I Think I'm Starting To Get The Hang Of Helping Out My Parents

Father this morning asked me to help them book a hotel in Venice.  Normally I would have freaked out on them, but I really had nowhere to go this morning, so I wanted to help.  It was a struggle at times trying to understand what they want and coaxing the right information from them so I could help them.  But after 90 minutes (and a mistake over sending a receipt to a correct e-mail address), I think I helped them get what they wanted.

My parents are getting better about understanding how much help they can lean on me for.  They thought it was OK to just leave things like they were, even though they also need my help booking a hotel in Barcelona, but there's time to do that.

On my way out to do things I want to do, Mother asks me for help booking a tour of Barcelona, where they'll be staying for a few days.  "Tonight, can you give us ..." and Mother said, "Two hours of your time?"  And I kind of freaked out -- "TWO HOURS?!?!?!"  I gave them almost two hours this morning, and they want another two?!  And then Mother backed off and I calmed down.  Helping them look for a tour shouldn't last two hours, and regardless, I have time to help them tonight.

Baby steps.

Oops, I Did It Again!

I fell asleep some time in the evening and woke up overnight.  This time I conked off at around 9, just after I went to gas up and grab an Orange Vanilla Coke, then returned home to see Colombia lose to Chile on stupid Penalty Kicks in the Copa America Quarterfinal, which I saw streaming.  Woke up some time before 4 in the morning, and try as I might (that's why I'm doing my daily blog post right now), I really only went back to sleep briefly before I had to get up to go to work.

Like the last time, I went downtown Minneapolis to watch the USWNT kick ass.  Had alcohol to go with it, too.  And somehow I fell asleep well before my bedtime, like last time.  I sense a pattern.

Anyway, I am typing this at the library just before I head off to the United match.  Second consecutive day I get to leave work early.  And I am done working for the week.  I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Very Bad Day For The #Resistance

Not gonna lie, y'all -- for the correct-minded people in America, for those who truly care about this country and what it is supposed to stand for, for you folks who have an actual soul, we suffered a really bad 1-2 punch yesterday.  First, the activist Republican Supreme Court legalized gerrymandering, which means the Republicans who have rigged states to harness the power they currently have basically can consolidate it forever.  And second, moderate Democratic cucks caved into a Republican border security plan that allows the Trump Administration to use the money appropriated by the House of Representatives any way they want without guaranteeing the safety of children being caged up by the white supremacists that make up ICE and Border Patrol.

Forces are coming down upon us, and they won two key battles Thursday, one with the help of people supposedly on our side.  I don't know how we recover from this bad day, to be honest.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Wednesday, June 26:

• I have receipts for things I bought from then back to Sunday, June 23, where, after my club shindig, I decompressed by going to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) for the first time in a long time.  Coors Light tall boy, tips and a dance from Cicily came out to: $33.
• On Saturday the 22nd I went to Glam Doll.  I got to stay a little bit before they closed early.  I really am beginning to think they're cutting down on the number of donuts they make.  The good news is is that I didn't have to pay for the donut and pour-over I bought.  The bad news is I felt I had to give a tip anyway and I planned on charging everything that day.  Whatevs; I got free food and drink!  Total for tips: $2.
• Back to Tuesday the 18th, which was the day the CONCACAF Gold Cup came to Allianz Field for its doubleheader: Panama (and their hot fans) vs. Trinidad and Tobago followed by the U.S. versus Guyana.  I really got tired for the second half of the DH.  Didn't help that the seat I was in (not my season ticketholder seat; this was at a corner of the lower level) was in the sun for most of the First Half of the first game.  Tricky to see the net when everybody in front of you is standing up.  Maybe the raked rows in the upper deck are not so bad after all.  This was the USMNT, so it was a sell out, so I had to scramble to get a cup of elote and a Loon Juice to consume.  Total: $18.50.
• Monday, June 17 -- went everywhere!  Got up early to go to the dentist at the U., so that involved a round-trip on the LRT.  Actually jumped the light rail after the dentist on my way downtown because my stay in the chair went really long.  Total: $4.50.
• I went to downtown to get my shoes shined by Lisa.  With tip: $15.
• After I slept on the light-rail, I went to the library to air my shitty service on a few surveys for Dunkin' Donuts and McDonalds.  Printed out a DD coupon for a free donut, I think.  That cost me: 10 cents.
• Sunday the 16th: Went to La Dona Cerveceria, a Mexican craft brewery just west of downtown.  Went to see USWNT there play Chile with a friend/fellow alum.  Wish I had time to try out the food because there was a party going on there that day.  But I felt as though I needed to leave after the match was over.  The beer was good, and even though it was only 10 ounces (like with Sociable; see below), I got good value for the beer.  With tip: $5.
• That evening I went out to Caffetto.  The only thing I bought was a blue cream soda from this craft pop place called Dad's.  With tip: $3.
• At Caffetto I found a penny, head's-up.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• To Wednesday the 12th, where I went to a U.S. Open Cup match where United routed Sporting Kansas City.  I also bought a ticket at a spot different from my usual STH seat: Other side, lower level, in the shade.  Good thing, too; I wanted to buy a seat different from where my usual spot is because I wanted to see how a match looks from different viewpoints around the stadium.  Moreover, when I got there, not only was the second deck baking in the setting sun, no one was sitting up there.  Imagine if I did just choose my usual seat!  Photos would be taken of me and I'd be all over social media as That Weirdo Who Sat By Himself At A Half-Empty Soccer Game.  On the downside, although it was great to be only three rows away from the pitch (I got to slap a high-five with Vito Mannone after the win), the flat angle makes it hard to see plays develop from the other side, and I was at a corner so I couldn't see action on the other side of the pitch well.  The search for the best seat in the house continues.  I am in the middle of a quest to try all the recommended dishes in Allianz Field.  This time around I got a pork sandwich, which was pretty good, although a bit lukewarm.  With a Mich Golden Light and a tip for beer, it all came to: $26.
• Back to Saturday, June 8 ... Saturday night was one of those summer days where I just had to go out in the evening and ... go out.  I planned on doing that anyway, but I felt as though I was going to just laze around for a couple hours before going.  But then, after taking a short nap, I saw myself just lying dead in my bed and hot room with nothing but a baseball game to potentially watch.  And I'm like, "I gotta get up and fuckin' do something."  And I walked a lot and ate a lot -- a special Salvation Army donut at Rosedale, Milkjam and, finally, Glam Doll, where the dude gave me both of my donuts free.  All I paid for was the pour-over coffee and tipping for everything, which came out to just: $6.59.
• Friday the 7th: After work I had to hit the library.  One great thing about working early is that I have some time -- not a lot, but some -- in the afternoon to do things.  Libraries around here close at 5, so I don't have a lot of time, but I had enough to print out a form from work and another for my alumni club.  Total: 20 cents.
• I am afraid I already did, and already noted it, but in case I haven't, I got four shiny new quarters and I am putting them in storage: $1.
• Sliding back to Monday, June 3, where I went to Caffetto on my day off.  Apple pie, small hot chocolate, tip: $7.38.
• This was the day I went to **y's place for an HJ.  She did say that she was up for it, and even though we would be doing this on her lunch break (ugh), I wanted to do it just to see how good she was.  She was good; I was not.  I finally had to do it myself, although my first ejaculation seemed to have caught her on her chin, tee-hee!  I don't know if I'd do it again over her lunch break, however, and I don't know if what she provides (no BJ) is worth the price of: $140.
• After that tryst I went to Cost Cutters to get a haircut.  Surprisingly, it cost more (with same tip amount) to get a cut there than at Great Clips: $21.50.
• To Sunday, June 2 ... started off at Diamonds, and since this was a Sunday, I eschewed coffee for a mixed berry smoothie.  Good, but not worth the price.  With tip: $7.95.
• Went to the United match.  There are food trucks parked outside before every game, and instead of getting something inside, I tried a food truck called Fare Well Food Truck, which apparently offers, uh, environmentally-friendly food.  I got fried, which were good.  But the main thing was that I finally recognized why I was given such a crooked total.  I thought I got screwed over when I bought tacos from the Los Ocampo truck.  Turns out I was given a different number than what was written on Fare Well's board.  That's because the city of St. Paul charges a city tax on food sold from trucks.  Minneapolis does not.  Since I have always bought food truck food on the main side of the river, I was not used to a food truck tax.  OK, I wasn't getting screwed over by Los Ocampo after all.  With tip: $8.55.
• And I washed the fries down with a Furious -- which I got inside.  Total only: $12.
• Oh, and I used the A-Line to get to and from Allianz Field.  Total round trip: $4.
• On Saturday the 1st I went to the Minnsky Theater to catch an act by the Experteasers, a burlesque-ish show that features a stripper from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  For someone who seems so much in her element while taking off her clothes, I found her, tbh, to be somewhat timid in her act (which did not, btw, involve taking off her clothes).  She's still hot, though, and I tipped the troupe: $2.
• Afterward I walked over to Sociable Cider Werks.  I swear I had no idea I could walk to this place from Central Ave.  It is part of a nexus of craft breweries in the area, but to me it was just a little out of the way.  No to worry; just walk around the side of the building where the Minnsky is housed, walk through the alley (so maybe it's not a great idea) and boom, you are at the huge parking lot for Sociable.  Got a Burn Out, a very spicy cider.  At 10 ounces, I think I got good value for it.  With tip: $5.
• Since the night was still relatively young and I didn't feel like going home, I went to Dinkytown to get a slice of pizza and a Coke from Mesa.  What I thought was lamb was actually eggplant, so I bought me a veggie pizza, ish.  Rounded up for tip: $5.
• Back on Friday, May 31 I picked up this special delivery.  On Facebook I saw some guy advertise selling Krispy Kreme donuts.  It would be perfect for me because I could take them to work as a treat the next day.  I ordered two dozen.  The rendezvous point was my local Target.  It was just a dude in a beat-up coupe.  Online he said he was doing this to raise money for college, for which he was entering this fall.  Interesting way to make a buck.  I've seen him do two more runs, although because the deliveries are being made on Saturdays I didn't buy because I don't work Sundays.  But it looks like this is working for him.  Good on that enterprising young man.  Total for the 24 donuts: $34.
• After that I stowed the donuts in my car overnight and went to a stripper party.  It was the one in my hometown, not too far away from me, and one that I haven't been to in a long time.  Still a clean party.  You see, there were four hot chicks, and I danced with three of them.  Two of them were friends and insisted I got dances by both simultaneously -- and downstairs, where lapdances were $30, not $20.  Well, the trade-off is I got complete privacy because no one else was there, so you know what that means -- time to whip it out!  And I did ... and both *****y and *****y just stopped what they were doing and noticed that my cock was out of my pants.  OK, strike one and strike two.  Strike three came when the third babe, ****e*, wanted to do her LDs upstairs for $20.  Couldn't lure her downstairs where I would try my out-comes-snakey routine again.  But she was hot, and she recently became a bodybuilder, and I was able to touch her hard body, and so I got a pair of dances from her.  With cover: $120.
• We go back to Tuesday, May 28, whose day I had off from work as my Memorial Day holiday.  Went to Moler, at its new place, for a shave.  Yes, these guys are students, but the person who shaved me was very evergreen, and so I got cut a few times and I think he missed a few steps.  (Didn't put a towel over my face, for example.)  Still tipped the usual 80% anyway.  I am such a pushover: $9.
• Was able to go downtown to get my shoes shined by Lisa.  With tip: $15.
• Then walked over to the Bogart's kiosk for a doughnut.  With tip: $3.
• Then I went to the library to work on getting Mother's miles reimbursed.  Had to print out the itineraries she forwarded to me so I could scan them, convert them into PDFs, then send those PDFs to Delta, like the customer service reps wanted.  Man, that took a long time to figure out.  Total: 60 cents.
• Finally, that evening I went to Caffetto.  It was a hot day, so I got a lemon and raspberry San Pellegrino Momenti.  With tip: $3.

Phew!  Good through June 26.

No Sex After All

Well, apparently the fuck session I had scheduled for last night fell through.  ****e, the girl who gave me a mind-blowing blowjob about six weeks ago, said she had family over last night.  Figures; I remember her blowing me off when we scheduled a rimjob a couple years ago.  She said she needed the money, but it didn't occur to her to make time so we could mess around at our appointed time.  I think the difference is is that six weeks ago, she was determined to make money through sex.  This time around (as well as a couple years ago), I was the one who initiated our tryst -- and she had something come up.  I sense a pattern.

I told her to let me know when she's free.  Yeah, I won't be holding my breath.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  Only one game this screening week, one coming after almost a week-long break.  And it looks like it did the Jynx a bunch of good, as they broke their losing streak at four with a 93-82 victory over New York at Target Center.  I still have no idea if they've figured anything out when it comes to rotations and roles, but they have time, it's a 12-team league, and only four teams don't make it to the postseason.

Right now they are kicking ass over an Indiana Fever team who had an adventure getting home.  Their contest before this was a four-point loss at Seattle.  They were supposed to fly home (commercial, not charter; the WNBA is too poor to get its players to charter planes) through Atlanta.  But there were fuck-ups with the plane in Seattle, and once they got to Atlanta, the Fever missed its connection and could not get 18 tickets together.  So they bussed it to Indy ... except the bus broke down.  Fever Forward Natalie Achonwa documented her team's ordeal on Twitter.  They finally got home 22 hours after they started their sojourn, and they got home 23 hours before tonight's game vs. the Lynx.  So yes, they have a built-in excuse to lose at home to Minnesota.

Team plays in Dallas versus the Wings Sunday.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Another middling week -- 3-3, featuring a four-game split in Kansas City and (if you include Monday) a series loss at home to Boston.  A regression to the mean has been accompanied by a growing rash of injuries.  The Dodgers now have the best record in baseball.  But at least they still have the best record in the American League, thanks largely to a seven-game skid suffered recently by the Houston Astros.  (Meanwhile, the New York Yankees have supplanted the 'Stros by virtue of a nine-of-ten winning streak; they are now only a half-Game behind the Twinks.)

They have just started the first game of a three-game series vs. the Tampa Bay Rays at home.  This represents their homestand; Minnesota goes to the White Sox for a trio over the weekend.

#-3 (tie): Timberwolves and Wild (Re-Entry!).  I have no idea how to gauge both teams' drafts.  For the Wolves, I have heard that their pick, Jarrett Culver out of Texas Tech (who played in town for college basketball's title game in April), has great potential.  But I also heard that the Wolves were trying to get Deandre Hunter, a Point Guard, and there was another PG, Coby White, who was sitting there at #6, where the Wolves traded with Phoenix in order to move up.  But the Two Elves bypassed White, who was drafted with the next pick by Chicago.  Jeff Teague is on his way out, so of course the club could use a Point.  But did they get one?  No.  And now I've heard the squad is gunning for D'Angelo Russell.  Are they gonna get him?  Who the hell knows?

I no very little, if anything, about NHL prospects.  And despite some quick reading-up, Forward Matthew Boldy was not a name I saw getting picked.  I have no idea this person existed on this temporal plane, so I have no bleepin' clue if this is a good get for the Mild.  Me, I would have gone for Spencer Knight, the most-touted Goaltender I have heard of in many a moon.  He was sitting there, at #12, but Minnesota selected Boldy instead.  And like Coby White, he was picked with the selection right after, by Florida.

But hey, Minnesota signed Defenseman Brad Hunt to a two-year deal!

So I fell asleep a little before 8 (and a little before So You Think You Can Dance), and I woke up just before 3.  Seven hours of sleep.  Probably what I get after 1) worrying about an event that happened yesterday; 2) waking up very early because your body told you to; 3) having drinks for both lunch and a bit snack; and 4) eating 5 1/2 slices of pizza.

But now I'm up and I'm afraid I won't be able to go back to bed before I have to wake up for work.  Despite having seven hours, I'm up too early, and if I don't get back to bed, I'll be too tired to stay up for work, lunch nap included.

---

Hmmm ... meanwhile I'm letting the afterglow of the party melt away.  Too busy -- well, too busy watching soccer and eating and sleeping.  There are so many other things I want to do -- the WMNSS, the EWR. ...

Oh, and I need to fuck this woman who needs money.  I'll do that tonight, after dinner and the library.  Do my parents know whenever I wear my porno pants?

Still coming down from the event yesterday.  It went well.  Splendidly, even.  But I saw ... well, heard something that I really didn't want to hear, and something that was unfortunate to witness and overhear during the event.  Saw/heard it and chills went up my spine.  Reminds me of my family, and my childhood, and my adulthood.

Think I have to leave it at that.

Conflict Day #1

So today is the big day of the event, and as usual, I don't feel like I'm prepared.  I need to make a big speech, but I know that, like it usually happens, I'll fumble through my words, make no sense, and leave the people I'm trying to impress with the feeling of, "That guy's the president?!"

And this is after I agreed to go into work for a few hours before the party.  I'm regretting that decision more and more.  I'll be sweating, I'll be tired, I might smell like piss, something might happen whereby I'll be delayed getting out of work, and instead of really concentrating on putting myself together, I'll be distracted by ... work.  I should've just stayed home and lolled around my bed all afternoon.  That would have been time better spent.

Then again, I bought a ticket for Sunday's final round of the LPGA ... no, excuse me, the Women's PGA Championship at Hazeltine.  I bought the ticket before the hosts decided they wanted to host the party today.  I wish it hadn't shaken out like that, but this event is way more important than golf, and if they wanted to host it on this day, that's when we'll host it.

(Aside: Everything is happening this weekend, isn't it?  There's the Women's PGA, there's Pride, there's the State Fair Vintage Car Show, Hugh Jackman was at the X, and it seems like many cities have festivals featuring food trucks.  I would have been able to find something to do this weekend if I didn't have the event.)

I have tried pawning off my ticket, but no one seems to want it.  I tried selling it, but on Monday, when I went downtown and saw the scalper company, they refused to buy because there is a glut of tickets still available.  So I am eating the ticket.  I would be angrier about it if I hadn't forgotten how much I paid for it.

I wonder if there will still be tickets available for the PGA's 3M Open, happening at the TPC Twin Cities a couple weeks from now.  That is an inaugural event, and far away from a major as you can get.  But are tickets available for that event?  If not, then you have another stark instance of sexism in sports that is as plain as the eye can see.

Whatever.  I am tired, and I have to figure out what I'm going to wear, and yet I'm on the Internet figuring out which big and fancy restaurant I'm going to eat at after the event to reward myself for not pooping my pants.  So wish me luck.

House Insurance? Not This Week!

Mother dropped another favor to ask of me, and this one is, well, a mother.  She wants my help deciphering a questionnaire from an agent regarding home insurance for my sister.  Home insurance?  What the fuck do I know about home insurance?!  My parents are the ones who know about home insurance, and yet they need my help?

This seems pretty damn important to her, but after looking over the questions I still don't fucking understand it.  Worst of all, I can't deal with this shit right now.  Next weekend I can deal with this.  Last weekend I could've dealt with this.  But fuck no, not this weekend.  I have an event I have to plan for!  I have to work today -- and tomorrow before the event!  And now she expects me to give her the answers to something I've never ever done before?!?!  That's bullshit!!!  And I know she'll fucking melt down on me over this.  Goddamn her. ...

Alright, I swear it's not me, but it's getting clearer that she doesn't like me, and I think it's fucking odd.  We go from talking to each other over the weekend to her giving me the silent treatment and thus me giving the same to her?  That's ... weird.  I mean, who does that except people who don't care for each other?  Fucking Christ, not even a hi?

The War Of The Roses

Have I blog posted about this before?  Maybe, maybe not.

I remember that Grandmother, out of the blue, purchased a rose bulb to plant in the front yard.  It surprised My Father, who, one afternoon while I came back from dinkin' around town, was tilling the dirt in order to plant that bulb.  I don't remember what we said, but it was the only time I could tell he was being sarcastic, as it was totally not his idea to plant or even to buy it.

It looked great.  First year it didn't grow much, but it bloomed these pink and deep red roses, and they smelled good.  I was not a fan of flowers in the front yard because I was scared some asshole neighbor was going to trample on them.  But over the years (and this was at least a decade ago) I have come to believe people are just not going to come over and stomp on our flowers.  And besides, with each passing year, that flower would grow and grow, and the blooms would get deeper in color and more fragrant.  I had to buy a stand so that the flowers, now spreading out all over the place, wouldn't tip over and break off.  And at some point the flower outgrew that stand.

But then ... well, I don't exactly know what happened.  This rose flower was at the end of a row of flowers.  There came to be a flower right next to it.  I don't remember if Grandmother or Mother bought it, or if it had just been around a while before Grandmother's new flower.  But at some point, several years into the life of Grandmother's rose bush, this flower right next to it started to grow bigger.  Pretty soon, I saw something that I still find kind of disturbing: Grandmother's rose flower stopped its growth, and the blooms did not bloom as vibrantly, or as long, or, especially the leaves closest to this adjacent bush, at all.  Meanwhile, this other flower started growing rose flowers, too.  I seriously don't remember this being a rose bulb, but it started to act like one.

None of us have tended to these flowers, nor any of them in them in the front yard.  There used to be several, but now they are either dead or converted into weeds ... save the two at the end, one growing taller and out of control to the point where Mother probably banded the most wild stems together with plastic ties, and with its stems now having developed thick thorns.  In the meantime, Grandmother's rose blooms, but for the past several years only some of them bloom fully.  Some actually start to emerge, only to stop and die off.  And the half (maybe two-thirds) of the flower that faces this big one now don't bloom at all.  Yes, neglect has allowed what appears to be dominance, if not cannibalism, of one flower over another.

Last night I put some boxes into the car in anticipation for the alumni event over the weekend; thought I would drop them off today at the host's house after work, and I was afraid I would forget if I waited until the morning.  I usually dash in and out of the house, but this time I realized I should literally stop and smell the roses, which I did.  Unfortunately, I noticed that some of the petals, from both flowers, have started to fall off.  When Grandmother's was the only bloom, those flowers would stay bloomin' for weeks.  And now, even though they look great and smell a little bit nice (although the fully-emerged ones are now pink and not red), the roses aren't as vivid as they were in the past.

Guess I could do something.  That rose bulb represents the last living thing that is a connection to Grandmother.  But I probably won't.  I mean, what do I know about gardening?

The surface beauty of seeing roses bloom perennially hides the sinister war underneath.  But I see.  I can't help but see.

Of All The Goddamn Times. ...

So at work yesterday I got an e-mail from one of my bosses asking if I could pull in a half-day Sunday and "make up for it" by taking half a day off later in the week.

Sunday is the day of my alumni club's big party.

But, because that party is happening so late into the afternoon, I was able to squeeze in 3 1/2 hours to work around the lunch hour.  Anything to prove I'm a team player!

And yet I don't know if I can pull this off.  I start work Sunday mid-morning, and it's less than a half-day, technically.  I needed that extra 30 minutes to get to the house and mentally prepare myself for the event, which begins at 3.  But I was really, really hoping I could just sleep in and even take a shower before heading to the party, and now I can't do that.  I'll have to shower (and shave) and then sleep in Saturday night.

You know, if it were any other Sunday -- any other goddamn Sunday -- I could help her out unequivocally.  But no, it had to be one Sunday the same day as the most important event on the alumni club calendar.  Just my fucking luck.  No one else gets screwed around like this, I swear. ...

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  I do not think this was a good week for the local teams.  I will put the Twins up in first place this week, and I suspect that they'll be #1 (well, #-1) so often that they might as well build a cabin at this spot.  They currently are tied with Houston for best record in the American League.  They are maintaining a gargantuan lead on Cleveland in the A. L. Central.  And if you believe in the concept of Pythagorean expectation, where you use the number of Runs a team scores and allows to project how many wins that team should be winning at a certain point in a season, the Twins are actually outperforming it by one win.

Saying that, I'm a Minnesotan, and therefore I am a pessimist and reserve the right to be a pessimist.  And I don't like what I see.  I don't like that this club has gone 4-3 for a second week in a row.  I don't like that in this maximum homestand they failed to sweep Seattle and Kansas City.  (Yeah, I'm sounding like a Tiger Dad.  What of it?)  I don't like how Jose Berrios got outdueled by Rick Porcello in Boston's 2-0 win over the Twinks last/Monday night.  And I don't like how many of the staff's Pitchers, Martin Perez but really most of the bullpen, are starting to get shaky.  This squad has what seems like a once-in-a-lifetime chance to win a World Series.  But unless the current players straighten up and fly right, or if FalVine and the Pohlads start trading for players that will help then get a championship this year, I and other Twinks fans should temper our expectations.  They might not even reach the World Series.  They might go one-and-done in the playoffs.  Fuck, they might not even win the division.  The season remains long, and as anyone who believed the Golden State Warriors were going to march to another NBA title can tell you, anything can happen.

They finish their three-Game series with the Red Sox, then strike back out on the road for a four-Game set in Kansas City.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  My God, what in the hell is happening to the Lynx?  This club is now on a four-Game losing streak after losing in New York and dropping back-to-back home contests vs. Connecticut and Las Vegas.  The defeat to The Bastard San Antonio Silver Stars is particularly galling: The team was outscored in the back half of the Fourth Quarter 16-3 to lose, 80-75.  The losses of Lindsay Whalen, Maya Moore and Jessica Shepard are now biting this team, hard.

And it is sad, really, to see the current state of the franchise.  My friend ushers at Target Center, and he is estimating that, at most, crowds of 5,000 are watching games.  I find that shocking, especially with the recent track record of success this organization has finally earned.  And that goes to show how, well, unfair teams that are not The Big Three -- and especially women's teams -- have it in the local sports landscape.  The Lynx scratched and crawled from laughingstock status to win four WNBA titles, and then they still earned only a begrudging admiration after enough people were nagged by the angels of their better nature to root for a club from a "minor sport."  But as soon as they go back to sucking, they are completely written off as a joke again.  (I have to admit that much of the time I do all of this.)  Sadly, a women's team simply does not have the margin of error, the benefit of the doubt, the permanent and inherent interest from the fanbase.  It is always better to be criticized than ignored because when you're being criticized, it shows people still care.  And I don't know if people care about the Lynx anymore.

Oh.  Now that they're on a losing streak and things appear to be bleak, I'll start calling them the "Jynx" again.  But hey, at least I'm showing I still care.

They last played Sunday.  The squad's next game is Saturday, at home versus the Liberty.  Maybe an entire week off will do these players some good.

#-3: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  So two wrestlers are in the hoosegow for an allegation of sexual assault.  One of them is Dylan Martinez, and I don't know who he is, so I don't care about him.  But the other I've heard of: Gable Steveson, the Heavyweight who was #1 for a good part of last season and is the best rassler this program has had in some time.  Yes, he tailed off at the end there and wound up with nothing noteworthy, but still, he is far and away the best player on this team.

Or was.  If what the police are saying is true, well, he's fucked.  But even if he is somehow cleared, Steveson -- and by extension the U. -- will have a black cloud hanging over them until Steveson moves on.  Furthermore, this allegation stirs up echoes, albeit untidy ones, of the drug scandal that eventually doomed the fate of J Robinson.  Regardless, for a program that used to be the best in top-flight college wrestling, this is another dubious marker on its fall from grace.

Analyzing The 2018 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

I was going to blog post this in February, before/around the release of this year's Swimsuit Issue.  But back then, I learned that Sports Illustrated is, from now on, publishing in May.  (Don't remember why.)  So that gave me a few more months to spit this out ... although I have procrastinated to the point where this year's edition has been out a while now.

The verdict?  Well, after giving it one more once-over just now, I am ... maybe giving 2018 short shrift, but it continues the slide the Swimsuit Issue has become.  At a time where free porn is basically a staple of life, maybe the images of babes in swimsuits has gotten passe to me.  Moreover, the magazine's reaction to this -- essentially leaning into female empowering in a year where #MeToo blossomed -- is, to be frank, something that does not arouse me.

Let us start with the cover girl.  Danielle Harrington, in my estimation, is a completely out-of-left-field choice whose pictures in the past (if she has posed in previous years -- that is how little of an impression I have of her) by no means earn her a cover.  She's nice and all, and it's great to see her cover photo showing off her ass.  (Maybe I've said this already, but it seems a given now that all two-piece swimsuits are thongs.)  But her being thrust into the limelight feels, frankly, unearned.

Moreover, Sports Illustrated is getting to overtly inclusive.  I am being a total pig about this, but of the dozen (!!!) rookies last year, there are two who are, well, fat.  And I don't get turned on by them.  The overrated Ashley Graham is back, too.  So is Kate Upton, and she is totally fine, because she isn't as big as those three are, and her big tits emphasize her buxom beauty.  (She shows off her ass, too.)

The inclusive angle will continue.  Once again (might as well regard this as a regular feature), one of the six spreads in this issue is the Model Search for next (read: this) year's Swimsuit Edition.  One of them is big-boned, although the other five are pretty good, too.  What also stands out from the 2018 iteration is another of the spreads.  This one, I think, is a take-off from the mag's annual bodypaint issue.  Instead of body paint, they have the models write words on themselves as they pose totally naked and in black-and-white.  This is a total lean-in, if not a crass sell-out, of the #MeToo movement.  And while it's great to see Paulina Porizkova model in SI again (and showing off her bare ass!!!), trying to titillate readers while also claiming that the women in here are reclaiming their bodies is a contradiction that cannot be squared.  And doesn't work as a usual SISI either.  Unfortunately, I assume something like this is in this year's issue, and will be in issues beyond.

Meanwhile, they had the athletes issue, and while I find it uncomfortable to see the ass of someone so seemingly young like Sloane Stephens as well as that of Aly Raisman now that she has become an activist for women combating sexual harassment, it's about time that I saw the butts of tennis player Eugenie Bouchard and decent golfer/Instagram star Paige Spiranac, the latter of whom in no way would have been even on the radar of Sports Illustrated if 1) she hadn't showed off her hot body on social media and 2) the magazine was starved for readership and buzz that would debase its standards for finding models and just reached out for a popular young woman who is also a washed-up golfer.  Snowboarding Paralympian Brenna Huckaby can get it, though.

The other pictorials are there, and they are as fine as they have been in recent years, which is to say, adequate but not eye-popping.  The gigantic influx of rooks makes me think there's going to be a huge push-off of the vets in this year's edition.  Worse off, so few vets make an impression.  Kate Bock, Hailey Clauson, Lais Ribeiro, and Barbara Palvin make appearances here, but none of them make an impression.  Vita Sidorkina comes back, too, but other than showing off her hard ass on Page 160, she sort of disappears as well.  Have to admit, though that that shot starts a nice 1-2-3 combo, as the next two pages have Samantha Hoopes in a see-through one-piece (I have thought about what her tits look like, actually!) and rookie (and last year's Model Search "winner") Anne de Paula looking back at the camera, throwing her hands above her head, and showing off her nice ass.

It is the rookies, in fact, that mark indelible images for me for 2018.  Sailor Brinkley Cook is good-looking, but there's no way she'd be modeling for SI if her mother wasn't legend Christine Brinkley.  (Yet another manifestation that the Swimsuit Issue is lowering its standards as it casts about for relevance.)  Like the sandy ass shot on 103, however.  Olivia Culpo is another pageant winner who has turned into a model.  She is Miss Universe 2012!  And she's dating Patriots Wide Receive Danny Amendola!  Whatever; her "rookie introduction" picture is just her in a studio, sitting on her legs, totally naked.  Her arms cover her nipples, and yet the angle of her body makes me think I'm looking at her pussy.  That's straight fire, right there!  And yet the picture is very conspicuous.  All the photo shoots in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue have been on location, somewhere around the world.  And yet Culpo's shot could have been shot at your local Sears.  Very weird, and that weirdness is compounded by the fact that her only other shot is in the "In Her Own Words" self-writing spread.

My Rookie Of The Year, however, is Alexis Ren.  Yes, she's Instagram famous, and yes, I think I'm taking a shine to her because I saw her on Dancing With The Stars.  But she's hot as fuck, as encapsulated by her shot on Pages 106 and 107.  Her back is to the cam, she's looking back at the cam, and she's wearing a pink one-piece (with exposed ass, of course).  But she's pulled off the top of the swimsuit and has pulled it down and to her sides.  You know, as if she's stripping herself naked!  I'm a sucker for shots like that.  And that is why I say that is The Shot Of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

And now I will masturbate to that photo.  Thank you.

In Another Example Of How People Are Stupid, And Maybe So Am I ...

... this afternoon I went to McDonald's.  The fast food restaurant is currently doing a "Worldwide Favorites" special where they sell four different items that are regulars in four different countries.  I have already tried the burger from Spain, which was delicious.  The fries from Australia and the dessert from the Netherlands will come later.  But after watching USWNT beat Chile this afternoon, I decided I wanted to eat the chicken sandwich from Canada, whatever it's called.

Went to the Mickey D's in Uptown.  Had not been there in a long time, and the first feeling I had in thinking about it is worrying about all the crazy bums who might be hitting me up for change.  That didn't happen; the place has been recently renovated and I had a clean (well, clean-ish) chair all to myself.  But the fuck-up was in the order: I got my Canadian chicken sandwich, but because I wanted a combo (or I tried to turn it into a combo; I did not see the menus offer it as part of a meal) I didn't get the fries in the bag that I paid for.  I gave them back to the people, one of them went to the fry station, and he gave me back the fries.

So I sat down and pulled out the fries and ... they were the small ones.  Now I will add that I asked, actually, for a small combo, and they said that a medium was the smallest combo they offered.  So small fries comes with the medium combo?  I paid just about the same price for this meal as I did for a "combo" featuring the Spanish burger, and I got medium fries from them then.  Or, more likely, this happened because they fucked up, either due to oversight, incompetence, laziness or contempt.

So, what did I do?  Well ... nothing.  Well, besides bitching about it here.  I have a million reasons why, all of them lame: I was to tired to kick up a fuss; I was kind of full from the beer while watching the soccer match; I didn't think the people who screwed up would care; I didn't want to make a scene.  Instead, I am going to do what I usually do -- eat it all quietly, depart quietly, then vow to never walk back into a McDonald's run with so much carelessness and stupidity again ... or until I forget what they did to me this afternoon.

I should also respond to the survey on the receipt, but nah, I'm too lazy.

Want to note something real quick: For the past few days, when I've been sleeping in my car for lunch while at work, I've felt a pain on my right side, as if either my kidney is folded up wrong (maybe that doesn't make any sense) or I have a kidney stone there.  I don't feel this ache when I'm sitting or up and about.  But boy, do I feel it when I lie down.

Do I have something?

Is this a sign of getting old?

When My Memory Fails Me

Lacking anything else to blog post about -- well, I do have some things I want to write, but as usual, I don't have the time -- I finally, uh, have the time to blog post about something else.

I want to circle back to the time I successfully switched over to my iPhone XR, which I detailed here.  I did it on the date I did it because it represents five years to the day that I upgraded to my previous phone, the iPhone 4.  Back in January, once I realized this anniversary, I planned on doing what I did when I switched from my flip phone in 2014: I was going to wake up in the morning, finish recording the rest of my contacts, trim my SIM card so it would fit into my new smartphone, and voila!

But the process was nothing like that -- neither back in January 2019 nor January 2014.

I remembered, for example, that the 4 was a gift from my Hong Kong uncle through Mother.  But when I bought my phone from the Apple Store this time, I was surprised that the guy gave me a SIM card too.  Just gave me one.  I swear, I thought these were, like, gold.  Maybe I shouldn't confess this, but I will: I thought a SIM holds your contacts.  That is why I wanted to port mine from my flip to my smart.  And the Apple Store guy just gave me one like he was offering me gum?  Moreover, I played it cool with that guy when my first thought was to ask him, "But how do I get my contacts and preferences onto my new SIM card?"

So me thinking I needed to find an exacto knife and wash the kitchen cutting board in order to meticulously cut down my SIM in order to fit the XR turned out to be completely unnecessary.  And still it took some time to make sure I knew what I was doing before I got the, uh, device thingy that came with the SIM to pop open the compartment (no paper clip needed), slip the new card in, breathe in deeply, and doing the deed.  After a lot of waiting to get everything up and running, and then calling to make sure they knew I got a new phone, I was done.

After that I blogged.  But as I noted, I looked back at my blog post five years ago to the day, just to make sure I got all the details of the sheer hell I went through in order to put my SIM card into the iPhone 4.  But I didn't.  According to me back in 2014, Mother did all the work for me.

I swear I did it the morning before I went on vacation.  But in the months since, I have come to the conclusion that I conflated what I thought I did to what I now think I actually did: I was so broke up over ... uh, I don't remember what I did (and I don't feel like looking back at WAF to see if I can find it), but I did wake up early one morning before going on vacation.  However, instead of cutting my SIM to fit it into my new smartphone, I was cutting up pieces of paper and taping them onto my SIM in order to fit it back in my old cellphone.  Again, why, I don't remember.  But if what I wrote five years ago is true (and why wouldn't it be?), I must've woken up early to do that instead of what I thought I did.

And that saddens me.  Not only that I was wrong, but that my memory is so flawed that I eventually believed I did something that, in my estimation, is far from what actually happened.  And it worries me, too.  It reminds me of Grandmother who, in her last years, had a lot of trouble remembering who I and everybody else was.  Is this a sign I'm going down that same path?

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Dwane Casey

For a second consecutive night, a pro sports championship was decided, and for a second consecutive night, it was won by a virgin franchise on the road.  Luckily, Mike Yeo, shitcanned Head Coach of the Stanley Cup Champion St. Louis Blues, is only Poor Bastard Of The Moment for one day, because he is being replaced by a man who was also fired by a team just before that team won a title: Dwane Casey.

He was a veteran HC of the Toronto Raptors, and while he helped resuscitate the Raps from mediocrity and into repeated playoff appearances, the organization had failed to break through to a 'Chip, suffering several years of heartbreak and mind-boggling upsets.  In the same summer last year, when they swung for the fences and traded for Kawhi Leonard even though he had only one year left on his contract, Raptors management decided to fire Casey, even though he was unable to suit up and help his team avoid embarrassing defeats and chronic underachievement on the court.  In came Nick Nurse (who?), and all he did was, admittedly, help engineer upsets of the Milwaukee Bucks and then of the Golden State Warriors in a year where everybody thought the Warriors were going to just saunter to a title.  And even though the Head Coach has something to do with a team's success, it is really more about the timing of events that makes it look as though the obstacle holding back Toronto from basketball glory was Casey.

This doubly hurts because I remember Casey as HC of the Timberwolves.  He had very little help with his roster, and yet he got his players to buy in and play as a team.  He was even able to get one squad to play close to .500 basketball, which for that year had them contending for a playoff spot ... only for dumbass Kevin McHale to fire Casey mid-season because McHale said he thought the team could do better than their record indicated.  So he installed Randy Wittman -- McHale's friend -- and the team proceeded to take a nosedive down the standings.  Everybody who follows that club for a long time knows that Casey got fucked over.

And now Casey's gotten fucked over twice, this time obviously being much worse.  Dwane Casey is now coaching the Detroit Pistons.  He got them into the playoffs.  Detroit got swept by Milwaukee, but the Timberwolves didn't even make the playoffs this year.  Casey can get a ragtag group of players to overachieve.  You just have to get rid of him if you are close to winning it all, apparently.  And that sucks for him.

Poor Bastard.

Poor Bastard Of The Moment: Mike Yeo

He is the former Head Coach of the Minnesota Mild who was fired after the team kept underperforming.  Well, he failed up, latching onto a HC-In-Waiting spot with the St. Louis Blues, and once the Blues started off the blocks slowly, they ushered in the change.  And like with his tenure with Minnesota, Yeo kept winning at a middling pace and making little waves in the playoffs.

He was cashiered in November, replaced on an interim basis by Craig Berube.  The coaching change did nothing, at least at first.  St. Louis bottomed out just after the New Year, with the fewest points of any team in the National Hockey League.  But, on the strength of rookie Goaltender Jordan Binnington, they slowly made their climb and, eventually, reached the Stanley Cup Playoffs.  This is hockey, of course, but come playoff time, every team really does have a chance.  And thus St. Louis did, taking 26 games in order to win the 16 needed to lift the Cup.  The Blues had no home-ice advantage in any of their four series.  Moreover, they finished with a better road record (capped by beating the Bruins last/Wednesday night in Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals) than home record.  On top of that, that home record is 6-7 -- below .500.  Dreadful, and yet the Blues were able to consistently win on the road, including the last three games in Boston this series.

What ushered in the turnaround?  Writers say that having decent, let alone world-beating, goaltender was the main factor.  But you also cannot defy the fact that the Blues were shit under Yeo and then gelled under Berube.  The Head Coach change had to have something to do with this too, no?

I've been to many St. Louis Blues games, including one this spring.  I really wanted the Blues, and St. Louis Blues fans, to finally claim a Stanley Cup.  The franchise has been around for 52 seasons, and finally, that organization can say they have won a title.  And they did it without the man who was Head Coach when this season began.  Feeling as though the one thing that was screwing up a team was you, and that the results after your canning justifies the move?  That has got to hurt.

Poor bastard.

Addendum To: A Deceptively Bad Day

Yep, today didn't go much better.  In fact, it probably went worse.  Too many questions asked by me, a guy who prides himself on independence.  Moreover I made two big mistakes, neither of which I can explain, partly because I don't want to get caught, partly because I can't quite articulate what I did wrong.  One mistake everybody knew because it came through a phone call; turns out I gave sheets to the wrong person.  The other mistake no one has called me out on yet, but unlike the stamping gaffe from yesterday, there are ways some people can see that I fucked this up, and maybe someone has already seen it and not told me.


Just before I left today my boss told me I will be working my third department Saturday.  If the past two days are any indication -- shit, if my whole time at this job is any indication -- Saturday will go swimmingly.

A Deceptively Bad Day

It started off at work, where I was shifted to fill in at the second department both yesterday and today.  I think I had blogged in the past that I found it the easiest, if not the most enjoyable.  Well, if I had said it was the easiest, I am fucking stupid, because I felt fucking stupid at the job yesterday.

I have had a problem with this specific department of remembering what to do.  I flit around jobs, but do so so infrequently that I forget.  In particular, for this department I had written things down on a series of Post-It Notes (the teeny-tiny ones), and before yesterday I was determined to find them, but I can't find them.

So I came in blind yesterday, and I immediately got into a question that seems so basic to me that I did not have the courage to reach out and ask.  Basically it's about whether I should stamp a form.  I did not do that because, when I first had the thought, I thought, "Nah!  Why do that?  It doesn't seem necessary!"  But I felt so guilty that late in the morning I decided to start stamping forms ... never mind that there were forms I did not stamp earlier in the day.  My "switch" was confirmed correct when my direct supervisor (and the guy who trained me in this department) indeed stamped the forms that fell under this narrow "set" of guidelines.

Nevertheless, the damage is done.  I have forms that are not stamped.  Thing is, I don't know if anyone is going to catch me, and if I do get caught, I'm not sure how much hot water I would be in.  Nevertheless, I know that I had been taught to stamp a form if that form falls under this category and that category and blah-blah-blah.  There is a possibility that I will have hell to pay -- not just for screwing up, but also for seemingly changing my mind mid-stream (by starting to stamp these forms midway through the day) and not going back and changing the rest and, beyond that, not telling anyone what I had done.  I really wish I had been trained more (and better) at this particular department, but if I get caught, this will fall right on me.

The only thing I can do is to go back and stamp them.  I can do that -- later this month, when I have the second shift all to myself.  I just have to remember that all I need to check all the folders I did from June 8 to June 11.  But as you can see, remembering shit is not my strong suit.

---

Oh, later in the day I banged my coffee thermos against a wall while I was turning a corner.  It got knocked out of my hand and hit the rug below.  No big deal, although I recently got a new ding for that thermos when I banged it against the coffee dispenser.

But when I began drinking coffee from it, I heard a rattling inside it.  I shook it; it rattled some more.  Goddammit, I broke my thermos.  I don't know what that jingling part is, but I'm scared that it either 1) will effect the thermos' capacity to keep in heat and thus keep my coffee warm, or 2) I will somehow swallow that loose part.  And come to think of it, there's no reason it can't be both.

I need to buy a new thermos, don't I?

---

Oh, finally: I royally fucked up swiping in and out for the day.  I needed to stay after work to eat the banana My Father insists I eat at work.  But after staying after for a half-hour I realized I didn't goddamn clock out.  It was a whole half-hour after I should have left.  How stupid of me!

What makes this worse is that I consciously told myself to remember to clock in once I was ready.  I was ready, but I immediately spaced out once I went to the break room and just made a beeline for the refrigerator and retrieved my banana.  I then ate it while looking through my phone.

And yet, worst of all, once I realized that I would probably have to ask my boss to fix my swipe out, I had to check my swipes to see how many minutes I would get paid for.  That's when I knew I really, really fucked up, since it looks like I did not swipe out for lunch.  In fact, I had actually swiped in to work twice.  In other words, it looks as though I just worked through lunch.  So I just left a note for my boss to ask him to fix my timesheet in two different ways, neither of which I have ever done before.

---

Looking back on it I have no fucking clue how I could make two massive mistakes when it comes to swiping in and out of work.  But that simply was the capper of a shitty day that no one yet knows I have endured.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Overall, not a good week for local teams.  By default I have to go with the Twinks for the top spot, although they have cooled down mightily by going 3-3.  Worse yet, the bullpen has been exposed a few times in their series loss at Cleveland and series win at Detroit.  And worst of all, the two big pitching free agents finally signed and, funny, neither signed with Minnesota; Craig Kimbrel signed with the Cubs, and then Dallas Kuechel signed with Atlanta.

Yet, somehow, as of press time, Minnesota is only a half-Game behind both Houston and the Dodgers for Best Record In Major League Baseball -- plus they have three more Games they need to play.  Better to peak in September than in May, for sure, but somehow, they're holding on as one of the best teams in the league, and I'm still in the afterglow of, "I'll take anything good from the ballcub right now."  Will the Twins' struggles continue now that they have a maximum homestand, starting with three tonight/Tuesday night vs. Seattle, followed by a trio over the weekend against Kansas City and then three versus shuffling Boston?  (I am supposed to go to tonight's Mariners contest with a friend, who has tickets, but there's a good chance for showers off-and-on, so I don't know if I'll get to go.)

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  This is getting to be the same Loons side I have come to know and ... uh, tolerate while they get their shit together.  They lost, 1-0, at Colorado, the team that has the fewest Points in Major League Soccer.  Note that I didn't say they were The Worst Team In MLS.  In fact, if you go by recent form, the Rapids (which have now won four-of-five) are playing better than MNUFC, and it shows.  Darwin Quintero hasn't scored seemingly in ages, and there is still chemistry issues between him and Angelo Rodriguez.  You know, Christian Ramirez would be scoring in bunches.  Just sayin'.

There is a U. S. Open Cup match at Allianz against Kansas City, but I don't count that -- league play only.  Because this is international season (the CONCACAF Gold Cup, CONMEBOL Copa America, African Cup Of Nations and European qualifiers are going on right now), the MLS is taking a break until the end of this month.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: 0).  Last week may have been the most trying week in Cheryl Reeve's time with the Lynx.  While they did win Thursday at home against Phoenix, it was a 58-56 nail-biter.  On Tuesday the club dropped its first game of the WNBA season, 84-77 at Seattle.  And worst of all, on Saturday (a day, by the way, where both the Twinks and the Loonies lost), they were defeated at Target Center in a free-TV-televised Game, 89-85 to Los Angeles.  (The Jynx picked that Game to retire Lindsay Whalen's #13, and it always seems as though the home team loses Games where they have a ceremony, be it a jersey retirement or the awarding of an MVP trophy, you know?)  And worst of all, in that defeat, Jessica Shepard tore her ACL and is done for the year.  Shepard has shown promise of playing regular minutes in the rotation; her absence is yet another cog Reeve doesn't have as she tries to transition this team from its dynastic days.

And this team has another busy screening week when they play alternating days -- Wednesday at New York, the home tilts Friday vs. Connecticut and Sunday versus Las Vegas.

So I went to get my blood drawn so I can get cheaper insurance through work, and it's at a hospital I've been to before, though I didn't realize it until I saw the same damn parking ramps where I would have to pay to get in.  One of my big pet peeves is paying to park.  I can't articulate why, but the notion of doing that is so galling to me that I often choose not to go somewhere if I have to pay in order to park.  The first time I went to this hospital/clinic I was so incensed about needing to shell out money that I decided to park at Southdale and walk the half-mile.  I wanted to do this this time, but I wanted to see Grandmother's best friend after this, and I didn't think I had to stand by my principles, so I decided to bite the bullet and park.

Then it turns out I'm not quite familiar with where I needed to go.  The clinic I was supposed to go today is actually different from the hospital/clinic I went to the first time I was in this area.  And when Waze pointed me to the right building, I went around the corner to the front door ... and saw spot after spot of free parking.

I'm out four dollars, but still, fuck my life.

Getting Used To Sleeping In My Car

This afternoon, after watching soccer at Brit's Pub, I went to my car and I slept for about 1:20.  I've been knocking off for lunches, something that probably was helped out by being so tired for that month when I was working two jobs.  And I did have a big lunch and drink a beer at Brit's.  But eighty minutes?  On a passenger seat that isn't great for my back?  It pushed back my plans to ride the C-Line, which is free till Monday -- took about 95 minutes to ride the entire loop, which pushed back the time I told my parents I was coming home from 4:30 to 5:10 -- but I like that!

This Summer Night Is Scaring Me

So I took a quick nap tonight listening to the late-night UCLA-Michigan Super Regional baseball game on SiriusXM.  I wake up and, addicted like nobody's business, I scroll through my Twitter feed while lying on my bed.  I drop the phone, again.  (At some point I should blog post about how I am handling my new iPhone.)

I pick it up and go back to scrolling.  And then, out of nowhere, my bedroom door opens.  WTF?  The door opened so slowly that I expected some evil figure just standing at the doorway with a machete in its hand.  I swear I closed the door completely, but I got up to close it, and that was when I was sure that some beast was going to leap out and kill me.  But there was none, as evident by me blogging about my fear.

Going to the bathroom I heard the wind induce a creak in the floorboards of the house.  That only happens in the dead of winter.  But in the summer?

Frankly, I'm freaking out right now.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May

Hmmm (I've had to keep this hidden to keep it away from my parents, so this is, like, the third time I'll see this month of the calendar) ... this is a great month for babes.  I think I like the physical characteristics of all 12.  I can winnow because of other features of each woman's shot, but it will be with regret.

Four of them are wearing one-piece bikinis, so they're gone, although I love the face of Baltimore's Christina.  Two of them are posing behind something (one a running shower, the other a pool rail), so sorry, I'll have to eliminate those two.  Phoenix's Kayla is showing a little ass in her bikini bottom, but otherwise she is turned mostly away from the camera.  Similarly, Toronto's Ceri is almost at profile, and her right arm is obscuring most of her stomach.

Orchard Park, N.Y.'s Corina is a cute blonde, but her top is a wrap, and the others have traditional bikini tops on.  One of them is St. Petersburg, Fla.'s Jessica, but her shot has her pulling on her bikini top straps, so it's kind of obscured.  A similar technicality renders Jerika of Hialeah, Fla. as runner-up; she is wearing a white two-piece and sports a rockin' hard body and a cute smile, but her long brown hair is swept up to cover her left boob.  It's a small detail, but it's enough to put her behind the winner, Libby of Wethersfield, Conn., the main girl for May.  She's sort of turned away, but she has long brown hair (that is behind her body), full lips, a floral-themed two-piece, an ab crack, and a set of big knockers.  Fuck, yeah!  So Libby, you win May.

I should jerk off to this month, but I haven't yet masturbated to April, so I shouldn't make promises I won't keep.

Of Mother's Miles And Attachments

A couple months ago Mother asked me to retrieve for both her and Father miles from third-party airlines while they were dinkin' around the Far East over the turn of the year.  I'm still not done.  It's a pain in the ass, moreso when I try to forget about it.

I did want to help out, and it was relatively easy.  My parents had only Delta's rewards account to deal with, and all I needed to do was fill out the online form.  Then I (through my parents' e-mails) said that they needed proof, namely PDFs of the ticket stubs.  So I went to the library, scanned those stubs, then attached them in e-mails.  But my folks took so many damn trips that Mother just inundated with me ... crap.  Not just stubs but receipts too, and those she e-mailed to me.

Oh, those receipts, which showed their itineraries and had the booking numbers that Delta needs, those were the real burrs in my side.  It took me weeks to figure out how to send those in.  Finally, the easy solution dawned on me: Print out those receipts, then scan them, then send them in as attachments.  I know that's simple, but it took me weeks to figure it out, and then weeks to set aside the time to do them.

And I'm not done because there are so many trips they took, I'm not sure if I have sent in the paperwork for all of them.  Now some flights they took through airlines that don't partner with Delta; those I don't care about, even though I don't which ones those are.  But I have a nagging suspicion that there are flights that I put in requests on their behalf for which the airline is still awaiting proof, and I am currently not aware that they want it.

So I procrastinate and worry instead of figuring it out.  Yep, sounds like a plan I'll continue to execute.

I planned on watching The Amazing Race last night instead of the start of Game 3 of the NBA Finals because I had missed the past several episodes because of the night test scoring job and, well, forgetting.  But I remembered that it was going to be on ... at 8 Central Time.

It wasn't.  I flipped my TV to Channel 4 to see the preview of next week's TAR.  That's when I realized that it was on from 7 to 8.  I swear it was 8 to 9 the only time I've seen this season, namely the first!

Two things that make me angry with myself.  One is not getting the time right; knowing me, the show's premiere episode was on at 7 and I somehow believed it was on at 8.  And second, I had the TV on the whole time.  It was on Channel 5, so I was watching (well, I was semi-watching; I was playing around with my computer) the Kimmel "Game Night" special and then the preview of the game.  (I knew the game was on at 8; maybe I got confused?)  I never thought of just surfing channels and seeing what was on 4.

(sigh) And now I'll miss next week's episode because I'm watching a soccer match at Allianz.  FML.

I am really tired right now, but I remembered I wanted to note this on Wailing And Failing and I should do this now before the occasion is too far in the rearview mirror.

At my test scoring job we usually get feedback.  That feedback manifests itself when one of the supervisors coming up with an essay we scored and saying that my score is too far away from what the supervisors believe it should be, and we are asked to review both that essay and our notes so we can, so to speak, "get back in line."  It's not to be taken personally; remember that I was once a supervisor for this company, so I did it many times (though not anymore; haven't been asked to be a supervisor since then ... I wonder why?).  But still, it sucks.

I just want to say that I did not get a single essay back from anyone during this month-long project.  I was absolutely perfect, or at least I wasn't wildly off.  I should remember this.  Perfect!  Yay me!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Twins (Last Week: 0).  The first time I ever saw this ballclub play -- on TV, not in person -- was Friday, when I was at a house party and I just whipped it out on two girls.  (They were not amused.)  It was the top of the ninth and their game versus the Tampa Bay Rays was tied at 3.  But like they have done all year (at least so far) the lineup was able to get on base, and that set up Eddie Rosario's ground ball into Left Field, scoring two.  The bullpen, which got shellacked in the only loss of this team's 4-1 screening week Thursday (14-3 to Tampa) and almost coughed up a 7-0 lead Sunday (before winning 9-7), was able to hold down the Bay Rays.  Winning three-of-four in Tampa after taking the back half of a two-Game series at home against Milwaukee?  That is a credible trial by fire.  And even though Monday night ends with the Twins not having the best record in Major League Baseball (that distinction goes to the Los Angeles Dodgers, who are in front of second-place Minnesota by a half-Game), they are a Game in front of the Houston Astros for tops in the American League and have pushed their lead in the American League Central Division to 11 1/2 Games (over Cleveland and the Chicago White Sox).  Things are still coming up Milhouse, so I'll keep these guys atop the WMNSS ... and in Positive Numbers.

Couple things to watch.  First, the MLB Draft began last (Monday) night, and for their first-round selection the team drafted a young man by the name of Keoni Cavaco, a Shortstop out of Eastlake High School in California.  Wonder why the franchise drafted another SS when they have two surefire prospects that aren't all that close to The Show (Royce Lewis and Wander Javier).  But the beginning of the draft heralds the end of a restriction, sort of: As of Monday, free agents can be signed by any squad without giving up a draft pick and its allotted draft pool money.  And there are only two free agents worth giving a damn about right now: Starting Pitcher Dallas Keuchel and Relief Pitcher Craig Kimbrel.  I have no idea how close they are to landing either, or both.  And I am a bottom-line guy when it comes to sports; I don't care if you give up your top prospects to get the best players available via trade or not, I care that you win, and if you don't win, whatever you did was the problem.  But golly, if there is any time to go all-in contract-wise to get these two (especially Kimbrel; Sunday's dumpster fire shows the Twins could use another bullpen arm), overspend to get these two!

They are in the middle of one of their maximum-length roadtrips, which will finish this week -- at Cleveland, at Detroit, both for three.

#0: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  I should expound on this more, but I probably won't, but I still want to toss of this hot take: With the advent of other sports gaining attention and attracting niche crowds in the past few years -- Gopher volleyball, Minnesota United FC, and now Gopher softball -- I kind of feel sorry for the Lynx.  They were good when there was not casual fanbase to cast a curious eye, and now that people are starting to expand their sports palate, they see the Lynx as being a past dynasty, and a team that is currently in transition and therefore not deserving of any support.

The only way to combat that, or at least to survive in a crowded local sports market, is win.  And by Job, they continue to do that, keeping arm's-length away from defending champs Seattle at home Wednesday by 11, then outlasting The Bastard Detroit-By-Way-Of-Tulsa Shock in Dallas Saturday, 70-67.  In that win over the Wings, it was Damiris Dantas who led the way with 20; Sylvia Fowles followed up with 19 and hauled in a dozen Rebounds.  They're 3-0; can't ask for anything better.  But this screening week will be busy: At Seattle tonight (Tuesday night), then games at Target Center vs. Phoenix Thursday and Los Angeles Saturday afternoon in a nationally-televised Game.  The Lynx will use that platform and audience to retire Lindsay Whalen's #13 jersey.

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Not a good week for the Loons -- two matches against quality opponents and they lost both.  First, on Wednesday, a close deficit got blown wide open thanks to two late Goals by Atlanta United's Josef Martinez to make it a 3-0 final.  Then on Sunday afternoon, MNUFC lost at Allianz Field for the first time in a Game that counts, 3-2 to the Philadelphia Union.  You can argue that it was the most entertaining contest this team has ever had in top-flight.  You could also argue that this defeat was their best match ever, and that would make me grind my teeth in partial agreement.  The Union allowed Minnesota to attack down the shaded flank all day, and Hassani Dotson scored his first-ever Goal to tie it up at 1.  But Philly's counterattack was good, and they fouled a ton and got away with it.

Kevin Molino tied it up at 2, but the Union won it in the 86th Minute.  Ike Opara crashed to the ground and was slow to get up.  The Loons failed to clear and Philadelphia was back on the attack.  Opara tried to shake it off, but the cross got over his head.  People are saying that that Game-losing Goal was on Brent Kallman, who tried to head it away but was foiled by a foot by the Union's Auston Trusty and was having a crappy performance all around.  But Opara was let go by Sporting Kansas City because he was injured too often.  He sat out the win over Houston on the 25th.  And I believe that an Opara at 100% would have cleared that ball out of danger.

United FC still sit in playoff position, but it is now only three Points clear of the "cut line."  And now they go on the road; on Saturday they visit Colorado, an XI that is last in the Western Conference but has finally gotten themselves off the mat with a few wins.

#-Infinity: Gopher softball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  OK, so the seventh-Seeded Minnesota Golden Gophers were two-and-done, and by chronological order they were the first team in the Women's College World Series to be eliminated.  (I would have felt a tad better if the team seeded below them, #8 Alabama, also got bumped off in the same round, but the Crimson Tide actually survived to the WCWS final four and also pipped a Game off of Oklahoma before falling to the Sooners in the rubber match; Oklahoma faces UCLA in the best-of-three title series.)  I didn't listen to either Thursday's 7-2 loss to UCLA or Saturday's 5-3 season-ending defeat to Washington, so I don't know the flow and tenor of either contest.  I'm not sure if they were "in" either game, so they may have met two teams that were a quarter-step up in class.

But now that I've had a couple days to digest it, you know, so what?  Minnesota was nominally ranked second in the Big Ten behind Michigan.  They started the season off ranked, but by rankings they were not even supposed to reach a Super Regional, let alone host it, let alone get to the WCWS.  Regional hero and Virginia transfer Allie Arneson and Outfielder Maddie Houlihan graduate, but Ace and First-Team All-American Amber Fiser (who did take the loss in both WCWS Games) returns for one more year, Infielder and Second-Team All-American Hope Brandner becomes a Junior, and Outfielder, Third-Team All-American, and One Of Us (she's from Hopkins) Natalie DenHartog is a Sophomore.  The future is looking bright, very bright.  Good on ya, Gophers!

For The Record, I Hate Sending Out Rejection Letters

This … "thing" I'm doing right now for my association … sorry to be vague, but I'm walking a fine line between not giving so much detail that I blow my cover and not giving enough information to the point where I won't feel I have completely vented myself … anyway, this "thing" really bothers me because it involves rejection letters.  I hate telling people who don't deserve to hear a "no," no.  I just wish I had the money to tell more of them yes.  But I don't.  And frankly, I think these people deserve an answer, even if it is in the form of a form letter.

About that last point: When I harbored real dreams of being a play-by-play guy, I used to send cassette tapes of my work to every minor league baseball team in North America.  And I would get a few, just a few, rejection letters back.  And I would be so upset at them -- "How dare they reject me!  They have no idea they're making a huge mistake!  I'll show them!"  Well, I didn't show them, turns out, but that's not the point.  While I was pissed off at the teams who rejected me, I failed to recognize that there were many more teams who didn't reply to my aircheck at all.  Now that I'm older, I recognize the complete silence of those teams -- and I regard their complete refusal to reply as even worse than the ones who sent a letter stating that they have received my tape but no, they are not looking to hire, or I'm not the right person, etc.  And I hope people, regardless of age but especially to those starting out in their career (sportscasting or no), that while you may be discouraged or furious at those who reject you, at least they took a little time out of their schedule to tell you that.  You should treat those who seemingly just throw your work in the trash with much more disdain than I initially did.  They are the ones, in fact, who did not treat you like an adult.

So I must treat these young men and women as adults and at least go through the motions of breaking bad news to them -- and, to tell the whole truth, to break the good news to the recipient.  Still feel terrible, but this is the right thing to do.

I had one of those deeply rewarding, reset sleeps.  I went to bed a bit after midnight shortly after coming home, woke up to Father banging pots and pans just short of 7, was up for a bit eating a melon and changing my sheets, then went back to sleep just before 9 ... waking up again just before noon.

I think I've said this before: The best way my body gets rid of fatigue is for me to sleep, basically, twice.  I usually don't have the time to take a "second sleep," but if I do, and if it is for as long as the three hours as it was, well, I am as awake as I will ever be.  And I am.

Unfortunately I am now behind on everything.  I wanted a lot of time to get to the MNUFC match, but I'm in Diamonds now.  And I have to do this real big and important thing for the alumni club, and I'm not even going to even start since I need to leave.  Kinda FML.

I Shouldn't Be Fretting Over Donuts, But I Am

I'm bringing in donuts to work today.  Here are the issues about them that I am freaking out over:

• I didn't even think about buying donuts until some guy on Facebook offered to sell them.  These are Krispy Kreme donuts, and when I made the transaction at the local Target last night, he said he bought them down in Iowa.  I have had them in my car since, so it's been subjected to the humid evening, followed by the drop in temperature due to both the night and the storm that has passed through.  Not to mention the fact that these are not technically "fresh" donuts since I bought them the night before.  Really, are these donuts still any good?  And once my co-workers see that these are Krispy Kreme and realize that I could not have bought them any earlier than the night before, would they even eat them or are they gonna think, "Ugh, day old donuts?"  (Well, I have more than enough even if they want them.  If they don't want them, I'll just put them in the break room at the end of the day.  There are enough hungry people there that it'll all get eaten before dusk.)
• I am hanging out at one department today, but I feel like I should tell the other people I work with at the other departments about this.  I know I'm going to do that.  But there's one person who I ... still don't know if I get along with.  She, I think, has strict dietary restrictions, plus I still don't know if she's a nice person or not.  I am really anxious that, if I e-mail her and all the other people in these other departments I'm not working at today that I brought donuts, she'll reply rudely -- something like, "You know I'm vegan, so I would appreciate it if you don't bother me with an e-mail like this again, because it's obvious I would not be able to eat those donuts."  Maybe I'm paranoid.  Or maybe I'm guarding against being insulted out of the blue.

OK, I actually thought I would have more issues over bringing in these donuts.  Then again, a normal person wouldn't have any issues at all with bringing in donuts.  But then again, I'm not a normal person.