Why I'm Not Watching This World Series Either

I don't want to be one of those people who hates baseball, because I don't.  I really do love baseball, I do!  There is no other sport going on in the summer, yet it seems appropriate that baseball is the only sport for the summer.  Not to wax too nostalgic, but it's the heartbeat of the American summer, and I will love it just for that.

But I've not only not tuned into much of the World Series but I've done a whole lot to actively avoid it.  I did that last year, and that was because the small-market Kansas City Royals won it all.  I still hate it to this day.  Don't really know why; looking back at it now my refusal to watch seems to stem from some irrational hatred.

However, after much thinking, I have come to this hypothesis about myself, and it's one I'm not all that proud of having.  I hate with a passion the New York Yankees, and that was solidified when they had that massive run in the mid-nineties, when Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera were in their prime.  That was the time when there was unfettered, deregulated player spending in Major League Baseball, which led to a huge stratification between the haves and the have-nots ... which really turned into the Yankees and everybody else.  That's why they were dominant for so long, and therefore I grew to resent their built-in advantage -- one I'm not quite convinced they've lost, even though they've missed the playoffs for, like, the third year in a row.

So I should be overjoyed that the Royals slayed Goliath and won it all last year, right?  No.  It may be because I'm jealous that it's the Royals which were the small-market turn to finally fight the power and win the World Series in this new arms race in baseball.  But I think it's something much weirder about me, and much more sinister: Once I see a team as "small-market" or "lucrative," I want them to remain that way.  It defines them; it's something I can point to as a characteristic that I always know is inimical (is that the right word?) to their very identity.  That's what the Twinks are.  And that's what the Royals are -- well, were.  And them winning it all last year offended something really deep in me.  They were no longer consistent.  They violated the immutable trait I knew them as, and when they, well, showed signs that they actually were winners, they betrayed the identity I ascribed to them.  In turn, then, they screwed me over.  And that means they're dead to me.

A lot of people are dead to me as soon as I feel they screwed me over.  Maybe I should look into that.

Anyway, I look at the Chicago Cubs the same way.  All my life -- and in the lives of most people on planet Earth -- the Cubbies were just the "Lovable Losers" on Waveland Avenue.  But no, the Ricketts family decided they didn't want to be loser anymore, and then they hired baseball God Theo Epstein, who made move after miraculous move to turn the Cubs from David to Goliath.  And really, God bless 'em.  I have a lot of friends who are Cubs fans and are living and dying with every pitch of the Fall Classic.  But I have to pay attention to the petty side of me: This is a change from the Cubs that I know, and that I think that they need to continue to be.  That they are on the cusp of winning the World Series for the first time in 108 years is an affront to everything I knew them to be.  They have no right to change their identity.  And that's why I have this visceral hate for them.  And that's why I'm not watching.

There's another facet to my thinking about this that may be a more direct understand of how I feel.  The Cubs have traditionally been seen as the underdog.  That may be true when you consider the franchise's entire history.  But for this series, they certainly are not.  They may be down three-games-to-two to Cleveland as of press time, but they still have the decisive advantage on paper, and I still give them a good shot of coming back to winning this whole thing.  They are the favorites in this series.  They are Goliath.  And the fact that they got rid of their David identity to become what I and what I think Cubs fans have despised for so long is, in my view, hypocrisy.  So that's another reason why I can't stand to watch the Cubs possibly win this.

So, I'm rooting for Cleveland, right?  No.  For the record I have a Facebook friend and a Mother I'd Like To Fuck who lives in Cleveland and is a fan.  (Actually I remember her on Facebook holding her grandchild, so she's now a Grandmother I'd Like To Fuck.)  And they're trying to steal this World Series with every trick Terry Francona can pull out of his bag of tricks.  But ... their nickname is the Indians, man!  And the organization and their fans won't give it up.  So I can't root for a racist mascot either.

So you see that I have reasons to hate both teams.  I'm not an objective observer with no dog in this fight; I hate both teams.  So I'll try not to watch the World Series.  However, if it goes to Game 7, maybe I'll have to reconsider.  I reserve that right.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Saturday, October 29:

• After raking leaves (and being stymied from mowing and seeing the lawn because it started raining earlier than I anticipated) and before I went to the library to print out some real estate stuff for my parents, I went to this place whose brand new opening was mentioned on City Pages: Fat Chance Foods/Sandwich Shop, located very close to the brand new library down the road from my gym.  If it's mentioned in City Pages, heck, I have to try it.  I had what's called the Conveyor Belt, which is a sub sandwich with a bunch of meat, fries and a can of Coke.  Oh my God, that goddamn hoagie was so fucking big.  Had a whole heaping of fries, too, like I said in the last blog post.  Plus the cash register broke down.  But what the really nice lady did as they were waiting for the register to boot back up was put my order in and allow me to wait, and let me pay after I got my food.  Now that's customer service.  And therefore I rounded up my tip to: $12.
• The stuff I needed to do at the library was re-type an invoice and add a letter to it.  Printed those out: 20 cents.
• This night was the last-ever regular-season game for Minnesota United at Blaine's National Sports Center, and so I made sure I bought a ticket for it (on Stubhub) well before the date.  United have not played well in the Fall Season, and with their upset 1-0 loss at Carolina, they gave up control of their own destiny in reaching the NASL playoffs.  Well, they finished their collapse with a 1-0 loss to the New York Cosmos, and so this match was the last-ever game period for MNUFC at the NSC.  I walked to my car and intended to sit there to wait out the traffic, but then I realized: This may be the last time I'm ever at this place.  It's about ten minutes away from me, but the first time I went -- in fact the only time I'd ever go -- to this stadium was when the soccer team that achieved the highest level in the United State Soccer Pyramid, whether it was the Thunder, the Stars, or United.  And after, what, nine years of going there, it's over.  Minnesota United are going up to Major League Soccer (ironic that this franchise was eliminated from playoff contention and yet they were "promoted," in a way), and they're moving to TCF Bank Stadium to accommodate major-league crowds, and the National Sports Center will go back to exclusively hosting amateur sports events.  With that chapter closed with the defeat, I ran back inside to snap a few photos before they shut the lights out and/or I was told to leave.  Because it was The Last Game (at least The Last Game I Would Go To, even though I didn't know at the time that MNUFC would lose), I bought a hot dog and chips from the in-house concessions instead of from food from one of the many food trucks allowed to sell there.  I also got a can of Strongbow because I was thirsty for a taste of apple.  I was going to give a tip, but all the food server did was pop open the can.  And I don't mean to be cheap, but ... he just opened a can.  The total: $12.
• Thursday the 27th ... we were/are in the middle of donations for food made by company workers, and I couldn't pass up getting nachos with cheese and chili and sour cream and salsa.  The farting was worth the: $5.
• I then went to the closest car wash from work.  Been months since I got it washed.  Charged the wash on my credit card, but I tipped with money: $2.
• On Wednesday the 26th I tossed in some dough for a buffet of baked goods: $5.
• That evening I went to Robbie Stadium to watch the final regular season game of the season from the Gopher soocer team.  (Aside: What the Big Ten and all college conference should do is line up all final regular-season matches at the same, like what the World Cup does for the final group matches in each group and what all pro leagues do for the final matches of their years.  Makes it more exciting.  I actually spent that afternoon at work writing down conference results from teams tied in the standings to see what was at stake for each team.  I'm a total nerd like that.)  Hot dog, small Coke, program: $9.50.
• Let's hurtle back to Monday, October 24, where I was in kind of a tizzy over what chore I should tackle after work.  I thought about finally getting my car washed, but then remembered that it was going to rain the next day.  No matter even if that's what I wanted to do; I was on the highway when I had to turn around and head back to the office because I forgot my phone.  Still, there was enough time for me to go to the library and print out the United ticket, a Groupon for a massage I'll be using in fucking April (don't get me started on that), and this claim form for defective brass fittings that my parents might get some money for.  I told Mother I would be coming at 6:30 and even after that I got in late, at 7.  The cost of the printouts was: 60 cents.
• On Saturday the 22nd I also went to the library to print stuff out, but for what, I right now don't remember.  I do remember the cost, however: 20 cents.
• After that I went to *a***'s house, the Moroccan, for a massage with a happy ending.  I wonder if I should turn this into a blog post.  Nah, I'll probably forget, so here's a summary.  I was late by ten minutes or so from leaving the library; I spent another ten minutes knocking on the door; just as I getting into the door I saw *a*** coming out; from all the bottles strewn across her place she probably was just waking up from a party; before we began I walked towards her in the dining room with my dick hanging out of my pants, to which she elbowed it and then grabbed it for a bit; she told me to go to her bedroom while she took a quick shower; the whole thing took 30 minutes when she promised me 60, but I didn't care, because after asking her, *a*** sucked my dick!  And then she said goodbye to me.  Eh, I would see her again if only she didn't live so far away.  But she was so valuable for her oral pleasuring -- only: $100 (!!!)
• Friday, October 21 ... went to Glam Doll.  Want to patronize it still, but with night coming on and me still staring at my gut, I'm not sure if I can make this a weekly thing anymore.  I feel sad, but I have to cut back.  Two donuts and tip: $10.29.
• On Thursday the 20th some bitch at work short-changed me on soup.  It's supposed to go up all the way, goddammit!  I think she has something against me.  I might elaborate on this some other time.  But I had to make a donation for this: $5.
• And on Tuesday, October 18 they were selling donuts, and I grabbed a few and I paid: $2.

Good through October 29.

Well, I was basically in bed from a bit after 7:30 last night until almost 10 this morning.  Gosh, 14 1/2 hours, with me going to the bathroom only once.  I was up for a few hours, from 3 till about 6 in the morn, but besides that I was gone, out, kaput-ski.

Rarely have I felt this wave of unconsciousness come over me.  But after watching the encore of It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, I retired to my bedroom and turned on the Bemidji St. men's hockey game on public television in anticipation of Washington Week at 8, I got really, really tired.  Thursday night I had to go out because my alma mater was playing Cal, but I got home and was in bed by 2:15, 2:30.  And I was able to sleep at work yesterday for lunch.  So I have no idea what came over me.  But I was so tired that, even though I knew this was a "bad" one, I left the TV on, turned my head and closed my eyes.

I woke up at precisely 8:19 to see Amy Walter filling in again for Gwen Ifill (what's happened to her?  Hope it's not too serious) on WW.  I may have stayed up to listen to the end of the show, then I flipped back to the Beavers hockey game ... and then I don't remember.  Well, I remember I woke up, with my bedroom light on and the TV, I think, off (I probably shut it off after waking up that first time) at around 3.  And shoot, maybe I did get up to turn off my light then, and maybe I was dinkin' around my phone for the next few hours.  I know I was out one final time, probably for several more hours, before I woke up for good.

The good thing about having that long of a sleep is that I didn't eat for about 18 1/2 hours.  But starting at 1:30 this afternoon or so, I went to this new place called Fat Chance, and I ate a sub as big as my car and enough fries to feed a family of six.  I'm glad my stomach was that empty.  But whatever calories my body melted away while I was passed out, I've put back on.  Oof, I feel fat.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  I braved the cold (as a Minnesotan I'm not allowed to say that 50's are cold, but I underestimate how cold one gets if you stay outside for a long period of time at that temperature) last (Wednesday) night and watched the Golden Gophers hammer the worst team in the Big Ten, Maryland, to the tune of 6-0.  With that emphatic win (and through a series of tie-breakers that I don't quite understand, although I believe total points amongst common opponents broke the tie the U. had with Penn St. and Northwestern, even though they technically will be regarded as co-Big Ten champions for in perpetuity), for the sake of the tournament, Minnesota will be the #1 seed throughout the tournament, this weekend and next.  For finishing with at least a share of the title for the first time in eight years, for getting home-pitch advantage throughout the tourney, and for the way they ended their season, I'll at least give them a non-negative number and the top of this week's survey.  Meanwhile an accolade rolled in.  Defender Nikki Albrecht was today named B1G Freshman Of The Week (abbreviate as it is) for tallying the third goal of the night against the Terrapins.

The Gophers begin postseason play, with an eye towards getting a national seed for the NCAA Tournament, Sunday at 2 when they play the eighth-seeded Indiana Hoosiers, a side they trounced 3-0 in Bloomington.  That morning the conference cross-country tournament will set off at the Les Bolstad course, which sits right next to Robbie Stadium.  I might make it a day at the corner of Cleveland and Larpenteur.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  Wow.  As I'm starting to write about the supposedly second-best team for this screening week, I see the five squads below the Gopher gridironers and recognize, once again, it's been a pretty shitty week for local sports.  I mean, I don't want to degrade the team, for they did beat Rutgers for Homecoming.  But the Scarlet Knights are far and away the worst team in the Big Ten, and maybe the worst BcS team in the country the past few seasons.  And while the Goofs rolled up a 21-3 lead on them in the first quarter, Rutgers managed to come all the way back and, in fact, kick a Field Goal to put them up, 32-31, with four minutes left in the game.  Somehow, Quarterback Mitch Leidner led the U. on a 13-play, 59-yard drive to allow Emmit Carpenter to hit a 28-yard FG to win the game.  Even with another productive day from the 1-2 punch of Rodney Smith (111 yards rushing) and Shannon Brooks (87 yards running), this club struggled against an execrable team -- at home, for Homecoming.  This victory should leave everyone feeling awful, especially Head Coach Tracy Claeys.

Can the Gophers at least put in a more solid effort against Illinois in Champaign early Saturday afternoon?

#-2: Wild (Last Week: 0).  From Thursday, when the Jynx embarrassed themselves in the final game of the WNBA Finals (OK, I heard that they were able to come back, and I heard some bad call or no-call near the end, and that's how L.A. beat them by one -- no matter, I'm glad I left early and I still believe that buying a ticket to that goddamn game was The Biggest Waste Of Money I Ever Spent) through Monday, it was pretty fallow around here.  I don't think any sports team from the Twin Cities won anything.

So, even though they had a .500 screening week just like the Gopher volleyball team, I'm putting the Mild above them for breaking sports fans' fast by destroying Boston Tuesday, 5-0.  They followed that up by blanking Buffalo last (Thursday) night, 4-0.  Even better, both dominating performances were done on the road.  (Over the weekend they lost in Overtime at The Bastard Colorado Rockies and got doubled-up by the Islanders in Brooklyn, but hey, a 2-2 road trip isn't the worst thing in the world.  And by the way, wow, the Wild were sent out east very early in the year.)  Such offensive output makes Devan Dubnyk's life a lot easier.  But this firepower might also reflect Bruce Boudreau's new "fire away" mandate for his team.  So far, it looks as though this team feels as unshackled as Donald Trump.  We'll see how far this continues now that they turn home for games this screening week against The Team That Was Stolen From Us and the very same said Sabres.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  No one said it would be easy, said Sheryl Crow.  (Where did she go, by the way?)  And it hasn't been an easy past couple weeks for, still, one of the prime contenders for the women's volleyball title.  On Friday in Iowa City, they were taken to the edge against the Hawkeyes before taking the final two sets and beating Iowa in five.  Then on Sunday, the third-ranked Gophers were taking to the 2-1 edge again, this time at the #1 team in the country and, arguably, the most-supported program in Women's Volleyball Nation, Nebraska.  They took the fourth set, 25-22, but fell in the fifth, 15-8.

In the rough-and-tumble B1G, Minnesota is in a three-way tie for fourth.  And they still could -- and should -- be in line to host a regional, now that the college volleyball tournament is switching from dedicated hosts to higher-seed hosts starting this year.  It's just that they're in a rough patch right now, even though they're still fighting.

They have a busy week coming up, but at least the three matches they're playing will all be at the Sports Pavilion: Rutgers tonight (Friday night), the big one against Penn St. tomorrow (Saturday) night, then Indiana Wednesday night.

#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  Congratulations to the 1972 Miami Dolphins.  Mercury Morris, pop that champagne, for there won't be an undefeated NFL team this year, either.  Seems that only five wins before losing is early.  Anyway, the Vikes were the Last Team Standing, and they were little competition at Philadelphia Sunday.

I'm not going to throw the baby out with the bathwater yet.  The club faced a pretty game defense.  The Eagles scored a Touchdown on Special Teams.  And there were a few turnovers, from Sam Bradford and, surprisingly, Marcus Sherels off a punt.  But finally, the Vikings' offensive line has been exposed as incapable.  (Aside: Minnesota's OL was ranked as one of the best last year, largely because there was relatively little turnover in the ranks compared to other teams.  Vikings fans seemed to be the only people who knew that those advanced metrics were a lie.)  Matt Kalil is only the most notable of a raft of injuries that have ravaged this team.  Meanwhile, besides Alex Boone, there have been no new additions to the line.  So, coming into this season the OL was as bad as it's been recently, and now people are hurt.  Bradford was able to get the ball out of his hands before his reinforcements fell around him, but not against Philadelphia.  Combined with the fact that the running game has yet to get on track (a relatively minor weakness seeing that this has become a passing league), and he was a sitting duck back there.

As bad as the OL is -- and after the game Head Coach Mike Zimmer wasn't having any excuse for his line, and I loved hearing that -- I am hoping that that will get fixed.  Somehow.  This is still a good team because of everything else they have, especially the fearsome (and healthy) defense.  Plus, even this offensive line should play well at Chicago, which is the Vikes' next opponent.  It's the Monday Night game, and therefore it'll be played on Halloween.

#-5: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  OK, when I heard about the exploits of Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, especially late in the season when at least Towns "got it" and the team started to gel, and then after I heard Tom Thibodeau had been hired to give this squad a defensive competence they lacked for much of the last season, I really thought the sky was the limit.  Britt Robson of MinnPost posted an essay a few days ago that noted this peculiar part of a team's life cycle for the fan: That part where they're young and they finally understand the speed and the serious of the professional league, and now it's, "Watch the fuck out, we're comin'."  That anticipation -- the days before the dynasty (Lord willing) -- is the best part of being a fan of a team, Robson attests, and he's totally right.

I was ready to say that 50 wins should be expected from the T-Wolves.  I still think that's not too much to ask.  But as I cast about for predictions, most writers and number-crunchers think that's a pipe dream.  Wins in the forties, mostly, although I think I saw one as low as 36.  That can't be right, right?  The ceiling for this team is a lower-rung playoff spot.  Maybe it should be a given.

Well, after hearing the end of the Woofie Dogs' loss to The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies in Memphis, maybe they're right.  The same lack of clutch shooting and defensive stops (minus KAT, of course -- everybody's saying that he's the next NBA superstar, and thank Buddha the Wolves got him) that infected this team ever since its youth movement began lo so many years ago has started up for the 2016-7 season.  They were in a touch-and-go ending, and in the end, the Wolves went belly-up.  Gorgei (sp.?) Deng missing both free throws near the end there was a killer.  Yeah, I understand they're young, but this shit's getting old.  Forget winning basketball ... will this team play with common sense?

This week: At Sacramento in this spiffy new Golden 1 Center (what kind of company is Golden 1?), then home to these same Grizzlies and Denver.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Ah, shit, here we go again.  If this team is supposedly good enough to be ranked, I would like to think they would, at the very least, split their home-and-home vs. St. Cloud St.  But instead, they lose in Overtime, 6-5, Friday at Mariucci Arena, then drop a 3-2 decision to the Huskies the next night in St. Cloud.  Yeah, they were one-goal games, but horseshoes and grenades and dancing.  And this is supposed to be the best team in the B1G?  That means that, once again, the B1G is nothing but a low-major conference in men's hockey.

The athletic department website is kind of making a big deal out of the fact that this weekend, they are going to the state of New York to play for the first time in 13 years -- and that was when they won the 2003 NCAA title in Buffalo.  They'll be around the upstate part of the Empire State as well this time -- tonight (Friday night) they play Clarkson, a program the U. last played in 1993, and tomorrow (Saturday) night they play St. Lawrence, a program the U. last played in 1998.

Addendum To: My Goals To Spend And Eat Less Aren't Going Well

So after work and before the Golden Gopher women's soccer season finale (they whipped Maryland 6-0, and they have home-pitch advantage through the B1G Tournament -- congratulations) I went to the bank to convert money from my alumni club's account to a cashier's check/money order.  From there I thought I had time before I had to go from south Minneapolis to St. Paul.

There was a Starbucks, right there, right next to the bank.  I could just grab a coffee, sit there and, say, catch up on my receipts.  But did I?  No.  I looked around and saw a Zantigo in a strip mall across the street.  The last time I went to a Zantigo, which was the one very close to my house and several years ago, was a poor experience because I got something with cheese and it was half-baked and given to me in a cup only half-full.  But even though I wasn't hungry, I decided I was hungry, and so I went over there and gave it another chance.  I didn't get the cheese, which I think was part of nachos I bought back then.  I got the manager's special -- a taco, chips and salsa, and a Coke.

I got full after eating all the chips and salsa.  But that didn't stop me from getting a hot dog and another Coke at the match.  Because it's tradition.

And then, by God, I went to Taco Bell after the match to eat those chicken taco roll-up things and another taco (with the Doritos ranch shell).  Why?  My God, I don't know.  Maybe I thought that sitting for two hours outside in fifty-degree whether really pounded the calories out of me, or maybe it was because I still had Coke from Zantigo and wanted something to eat that the Coke would wash down, or maybe I wanted to listen to the Timberwolves game while driving a little more (they lost, by the way -- sucks), or maybe I just didn't want to go home at 9:30.  All I can honestly say is that I didn't have to go because I wasn't that hungry.

I'm feeling it now, as I speak.  But guess what?  I bought some oatmeal.  Helps with digestion and inflammation.  And then I think I'll have some soup for lunch.  Because that cup of Zantigo Coke?  Well, I'm still not done with it.  I left it in the car overnight, and I brought it to work.  I need something else the Coke will wash down.

All this eating -- and the money I'm spending on top of it -- isn't auguring well as I'm supposed to budget and be and adult.  I'm still not good at controlling myself, or adulting.

My Goals To Spend And Eat Less Aren't Going Well

And it's triggers that are doing it.  Well, I guess.

Yesterday (Tuesday) I had twin goals of not spending money and not eating too much.  And I was doing well; I was munching on a free cookie my stripper friend gave me at this Prince thing Sunday, and I picked up a piece of chocolate cake from the free Costco display (and no, I did not get a Costco membership).  Now that I think about it, maybe I wasn't doing so well when it came to food.  But compare that to Monday, when I bought oatmeal at the cafeteria, and then a pizza, and then my boss bought me apples with caramel and whip cream.  (My colon kind of blew after I ate the apples, and that's actually a good thing, but I do NOT think I'll blog about that because I've already said too much.)  Anyway, my bottom line is I felt hungry both Monday and yesterday, and I actually think I did a good job controlling my appetite yesterday by eating stuff I got for free.

Since I'm going over my day chronologically, I'm jumping over to the money side now.  Near the end of my day, I took a break from working to look at Deadspin.  Scrolling through that, I find a deal for Levi's jeans for $30.  Now, I don't really need jeans because I have plenty.  And, I learned later, that $30 sale price (technically $29.99, and that includes free shipping) is only for Amazon Prime customers, and even though I know I could sign up and then get that $29.99 price for the jeans, I didn't want to because I know I'll be too lazy to cancel my 30-day free trial membership.  However, after a quick search online, the total price for these jeans with the non-Prime shipping (which turned it into a total of $35.47 or something) seemed to still be a very good deal.  And I love deals, especially ones that wouldn't last through the end of the day.  So thank goodness I remembered to jump back on Amazon and buy the jeans, although I had to buy them a width size one inch bigger than I wanted to.

Which actually might be a good thing, because I ate too much last night.  My parents grilled some meat for dinner, and even with the cookie and cake I ate at work, I thought my stomach could withstand some good eatin'.  I really do.  But that's the thing about meat: For some reason it makes me hungry.  (Probably the protein.)  So before I bought the jeans (I think, and yeah, I'm now doing this out of order) I made myself cereal.  And I feel the cereal in my stomach, still.

I complain about slowly getting fat, and my parents want me to start paying for the house, and right now I'm doing nothing to prevent the former and to prepare for the latter.  Man, I need a massage ... and because I already charged my credit card to buy the jeans, I went onto Groupon and used my credit card to buy a massage, too.  Because in for a penny. ...

Ah, Shit, My Fucking Mother Is Fucking Flying Off The Fucking Handle Again

Going through the crap on my nighstand, I see one of those filing claims concerning something my parents got into which they inevitably want me to clean up for them because they might get money.  But this doesn't have anything to do with penny stocks for companies that did underhanded business that screwed over their investors.  This has something to do with brass fittings that were put in homes in the Vegas area.  They were bad, I guess, so bad that a class action lawsuit was filed against them.  As part of the settlement, they are offering claims to owners of properties where these faulty brass fittings were installed.  And that might include the houses my parents own in Las Vegas.

Don't tell my folks, but I think I got this early in the year, and I haven't gotten around it till now.  I was going to blow it off, but on a lark I looked up the website of this settlement and, egad, there's still time to file this claim.  But they only have ... wait, I'm doing this ... I only have three weeks to fill out the application and get proof, which will consist of getting and sending pictures of these fittings.  Obviously that's the hardest part, and therefore time's a-wasting.

This morning I see Mother drinking coffee and just hanging out.  And for some goddamn reason, I blurt this claim filing out.  Well, I didn't give her details; I told her that tonight I need to talk to her about something that has to do with their Vegas properties.  And of course she started assailing me with a bunch of questions:

What is it about?

Why do you need to know?

When did you find out about it?

What do you care about our properties in Vegas?

Man, why the hell didn't I see this coming?  So now My Fucking Mother is going to be in a tizzy all day about what I have waiting for her tonight.  And then, once I show them that it's this thing which might involve their property manager out there needing to go into these houses to snap photos and then send physical pictures back to me, they might flip a bitch about not knowing about this till now ... which will make me defensive and tell them that I was busy ... which will prompt them to accuse me that "Oh, you've had plenty of time to do this" ... which will force me to leave the house.

I needed to tell them this, but my Buddha, maybe I could have broached this subject in a better way that wouldn't have turned Mother into a chicken running around with its head cut off, again.

Nightmare

OK.  This was during the day, on what appears to be a neighborhood block party.  There were tables out on the street -- my street, actually; I can recall vividly that this particular scene is taking place several houses down from ours.

I spy some punk ass kid going through the tables.  He has, like, a Members Only jacket, which, in my mind, makes him stick out, although him walking briskly through the tables of this party when he could have easily walked around it is also a red flag.

We get him and restrain him.  I start yelling at him, accusing him of being ... well, of being a terrorist.  I don't know how I got that in my head.  He is just some rude, skinny shit who didn't want to get along with the event in the neighborhood.

And then I hear the alarm.  Dang -- sleeping for only 4 3/4 hours sometimes leads to weird and evocative nightmares like this.

So after I got home helping my friend with her Prince thing, Mother got a Facetime from my niece.  Naturally, I wanted to see her.  But when Mother moved the camera from herself to me, the first thing she said was, "Grandma?"  That's when my brother, who was off-camera, said that my niece wanted to see Mother instead.

Not to be paranoid, especially because I haven't been communicating with my niece a whole lot.  But I have a feeling that my brother is making my niece hate me.

Just sayin'.

Well, for some fucking reason, My Fucking Father seems to be on the rampage again.  He let out a pissed-off sigh when I opened the front door because that meant that he had to go around it in order to go through the side door and the back.  And then, while I had the door open, he threw a couple things through the threshold of the door onto the concrete steps of our stoop.  And he didn't acknowledge me the whole time.

Hey, I thought me waking up early and going through my things would sate his petulant attitude.  But then again, he was downstairs this whole time, so maybe that's more than I could ask.  The bottom line, though, is that I shouldn't be letting his attitude dictate my attitude.  If he's being a he-bitch for no reason, that's his problem.  My problem is I'm letting him sour my mood.  I've never been able to not care what he thinks consistently.  Want to work on that.

In the meantime, maybe going to this chick's place for a massage will take my mind off My Fucking Father.  Especially if she'll give me the handjob I think she'll give me.

Someday, All Of This Fun Has To End (Scheduled Post)

So last (Friday) night, even though I've been at home for a few hours after work and, with night falling, it felt ... "right" to just stay at home, I went out to gas up my car, go to Glam Doll, and write this.  I like spending ten bucks or more here once a week, but with my parents gone and probably judging me, "Why does he leave every Friday?" maybe I should cut it back to every other week.

Today (Saturday), I am going to drive all the way from home to Burnsville, a city I am sure I have never been to, in order to get a massage from a girl I haven't seen since the winter, just so I can have (at least I hope) a happy ending at the end of it.  I haven't been depressed really, but the past couple of days I've been imagining excusing myself to use the bathroom before we begin our massage session, then coming out of the bathroom with my pee-pee hanging out of my porno pants.  When I did it to her over the winter she kind of shrugged with a wry smile on her face.  Anticipating how she would act this time is the thing that's really making me happy.  And if it costs me $80, maybe more if she does more, I'm OK.

But then I remember that last week -- or was it two weeks ago? -- Mother gave me a month before I had to declare whether or not I was willing to take care of the upkeep of the house.  I might be halfway through my "thinking period" and I still don't know what to say or do.  But I know one thing: If I do take responsibility for the house, and if I can't find a regular job that pays me more money than I have now, I won't have any money for donuts or sexytime.  As soon as I leave work I will have to make a straight buzzline home, and then lock myself inside for fear of thinking I can have fun and spend money.

I took a look at my account for the first time in some time this afternoon.  After skirting low all summer and suffering a $700 credit card hit (which hasn't been totally paid off yet), these back-to-back weeks of full-time working is starting to expand the cushion in my checking.  That's a good thing.  But my checking account had similarly grown fat when I started working at this place this time last year, and from the three years before that when I was at the flu billing place.  It also expands when I start testing season.  And yet it always seems to shrink after I leave work because I spend money in order to keep myself happy in this life.  Right now, this lack of keeping money, the rollercoaster ride my checking account makes because of periods of employment and unemployment, is really bothering me.  If I have to start paying for taxes and maintenance of the house, I can't afford to spend it.  And therefore I can't live a life that makes me happy.

But I don't know if I have a choice.  Well, I have a copout: Declare I am going back to school.  But failing that, having discretionary money to use will have to stop.  And then I'll wonder if I can even survive, let alone live, once the gravy train stops coming.  But I don't want to think about it ... so I waste money by eating donuts late at night and getting handjobs during the day so I don't have to think about it.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Wild (Last Week: -3).  A stark case of home cookin' has washed out the bad taste of that opening-season loss.  They outlasted The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers 4-3 Saturday, then manhandled the Los Angeles Kings 6-3 Tuesday, and then came from behind to beat the now Toronto Auston Matthewses last (Thursday) night, 3-2.  (Matthews scored his fifth goal of the year and first since scoring four in the league-wide opening game last Wednesday.  Yeah, this guy is going to be good.)  A three-game winning streak?  That at least gets you to 0, right?

What helps is that they are 13-for-14 on the penalty kill (and a perfect 11-for-11 through the first three games), an area where they were well below average last year.  We'll also see how trigger happy they continue to be during the game.  Bruce Boudreau is known for allowing (making?) his teams shoot at the net while 5-on-5.  You can't score if you can't shoot, so we'll see if this continues providing dividends.

After racking up victories at the X, they are on the road all four games this screening week: New Jersey Saturday, in Brooklyn to face the Islanders Sunday, Boston Tuesday and Buffalo Thursday.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -4).  Crushed Maryland in College Park, 31-10.  That's great, but by no means are the Terrapins world-beaters on the field.  And no, the Quarterback change was not the reason.  Conor Rhoda filled in with a supposedly-concussed Mitch Leidner and went 7-for-15 for only 82 yards, although he did throw a Touchdown to Shannon Brooks with 14 seconds left in the first quarter.  No, the Gophers won due to 229 yards rushing (led by Rodney Smith's 144 and 2 TDs) and four Terp turnovers.  In other words, the way Tracy Claeys wants his program to win.  But we're not talking Alabama here.  We're barely talking Michigan St., heck.  But this should be a sign that this team is talented enough to beat really bad teams, and for Saturday -- and Homecoming -- a really bad team comes to town: Rutgers.  A jobber is a perfect foil for your Homecoming game, and I expect the U. to perform as such.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  In the rough-and-tumble B1G (and I don't say that lightly), the Gopher IX went into Ann Arbor and fought a good side, Michigan, to a scoreless draw through 110 minutes.  That means that, as of press time, they are tied with Northwestern for second in the league, just a point behind Penn St.

All 14 squads have two games left in the regular season.  All of them play their last games Wednesday.  Only the top eight get into the conference tournament.  Right now, Ohio St. sits in ninth place with 12 points while the U. has 20, so Minnesota's in.  But the top four teams host quarterfinal matches next weekend.  (The highest of the four teams to win its quarterfinal host the Big Ten semifinals and final the following weekend.)  Right now, Rutgers sits fifth with 16 points, so the team's last two matches (Saturday night at Northwestern; they host last-place Maryland for the last game Wednesday) are vitally important to ensure a quarterfinal match at Robbie Stadium and, possibly, keep them in line for possibly hosting the championships of Big Ten women's soccer.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Well, I thought the trip to Michigan St. Saturday night could be a trap, and it was.  They lost to the Spartans in five sets, and coughed up the last two sets on their way to their second conference defeat.  I don't like how the Gophs lost that game, and since this is only the second of four straight road matches, I'm scared that the losses could snowball.  But losing at a ranked Michigan St. team isn't the worst thing in the world, their berth in the NCAA Tournament seems all but assured, and if they do need to experience some setbacks (and I really think a championship team can become a championship team through defeats during a season), better to do it now than closer to the end of the regular season.

Nevertheless the U. is going through a thicket this weekend.  Friday they visit a spry Iowa club.  And Sunday afternoon they play at Nebraska, the #1 team in the country right now.

#-Infinity: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  Well, what I'm afraid would happen actually did happen.  That goddamn $29.25 I spent on getting a ticket for Game 5 of the WNBA is now The Biggest Waste Of Money I Have Ever Spent.  It's now worse than the $285 I dropped on getting naked with two strippers in the hopes of getting some action.

This is what I get for believing in them.  This is what I get for believing, period.  I put my faith in them that they'll pull it out, and I was willing to put my money where my mouth is, and they just shoved their feet into my mouth right after I put in my money.

And the way they choked in this game angers me.  It really does piss me off.  It wasn't the blowout the Jynx needed at the start of the game to make me absolutely sure they were going to win.  But they got a six-point lead heading into the half, and even though I still had a ton of anxiety, I felt a lot better.  But in the fourth quarter that entire goddamn team just pissed down their fucking legs.  The Sparks were making shot after shot, and the Jynx weren't.  When they led by eight with three minutes left in the game, I got so fucking mad that I struck the program on the railing.  Then I threw that poison loser program away and I left.  Goddamn you, Lynx, for making me lose my temper like that.

By the way, it is unacceptable for the higher-seeded team playing the final game possible at home in basketball.  Baseball, hockey, even football, sure -- the home team often doesn't win because that's how their sports are.  But no, not basketball.  The Jynx were supposed to win this game.  That they didn't means this is an upset, an absolute fucking failure, and probably The End Of An Era.

And another thing: I am so glad I didn't join in the "Whose house?  Our house!" chant that the entire (not sold out) Target Center crowd shouted throughout the entire game, because we had no right to boast about winning.  And we didn't.  Whose house is it?  Well, it's their fucking house, because they came right into and made those players their bitches.  How fucking humiliating.

This is what I get for having faith.  This is what I get for sticking my neck out.

And now I have to talk about this shit team in the summer, just when I was hoping for another summer of doing surveys with just the Twinks and Minnesota United.

Fuck you, Lynx.

$29.25 On Faith

Alright ... last year the Minnesota Lynx was at home for Game 5 of the WNBA Finals.  I thought about going, but I decided against it because, frankly, I thought the Jynx were going to lose.  They didn't; they in fact routed the Indiana Fever, 69-52.  I drove down to downtown just to be around the aura of the area just as Minnesota put the finishing touches on the Fever and the Finals, but as soon as the game was over, I totally regretted dropping money on the game.  My firm belief that the game wasn't a complete sellout makes me regret my decision even more.

So I get the exact same situation thrown on my lap this year.  The Minnesota Lynx have Game 5 at home tonight, this time against the Los Angeles Sparks.  (This year they did away with conference affiliation as a way to align the playoffs; these two teams had the best records in the WNBA, therefore they were situated in the bracket so that they could meet in the Finals, even though they both are in the Western Conference.)  Do I go?

I bought my ticket yesterday (Wednesday) morning, for the above price.  Not bad for a do-or-die title game.  I can't pass up this opportunity to see a title in person, and who cares if it's the WNBA?  Unfortunately I have a bad feeling in my bones that the Lynx are going to lose.  For one thing, the Indiana Fever were not the second-best team in the league last year; the Sparks are this year.  For another, all these players are a year older.  And finally, I think they're going to lose because I'm going to the game.  That's a surefire way for my team to lose.

Just checked; Minnesota's a consistent 5 1/2-point favorite to win.  I hope to Buddha that is so.  Because if they lose, if I witness a humiliating loss by the road team in the last and most important game of the WNBA season, I'll be pissed.  That'll be regret, I tell ya.  I would rather not see my home team win a championship than see them lose a championship in person.

This Fucker Needs To Be Locked Up For Life

Oh, wow, this bitch deserves more than what's coming to her.  Crenshanda Williams, a former 911 operator, is currently on trial for potentially hanging up on thousands of callers.  Thousands.

Oh my God.  What bitch hangs up on thousands of 911 calls?  I mean, seriously, who?  I know it's a high-stress job, and I know there are people who fuck with calling 911.  But ... thousands.  Did she really think that she had thousands of emergency calls that were pranks?  Or did she ... wow ... did she not give a goddamn about these calls and just wanted to hang up on them?

Holy shit.  She got busted and now has to defend herself.  But the thing is, she's only charged with a misdemeanor, interference with an emergency phone call.  One of the 911 calls she hung up on dealt with a robbery.  He was able to drive off and call Williams, twice -- and she hung on him both times.  The caller got a different (better, saner, more moral) 911 operator a third time, but by the time police came, the store manager was found dead.  If there is any way to prove that that store manager would have survived if Williams dispatched police after that first or even that second phone call, she should be tried for accessory to murder.  Even without that, she should be locked up for hanging up on so many fucking calls alone.  I mean, thousands???  Man, if you hang up on that many phone calls, maybe you should find another line of work, you know?

Bad Driver: 870 UBA

You, behind the black Chrylser ... oh, you're a special one.  Because I know you're from my neighborhood.  And I saw you take that right turn right after me without stopping.  Like a bitch.

I hate tailgating fuckers like you.  Because you always seem to get away with your tailgating.  I move over, hoping that I've got the lane that'll go faster, but no, it inevitably has the asshole who obeys the speed limit.  Meanwhile I see you tearing ass down 47 and cutting right in front of somebody as we're all backed up past the intersection to get onto the on-ramp.

And then you're gone, without a trace, down through the highway, probably (hopefully?) pissing off motorists but getting to wherever the hell you want to go faster.  It's always the jerks that get away with it.

Next time.  Because I know I'll see you soon.

Yep, She Found My Keys!!!

So yeah ... Friday, the day of her party, *****a, after she texted the deets of the party, told me that she found them -- well, the second set of keys.  I thought it was in the folds of the bedsheet in the VIP room where ****a just sat on me the last time *****a hosted a party, but all *****a would say is that she found the two loose keys in separate places, which she found odd.

Well, regardless, I have back the key that unlocks a drawer where I keep my pornography and the alumni club money.  The other is for the lockbox for the alumni club, so I can now throw around that box without worrying all the money in there will spill out.  Still sucks that I lost the first set of keys, and I still am locked out of my storage locker.  But I have been able to recover a couple things, and after beating myself over the head for losing a second set of keys, retrieving that second set feels very good.

I finally wised up and got copies for those keys made Sunday.  I actually lucked out; I was going to tie in a visit to the Home Depot with working out and lunch at a Culver's that I had a coupon for, and when I was picking that up I looked at coupons for a mom-and-pop hardware store, one of which was copying keys for 50 cents a pop.  I don't know if I would have noticed that if I were copying keys on another day, before or after Sunday.  So there's that.  Plus, I made two copies of each key, to make sure I was doubly covered.

Once I get the storage locker opened and the lock for it replaced I'll try and list the amount of money I had to spend to restore everything I was locked out of after I lost the keys.  But right now, I'll just say that things are better.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Monday, October 17:

• I keep getting these specialty drinks from the Starbucks down in the work commissary even though there is perfectly good coffee on my floor.  I bought it on this day because I didn't remember the price and I need it for, well, this blog post.  Now that I remember, I won't have to buy it so often: $3.65.
• I think (or at least I hope) that over the weekend I either have a receipt for or charged everything I bought, so we'll just go back in time to night of Friday the 14th, when, on a lark, after Mother dropped the "suggestion" that I start paying for the house, and after I went to AutoZone to find the right kind of tire pressure gauge and didn't find it, I kind of went into self-destruct mode and went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to drop some money.  Had a lapper with the lovely Giselle, whose chest that evening was noticeably hot.  I hope one day she'll touch my pee-pee.  With tips and a Sprite: $27.75.
• Afterwards I went to Glam Doll for the first time in two weeks.  No matter -- the guy serving me recognized me, and he gave me not one, but two donuts free!  Boo-yah!  It's like he likes me or something.  I appreciate that a lot.  However, I have to be truthful.  I was going back up to the counter to get a second donut and I couldn't decide.  He comes over and asks me what I like.  I tell him I like everything but I haven't yet tried to ones with bacon on them, because even though I like bacon and I like donuts, I don't like bacon on my donuts.  He asks me to try one of those anyway -- the Showgirl, a longjohn with maple icing providing the bed for a strip of bacon.  And, unfortunately, it was as bad as I imagined it would be.  A bacon is salty and a donut is sweet -- two distinct flavors, both I love, but each diametrically opposed to each other taste-wise.  Since they were both fighting for my gustatorial affection (did I say that right?), my taste buds were extremely conflicted.  Really, as I was finishing the Showgirl, I felt sick.  Hey, if God wanted donuts and bacon to be put together, he would've done so.  I told the guy the truth, I had to.  So the only thing I paid for was the pour-over coffee, and with tip the two hours I spent there came out to: $5.
• Thursday the 13th ... I know I eat a lot and have been bitching about being fat.  Nevertheless, I felt hungry that day, so for lunch I had a flatiron steak with this potato patty and a few other things.  This was in the area of the lunchroom that was supposed to have macaroni and cheese, per the weekly menu.  Eh, whatever.  Eh is also my reaction, sadly, to the meal.  It was fine and all except that the steak was a little tough to chew.  Total: $5.89.
• After work I finished what was the second part of the back half of a study that I began in ... July?  I forget.  Anyway, it took a long time, and I'm glad I was able to complete this experiment.  And I got paid cash, right then and there.  An Infusion of: $40.
• I promptly went to the party afterward ... where *****a found my keys!  (More on that on another blog post.)  To thank her I took her upstairs to the VIP bed.  However, I was so grateful that I texted her that she didn't have to do anything to me -- we could talk with our clothes on for 15 minutes and that's fine.  She is a good girl -- with one exception -- so while I was hoping for some sexytime, I didn't expect it.  And I didn't.  I stripped totally naked, she went topless and just sat on me.  Fair enough; we both know I won't be taking her up there again.  The $40 I made at the U. research study I promptly gave to *****a.  Seems ironic, and if my parents know that money flows off of me as soon as it flows into me, they'd throw a fit, especially after Mother told me I should start paying for the house.  Plus cover and regular dances from Destiny, Carmen and Peaches (three of the eight [!!!] strippers working that evening) and it all came to a non-ejaculatory amount of: $180.
• Monday, October 10: Mocha at work: $3.65.
• Then I got hungry again and bought a slice of pizza at work: $3.10.
• On Sunday the 9th I was working the Vikings game.  Had to wake up at the crack of dawn, and since most of the streets around Ooooooooooooosbahnk Stadium were closed for the Twin Cities Marathon, I decided to park on the other side of downtown and light-rail it, at a cost of: 50 cents.
• After work I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) to detoxify.  ****a, who blew my dick and my mind that one daytime stripper party, was there to work the shift after I planned on leaving, but she got permission to give me an LD before she was officially supposed to begin work.  She was one of two girls to sit down next to me and talk for a minute, something that rarely happens.  Made me feel good.  With stage tips and coffee: $34.75.

Good through Monday, October 17.

Bad Driver: 790 RLG ... And State Trooper #44128

OK, Mr. State Trooper ... when I first saw you tearing ass down 35WS and came up behind me, honestly, I thought you were trying to get around me because there was some incident further down the highway.  So I change lanes ... only for you to change lanes right behind me.  OK, I thought, you wanted to change lanes too, so I changed them back ... and you changed lanes back to remain right behind me.  Then I finally saw what was going on.

So -- were you going to pull me over?  If so, why didn't you?  Did you want to, oh, intimidate me instead?  Because this was a really weird dance we did on a highway during morning rush.  When I changed lanes you finally let this shit go, but you slowed down to my rate of speed, like you were stalking me diagonally.  I was watching you over to my left side, and not the road, because I didn't know what the hell you were doing.  I could have gotten into an accident, and I know that if I did, you would have blamed me, even though you started it.  Is that why you were acting so fucking weird -- to bait me into an accident and, what, teach me a lesson?

For fuck's sake, man, why didn't you do something?  Either you should have pulled me over, which I knew you wanted to do, or you could have zoomed right by me.  Hey, I'll admit that I was speeding.  (Everybody else on the fucking highway was speeding too, but even I have to confess that's a tired excuse, no matter how true that is.)  You can speed because you're a state trooper.  So go ahead.  You had the lane all to yourself.  Why didn't you just fucking go?  Maybe you wanted to pull me over and give me a ticket instead.  If so, you should have just fuckin' did it -- pull me over and get this shit over with.

So why didn't you give me a ticket?  Did you not have proof that I was speeding?  Did you not want to bother giving me a ticket?  Or did you want to just abuse your authority and razz me for a few miles, and then make sure I was obeying the law and staying below 60 for the rest of my trip?

Or was it because I was one of those guys who cut in on that huge back-up before the tunnel?  Hey, I admit that I did that.  That was one hell of a back-up, don't you think?  But I wasn't the only one to do that.  In fact, there was one other asshole car who cut through and did worse.  I remember that car because he or she was speeding all the way from 694.  I have the license plate and description, too.  Do you want it?  790 RLG.  A red Explorer.  The driver didn't just merge onto one lane; she or he immediately took the next lane, too, and then she or he was tailgating the car right ahead of her or him.  That driver was doing that ever since it blew past me.  You saw that car ... right?  If you were doing your job, you would have pulled over that road rager instead of pestering me.  (I know you saw that goddamn car because I remember seeing you in that traffic jam -- you aren't the only observant one here, boyo.)

But instead you decided to bother me, because I was by far the worst driver out there.  So I was a good boy.  When you stayed on that lane that was backed up onto Crosstown, I drove past you and stayed on 35WS -- at 60 miles per hour.  I made sure that I stayed below the speed limit.  You made sure I was too.  Don't deny we were looking at each other as I drove past you.  Just know that I'll be driving as fast as I can tomorrow, and chances are, you won't be around to catch me then.

My Adventure Finding A Tire Pressure Gauge

OK, so on my way to work Thursday the low pressure tire warning light came on my dash.  I freak out, but I didn't get an accident.

I check my tires after I park, and the only thing I could see is that some jagoff took the cap from the valve of my passenger-side front tire.  I thought -- or at least I like to think -- that my car is so new it's sensitive to such things, and that what little air that is coming out of the uncapped valve triggers that light.

That's when I realized that I don't know where the extra tire valve caps and the tire pressure gauge are.  It's funny that they're never where you need them when you need them.  That's when I started to freak out.  I really, really, really didn't want to buy these things when I know I have them.

Well, I finally found the caps (of which there are four of them; when someone stole my cap on my old car, I had to buy a new pack, and the one at the gas station only sold them in packs of four) in the desk of what was my old bedroom.  I was hoping that capping the valve would solve the problem.  It didn't; it's still on.

So now I have to figure out which tire is low.  But I have to tell you, since Thursday I have looked at all four of my tires and even pressed my thumb against them, and they all seem fine.  And yet that damn light is still on, so the car says a tire's low.

But I can't figure that out yet because I still haven't found that damn gauge.  It should be in the car.  I swear that is in the car.  Logic dictates it's best stored in a car.  But it's not in the car.

So -- and this contradicts me not spending money -- I am now using this occasion to buy only the best tire pressure gauge out there.  And Consumer Reports (from 2012) says that the two best are digital and from the same company: Accutire.  Is ten bucks a little extravagant for a gauge?  Yes.  But if it's the best, and if I don't know where my old one is, hey, I'll do it.

Now, I need to find it.  And I can't.  It's not at AutoZone, it's not at Target, and I just checked Sears, and it's not there, either.  All they have are their own name brand gauges.  Man, there really isn't much of a market for gauges, is there?

So it looks like I will have to order this thing online.  I'm totally ready for it.  I have the hearing aid-style batteries that I need to operate it, and as far as I know my tires are still not dangerously low.  (I took a guess and pumped a second's worth of air in them yesterday [Saturday], but no such luck; it's still low.)  Once I do I will get to the bottom of this.  But there is a definite possibility that there's nothing wrong, that the tires are (or at least were before I put more air into them) properly inflated, and that that damn light should not be on, which means I have to take it to the dealership to get that fixed.

A car 17 months old should not be doing this.

Stay tuned, maybe.

Fucking Lynx

They're done.  That's it.  The supposed dynasty in the WNBA is going to lose Game 4 tomorrow, and that's it.  They'll be upset by the L.A. Sparks, a team they shouldn't have lost to because they got the best record in the league.  But no, they had to choke on a buzzer-beating loss in Game 1 and cough up home-court advantage, which the Sparks still have after beating the shit out of the Jynx last night.

This is why we can't have nice things.  We need a dependable team that is reliably a championship squad.  And no, three titles in the last five years isn't going to cut it.  Not when they were the #1 seed going into the playoffs.  This is an upset, and just like with Indiana, we will be on the short end.

How fucking embarrassing.

Suddenly It Feels Very Cold

So I was having dinner with my folks.  Father was doing his usual bitching about me going back to school or finding a job or setting up a schedule because I sleep too much, even though I have proven I do anything but.  But that wasn't the worst part of dinner.

The worst part of dinner came after My Fucking Father buttered me up with his stupid and accusatory questions.  Mother asked me what I thought about putting the house in my name.  She said that I would then be responsible for the upkeep of the house -- electric bill, water bill, phone, Internet, property taxes and insurance.  She raised this proposal once before, more than a year ago, but she kind of dropped it and didn't bring it back up.  But she did now.  Worse than that, this time she also gave me time to think ... but only a month.

When she raised this the first time, I ran to my shrink, who said that if the calculations are done right, he thought that all those monthly expenses aren't as bad as I thought they were.  But I don't know about that.  When Mother said this my mind took fleeting snapshots of the bills I would have to face, and I tried to conjure up ballpark figures for each.  And then I compare that to the weekly checks I'm getting from the temp agency for this job.  And then I remember all the times I go to the strip clubs, and then I think about the crossroads I would have to face: Either give up being a stripper hound and be unhappy in my boyhood home, or tell my folks I can't afford it and them asking how have I not saved up enough money after working all this time.

If they are really going to put the screws to me on this, I'm really between a rock and a hard place.  If I get found out that I don't have the money to support the upkeep of this house, I definitely will have hell to pay.  But a life where I'm permanently scrounging for money to pay for the house is a life not worth living, frankly.  I might have an out: Go back to school full-time so I can demonstrate that I'm serious about moving forward with my life, but I can't be independent right now, so let's just continue this arrangement where I live with the help of you guys.  That might be my only way out, but goddamn, I can't see myself doing this.

And I have a month to think about it?  Only a month?

The weather has turned colder.  But after dinner it's felt much colder.  From outside and in.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  A very successful screening week for local teams (well, mostly), and that means a quartet of worthy teams for the top spot -- and yet another elevation of the entire list above negative numbers.  I'm getting to be a softie, I know, but I have to give credit where it's due.

I have to give the top spot, and thus Positive #'s, to the Gopher volleyball club, who responded to their defeat at Penn St. the week before with a pair of sweeps.  The one on Sunday, at home against Northwestern, was not a surprise.  The other one was, however, and a big one: At #1 Wisconsin.  In fact, it wasn't just a sweep, it was an ass-kicking -- 20-18-14.  The steady growth in the margin of victory through the sets is a definite sign of both domination by the U. and demoralization (humiliation?) of the Badgers.  That it happened to the top-ranked team in this week's poll makes it even sweeter.  And on the road?  Oh, it had be glorious to shut up a hostile crowd.  There will be a return date at the Pav, for sure, but right now, I can't think of a team that has a better chance of winning the NCAA Tournament than the Gophers.

All I'm worried about now are injuries and an abstract sense they may be "peaking" too early.  What comes next, then, may prove to be a great test for the squad.  That game against the Badgers started a string of four games on the road.  They get it relatively easy this week though -- their only game is a potential trap game Saturday at Michigan St.

#0: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  Incredibly impressive.  If the Vikes, say, beat New England and Tom Brady at Gillette Stadium instead of crushing Houston at Das Bank v. 2.0, I would have put them in a tie with the U. volleyballers.  Nevertheless it was a fantastic performance (at least for the first half) against a Texans club whose quality is extremely hard to read.  Sam Bradford continues to impress, even receiving early recommendation from Peter King of Sports Illustrated as Most Valuable Player in the National Football League.  He has made many of the receiving corps, perceived until now as a pedestrian group, into a scary arsenal, especially Kyle Randolph and, of all people, Adam Thielen, who is One Of Us.

And what about that other Minnesota kid who's on the team, Marcus Sherels?  The Rochester native and Golden Gopher was signed off the street in 2010, and since becoming part of the active roster the next year, all he has been is the quiet Punt Returner who is still capable of popping off a 79-yard Touchdown run that ripped the heart out of the Texans.  I don't think there are too many Vikings fans who realize Sherels has been doing this for six years now, which seems to be a lifetime for punt returning.  And he doesn't call attention to that, or himself.  No, he just puts his head down and does his job, spectacularly and quietly well.  He is the consummate football player, and the consummate Minnesotan.

#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  I feel really bad for sticking the Minnesota footballers down here, in third place.  Don't look now -- don't know how many are looking -- but they have ripped off a three-game winning streak as we're coming down the backstretch of the 2016 women's college soccer season.  They crushed Nebraska at Robbie Sunday, 3-0, and then last (Thursday) night they beat Michigan St. in East Lansing, 2-1, on an 80th-minute tally by Sydney Squires.

Soccer bracketology remains in an embryonic state.  I don't think the conference standings are a help either; after fighting through a mid-pack morass, the U. is, as of press time, tied atop the B1G with, of all teams, Northwestern.  But they've got to be a lock for the NCAA Tournament now, right?  In fact, as their #8 ranking on Hero Sports indicates, they could host an Elite Eight game at Robbie.  In December.  Outside.  Man, that brings up memories!

This week they have only one game, but it is on the road vs. one of the better clubs in the Big Ten, Michigan.  That game is on Sunday.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  I have a special place in my heart for men's college hockey.  (I like women's college hockey too, but there are only, like, 30 varsity teams, so it's a little too small to embrace as cute, if that makes any sense, and it probably doesn't.)  If you include Arizona St. (and I have heard their transition to Division I is a rocky and underfunded one), there are currently 60 teams in top-flight college hockey.  That, however, may shrink to 58, and the two victims may be Alaska-Anchorage and Alaska-Fairbanks.

Because the state is so dependent on oil, the price of which has been in the tank lately, the state has not been able to fund the University of Alaska school system, and thus its athletic department.  The system is facing $50 million in budget cuts, so both hockey teams are now on the table.  Right now it's not looking good.  In response, this report was published outlining three possibilities to ameliorate that deficit in the athletics programs.  There is a chance that all sports programs at both campuses will be forced to downgrade to Division II.  There is a chance that all sports programs will be abolished entirely.  And there is a third possibility: A sort-of co-op group that combines the Anchorage and Fairbanks hockey programs (and all sports programs) into one team.

I have seen this before, in a way.  Alabama-Birmingham had voted to euthanize its football team.  But after outrage and the backing of a bunch of rich UAB cats that would rather see low-level football than, say, fund education or something, Blazers football will be back next season.  I can see something like that happening here.  I really doubt that both teams will just be put down.  At any rate, news on this may comes as soon as next month.  Stay tuned.

Now to tie this into the Gopher men's hockey team.  Because Head Coach Don Lucia (who signed an extension just before the season began through 2019, so I guess he's not going anywhere for a while) started his coaching career in Alaska, he began the U.'s 2016-7 campaign in Anchorage last weekend, crushing the host Seawolves, 6-0, and then doubling up the Nanooks in a neutral-site game, 6-3.  Burnsville native Tyler Sheehy is the conference's First Star Of The Week for his two goals and three assists in the two wins.

What now for the Gophers, who finished out of the NCAA Tournament last year?  The conference, despite its name, remains a one-bid league and, betraying its size, seen as weaker in college hockey than Hockey East and the National Collegiate Hockey Conference.  Coaches think the U., behind potential Hobey Baker Award candidate Justin Kloos and reigning conference Goalie Of The Year (and Anchorage native) Eric Schierhorn will win the league, which is great, but it's likely that, once again, the U. will be the only team carrying the B1G battle flag into The Most Underrated Postseason Event In American Sport.  Let's just hope that they regain their lofty position as one of the premier programs in the sport.

#-3: Wild (Re-Entry!).  Writers are being charitable when they say the Mild's window is closing.  I think it's already closed.  What the team is doing now is hoping Bruce Boudreau can draw blood from a stone and get this veteran-laden squad to a sterling regular season record.  (He's had a crappy postseason resume, but management isn't worried about that right now.)  I don't know -- unless these veterans can go all Cocoon and play like their old selves, I am really scared that this team is very vulnerable to a freefall in the still-competitive Central Division.  Losing their first game of the year, 3-2 at St. Louis last (Thursday) night, doesn't help.

This week is the first three home games of the year: Winnipeg Saturday, Los Angeles Tuesday, Toronto (and Auston Matthews, who could not have had a better first professional game ever, so it's all downhill from here) Thursday.

#-4: Gopher football (Last Week: -3).  Well, this is getting depressing, and maddeningly typical.  Despite a tough defense (and, just as likely, turgid opposing offense), Minnesota was unable to retake Floyd of Rosedale at Das Bank v.1.0 and lost Saturday to Iowa, 14-7.  They were leading until the D made one mistake, Akrum Wadley's 54-yard scamper that gave the Hawkeyes the lead for good with 5 1/2 minutes left.

The offense, once again, had a chance to get the club the win.  But despite matriculating the ball 70 yards down the field to the Iowa 18, Mitch Leidner couldn't direct the drive to paydirt.  That 70-yard rampage was atypical of what was going on in that game.  He finished 13-for-33 for 166 yards and a pair of Interceptions.  He also got smacked fairly hard on a scramble down the sideline.  After the game he was held from press availability, and I have yet to hear word on whether or not he'll play Saturday's game in Maryland.  Leidner could be told to sit down, either due to injury or to ineffectiveness.  The U. is 0-2 in conference play, and Tracy Claeys's first season leading this team may be his last, especially with Lane Kiffin looking better and better by the day.

Yeah, My Standoffish Attitude Was The Right Way To Act

I have started to notice a difference between the two networks who air Vikings games.  Because the Vikes are an NFC club, I see people from one network more often.  That breeds more familiarity and thus more friendliness than when the other network comes.  Add to that that I might be assigned to a different department for the broadcast, and what results might be not just an unfamiliarity with me, but an indifference, a refusal to get to know me.  I am always going to just be "the help," but the people who come around more often I have seen (at least some of them) for years now.  If I'm not going away, they have to at least recognize my face.

That was not the case with the game Sunday.  First of all, Houston was in town.  Second of all, I was assigned to work on that day, and to do something away from the actual broadcast department.  Finally, I had to wait a whole hour outside Oooooooooooooooooosbahnk Stadium because the ... oh, I'll just say it, stupid people who had my credential thought they could wait behind the security gates to wait for me even though I couldn't get past the security gates because I didn't have a credential.  (People got past the gate without a pass just before I got there, apparently.  Oh, and when I got to the truck, the person I was specifically working under said, "The person who was supposed to pass out credentials couldn't get in because he didn't have a credential.")

So from what little I knew and what happened first thing in the morning, I knew this wasn't going to be a good day, or at least a time where people were going to be, you know, cordial.  Going in I thought to myself, "Just keep your head down, don't be gregarious, and do what you are told the best you can."  I learned that the hard one time a crew for this network came to town years back that being a nice guy might get you in a lot of trouble from people who don't give a shit about you.  And it was the right mindset for the game, because the ... well, I'll be vague, what would have been my immediate supervisor was an in-over-his-head prick.

The driver who took the talent to the stadium got lost on the way and the commentators lost it.  So that's why this guy was in a bad mood when he marched up to me and asked me if I knew how to get to the broadcast booth.  And he screamed like ... yeah, I'll just say it, a spoiled millennial, "Don't say yes if you don't know!"  To which I replied, calmly and like a grown-up, "I.  Know."

I understand the panic in his attitude.  He wants to work in sports.  He feels as if he's at the bottom of the totem pole and therefore shit runs all the way down to him (even though he's not and it doesn't because us locals are here).  And something bad happened to which consequences could be so bad that he could lose his job and thus his dream of working in sports.  I see that.  I saw that when he kept emphasizing that he needed someone reliable to take the director's friend to the broadcast booth (he never came, by the way).  And I saw it when he warned me that his co-worker couldn't step outside to see his friend, who is working for the Vikings.  Hey, pal, I fucking know that.  This is not my first rodeo, although it's obviously this is your first rodeo.  I was going to ask if he wanted to see her.

But although his attitude is not unlike most of the people in his position who I have encountered over the, oh, dozen years I've done this, there have been a few, maybe a couple, who have, at the very least, hasn't taken out the crap he's taken on me/us.  There is such a thing as grace under pressure, and a very few people understand that you need to, at the very least, keep your head while everything is falling down around him or her.  There are some people who think that being an asshole is OK while you're stressed because you're a completely nice person once that stress goes away.  That is bullshit.  You can be calm and courteous regardless of the circumstances; you just choose not to be.

That was the case here, and I fear that that will be the case from now on.  In fact, just to be on the safe side, I think I'll keep my distance from these guys in all my games, from the familiar as well as the unfamiliar network.  Better that to make sure you don't get your head chopped off.  Still, maybe, just maybe, this really was this guy's first gig.  And I guess he seemed relaxed when I took a hat for all my troubles.  (I was one of several people swarming all over him after the game to get this piece of swag.  That had to be supremely annoying from his end, but frankly, if I don't get hired by this network ever again [and that may very well be the case, even though I did nothing wrong], I was going to get a freebie out of it.)  I did say three things: "Thanks," "Need anything else?" and "Have a safe trip."  Totally innocuous statements to which he replied cordially.

So maybe I can cut him some slack.  That's assuming that he won't get me fired because he's an impossible dick.

Everybody Here Is Now An Enemy To Me

Why?  Someone stole my damn Pepsi can from the break room fridge.  I got it from this alumni club event I volunteered for, I brought it in last week and planned on enjoying it this week (maybe even today) with the bag of chips I got from the Vikings game Sunday.  But remembering that I got a free can of Red Bull swiped from my bag at the old test scoring place, I checked again yesterday.  I don't really remember where I put it -- I thought it was in the back of one of the two fridges -- but I think I looked everywhere, and it was gone.

This morning I just had to vent.  So, not apropos -- I think they said "Hi" and I just launched into it -- I told the two people who are working in the same room as I (although they are not working on the same things as I) that I got my can of pop stolen from me, and wouldn't you know it, it cut open a vein with them.  They went on for a good 15 minutes about stuff that they had stolen from us.  This conversation confirmed something that more employers should, in my opinion, pay attention to.  I know that losing a Pepsi or a Red Bull or a cookie or a frozen food meal isn't the worst thing in the world.  There were times last night where I forgot that my soda was stolen from me.  (Hell, I forgot just now.)  But when it happens, it's extremely annoying, because you would think your stuff would be secure at your workplace, which, if you look at it in a certain way, is very intimate.  It is the death of trust by a thousand cuts.  One stolen item isn't going to mean you're quitting, but when it happens more than once, and when it happens to everyone on a floor, which I suspect is the case, you like your place of work a little less.  And that loss of security, #firstworldproblems though it may be, is permanent.

I have to admit that I am getting a little paranoid about this.  Someone stole my Pepsi, and someone knew they were stealing it; per policy, I labeled that can with my name and the date I put it into the refrigerator.  No one who works here would be so stupid to not notice the label.  So now I'm looking at everyone who works on this floor and trying to guess who might've taken it.  Trust me, it's not very healthy to walk by someone you don't know but works on the same floor as you and think, "Oh, maybe she stole it!" and then look at a guy walk into his cubicle and think to yourself, "No, I can totally see him stealing my Pepsi!"  I know I won't leave because of one can of pop, but if I keep obsessing about who might steal it, how can I stay?

The two people who are also working in this room kind of talked me down off the ledge.  It may not be someone who works here.  It may be -- may likely be, in fact -- that it's a temp or a member of the cleaning crew who stole it.  Better than a co-worker, but it's still theft, and if it happens so often to the point people can't trust that their food will be where they put it, shouldn't employers do something about it?  I don't like putting cameras in the break room or even in the fridge, but if it prevents this petty theft ... well, yeah, it's about time they do it.

In the meantime, one of them allowed me to put my creamer and any future items into a mini-fridge she keeps in her cubicle.  There, my stuff should be forever safe.  Maybe.

Person Who Should Be Fired: My Contact At The Temp Agency

OK, this bitch who didn't listen to me before I started this job did it again.  Today at work I get this frantic e-mail (and I know you can't really tell frenzy in an e-mail, but trust me, she was frantic) from her saying that I needed to fill out my I-9.  Except that I did.  I even replied to her with a screengrab of my temp agency account that showed I did the I-9.  And without referencing my e-mail at all, she told me I had to go into their offices and do it again.

Taking time out of my workday to do this is already annoying.  I now have to adjust my schedule to make sure I get my hours in.  But it's the impression that she didn't even acknowledge what I said in my e-mail that really pisses me off.  This really isn't my issue, but she's making it my issue because she said I don't get paid if I don't come in.  And beyond that, filling out tax forms is something usually done before a job begins, not now.  I had time to do this before this job began, and I resent that I have to take valuable time out of my schedule to do this now.  That I don't think she understands or cares about this plight she put me in infuriates me.

I thought my first contact at the temp agency was bad, but I hated her only because she was stupid and a liar.  This one is a nag and selfish and completely indifferent to my feelings.  Plus she's affecting me now, so she's worse.

Oh, by the way, I had to come in and see her in the summer.  She has bad skin.  Also, she was wearing a shirt that she didn't button.  I could see all the way in to the bra/tank top she was wearing.  I would be turned on if she weren't my contact, and if she weren't so dumb.  How lazy, how unprofessional.  I should have known that was a sign of how she would treat me.

Alright, so I am interested in finally getting a new laptop.  I thought I could get one at a discount at work because last year I bought a USB cable from their store, and when I flashed them my work ID and I got 20% off.  I was going to do the same thing this year to buy the computer, but when I looked at the fine print, I didn't know whether I was qualified.

So I asked if I was, and the e-mail I got back from the ... uh, department was ... well, I'm kind of in a tizzy now, so right now I will describe it as unhelpful, vaguely rude, and dumb.  The response is one sentence, and it's the same sentence I see in the fine print.  And then it refers me to the eligibility rules of the discount program.  Like I couldn't do that myself, or like I didn't tell the woman who sent this useless and stupid e-mail that I read that already.

This is so unhelpful that I think I'm just going to go and try to buy it anyway.  My God.

Where I Have Nothing To Do, But Unfortunately I Have Nothing To Do

One of the things about this assignment -- one of the things I like -- is that they know that there are some down times during the day, and they're OK with that.  Euphemistically, they say that there will be days where "we beg for your patience."  Beg?  Hell, if I can chill on the Internet and work on my receipts, you can have as much patience as you want!

Right now is one of those times.  The project my immediate supervisor had me working on I finished early this morning, and I dropped it off at her desk.  I have been back on my desk since.  She has not come to the desk where I'm working now to check up on me.  I haven't been back to her desk.  There is a possibility that she is not here.  Regardless, I am under the impression that that is OK, and that if there is anything they want from me, they'll get me.

Cool.  So for the back half of the day I have had all to myself.  So, what to do?  I thought of finally getting my receipts together, playing catch-up by writing them down in my day planner, and then reconciling my expenses for the month of September.  If I have no work, I think this is a prime opportunity to be productive with my paperwork.

So I pulled all the receipts out of my pants, organized them by date and stacked them up.  And then I pulled out my pens, opened up my Franklin Quest ... and saw that I didn't have any October pages to write these receipts on.  And then I saw that I didn't have any empty page on which to write the expenses for the month of September.  So now I'm stuck.

This really sucks because I am virtually assured that I will be left alone, to my own devices, for the rest of the day.  Getting September reconciled could be something I really could grind down today, then after that, I can start writing down October.  If I were able to do both things, I could get rid of these receipts.  But I can't.  Now, what awaits me in the morning?  What if my immediate supervisor isn't here now, but will be back tomorrow, and with something for me to do?  That would represent a huge blown chance to get caught up on my stuff.

All is not lost.  I am blogging this; I need to put in some days where I post twice.  I also can get catch up with my e-mails; I slacked off a few days last week and it grew to 200, so I can spend the rest of my time here going through all of those.  But I think I could have arranged this better.  I just didn't think of looking in my FQ to make sure I had all that I needed.

Goddammit, I Missed A Day

Well, fuck me.  As you maybe saw, I totally forgot to blog for Saturday.  See, I thought I blog posted my blog, the previous one about Expenses Without Receipts, late Friday night (technically Saturday morning) at Caffetto.  But I had to stop myself because there were EWRs for a couple days which I didn't remember but did write down in my day planner, which I didn't have with me.  I thought I would go home and either finish it up that night or in the morning.

That obviously didn't happen.  I conked off as soon as I hit the bed.  Then, even though I lolled around my bed for a few hours, I totally didn't even think about blogging.  Instead I went to exercise before my alma mater's game.  After that, I went home, had a prolonged snack that was not supposed to be dinner, and Mother asked me to help her find these floss brush things that might be sold only in India.  That wild goose chase sapped an hour out of my life, and with that and eating and showering and saltwater rinsing the fillings I got on Thursday, I didn't have a whole lot of time to think, let alone blog, especially since I had to wake up at 5:15 the next morning to work the Vikings game.

That's when I thought it wise to blog for Sunday.  And when I opened up my Blogger, I checked the dates, realized I had skipped one, and remembered that I was saving the post that I thought I had published because I intended to check on something.

I feel like such a stupid fool.  And not to make excuses, but I have excuses.  There was the need to wake up early; the game kicking off in the afternoon when it usually was at night, thus throwing my whole routine off; the mistake of thinking I would go back to WAF when I was too tired to remember to do so, which is another break from routine; Mother bothering me with some bullshit for an hour; and hell, I still can't get over losing two sets of keys.  I'm not in the right mindspace, and I haven't been since I lost the first set.

The irony about this oversight is inescapable.  I have taken two vacations, occasions where I usually am too busy and/or don't have the means to blog every day.  Yet I was able to, both on my roadtrip across the northeastern U.S. and Toronto and on my trip to St. Louis.  I am here in Minnesota, and through carelessness and fatigue, this is when I skip a day.

You know, when I began this blog I knew that I was going to miss days.  Hell, I missed doing something on Wailing And Failing on January 2, the second day of this blog's existence.  And yet ... and yet ... never have I gone an entire year where I blogged at least once a day.  When I started WAF I thought that was unreasonable.  But now, looking back on it, I was keeping it up in 2016.  With only three months to go, why not go through all 365 (actually 366, since this year is a leap year) days?  But no.  Just one slip-up and that streak is ruined.

I totally hate myself right now.

Expenses Without Receipts

This is getting a little long.  From Saturday, October 8:

• Charged my food at Runyon's for the game that Saturday, so let's go to Friday the 7th ... When I went to the dental clinic at the U. last month, there were two cavities that needed to be filled.  They didn't have time to get both.  (That's partially because I was being worked on by a student.)  Moreover, during normal inspection they decided there was yet another cavity that needed a filling.  On this day they fixed those two cavities -- and it appears as though they would want me back again, if only for some "polishing" work on one of the fillings.  Nevertheless I'm scheduled for a six-month check-up, in March, the day before my birthday.  Oh, anyway, since this was at the U. and this was during the day, I parked along the Snelling Avenue light rail stop to get there.  Total for the two tickets (one ticket is good for 2 1/2 hours, but I was at the clinic from 8:30 till about noon): $4.
• After the fucking disaster of the back-to-back dances the previous Friday (and this is not counting at all me losing my keys that day, although that still fucking sucks), I was determined to get off with a stripper.  So, knowing that I had Friday off because I had to go to the dentist's, I texted ***a* to see if she was free.  And she was, but only at night.  Now I didn't really want to do it at night, but I was thinking with my little head, so I agreed to it.  Besides, her daughter was at the Homecoming game, so I thought having a "Postman Always Rings Twice" ring to this encounter would make me cum easily.  I didn't.  I had to jerk myself off onto her chest.  And I feel totally shitty about it because ***a* is a total cock-sucking champ!  She worked my thing something fierce.  And this time she added some really aggressive moves that turned me into a submissive dog -- spanking, playing with my balls, grabbing the back of my thighs to pull me closer as she was swallowing me.  So I feel absolutely horrible that I couldn't pay her back for her work.  Maybe I should cool it with the parties.  Nonetheless I paid her: $120.
• After seeing ***a* I went to Caffetto to reflect on our sex act and, well, to finish off this Expenses Without Receipts.  The dental student told me that I should avoid crumbly foods because the crumbs could fall into one of the cavities.  Does chocolate cake count as crumbly?  Well, I ate it.  With a medium hot chocolate and tip: $7.15.
• ETA on 12:18 a.m. on October 10 an EWR from Thursday, October 6.  I started a two-stage experiment, one component of which was some time in the MRI lab at the U.  That first stage I did a couple months ago, when I wasn't working.  Well, I am working now, but the coordinator is being very flexible with me on this second stage just so she could get this done.  The MRI component was on this date, and I was paid cash money after I got out of the tube.  An Infusion of: $40.
• On Wednesday the 5th I had to keep myself awake.  I needed coffee, but for the life of me I can't find the University of St. Thomas coffee mug I have used for years.  I could continue looking for it, but to be honest, I took this as an opportunity to upgrade.  I looked up "best coffee mugs" online and saw this Japanese company called Zojirushi.  Their mugs are uniformly expensive but unanimously lauded.  So, even though I really can't afford it, I bought one of these; it should come next week.  That way I can finally get free coffee made on my floor, instead of going down to the Starbucks in the commissary and getting coffee.  Twice.  With a donation (because there is no tip jar at this Starbucks, which threw me for a loop) and the total for the workday was: $6.03.
• Monday, October 3: My first day at work, and to celebrate I wanted to buy something at the commissary.  I was given a 70-minute lunch (yay, first day!  Yay, the people I work for!), so even after putting in a 32-minute nap, I still had time to leisurely eat a salad prepared for me: $3.28.
• Reeling back to Friday, September 30 -- started my day off at Anelace.  I usually get this lidded carafe that allows me multiple cups of coffee, but on this day, the dude just delivered me a cup of coffee.  I usually get more coffee than this.  WTH?  Whatever, I won't be going to these guys for the next several months.  Coffee plus tip: $4.40.
• Went to the first of two parties on this day in the afternoon.  Spoke about it here so I don't have to rehash it.  With cover and two other dances from *a*** (ETA on 2:28 p.m. on October 11 that it's actually *i**** -- my God, I've made so many mistakes on this EWR) and Heaven: $150.
• That evening I went to the University of Minnesota women's hockey team's first game of the season, against Lindenwood, a school in St. Louis.  I went because, as has become tradition, I wanted to see the championship banner raised in Ridder Arena.  Wow, that side of the arena is now chock full of banners.  They'll need to take the minor ones down.  By the way, although the U. won, 3-0, those goals were hard to come by.  They didn't swashbuckle past the Lions like I thought they would.  Credit to Lindenwood, they played hard.  Cost of program, hot dog and small Coke: $9.50.
• After that I went to the second house party of the night.  Wrote about that goddamn frustrating experience here as well.  Cover, a regular lapper from host *****a and *a*** fucking me out of a suckjob on the bed: $135.
• Had to go to Glam Doll after that, to both work on some alumni club stuff and to work out my blue balls frustrations from the night party.  Two donuts (neither of them a Night Moves -- they didn't make them!), pour-over coffee and tip: $10.
• On Thursday the 29th I gave myself some time to wake up -- 9:30, as if I didn't have to go to work, and in actuality, I didn't.  I went to Lisa's Shoe Shine to get my shoes shined for the last time ... and just on a lark, I brought my old, beat-up Doc Martens for her to polish along with my current Docs.  With tip the total in order to feel like a million bucks came to: $25.
• After seeing my psychiatrist I went to the library to print out a copy of my IRA automatic payment form and to make a copy of these receipts and UPC codes for Mother, who needs to send them in for a rebate.  But goddammit, I thought I oriented those things correctly in the copy screen, and when the copy came out, it cut off the bottom parts of the receipts, which meant that the goddamn thing was laid out in the wrong direction.  Why aren't there specific instructions on this on the copying machine???  Total: 30 cents.
• On Wednesday, September 28, the last day at my time in St. Louis, I started off by giving the people who will clean up my strewn bedsheets and towels a tip of: $2.
• I then went to the library to print out a copy of my airline ticket.  I had that on my phone, but ... hear me out -- I went to this library Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, all three times I asked for a guest pass, and all three times I was treated very nicely.  The woman who helped me Tuesday noted the process by which I could print something out.  And so I felt obligated to print something out, and it was going to be the ticket.  OK?  And besides, it turned out to be a bad idea because the jagoff who was on the computer before apparently printed something on landscape and not portrait, therefore the barcode was too small for either the TSA or gate agent to scan.  It was a waste of: 10 cents.
• I had the entire day to myself, but I had to be on the move with no hotel room to go back to and relax.  I finally decided to go to the Anheuser-Busch brewery for a tour.  I've done this before, several years ago, but I wanted to go back for two reasons.  One, the beer, of course.  Two, my first tour happened while A-B was its own company.  Since then it has whored sold itself to InBev, and I wondered what, if anything, has been affected on the tour since being acquired.  The answer, I think, is a lot.  The tour was much shorter.  When I went the first time we went through what I believe was a very thorough look at the brewing process.  This time, save for one quick visit into the tanks, there was nothing about making beer on this tour.  Instead we saw the Clydesdales and saw a one-room schoolhouse that has been turned into a company museum.  We then were shunted to German-style beer hall, which was way bigger and better than the room we had several years ago, we were given two wooden chips for complimentary beers (when I swear we had an open bar), and we were given food menus in which to order.  Last time we were given peanuts to help sop up the alcohol in our stomachs.  Oh, and there was that obnoxious photo-taker that took a picture of me in front of a Clydesdale cart.  The tour guide (we had three, and all of them seemed to be bored out of their minds) said that getting your photo taken "was a part of the tour."  No, it's not!  Why the hell would that be part of the tour?  You know, I think I spoke about this long enough to make it its own blog post, but whatever.  Tip for the two free beers: $2.
• I needed to return my car after that.  Was a half-hour late in returning it, but that's because 1) I slept off the beer in my car for 30 minutes and 2) I hit really bad traffic involving a semi whose cab melted down in flames.  I was going to be charged an extra hour, but I marched right into the place and asked it be taken off.  And Rjeem did.  Thank you, Rjeem.  Oh, I needed to take their courtesy shuttle to the airport so I could use the light rail to The Loop.  I tipped the shuttle driver: $1.
• To Tuesday, September 27 ... first EWR was Dollie's.  Cover, beer, tips, a beer for Autumn, and going behind the beads with Autumn (where I had to jerk myself off in order to cum, I don't want to talk about it): $129.
• Went to the Cardinals game.  Lumiere, the downtown casino, now provides a shuttle to everyone who has a casino card -- in other words, anyone who signs up for a casino card.  (They've turned their parking lot into a "members only" lot too -- thank goodness I've done very little to be a member!)  This shuttle has a little milk crate for tips, so I gave: $1.
• I walked home on the way back from the game, a win which was too little, too late for the Cards.  On the way back I saw a unique set of buskers: A family of violin players who are trying to raise money for a trip to Nashville.  Is this the best way to do that?  Well, they did play "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" while I walked past, so even though I don't do this often, I tipped them: $1.
• Felt the itch to paint the town red afterward.  And I thought this was a good time to hit Ameristar and Hollywood, the two casinos close to the airport.  Every single time I have vacationed in St. Louis I have gotten a hotel close to the airport, which made gambling in those two casinos very easy.  Not this time.  But I wanted to not some activity on my rewards card, so I went -- just for a very little bit, but I did.  At Ameristar, a place where I actually made money the last time, I sat down, put some money in a slot machine, won two bucks first time out, and pulled up stakes.  Take that, Ameristar!  An Infusion of: $12. (ETA on 11:27 a.m. on Tuesday, October 11 that it actually was $2.  I know that for a fact, and I don't know why I put one buck in there.)
• I then went to Hollywood, where I braved the craps table.  While I love playing it, I lost money; I thereby starved Ameristar in order to pay Hollywood, to twist an idiom.  I also sank a few bucks into a slot machine and did not hit a jackpot.  All told, with tips, I lost: $22.
• ETA on 11:31 a.m. on Tuesday, October 11 that I totally forgot the last EWR for the day.  I went to Coffee Cartel to write down the ATM receipts I get printed out for all the money I take out of my checking account onto my register.  I am now four years behind, but when I started to work on it, I got sort of addicted and I really wanted to see how much I could write down.  I have so many receipts that my checkbook is bulging badly.  Still, if I wasn't leaving the next day, I probably would have stayed till dawn.  Regardless, I think I got through, oh, late 2012, so that's progress.  Anyway, I bought a mocha so I could sit and list all of these things.  With tip: $5.
• Spiraling back to Monday the 26th, where I went to Dollie's for the first time.  Autumn popped me good, thank goodness.  Interesting; she first spotted me, not the other way around.  I still don't think she knows my name, but I'm now sure she recognizes my face.  With drinks for me and for her, as well as another girl who said her house burned down, and tips and cover, yeah, that makes it: $146.
• Then went to the Cardinals game via the shuttle.  Tip: $1.
• Charged just about everything while at the baseball game.  Everything except the scorecard I used to keep track of Monday's game, a blowout loss.  Their method of scoring is so exotic as to be scary.  There are, like, sticks used for hits, and stems come out the top of to signify where in the outfield the hit went to.  It's weird!  They also say it's "The Cardinal Way" of scoring, and if it is, I don't want to know that "Way."  Scorecard cost: $2.50.
• After the game I honored the spirit of my parking at Lumiere by playing for a bit.  I was rewarded by winning some money at the $10 craps table.  Those $10 tables scare me, but at least on this trip, I made money on that one and lost cash on the $5 ones.  All told I had an Infusion/won: $30.
• I then made my way up to Alton, Illinois.  I do this for two reasons.  One, there is a casino up there that I like, the Argosy.  Second, I go to the Pub Room, which is a room whose bartenders, I hear, show their tits for money.  This happened the first two time I went, but not in the four times or so since, which equates to about five years or more.  So why do I go up here, anyway?  I spent 15 minutes drinking a Bud Light.  With tip: $3.25.
• Then I went to Argosy to make sure they knew I gambled there.  For a little bit; I sank some money into a slot machine and got nothing back: $6.
• Then, finally, I thought this was the time to hit the Steak 'N' Shake close to my hotel.  We don't have that restaurant here, and since it was so close, I felt obligated to go.  'Tis the season, so I got a pumpkin spice shake to go along with my single steakburger, and while the burger was good, mmmmmmmmmmmm the shake was delicious.  With tip: $9.
• Back to Sunday the 25th -- woke up early to make a point to go to what I think is St. Louis' premier soccer pub, the Amsterdam.  I got lost -- thanks, Waze! -- and yet I made it just in time to see kickoff.  Lucky me.  There was a guy there that chatted me up and bought me a shot.  Great to have liquor at 10 in the morning.  But he was a good dude.  With tip for the local brew I bought: $6.
• Then I went to the Saint Louis women's volleyball game.  (There was a women's soccer game playing at the same time at SIU-Edwardsville, but I chose not to go there.  My past two visits I went only to SIUE to check out a men's and women's basketball game, and I figured that with the schedule as it is, it was time for me to go only to SLU games.  It's ironic, though; the past two visits I stayed at an airport on the Missouri side and yet I saw games in a college on the Illinois side.  This trip I actually stayed in the Illinois side but decided to take in college games exclusively on the Missouri side!)  I thought it was in Chaifetz Arena, but I realized that the mothers with their daughters in tow weren't there for a match; no, instead they were there for Disney On Ice.  The game wasn't displaced; instead it was played in an auxiliary gym (I think they call it a pavilion) on the side of Chaifetz.  Strange.  The Bilikens won, beating George Washington in three sets, but the Bills are no juggernaut.  Paid a steep price for an adult ticket, though: $10.
• Next, I went to Q In The Lou, the downtown barbecue festival.  I thought BBQ was big in this town, but the place was only moderately packed, and maybe less so.  That might be because it was so hot outside ... or it's because it's St. Louis, a dying town where residents don't want to go hang out downtown.  I charged on my credit card the four places that I bought ribs from, and all but one of them were good.  In fact, two of the smokehouses (can't remember their names now) were very good.  I was in the spirit, sort of, so I bought some lottery tickets from the pop-up lottery office.  But when I asked for a receipt, they said their machine didn't print out receipts.  Bullshit: $3.
• Finished my night at Hollywood Show Club.  The place was dead, again, and all the girls there (save for one, maybe two) aren't the caliber it was in its sort-of glorious past.  Got three bed dances from an Athena, who teased me by lightly touching my dick.  It was so light I'm still not sure if she actually touched it.  But at least she told me her real name.  With cover, beer and tips for beer and the strippers: $112.
• On my way home I got so thirsty that I went to the Wal-Mart nearby and got a Coke from the vending machine.  It's terrible how this behemoth treats and pays its workers, but at least the pop is cheap: 50 cents.
• Now to Saturday, September 24, the day I left for St. Louis.  The first EWR was the shuttle that took me from the airport to the car center.  Tipped him: $1.
• Thought I would have to go straight to the SLU soccer match, but I actually had time to check into my hotel, then going back across the river to get to the game, which was Homecoming, against VCU.  Found free parking on a side street, which is glorious.  Not glorious were the number of mosquito bites I got while watching the match.  Damn, St. Louis was hot!  I even saw a skeeter latched onto the back of my knee.  I tried to smack it, but I was so ham-fisted I missed badly.  Oh, the customer service there was fantastic.  I asked someone where to buy tickets, and she gave me one another spectator gave her because he or she had a free one.  And then someone found the phone I had inexplicably left on the bleachers and turned it into the press box.  Phew!  After losing my first set of keys, I didn't need to lose my phone!  With the free ticket I only paid for beer (at a college game?) and tip and the total was: $8.
• Since I was in the area -- or I thought I was; thanks, Waze! -- I thought this was the night to go to Ted Drewes.  They've gone back to turning over the concretes again, but the customer service there still is quite shitty.  Total: $5.43.
• Then got my casinoing in.  Went to Lumiere Place downtown and promptly lost in slots: $10.
• Then I went across the Mississippi and finally (after getting lost -- fuck you, Waze!) finding the Casino Queen.  And that's where I promptly lost my shirt on craps: $50.
• Friday, September 23 ... Went to Caffetto, where the wi-fi issues I experienced seem to be gone.  Small coffee plus tip: $2.
• In the afternoon I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) because I hadn't been in there in a while, and since I'm about to be off, I feel like I should duck in before I become a real stranger.  As soon as I go in, Cicily accosts me for a dance.  If I had been in there more frequently, I would have said no, but since I didn't, I agreed.  With tips for a couple strippers (the roster of four on this shift was filled with powerful veterans) and a Sprite (with a tip too): $27.75.
• On Thursday the 22nd I also spent the morning at Caffetto, for another small coffee with tip: $2.
• This was the day I had enough time to get my shoes shined.  Went downtown to park.  I think I have finally figured out the right amount of money to feed the meter so I don't put in too few and risk a ticket and I don't put in too much and waste my money.  From where I parked, I needed an hour's worth (at least at the rate of the meter I found), and that came out to only four quarters: $1.
• Lisa and I talked about death while she was shining my shoes.  With tip: $15.
• OK, on second thought, maybe I could have clipped off a quarter.  But there was no line for Lisa's, like I thought, and so I was able to spare ten minutes (the cost of a quarter at this particular meter) to eat a doughnut at Bogart's, even though I should watch my weight.  With tip: $2.75.
• I then spent some time going back to the airport to find my goddamn keys.  Still haven't found them.  I looked everywhere, so I had to go see if I somehow dropped them in the minivan we rented.  My working theory is that it happened the day after we came back from our roadtrip: For some reason we rented the car for an extra day, and so I used it while my sister and brother-in-law used my car.  Oh, I didn't get an answer; I have to call this 1-800 number because all lost-and-found items are sent to this place in St. Paul or something.  I'm giving you a huge backstory just to say that I parked at MOA and used the LRT to the rental car center at the airport: $1.75.
• In the evening I went to the library to print out tickets to the two Cardinals games I plan on going to.  Total: 20 cents.
• Wednesday, September 21 ... went to Caribou, got a medium coffee at small price per the offer by Caribou, cookie, tip: $3.50.
• Back to Tuedsay the 20th, where I stopped off at Anelace for a coffee.  I was a little frisky this time, buying a bitter cookie, too.  It was OK -- not too bitter that I didn't like it.  With tip: $6.
• On Monday the 19th I went to Caribou, but just for a small coffee.  With tip it totals: $2.25.
• To Sunday, September 18, where I went to the Gopher soccer match, where the U. trounced Ohio St.  Got a souvenir-sized Coke just in case the design on the cup was different.  I don't think it is.  With a hot dog and a program it all comes out to: $11.75.
• Saturday the 17th: Started off my day at Caffetto for a small coffee.  With tip: $2.
• Finished off my day at Glam Doll.  With tip: $8.54.
• Back on Friday the 16th I went to Caribou for a large coffee which was half-off because, I think, of a rewards deal.  With tip it came out to: $1.75.
• Went to the Minneapolis Institute of Arts because this was the last weekend of the Paul Allen exhibition.  The Microsoft co-founder and owner of the Seattle Seahawks and Portland Trail Blazers has an extensive collection featuring a lot of painters I know from school.  Paid $20 for the ticket, which I charged (and which was well worth it), but on my way out I donated to MIA: $1.
• After the museum I went to this party in St. Louis Park.  I think I went to this party because I hadn't gotten off in a while, and so I was desperate to blow my wad, even though this was at a hotel.  I was there as soon as the party was supposed to begin ... and all I saw were a bunch of guys.  It took an hour before the girls came in.  Stripper time, I tell ya.  Well, I still stuck around to get tittyfucked and knobbed off by *a***.  With a regular dance from Taylor and cover, the total amount of money I spent was: $155.
• And then after the party I went to Robbie Stadium to watch the Gopher soccer side fight Penn St. to a 1-all draw.  Hot dog, small Coke and program: $9.25.
• Thursday, September 15 -- I used the light rail because ... I went to the dentist's?  I think so.  Went to the U. during rush, went back to the strip mall (and my car) during non-wash, so the two tickets come out to: $4.
• I then leap to Monday the 12th, where I went to Caribou for -- well, I don't completely remember now, but based on the amount I put on this EWR draft, I'm guessing it was for a small coffee.  With tip the total was: $2.25.
• In the afternoon I paid a monthly pass at the community center to exercise: $15.

Good through October 8.