Nah, I'll Mow Later

Since I'm sticking with this getting-up-at-the-same-time routine (partly because it'll keep the peace at home, partly because it'll help me get up at a decent time during the workweek when I need to act as though I am going to work when I'm unemployed), I have become, to my own self-disappointment, a morning dove.  I am actually getting shit done in the morning, even on weekends.  Hell, especially on weekends.

One of those things is mowing the lawn.  It looks as though the grass needs to be cut weekly, a frequency I don't remember needing to follow ever.  But it apparently does, possibly because we've had enough rain to necessitate that.  Also, I hear that for healthy lawns you need to cut shallowly but often, so weekly seems to be the best thing to do.

Now, what time of day?  Since I insist on being out of the house during the day,  I have done it early in the morning, usually Sundays but some Saturdays too, just so I can get that out of the way before I start with my me time.  Now that I get up early in the morning, it seemed to fit.  And, not for nothing, it appeases my parents, in particular My Father, who seems me doing chores in the morning -- "having a schedule," in his pidgin English.

But that brought up a question I may or may not have researched before: What is the best time of day to mow the lawn?  I think I thought this because, a few times at least, when I go over the lawn before I mow it to remove any big branches and stuff, I look down and see the dew that gets on my shoes.  To me it's stupid to mow wet grass; I thought it wasn't safe for the grass or the lawnmower.  But that's exactly what I'm doing when I mow in the morning.  Or maybe I'm paranoid?

Well, I finally remembered to look it up online.  The top search on Google said it's best to mow in the morning.  But every single link after that said it's best to do it in the late afternoon or evening.  I think the consensus reasoning is that it is indeed harmful to the grass to mow it while it has dew on it, yet doing so in the late afternoon or evening still gives the time to "recover" from the "damage" I inflict on it by basically cutting them open.  (Aside: Why is the top link on Google, which apparently was bought, giving information contrary to the consensus?  That link is for a landscaping service, by the way.)

So now I am at a crossroads.  Either keep doing what I'm doing and causing irreparable harm to the grass, or do it when I'm supposed to and fuck up my schedule.  I'm not a fan of coming home early, putting on sunblock and bug spray, mowing, then coming back into the house where it'll probably be suppertime.  Moreover, in the late afternoon I know I'll be so freakin' tired that I'll probably take a nap and get up when it's too late to mow.

But this weekend?  Well, with the biggest event of the alumni club calendar coming tomorrow, I'm not really thinking straight right now.  When I get this anxious, I'm much more likely to throw routine out the window.  So, right now, I'm blogging this, then eating at Arby's, then going to Trader Joe's to buy some suntan lotion, then working out, then going home early to (hopefully) have the energy to mow the lawn at a better time for the grass.  We'll see how it goes for the lawns, for me, and for my folks, who may or may not like me mowing in the afternoon.  And then next week maybe I'll just say screw the grass, I'll mow it when I want to.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  I thought that things were looking up, and that turn towards the better continued with the squad taking two-of-three at Texas before the All-Star Break, the team with the best record in the American League.  The Twins also won the series between the two at Target Field, so they've gone 4-2 against them.  Baseball, and sports, is funny like that.

I was just as surprised that this club has scored the most runs over the past six weeks.  Conversely, I saw on the ESPN BottomLine that the Twins are nevertheless on pace to win only 59 games, which would make the 2016 team The Worst Team In Minnesota Twins History.  That they're playing better lately has to mean that they'll win more games than 59 ... right?

They kick off the second half of the year at home against AL Central Division-leading Cleveland for three starting tonight.  They then hit the road for a three-game series vs. Detroit starting on Monday and a four-game series versus Boston starting on Thursday.

Dodging The Rain

Noticed that each of the past two days, rain came, and then stopped, when I didn't see it in the forecast.  Also, I was able to dodge the rain I didn't expect.

Last (Wednesday) night, I ate at Giordano's.  I went in while it was dry outside; I sit down, wait to order, turn around to look through the windows to outside, and I see the puddles on the road.  Did it rain? I asked myself.

And then this (Thursday) afternoon, I was doing the second of two sessions in the MRI machine.  (Never been in the tube on two separate occasions on the same day before.)  It was a cloudy and relatively cool day, but it was dry.  But once I got done, there was this dew in the air, and I came across my car as well as the car parked ahead of mine with raindrops on them.  Did it rain again? I asked myself.

Felt good having the good timing to miss the rain.  But then I went to the pharmacy to get a refill of my nasal spray (which they didn't have), and when I walked out I got hit by a heavy drizzle.  So I didn't completely dodge the rain.  Which means the title of this blog post is kind of misleading.

Actually, I Feel Good!

Went to the house of the hosts of the party last (Wednesday) night.  Their place is a lot more opulent than I expected.  I mean, Wow.  And they have the perfect set-up and know what they're going to do on Sunday because they have hosted parties in the past.  Moreover, they're taking care of the food.  Beyond that, they have decorations.  And finally, they say they'll prepare everything in time for the event, so we don't have to come in and volunteer.

In other words, they're set.  And that means we don't have to do a darn thing besides show up and take pictures and give a speech ... oh, Christ, I still have to give a speech.  Oh, well, if that's the only thing I have to worry about now, that's fine!

It feels so good to have a burden lifted off of your shoulders.  But I'm scared that in being pleasantly surprised at how things I'm stressed over seem to be taken care of, I am too quick in believing that everything's been taken care of, meaning I get complacent when I shouldn't.  Is that the case here?

My Very Late 2015 Playboy Playmate Of The Year Decision

For a perv like myself, I should be all over this shit faster -- like, January 1, 2016.  Alas, the thought that I should give my thoughts on who Playboy's Playmate Of The Year for The Very Last Year They're Showing Naked Models was only a distraction zooming in front of me at a million miles per hour, and after that I forgot.

And then I got tipped through a post from a Playmate I am Facebook friends with that the magazine had already picked their PMOY: Eugena Washington, Miss December 2015 and the third-place winner in America's Next Top Model 7.  I looked through the June 2016 edition of Playboy in May.  And I think I looked through it at my local Barnes & Noble, because again, there ain't no naked ladies in there anymore, so I can.  That is traditionally the edition where the Playmate Of The Year is given a pictorial.  This time, of course, is different because the PMOY spread is fully clothed, naked ass excepted.  That seems so weird to me -- you display your tits and pussy, and six months later you're clothed?  Never in Playboy.

As for Washington herself ... eh.  I don't remember her in ANTM7, I saw her naked spread online, and she's, well, thin, but that's it.  She's not disgusting by any means.  But I have some thoughts about which of the dozen Playmates from last year should be PMOY instead of her.

I can easily begin by eliminating some.  Frankly, all of the dozen girls who posed are hot, so I'm using the tie-breaker of social media -- that is, am I friends with them on Facebook and, very recently, Instagram?  I do not see Alexandra Tyler (April), Brittany Brousseau (May), Kaylia Cassandra (June) or, frankly, Washington (December), so they're out.

My recollections get fuzzy from here on out.  I may have seen pictures from Brittny Ward (January), Kayla Rae Reid (July), Dominique Jane (August) and Ana Cheri (October), but I don't remember for sure, so I'll just eliminate them now.  From there, there's Kayslee Collins (February), who actually was a child actor and is now branching off into music.  I remember her because she posted a video on Facebook about getting naked.  She's really into erotica, which I like.  But I haven't seen her since.

Two others are close, but they are tied.  Chelsie Aryn (March) is on Facebook, and I remember seeing several photos of her in her personal life, including one where she was posing with a soldier and a friend of her brother's who had come home from his tour of duty.  I appreciate a Playmate who allows her fans into her life like that.  But, unfortunately, she's on the chubby side.  In the meantime, there's Monica Sims (September), who I'm reasonably certain I'm Instagram friends with.  She's blonde and therefore hot, and I'm pretty sure I've seen her in a bikini showing off her ass.  But because I'm not totally sure, and because I am not friends with her on Facebook, she, like Chelsie, comes up short.

That leaves one, and I think she's so hot that I totally have thrown away my standards in naming here PMOY.  It's Rachel Harris, Miss November.  She's hot and blonde, and most of her shots in her spread are those peek-a-boo shots which exposes her girl parts in implied states of undress, which makes me hot in particular.  (I think there are a couple shots where she's unzipped her jeans to expose her pussy because she's not wearing any underwear.)  The thing is, I'm pretty sure she's not a model at all.  She's an artist by trade; the story accompanying her pictorial says that she had an exhibition in her native Los Angeles in late 2015.  That makes me think she only did this for the publicity.  But you know what?  She's so fucking beautiful, I don't care.  And I guess I don't care that I'm not on her Facebook or Instagram, or if she's even on social media.  That makes me a hypocrite, and I'm OK with that.

So there you go, Ms. Harris, Miss November 2015.  You are my pick for what will be the last real Playboy Playmate Of The Year.  Use your title wisely!

Well, I Guess It's Time To Get The Passport, Fat Boy

You know, for all the shit I've cut open my veins for on Wailing And Failing, have I talked about my missing passport?

If I haven't, I have a hell of a lot of catching up to do.  But here's the story short: After my parents sent Grandmother to the old folks' home, My Fucking Father cleaned out her bedroom.  And then, even though he didn't tell me, he cleaned out my bedroom in order to move all of my stuff into Grandmother's home.  (Since I didn't agree to it, I still consider the room I currently sleep in "Grandmother's bedroom.")

He cleaned out everything, but what irked me in particular is that he cleaned out all the stuff in my nigthstand's drawer so he could move the nightstand more easily.  I keep a lot of junk in there, to be sure, but I put a lot of important stuff in there, too -- stuff such as my passport.

So one day I come back home and all my stuff are in bags.  And -- I could be wrong, but I'll say that he did -- My Fucking Father threatened to set all my bags out for recycling unless I do something about it.  So I had no choice.  Even though I wasn't exactly sure they knew -- they might have known then; they know now -- I had to drop everything and take all those bags to storage for safe-keeping.

I didn't have time to search for my important documents, such as my passport.  I swore I would look for it later, when the coast was clear.  But ... well, OK, I didn't take the time to thoroughly look through all my bags.  I took out, like, four bags, and they weren't there.  So even though I know I have my passport, it was, for all intents and purposes, gone.

I knew I had to get a new passport soon, but besides maybe visiting Grandmother in Hong Kong, I had no reason to.  But then Mother, shortly after she came home from Las Vegas, asked me if I had declared my passport lost yet.  I was at my computer when she asked this, and I knew there was no way I would be able to find my passport before something would happen where I would need it -- say, Buddha forgive me, Grandmother taking a turn for the worse.  So, immediately, right then and there, I filled out a DS-64, the online government application declaring that I have lost my passport.  Once I submitted it, my passport, which is in my storage unit somewhere, is invalid.

---

I was going to get a replacement ... soon.  Whenever.  I still had no pressing need to go overseas, and I was subliminally discouraged that I would probably have to pay extra for replacing a lost passport.  I have some free time now between projects, though, and I figured I would fill out the application to get a new one before I would go back to my scoring project and/or a new job that I found in August.

But yesterday my parents hit me with a surprise.  My sister and brother-in-law are coming home next month for a few weeks.  And that gives the family an idea of yet another road trip, this time to Niagara Falls.  Finding time to do this is going to be a problem; I technically am not working then, and I could just do this week-long vacation without any issue, but I am looking for work, and I'm scared that taking this vacation would preclude me from some good work opportunities down the road.  (Also, I have three trips I'm taking this year, and even I kind of think that I'm taking too many this year!)  But as you probably know, Niagara Falls, or at least the side that's cool, is in Ontario, which is in Canada ... which means I will need a passport to go on this trip.

So now I'll need to get this passport.  As soon as they mentioned this possible plan, I thought, "Great -- this is the thing that'll make me get that passport."  And I mentally made a list of things I have to do: Fill out that application, get a passport photo, ask my folks to get my birth certificate, find time to go to a passport office, get money I really shouldn't spend.  It's that birth certificate that I was thinking about after dinner.  And it was something that probably dawned on My Father after dinner, because in the evening he knocked on my door (while I was sleeping) and asked me if I got my passport yet.

I'm pretty sure he was disappointed in me when I told him the truth.  But I was surprised that he had my birth certificate downstairs.  I thought it was in our safe deposit box at the bank.  Anyway, I got it, and then I spent some time last night doing the DS-11, which is the app that you need to fill out to get what is essentially a new passport.  I got it, and unless I have a huge problem printing it from my Adobe, that's done.  Need to get a photo, which I think I'll do tonight.  I'll probably get the cash for it from the bank tomorrow; I'll convert the case from the scholarship money for the alumni chapter to a check then, too, so I can deposit it through my smart.

So, I just need to take my photo, my application and my birth certificate with me to a passport office, probably on Thursday, and I'll get my passport ... hopefully in time; they say it takes up to six weeks, and this road trip should be in eight weeks.  But I've heard that passports have a backlog.  Will I get it in time?  I'm not going to spend the extra money to expedite it; I'm going to just roll the dice.  Forgive me, but I guess I still have some residual anger over My Father moving all my crap without my permission.

---

OK, the "Fat Boy" part of my title.  I got so psychologically anxious that My Fucking Father would be mad at me for not getting a passport by now (he's harped on me to get one in the past, several times) that, once I got on my computer last night to begin my DS-11, I started eating.  I actually was pretty good before I got home because I exercised.  I was so hungry, in fact, that I stopped by the combination gas station/Taco Bell close to home to get a burrito and Coke, anticipating that what I would have for dinner would be something I wouldn't totally be engorged with.  It actually was soup, but even after that I didn't feel fat.

But after Father asked that damn question?  Well, first I ate some flan Mother made.  Then I went to finish off the bag of chips my cousin said I could take home after his 4th of July party.  Then I hoovered down some peanuts and chased them all down with some mango-flavored lemonade.  That night, boy, I swear my muffin top got, like, 20% bigger.  And even now, after I had a cookie and coffee, I know I got real, real fat.  And all because My Fucking Father asked me a question.

Moreover, I plan on seeing not one but two movies back-to-back this afternoon; I think The Shallows and Central Intelligence will be gone this time next Tuesday.  I always get popcorn and Coke when I go to the movies, and that won't change.  But I still have the banana and sandwich Mother packed for me.  And then there's dinner.  So even though I didn't plan on it, and even though I don't want to, I'm going to work out this evening.  I have to.

T-1 Week And I Am STILL FREAKING OUT!!!

My anxiety is getting scant better.  I still feel as though I could do more planning, but I've been way too lazy to do it.  Meanwhile, although I've had some people register, just today more people said on Facebook that they could not join.  Oh, and those two biddies who undermined me at this event two years have yet to say whether or not they're coming.  At this point I'd be relieved if they would come because that would mean there would be more people.

On the bright side, possibly, is that even though I'm sweating the small stuff, the host of the event appears not to be.  We talked over Facebook and he said that he doesn't mind paying for the food for the whole thing.  He even said he'll get the cake.  That is an enormous burden lifted off of my shoulders.

Now, to hope that people show up.  Guess that's my job, with promoting and stuff.  I just packed up all the stuff that we're giving away; I plan on snapping photos (with the help of *a***, who I'm seeing tomorrow morning) and then posting them through social media -- "Hey, come to our party and get free stuff!"  That's the best I can do.  Well, that's all I can do.  Now, I just have to do it and hope it works.

But will it?

The Closing Of New Buildings

These buildings aren't technically "new," per se, because I haven't gotten around to talking about this the past, uh, few years.  But they were new back then -- trust me!

The "new" I'm talking about are the new buildings that I saw a few (OK, maybe several) years ago that were cropping up.  First  was a Walgreen's, a brand new one of which was built on a highway kind of close to us.  I didn't think this highway was a burgeoning area for business.  Nonetheless it was very jarring, in a positive way, to see this beautiful (or at least new) edifice cropping up in a place where nothing new would grow.

But then it was gone.  Poof!  I think I may have seen a closing sign, but maybe a year after all this foofooraw over it opening, it closed up shop.  Seriously, they tore down the signage not too long after they shut 'er down.

Don't know why, but something else happened that might explain a part of this situation.  I think that a little after that Walgreen's opened, a brand-new CVS opened further down the highway.  Except that, after the Walgreen's closed, the CVS magically converted to a Walgreen's.  Or at least I think that's what happened; looking at it nowadays, the architecture of the building looks like that of a CVS, but it's a Walgreen's.  So I'm guessing that shortly after Walgreen's built and opened a store and CVS opened their store, Walgreen's agreed to take over the CVS and abandon their old place.  So the question then becomes why did CVS build up a building and then leave.

The other building I'm talking about is a Shell gas station somewhat close to me also, north of the closest mall from home.  There was a lot of hoopla surrounding its grand opening, as I recall; we got fliers through the mail with coupons, so I made a visit or two.  If it's the gas station I remember, it was, as far as gas stations go, very well-appointed and even opulent.  It was big, it had a huge bakery case, it may have even had a sushi bar.  (OK, it didn't have a sushi bar.  But it could have sold sushi.)  I also remember that its parking lot had a spot with an electrical charge station, which I thought was very progressive, since this business' main product is gasoline.

But then it was gone, too.  Poof!  I was driving home from working out and I saw it totally abandoned as well.  Don't know why.  Didn't think it was losing business.  Did Shell decide it was so bad of a location that it cut its losses?  If that's the case, though, then why in the heck did it build a brand-new building from scratch?  Kind of like with CVS, they poured all this money into creating a spanking new edifice only to pull up stakes and leave.  Doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

With it being torn down to its brick shell, graffiti artists have tagged it in the several years since it died.  Sad, and it might attract worse crime if that isn't cleaned up (although hopefully it already has).  But I can't think it makes good business sense to create something entirely new and then just give up within, like, a year of its opening.  Don't know if it's internal business plans or external economic pressures, but really, I can't think of a logical excuse for that.  It's extremely strange to me.

They Were Being So, So Rude!

Sorry, I'm using that title because I still can't shake what that bitch at The Wienery said to me.  You fucking let me in anyway!

I've been inundated by weird and therefore stupid people lately.  There are two of them that I want to highlight.

---

The first was at the Nomad.  I was just sitting down, minding my own business, when a guy comes up to me, points at the shirt I bought from the Nomad celebrating the Copa America Centenario, and goes, "You watch the Copa?"

"Yeah," I replied, looking forward to making conversation.  And we did.  And then the match started (it was the Euro semifinal where Portugal eliminated Wales, 2-0).  I thought he would do the decent thing and quiet down after the opening kick.  But he didn't.  Well, he would go silent for a while, and then he would start up with something, like how he didn't like the Copa because there were too many dirty players, or Christiano Ronaldo is a dick, etc.  Now, these are fine conversations to have ... before the match.  But frankly, I was there to watch the match, and so the decent thing to do is to quiet down and keep the talking to a minimum -- especially if the person you're talking to is someone you don't know and in fact is someone you just decided to strike up a conversation with.  I was trying to be nice, but at some point common sense has to kick in, and it didn't with this guy.

That was annoying, but something he did really set me off.  He continued to stand up to watch the match while talking to me.  I was sitting at a table, looking at the same TV screen he was.  I was on a tall, small circular table, with a second chair, but I had some stuff on the table -- my hat, my watch (I take it off especially when it's hot and I'm sweaty), and a pizza box from a place I bought some pizza to eat at the Nomad.

So there is stuff on "my" table.  Furthermore, this guy, at least friendly (in my point-of-view) at the start, was still not "my friend."  In other words, I didn't invite this guy to my table.  Nevertheless, at some point in the first half, he comes back with a coaster, sets it down on my table, and sets his drink on it.  Like he has any right to use my goddamn table.  He even has the audacity to move the pizza box so it's not in his way.  Oh, sorry, stranger I just met who won't shut up, I didn't mean to have my shit in your way on my fucking table.

I don't know if he detected it, specially since I was beginning to ignore him as the match went on.  But when I saw him invading my space without my permission, I just shut down.  I answered some of the questions he prodded me with, but I refused to make eye contact with him from that point on.  I don't think he got the message at first.  But then I ignored him when he noticed the beer bottle chandelier at the front door.  And then he tried to strike up a final conversation about the U.S. Women's National (soccer) Team, and I think he disagreed with something I said; I talked about how the new formation propelled the team to last year's Women's World Cup title, and he said it was a victory for women's rights, which it was, but that's not what I was talking about.  Finally, he shut up and drifted away somewhere else in the bar.

Some people, you know?

---

And then yesterday (Friday), there was this weirdo at the fitness center I work out at.  I've seen him a few times; he has a speech impediment and may have mental difficulties.  I hadn't talked to him until earlier this week, where he told me I was his "frennn."  OK, I guess.  He seems fine, I just don't know what more he would want from me, if he does.

So it was just the two of us yesterday.  I was there when I ate at Blaze Pizza at the U. for lunch, so I had a cup of Coke with me.  (I know it's not healthy to replenish your fluids from exercising by drinking a soft drink, but I figure that I'm actively using the sugar and calories I'm drinking anyway.)

I got done with my 40 minutes on the elliptical.  I get off the bike, take several deep sips of Coke, then grab my banana and leave the fitness room in order to eat the banana and cool off.  I tried going to the other rink, where the refrigeration of the rink radiates the coolness throughout the entire area, but that area was closed.

So I eat the banana, grab a sip of water and come back to the exercise room.  And my cup of Coke from Blaze was missing.  There was some left, and I was thirsty, therefore I wanted to know where it went to.  Just out of curiosity, I looked in the trash can, and there it was, my cup, not empty yet, sitting on the bottom.

I was gone five minutes and the only place I went to was the lobby just outside the fitness room.  So this "frennn" is the only person that was there while I was gone.  He was exercising on a bike, so I tried to get his attention.  First he didn't hear me, or he didn't comprehend me.  Finally I stepped inbetween him and the TV he was watching to ask where my drink went.  And he said some gibberish I didn't understand.  Finally, what I got out of him was that he was there the whole time, he thought I left for the day, and all he had was gum.  I don't think he was saying he did not throw away my Coke, but I'm not sure if he quite comprehended what he clearly did.  I mean, what kind of guy takes it upon himself to clean up?  And who throws away a cup of Coke that's not his?  Seriously, he's there to work out, not be a custodian.

There are huge windows so I could have seen what he was doing inside the fitness room from the lobby.  I should have looked in there, in retrospect, but seriously, why the hell do I have to monitor whether some dumbass throws my cup away?

I couldn't just reach down there and grab it; that's gross.  There were some gulps in it, but that's fine, it's gone.  I left shortly after the attendant went up and said that the exercise room was closing at 5.  This guy may not have understood what was going on.

On my way out he hoped I would see him tomorrow, which is today, which is Saturday.  Honestly, I planned on working out in the afternoon, or, well, now, as I am typing this from the library.  But I am so weirded out and pissed off that I am not working out until this evening, after dinner.  I'm just going to start avoiding this guy.  Hope to Buddha he's not there tonight.

---

Oh, and back on Sunday I ate at the Wendy's close to the library where I'm blog posting now, and he was just talking to himself, to no one in particular.  My God, I was afraid he was going to just start punching someone, like me.

Where do all these fucking people come from?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  You know, for The Worst Team In Baseball, they actually had a really good week -- 5-2, taking series wins against both Texas and Oakland (both at home) before winning in Dallas (oh, dammit, that's where the ambush of those police officers happened ... my fucking God, this shit has to STOP!!!) last (Thursday) night, 10-1.

While the bats came alive this screening week (they racked up 17 runs against the Rangers Saturday and 11 against the A's Tuesday), what I think was the hallmark of the club's good fortune this week was stable, confidence-boosting pitching.  Tyler Duffey struck out nine Rangers last (Thursday) night over six innings a day after Ervin Santana struck out eight batters and pitched a complete-game two-hit shutout -- the first complete-game shutout for the Twins since Andrew Albers (who?!) did it in August of 2013 -- to stifle the Athletics.  When things you depend on but have no control over finally take care of themselves, the stress gets lifted off of your shoulders, and that is what has happened this past week.

By the way, congratulations go out to Eduardo Nuñez for being selected to the All-Star Game and acting as the squad's sole (at least for now; Brian Dozier might be tapped to replace someone after what I think will be a wave of bow-outs due to "nagging injury") representative.  I've said it before and I'll say it again: So what if every team has to have someone in the ASG?  If players get swapped out of the lineup after just one fucking at-bat and half a dozen new people get into the game every half-inning, I don't think there's a whole lot of integrity that's being upheld in the game, even if home-field advantage in the World Series is at stake.  So why not let every team have someone in there?

That All-Star Game is on Tuesday, after the Twins finish their road series against Texas this weekend.