The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Also busy, so this final WMNSS of 2015 will also be short ...

Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  OK, the New York Giants had nothing to play for after Washington sewed up the NFC East title the night before by beating Philadelphia.  But I didn't think they would completely fall apart because of that, and because Odell Beckham, Jr. was suspended for one game for losing his head against the Carolina Panthers (a suspension, by the way, I was surprised the NFL handed down and affirmed.  This was the Sunday Night game, and you want the stars to shine for it, so kudos to The Shield for putting the rule of law above the notion that you need the league's best players playing in prime time for ratings).

It was a thorough domination of a downtrodden team, so in what may be the very last game this franchise plays in the temporary home of TCF Bank Stadium, the Vikings are going to the playoffs for the first time in three years.  What sticks out for me from this game is that Teddy Bridgewater was a lot more accurate in his throws.  I don't remember seeing one that sailed over and past Stefon Diggs or Kyle Rudolph.  Nearly every one was on target.  Meanwhile, on defense, having the best lineman (Linval Joseph), Linebacker (Anthony Barr) and secondary player (Harrison Smith) back turned them back into a rapidly fearsome unit.  Now, again, this may have been clouded by the lack of effort by the opposition, but shoot, this is a good defense.

So now the Vikes play prime time back-to-back; the regular season finale at Green Bay is Game 256, the match that closes out the 2015 regular season.  Both teams are in the playoffs, but the winner of this game gets the NFC North and a home game the following weekend.  I actually think that it's better for them to lose the game and go on the road against Washington rather than win and, probably, host Seattle in the Wild Card round.  By the way, a lot of people suffer from recency bias.  But the rematch with the Packers overemphasizes their bad loss to Arizona last week as well as Minnesota's ass-kicking last week.  You have to remember that the Pack routed Minnesota at Das Bank, and that they play better at Lambeau.  By the way, FiveThirtyEight says that Green Bay has a better-than-2-to-1 shot at winning Sunday night's game.

#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Finished their non-con by crushing the New Jersey Institute of Technology at Williams, 83-50 Monday.  That usually isn't enough to rise a team above negative numbers, but the Vikings are raising all boats.  They start B1G play with a special New Year's Eve tilt at Rutgers this (Thursday) afternoon at 12 Central Time.  They then host Penn St. Sunday, also in the afternoon.

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Still don't get this team.  In the two games their screening week, both at home, they lost to Pittsburgh but beat Detroit, both by 3-1 decisions.  If the playoffs were to start today, they would be Western Conference Wild Card 1 -- the same place they were for last year's playoffs.

Busy week for the Mild, even busier because they'll be on the road.  They are the guests for St. Louis' game tonight/Thursday night/New Year's Eve night, play the Florida teams on back-to-back nights this weekend, then visit Columbus Tuesday.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Got throttled by 14 at home vs. Indiana, then hung in at San Antonio before losing by half a dozen, then routed Utah last (Wednesday) night by 14 at Target Center.  Continue to see speculation about how good Andrew Wiggins can be.  Saw a sabermatrician tweet that the next best thing he can do to improve on his superstar plateau is to improve his handling of the ball.  OK.

Busy week for the Woofs, too, even busier because they'll be ping-ponging.  They entertain Detroit tonight/Thursday night/New Year's Eve, host Milwaukee Saturday, visit Philadelphia Monday, then play Denver at home Wednesday.  That's a game every other day, and that's a good schedule for a professional basketball team.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  Woof.  I know that this was on the road, but a 78-63 loss last (Wednesday) night affirmed the worst possible fears of the writers who follow this team.  They swear, swear, that next year will be a lot better.  But they also thought that this year would be bad, and losing by 15 to a Buckeyes team that isn't seen as an NCAA title contender starts the conference schedule on a humbling, humiliating note.  They host Michigan St., then visit Penn St.

You Know What Pisses Me Off?

OK, so I'm driving to work this morning.  Even though I see an oncoming car, I take a right turn, apparently onto the same lane as this car.

This thing is coming on faster than I thought.  So it went around me and, of course, as soon as it cleared me, it went back onto my lane.  And this goddamn car did both things without using his (her?) turn signal.

Oh, so sorry I got in front of you.  But you don't even have the fucking decency to use your turn signal?  You think you didn't have to because I did something wrong to you?  Asshole.

Thought I could drive back to him/her, as is often the case.  But she/he beat the light (even though it was about to turn red; he or she should've gotten a ticket), and I was stuck there at the intersection for a full two minutes.  Hit some reds out to the highway, too; that fucking car was way past me.

And the worst thing?  This SUV had that goddamn family decal sticker in the back windshield.  You know, those stick figures of Dad, then Mom, then the kids and then the pets, you know.  Someone driving a car like that should have better manners.  Goddamn I hope to see that car tomorrow.

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OK, I've said my piece, breathe out, let it go.  The drive wasn't otherwise bad because there was no bumper-to-bumper traffic and I got to work in about 33 minutes.

Haven't Had Time To Think About A Blog Post, So Here's A Thought About All The Christmas Chocolate I've Been Getting ...

A co-worker who works in the cubicle next to me gave me a chocolate this morning.  A big Lindor ... tuffle?  Ball?  Whatever it is, it's right next to my keyboard.

This comes a week after I bought gourmet chocolates for the floor, which was the same week this same co-worker brought in chocolate-covered biscuits (she had so many I polished off the last several just yesterday), which was a week after my temp agency dropped by to give chocolates as a Christmas gift.  Those chocolates are now at home, on my stairs, where I may or may not eat them before the end of 2016.

I got a lot of chocolates this year, a lot.  And while I'm grateful for all the free food, this glut of chocolates overwhelms me every year to the point where it's, like, Martin Luther King Day and I have these chocolates everywhere, and I have no idea when I'll eat them.  At that point the holidays are over, so I can't eat them because 'Tis the Season, and I figure that for that particular day, you know, I'll heat up a pizza, or go out to Hooters or something.  Then the chocolates will be left over for another day.

This reminds me of the time (did I blog about this?) that I finally dug this huge chocolate made in the shape of one of those early, huge cellphones out of my desk to eat.  I too got that from a temp job (it was from the people I was working with, not the agency), and it was so big I knew I couldn't eat it that day, so I just stuck it in my desk ... where it stayed for a decade or so.  (I swear I blogged about this.  And man, if I didn't, I should have.)  Hell, there are sticks of gum from more than ten years ago that are all over my bedroom that I haven't chewed on, mostly because I'm not a gum-chewer.  But I could be, so that's why I save them -- somewhere.  You know, when I was sick last week I looked it up and they said that chewing gum could reduce acid indigestion.

So, if worst comes to worst, I can eat those chocolates that my temp agency give me when I'm really hungry.  Which would be ... hopefully some time within the next decade.

Oh, By The Way, I Don't Think I'm Sick Anymore

The reason I believe this to be true is because, after having two cups of coffee, two scones, a Bloody Mary and one of the two slices I got from The Cheesecake Factory Saturday, I was able to shit.  When I looked down I saw two vastly different layers of my feces.  The one on the bottom (and therefore the one I excreted from my body first) was the one I have been been pooping as of late: Dark brown, hard-looking, and spherical.  The top layer was long, softer-looking and, weirdly enough, more of a mauve color.

I think that means that the stuff I ate Saturday morning was good enough to trigger a bowel movement.  I had been kind of constipated while I was sick, and for several days before then, so my body had to be "healed" enough for it to allow this new solid waste to push the old shit through my body so it could also pass through my body.  I mean, such waste production has to be a sign that I'm healthy now, right?

Well, maybe, because even though I no longer feel sick now I haven't shat a whole lot since Saturday.

More Fucking Snow? This Is Supposed To Be An El Niño Winter!!!

Half a foot?  Maybe nine inches of snow?!  YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!  I just got done clearing my back deck this afternoon of the two inches we got Saturday morning, and now there's a goddamn blizzard that's coming?  For the work week?

Hey, I thought this was supposed to be an El Niño winter, which meant that we would have mild temperatures and no snow, or at least rain.  Not a fucking blizzard.  This is misleading, and this comes too close on the heels of me digging out of a snowstorm as I was still sick.

This is coming starting tomorrow afternoon and it's supposed to get heavy at night and into the overnight.  Which is bullshit, because I have to work tomorrow, and I planned on going to Vincent tomorrow night for one final cheeseburger before they close on Thursday, and I still haven't warmed up the snowblower yet.  I might not be able to get to work on Tuesday.  I need to work!

Fuck this all to goddamn hell.

Now My Parents' Car Is All Flooded With Coolant Shit

Every minute I'm driving my parents' minivan I'm looking at the temp gauge, in case it goes above its normal level, which is just below half.  Don't want it to overheat after the times I saw it go up nearly all the way on my old car early May.  It's a bad way to drive, getting all panicky like that every single minute.  If I think it's going to overheat, how will I ever drive calmly, as if I can believe that the car will drive normally?

While driving down to the Megamall, I suddenly realized, or panicked, that I should check the coolant overflow tank.  If I'm always looking at the temp gauge, maybe looking at the tank and seeing it's filled all the way will assuage my feelings.  And if it is low, then I can fill it up.  Of course, I had antifreeze at home but didn't bring it with me.

So I went to Hooters (where I was not served by the waitress who was flirting with me Christmas Eve) and after that I went to check out my car, which was idled for about 4 1/2 hours.  And I kind of lost my shit; the tank was just about empty, like, completely empty.

I was praying to God and Buddha that the minivan wouldn't overheat on my way to what I thought would be the closest gas station to MOA.  It's times like this, times of sheer panic, where everything you notice comes into sharp focus.  For example, I swear that the needle on the gauge rose faster than it usually does, which is a sign that the engine is starving for coolant.  Fuck me.  I also could hear "better" the grunting of the engine, for lack of a better term.  I was making it sweat without giving it the proper cooling system, and I was killing him.

Then again, maybe it was the alcohol talking.  Anyway. ...

I managed to reach the gas station, and the gauge didn't spike into the red or anything.  Had to pay ten bucks for antifreeze which may or may not be good for my parents' foreign.  But after I checked after pouring in a little, I made the stupid mistake of holding the antifreeze jug with both hands while allowing the paper funnel you get at the gas station to just sit on the mouth of the coolant tank.  The antifreeze hit the funnel with such force, and at such an angle, where it knocked it on its side, so all the coolant I was pouring was bouncing off the side of the funnel and all over the compartment.  God fucking damn!!!  Somebody fucked this up.  Those funnels never fit those tank mouths.  Either make narrower funnels or wider mouths, or both.  I don't know who to fucking blame, so I'm blaming everybody.

That meant I had to take an extra ten goddamn minutes to try and clean up all the green spillage under the hood.  There are so many nooks and crannies in there I know I didn't get it all.  So I expect to turn on the engine one morning and see the coolant burning into a vapor that'll seep through the hood, making me think there's a huge leak and freaking me out.  Shit, having all that coolant just lying there may be a big problem, who the hell knows?

And the upshot to all this?  Well, there are two.  First, when I parked at the gas station, I looked at the overflow tank again.  While it wasn't by any measure full, there was more in there, enough to move it above the "Low" line.  I would have added more coolant anyway, but that tells me I would have been OK for the drive home.  Too late though; I had already fucked myself by paying ten bucks for gas station antifreeze.  And second, the needle on the temperature gauge was at the same level from the gas station all the way home as it was from the Mall of America to the gas station ... and, really, as it has been ever since I started using the minivan on a full-time basis in the fall.  Maybe I had nothing to worry about after all, and maybe I didn't have to lose my shit and cause this huge fucking antifreeze shit mess underneath my parents' van's hood.  Once again, fuck me.

Christmas Melancholy

And ... it's over.  Just like that.  It's ... kind of sad.  I should note that I might be saying that because I was dead sick the past two days so I really didn't "enjoy" Christmas.  But I always have mixed feelings about it.

To be honest with you guys, the holiday season always brings a sadness out of me.  Can't quite explain it.  Might be that, as a Buddhist, I don't feel as if I can really "enjoy" Christmas.  I will also allow for the possibility that I feel this way because I haven't enjoyed Christmas with family for the past several years, although, again to be perfectly honest, I kind of like being left alone and away from the regular familial tension.

Maybe the main reason that I feel unhappy is the ephemeral nature of the holiday season.  That's what makes it so special after all.  But I always know that it'll end at some point.  There are a lot of things that I love about Christmastime.  For example, on the evening of Black Friday, around midnight, I drove all the way down to the Mall of America just to people-watch.  I do feel a lightening of the mood this month, and that civility towards one another helps, well, civilization, period.  Plus I really love the lack of traffic, especially the morning commutes I had this past week and hope to have this upcoming week.  (The evening commutes, however, remain pure hell, and I should blog about it soon.)

All of that will be gone by, uh, Monday, January 4.  Hell, some things I really enjoy about the season are already gone.  For the past couple days, for example, I have been leaning heavily on the Holiday Pops pop-cup Christmas channel on satellite radio.  Don't know why, but ancient Christian choral music gives me a sense of peace that fits the holidays.  Well, that, as well as two other Christmas-themed channels, have already shut down for the year.

And another thing I noticed: Christmas itself seemed to shut down as soon as dusk came yesterday.  In fact, Christmas doesn't seem to be as sacred of a holiday anymore when compared to Christmas Eve.  Guess it makes sense; after all, the Christ Child was born at midnight (well, midnight local time for all those who observe), so going to church to celebrate the evening of December 25 feels a bit too late.  Man, you could actually wrap the Christmas traditions up by noon on the 25th, couldn't you?  That doesn't seem right, but I was up last night watching TV, and of the four over-the-air networks, only ABC showed something Christmas-themed (A Country Christmas), and although I thought the other three networks were "wrong," I started to think, "Geez, ABC is a little late, aren't they?"

You know, as soon as you are done with the church services, the unwrapping of presents, the family meal and even going out to the family movie, it's kind of over.  Although it is Boxing Day, and I plan on going to the Mall of America to see if any deals jump out at me (and to go to Hooters to see this waitress who I swear is flirting with me), the most important part of the holidays is over.

Well, for the rest of the world, anyway.  New Year's still resonates for me because it is a true closing of the chapter of my life.  But I can see The Real World reverting to its hurried, asshole self.  Traffic will probably pick up on Monday, although probably not to levels I'll see once people who can afford to take two weeks off get back to work.  The Megamall might be busy with people returning gifts and buying the ones they really wanted.  But the spirit, I think, is already over.

And I'm conflicted about that too.  While I don't like the temporary nature of other people being nice to each other, the permanent nature of people being mean to each other isn't better just because I can count on it 11 months out of the year.  Then again, Christmastime to me always means that I will miss Christmastime, so Christmastime (and really the holiday season) being over means that I will be spared the pain of missing Christmastime.  Maybe it's pathetic to not want something special because it'll be gone, but maybe that's the nature of being melancholy.

When I Woke Up In The Middle Of The Night When I Threw Up In My Mouth, That's When I Knew Something Was Really Wrong (Oh, And A Christmas Song)

I think I am sick.  There is a possibility that I simply ate too much, but I think I am sick.

I first got this feeling Wednesday afternoon, after coming back from my car to sleep during lunch.  I don't know about you, but I can sense the beginnings of the first signs of the flu.  You know when you start to feel these aches and pains and you go, "Uh-oh?"  I do, at least, and that's how I felt the rest of my day at work.  Eating pizza didn't alleviate things.  And when I went to Caffetto and had a devil of a time drinking the small cup of coffee, I knew that my Christmas Eve -- where I had planned to get to work early, grab some cheesecake, and eat both at Hooters for lunch and with a friend for dinner -- may be rough.

But you know what?  After going straight to bed after coming home, I thought the five hours of sleep did me really good.  And the aches and pains were kept at bay while at work.  So allowing my body to rest as the ... uh, inside parts of me had the space and time to fight the flu seemed to do the trick.

But then I went to Hooters.  I had my typical huge-ass beer and wings and ... I barely could finish.  I don't know if it was a sign that I was still ill, but I don't think I gorged myself on food on Wednesday, so that lead me to believe that I was sick.

Anyway, I did finish my meal, and all I felt was this huge gut in me.  I have to do something about this gut.  Anyway, to get my circulation going as well as to metabolize the alcohol, I short-circuited my plan on walking around Southdale (where I get my cheesecake, from the Cheesecake Factory) to walk around the Mall of America instead.  That hour or so woke me up, but I don't know if it helped me lose weight or make me feel better.

I wanted to go to sleep, but I insisted on going through the ritual of driving to Southdale to get the cheesecake.  I also wanted to hit the local store because, assuming I was going to feel better, I have another tradition of making spaghetti on Christmas Day, so I needed to buy ground beef there before it closed.  Doing all that allowed me only an hour to sleep.  I got 30 minutes, but I felt really refreshed and ache-free.

Dinner with my friend was in downtown Minneapolis.  He had a deal where if we bought a beer we could get an entrée free.  It was Christmas Eve, what else was I going to do?  But my God, I had no appetite whatsoever.  Barely finished my burger, and I ate one fry -- just one -- before realizing I couldn't eat any more.  It took me two hours to finish my damn beer, for God's sake.  That may be a sign that eating at Hooters was too much for me to eat another meal a mere six hours afterward.  But I swear I've been able to do that before, which lends credence to the possibility that I am still sick.

I apologized to my friend.  I drove him home, then went straight to bed, hoping to fall into a peaceful night's rest while listening to the Thursday Night Football game.  (I had a plan on going to this Irish place around midnight to drink some Scotch, but by then I was too sore and tired to even contemplate that.)  What happened next was about eight hours of the most uncomfortable rest I'll ever get.

I through up in my mouth around 12:30.  The rest I got up until then did me no good.  I was achy and dizzy, I still felt completely bloated from the two big meals I had that day, and now my esophagus felt like it was trying to push food out of my mouth.  So I basically screwed whatever I did.  I could get up and start doing something around the house, you know, just to work off some of this weight.  (I did use this occasion to call Grandmother and wish her a Merry Christmas.)  But I was too tired and light-headed to stand up and even lie up for long.  However, they say that when you have acid indigestion/upset stomach/GERD the last thing you should do is lie down because that'll just irritate the esophagus even more.

Not knowing what to do, I decide to punish my throat and try to get some rest.  But not before laying down a dirty towel right next to the bed just in case I did hurl.  Is what I'm feeling nausea?  I don't want to throw up, but ever since Hooters I've had this nauseous feeling, and they say that once you throw up you feel so good.  I want to feel so good -- now.  So I've had this, you know, kind of illicit desire to barf so my goddamn esophagus will finally stop bothering me.

I think I may have thrown up in my mouth once more, but no actual vomiting.  What I did do was sleep until 3 in the afternoon, even though I did wake up from time to time.  That leads me to believe that I really was sick and not just full.  However, as I type this my esophagus still feels irritated and I have had no appetite.  I've just been cleaning the leaves on my plants -- no Internet (well, besides this), no Christmas wishes (although I might do that on Facebook soon), no real enjoyment of the holiday season.  After I get done cleaning the plants I'll take one more nap, and if it's early enough, that's when I'll make spaghetti.  The ground beef isn't going to last forever.

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Merry Christmas.  Oh, I need to give you a Christmas song.  It feels so weird to do this six hours before Christmas officially ends.  Hey, doesn't it seem like Christmas is already over?  I should talk about that for my next post.

Anyway, I'll give you guys ... "The Little Drummer Boy," the most famous rendition performed by the Harry Simeone Chorale:

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

OK, let's do this quick because I'm sick and tired ...

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  Crushed Chicago 38-17.  Adding this game to the losses in previous weeks to Seattle and Arizona, I think we are getting to know the Vikes as a team that can thoroughly beat bad teams but will lose soundly to good ones.  That may or may not be a good thing.  But it looks as though they will be a playoff team.  As of right now, if the Vikings win one more game, Atlanta (the only team chasing Minnesota) loses one more game, or, for some odd reason, the Seattle Seahawks win one more game, Minnesota is in.  (The chance that the Vikes might miss out on the playoffs comes if they lose both of their games, Seattle loses both of their games, and the Falcons win both of their games.  That will forge a three-way tie, and three-way tie-breakers have different criteria from two-way tie-breaks.  And in a three-way where two teams get postseason berths, they just eliminate one team -- and that would be Minnesota.)

I heard that there's a 99% chance Minnesota gets in.  Actually, I think the odds are a bit worse.  I can see the doomsday scenario happening.  But I've got to admit that changed a bit when Odell Beckham Jr.'s one-game suspension for going nuts on Carolina Panthers Cornerback Josh Norman was upheld.  Without the most athletic Wide Receiver in the NFL, I don't know how the New York Giants win at TCF Bank Sunday night (and, by extension, stave off their own elimination from the playoffs.)

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  In the first game of a day-night doubleheader at The Barn, the Gopher women ballers beat North Dakota (now sporting their new generic nickname, the Fighting Hawks!!!) yesterday (Wednesday) afternoon, 57-47.  Their 7-3 record tells me nothing about how good or bad this team is.  But if the forecasts say they're going to be bad, at least they got seven wins to fatten up before they get grinded up by the B1G.  They finish their five-game homestand and their non-con Monday vs. NJIT (the New Jersey Institute of Technology).

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7).  Won their first two games of the screening week, lost their last two games of the screening week.  The last of those games was a 108-83 ass-kicking by San Antonio at Target Center last (Wednesday) night.  I got on Twitter a bit during the game, and the tweets regarding it were talking about how the San Antonio Spurs pass so effortlessly.  One guy even said it almost drove him to tears ... of joy, not pain.

This week: Home to Indiana, at San Antone, home to Utah.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -1).  They also went 2-2 for the week.  But I put them below the Woofie Dogs because, for the second time this year, they choked on a big lead at home against The Team That Was Stolen From Us and lost 6-3.  They have to pay for that.

They finish a four-game homestand with matches against Pittsburgh and Detroit.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  In the second game of a day-night doubleheader at The Barn, the Gopher men ballers lost Wisconsin-Milwaukee 74-65.  Man, I caught the tweets for this game, too, and people were just inveighing in agony over how this team is awful.  One person noted that it was the Panthers, not the Golden Gophers, that have the athletes.  Really?  The U.'s in the Big Ten -- that should be unacceptable!  Plus, I thought the team went through its execrable season last year.  I heard about the lauded class next year, but weren't these guys supposed to at least be not worse than the 2014-5 team?

They begin conference action Wednesday at Ohio St.

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  I'm left shaking my head over what could have been.  The second-seeded Gophers (their highest tournament seed ever) lost to third-seeded Texas in the Final Four for a second time, 26-24, 27-25, 23-25, 25-21.  I don't know the details and I'm too bummed to ever find out, but from the scores of the first two sets and from what I've heard from people who did watch the game, the two teams were evenly matched.  And when it comes to volleyball, when you have two good teams playing well against each other, the only thing that could explain winning and losing is that, in the end, one team just won the more of the points at crunch time.  And that was the Longhorns, who have more experience getting this far in the NCAA Tournament than the U., and it showed.

Besides a late flameout that ended the fourth set and the match, they seemed to play well (or so I've heard).  And that has to be so frustrating.  Again, they were dealing with high-caliber competition here: Ninth-ranked Kansas fell to fourth-seeded (and, since the Final Four was being held in Omaha, Neb., de facto host) Nebraska, which then swept Texas 23-23-21 to win its fourth national title.  (Aside: I was rooting for the Cornhuskers.  They eliminated the team that eliminated my alma mater, then they downed the team that took out my Gophers.  Thank you, Big Red!)  But Minnesota had a damn good team, too, led by Daly Santana, who had what may have been the greatest postseason performance of any hitter these past three weeks.  To come up short when you know that tomorrow is not promised you ... that makes this so damn disappointing.

Well, from what I hear, the Gophers, who finish the season ranked third in the country, just have to reload.  They lose Santana to matriculation, but everybody else important comes back, and I hear that a very hefty Class of 2016 will provide a spark off the bench.  With the success of this season (I have to breathe deep and remember that they began this season unranked), I can eliminate the abortion that was the 2014 season from my memory.  Hugh McCutcheon can coach; the AVCA concurs, since they gave him their Head Coach Of The Year award.  He just has to be able to maintain to a level commensurate with Nebraska and Texas and Penn St.  And maybe then the clutch points will be won by the U.

I Am A Horrible Gift-Giver, Therefore My Deck Is Right -- I Am An Asshole (Scheduled Post)

Back on the 11th I What's Apped my sister.  I asked her, obligingly but not completely so, if she wanted anything for Christmas, even though I haven't bought anything for her in at least a decade.  She said that she didn't really want anything but, if possible, I could buy her these Christmas-themed leggings/yoga pants that Target's selling.  No need, she said, but if you want to buy them, you can.

It was only a couple days ago that I remembered that she sent me a picture of those leggings, and my God, I feel like such a dick for letting it slip my mind.  So I've spent the past 48 hours trying to find them.  Tried online and then the store closest to home -- no dice.  Yeah, there was a possibility that they sold out as soon as Target offered them.  But you don't really know, do you?  It's quite possible that if I jumped on this on the 11th, or even shortly thereafter, or even before Sunday, there would be a pair in her size that I could have bought and, possibly, sent to Las Vegas as my Xmas gift to her.  And she wouldn't think I'm such a disappointment, for once.

But alas, that was not to be.  Hey, I got busy.  Last week I was obsessed with getting the right presents for my niece.  Yeah, that's my excuse.

I have spoken a lot about how I don't really celebrate Christmas anymore.  In fact, my memories of my family celebrating the holiday seemed more like a way to both keep up with the Joneses and to assimilate into American society rather than any organic, internal desire to express warmth to each other and our fellow man.  That's why it was so easy to stop buying a Christmas tree, to stop decorating that tree, to even stop putting up the fake tree, and then to stop getting each other presents.  I am the complete embodiment of that ... detachment.

But there are downsides to that, this being the latest example.  I know that my sis would be quite happy if I got her those leggings and sent them to her while she was in the country.  But that's not going to happen, so I'll just be the brother who stays home and doesn't go anywhere and doesn't buy presents.

How did I get so bad at gift-giving to the point where I hardly buy anything to give to anyone?  I wasn't ever really raised to buy presents for Christmas, even though every December 25 I got a lot of them.  Is it my parents' fault?  Or am I just ... selfish?

Honestly, I wouldn't care if my sister didn't toss out this idea.  But toss it she did, and so, combined with the fact that I am the only member of the immediate family not in Las Vegas for Christmas, once again I see inside myself and face the possibility that I am simply not a good person.

"u didn't want to go?" (Scheduled Post)

That's the text my sister What's Apped me Sunday.  I didn't plan on taking a trip, but my sister just put me on a guilt tip (rimshot).

Well, why am I not going?  Let me just say that my parents told me the rest of the family was going to convene in Las Vegas over the holidays.  This was just before they left for their cruise around the world, after which they would do their now-regular wintering in their condo.  And ... well, they left me here to keep the home fires burning, and ... that was it.

Look, I never really thought about taking a trip out there for Christmas.  I ... was just busy, and I have stuff to do here, and therefore I never really took seriously any thought about taking a trip out there so the entire family would be together.

Yesterday at work I was feverishly looking through the travel websites to see what prices are for a flight out there.  I even allowed myself the jet-set move of getting there and leaving the same day.  But as of Monday afternoon, the cheapest flight, which would get me to Sin City late Christmas Eve and out of there noon Christmas Day, was about $380.  Actually, for a family get-together at The Most Important Time Of The Year, that isn't the dumbest expense in the world.  But my brother and sister-in-law and niece come back here Friday, and there's a chance I might miss them.  Plus, my family might need to take two trips to the airport, and that doesn't seems smart.  And, there may not be room for me in my parents' condo, especially since I would be coming in virtually unannounced on such short notice.

I have another big reason I probably won't fly out there: In the back of my mind, I think my parents, in particular My Fucking Father, would tsk-tsk at the idea of me spending almost $400 to spontaneously take an airplane trip just so I could be with loved ones for less than a day.  I don't need the silent disapproval every time I look at them and they look back at me.  They'll do that as soon as they are done wintering in Vegas.

And that's probably the reason why I didn't push so hard to clear my work schedule and plan a flight out there.  I never even entertained the thought until my sister was disappointed in me because I, well, didn't want to.  I have to confess: I don't want to spend any time with my parents.  I'm enjoying them not being here.  This is more than just concluding that I'll see them soon, so why spend hundreds of dollars to see them now; I don't like ... being with them.  And that won't change even if my sister and brother-in-law fly over from Europe.  Sorry -- if it were just you two, I'd gladly go over, but you and our folks?  No way.  Christmastime is supposed to be a happy time of year.

Doesn't mean I don't feel guilty, though.  I don't know how to smooth this over.

For The Record, My Tooth Hurts

Started to happen around the time I got my new filling.  I was told that for a day or so after getting this there may be some tingling.  That was a couple months ago.

Every time I drink something cold, and it travels to the back upper-left teeth, I get this bracing sensation that makes me clench the rest of my teeth.  The first time it happened, which was a day or so after the filling, I sloughed it off.  To tell you the truth, I've been sloughing it off ever since even though it still happens when I drink something cold.

And you know the weirdest thing about this?  I don't think the hurting tooth is the one I got the filling for.  It feels like the tingling tooth is the one in front of it.  My filling is wrapped around the very back end of the back molar, but whenever I recoil from drinking pop, I know that that isn't the problem.

I should get this checked out.  I'll do that as soon as I am unemployed.

I should talk about this more, but I have to go back to work.

I Like How This Long Underwear Is Thinking!

I am wearing my newest long underwear pants right now.  This is only the second week I'm wearing long underwear, and so I forgot that this particular pair has a fairly loose fly.  In fact, oftentimes my dick just slips out of it.  Sometimes I can feel it rubbing up against my jeans at work, sometimes I'm changing at home and I look down and whoop! there it is.

I won't lie to you, I kind of like it.  It shouldn't do that, of course -- I can understand if it was an old pair of long underwear, but a brand new pair should have a fly that closes.  I can't really explain it, other than, maybe, a flap is just kind of big and loose and so my pee-pee can just, uh, ease its way around it.  But when I see it sticking out, man, I get so hard, and sometimes I just have to rub one out.

You know, maybe I'll wear this long underwear the next time I go to a stripper party.  I usually go commando because I don't want an extra layer that would possibly stop my cock from getting "accidentally" whipped out.  But if my lil' man down there continues to get squirrel when I'm wearing this thing, it'll have no trouble finding its way to daylight if a hot stripper keeps rubbing herself all over me.  And if that's the case, there'll be no difference wearing this from not wearing a second layer -- and it'd be better, since I'll have a second layer to wear out in this cold weather.

The Part-Time, Seasonal Job That Used To Justify My Bachelor's Degree

So I'm at home, and I know that I could be helping out the crew get stuff today.  The reason I say this is because this same crew was here for the last Vikings game, and during the workweek I received a call from the production company.  I didn't take it because I was at my workstation; when I tried calling back, I just left a message.  I know that that call was to see if I would be able to work for them both days, and not just the day of the game.  I'm guessing the guy didn't get back to me because, in the, oh, hour between calling me and me calling him back, another local answered his call and agreed to work with him for the whole weekend.

Sucks that's how it happened.  On the one hand I could have just answered his call.  But on the other hand, 1) I was at my desk, and answering personal calls is frowned upon (at least I think), and 2) all the other people who have asked me to come in on Saturdays at least left me a message.  Maybe that second point is moot if I'm right that someone else answered immediately.  But, you know, still.

I'm not pining away at this.  I've got stuff to do -- this particular post, paying my parents' bills, taking a nap, going to watch the volleyball title game at Hooters (go Big Red!).  And I had stuff to do that Saturday when I could have come in.  But I'm always looking for a paycheck, and that blown call probably cost me, oh, $150 in extra money.  And I could always use extra money.

---

But that's not what I want to really talk about.  What I really want to talk about is how my job with these production companies has changed, or even devolved, since I started with them over a decade ago.

I hooked onto this position with the help of my friend and my boss at the student radio station.  I remember my first-ever job for this game was to get on the party line and either field calls from their headquarters in Los Angeles or ask them really obscure statistics in case something memorable or weird happened in the Vikings game.

From then on I was mainly used to compile stats that aren't automatically compiled by the production's computers.  It was mainly a counting job, but I still felt like I was using my broadcast journalism degree.  I was part of the production; the numbers I put together may show up on a graphic during the game.  And this may sound dumb, but whenever I see one of my stats show up on the Program monitor, which is what we show to the entire country and world, I feel like I had a hand in that, and I get a rush from it, still.

When I grabbed onto the other prod company, I was just a runner -- get this, get that, drive here, buy food for us, etc.  That's OK; I am glad there was positive word of mouth on me, and I was happy for the paycheck.  But since then, and since that very weird day where this one crew suddenly turned nasty towards me, I have been hired on less as a stat man and more as a runner.  I'll admit that I have been asked more often these days to be a two-day runner, and I have said yes, so it may be the case that more people on these crews know me less as a statistician.  But there many times where I work the day of the Vikings game, but sit around once the game starts because other people are compiling the stats.  Oftentimes all I'm doing is telling the techs where breakfast is and making sure they all leave as soon as the game's over.

That's not bad; again, I'm ultimately grateful for the paycheck.  But any chump can be a runner.  There have been a lot of locals who have breezed through these trucks in the intervening decade.  Many of them have journalism degrees or work in broadcasting, but I know that many don't.  And it only recently occurred to me that, although there are a lot of people who like me (and thank goodness for that, otherwise I wouldn't be hired on as a stat man or a runner), they may not care what degree I have, or that I have a degree at all.

Well, it matters to me.  If someone there could understand the plight I'm in, they would know that this is my only, albeit tenuous, use of my journalism degree.  And maybe then they would know that I could be better used as a statistician.  But, well, it might be too late now.  To them I'm just Good Ol' Unforgivable Wetness, always there, always ready and willing to do a job that has no connection to what he went to school for.

I'm Depressed, Damn It!

And it's not because of the holidays, even though I feel overwhelmed.  And it's not the continually dreary winter weather, although seeing the sun break through the clouds for, like, an hour yesterday really helped my spirits a lot.

The University of Minnesota volleyball team lost last night.  When I saw on Twitter that Texas crushed them in four sets in the national semifinals, I think I've been on an emotional tailspin.

I couldn't bring myself to follow the game.  I couldn't anyway because I was meeting someone who was interested in participating in the alumni club, but I didn't follow them because I usually fear the worst for the teams I root for.  Nearly all the time, I'm right, and I was right with the v-ball team.

Details don't matter.  From what I quickly gleaned from the boards, no team really stood head and shoulders above the other until the Goofers melted down in the end of the match.  In volleyball, when you have two teams playing evenly, there really is no one category you can put to as the decisive statistic or dimension of the game that gave one side the victory.  Instead, it is just a case where the team just one more of the important points.  In the Final Four match, the first two sets were really tight, but eventually, the Longhorns won more than the U., and thus won the first two sets.

So, although they were up against the third-seeded team in the tournament and they have a bunch of good players both starting and on the bench, and although Texas has the greater pedigree, this was still a failure.  Any team's season falling short of the title is a failure.  But the Gophers just blew what could have been not only its best team in program history, but also the best path on its way to the NCAA championship.  Yes, they were the 2-seed, and so playing third-seeded Texas was basically a toss-up, and yes, there was still 9-seed Kansas and 4-seed Nebraska on the other semifinal, and they were playing in Omaha, Neb., aka Husker Nation.  But this was still a damn good team, and they could have been the ones getting the clutch points to close out sets, not Texas.

But they're not.  And now, their leader, Daly Santana, graduates.  Sure, they've got some good players and some very good recruits coming up.  But this team was prepared to go all the way, and with my alma mater succumbing to the Jayhawks (and since the Cornhuskers dispatched them, I'm rooting for them to complete their "Kill Bill" list and vanquish the team they beat my other favorite team on Saturday night), they were the highest seed left standing.  Thus, at least from a technical standpoint, this was an upset.  And now their season, this glorious season, is over, and they might never get such a magical combination of talent, health and luck again.  So, all of that makes me real depressed.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  Well, this is it, this is for all the marbles.  The volleyball program reached its fourth Final Four with relative ease in regionals last weekend in Des Moines, Ia.  They swept Big Ten rival Illinois, then took out traditional power Hawai'i in four.  What greased the skids for the club was that neither the Illini nor the Rainbow Wahine were seeded; Illinois beat #15 Louisville in the previous round, and Hawai'i took out #7 (and two-time defending NCAA champions) Penn St. in the other Sweet Sixteen game being played in Des Moines.  Stands to reason, then, that Minnesota would have an easier time of it than they could have.

Moreover, the #1 overall seed lost in the Elite Eight to, of all schools, Kansas.  Kansas, in the volleyball Final Four?!  (And it was excruciating how my alma mater lost that match.  The Jayhawks actually won the first two sets before they stormed back and won the next two sets and were up 13-9 in the fifth set.  But then Kansas ripped off the final six points to win the match.  How do you choke like that?)  So, the #2 Golden Gophers stand as the highest-remaining seed in the tournament, being held in Omaha, Neb. this weekend.  But the other three teams provide very stiff competition.  Kansas is seeded ninth.  They face in the other national semifinal 4-seed Nebraska, another traditional power which will also have the de facto home-court advantage.  But this (Thursday) evening, Minnesota will have to tangle with the #3 seed, Texas.  These two schools met in the national semifinals not too long ago, the last time, in fact, Minnesota reached the tourney's last weekend.  And behind Destiny Hooker, a player who could jump so high I swear her waist reached the top of the net, the Longhorns beat the living shit out of the U.  I don't think that's going to happen, but a win, though highly satisfying and possible, is far from an inevitability.

Like I said last week, I couldn't put this team in Positive Numbers for fear they would fall short of their goal (one that is tantalizingly, although tenuously, in its favor) and tumble all the way down to -Infinity.  But this is their shot.  On the bottom or on the top, the season ends this weekend.

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -2).  This is the time of year (at least in recent seasons) where the Wild swoon.  You know the pattern: The squad starts out gangbusters, then they go on an extended losing streak in the doldrums of winter to the point where people question if Mike Yeo will still keep his job as Head Coach, then they turn it around in time to squeak into the postseason as a Wild Card team.  Well, I'm still trying to rid myself of that thought because, after going 2-1 this screening week, they are 5-2 for the month of December.  Unfortunately, they are still in the Wild Card 1 position.

I should have more to say, but I don't.  This week: Hosting Rangers tonight, then visit Nashville, then back-to-back games at the X against The Team That Was Stolen From Us and Montreal.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Them losing at Michigan 8-3 Friday was an utter disgrace, but they rebounded to beat the Wolverines Saturday, and so they finish 2015 in first place in the Big Ten.  That should be kind of dubious, especially considering how deficient this team still is.  One point this year I'll go deeper into how the belief that The Great College Hockey Realignment will result in the B1G being the one true power has been tossed aside (at least as it starts its third year), and that how I, in my small way, predicted that this Brave New World blew up in the major conference's face, but I have other things I need to do now.  Next up: The 25th Annual Mariucci Classic, New Year's Day, where they will face Connecticut.  Harvard faces Ferris St. in the first game, and I plan on being there for both.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6).  A little extra space for a weird neutral-site game the Goofers played Saturday night.  Minnesota played Oklahoma St. in ... no, not Hawai'i, not Puerto Rico, not the Bahamas, and not even Atlantis.  No, the U. faced the Cowboys Saturday in, of all places, Sioux Falls, S.D.  I haven't looked into why; I am just dazzled that such a game happened in a (no offense) nowhere town like Sioux Falls, S.D.  At any rate, Minnesota lost, 62-60, even though they held the halftime lead, 30-28.  They came back to beat Chicago St. last (Wednesday) night, 70-52, but hey, that game was at Williams, and hey, it's Chicago St.  They play their final game of the non-conference season Wednesday at home versus Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Honestly, I thought this team would be a lot better than they are now.  I wasn't sure they'd be a tournament team like they were last year, especially since Amanda Zahui B. turned pro, but I really did think that they would win all their non-conference home games, which they did Saturday against Memphis.  But they inexplicably got crushed at The Barn Wednesday by New Mexico, 72-53.  Rachel Banham poured in 22, but she probably had to because no one else was able to score.  That might be the story of this year's team.  They finish their five-game homestand this week with tilts against North Dakota and the New Jersey Institute of Technology.

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  I believe that there are many people who would chalk up last Thursday's defeat to The Bastard Chicago-By-Way-Of-St. Louis Cardinals as a moral victory.  In my opinion, however, I think this was the most frustrating loss of their year.  And I am basing that on the very same set of circumstances those who are looking on the bright side are basing their optimism on.

Yes, they 1) were playing without four starters on defense 2) on the road 3) against a very good team that 4) can run up the score 5) on a short week 6) after a demoralizing ass-kicking at home to Seattle.  Against those disadvantages, that the Vikes only lost 23-20 would seem to be as close to a dream scenario as you can get without them winning.  But that's my hang-up: They had all those things going against them and still had a chance to win, and they absolutely blew it.  And that's what makes this so goddamn frustrating.

It was that final offensive play, that strip-sack of Teddy Bridgewater that prevented them from even kicking a Field Goal in the final seconds of regulation to force Overtime, that the game came down to, even though the tattered defense did a hell of a job taming the Cardinals offense.  They were in field goal range, and even though in retrospect kicking an FG before that play obviously would have been the better choice, the Vikings had 15 seconds, and you always use that to get closer or, possibly, get a Touchdown.  Not settling for a Field Goal was a no-brainer.  So, who to blame, then?  You could spread it around to a bunch of people: Offensive Coordinator Norv Turner, for calling such a slow-developing play; Left Tackle Matt Kalil, who, according to a writer on MMQB, fucked up because his feet were all over the place in trying to block the defender who ultimately got to Bridgewater (Kalil has come back from the injury that plagued him all last season, yet it looks as though his play still has been substandard); Bridgewater, for not learning the lesson when Denver strip-sacked him late in a close game, sealing that defeat after staying so close in a game many thought they would be blown out and not throwing the ball away; and Head Coach Mike Zimmer because, hey, the buck stops with him.

One of the reasons such a blown opportunity doesn't relegate this team down in the bottom of this survey is that they still are two wins clear of any other Wild Card team.  Unfortunately, I don't know if the road gets any easier for them.  This Sunday they host Chicago, a team whose faint playoff hopes probably were dashed last week against Washington, but they still are a team that seems to have gotten its groove on, at least when they have the ball.  I don't think this game is a gimme, and if the ViQueens lose, and one of those WC teams behind them win, all bets are off.

#-6: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Ladies and gentleman, we have reached a new low with this program.  Never did I think that a team, about a decade removed from an NCAA title, would suck so badly, so loudly, that they would lose to a conference school they have, in my memory, never lost to -- let alone at home.  But such was the case Friday, where they were defeated by wrestling also-ran Indiana -- Indiana!!! -- at the Sports Pavilion.  It was a case where they lost by tie-breaker, and by the fourth tie-breaker at that.  But they never should have been in a position where it would remotely come to that point.  But the Hoosiers tied the Goofers with matches won (five apiece) and falls (one apiece).  That meant that they had to add up all the points each individual accrued in their matches (leaving out the two winners who felled his opponent; there are no points given in falls, they just give six points to the school), and Indiana beat Minnesota in that regard, 55-52.

That's just fucking unbelievable, and really, unacceptable, too.  This remains a squad that should have plenty of clout to reload (even if it remains clear they are nowhere near an NCAA title contender), yet they are undergoing a puzzling and inexplicable breakdown this year.  I'm not sure if this is intentional, but if it's not, J Robinson has a lot of questions to answer.

They are off until the New Year, when they go to the Southern Scuffle, held every New Year's in Chattanooga, Tenn.  That's a nice tradition.

#-7: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  This may mark a turning point in the season for the listless Woofie Dogs.  They lost all four games this screening week, even though they were competitive -- margins of 3 (in OT), 7, 12 and 5.  OK, so maybe that 12-point loss, to Denver, at home, wasn't so great.  Sam Mitchell didn't think it was so great, either, and after that game he vowed to make wholesale changes.  But what can you do?  You have a hell of a lot of talent (Wiggins, Towns, LaVine, Dieng, Muhammad), they just need to gel.  The trick is in figuring out which pieces best go where.  Will the Head Coach solve that?  Will the players?  Hopefully they'll do it soon; this team has too much talent to suck this long and often.

This week: Home to Sacramento, back-to-backs vs. Brooklyn and Boston over the weekend, then home to San Antonio.

There Used To Be This Big, Yellow/Orange Thing Up Above Us, I Swear

You know what?  I don't think we've seen the sun in more than a week.  You know what else?  I miss it.  Yeah, me.  I've blogged about how much I love cloudy weather, and I do, but this is too much.

First of all, it's been so long since I've seen the sun that I think I forgot what it looks like.  Just this morning I looked down at my sunglasses case and realized I haven't cracked that case open and used my sunglasses in a long time, which means there hasn't been a sun against which I would need sunglasses to protect my eyes in a long time.  Second of all, I am really worried about getting Seasonal Affective Disorder.  At least it isn't cold, but still, day after day of dreary weather does take an emotional toll on you.  And I am sure that humans biologically need the sun -- to lighten up their mood, not just for the Vitamin D.  And finally, I don't worry about the sun this time of year because it is far from hot, so when I'm in my car, whether I'm sleeping or driving, I'm not sweating through my clothes the way I would in the summer.  A string of cloudy days this long in the summer I can more than tolerate.  A similar length of days now?  Uh, I am at my breaking point, I will admit.

I have several pieces of long underwear/thermalware, both shirts and pants, and they are absolutely essential in a cold environment such as this one.  (This winter overall has been mild, but I think I am still better off wearing them when temperatures are this low.)  I have had to donate some to Goodwill because the elastic no longer works, and one of them was so itchy on a certain part of my right shoulder that I just had to get rid of it.  But other than that, I've been happy.

With one exception, namely the thermal shirt I'm wearing right now.  It's the bulkiest one I have, and it's so warm that some winter days when the sun is out, the wind is calm and I have busywork to do outside, I can just where that and I'll be more than fine.  It gets too hot sometimes, such as at work yesterday (Tuesday).

There's one problem to this shirt, however; for some reason, it rides up in the back to the point where it continually untucks itself, thus exposing the small of my back.  I don't think this shirt I'm wearing is any shorter than any of the other thermalware shirts I have.  But ever since I put this on the first time, I have always noticed the back of this thing jutting up from the pants I'm wearing, and being able to poke myself back there.  (Aside: Don't tell anyone, but I get turned on when women lean forward in their chairs or bend over to the point where they're exposing the small of their backs.  Lightweight nudity.  Maxim nudity.)  Every single time.  I find that very annoying, and in the wrong frame of mind, I might just decide to donate this to charity, too.

My Parents Are Coming Home Today. I Know It

Um, I don't exactly know what happened to me, but around 10:30, a quarter to 11 I was kind of feeling tired toward the end of both the Adele special on NBC (can't believe I actually watched it, but I didn't mind -- damn, that woman can sing!) and the Monday Night Football game on the radio.  So I tucked myself into bed and closed my eyes, allowing what could happen next ... and then I looked at the watch I had beside me and it was 6:30 in the morning.  And I fell back asleep to be awakened a half-hour later.

I was rolling around in my bed, as usual when I don't want to get up in the morning, when I realized: My parents are flying back to the states today.  Which means only one thing: They might fly back home, all the way home, today.  And I could have picked up my things, but I instead watched TV and go to bed early.

They pulled this shit once before.  And I looked just now; they did it more than a year ago.  I thought they blindsided me after the New Year, but seeing that they came home and didn't tell me last December, that makes me think even more that one of them is going to text me, "We're here," and they'll be home when I get home, and My Fucking Father will explode on me because the house hasn't been cleaned since they left.

Wow.  I knew they were coming back from overseas, but now that I really think about it, and now that the day has come, I've been able to put two and two, and ... they're coming home today, I know it.  And I didn't prepare, at all.

Fuck me.

Did I Just Drain The Battery In My Parents' Car?

I haven't used my satellite radio ... uh, radio in a long time.  I have access through the Internet and have the app on my smartphone, but there are two main drawbacks that I still want: 1) I want to to listen to sporting events, many of whom I can't listen to online or through the app; and 2) oftentimes I want to listen to satellite radio in my car, especially on the weekends, especially sporting events.

I can't do that because the power cord for the car kit frayed to the point of it being broken.  I actually spent $95 to get a brand-new device through eBay just so I could get a new power cord.  Got it a few days ago, opened it last night to take out the cord, and I thought I was good to go this morning.  But when I hooked everything up and turned on my radio, the only two channels I received were the preview channel, XM Channel 1, and Channel 0, which just displays the ID Number of my device.  It's as if they shut down my receiver.

I was scared that I would have to pay a fee to get it reactivated.  Since XM merged with Sirius and eliminated all competition, their prices have skyrocketed to an obscene level; the only reason I keep paying is because I am pretty much sick of terrestrial radio.  But when I chatted with some dude named "Jackson," I was just given the reactivation/refresh number.

I decided to spend my lunch break/nap getting it reactivated.  The automated voice on the other side just said to turn on the radio, tune it to Channel 1, and wait 15 minutes.  So I waited.  And waited.  I only had ten minutes out there before I had to get back to my desk before my lunch break was over, and throughout those ten minutes I tried to take a nap, but the sound of the constant spinning of the cassette tape, and knowing that I have the key in the ignition set to "ON" kept me awake.

Once my alarm went off, I took one final spin of the dial.  Nope, still only channels 0 and 1.  I didn't have time to wait, so I turned it off.  It may have reset since, but now I'm just going to call after work and eating at the Mall of America and have it refreshed while I'm driving.  That way my car's roof (and the antenna) will be open to the sky and the satellite up there will have a good half-hour to reset my radio.

But in retrospect I should have done that in the first place.  Now, not only do I have to do it again, but I had my car on (though not my engine) for a good ten minutes.  That's ten minutes where my battery was on without being recharged by driving.  And now I'm paranoid I've drained all the energy out of the battery.  Dammit, I shouldn't have done that.

Tired Of These Hypersensitive Plants

So my parents have these plants, and since they're away, it's up to me to water them.  There are eight of them.  If I had my way, there would be none of them.  But both of my folks love these things, so I have to do it.

The trick is in watering them.  I don't think there should be a trick.  Plants need water, I give them water, they live.  It should be simple as that, and the first time they went on an extended vacation, I just watered.  But then, when they came back, they told me I didn't do it right.  They complained that the soil in the pots was too dry, and therefore I didn't water it enough.

And as illogical such a thing, screwing up watering a plant, remains to me, that has often been the case in my life.  When I was young, if I recall correctly, I had tried to raise plants, but they just died one day, and I never understood why.  I no longer wanted to take care of a living being when I have no idea how to keep it alive, so I had resolved when I was young never to raise a plant.  I know that would mean an extremely lonely existence, but hey, at least I wouldn't have the burden of something of mine dying in my care.

The next time my parents went somewhere I made sure to ask how much water to give.  My Father said, I think, give all the plants a couple cups of water every day.  That seems like a lot.  And it was, for one of their plants slowly withered away.  I brought it into the local gardener -- have I blogged about this already? -- and she said it died due to overwatering.  So I don't water it enough, and then I water it too much?  Fuck this shit.

So for this winter I decided to conserve watering for fear I'm drowning these poor plants.  My Father this time said just give one cup of water to the plants each day; seem him changing how much water to give isn't helping things.  I ignored him and just filled up this water can I bought before last winter because some of the pots were too small for me to use a measuring cup when I needed the little nozzle instead.

Well, shit, that didn't work because two more of the plants died a couple months ago.  Don't know why, but maybe, possibly, I could have watered them more.  There are a couple other plants that have leaves that are withering.  And now, this evening, I noticed that one of the big plants have some leaves that are yellowing.  My fucking God, is it because I'm not giving it enough water or too much?  And is this a sign that the whole goddamn plant is about to croak?

Fuck this, I'm just going to pour a motherfucking flood on all the plants.  Maybe that'll keep them alive, who the fuck knows, this is pissing me the shit off.

Final Yardwork Before The Snow Comes

I had not seen the late local news Friday, but for the past few days they were saying that precipitation was coming Sunday.  It did not dawn on me that the yardwork I wanted to do, namely mowing the lawn and laying down seed, could, therefore, not be done Sunday.  And this really seems to be my last chance to these tasks for the rest of the season; Tuesday or Wednesday there should be a snowstorm, and the temperatures will cool after that, so unlike our first snowstorm, any snow coming from this one will stick, and I don't know if El Nino is going to be warm enough to melt that snow anytime soon.

I realized that while coming home from watching the EPL at downtown Minneapolis.  With no outdoors work possible on Sunday I could have -- maybe should have done it all Saturday/yesterday.  Time would be further of the essence because I was meeting friends starting in the late afternoon.  What I should have done was wake up whenever and go out to mow and buy the seed to seed, as well as change the cover on my new car, which I have stored to the side of the house.  Then I would have a lot of time to do those things, then rest (if need be) before I shower and head out for the night.

Instead, I was at a crossroads.  As soon as I got home I was able to change the car cover, see that it did not cover the entire car (they lied to me), and grab the tarp from the garage to put it back on top of the car and the car cover.  It was then that I went to the bank to deposit some money for my folks, and all the while I was thinking whether or not to mow the lawn (buying the seed and seeding the lawn was out, I simply did not have enough time) or take a nap.  I was really tired, so I could have used the 90 minutes I would have.  But, in the end, I decided to overexert myself and mow.  I didn't know if an hour and a half would be enough to mow.  But I know that I would be kicking myself and yelling at myself for not doing it.

So I did -- in the most half-ass way possible.  Cutting corners actually meant that mowing both lawns took only 40 minutes.  And it should have been a little longer, but I ran out of gasoline in the mower.  This was going to be the very last time I was going to use it for the season, so I wanted as little in there as possible.  But I wasn't done, so I put in a little splash.  And then I still wasn't done, at which point I decided to pack it up.  There is one strip of grass that will remain unmowed, and I know where it is, and it's going to kill me if I lay eyes on it from now until the spring.

So I was dead tired meeting my friends, but we had an excellent time, so I wasn't tired anymore.  All in all, I am glad I made the decision to mow yesterday.  The upshot, however, is that I don't think it's raining right now.  It was overnight and through the morning, but not as I type this.  Still wouldn't be able to mow because the grass is too wet, though, so ... yeah, I made the right decision.  And, I can see the lawn without rain pelting me.  Therefore, I should end today's blog post and go out and seed.  See ya!

I Live, Literally, Nowhere

At least according to my iPhone.  A few weeks ago, although I don't exactly know when it happened, when I checked the weather on the Weather application, the name of my home location just ... wasn't there anymore.  It hasn't been on there ever since.  Now, if I go to a different city, even the next town over, that name pops up on Weather, but when I come back home and open it up, there's a huge space where the city name is supposed to be.  Get the current conditions and temperature and forecast, just not the name.

The disappearance of my town's name coincided with what looked like a small hiccup with the app.  For a while there it wasn't showing me the proper forecast.  In fact, it wasn't giving me the right time.  It was as if the weather outlook, and time, was the same as the last time I opened it up.  The time is now accurate and the forecast now looks like it updates, but the city name is still non-existent.

That is very, very strange.  Not just that apparently my city is no longer recognized by the app.  (I should say that I am still stuck on iOS v.7.  I have yet to upgrade to 8, let alone 9, because I have heard that both 8 and 9 have bugs and that both operating systems can overwhelm my old iPhone.  It works just fine on 7, even though I can't download some apps -- such as the Target app -- because of the old OS.)  But the existential conundrum I face whenever I check the weather floors me.  I have gotten used to seeing my city when I check the weather on my phone.  But it's as if the phone simply does not believe that my current location exists in real life.  It's saying I am not in a town -- that I am not ... anywhere.  It sure updates the weather, but the way my phone puts it, it might as well be giving me the forecast for Katmandu.  (Well, it looks like it is the weather forecast for my town, I mean, it's not wrong.)  But I just find it strange that the application no longer gives the name of my city, as if it refuses to recognize it.

I am somebody!!!

This kind of makes me think I'm in The Prisoner.

Chose The Wrong Lane On The On-Ramp Again

OK.  Assuming that this isn't universal (although it probably is), I have an on-ramp I need to get onto the highway on my way to work.  It's a ramp that is two lanes wide, goes up and doglegs to the right, and it narrows to one lane as it merges onto the highway.  Just as it narrows from two to one, there are two columns of traffic signals, one for the left lane and one for the right.  Stands to reason, during rush hour traffic, all the oncoming cars who want to get onto this highway have to get into these two lanes and stop at the light.  When the light on the left column goes from red to green, the first car on the left lane at the traffic light can go.  Then the traffic light on the right column turns green, indicating that the car on the right lane can now proceed through the lane and merge onto the highway ahead.  And so on and so forth.

So, you can guess that as the cars get onto this ramp, they will separate in such a way that they will choose which lane to get onto according to the order they got onto the ramp.  And you would think that you would alternate -- one car goes on the left, one goes on the right -- because the way you got onto the ramp should be in the same order as you go through the traffic light.  Only fair.

Unfortunately, people are stupid.  Sometimes when you do the alternating thing, you wind up not leaving in the same order you entered.  I've been lucky that I've actually gone ahead of cars that I was behind when we got to the ramp, but just as often (if not moreso) I have fallen behind cars I was in front of.  I hate that.

The reason that happens is because the cars in front of the pack I'm in, the ones that are already waiting at the light when we get there, were unable or indifferent to the common sense that if the car in front of you is going in one lane, you go in the other.  Now, there are huge vehicles that might skew the length of the two waiting lanes off, and I can see that an inattentive driver would just automatically go to the lane that's shorter, not knowing (or caring) that it's the number of cars and not the length that matters and that in this case the longer lane might actually be shorter, but again, People Are Stupid.  Semis can also throw things off.  They have to take both lanes, so any cars coming up behind them have no idea how the alternating cars are going to go, so they have to take a guess, and they may end up falling behind the car that's tailing them.  That's also happened to me before, and that sucks and stays with me to this day.

I might be making excuses for people, and I don't want to when I would rather point the finger.  Anyhoo ... all of this incorrect calculating means that I fall behind other cars, and I hate that, so I have now gotten to doing quick counting of the cars waiting in front of me so I don't get screwed.  That usually works, but if there are some friggin' long buses and stuff that obscure cars that are ahead or behind them, I could get it wrong.  Well, I got it wrong this morning.  There were a bunch of buses and small trucks waiting, and I did the "eeny-meeny-miney-moe" thing and I thought I picked the right one.  Nope -- the bus on the lane I selected hid two cars that were ahead of it, so I fell behind the car that came up behind me.  Sucks.

And the worse thing is is that I was following a car onto this ramp and decided to pull in behind it instead of take the other lane.  I believe people just mindlessly go to the lane the car in front of it didn't take.  If I just did that, I would've been find.  But I regularly fight this presumption, and it burned me in the behind this morning, dang it.

I don't know why I'm still all hopped up about it.  It's a Friday commute and I got to work in just over half an hour.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  OK, so there were no hiccups for the volleyballers as they swept Jackson St. and Marquette at the Sports Pavilion in the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament.  (The same cannot be said for Stanford, Texas A&M, or Louisville, the three seeded teams that have been ousted before their time.)  But now is where the rubber meets the road.  Volleyball tournaments play a lot closer to seed than basketball or hockey tourneys, but obviously the teams that have survived this far are a lot better than Jackson St. and Marquette.

Take, for example, the U.'s upcoming opponent in the Sweet Sixteen, which will be in Des Moines, Ia., tomorrow at 5.  It was actually supposed to be Louisville, which, as the 15-seed, was lined up to face the second-seeded Gophers.  But they were upset at home in four sets by ... fellow conference member Illinois.  They faced each other only once this year.  It was at the Sports Pavilion.  I think I was there, in fact, to see the Gophers finally rise up and take the last two sets to beat the Illini.  Can the Gophers, beat them a second time, or is Illinois lusting for revenge?  This is the type of game that really scares me.

Assuming they win, their Elite Eight opponent, which Minnesota will face Saturday in the early evening, will be an intriguing matchup that has shown some weakness.  It probably will be seventh-seeded and defending champion Penn St., whose defense and chemistry has not been able to reload as usual.  Nevertheless they are the queens of the hill, and you really can't be the man unless you beat the man (so to speak, I know they're women).  Or, it could be traditional power Hawai'i, who some say should have been a seeded team.  The Rainbow Wahine were the ones that defeated Texas A&M (swept them in fact), so maybe they shouldn't be overlooked either.

Well, no one should be overlooked.  But this is as solid a team as Minnesota has ever had.  They have the advantage.  Now it's up to them to see if they can play true to seed and advance to the Final Four.  If not ... well, I've never wanted to throw a team from Positive Numbers down to -Infinity for an inconceivable result like an upset loss, so that's why I hedged my bets and put them at 0.

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -6).  I don't know if they've turned the corner yet.  But a pair of OT wins against Ohio St. at Mariucci, which ended their losing streak at three games, was absolutely necessary.  And it was still possible that they could've dropped both games since they didn't end in regulation.  The club was down two goals in the third period, in fact.  Their comeback was the first time they have won after trailing in the third (not trailing by two goals ... trailing, period) in more than two seasons.  There would not be a more conspicuous sign that this squad, at least this year, sucked if they dropped one or even both games.  And they still could be a very awful team.  But as of right now they have a 2-0 Big Ten record and are thus tied with Penn St. for the very early conference lead -- with the help of Freshman Forward Tyler Sheehy, who scored three goals over the two-game series and thus was named the B1G's First Star Of The Week.

Their last games of 2015 are a pair of games at Michigan, tomorrow and Saturday evening.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Won the two home games, lost the road game.  Both victories were shutouts; does that mean Devan Dubnyk is back?  Did he ever leave?  Meanwhile, that defeat was in Overtime; they are now 1-5 in games that last past regulation.  (By the way, they have yet to reach a Shootout in a game this year.)  So ... does that mean that the team is good again, and everything is cool?  Right now, they hold down one of the Wild Card spots.  This week they end their three-game road trip with contests vs. Arizona and San Jose before playing Vancouver at the X.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Got throttled at Duke by 20 as part of the B1G/ACC Challenge Thursday, then trounced Towson at Williams by 19 Sunday.  I wish I had more to add to this team than that.  They continue their five-game homestand this week with games versus Memphis Saturday (where Rachel Banham will be honored before the game for breaking the program's all-time points mark, set by Lindsay Whalen, who will also be there) and New Mexico Wednesday.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  I remember driving to the mall closest to me the evening when the Minnesota Timberwolves stuck its neck out and drafted the first person out of high school since Moses Malone.  Kevin Garnett certainly was a reach, but the Woofie Dogs were so horrible that they had nowhere to go but up.  The rest was history, at least for the Boston Celtics.

The next year a young man by the name of Kobe Bryant followed KG's lead.  While Garnett had to declare because he was too stupid for college, Bryant was smart enough to go to college but didn't want to because, hey, Garnett proved that any player could be good enough to play in the league and make money, so why waste your time playing in college just for a scholarship?  He became even more successful than Garnett, and for one of the glamour franchises in the NBA, The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers.  Sure, he may have been the young punk who thought he knew everything the minute he donned the jersey, and he used his muscle to push out Shaquille O'Neal just so he could have the Lakers all to himself, and there is still some shady truths behind that consensual sex/rape in Colorado that he probably will take to his grave.  But hey, he's a legend, and he, as well as his forebear, Garnett, will be in the Hall of Fame.

Their teams, and the teams they originally were drafted by, met at Target Center Wednesday evening.  It was a tight affair; the Wolves led by as much as six before the Lakers tied it up to force Overtime.  And they had a chance to win it in the extra five minutes, but they couldn't sink two shots before the buzzer sounded, giving Minnesota the 123-122 victory.  And Garnett and Bryant, two people who I remember were just little shits coming out of high school, are too old now to be any useful on the team when the game really counts, so they both sat from the bench to watch both critical turning points.  My God, I'm old.

Anyway, that win prevented a four-game sweep at home; they lost by six to Portland and by four to the Clippers earlier this week.  Even the win seemed to take a lot out of the Woofs.  There is a ton of talent out there, and yet it seems extremely difficult for those exceptional parts to play together and score and win.  It seems very odd to me, because from what see from Andrew Wiggins and Karl-Anthony Towns (not to mention Zach LaVine, who should blossom as soon as Sam Mitchell sticks him at the off-Guard spot permanently), these guys have as much potential as any club in the NBA.  So why did these guys just finish 1-2 this screening week?

This week: At Denver and Phoenix, home to the Nuggets (when it's Star Wars Night), then at New York.

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  It can only be the ViQueens where we can go from, "Man, these guys have a chance to do something special!" to "Stupid Vikings are going to blow it again!" over the course of one single game.  Now, it was an absolute ass-kicking, 38-7 to Seattle, at home, and they now technically stand second to Green Bay in the NFC North.  But a part of me has to pump the brakes.  Guys, it's one game.  And like Philadelphia beat the Patriots in New England on Sunday, virtually anything can happen in the NFL.  Now, do I think the Vikes are going to beat the Cardinals in Arizona?  Oh, fuck no, especially since they have, like, half a dozen defensive starters already ruled out for tonight's game.  But there is such a sky-is-falling attitude that can only be explained away by being a woebegone franchise.

About Teddy Bridgewater -- this is the game where the honeymoon period between he and the fanbase ended.  He had no clutch in the pocket, no toughness he could fall back on in that game, so the only impression fans were left with was all those incomplete passes.  One stands out way more than the rest: That really bad one that sailed over his receiver and into the waiting arms of a Seahawks defender.  It's only one pass, and I kind of think that the receiver (was it Stefon Diggs?) could have snagged it with a little more effort.  But that pass was, once again, a sail-over.  Bridgewater continues to have this weird throwing motion where he dips his elbow, thus causing his pass, which isn't that powerful, to lift way over the heads of his receivers.  There is at least one pass every game that's thrown way too long; in last Sunday's drubbing, that led to a pick which was parlayed into a long, game-deciding Touchdown pass accurately thrown by Russell Wilson the very next play.  Those back-to-back disasters shook the bloom off Bridgewater for good.

So hard was his fall from grace that there are some local rubes who want to trade for, wait for it, Johnny Manziel.  Who the fuck are these people, Trump supporters?  But those guys just saw Bridgewater throw for less than 200 yards yet again and can finally see a ceiling come into focus.  Those guys now prefer Manziel because he hasn't had enough reps and games for anyone to make an accurate assessment on his future.  And since they haven't seen Manziel play too often, to these guys his "upside" is much better than that of Bridgewater because they have already seen and determined his "upside."  Frankly, anyone who prefers that party-boy jagoff Manziel to Bridgewater needs to shut the fuck up.

#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1).  Wow, what a humiliation.  I mean, this is, like, Dan Monson Era emasculation.  They had both South Dakota and South Dakota St., two mid-major regional schools hailing from the Summit League, coming into The Barn this past week and they lost to both.  The loss to the Coyotes (that's South Dakota) Saturday afternoon was a double-Overtime defeat that left the players scratching their heads.  Yet it looked as though that knocked the energy out of these Goofers, as they were absolutely embarrassed by the Jackrabbits (that's South Dakota St.) Tuesday evening, 84-70.  I mean, I know this team is going to be bad this year, but shit, a 14-point loss at home to two non-BcS clubs?  If Richard Pitino doesn't show something this year, he's on the hot seat for next year.

In what may be the most random neutral court game in college basketball history, the U. on Saturday play Oklahoma St. ... in Sioux Falls, S.D.  Why there, I don't fucking know.  But it looks as though the Cowboys are the home team.  After losing to South Dakota teams in Minnesota, maybe having the Minnesota team play in South Dakota will result in a reversal of fortune.  On Wednesday they come back to Williams Arena to play Chicago St., where they might be favored.

So, Before She Sucked My Dick ...

... we talked, *e*** and I.  I hadn't seen her in a long time.  I blogged about her a long time ago; she was the one who was tugging at my pants and trying to rip open my fly all those parties ago.  (I wrote about her, and I tried to find the post, but I can't locate it.)  She is good; her cock-sucking skills are top-notch.

But before all that, we -- well, she; I just listened -- talked a lot.  And it centered on my ATF, ***e*.  Specifically she recalled a time where she and her daughter were stripping in Green Bay, Wisc., and ***e* abandoned her daughter and took all her stuff.  "She is a thief and a liar," *e*** said.

And I immediately recalled the time where the house was broken into, two years ago.  At first neither my parents or I thought the burglars took anything.  It was months later when Father realized that our piggy bank, a huge, yellow ceramic pig that had been stuffed with coins since I was very, very young was nowhere to be seen.

I at first thought that the burglars in fact did steal something.  But my parents didn't know that I had ***e* come over to clean the house once before.  And I know I didn't watch her like a hawk the whole time.  Is it possible that it was in fact her who stole the piggy bank from my house?

I don't want to believe it.  But frankly, ***e* had the opportunity and the motive to do it.  I probably was in another room, if not out of the house, while she took the piggy to her car.  And the way *e*** paints her, she cultivates this "woe is me" persona when people like her see through it and realize (at least from their point of view) that she is a user.  Has she been using me?  Have I been duped into thinking she's been a good girl to me the whole time when in fact she stole from me?  I'm afraid that ... I'm starting to think that's the case.

And the worst part about all this?  I texted ***e* yesterday (Tuesday), and she said she's going to come clean my house this weekend.  What to do?

You know, I had something to blog about before going to bed last night, but for some reason either my laptop, the Internet connection, or Blogger itself wasn't working.  So I decided to blog at work, where I'm at right now.

Still, I was uncertain about what to talk about for my daily blog post.  I was scared I wouldn't be inspired enough to write.  Well, after my murderous commute here, you goddamn right I have something I need to get off my chest.

I don't know what the fuck happened, but it took me 70 minutes, 70 fucking minutes, to get to work today.  This after needing almost half that the day before.  When you drive so far to work, the disparity in commute times are so fucking wide, so often, that it's going to drive anyone crazy!

I have to go from one highway quickly to another.  Yesterday I was shocked that I didn't have to wait at all, at all, to go through this cloverleaf.  But this morning I could see from a distance that there was traffic backed up all the way through it.  And that was the first sign that this commute wasn't going to go that well.  And when I looked to my left to see that the highway I was going onto was backed up as far as the eye I could see, well, that was the second sign.

And yet I still couldn't believe the stop-and-go-traffic I was going to be snarled in.  This part, this first part of my ride, took me half an hour to get through.  Even in my worst days, this part usually takes me ten minutes.  I was like, WTF?! all the way through this stretch.

I was going through the radio to see if there was any news about what the hell was going on.  I would think that if so many people were backed up on a major artery, for this long, when it usually doesn't happen (at least this badly), there would be some news on it.  But Minnesota Public Radio had nothing about it.

So I went to the jazz station, which still has occasional traffic reports, and there was some report about a rollover that spilled gasoline on the highway.  Oh, so that's the reason.  But I didn't see any rollover, and I didn't see any gasoline.  I did see a crash that was on the left side of the highway, but there was an even longer backup after that crash.  So what's the holdup?  I have no idea.  We were just crawling on our bellies, the highway hooked to the left, and all of a sudden I had room to accelerate.  Was there an accident that got cleaned up before I got to the scene of the accident?  Because if not, people were slowing down for no good goddamn reason.  And that would piss me off.

---

What's even worse, however, is getting to work and finding a spot.  We have a vast parking lot which, ironically, I think, is farther away from the office towers than the visitors lot.  Maybe it was intentional; the longer walk is for our health.

But this parking lot was completely full.  I usually get one of the spots in the back of this sea of white stripes, but not today.  Every single fucking spot was filled.  Every one.  I've never seen that before.  Last Monday, during the snowstorm, I got here at 9:30 but I got a spot because there were plenty.  In fact, I probably parked closer than I usually do.  I get here, oh, 20 minutes late and we're all full.  Not a spot.

I was apoplectic.  I was going through some of the aisles, thinking that they must have missed a spot, somewhere.  Nope.  I can't believe it.  I still can't believe it.  So I had to drive to the spillover lot, across the light rail tracks.  Yeah, there are plenty of spots there -- because no one wants to fucking park so far away.  But I had no choice.  I have never had a Walk Of Shame until this morning.

That's the thing that really gets me.  When you are late for something early, that increases the chance that you'll be late for something late.  Me spending 20 more minutes on the first part of my commute eventually means, what, a walk of five more minutes to get to work.  So it took me, what, ten minutes to park my car and get to my desk.  Things just propagate: What usually takes me about 50 minutes from driveway to desk became 80.  And that doesn't factor in that I will have virtually no time to go out to my car to take my lunchtime nap.  All of this sucks because of what happened this goddamn morning.

But I love my job, don't get me wrong.  I can blog about my murderous commute at work, after all.

I Have To Stop Eating So Late

I have read recently that you should not eat less than two hours before going to bed (and three hours if you're drinking caffeine).  Recently I have utterly broken that rule (as well as the rule about the caffeine; I usually drink coffee late at night), eating fast food at an hour that would be dinner only in Southern Europe.  Last night it was Wendy's; last Sunday night it was White Castle.  I've been to other places other days of the week, but it was always well into the night, and just before sleeping.

And after eating so late, I feel so awful the next morning.  Kind of like a food hangover.  When the alarm woke me up I felt like there was this giant iron weight in my stomach.  I went to bed less than a couple hours before turning off the lights, but I think that I ate so much that it didn't matter how many hours I ate before I went to bed; I felt fat because I got fat.

I continue to do this to myself.  I thought that since my parents aren't home stuffing me with food every night for dinner, I would finally get my weight under control since I'm left to my own devices, which usually means that I'm not able to take care of myself, which would include eating.  Instead, I am taking time out of my evening to eat out.  For example, the minivan was running low on gasoline, and I had a special coupon where I could get 15 cents off per gallon, but only on Sundays, and it expires later this week, so this was the last Sunday I could use that particular coupon.  But of course I could not just take my car back out at night to gas up, so I made a night of it -- if driving down a couple blocks to buy this new Gouda Cheeseburger at Wendy's constitutes a night.

Anyway, I'm buying food a lot, and eating it at odd and unwise hours, so I wake up not needing to eat.  Gotta stop this.

I'll Get Out Of Your Way, Japanese Beetle

With my parents gone, I feel the need to alternate using their downstairs master bathroom with mine upstairs.  I do everything in both places ... wait, I take that back; I don't remember the last time I used their sink.  Whenever I brush my teeth or wash my hands (which, I admit, isn't that often), I for some reason stay upstairs for that.  But when it comes to showering or relieving myself, I do my best to use one, then the other.  I have this feeling that I need to circulate the water that's sitting in the toilet bowls and, maybe (?) lining the shower lines, and they both need regular transferring.

It was the master bathroom's turn this time/day.  I showered last night (for the first time in a week, but don't tell anyone), and just now I was going to use the downstairs toilet to take a dump.  But as I looked down, there was one of those goddamn Japanese beetles in the bowl, just above the water line.  These insects have been around since the fall and now winter have had these moderate temperatures.  Now that it's evening and it's a tad cooler than they want, they have found a way inside to take advantage of the warmer temperature indoors.

I hate these fucking things.  Some days ago I was putting on my pajama top and ah! I saw a beetle.  And now I was about to shit on one as it's just hanging out by what it thought was an oasis, taking a drink or something.  You know, I should've just sat down and started defecating.  It should have the good sense to sense what's coming from the heavens above (not to mention the smell) and fly out of there.  And if the splash carries it into the water, or if I crush the Japanese beetle by one of my pieces of feces, well, good -- better to get rid of these damn things.

But my pacifist nature won out, and I walked upstairs.  And I can't believe it.  My God, I was forced to take a shit in a different place because of a goddamn Japanese beetle.

Oh, one other thing I noticed: It's time to clean the toilet bowl downstairs again.  If that beetle's still there when I scrub it, well, screw it, it dies.