I Might Die Tonight, You Never Know

So I am going out to organize my alma mater's football game party.  Meanwhile, the guy whose wife I fooled around with (I didn't know she was married; she was just a stripper) left some, uh, snarky comments on my Facebook.  I saw them a month ago; however, he left them back around December, and I just didn't notice.

Nevertheless, I'm scared shitless.  I have blocked him, but if he had time to leave messages on my statuses, what's not to say he was able to root around my profile and see that I organize parties in the fall?  If he were to be serious enough to come after me, he'd know where I will be tonight -- and he'll make plans.  And if he is crazy enough to stalk his ex, I'm pretty sure he is capable of worse to the person his ex fucked around with.

So, in other words, this might be the last time I ever blog on WAF.  If I'm OK, I'll blog tomorrow as if nothing happened.  But if I don't ... well, you'll know what happened.  Let me just say that I love all of you and I hope you have been entertained reading this.

No Rest For This Wicked Boy

What I want right now is an evening at home, to myself, where I don't have to do anything.  Of course, I pine for this because I don't have evenings off, at least for the time being.

Wednesday was the last day where I just had to go to work and then home.  But that'll be it for a while:

• Thursday: I got invited to a stripper party
• Friday: Wanted to go to the State Fair
• Saturday: It's late, but my alma mater will start football season, and I am hosting
• Sunday: Well, I will be home, but there's a chance I will be participating in a fantasy football league draft then
• Monday: See Sunday
• Tuesday: Going to the USWNT match at Allianz Field
• Wednesday: Will probably be home because of my other fantasy football league, which has its auction that evening

So it'll be Thursday where I can just relax and watch TV, in this case football.  God, I am so tired.

My iPhone Might Be Messing With Me

So yesterday I go out to my car for afternoon break, like I usually do.  And I close my eyes and try to sleep.  But usually I fail; I just sit there and think.  This time I fall asleep, which is doubly difficult since I actually passed out during lunch, which was two hours prior.

At some point it dawns on me; shouldn't I be up?  It kind of felt as though I was in my car a little too long.  So, even though the nap was nice, I woke myself up and checked my phone's alarm, just in case.  The time was six minutes after I should have come back from break!

What the hell?  You just set and forget alarms, you know?  But after I got back (and hopefully my bosses didn't see, or were too occupied with work to notice), I checked my alarm.  For afternoon break, somehow, that alarm, which was set to go off at 1:15, was not in effect for Thursdays.  However, it was in effect for Sundays.  Therefore, that alarm was supposed to go off Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday.

That's messed up,  I would never do that intentionally, because that is stupid.

So how did it get that way?

Maybe my phone has a mind of its own?

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Wednesday, August 28:

• Well, I didn't spend any money on the 28th, and I used my credit card on the 27th, so we go back to Monday the 26th, where I was at the Mensa booth at the Minnesota State Fair, but I got there an hour early to knock off some new foods and drink that I wanted to try: warm cheesecake tart at Lulu's, the No Bologna Coney at Mancini's (a very popular and long-standing place I had never been to before), and a lavender lemonade from the Farmers Union Coffee Shop.  All are recommended.  And all came to a total of: $20.
• I also went Sunday the 25th, in the afternoon after I got done with work.  It was really dicey: I didn't want to burn a ticket if I didn't have enough time to enjoy myself there, and I gave myself a deadline of 2 o'clock after which I would not go.  But I changed my mind.  I was out of the office at 2:30 and I think I got to the Fair by 3.  I think I spent less than two hours there, and I got jostled by a few dicks in the crowd.  But at least I was able to try the following: Nashville Hot-on-a-stick (Blue Barn), a Berry-Go-Round sour (with tip; Lulu's), and Kentikka fried chicken sliders and the Bhel Puri, a snack mix featuring a bed of puffed rice (both from Hot Indian, which had the Midtown Global Market stall for the first half of the Fair).  Wish the Bhel Puri was in a cone as advertised instead of a tray I was given, but other than that, I loved them all.  Total: $41.95.
• That evening, after I went home for work and said I was going to work out, I went to St. Paul to see Phantogram and Bob Moses at the Palace Theatre.  First time I've been at this refurbished place, and from the looks of it, it looks as though they are going to keep the chipped and faded interior.  I've wanted to see Phantogram for a long time, and I didn't realize that there are more songs I recognize that are theirs.  By all rights, Sarah Barthel is the heir apparent to Shirley Manson, if you know what I mean.  And this is the second time I've seen Bob Moses -- the first was when they headlined at the Varsity a couple years ago; I was there to see Mansionair, the opener -- and they were much more impressive this time around.  But frankly, I would not be at this concert if it weren't for the fact that it was a Sunday and therefore metered parking is free.  If this were any other day, and unless I'm wrong that my now-favored parking ramp would be more than its usual five bucks, I am not going to pay through the nose just to park my car.  Instead, after the show was over, I got out, hung a left, walked across the street and barely ten feet to the left, got into my car and left.  Instead I just paid for a scalped ticket for the pit and a Coke with tip (I also had a Strongbow, but I charged that), so the concert cost me: $44.
• Back to Thursday, August 22, the start of the State Fair, which I went to after work because I had to!  I thought about jumping onto some new foods then -- at work I was sneak-reading Rick Nelson (of the Star Tribune) eating all the new foods for ten hours -- but then I figure I should wait until Nelson and all the other local rags published their reviews.  Besides, there were a lot of State Fair staples I wanted to eat, and it made sense to eat them on this night: Pronto Pup, corn, cheese curds, plus the Mediterranean lemonade from Holy Land and a new MinneChocolate pie at the MinneApple stand.  All told, the total monetary damage was: $28.
• Wednesday the 21st was the final of Da Beauty League.  This was the only game I had time to get to, and I'm glad I did: Tria came back from a 3-0 deficit to beat RBC at the end, 8-7.  There are a lot of NHL players who come to Minnesota to play in this tournament.  Most of them are locals, but for some reason James van Riemsdyk was here to play.  OK.  A ticket, a program, a hot dog, a small Pepsi and a small order of mini-donuts, and I paid: $21.50.
• Back to Monday, August 19, when Father paid me back for all the medications I got for them, which I put on my credit card.  An Infusion of: $60.
• To Sunday the 18th ... yeah, this was the day where I bought a ticket to the Social Ciderwerks Freak Fest without recognizing that I would be hired to help out at the Vikings game.  I wasn't going to burn a ticket, but I had to make sure I got there as soon as I can before I had to dip out (am I using that phrase right?) to work.  So that meant that I could work on my computer at Diamonds, scantly across the street from Sociable.  Over less than an hour I had a peach paradise iced tea.  With tip: $4.
• I then stashed my computer and walked over to the cider spot and chugged my free cider.  Well, I walked around a bit and saw the hawkers ply their wares and saw a little bit of a concert, too.  Some of the stalls were raising funds, so I made donations that totaled up to: $2.
• On Friday the 16th (the day my parents came home) I decided I was going to go out after dinner.  But first I had to stop by this pool hall very close to me because *****e* was holding this back-to-school supplies drive.  A few other strippers were there, but they were just hanging out, not stripping.  I got in and out because the girls were surrounded by their customers, and I couldn't hang with other men.  I was there five minutes, tops.  My donation: $20.
• Then went to Wesley Andrews for coffee.  With tip: $4.78.
• Then went to Glam Doll.  Got a third donut for free, but I think I paid for the first two.  With pour-over and tip, it set me back: $12.26.
• Back to Wednesday, August 14: There was a United match.  Don't remember if I went home to eat beforehand, but I had just sambusas to go with my Loon Juice.  Total: $23.
• I then went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) after the tie.  Bud Light, tips and a dance from Cicily and it all came out to: $32.
• On Tuesday the 13th (and this was before my parents came home) I enjoyed a night at Caffetto.  I had a peanut butter cookie to do with my coffee.  I do not remember the exact amount, so I'm taking a total guess.  With tip: $6.
• Finally, on Monday, August 12, *****a came by -- not to diddle my cock, like she several days before, but to clean my house.  And she was good, although she demanded a tip on top of her rate, goddammit.  Total: $140.

Good through August 28.

Morning will suck.  I am going to be opening boxes with urine samples, so it's likely that I piss will be touching my hands.  Again.

Had a meeting with my boss.  Told him about the last I went back there and how piss touched my hands.  Should have told him that I left there a different man than when I came in.  He insisted that no piss touches your hands if you're wearing gloves.  I'm sticking to my guns, and when I go in I believe I'll put on a second pair.

Also, I'll have that nagging woman telling me what to do.  I understand that she knows what she's doing, but it's annoying nevertheless.

Hopefully we'll be done with all this shit (and piss) by 10:30.  The only upside I can think of is that difficult days like this will make the workday go by faster.

Should get up now.  Have been late the past couple workdays.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Sorry, this one is going to be quick and dirty.  Came back last night from the Fair all tired and immediately went to bed.  Have to work very soon.  And tonight I'm going out to watch the MNUFC match, so I think the best time to do the survey is right now:

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Should not have gone 3-3 (technically 3-2 for the screening week) on the homestand against the White Sox and Tigers, but somehow they extended their lead over Cleveland to 3 1/2 Games as of press time, so they get the top spot here.  Maybe, just maybe, the fortune in schedule is kicking in, but this week they play the same two teams they did last week, just on the road, plus you kick in a fourth Game versus the Tigers Monday.  The worst part of the schedule, including six with the Tribe, looms.  Could be better, but could be worse ... later.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  I was going to laud these players for a 2-1 screening week, including a home rout Sunday against league-leading Las Vegas (98-77?!).  But I didn't realize until seeing a rerun on Fox Sports North that with that win over the Aces, the Lynx, still at .500, have just sewn up a playoff spot.  Really?  Already?  I guess that's a good thing, although their chances of winning a WNBA title on another odd year are slim to none.  They're home (during the State Fair, hmmm) to play Chicago tonight and Indiana Sunday.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Re-Entry!).  Started their season out west, where they tied Cal-Santa Barbara at 2 Thursday, then lost at Cal State-Fullerton Sunday, 2-0.  Their prospects of succeeding this season may not be high, but they weren't high last season and they made it to the second round of the NCAA Tournament, albeit with a late kick.  This week they're in a tournament in Oxford, Miss., where they play Arkansas and host Ole Miss.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -1).  A very bad week considering the circumstances: A loss on a late Goal at Kansas City, followed by results by Seattle, the Galaxy and Salt Lake City mean that the Loons have been pushed down from second in the West to fifth.  Moreover, tonight they have a divided concern: The U.S. Open Cup Final, in Atlanta, vs. Atlanta United.  They win this, and maybe, just maybe, the MLS season won't mean so much.  Then again, they visit LAFC Sunday night anyway.  This could be a dreadful week for them.

So yesterday, after dinner, my parents were going to go out for a walk.  But it started raining, and so they decided not to walk.  Mother bursts through the door and shouts -- to me, since I was the only one in the house -- that they were coming back.  I didn't answer because she was just shouting into the ether, and besides, what does it matter, they're back.

And so Mother says, "Hello-hello-hello?!?!" so apparently she does want an answer, and since she's all hyped about it, I get off of my bed and open my door: "Yeah-yeah-yeah, what's the matter?" very gently, to which she replied, very rudely: "I just wanted to say that we aren't walking because it started raining.  It's no big deal! (emphasis mine)"

OK -- you scream that I don't hear you, and when I say that I do hear you, you scream at me for talking.  Do you know how you psycho you sound?  And you do it every single fucking time!!!

And what's worse is that I can't articulate my feelings to her, partly because I'm bad at finding the right words, partly because it might get lost in translation, and partly because I don't think it's any use.

THIS IS WHY I GO TO THERAPY!!!  YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL WHEN YOU DO THIS, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GODDAMN TELL YOU!!!

---

Going to the Fair now.  Fuck this noise.

Goddammit, I Don't Want To Fucking Hate The Fair Now

I didn't go to the State Fair between my teens and late twenties because 1) I thought I was too cool for school for it and 2) I hate crowds.  I have come to learn to love the crowds, mostly because it was great for watching families enjoy their time together.  But days like yesterday remind me that crowds are, well, crowds, and my misanthropy meter got so high it made me regret making the decision to burn a ticket I bought at a discount before the Fair began and squeeze in a couple hours there after work so I could try some of the new foods.

Everything went swimmingly until a series of things around, I think, the Food Building.  It was freakin' crowded everywhere on the Fairgrounds, but apparently moreso around there.  You know what?  It's best for me to explain what happened -- and to process my feelings -- by bullet points:

• I almost got knocked over by the fastest of, apparently, a group of workers at the cheese curd place inside the Food Building.  Now, I was walking one way with my head turned to look at something.  When I turned back, this teenage shit was crossing in front of me.  My momentum was going to get my body passed in front of him or result in a collision.  But somehow I contorted my body to go around and behind him.  Not even a thank-you from that millennial.  I guess I was in the wrong, but you could've been a Minnesotan and stopped, too.  And I got curds from that place Thursday -- could he have been the one serving me?  Dick.
• Then, the leader of a group of people marched past me.  He didn't cross in front of me.  But he marched with a sense of self-righteousness.  He had a lot of balls for walking so briskly as he was encountering a sea of people where that purposeful gait would get him nowhere.  I don't know why such an attitude pisses me off, but in that situation, a guy like him, even if he didn't run into me or invade my personal space, that just sets me off.
• You know who did run into me?  This woman.  Again, I was turned around while walking forward.  Suddenly I feel a wham! and the two small cups of Leinenkugel's samples I got were spilled onto my hawaiian shirt as I dropped the cups.  This woman did a quarter-turn with her head, said "Sorry" barely audible to me and didn't miss a beat as she walked away.  I looked back at where she came from (well, after I looked down and picked up the cups) and there was no one, and I mean no one, that would have somehow forced her to hit me.  Maybe she's a bitch, maybe she's clumsy, maybe she's both.

ARGH!!!

See, this makes me not want to go back to the Fair -- well, more than I have to; I am co-manning the Mensa booth tomorrow and I have a second ticket I bought.  But I wanted to on, say, Friday evening, just because, and now I'm thinkin', Eh, maybe I'll get into a fistfight with some guy who runs into me, so nah.  And I don't want to feel this way because, like I said, the best thing about the Fair is the number of people.  I just don't want them fucking running into me!

This can't be the last memory I have of the Fair.  I know it's not the Fair's fault, and I want to (for lack of a better phrase) make this right, but I can't keep, you know, loving it if I continue to have assholes run into me.  Shit.

Start Of The Grind/Suck

Alluded to this in this blog post, but it hasn't hit me until now.  Today, Sunday, is the first of many Sundays, for the time being, when I work.  This is the shift the girl who quit on Thursday usually has, and for now it is being split between me and one other person ... except that this other person is on vacation for a while and I will be doing the next two Sundays to start.

I'm going to ease myself into working Sundays starting with today.  I will be only in one department, and my main job is processing the folders of applications for tests that, somehow, were done the previous day, which is Saturday, which is not a workday.  There are several, so someone has to be there to do them.  The upside is is that there are only several, and I can get out of here as soon as they are all done, which usually takes, according to my bosses, two and four hours.  Seeing as I want to take in the State Fair while the weather is perfect -- and seeing that I didn't even remember telling my actual boss I was available to work today until this week -- I am going to try to get out of there ASAP.

Next week and onward is going to be different.  There actually was an exodus of workers that finished yesterday/Saturday.  Over the four departments I work in, four people have left over the past eight days.  The immediate impact, for me, is that I will need to help out in filing for the weekend, and since my workweek ends on Saturday, that means I come in for overtime on Sundays.  But I have to fill in on Sundays?, you may ask.  That's right!  So it looks as though, starting next week, I will come in at 7 to file.  (I had the option of choosing my work times, and already I'm regretting the time I said I would start.  Should talk to my boss about changing that.)  These folders that need to be processed come starting at 10, so around that time (I probably will take my break before then), I'll move out there to start keying and scanning and what not.  I might take lunch or not, but once those folders are all done, I have the option of moving back into filing for the rest of an eight-hour workday (though I would probably take my other break first).  And all of this is OT.

On top of all that, I have already mapped out for my boss the Sundays I'm available from now until the end of the year.  And because I want to be a team player, I gave my job all the Sundays when the Vikings are not at home for a game I would work at.  So, in other words, my Sundays from here on out are either going to be working at my main job or working Vikings broadcasts.  Or, in other words, working.  You know, this takes me back to the time when my parents worked at The Store.  Until they started having my uncle and I fill in for them, they never took a day off.  I get my ... industriousness? ... from them.

This all ends once the company finds people to fill in for the jobs and shifts I'm covering right now.  Or if the company finds people.  Yeah, more like "if."

Mackin' On The Mom

OK, so I'm Facebook friends with this girl who models.  Don't know her at all, haven't met her personally, but she accepted my friend request because she models (or did at one time) and I requested her.

Recently she went out to the beach with her family, including her boyfriend, sister and mom.  And they're at the beach (even though it was in Pennsylvania and it looked like it was cloudy and thus cool), so they posted bikini pictures.  But the girl, who has modeled in skimpy clothing, was in a one-piece swimsuit.  So was her sister.  But the mom?  Well!  She was out in a daring two-piece bikini!  Mind you, she wasn't model thin.  Actually she was a bit on the porky side, but just a bit.  But she was showing everything -- hip tattoo, possibly belly ring, and gut.

And I've got to admit that I got so hard looking at the mom!  I think that it goes beyond showing skin.  It's the idea that she is of an, ahem, advanced age and she doesn't give a shit about showing skin.  And on top of that, she boldly contrasts showing her figure compared to her two daughters.  It's the sort-of taboo aspect that got me hard.

And I told her (well, on the timeline of her daughter with whom I'm Facebook friends with) that she was hot and showing more skin than her two kids.  The mom laughed it off and said thanks, so I didn't push it and, like, give her an eggplant emoji or something.  All this time I didn't think about her husband, the father, who was also in this group vacation and, obviously, married to the woman I'm perving over.  Is that wrong?

Gotta admit, most of my work day today, I was thinking of that woman and getting an erection.  And then I fantasized that the mom wasn't getting sexually satisfied by the dad (she's a sexual being because she wears bikinis despite being in her fifties, of course) and she thought that I could be her gigolo and fuck her for money.  And the dad was being a cuck, sort of, and approving because he wants her woman to be happy.  And so I obliged the family and plunged balls deep into the mom because, hey, I want to fuck, I want to fuck this woman, and I could use the money.

I feel happiest in my fantasies.

My Passwords???

I'm supposed to speak with my liaison at my alma mater's alumni association Monday afternoon.  Have no idea what to expect.  For all I know she might finally be fed up with me running this entire chapter on a shoestring, and an absent one at that.

But in the e-mail to arrange it, she said that she wanted me to have ready passwords for all the social media sites the alumni club has a presence in.  Are you kidding me?!  I was told never to give passwords to anyone.  Seriously, what gives?  This is pretty damn strange.

The Overtime Question

Work has offered overtime, but only once in a while.  When it is offered, it usually is early in the workweek -- in other words, Tuesday and Wednesday, when any stray forms over the weekend are sent in with the regular amount of stuff.  That causes such a backlog of things that we need to catch up.  Usually, we are asked to stay after Tuesday after work and Wednesday before work.

And that has triggered a myriad of internal cries of the soul as I try to figure out what to do.  I believe that for every week this, uh, "offer" has been offered, I took it, at least some of it.  It's an opportunity to make more money which, as meager as it may be, will work 1.5 times as much for you.  On the other hand, the hours are killer.  Tuesday afternoon I volunteered to come in last/Wednesday morning.  I e-mailed my boss and asked how early could I come in; she replied three hours early.  I seriously entertained doing that, but that would mean getting in at 4 a.m., which means waking up at 3 a.m., and there have been times when I've gone to bed at 3 the night before work.  And still, yesterday morning, my body was on full-on revolt as I tried to start my day two hours early.  I somehow made it -- never underestimate the rejuvenating power of a power nap, even if it's only 15 minutes -- but before leaving work last/Wednesday afternoon that same boss' boss offered all of us to come in again early this morning.  If I were assigned at the lab today (Thursday), or if I wasn't out and about last night, I would do it.  But I was not and I was, and so I gave in to my body and passed.

Moreover, the infrequency of OT is bothering me more than it should.  My main department is short-staffed (moreso after this week, when two people are leaving).  So is the lab, and the lab gives us the work.  If they're backed up, we have nothing to do, so a lot of the OT consists of an initial processing of the forms that come in.  We are so short-staffed these days that I feel as though that overtime has been offered every week I've been working at this job.  That's isn't the case.  In particular, I don't remember too many weeks where while my parents were gone that I had the possibility of overtime.  And that sucks, because when I had the house and my time to myself, I could do whatever I want.  Then again -- and I'll be honest -- I was allowed to stay after Tuesday, but I didn't because I wanted to see a movie that was showing just after I left work.  Maybe I can't complain about this.

At any rate I am hoping for some consistency when it comes to OT.  If it is offered every week, at such-and-such particular days for "x" hours, I would feel as though I could commit to a healthy, if not total, period of extra work.  But if some days there are and some days there are not -- and if my supervisors don't know if there will be until the afternoon of my workday -- I don't feel much of a motivation to pick up more hours.  And then I feel guilty of caving into my "weakness" instead of trying to stay awake in order to make a few bucks.

Oh, and there is another wrinkle: One of the workers who will be leaving this weekend works Sundays by herself.  Until my actual boss finds someone, I will be asked to cover that position.  Now, I can't cover it on a regular basis because of my commitments to the Vikings this fall, but if they're on the road, and if I'm not on vacation, I'm working Sundays -- and for OT instead of allowing me to beg off a portion of my workweek that usually is not busy, such as Thursday or Friday afternoons.  One would think the corporation would feel the same way because they would not have to pay me time and a half, but the edict from my boss is that I am working more than 40 hours some weeks for the time being.  And on weeks I'm doing that, do I really want to stay over and/or come into work before dawn just to pick up more hours?

Going into work.  Tired af already.  And to think I can get up earlier than this to pick up OT.  Oy.

And So It Begins. ...

Can I admit to something?  Starting, oh, Tuesday evening, I have really, really been jazzed about going to The Minnesota State Fair.  Don't know why other than my belief, which I stumbled upon after I starting going back to the Fair in my twenties, that this, uh, "festival" is tantamount to a pilgrimage.  I know families build their reunions around the Fair.  I know of one acquaintance whose family adores the Fair so much that they paid money to brand a bench in the name of a late family member.  We cracked two million people for the first time in the Fair's century-plus-long history last year, and I have to tell you, if I enter from the Robin Lot (where all the buses drop off fair-goers), I can gaze through the arch and down the down-sloping Luggett St. and see all the people walking up and down the Fair's main drag and believe, semi-honestly, that the entire state is at the Fair right at that moment.  And that sentiment swells so much pride in my heart.

I would love to go first thing, at 6 a.m.  But the plan is to go after work, eat the staples which grease the bottom line of the Fair (Pronto Pups, cheese curds, corn and maybe Sweet Martha's Cookies), enjoy a summer day that will be sunny but not humid at all and with just a touch of wind, and be back home after a few hours.  I plan on going there at least three, maybe four more times.  I can't get enough.

The only thing I fear is that, with the anticipation many Minnesotans feel about today, the ... uh, "evil forces" that lurk among us is going to take advantage of the openness of the Fair, and Minnesota Nice, and stage a terrorist attack.  I don't want to be jaded, but for the past few years now I have noticed that there are no metal detectors at the gates.  I don't want there to ever be metal detectors at the gates.  Do not throw any "soft" labels in my face -- there is no reason that The Minnesota State Fair can't remain both safe and easygoing, and therefore it should continue to be, just like they have for the past century-plus.  Added security isn't a necessary sign of the times; it's a capitulation to those crazy people who simply want to watch the world burn.

At any rate, I hope to enjoy the Fair, and if any of you are going, I hope you enjoy the Fair, too.

OK, so, I told you guys about how my credit card got stolen.  Well, I think you'd understand if I told you that I was traumatized by the incident that I totally forgot about the credit card ... and the charges, the legitimate charges, I needed to pay for, even though the card on which I charged those charges was no longer good.

And I just realized late tonight that I was late in paying them.  But you and the credit card company would understand, right?  Because I was so traumatized that I just wanted to forget everything about the credit card, right?  Yeah, I knew you'd see things my way.  Thanks for understanding.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

My annual notation that this is the last screening week the WMNSS is at its nadir, with only three Twin Cities teams to cover.  College sports season begins anew Thursday with, as usual, women's soccer; the University of Minnesota begins its season at Cal-Santa Barbara.  Football and volleyball begin the week after, the Vikings the week after that, and it'll swell to, I think, November, when it's at its worst.  So I am reminding myself to enjoy this list.

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -1).  You know, I've been going back and forth the past couple weeks about my criteria for deciding between teams having good and bad weeks.  I have always said that the main factor in ranking Twin Cities teams for the WMNSS is the record for that week.  But this week, this screening week?  I don't know, maybe I'm a hypocrite, maybe it's the weather that is more humid than my body expected, but I have taken a focus on the playoff prospects for the three squads currently playing right now.  Looking through that factor, it appears as though the Loons are once again on top.  And so it shall be.

Don't get me wrong, United FC has a good week.  On Wednesday they clipped the Colorado Rapids at Allianz 1-0, the lone tally coming courtesy of El Cientifico, Darwin Quintero, who, just minutes before, deked too much and had his Penalty Kick saved by Rapids Goalkeeper Clint Irwin.  Then on Saturday, a PK awarded to and deposited by Orlando in the 70th Minute was equalized in the 92nd -- MNUFC is developing a flair for late-Match theatrics -- when Abu Danladi, who is desperately clinging onto a spot with the organization, chipped in a loose ball in traffic off a throw-in.  I have always had the adage that in soccer Draws, you win or lose based on whether you or the other team scored the last Goal to tie.  Since the Loons did, I consider it a (qualified) victory.

Moreover, that Point helped to preserve the club's spot in second place in the Western Conference.  The vast majority of that outcome, however, hinged on a series of good breaks for the team whereby all five teams trailing United FC all played Saturday night and failed to gain three Points with a win.  Things remain incredibly tight, however, since FC Dallas sits in eighth (though tied with Portland, who is in seventh) but only five Points behind.  Moreover, I checked out FiveThirtyEight's Major League Soccer's predictions page and, according to their metrics, the Loons are only the sixth-best team in the West and the tenth-best in the league.  The website believes they have a pedestrian defense and a below-average offense, so the fact that they have the fourth-most Points means (if the website's analytics is anything to go by) that the squad is overachieving.  That, plus the luck involved in staying in second in the West, plus the fact that the two other local teams didn't have mind-blowing screening weeks, compels me to top out this survey for these guys at -1.

There was some grousing on Twitter about the field at Allianz Field.  Well, after a very active summer at home, the grounds crew can now do something about it, for they play the next four Games that count on the road, including three in a row, starting with a "rivalry" Match Thursday in Kansas City versus an SKC team that could really use a win.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -3).  This was the screening week where the much-ballyhoed favorability of the schedule finally came to pay for this ballclub.  It started out with them being in second-place in the American League Central Division for the first time since April 20 (hehe).  But a 5-1 week (all on the road, vs. Milwaukee and Texas) combined with The Tribe's 2-4 screening week (at Boston and the Yankees) meant that Minnesota went back on top and finished Sunday leading by 2 1/2 Games ... which was cut down to two tonight (Monday night) as the White Sox came to Target Field and beat scuffling Kyle Gibson and the Twinks, 6-4.  They are playing at home this week, have the Tigers and Gardy over the weekend for three, and have days off both on Thursday and Monday.  But it's this three-Game set versus the Pale Hose, in particular Wednesday's matinee, that feature opposing Starting Pitchers that have been playing very well.  Meanwhile, Cleveland stays in New York City to do three against the Mets before returning home to play Kansas City for three.  So no, the ship hasn't been righted, not quite yet.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  Yeah, we have to face facts that the dynasty is over.  A 1-2 screening week, where they marched into White Plains, N.Y. and clubbed the Liberty by 16 Tuesday, only to blow a six-Point lead going into the Fourth Quarter in Washington and lose by seven to the Mystics on Friday, then lose by eight in Seattle Sunday.

This team is not good.  They are underwater at 13-14.  They got lapped by the equally-underachieving Phoenix Mercury for the seventh spot in the Women's National Basketball Association playoffs.  They are only in relatively safe position because the four clubs behind them are appreciably worse; ninth-place Indiana is 3 1/2 Games behind the Jynx.

This raises an interesting question, even if it's only (and probably) theoretical.  You can consider the Minnesota Lynx to be the current glamour squad of the WNBA.  They have a great recent track record of success.  They have made moves in the past to demonstrate they are not going to rebuild, just reload.  And yet the roster that gave them the most success is either retired (Lindsay Whalen), taking a sabbatical with a puncher's chance she isn't coming back, at least not to Minnesota (Maya Moore), or on her last legs (Seimone Augustus).  If this were a full-fledged, big-time sports team, Cheryl Reeve would be fired -- no?  Again, this is just a thought piece, because I cannot envision a scenario where she'd lose her job, especially given the front office roles Owner Glen Taylor has given her on the Timberwolves side.  Also, I'm not plugged into the WNBA at all, but who in the hell would you replace her with that might be better?  I would honestly like to know, if only there would be a case where she leaves the bench and takes a full front office position with Taylor's clubs.  But if you're a more-than-casual Jynx fan, a season like this would precipitate a change like that, wouldn't it?

Seven Games left to go.  A third consecutive three-Game screening week: in Los Angeles tonight/Tuesday night, then at Target Center for tilts against Dallas Thursday and Las Vegas Sunday.

My Life Has Been Turned Upside-Down Because Of A Thermos

My Zojirushi flask has been a godsend in many ways.  Coffee that's cooled long before I want to drink has been a #firstworldproblem that has bugged me for years, so when I finally decided to do something about it and find something that would fix this issue, I jumped at the chance.  Nowadays I get coffee in that thermos and, after six hours, I drink it while it's at the perfect temperature.  I think I may have complained here in WAF about it working too well, that at some point I want to drink it but it's too hot, even hours after I poured it in.  But my current routine -- drinking it after six hours, although I sip after about 3 1/2 if I'm feeling really tired -- is something I've finally gotten used to.  Oh, and the flask works tremendously, if there is any doubt.

Sometimes, in fact, I take it home with me.  Work gets so busy that some times I don't finish my coffee at work and I have to bring it home to finish it.  Thursday was one of those days.  But I took it -- not home, but to my therapist, who I was seeing after work.  And I suspect that I left it there.  It's weird; I know I put my flask on the table next to me along with my phone.  And when I left, I grabbed my phone but not the thermos.

It's not a big deal except I realized I didn't have it with me the next morning, at which point I went, "Fuuuuuuuck, how am I going to stay awake now?"  I thought about sticking it out and just going caffeine-free for the day.  It'd probably be good for me.  But I didn't get much sleep the night before and I thought I would have a big night ahead of me, so even though it made me so late that I got flagged by my supervisor, I ducked into the gas station to get some fake frappuccino.

And while it got me through the day, that I was drinking lukewarm fake frap by the afternoon was a major buzzkill -- not necessarily caffeine-wise, but enjoyment-wise.  Same thing Saturday, although I usually "reward" myself by bypassing the workplace coffee machine and getting a fake frap from the gas station straightaway.  But usually on Saturdays I have the thermos to fill up; once I drink the excess from the styrofoam cup (I usually get the biggest size), I still have the warm stuff in my flask to enjoy.  But I didn't have it this past Saturday, so room temp fake frap it was to end my workweek.

I shouldn't be as bent out of shape over it, but I am.  So I am altering my plans today just so I can drive all the way back to my psychiatrist's office and retrieve my Zojirushi.  That is, if it's still there.  If it's not there (if they lost it or I had lost it somewhere else) ... well, I'm really fucked.

More Of Mother's Blaming Bullshit

All I wanted to do was ask because I was concerned.

OK, so in the blog post I posted, like, two hours ago I said that Mother wanted my help printing some things at the library.  Just before leaving today (I am at Diamonds right now on the way to the Vikings game) I asked Mother if everything went well.

To which she replied, and I paraphrase: "You did not tell me about the other bills!  They were in the big envelope!  You were supposed to put them together!  I find them but I got so confused!  I paid the bills before I put them together!  You're supposed to put them together!"

Normal, well-adjusted mothers would say something to the effect of, "Those other bills came in.  They were in the big envelope.  I don't know why they all didn't come in that one envelope.  But it's all good."  But I don't have a normal, well-adjusted mother.  I have a bitch.

What I did was ask her if she was able to pay everything, which was the point of all this.  And then I turned around, gave her the finger, and said under my breath, "That's what I get for asking.".  But honestly, I am roiling inside.  Angry at her, and angry at myself for walking into her trap.  That fucker does this shit all the time -- blaming me for things that happen to her and, on top of that, communicating that in a way that is nothing more than finger-pointing.  I guess I missed that the bills were shipped in a different envelope.  But it ain't such a huge goddamn deal when you had all of them together, and it doesn't really matter if you were able to pay all the bills you need to pay, does it?

I can't let this stand.  My Fucking Mother has to know this bullshit she pulls is not OK.  But I don't want to go on and on about this because this will affect my frame of mind.  It already is; I kind of got into it with a couple of cars on the streets on my way here to Diamonds.  And I have to go to work and I know I'll have to deal with other stressors there which, once they trigger me, will pull me back to what this cunt did to me just now and it'll take my damndest to not spiral into an argument.

My "comeback," such as it is: Just before I left the house I took the Sharpie out of my bag, went back upstairs and, with My Fucking Mother right there in the kitchen, crossed out a date on the calendar indicating I am not coming home for dinner that day.  It's not satisfying because it's passive-aggressive, but I don't think I'm smart enough to do something more direct.  I'll refuse her food when I am eating dinner tomorrow, or something.

Process through, and try to let go.

Seeing Each Other Through Suspicious Eyes

My folks came home just as I had a busy weekend.  I thought I would have at least Thursday and Friday evenings to catch up and talk, but their flight being delayed and them needing to take public transportation to get home and then them recuperating from their ordeal threw all those plans out the window.  I haven't really spoken to them since.

Had a long night last night (told them I was working the Vikings broadcast; I was at a United match, then went for ice cream and then went back to work to eat leftovers -- long story).  Came back home and crashed around 1.  Woke up at around 10:30.  Glory.  I slam the door to my bedroom to wash up in the bathroom.  My parents, who are in the kitchen, look up.  Mother gives a "hmm?" and looks around the corner to my bedroom door.  I apologize under my breath.

And that's how we greeted each other this morning.  Still haven't talked.  Well, not really, besides Mother needing help on printing stuff out at the library yesterday.  There's some squeaking outside as my folks are doing something.  Have to go check out, just to keep the peace between us.

Worried About Father

They got home fine.  Once I got home, the first thing I saw was Father ambling up the stairs with a jacket on.  Told me I could eat dinner whenever (even though later Mother told me we were eating together).  But he was shivering and walking really slowly.  Asked him if he was OK; he said he was a little tired.  I can understand that since they my parents had to sleep in the airport and wake up to take a flight after only several hours (and after a day of being diverted to a different city [New York City instead of Washington] for a few hours before getting to their stop city).  But still, I am worried.

You know, once I understood the concept of death, I am absolutely sure that every day, I have had at least a millisecond-long thought that everyone I know in my life would die.  Some thoughts last longer than that, and some thoughts are more haunting than that.  And right now, I am having one of those thoughts.

Addendum To: My Parents Are Going Through A Flight From Hell

No, I am going through hell, and probably more than they are.  Mother has contacted me just before going to sleep, while I was trying to fall asleep, and after I got up.  I understand she's freaking out -- my parents are planning to take public transportation home -- but she's getting rude about it, not saying goodbye, interrupting me when I'm trying to explain something, and rudely refusing to answer my questions.  Jesus fucking Christ, if getting home on their own is worrying them so much, why can't they just take a taxi home?

Oh, and I slept for, like, two hours.  Work will be the tits.

My Parents Are Going Through A Flight From Hell

They should have been back by now.  But they're not.  Weather apparently was so bad on their trip into Dulles that the plane they were on diverted to New York instead.  They told us that they were stuck on the plane taxiing on the tarmac for two hours before they were allowed to deplane.  Finally, somehow, they got to Washington, D.C. late tonight, which obviously was too late for them to get to their connecting flight to MSP.

They should have touched down a quarter to eight last night.  As I type this, they are in a hotel in the DC area.  Furthermore, they were booked on a flight that gets here at 10 in the morning -- right in the thick of my workday.  I told them I couldn't do it.  This takes me back to the time I was working at the flu biller place when my parents' return flight was delayed until the next morning.  That time they texted me the new arrival time through text, which I got that morning, and I didn't feel as though I could call into work late in order to pick them up from the airport on such short notice.  So I told them that I couldn't pick them up while I was driving into work.  Father was so pissed off, but I didn't care -- they needed to tell me earlier than that.  They got home (this was during the winter) just fine.

So, yeah, the only real difference this time is I am breaking the bad news to them the night before rather than the morning of.  Geez, do my parents believe that by telling me their new flight plans now, I can pick them up?  I really can't, not at this job.  Are they going to hold this against me?

(sigh) Is it narcissistic to say that I'm going through as much hell on my folks' trip as my folks are?

Operation Control My Weight While My Parents Are Out Of Town Fails

I always blame my parents for being as fat as I am, so I wanted -- and believed -- that since they were gone, I would lose weight because I wouldn't be eating so much during dinner.  That was my diet plan, basically -- since they're gone, I would just naturally eat less.

And, probably like before, that didn't work.  I just indulged in eating out and in places I wouldn't have the time or opportunity to eat while my parents are here.  I weighed myself last night and I was at 171 -- basically what I weighed when I took my folks to the airport.  So, I just maintained my slightly overweight frame the month my parents were out, and I'll just gain more now that they're back.

Yeah, I should have done better.  It wouldn't have been hard.

Then again, I didn't have to buy a gas station hot dog last night after the United match.

Either My Parents Or Popcorn Or Overtime Is Aggravating Me

I've been in a tizzy all day.  I did the smart thing and did the bulk of my clean-up duties (taking shit to storage, hiding stuff in my closet, hiring a stripper to clean the house) several days before my parents come home, so I don't have any last-minute worrying.  There is still some shit I need to do (taking out the garbage, cleaning up the dining room table, taking the shredded credit card applications to the recycling bin), but I feel as though everything in the house is in order.

Good thing too, because I am roiling inside right now.  In my head I feel like there's so much shit I have to do and too little time to do it.  What do I need to do?  Frankly, I don't know.  Maybe my parents coming home soon is just pissing me off.  Or maybe it's the popcorn, buttered like hell (just the way I want it), that is making me crabby.  Or the fact that I am coming in an hour early for overtime, and I need to wake up in about four hours, is making me anxious as fuck.  Or maybe it's all of those things.  I'm just not in a good frame of mind right now, and I think having abbreviated sleep will make things worse.

These are the times I have a blog for, but I don't think I'll feel cathartic after publishing this.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  This week, just like last week, is a tough one.  This week, though, is tough for the diametrically opposite reason as last week: Everybody kind of had a shitty screening week.  So, what do I look for?  Well, there are mitigating circumstances, as I'll explain with the Loons.  But mostly it's about where these disasters leave the club.  How are the squad's playoff chances after the week?  Are they playing well?  Are their competitors playing well?  I could look at record and rank strictly from that, but ... well, I sort of am, and I am sort of not.  It's complicated.

With all those factors, I'm putting MNUFC on top for another week, although at -1.  That's because their streak of not losing in Matches that actually count ended at 11 with a 5-3 loss at Dallas Saturday night.  It really, really sucks to see a team I'm economically (and thus emotionally) invested in go down the tubes after such a great run.  But then I have to remember these mitigating circumstances:

1. They were bound to lose at some point.  Losing on the road to a team fighting for a playoff spot isn't an unheard-of situation.
2. The team was heavily rotated.  I didn't listen to the match, but it was well close to being over when I headed over to ESPN.com and looked at the lineup, and it was vastly different from their last game.  There was a lot of turnover, and there were many guys starting who not usually don't start but usually don't come off the bench.  I mean, Brent Kallman?  Collin Martin?  Carter Manley?  I've seen Rasmus Schuller and Lawrence Olum play several Games this season, but I don't remember the last time they started.  And frankly, I can both affirm the positive (the B-Squad XI took the lead and came back to tie twice before coughing up the Game-winning and insurance Goals late) and touch on the negative (there might be many reasons why these guys usually stay on the bench) after the defeat.
3. The rotation is probably the result of keeping the best players fresh.  They played on Wednesday at Allianz versus the Portland Timbers in the United States Open Cup Semifinal.  And in a tight Match that featured a Timbers tally that should not have counted (for offsides; Head Coach Adrian Heat reportedly confronted the officials in the tunnel at Halftime), Mason Toye came up with the Game-winner to beat Portland 2-1 and advance to the USOC Final in Atlanta Tuesday the 27th.  I am warming up to the idea that a sports league could have more than one thing to go for.  Thus, I am beginning to consider this U.S. Open Cup to be "a thing," and when the 27th comes around, I guess I'll go to the Brew Hall at the stadium to watch.  If advancing to the USOC Final is important enough to the team, it makes sense to prioritize Wednesday's Match over Saturday's.

Meanwhile, they find themselves in third place in the Western Conference -- slipped a spot, but still, not too shabby.  However, they have another two-Match week coming up, vs. Colorado Wednesday and Orlando Saturday.  Fortunately, both of them will be at home.  Unfortunately, Toye will not be available for the tilt against the Rapids because he drew a Red Card for spitting in the loss to The Team Formerly Known As The Burn.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  When I said above that it's complicated, I mean that here.  I am still very torn over putting the Jynx over the Twinks because, overall, the Jynx are nowhere near contending for a fifth WNBA title in as many odd years while at least the Twinks are still (at least ostensibly) in the thick of a pennant race.  I was almost sure that I was going to pen this club in last place.

But then I look at what they did last week.  They were able to crush the Dream in Atlanta (by far the worst team in the WNBA) Tuesday by 16, then came home and absolutely beat the shit out of a good Connecticut team by 32 on Friday.  And yet I had Sunday's result, where the Jynx went to Washington and the Mystics showed they should be considered a favorite for the WNBA title by routing Minnesota by 23, in my brain.

This usually puts a team of Minnesota's current predicament -- where it's really Sylvia Fowles, Napheesa Collier trying to work things out, and everybody else -- into a tailspin.  And they sort-of are, at 12-12.  But they actually improved to seventh in the league.  That's not much, and they have another Tuesday-Friday-Sunday screening week ahead of them (respectively: At New York, home to the Mystics, in Seattle), so shit can go sideways again.  But expectations were dampened after last year, and they didn't quite get fans' hopes up during the season this year (at least not yet), so there is no huge or outrageous comedown.  That's opposed to the team below:

#-3: Twins (Last Week: 0).  This fucking tears it.  As of press time, for the first time since April 20th, on the heels of their 6-5 victory over Boston last/Monday night courtesy of a tie-breaking, Game-ending solo shot by Carlos Santana, the Minnesota Twinks do not lead the American League Central Division.  Their collapse is complete (too soon to say that?) thanks to a 1-5 screening week featuring a series loss to Atlanta (the Twinks lost Tuesday and Wednesday despite driving in seven Runs in both defeats) and dropping three-of-four to Cleveland.  They lost four in a row for the first time all season.  Oh, and did I mention that they were at Target Field for the week?

Sunday afternoon might be the turning point of the season.  Down 3-1, the Twinks somehow battled back in the bottom of the Ninth Inning to tie it.  They could have won it, but a relay throw beat Pinch-Runner Ehire Adrianza to prevent the Game-winning Run to score.  That sent the Game to the Tenth, where the otherwise-indefatigable Taylor Rogers gave up a Grand Slam to ... Carlos Santana.

It's better to win than to lose.  But it's much better to be peaking late in the season than early.  Cleveland is peaking now.  The Twinks seemed to have peaked early.  And now they are huffing and puffing to a finish as they get continually lapped by other squads.  And now these assholes don't even have the fucking division.

I have heard a lot about how the end of the schedule favors Minnesota over Cleveland.  And yet, it seems as though that they face a team they should beat on paper when they are in much better form.  This week, for example, Cleveland hosts Boston.  The Red Sox are defending World Champions, but they are nowhere near that level now and they are basically playing out the string this year.  Then, Cleveland goes to the Yankees, who are in the lead but have lost basically everyone to the Injured List.  Meanwhile, the Twinks finish up their annual interleague rivalry games with two at Milwaukee, a team that is scuffling right now but are still in the playoff hunt.  Then they travel to Texas to take on the Rangers, who have been playing well right now, before coming home and staring a three-Game set versus the White Sox Monday.  Are the White Sox any good?  Who knows?  At any rate, this strength-of-schedule bit might be a bunch of malarkey.  And it's not as if the Twinks are in a position to dominate anyone, at least not right now.

What, No One Buys Flowers Anymore?!

So I'm driving up to my storage unit to drop off some stuff when I see, off to the right of me, the flower shop I now go to to get flowers whenever I want to see my dead prom date.  This flower shop replaced the one that was closer to me and closed, oh, two years ago.

Well, fuck me, but that other flower shop's sign said, "Thank you for 16 years.  Closed."  WHAT?!

Just like that, another flower shop is kaput.  Is the demand for flowers just disappearing?  Is automation taking florist jobs just as quickly as warehouse ones?

And more importantly: Where the hell am I going to get flowers now?  I owe my friend one more visit this year.  Do I just show up to her grave without flowers?

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Sunday, August 11:

• Well, I charged everything on August 11, so we'll go back to Saturday the 10th, where, while at work, I get a surprise text from ******e, who stood me up when I thought we were gonna get down about two months ago.  I did not know when the coincidence of both her texting me for some action and my parents being out of the house would ever come again, so I suggested instead of going to a place she had (and bargaining her down in the process), she should just come over again, to which she agreed.  Even though I came the night before from *****a, I was able, after a while, to ejaculate to ******e's hand.  She was gone as soon as she stepped through my front door.  No goodbye kiss?  Hrmph.  Paid her: $120.
• Went to Glam Doll in the evening after I started The Big Clean-Up.  I was ready to settle down a bit past 9:30 when, around 10:30, they closed.  I thought they had more than enough donuts.  Well, guess these guys are wavering on closing time again.  At least they gave me a free donut.  Sadly, I forgot the exact amount, so I am basing this on a previous night where I got a donut and a pour-over.  With tips, I am going to say I spent: $10.37. (ETA at 8:28 p.m. on September 12 that I apparently wrote the exact amount down on my FQ: $12.63.)
• Because I had plenty of night ahead of me, I went around the corner to Tilt.  For a pinball bar, they have plenty of good food.  In fact, that's what I initially planned to do down there -- eat at the bar and leave.  (I have a receipt for my tacos and beer.)  But on this night the place wasn't so crowded, so I decided to play some pinball.  And I reminded myself why I'm so terrible at it.  Just spent: $1.
• On Friday the 9th, after work, *****a came over for the first time ever.  Tip, incels: If you open up your heart (and your wallet), you can get as much arousal from diddling the girl into arousal as you think you would getting sex from her.  Do I like the price, however?  No: $150.
• Went to Milkjam afterward because it was my last Friday free of my folks.  (Plus I needed to loosen my muscles after mowing the lawn.)  No crowding of the door nor lining up inside when you're not supposed to.  In fact, it looked like the party ahead of me was waiting to go inside a little too long.  With tip (after my first and second choices for ice cream were denied because they sold out): $5.
• I was then going to Up-Down to splurge on a pizza.  But then I remembered that there is a place right in front of it called Caffery's Deli where I always wanted to go.  Now was that time!  Just got a cheesesteak, and as an indication of what the joint was like, the cashier had to shake loose change in the tip (industrial-sized mayonnaise) jar for my change.  The sandwich was nice.  Total with tip (I gave the change back and then some): $9.50.
• I still went to Up-Down though, to play.  This place was packed, and yet I remember a downtown place called Rusty Quarters, and a small arcade in the western suburbs, and even the old Picadilly Circus in The Mall Closest To Me ... and all of them went out of business.  How has this place managed to not just survive but thrive?  Maybe it was waiting for the marketplace to mature; maybe these guys opened up just as Generation X finally had disposable income and wanted a place to relive their youth.  Who knows?  Turned a dollar into tokens, then saw that, for some reason, many of the games I wanted to play were already loaded up with credits.  Wish I had known that before I spent that: $1.
• Thursday, August 8: Busy day.  Brought the old car in for service (long story short: The air conditioning is so old that they would have to upgrade it before looking into what's wrong, so the final cost probably would be in the thousands; I declined; and I don't think I even got charged for a diagnostic fee).  Wanted to drop by a stripper party, but decided instead to just go straight to the Cat Video Festival out in St. Paul.  It's weird to eat food, let alone a pork sandwich, at a Cat Video Festival, but maybe that's just me.  I forget the total amount I spent there, which includes a beer and tip.  Maybe this is a sign I should blog post these EWRs even more frequently.  I am guessing that the total is: $24.50.
• To Wednesday the 7th -- maybe I spent cash on this day?  Who knows?  (Gah!  I am so bad at remembering EWRs this time around!)  The U.S. Open Cup Semifinal between the Loons and the Timbers was at this night.  I think I spent cash on a big, girthy and very good lingua (?) sausage hot dog and a Loon Juice.  I'm guessing -- guessing -- that the amount was: $21.50.

I finally do an EWR that covers less than a week and I'm sketchy about the amounts of three line items.  Fuck me.  Anyway, I'm good through August 11.

Stripper Cleaners, Can You Hear Me?

I thought I had one stripper, ***e*, lined up to clean the house before my folks came home, but apparently she has ghosted me.  ****m*, who was one of the babes who came over to the house to wank my dick, said when she was here that she cleans houses, and I told her that I'll let her know if I need her.  Well, since ***e* isn't answering her Messenger, I texted her yesterday to see if she can come over and do it.

Well, fuck me, but she hasn't answered my text.  I texted her again this morning, and still I haven't heard from her.  Shit, man, I might have to go to Plan C.  Yet another stripper who came over to the house to wank my dick, *****a, said she would be willing to clean my house -- at an exorbitant price, but she would.  I told her to hold off on that.  I also asked if I could ask her on short notice, and she said she has no work for the next week-and-a-half.

That's my fall-fallback option.  I'll give ****m* a couple more hours.  If I don't hear from her, I'll text *****a to see if she can do it tomorrow.  And I hope to Buddha she'll answer.  Ah!  This is so stressful!  And ah!!  Strippers are so flighty!!

I Now Live In A Whorehouse, Finally!

With ******e coming over and giving me a handjob last evening, I have achieved an incredible milestone.  I have had chicks come over for some somethin'-somethin' before (******e has been over a couple times already).  But I have had three strippers cum over for some sexual activity -- in my house ... in my parents' house ... over the past eight days.  Three in eight.  I didn't think I would have the money, let alone the, um, "energy," let alone the means, to pull this off.  But I just did.

I wonder if the neighbors have noticed all the strange cars and hot women that have been shuttling in and out of the house the past week.  If so, I wonder if one of them will blab to my parents once they get home.  Eh, no matter.  What's done has been done -- and it was awesome!

But the thing is is that she is extremely friendly to other co-workers, but she is just really cold and impersonal to me.  Is what I have said in the past (whatever that was) so bad that she just thinks I'm a bad person?  Because some of the things she has said to me are, frankly, downright rude, and I don't think I deserve it.

Hey, to be clear, she is totally professional.  Well, I should be clearer than that: If I have a question, she'll answer it, and that is the absolute minimum I feel I am entitled to at work.  If I don't have that, then there's a problem.  But beyond that ... there's nothing beyond that.  And while it's not necessary for anything beyond that, dammit, it makes for a difficult work atmosphere.  And, frankly, that's her doing, not mine.  This is one of the drawbacks to being totally by-the-book at work; I can never relax around her.

And yet it's inevitable I'll ask her questions today.  Wish me luck.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: July

I think that this is the sexiest month I have ever seen in the Hooters calendar, this or last.  Not really a dud among the dozen.  If anything, the "worst" would be the main chick, Emily of Clearwater, Fla., and that's because she's wearing a one-piece and for some damned reason she's been forced to hold what looks like a blue tow rope.  But she's sexy, she's a redhead, and she's got cleavage for days.

So do Ashley out of Costa Mesa, Calif., and Averey of Mesa, Ariz., so at least they have something going for them.  She's not showing much ass, but Baylee (Destin, Fla.) has it turned around, and it looks nice.  Alexis of Ft. Myers, Fla. has a nice smile and is wearing a cute, red-white-and-blue-striped (this is the month of Independence Day, after all) two-piece.  Causey of Baltimore is wearing a, shall we say, more on-the-nose patriotic two-piece bikini, and she's saluting.  I'm saluting too -- with my hard dick!!!

(An aside: One of the babes here hails from my hometown Mall Of America, Emma.  She is also wearing a 4th of July-themed bikini, and she also is sexily putting her hands on her hips.  If you've ever seen her waitress at Hooters, she's hot as advertised.  But I have not seen her there in months; is she still there, or is she gone?  Oh, and to be honest, she also was a bad waitress.  She once forgot to put in my order.  I think Emma was coasting on her looks, as hot as though they may be.)

And speaking of hands on hips, those are the best features of Albuquerque's Alana and Savannah, Ga.'s Taylor, although the latter has piercing brown eyes!  I'll give third place to Shelby out of Hollywood, Calif., for her light-blue two-piece and her deep cleavage and her hot abs.  Second place goes to Jessica, hailing from Pembroke Pines, Fla.; she's sportin' a red two-piece bikini and a delicious smile.  But first place is an upset -- it goes to one of the three babes with the smallest-sized photo for the month, Aleisha out of Knoxville, Tenn.  She's wearin' a deep red two-piece, and the straps of the tops fall of the shoulders -- nice!  Moreover, she's got a fantastic smile that somehow shows a hardened maturity to her.  It wouldn't shock me to learn that she's married and has three kids.  And although she's turned a quarter-turn away from the camera, you can still see Aleisha's hard body.

So congratulations, Aleisha!  And now I will masturbate to all of you, even though I have a stripper coming over to the house to give me a handjob!!  I can cum consecutive days!!!

He's Coming After Me

So the guy who's stalking me on Facebook, well, he left a message for me after I changed my profile picture.  Blocked him months before already, so how did he leave me a message?  I assume that he did so before he blocked me.  How long before I don't know, because as soon as I saw his name, I deleted the message.  Probably the wrong thing to do, but frankly, I'm scared.

What can I do, man, what can I do?

Thought Morsels

Went out to the United Match and My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), and yet once again, I couldn't help but stop by Taco Bell on my way home.  My gut is feeling it right now.  Why couldn't I just go home?

But like Tuesday night (I think?), my body told me to go to bed early.  Last night I conked around 11:30, and once again, I feel good.

---

Wish I had time to start cleaning up the house.  But I need to bring the old car in, then go to the Cat Festival.  And if I do neither thing, I've been invited to a house party I really, really want to go to.  I've been going out a lot this week (think I said this before), and I don't know when that stops.

Gotta go.

Restful Night ... So I Can Do Nothing

I think my body was telling me yesterday to go to bed early, and indeed I did ... around 11:30, in fact.  Seven good hours of sleep, and I feel much better.

By the by, I forgot to get coffee yesterday at work.  I was so determined not to mess up at work that I blew through my morning break.  It felt kind of nice not needing coffee, and it felt as though I didn't need it until I ran out of energy at night.

So now I feel refreshed -- which helps since there's a week left until my parents come home and I haven't done diddly squat about cleaning up the house or organizing my things.  But frankly, the place will still be a nice, and for the time being.  I have a United Match to go to tonight, then I need to bring the old car in and go to the Internet Cat Video Festival in St. Paul tomorrow.  Then, on Friday, someone's coming over for some vicious hand lovin'.  Hopefully I'll have enough energy to do all that!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Last Week: -2).  This week is a tough one.  We have two great teams that are doing very well right now.  So, which team gets the top spot?  In the end, I relied on two factors.  One, the record during the screening week -- which, to be fair, is not fair, but I have relied on it as the predetermining factor for ranking teams in the WMNSS since its inception.  But two, I am looking at expectations compared to where I thought the Loons and the Twins would be.  This is also unfair, because I and everybody else, I'm sure, had no idea the Twins would be leading the American League Central Division and have a lineup on pace to not just set but shatter the record for most Home Runs in a season in The History Of Major League Baseball.

But I grade based on recency, and recent form suggests that things were better for the Twins earlier in the season than now.  Compare that to MNUFC -- which, again to be fair, had reason expectations that they would be competing for a playoff spot.  They are doing that and then some, albeit courtesy of one Game.  But what a Game it was: A 1-0 victory at The Nest over the Portland Timbers when it was the visiting side that had the better chances.  But it was a handball in Added Time in the box from Timbers Center Back Larrys Mabiala -- checked after VAR -- that gave Ethan Finlay (seemingly the fourth choice on the squad) the Penalty Kick Goal in the 92nd Minute (even though Portland Goalie Steve Clark guessed right; he flung himself to his right and got a piece of the ball, but it went in anyway).  United FC Head Coach Adrian Heath thought of it as cheap, but no matter; because of the win Sunday afternoon, as of press time, MNUFC are in, get this, second place in the Western Conference.  I and many others probably didn't think they would be this far up the table this deep into the season.  So for that, not only am I putting them up top, I'm giving them Positive Numbers, too.  (That allows me to give the Twins a 0, which is not a bad consolation gift.  That's my way of giving them dap.)

Now, Inchy have some spinning plates.  Wednesday they face Portland again, at home again, this time in the Semifinals of the U.S. Open Cup.  It appears as though both teams played 10 of their usual starting XI; they inserted Jeremy Ebobisse in as a sub over the weekend, while Darwin Quintero had to take the Match off for yellow card accumulation.  Do both teams just roll out the same lineup again?  And both teams play yet again (in Major League Soccer play) over the weekend; Minnesota heads to Dallas to play Saturday night.  Would Gaffer just rely on his eleven horses to get through three Games in the span of seven days?  Regardless, how will the Loons, who are now unbeaten in their last 11 matches that count, fare this time next week?

#0: Twins (Last Week: -1).  One day, maybe I can look back on this and appreciate the rest between the Twins and Cleveland during the 2019 season.  But not now.  Nevertheless, the lead, which was at two Games this time last Survey, has doubled to four.  The Tribe in their meatier part of their schedule and are still doing pretty well.  Meanwhile, the home Nine just completed a 6-1 screening week with a two-Run Game-ender last/Monday night versus the Atlanta Braves off the bat of Miguel Sano, who was Pinch-Hitting:

MIGUEL SANO!!!

WALK-OFF BOMBA!!!

💣💣💣💣💣💣💣 pic.twitter.com/tTblUvDcip

— FOX Sports North (@fsnorth) August 6, 2019

On seeing the highlight for the first time I thought that ball landed in Center Field.  But then I realized that Braves Center Fielder Ronald Acuna, Jr. trotting to the dugout.  When a fielder is coming in as the ball is going out, that ball's a Home Run.

I do need to talk about Sano. I, like many people, decided to write him off after he came back from injury earlier this year to a major slump. But, if reports are accurate, he decided to take the time to tear down the mechanics of his swing and built it back up to be an even better one. Statistics say he's doing a lot better. It'll be dramatics like last/Monday night that will convince the layman that Sano's a keeper.

Who may not be a keeper? Sam Dyson. The reliever was the only pickup the Twins made in the run-up to the Trade Deadline. After getting shipped from San Francisco, he was inserted into Thursday's game at Miami holding a 4-1 lead and promptly gave it all up; the Marlins won it, 5-4, in twelve Innings, the club's only loss this week. The next night, at home vs. Kansas City, he was put in in the Eighth Inning ... where he gave up four Hits and three Runs. The Twins hung on to beat the Royals, 11-9, but on Sunday Dyson was put on the 10-Day Injured List with "right biceps tendinitis." Maybe this trade, for which the Twins gave up three prospects, wasn't a good one.

This is a pivotal screening week. After finishing up against The Bastard Boston-By-Way-Of-Milwaukee Braves, they have four contests against ... Cleveland. At least the series will be at Target Field.

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  OK, now the Lynx have become the Jynx.  Because what happened Saturday ... man, not only is it not characteristic of their dynastic years (which I think it's safe to say we can refer to in the past tense now), but it's not something the franchise did when they blew chunks.  At Indiana, they had a 20-Point lead in the Second Quarter and blew it.  On top of that, they went on to lose to the Fever by 11 Points.  It is the worst blown lead in Lynx history.  And they have now lost four in a row, and have fallen to below .500.  My, my, my -- what.  A.  Mess.

Busy screening week.  At Atlanta tonight/Tuesday night, home to Connecticut Friday, at Washington Sunday afternoon.  One bright spot, maybe: Seimone Augustus is listed as probably for the Dream tilt.

#-Infinity: Wild (Re-Entry!).  It was Tuesday afternoon, just as I was tuning into The Common Man on KFAN (his producer, Brandon Mileski, was filling him as host) about 15 Minutes in, when Tenna B broke the big news: Mild General Manager Paul Fenton was fired after only one season.  The press conference by Owner Craig Leipold, and, apparently, a later hit piece (and I mean that in a good way) by Michael Russo of The Athletic fills in the reason why.  Paul Fenton made trades that made no sense and after little to no consultation with the scouting department and people it would make sense to talk to; he promoted his son to an important position in scouting despite having little experience; he bullied and threatened people working for him after anonymous sources contributed to stories about the inner workings of the Wild front office; and he suspiciously took trips to vacation spots such as Cape Cod ... which, by the way, was where Fenton was when Leipold shitcanned him.

Again, I didn't read Russo's piece because I have no more money to give.  But it appears as though one thing was made abundantly clear: Paul Fenton is a Grade A dick.  And if Russo is the journalist I think he is, the facts borne out on his imperious, incompetent tenure should mean he never gets a job as a General Manager ever again -- and, by all rights, he shouldn't have a job in hockey, too.  To me, the bullying and threatening is what pisses me off about him.  He has shown he had little understanding of how to be a general manager, and instead he fills up his time learning about stories about the team and trying to figure out who the leaks are?  You've got an old and flailing team to run -- and they became old and flailing partly because of you!  What a colossal fucking dick he is.  If Donald Trump were a GM, he would be Paul Fenton.

But for most others, it'll be the moves that will piss them off.  Trades that were lightly questioned when they were made have become huge mistakes now that Fenton is gone.  (That raises a journalism question.  I feel as though Russo and other hockey writers have been holding back on Fenton's moves and behavior.  The truth is coming out now, but do they have an obligation to tell the truth, the whole truth, about him while he was GM?  This seems a tad back-biting to me, even if this needs to be known about him.  And if they were holding back, was the reason they did so a fear of losing access?  I get that, but that's another damning indictment on the importance of access in journalism.)  Most of the pickups don't make sense.  The trades shook up their core, but the jury's out on whether or not they'll be better for the squad in the long run.  There is always the chance that Kevin Fiala and Ryan Donato will turn out to be great pickups for Minnesota.  But it looks as though Paul Fenton hurt and pissed off too many people within the organization in just a season.  And mean and stupid is a very, very bad way to go through life.

So it looks like The Fenton Year is a disaster, and it might have put this franchise in a worse-off position than before.  However, many of those problems predate him.  Hanging over everything are the contracts to Zach Parise and Ryan Suter, both of whom are still receiving large amounts of money for diminished production.  The roster is just about capped (although Fenton signing Mats Zuccarello just about eliminated any flexibility they may have had), and besides the return of Mikko Koivu and Matt Dumba, the Mild are charging into next season with just about the same aged lineup as last season.  Finally, there have been many people saying that Fenton is what they knew he would be.  How did Leipold not know?  And if he didn't, he didn't do his due diligence, either.

While I appreciate an Owner who wants to win, right now this is a sports organization in serious disarray.  And there's no hope they can clean this up, from at least my perspective, in the near future.

The Three Things I Expect To Donate To Goodwill After I Blog Post This

1. Red bedsheet.  It's not torn or anything, it's just too big for my bed.
2. Sheer white bedsheet.  Also not torn, it's also just too big.
3. Off-yellow sheer pajama bottoms.  Parents probably gave them to me from an excess supply from The Store years, if not decades, ago.  In the right light, you could see through them -- they're that sheer.  I love them, especially in the summertime, but the elastic band just got worn out.

Expenses Without Receipts

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