So, To Reflect On 2022 ...

... well, I think it's a year of maintaining.  To be quite honest, there was one and only one thing to look forward to, and I just did it: The family vacation to Hawai'i to celebrate my sister graduating with her Ph. D.  My sister told me of her graduation and the vacation surrounding it ... I want to say October 2021.  Once she told me, I knew it was, barring any family emergencies, The Most Important Thing To Do In 2022.  And there wasn't anything that cropped up the rest of the year that mattered as much as my seeing my sister walk, and seeing my family honor her for it by being together for two weeks (and getting sick).

Yeah, not much else happened.  Still have my job.  And while I inveighed over its unfairness at some point this year, I don't think I'll be fired from it.  That's because there are increasing grumblings from people at the place who have decided to quit.  Add that the company apparently is having trouble finding people to replace them, we are a bare bones unit right now.  I feel OK at my current position, and if other folks continue to leave, that in theory means I become more indispensable.  But maybe soon I want to leave for greener/more lucrative pastures?

I still have all my members of my immediate family.  My uncle was in the hospital while I was gone, which was part of the reason why he didn't go into the house while I was on vacation.  But he's back, thank goodness.  During my trip, my brother-in-law told me he's observed Father slowing down a bit.  I see that, but he's still mobile and still thinking.  He might be thinking about me not eating so much (and then offering me cake), but at least he still has a mind to mind.  And I swear I have seen him without his shirt as many times over the vacation as I had ever in my life.  I've seen a few pictures of him on the beach shirtless, too.  Guess he's living his best life.

Trying to fuck around with my stripper girlfriends is when I feel my age the most.  Can't get it up like I used to.  Harder to get hard, let alone cum.  Maybe if I attend more parties I can get back into the, uh, "rhythm" of things.  But I see women one-on-one from time to time and it appears as though I am not the tumescent beast I once was.  Makes me sad that that is one way I am getting older.  (That being said, there might be changes on that front.  Not old age-wise, but when it comes to money.  I will talk about that in my next blog post.)

And maybe I should look into eating better.  I made spaghetti -- well, large elbow macaroni with sauce -- today.  I thought I was going to sleep the sauce up into two servings, one to eat today and one tomorrow.  But I saw the small box of large elbow macaroni, saw that it was eight servings, thought, "That ain't enough!" and poured half of the box into the boiling water.  I scooped it all out once done onto the sauce ... then realized I was going to use all the sauce.  And then I had to serve myself seconds because the bowl I was eating out of wasn't big enough, and then I had to take my time eating that second bowl.  (Did the same thing when eating out last/Friday night, too.)  I think I'll be OK; it was my first big meal of the day, and I woke up at 1 (nine hours of pure, blissful sleep -- and I'm still coughing).  But I am lugging around some stuff, oof.

So despite all my frustrations and anxieties, I have to say 2022 has been good.  We're getting out of the pandemic, and most of all, nothing bad happened.  Unfortunately, that makes me think the other shoe is going to drop next year.

But let's forget that for now.  Happy New Year!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Annual reminder: This is the last Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey of 2022.  For variety's sake, we are going to change the Day of the Week for 2023.  It will be on the day January 8, 2023 falls, so the WMNSS for next Year will be published on Sundays.  The next WMNSS (the first of the new Year) will encompass all Games from today, December 31, 2022, through Saturday, January 7.  All subsequent surveys will, or at least should, cover all contests from the previous seven Days.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  I don't know how this club still has fans since it seems determined to give them all heart attacks Week after fucking Week.  They once again showed their resilience/proved that can't put any team away Sunday, allowing the New York Giants to tie their Game before pulling out the Win at the gun.  This time around, it was the Kicker, Greg Joseph, who was the conquering hero.  Kirk Cousins's Game-winning drive actually stalled; Joseph's career-high Field Goal is 56 Yards, but the Vikes only got to the Giants 42.  No matter; Joseph drilled it from 61, and The Purple escape again with a 27-24 victory.

They remain a Game ahead of San Francisco for the NFC's #2 Seed.  Also intriguing, they are only a Game behind Philadelphia for the top conference seed and the attendant bye.  I doubt they'll catch the Eagles.  Minnesota needs to win out, and they're on the road for the rest of the regular season, starting with resurgent Green Bay Sunday/New Year's Day.  Meanwhile, the Eagles need to lose out, and they on the same Day host New Orleans, who is already eliminated from postseason play.  But I have to think there is a sizable subset of Iggles fans who are worried that Jalen Hurts is more, uh, hurt than the team is letting on, and that Gardner Minshew will throw four picks against the Saints, lose, and forge a tie with Minnesota with Week 18 looming.  What I guess I'm saying is that for us Vikings fans, as many doubts this team continues to raise, things could be worse.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  Beat the Bastard Atlanta Thrashers but lost to The Team That Was Stolen From Us at home, and badly, 4-1.  It's a burden only the Wild must deal with, but I dock more severely whenever they lose to The Bastard North Stars.  Those extra demerits don't show up because, frankly, the three teams below the Mild on the survey have lost all their Games.  Also, they are in playoff position right now (even though it's by no means safe), and they have played better as of late.

In St. Louis tonight/Saturday night, host Tampa Bay Wednesday, at Buffalo Saturday.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).  This remains a program out of its depth, I'm afraid.  If this squad is playing mid-majors, usually no problem.  But once they get into conference play, they themselves turn into a mid-major.  Their three-Game winning streak came to a crashing end with a 22-Point beatdown yesterday/Friday afternoon at Maryland and former Head Coach Brenda (Oldfield) Frese.  They also got their asses kicked at Iowa.  And they needed to go to Double Overtime for their only conference Win, at home versus Penn St.  I'm afraid nothing has changed.

Host Ohio St. Thursday.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -8).  Now it's time to panic.  Losses this screening Week at Miami, New Orleans and Milwaukee stretch their losing streak to five tilts, and they are currently 11th in the West.  The last two defeats were particularly awful.  On Wednesday, the Woofie Dogs had a six-Point lead at Halftime, but Zion Williamson scored the last 14 Points for The Bastard Charlotte Hornets and eked out a 119-118 Win.  Then last/Friday night, the Woofs blew an 11-Point Halftime lead and lost to the Bucks by nine.

Karl-Anthony Towns has been away for a while, and he will continue to be away.  But this team has too goddamn much talent on paper to keep losing, let alone losing like this.  What is very disconcerting right now is how the acquisition of Rudy Gobert has not contributed at all to the improvement of this squad -- not on Defense, and certainly not on chemistry.  These Wolves remain a confused band of underachievers despite swinging for the fences for a player who should have solved a lot of problems.  But the Stifel Tower has not defended up to snuff yet this season.  And he didn't play against the Bucks because he was sick (not with COVID, presumably).

Sure, there's more than half the season left to go.  And they've been on the road for their last four contests, so maybe a four-Game homestand for the Week (vs. Detroit, Denver, Portland and The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers) will cure what ails them.  But what if it doesn't?  Meanwhile, after some talk that they didn't have the money, Marc Lore and Alex Rodriguez made good on their promise to acquire another 20 per cent of the organization.  How much responsibility they should bear for the Gobert trade remains to be seen.

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Re-Entry!).  I didn't have the time nor the energy to give this team the ... well, I won't say "proper," more like "fitting" sendoff it is entitled to once their season officially ended on the 8th.  But now that I'm home from vacation, and since nearly all the Minnesota Golden Gopher sports teams are taking the holidays off, I have the space in this WMNSS to revisit what has happened to this program this month.

By all accounts, Hugh McCutcheon is a nice guy, and he has forgotten more volleyball than I'll ever understand.  Still, I insist that his tenure has been marked by a crusty layer of underachievement, I'm afraid, capped off by yet another Sweet Sixteen exit, this time at the hands of fellow Big Ten Conference member Ohio St., who was seeded third while the Gophs were seeded second.  For his 11-Year tenure at the U., he has three Final Fours and two more appearances in the Elite Eight, and only missed the tournament once.  His predecessor, the late Dr. Mike Hebert, got Minnesota into at least the Regional Final only four times in his Gopher stay, but he got the Golden Gophers to three Final Fours and, more importantly to me, he got to the National Championship Game, in 2004 (losing to Stanford), and that's something McCutcheon, I'm afraid, did not do.  And yes, people point to a brand new level of recruiting under his watch; Minnesota got an AVCA First-Team All-American for the eighth Year in a row when Taylor Landfair was picked.  But shoot, if he recruited so well, why didn't he ever get the U. to the title Match, or win the whole thing?

So no, I'm not completely against finding a new Head Coach.  And a few Weeks ago, Athletic Director Mark Coyle found his person, and like with USC and UCLA, the B1G raided the Pac-12 and plucked the Head Coach from Washington, Keegan Cook.  He hasn't been as successful with the Huskies as McCutcheon was with the Golden Gophers, but the Big Ten is of a tier more lucrative than the Pac-12, so maybe Cook can, uh, cook with a bigger budget.  Similarly, they both are considered to be "holistic" Head Coaches, where they both are not just interested in players as far as how they can contribute to the program, but also as people with their own goals and values.  Caring for student-athletes as human beings off of the volleyball court is a noble, progressive and "woke" idea.  I endorse it.  But can Cook win?

Goddamn Hacking

I'm still getting over the flu that my sister gave to me that my brother gave to her that (presumably) my niece gave to him.  I, in turn, gave it to my brother- and sister-in-law, BTW.  We were all sick near the end of the vacation.  Another reason to hate long vacations with family: If someone is sick, eventually everyone gets sick.

And I'm still sick.  I don't have the joint aches, which is the flu at its worst for me.  But I still have the type of coughing where, out of nowhere, I spontaneously hack for a good five-to-ten seconds in an effort to get rid of phlegm that might be in the bottom of my lungs.  The last time I think I hacked this badly was my first winter at my current job.  I think it lasted a month.  It got so bad that my supervisor at the time told me to wear a mask while keying.  I don't think my co-workers got what I got.  Hmmm, maybe masks do work!

But I finally get to wake up when I want to -- not just tomorrow but Sunday as well.  If I drink some generic NyQuil/knockout juice (damn, that stuff is effective) and let my body wake up when it is ready, maybe I'll get rid of these coughing fits once and for all this weekend.

So It Turns Out Everything's Fine

It didn't start off well: I think the bus driver stopped one stop too late, so I had to backtrack to my street.  (The last time I used the bus, which was when I dropped off my car for a thudding sound that turned out to be missing and loose lug nuts, I requested one stop too soon and had to walk more than I should have.  Goldilocks will get this right.)  And that stop has not been shoveled at all; I stepped into a snowback at least up to the top of my Doc Martens.  Ick.  Welcome back to Minnesota, I guess (even though it has been hanging above freezing ever since I touched down yesterday/Wednesday).

Some parts of my street were slushy, but others were clear, so whenever there wasn't traffic (and afternoon rush was petering out when I started walking up around 6) I walked on the street.  I finally came upon my house, and yes, there was snow.  And the snow at the end of the driveway has had two weeks of thawing and freezing to cake and ice over and turn into an unmovable abomination -- even though the melting has put the snow on my driveway at above three inches; I think a pair of eight-inch snowstorms came while I was in Hawai'i.

So I high-step it up the driveway and up to my front door.  I turn the key, take a deep breath ... and hear the alarm.  OK, so I set the alarm and the alarm still works.  I then hear the central heat on; I go upstairs to check the thermostat and, yes indeed, I in fact did not turn the heat off.  Phew!

Then went downstairs and checked the boiler room for water leaks -- none, thank Buddha.  I turned on the water heater to "HOT" again and opened up what I think is the water main.  Finally, I went to the master bathroom to see if there were any signs of freezing pipes, and then to see if water is flowing through the sink and the shower.  I think the water pipes in the master bathroom are most vulnerable to freezing shut because I think they're closer to the exterior.  I not only kept the bathroom door open while I was gone but the shower door, too.  So I turned on both the faucet and the shower and, after gurgling up the air because the main water was shut off, it flowed naturally and unfrozen.

Oh, and the plants?  The ones with flowers are drooping, but other than that, I can't really see how affected they were going without water for two weeks.  I really, really believed that all the plants would be dead, the leaves a sickly brown and leaves just everywhere on the floor.  There's a chance I could revive them with water I will give them in the morning.

And I eventually plowed the driveway, too!  The snowblower started off fine; the reason it conked off last time, I guess, was only because it ran out of gas.  The end-of-driveway snow was extremely hard to plow, but after working at it, I did.  I needed to move the cars around to clear the whole driveway, and both cars started up just fine; helps that it was above 32 degrees.

The only downside is that I fell while pulling the snowblower up the driveway.  May have cranked my neck.  I'm drinking knockoff NyQuil now to finish off this cough I still have, once and for all, but I could use a pain reliever right now, sheesh. ...

I'm exhausted.  And if not for that catnap I got just now, I would totally be tirangry.  Travel has got me so strung out.  And that I have been gone for two weeks and I have to get back to a snowpack I need to plow in order to get my cars out of the driveway has gotten me real anxious.  Worst of all, I have to admit, is that I have asked people to pick me up to take me home, and no one is saying yes.  I could use a pick-me-up (literally) today, and it ain't happening.  So I'll have to use fucking public transportation for 90 minutes to see if the house is still standing or if the pipes have burst.

I have no friends.  And I am angry about that.

You Need To Say Something, Dumbass Low Talker!!

OK, so I was kind of out of it Saturday/Christmas Eve as we decided to head to a waterfall on the other side of the Big Island.  After getting there, we all kind of agreed that we would go to the bathroom before beginning our hike.

When I got to the men's room, there was a guy standing there -- on the other side of the bathroom door, waiting for the guy in the only urinal there to pee.  Of course he didn't want to leer behind the guy while he was whizzing, but he was giving him more than, you know, six feet of distance.  He actually looked like he was waiting for his friend to finish peeing.  So I said to him, "Are you in line?" to which he said ... something.  Honestly, I have no idea what he said.  He grunted or some shit.  And I was still fighting off the flu; my head was in a fog and all my joints were aching, and so I guess I just ignored whatever he snorted out of his mouth and waited until the guy got done at the urinal.  I stepped out and this little bitch screamed out, "Hey!  I was waiting here!"  And I was all, "Sorry!  I didn't understand you!"  Thankfully, the guy using the stall got done right after the guy at the urinal, so it wasn't as if I was waiting there for weeks or anything like that.

But I made sure I peed really, really slowly.  And when I got out of that stall, and my whole entire time at the waterfall, I was looking around, sometimes putting my head down, and frequently balling up my fist in case I saw that motherfucker walking down to the waterfall with us.  It would just be my luck that that asshole would be arriving at the same time we do, so I had to defend myself in case he didn't want to let this go.  Thankfully I didn't see that prick, but if I did, I was ready to throw down, flu bug or no.

Look, I think he was a goddamn low talker.  If I was cutting in line, speak up!  And get a little closer to the urinal, would you, pretty please?  I don't want you looking over his shoulder, but close that fucking gap so it looks like you need to pee too.  Jesus fucking Christ. ...

My Father, The Cuck

As much of a domineering bitch My Fucking Mother has been, I haven't said much about My Fucking Father.  That's because My Fucking Father hasn't done much of anything on this trip.  In fact, he has been well nigh invisible all trip.  Only yesterday/Sunday did he contribute anything of value: We used his card to get into Volcanoes National Park for free, and then he helped My Fucking Mother cook.

Every other time he has been a passenger, if not a cuckold.  The only other time I remember him of any note was back in Honolulu while My Fucking Mother was preparing dinner at my sister and brother-in-law's place.  She was riding him for some bullshit, and he had a hissy fit, left through the front door and, I guess, stood out on the balcony and stewed while she finished cooking and setting up the dining room table.  Besides those three instances, it's as if he wasn't even here.

It is infuriating, if not illuminating, to see how My Fucking Mother treats My Fucking Father.  It's a combustible and at times contemptable relationship.  There are many roles I've seen them play throughout my life, but one where she runs roughshod over him feels like a dominant one, and thus a true one.  She has called the shots too many times on this vacation, and has been wrong too many times.  For example (besides ordering me not to drive), she bought so much food that about half of the food we bought will have to be thrown away.  And she has insulted and belittled pretty much everyone on this trip if she doesn't get her way.

So, what does My Fucking Father do about that?  Psychological displacement, I guess.  It was in full effect just now.  After I finished taking a shower and went downstairs, he walked down the stairs too.  He was rummaging around the kitchen and eating a bunch of things -- chips, cake, etc.  This was about four hours after a big dinner in which I noticed that he didn't eat much.  But eating now?  Well, it seems as if he is trying to tell everyone (including himself) that he eats when he wants to eat.

My Fucking Father then runs up to me and lectures me on things I can do to "improve my lifestyle" -- bullshit issues he has raised with me from time to time like "Don't eat so much" and "Use the scale more often."  I don't know why he raises these issues with me, but I might have a theory as to why he raises these issues with me when he raises them: My Fucking Father wants to reassert some control over me because he thinks My Fucking Mother spells out everything I do in my life.  She doesn't -- neither does he -- but I think he sees himself pushed off to the side, and so, in the dead of night, when My Fucking Mother is asleep, My Fucking Father skulks around and tries to plant ideas in my head in an effort to see them bloom into something that he can call his.

Anyway, I hand-wave his entreaties.  After all, I'm eating so much because My Fucking Mother bought too much goddamn food.  So My Fucking Father goes back into the kitchen and searches for more food to eat.  And then he offers me cake!  I say no because, like he said, I shouldn't eat so much.  So he cuts himself a slice of cake, proceeds to sit down on the stairs leading to the living room where I'm sleeping ... and then offers me a slice again!  And this time, because I don't quite believe him when says I shouldn't eat so much (BTW, is he lecturing anybody else here on eating too much?) and because I want him to shut the fuck up, I fuckin' say yes.  It's guava cake, and actually, it takes good, although it feels fattening as hell.  Whatever ... the point is his hypocrisy.

Why is that?  Why did My Fucking Father do exactly what he told me not to do not even five minutes before?  The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.  That's all I've got.  You know, maybe I shouldn't care about anything he says from now on.

Bad Driver: 707 JUP (Plus, The Annual Christmas Song Breakdown)

Ah, yet another little bitch.  I just was taking advantage of you starting from a dead stop at a red when I was still driving when it turned green.  I had to take a quick left and get into your lane.  And yet you wouldn't accept that and cut right in front of me.  You petty little fucker -- you're just like me!

And of course you were going to take that left, too.  Man, I'm telling you, I was about to light you the fuck up -- get on your ass, turn on my high beams, honk my horn, hound the shit out of you, and if you wanted to step out of your car and try something, I would have loved to throw down.  But ... I had a family vacation to get to later that week, and anything that would have prevented me from seeing my sister graduate would be my fault.  You're not worth that much trouble.  I can only console myself by guessing, with reasonable certainty, that you're stuck in Minnesota where, right now, it's (checks Weather app on phone) -5 and it feels like -21.  Meanwhile, for the past two weeks, I've been (for the most part) living in paradise, where other people besides me are paying for most of what I see and what I eat.  It's 72 here at a quarter to 1 in the morning.  We don't have a wind chill, we have a heat index; it feels like 74.  And despite getting emasculated by My Fucking Mother (theme!), I think you'd be so fucking jealous of where I'm at right now.  You do you, asshole.

---

Alright, alright.  Where is here?  Might as well tell you; here is the Big Island of Hawai'i.  I've been in the state of Hawai'i for about the past two weeks now.  Started off in Honolulu, went to the Big Island, go back to Honolulu in a couple days, then fly back shortly after that.  There was a snowstorm just before I left followed by a dip in the temperature, then this bomb cyclone happened last week and now Minnesota (along with most of the rest of the mainland) is still recovering from all the snow, the blizzard conditions, and the dangerously cold temps.  But it's going to warm up above freezing on Wednesday ... and that's when I get back home.  Maybe that'll knock the snowpack down to a manageable level to plow.  Hell, I have to make sure the pipes in my house didn't freeze up.

---

Oh yes, it's Christmas!  Since I am in Hawai'i, I have to break down the Bing Crosby (with help from The Andrews Sisters) classic "Mele Kalikimaka!"

So the deal with this song (and I am totally cribbing this from the song's Wikipedia page) is that in 1949 a stenographer for Hawai'i-born composer R. Alex Anderson (and I assume all of this took place in Honolulu, the city where he was born and died), who was an expert in making Hawaiian-themed songs, wondered aloud why there wasn't a Hawaiian Christmas song.  Anderson got to thinking and then to writing and came up with "Mele Kalikimaka," which wasn't a phrase he made but had been in use since at least 1904, when the greeting was found in a Hawaiian-language newspaper called Ka Nupepa Kuokoa.  Anderson showed it to Bing Crosby, with whom he played golf.  Sometime in the next year, Crosby showed him the recording.  The song got onto Crosby's 1955 compilation album Merry Christmas, and it has been a somewhat overlooked classic since.

By the way, the term "mele kalikimaka" appears to be a phonetic (if not literal) translation of "Merry Christmas."  The Hawaiian alphabet only has 13 letters, and the two most popular in the English alphabet, "s" and "r," are not in that alphabet.  Furthermore, there is a litany of rules one has to follow; every consonant has to be followed by a vowel, and all syllables must end with a vowel.  Because of that, someone determined (as appears to be the case in the citing in Ka Nupepa Kuokoa) that if you ... uh, "translate" probably isn't the right word but "derive" might be ... anyway, if you take "Merry Christmas" and you try and say "Merry Christmas" using the Hawaiian alphabet, it was determined that it would become "Mele Kalikimaka."  The Wiki has a good step-by-step breakdown on why the "r"'s in "Merry Christmas" are replaced with "l"'s, for example.  You have to admit that the syllables in "Mele Kalikimaka" lends itself to being sung, right?

Merry Christmas!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

I need to take back what I said last Week: Turns out I do have the time to pump out an WMNSS this screening Week.  I just don't have the inclination to do a full-fledged one, so it'll be one similar to what I did two Weeks ago, namely just a list.  I'll be back from vacation next Week, so I'll be full bore for that one.  Probably.  Maybe.

#0: Gopher wrestling (Two Weeks Ago: 0).

#-1: Wild (Two Weeks Ago: -5).

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: -2).

#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Two Weeks Ago: -1).

#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!).

#-5: Whitecaps (Two Weeks Ago: -4).

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -6).

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Two Weeks Ago: -7).

#-8: Timberwolves (Two Weeks Ago: -3).

The Emasculation Continues

My Fucking Mother actually had the nerve to tell me I should ask for my brother-in-law's help in pulling out the bed from the couch.  I told her I could do it myself and that I did it by myself last night.  And she sounded absolutely flabbergasted that I did it.  She actually thinks I'm developmentally challenged.

Oh, and I had a thin bar of soap I had with me on my travel pack that I put into the shower I am sharing with her (and a few other members of my family).  I've had for a long time, and I thought this was the perfect time to use it all up.  I would have used it all up before we leave here.  I put it in there last night.  But when I showered just now, it was gone.  I know goddamn well My Fucking Mother is the one who threw it in the trash.

My fucking God, I'm gonna kill this bitch if she keeps this up.

Where My Fucking Mother Ripped My Balls Off Again

My brother-in-law arranged for me to be a driver for the rental car we have.  He has been driving all day, and so for dinner, he wanted me to drive out to the restaurant.  But My Fucking Mother put her foot down and demanded I not drive the car.  Well, it's not a car, but an SUV, the only class of car capable of seating eight people.

She told my sister that this would be my first time driving in a new island, and I would be unfamiliar with where I am going, and it's a night, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.  Yesterday she saw me try and park a minivan into a tight space in my sister and brother-in-law's parking garage and need help from My Fucking Father to pull it in.  My Fucking Mother went on and on about it, so my sister typically did an el foldo and told me to get out of the driver's seat.  And I did, just like a fucking cuck, just like I have every single time I've "listened" to My Fucking Mother.

I feel pathetic admitting this, but that was the time I realized she has pulled this shit on me all my life.  She has always, always believed I couldn't do anything, and that I would do something wrong, so she would tell me not to do it, and I have listened to her.  This is the damage that made me who I am.

If I write any more, I probably would either start sobbing uncontrollably or run up to where My Fucking Mother is sleeping and kill her.  So I just displaced my anger and hurt and has just masturbated for the first time on this trip.  I couldn't really enjoy it because I couldn't really "let go" because I didn't want to the splooge all over the sink and toilet because my family is going to use this half-bath.

I need to talk to my shrink.

Did I Say Day 2 Or 3? Maybe I Meant Day 6

Goddamn.  My Fucking Mother's anxieties and quick-triggered temper and My Fucking Father's passive-aggressiveness and sing-songy double-speak converged on this day (well, Tuesday ... the days blur when you're in paradise) to really, really piss me off.  I am getting ever closer to throwing a drink in their faces the next time they ask me something triggering, like when I am going to get a girlfriend, or when I am going back to school, or why am I so fat.

I can't be with this family -- or anybody, really -- for this long.  I have another goddamn week with these people.  A week!  And I don't care if I'm in paradise right now, or that the place where I live is going to get hit with a blizzard followed up with high winds and dangerously cold weather.  I'm kind of in my own hell right now, and there won't be freedom for another fucking week.  Goddammit!

One thing about the biblical rain that fell on Sunday morning and thus altered out plans: I got to see the end of the World Cup Final, of which many people are saying is The Best WCF, if not World Cup Match, Ever In History.

And the not-so-great customer service played a huge role.  You see, it was pouring cats and dogs when we were supposed to get up to go to the beach.  I think all of us thought that the shoot was canceled.  My brother-in-law tried to get ahold of the photographer, but she did not answer.  We were thinking that as impossible the conditions were, we were still going ahead with the shoot.  So we stuck to our original plan of driving to a hotel close to the beach, where the rest of our party (brother, sister-in-law, niece) would be waiting, and we would go to the designated spot at the beach.

As we pulled up to the hotel -- in the soaking rain, mind you -- the photog finally called.  Still don't know how or why she waited until then, but she knew it was ridiculous to stay with the original plan.  (Her only hangup: The leis my sister got for graduation and wanted to use for the shoot are already wilting.)  We have rescheduled -- for this morning, which means I need to wrap this blog post up soon -- but we were already at the hotel, and we had nothing to do even though we were together.  We found ourselves close to a restaurant, we decided to have brunch, and thank goodness this place had TVs, all of which were tuned to the last, oh, ten Minutes or so of the Second Period Of Extra Time.  I saw Messi's go-ahead Goal, the Argentina Penalty and Mbappe's ensuing Penalty Kick conversion, and the PKs that decided the championship.  And that wouldn't have happened if we didn't get rained out and this photographer didn't take her sweet time getting back to us.  Hey, I got lucky in one way, right?

I'm Going To Sleep At Fucking 11 P. M.

So it's a bit past eleven in the evening where I'm at right now.  Unlike all the other days in my trip so far, there is nothing scheduled until the late morning tomorrow/Monday.  Moreover, the family dinner ended a bit past 8 tonight/Sunday night.  So an early evening + a late morning = Unforgivable Wetness having a night where I can frolic and get my fuck on ... or watch a movie and/or have a drink by myself.  Right?

WRONG.  I shared some cookies with my brother-in-law, but everybody else I'm staying with, including my bro-in-law and sister, seemed not just content but thrilled to turn in.  And honestly, it's fucking driving me goddamn crazy.  I love my family (although my brother might not care if I live or die), but I'm bored as shit doing every single motherfucking thing with them.  And this is going to go on for another ten fucking days!!!  I'm sorry, I just need some time to myself, where I can do my own thing and I don't have to care about any family "responsibilities."  That doesn't make me a bad person, does it?

Of course, my parents would probably reject the idea of me going out.  Moreover, and this is the much bigger obstacle, it's really difficult to just go out on your own when you don't have your own car and you don't have much faith you can understand the bus system.  My sister and brother-in-law might have dropped me off and picked me up from the movies if I really, really wanted to go.  But like I said, they didn't seem too keen on doing much beyond what we have done with the family today.

And now, the caveats.  First of all, I want to see Violent Night, and there were a couple of screening that started at around 8, which is around the time I got home.  There were a couple in the 9 o'clock hour, but they seemed to be in the suburbs next door to us, and I don't think my siblings would take me that far.  Second of all, yesterday's and today's (Sunday's and Monday's) plans have been or might be altered by these monsoon-ish rains that have poured down on us.  I have been lucky to have enjoyed typical weather for this area (even though the humidity has surprised me a little), but these storms have continued to even now as I type this, so I'm not sure if I want to traipse out in an unfamiliar city on my own just so I could have some alone time.

Thirdly, in a few days we'll be moving over to a resort.  First time I have ever been in one, and apparently, not only are there lots of bars but also a movie theater.  Maybe I can take in Violent Night before Christmas after all.  And finally ... well, I should say that we can back home after an impromptu Sunday brunch and didn't go back out until the mid-afternoon, so we had a break of about four-plus hours where I was able to conk off while listening to NFL Games on satellite radio ... anyway, I shouldn't be tired right now because we didn't do a whole lot of stuff yesterday/Sunday, but I am tired right now.  The movie might have let out by now, or it could be halfway through.  Maybe I'd be too groggy for a movie today.

Or, I might be trying to justify to myself not going out on what might be my last "free" night where I could be by myself.  Anyway, I'm not going anywhere.  I have blog posted this and am burning through my political e-mails from May, so I am being productive.  Still, going to bed at the 11 o'clock hour when I don't have to be up for another ten absolutely, positively sucks.

My Asshole Brother's Silent Treatment Is Killing Me ...

... and so all my anxiety while sitting next to him for dinner evaporates just because we clink glasses for a toast and he asks me for the pepper shaker?  I hate that it comes to this -- he gave me this passive-aggressive look after I flagged down the dim sum waitress after I thought he wanted to talk to her about something --  but it does.  He's got me, that asshole.

And My Limit With My Family Ended On Day ... 2 Or 3

The stress over planning my sister's graduation, along with my parents bringing up, "So when are you going to get a girlfriend?" followed up by "So when are you going back to school?" did it for me.  Probably didn't help my cause that my sister was running around all day doing chores including picking up My Asshole Brother and his family; not a great time to ask her to pick her up from the beach.

But upon further reflection, it's My Fucking Mother.  She turned on the batshit crazy late.  After dinner, and after I sent her an edited video of one of my sister's graduation ceremonies, she was complaining that I sent her the same, unedited and raw video that included the person before her (a friend of my sister's) getting lauded.  I told her to look at the next video down from the raw one.  It was right on her fucking phone screen.  Then, later, she told me to pick up a duffel bag and a backpack, both of which were gifts from my sister and both packaged in these super-small plastic bags, off of the Murphy bed she and Father are sleeping on now, and for no good goddamn reason, she blurts out, "Why are you taking two bags?"  And honestly, I think I muttered, oh so silently, "Shut up."  (Oh, and another thing: My brother-in-law was about to sit down when he hesitated at the dining room table, and without anyone asking her, she goes, "Sit down -- are you stupid?")

A dozen more days of this bullshit.  And I haven't even laid eyes on that waste of space called my brother.  I continue to insist there's a non-zero percent chance somebody from this party is going to die.

---

Oh, BTW, I know that this is Saturday, and therefore I should have a Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey up and running.  But who am I kidding: I'm too busy dealing with the stress of family on vacation to do one.  It ain't happening.  And I doubt I'll have one for next Week either.  Sorry -- it is what it is!

I have now convinced myself that I shut off the heating to my house before I left.  I changed air filters and cleaned out the contraption the night before leaving, even though I planned on doing that well beforehand.  Of course, after re-installing everything, the thing I would have to do next is go back up and turn the thermostat back on.  I think I did that ... but knowing me, I didn't.  Maybe not hearing the heat turn on all night would have been a sign something's wrong, but I cranked up my own heater, so maybe I wouldn't have noticed.  Besides, I was distracted with finishing packing, and shutting off the main, and turning down the water heater.

I need to strenuously ask my uncle to drop by the house.  Before it was to make sure there's no water leak in the basement and possibly to water the plants.  Now, I should ask him to check if the thermostat is set to Auto.  Because while it's cold now, highs will creep closer to 0 in the next week or so.  If I stupidly shut off the heat, I don't think it's too late (crosses fingers) to turn it back on.  But if I wait, or if my uncle waits ... my God, then I'll be homeless.

Traveling Ain't Getting Any Easier

From the time I woke up to, uh, approximately the time I finished dinner at my sister and brother-in-law's place, I was up 22 hours.  And I think I was up all those 22 hours.  Napping at LAX didn't work, and I had an hour to try and conk off.  And on none of the three trips was I able to pass out.  I had a whole row to myself on my last flight out to here.  Tried laying down for, well, first an hour (I think) and then another ten minutes (I think) before I had to sit up and buckle my seat belt.

As I've posted before, I get very upset when I'm tired.  I certainly was that yesterday, and I feel as though I take it worse than other people.  Sure, I had a long trip here, consisting of three flights.  But with every passing minute when I couldn't pass out, I could feel the tension and anger and temper rise inside me.  It's not a good feeling.  And I feel as though that, as much as I have complained about it in the past, it's not getting any better now as I get older.  The travel probably is hitting me worse, in fact.

So even though I slept for only about 6 1/2 hours on a mattress that was not filled up (I think I slept with my side hitting the floor) and I got woken up by Father offering me coffee, I feel much, much better.  And now I only have to worry about the house, in the middle of a snowstorm, while I sit in paradise.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Tuesday, December 13:

• Well, let's go back to Monday, December 12 ... I love SiriusXM Holiday Pops, the Christmastime choral music/vocal ensemble channel.  I just love the music; I'm not the biggest classical fan, but it feels perfect when it comes to marrying it to the holiday and its themes.  Cantus is a vocal ensemble based in Minneapolis.  They sound great whenever I hear them on the channel (even though I haven't heard them yet this season, and I have been listening to Holiday Pops hardcore this year), and I popped in to see that they are touring the Twin Cities area ... and on Monday, they were at a high school auditorium ten minutes away from me!  Yeah, I am leaving on vacation two days hence, but this may be a once-in-a-lifetime thing, so I bought a ticket to the concert (with a donation) and enjoyed the 90-minute program.  And I bought a CD, which I think is one from which I have heard a couple of their songs on the channel.  Hope I am right.  Cost of the CD: $20.
• Back to Thursday the 8th, where I decided to go to the local barber school to get a face shave.  I had planned on getting one closer to my trip, but 1) they are expensive as hell and 2) I feel as though I would have more trip-related things I would do that evening (not the case, by the way; on Tuesday evening I am writing this right now).  It was important for me to be as clean-shaven as close to Sunday as possible ... but I'll keep the reason to myself right now.  Shave plus tip equals: $12.
• On Wednesday the 7th I started shopping for my trip while ****e* was cleaning the house -- well, I went out to a secret bar first, then went to Target to Christmas shop for co-workers, and then I went to the Salvation Army to buy swim trunks.  I have swim trunks.  I know I have swim trunks.  But I haven't used swim trunks in about a decade, and so I am sure they wouldn't fit me.  I don't know if the ones I bought will fit me, either.  I don't think the Salvation Army has fitting rooms.  Anyway, at the cash registers they have their trademark red kettles, so I reached into my back pocket and scrounged up some change to put in there: 10 cents.
• Oh, and ****e* charged me (both for the cleaning and for letting me nibble on her titties): $220.
• To Tuesday, December 6 -- finally decided to go back to the movies for the first time in months.  There hasn't been a movie I wanted to watch until ... Wakanda Forever.  Yeah, I guess I'm a Marvel Cinematic Universe completist.  Ticket for Discount Tuesday, popcorn, pop: $10.75.
• Then I went to Fair State Brewery.  I was going to work on my EWRs and my monthly expense list, but then I reached into my computer bag and saw that I forgot either my bag of receipts, my pens, or both.  So I just ate an Aki's pretzel and drank a mulled cider cocktail.  With tip: $12.95.
• Back on Saturday the 3rd I stopped by Sarah Jane's Bakery to pick up some donuts for the group of people watching the World Cup later that morning at the Black Hart.  I might have some thoughts over the anxiety I felt of people not scarfing down donuts as soon as they saw them.  Anyway, I felt compelled to give cash for tip, so: $5.
• Then at the Black Hart I had a Summit, which was on sale all through the tournament.  With tip it set me back: $5.
• And then later that evening ******e jacked me off: $120.
• Thursday, December 1: This was the second of two days where I was working for a production crew in town doing the Minnesota Wild Game.  The managers have expense credit cards they can use, but when I went out the previous day to get groceries from Target and coffee from Starbucks, it didn't work.  I resorted to using my own card, and the manager faithfully paid me back.  An Infusion of: $55.
• Back to Sunday, November 27, where ******a came over to rub me down.  This is where she went a little crazy on me, and I haven't seen her since.  Cost: $120.
• Later that evening I went to Rick's, a stripclub in downtown Minneapolis, because a locally-famous porn star was working there.  Or she said she was: I never saw her.  Maybe she was busy.  Or, maybe she was lying.  At any rate, I got three table dances from a lithe spinner named Silk.  With cover, tips and a Corona this quick visit set me back: $98.
• Going back to Dranksgiving/Wednesday, November 23, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) to see my ATF there.  It was embarrassing that I didn't notice her on the upper stage while I walked past her to look at the list of strippers.  I think she was hollering at me and I completely ignored her.  I feel bad because she doesn't look like she did before, and I am treating her like she's completely unrecognizable.  But I got 22 table dances from her.  With cover, drinks for her and I and tips, the total price was: $259.
• All the way back to Saturday, November 12, where I went to the Cedar Cultural Center for the first time ever to see Beth Orton.  I am familiar with several of her songs from her nineties heyday, but I think she only did one from that era, "She Cries Your Name."  So also did her current single, "Fractals."  And the rest I didn't recognize.  I usually don't like being so unfamiliar with so many of an act's songs in her setlist so. ...  For the ticket: $28.
• Finally, on Monday, November 7 I paid into a Powerball poll at work: $4.

Good through December 13.

I Think I'm Packed!

For barely thinking about it until about a week ago and not even putting things aside until Sunday, the fact that I've settled on a carry-on and a backpack for my personal item, and that I think I can carry all that I need to to Hawai'i in both bags, is damn well near a miracle.  I have been having so much stupid anxiety over this two-week vacation that I procrastinated starting, and I'm not quite finished because there are a few things (laptop, toothbrush, pajama pants) that I'll be using right up until I leave the house for good.  But I have a pretty good idea of what I'll bring with me, and it looks like (crosses fingers) I won't need to pay $30 to check in a bag ... well, unless the airlines want to screw me over and accuse me of skirting the rules or something.

I still might take an item or two out, but I think I have all I need, and I think it'll work.  A big piece of my trepidation has been lifted because I finally got around to doing something I needed to do.

OK, so this past blog post was put behind a warning or something from Blogger ... ?  I thought you already had to click on yes to a sensitive content warning box before seeing Wailing And Failing, but for this particular piece that wasn't enough, so they put, like, another content warning or something ... ?  I go look on my homepage and it says something to the effect of, "A summary is not available, please click here to see post."  I don't think what I said was all that bad.  Put behind a content warning, sure, but this second level of moderation?  Yeah, I don't know.

Alright, let's see if this blog post gets the same treatment.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

You know what?  I'm dead tired right now, and I have to get up early in the morning to go watch a World Cup Match.  So, for the first time ever, I think I am going to just list the Twin Cities sports teams in order and ... that's it.  It's just an announcement, not a talking point:

#0: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1).

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3).

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).

#-4: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -4).

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7).

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0)

Laugh It Up, Garbagemen

OK, so ****e* got done cleaning my house last night, and after I felt up her new titties and sucked on her nipples, I had a choice of whether I would go out and have a beer or stay home and ... do something.  I decided on the latter because I went out for a beer the previous night and I would have, at best, 45 minutes to quaff a beer or a cider, and that wasn't worth going out.  But I kind of just ... well, doomscrolled and did a whole lot of nuttin' until I got tired.

What I forgot to do was put out the trash and recycling.  When I slowly lolled around when I got up at around 7:30 yesterday/Thursday morning, I realized as much, and then decided not to dart out there and roll both bins down the driveway.  I am kind of paralyzed right now; I know I have to start packing, but I don't know where to start, plus I wanted to see Grandmother's friend (more on that in an upcoming blog post -- hopefully), plus I wanted to shave.  All the stuff made me think about whether I could do it all, and if so, in what order.  So I just laid in bed until I absolutely had to get up and go.

Once I finally decided I was going to get a shave first, I grabbed the remaining recyclables in the paper bag I store underneath the kitchen counter and went out to dump those in that bin, then bring both that bin and the trash bin down to the end of my driveway.  But just as I stepped out, I saw the garbage truck roll right across the house.  Oh, shit!  The two garbagemen saw me, and that was my signal to drop the bag, run on the ice and snow of my driveway to the garbage bin, and roll it down so they can pick it up and take my trash away.  But when I grabbed the bin and started hauling ass, the truck sped away.  You fuckers!

But then I paid attention to the side of the truck.  Whoops -- wrong garbage company.  I think we had them before, but we use a different one now.  I'm guessing they saw from their perch high on the garbage truck that my garbage bin is a different color from theirs.  Now, did they have to be so rude about skedaddling?  Probably not, but maybe they were in a rush and it didn't behoove to slow down and tell me they're not the guys picking up my trash.

I looked back at where I dropped my bag of recyclables and gloves.  And then I imagined how I looked from their point-of-view.  And they had to have laughed their asses off once they got back to the garbage dump: "So there was this guy who saw me roll right past his house, and he panics because he thought that we were going to pick up his trash.  So he drops his bag and gloves on the ground and slips over to the bin and starts bringing it down on the driveway.  But then we see it's green and not black, and so we just blew past him!  And he was just standing there with his dick in his hands, that dumbfuck!   Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!  We're so superior to him!!

Ok, that last sentence might have been my self-hate coming out.  But I'm sure they thought I looked funny when I freaked out at seeing them, not realizing they're not my garbage company.  Laugh it up, garbagemen.  You might be a necessity, but you're still fucking garbage.

Oh Yeah, The Change To Wailing And Failing

This happened a few weeks ago, and I was too busy to dig in (well, at least "skim" in) and talk about this -- I changed the display on my blog!  How do you like it?

I think it's ... fine.  Frankly, I don't remember why I changed it.  I think I decided it was better for me to add some widget Blogger said I should add, and the only I could add it was to change the look of my blog.  Typing that sentence makes me feel foolish.  Anyway, I changed it because my blog could have used a refresher, although honestly, adding ... uh, the sky isn't quite "freshening" up a blog.  But I love nature, even if it's just, well, sky.  But still, this isn't making my blog look anything better than something from, say, 2003.

Any thoughts?  Any suggestions?

(Aside: I thought this blog post about changing the look of Wailing And Failing was going to be way longer than this.  Maybe I shouldn't have been so afraid of tossing this up because it was going to be so short.  Anyway, I woke up but now feel like going back to sleep now.)

Addendum To: thudthudthudthud

So I woke up when this car shop opened this morning, around 7.  Brought it in hoping they'd find something and fix it before the day was over, but really, they had till Friday before I needed it back.

Instead, they called me just after I took a shower after working out in the morning, around 9:30.  They found the reason my car was making those thumping sounds: The lug nuts on my passenger's-side front wheel were either loose or missing.

Honestly, I thought it was a mistake, that these guys are starting a pattern of not doing their due diligence and really figuring out what is wrong with the car.  An hour later I got off the bus and went in to pick up my car, prepared to pull it right back into the shop once I heard the thudding.  But I didn't, and I haven't.  In fact, it runs like a dream.

So, lug nuts?  Really, just lug nuts?  I was prepared to get a new bearing, or C/V joint, or rotors, or shocks.  How could something way out on that part of the car make noises right underneath.  And furthermore, how in the hell did I not see lug nuts were missing on one of my wheels?  Yeah, this seemed to have happened out of the blue Friday morning, but I thought I had paced around my car at least several times between then and now, and I didn't notice a damn thing.

But finally ... who in the hell wants to steal lug nuts?  There's nothing special about mine.  And if the mechanic is right about only two being missing, what stopped a person who, supposedly, vandalized my car from just taking all four of my lug nuts?  He only wanted two, and wanted to loosen the other two to just mess with me?

The Puzzle Pieces Aren't Fitting Together

These are the following places and things I want to eat for the, uh, foreseeable future:

• McDonald's, because some of my points are expiring;
• Taco Bell, because there is an offer for more points;
• Dunn Bros., because they're running another of their "two bucks off an order of $12" offers
• Chipotle, because they're giving me free guacamole for the next week
• Jimmy John's, because I have a free pickle or free chips that I need to use by Boxing Day
• The mini rack of ribs that I took out of storage last night and is thawing in the fridge
• Young Joni's back bar, just because

And I want to eat at all of these things before I leave for Hawai'i.  I know that is impossible, and yet, in my mind, I am still trying to figure out when I can eat at each of those places.  I don't know if I can.

That's all I got.  I have to wake up early to bring my car in for repairs.

You Know What? I'm Not Looking Forward To This Vacation

Yeah, I said it.  It's a vacation to Hawai'i.  How can anybody be so upset that they're going to Hawai'i?  Well, I'm a weirdo, so I'm that upset person.

First of all, and I wonder if I just blog posted about this, I got my credit card statement in the mail the other day, and hoo boy, there's a non-zero chance that I will max out my credit card by the time I come home from this vacation.  I didn't think I spent that much money, but I did, and on vacations all you do is spend even more money.  Fuck me.

Second of all, I am leaving the house on its own for two weeks, in the winter.  I have read up on making sure the thermostat is kept on but not too high (I think 62 degrees is just about right) and to open all cabinet doors to help ensure the pipes don't freeze.  But it's going to be by itself for two whole weeks, and I have no idea what's going to happen at this house while I'm gone.  The pipes could still freeze.  Maybe the alarm will go off an hour after I leave for the airport and it'll be ringing the whole goddamn time I'm gone.  There could be a leak and the basement cold flood for two entire weeks.  And it's possible someone breaks into the house and steals everything.  Who knows?  Nobody's gonna be here to make sure everything's fine.  I hate that, because I am terrified of what condition the house is going to be in when I come back.

Third of all, and this is a corollary to the second of all, I am scared as hell for Father's plants.  I still have no idea how and how frequently I need to water his plants, but I'm pretty sure they won't survive two weeks without water.  Last night I asked my folks if anybody is going to drop in on the house and make sure it's standing while I'm gone.  No, they said, that's not the plan.  I have half a mind to walk over to my sister's (maybe ex-; it's complicated) best friend's house mere yards away from us, give her the key to the house, and ask her and her girl to come in and water the plants ... and make sure no one's squatting in my bedroom.  I have relatives who live close and I'm fairly sure that not only do my parents not want them to check on the house, they don't want me telling them I'm going on vacation.  So these plants, these things My Fucking Father has yelled at me often enough over the years to make me believe he cares more about them than he ever did about me, are just gonna die because my sister's graduating.  And there's nothing anyone is going to do about it.

Finally, and this is probably worse than anything, I am spending two solid weeks with my family.  My sister and brother-in-law, they're cool, but I think I'll be living with them, and they keep saying their place is really small.  The living arrangements have already been made, and I think that I and my folks will be staying with them, and my sis and bro-in-law keep saying it'll be an extremely tight fit.  That will only exacerbate any negative feelings that might bubble up between us as we are lashed together for two entire weeks.  Yeah, it's a vacation, but another way of looking at it is we're being forced to have fun on multiple occasions every day for (say it with me now) two whole fucking weeks.  This damned family has argued on long vacations before and road trips before; how will this be any way different besides the possibility we'll be yelling at each other in flip-flops on Waikiki Beach?

Seriously, the family dynamics are toxic enough that a spark might explode this powder keg of a family.  My sister and brother-in-law remain the most normal segment of the family, but they're under the stress of hosting six other people and organizing events for two whole weeks.  Mother and Father are their usual fucked-up selves, and they may be even more fucked-up than usual because they're on vacation and will use their status as the elders to get what they want, no matter how expensive or problematic their ask may be.  And shit, there's my brother, sister-in-law and niece.  I am convinced that all they do is fight with each other.  I can't imagine it getting any better when they're stuck together with each other and the rest of us goblins for two solid motherfucking weeks.

Now, consider that, and then consider that I don't like most of these people and will be set off based on  one nasty comment, and then you'll possibly understand how afraid I am that this "vacation" will go sideways.  By that I mean that if one of my parents ask if I have a girlfriend yet, I might throw my drink in their faces.  And if My Asshole Brother gives me the silent treatment when I need to ask him something, I might take a knife and slash him across the face to let him know I won't be ignored.  I am dead serious that there is a non-zero chance that one member of this family doesn't survive the vacation.  By Day 12 of this traveling disaster I could kill someone, or someone could kill me.  But I'm not going to say it can't happen.

All this bullshit is what I have to look forward to on vacation.  Now, I'm sure that if I was planning this vacation -- if I wanted to go to Hawai'i -- I would feel different about all this.  Maybe my bad thoughts and violent ideations over this vacay revolves around my umbrage that someone else planned this trip and not me -- that, moreover, I am being summoned at the behest of another, even if it is my sweet and smart sister, even if it is to Hawai'i.  I don't like to be told what to do, even if it is going on a vacation to somewhere warm in the middle of winter.

So this is what I have to look forward to.  Oh, and I need to buy swim trunks.  Double oh, and I have to prepare for a family photo shoot on the beach.  I have no idea why we need to hire Glamour Shots to document this graduation, but we are.  And each family segment will get a mini-photo shoot, which means there's my sis and bro-in-law, my parents, my bro and sis-in-law and niece ... and me.  Just me?  Really?  And I still have to pose for this when I don't have anybody to take a photograph with?  Isn't that ... pathetic?  Do I have to treat this like my senior photoshoot, because I never did a senior photoshoot.  And what is taking pictures of me going to entail?  Am I going to, like, pose next to a rack of surfboards or something?  Jesus fucking Christ, this is going to be awkward as fuck. ...

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November 2022

I think it's a pretty good month, but admittedly, I think that if you plot each of the dozen waitresses in the month, you'd get an hourglass shape: Several really hot ones, and several meh ones, with a couple in the middle.  But I want to look at the bright side and highlight the four really, really good ones, in ascending order.

(Well, first off, I want to give an Honorable Mention of sorts to Orlando's Portia.  I think I've seen her pout and her gorgeous face in previous calendars, probably as a Main Girl for a month.  I put her here because she was asked by the photographer to hold and spray a hose for her shot.  I don't get that.  At all.  And it's distracting enough for me to place her in this tier.  Sorry.)

In fourth place is Alexus of ... the Mall Of America?!  I don't think I've ever seen her work there.  Shame, because she's sportin' a hot body in her photo.  Light black skin, long and dark hair, and an orange two-piece bikini with some ... uh, tulle (?) and a thin string that wraps around her waist.  Don't quite get that, but what puts her photo over the top is her smile.  Very broad, and very sexy.

In third place ... well, frankly, the top three were kind of tough to rank.  I might have a different order if I did this blog post tomorrow, but for now, 3rd is Sara out of Long Beach.  Long brunette hair and turquoise two-piece.  She's got a set of tits, man, and that bikini top (its straps cross over) emphasizes that bigness as well as the cleavage that a crossover top smushes together.  Oh, and the front of the top is cut like a "V,", so you can see inbetween her tits.  Goddamn I would motorboat the shit outta her.

In second place is The Main Girl, Atlantic City's Kaitlin.  She stands out in many ways in her picture.  She has long black hair, and she is wearing a light green two-piece bikini.  But two even better qualities stand out.  First, she has quite pale skin, and that sets her apart from not only the other women in this month but all of the other Hooters models in all the other months I've analyzed.  And second, you can see that she has a thin and fit body.  I imagine that she is quite tall, and if so, she is a devastating glass of water.

Finally, in first place, from Mesa, Ariz., is Kyleie.  She has a small photo, she's got long blonde hair and she's sporting a purple two-piece.  But two things place her above all the others for Nov. '22.  First, she's got big boobs (so big that they may be fakes), and unlike with Sara's, Kyleie's top separates her boobs, giving her cleavage as wide as a parted Red Sea.  And second, like with Alexus, Kyleie is smiling, and in fact beaming from ear to ear.  I may be being totally sexist, but a hot girl smiling is so fucking arousing.  That puts her over the top.

So congratulations to Kyleie and all the other top women for November 2022.  Hopefully I will have the time to jerk off to all of you very soon!

thudthudthudthud

Now there is something seriously wrong with my car.  It seemed to have started Friday morning when I backed down my driveway real hard to the point where my front seemed to have hit a hole or an ice divot or something.  But when I got up to a moderate speed and steered (I think to the left, but it could have been to the right), I both heard and felt this rhythmic thudding.  It was similar to the time when I brought my car to a new shop (at least for me; I think the place has been where it is for years) to replace the sparkplugs and shortly after I left I heard this thumping noise whenever I braked.  It might be related for all I know.

But it's gotten worse.  It was bad driving on the highway down to downtown Friday after work, but it was OK taking the side streets back up home.  But then I drove it everywhere yesterday/Saturday and it was just bad no matter how or how fast I drove my car -- highway speeds or slow, steering to the left or to the right (actually, it might be OK steering to the right), accelerating or coasting.  It's OK while idling and that's it.

Now, I have to say that my car seems to be driving just fine.  The noises when I change lanes are getting louder and louder to the point where I don't think I can drive that thing until I get it fixed.  But ... if I weren't so damn anxious, could I just, you know, drive it like this, with the thumping getting louder and happening more and more often, because it's still driving right?  The thumping is a sign of something that will get worse, so eventually I would have to bring it in before I, like, break an axel.  But maybe I'm scaring myself.  Maybe I don't have to bring it in Tuesday or Wednesday like I think I will.

But I will.  I have Wednesday off, so maybe ideally that would be the day to bring it in.  But I have an itching to get this fixed ASAP, and I don't think The Mechanic Around The Corner has a spot for me Monday because I feel as though all the spots for the beginning of the week are already taken with cars whose owners want maintenance done on them.  So Tuesday it might be.  Speaking of days off, I was hoping for just one day to simply hang out and with my wang out with a care in the world.  Well, I have this to care about, so that ain't happenin'.  I also will probably have to spend a good plop of dough on, what, new shocks, a bearing, C/V joints, rotors?  I just got one of my credit card bills and Jesus fucking Christ, I'm going through a lot of money ... and I will be going through even more on my trip to Hawai'i.  And now, this on top of that.  And I hate all of this.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  Well, I appreciate this team's finishing kick.  These Gophers wound up their regular season by going into Lincoln and not just beating but sweeping then-fifth-ranked Nebraska, 22-23-22.  Their 20-8 overall record and 15-5 Big Ten record landed them the ... uh, #2 Seed in the ... uh, upper-left quadrant of the NCAA Tournament bracket -- is that what they're actually calling it?  Well, they have started off on the right foot last/Friday night by crushing automatic qualifier Southeastern Louisiana, a school that, until just now, I didn't know existed.

But I will not give this club Positive Numbers.  First of all, been there, done that.  Get back to the Final Four and I'll be impressed.  (Win the title for the first time would be even better, but anyway. ...)  For all I know, the Cornhuskers were resting all their starters, even if this probably was Senior Night.  Who cares if they crushed SELA?  And I think this squad is capable of being upset.  Tonight/Saturday night they host Northern Iowa, who not only beat the quadrant #7 Seed Florida St., but swept them, 24-19-21.  I remember that a Panthers team about ... 15 Years ago (?) came into the Pavilion and beat a seeded Golden Gophers team.  So it can happen.  Huge McCutcheon's tenure as Head Coach can still come to a crashing and humbling end.

#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -2).  Well, this club is 3-0 to start the season.  They beat a ranked South Dakota St. team, but barely, 19-16.  They crushed Augustana, 37-4, but are they even top-flight.  Whatever -- they go to Stillwater and face fifth-ranked Oklahoma St. in a Dual that actually has some heft to it.  And then on Friday the U. goes back to pushing around the locals when they visit North Dakota St.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  See, I can tell from last/Friday night's 5-0 road shellacking of #11/#13 Michigan St. that the #4 Golden Gophers have a lot of talent that can kill a lot of opponents.  But then they can also turn it off, as on last Saturday night, when they lost in Overtime, 6-5, at Arizona St., which has received some votes for the polls.  I want to think they're more winners than losers, and I can chalk up the Losses to it being college hockey, but I could use more consistency.  One more against the Spartans tonight/Saturday night, then they have a pair versus Wisconsin at home beginning on Friday.

#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -4).  Like with the men, the women's hockey squad sometimes short out.  At last Saturday's championship Game of the Henderson Collegiate Hockey Showcase, the succumb to then-fifth-ranked Yale, 4-3.  Yale?  Really?  Oh, well, they beat up Minnesota State-Mankato last/Friday night, 4-1 at Ridder.  Another one with the Mavericks this/Saturday afternoon (this time in Mankato), then a two-Game home series vs. St. Cloud St. starting Friday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Despite going undefeated this Week with home Wins over Phoenix and Edmonton (a Game I worked but didn't watch because I was minding the crew food), they remain out of the playoff picture for now.  Also, their Forwards remain banged up; for how long will they have to switch up their lines?  Finally, Marco Rossi, thought to be the Evgeni Malkin to Kirill Kaprizov's Sidney Crosby, was sent down to AAA Iowa this Week.  No, not even a great player's career is a straight line going up.  But I still can't help but believe superstars don't need to be sent down to the minors.  They finish their seven-Game homestand against Anaheim this/Saturday afternoon, then go down to The Team That Was Stolen From Us, Calgary and Edmonton in the start of a four-Game road trip.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  Well, they are only a half-Game behind for the final spot in the West.  But that eighth spot is occupied by Golden State, a team that came into Target Center Sunday and drubbed the Wolves by 23.  They then went to D. C. and got boatraced by the Wizards by 15, but then they came home and ended their losing streak at three with an eight-Point victory over Memphis.

Karl-Anthony Towns will be shut down four-to-six Weeks due to a calf strain.  That may not be a bad thing for the Woofie Dogs.  One fewer mouth to feed may mean more space and opportunity for Anthony Edwards and Rudy Gobert and D'Angelo Russell to produce and, just maybe, learn how to work well together.

This Week they're hosting Oklahoma City and Indiana (they're playing the Pacers twice in about two Weeks) before visiting Utah Friday.

#-6: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  They sandwiched a 12-Point Win over a crazy-ass evangelical school (that would be Liberty) in the consolation Game of the Cav Classic with a pair of defeats to, you know, actually colleges.  Sure, they were close; the U. lost by three to Cav Classic hosts Virginia and, in the B1G/ACC Challenge, the Goofs lost by only four at home to Wake Forest.  Still, this does not portend an improvement for this ballclub.  Furthermore, I was driving home from crewing for Wednesday night's Game against the Demon Deacons and I don't know how the margin of defeat was so close considering all the fucking Turnovers that team committed.  There are some serious fundamentals missing from that team, and that program, and it'll bite them in the ass against this Year, I can guarantee it.

They finish up a three-Game homestand this screening Week.  Tonight/Saturday night they begin conference play with Penn St.  And then on Wednesday they host ... Kentucky?  Seriously, Kentucky?  I swear I didn't see the Wildcats on the schedule anywhere until now.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7).  Lost by ten at Virginia Tech in their part of the ACC/Big Ten Challenge.  The women's program has been a morass for longer, but I'm really believing there is a huge talent deficit with this team.  Will they get exposed tomorrow/Sunday afternoon when they play at Purdue.  (The answer is yes.)  On Thursday they will host Michigan.

#-Infinity: Gopher football (Last Week: -8).  They're bowling either in, Nashville (Music City), New York City (Pinstripe), or Charlotte (Duke's Mayo) after capping off their season by retaining the Axe in a 23-16 Win over Wisconsin in Madison.  But there are two sour notes that end this program's season.  

First is what I consider P. J. Fleck's post-Game whining about the state of the program.  Paraphrasing, he said that he was told that beating Wisconsin would keep him as Head Coach here forever, and that even though he did just that, people still want to run him out of town for losing last Week to Iowa.  People have to remember that when Fleck was hired, he told fans Minnesota will win Big Ten championships and go to multiple Rose Bowls.  He raised the expectations, not some strawman.  Second is the Badgers' decision this Week to hire as their new HC Luke Fickell out of Cincinnati.  He took a non-BcS program and propelled it into the College Football Playoff (something my alma mater was lined up to do and, fuckin' A, pissed away).  He's good, and I'll bet he alone will turn the tide of this rivalry back to Wisky.  And that means that the Fleck Firing Watch has begun.

Man, between pulling in half-days at work the past two days to going to a Game-watching event today to watching the USMNT at the World Cup tomorrow morning and afternoon ... you know, I have to pack for Hawaii!  And I was hoping to go through my stuff, too!!  I have no time, no time at all.  My God, I am too damn busy for my own good!!!

Gotta got to work!  Byeeeee!!!

I did the quick math in my head.  The gig that I'm doing now, assuming I have the right pay rate and assuming I am getting at least ten and if not twelve hours both yesterday/Wednesday and today/Thursday, will pay me just about as much as I do working a full week at work.  Doing a usual week's worth of work in two days?  Sweet!  And most of the time I was just standing around, doing nothing and getting anxious over my phone losing juice.  I'll remember to bring my computer bag with me after hanging out with them for a day and getting the sense they're at least OK people.

And ... that's all I got.  I am crashing bad, and I still have to write up something for my alumni group.  No rest for the wicked, I tell ya.

So I work for a new crew this morning for the Wild Game tomorrow/Thursday.  I finally hooked into this production company; unfortunately, I had to surprise my boss with a second day off (I had asked for today/Wednesday off for a few weeks, and I thought I would, you know, actually have this day off) on Monday.  Everybody's cool, I believe; that's not something I will take likely when it comes to loyalty to my job.

I do hope this is worth the sudden change to my main job.  I have the usual anxieties: New people, new environment (will I be outside most of the time?  It's going to be cold today), new venue when it comes to working in the capacity I'm working (I have been up in the press box a few times but that was years ago when I was doing radio and freelancing, so I'll need to figure out where everything is again), etc.  I have to hope that the people I work for aren't assholes.  And on top of all that, I have driving on the roads to worry about.  I think it'll be OK because the snowstorm we suffered through yesterday/Tuesday (I think we got just over four inches here even though other places in the Twin Cities got twice that) finished up for evening rush, so I have to believe the highways are going to be alright come morning, but the temperatures are going to go below freezing, so I'm scared that there will be slick spots I'll encounter if I'm not careful, or slow.

So I hope I make a good impression.  And I hope I don't screw this up.  And I hope I can work on my computer in my downtime with these people.  And I hope I don't regret doing this.

Goddamn You, Blizzard

We have had several inches of snow already, but for the first time in a long time (if not ever), that occurred over, like, a week straight.  This morning we're getting our first goddamn blizzard, and motherfuck, the worst of it is aiming straight at the Twin Cities.  At first this dead bullet (by which I mean the worst of it; this snowstorm was going to give us some of the white stuff) was going to miss us to the east and north.  But I just saw the rerun of the 10 p.m. news and it's now hitting us right in the fucking eyes right here.  And it went from 2-4" to ... what, 5-7"?

I now have anxieties all over the goddamn place.  Foremost is getting to work on time and in one piece, and then getting home in one piece.  The heaviest of the storm begins around the time I start off for work.  Beyond that, I have taken a gig running for Thursday's Wild Game, and I'm working tomorrow/Wednesday as well as Thursday.  I'll post all my other fears in my next blog post this time tomorrow, but I can tell you right now I'm scared I'll get into an accident on my way to St. Paul for this job.  All the elements are there: First time with this new company, first time working production regarding this team, first time working such a gig on the other side of the river, etc.  Yeah, the snowstorm could have hit Wednesday instead of today, but still, I'm afraid it's going to be awful.

Goddamn you, blizzard.  I might not survive you, truly.

Damn, Bitch Is Now Cray

So, I was dithering as to when I wanted ******a to come over and rub me down again.  On the one hand, her last massage was great; she ended it by sliding her hands around my perineum (the area between my dick and my asshole), which gave me the idea she's this much closer to touching my pee-pee.  On the other hand, she was in one of her paranoid moods again, talking about how the phone is listening in to her conversations and shit.  Eventually, my little brain prevailed.  Also, I have felt burned lately by the other strippers in my life, promising me handjobs but then ghosting me, or going all crazy and spitting all over my cock for some goddamn reason.  For the most part, ******a has delivered, and I need that realiability right now.  So, even though I planned on seeing this porn star late last/Sunday evening, I woke up from my #DoinTheQuad World Cup marathon viewing-induced nap earlier in the evening to call her up and tell her to get her sweet ass over here so she could soothe me.

Her getting lost, again, could have been a warning sign.  So too could have been her complaining that she couldn't find her weed.  She went back to her car to try and find it; I encouraged her, because she was high when she massaged me last time, and she, you know, almost touched my pee-pee.  Unfortunately, her paranoia about being followed not only has persisted but intensified; she kept talking about how her ex-boyfriend from about two years ago was, like, able to open her phone remotely to track where she's going and to trace her phone calls.

This time, however, it was a hell of a lot worse.  She's living with her sister and her family, and she believes they stole her weed.  She then asked if she could place her phone at my bay window so she could record her car as it was on the driveway.  Then, she wanted me to take out the batteries in my CO detector; I didn't know how, so ******a just told me to put it in the living room.

But worst of all was her behavior as she asked me to change the settings on my phone.  I don't know what the fuck she wanted me to do, but she was so goddamn scared that her phone would somehow manipulate my phone into recording us or something that told me to go through a lot of my settings and turn them on, or off, or something else.  She wanted me to turn on my data plan, then turn it off, then turn it on again.  She told me she wanted it on airplane before she told me to turn on my data.  And then, she told me to turn off my phone and turn it on, to "reset" my phone.

But by God, the strangeness didn't end there.  She was vaping because she had no weed.  ******a blew the plume of vape smoke my way, to which I coughed.  And she said, "What was that?"

"A cough," I replied.

"It sounds like a cough of someone who's trying to tell me something," ******a said.  And then she told me to do all these fucked-up things to my phone settings again.  I got so fucking sick of this bullshit that I made her do it.  I just held up the phone while she tapped and swiped and everything.  And by the way, it didn't look like she knew what the fuck she was doing, either!!!  We spent a good 15 goddamn minutes on fucking with my phone, for all I know, what she did and/or undid got my phone to start spying on her.  Finally, out of nowhere, she said, "Pretty soon, I will take all of my enemies down.  And I hope you're not one of them."  Dafuq?

But you know what?  The massage was fucking fantastic.  The massage, the real deal, was great.  She kneaded my knots and busted the fascia all out of my muscles and stuff.  But also, maybe because she was at least self-aware at how bonkers she sounded, while she didn't actually touch my pee-pee, I think she knocked up against my cock more times than at any previous session.  And when she did this thing where lightly tapped all over my pubic hair, I think I got a semi.

So I think I'm working on ******a ... no, wait a second -- she's insane!!!  For all I know, the next time she comes over, she's going to accuse me of spying on her!!!  That is the next logical step ... by using her logic, of course.  At her next psychotic break, she will find my house while I am gone and try to break in to see where all the cameras are and shit.  How do I explain that to my parents?  Man, the things I do just so I can be naked in front of a hot chick, I tell ya. ...

Doin' The Quad!!!!

OK, I am here at the Black Hart.  As I type this, I am between the second and the third Match today.  My energy feels good, although, like on Thanksgiving, I wonder if I am going to crash come 1 p.m.'s marquee Matchup between Spain and Germany.

What I am surprised about, and maybe I shouldn't be, is how full I feel right now.  I thought I could, like, graze my way through the day.  So I bought donut holes for the (what turned out to be) two dozen people who braved the 4 a.m. Game between Japan and Costa Rica and paid for coffee.  Before the second Match, Belgium-Morocco at 7 a.m., I went out and wanted to get Hardee's, but they were not open yet, so I went through the McDonald's drive-thru instead.  Haven't had their hotcakes (with sausage) in a long time, and it was nice.  But then I ordered a spicy Bloody Mary.  That was around 7, just before the start of the Game, and I am still working on it.  I didn't think three small-ish pancakes and one sausage patty could fill me up, but it has.  Damn, I feel fat.  I might be able to have one more cup of coffee, just so I can stay awake, and I might eat more donut holes because no one appears to be eating the last half of the box, but I guess I will not be having a hot dog and chips and a beer, like I planned on.  Oof, I feel fat.

Hope to Buddha I get through watching all four Matches here!!  Wish me luck!!

---

Aside: With me doing this, it appears the plan I once had of watching the NFL and either getting pizza or making something at home at least on one Sunday will go by the wayside.  I had chances earlier this season, but I think I didn't then because I was called into work then.  As much as that sucks, this one thing I want to do will probably have to wait till next year, and I justify not doing by thinking that it's not the World Cup or the upcoming family vacation at fault, but work.  Those two things are once-in-a-lifetime occurrences, while work could happen (even though I think it's going to stop once the company hires more people).  In this case, doing something that might not ever happen again trumps something that you do on an annual basis ... even though I don't remember if I ever just veged out over at least one NFL Sunday every year.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  They only had one Game this screening Week, but they outlasted Arizona St. in Tempe, 3-2, and they're ranked second in the nation, and in a crowded Week, I think they probably are the only team in the Twin Cities that is playing very, very well right now.  So they're positive for a second Week in a row.

One more with the Sun Devils this/Saturday night, then a two-Game series at Michigan St. starting on Friday.

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  I hesitate to say they're rounding into form, but I have to admit they have collected some good results this Week.  They swept Rutgers in Piscataway, like they should have, but these women surprised me by beating #8 Ohio St. at Columbus in four Sets, avenging a humiliating defeat in three at the Pavilion.

Minnesota is ranked ninth in the poll right now.  The regular season finale is this/Saturday night at #5 Nebraska.  Yeah, they're in the tournament, and after a topsy-turvy season, there's a chance they'll snag the #8 seed, which would line them up for a Regional Final appearance, which is something I doubted from time to time this year.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Well, at least they can kick the shit out of a low-major school like Presbyterian in a bodybag Game, 82-48.  What's coming this weekend, the Cav Classic in Charlottesville, should be a fitter test.  They play host Virginia this/Saturday afternoon, then play Liberty tomorrow/Sunday afternoon.  The squad then plays their part in the B1G/ACC Challenge, hosting Wake Forest Wednesday.  Hmmm, Wake Forest ... maybe I should go to this Game.

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  It is sad, truly sad, that a once-program like the University of Minnesota has a wrestling squad that was getting their asses kicked, at Halftime, 12-6, by fucking Binghamton.  Binghamton.  Binghamton.  But the Bearcats -- that's what they're called -- had an upset at 184 when #22 Jacob Nolan beat #10 of the Gophers, Isaiah Salazar, and then #7 Lou DePrez of Binghamton pinned #28 of the U. Garret Joles at 197.  They had one hell of a rally they needed to pull off, and somehow they did; the Dual was won only at the last Match, at 157, where #2 Brayton Lee of Minnesota beat the Bearcats' Connor Decker via Major Decision for the 19-15 final.

And Binghamton was unranked!  What awaits the Gopher grapplers when they face South Dakota St., which as a team is ranked 24th, tomorrow/Sunday afternoon -- in Brookings?  Oh, they also host Augustana at Maturi Thursday.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  They're up here mostly for their lofty record, but this was a pretty strange Week for The Purple.  First, they get laughed off the national stage, at home, to a Dallas Cowboys club that decimated the Vikings Offensive Line for seven Sacks, went through the Defense with their 1-2 punch of Tony Pollard and Ezekiel Elliott, and wiped out any hopes Minnesota had of coming back in that Game on Sunday with big play after big play.  The emasculation was 40-3, the second-worst home defeat in Vikings history.  (The only one worse was delivered on October 6, 1963 by The St. Louis Cardinals, a team that, technically, doesn't exist anymore.)  It was the Cowboys' biggest road Win ever.  And I just saw this stat here, by Mike Florio of Pro Football Talk: The Cowboys are undefeated at U. S. Bank Stadium.  You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

No rest for the wicked as the Vikes hosted their first-ever Thanksgiving Game in history.  Too bad it was up against the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick, a man who probably knows why you wet your bed when you were a kid.  And yet Minnesota won by yet another one-score margin (33-26), but even that was controversial: Can anyone explain how in the hell that catch by Hunter Henry was ruled incomplete?  Another Florio joint on PFT raises (and maybe I'm muddying the waters here, but we kind of left logic once the call of a Touchdown was overturned) a third possibility: Going by the NFL's rules, couldn't Henry be down just short of the Goal Line for a 4th-&-Goal?

Whatever.  Minnesota finally beat New England after losing the last five matchups with them (the last time they won was in 2000).  They're 9-2; second-place Green Bay (!) and Detroit (!!) are 4-7.  It's possible that if the Vikes defeat the Jets, and both the Packers and Lions lose next Week, they win the NFC North.  And yet Vikings fans will remain traumatized over the beatdown by the Cowboys are wonder how good of a team are they.  And they should remain traumatized.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  A shootout Win followed by a thorough 4-1 pummeling in Wisconsin doesn't portend good things once they enter WCHA play.  But they're out in Las Vegas this weekend -- Henderson, Nev., to be exact -- for the Henderson Collegiate Hockey Showcase and they started that tournament by destroying 12th-ranked Penn St., 5-1, last/Friday evening.  They play #5 Yale (!!) this/Saturday evening in a different arena than they played last/Friday evening, then start a two-Game set against Minnesota State-Mankato beginning Friday.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  Went 3-1 this Week -- just got by an injury-riddled 76ers squad in Philadelphia, survived Miami (a team, by the way, whose number the T-Wolves have had for many, many Years now -- seriously, they've, like, lost twice to them over the past Decade.  They were good against them even in the Wade & James Years), then crushed the Pacers in Indiana.  But then yesterday/Black Friday afternoon, they had an ass Third Quarter (after leading at the Half) where they were outscored by the Hornets by 18 and lost in Charlotte, 110-108.  That ended their winning streak at five.

Despite their recent run of good form, the fanbase is growing more disgruntled that the team hasn't gelled yet.  They were booed off at Halftime of the Game against Miami because they were down, 60-47.  In a diametric opposite of what they did at Charlotte, they boatraced the Heat 37-19 in the Third Quarter to lead by five after three.  But after the Game, new acquisition Rudy Gobert complained that the Target Center crowd wasn't more supportive.  Hey, Patient Zero, these people paid good money.  Unless what they do is illegal, they can do whatever the hell they want.  And they responded like they usually do, and should, whenever their team is playing like shit.  You were playing like shit.  And by the way, after you got booed off the court, you started playing better.  Real better.  And you won.  And I think you didn't get booed off the court after the Game.  See how it works?

The Timberwolves remain in tenth place out of what people are calling an anemic-looking Western Conference.  (The team in first, Phoenix, have won two-thirds of their tilts, so I don't know if that's a sign of conference weakness.)  They are only a half-Game behind The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers for eighth, however.  This Week: Home to Golden State, at Washington, home to Memphis.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -7).  Not a bad screening Week: They beat a real good team in The Bastard Hartford Whalers, 2-1, then blasted The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, 6-1.  Unfortunately, they lost Black Friday to Toronto, 4-3, where, according to The Athletic's Michael Russo, the Jordan Greenway-Johnny Gaudreau-Matt Boldy Line sucked and the Alex Goligoski-Matt Dumba was on the ice for all four Maple Leaf Goals.  They sit on 20 Points along with three other teams, and they all are tied for eighth place.  Still, with a similar record to the Timberwolves, I decided to throw them under the Wolves for this Week's survey because they played and won one fewer Game.

They continue their seven-contest, 16-Day homestand this Week against The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and Edmonton.  Hmmm, a light Week after playing four the previous one, including that Black Friday afternoon Loss.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4).  I am getting impatient with this team.  They were in San Juan Capistrano this Week for the SoCal Challenge.  They played California Baptist.  I caught the radio call of the Game (late) on the Fan.  Mike Grimm either was with the football team or begged out of this tournament, so the studio host/back-up was the announcer, and despite not having a color analyst, I like the guy.

But I didn't like the Game.  They raced out to a 15-0 lead, but somehow the Lancers were able to get back into the Game and eventually, Cal Baptist managed to tie this Game in regulation at 53 even though they were up at Halftime by eight.  The Lancers led for the first time that evening in Overtime, and even led by three with 85 Seconds left.  But Minnesota closed it out with a Dunk by Pharrel Payne and, with five Seconds left in OT, a Dawson Garcia basket in the paint, to win, 62-61.  Still, this is a very demoralizing way for a BcS school to play against a college that probably graduated to top-flight this decade.  And, as logic would dictate based on previous results, in the Championship Game of the SoCal Challenge they were no match for the winners, UNLV.  The final score was 71-62, but the deficit was in double digits most of the Second Half.

They have one Game this screening Week before B1G play starts in earnest: Their participation in the ACC/Big Ten Challenge, where they travel to Blacksburg and face Virginia Tech on Monday.

#-8: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  This season, one in which the Big Ten West became up-for-grabs in the middle of the season, has become a stinging disappointment.  Iowa dirties up any Game they play, but the Gophers remained in it, keeping it deadlocked at 10 ... until Mo Ibrahim fumbled at the Iowa 9-Yard-line with about five Minutes remaining in the tilt and, worse than that, after getting the ball back on a Three-And-Out (where Iowa didn't gain a Yard, something that that ballclub has done all season and yet still has a chance to win the Division), Athan Kaliakmanis got picked off at the Hawkeye 33 with about two Minutes remaining in the tilt.  Iowa did gain Yards on this Possession; in fact, they drove it all the way down to the Gopher 3 before hitting the Game-winning Field Goal with 1:38 left.  Minnesota turned the ball over on downs in the next series, and Iowa gets Floyd of Rosedale for an eighth Year in a row.

Now all this squad has left to fight for are pride and, well, The Axe.  This afternoon they play Wisconsin in Madison, and while not too long ago I would have thought the Gophs would be able to retain Paul Bunyan's tool for a second Year, well, now, after they changed Head Coaches mid-season to Jim Leonhard, I don't know for sure.  It feels like there's a good chance Minnesota finishes below .500 in-conference this Year.  And like I said, that is very, very disappointing.

#-9: Whitecaps (Last Week: -6).  Coverage of the Premier Hockey Federation remains a black hole, but what I do know is technically, they remain winless four Games into the season.  They took Boston to Overtime but lost 58 Seconds in when the Pride's Sammy Davis five-holed Whitecaps Goaltender Amanda Leveille.  You get loser Points in the PHF and, well, that's what the Whitecraps currently are, I'm afraid.  Off through next Week.