My Tussle With ESPN Streak

Not that I'm good enough to win anything, but I think I have been over .500 every month since I devoted more time to playing ESPN Streak, the quasi-betting game where the website gives you two choices in a game and has you pick one.  You are supposed to string together as many correct outcomes as possible; if you have the longest string for the month, you can win cash.

Like I said, I have never gotten close.  But this month has been a particular problem.  I just kept picking wrong in April.  I don't think there's been a particular sport that I've gotten wrong, although I concentrated on the NBA playoffs and, since Thursday, the NFL Draft.  I was just ... wrong.

Eventually I was able to eke out enough small winning streaks that I am going to finish above .500 for the month.  Not too far above, but I was able to breathe a sigh of relief yesterday/Friday.  Hope to do better next month.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Wild (Last Week: -2).  OK, so with the Timberwolves' Season over and the Twins still in their first month of their Season (it doesn't help that Games of a summer sport are currently being played when it doesn't feel like summer at all), the Twin Cities sports fan's eyes can be completely devoted to The Most Exciting Team In The History Of The Minnesota Wild.

The goal this Week was to beat out the Blues and get home-ice advantage for the First Round series vs. St. Louis.  One inexplicably awful Loss at the Xcel Energy Center to The Bastard Winnipeg Jets on Tuesday -- in regulation, to a team that had lost ten in a row before then -- put that in serious jeopardy.  But luckily they ended their regular season playing, according to many number crunchers, The Two Best Teams In The NHL ... luckily because they had sewn up their divisions and playoff spots long ago and had little reason to put forth a full effort.  Minnesota did have motivation, however, and so they beat The Bastard Atlanta Flames Thursday in Overtime (thanks, Kirill!) and outworked The Bastard Quebec Nordiques last/Friday night, both tilts also being at home.  (They began the week nipping the playoff-bound Predators in OT in Nashville Sunday night.  The Wild finish their Year winning seven of their last eight contests.  No team in the NHL had a better finishing kick than Minnesota.)

But now comes the season that matters, and Minnesota fans should rightly be chattering.  St. Louis is a horrible matchup for Minnesota.  The Blues have beaten the Wild in all three meetings this season.  Two of the Losses happened in Overtime just this month, and both were in The Loo.  The third defeat, if you'll recall, was The Winter Classic New Year's Night, in which the Blues went to Target Field and thoroughly outworked and worked over Minnesota, 6-4, and the Game was not as close as the score indicates.  This franchise has a history of losing their identity in a playoff ... uh, "format" where the style of play and the rubric of penalties being called is different from the regular season, sometimes radically so.  Finally, this is hockey, and as much as the Wild wanted to gain home-ice advantage, in no sport is being at home less of an advantage than in hockey.  I would've been fine with this squad resting all their players and giving up home ice because it's almost inevitable they'll win one on the road.  But whatever.

Hey, what they've accomplished is indelible.  But you can't say this club's window is open.  For the next two-to-three Years, the buyouts of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter will eat into the team's salary cap.  A few good players (Matt Dumba?  Kevin Fiala?) will have to be jettisoned in order for the Wild to fit under the cap.  This squad will be significantly cheaper, younger, and probably worse after this Year.  This season seems to have appeared out of thin air, and yet if you recognize the storm clouds coming, this postseason run should have a Last Dance feel to it.

Because of all this doom and gloom, I'm only giving the Wild a 0 and not Positive Numbers.  Let's see how they acquit themselves in The Stanley Cup Playoffs.  The series begins Monday.  That Game and Wednesday's Game 2 are in St. Paul.  Game 3 is in the STL Friday.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -3).  OK, I see you, Twins.  They pulled of a 5-1 screening Week.  They swept the White Sox and the Tigers, thus pulling together a seven-Game winning streak that propelled them to the top of the American League Central Division.  Sure, Tuesday's victory was their second "two errors on the same play to give them the lead/Win" such Win in four Days, but that's not their fault.  The Starting Pitching is assuming form; Joe Ryan's performance in a 5-0 Win over Detroit at Target Wednesday was outstanding, and the Chrises, Archer and Paddack, have contributed well for what was expected of them.  The relief corps is still finding itself (although Jhoan Duran should become the Closer if he can continue to throw gas like he has).  And while the lineup still can't hit -- Miguel Sano, you and I both have a problem now -- at least Byron Buxton is still playing.

And then the winning streak ended last/Friday night in Tampa, and in a 6-1 thud.  The Bay Rays' record isn't that much better than the Twinks', but on paper Tampa is projected to be much better.  And while the Tigers have the makings of a better team in the future, they should take their lumps in 2022.  Only the White Sox have become an enigma; is this just a slump, or are the Twins sweeping them an indicator that the Southsiders aren't going to duplicate what they did last season?  This is all to say that there should still be some doubt as to whether this ballclub has what it takes to put together a playoff-reaching Year.

After finishing up in Tampa, they travel to Baltimore for four showdowns, then come back home to begin a three-Game set versus The Bastard Philadelphia-By-Way-Of Kansas City Athletics beginning on Friday.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  If you're a polysport fan like me, you may have had it indoctrinated in your head that the Western Conference is much better than the Eastern Conference, no matter the sport.  That appears to no longer be the case in the NBA and the NHL.  But even though that contrast has never been that strong in Major League Soccer, if you look at the standings now, the West is the best.  Has been for some time, if I'm not mistaken.

And that imbalance continues to spell trouble for the Loons.  They had a convincing 3-0 victory over The Chicago Fire Saturday afternoon, a Match in which Emmanuel Reynoso finally got on track and became the talisman he often was the past couple Years.  (Oh, Bongokuhle Hlongwane had two Assists in that Game, too, give some love to him.)  And yet, as of press time, they sit in fifth place, which would be on the road for the First Round of the playoffs.  Now, they're only five Points behind first- place LAFC, and they play at LAFC tomorrow/Sunday night.  But they're also only three Points clear of Nashville and Portland, both of whom sit outside the playoff picture.  Once again, MNUFC are facing a marathon of rock fights.

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Hmmm, what to make of this program?  They dropped the final two Games of their home series against Maryland last weekend (Saturday's Loss came in the retirement ceremony of U. great Gretchen Larson), but they followed that up with a tripling of St. Thomas Tuesday and, confoundingly, a 3-2 Win at ranked Michigan.  Thank Buddha for Natalie DenHartog; her three-Run blast to Right Field in the Third Inning was the difference.

Still, this ballclub is 22-20-1, and 7-9 in the Big Ten.  The tournament is pure fantasy now.  But this program has been a solid one for several seasons.  Now, they're a has-been.  What has happened?

Believe it or not, these final two Games in Ann Arbor is the end of the road portion of this team's regular season.  They (try to) make up the home Doubleheader to Wisconsin Wednesday, then start the final series of the Year, at home against Northwestern, Friday afternoon.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -5).  Softball's fallen into mediocrity, but the baseball program might be worse.  They dropped the back two Games of a three-Game set vs. Penn St. at Siebert Field, then lost Tuesday at home to, Christ almighty, South Dakota St., 12-6.  They were able to shut out St. Thomas at Siebert the next night, 9-0, but began a three-Game series at Michigan St. last/Friday night with an 8-4 defeat.  These guys sit at 2-11 in the B1G and, ugh, 12-28 overall.

After finishing up against the Spartans, they have no midweek dates scheduled, so they'll be fully rested in time for Nebraska to come to town for a trio starting Friday night.

#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6).  See, what to make of these Timberwolves, this season?  On the one hand, I think it's safe to say that the future for this squad, and this franchise, is bright, in fact brighter than at any point in recent memory, if not ever.  Sure, they lost to The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies, sealed with last/Friday night's loss at Target Center in Game 6.  (Aside: I am surprised that, with as many competitive Games, some of which were upsets by the lower seed at the higher seed's court, not one of the eight First Round series reached the full seven Games.  The Timberwolves-Memphis series was the last one, and like many of the others, the higher seed beat the lower seed in six.  First time since 2011 that has happened, as I just saw on Wikipedia.)  But they showed some toughness in this series when I think many Wolves fans would have been happy if they had won just one Game -- me included.  Also, they led Memphis for, I think, the majority of time throughout the series, and besides Game 2, they were leading, if not hanging with, Memphis the entire series.

The flip side begins, of course, with Memphis advancing and not Minnesota.  While the Woofie Dogs had been leading Memphis -- by huge margins at many points -- they didn't finish.  The Woofs blew not one, not two, but three double-digit leads when the Fourth Quarter began, an NBA first.  So while winning twice is something to build on, it is hard to spin an unprecedented triple choke like that and say that the only thing this team needs to do is mature a little more.  Karl-Anthony Towns still has his maturity issues, and the entire team folded too often in the final stanza.  But if you want to hone in one dude, D'Angelo Russell had a shit series.

You can also find inspiration for, or a counterargument to the idea the T-Wolves getting better is just a matter of time, by the opponent who just ended their season.  Bastard Vancouver reached the playoffs last season for the first time in four seasons, and they lost to The Bastard New Orleans Jazz in five.  If they are older than Minnesota (and I'm not quite sure that's the case), it's not by much.  And they have the second-best record in The Association.  Especially in this series but apparently throughout the regular season, that team demonstrated the resilience, the toughness, and the "grit and grind" (an ethos that organization has successfully co-opted into a slogan they'll be able to profit from for Years) that advanced them to the next round ... and that the Woofs clearly lack.  (Oh, I should add that the real reason the Two Elves have been eliminated was that there was no protestor who got onto the court.  Since the Play-In -- well, there was no protestor who got onto the court at Target Center all Year, so let's just say all Year -- this squad was undefeated when a protestor got onto the court.)

It is very demoralizing to know that this team lost.  (I seldom watch my teams in the playoffs.  I should blog post about it.  It has to be psychological.)  And yet the window for this ballclub appears to be wide and widening.  I think I have to go back to my main edict when it comes to sports teams: If you didn't win a championship, your season was a failure.  And so it was, I guess.

Indulging

I am not the man I was 20 years ago, dammit.  So eating a burger and fries, then following that up with a pretty big appetizer, is hard to deal with as a dinner.  (Probably would also be hard as a lunch, but then I wouldn't be going to bed with a bomb in my gut.)  I went to Chick-Fil-A, then had a massage, then went to a sports bar to watch the NFL Draft.  (The Vikings traded down again -- that's just Rick Spielman underneath a mask of Kwesi Adofo-Mensah, isn't it?)  So I have a leftover cup of Chick-Fil-A's Cloudberry Sunjoy because I didn't want to dump the water cubes in it.  I got a bottle of water after my massage, and I poured all of that into the cup.  And I still didn't drink it all; it's waiting for me in the car.  And I still have the coffee I got for myself at work yesterday.  I think I drank less than half of it yesterday.  I just sipped some now, and hope to drink the rest before I get to McDonald's right after I blog post this.

What I'm saying is I ate and drank a lot, and I feel like I'm paying for it right now.  Not only am I waking up kind of fat, I still have stuff I need to consume because I don't want to waste it.  And I have to work in The Fourth Department today.  Wish me luck.

This Has Been A *Very* Long Winter

On Monday, as a point of reference, it reached 40 degrees.  And I want to say that Tuesday was mostly cloudy and not much warming than 40 (it was only two days ago and yet I can't remember what the weather was like, dammit).  If this were early January, we'd say it was a veritable heat wave.  But since it's late April, it's stupidly still winter.

Yeah, at least it's not snowing, and apparently yesterday/Wednesday morning is the last time this season we will have temperatures in the Twin Cities below freezing.  But it has been an incredibly slow slog out of the depths of winter, and we seemed to have plateaued at around 45 degrees, cloudy and windy for the entire month of April.  To me, that isn't spring; that's winter still not letting us go.  And it sucks, it honestly sucks.

Just needed to say that.

My Therapist ... My Friend?

So I've been seeing my psychotherapist for about ... gosh, it's been at least half a decade, and probably more.  Honestly, I wish he could be more than he is, if that makes any sense.  Before seeing him, my perception of how a shrink talks with a patient was shaped by TV.  I still compare him to those formative thoughts; I wish he could pull out some psychoanalytic epiphany out of thin air, which would make me go, "Ah!  That's it!  That's the reason for all my troubles!"  But I've learned it doesn't work that way, at least with him.  In fact, I was kind of hoping he could give me more answers to my problems and musings and anxieties, but I guess that's not his job, either.

However, I can also honestly say that he knows me in a way no one else does.  I have told him thoughts and fears I haven't told my friends.  I have come to a point in my life where I feel there are things I can only tell him.  I'm taking full advantage of doctor-client privilege.  But I have no doubt in my mind he has my best interests at heart, and that is really all I want out of a relationship like this.

With that being said, the last time we spoke ... well, the term that most accurately describes how I feel is he disturbed me.  I'm not going to ditch him as my therapist; we have built too much between us to just tear it all down because of one weird session.  But Christ, man, it was one weird session.

Now, we have only spoken via phone for the past two-plus years.  He still has all of his mental facilities, but he is very old and so is quite susceptible to succumbing to COVID-19.  He only recently began seeing patients in his office on a part-time basis, but out of an overabundance of caution and due to scheduling conflicts, we have been having only tele-health conferences.

My last session over the phone with him was a couple weeks ago, after work and before going to a stripper party.  Since my parents were home, I had to park in some place to take his call.  I wanted to change into my "porno" pants, so I went to a spot where I could change my pants in peace; the office building where my psychiatrist practices.  The restrooms there are locked but I have a code, so I felt safe to change there.  Anyway, I went in, I changed, I went back to my car and I waited for him to call my cellphone.

He did.  As usually happens, I cut open a vein about all the bullshit that's happened in my life since I last spoke to him: My sister calling my Internet name disgusting, the time Mother pissed me off and the phrase that triggered me, and maybe one other topic.  Usually I just talk about something that happened, he asks me a couple questions, I answer and he gives me some advice which usually comes in the form of, "You're doing the right thing, keep it up."  (Again, this is where I was hoping he would be like a TV shrink and spit some Freudian game on me that would lead me to a mind-rocking realization.)

We were approaching the end of my hour.  I needed to get a move on to the party.  Also, this was a day where wintry weather was coming in, and I didn't feel like staying in one place as I saw the icy sleet start to hit my car and the pavement around me.  I was trying to wrap it up ... but then something happened that has never happened before: My psychotherapist began talking about his problems to me.  

I still don't completely understand what he was talking about it.  Part of that is due to the spotty reception on my cell, but part of it was his voice, which was garbled and quiet.  Which, if I do understand, was the main crux of him cutting open a vein: Apparently he was at home sick -- possibly with COVID, I suspect -- because he got something from his wife, who got whatever it is (COVID, flu, cold, what have you) when she came in to work.  And I think he started complaining about all the people at his wife's workplace who didn't have the decency to either get the vaccine or mask up or both.  And then he began bitching about a patient in a wheelchair who was raised wrong and, I think, kept threatening to ram him with his wheelchair.  He was really getting into it, expressing what happened with an intent, even a passion, that reminds me of ... well, when I get into something and I'm telling him.  The roles were reversed.

Sometimes I struggle to reach an hour with him.  Sometimes not a whole lot bad has happened to me since we last spoke.  I think I barely made an hour before he began raving, and we finally got done after an hour and 20 minutes.  I have never spoken to him for that long.  Never.

I want to give my therapist the benefit of the doubt.  He is human.  And he, and all other psychiatrists, must go through the same struggles and tribulations we all do.  After all, people in his profession spend their waking hours listening to people's stories, and some of them have to be dark and even traumatizing.  They need someone to listen to them, too.  I didn't think that I, a patient, would be that person to him.  He has spoken many times at the end of our conversations that he likes talking with me.  I love that, and I appreciate it, and I cherish it.  But those last 20 minutes or so ... man, it bothered me.  He had some things to get off his chest, and he felt safe enough to do that to me.  I don't want to devalue the trust he has in me for him to feel like he can do that.  However, we're not friends.  We still have a doctor-client relationship -- and he's the doctor and I'm the client.  I feel bad in saying that I felt a bit uncomfortable that he was airing his frustrations to me, but frankly, I believe that our relationship is supposed to be one-way; namely, I tell him my problems, not the other way around.  Those 20 minutes did not feel like he was in control like a therapist should be in a session he's conducting.  He sounded like he was searching for answers, and as much as I want to help, I am in no position of giving him the answers he was seeking.

Therefore, I am kind of at a loss as to what he wanted from me when he was complaining.  Or, is it possible that this, uh, rush of blood to the head was the result of his sickness, and that he'll be back to his usual, in-control self once he feels better?  Or does he feel like he can really confide in me and begin telling me more of his problems, to which I'll metaphorically throw up my hands and wonder why I don't charge him for listening to me?  I still need a psychotherapist, so I'll arrange to speak with him some time next week and hope that everything's back to normal.  But if it's not. ...

Air Should Be Free, Dammit!

I should have talked about this sooner: Finding places where you can put air in your tires without paying anything is an outrageous adventure.  We have been told constantly that it is important, if not imperative, to make sure you have the right pressure in your car's tires.  After all, so much is riding on your tires.

   

But if that's the case, then why do I see nearly every single damn gas station make you put in quarters in some infernal machine so some hose starts blowing air?  It's all around us.  Breathe in -- that's air!  It's free, or at least it should be.  But I'll be damned if I have to go hunting for gas stations where you can park next to a hose and, even if you're penniless, properly put air in your tires so you don't have a blowout on the highway, for God's sake.  Fuckin' stupid ripoff.

Once I realized how important it was to keep the right pressure in your tires, I have occasionally looked out for gas stations around the area that have a free air hose.  And I swear to God and Buddha and all the gods above that there are only two gas stations in the entire fucking Twin Cities that offer free air, and gloriously, they are both close to me.  Now, sometimes the hoses don't work, but sometimes they do, and besides, hey, free air, like it's supposed to be.

That has changed.  The closest gas station to me with a free hose changed companies last week.  Overnight they put a new paint job on the building and replaced both the signage on the storefront and the huge standalone tower sign at the corner.  The new gas station company appears to have also yanked the free air hose out of the hole that came out of the automated car wash and as of now, I don't see anything replacing it.  Fuck.

If that's the case, I have to go to the second one, a couple miles further down.  It's been reliable, although, like the one that was closer to me, not 100% reliable.  The problem is that the hose is off to the side of the closest parking spot with several feet of sidewalk between the hose and that spot.  I can park there, but the hose only stretches far enough for me to pump air into the two tires closest to the hose, so if you drive straight into the parking spot, that's the driver-side two.  If I want to properly pump up all four, I'll have to park, put air in both driver-side tires, start the car, pull out, reverse back into the parking spot, and turn off the car again so I can put air in both passenger-side tires.  Of course it's a pain in the ass.  And I have at least once put air in one side of my car and just drove off because I don't have the fucking time and I don't want to look like a dumbass.

But now I might not have a choice.  If these new people force me to use the pay hose, forget it.  So just now I Googled "gas stations with free air near me," and I found this website called freeairpump.com.  I appreciate that someone put in the effort to start this, but I don't think it's quite accurate because the gas station with the janky air hose spot isn't on there.  The closest ones are several miles away.  I might have to check them out just out of principle.

But why doesn't every damn gas station have a free air hose?  I don't fucking get it.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2022

I gotta be honest with you: I find this month to be the most frustrating month to analyze photos of these waitresses ever.  And not in a blue balls kind of way.  No, my issue is that too many of the women in this month are photographed wrong.  No, I'm not a photographer, but I know what I like, and I know what I don't like, and I know when things are off, and I feel that "offness" on way too many of the pictures for March 2022.

See, when I first laid eyes on the month, I thought the runaway winner was going to be Kylie, from Fort Myers, Fla.  But when I took a closer look, I see that I couldn't see her hands.  In fact, she is posed as if she has no forearms.  How can she carry food to the customers if she has no forearms?  But then I look even closer and Kylie is sitting in the middle of an oversized chessboard, and it looks like her hands are resting on and behind two chess pieces.  Shame: She has the long black locks, black two-piece bikini, and hot and tight body that I thought was a sure winner.  But damn, I can't see her forearms!  It's so distracting, it ruins the picture for me.

And that sour note sort of stained how I look at a couple of the other babes of the month.  Maybe this has happened in previous months, and maybe this happens all the time.  But there are three other girls who have an elbow cut off at the side of the photograph frame.  What's wrong with showing the whole woman?  Maybe it didn't bother me before, but Kylie's photographic disfigurement is something I cannot shake for the other women.  Add that to the now regular mistake of having the waitresses pose with their hands in front of them, and March 2022 leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

With that being said, I can point out two.  In second place is The Main Girl, Sloan of Sarasota, Fla.  Her right hand is placed in front of her.  However, she is gripping, I think, a zipper that is fully unzipped, showing her gigantic cleavage and her ample bosom.  I like the illusion that Sloan just unzipped herself to show her girls.  She's also a lovely-looking blonde with a big smile and luscious lips, and she's rocking a baby blue two-piece.  Oh, and she's hip-deep in a pool too -- sexy!

But I will give the top spot to Mia, out of Sugarland, Tex.  Mia's right elbow is cut off, sure.  But that elbow is flexed behind her, and she is flexing, and boy, she's got some muscles on her, mmm!!!  And she's also holding the sides of her pink-patterned bikini bottom.  Plus, her two-piece bikini is showing off a toned and ripped body!!  You can tell by the photo that she is on the short side, if you know what I mean.  But I think she's strong enough that she could toss me around in bed -- and I wouldn't mind at all!!!

So congratulations to Mia!  And for the record, I have already jerked off to this month -- twice.  Unfortunately, because of the dour overall nature of the entire month, I didn't pud much either time.  No offense to the ladies.

Again I Ask: Where My Whores At?

So, good news, maybe: My parents are going back to Las Vegas soon.  They really want to leave Minnesota, looks like.  I'll have the run of the house to myself again.  So I can brings as many as my stripper girlfriends home as I want -- at least for now.

But do I have any stripper girlfriends to bring home?  The closing of My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) and the pandemic shutting down stripper parties has changed things a lot, but I was hoping my coterie of whores wouldn't dry up this dramatically, and now that I have a whole place in which we can do stuff.  I'm going through my mental list of girls who I either rawdogged in the past or have brought home and frankly, the pickings are slim now:

• ***a*, the person to whom I have my virginity, is long gone, whisking herself to Arizona.  I last tried speaking to her around Christmastime, and she didn't reply back.
• ****e, the girl who I used to fuck semi-regularly, is in the wind.  I last got a text from her around the New Year -- she wasn't home, she said.
• ***e*, the woman who has jerked me off the most in my life, moved to safer and less expensive climes in Wisconsin.
• There are ... two girls who I haven't spoken to in some time.  One I'm friends with on Snapchat.  I give her money from time to time, but she apparently lives so far away that she can't come over any more and wank me.  The other?  Uh, it's been even longer.  I don't even know is she even wants to talk to me.  I don't even know if I have her number.
• There's also ******a, but nowadays I much prefer her massaging me.  We haven't done any hanky-panky stuff when I was paying her for private lapdances, and she doesn't do anything to me when she rubs me done.  And trust me, I still try.
• Guess my best chance is *****a, but as far as I know, we still can't fool around at her apartment because people have moved in with her.  But I guess she can cum over now.

So I've got one babe.  It'll satisfy my needs, but I want variety, and I'm not going to have that.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -5).  On Saturday, I witnessed the Loons' first Match this Year decided by more than one Goal!  It was tight there in the First Half; Bakaye Dibassy's 42nd-Minute tally was tied up by Colorado three Minutes later on another MNUFC bungle on the Backline, which was first called offside before being overturned on VAR.  But Emmanuel Reynoso, Buddha bless him, was finally able to uncork some magic, starting the sequences that resulted in Robin Lod's Game-winner in the 77th and, of all people, Abu Danladi's insurance Goal two Minutes later.  (Hey, Adrian Heath; if you're getting the band back together, why not sign back Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra, huh?)

Felt good to not be so anxious at the end of a United FC Match for once.  And considering the up-and-down screening Weeks the other Twin Cities teams had, yes, going 1-0 this Week gives you the top spot in the WMNSS.  Maybe this organization has proven it knows what it's doing.  I'd feel a tad better] if they could follow up their Win over the Rapids with another one this/Saturday afternoon versus the Chicago Fire -- a tilt I'm not entirely sure will be played because stormy weather is supposed to roll through around 4, when this nationally-televised contest is supposed to kick off.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  We should take a step back and acknowledge we probably are watching The Greatest Team In The History Of The Minnesota Wild.  Kirill Kaprizov has 100 Points, a first in franchise history.  In last/Friday night's 6-3 victory at home over the Seattle Kraken, Kevin Fiala picked up five Assists, also a Wild first.  And even moreso than the organization's Division title (which it followed up with a First-Round Loss, of course), these guys have the look and feel of a team that can make a gigantic run.

Another sign that these men are good: This is the first time I can remember this squad had to play five Games in seven Days (a "fact" that probably is wrong), and they finished 4-1.  Back-to-back 6-3 double-ups to end the Week (over former Head Coach Bruce Boudreau and Vancouver and said Kraken) is impressive.  Also good was their 2-0 Win in Montreal and a 5-4 Overtime home Win against San Jose.  The only blemish was a 6-5 Loss in St. Louis over the Blues, but even then the club turned my head.  The Wild scored four Goals in the Third Period and was able to turn a 4-1 deficit after two Periods into a Loser Point that they finally dropped in OT.  The ability to score regardless of the Game situation is a dimension this franchise historically has never had; thanks to General Manager Bill Guerin.  And that gives me some hope that they can win Games and series this postseason.

Now see the Offense get shut down by the Blues and lose in the First Round again.  Fuck.

Well, as of right now they lead the Loo by two Points for Second Place in their presumptive matchup.  Doesn't really matter -- it's hockey, after all -- but pride dictates I feel good about that.  And lookee here -- we're in the last Week of the regular season!  And Minnesota (four-Game winning streak in tow) finishes with another busy Screening Week: Their final road Game versus Nashville, then home to face The Bastard Winnipeg Jets, The Bastard Atlanta Flames, and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -4).  So the three early narratives forming on this ballclub are: 1) The Starting Pitching looks alright; 2) the relief corps is shit; and 3) the lineup can't fucking hit.  Great.

A 3-4 screening Week.  They eventually split at Boston (although for our purposes they lost two-of-three), dropped two-of-three in Kansas City, and started their three-Game series vs. the White Sox at Target with an inexplicable 2-1 Win where (clears throat) the Twinks scored both Runs in the Eighth Inning by a Carlos Correa dribbler to the left side of the Infield which resulted in not one but two Errors.  It was a dreary and rainy night, and I don't know if I would have lasted to the Eighth to witness such good fortune.  But hey, at least the relievers kept it close when they were losing and closed the door once they took the lead.

After the Pale Hose blow through town this weekend, they host Detroit for a trio beginning Tuesday.  Then they start a three-Game series vs. the Bay Rays in Tampa.  Aside: Today/Saturday is going to be another dynamic and busy day for local sports.  The Twins play at 3, United kicks off at 4, and the Timberwolves (see below) tips off at 9.  The Gopher baseball and softball teams also play at home.  And it's going to be a tumultuous Day outside; the forecast calls for scattered thunderstorms.  Four of the five Games tonight might be adversely affected.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  OK, I think it's time to say the program has some serious problems.  They got swept at Nebraska last weekend, the first time I can recall this program getting swept in-conference.  Saturday, the Cornhuskers mercy-ruled the U. in Five, 11-0.  Sure, they began their home series versus Maryland yesterday/Friday afternoon by mercy-ruling the Terps in Five, 13-1.  But this team is shuffling at 20-18-1 (with, to be complete, a home Doubleheader against Wisconsin postponed [at least for now] from Wednesday due to weather), and they didn't do a whole hell of a lot last season either.  This isn't good.

After the Terrapins they host St. Thomas Tuesday, then visit conference queens Michigan for three starting on Friday.

#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  I shouldn't be too pessimistic.  Yesterday/Friday, all four Twin Cities team that played (Wild, Twins, Gopher softball, Gopher baseball) won.  The U. ballclub's 7-3 Win over Penn St. at Siebert was Manager John Anderson's 600th career victory.  However, that also broke a four-Game losing streak this Nine was going through.  And that losing streak consisted of a sweep on the road at the hands of Iowa and, you're kidding me, a 6-0 Loss at home to first-Year top-flight team St. Thomas?!?!?!  Holy fuck, that is emasculating!

We talk about the Gopher softball program.  But shit, man, these guys are currently 11-24 on the season.  We have to take a look at this squad, too.  Seriously.

They'll finish a six-Game homestand this Week: After the Nittany Lions blow through town, they host South Dakota St. and said Tommies back-to-back midweek.  They then go to Michigan St. for three for the weekend.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  It would have been nice to talk about Saturday's surprising and satisfying Game 1 victory over The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies in Memphis, an almost-unprecedented result in Timberwolves history.  But I have to dote on Game 3 Thursday night, which was the Most Minnesotan Kind Of Loss and yet, almost magically, also expanded the way by which a Minnesota team could lose.

The Woofie Dogs had leads of at least 20 Points not once, but twice ... and they blew them both.  They got out to a gigantic lead in the First Quarter, let it shrink in the Second, breathed it back out in the Third, then collapsed in the Fourth.  They outscored Memphis 71-44 in the odd Quarters, but got outscored 60-24 in the even ones.  The Woofs had 83 Points after three ... and failed to reach 100 Points by the end of the Game.  And, to put a real fine point on it, Minnesota was up by 16 to start the Fourth ... and lost by nine.

Karl-Anthony Towns melted down like we all feared.  He had eight Points and, I think, more Fouls than Field Goal Attempts.  Meanwhile, Chris Finch has come under fire for the first time as Head Coach of this squad with people asking why in the fuck didn't he call a Time Out in either Memphis comeback.  Well, maybe he understood what it means to be a Minnesota team.

It's funny; after last Saturday, when we stole home-court advantage, we were all, "We got this!  We're coming!  We're coming!" and then after Thursday we're all, "Well, at least these guys are young.  We weren't supposed to win this series anyway."  And by the way, I didn't watch a single second.  I'm a Minnesota fan, and so I know how Minnesota teams rip the hearts out of their fans' bodies, throw them on the cold Minnesota ground, and stomp and stomp and stomp and stomp them into smithereens.  Thursday was the six-Year anniversary of the death of Prince.  My work shift was too late for me to come back for dinner, so I decided to eat at Pancheros, visit my storage unit, then go down to the Parkway Theater for the first time ever and see Purple Rain.  So damn campy, that movie.  I was able to listen the Woofs' first chokejob in the Second Quarter while I was driving down to South Minneapolis and the Parkway.  After the film and on the way back home, I kind of thought they won.  Remember the team has a player named Taurean Prince; maybe he made the Game-winning Three-Pointer at the buzzer?  Would've been poetic.  But I saw the final score on the Yahoo! Sports app and nah.

Yeah, I'm tired of talking about this team.

#-Infinity: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  It's been more than a month, but I totally forgot about these guys.  And mostly for good reason: As a team, they finished 11th, shoveling another pile of dirt on this program as a blueblood.  But hey, at least there's Gable Steveson, who tore through the Heavyweight Decision and tripled up Arizona St.'s Cohlton Schultz, 6-2, to end his college career with a second straight NCAA individual title.  The U. has (had?) a rich history of grapplers, especially at HWY, and the U. has been lucky they found Steveson to extend that tradition.  But with him now gone to World Wrestling Entertainment, is there another player waiting in the wings to give this program some reputation?  If not, I shudder to think how much further down this program can go.

OK.  I've calmed down a bit from my last blog post.  I still resent My Fucking Mother for the way in which she asked me such a huge question.  I was just surfing on the Internet, for God's sake.  It's another example of how tone deaf she has always been when it comes to raising sensitive issues.  Maybe she gets that from My Fucking Father.

But, this involves something that all families have to deal with eventually.  I cannot say I didn't see this coming at some point in my life.  And I have spoken about this with my therapist (who I need to blog post about later, about something else), and he reminded me that this is kind of how I wanted this raised.  Now, and I still am talking in circles about this because I'm still quite anxious about it, there's still a problem with convincing My Fucking Mother after storming out.  But, well, if she raised the question, I think I am finally ready to answer her.  I just hope that she'll accept my answer.

Fuck you, Mother.  I don't need to be asked such a huge and heavy question.  Especially now.  And I resent, absolutely fucking resent, you treating this like it's no big deal, like I have a choice ... like you would even entertain kicking me out of this house.

I don't know if I can.  But this is the only house I know.  And I'll do my goddamndest to die in it.

Finally Have Evenings To Myself

Last/Tuesday night was the first time in Buddha knows how long that I had my evenings to myself.  No work that bled into the evening, nothing to go out for (whether I wanted to or not) -- I got home, ate dinner, retreated into my bedroom ... and I had the whole evening to myself.  I could anything I wanted.  Or nothing.

Well, what I did do last/Tuesday night was start on putting away my clean clothes.  (Oh: In a quasi-addendum from my last blog post, Father actually did wash my clothes yesterday.  Bless him.)  I stopped after several, plopped down on the bed and closed my eyes.  If I was going to be awake, I was going to listen to the Wild and, later, the Timberwolves on the radio and, in a welcome return to the days of yore, watch the Twins on over-the-air television.  I turned on the radio and put the volume on quiet enough to listen if I didn't fall asleep.  But I did.  Woke up a bit past 9, in fact.  Saw on my phone that the Wild won and the Wolves were getting their body parts handed to them, and I turned on the TV in time to hear (while scrolling through my phone) Tyler Duffey cough up the tying and winning Runs to Kansas City.  Finished the rest of my clothes and, well, that was my evening.

My Father insists that I could spend my evenings getting educated, even getting another degree.  He is not wrong.  However, I feel great right now, and I know that can't happen unless I got my two-plus hours of sleep.  There is massive long-term gains in furthering your education, and yet the immediate short-term gain in just giving your body a rest feels like something I need more right now.  And I feel that way especially after last week, when I spent most of my evenings finishing up my taxes and getting both a massage and a handjob.  Had to do the former and loved both of the latter, but that takes up my evenings, and so, after a Saturday night at the United Match and another massage Monday night, I am happy to have had last/Tuesday night completely off.  Well, I did have Sunday night "off" too, since it was Easter and everything was closed that evening.  But you know what I mean.

Anyway, there is no rest for the wicked.  I have tonight to myself, but my work schedule shifts so that it ends in the early evening, and so to spare my parents waiting for me to get home before we all eat, I told them I would find something to eat on my own.  That means being ... well, not busy, but active Thursday and Friday evenings.  Hope I have enough energy to get through them.

Guess I'm Back To Doing Laundry, I Guess

I have a pile of laundry I haven't washed yet.  I haven't gotten around to it partly due to laziness, but also because Father always barged into my bedroom and did my laundry for me.  He's retired, so he has nothing to do in the house (when he's here at least) besides putzing around and doing things I should be doing.  I didn't want him all up in my business, but he just sneaks into my room and takes my clothes while I'm at work, so what can you do?

And yet, for some reason, Father has yet to clean my laundry ever since my parents came home from Las Vegas.  Is he getting lazy?  Is he getting old?  Is he getting forgetful?  Regardless, I have enough laundry that, because I will plan to be home all evening after work tonight, I'll have time to finally do it ... and finally do it properly.  No piles of whites and coloreds only.  I'll be looking at each item's tag, separating them, and then doing one pile of laundry that can be washed under one temperature and dried under one setting.  If my parents don't like how frequently I am washing a medium-sized pile of clothes -- well, they can do my clothes themselves then.

Wish me luck.

RIP, Uncle

So I just learned that one of my uncles died.  I never met him, and I may have talked to him once.  But he and many members of our family were quite, quite estranged.

That may be why neither Father nor Mother (who is his sister, although they weren't too close, either) were sad at all when they broke the news to me.  That may also be why Father goddamn told me at dinner.  He always does this shit.  Can't he think of a more appropriate setting to tell me the news of a death in the family?  Either he is mortified of sitting me down and telling me this heavy, grim news the right way or ... well, he doesn't give a fuck.  Honestly, since I don't think I remember a time he's been proper when announcing a death (Mother too, come to think of it), I don't think they give a fuck.

Now I wonder if my sister knows.  She has visited him.  I also kind of know his daughter, with whom he was also pretty estranged.  But honestly, I'm not shedding tears, even though he is family.  Yeah, so maybe I don't care as much as I should, either.

Oh, My Taxes

I told my parents that I have been slavishly working on them, but not really; I just say that so I can get out of the house.

Since there hasn't been anything extraordinary that has happened in my life -- didn't get married or have a child, haven't bought a house -- my wages and dividends have been the same things that have happened to me for years now.  I still need an annual reminder on what to do, but once I get that reminder, I think I've got it.  (Of course, I also thought I "got it" for years before realizing I needed to take a standard deduction, but let's not get into that.)

I got all my forms, I wrote down my amounts, I made sure the math was right, and, crossed fingers, I think I have filled out all the paperwork completely and accurately.  I sent in both my federal and my state returns Thursday evening -- still a paper person myself -- and, if I did it right, I will get a nominal amount of money back from the country, and pay a relatively hefty amount of money to the state, which I will pay electronically tonight.  Could be worse, but hey, taxes is the price one pays for living in a civil society.

2022 March Madness Anti-Picks, Final

Record, Round 6: 0-1

Overall Record: 18-27-1

Total Outlay, Round 6: $800.00

Total Intake, Round 6: $0.00

Total Loss, Round 6: $800.00

Final Overall Winnings: $5.13

I did not see the start of the championship Game because I was protesting such a monumental sporting event being relegated to cable.  (I don't care that it got record-high ratings ... for cable.  It should be on broadcast television, and I continue to insist that the NCAA's latest TV deal with CBS and Turner has been an utter goddamn mistake.)  And then I saw Kansas, my pick to win it all, getting their dicks blown off by upstart North Carolina at Halftime, so I had no incentive to go on Sling and watch the Second Half, so I entertained myself on my phone.

But holy shit!  The Jayhawks made a comeback for the ages!  I totally forgot that Kansas came back from way down at the half to Miami (Fla.) in the Regional Final.  They were capable of coming back, but they were capable of an ugly First Half, and the title Game against the Tar Heels was history repeating itself a Week later.  But damn, I hear that the comeback was awesome!

And it totally blew my pick of Kansas -4 out of the water!  Well, it turned out to be a three-Point Game, and a hell of a Game at that (which is another prediction I totally got wrong; I thought this was going to be a boring rout); Carolina had a chance to tie it at the buzzer, in fact.  But they didn't, and even though Kansas won, they didn't cover.

It's been at least a decade since I picked the champion correct.  That makes me feel good.  But I noticed in the final standings of the big pool I'm in, most of the, oh, top 30 or so finishers, including the champion, did not pick Kansas to win it all.  It helps to pick the champ, but at least in my pool, it is far from necessary.  I finished in the top 100, which is still pretty good (I finished better only once, last year, which means I think I'm in the middle of a good run right now), but I didn't really need Kansas winning it all instead of, like, not picking Virginia Tech to make it to the Final Four.

Meanwhile, I staked all but a nominal profit on the 'Hawks, so even though my big final bet didn't come through, I still finished ahead.  And that's really the point.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  OK, I have to note that the Timberwolves lost their season finale at home to Chicago, 124-120.  That gave me some pause as to winning Tuesday's Play-In at Target Center versus The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers.  That squad announced that Paul George was coming back from injury, and even though Kawhi Leonard will not be back this season, hearing PG-13 was back made my teeth chatter.

And then I heard the Clips was able to harass Karl-Anthony Towns into foul trouble all Game.  KAT such a shit Game that he fouled himself out in the middle of the Fourth Quarter with only 11 Points on 3-of-11 shooting, upon which the Clippers built a sizable lead.  But the Wolves are more than one man, and the other members of The Big 3 -- Anthony Edwards and D'Angelo Russell -- plus sparkplug/asshole-who-I'm-glad-is-on-our-side Patrick Beverley stepped up and showed a grit and resilience I didn't quite believe they had.  Without KAT, the Timberwolves closed the last 7 1/2 Minutes of the Game on a 23-11 run to go from a seven-Point deficit to a 109-104 victory that officially put the Timberwolves into the playoffs.

The sold-out Target Center crowd by all accounts was wild and euphoric.  The celebration ripped the lid off of decades of frustration.  And to some, like the guys on The NBA On TNT, it was a little over the top:

"We need 'One Shining Moment'" 😂

Inside the NBA crew reacts to the Timberwolves' celebration after clinching the 7th seed. pic.twitter.com/kMkhQBhKkN

— NBA on TNT (@NBAonTNT) April 13, 2022

OK, first of all, we have sucked as a franchise since Day One.  This is only the second time this team has gotten into the playoffs since the 2004-5 season.  GIVE US THIS.

But also, I will say that this is a particularly gratifying way to reach the playoffs.  Not with a come-from-behind win behind (arguably) the best player on the team on the bench.  Towns and Anthony Edwards are original Timberwolves draftees.  Sure, D'Angelo Russell and Pat Bev came to Minnesota via trade.  But even unlike 2018, when the club was singularly sparked and led by trade product Jimmy Butler, the makeup of this Wolves squad feels organic, genuine -- in other words, to put it in passive-aggressive terms, "Minnesotan."  We tried to build this organization from the ground up and finally, goddamn finally, it seems to be working.

Sure, it looks as though the reward is a date with the similarly young and hungry Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies, starting this/Saturday afternoon.  ESPN.com asked 21 of its writers to predict the outcome of that First Round series, and all 21 picked the Grizz to win.  But note that even though Barkley and Smith busted the T-Wolves' balls for acting as if they won the NBA title, they both predicted the Wolves will win.  Now, KAT has to play better.  He has to, you know, actually play.  But regardless of what happens in this series, it feels like the franchise has finally done something right, and has built something that will be good for several Years.  And that's something to celebrate over.

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -1).  It is kind of shame to see that the Wild continue to play well -- they went undefeated this screening Week -- and yet not be able to make up any ground on The Bastard Quebec Nordiques nor get any separation away from the St. Louis Blues, the latter with which they remain tied on Points and therefore seem fated to clash with in the First Round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  The nature of the Wins gives some hope that these guys are tough; the Los Angeles Kings have been playing better as of late, and the Edmonton Oilers were red-hot, and both clubs came into the X and were promptly routed by Minnesota.

Also too, they went down to The Team That Was Stolen From Us and rightfully beat them after coughing up a pair of leads.  It's always a righteous day when The Team That Should Be The Minnesota North Stars beats The Bastard North Stars, even if it was in Overtime and gave them a fucking loser Point.

Does it really matter if the Blues gets home-ice advantage?  It's hockey, after all.  But those two teams meet in St. Louis this/Saturday afternoon -- about a half-hour before the Timberwolves tip; ooh, this could be another #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA day.  That starts a very busy Week for the club; they come back to St. Paul to host San Jose for Easter, visit Montreal Tuesday, then host Vancouver and Seattle Thursday and Friday.

#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  This ballclub actually had some heat to them.  They won the series at Iowa last weekend by beating the Hawkeyes in eight Innings Saturday and six Sunday, then outlasted South Dakota St. at home in another eight-Inning affair on Wednesday.  But then they beginning this weekend's series at Nebraska last/Friday night by getting their brains beat in, 7-0.  They're 19-16-1 overall and only 5-5 in the Big Ten.

After finishing up in Lincoln, they host what appears to be an annual Doubleheader versus Wisconsin on Wednesday.  That kicks off a six-Game homestand; Maryland comes to town for three beginning Friday.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  A 2-2 Week.  Managed to avoid the sweep of the visiting (and ranked ... at the time) Maryland Terrapins with a 4-3 squeaker Sunday, a contest in which Manager John Anderson was tossed from the Game.  When's the last time that happened?  Anyway, with the tilt tied at 3 in the bottom of the Eighth, Brady Counsell, who had tripled, came home on a Wild Pitch.  That's the Goofers' first conference Win of the season, which means you take them however you can get them.  They then just got by St. Thomas at Sieber Tuesday, 2-1, before getting tripled at Iowa Friday, 9-3.

After finishing up in Iowa City, they host the Tommies for a second consecutive Tuesday.  Like with the softballers, that midweek showdown kicks off a six-Game homestand for the Nine; Penn St. comes to town for a trio starting on Friday.

#-4: Twins (Last Week: -4).  After losing last Saturday's Game by blowing a lead, they managed to win for the first time in the 2022 season Sunday, then gained a split with Seattle on Monday.  They then dropped both ends of a two-Game set vs. the Dodgers at Target.  In Wednesday's capper, Dodgers Pitcher Clayton Kershaw was pulled after seven perfect Innings, raising consternation by many who think baseball players are being too coddled in this age of analytics.  The hometown Bally Sports North crew, however, actually contributed to this debate with very good reasoning.  They kicked off this Jackie Robinson Weekend with an 8-4 victory at the Boston Red Sox yesterday/Friday where, ho-hum, Byron Buxton left the Game after sliding into Second Base awkwardly.  Hey, how much WAR can Buck generate on the Injured List?

The season is still young.  Let's see if they can generate any heat in Fenway.  This series against Boston is actually another four-Game series, so they will be the opponent for the Red Sox's annual Patriots Day/Boston Marathon Game Monday afternoon.  They then travel to Kansas City for three before returning to Minneapolis and beginning a three-Game series versus the White Sox Friday.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -5).  A shabby 58th-Minute Goal equaled a 1-0 loss for the Loons at second-Year Austin FC Sunday.  First time they've been shut out, but they scored exactly one Goal in each of their previous five Matches to start the Year.  And now they're on their first losing streak as they return to Midway tonight/Saturday night and host the Colorado Rapids, who also have two Wins, two Draws, two Losses, and allowed as many Goals and they have scored.  It's like they're looking at their twins!!

Oh, and there is also U. S. Open Cup action.  The XI go to Madison to take on Forward Madison Wednesday.

#-Infinity: Gopher gymnastics (Re-Entry!).  You know what?  I think I am going to get into women's college gymnastics a little more.  And no, it's not because of what you think.

Minnesota has had outsized enthusiasm for niche/Olympic sports compared to the population, and gymnastics is no different.  But after reading this article in the Star Tribune (at work, so you may or may not be able to see it) previewing the Gophers going into the NCAA women's gymnastics Semifinal on Thursday, I was not aware of how many native Minnesotans are both competing and coaching.  Yeah, everyone knows of St. Paul's Suni Lee, who competes for Auburn.  But I didn't know that her fellow Olympian, Utah's Grace McCallum, is also One Of Us.  Three Head Coaches of the eight Semifinalists (including Lee's at Auburn) are from Minnesota.  Holy shit!

So I am kind of surprised to go through the U. of M.'s roster and see that Minnesotans comprise less than half of the squad.  Sure, the Gophs have Lexy Ramler.  But did all the blue-chip gymnasts (and I am shocked I even said that) think they could do better outside the state?  Is this a similar situation to men's basketball, where Ben Johnson is furtively trying to put up stake posts and barbed wire to keep top recruits in-state?

Well, I hope what is going with this program makes locals think twice.  No, they did not advance to this/Saturday afternoon's Final: Auburn, Florida, Oklahoma and Utah did, and the U. finished third in their Semifinal.  But officially they finished sixth, which is the highest ever for the school.  Moreover, the Big Ten Conference has seen an uptick in power in the sport, muscling out traditional powers from the SEC and Pac-12.  Michigan was also eliminated in the Semis, but they won it all last Year, being the first Big Ten school to do so.  The Gophers reached the Semis for the fifth time in program history, and like I said, there is a bevy of talent competing and coaching.  Someone on Twitter (I tried to find out who and I failed) said there is reason for high school Minnesotans to stay.  That's true.  This program is on the rise, and I for one am starting to take notice.

You know, I like her.  But going more than 30 miles (I think?) and crossing two rivers -- and going back home just after snow and wind iced over a part of a bridge, making diving treacherous as fuck -- just for a handjob that cost me $200 ... distance makes the heart grow fonder, but goddamn, I don't think I want to pay that much for a HJ again (sigh)

Bad Energy

Something I remembered at work from a couple weeks ago. ...

Afternoon break is when I usually don't go to my car to rest my eyes.  Instead, it's the time I eat the stuff Father gives me to eat in the break room.  Our break rooms are too small as they are (we need bigger break rooms), and in the winter, when no one wants to eat outside (pandemic be damned), sometimes they're all filled.  I sometimes have gone outside to eat -- when it's cold and windy, such as a couple days ago, when I thought my mask was blown off my face, I saw it on some rocks, I touched it, then realized my mask was still attached to my neck with a cord that was given to me in the middle of the pandemic.  Anyway ... I've also just stood up next to the sink and ate my snacks.  In a situation like this I just prefer not to eat because I don't want to be put in that situation.  I've told Father many, many times that I don't need to bring food with me to eat.  And still he goddamn insists on giving me food -- and he expects me to eat it before I come home.  It's been almost a quarter-century of this bullshit.

I'm going off on a tangent.  So sometimes I do find a chair and a table all to myself so I can eat in peace, glory be.  And sometimes there is a spot open in this small row of three chairs arranged, desk-like, right up against the wall.  Each is partitioned so that you're eating by yourself even and eating next to someone, know what I mean?

So a couple days ago I wasn't having a good day at work for whatever reason.  I grab one of these solitary-but-not-solitary desk chairs, on the right end.  The left one is occupied, but the middle one is empty, so it's good for social distancing.  Just as I begin eating, this girl stomps up to this middle chair, I think kicks the chair out so she can sit, throws her food on the desk, and starts to eat.  And she doesn't pull in her chair while she's eating; she's balancing on the front legs and shaking it back-and-forth, like she has a nervous tick, or whenever you are working but you're either nervous or bored, or you're trying to do anything you can to stay awake, like bouncing your leg up and down, you know?

Add that she was eating both quickly and loudly, and my mood turned back dark.  I don't know what her deal was, but I wanted no part of it -- fuck, I didn't want to even be next to her.  Thank Buddha there was an open table, because I got the fuck up out of that chair and sat at the table for the rest of my break time.  But I went back to wipe down the desk chair I was at, the one right next to her, because we've been asked to quickly disinfect any surfaces on which we eat.  I'm not a rude philistine.  She, on the other hand ... man, her bad energy bugged the fuck outta me. ...

RIP, Entertainment Weekly

I've been sitting on this news for some time, hoping I would give myself the time to write a proper, and long, obituary about it.  That's not gonna happen -- not only am I too rushed to ever do something that proper and long, but no matter how much I write, I probably won't do my relationship with the magazine justice.

About two months ago, I saw on Twitter that Entertainment Weekly would cease its print publication, becoming exclusively online.  I had been a subscriber (although I probably let it lapse for a month or so around the turn of the millennium) since Issue #10, which I believe had on the cover Bernadette Peters and, of all people, Kevin Spacey as Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker in the made-for-TV biopic Fall From Grace.  I was interested in the magazine as it was being rolled out because I loved all things entertainment and celebrity; it was a small factor as to why I went out to college in Los Angeles.  But I was a kid back in 1990, and I had no money to buy a subscription.  I remember my brother and I did a really stupid thing several years before that and subscribed to Sports Illustrated not knowing that, you know, we needed to pay the magazine money.  We finally confessed to Father about our mistake, and he somehow got SI to cancel the subscription.

That bad memory didn't seem to deter Father from cajoling me into subscribing, on his dime, EW after I had indicated I wouldn't mind reading the magazine.  (Have I blog posted about this before?)  I said no, he said why not ... he wouldn't fuckin' stop.  The reason he was so damn relentless was because he wanted to enter Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, and either you needed to subscribe to a magazine or he thought you needed to subscribe in order to get a chance to win.  He can't read English, so used me as the way to get a subscription in order to enter the sweepstakes.

He didn't win, of course, but I got to read Entertainment Weekly, and frankly, I loved it.  The mag was informative, fun, and taught me a lot about both the entertainment industry and about writing.  I would spend a good hour or so reading it the afternoon I got it from the mail.  And, with some possible exceptions (a few issues may have been tossed as I laid them in the communal bathroom of my dorm floor), I would never, ever throw it away.  It just never occurred to me to toss them.  I bought them; why would I throw my EWs away?

Soon, the piles of magazines grew and grew, and so I had to find a box, and then a bigger box, and then two boxes, and so on, just so I could store them all.  In the meantime I got busy and so I couldn't read as much or as long as I used to.  Then, much of television entertainment shifted to cable, then satellite, then streaming, all three vehicles that I could not afford to spend money on, which made much of what the magazine covered foreign to me.  And all the while magazine publishing industry had taken (and continues to take) a massive hit thanks to the Internet, so EW would publish more "double issues" spanning this and next week.  Finally, about two-and-a-half years ago, the publisher said that Entertainment Weekly would become a monthly.  The logo still had "WEEKLY" watermarked on the bigger typeface of "ENTERTAINMENT" ever since August 2019, but there was so much equity to the name "Entertainment Weekly" that it wouldn't make sense if it re-named itself Entertainment Monthly.  With that drop in frequency, however, the news and reviews of movies and albums were too stale for me to read and care about.  They became less journalism to read through then, well, collector's items.

And collect I have.  I think I should have about 1,600 issues.  I've been chronicling my mostly half-ass efforts to store each issue in a protective bag, then file those issues away in boxes until I've done all of them.  I have about five boxes filled, which of course barely makes a dent in my stash.  All the rest of the EWs are in my storage unit, divvied up in paper bags stacked on top of each other amidst all the sports programs, old copies of City Pages and The Onion, and souvenir cups I've collected.  Still, it's my goal to preserve them all.  To what end?  Who knows.  If I die with all of them sealed, someone might just throw them all away.  But hey, I blame My Father.

Anyway -- and have I blog posted about this already? -- when the news came that Entertainment Weekly was going to cease print publication (the last issue was dated April 2022 but released last month), while I was sad, I was also relieved.  Since my joy of getting to read the journalism in an issue had devolved into feeling obligated to encase that tangible issue in PVC plastic, my main concern with the mag had become finding the time and the means to store them all.  It never felt as though I was catching up with these unsealed issues continuing to pile up.  I had wondered, considering the slow death of the industry, that the parent company of EW might one day stop printing print issues.  Since it has, that means there will not be a pile-up of new editions anymore.  There is now a set, uh, blob of issues I need to tackle, a blob that thank Buddha will not be able to metastasize anymore.  I now have a chance to finish what could be my life's work, as pathetic as that may sound.

And then I get sad again.  Entertainment Weekly has been a part of my life since 1990.  It had a good run, but I and we as a culture should always be sad at the death of a magazine publication.  It was a source of information that, well, entertained people, and that should never have a shelf life.  Also, as shady as the start of my relationship with it was -- seriously, if Father never pushed me to say yes to subscribing, I never would have, as curious as I would have been to read it back when I was a child -- it was a connection to my life when I was younger, when times were easier, and when I didn't have to worry about things such as breaking down and dying.

Well, EW just broke down and died.  And while I might be happy that I can see an end to packing up each and every individual issue I have, when I tape up that last loose edition and put it into a box, I'll be doing the same for the memories of my youth.

RIP, Entertainment Weekly.

It is hard to blog about things when you're harboring a deep, dark secret.  And that secret can come back at me in two ways: That I get caught, and that the thing I'm, uh, suffering from isn't going away as quickly as I thought.  Um, it's been a while.  Too long.  And I'm scared I'll be fighting this a long time ... if not forever.

I'll leave it at that in the hopes I can blog post something different the next time.

Addendum To: Fashionably Late To No Meeting At All

Turns out the organizer was still around; she just didn't see me!  There were a couple people with whom she spoke with.  The last jumped out about, oh, 15-20 minutes after I jumped on.  Apparently she was looking at other things and eating food when she finally noticed me in the waiting room.  No worries!  I did that one time when I organized a Zoom.  I'm at least glad I spoke with her for, uh, 10-5 minutes.

I think we're all good!

Fashionably Late To No Meeting At All

I am a part of this group that has monthly Zooms.  They are scheduled for two hours, but I find it hard to be on a Zoom for two hours, so I show up fashionably late, like an hour into it, maybe later.

Have I blog posted about this before?  Anyway ...

... sometimes there is no meeting to go to because no one showed up or everyone who did show up wanted to go early.  And then I feel bad because I am there with no meeting to talk in, and then I wonder if the reason there is no meeting when I show up is because it's my fault, like I could have "saved" the meeting if I popped in earlier.  That has happened a lot -- like now, where I apparently just got kicked out of the waiting room because, uh, there is no meeting taking place right now, maybe?

The person organizing these Zooms has lamented from time to time whether or not to continue.  I and a couple others who mean to come on more frequently say they still appreciate her doing this.  But seeing this Zoom end early without me makes me question this Zoom's future viability, and it makes me feel guilty of my role in helping end these meetings entirely.

I honestly think I could tough it out.  And hopefully, fingers crossed, they won't figure out.  It's just ... I blame my parents.  No, that's just self-serving.  It's all me.

If I do get caught, I hope they forgive me.  And I hope nothing bad happens.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wild (Last Week: 0).  This screening Week-long road trip started off so well.  The team began out east, against two Eastern Conference playoff squads (The Bastard Hartford Whalers and Washington) and beat them, respectively, 3-1 and 5-1.  But then they came back to their conference to face two playoff clubs (Nashville and St. Louis) and lost both, hitting the twin posts of agonizing defeat: They got tripled up by the Predators, 6-2, and then choked on a two-Goal lead (The Most Dangerous Lead In Hockey!!!) and got beat in Overtime by the Blues.

I was listening to the Game on the radio at work, and when STL tied it up at 3, I had to turn it off because I knew what was going to happen.  It was a brutal Week for all Twin Cities sports, especially yesterday/Friday when the Mild, the Twinks, the Goofer softball and the Goofer baseball squads all lost.  So I'm putting on top the team that appears to be on its way to locking up a playoff birth.

However, it's looking more and more like St. Louis will be the Wild's first opponent.  And the Mild don't match up well against the Blues at all, and now they're tied with The Loo in Points to see who gets home-ice advantage.  It might mean little in hockey, but still.

This Week: Home to Los Angeles and Edmonton, then visiting The Team That Was Stolen From Us.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  I wouldn't call them rolling or anything.  They got by a Houston outfit that has long mailed it on the road only by seven, then outlasted fellow Play-In participant San Antonio at Target Center by six.  However, as a glass-half-empty guy, I have to look at the Loss inbetween the two contests, a 132-114 head-scratcher of a defeat, at home, to Washington, a club that is not making the playoffs.  Escaping the Play-In might have been a tough climb, but the Timberwolves had to do all they can to climb it.  They had three eminently winnable Games; at least demonstrate to your fans, and to sixth-place Denver, that you mean business.  But they fuck the pooch versus the Wizards and now their fate as the seventh Seed, and whose first Game in Play-In is versus a Clippers team that has its main pieces back together, is sealed.

That Play-In is late Tuesday night; it'll overlap with the Twins' Game.  If they win, they truly are the seventh Seed and play The Bastard Vancouver Grizzles.  Lose?  Well, they have one more chance to be the eighth Seed, and that will probably be played on Thursday, but let's not believe the Woofie Dogs can fall down this hole, shall we?

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  Nominally, I have to put the Gopher softballers up here because they won a Game: Saturday at Cowles over Illinois, 14-6 in five Innings.  But their next two tilts ... woof.  They got tripled up in the rubber match Sunday, 15-5.  And yesterday/Friday afternoon at Iowa, they fucking blew a six-Run lead and lost in regulation, 9-8.  Oh, and they didn't have the luxury of beating up on a smaller local school because their scheduled Doubleheader vs. South Dakota St. on Wednesday was postponed due to weather.

Yeah, I have a feeling this program is retreating from its height of reaching the NCAA Tournament on a regular basis.  After finishing up in Iowa City, they have another three-Game set at Nebraska.

#-4: Twins (Re-Entry!).  I have to admit that I was looking forward to this Opening Day.  I am quite sentimental over any Opening Day in Major League Baseball (Spring Training, by the way, does nothing for me).  It wasn't that I felt any fear that this season would be in jeopardy or anything like that.  It's just that, when yesterday/Friday afternoon rolled around, the alarm on my cellphone woke me up from the nap I took in my car, and I drove to the gas station to get some pop just before I started work, it was great to hear the first pitch of this Twins' season, against Seattle at Target Field, not too far away.  It felt as though the country has found its heartbeat again.

Alas and alack, the man who threw that first pitch, Joe Ryan, later in the Inning gave up a two-Run Home Run which was the Game-winning Hit.  Much as they tried (I guess), the Twinks got only one Run (courtesy of ex-Yankee Gio Urshela's solo shot), the rest of the lineup was dead quiet:

• Byron Buxton: 0-for-4;
• Carlos Correa: 1-for-4; harder to hit when a trash can bang isn't telling you which pitch is being thrown, huh?;
• Jorge Polanco: 0-for-3 with a Walk;
• Miguel Sano: 0-for-3 with a Walk;
• Alex Kiriloff: 0-for-4 with three Strikeouts, God;
• and Gary Sanchez: 0-for-4.

Sure, the season's only one Game old.  I still predict a sub-.500 season.  And Correa will be traded mid-season.  They finish the weekend against the Mariners, then host the Dodgers for three (damn, I should go -- nah, I don't feel like it), then play their first road Game of the season Friday afternoon vs. Boston.

#-5: United FC (Re-Entry!).  The Seattle Sounders, both as a squad and as an organization, scare me.  That simply has all the tools that the Loons want to have, but don't.  And that talent advantage was on full display last Saturday night, when MNUFC looked thoroughly outclassed by the Sounders, winning 2-1.  It wasn't that close; United FC drew a Penalty in the Second Half, which Bebelo Reynoso was able to slow-foot to get on the board, but Brent Kallman's Own Goal -- aw, Brent! -- proved to be the difference, and the Loons suffered their first Loss of the season.

FiveThirtyEight still has this XI in the playoffs.  A Win Sunday at Austin would make me feel a bit better about that prediction.

#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  That sound you hear is the Gopher baseball ballclub -- and program -- nosediving from the sky at a height that ain't so high.  They got swept at Rutgers over the weekend, and they weren't competitive in either contest, losing 11-2 and 9-2.  They put up more of a fight yesterday/Friday afternoon at Siebert Field versus Maryland, but they still lost, 11-7.  Oh, and they didn't have the luxury of beating up on a smaller local school because their scheduled tilt vs. North Dakota St. on Tuesday was cancelled due to weather.

So they've now lost four in a row, are 0-4 to start B1G play, and sit at 8-19 overall.  This can't be as bad as last season, can it?  After finishing up against the Terrapins, they're supposed to host St. Thomas on Wednesday, then visit Iowa for a three-Game series starting on Friday.

#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  You know, I should be OK that these guys reached the Frozen Four, finally, for the first time in eight Years.  And really, Head Coach Bob Motzko has been through a lot this past year.

But still: 5-1?!  Really?!  To Minnesota State-Mankato, aka Little Brother ... for the second consecutive tournament?  And it was an ass-kicking last season, too -- 4-0.  This still gives some evidence that the big and bad flagship U. remains too fat to deal with the smaller, more nimble schools out in the hinterlands of The State Of Hockey.  But hey, at least they got back to the national Semifinals.

Now that Minnesota has been eliminated, do I root for the Mavericks?  I don't want to cheer on the squad that beat my team.  But goddamn, I remember last year that three participants in the Frozen Four were from Minnesota (said Mavs, Minnesota-Duluth and title Game loser St. Cloud St.) and of course none of them fucking won.  (UMass did.)  Plus, the other club is Denver.  What the fuck kind of affinity do I have with the University of Denver?  If anything, I hate them more because they were part of the old WCHA with my Gophs.  So fuck the Pioneers.  Go Mavericks!  Maybe.  And maybe I'll watch tonight/Saturday night.  Or listen.  Or neither.

You know what I'm really scared of right now?  Getting caught.

Just want to say that.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Wednesday, April 6:

• Actually we go back a day to Tuesday, April 5 ... starting off my day off going all the way to St. Paul and getting a handjob from ***e*, who was visiting from Wisconsin to get some money and decided she could make money as well.  Happy to oblige.  It was supposed to be a two-fer; we were at *******y's place, and those two were supposed to double-team me.  But for some reason, even though she was in the house, she was all the way downstairs with her kids and ***e*'s kids, and she couldn't come up, even for the five minutes it took to jack me off.  Oh, well.  Total: $120.
• A couple hours later I went to ******a's place all the way in Maple Grove.  I blogged about it, and honestly, the car seems to be fine.  Didn't like doing it.  But I did like her massage.  She seemed to be glancing off my cock a few times more than she did before.  I need to see her more often.  Total: $120.
• Going all the way back to Sunday, March 20 now ... just before my parents got home and I almost forgot I had a Whistler Soda bottle that I wanted to trade in for another Whistler.  Glad I remembered.  Hadn't been in Blue Sun for some time, and the bottle I bought I drank that afternoon.  Cost, minus the rebate for bringing in the bottle: $1.53.
• Later that afternoon *****a Ubered to my house for one last in-house HJ.  She was dressed like Barbie, for some reason.  God bless her, I was so tired and strung out and anxious over cleaning the house before my parents got home that she was totally OK with getting a rideshare to the next bar she was supposed to barhop to.  Total: $150.
• And she jerked me off early enough in the day that I went to the Armory for the Alt+J and Portugal.  The Man concert.  Glad I went, although I had to drive all the way back from downtown back to my house because I fuckin' forgot my phone.  Goddamn, I was such a mess worrying about cleaning up the house before my folks got home.  Charged the ticket, so this amount is for the Strongbow and the Sprite I bought, with tips for both: $16.
• Friday the 18th ******a came over for a rubdown (you'll see this entry a lot): $120.
• Later that evening, because I went to the Cannons concert at the Fine Line, I stopped by Pizza Luce.  Had two slices of pizza for the first time ever.  With drink and tip: $12.25.
• On my birthday I thought it was a good idea to get a shave at Moler.  Thought just popped into my head, and I'm glad I did it.  The student who shaved me said they now last take customers at 4:30, which would mean I could swing by there after work, which is something I thought I could not do when Moler was at its three previous locations.  Good to know.  With tip: $14.
• Back to Tuesday, March 15, and ******a gave me a rubdown: $120.
• Sunday the 13th: Went to Caffetto ... had a drink and, possibly, a piece of cake ... with tip: $8.17
• Saturday, March 12th -- ******a: $120.
• And Wednesday the 9th ... ******a: $120.
• Actually, she came over after I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) because I finally felt safe to go to a strip club and see my ATF, ******a.  It's been several months -- I think I went there shortly after my parents left -- but we caught up on old times.  After getting 20 table dances from her the last time, I took it down to just a dozen this time.  With beer and tips: $137.
• On Tuesday the 8th I went to the Wild Game, the ticket for which I bought way back in January.  Charged everything except the young man who was selling programs.  Got mine for: $5.
• Monday, March 7: I went to Cub Foods for something, and then I saw a table where Girl Scouts were selling their Girl Scout Cookies.  And I forgot it was that time of the year again.  (And I think it's already over, isn't it?)  Got those new cookies, the ones with caramel in the middle and all the drizzle on top.  Real good.  Don't like that this troop (and the other Girl Scout troops, and I saw a few) had a damn tip jar.  You shouldn't be trained like that.  And I didn't tip, I just paid the cost of the box of cookies, which was: $5.
• On Sunday the 6th ***e* came over to jack me off: $120.
• And on the day before, Saturday, March 5th, ******a came over to rub me down: $120.
• Thursday, March 3 -- *****a came over to rub me out.  I was doing a lot of whoring knowing that they wouldn't be able to come over by the end of last month.  Cost: $150.
• Wednesday, March 2 ... ******a: $120.
• Finally, on Tuesday the 1st I saw a penny, heads-up, on the stoop of our house.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.

The cost of Entertainment in my Franklin Quest for March will be sky-high ... which would be back to normal pre-pandemic.  Anyway, I am good through April 6.

Come To Think Of It, I Am Enjoying A Weekend Right Now

I worked Sunday.  Because I still am assumed to work only five days and 40 hours a week, I needed to take a day off during my regular workweek.  And because I am scheduled to fill in in Filing second shift Wednesday through Friday and had to fill in in Filing first shift Monday -- well, obviously I would have to take yesterday/Tuesday off, even though it's usually the busiest day of the week.

So, getting the middle of my week off, and then shifting to the late afternoon and evening for the rest of the week means I got two full days (and technically 48 1/2 hours; the guy I was filling in for on Monday gets into work a half-hour before I do) off.  It's like I am having, or have had, my weekend now.  And so I spent it so far ... ah, going to the library, going to Caffetto to do my taxes, sleeping in, getting a handjob, eating at Portillo's, getting a massage while naked, hanging out at Barnes & Noble for a bit, having dinner with the parents, getting a long evening nap, listening to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers be eliminated from playoff contention on satellite radio (sweet), doing my taxes some more, and blogging this.  I might exercise or not in the morning, depending on the weather, or I could clean my room.  But I will probably get some sub sandwiches that I can eat for dinner at work before I go in and complete my workweek.

There are worse ways to spend a mid-week weekend.  And I get a proper weekend this weekend, too!

My Whoring Is Going To Take Me Everywhere Today

So with a rare weekday off (in exchange for working on Sunday), I finally am able to get a massage from ******a after getting, oh, between half a dozen and a dozen massages from her because I had my house to myself.  It was dicey; she lives with her sister (a former stripper who touched my cock once) and her two kids, so we have certain days and times in which I can go get rubbed down by her.  But she said this/Tuesday afternoon was free because her nephew and niece are at school, and I don't know if there will be any other time I can see her, so last week (?) we settled on Tuesday.  So, today.

And then ***e* texted me (last week ... maybe?) out of the blue.  She moved out of her apartment in Richfield.  I thought it was a good apartment, but the neighbors and neighborhood was dangerous, so she moved her two or three kids back to her native Wisconsin.  But she's in town now -- she's crashing at her stripper friend, whom I think I fucked -- and she wants to wank me.  And I want to be wanked by her.  And it looks as though this stripper friend is going to join us!

But the best time for her to do this is ... today/Tuesday.  Good I have the whole day because I can fit both of them in: I'm seeing ***e* & Co. (I forget her stripper name), then I might have a break before I go get rubbed down by ******a.

Unfortunately, the former lives in St. Pau and the latter in Maple Grove.  That's a hell of a long trip, and that doesn't count where I'm going to eat and what I'm going to do afterward.  My car is driving fine, but it's approaching 100,000 miles, and I am freaked out that while I'm driving all over the Twin Cities whoring, I'll see a red indicator light on my dashboard.

A part of me wishes one of them will say they can't do it today and wants to reschedule till later in the week, when I'm working second shift.  It'd be awkward just to go out to get off, but it'll save my car some wear and tear.  But unless that miracle happens, and I'm not going to ask to reschedule, I'll be out on the road a lot today.  Wish me luck.

2022 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 6

So, like I said before, with Kansas advancing to tonight's title Game, I am willing to make a bet.  And I am betting that the Jayhawks will indeed cut down the nets.  And I am going to bet almost all of my (theoretical) money on it; in case North Carolina wins and I indeed lose, I can still say I made money, even though it won't be enough to get a meal at a fast food restaurant.

I will admit that I am partially -- OK, maybe mostly -- betting on Kansas because it was the team I had winning it all in my bracket.  If the Jayhawks pull it off, it is only the ... uh, second time I have ever nailed the champion correct in an NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.  However, there are many on-court and on-paper reasons to believe KU will beat UNC.  Stunningly, even though Kansas is a #1 Seed, it appears as though they have flown way under the radar.  The narrative going into this Big Dance was probably split between "Can Gonzaga finally get over the hump?" and the spectacle over Duke Head Coach Mike Krzyzewski's Last Dance.  And then St. Peter's took College Basketball Nation by storm.  And then Coach K was shown off into the sunset by the Tar Heels, who also spoiled his last Game at Cameron Indoor Stadium.

All the while, Kansas has just kept beating teams.  They had close calls against Creighton and Providence, but crushed Miami (Fla.) in the Elite Eight and Villanova in the Final Four.  They have stars on the outside and inside, and I think they have the depth that North Carolina, for all its tenacity and resilience, simply doesn't have.  Don't overlook the fact that Carolina blew a huge lead to Baylor in the Second Round before pulling off the victory, and had to hold off the Blue Devils in what appeared to be one hell of a matchup.  (Duke's Mark Williams missing two Free Throws late in the Game, you have to admit, was a huge break for the Heels.)

If UNC big Armando Bacot avoids foul trouble and continues to take over down low (and that's assuming his ankle won't bother him), Kansas is in trouble.  But I can see the Jayhawks peppering the Tar Heels from inside (with David McCormack) and outside (with Ochai Agbaji).  If North Carolina takes away one aspect of Kansas' gameplan, I think they have the tools, the manpower and the strategy to score and get out to the lead another way.  And I have to look at history.  The lowest seed ever to win a championship was Villanova, as an 8-Seed, over Georgetown in 1985.  The Wildcats were darn well near perfect from the field in the Second Half, and there wasn't a Three-Point Line then.  So, I see Kansas doing to North Carolina what Carolina did to St. Peter's: Proving the seeds the NCAA gave these teams are correct.

1) Kansas -4 (I think that this championship bout is going to be a bit of a snoozer.  Time eventually runs out on all Cinderellas, and the Jayhawks will comfortably stomp on the Tar Heels' glass slipper.  Fingers crossed) $800

Good luck!

Still Need To Do My Taxes

Just got around to compiling my numbers -- my "stats," so to speak -- yesterday/Saturday, and I noticed something.  I made more than $40,000 for the first time in my life last year.  Now, it may not be a huge salary for many people, and I certainly don't think someone with a college degree such as I should be making that little money in this stage in my life.  And sure, this is not only because of my "real" job but taking in two other jobs, both of which I love to do.  But I bopped around as a temp for decades and couldn't imagine making that much money.  And frankly, reaching that level motivates me to make even more.  By, uh, going back to college and attaining more skills?  Uh, let's not get ahead of our skis now; I still have my taxes to do.

2022 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 5

Record, Round 4: 0-3

Overall Record: 18-26-1

Total Outlay, Round 4: $250.00

Total Intake, Round 4: $0.00

Total Loss, Round 4: $250.00

Overall Winnings: $805.13

Wow.  Totally wrong.  Houston was all gangbusters through The Big Dance until they went ice cold against Villanova.  And as much as I wanted St. Peter's to continue its Cinderella run, clock struck midnight and North Carolina, playing way above the 8-Seed it was given, trampled the Peacocks underfoot.

---

Oh, shit.  I forgot to do this before the Semis.  Well, too late now.  Also, no worries.  Because I went winless for the Elite Eight, and I have so much theoretical money, and because I didn't have too much of a read on either National Semifinal matchup, I (trust me) chose not to make any bets for the Final Four tonight/Saturday night.  Now, I probably will do one for Monday's Championship Game now that Kansas is in the Final.  Hopefully I'll remember to blog post that before that Game begins.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: 0).  I will say now, guardedly, that this team is overachieving.  They followed up their tongue-swallowing, come-from-behind Overtime victory last Friday over UMass with a confident 3-0 Win over top-seeded Western Michigan to take the Worcester Regional and qualify for their 22nd Frozen Four -- but first in eight Years.  What has been a trademark of Bob Motzko's teams, their high-flying Offense, was buttressed on Sunday with a shut-down Defense, led by Goaltender Justen Close's 24-Save Shutout performance.

Meanwhile, congratulations go out to Junior Forward Ben Meyers.  The Delano native has been shortlisted for the Hobey Baker Award, the Heisman of top-flight men's college hockey.  Like with Taylor Heise (see below), I'm not sure what his chances are; unlike Heise, all three finalists (the other two are Denver's Bobby Brink and Minnesota State-Mankato's Dryden McKay) are still playing.  But the last Golden Gopher to win the Hobey Baker was Jordan Leopold in 2002, so it's time.

Oh, and the U. faces McKay and the Mavericks Thursday.  I don't know if that squad knows it, but getting rid of the yoke of the loserdom reputation of Twin Cities sports is riding on these guys now.  And if they don't know, maybe they shouldn't.

#0: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Beat Columbus, Colorado and Philadelphia (the first two on back-to-back weekend nights and in Overtime) to extend their winning streak to seven.  However, that was snapped by a 4-3 Overtime Loss to Pittsburgh.  That ends their nine-Game, tournament-necessitating homestand at seven Wins and two Losses ... both of which, incidentally, bookended this homestand.  Home cookin' is exactly what this team needed; they're back in second place in the Central and have the tenth-most Points in the NHL.

Now, let's see if they can win on the road.  Their whole Week will be spent away from St. Paul, and it'll be a busy one -- at Carolina and Washington tonight/Saturday night and tomorrow/Sunday night, then Nashville Tuesday and St. Louis Friday.  Will this club give back all the gains they made over the past 19 Days?

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Believe it or not, the NBA is on its stretch run.  And the Timberwolves remain both stubbornly in seventh place in the Western Conference and stubbornly behind Denver for sixth place.

They met last/Friday night -- in Denver, because Target Center's being used for the Women's Final Four.  And they outlasted the Nuggets, 136-130.  And yet they are two Games behind Denver for sixth in the West and the last escape pod out of the Play-In Tournament because they got crushed at Boston and Toronto earlier in the Week.  Yes, they're assured of at least a place in the Play-In, and that's an accomplishment worth celebrating.  But there's another goal ahead of them, and it'll be disappointing if they can't reach it because they're still not ready to run with the big boys.

Penultimate Week: At Houston, then home to Washington and San Antonio.  Oh, these guys have got to run the table here.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  OK, I'm still pissed as shit at this club.  It remains unacceptable that one of the best teams in top-flight women's college hockey last Year couldn't even make the fuckin' championship Game.  I thought that would be a reason Taylor Heise, who was shortlisted for the Patty Kazmaier Award, would not win it.  The other two Finalists were Sophie Jaques of NCAA Champion Ohio St. and Gabbie Hughes of Runner-Up Minnesota-Duluth.  They made it to the title Game, and that has to be something those two have over Heise.

But ... no, apparently.  Last Saturday, Heise won the Patty Kaz, becoming the third Golden Gopher (after Krissy Wendell in 2005 and Amanda Kessel in '13) to win the sport's top individual award.  She is also the second Minnesotan to win, after Wendell; Heise is from Lake City, wherever that is.

Alright, that's pretty fucking impressive.  Congratulations.  I'm still bitter that she and her team couldn't win what they were primed to goddamn win, however.

And I'll be a bit more charitable to Brad Frost.  The future's bright with this program.  Peyton Hemp was named national Rookie Of The Year, and Ella Huber was named national Rookie Of The Month.  But with a program like Minnesota, the future should always be bright.  Winning?  Well, it's about fucking winning, isn't it?

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7).  Rebounded from the opening-series Loss to win the series at Rutgers over the weekend, but began the three-Game set versus Illinois at Cowles by blowing a 1-0 lead in the Sixth Inning and eventually losing 2-1 in eight.  Yeah, at 15-13-1, this squad is progressing as well as it should.  Is this a bad omen for the program?  After finishing up against the Fighting Illini, they have a Wednesday home Doubleheader with South Dakota St., then will travel to Iowa for three beginning Friday.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  Like the softballers, the baseballers won the Saturday and Sunday contests at home vs. their opponent, Western Illinois, but unlike the softballers, that finished off a sweep.  And then they went to Rutgers beginning yesterday/Friday afternoon and lost, 6-4.  Similar screening Weeks, but I'm tossing the male Nine behind the female Nine because of overall record; these young men are 8-16 overall, oof.  After finishing up at the Scarlet Knights, they open up Siebert Field with a Tuesday tilt against North Dakota St., then begin a three-Game series with Maryland on Friday.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -Infinity).  OK, something rotten is really going on with this program right now.  With leading scorer Sara Scalia announcing she is entering the transfer portal, that makes five players on Lindsay Whalen's team this Year who are leaving.  That is a sign of dysfunction.  That is a sign that those players agree that Whalen can't coach.  That is a sign, frankly, that she should be fired.

I could see this coming.  When she was hired, I was like, "What college coaching experience does she have?"  She had none!  And she was given not only a HC job, but one at a BcS school?  But she's Lindsay Whalen, and she can't do any wrong.  You should have seen some of the genuflecting takes from some journalists at the time of this awful hire -- they all thought Whalen would do a bang-up job at her alma mater because ... uh, she's a Hall Of Fame Point Guard?  Congratulations to her, by the way.  She got into the Naismith (not the Women's, whose induction class was announced last/Friday night at the Women's Final Four, which I attended) HOF, and it would have been stupid coincidence, and irony, if she got fired the same Day.  Because a Head Coach who's able to run off five of her own players in the span of a season, including her leading scorer, usually does -- and should -- get canned.

But, well, it looks like not Whalen.  She is Minnesota Basketball.  And maybe we shouldn't be surprised that whatever happens, Mark Coyle (and, maybe, a lot of the boosters) see her as The Chosen One, and she can do no wrong, even if she does a whole hell of a lot of wrong.  But maybe that fantastic incoming class needs to pan out, and immediate, Coach.  And hey, try not to run them off, too, m'kay?

#-Infinity: Whitecaps (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Lost Sunday's Semifinal to Connecticut (in a playoffs played in Tampa Bay) by a score of 4-2.  Man, this squad was firing on all cylinders since it entered the NWHL/PHF -- winning Isobel's Cup in its first Year in the league, losing the next title Game.  But they were also-rans the entire season, and I don't exactly know why.  (Doesn't help that I'm not following them closely.)  But will it get fixed for next Year?  Who knows?  Meanwhile, the PHF is starting to have some discussions with the NHL for a "partnership."  If that means some strategic marketing alignment or a, frankly, sugar daddy arrangement remains to be seen.  But if this team can't get an infusion of cash, they'll have to figure out what went wrong and fix it.