Assholes All Day, Man

Sometimes the lab is expecting something from me, but when there isn't anything from me because there's no work, I've been trained to e-mail that there is not anything coming.  This something has to come by 11 o'clock Saturdays, and once I forgot to e-mail and someone from the lab e-mailed me saying hey, where's thing something.

OK, so there's nothing of this something today, because it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving and there's no work.  (I was able to clean my desk in this department and stretch my day till 1:30.)  So I do the courteous thing and alert these people not to expect anything.  That's all I did.  So I get this bitchy message back saying ... well, I don't think I can divulge this particular piece of information, but she basically said, "I already told you we don't have anything for you."  OK, I kind of screwed up last week by asking if they have something for me when they never have something for me on Saturdays, so maybe that's behind the bitchy tone.  Or there is no bitchy tone because you can't tell tone through e-mail.  But when the person capitalizes the word "NOT," my ears prick up.  Because I don't think all caps is all that professional.

That reminds me: A couple months ago I took in a phone interview from a temp agency.  I promised to send my interviewer an updated resume.  I should update and send it.

I can imagine blowing up on her if she brings it up.  Then again, I need to know who the hell this person is.

---

Oh, I bought something to eat while watching the Gophers-Badgers Game.  Didn't know what I wanted, but then I remembered Jimmy John's is advertising this smaller sub for three bucks.  I go in, forgetting that I usually get indifferent, if not shitty, customer service.

And that's what I got.  The lazy asshole mumbled my total, and when I asked my receipt, he bitched at me: "You'll get it with your sandwich."  Oh, excuse me, sorry, how elitist of me.  Dumbass needs to be fired.

I have heard of the quote that comes from the TV character Raylan Givens of the show Justified:

If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole.  If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.

Nah, not me.  I ran into two assholes in the late morning/early afternoon, so they're the assholes. 

Where My Boss Is Telling Me To Leave Early And I Don't Want To

Yesterday/Friday at work I got an e-mail from my boss saying that tomorrow (which is today as I blog post about this) that I will be shunted off to a different department.  We've been scrambling the past couple days; as appears to be the case, the days before Thanksgiving are slow, and the days after it are very slow.

I will be the only one in this department, but that has always been the case when I cover this department on Saturdays.  However, considering the paucity of work, my boss through in this proviso.  Paraphrasing: "Once you're done, take paid time off."

Uh, so I won't be working my full eight hours?  I don't think my boss has ever told me, flat out, that there won't be enough work to cover a full day.  Furthermore, I know my boss has never ... well, I'll say it ... ordered me to take paid time off.  I don't want to take paid time off.  I have it, but I want to save it because there are some broadcasting duties and vacation I want to take off in the spring.  I barely have enough of a "float" of vacation hours as it is; I'll still have some after today, but it still makes me uncomfortable.

And on top of all that, I don't exactly know how much time I'll need to take off.  I was told by a person in the department that I could get done with everything in 90 minutes.  That sounds weird to me, because there are some timed tasks that will force me to stay for at least half a day.  Moreover, this is the type of job where things can come in all the time, even considering that this is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  It may look like there's nothing else to do, but what if I decide to leave (and my boss he'll defer to my judgement) and there's work that comes in after that?

I find what I am going to face today uncertain, and I don't like uncertainty when it comes to not having work.  Moreover, I kind of don't like being told what to do.  Well, my boss can tell me what to do; telling me to take off work seems strange, however.  And again, while I will be getting paid even if I take off work (something most people usually would be OK with), I could use this paid time off when it's more convenient for me, not for him.

Maybe I should just act like it surprisingly got so busy that I had to stay the whole eight hours?

With all that being said, there is one wrinkle: Someone on the alumni club's Facebook page says he has one extra ticket to the Minnesota-Wisconsin Game this afternoon.  If I can snag that ticket, I will be totally OK leaving work early.  In that case, I have to hope I don't get socked with work.  Regardless, I have no idea what's in store for me when I get into work today.

Nightmare (Sort Of)

Went to bed around 10:30; woke up around 4.  OK.

Been lolling around trying to go back to bed, and I fell asleep probably just before the alarm woke me back up.  But I tripped deep enough that I had a nightmare.  And I think it was one fashioned by that old cop video game from my childhood, APB.

It's played on an overhead perspective.  But the part of the nightmare I remember was from a standard side view.  I was in this pit or enclosed area, and I was knocking things either in my car and just by myself, and I needed to get something inside these things.

And then the alarm woke me up.

That's all I remember.  And that's all I can blog about, because I have other things I need to do before I go to work.  Thanks.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September

Holy damn, I'm so late.  OK. ...

This is a great month.  Might be the best so far.  Nearly all of the 14 hotties look and pose great.  I'm really hard picking out favorites, but I think I did.  But allow me to give a list of great also-rans:

• Gabrielle, Madeira Beach, Fla.;
• Bernice, Willowbrook, Tex.;
• Rebecca, Fort Smith, Ark.
• Ciera, Cleartwater, Fla.;
• Kristin, Sarasoata, Fla.;
• Julaporn (tee-hee), Addison, Tex.;
• and Saleena out of New York City.

Third place is Emily, from Columbia, S.C.  She's in side profile, but her lavender two-piece bikini shows off her nice abs.  Plus she's got great long hair and beautiful, beautiful smile.

Second place is the featured babe, Victoria, also out of Clearwater, Fla.  She is wearing a blue two-piece, and her top looks more like an athletic top than a bikini top.  It makes her look athletic.  And I see her body, and she looks so ... so ... athletic.  Yessssssssssssssssss

With that being said (and yes, this is the closest month so far), I have to give it to Ember.  Why?  Ember comes from Fairview Heights, Ill., a suburb of St. Louis.  And back in the spring I vacationed there.  I brought the Hooters calendar with me and went to the Fairview Heights restaurant in the hopes that any of the (I think) four calendar waitresses of that restaurant were there to sign my calendar.  In fact two of them were.  One of them, Shaina, became a manager (also, she was in January).  (ETA that I just looked back at the Hottest Hooters Babe for January; I wrote that Shaina's photo was ruined because she posed with her arms crossed in front of her stomach.  And I also left a mental note to myself [a note that I did not look back to and heed] to bring the calendar for Shaina to sign!  And she was there to sign it!!  Yippee!!!)  But Ember was there.  She wasn't my waitress that evening, but she came over to sign.  Honestly, her photo wasn't the best, although she is plenty cute in person.  But I have an autograph from her saying, "From a hootie, to a cutie!"  So I have to put her first!

Regardless, I'll be beating off to all these ladies -- maybe before I catch up with October and, now that it's November 28, November.

I Might Die, Just Want To Let Y'all Know

I felt pretty industrious last night.  It helped that the snowblower worked, because I spent under 90 minutes clearing the driveway.  That freed me up to clear the back deck and even rake most of the roof.

However, I have felt something in my heart.  Felt that Tuesday night when I began shoveling.  It is hard and wet snow, but I have a feeling that if it were soft and dry, the shoveling is taxing my body.  It got particularly bad after I laid on my bed, where I was passing out, sort-of.  Maybe I was tired.  Or maybe blood wasn't pumping through my heart.

I'm alive now, of course, and my chest pain has subsided -- sort of.  I plan on going to exercise, then buying a Thanksgiving dinner to eat for lunch.  I will head back outside to rake the rest of the roof and, if I'm enterprising enough, throw melting pucks onto the roof.  And I hope to not have a heart attack today.  Just to let y'all know.

Oh -- Happy Thanksgiving.

Winter Ain't No Thing With A Snowblower That Works

Was thinking/praying all day at work that the snowblower would work.  I would try and dig my way out of six inches (I measured that this morning; the official report closest to me had 8 1/2") if I had to, but I really, really didn't want to.

Once I got home I plugged the thrower in.  I had to dig out the instructions to re-remember how to turn it on, or at least try to turn it on.  And I hit the electric start button and ... it fired up immediately.  And unlike some times before, it did not poop out in the middle of my driveway clearing job.  I plowed the snow until it was all gone.  And that includes the snow I pulled down from the roof with the roof rake.  The driveway is totally clean.

Once again, I confess that I felt like a total man when operating a snowblower.  Totally got a hard dick.  (No, I didn't, but I felt masculine, totally masculine.)  And my reticence in a previous blog post about regretting living here in the winter was sucked up by an augur and flung off through a chute onto the front yard.

Now let's hope the snowblower doesn't follow a pattern like winters past where I tonight was the only time all winter it works.

Yeah, it's here.  And it ain't fuckin' around.  There was enough, probably an inch, that I went out and shoveled for about 45 minutes.  More will be coming, I'm sure.  But I did shovel away that inch, which makes it a little easier for me to get out of the driveway in order to get to work.  And I'm still holding out hope that we're not going to get 9-12".

I stopped shoveling once I saw some dude walking up the street.  Turns out he was muttering to himself.  If he's walking around in this weather by himself, he must be going to the apartments up the street (and away from the trailer park down on the other side).  Yes, I dashed into my home to avoid him, just in case.  I cannot lie.

No Movie -- Winter Has Come

This impending blizzard (they're saying 9-to-twelve inches -- the first Minnesota snowstorm should never be this heavy or bad) could not have come at a worse time of day/night, or day of the week.  (I probably say that about the first snowstorm every winter, but I feel it now.)  Never mind it coming just at the start of The Busiest Travel Day In America; at least I'm not driving or flying anywhere to see family, because it looks as though I wouldn't be able to make it there if I had to.

Moreover, even though it appears to be starting right now, the heaviest of this storm is going to fall overnight -- while I'm sleeping and just before I have to drive to work.  That means that not only will I have to wake up early and shovel my way out of my driveway (and try to avoid a heart attack while I'm at it), chances are I won't have the opportunity to make a dent into this storm by shoveling in the evening, before I go to bed, because there may not be any snow to shovel.  The worst of both worlds.

And the uncertainty over the beginning of this blizzard fucked me up, too.  I really, really wanted to see a movie before the advent of the storm hit.  But I didn't know when it was going to hit.  If it were later in the evening, I definitely would have seen a movie.  If it started in the afternoon, my commute would have been hell, but there would have been no doubt I needed to get home.  But the forecasts finally told me it was going to start late afternoon/early evening.  On top of that, I had two films from which to choose, both of which had logistical hangups.  I could go see Parasite, but that started 90 minutes after I got out of work and I didn't want to dink around town before seeing it, or The Irishman, which is supposed to be 3 1/2 fucking hours long, and while I love Scorsese, I don't know if I could sit through a movie that long.  And both films had the complication of being done after 7, which is the time most of the forecasts I saw predicted the storm would begin, and which would force me to miss The Conners, which is a TV show I am starting to watch religiously.

Finally, I decided to skip it.  I could just imagine myself not paying attention to whichever flick I decided because I was worried I would be driving home in the driving snow.  Instead I did the following:

• Ate Happy Hour Arby's;
• Moved up my Thanksgiving Eve tradition of being a turkey footlong at Subway; I'll be digging out my house instead of going out to eat tomorrow;
• Got the lottery tickets Father wants;
• Topped off the coolant tank in the old car;
• And made sure the garage door worked -- and it didn't, so I had to open it up manually, but then it wouldn't close and the remote wouldn't work, until it did, and that took a goddamn hour.

And as it so happens I looked out the window and saw a sprinkling of the white stuff on the deck.  I made the right decision.  Staying in Minnesota for the winter?  Right now I'm thinking I made the wrong fucking decision.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  No letdown -- they handled Northwestern Saturday, 38-22.  That sets up a winner-take-all with Wisconsin at TCF Bank Saturday, both for the Big Ten West Division crown and Paul Bunyan's Axe.  But the real crowning achievement for the team (and the main reason these guys top the survey this week) came during the Arizona St.-Oregon game on Channel 5 (at least to me), when it was announced (at least I think) that ESPN's College GameDay will, for the first time ever, come to the campus of the University of Minnesota.  I have never watched an entire episode of that show, and honestly, I think I've seen a grand total of, like, 75 Minutes.  But over its lifetime (and I don't think it's been around that long) it has become an American sports TV institution, so much so that a part of me wants to be a part of it.  Unfortunately I work during the day, so I can't be a part of it.  Probably too crazy for me to be a part of the Dinkytown mob that'll be there Saturday morning, anyway.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7).  When it comes to non-BcS teams, these Golden Gophers apparently look good; routs at Williams over Central Michigan and North Dakota will do help you feel good, even if the NET won't budge one lick.  They finish out this six-Game homestand with a pair of toughies: A Black Friday afternoon contest against DePaul (which will happen around the same time as the Mild's Game versus Ottawa), then a late Monday showdown against Clemson, a Game I bought a ticket for at the State Fair.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Only one Game, an 11-Point victory over Montana St. at The Barn.  Four in a row, although three of them are against barely worthy clubs.  The next foe is similar -- tonight (Tuesday night) against Bryant, a tilt that marks the end of this basketball program's six-Game homestand.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -5).  After blowing leads and losing in Overtime in their last two Games (in Boston and the Rangers), I was ready to stash the Mild down at the bottom of the survey.  But then I checked their website and remembered that they started off the screening week destroying the Sabers in Buffalo and then outlasting The Bastard Quebec Nordiques at home.  And then I checked the standings; Minnesota was the worst team in the NHL last week, but as of right now the Kings, the Red Wings and Devils have fewer Points.  So, such as it is, things are "improving."  But I will go out on a limb and state this: Of the two professional sports teams in the Twin Cities, the worm has turned and now it's the Timberwolves, and not the Wild, that have a window for success.  Well, beyond this week (see below).  But I mean that.

They stick around Metropolis for a road date in New Jersey tonight/Tuesday night.  They then come home for a Black Friday afternoon tilt vs. Ottawa and a Sunday afternoon date at The Team That Was Stolen From Us.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -9).  College hockey Overtime periods, and the Points they get from them, are weird.  The U., at Mariucci, beat Wisconsin Friday but lost to the Badgers Saturday in a Shootout.  The NCAA mandates a 5-on-5 First Overtime if a Game is tied at the end of regulation.  After that, each conference is allowed to make its own rules.  The Big Ten has teams play a 3-on-3 Second OT, and after that a Shootout, in order to award a second Point after a first Point given to both teams after, I believe, this NCAA-mandated First OT.  I prefer ties.

Anyway, this means that the Gophers picked up four out of a possible six Points.  In years past I would consider this series just a win and a loss.  And maybe I should go back to that.

I don't know if I have any more to add to this.

Hmmm ... I just saw that the men's hockey program will finish up its own six-Game homestand this weekend, just like the men's basketball and women's basketball squads.  For the male icers, it's a non-conference throwback showdown two-Game set against North Dakota, at the special days of Thanksgiving and Black Friday nights.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  College hockey Overtime periods, and the Points they get from them, are weird.  They outlasted Minnesota-Duluth Saturday, 4-3.  But on Friday they lost to the Bulldogs on the, I think, 3-on-3 Second Overtime.  Therefore, the female icers also pick up 4/6 Points, even though they really lost for the second time all year.  I think?

They're in Nashville this weekend.  The city of Nashville has, to their credit, really taken up the sport of hockey.  Obviously this city does not have a snowy winter, and they surely don't have an intrinsic foundation of hockey.  And even though they were rewarded an NHL team, there was a time not too long ago the Predators had to hit attendance figures or else they would trigger plans that could have had them leaving the city.  But then the front office got their shit together, the Preds finally won a playoff series, they actually reached the Stanley Cup Finals a few years ago and boom, they're acting like they're an actual hockey town.  Well, they're not, but they are demonstrating more love for hockey than some cities that are taking the sport for granted because the pro team sucks.

So, yeah.  Anyway, the Golden Gophers are participating in this "Country Classic," which is the first I've heard of it and therefore should not be called a "classic."  Wisconsin is also a part of this showcase, but the U. plays Boston College Black Friday afternoon (just before the start of the Mild's Game vs. the Senators) and Harvard Saturday afternoon.

#-7: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4).  Swept Iowa Saturday at Maturi, but at home on Friday (in a Game that tipped off at 8) they came back from two Sets down to Nebraska, only two run out of steam and lose the Fifth at, ugh, 3.  Sort of weird since the Goofers won the Fourth at 11.  John Cook knows when he's beat; he rallied his Cornhuskers to concentrate on the Fifth Set, and that's what they did.

One bracketologist I see (albeit on a chat board) sees Minnesota as the overall #8 Seed and travelling to, of all places, Waco, Tex., to face overall #1 Baylor.  A non-traditional Queens Of The Mountain?  That's ripe for an upset, in my mind, but I have no faith that this program can do it.  Besides, they finish up the regular season on the road -- first to Rutgers on Friday (no problem), but then against Penn St. Saturday.  Maybe it doesn't really matter if the U. is 8 or 9, but ... ah, fuck it, what really matters if these young women can actually fucking win a championship.

#-8: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  This week perfectly encapsulates the weird dichotomy the Woofie Dogs find themselves in at the beginning of the season.  They dropped home games versus Utah and Phoenix (the latter only by two), but then go out to Atlanta and coast past the Hawks last/Monday night.  So as of press time, this squad is 3-6 at home, but 6-2 on the road.  The fuck?!

A light schedule this screening week.  At San Antonio Wednesday, home to The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies Sunday afternoon, right around the time the Mild host The Bastard North Stars.  So expect a win and a loss.

#-9: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -8).  Huh, the Gophers lost at Oklahoma St., like I thought.  But I thought they were going to get blown out, much worse than the 21-12 actual score.  And then I see that the Cowboys are ranked 11th while the U. 12th.  So ... this should have been a more competitive Dual, right?  That it was not falls on Eggum & Co.

They're at the Cliff Keen Invitational in Vegas in two weeks.  They don't have an actual Dual till the 20th, so unless something good actually comes from the Invitational, don't see them for a month.  Probably for the best.

This Is It (Plus An Aside)

Kind of got stood up at ****e's place this morning.  Opened up the door and let myself in.  The dogs were barking; the last couple time she ushered them downstairs to the roommate below, so that was the first sign something was afoot.  The second sign was her not showing up for the half-hour-plus I was there.  I want to blog about this in the future, but not right now.  I will say that I left a note, then left.  She called me while I was at the Megamall saying that she overslept.  I told her I was on my way home (kind of a lie), and I'll catch her the next time ... which won't be before winter finally comes in with the advent of the first snowstorm that is coming tomorrow night.

I have been feeling a low, subterranean level of anxiety over this blizzard -- and it sounds like it will be bad.  Forecasting when it comes to snow has been really good in recent years, and last/Sunday night the Weather Service put up a Winter Weather Watch for a wide swath of the area, with the Twin Cities right in the heart of it.  Initial snow totals for these parts, according to the tweet I saw: Half a foot.  And forecasts since then have only raised the total, to nine inches.

I was driving out of the Megamall after using a coupon at Hooters when I noticed something.  It was the perfect weather day for me -- overcast to being at the point of dreadfully dark without it being actual night, and temperatures in the lower forties.  When I got home I took a picture of my street, looking down both ends, and I thought to myself, "Golly, this is the perfect weather day."  But anyway, back to the Megamall.  I felt so grateful that, if I couldn't fuck ****e and stay in her bed all day, at least I was able to appreciate this weather.

And then it hit me: Assuming this snowstorm doesn't miraculously miss us, we're getting a ton of this crap.  And unless there's a different miracle whereby the temperatures get so above freezing it melts all the snow, snow will stick around starting from tomorrow until the spring.  And so what I saw in front of me as I was driving out of MOA -- the cloudy skies, the breathable air and, most importantly, the sidewalks free of snow and ice that'll cause you to slip and fall -- became ephemeral, fragile, something that will fade into the recesses of my memory.  There will be days this winter where the skies will be this overcast, and even some days that get above 40.  But the snow and ice will be there.  And that ruins everything.  So what I saw this afternoon will be the last time I see that, exactly that, exactly that perfect, until next late fall.  And now I'm sad.

---

Since I couldn't fuck ****e, I kind of did the desperate thing and invited ****y over to the house so I could fuck her instead.  A man has needs.  I was intending on sinking my cock into somebody, and now it'll be someone different.  Hope ****y doesn't bring her family to rob me.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Sunday, November 24:

• Went to Caffetto to work on ... well, work on my receipts and this!  Got a pumpkin pie and a small hot chocolate to start, and then I went back for a Double Cola because I am hot right now.  With tip: $10.48.
• In the meantime I have a pool of change in my back pocket and I decided to do what I wanted to do for some time now and fish a quarter with a tail that I do not recognize.  Going to take it out of circulation and put it in storage: 25 cents.
• To Friday the 22nd -- on that Thursday and Friday I was working for someone in a different department, and therefore I assumed her hours, which are two hours later than mine.  To "celebrate" this, I decided to go into Caribou to try their season Nitro Ho Ho Mocha.  The cashier is Japanese, and I had trouble speaking with her.  I wanted this mocha hot, but she said the Nitro Ho Ho is not, so I ordered just a plain mocha, but then she said that, apparently, a Non-Nitro Ho Ho is hot.  So I got that and apologized to her for giving her tone.  (I think all this, combined together, made me tardy for work.)  Charged the mocha, so this EWR is tip only: $1.
• Back to Sunday, November 17, where I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) to enjoy the come-from-behind Vikings win and unwind after a hellacious weekend.  And I spending money like I'm a fatcat nowadays.  If it's closing in a month, what am I saving it for?  So I got dances with four girls straddling the two shifts while I was there: Lola, Ruby, Carissa and Ariel.  With a Budweiser and tips I sank a total of: $94.
• Back on Friday the 15th (a date I got free from working because I filled in for someone on Monday) I went to Central Car Wash to finally wash my car.  Besides, if my parents were going to want to use the new car to get to the airport the next day, I should wash it.  (We used the old car because it's roomier.)  Charged the wash, so this is tip only: $3.
• I then got my shoes shined at Lisa's.  Paid full price this time; it's only fair.  With tip: $15.
• I went to the University of Minnesota men's hockey game that evening, the third of the four Games for which I bought tickets at the Minnesota State Fair.  This is the worst Game I've ever seen this team, and this program, play: 8-2 to Penn St., for fuck's sake.  Program, hot dog, and I got a free pop for signing up to be a sober driver, and all told I spent: $7.50.
• If this is right, we leap back all the way to Monday, November 4.  I went back to ****a for a massage.  I came just as she twitched after I swaddled her cunt and (according to her at least) my long fingernail touched something that made her genuinely uncomfortable.  Oh well.  I threw in an extra $20 for gas money because she said she was taking her relative to the airport after our "massage."  OK, whatever: $140.
• Then went to the library for printouts: $1.
• I then went downtown to get my glass tightened at Warby Parker.  Now this was after 6, so there was parking relatively close by where, if I found a meter, I could just park there and it would be like getting my glasses cleaned at a strip mall.  But on this day the Timberwolves were playing, and I assume the main reason I couldn't find a free meter was because of sports parking.  I did find a meter, but it was in effect until 10, so I paid some money just to dash into Warby Parker.  Now, you might say, why couldn't I get my glasses fixed somewhere besides downtown?  Or, if I insist on getting Warby Parker to fix my glasses, why couldn't I do it on a night where the Wolves aren't playing?  Those are damn good questions.  For parking I paid way too much because I didn't have to wait, namely: 75 cents.
• After WP I went to Caffetto.  Chocolate cake, hot chocolate, and I guess I was hot and thirsty after that then too, because I got a Double Cola!  With tips, total was: $10.48.
• On Sunday the 3rd I spent my morning at Diamonds, where I got a hot apple cider and a bagel with cream cheese.  With tip: $9.
• To Saturday the 2nd, where I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Got a vodka cranberry, and I got lap dances from the hot Breezy and the hot Giselle.  With stage tips and tip for the vodka cran I spent: $53.
• Finally, Halloween, aka Thursday, October 31: Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version) in the hopes my ATF would be there.  She wasn't.  But I got eight table dances from a very interesting person named Sabrina.  She has her own YouTube channel; I should check it out again soon.  I got free cover because I dove into the Holiday in the Megamall to get ramen.  Bought a beer of their craft tap, and since they come in these fifties-era cups, I got a second cup.  With tips I left there spending: $104.
• I then went to Hooters to wait out the trick-or-treaters.  With tip: $20.50.

It's been almost a month of EWRs, but this list isn't bad.  Subconsciously, however, I think I have gotten tired of typing all of these down and relied on using my credit card to make many more of my purchases.  Maybe that's dangerous, but I've been relying on those cards way too much for too long now anyway, so why not pile on more charges?  I've got a regular job.

Good through November 24.

I Once Knew Her

In ... whoa, an hour or so I am going to a memorial service.  It is for someone I barely knew, but I've seen her naked, as she had seen me same.  Yep, she was a stripper.  I am going at the behest of her mom, who is also a stripper, and who I know a lot better, and yes, I've seen her naked and she me and we've done, you know, stuff.  On the other hand, I had, I think, two lap dances with the daughter.  It was at parties the mother hosted at her place.  (Had I blogged about this mother-daughter duo here before?)  I had her squeeze my dick once.  And I helped her move her mattress once.

She was beautiful.  Unfortunately she ran into drug issues.  The mother wants today to not be about that, but to celebrate the life she lived, and the two boys who will live on for her.  I totally understand, of course.  But this is an issue surrounding death, something no one wants to think about, so when it comes (and it will come inevitably), we have no idea what to do.  And I'm totally dumb when it comes to social situations anyway.  Add to all of that the possibility that the mother is the only person at the memorial I know, and I don't know what I'm going to do.  I'm already uncomfortable, so how long do I stay?  How long should I stay?  Will there be a presentation?  Can I just go there for the food?

I'm reaching out to the horny side of me as a salve, even though I know I shouldn't.  I wonder how many other strippers are going to be there.  And the mother's half-sister might come over; she's the, uh, really horny and responsive one who decided to not mess around with me at her apartment anymore.  Will she be there?  If so, can we rekindle something?  Man, I'm such an ill-mannered pervert.

A Surfeit Of Bananas

I have ... let me check ... a dozen, exactly twelve bananas in my fridge right now.  Father goddamn bought two bunches before they fucking left and saddled me with them.  I was able to eat one on Thursday and one on Friday as part of the cereal I ate before leaving for work (I was filling in for someone and thus shifted to a 9-5:30 work shift, and my body woke up in time for me to actually have breakfast), but I haven't had the time to eat them, nor do I want to.  The skin is browning quickly despite me throwing them into the refrigerator in order to slow down the ripening process.  But do I want to eat bananas?  No.

Been thinking about donating them to a food shelter, even though you aren't supposed to donate perishable food.  Goddamn parents fucking food they won't eat.  What a fucking waste.

You know of the things I like about having the house all to myself?  I can fart in peace.  I mean, I could have done that with my folks home.  But there's something about ripping ass as loud as you can and not have anyone hear it ... that's freedom, baby.

Just a thought.

Nightmare

Walking around outside, and for some reason I either am crawling or have no legs and need to propel myself with my hands and arms.  (Don't ask.)  I, for some reason, am "walking" through the drive-thru of, I guess, a pharmacy, like a Walgreens.  But it's so cramped that I am walking the wrong way on a one-way.

I was thinking to myself, "God, I hope there isn't a car coming, I hope there isn't a car coming. ..." and of course by goddamn, a car came around.  So I had to scurry away as fast as I could to avoid getting hit by it.  But the only way to avoid it is to go up this ... well, it seemed like an asphalt area that stopped for some reason, like it was next to a building or something, I can't remember.  And I'm desperately trying to get to this area, or at least escape from this car, like it's Christine or something.

And then I woke up.  I woke up in time to have breakfast and blog about my nightmare.

Oh, An Update On My Fantasy Teams ...

... they ain't worth shit.

I don't know exactly what happened, but a combination of drafting poorly and not being on the stick when it comes to picking up free agents on the waiver wire (dude, I've been so damn busy during the week) likely is the reason I have two wins for each of my teams and am in last place in both of my leagues.  I don't think I've ever done that before, finishing last in both.  And it's a complete 180 from last year, when I won the league I commish and finished second in the one I don't.

What's been particularly shitty for me is that there have been many instances more than in years past where I have picked a player who did not rack up the points that week while benching the ones that did.  I do listen for advice on the radio and look at the lists online, and from that I have started my studs some weeks and the scrubs who were predicted to have a big game in other weeks.  But it seems that I have been every single damn week.  Kind of a case in point: Because the Texans' Secondary is banged up, I decided to pick up and start Indianapolis' Jacoby Brissett, hoping he'd have a field night.  Well, the Game just wrapped up, and he passed for fewer than 200 Yards and scored only one Touchdown.

It's sort of like this (just concentrate on the part with Ron Livingston's character):



Then again, it hadn't really mattered because the players I have are so bad that I wind up losing no matter who I start, so meh.  Yeah, it's that bad. 

I should endeavor to do better next year.

My Perving Has To Stop, Sadly

Yeah, I continued to give the eggplant emoji to pictures of how women.  Woke up this morning to a bodybuilder who told me I was being rude and I need to stop.  I apologized.

Yeah, maybe I need to stop.  Maybe this isn't going well for me.  Maybe this will come back and hurt my career and my life.  Maybe ... it already has.

Yeah, no.  I opened up my Facebook just now and saw another Story of another bodybuilder showing off her hot body.  "Honored" her with an eggplant emoji.  She probably knows the hot babe who told me I was rude.  So I gave her a thumbs-up too -- that should mean I'm OK.  Right?

Person Who Should Be Fired: That Bitch At The Movie Theater Last Night

Ugh!  I know I shouldn't use the word "bitch" anymore, but my God, I've used it so often I really, really want to use it because it is so accurate to use that word for this narcissistic girl -- white, shorter than me, glasses, fat -- who has shitty customer service skills.  I know I cannot keep going on and on and on about shitty service, but goddamn, I hate it when people in positions like her won't say thank you.  Yes, it's important to me!  Yes, I think it's important, period!

But this fucking idiot (guess I'm finding words to describe her besides "bitch") hit the sweet spot of both rude and shallow.  It was going downhill when she answered my question about whether the theater had small sizes with a terse and quiet "No."  But her ill-mannered cherry on top was when I asked for my receipt.  Like some anti-social psycho, she printed it, ripped it off the dispenser, folded it, slapped it right in front of the popcorn I hadn't yet picked up (handing things is important to me, OK?), then started talking to her co-workers while I was still at the cash registered.  Oh, how rude.  Oh, what a rude cunt (yes, I know I really shouldn't say that, but women aren't that protected of a class of people to the point where I can't use a gender-specific insult, please??).

My only recourse is to not go back.  Maybe I can go on the website and complain about this asshole.  Or go on Yelp.  Yeah, Yelp is where everybody complains about everything.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  I was on the field the whole Game Sunday.  The first half was eerily reminiscent of last year's out-of-nowhere upset loss to Buffalo, which, in retrospect, spun the team's season down to a sputtering 8-7-1 record.  The first two Vikings drives they were stopped on 3rd and short, thus proving that, while Denver came into the day 3-6, they do have a stout defense.  (It is what new Head Coach Vic Fangio was hired to do.)  They punted at the end of both drives when I thought they should have gone for it.  In the meantime, the Broncos' Offense, led by ... Rookie Brandon Allen (?), kept making throw after throw, and largely through his leadership, Denver was up, on the road, 20-0, and the Vikings were (rightly) booed off of the field.

And yet, somehow, unlike versus the Bills, these Vikes mounted a comeback.  I don't know how it happened; I dismissed the first Touchdown as not indicative of something big.  And I couldn't tell what adjustment was made except for upping the tempo on offense.  But they did, and that somehow caught the Broncos' D off-guard.  Moreover, except for one TD, Dalvin Cook and the running game were a complete non-factor.  It was passing, and Kirk Cousins, and play-action that somehow did not work in the First Half, that got Minnesota four TDs.  And still it took a goal line stand at the end of the Game, culminating in what a guy who served me a mini-Blizzard at the local Dairy Queen who saw the play on TV said was a bullet throw that hit the Denver receiver in the end zone off his helmet, to preserve a 27-23 victory.

This was a great win because it shows that the Vikings are able to improvise their way to victory.  They are built on running the ball and defense, and neither showed up on Sunday, and yet they still managed to beat a poor Denver club.  With that being said, an ascendant Vikes O is being neutralized by a D that turned in another poor performance.  (In particular, Cornerback Xavier Rhodes is not looking good at all.)  That side of the ball has to turn things around.

One more thing: I saw Stefon Diggs throw his helmet after a stalled Vikings drive early in the Third Quarter.  I believe he caught his scintillating Touchdown pass the next drive.  Afterward he was exhorting the stadium to make some noise.  If Diggs was on the other team, I'd think him both a diva and an asshole.  But since he's on the Vikings, I truly think that he is a sparkplug whose emotions need to fuel this team.

This is their bye week.  I think this is the last week for the NFL, and if so, I don't remember if Minnesota has ever had their bye week be the last one.  Visits Seattle in two weeks.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  The bounce-back from the club's season-opening loss at home to Missouri St. (a team who, I have read, reached the Sweet 16 as the Cinderella last year) is not going unnoticed here.  Beating Vermont and Wisconsin-Milwaukee isn't notable.  But beating 19th-ranked Arizona St., a Game in which Destiny Pitts reached the 1,000-Point mark, is very notable.  That being said, they are getting fat on home cookin', and that will continue with a Saturday afternoon match vs. Montana St.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  A 2-2 screening week.  Of all things, people were saying that the losses to Washington and Houston (both at home, both blowouts) were due to, get this, the absence of Andrew Wiggins, who has left the team due to a family matter.  He was around and led the squad in Points and Assists in beating San Antonio Wednesday.  But he was not around for a good ten-Point win last/Monday night in Utah.  Karl-Anthony Towns led the way instead, and it's kind of surprising to think that Wiggins has had more of a hand in the Timberwolves' relative good start than KAT.

The Jazz return the home-and-home favor tomorrow/Wednesday night.  After hosting an improved Phoenix club Saturday, they have a tilt versus the Hawks in Atlanta Monday.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Sure, they swept Michigan at home Saturday.  But on Thursday they lost, also at Maturi, to Wisconsin in four Sets.  That gave the Badgers the season sweep and, most likely, the Big Ten regular season title.  Well, I see who is the alpha dog this year, and it sure as shit ain't the Golden Goofers.

Finish the home sked this weekend.  Nebraska and Iowa, back-to-back.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Holy shit -- the Mild are the worst team in the National Hockey League right now.  I noticed that their pattern of slow starts in Games continued in the 1-2 screening week, but they managed to defeat Arizona 3-2 and got a loser Point in the 4-3 loss to Carolina (both Games at home).  Guess they had more regulation defeats like the 3-1 one in Los Angeles than I thought.  So I should put the Mild at the bottom ... except that this has been an exceptionally shitty week for local sports teams.  Four of them lost Friday, and all the ones whose players have penises lost Saturday while the two squads whose players have vaginas won.  These hockeyers at least won one Game, so they're not in the shit.  At least not for this week.

They stay in a Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday schedule: Respectively, at Buffalo, home to Colorado, in Boston.

#-6: Gopher football (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  OK, so the perfect season is over, and likely a College Football Playoff spot.  I saw barely a second of the 23-19 loss Saturday at Iowa, even though I got home by the time the Fourth Quarter started; I'm a pessimist -- you'd have to be if you're a Minnesota sports fan -- and the slow start the Gophers got out to did not make me think they could come back.  They did, if I hear correctly.  They came back from down 20-3 to make a game of it.  But they just dug themselves too big of a hole down 13-0 at the end of the First Quarter.  Also, Brock Walker missed a Field Goal and an Extra Point; he makes both and, obviously, it's tied at 23.  Finally, a comeback that was on the table when Minnesota got the ball with 66 Seconds left went nowhere due to back-to-back Sacks, the second of which knocked out Quarterback Tanner Morgan.  Backup Cole Kramer had to come in and lead Minnesota all the way to the end zone, but his first pass was incomplete and his second was intercepted.  And the Hawkeyes thus keeps Floyd of Rosedale.

Again, there are still some things to play for.  They beat Northwestern on the road Saturday and they set up a winner-take-division matchup against Wisconsin at Das Bank v.1.0.  That should still be an easily-doable task for the Gophers.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6).  I appreciate the tougher non-conference schedule, but it would also help if they win a Game or two.  That didn't happen this past screening week.  The U., being game about meeting teams at their place, lost to Butler by eight and Utah by four.  Not successful at all, and this might be a season where Richard Pitino has to prove he has bona fides.  But so far this program is scheduling better than SEC football teams.

This might be considered a lull week.  Face Central Michigan Thursday and North Dakota Sunday, both at The Barn.

#-8: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Man, the more I research this and the more I think about it, the more I think I should shelve these grapplers at the bottom of the survey.  Behold the once-great and -proud Golden Gopher wrestling program which, ranked 6th in the country, began their regular season not at the Sports Pavilion but at Williams Arena and got fucking upset by fucking Rider.  Rider.  Fucking Rider.  I have no goddamn clue where Rider University is.  (Just looked it up; Rider University is in Lawrence Township, N.J.)  But the Broncs had lost to the U. in their two previous Duals before this 21-17 embarrassment Friday night.

You should look at Rider's athletic department for the way they saw this.  The Match that turned this Dual upside-down was at 174 lbs.  The Goofers' Devin Skatzka, ranked sixth in his weight class, got felled three Minutes into his Match with 27th-ranked Dean Sherry.  That gave Rider a two-Point lead.  The Broncs maintained an 18-17 edge going into the final Match, at Heavyweight, but instead of getting Gable Steveson to get the U. a tougher-than-acceptable victory, Head Coach Brandon Eggum turned to his older brother, Redshirt Senior Boddy, who dropped a 1-0 Decision to some dude named Ryan Cloud.  And this historic win (at least according to Rider AR) was complete.

Seriously.  What.  The.  Fuck.

If these guys can't beat fucking Rider at home, they have no goddamn chance at Oklahoma St. Sunday afternoon.  These guys are wallowing in irrelevance right now.  But they might be getting company real soon. ...

#-9: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  I went to Friday's match versus Penn St., and, my God, woof.  What I saw for their Game against Niagara earlier in the year continued to manifest itself in spades in this one, especially the dumb, dumb passing in the defensive zone.  The Gophers could not clear the puck if their scholarships depended on it.

Somehow that didn't hurt the Goofers in the First Period, which ended scoreless.  But what followed was, my fucking goodness, the worst ten Minutes I have ever seen a Gopher men's hockey team play.  The Nittany Lions (which was ranked eighth at the time) racked up four Goals, back-to-back-to-back-to-back.  That fourth tally was a quirky one, where the puck saucered in the air and a PSU player hacked it down and past the Goaltender.  But the other three happened because of inexcusable defense: The Lions got the puck in their offensive zone and passed to a teammate right in front of the Gophers' net with no Gopher marking him.  The first two Goals, in particular, the goalscorer was so by his lonesome he might as well have been radioactive.

That was the U. at its worst that weekend, but it didn't get much better.  The Nittany Lions scored another four in the Third Period to quadruple the Goofs 8-2.  Once the Lions scored that fifth Goal early in the third, a lot of the crowd -- in a half-full 3M -- got up and left, and some more took off after the sixth.  I had never seen so many people leave during the middle of a Gopher men's hockey Game, and I had never seen the place so empty at the end of it.  You know, I might have to take that back.  The Goofers led Penn St. in the Saturday contest 3-1 but then gave up the next five Goals in an ensuing 6-3 doubling.  Bob Motzo's teams in St. Cloud St. were known for having great regular seasons but pissing down their legs and bowing out in the first round of the NCAA Tournament.  I'm starting to worry that Motzko's MO is having inept defense.  And while it's still early, I believe this past weekend sweep (at home no less) was so bad it undid all the good results and any improvement this program made so far this season.  Motzko's mulligan came last year.  Now I need to some fucking progress.  Last weekend showed de-evolution, not progress.

And this came at the start of a six-Game homestand.  And they host a Wisconsin club that might have found its footing this weekend, too.

Hoping To Get Long And Strong

Well!  I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) after the Vikings come-from-behind win and I ran into ******a, whom I hadn't seen in a long time and, even though she flits in and out of the club (at least I think so), I thought she had moved on.  But she didn't, thank Buddha!

Moreover, after I started asking her what she was going to do after My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), she told me she was having a party.  Tomorrow, which is today.  And, there is only one girl there -- ***e*!  I haven't seen her in ages, and I haven't spoken to her in months!  And even better than that?  She planned on having only one guy over ... and she told me I can come over!  And best of all, I can come over and see those two after this guy leaves!

This is the type of party (which is at her apartment ... oh my God, that's the cherry on top!) I love -- private, at one of the stripper's place, and totally not a sausage party.  It'd be even better if I had just arranged a one-on-one, but this is a two-on-one, and my mind reels at the possibilities.  Do I get one and then the other, or do I get both at the same time?  Also, ***e* still owes me money, and I both want to get her to settle up while giving her some money because I know she's kind of hurting.  OK, I'll just say it: I want her to jack me off at a discount.

But ******a ... well, two great things from this.  One, with the advent of the closing of My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), strippers, in particular the veterans who have been working there for years, need to find other forms of income, and so they're opening up their own homes to make money.  And two, like with *****y, who just gave me a handjob after years of knowing her as a "good girl," I think (or at least I like to think) that I have earned enough trust from her to, uh, take things to the next level, so to speak.  So sign me up!

Now I just want to make sure that I'm long and strong so I can perform correctly for these two beautiful women.  Maybe I'll look at porn and not masturbate, which will be hard, and I hope it will be.

I have to wake up in three hours but I can't go to sleep because the only thing I've been doing the past hour (since I cut my game-watching event with the back half of the Fourth Quarter to go) is shit something close to something solid, but not.  My gut and colon are going to keep me up, I just know it.

And then I'll be groggy as shit getting up, and I'll be late getting to work.  Oh, and I have the task of picking up VIPs from their hotel.  I'll fart a really nasty fart while I'm driving, I'll tell you what.

Tomorrow is going to suck.

So Begins My Most Taxing Day In A Long Time

So here's my schedule for the weekend:

• Go to work, but since it's Saturday, I go to work an hour later.  Also, for this Saturday, I get to be in a department all by myself, so that'll be nice.
• One other bonus: I leave early.  But that's because I need to get home early to take my parents to the airport.
• I have a bunch of hours to kill before my alumni club game-watching party.  Might go to Hooters and use the November coupon.
• Hope to Buddha I'm able to take a good-sized nap after I get home and before I go to the game-watching thingy downtown.  Because that starts at 10, will probably last until 1:30 ... and then I have to wake up around 5:30 because ...
• ... I have to report very early, 6:30 for the Vikings Game.  Don't know why; I don't do that much anyway, and besides, anything that needs to be done that early the morning can be done by one of the other eight people who are there, and who all will be told to report at 6:30.  But hey, it's good money.  Just hope the people there aren't dicks.
• Will relax at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after work.  Hopefully I'll be able to stay awake.  Also, the possibility that I will get into a fight with someone there and get thrown out is always a negligible chance just greater than 0, so there's that.

So I should be in the clear by Sunday evening.  It's just getting from now until then, and specifically getting from Saturday night until Sunday evening, that will tax my body, my mind, and my patience in a way I don't think have been tested in a long time, if not ever.  Wish me luck.

Was This The Smart Thing To Do The Day Before They Leave?

We got the safe deposit thing done just now.  Woke up before my planned 10 o'clock because My Fucking Father was doing shit in the kitchen -- stomping his feet up the stairs, pounding what sounded like a thistle, and using the fucking blender.

We were about to leave.  But Mother decided she needed to run back inside to grab some identification.  So of course I'm fucking left alone in the car with My Fucking Father, and of course he started in on, "When you can, clean up your room," and, "When you can, go buy a book.  It's no good just sleeping in your bed all night."

I finally ginned up the courage to do something I don't think I've done yet.  After that first thing he said, I broke out my phone to start looking through my Twitter.  And after the second thing he said, I literally got out of the car to stand outside while looking at my phone.  I can't fucking stand it anymore.  He has pulled that bullshit on me for years.  It's beyond annoying -- it's hurtful.  And I couldn't take it anymore.  I understand that this could poison what might go on between us until they leave.  But 1) it's just a day, 2) they can arrange other transportation to the airport if they want, and 3) I finally feel as though I am not just standing in front of him, taking his yelling and screaming.  I'm not taking it anymore, no matter how innocent he'll say he was being.

I thank Rocketman for my spine.

Let's Try This Again

I really, really wanted to get my parents to go the bank after work one afternoon, but having Friday totally free totally makes that senseless.  So we're going to try and do it tomorrow, presuming there is no holiday that I know of that I have yet to reason would result in the closing of banks for a second day this week.

I was an open book toward Mother.  When I came home, she asked me what time I wanted to go.  I didn't have a time, so I asked her what's best for her.  Unfortunately she batted the ball back on my side of the court, so I just picked the same time we went out on Monday.  I would have preferred to just go whenever I woke up.  But now I have to wake up at a time in the morning.  This also presents the possibility that, like on Monday, my parents would want us to have an early lunch, which would ruin my plans of getting lunch on my own.  And beyond that there are a lot of things I want to do (get my shoes shined, get the car washed, exercise) that may be at the mercy of my parents as and after we go to the bank.

And I was the one who insisted on doing this.  Be careful what you wish for.

Loading Up Enough Food For The Zombie Apocalypse, I Reckon

Yeah, I need to discuss with my parents the food in the fridge.  They have done a good job of cleaning out all the food that had been in there up to about a week ago.  But there's still a lot, and there is a lot that I cannot eat.

For example, Mother had started making yogurt.  It's good -- she says one of the main things she did is not use corn syrup -- but, as she is wont to do, she made a ton of it.  There were 17 glass cups of plain vanilla yogurt in there yesterday.  When I counted them up last night, I was about to bring it up to my folks.  But I just checked in there now and it's down to a dozen.  Guess Father horked a ton of them down today.  But that still is way too much for me to eat.  Well, unless I can, like, eat them every other day.  Will they keep for a month?  I don't know.  But I can't believe that Mother thinks I can eat the same damn thing every day for two weeks.

Also, there is a lot of food I simply can't recognize.  I noticed a plastic tub of ... something, for instance.  They don't expect me to eat that, do they?

Need to bring this up with them before they go.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  Man, I never thought I would ever see this:



I am still trying to contextualize the importance of this victory, 31-26 Saturday afternoon over then-fifth-ranked and undefeated Penn St., in the annals of recent Twin Cities sports history. Because I'm not sure if there has been one quite like it.

I'll try and narrow it down, because of course there have been many notable victories over very good teams in the past.  But this is different than, say, the Minneapolis Miracle, or (to deploy a maybe not-so-good example) the Gopher basketball team defeating #1 Indiana back in 2013.  I'd be lying to myself if the heft of this win doesn't stem from the fact that the Minnesota football program has vacillated between mediocre and irrelevant for the past half-century.  Hardcore fans have not been waiting but hoping that this squad would rise from the dead, and casual fans note that other schools have had whopping success and wish that would happen in Dinktyown.  That final realization of, "Holy shit!  They actually did it!" forged a bond between those types of fans, and that was the force that pulled all of them on to the TCF Bank Stadium field.

But there's more to it than that, and you have to give credit to the team on the field and, yes, Head Coach P. J. Fleck.  Despite fears from local fans who've seen their teams break their hearts in mind-boggling ways, the Nittany Lions defense was pushed around by the Golden Gopher Offense from the get-go.  Meanwhile, on the other side of the ball, the Defense ... well, actually Antoine Winfield, Jr. had two Interceptions that short-circuited Penn St.'s early attack and pushed the Lions on their heels.  Now, PSU is a good team, and by the end of the Fourth Quarter the U. was holding on for dear life.  But that's when Jordan Howden sealed this program-defining victory:

pic.twitter.com/m0FUkSCHrJ

— Videos by: FTB (@FTBVids1) November 9, 2019

And I think that play encapsulates what's so special about this win.  Upsets happen all the time, even in these parts.  But a common way to infer an upset win is to believe that the winner is deficient on talent, at least on paper.  The University of Minnesota played nobody up until Saturday, but I will go out on a limb and say that this team has a bunch of talent.  They are a damn good team.  And on Saturday, they went into the Game with a decent chance to win ... and by God, they did.  They met the challenge against a foe that was great, but proved they were equally formidable.

This win is not a fluke.  They didn't need a rookie taking the wrong angle on a flying tackle.  They didn't need the home crowd to influence the refs on the court into giving them foul after foul.  Fleck and the team practiced, had a game plan, executed that game plan, made their own luck, and earned a stunning victory that propels them to 9-0 for the first time since 1904 and into the Top 10 (at #7, to be specific) for the first time since 1962.  And while this could be viewed through maroon-and-gold-colored glasses, this team looks as though they are just getting started.  They keep this up and the Rose Bowl, The Promised Land for Tim Brewster, could be the worst-case scenario.  And, my goodness, this program could be set up for success at a level not seen in three generations.

Viewed through those narrowing filters, maybe the Timberwolves' MV3 run in 2004, in particular their seven-Game Western Conference Semifinal win over Sacramento, is the closest and most recent analogue of this type of win, the one where we finally could reasonably shake off our inferiority complex and think, "Dammit, our team is good, and I genuinely think we'll beat you."  Now, again, I don't think many of us predicted a win over Penn St.  But, again, this isn't a "Sun has to shine on a dog's ass at some point" type of anomaly.  This proves that this team is the real fucking deal.  And so us fearful sports fans now believe the Gophers have a more-than-decent shot to march into Iowa next Saturday and win.  That is how important Saturday's Game was.

#0: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  This may have been the best weekend in Minnesota football history.  No, the Vikes' win over Dallas in Dallas for Sunday Night Football doesn't register to what the U. did the day before.  But I was more down on the Vikings than I was on the Gophers.  I really didn't think they would have a chance to beat the Cowboys.  And I wrote them off once I heard that Defensive Tackle Linval Joseph was out for the Game.  That meant that Ezekiel Elliott would run right around, over and through the Vikes.

But by Buddha, they didn't allow that to happen!  Elliott was stuffed for only 47 Yards rushing.  That forced Cowboys Quarterback Dak Prescott to throw the ball and ... well, to be honest, he had incredible success doing that.  But somehow, late in the Game where they had the ball deep in Minnesota territory and were driving for the go-ahead Touchdown, Dallas dialed up back-to-back running plays to Elliott that resulted in a no-gain and a three-Yard loss.  Faced with Fourth Down, a pass in the flat from Prescott to Elliott was broken up by a diving Eric Kendricks, and the Vikings got the ball back.  (They weren't able to run out the clock, but Dallas was forced to heave a Hail Mary for the final play of the Game, and it was intercepted by Jayron Kearse in the end zone for the lone Turnover of the night.)  Cowboys Twitter wanted the head of Head Coach Jason Garrett for those running plays.

Meanwhile, Minnesota kept right on humming on Offense.  The O-Line was opening up massive holes frequently for Dalvin Cook (who had 186 total Yards from scrimmage) to bust through, and that set up play-action where Kirk Cousins remained very effective.  Kyle Rudolph scored the squad's first two TDs (the first was a Beckham-esque triumph; it's still possible Cousins was trying to throw the ball away), and in an important call, Head Coach Mike Zimmer told the team to go for it on 4th & Goal from the 2 with two Seconds left in the Third Quarter ... and Cook was able to run around the right side of the line and get into the end zone for the Game-winning score.

If they would have lost I would have said this was par for the course for this franchise.  In retrospect, I can say that they needed this win.  They are now 7-3 and only a single Game behind Green Bay in the NFC North with ailing Denver coming to town Sunday.  And I can believe, somewhat, that this is a damn good team, too.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Swept both Maryland and Ohio St. on the road, won eight in a row, get to the Final Four and I'll give more of a shit.  They're home for four starting with league leaders Wisconsin Thursday night and Michigan Saturday night.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  An encouraging sign: The #PrideOnIce took five of a possible six Points in Michigan over the weekend.  Technically they tied the Wolverines on Friday, but they play anyway because they reward another/winner (?) Point to the team that finally wins the Game.  And the U. broke a 2-all draw in Double Overtime courtesy of, you guessed it, Sammy Walker.  No similar dramatics needed Saturday afternoon as the Gophers won, 3-1.  Not sure if they've turned things around; will need to add to the small sample size with a home two-fer versus Penn St.  (I have a ticket to the Friday tilt, which I bought at the State Fair.)

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5).  I have to admit that this team's place in the survey pecking order is a matter of timing.  They should have had their season-opening loss over Missouri St. included in this week's survey.  But I didn't get last week's WMNSS out until the evening, by which point they had already lost to the Bears.  So the only match taken into consideration for this screening week is their 32-Point curb-stomping of Vermont at Williams Sunday afternoon.

Unlike their male counterparts, the female b-ballers don't have an impressive non-con.  Their toughest, or at least most notable, opponent in this part of their sked is against Arizona St., they play them at The Barn Sunday.  They also host Wisconsin-Milwaukee Thursday at high noon.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -6).  This past screening week calcified a pattern that can viewed as either quirky or troubling: This squad gets out to shitty starts.  They started down 2-0 at Anaheim, down 4-0 in San Jose, and 2-0 in Phoenix.  And yet the Wild were able to come back in all three contests.  And they came back to beat the Ducks and the Coyotes!  (And, well, made it a hell of a game vs. the Sharks before finally falling, 6-5.)  One can look at this and see the makings of a sorry group of players who wake up to late to make things interesting and will see their recent good fortune regress to the mean.  One can also look at this and believe that this group has some necessary grit in them.  In which side does that debate fall?  We'll have to wait and see.

They finish up their western swing tonight/Tuesday night in Los Angeles.  They then come home to host The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and The Bastard Hartford Whalers.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Got blown out in Memphis.  Survived The Smoldering Carcass That Was The Golden State Warriors in Overtime at Target.  Got nipped on a buzzer-beater by Denver superstar Nikola Jokic, also in OT.  Finally, outlasted the Pistons in Detroit.  Maybe we're seeing a pattern with this club as well: Not as bad as we thought they would be, but still too young to believe they have a sure spot in the postseason.  The early buzz surrounds Andrew Wiggins, who has been the team's leading scorer in eight of the last nine Games including a 40-Point masterpiece to take out The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors Friday.  Maybe he has overcome his insouciance and decided he wants to earn a paycheck in the NBA.  On the downside, Ryan Saunders's edict that the Timberwolves will join The Analytics Age and rain threes has not come to fruition; the main reason they lost to the Nuggets Sunday afternoon is that they shot 6-of-45.  Ick!

Another busy screening week, but three of their four Games are at home: San Antonio tomorrow/Wednesday night followed by a back-to-back of Washington and Houston.  They then strike out on the road Monday to begin a home-and-home with The Bastard New Orleans Jazz.

#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  I feel really bad about sticking these young men down at the bottom of the WMNSS, especially in their first screening week of their new season.  I vacillated between them and the Timberwolves.  Ultimately, the Wolves' wins were more impressive than the U.'s season-opening victory over visiting Cleveland St. by 35 Tuesday.  What hurts is the nine-Point loss to Oklahoma Saturday in, of all, places, Sioux Falls, S.D.

What to make of this team?  They've lost seven players from last year's experienced club that made it to the real second round of the NCAA Tournament.  And while that makes it Richard Pitino's most successful year at Minnesota, the players they lose include cornerstones Amir Coffey and Jordan Murphy.  The new additions should re-fortify their frontcourt, but prognosticators say that there is just too much turnover to expect a return to The Big Dance.  (As of right now, Joe Lunardi has the Gophers out of the bracket.)

The team plays Butler tonight/Tuesday night as part of the B1G/Big East Gavitt Tip-Off series.  They then visit Utah Friday.  Whoa, this is a very beefy non-conference schedule, I'll give them that!

Where I Hate That I Can't Put 2 + 2 Together

Today is Veteran's Day.

About a year ago, my parents insisted on taking me to the banks because they wanted my name on their safe deposit boxes, in case they needed me to access them.  But -- have I talked about this already? -- when I gave the banker my driver's license, she noticed that my last name did not align with my parents'.  Well, it did, but it wasn't in the right order.  Somehow, my last name was put before my middle name.  Actually I had noticed it before.  Years, in fact.  I didn't think it would be an issue.  Well, until my parents wanted my name on their deposit boxes.

Today is Veteran's Day.

I got pissy with my folks at the time.  Having a license plate with my name looking like that didn't hurt me none, but they forced me to go to the DMV, with my birth certificate, to get the state to change it.  And they -- seriously, I thought about I blogged about this already -- actually made the same mistake again before they fixed it.  I got my new license with my names in the right order earlier this year, but it felt as though I had to wait a long time to get my new license and then my new, correct license.

Today is Veteran's Day.

With my parents wintering, and with me remembering their insistence that I get my driver's license fixed, I was going to make sure that the crap I had to go through was worth it.  So I insisted that we go to the banks to finally get the name on their boxes fixed.  (There are actually two deposit boxes we went to, and I'm sure that my name is "wrong" on both of them.)  I have Mondays off.

Today is Veteran's Day.

I actually was called into work today, but I still had the morning off.  So I thought this morning was the perfect time to go to the bank to get my name changed (even though, and I'm sorry for throwing in impertinent information, they told me we were going to a third bank to add my name to a safe deposit box they have there ... so what about the other two boxes?).

Today is Veteran's Day.

My alarm woke me up.  In a half-hour we were going.  To the bank, like I wanted to.

Today is Veteran's Day.

We get to the bank.

Today is Veteran's Day.

It was totally empty.

Today is Veteran's Day.

We were all, "What the fuck?!  Why are they closed?!"

Why?  BECAUSE TODAY IS VETERAN'S DAY!  I KNEW IT WAS VETERAN'S DAY SEVERAL DAYS BEFORE TODAY!  I KNEW TODAY IS VETERAN'S DAY, AND I KNEW THAT I WANTED TO GO TO THE BANK TODAY, BUT I DIDN'T FIGURE THAT I CAN'T GO TO THE BANK TODAY BECAUSE TODAY IS VETERAN'S DAY!  I KNEW OF ONE FACT, I KNEW OF A SECOND FACT, BUT IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME TO PUT THOSE TWO FACTS TOGETHER TO UNDERSTAND THAT I COULDN'T DO WHAT I WANTED TO DO!  BECAUSE I'M NOT AS SMART AS I SHOULD BE, OR COULD BE, OR WANT TO BE, OR NEED TO BE.

Goddamn I hate myself right now.

Guess I'm Getting Cancelled; So What ... Right?

Uh, I'll admit it -- I've been in a horny streak on Facebook lately.  So when it comes to the Stories on there, which I still don't quite get, if it's a sexy one from a model, I decided, just last night, to start using this "emoji" thing and reply with an eggplant.  Just want to let them know how I feel.

It's sort of a risk, I get it.  But many of the Facebook friends I have display pictures that are meant to titillate, and arouse.  They should understand that their male friends might react in a perverted way.  Or, they should be ... aware.  You know?  What, they're doing it for the art?  (wanking motion)

Well, I have, as of right now, given the eggplant emoji to six posts.  While I was at Brit's this (Sunday) afternoon to watch the MLS Cup, I saw that one of them blocked me.  She went out of her way to tell me by replying with a hashtag.  I have no fucking clue why.  She is a model.  On top of that, she posts photos of her sexy self all the time.  She was showin' her ass on the picture I replied to with the eggplant emoji, for crissake.  And she's offended?

I was going to just brush it off and say, "Whatever."  But there is one big wrinkle: She lives here.  I think this is a big town, but knowing my bad luck, I will run into her somewhere, and we're going to recognize each other, and shit will get awkward.  Beyond that, I am, suddenly, worried about my reputation.  I realized that, if she wants to, she can talk about me and what I did.  I don't have much of a public profile, but whatever social circles I'm in now, well, she could expose this, and maybe the people I interact with won't like it at all.  And then what?

And now I'm thinking about what I would want to do in the future.  Maybe I want to be more active politically.  Maybe it's time to re-start my sportscasting career.  If I do either, and then this comes out, well, that would end my hopes of succeeding in them, wouldn't it?  I've been thinking about this "cancel culture."  And while I truly think a lot of people (well, men) need to atone for their sins, I do wonder if it can go to far, and whether this wheel can turn on me -- poor, little, innocent old me, all over an emoji.

Yeah, I'm scared that she can damage me and my dreams.  So, in retrospect, maybe it wasn't wise for me to do this emoji to someone who lives in the same city as I.  I was just thinking that these models would be cool with it.  Like I said, they'd have to know what they're doing, right?  Well, let's see if I have to reap the whirlwind.  Meanwhile, I need to monitor the other five (three of whom are models [one nude], seven (five of whom are models [one nude, one a porn star], the other two being bodybuilders) to see how they will react.

But shit, if I see another ass, you goddamn right I'll give her the eggplant.

I gotta be me.  I gotta be me.

Nightmares, Of Which I Can Remember Only One

So, I drank coffee at Glam Doll, and I guess I needed to pee while I was sleeping, because in my nightmare I had to piss.  And I was in a crowded public area and I couldn't find a bathroom.  I went from ... I guess urinal to urinal and/or spot on which to pee to spot on which to pee (I don't really understand this part), but I finally decided, like a dog, to piss on, IIRC, on the shovel of a huge payloader.  (Please don't ask me how.)  It was blocked from view by something, like a human-length bollard, and so I had the privacy to pee standing up.  Makes sense, right?  (No, it doesn't.)

But I had to pee so bad that ... uh, it's a nightmare so things are fuzzy, but either my piss stream was so powerful that it either bounced off the loader shovel and arced many feet away, or (again, work with me here) I peed in an arc many feet away.  Regardless of the path, I was sending my urine across this busy room, OK?  And it bounced on, like, the floor or a table, and it splashed all over the people around that area of this busy room.  And in the part of this nightmare that makes the most sense, those people were both surprised and very, very angry.

And then I woke up.  And then I had to pee real bad.

Wish I remembered the other two nightmares I had.  They probably made more sense.

Father Looks Like Sluggo

So one night I went to knock on the master bedroom to let my parents know I was going to work out.  I open the door, let them know, and they say yes.

But then I stop.  From the door, Mother is on the left side of the king-sized bed and Father the right.  Usually when I say I'm heading out for the night, Father is under the covers watching TV.  And he was on this night.  But as I made my quick glance towards Mother and then Father, I lingered on Father for just a second, and then something latched onto my eyes so I couldn't look away.

And then I looked -- like actually looked -- at Father. There was something wrong with him, or at least off.  And then I realized: He had nearly all his hair cut off.  Like, I could see his scalp, his skin.  On top of his head.  He looks like Sluggo.

So apparently while I was taking my post-dinner nap (I've been doing it more since the weather started to turn colder), they went out to get his hair cut -- and he got all of it cut.  It was a buzzcut, something similar to what I get.  But I rarely, if ever, get it shorn to the stubs Father got it to.

This is an understatement: I have never seen him in such a hairstyle.  All my life his hair has been at a length.  Maybe it gets short to the point where I notice that he had it cut, and sometimes it got a little shaggy, but I have seen Father with a certain ... uh, amount of hair on his head.  It was one of things I took for granted -- and good, because I didn't have to ever spend any amount of brainpower processing the thought of seeing Father differently.

But now I do.  Well, it does help that he has been wearing his hat more nowadays -- probably due to the colder weather, but maybe he's wearing it because what he did is shocking the hell out of me.  I just wonder why.  Maybe he was sort of thinking the way I think when my hair gets too long.  It gets in the way, and I have to stay awake longer and longer the more hair I have, and I get to a point where I say, "Screw it, I'm getting it all shaved off."  Don't know why he decided to do for the first time in my lifetime in his seventies, though.  Maybe I should just let him be; it's just hair, after all, and maybe he just decided he wanted to something different.

Or, maybe he's sick.  I used the old car the other night (not this night when I saw Father's nearly bald head) and I saw a few facemasks slid in the middle console.  If something's really wrong with him, Father would tell me.  Right?

The Shifting Mattress

I don't know why, but ever since I changed sheets, my mattress shifts just off my box spring to the point that, when I get up, I notice that the end and side of it winds up, like, a few inches over the box spring.  Just noticed this now, as I got up.

It happens from time to time, but not all the time.  It seems as though it is happening because of the sheet I'm using.  That means I need to change sheets.  Unfortunately, I think the sheet I sleep on is the only one that doesn't slip off the corner.  Maybe I should just keep sleeping on this sheet ... forever.

OK-OK-OK, My Boss Isn't A Dick

Got a review today, and he didn't bring up any of the issues I vented about.  Maybe he was having a bad week, or maybe this was all a misunderstanding.  Bottom line, maybe I overreacted.  I think I should at least give him the benefit of the doubt until something happens later, and I might re-evaluate then.  But until then ... no, I don't think he's a dick.

I Don't Need My Boss To Be A Dick But, Well, Here We Are

Wow.  Wow-wow-wow-wow-wow.  Yesterday was the second time in as many weeks where my boss has ... uh, admonished me for, according to him, not doing the work I'm supposed to be doing.

Last week, I was scanning applications at the end of the day.  We had a meeting, then I went back to scanning applications, because there were a lot of applications.  Once I got done, I checked my e-mail where my boss sent me a message saying that I should be inputting data from the applications we have instead of scanning them in.  I don't remember how he exactly worded it, but trust me, the tone was very passive-aggressive, very Minnesotan.

Yesterday was the breaking point ... well, I don't know if it's the breaking point, I don't think I'll snap or anything.  But I can't believe he sent me a fucking message like last week's a second time.  For some goddamn reason work dried up and we were scrambling to find other shit to fill up the end of our day.  I had some notes from training I still needed to re-do.  You know, I call that work.  I remember my boss walking past me while I was trying to read my handwriting.  A little bit later I received an e-mail.  He said I should be, like, putting tubes into tubes, or putting boxes together.  You see, those things are "work," and re-transcribing my notes are not.  He actually fucking thinks that.

OK.  Last week I don't get.  The applications are just there, and they need to be scanned in anyway.  Fucking Christ; Tuesday I was about to sit down and so these applications when my other boss (she's my boss when my actual boss isn't there) told me to scan the ones that came in.  So which is it?  Besides, I was told, by my boss, that I have the power to freelance.  I determined that scanning was the thing I needed to do.  And he tells me not to do it?

Yesterday was worse.  I truly resent his inference that I was not working.  I was not fucking off on the Internet.  I was re-doing notes for work that I still don't have the hang of.  And I really, really don't think I needed a second e-mail reminding me I'm "working."  I'm not a fucking child.  Jfc, he needs me to put tubes into tubes and assembling boxes instead?

These two incidents show me that he was looking around and just determined that I was not working, at least not working in a way that suited him.  He may refuse to see it, but I was working, both times.  And I don't know if I can help it if it doesn't "look" like I'm working even though I definitely am.  He empowered me (at least I thought he empowered me) to do what I thought was most helpful, to the department and to me.  And I cannot help any "perception" that I'm not.  I sure as shit am not going to go around like a chicken with its head cut off straining to find work that delights him.  I work how I think I need to, and at my own pace, and in my own style.

What I find most disappointing in him is that I really thought he was cool.  What I thought was great about him is that he didn't take my shortcomings (of which I have demonstrated time and again that I have many) seriously enough to be called out on it.  Until now.  And these are two times where he totally fucking got me wrong, because I didn't do anything wrong.  But now he sees a pattern.  I don't think I can shake it.  So I don't think I'll try.  I'll just continue to be me.  Because I'm me.  I'm me.

I am me.

Now BOTH Of The Cars Have Problems, Maybe

Last night I used the old car to go to the coffeeshop.  Looking down at the dash I see the tachometer was barely above 1,000 rpms and I'm thinking, "Well, I'm coasting -- not revving the engine is a good thing, right?"  And then I accelerated and looked back down and the needle wasn't moving on that meter at all.  That's when it hit me -- the tachometer's broken.

The Internet says try the fuse first.  Then, it'll be a wire.  I'm guessing it's a minor thing compared to, say, the thermostat needle, but it's yet another thing in the old car that's broken.

Meanwhile, this has been bothering me about the new car: I am noticing that there is a longer gap of time between the time I push the ignition button and the moment the car engine starts.  I'm getting paranoid about this: When I first got the car, did the car start immediately once I pressed the button?  Is this pause because of the cold weather?  Is it the fucking starter?  Could something else in the ignition system be broken now?  The car drives fine (well, it drives OK) after I start it, but it's the starting that I'm getting paranoid over.  And now I'm getting the feeling that I just got a lemon.  I know that the model is generally lauded for its reliability, but goddammit, it ain't this car.

Maybe this is all going to my head.  But maybe this shit is for real.  My parents are leaving soon, and I could be saddled with not one but two vehicles that don't work, for God's sake.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -4).  It wasn't perfect; since the U. couldn't get a winning Goal by 5x5 Overtime, the Game Sunday officially goes down as a Tie.  But after 3x3 Double OT solved nothing, the Gophers won that extra Point in the Shootout over #1 Wisconsin.  Pair that with Saturday's 4-2 double-up over the Badgers, and the Badgers are #1 no more.  Minnesota is, by virtue of taking five-of-six Points over the weekend.  Yes, there is a lot of season left, and the Gophers have to pay Bucky Badger a visit in late January.  But this is as good of a result as you can get, and that lifts this squad to the top of these pops and above negative numbers.

They have an exhibition Game tonight (Tuesday night) at Ridder vs. Hamline, which has, in my mind, The Most Underrated Logo In All College Sport.  They play for real vs. Bemidji St. two weeks from now.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  Beat Ohio St. at home (although they had to go the full five Sets), then defeated Purdue in West Lafayette on a Game broadcast on ESPN2, so I was able to see the end of the Match.  They've won six in a row and currently are ranked 6th in the nation.  Yeah, but can they reach the finals of the NCAA Tournament?  This weekend: At Maryland Friday, at those same Buckeyes Sunday at ... 10 a.m. our time???

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  Baby steps, I say.  They split a home series versus Notre Dame over the weekend.  They lost the Saturday contest by a score of 5-3, but in Double Overtime Friday, wunderkind (and Sophomore Captain) Sammy Walker scored the 3-2 Game-winner and -ender.  Now, since it went past single OT the game officially counts as a Tie, but Walker's Goal gave the Gophers that extra Point, so I consider that to be a Win.

At Michigan this weekend.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  This screening week was something I didn't think I could say at all about this Woofie Dogs team: Interesting.  Sure, they went 1-2.  But they won that game at Washington.  Two things stand out.  First, they not only beat the Wizards but blew them out by 22.  That echoes the team's 22-Point beatdown of the Hornets in Charlotte on the 25th.  They have two close victories over Brooklyn and Miami, but those two squads are a cut above Charlotte and Washington.  In other words, it seems as though, at least very early in the season, that the Wolves have their shit together enough to not only beat mediocre-to-good teams, but blow out bad ones.  I didn't think they'd be capable of doing that.

The other thing that stands out of that win over the Wizards is that they did it without Karl-Anthony Towns.  That's because in the first game of the screening week, a 22 (there's that number again -- Qanon, this must mean something!)-Point loss in Philadelphia Wednesday, KAT got ejected for fighting beast-when-he's-not-injured, not-a-dick-only-if-he's-playing-for-your-team Joel Embiid.  And then the NBA stepped in and suspended both players for the next two Games.  (And by the way, without KAT the Wolves lost at home last/Monday night to Milwaukee by 28.)  For a good chunk of Thursday morning, the main headline on sports websites and talk radio (or at least ESPN) is the beef, first on-court and then off-, between the two.  That's when I have to remind myself of a Twin Cities fan's perspective of Towns.  We see him as the burdened, unfortunate anchor of a club that's going nowhere.  But to the outside world, and to NBA Nation, KAT is just the next big superstar to emerge, and it's just a matter of when.  This bitch-fight, then, is thus a squabble between a superstar and a superstar-to-be.  But to us, as much as we like Towns, we aren't rushing to defend him.  To us, he still needs to find his way.  This reminds me that sometimes, a team's fans is more unjustly critical of that team's superstar than neutral fans.

Busy screening week coming.  At Memphis; home to Golden State (which now appears to be an automatic W -- what happened to the Warriors?!), then a back-to-back where they Denver Sunday afternoon and then visit Detroit Monday night.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  This is a Game the Vikes should have won.  No Patrick Mahomes and a slew of Bastard Dallas Texans inactive.  A passing game that was lively enough it counteracted the anemic day by Dalvin Cook and the running game.  And a defense that made more than their fair share of stops.  But this was an instance where all facets of the team -- running, passing, receiving, defense, special teams playcalling, coaching -- fucked up just enough that the sum of their mistakes meant a Harrison Butker Field Goal at the gun to beat Minnesota, 26-23.

(Aside: Did you see how many Vikings fans were in attendance?  Maybe it shouldn't be a surprise since Minneapolis and K.C. are connected via 35.  But from the viewpoint of the last Field Goal to end the Game, you could see wide patches of purple amidst the sea of red.  And did you see the four Vikings fans who got end zone seats and held up giant signs that spelled out "SKOL?"  I thought the Chiefs fans are a loyal bunch!)

And so they are who we thought they were -- a team that is good enough to beat the clubs below them, but decisively not good enough to beat the squads theoretically above them.  The team's saving grace is that Green Bay (as well as Chicago and Detroit) all lost Sunday.  Unfortunately, that doesn't erase the perception that the Vikes are between a one-and-done playoff team and just outside the playoff bubble.

They visit Dallas Sunday night.  That could be a bad one for the Purple.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  The second year under the helm of b-ball legend Lindsay Whalen began this (Tuesday) afternoon, and the 23rd-ranked Gophers ... ay-yi-yi, lost, at home, to Missouri St., 77-69.  This club is going through some transitions, but by God, you would have to think they would at least win their home opener, wouldn't you?  The mulligan season for Whay is over; she now has to produce and/or show improvement and/or competence, and this is a very, very bad first foot backward.

The Goofers have their first six Games of the season at Williams.  Sunday they host Vermont, and I hope, for their sake, they win.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -3).  An 0-3 screening week, made worse by the fact that they lost at The Bastard North Stars in humiliating fashion: The Mild were up 3-1 but allowed five Goals in the Third Period.  They played competitively in St. Louis the next night but lost, 2-1.  They then hosted the defending world champion Blues Saturday and had a 2-1 lead, but an insurance Goal was overturned upon replay, then a no-call on what many thought was a penalty led to the tying Goal.  Of course, the Blues won in Overtime.

Look, I haven't seen the highlights.  But it's not as if this was the only defeat they've suffered.  As you can see they've suffered a lot already, and they can't blame the officials or Toronto for those.  As much as they were fucked Saturday, they've fucked themselves a lot more, and it looks like this self-fucking shall continue.  And it shall continue because the Mild must embark on a four-Game road trip out west.  The first three come this week: Anaheim Tuesday, San Jose Thursday, Arizona Saturday.