of a two-Game home series with the Sun tomorrow/Sunday evening, and then at Atlanta Thursday.

I keep hanging out with my friend, but every single time we meet, he says something racist.  And we met for dinner last/Thursday night, and the only thing I truly remember about it was the racist shit he said.  Why does he continue to do this, especially when he knows I don't like it, and have told him as such (he might say that I haven't explicitly said, "Don't say that, that's racist," like I have to spell it out for his insincere ass)?

We had a great time.  We usually do.  But then he does this, and I am at home right now, and I am pissed at him because of it.

Maybe I should go back to seeing him only once a year.

T-Minus Ten Days

Periodically check Father's e-mail if perchance they purchased tickets to come home.  Did so at work yesterday.  Yep, they bought tickets.  And dammit, they said mid-August, but instead they're coming the end of the month.  What, you can't give me a month, or even two weeks?

Shit, man, all the stuff I wanted to do I can't do.  All my shit has to go back in storage, no time to sort through them.  Have to clean up the kitchen, and the living room.  Need to see if there is new stuff I have to move into storage, too.  And I have to do all this in ten -- well, now nine -- days.  Fuck all this.

Waste Of Food And Thus Money

Wanted to make a sandwich last/Tuesday night, not because I was hungry but because there were just two pieces of bread left and, even though I saw Thor: Love And Thunder while eating popcorn and drinking pop, I thought I could wolf those down and throw away the sandwich bag.

There is a sizable bag of pepperoni that my parents bought and threw in the freezer once they left.  I think we've had that bag for months, and I kept that bag in the fridge side for weeks now.  I bought those processed cheese slices, a couple of Buddig bags that, for some reason, don't zip up, and ten slices of Havarti cheese that did zip up.  I bought the Buddigs and the Havarti at least a month ago because I had bought a whole loaf of bread, and I could use the bread to eat peanut butter and jelly every single time.

So back to knocking out the last of the loaf.  I toasted the two pieces.  Once done, I took one out and smeared mayonnaise on it.  Then I threw in one slice of the Buddigs, a slice of the processed cheese, and nine pieces of pepperoni.  I was opening the bag of Havarti cheese when, dammit, I noticed mold.  There were a couple of slices that didn't have any of that green stuff on it, but as they say, when in doubt, throw it out.  And I did.  Had to do the same thing with the other Buddig; it had a fingertip of green with that frosted white circled around it.  I don't know how this Buddig got spoiled when the other one didn't.  I mean, I cut open both and had trouble finding ways to close the bags.

So instead of six different things, I ate my sandwich with only four different things.  I don't feel sick or anything, so I hope to Buddha I didn't ingest any mold that I could not yet see.  But I do feel hot and sweaty, however; don't know if it's inflammation from my body fighting the invisible mold.

Anyway, this is what I was afraid of -- buying food to eat at home because eating out gets expensive, but I don't eat that food fast enough.  I bought the Havarti and the Buddig because I wanted to save money, but it looks as if I still eat out way too often, apparently, because that deli meat and cheese was sitting in the refrigerator to the point where it spoiled.  But will throwing money in the trash convince me I should eat at home even more?  Probably not.

Saying that, I bought a half-gallon of 2% milk about three weeks ago, at least.  I will try to remember to drink a cup in the morning.  Hope it doesn't smell funny.

A Dying Money Tree, An Apt Metaphor

Father's plants as a whole are doing, uh, OK.  I think three of them have drying leaves, but the rest are fine.  Well, except this tall one called a money tree.  I know it's a money tree because, thankfully, there is that paper descriptor that is planted in the pot and it says, "Money tree."

I didn't notice those descriptors until, oh, about a month ago.  In the back, thank Buddha, there are watering instructions.  That kind of helps when you're looking at a money tree that is helplessly wilting in front of your eyes.  It says to water every other day.  How much, who knows.  But I now know that I am supposed to water every other day.  Will it help?  Who can say?  But if it doesn't work, I can at least tell Father I followed the instructions.

(Aside: Father believes in luck.  Money trees are supposed to bring you luck.  That this money tree is dying and teetering to one side like the Leaning Tower of Pisa is serving as a metaphor that I am not lucky.  And right now, I'm not.)

Thank God, then, for a moisture meter.  I was Googling about how to water a money tree (even after I saw the instructions) when I saw that there was such a contraption.  A machine that can tell you how much water is in a pot?  Cool!  Now, what I would do with that information is something I don't quite know, but too often I have wondered if I am underwatering or overwatering, and this moisture meter will provide a big chunk of information toward answering that.

Now, to actually use it.  I got it late last week and haven't taken it out of its package yet.  Then, once I learn how to use it, I have to learn how to use the information I glean from the meter.  And then, maybe then, I'll know how much and how often to water these things so they don't bleepin' die on me.

Nightmare

Late breaking news reports that up to ten golfers -- really big ones, including Cameron Smith, who just won the (British) Open (and, when asked about the rumor he's jumping ship, got offended at The Media in a way that all golfers in that sportswashing league has perfected to a tee -- are headed to the LIV golf tour (as soon as tomorrow/Tuesday but possible by Labor Day), and it was news I read just before heading to bed.  Well, I have said that many of my nightmares are fueled by things that happened to me the day before that nightmare, and I have to include that here.

I don't remember the specifics, but eventually a couple of women came around to the place I was at (I can't remember if it was a residence, but it was a place I felt was home and "mine," and it was outdoors, so ... maybe it was a houseboat?) and declared that everyone who was at this place left and joined the LIV tour.  I was alone.  And then I felt that familiar feeling in my nightmares about needing to run away but not being able to.

I was headed toward a door.  I don't think I was walking normally; I might have had my feet tied or something.  I opened that door but couldn't go through it.  I think it was higher, and so I had to jump to get through it, and I couldn't.  But there was a little space right next to it that was open; I just had to crouch, then extend myself through this hole, then shimmy to get the rest of my body in there.  And I started doing that ... and then I woke up and realized I had my head off my pillow, about to hit the wall with my noggin.

I don't ever remember waking up to a motion because of what I was dreaming.  Weird.

Maybe I should stop drinking so hardcore.  Maybe that's it.

Addendum To: They're Coming Home

Yep.  Talked to them this evening.  Mother said they're thinking about coming back mid-August.  A month from now.  To be on the safe side ... they're coming home.

Man, all this time, wasted.  Fuck me.

They're Coming Home

My folks are coming home.  And soon.  I can feel it.

Their cruise ends tomorrow/Sunday.  And I totally believe as soon as they get back to their condo in Vegas, they're going to make plans to come home to Minnesota -- and quickly too, because they can.  And I will totally not be ready.  My shit is everywhere.  The place is a mess, and if they come home quickly, there's no way I can find somebody to clean up the house.  And my plans on going through My Stuff haven't taken off, at all, in the ten weeks since they left.

As soon as I hear they're coming back, I will feel like a goddamn failure.  All this time to myself, so many opportunities to better myself and get control over myself ... and I didn't do it.  Goddammit.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  As I have said from time to time, I mostly base each Week's rankings by team record for that Week.  I think this may -- may -- be the first time I have ever ranked a screening Week's teams in reverse order of winning percentage.  I think that this Week, just going by record is deceiving.  No one had a perfect Week, and so I looked at the big picture -- where a club is in the standings and if things are going in the right or wrong direction.

Overall, the Twins take the Week.  That is despite splitting two Games at Texas (the Rangers won the Friday matchup, and so Minnesota lost the series), splitting a midweek two-fer at home to Milwaukee (I planned on going to Wednesday afternoon's contest, which Jose Miranda ended with a three-Run Home Run in the bottom of the Ninth Inning off of elite Closer Josh Hader), and dropping the first two tilts of a four-Game home series against the hated White Sox.  Now the lineup is going through a slump and the rotation is suffering more bumps in the road.  Hopefully these are temporary obstacles good teams learn to overcome.  Despite recent bad form, and even though this mediocre run is allowing both Chicago and Cleveland to get closer to the Twins, Minnesota still leads the Guardians by 2 1/2 Games and the Pale Hose by 3 in the AL Central.  That is good enough to take the top spot here.

This weekend's Games end the first half of the season.  The All-Star Break begins Monday.  The All-Star Game, being held at Dodger Stadium, is Tuesday, and Byron Buxton and Luis Arraez were named to the American League All-Star team.  Some teams actually resume Thursday, but the Twins, somehow, get back on the field Saturday.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  I said in last Week's WMNSS that the Loons are facing an easy, very gettable part of the schedule, but it began with what I think was a very disappointing capitulation.  They had a 1-0 lead on Sporting Kansas City Wednesday at Allianz, but a breakdown allowed SKC to level and it ended 1-all.  Sporting Kansas City was the worst team in the Western Conference, they were playing them at home, one of their Designated Players is out for the Year, a couple other important pieces were injured and not playing, SKC last played Saturday when MNUFC last played Friday, and that Match they were playing was also on the road, in Montreal.  United FC had every advantage and should have won, but not only did they not, they blew that lead, a weakness I thought the XI managed to put behind them.  While they extended their unbeaten streak to four, they snapped their winning streak at three.  They also snapped their streak of scoring three Goals three Games in a row.  And by the way, that Goal credited to the Loons was an Own Goal.

Looking on the bright side, United FC is still fifth in the West.  But if they had held on to beat SKC, they would have been in a virtual tie with Nashville and Real Salt Lake for third.  So maybe these guys can actually take a bad opponent seriously from the opening kickoff and show some urgency tonight/Saturday night at Midway against D. C. United, who, like Sporting Kansas City was in the West on Wednesday, is the last-place team in the East.  They don't even have the man they want to manage the team full-time.  EPL legend Wayne Rooney was hired this Week to be DCU's new Manager, but because his work visa hasn't cleared yet, he can only observe and help with training.  The conditions are there for the Loons to take the initiative and grab three points before the sun sets in the Second Half.  But I expected the same thing on Wednesday.

Oh, and the squad has a friendly vs. Everton Wednesday.  I know of an acquaintance who is a huge Everton fan and probably is ranking this Match as one of the five best experiences in his life.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  Meanwhile, the Lynx actually went 2-1 this Week.  But they are still on the outside looking in.  Now, they are currently only one Game behind Los Angeles and Atlanta for the eighth and final playoff spot, and they have won seven-of-ten, putting their awful start to the season behind them.  But even the club began the second half of the season by beating Phoenix at home Tuesday (in Double Overtime) and defeating the woeful Fever in Indianapolis last/Friday night, they should've won that Game versus Dallas at Target Center Thursday.  But The Bastard Detroit-By-Way-Of-Tulsa Shock blew their doors off 21, 48-27, in the First Half, and while they did come roaring back, the Lynx still lost, 92-87.  They don't have all that much room for error.

And this Week won't be a picnic.  Tomorrow/Sunday afternoon they visit Washington, and on Friday they play the first of two home Games against Connecticut.

You know an irrational fear I have?  ****e, the Moroccan who allowed me to rawdog her until she disappeared back in the fall?  Well, it's been a bit more than ten months since I last saw her.  Is it possible she ... has a kid?  And it's mine???

Fucking shudder to think.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Wednesday, July 13:

• We'll actually have to go back to Tuesday, July 12, a day I had off.  I was in St. Paul visiting my now-ex-shoeshiner when I thought today would be a good day to replenish the account I had with the family credit union.  This once was a bank that we had never used, but when The Store was still open, Mother had me open an account with that bank to facilitate checks given to my parents from one of the restaurants to whom they delivered.  I never had the heart to close it, even after The Store closed, even after the bank branch changed hands to this credit union.  So I make it a point to deposit money in the accounts we opened up annually.  This day was that day, and just because I had money and I was going to get more considering the handjob I was going to get, I splurged a bit and put $50 down on both the checking and savings accounts, for a total of: $100.
• I need to confess this: When I woke up on this Tuesday morning, my dick was so hard that I rubbed one out because an erection that solid couldn't go to waste.  I did so knowing that ***e* and ******e were cumming by to jerk me off.  Can I cum twice in one day?  No, not really, but I rolled the dice when I masturbated in the morn.  Well, it took some time and a switch from coconut oil to lotion, but they finally succeeded.  I'm not too old, I guess.  Cost for both naked ladies: $240.
• Sunday the 10th ... I have heard of this Korean chicken chain called Bonchon, a branch of which popped up in a strip mall not too far from work.  I wanted to go try them after a United FC Match, but I was rebuffed because they said it was too close to closing.  But as soon as I knew that I was asked to fill in at work on this day, I knew that after work I would have an early lunch at this place.  Man, the chicken is good -- double-fried, they say, to maximize crispiness.  I didn't know two things, however.  One, it was a sitdown restaurant.  I then realized why I was turned away that one time.  And two, the appetizer I was duped into getting -- tacos that said on the menu "MUST TRY" -- actually were (according to the en vogue euphemism for "appetizers" these days) shareables, not to be consumed by just one person.  I managed to eat nine pieces of chicken (six drummies, three wings) and those three tacos, but it was a struggle.  Oh, and I love that the pop I got was free.  Oh, and the price was pretty good, too.  With tip: $35.
• Back to Friday the 8th, where I went to my art gallery of choice for the opening of its latest exhibition.  It altered which secret bar to go to after working The Fourth Department; I was going to go to Sooki and Mimi but instead went to Young Joni because this art gallery was only a few blocks away.  I always slip some cash into the gallery kitty, five bucks.  I also threw in some money for a Coke, five bucks.  And five plus five makes: $10.
• Back to Friday, July 1 -- went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) and, well, I basically cover my trip and what I wanted to do in this blog post.  With cover and drinks and tips for said drinks and the girls onstage and the security, I spent: $181.
• I then went, with porno pants, to Up-Down, the arcade palace in Uptown.  A bunch of people, most of whom wearing no masks, being loud mostly indoors?  Sold!  I forget that oftentimes people put quarters (or tokens) in these games and then just walk away.  I also forget that, as nostalgic as I am for these games, I don't enjoy playing many of them.  I stuck a dollar in and was walking around the place for most of the time before deciding to play Arkanoid twice and Paperboy twice -- and that's after playing each game once and wandering around to see if there was anything else I wanted to play, deciding nah, and going back to both games.  But I liked the slice of bacon burger pizza I had.  With tip for the pizza, all told: $7.
• And after that I was still hungry, so I went to Zantigo for some faux-Mexican: $7.26.  (ETA at 11:05 p.m. on July 15 that I actually do have a receipt for this and therefore I should remove this charge.)
• Heading back to Wednesday, June 29, where the headache that was getting a handjob from ******e began.  I don't think I have ever had her service me alone; it has always been with ***e* because I think ***e* was the one who either drove or arranged someone to drive to my place.  My misadventure with ******e I recapped here, so I'll just tell you I paid her: $120.
• On Sunday the 26th I decided to get my hair cut.  The hairstylist was quick as hell, but she did this thing where she'd kind of ram the clipper against the side of my head before turning it to shave my hair.  She did it constantly, as if she was mad at something and was projecting it on to me, but holding off just enough so that she wouldn't give me a concussion.  I have a receipt, so this EWR is only for the tip: $4.
• In the evening I just had to go out, like I said here.  Went to Dream Creamery, an ice cream/burger place that recently opened up.  Wouldn't you just call it the Dreamery?  Have a receipt for the ice cream I bought, so this EWR is only for the tip: $1.
• Then went to Pryes for a beer.  With tip: $9.84.
• Saturday, June 25 ... went to Sebastian Joe's just before closing time.  With tip: $7.37.
• Back on Friday the 24th ***e* came over for a handie.  Don't remember why ******e didn't tag along.  This kind of feels like the Beatles breaking up.  Cost: $120.
• Back to Saturday, June 18, where I did my usual stop at Burger King before visiting Grandmother's best friend.  Frankly, this visit was a shitshow.  Severe staff shortages plus equipment apparently breaking down meant that 1) there was no Coke, 2) the kid taking my order didn't know how to get enter the code from my app to give me free fries, and 3) the couple before me complained about getting the wrong food and almost started a screaming match with the overwhelmed manager.  I really don't think I want to go back to this place again.  You know, I see this Mass Resignation and it feels as though the industry that is finally left holding the bag in terms of not being able to find anyone to work for them are the shitty fast food places.  Just an observation.  Anyway: $6.58.
• After visiting Grandmother's friend I dropped by ******a's apartment for a massage.  Goddamn, she's as hot as ever: $120.
• That evening I went back out to enjoy a summer night.  Had a chocolate malt at Bebe Zito; with tip: $8.51.
• I then went next door to Caffetto to work a bit on some writing.  Small hot chocolate plus tip: $4.46.
• To Friday, June 17: The guy who used to be The Fourth Department was leaving the following week, but I wanted to pay in to our parting gift.  He was moving via U-Haul, and so we chipped in for a gift card he could use to pay for the gas on his way out east.  That seemed like a great idea, but with gas so expensive, I thought he could use some money, so it appears as though I paid in more than everybody else.  That's OK; he saved my butt many times while we were back there, and we all will, and still, miss his institutional knowledge: $50.
• Went all the way to Apple Valley for a stripper party after work.  It was weird in the sense that both women took out my schlong in the dance room, which I thought was forbidden under house rules.  Moreover, host **y gave me a pseudo-handjob like she did the last time I went to her party, but this time I only paid her, like, $70 when she ordered me to pay her $200 the last time.  The only difference I could tell was that we had a room the last time.  So, if we had the dance room all to ourselves, and I ask her to give me an HJ right there, I could get one for less than $100?  I got three dances from another chick there, *****o*, who was there the last time but with whom I did not get any dances.  She was totally nice, and she yanked my cock out of my pants in the dance room, too.  (She was willing to watch me piss, too, but I had stage fright.)  They have a party tomorrow/Saturday that I can't go to, but hopefully this will be the standard experience going forward, so I'll hope to get back there in August.  With cover charge I spent: $150.
• I didn't cum, and I think a reason why is because I was going to the Purity Ring concert at First Ave. afterward.  This act had a vaccine and a mask mandate, and they restricted alcohol only to the upper floor.  The only other act I know that did that was Echosmith, and that band has faint Christian overtones.  I don't see that with Purity Ring, but I still loved the concert (and I loved the Echosmith concert, too, don't get me wrong).  Went upstairs to have a can of Coors.  With tip it set me back: $9.
• I couldn't help myself; every time I have gone to a concert in downtown Minneapolis, I have gone to Pizza Luce afterward.  Same thing here, even though I should watch what I eat.  With tip: $6.68.

Good through July 14.

So one of these hot chicks I befriended on Facebook, who turned into a randy slut who has an OnlyFans, also is one of these women who has a wishlist on Amazon.  It was Prime Day yesterday (and the day before), and I have bought things for her before (though not on Prime Day), and on Snapchat she just sent me a link of that list.

Now, normally I am not into that kind of solicitation.  But she's been solid in delivering naked pictures of herself, and she's chatted me up on Snapchat and Messenger from time to time, so she's not a complete stranger.  Besides, even though I just bought a few things on Amazon (including a gift for another chick on OnlyFans), I forgot to buy this roller for my muscles, and combining that with a gift to her will mean free shipping.  Well, actually it didn't, but I had an excuse now to circle back and purchase that roller.

Anyway, I bought it just before midnight.  I told her just now that I did (I had asked her yesterday/Wednesday morning on Messenger to give me the link to her Amazon wish list again because it disappeared on Snapchat), and she wants to arrange a video call so she can model the sheer pants I bought her.  You know, I would like that.  I might even risk infamy and whip it out in front of her!  Well, maybe not.

Completely Dodged The Rain

Woke up last/Tuesday night from an alcohol-induced late lunch downtown while watching the Women's Euro Match where Germany beat Spain, 2-0.  Probably hit the bed (hard) at 4:30.  Woke up at 7:30.  Still wanted to go to Target to use my discount to buy baking soda, get to Cub Foods and pick up the stuff I ordered on Amazon, and get cash for the double-team handjob I was going to get later in the evening.

I think I may have felt a few raindrops leaving Target, but maybe not.  Shortly after I left the parking lot, it began raining.  I noticed when I woke up from my hard and long nap/sleep that it had rained, and apparently it was going to rain again.  But it got harder and harder, and by the time I got to Cub, it was a deluge.

I didn't want to get out, but I didn't have a whole lot of time because ***e* and ******e were coming by at 9:30.  (They eventually got here a bit past 10; they were at the casino [shrug].)  So I decided to give it till about 9 o'clock; if it were still raining then, I'll take out the umbrella, grab the plastic bags I want to recycle at Cub, and make a dash for it.

The raindrops got harder and much more numerous.  It was a squall outside my car, no doubt.  But I could breathe in my car because my car was protecting me.  I was totally dry, while every other poor sucker in the bubble outside my vehicle was getting soaked to the bone.  And to think I got into this cocoon just before it rained (I think) and that, hopefully, I'll be able to walk outside in dryness after the rain.

The rain quieted.  I saw a rainbow out in the distance.  It got worse again.  But I think at around 8:59, the rain slowed down big time.  Yep, it's one of those summer showers that came and went.  And I opened the car door and felt not a drop fall from the sky.  I walked sans umbrella in to Cub to get my delivery.  Did the same at the gas station.  And once I got home, I grabbed everything I could and walked at my own pace to the front door because I was extremely fortunate and completely dodged the rain.

Constantly Updating Apps

Has anyone seen the apps on their phone needing updates for the past couple months, like me?  Just one day I see one of the app icons with the down arrow, which means I should tap on it because it needs an update.  Only there wasn't one, turns out, but there were several that needing updating ... at the same damn time!

And it keeps happening.  I can go several days without my apps needing updates, but just right now, I saw a half-dozen of them with that damn down arrow.  More puzzling than that, I have noticed that some of my apps have needing updating three or even four times since this plague started.

I don't get it.  I really don't.  It's not like it's crippling my day or anything.  But I wonder if there's something wrong with either the apps or my phone.  Why are all my applications constantly updating???

My Evenings/Social Calendar This Week Is All Filled Up, Too ... Wait, Maybe Not

I've been complaining about how much I have to work this week.  When I said there was no rest for the wicked, I mean it, sorta.  I can't really catch my breath in the evenings, either:

• Yesterday/Sunday: Had a Zoom, and that saps my energy.  Was also supposed to get a handjob from *****a, too, but she wanted to postpone.  I told her maybe later this week.  But hey, maybe not.
• Today/Monday: Thought about going to the Japanese Breakfast concert.  Sold out by the time I looked.  Just looked now on AXS Resale where there is a ticket that would cost me, with fees, $74.  Maybe I would go at its original list price of $49.50 plus fees, but sorry; I think the singles I've heard are wonderful, and she's cute, but I can't pay that much money.  Also, she's swinging by here a second time on her current tour (she was also at First Ave. back in September), and while she has blown up big time since, I wonder if going through the motions the second time, with basically the same set list, will sap the inventiveness and, well, effort of a show.  Not to say that I will stay home, because I feel I need to exercise instead.
• Tomorrow/Tuesday: I have the day off, which is great.  But in the evening ***e* is cumming over from Wisconsin to give me my monthly handjob.  Actually I guess I could bum around a few hours and actually do some work.  But that HJ, man, that's something to prepare for, you know?
• Wednesday: MNUFC Match.  Could go home and then leave.  Maybe I'll do that.
• Thursday: Well ... now that I think about it, this premise might be an incorrect one.  *****a could probably reschedule and jerk me off this night.  Otherwise ... well, I can eat out at one of the places I want to go to, but the January 6 Committee is holding a prime time hearing.  But I probably do have time to work on chores this night.
• Friday: Yeah, I can stay home on this night, too.
• Saturday: MNUFC Match, and I also work that day.  This day I probably will go out and enjoy myself.

OK, this was a stupid idea.  I'm going to go and work out now, and hopefully I won't regret deciding not to see the cute Japanese Breakfast.

6:30-7-Off-7-8-7-8

Those are my starting shift times this week, beginning today/Sunday.  Yeah, I'm working six days this week.  Gah.

Some time ago my boss said someone who usually works today wanted off, and assuming that we were still trying to do only 40 hours, he gave me Tuesday off instead.  But there's still a vacancy for a position that would fill that Saturday slot, and I and another person who has Saturdays off are kind of coming in every other Saturday for the time being.  Maybe he forgot, maybe I did, but someone had to come in Saturday, so late last week he asked for either of us to take it.  I said I was available, the other person came in last Saturday (which was yesterday), so it was my turn.

Add to it that The Fourth Department is staying unfilled and people are still taking days off, I'm filling in a couple different days.  Of the three days I'm starting at 7, only two of those days am I in my main department.  Suffice it to say, I have never had such a schedule before.  I don't think I have ever worked a week where I work every day but Tuesday.  But here I am.

---

I am tired as fuck right now.  It wasn't great today, then I ate a huge meal at Bonchon -- chicken's fantastic, but those tacos were a lot, delectable as they were -- and then I got a mini Blizzard at DQ, then I slept.  I was supposed to be on a Zoom and I got one 15 minutes later than I usually do because I wanted to sleep in.  I'm done now, and I want to go back to sleep.  No rest for the wicked, I guess.

Addendum To: Well, Excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, later that week I was walking by, and I saw the person whose station I "took" working next to the person who actually did saunter through a security door.  They resemble each other, but they are not the same person, obviously, so it turns out I did "take" the station of someone with whom I have not had a weird, unmannered encounter.  Want to set that straight that I initially mistook this person for someone else.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -3).  I'm going to start of this survey by saying there really weren't any losers this Week.  All four teams that will appear on the WMNSS had pretty good Weeks, considering.  So, for all those ranked behind the Loons, don't feel bad, please -- you're all did good this screening Week!

There is a lot of drama coming out of MNUFC, but as much as there is on the pitch, there probably is more off it.  But let's start with the good news, which is this outfit won both their Matches this screening Week, and did so in different ways.  On Sunday night at Allianz Field, Minnesota was up 3-0 and, once again, ran out of gas and played stupid after 70 Minutes, giving up a pair of Real Salt Lake Goals five Minutes apart.  They hung on for dear life to win, but considering that this collapsing late in Matches seems to have become a pattern, I didn't have too much joy in my heart to sing "Wonderwall."

Then, last/Friday night, I was able to catch most of their tilt at Vancouver on free TV (thanks, CW Twin Cities!), which in many ways turned into the precise opposite of Loons Matches as of late.  It was scoreless after the First Half, but Lucas Cavallini put the Whitecaps up in the 66th, at which point I turned off the TV because I didn't think United FC, who were playing on the road with two players out long-term (Hassani Dotson and Romain Metanire) and one out short-term (Kervin Arriaga), were going to come back.  But in another inversion from the Inter Miami Game, I looked at sports scores in my Yahoo! Sports app when I knew the Match was done and the 1-0 scoreline that initially popped up calcified into a 1-3 Win for the Loons?!?!?!  Yeah, they showed some late-Game heart and effort!!!  And the three Goals they scored were all after the 70th Minute!!!

So MNUFC have now won three in a row.  They've scored three Goals in all three victories, the first time they've scored at least three in three straight Games since, if I recall correctly, August 2020.  And after sitting well below the playoff line most of the season, as of press time they are in postseason position, technically fifth but specifically in a four-way tie for fourth.  Best of all?  Wednesday's home tilt versus Sporting Kansas City is the first of five straight contests against clubs that don't have a playoff spot as of now.  Make hay, Loons.

OK, so the off-pitch shit.  Recent splendid run of form aside, the slump MNUFC was in has only deepened the animosity toward the franchise.  It's gotten beyond #HeathOut, frankly, to complaining about all aspects of the organization.  This Week, the team put out a newsletter for season ticket-holders, including giveaways for those who are committing to stay STHs for 2023.  Now, this Year the squad got a lot of shit for the, well, shitty gifts they sent us.  The options were socks, stickers and what I chose to get, sunglasses.  Chintzy trinkets, and it did not go unnoticed from me.  In the newsletter, the organization said that "listened" and they are going to offer next Year actual STH benefits, namely deep discounts on concessions or extra seats, a scarf, or, uh, a postcard.

There are people on Twitter who just got even more pissed off at the team.  They took the "we listened" phrase as a slap in the face, they went on a tirade about how the team continues to be a failure on the field, and that everybody in the front office needs to be fired.  And they really went on about how arrogant the team sounds, and that they remain out of touch, and that they don't give a fuck about their supporters.  This has coincided with a couple other gripes, such as (and this is from a couple Weeks ago, and I apologize for not talking about that then) not commenting on the Supreme Court of the United States killing off Roe v. Wade, like women's soccer club Aurora FC did, and a response by the organization to some Allianz Field workers pushing to unionize with a legalese-riddled letter that basically says they're going to try and prevent the union drive from happening.

OK, we should have more unions, just because the capitalist structure we have now ain't working that well.  And I notice the silence from MNUFC, but (and I could be naive here), them not saying anything doesn't mean they're anti-choice.  But the big thing that makes me roll my eyes is the ... shit, I'll say it ... cancel culture erupting from some parts of the supporters.  I don't know how in the hell they're getting "disrespecting the fans" from this season.  I think I can accuse the front office of incompetence; they've shown that many times.  But disrespect?  That comes from a different department, the salespeople, and they've done a pretty good job.  No, this Year's gifts were bullshit, but they're trying to fix that for next season.  But that doesn't seem to be enough for some fans who are basically trying to, well, pull a Jill Stein and gin up outrage to the point where the relationship between supporters and club will dissolve, being replaced by ... I have no idea what their solution is.

If I stop being a season ticket-holder, it'll be because I've gone bankrupt, I've moved, or this organization does or is so horrible for many, many seasons that I get fed up.  My bullshit tolerance bucket appears to be the size of a water tower while others have the size of a thimble.  I wonder if those people notice that the team they're supposedly fighting for has won three in a row, have scored three Goals in each of those Wins, and are back in a playoff spot.  The troll in me wants the scarf gift to say, "We listened."  Fucking calm down, haters.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2).  It's good being in the A. L. Central Division.  The Twins finished 3-3 for the Week, the last two tilts being Losses that will make you sigh.  On Wednesday, Minnesota led the White Sox five times but allowed Chicago to come back and tie every single time, and then the White Sox finally won, 6-5, in ten Innings.  Last/Friday night saw something Twins fans have not seen a lot this Year -- a bad Inning by a Starting Pitcher, and in this Game by the heretofore unflappable Sonny Gray, who got shook down for five Runs in the Fifth; The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 outlasted the Twins, 6-5.

Fortunately, as of press time, Minnesota enjoys a 4 1/2 Game lead on the Cleveland Guardians.  The Guardians are now entering a difficult part of their schedule, and the young team has just gone 3-7 in the ballclub's last ten.  Hey, so long as Minnesota doesn't have to play Cleveland, Minnesota probably will lead the Division!

After finishing up in Arlington this weekend, the Nine are back home to finish the first half of the season.  They have two Games vs. The Bastard Seattle Pilots starting Tuesday, then four Games against The Pale Hose beginning on Thursday before the All-Star Break commences.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  Are the Lynx in the middle of a turnaround?  Many writers say so, but with only 12 teams and more really good players who can't even get on a squad, shit, every team can have a turnaround in the same season.

Look, they went undefeated this screening Week, and look at who they beat.  On Sunday, they split their two-Game set with Las Vegas by trouncing them, 102-71.  Wednesday's showdown with Chicago was closer, but they beat them, 81-78.  Now to throw cold water on everything.  First, both Wins were at home.  Second, they still have the second-worst record in the WNBA although, to be fair, they are only 2 1/2 Games out of a playoff spot.  Third, we don't now if Napheesa Collier is coming back this Year.  And Fourth, Sylvia Fowles will still end her professional career not lifting the trophy.  But yes, it's a good recent run of form.

This is the league's All-Star Break, being held in Chicago.  Fowles is the only Lynx rep.  She is probably being feted, and rightfully so.  But the second half of the season starts up again quickly, and massively: Home to Phoenix Tuesday, then another home Game against Dallas Thursday before visiting Indiana the following evening.

#-4: Wild (Re-Entry!).  This Year, I thought about watching the NHL Draft the same I did the NFL and NBA Drafts: By going to Bunny's Northeast.  Don't know why, in particular, but selecting the next stars and seeing downtrodden teams take steps toward casting off their bad seasons and hoping for brighter futures makes my heart feel lighter.  Doing that means going out to eat.  That used to be Hooters, but that's too far to drive.  It was also Buffalo Wild Wings, but I lost all the points I accrued eating there because of the pandemic, and I haven't gone back since.  Bunny's NE seemed like a good sports bar, and I went there twice, and I wanted to go back there a third time.

However, I didn't go.  For one thing, you will notice that draft coverage for the NHL (and MLB, for that matter) pale in comparison than that for the NFL and NBA because college hockey and baseball are not followed as much or well as college football and basketball.  Can I really bask in the glory of seeing the next generation of hockey players when I don't even know who the hell these young men are?  For another thing, the Wild had two picks, but at 19 and 24.  If I watch a draft, I want to see who gets picked #1, but I also want to see my team's picks, and 19 picks are a long time to sit at a bar and eat.

Oh, and then I had to work in The Fourth Department, and Thursday I was at work till 6:30, so I missed the start of the draft, so there was no use to go to Bunny's Northeast then.  And, finally, on Tuesday Bunny's NE abruptly went out of business.  So there.

Anyway, in the First Round of the NHL Draft, the Wild selected Swedish LW Liam Ohgren at #19 and Russian RW Danila Yurov at #24.  Like I said, I had no idea either young man existed on this temporal plane until they were picked.  So I'm going to rely on experts, and most of them say that these were excellent picks that replenished the Wild's pipeline, which is dominated with Defensemen.  OK, so Minnesota had a good draft.

So why do I have the Wild last in the WMNSS?  No reason, really.  But this Cam Talbot situation is getting to be an embarrassment.  He dutifully splits time with Kaapo Kahkonen during last season.  Kahkonen gets traded to San Jose, but General Manager Bill Guerin trades for supposed playoff talisman and former teammate Marc-Andre Fleury, so Talbot is still splitting time.  He does a good job -- but because it's Flower, he gets benched the first five Games of the series against the St. Louis Blues.  The team only goes to Talbot for Game 6, which they lost, thus ending their season.  Talbot vents some frustration, so does his wife, but that seems to be it.

Going into the draft, there was some debate as to whether Minnesota was going to sign Fleury.  They did, hours before the draft, for another two Years.  Where does that leave Talbot?  It wasn't as if he was going to be the #1 guy, nor should he be.  But the guy Guerin apparently has replaced him in all aspects but in name is still there.  Is Talbot happy?  His agent isn't, telling reporters that Guerin "has a lot to think about" considering his client is a Year away from being an Unrestricted Free Agent.  Guerin, uh, disagreed: "I don't have shit to do," he responded, "[the agent] can say whatever the hell he wants.  My team's set right now, and that's the way it goes."

Assuming the agent is doing what Cam Talbot wants him to do, he cannot be happy at how he's being treated.  Guerin could do better by him.  And, frankly, he has lost a lot of currency with the fanbase because the high-flying squad he constructed went one-and-done again, and the team has 12-14 fewer million dollars to spend for the next three seasons because he was the one who bought out the contracts of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  Oh, and it's increasingly looking like Russia isn't letting Kirill Kaprizov leave the country.

Now that I write all of this, it's clear why I have the Wild last in this Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  Still, good draft!

The Fourth Department Has Been Bullshit All Week

I've been working The Fourth Department since Wednesday.  Any levity in workload, any thought that things would get easier the more I work in it, both sentiments have been completely and utterly dashed this week.  I've worked ten hours Wednesday and yesterday and still didn't get all my work done.

It's damn near impossible to do.  The guy I and two others are replacing did as much work but got done completely on time.  He didn't look like he broke a sweat, either.  The guy's like freakin' Jesus.  I mean, how the fuck did he do it?

So many damn forms that have problems with it.  The main reason things seemed to calm down to the point where I could leave eight-ish hours after I get there is because of workload.  But there are so many eff-ups in these things that I have had to leave work over for the next day ... but the workload isn't dissipating, so there is even more work that I am leaving for myself this morning.  Beyond that, this position requires pivoting between several different things, and each of them takes so much concentration that jumping into something else is like trying to steer an aircraft carrier 180 degrees in your mind.  Finally, this is the job where people ask you to do things the guy before me knew very well, but I throw my hands up to.  And finding out who to go to about this particular problem takes an hour off my day and pushes all the stuff I need to do further down my day, and so it extends my day to ten hours.  (Oh yeah -- assholes.  I have to deal with assholes too.)

I'm now resigned to being there an extra two hours whenever I work in The Fourth Department.  Getting everything done even 15 minutes before ten hours will be a damn miracle.  Hell, I would have the urge to stay longer than ten hours, but after ten I think I will get the unwanted attention of my boss and a lot of people on the Human Resources side.  Now, that's not to say I'll be sanguine about my fate as long as I work there.  I can feel my heart palpating and the fascia on my left side tense up from all the crap I have to deal with back there.  Hell, after work tonight I might get so pissed off I'll quit.  No guarantees -- that I'll stay either on the job or alive.

With Fourth Department Jesus leaving and no plans for a full-time replacement in the intermediate future, I will be back there many, many days for many, many months to come.  I have always, always gone out to have a drink or two to wring out the stress after working in this department.  But knowing that I'll be back there way more often, I don't think it's good for my wallet nor my liver to immediately play hard after working hard every single day I'm filling in there.  So I'm trying to exhibit some self-control by immediately going home and trying to both moderate my diet and exercise more.  For example, last/Thursday night I wanted to just work out on the stairstepper at home, eat a smoothie, shower and go to bed.  But I was so keyed up from frustration after work, plus I needed to do some things on the Internet, that I hastily made a sandwich for myself and then ate Dot's Pretzels dipped in Top The Tater (you can't a more Minnesota culinary two-fer than that).  Still worked out and still had that smoothie, but I still feel fat.  And then all I could think of us, "Damn, I could use a drink."

I'm saving that for tonight, at a clandestine bar close to an art show very close by.  I think I deserve to treat myself after a crap week that still seemed long even though I am working only four days in the week.

You Can't Tell Tone From An E-Mail, But ...

... when some guy says he doesn't know what you're talking about, I just have to clap back at his defensiveness.  And then he had to start in with an accusatory question and ... well, I have a job that I have to do and that I like, so I just let him get what he wants.  But then again, maybe I shouldn't have.  So this/Thursday morning I am going to check with my boss, let him know about our tit-for-tat, and ask 1) if I should have allowed him to do what he did and 2) if I can call him out on his pissant attitude.

When I took this job I wasn't told I would have to make calls.  Well, maybe.  At the very least I was told that my tasks mostly will be back-facing.  But when I got trained for The Fourth Department, and I was told that I'd be making some calls as part of the job, I felt, just a tad, bamboozled.  In for a penny, in for a pound at that point, but it takes a lot of forgetting in order to let go of the feeling that I had been had.  Because I don't like rude people.  And I, defending myself, in turn am rude to them -- the only difference being that that person is wrong for being nasty first, and I am in the right for being nasty back at him/her.

Maybe I was wrong for escalating both the conversation and the review to my boss.  But I don't feel like I'm wrong.  Oh, the tone of this may not be loud and clear, but it sure wasn't garbled.  And so I have to watch this asshole, and watch myself, if and when I have to deal with this guy's fucking bullshit again.

Getting Fit To Getting Fat

I planned on working out last/Tuesday night, then eating a smoothie once I got back home, then showering, then going to bed.  It was supposed to be a "get fit" day.

But on Monday night I saw that The Zombies were going to be at First Avenue.  I'm single, have no kids, have disposable income, and want to see musical acts whose songs I've enjoyed and sung to my entire life before it's too late.

So, I went and bought a ticket.  Had a beer, too.  Good show, although the keyboardist was talking a tad too long.  (Aside: He was telling stories when The Zombies were young.  And I notice that many musical artists, especially ones who grew into prominence before the Soundscan era, go on and on and on about how their songs reached the top of the charts.  No act who grew up, say, since the turn of the millennium talk and thus care about such things.  But this keyboardist did.  It was the way music groups back then measured success.  When their song hit #1, I guess that was the surest sign to them that they made it.)  

And I guess I was so hyped after the show -- I thought the two remaining original members of the band did one final song just for us, but it turns out they always close their show with "The Way I Feel Inside," and I guess I just didn't scroll down the setlist, which they don't change up, enough -- that I said "nah!" to my health and popped into Pizza Luce for a slice of pizza.  Didn't get a pop or a root beer, though, which is my custom.

Neverthless, I went from trying to get fit to drinking beer and eating pizza ... although, I must say, I did have that smoothie; I just followed that up with an unhealthy piece of pizza.  So not only did I not eat well, I ate a lot as well -- which was something I didn't plan on doing going into yesterday/Tuesday.

I'll hate myself in the morning.

She Contacted Me! My ATF Contacted Me!

OK, so about my ATF, ******a, whom I had missed the past couple times I wanted to see her at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version).  The last time I had spoken to her I had broached the subject, we I had from time to time in visits prior, about letting her know when I could see her work again.  She responded by ... inviting me to give her my contact information.  Yes!  My big break!

I wrote down my name, number, e-mail address and Facebook on a Post-It note.  I folded it up then, worried that a bouncer might see digits on that piece of paper, I folded it around so that all the information was on the inside.  Midway through our series of table dances, I took out the piece of paper and whispered in her ear about what we talked about last time.  She remembered, thank God, and she was open to taking the slip of paper.  The one slip-up I had involved me freaking out that she would either forget or misplace the piece of paper, which I surreptitiously put to the side next to her purse.  I was just moving my hands around the seat while ******a was dancing in front of me, and I pulled it out from under her purse.  Later, she told me she slid it under her purse because she didn't want anyone to see that there was a crumpled-up piece of paper that just so happens to be next to her purse.  Well, duh, that makes total sense.  Stupid me.

Now, I was hoping that my dumb decision didn't rat her out.  I was hoping that a bouncer did not go up to ******a and say, "I saw that piece of paper that customer gave you.  Throw it out or I'll have you fired."

Guess what?

She texted me last night!  Woo-hoo!  It worked!!  And she wants to keep in touch with me!!!  All these years of earning a hot stripper's trust, and it finally worked!!!!  This is the culmination of a dream, one I achieved with hard work and a lot of persistence.  This ... man, yesterday was a great day, man!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: June 2022

A pretty good month.  Of the dozen girls posing, my eyes are drawn to a pair with the smallest pictures for the month.  They both have got juicy asses.  In other months I say that as I perfunctorily place them up top.  But here, these two ladies have such fuckable booties that I put them up at the top proudly!

But first, a non-babe observation.  Every month is dominated by waitresses from Florida.  I'm pretty sure there are more restaurants in Texas and California, but still, Florida Hooters girls populate every page.  (It might have to do with the fact that Hooters was born in Florida.  There are now two "Hooters" corporations, and I have no idea how they can co-exist or how to differentiate between the two.)  But there are none here.  You also see a lot of Texas babes, but there are only two here.  Instead, there are four from the state of Illinois.  Two of those are from the same restaurant, Fairview Heights, including the main girl, Delaney.  The other waitresses are from the non-big-three states, which is good.  But I think the calendar needs to do a much better job diversifying on a geographical level.  I don't know why there has to be more than, say, two women from the same state each month.  And you shouldn't have two girls from the same friggin' city ever, for crissake, 'cause that just reeks of laziness.

By the way, neither Fairview Heights girl does much for me, but if I ever get to St. Louis, I'll bring the calendar and hope they're both there to sign.  I have five I want to single out:

• In fifth place is Marissa, out of Countryside, Ill.  Spinner of a thing, hot body, wearing a leopard print two-piece.  Long blonde hair, but it's distractingly wet.  Also, she's grasping her neck with her left hand, and so her left tit is behind her left elbow.
• Fourth place goes to Tiffany, of Orland Park, Ill.  Beautiful blonde with a pure yellow two-piece bikini.  Love the ridge down her stomach; it's a sign that's she's fit as fuck.  The only problem I have is that her hands are somewhat crossed in front of her, obscuring her tight bod.
• Brunette Mackenzie, hailing from Scottsdale, Ariz., takes third place.  Unlike Tiffany or Marissa, Mackenzie is smiling, and as much of a men's rights douche I sound, smiling goes a long way.  Also, her hands aren't in front of her bod; she's in a pool, and she's splashing water.  And her red two-piece bikini is holding up some impressive breasts.

Again, the top two are the top two because they're posing in such a way where they're showin' ass:

• In second place is Kennedy, out of Kingston Pike, Tenn.  A beautiful brunette with a soft face, she's sporting a black two-piece, and she's swinging her juicy peach and proving that she's exposing about half of her nice ass.
• And taking first place is Samantha, from Las Cruces, N. M., a place I actually visited when I was living in El Paso!  Like Kennedy she is photographed in side profile.  But her hands are up on her head, and she's sticking out her fine butt, and her yellow bikini bottom is sportin' more than half of her big, cushy ass!!!  Yowza!!!

So congratulations to Samantha.  No worries -- I have already masturbated to all these beautiful women.  But I might do it again!

She's Decompensating Again

OK, so about ******a.  The last time I saw her, which was at her apartment a couple weeks ago, she complained about her phone not working and she was worried that, if I recall correctly, someone did something to it.  And then during our massage she got up and took out the smoke alarm affixed to the wall a couple times.  She had noticed that the blinking light on the alarm was blinking differently than how she remembers it.

I have tried to arrange another massage from her for the holiday, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet, either on the phone that I believe she no longer trusts, or on Messenger, which, well, she would need to be on the phone in order to receive my messages through that service.

This is not the first time she has decompensated like this.  Like I have blog posted before, she had gone screwy last year, getting all paranoid about phones and people stalking her and shit.  She has a boyfriend, and it's possible he took her on a vacation to a faraway place for a couple weeks.  But my bet is she, well, is having a mental breakdown again.  I can't help her.  I love her, but I'm not close enough friends with her that I can nor (frankly) am willing to do anything for her.  She has to get out of this on her own, and then I hope we'll be able to reconnect.  I'll send a message on Messenger or two, but otherwise, I'll wait it out.

You know ... come to think of it ... it's possible that she didn't like me whipping it out on her last time ...

Addendum To: Addendum To: ATF Missed Connection Again? You Gotta Be Fuckin' Kidding Me

Oh, turns out my ATF at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) was working Friday.  I checked the website during my afternoon break and her name did pop up.  I had planned on going there straight from work, but even after seeing she was working I went back home because 1) Mother wanted me to do something for her and 2) I needed to poop.

No worries, I think.  I saw her and I got a lot of dances from her.  We stopped when she needed to go back on stage.  But she left the stage a second time, she asked me if I wanted to resume my table dances with her.  I didn't; I usually split after I commandeer her time inbetween stage sets, plus I was running out of money.  I thought she knew that, so I'm wondering if her asking me to go back to the table dances was because she needed the money.  She is a veteran who probably has 15 years on all the other hot strippers working there.  Hope she's not disappointed in me.

More about this visit some other time.  Gotta tell you that I have a lot of things I want to blog post about right now.  All in due time, I hope.

They're Gone. They're All Gone. Again.

This would have been a great time to get one of my stripper girlfriends over for a massage or even a great handjob.  It did happen on Wednesday, with ******e, but that was a fucking ordeal.  Even though she lives a couple miles away and said she had her own transportation, I had to pick her up, we had to change our initial time, I had to wait for her while she was on the phone, and then she wanted Burger King on the way back, to which I said no, which made me feel guilty even though our arrangement was just for a fucking handjob.  She was great, but now I find her kind of needy.  I wish someone of a more mature temperament lived that close to me.

And since she did me on Wednesday, it'd be way too soon to have her come over again.  I tried contacting my coterie of babes to keep me company this Independent Weekend, to no avail.  Seriously, they've all gone AWOL for some reason or another:

• The big one is ******a, who's not returning my texts.  I want to talk about her in a future blog post.
• I did swing back to *****a, who hasn't jerked me off in a while, but she's vacationing -- again.
• Still no sign of ****e.  I texted her again this week.  She hasn't texted me back in months.  Hope to God I didn't impregnate her or anything, and she's moved because of it.
• ***e* lives in Wisconsin and yet comes over to Minnesota so damn often it's like she lives here.  I think I saw her two weeks ago, so I don't think I need to see her again so soon.
• Basically that's all I've got.  Maybe there's a party or two I could have gone to this holiday, but there was none.  There was one on Tuesday afternoon, but I worked then, so pffft.

So, nothing for me this weekend, dammit.

Plus (apropos of nothing) I just weighed myself and I'm back up to 170 pounds.  I just slept and I'm still up to 170?  Fuck me.

Wrong About Mowing The Lawn

Last night I decided I was going to mow the lawn.  I have my Independence Weekend planned out.  In reverse chronological order: Monday I'm staying in all day and making spaghetti.  Tomorrow/Sunday I will try and go through my papers, but I am going out to eat lunch in the afternoon and then going out to the MNUFC Match in the evening.  Today, I planned on going out and enjoying this gorgeous weather ... but first, the lawn.

I decided that I wouldn't have time to do it next weekend, or the weekend after.  Moreover, since this is a long weekend, I "had time" to do it now (I put it in quotes because, really, I can carve out a couple hours any time to do it, but I don't want to unless I have a lot of other free time around it so I don't feel cheated).

But then my wishy-washiness began.  First, I noticed that the grass wasn't all that high.  It could have waited a week or two.  (Much of the grass is getting yellow too, and that bothers me.)  Also, the weather was gray -- perfect because I would feel like I wouldn't have to put on sunscreen, but it looked like it could rain.  So I looked on both AccuWeather on my laptop and the Weather app on my phone and said that there was a chance of rain for the next couple hours.

But I didn't want to wait a couple hours.  I wanted to do it now.  Besides, it didn't look like it was going to be a torrential rain.  And even if it were, it would have only lasted a few minutes -- half-hour at most.  But I wouldn't have to worry about that if I just mowed now because I could probably get the mowing in before the raindrops start ... maybe ... ?

After some procrastination, I went for it.  I usually take my time because mowing the lawn is sometimes a pain in the ass, and I want to put on sunscreen and bug spray before I start, plus I want to clean both yards of branches and stuff.  But this time, knowing that rain could be coming, I actually jogged -- jogged -- around the yards to pick up debris.  Put gas in the mower and off I went.

I thought I was going to beat any storm that could be coming.  But then I felt a few drops.  I did a quick re-calculating.  I can mow during a drizzle, right?  I won't mind, and the mower won't blow up if a few raindrops get into the top, uh, opening thing, right?  So I still mowed.  And I got through the frontyard even though it was still misting.

The backyard was another story, I'm afraid.  I was, oh, less than halfway through it when the drops got heavier and more frequent.  I was afraid that the sky would open up and I would be caught in a deluge.  At that point, the closer I got to the end, the more rain I would have tolerated in order to finish.  But I was hoping that the drizzle wouldn't worsen, and it did, and so I stopped.

I sort of regret deciding to mow in the afternoon.  But I then compounded that mistake with a worse decision: Putting the lawnmower underneath the deck.  I was going to go out to eat for lunch and to pick up groceries, and I was hoping that, even though the rain was hard enough for me to stop, it would be so brief that I could immediately go back to mowing.  That was a mistake, for two reasons.  One, it didn't stop when I got back.  And two, I realized on my way to Raising Cane's that you really should mow wet grass.  Whoops.  So now I was going to leave my mower underneath the deck for a couple or few hours?  And while I was thinking it would be covered, the deck has slats, and water is tiny, and it could slip through and malfunction the mower.

So once I got back home I dodged the rain and properly put the mower, which was drenched, back in the shed.  I was hoping I would get all done, shower, trim my nails and sleep all afternoon, but all I could do was conk off my sweaty, smelly, bug repellant-covered body in my bed.  (I now have to change the sheets, too.)

By the time I woke up, around 4, the sun was out.  The grass didn't look wet, but even if it were, I made the decision, poor as it might be, to just take out the mower and finish the backyard.  The mower worked, by the way.  And to justify doing it in the afternoon instead of the evening, I stuck to my plan of going out and having fun in the evening.  I am eating and drinking my way through the Wedge -- a chicken sandwich at Bebe Zito, iced tea at Caffetto, then ice cream after a nice long walk at Milkjam.  That totally justifies pausing inbetween mows in the early afternoon because of a rainstrom, right?  Right???

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  Ho.  Ly.  Shit.  They traded with Utah for Ruby Gobert.

None of the other teams playing this Week blew us out of the water, so the off-season T-Wolves get the top spot in this WMNSS for, well, blowing our dicks off with The Biggest Trade In The NBA since ... well, since the Russell Westbrook and James Harden trades not too long ago.  But frankly, this trade still might be of a magnitude larger than those.  Look what Minnesota gave up for Gobert:

• Malik Beasley, the guy who met a couple in a car on his driveway with a gun;
• Patrick Beverly, who, now that he's not a dick on my team, is just a dick;
• Jarred Vanderbilt -- no snark, this one hurts;
• Leandro Bolmaro, a guy who's so off the edge of the earth that some people relaying this trade just leave his name off it;
• Walker Kessler, the guy the Wolves just drafted last Week -- I even praised them for it!
• A First-Round pick in the 2023 Draft, unprotected;
• A First-Round pick in the 2025 Draft, unprotected;
• First-Round pick swaps with The Bastard New Orleans Jazz in the 2026 Draft;
• A First-Round pick in the 2027 Draft, unprotected;
• A First-Round pick in the 2029 Draft, reported top-5 protected -- I didn't know you could trade Draft picks seven Years from now!

Again, all of that for Rudy Gobert ... a three-time Defensive Player Of The Year and arguably still The Best Rim Protector In The NBA.  Despite the Timberwolves marked improvement on Defense, protecting the rim remained a glaring weakness, and even though Karl-Anthony Towns gave more than a damn at his own end of the court, he could and/or would only do so much.  If you go by traditional position characteristics, he is a Power Forward.  That means sliding The Stifle Tower into the 5 solves a bevy of problems.  KAT can now defend the wing; moreover, the collection of Wolves still on the team have enough defensive mettle that they can guard enough one-on-one that Gobert should be able to help for any drives to the basket.  Meanwhile, Gobert can replace some pick-and-rolls so that KAT can remain out in the perimeter, which is a preference he hasn't been able to shake his entire career.  In many ways, this is a perfect fit.

The Wolves are also trading for Gobert, a guy who's 30, has never taken gotten the Jazz into the Western Conference Finals, and is useless whenever the opposing team plays five small players and stays away from the rim.  The thinking is that once the playoffs begin, teams such as the Golden State Warriors will play small ball and play Gobert off the court.  It's happened many times before, and given the success the Jazz has had, it's worked many times before.

I don't know how close they were to a championship after this past season, but I do see making a move like this.  If you believe the often-told adage that NBA players don't want to go play in Minnesota, the Timberwolves had to overpay to get a player of Gobert's caliber.  Glen Taylor, Marc Lore and Alex Rodriguez are going all-in for a team that had to win a Play-In, and if this squad remains on the ascendancy, the picks aren't going to be all that great.  With KAT still in his prime, D'Angelo Russell presumably still on the team and running the point, and Anthony Edwards hopefully still improving his game, there's reason to believe they could win it all, and win it now.  So what are picks, or players, or luxury tax money, for that matter?

But shit, man, that's a lot of guys and picks to give up.  Plus they're going to be in salary cap hell as soon as Edwards is able to get his max contract.  (If that's the case, and if A-Rod and Lore aren't willing to pay the tax, Russell might be the next guy to go.)  And what happens if Gobert is forced to disappear in the playoffs?  I can see one early exit being palatable to the fanbase.  But a second?  No way.  If this tactical move turns out to be an easily-sussed-out disaster, Chris Finch loses his job like that, and the ceiling on this organization comes crashing down like an elevator in free fall.

But hey, right now, this is big and exciting fucking news.  Timberwolves, beat on your chest.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I'm not ready to say I was wrong for saying the Twins should not have re-signed Byron Buxton.  There's still a lot of season left.  But:

Yeah, this shit is awesome.  And I can't deny that this ballclub plays better with Buxton in the lineup.  I mean, the ABC lineup at the top of the lineup is The Most Exciting 1-2-3 punch in Major League Baseball (and shut the fuck up, Yankees fans).  This franchise knows how to do above-average production very well.

And yet they shuffled through a 5-3 screening Week.  They took the last two Games vs. the Colorado Rockies at Target, and that Game-ender by Buck beat The Bastard St. Louis Browns last/Friday night at home.  But mid-week they were in Cleveland and lost three-of-five (there was a make-up tilt included in that four-Day series).  They had a lead in all three defeats.  Thursday's Loss, where they were up 3-1 in the Eighth and Tyler Thornburg was the one who coughed up the lead and the Game, was, I think, the fourth Game versus the Guardians the past two Weeks where the Twinks were leading as of the middle of the Eighth Inning and lost.  As of press time they are 1 1/2 Games up on Cleveland, and the Guardians are heading into a stretch of tough opponents and a slew of make-up contests, but this is why these guys are second here.

After finishing up with the Orioles this weekend, they start a three-Game set against the White Sox in Comiskey starting Independence Night.  They're in Texas to face The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 for a trio beginning Friday.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -4).  Remain infuriatingly inscrutable.  On Saturday in Miami the Loons held a 1-0 lead into the 86th Minute and then gave up the Match-tying and -winning Goals to Inter Miami's Indiana Vassilev.  I was working out and saw the equalizer and turned the channel.  I later decided to check the score on my phone and the Yahoo! Sports app.  If they did blow yet another Game, it would easier to take it as a minimalist score on my phone ... but they'll at least draw, right?  Nope; the 1-0 mid-Game score turned into a 2-1 final, and I just about goddamn through my phone against the wall of the exercise room.

And Jesus fuck, they almost choked on another lead Wednesday!  This time they built a 3-0 lead in the First Half and had to hang on for dear life after the Los Angeles Galaxy scored in the 59th and the 93rd.  Both MNUFC's Joseph Rosales and the Galaxy's Douglas Costa got red-carded at the end of the Match for a fracas, but goddamn, at least this team actually won from a winning position ... and on the road, no less.  So while they're still on the outside looking in, right now they're only two Points off a playoff spot.

It ain't June anymore, so there will be home Games again, starting tomorrow/Sunday night against a hearty Real Salt Lake XI.  It's going to continue to be busy with two Matches per Week; on Friday they travel to Vancouver.

#-4: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  A 1-2 Week, and I am encouraged by the results ... ?  They started off losing in Chicago, but only by three.  They then came home and drilled a Bastard Detroit/Tulsa Shock club by 28 on Tuesday.  Then, they battled Las Vegas at Target before losing to The Bastard Utah Starzzz/San Antonio Silver Stars by six last/Friday night.  The return of Sylvia Fowles has more than buoyed this team; Fowles was playing when the Lynx were routinely getting outplayed.  So maybe they're jelling.  Maybe.

The Aces are staying in town because they're playing the Lynx again tomorrow/Sunday night.  They then continue a six-Game homestand (that abridges the Women's National Basketball Association All-Star Game) by hosting Chicago (which is hosting the WNBA ASG) on Wednesday.