Thursday, October 26, 2023

I Don't Want To Care What He Thinks

Stayed till 7 at work last/Wednesday night.  I.  Am.  Not.  Dawdling.  My fucking God, I'm working as fast as I can while being as accurate and complete as I can.  If the other two can fucking work faster than me, Jesus fucking Christ, maybe they should be doing this job and I should be working fucking retail, OK?

(sigh)  I hate how the overwhelming thought in my mind ever since leaving work is how mad my boss is once he sees how long I stayed after.  Does he not think I bust my ass?  Does he truly think this work can be done in eight hours?  Because goddammit, it can't.  I'm doing my job.  And I hate that he or his bosses appear to be fucking bean counters and so my boss is coming up with more draconian and intrusive ways to stop me from working overtime.

My actions yesterday/Wednesday may not have helped.  I woke up with a sort of "fuck it all" attitude, so I stayed in my car to eat my Caribou oatmeal, and that made me six minutes late.  (There's a story about the increasing pain-in-the-ass parking at this Caribou has become, but I'll probably forget to blog post about it.)  Worse yet, there was a monthly meeting in the afternoon and I completely missed it because that's when I took my lunch.  I was sleeping when he started it, most likely.  I don't know if he's mad, but considering how he's cracking the whip on me, I'm going to say he is.  Hope to God he doesn't come back at me for missing that meeting in a passive-aggressive way.

This "problem" (I don't see it as one, but my boss does) isn't going away.  I will continue to do my work in the way I see fit, and day after day it becomes crystal clear that he doesn't agree if that means staying late.  I don't want to care about what anyone thinks of me and what I do.  But because he's my boss ... well, shit, I kind of have to.  Or, more likely I will listen to him go off on me for staying ten hours one day and I'll snap at him, or inadvertently mutter an insult, or reflexively give him the finger.

My relationship with my boss isn't great right now.  And if he keeps lording over me like this -- well, it might be time to move on.

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