So, my plan for fighting off this cold that seems to come whenever the weather turns colder is to crank up the heat and sleep in for as long as my body needs it in order to fight this off for good. (Medication might help; I bought and took some NyQuil before bed.) I finally made it through my duties for last night, and I thought a long rest coupled with an easy Sunday would eliminate this cold and fully acclimate me for winter.
I think I went to bed around 1:30 or 2. Got up at 11:30. And my nose is still stuffy as hell, I'm still blowing out snot into my tissues, I'm coughing into conniption fits and I'm still sort of cold.
Frankly, I don't know what else to do.
Sunday, September 30, 2018
Saturday, September 29, 2018
The Fuck You Say To Me, Two-Face?
Oh. My. God. I cannot believe what happened yesterday/Friday. I'm still aghast by this blindside, and I don't know how the fuck to deal with it.
So I'm at work, right? And I had this difficult folder to look through. There were, like, 15 problems with it, and for some goddamn reason they weren't in the order that they were on the computer. And, OK, maybe I was spacing out there for a little bit, but I was listening to Stephanie Miller talk about the Kavanaugh hearings and I was riveted. American democracy is at stake!
So I finally got done with that beast of a folder and put it aside. This woman who sits next to me for yesterday, someone who was really nice and even sweet to me as I've gone through training, a woman who brought carrot cake for all of us to eat last week and was fucking delicious ... this woman, out of the blue, who took some of the folders that were piling up behind this folder I had to go through, said, "That took you 15 minutes."
Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! Are you critiquing my work? Why the fuck are you criticizing me? First of all, I had problems with the fucking batch, OK? And second of all: Why the hell are you timing my work when you have your own shit you need to deal with? You know, I don't want to say this, but I have to defend myself: Fuck you, and mind your own goddamn business.
I was shellshocked at what she said, totally gobsmacked. And once I finally got up the courage to ask her -- really, to confront her -- by what exactly she meant by that snide, passive-aggressive, Minnesotan comment, she did something that really pisses me off: She gave me the silent treatment. She goddamn well knew that I was in her peripheral vision and demanded her attention, but nope, she she just kept peck-peck-pecking, probably to make a better example for me, something to strive for.
I don't know where to begin, and since I'm kind of sick and delirious, maybe I shouldn't elaborate. But this I will say this: Even though I discussed this with my friend I met for dinner last (Friday) night, I think I got her tone loud and clear. I really, really resent being ignored after she insulted me so snidely. I hate that she was living it up with the other co-worker but was absolutely rude to me. I thanked her for picking up my stuff, but she didn't reply, not even a "You're welcome." Seriously, what the fuck is a matter with you? And the silent treatment ... oh, there are ways I can get your goddamn attention if you fuck with me like this. Oh, and I am so angry by how she treated me.
Like I said before, this is what I was afraid of when I signed up for a full-time job: The assholes you meet at work or the same assholes you will say every fucking day for the rest of your life. What the hell do you do then?
I'm still trying to work this out, OK? I don't need to be judged, especially by someone who is in no position to judge me. Go fuck yourself.
Obviously I'm dead to her. So fuck it, she's dead to me. I'm not going to stand for this juvenile bullshit. This ain't junior high school, scurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
So I'm at work, right? And I had this difficult folder to look through. There were, like, 15 problems with it, and for some goddamn reason they weren't in the order that they were on the computer. And, OK, maybe I was spacing out there for a little bit, but I was listening to Stephanie Miller talk about the Kavanaugh hearings and I was riveted. American democracy is at stake!
So I finally got done with that beast of a folder and put it aside. This woman who sits next to me for yesterday, someone who was really nice and even sweet to me as I've gone through training, a woman who brought carrot cake for all of us to eat last week and was fucking delicious ... this woman, out of the blue, who took some of the folders that were piling up behind this folder I had to go through, said, "That took you 15 minutes."
Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?!?!?!?! Are you critiquing my work? Why the fuck are you criticizing me? First of all, I had problems with the fucking batch, OK? And second of all: Why the hell are you timing my work when you have your own shit you need to deal with? You know, I don't want to say this, but I have to defend myself: Fuck you, and mind your own goddamn business.
I was shellshocked at what she said, totally gobsmacked. And once I finally got up the courage to ask her -- really, to confront her -- by what exactly she meant by that snide, passive-aggressive, Minnesotan comment, she did something that really pisses me off: She gave me the silent treatment. She goddamn well knew that I was in her peripheral vision and demanded her attention, but nope, she she just kept peck-peck-pecking, probably to make a better example for me, something to strive for.
I don't know where to begin, and since I'm kind of sick and delirious, maybe I shouldn't elaborate. But this I will say this: Even though I discussed this with my friend I met for dinner last (Friday) night, I think I got her tone loud and clear. I really, really resent being ignored after she insulted me so snidely. I hate that she was living it up with the other co-worker but was absolutely rude to me. I thanked her for picking up my stuff, but she didn't reply, not even a "You're welcome." Seriously, what the fuck is a matter with you? And the silent treatment ... oh, there are ways I can get your goddamn attention if you fuck with me like this. Oh, and I am so angry by how she treated me.
Like I said before, this is what I was afraid of when I signed up for a full-time job: The assholes you meet at work or the same assholes you will say every fucking day for the rest of your life. What the hell do you do then?
I'm still trying to work this out, OK? I don't need to be judged, especially by someone who is in no position to judge me. Go fuck yourself.
Obviously I'm dead to her. So fuck it, she's dead to me. I'm not going to stand for this juvenile bullshit. This ain't junior high school, scurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Friday, September 28, 2018
Just When I Thought Mother Was Half A World Away
So there's something fucked up with one of their real estate properties. I just got off the phone with one of the management team in Vegas, and believe me, it's fucked-up. I was supposed to talk to Mother, too, after she texted me (presumably in a panic) this morning while I was at work. But when I called her I got no answer.
I imagine her yelling at me just for trying to step into something and helping. Bitch is like that. You know, I just spoke to my therapist about how it feels so liberating to have my parents be half a world away where they can't contact me constantly about bullshit. But, as important as this thing is, I'll quickly tire of her ability to reach out through the Internet and yell at me talk again, sigh.
Try her again tonight. Have dinner with a friend in St. Paul now.
I'm Actually Supposed To Like The Fall ...
... but in the past few days I've come down with what seems to be a cold. Either I got it from someone at work or from walking around the U. trying (and failing; maybe I'll talk about this in the WMNSS Monday) to get into the volleyball match Wednesday night. Regardless, yesterday I started hacking up spit and feeling my nose get all stuffy. It's as if my sinuses are churning out snot like it's working overtime.
It is either a cold or, somehow, it's gotten so dry that my sinuses cannot adjust. Either way, it's sort of strange to be this cold, sick and miserable as we fully transition into fall, which I have repeatedly said is My Favorite Season. If autumn is my favorite season, I should not be this sick and feel this bad. Maybe I need to reevaluate.
It is either a cold or, somehow, it's gotten so dry that my sinuses cannot adjust. Either way, it's sort of strange to be this cold, sick and miserable as we fully transition into fall, which I have repeatedly said is My Favorite Season. If autumn is my favorite season, I should not be this sick and feel this bad. Maybe I need to reevaluate.
Thursday, September 27, 2018
Just In Case The Job Goes South
At the end of every day, I go through at least 65 e-mails. Most of them are from job want ads. I signed up to so many of these while I was inbetween jobs, casting about like a thrashing fish on dry land, trying to land my next temp job.
So, since I have a full-time job, I should start unsubscribing to them, right? I mean, I don't need them, and if I unsubscribe it will greatly cut down on the now-junk e-mails I have to go through.
So why don't I? Inertia and ... well, let's face it: If the job goes south, and I either quit or get fired, I'll need these job postings again. At work yesterday I was given an e-mail warning me about my lack of production. My supervisor thought it was because I was on my software too long (it times my work while I'm in it), but it may be because I'm too slow. I mean, I'm two-thirds through my "probation" period. If I'm not fast enough by now. ...
Maybe I'll compromise and just unsubscribe to, like, half of them.
So, since I have a full-time job, I should start unsubscribing to them, right? I mean, I don't need them, and if I unsubscribe it will greatly cut down on the now-junk e-mails I have to go through.
So why don't I? Inertia and ... well, let's face it: If the job goes south, and I either quit or get fired, I'll need these job postings again. At work yesterday I was given an e-mail warning me about my lack of production. My supervisor thought it was because I was on my software too long (it times my work while I'm in it), but it may be because I'm too slow. I mean, I'm two-thirds through my "probation" period. If I'm not fast enough by now. ...
Maybe I'll compromise and just unsubscribe to, like, half of them.
Wednesday, September 26, 2018
Awkward, Scary Protest
Monday I was at the re-opening of a library in town. It had been closed for over a year for renovations. I liked the place a lot: It was big, it has a coffeeshop (or at least it had), and the computers are always new and fast. I would go out of my way to surf there, and I have.
There was a speech before the official ribbon-cutting that heralded the "official" opening of the library that evening, even though I think you could've walked around way before then, if all the people hanging out with their laptops after the speech was over were any indication.
But back to the grand opening speech. It was meant to be a short one, and it was going apace, with one speaker handing off to another. But just as that handoff took place, one where a county commissioner was going to speak, a man in a wheelchair confronted her with a question. About what I'm not quite sure. But he asked about the number of employees at the library who are in chairs. After some back-and-forth, he accused her of, I think, workplace discrimination against those who are disabled. And he got extremely angry; he ended his diatribe by spinning around and telling the crowd about how things aren't quite as they seem behind "the glass," ostensibly meaning what happens in the business end of the library. He was done; he may have stormed out, I don't know.
Look -- nominally I agree with someone who, after the speeches were done, shrugged and said, "Free speech." And maybe there is something to what he said. But I've got to be selfish here and admit that after his stunt/protest, I looked down and felt extremely ... embarrassed. Not for him, but for myself. While protests are supposed to be effective when they are not convenient for people seen as privileged, all I could think about was how that guy ruined the moment. I felt so ... awkward ... no, scared that I just stayed in place while everyone walked out to see the ribbon-cutting.
This shows me that, as much as I like to argue, I hate confrontation, and I will do most anything to avoid it.
There was a speech before the official ribbon-cutting that heralded the "official" opening of the library that evening, even though I think you could've walked around way before then, if all the people hanging out with their laptops after the speech was over were any indication.
But back to the grand opening speech. It was meant to be a short one, and it was going apace, with one speaker handing off to another. But just as that handoff took place, one where a county commissioner was going to speak, a man in a wheelchair confronted her with a question. About what I'm not quite sure. But he asked about the number of employees at the library who are in chairs. After some back-and-forth, he accused her of, I think, workplace discrimination against those who are disabled. And he got extremely angry; he ended his diatribe by spinning around and telling the crowd about how things aren't quite as they seem behind "the glass," ostensibly meaning what happens in the business end of the library. He was done; he may have stormed out, I don't know.
Look -- nominally I agree with someone who, after the speeches were done, shrugged and said, "Free speech." And maybe there is something to what he said. But I've got to be selfish here and admit that after his stunt/protest, I looked down and felt extremely ... embarrassed. Not for him, but for myself. While protests are supposed to be effective when they are not convenient for people seen as privileged, all I could think about was how that guy ruined the moment. I felt so ... awkward ... no, scared that I just stayed in place while everyone walked out to see the ribbon-cutting.
This shows me that, as much as I like to argue, I hate confrontation, and I will do most anything to avoid it.
Tuesday, September 25, 2018
Addendum To: That One "Friend" Who Stresses Me The Fuck Out
He's still going at it. Well, we're still going at it. Back and forth over our team. There's been another game since then and we're still not letting it go. I don't like arguments; I try to avoid them, sometimes at all costs. But I also want -- well, more like demand -- to be right. That sort of is a conflict.
Meanwhile, what does it say about him when he refuses to drop an argument after more than a week? That has to be terribly exhausting if you're, say, his partner. Then again, I'm doing it to. But hey, I know I'm not partner material.
Maybe I'll get onto Facebook later today and see that he's finally dropped the subject. Or, maybe not.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Worst Fuck I've Ever Had
So I ring up ****y yesterday/Sunday because I want to fuck her because I was given a condom at Glam Doll a few weeks ago and I considered it a sign that I should fuck her, plus I wanted to give her money because she asked me for some when she was short on rent. So we set our session for early this afternoon.
But first there was a miscom over time and money; the $120 I gave her was for an hour, even though she did not specify. And then she was just there like a dead fish while I think I penetrated her. And then, when I came (via HJ, not FS), she told me to get out, 30 minutes after we began. And not even a goodbye kiss.
Hey, either you win or you learn. I consider it to be a learning experience. If I fuck ****y again, it'll be a long time from now, hopefully.
But first there was a miscom over time and money; the $120 I gave her was for an hour, even though she did not specify. And then she was just there like a dead fish while I think I penetrated her. And then, when I came (via HJ, not FS), she told me to get out, 30 minutes after we began. And not even a goodbye kiss.
Hey, either you win or you learn. I consider it to be a learning experience. If I fuck ****y again, it'll be a long time from now, hopefully.
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
Positive Numbers: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3). Wednesday night the U. volleyballers were facing Penn St. at Maturi. I wanted to go, but there was a possibility of such a deluge of rain that I contacted them to see what their policy was on bringing umbrellas. The kid on the other end of the line said that they are not allowed in the Pavilion, but I would be allowed to leave them at the doors to pick up at the end of the night. If there was a storm after the match, I imagined that people leaving the game before me would see it and steal the nearest umbrella left in the lobby. And I have only one umbrella, so screw that, I just won't go.
I instead went to the Xcel Energy Center to see the United States Prospect game. I brought my umbrella with me; if I was told I could not bring them in and that I could leave them unattended somewhere, I instead would have walked back out and got back on the light rail back to where I parked. I like sports, but I need my umbrella. Anyway, the security guard didn't tell me I couldn't bring it in. She actually escorted me to Guest Services where I could check it in, like a coat check. See, if I could get service like that for a sporting event, I could see myself going to more events, sporting or otherwise, there. I wouldn't go, "Yeah, I want to see Parquet Courts at the X, but it's going to be raining and I don't want to walk in the rain all the way to the light rail." So long as there is a place where I could put my stuff and that place is attended to by someone, I'll go there! So much better than leaving it in the lobby, U.!
But, turns out I missed a whale of a game. That Wednesday night was the showdown with Penn St. And even though the Nittany Lions were ranked fourth (while the Golden Gophers were ranked seventh), the U. spanked them, sweeping them 22-21-19. God, it would have been glorious to be in the room when that happened. But that would have meant leaving my umbrella at the lobby (and, by the way, I don't know whether or not I could have gotten in. The last two seasons I had to buy my ticket to the Penn St. match from a scalper). They also swept Saturday, taking out Maryland (did the Terps women's volleyball team share a flight with the football team? That would make sense) 19-19-18. That is a hell of a way to bounce back from two four-Set losses to two Pac-12 schools two weeks ago. Heck, they might even trade places with Penn St.
This week they have a second consecutive Wednesday home contest vs. a formidable opponent; Wisconsin visits Minneapolis for the second time this year (the first being that Big Ten/ACC Challenge/dress rehearsal for the NCAA Championships). The squad then begins a three-game roadtrip by playing in Bloomington against Indiana Saturday.
#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). Not bad, not bad. Tied Michigan St. at scoreless Thursday, then April Bockin scored the only Goal of their match vs. Michigan in Double Overtime (105') yesterday/Sunday afternoon. While their NCAA Tournament hopes are still pretty bad, these players still have more of a chance to reach the postseason than the team below them in this survey, and that's why I put the U. soccer side above MNUFC. Just to clear things up.
This weekend they come back to Robbie Stadium to face the East Coast schools (Maryland Thursday, Rutgers Sunday).
#-1: United FC (Last Week: -6). Typical game for the Loons. Typical win, too. Defense was leaky, yet somehow they were able to deposit three Goals in the First Half (mostly thanks to Darwin Quintero -- he hasn't gone after anybody in The Media yet, so let's keep him!) and hold on to beat the Portland Timbers 3-2 Saturday, the XI's first win in eight Games and exactly two months. (Aside: I'm surprised at how soccer teams usually play so much better at home than on the road. I don't think the sport is so challenging that the place of venue influences the outcomes of matches to an extent reflected of MNUFC's recent play during their stint as vagabonds.) This does not change how pissed I am at the stupid and petty trade of Christian Ramirez -- spend money on some fucking defense! -- or how I think Adrian Heath and Manny Lagos should both be fired. But yeah, I responded to the calls of the first name with the last names of Romario Ibarra and Michael Boxall when they scored.
Oh, by the way, Angelo Rodriguez was a Second Half sub. He ostensibly replaces Ramirez. But we didn't need him, did we? Eh, doesn't matter, MNUFC ain't makin' the playoffs, anyway.
This Saturday they host NYCFC. I cannot make it because I have a game-watching party just a half-hour after that match theoretically ends, and I have to make it to the bar way before then.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -5). A 4-2 screening week, where they followed up a three-game road sweep of Detroitby losing all but the getaway game in Oakland. The main news here is that Miguel Sano did not make it on this roadtrip because of ... some health issue, and it looks like with one week left to go, he'll just be shut down for the rest of the season.
I really have nothing else to say about these guys except that this is the last week of the regular season. They will be at Target Field, hosting the Tigers for a trio beginning Tuesday and finishing with four games versus the White Sox (including a Doubleheader Friday due to a snow-out way back on April 14 -- wow, a game early in the regular season being made up at the end of the regular season ... how full circle of them!).
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). OK, P. J. Fleck is in his second year at the helm at the U. Last year was the mulligan. No more mulligans. And after charging out to a 3-0 record, going on the road to face Maryland, a school that, the day before, released findings that Terrapin officials had the chance to save Jordan McNair in the hour-plus from the time he showed symptoms of heat stroke to the time 911 was finally called, the Gophers shit their pants. The Goofers were outrushed 315-94 on their way to a 42-13 castration early Saturday afternoon. After one conference game, they sure as fuck look like frauds. Oh, well; at least they have a bye before the Homecoming Game vs. Iowa on Oct. 6.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -2). I ... I just ... I can't even.
I really don't fucking know where to begin with describing what is The Worst Regular-Season Loss In Franchise History. (Yes, this replaces the 2003 season-ending loss against bottom-feeding Arizona, The "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Game.) You shouldn't describe sporting events in betting terms, but apparently every sports entity now endorses gambling. So I will start with the most-repeated fact from yesterday's horrible, horrific, unspeakable loss to the bad-as-shit (supposedly) Buffalo Bills: The ViQueens are the last team to be favored by at least 16 points to lose outright (Straight-Up in betting parlance) since Dallas lost to Washington in 1995.
But let's look at things a little closer. The Cowboys beat Washington by a score of 24-17, so I wouldn't call it a blowout, like yesterday's 27-6 rout was. (Seriously, I was there. Even though things settled down in the second half, the Bills scored all their points before Halftime.) So from a quick graphic on an ESPN story about this historic defeat, I looked at the 1973 Atlanta Falcons, a team that eventually went 9-5 and didn't make the playoffs. According to ESPN Stats & Information (gambling sites online don't seem to have archival info that long ago), they closed as 17-point favorites against the St. Louis Cardinals, a squad that would finish 4-9-1 that year, in the penultimate game of that year. Despite St. Louis on a four-game losing streak (and where they tied Denver before that losing streak began), they not only beat Atlanta, they destroyed the Falcons, 32-10. Luckily for the Vikes, the Falcons were also destroyed at home, so the analogy still applies. (One difference: While the Bills rolled up their points early in the game and the Vikings only scored their meager points late, the Falcons ended the First Quarter, 10-0; the Cardinals seemed to gain strength and poured it on from the Second Quarter on.) That defeat pretty much knocked the Falcons out of the playoffs. So even though yesterday's emasculation is mind-boggling, it is not unprecedented. You could still make the argument that, given closing lines and margin of defeat, the Vikes' loss is worse, but you could only definitely say that this is The Worst (Weirdest?) Loss Of A Heavily-Favored NFL Team Since 1973.
Nevertheless this is unheard-of, let alone humiliating. I was as sure of this game being a win for the Vikings as I have been for any game that club has played in my lifetime. I had a friend who, during our game-watching event for our alma mater Friday, said that she and her friend planned on swooping in and getting a ticket on the cheap minutes before the game (they live close). I wondered if other people would do the same thing, and if so, how popular (and thus pricey) those tickets would be. I mean, how popular is an execution? And it turns out there was an execution -- for the home team.
Like I said, I don't know where to begin. All I know is that the problems boil down to three things: Offense (the Vikings attempted the fewest rushing attempts in team history since The Merger; oh, and those four goddamn Turnovers really hurt them), Defense (they lost to Josh Allen, a rookie ... A ROOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and Special Teams (just ... ugh). And if you stretch their play back to last season, this is the second real clunker of a game they have played in their last four -- their first being, of course, last year's NFC Championship Game. Advanced metrics said that the ViQueens are not as good as people have hyped them out to be, and because of that, I pegged these guys as 8-8. Well, unfortunately, I bought into the hype and those people broke my heart. I don't hate that team as much as I hate myself for ever allowing myself to believe in them.
And now they have to visit Los Angeles to play, on a short wee, the high-flying Rams, who are 3-0 and actually living up to the hype. There is a possibility that this season, one where they seemingly were all-in, and this roster, seen by many rubes as one of the best outfits this organization has ever assembled, goes south on them extremely quickly.
#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). And yet ... and yet ... even though a loss to a up-till-then winless team whose Cornerback quit in the middle of last week's game should automatically give that team a #-Infinity, that is nothing compared to that goddamn shitshow that is currently going on at Mayo Clinic Square. My goodness, I swear, if the NBA just swooped in and gave this team to Las Vegas, I would not be upset in the slightest.
So I had bad feelings about this meeting Jimmy Butler wanted to have Monday at Timberwolves Headquarters with Tom Thibodeau. Well, that meeting actually took place Tuesday and was held in L.A. Anyway, I don't know what was said or if anything was decided then, but Butler gave Thibodeau a warning that he would not re-sign with the Woofie Dogs after his contract is up at the end of the upcoming year and that he wanted a trade to either New York, Brooklyn or the Clippers. And the construction Thibs had for this club, one that finally reached the postseason for the first time since 2004, came crashing down in an instant.
Or did it? We're never going to know who has leaked what to the media, let alone the agendas of those leakers. But despite Butler's announcement that he is walking away from this squad, Thibs still wants him to play for him in Minnesota. This is what I finally see after thinking he was The Shit when he was hired last year: He is almost psychopathically loyal to people if he thinks they give him the best chance to win. Thibodeau really thinks that what's best for the team is for a disgruntled, yearning Butler, a man who belittled and otherwise clashed with Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, to play alongside Towns and Wiggins for one more year, one where the Golden State Warriors will probably win the NBA title again and where teams such as Houston and Utah could easily dispatch any overachieving chemistry mess like the Woofie Dogs in the First Round. Seriously, Thibs, what the fuck?
Advanced metrics (or maybe common sense) dictates that if a player wants out, he should be traded ASAP. The Woofs are never going to get fair value for Butler, but it makes sense to get the best trade possible instead of letting him walk away at the end of the NBA season for nothing. That's why Owner Glen Taylor has personally did a cannonball into this dumpster fire. When it appeared that Thibs and General Manager Scott Layden were not shopping Butler around, Taylor said during the NBA Board Of Governors Meeting over the weekend that if Thibodeau and Layden would not be open to Butler trade talks, front officials with interested teams can talk to him personally. I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to see an owner get involved in roster transactions like Glen Taylor is doing right now. Sure, Jerry Jones is a hands-onmeddler owner, but Taylor is mostly a hands-off type of Owner. (Besides, look at the Cowboys right now.) And yet, keeping Jimmy Butler for what surely would be just one more season (and there is no guarantee that Butler will even show up for the year; he's skipping Media Day, which is today/Monday) is such a stupid fucking idea that I'm actually glad that the Owner is overstepping his boundaries and actively undermining his front office, because trading Butler quickly is the right thing to do.
Which brings up this question: Why hasn't Taylor fired Thibodeau yet?
And then this bombshell dropped Saturday night: KAT received what is known as a super-max deal, a contract which will pay out $190 million over five years. We can talk about whether or not this contract makes sense another time: Towns is the best player this organization has had since Kevin Love and maybe Kevin Garnett, and he was All-NBA Third Team last season, but his defense is still butt. (Defense was one thing Thibs hoped Butler would rub off on KAT, but since Butler once called Towns a "fucking pussy," here's guessing it didn't take.) This is a move sensible franchises make, signing up franchise guys for the long- (or at least intermediate-) term. I just wonder who actually negotiated this deal for the team. Was it Thibs? Was it Taylor? Did they somehow do this as a collabo? And if this was a tandem effort, were they able to put their differences over Butler aside in order to do this, or was there bitchy sniping back and forth over Butler (who now cannot stay at all because they have given so much cap space to Towns with this new deal) while they were doing what both of them knew they had to do?
I just can't even with these guys, either. What seemed like a great situation -- new Coach/GM, two rising superstars, a blockbuster trade to get a third superstar in here -- has wheezed into incredible dysfunction -- bullying, overuse, injury, lack of development, nominal improvement and a very quick exit from the playoffs. These guys broke a 13-year playoff drought and it looks as though they are going back into the lottery immediately. I think I have to laugh in order to stop from being disgusted.
I instead went to the Xcel Energy Center to see the United States Prospect game. I brought my umbrella with me; if I was told I could not bring them in and that I could leave them unattended somewhere, I instead would have walked back out and got back on the light rail back to where I parked. I like sports, but I need my umbrella. Anyway, the security guard didn't tell me I couldn't bring it in. She actually escorted me to Guest Services where I could check it in, like a coat check. See, if I could get service like that for a sporting event, I could see myself going to more events, sporting or otherwise, there. I wouldn't go, "Yeah, I want to see Parquet Courts at the X, but it's going to be raining and I don't want to walk in the rain all the way to the light rail." So long as there is a place where I could put my stuff and that place is attended to by someone, I'll go there! So much better than leaving it in the lobby, U.!
But, turns out I missed a whale of a game. That Wednesday night was the showdown with Penn St. And even though the Nittany Lions were ranked fourth (while the Golden Gophers were ranked seventh), the U. spanked them, sweeping them 22-21-19. God, it would have been glorious to be in the room when that happened. But that would have meant leaving my umbrella at the lobby (and, by the way, I don't know whether or not I could have gotten in. The last two seasons I had to buy my ticket to the Penn St. match from a scalper). They also swept Saturday, taking out Maryland (did the Terps women's volleyball team share a flight with the football team? That would make sense) 19-19-18. That is a hell of a way to bounce back from two four-Set losses to two Pac-12 schools two weeks ago. Heck, they might even trade places with Penn St.
This week they have a second consecutive Wednesday home contest vs. a formidable opponent; Wisconsin visits Minneapolis for the second time this year (the first being that Big Ten/ACC Challenge/dress rehearsal for the NCAA Championships). The squad then begins a three-game roadtrip by playing in Bloomington against Indiana Saturday.
#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). Not bad, not bad. Tied Michigan St. at scoreless Thursday, then April Bockin scored the only Goal of their match vs. Michigan in Double Overtime (105') yesterday/Sunday afternoon. While their NCAA Tournament hopes are still pretty bad, these players still have more of a chance to reach the postseason than the team below them in this survey, and that's why I put the U. soccer side above MNUFC. Just to clear things up.
This weekend they come back to Robbie Stadium to face the East Coast schools (Maryland Thursday, Rutgers Sunday).
#-1: United FC (Last Week: -6). Typical game for the Loons. Typical win, too. Defense was leaky, yet somehow they were able to deposit three Goals in the First Half (mostly thanks to Darwin Quintero -- he hasn't gone after anybody in The Media yet, so let's keep him!) and hold on to beat the Portland Timbers 3-2 Saturday, the XI's first win in eight Games and exactly two months. (Aside: I'm surprised at how soccer teams usually play so much better at home than on the road. I don't think the sport is so challenging that the place of venue influences the outcomes of matches to an extent reflected of MNUFC's recent play during their stint as vagabonds.) This does not change how pissed I am at the stupid and petty trade of Christian Ramirez -- spend money on some fucking defense! -- or how I think Adrian Heath and Manny Lagos should both be fired. But yeah, I responded to the calls of the first name with the last names of Romario Ibarra and Michael Boxall when they scored.
Oh, by the way, Angelo Rodriguez was a Second Half sub. He ostensibly replaces Ramirez. But we didn't need him, did we? Eh, doesn't matter, MNUFC ain't makin' the playoffs, anyway.
This Saturday they host NYCFC. I cannot make it because I have a game-watching party just a half-hour after that match theoretically ends, and I have to make it to the bar way before then.
#-2: Twins (Last Week: -5). A 4-2 screening week, where they followed up a three-game road sweep of Detroitby losing all but the getaway game in Oakland. The main news here is that Miguel Sano did not make it on this roadtrip because of ... some health issue, and it looks like with one week left to go, he'll just be shut down for the rest of the season.
I really have nothing else to say about these guys except that this is the last week of the regular season. They will be at Target Field, hosting the Tigers for a trio beginning Tuesday and finishing with four games versus the White Sox (including a Doubleheader Friday due to a snow-out way back on April 14 -- wow, a game early in the regular season being made up at the end of the regular season ... how full circle of them!).
#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). OK, P. J. Fleck is in his second year at the helm at the U. Last year was the mulligan. No more mulligans. And after charging out to a 3-0 record, going on the road to face Maryland, a school that, the day before, released findings that Terrapin officials had the chance to save Jordan McNair in the hour-plus from the time he showed symptoms of heat stroke to the time 911 was finally called, the Gophers shit their pants. The Goofers were outrushed 315-94 on their way to a 42-13 castration early Saturday afternoon. After one conference game, they sure as fuck look like frauds. Oh, well; at least they have a bye before the Homecoming Game vs. Iowa on Oct. 6.
#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -2). I ... I just ... I can't even.
I really don't fucking know where to begin with describing what is The Worst Regular-Season Loss In Franchise History. (Yes, this replaces the 2003 season-ending loss against bottom-feeding Arizona, The "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Game.) You shouldn't describe sporting events in betting terms, but apparently every sports entity now endorses gambling. So I will start with the most-repeated fact from yesterday's horrible, horrific, unspeakable loss to the bad-as-shit (supposedly) Buffalo Bills: The ViQueens are the last team to be favored by at least 16 points to lose outright (Straight-Up in betting parlance) since Dallas lost to Washington in 1995.
But let's look at things a little closer. The Cowboys beat Washington by a score of 24-17, so I wouldn't call it a blowout, like yesterday's 27-6 rout was. (Seriously, I was there. Even though things settled down in the second half, the Bills scored all their points before Halftime.) So from a quick graphic on an ESPN story about this historic defeat, I looked at the 1973 Atlanta Falcons, a team that eventually went 9-5 and didn't make the playoffs. According to ESPN Stats & Information (gambling sites online don't seem to have archival info that long ago), they closed as 17-point favorites against the St. Louis Cardinals, a squad that would finish 4-9-1 that year, in the penultimate game of that year. Despite St. Louis on a four-game losing streak (and where they tied Denver before that losing streak began), they not only beat Atlanta, they destroyed the Falcons, 32-10. Luckily for the Vikes, the Falcons were also destroyed at home, so the analogy still applies. (One difference: While the Bills rolled up their points early in the game and the Vikings only scored their meager points late, the Falcons ended the First Quarter, 10-0; the Cardinals seemed to gain strength and poured it on from the Second Quarter on.) That defeat pretty much knocked the Falcons out of the playoffs. So even though yesterday's emasculation is mind-boggling, it is not unprecedented. You could still make the argument that, given closing lines and margin of defeat, the Vikes' loss is worse, but you could only definitely say that this is The Worst (Weirdest?) Loss Of A Heavily-Favored NFL Team Since 1973.
Nevertheless this is unheard-of, let alone humiliating. I was as sure of this game being a win for the Vikings as I have been for any game that club has played in my lifetime. I had a friend who, during our game-watching event for our alma mater Friday, said that she and her friend planned on swooping in and getting a ticket on the cheap minutes before the game (they live close). I wondered if other people would do the same thing, and if so, how popular (and thus pricey) those tickets would be. I mean, how popular is an execution? And it turns out there was an execution -- for the home team.
Like I said, I don't know where to begin. All I know is that the problems boil down to three things: Offense (the Vikings attempted the fewest rushing attempts in team history since The Merger; oh, and those four goddamn Turnovers really hurt them), Defense (they lost to Josh Allen, a rookie ... A ROOKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), and Special Teams (just ... ugh). And if you stretch their play back to last season, this is the second real clunker of a game they have played in their last four -- their first being, of course, last year's NFC Championship Game. Advanced metrics said that the ViQueens are not as good as people have hyped them out to be, and because of that, I pegged these guys as 8-8. Well, unfortunately, I bought into the hype and those people broke my heart. I don't hate that team as much as I hate myself for ever allowing myself to believe in them.
And now they have to visit Los Angeles to play, on a short wee, the high-flying Rams, who are 3-0 and actually living up to the hype. There is a possibility that this season, one where they seemingly were all-in, and this roster, seen by many rubes as one of the best outfits this organization has ever assembled, goes south on them extremely quickly.
#-Infinity: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7). And yet ... and yet ... even though a loss to a up-till-then winless team whose Cornerback quit in the middle of last week's game should automatically give that team a #-Infinity, that is nothing compared to that goddamn shitshow that is currently going on at Mayo Clinic Square. My goodness, I swear, if the NBA just swooped in and gave this team to Las Vegas, I would not be upset in the slightest.
So I had bad feelings about this meeting Jimmy Butler wanted to have Monday at Timberwolves Headquarters with Tom Thibodeau. Well, that meeting actually took place Tuesday and was held in L.A. Anyway, I don't know what was said or if anything was decided then, but Butler gave Thibodeau a warning that he would not re-sign with the Woofie Dogs after his contract is up at the end of the upcoming year and that he wanted a trade to either New York, Brooklyn or the Clippers. And the construction Thibs had for this club, one that finally reached the postseason for the first time since 2004, came crashing down in an instant.
Or did it? We're never going to know who has leaked what to the media, let alone the agendas of those leakers. But despite Butler's announcement that he is walking away from this squad, Thibs still wants him to play for him in Minnesota. This is what I finally see after thinking he was The Shit when he was hired last year: He is almost psychopathically loyal to people if he thinks they give him the best chance to win. Thibodeau really thinks that what's best for the team is for a disgruntled, yearning Butler, a man who belittled and otherwise clashed with Karl-Anthony Towns and Andrew Wiggins, to play alongside Towns and Wiggins for one more year, one where the Golden State Warriors will probably win the NBA title again and where teams such as Houston and Utah could easily dispatch any overachieving chemistry mess like the Woofie Dogs in the First Round. Seriously, Thibs, what the fuck?
Advanced metrics (or maybe common sense) dictates that if a player wants out, he should be traded ASAP. The Woofs are never going to get fair value for Butler, but it makes sense to get the best trade possible instead of letting him walk away at the end of the NBA season for nothing. That's why Owner Glen Taylor has personally did a cannonball into this dumpster fire. When it appeared that Thibs and General Manager Scott Layden were not shopping Butler around, Taylor said during the NBA Board Of Governors Meeting over the weekend that if Thibodeau and Layden would not be open to Butler trade talks, front officials with interested teams can talk to him personally. I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to see an owner get involved in roster transactions like Glen Taylor is doing right now. Sure, Jerry Jones is a hands-on
Which brings up this question: Why hasn't Taylor fired Thibodeau yet?
And then this bombshell dropped Saturday night: KAT received what is known as a super-max deal, a contract which will pay out $190 million over five years. We can talk about whether or not this contract makes sense another time: Towns is the best player this organization has had since Kevin Love and maybe Kevin Garnett, and he was All-NBA Third Team last season, but his defense is still butt. (Defense was one thing Thibs hoped Butler would rub off on KAT, but since Butler once called Towns a "fucking pussy," here's guessing it didn't take.) This is a move sensible franchises make, signing up franchise guys for the long- (or at least intermediate-) term. I just wonder who actually negotiated this deal for the team. Was it Thibs? Was it Taylor? Did they somehow do this as a collabo? And if this was a tandem effort, were they able to put their differences over Butler aside in order to do this, or was there bitchy sniping back and forth over Butler (who now cannot stay at all because they have given so much cap space to Towns with this new deal) while they were doing what both of them knew they had to do?
I just can't even with these guys, either. What seemed like a great situation -- new Coach/GM, two rising superstars, a blockbuster trade to get a third superstar in here -- has wheezed into incredible dysfunction -- bullying, overuse, injury, lack of development, nominal improvement and a very quick exit from the playoffs. These guys broke a 13-year playoff drought and it looks as though they are going back into the lottery immediately. I think I have to laugh in order to stop from being disgusted.
Sunday, September 23, 2018
Might Run Into That Punk-Ass Concessionaire Kid Again
Two weeks ago I was working the Vikings game. Sometimes the bathrooms around the truck compound are all being used at the same time, which absolutely sucks.
So I was going around this one afternoon being deprived of the use of a sink to wash my hands because of all the locked doors. So I go to this one that has a lock that shows whether or not it's unlocked. This one was not locked. So I go in ... and see this dude trying to fix his contact lens. "Whoops. Sorry. Maybe I should've locked the door." Yeah kid, maybe you should have. Thank God you weren't taking a shit.
So I go and wait just outside the door. Two, three minutes and he isn't leaving. Then, like a bat out of hell, two concessionaire workers, both girls of high school age, come walking toward the door. Then as one of them stops right in front of the door, like me, the other just fucking bursts through it -- remember that the dude inside didn't lock the door. However, it just so happens that he was about to leave the bathroom, and it also just so happens that they know each other. They have a quick conversation ... and he leaves the bathroom so she can use it.
Fuck both of you in the ass. At this point I am apoplectic. This young bitch had to have seen me waiting outside the bathroom and take it as a sign that, you know, I'm waiting to use the fucking bathroom. But no, she doesn't give a fuck, she cuts in front of me and barges in, and she is so goddamn lucky that the guy using it was on his way out. Unbelievable!
I am furious. And since she was in there for a bit, I thought about what I would do. Did I calm myself down? Hell no! As soon as she opened the door -- completely ignoring my presence, again -- I, uh, made my presence known. Before she could step through the threshold, I step in, almost block her path, and with my left arm shove her aside. I may have even grabbed her shoulder. I may be vague or even incorrect on the details, but you know what? I don't give a fuck. She was rude enough to cut in front of me, I think I can be rude back to her. My goodness, my blood pressure is going through the roof as I try to imagine that scene all over again.
I am not sure if I saw her after I got done washing my hands. I did run through a gaggle of girls wearing the white shirts and black pants of concession workers, and there were enough brunettes where it was possible that one of them was the person who was so rude to me, but I wasn't sure. Nevertheless, after I confidently walked by them, I hid behind the trucks and coaches as I worked on my computer. I'm not backing down, but I'm not stupid.
So that was two weeks ago. And I will be working today's Vikings game. I wonder if I'll run into her. I wonder if she remembers me. I wonder if she'll be rude to me again. And I wonder if I'll have to defend myself again.
So I was going around this one afternoon being deprived of the use of a sink to wash my hands because of all the locked doors. So I go to this one that has a lock that shows whether or not it's unlocked. This one was not locked. So I go in ... and see this dude trying to fix his contact lens. "Whoops. Sorry. Maybe I should've locked the door." Yeah kid, maybe you should have. Thank God you weren't taking a shit.
So I go and wait just outside the door. Two, three minutes and he isn't leaving. Then, like a bat out of hell, two concessionaire workers, both girls of high school age, come walking toward the door. Then as one of them stops right in front of the door, like me, the other just fucking bursts through it -- remember that the dude inside didn't lock the door. However, it just so happens that he was about to leave the bathroom, and it also just so happens that they know each other. They have a quick conversation ... and he leaves the bathroom so she can use it.
Fuck both of you in the ass. At this point I am apoplectic. This young bitch had to have seen me waiting outside the bathroom and take it as a sign that, you know, I'm waiting to use the fucking bathroom. But no, she doesn't give a fuck, she cuts in front of me and barges in, and she is so goddamn lucky that the guy using it was on his way out. Unbelievable!
I am furious. And since she was in there for a bit, I thought about what I would do. Did I calm myself down? Hell no! As soon as she opened the door -- completely ignoring my presence, again -- I, uh, made my presence known. Before she could step through the threshold, I step in, almost block her path, and with my left arm shove her aside. I may have even grabbed her shoulder. I may be vague or even incorrect on the details, but you know what? I don't give a fuck. She was rude enough to cut in front of me, I think I can be rude back to her. My goodness, my blood pressure is going through the roof as I try to imagine that scene all over again.
I am not sure if I saw her after I got done washing my hands. I did run through a gaggle of girls wearing the white shirts and black pants of concession workers, and there were enough brunettes where it was possible that one of them was the person who was so rude to me, but I wasn't sure. Nevertheless, after I confidently walked by them, I hid behind the trucks and coaches as I worked on my computer. I'm not backing down, but I'm not stupid.
So that was two weeks ago. And I will be working today's Vikings game. I wonder if I'll run into her. I wonder if she remembers me. I wonder if she'll be rude to me again. And I wonder if I'll have to defend myself again.
Saturday, September 22, 2018
Gotta Make It To Sunday Night
Yesterday (Friday) marked a very busy weekend for me. Let me map it out for you:
- Friday morning/afternoon: Work
- Friday afternoon: Mow the lawn, get gasoline for my car, get free nuggets from Chick-Fil-A
- Friday night: Alma mater's game; go downtown
- Saturday morning/afternoon: Work
- Saturday afternoon: Maybe pick up my cred and parking pass for the Vikings game
- Saturday evening: MNUFC match
- Saturday night: Glam Doll Nordeast
- Sunday morning/afternoon: Work the Vikings game
Friday, September 21, 2018
Just A Warning: I Am Blogging This While Half-Asleep
My day at work learning something new was as bad and overwhelming as I feared. My supervisor was alternately yelling at me ("You said you were comfortable with this!") and being nice. Eh, maybe we should rethink this beer. I guess I should let this slide, although if this shit was given to me by my parents, I would clap back at them.
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Went to the U. to do a hearing experiment after work. Almost fell asleep at the computer. Unfortunately for me, the guy proctoring this experiment was right outside the booth, looking in through the window. I don't remember the last time I passed out in that thing, but if I did yesterday, he would have caught me.
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Man, we had a horrible rainstorm last (Thursday) night. I was out and about, going to a restaurant to eat when the worst of it came through. I stayed in my car, and the rain was beating down like I was in the middle of a car wash. Noticed too that areas were starting to pool up, which is scary for me driving a small, low-to-the-ground foreign car.
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That's all I got.
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Went to the U. to do a hearing experiment after work. Almost fell asleep at the computer. Unfortunately for me, the guy proctoring this experiment was right outside the booth, looking in through the window. I don't remember the last time I passed out in that thing, but if I did yesterday, he would have caught me.
---
Man, we had a horrible rainstorm last (Thursday) night. I was out and about, going to a restaurant to eat when the worst of it came through. I stayed in my car, and the rain was beating down like I was in the middle of a car wash. Noticed too that areas were starting to pool up, which is scary for me driving a small, low-to-the-ground foreign car.
---
That's all I got.
Thursday, September 20, 2018
Changes
With the relentlessly rainy and cool weather we've had the past few days, I finally got around to changing the humidifier filter so I could finally turn on the heat. But I just tried turning on the heat by setting the temperature than it is right now and right now I'm not feeling any heat. Hope I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm headed into work where, apparently, I am being trained on another new process. I don't know if I've fully mastered the last new thing I trained on. In fact, I think I'm way too slow for the others, if them taking my work yesterday is any indication. I'm actually kind of scared about what I'm going to face this morning. Hope I haven't done anything wrong.
I'm headed into work where, apparently, I am being trained on another new process. I don't know if I've fully mastered the last new thing I trained on. In fact, I think I'm way too slow for the others, if them taking my work yesterday is any indication. I'm actually kind of scared about what I'm going to face this morning. Hope I haven't done anything wrong.
Wednesday, September 19, 2018
Think I Pissed Off My Supervisor Yesterday
I don't know if it was because he thought I put a file in the wrong place, or maybe he was just having a shit day at home. But when I was listening to the radio while he asked me for something, after which I heard him say something intelligible and so I went, "What?" to which he screamed, "Which batch?!" I kind of thought he was pissed at me. Honestly, I was partly stressed out over what my "frenemy" was going to reply to my post about football on Facebook and partly oblivious because I'm back to waking up at 5:30 in the goddamn morning again.
It got so bad that I reverted to a habit I had to do: Avoiding people. There was a question I wanted to ask about a missing number, but instead of asking him what I should do about it, I let it slide. In retrospect, I have a feeling that that was a mistake and that will get back to me. But while I was deciding whether or not to get up and talk to my supervisor, I subconsciously feared that he'd scream at me. So I decided to pass up the question and just hope for the best. I hate that about myself. I should have just done my damn job, even if he would act all pissed at me while answering my question, just for being all nonchalant towards him in the morning, or something. Man, I still don't exactly know why he was upset, or even if he was upset.
These situations and thoughts are what I have to face, and what I have feared, as someone with a full-time job: The ups and downs and bad moods of a place where you see the same people again and again. The one great thing about being a temp is that you are not stuck with the people you work for and with, so if they suck, it doesn't matter, you're leaving. You don't get to do that with a job with full-time benefits. You are going to see these people at their best and their worst. And they're going to see you as a man in full, too. So the question I have to answer is whether, or how much, I am willing to tolerate the moments where I don't like some person's tone or he or she is giving me some passive-aggressive body language.
Maybe this will be all in the rearview mirrorwhen I go into work today. But maybe it's not. Maybe this is a pebble in the ledger, and at some point an avalanche of rocks will convince me I should leave this place. I just don't think yesterday can be wiped away, I'm afraid.
It got so bad that I reverted to a habit I had to do: Avoiding people. There was a question I wanted to ask about a missing number, but instead of asking him what I should do about it, I let it slide. In retrospect, I have a feeling that that was a mistake and that will get back to me. But while I was deciding whether or not to get up and talk to my supervisor, I subconsciously feared that he'd scream at me. So I decided to pass up the question and just hope for the best. I hate that about myself. I should have just done my damn job, even if he would act all pissed at me while answering my question, just for being all nonchalant towards him in the morning, or something. Man, I still don't exactly know why he was upset, or even if he was upset.
These situations and thoughts are what I have to face, and what I have feared, as someone with a full-time job: The ups and downs and bad moods of a place where you see the same people again and again. The one great thing about being a temp is that you are not stuck with the people you work for and with, so if they suck, it doesn't matter, you're leaving. You don't get to do that with a job with full-time benefits. You are going to see these people at their best and their worst. And they're going to see you as a man in full, too. So the question I have to answer is whether, or how much, I am willing to tolerate the moments where I don't like some person's tone or he or she is giving me some passive-aggressive body language.
Maybe this will be all in the rearview mirrorwhen I go into work today. But maybe it's not. Maybe this is a pebble in the ledger, and at some point an avalanche of rocks will convince me I should leave this place. I just don't think yesterday can be wiped away, I'm afraid.
Tuesday, September 18, 2018
That One "Friend" Who Stresses Me The Fuck Out
So I know a guy -- I hesitate to call him a friend -- who I sometimes get into an argument with on Facebook over things. Usually it's politics: He's a raving Republican lunatic, and I'm ... left of center. He's the type of dude who makes his points forcefully. In fact, in my opinion, he tiptoes on the line between being very passionate about his viewpoints and being downright crazy.
This argument, however, concerns our alma mater. After they got the shit kick out of them Saturday night, I posted on Facebook how the team isn't very good and our quarterback isn't the answer. Should have known that this ... oh, "frenemy" will weigh on this issue and disagree with me. We have gone back-and-forth about this issue, but frankly, since this began on Saturday, he has stated his viewpoints extremely aggressively. He's getting to be rude about it, too.
The defect in both of us is that we can't let this go. We both need to get the last word. So after he says something, I try to let several hours pass before I respond to him. Honestly, it's because I want him to stop replying while I get the last word. He last responded Sunday afternoon. I wait until Sunday evening to reply, hoping that will be the end of it. And after I run around all day, thinking I'm actually, well, free of this argument, I see on my Timeline that he responded to me. And it's stressing me the hell out because he is bound to say something that is borderline cheap, and yet I know that I need to come back against him.
So, for right now, I'm choosing not to even look at what he said until I can respond appropriately -- forcefully, if I have to -- and that won't come until this evening. I hope to Buddha that this doesn't stress me out during the day, because I have to be the one who's right about this while shutting him the fuck down.
Man, I like getting into arguments. But not in the way he frames them. Typical Republican, flying off the handle. Damn, t's incredibly frustrating.
This argument, however, concerns our alma mater. After they got the shit kick out of them Saturday night, I posted on Facebook how the team isn't very good and our quarterback isn't the answer. Should have known that this ... oh, "frenemy" will weigh on this issue and disagree with me. We have gone back-and-forth about this issue, but frankly, since this began on Saturday, he has stated his viewpoints extremely aggressively. He's getting to be rude about it, too.
The defect in both of us is that we can't let this go. We both need to get the last word. So after he says something, I try to let several hours pass before I respond to him. Honestly, it's because I want him to stop replying while I get the last word. He last responded Sunday afternoon. I wait until Sunday evening to reply, hoping that will be the end of it. And after I run around all day, thinking I'm actually, well, free of this argument, I see on my Timeline that he responded to me. And it's stressing me the hell out because he is bound to say something that is borderline cheap, and yet I know that I need to come back against him.
So, for right now, I'm choosing not to even look at what he said until I can respond appropriately -- forcefully, if I have to -- and that won't come until this evening. I hope to Buddha that this doesn't stress me out during the day, because I have to be the one who's right about this while shutting him the fuck down.
Man, I like getting into arguments. But not in the way he frames them. Typical Republican, flying off the handle. Damn, t's incredibly frustrating.
Monday, September 17, 2018
Bullshit You Can't Track Me Without My Card!
OK, so I was at The Local this afternoon taking in some EPL (and, it turns out, some Serie A and La Liga, too). I was there because on Sundays and Mondays you can get a burger, fries (or a salad) and a beer for ten bucks plus tax, so long as you are part of their club, of which I am a member. But I forgot it this morning.
I swear this happened once before, forgetting my card. I told the bartender and he, at least theoretically, was able to look me up. But the waitress I got, after I told her I forgot my card, and after she asked if I have the app (I don't -- gotta get that new Apple iPhone, stat!), told me that she could not give me that meal.
Bullshit. I call bullshit. That bartender was able to. And besides, it's 2018. You mean to tell me you can't look me up with my phone number or my e-mail? What kind of hackneyed IT system do you have? Sheesh.
Look, I couldn't just walk out of there. But if my food wasn't going to get tracked, I wasn't going to buy any food. So I nursed a Strongbow the whole match and left.
Man, I'm sorry I forgot my card. Sheesh.
I swear this happened once before, forgetting my card. I told the bartender and he, at least theoretically, was able to look me up. But the waitress I got, after I told her I forgot my card, and after she asked if I have the app (I don't -- gotta get that new Apple iPhone, stat!), told me that she could not give me that meal.
Bullshit. I call bullshit. That bartender was able to. And besides, it's 2018. You mean to tell me you can't look me up with my phone number or my e-mail? What kind of hackneyed IT system do you have? Sheesh.
Look, I couldn't just walk out of there. But if my food wasn't going to get tracked, I wasn't going to buy any food. So I nursed a Strongbow the whole match and left.
Man, I'm sorry I forgot my card. Sheesh.
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -2). We've been down this road before: A Gopher football team starts the season 3-0 during non-con play, but the B1G exposes them as fakes. Well, we're at this point with this team now, so even though they deservedly top this week's survey, I cannot, in all good consciousness, give them a 0 or Positive Numbers, not until they pull off an upset or string together a couple wins. But yeah, they defeated Miami (OH) at Das Bank 26-3 Saturday. The first test is an appropriate step: Saturday early afternoon at Maryland -- not a good team but a road game. Win this and get back to me.
#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -1). I have to laugh. I'm not happy that they didn't win. But I'm ... uh, kind of happy that they didn't lose. That's the thing with ties in pro football: They happen so rarely that you're not prepared to "feel" when it happens, even though it's happened between the Vikes and the Packers for the second time in six meetings in Green Bay. Well, considering the beating my alma mater took on Saturday, I'm just glad to see the pro team I root for not losing.
First, let's talk about the bad. Yep, Daniel Carlson will be out of a job this week. Poor bastard, but when you miss all three Field Goal attempts in the game, the last two in Overtime, the last when it would have given the Vikings the win with no time left in OT and was planted precisely where you wanted it ... sorry. And it's funny how Carlson's fuck-ups pushed Laquon Treadwell's muffed pass that flipped right into the hands of the Packers' HaHa Clinton-Dix down the list of things Vikings fans are pissed off at. Sad that that is the lasting impression when Treadwell caught his first Touchdown pass of his career earlier in the game. But, like with Carlson, it's a business. Teams don't cut loose Wide Receivers in the middle of the season like they do Kickers, but it's not hard to image Treadwell and Carlson sharing an Uber to the airport after cleaning out their lockers in Eagan, if you know what I mean.
But let's talk about the good. What also erases Treadwell's boner from the game is ... well, partically Mike McCarthy's calls to throw into the end zone, thereby giving Minnesota enough time to mount a comeback with an eight-point deficit. But also ... shit, man, Kirk Cousins. Once again he throws a Touchdown bead through a keyhole, this time to get the Vikes within two. I mean, look at this. How the fuck does Adam Thielen catch this? And how in the fuck does Cousins know to throw it there?
Now, let's hope that the Vikings don't throw a clunker at home against Buffalo, a team in such disarray that one of their Cornerbacks quit and retired during halftime of their game, Sunday.
#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5). OK, so this is weird. Saturday was really hot. I was not aware, or I forgot, that Maturi Pavilion has no air conditioning. So in the lead-up to Saturday night's match vs. Kansas St., apparently there was so much condensation on the volleyball court that, try as they might, facilities officials could not dry out the place to the point where they felt the players wouldn't slip and slide and potentially tear their ACLs. So they canceled the game. I don't remember the last time this has happened. I don't remember if this has ever happened before.
But hey, that meant that the Golden Gophers went undefeated last screening week. (They swept Wisconsin-Green Bay on Thursday.) How good is this team? Who knows. But they begin conference play by diving into the deep end of the pool: Wednesday against Penn St., back at the (presumably dried-out, but maybe not since the forecast calls for heavy rain Wednesday night) Pav. They also host Maryland Saturday night.
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). Went to Friday's Big Ten opener vs. Illinois Friday. (Parking is parking, and it's how it's going to be.) And against a team I don't think is any good, they lost, decisively, 2-0. I can't remember the last time a Goofer soccer side looked so outplayed in front of my eyes. Sure, the score was only 2-0, but in soccer terms, it's bad. In fact, I don't think I can recall the last time I saw the U. lose at Robbie Stadium. But the Fighting Illini was faster, stronger and, if I may say, taller: Both Illinois Goals were headers, one off a Corner Kick, one off a cross. Huh.
Any margin of error this squad had, in my mind, is completely gone, so even though I entertained the thought of missing the Vikings game against Green Bay for Sunday afternoon's match against 12th-ranked Northwestern, I figured it's a waste of time to go out into the heat for two hours to see Minnesota lose again. So I (until the evening) stayed hermetically sealed in my home. So what do the Gophers do? Upset the nationally-ranked Wildcats, 2-0. What?
I don't know how this up-and-down week does for the U.'s chances of making the postseason. Let's just say they remain as tenuous as ever. This week this club visits the Michigan schools.
#-5: Twins (Last Week: -4). A 3-4 week, although they did take the series from the Yankees, woo-hoo! (They then blew it by losing three-of-four in Kansas City, but whatever.) The latest revelation from the Twinks has been their use of doing the "Opener" strategy, which they implemented a fortnight ago. In case you don't know, instead of using the Starting Pitcher to start the game, Manager Paul Molitor has instead opted to start the game with a reliever. After going through the lineup once, then Molly will bring in his SP, which he is dubbing his "Primary Pitcher."
I still don't understand the benefits of the strategy. If your SP is going through the lineup twice and your reliever once, what difference does it make when they face them? Moreover, I have no idea how the Twins are doing with this approach, but with them losing more games than they won this past screening week, I don't think it's working all that well.
The other thing I have time to talk about is this sudden eruption over the future of Joe Mauer. We bitch about players way past their prime still playing on a humongous contract, but here, we have a case of a player, Mauer, who finally served out his entire contract. The question becomes: What will he do now? Will he come back to the Twins, albeit on a reduced contract? Will he go to another team, presumably to a championship contender? Or will he retire? Frankly, I think he's capable of doing anything. But if I haven't said this before, I want to say it now: He hasn't made good on much of the money the Twins gave him, but I still think the organization got a lot of return on investment, if only because a hometown kid (he's from St. Paul) was able to play (at least for now) for one and only one team. From a fan relations standpoint, and for the history of the organization, it was extremely important for Mauer to stay a Twin during and past his prime. And if he gets into Cooperstown (and people are all over the place on his Hall Of Fame chances), no one should ever complain about the eight-year/$184 million contract that officially lashed him to the Minnesota Twins for all time.
These guys finish the final road trip of the 2018 season with three versus Detroit starting tonight (Monday night) and, after a travel day, three in Oakland for the weekend.
#-6: United FC (Re-Entry!). Honest and serious question: Does this team know what it's doing? I mean, I have seen teams that are going through the motions and look lost; see the team above the Loons in this here survey. But at least (and I hate "at least"-ing people as a means to argue, but I can't think of any other way) the Twinks had an apparent plan that just didn't work. I don't see a plan with MNUFC. There was a plan earlier in the year: With bedrocks Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra in place, pay to get some Designated Players on the team and build.
That isn't happening. Yes, I am still angry over trading away Ramirez, a fantastic Striker who did wonders with the ball during hold-up play that didn't necessarily translate to the scoreboard. In his place came the second Designated Player in club history, Angelo Rodriguez ... who wasn't even part of the squad for Saturday's 1-all tie at Salt Lake City, marred by an overturned Loons Goal late in the match. (Thanks, by the way, for the Goal there, Batman -- I know you miss Superman. We all do.) At least Rodriguez finally scored in Wednesday's contest vs. D. C. United. Too bad the side coughed up the lead and then all three points with back-to-back DCU tallies four minutes apart. (I was trying to listen to the game while doing my chores, and yet I somehow managed to miss all three Goals while doing other things. Not the worst outcome in the world, it turns out.)
And yet these guys don't expend a DP for a Defender. That's what I mean by not having a discernible plan. If they are going to remain slow and steady, I can see that. I may not agree with it, but I understand that. If they are going to trade and sell-and-buy, though, I think I should expect some significant improvement. Here, the franchise has done a little bit of both and have come up with nothing but a point on Saturday and more questions about competence.
They finally come home to face Portland Saturday night, but frankly, I don't know how good or nasty of a reception United FC is going to get. If supporters are frustrated with the team's worthless roadtrip and/or remain angry over the trade of Ramirez, well, TCF Bank Stadium might be one hell of a scene this weekend.
#-7: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!). This story is sort-of flying under the radar. But today, there will be a meeting that might decide the future of the Minnesota Timberwolves. No pressure.
That meeting, taking place in Minneapolis, involves Jimmy Butler, Butler's agent, and Head Coach/President Of Basketball Operations Tom Thibodeau. The topic of the meeting will be the future of the ballclub, and after their first playoff appearance in over a decade, the future is not looking bright at all. At issue, apparently, is Butler's friction with the other players on the Woofie Dogs. Most notable among them is Karl-Anthony Towns, and that surprises the shit out of me, because if anything I would think Butler would be angry and Andrew Wiggins for ... being Andrew Wiggins. But Towns, the guy I think is trying really hard, is the bone of contention for Alpha Dog Butler, and this meeting is being used to either hash out differences between Butler and the man who drafted him and made him into a star in Chicago ... or to convince Thibs that he needs to trade Butler right now.
Either way, this is very, very bad for the Woofs.
#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -1). I have to laugh. I'm not happy that they didn't win. But I'm ... uh, kind of happy that they didn't lose. That's the thing with ties in pro football: They happen so rarely that you're not prepared to "feel" when it happens, even though it's happened between the Vikes and the Packers for the second time in six meetings in Green Bay. Well, considering the beating my alma mater took on Saturday, I'm just glad to see the pro team I root for not losing.
First, let's talk about the bad. Yep, Daniel Carlson will be out of a job this week. Poor bastard, but when you miss all three Field Goal attempts in the game, the last two in Overtime, the last when it would have given the Vikings the win with no time left in OT and was planted precisely where you wanted it ... sorry. And it's funny how Carlson's fuck-ups pushed Laquon Treadwell's muffed pass that flipped right into the hands of the Packers' HaHa Clinton-Dix down the list of things Vikings fans are pissed off at. Sad that that is the lasting impression when Treadwell caught his first Touchdown pass of his career earlier in the game. But, like with Carlson, it's a business. Teams don't cut loose Wide Receivers in the middle of the season like they do Kickers, but it's not hard to image Treadwell and Carlson sharing an Uber to the airport after cleaning out their lockers in Eagan, if you know what I mean.
But let's talk about the good. What also erases Treadwell's boner from the game is ... well, partically Mike McCarthy's calls to throw into the end zone, thereby giving Minnesota enough time to mount a comeback with an eight-point deficit. But also ... shit, man, Kirk Cousins. Once again he throws a Touchdown bead through a keyhole, this time to get the Vikes within two. I mean, look at this. How the fuck does Adam Thielen catch this? And how in the fuck does Cousins know to throw it there?
Cousins then threw to a one-on-one Stefon Diggs to tie the game, where all hell broke loose. (Shit, Mason Crosby, who had kicked five FGs in the game, missed one at the end of regulation that would've prevented The Craziest OT in Vikings-Packers History.) By all rights, this should have meant that the Purple win this game. Nevertheless, this squad was down 20-7 to a hobbled yet indestructible Aaron Rogers, and he (I'm going to say it) led this team, with the help of Diggslen, into OT. This team has weapons and the ability come back when needed (like with that TD and 2-Point Conversion, which happened with 74 seconds left in the Fourth Quarter), and in a hurry when necessary (such as that 75-yard bomb to Diggs in the middle of the Fourth, the second play in that drive). This team is proving it has comeback ability, and that assurance hasn't been dampened because the game ended in a tie.What a game. #Skol pic.twitter.com/yQ9D0yZ8SW— Minnesota Vikings (@Vikings) September 16, 2018
Now, let's hope that the Vikings don't throw a clunker at home against Buffalo, a team in such disarray that one of their Cornerbacks quit and retired during halftime of their game, Sunday.
#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5). OK, so this is weird. Saturday was really hot. I was not aware, or I forgot, that Maturi Pavilion has no air conditioning. So in the lead-up to Saturday night's match vs. Kansas St., apparently there was so much condensation on the volleyball court that, try as they might, facilities officials could not dry out the place to the point where they felt the players wouldn't slip and slide and potentially tear their ACLs. So they canceled the game. I don't remember the last time this has happened. I don't remember if this has ever happened before.
But hey, that meant that the Golden Gophers went undefeated last screening week. (They swept Wisconsin-Green Bay on Thursday.) How good is this team? Who knows. But they begin conference play by diving into the deep end of the pool: Wednesday against Penn St., back at the (presumably dried-out, but maybe not since the forecast calls for heavy rain Wednesday night) Pav. They also host Maryland Saturday night.
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). Went to Friday's Big Ten opener vs. Illinois Friday. (Parking is parking, and it's how it's going to be.) And against a team I don't think is any good, they lost, decisively, 2-0. I can't remember the last time a Goofer soccer side looked so outplayed in front of my eyes. Sure, the score was only 2-0, but in soccer terms, it's bad. In fact, I don't think I can recall the last time I saw the U. lose at Robbie Stadium. But the Fighting Illini was faster, stronger and, if I may say, taller: Both Illinois Goals were headers, one off a Corner Kick, one off a cross. Huh.
Any margin of error this squad had, in my mind, is completely gone, so even though I entertained the thought of missing the Vikings game against Green Bay for Sunday afternoon's match against 12th-ranked Northwestern, I figured it's a waste of time to go out into the heat for two hours to see Minnesota lose again. So I (until the evening) stayed hermetically sealed in my home. So what do the Gophers do? Upset the nationally-ranked Wildcats, 2-0. What?
I don't know how this up-and-down week does for the U.'s chances of making the postseason. Let's just say they remain as tenuous as ever. This week this club visits the Michigan schools.
#-5: Twins (Last Week: -4). A 3-4 week, although they did take the series from the Yankees, woo-hoo! (They then blew it by losing three-of-four in Kansas City, but whatever.) The latest revelation from the Twinks has been their use of doing the "Opener" strategy, which they implemented a fortnight ago. In case you don't know, instead of using the Starting Pitcher to start the game, Manager Paul Molitor has instead opted to start the game with a reliever. After going through the lineup once, then Molly will bring in his SP, which he is dubbing his "Primary Pitcher."
I still don't understand the benefits of the strategy. If your SP is going through the lineup twice and your reliever once, what difference does it make when they face them? Moreover, I have no idea how the Twins are doing with this approach, but with them losing more games than they won this past screening week, I don't think it's working all that well.
The other thing I have time to talk about is this sudden eruption over the future of Joe Mauer. We bitch about players way past their prime still playing on a humongous contract, but here, we have a case of a player, Mauer, who finally served out his entire contract. The question becomes: What will he do now? Will he come back to the Twins, albeit on a reduced contract? Will he go to another team, presumably to a championship contender? Or will he retire? Frankly, I think he's capable of doing anything. But if I haven't said this before, I want to say it now: He hasn't made good on much of the money the Twins gave him, but I still think the organization got a lot of return on investment, if only because a hometown kid (he's from St. Paul) was able to play (at least for now) for one and only one team. From a fan relations standpoint, and for the history of the organization, it was extremely important for Mauer to stay a Twin during and past his prime. And if he gets into Cooperstown (and people are all over the place on his Hall Of Fame chances), no one should ever complain about the eight-year/$184 million contract that officially lashed him to the Minnesota Twins for all time.
These guys finish the final road trip of the 2018 season with three versus Detroit starting tonight (Monday night) and, after a travel day, three in Oakland for the weekend.
#-6: United FC (Re-Entry!). Honest and serious question: Does this team know what it's doing? I mean, I have seen teams that are going through the motions and look lost; see the team above the Loons in this here survey. But at least (and I hate "at least"-ing people as a means to argue, but I can't think of any other way) the Twinks had an apparent plan that just didn't work. I don't see a plan with MNUFC. There was a plan earlier in the year: With bedrocks Christian Ramirez and Miguel Ibarra in place, pay to get some Designated Players on the team and build.
That isn't happening. Yes, I am still angry over trading away Ramirez, a fantastic Striker who did wonders with the ball during hold-up play that didn't necessarily translate to the scoreboard. In his place came the second Designated Player in club history, Angelo Rodriguez ... who wasn't even part of the squad for Saturday's 1-all tie at Salt Lake City, marred by an overturned Loons Goal late in the match. (Thanks, by the way, for the Goal there, Batman -- I know you miss Superman. We all do.) At least Rodriguez finally scored in Wednesday's contest vs. D. C. United. Too bad the side coughed up the lead and then all three points with back-to-back DCU tallies four minutes apart. (I was trying to listen to the game while doing my chores, and yet I somehow managed to miss all three Goals while doing other things. Not the worst outcome in the world, it turns out.)
And yet these guys don't expend a DP for a Defender. That's what I mean by not having a discernible plan. If they are going to remain slow and steady, I can see that. I may not agree with it, but I understand that. If they are going to trade and sell-and-buy, though, I think I should expect some significant improvement. Here, the franchise has done a little bit of both and have come up with nothing but a point on Saturday and more questions about competence.
They finally come home to face Portland Saturday night, but frankly, I don't know how good or nasty of a reception United FC is going to get. If supporters are frustrated with the team's worthless roadtrip and/or remain angry over the trade of Ramirez, well, TCF Bank Stadium might be one hell of a scene this weekend.
#-7: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!). This story is sort-of flying under the radar. But today, there will be a meeting that might decide the future of the Minnesota Timberwolves. No pressure.
That meeting, taking place in Minneapolis, involves Jimmy Butler, Butler's agent, and Head Coach/President Of Basketball Operations Tom Thibodeau. The topic of the meeting will be the future of the ballclub, and after their first playoff appearance in over a decade, the future is not looking bright at all. At issue, apparently, is Butler's friction with the other players on the Woofie Dogs. Most notable among them is Karl-Anthony Towns, and that surprises the shit out of me, because if anything I would think Butler would be angry and Andrew Wiggins for ... being Andrew Wiggins. But Towns, the guy I think is trying really hard, is the bone of contention for Alpha Dog Butler, and this meeting is being used to either hash out differences between Butler and the man who drafted him and made him into a star in Chicago ... or to convince Thibs that he needs to trade Butler right now.
Either way, this is very, very bad for the Woofs.
Sunday, September 16, 2018
Do You Know Where I Almost Blogged This From?
The train tracks! Yes, signing up through Xfinity does have its advantages, most notably a fairly wide wi-fi network. I'm just beginning to understand the reach of places I can get plugged into the Internet.
See, after a nap I wanted to exercise, but on my route I got stuck by the railroad. Those suckers are long, but I had my laptop with me so I could blog a second time today. And so I thought, "Hey, can I get logged into an Xfinity network here?" And I pulled it out, and I did! And I was about to blog post this, but the line of train cars wasn't as long as I thought, so I had to start driving pretty soon after I discovered I could wi-fi from the edge of the train tracks.
But hey, wouldn't that be cool?!
See, after a nap I wanted to exercise, but on my route I got stuck by the railroad. Those suckers are long, but I had my laptop with me so I could blog a second time today. And so I thought, "Hey, can I get logged into an Xfinity network here?" And I pulled it out, and I did! And I was about to blog post this, but the line of train cars wasn't as long as I thought, so I had to start driving pretty soon after I discovered I could wi-fi from the edge of the train tracks.
But hey, wouldn't that be cool?!
The Incredible Pants
Admission: I wear the same pants and/or shorts the whole week. I don't have the time nor energy to wash clothes after I wear a pair for only one freakin' day. Besides -- a pair of pants is still good enough to wear after one day. All this "I need to change clothes every day" crap is ridiculous.
The only downside to that is when my, uh, principle runs right into my, uh, insistence that I keep wearing pants as long as I can keep wearing them. I am a fat man, I'm afraid, and despite all my inveighing, I'm still fat and I'm probably getting fatter. Still, I keep pants I've bought five, ten -- shoot, 15 years ago if they still fit me. Well, I should qualify that: If they still barely fit me. I have donated pants if they are too small for me. But, if I suck my gut in, arc my back just so and get the waistline and the smallest part of my waist, and the button clips shut, hell yeah I'm wearin' it!
So it is with these Route 66 khakis that I wore for work for the week. I bought these from ... well, it's Route 66, so I guess the old K-Mart? ... many, many years ago. I needed Khakis, I think I bought them knowing full well K-Mart was dying and this store might be closed down at any moment, and I'm still obsessed with driving Route 66 at some point before I die.
I'm pretty sure they fit me back when I first bought them. But that was then. On Tuesday, the start of my workweek, I slipped them on. I don't know if you guys do this, but as soon as I put both of my legs into a pair of pants, I size up how much width I have in them. If I can tell that it's not going to be much, I know that I'm wearing an old pair of pants ... and that getting into them could be a challenge. Such was the case with this one, and I had to do a lot of bending with the back and the hips and the knees in order to close that damn thing shut. Still, it was noticeable how small for my body it is. It was at its worst Thursday after I used the bathroom at work. I think then that I closed my pants farther up my hips, and it thus enclosed around my belly and organs like a boa constrictor. It truly was uncomfortable, painfully so. But then I readjusted it by sitting it lower and closer to my hips, and I felt fine, like I did with those pants on for most of the rest of the week.
Through it all, I didn't burst through my pants. What I mean by that is, my button never popped out. You've seen that visual joke where a fat man stretches a small set of pants so much the button pops out, flies across the room and, like, lands in a champagne flute, whereby some unsuspecting matron of the city drinks it whole and starts choking on the button? That's actually happened to me before. Well, not the button flying across the room and into a champagne glass, but the popping of said button. Embarrassing, to say the least. It should have happened to these Route 66 khakis; should've happened a long time ago, in fact. But those size 32 suckers are still holding it in. And I have to point out that as other pants have gotten too small for me and/or started tearing around the legs and/or developing holes in my pockets, this pair of pants has remained indestructible. And I hope they remain so for as long as I can wear them.
The only downside to that is when my, uh, principle runs right into my, uh, insistence that I keep wearing pants as long as I can keep wearing them. I am a fat man, I'm afraid, and despite all my inveighing, I'm still fat and I'm probably getting fatter. Still, I keep pants I've bought five, ten -- shoot, 15 years ago if they still fit me. Well, I should qualify that: If they still barely fit me. I have donated pants if they are too small for me. But, if I suck my gut in, arc my back just so and get the waistline and the smallest part of my waist, and the button clips shut, hell yeah I'm wearin' it!
So it is with these Route 66 khakis that I wore for work for the week. I bought these from ... well, it's Route 66, so I guess the old K-Mart? ... many, many years ago. I needed Khakis, I think I bought them knowing full well K-Mart was dying and this store might be closed down at any moment, and I'm still obsessed with driving Route 66 at some point before I die.
I'm pretty sure they fit me back when I first bought them. But that was then. On Tuesday, the start of my workweek, I slipped them on. I don't know if you guys do this, but as soon as I put both of my legs into a pair of pants, I size up how much width I have in them. If I can tell that it's not going to be much, I know that I'm wearing an old pair of pants ... and that getting into them could be a challenge. Such was the case with this one, and I had to do a lot of bending with the back and the hips and the knees in order to close that damn thing shut. Still, it was noticeable how small for my body it is. It was at its worst Thursday after I used the bathroom at work. I think then that I closed my pants farther up my hips, and it thus enclosed around my belly and organs like a boa constrictor. It truly was uncomfortable, painfully so. But then I readjusted it by sitting it lower and closer to my hips, and I felt fine, like I did with those pants on for most of the rest of the week.
Through it all, I didn't burst through my pants. What I mean by that is, my button never popped out. You've seen that visual joke where a fat man stretches a small set of pants so much the button pops out, flies across the room and, like, lands in a champagne flute, whereby some unsuspecting matron of the city drinks it whole and starts choking on the button? That's actually happened to me before. Well, not the button flying across the room and into a champagne glass, but the popping of said button. Embarrassing, to say the least. It should have happened to these Route 66 khakis; should've happened a long time ago, in fact. But those size 32 suckers are still holding it in. And I have to point out that as other pants have gotten too small for me and/or started tearing around the legs and/or developing holes in my pockets, this pair of pants has remained indestructible. And I hope they remain so for as long as I can wear them.
Saturday, September 15, 2018
So I went to a party yesterday and I sort of had my fun. But I had to leave because I ate so much, drank so much, got really tired and felt like I needed to take a shit. That's no way to feel at a stripper party. And yet there is always alcohol and, more inexplicably, food at these places. Look, I'm only there for one thing. Food and drink are fine, but I'm there only for one thing. And I had to leave instead because I got two plates of spaghetti and got a tallboy instead of a regular can of beer.
Oh, and about that one thing ... I thanked A***** via text today for giving me a handjob, even though she didn't jerk me into orgasm. And she was all, "I didn't know you wanted that!" Girl, what the hell else would I take you to a bed for? And we texted before the party, where she said, "Let's have some fun!" And I replied, "Hope your definition of 'fun' is the same as mine!" And ... it sort-of wasn't.
(sigh) Maybe she'll do me for real next time.
Oh, and about that one thing ... I thanked A***** via text today for giving me a handjob, even though she didn't jerk me into orgasm. And she was all, "I didn't know you wanted that!" Girl, what the hell else would I take you to a bed for? And we texted before the party, where she said, "Let's have some fun!" And I replied, "Hope your definition of 'fun' is the same as mine!" And ... it sort-of wasn't.
(sigh) Maybe she'll do me for real next time.
Friday, September 14, 2018
Should Keep Track Of Ripoff Strippers
Just because I was out and about, I thought of stopping in at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to re-familiarize myself to the regulars and the staff. Good time, as usual, although I'm still blown away that, with tip, the price of a regular cup of coffee there is more expensive than one I can get from Starbucks.
I still tip only two dollars on-stage. That's already more than the buck I initially gave out when I first when to that place. Nevertheless, it seems more and more (especially with the new strippers) that they are demanding five bucks whenever I come on stage. No fucking way. No. Fucking. Way. I am not made out of money, and besides, over the course of a shift, giving five bucks to four dancers is the same as getting a lap dance from one of them, and that's way more bang for the buck.
There are still strippers, God bless 'em, who will accept my two bucks, and gladly. That entices me to get LDs, which are $20, from them down the line. That's the way it works, and should work, for me: If you accept $2, you will occasionally get $20 from me. If you demand $5, you eventually will get $0. It's my principle.
Ever since more and more strippers have demanded five, I have mentally sought to make a list of those girls so that I know never to meet them on-stage. But I have never written them down. Never got around to it. And no, keeping a mental checklist does not work, because oftentimes I see the shift and wonder, "Hey, does that new girl with the unfamiliar name take $2 or $5?" And I take a guess, go up on-stage, and embarrass myself when the dancer demands five bucks, and that's when I recall her telling me the same thing on a night, say, two months back.
As of right now, I can remember, uh, three strippers who won't dance for less than two. I can remember their stripper names and what they look like. One of them was on shift when I popped in last night, and dutifully, I did not go on stage -- which, by the way, makes me the equal to the vast majority of guys there, so I refuse to be singled out for being "cheap" when most of the guys there don't go up to the stage at any moment while they nurse their drinks for the night. But there was this one girl, a blonde who's on the older side but still looks fucking hot, who I may have seen before and may or may not have rebuffed my two dollars.
Oh well, I thought ... time to see if she rejects me again, or for the first time, or, maybe, she'll surprise me and accept it. He-heh, I should have known better. I threw down my two dollars, and as she approached she stopped, looked at my meager contribution, and said, "It's a five-dollar minimum." That was bullshit, but to save face, I went into apoplectic apology mode: "Oh, I'm sorry. Here, why don't you just take this," I said, as I walked away, determined to remember her name and features so I never have to deal with that shit ever again.
I don't know what that woman is thinking. There were two other dancers there (both brunettes, if that means anything), and they gladly accepted my two dollars. One of them I have gotten lappers from once in a while; the other I got one from last night. Did she see that? Because that's the way it should work, and that's the way it will work as long as I'm going there.
Man, I really should write these names down so I don't have to get into such an awkward situation again.
I still tip only two dollars on-stage. That's already more than the buck I initially gave out when I first when to that place. Nevertheless, it seems more and more (especially with the new strippers) that they are demanding five bucks whenever I come on stage. No fucking way. No. Fucking. Way. I am not made out of money, and besides, over the course of a shift, giving five bucks to four dancers is the same as getting a lap dance from one of them, and that's way more bang for the buck.
There are still strippers, God bless 'em, who will accept my two bucks, and gladly. That entices me to get LDs, which are $20, from them down the line. That's the way it works, and should work, for me: If you accept $2, you will occasionally get $20 from me. If you demand $5, you eventually will get $0. It's my principle.
Ever since more and more strippers have demanded five, I have mentally sought to make a list of those girls so that I know never to meet them on-stage. But I have never written them down. Never got around to it. And no, keeping a mental checklist does not work, because oftentimes I see the shift and wonder, "Hey, does that new girl with the unfamiliar name take $2 or $5?" And I take a guess, go up on-stage, and embarrass myself when the dancer demands five bucks, and that's when I recall her telling me the same thing on a night, say, two months back.
As of right now, I can remember, uh, three strippers who won't dance for less than two. I can remember their stripper names and what they look like. One of them was on shift when I popped in last night, and dutifully, I did not go on stage -- which, by the way, makes me the equal to the vast majority of guys there, so I refuse to be singled out for being "cheap" when most of the guys there don't go up to the stage at any moment while they nurse their drinks for the night. But there was this one girl, a blonde who's on the older side but still looks fucking hot, who I may have seen before and may or may not have rebuffed my two dollars.
Oh well, I thought ... time to see if she rejects me again, or for the first time, or, maybe, she'll surprise me and accept it. He-heh, I should have known better. I threw down my two dollars, and as she approached she stopped, looked at my meager contribution, and said, "It's a five-dollar minimum." That was bullshit, but to save face, I went into apoplectic apology mode: "Oh, I'm sorry. Here, why don't you just take this," I said, as I walked away, determined to remember her name and features so I never have to deal with that shit ever again.
I don't know what that woman is thinking. There were two other dancers there (both brunettes, if that means anything), and they gladly accepted my two dollars. One of them I have gotten lappers from once in a while; the other I got one from last night. Did she see that? Because that's the way it should work, and that's the way it will work as long as I'm going there.
Man, I really should write these names down so I don't have to get into such an awkward situation again.
Thursday, September 13, 2018
Addendum To: Blindness?
Oh, and for the past few days both of my eyes have been red. I had blogged before about how only my left eye was bloodshot, and since this came just after my dick stopped pissing fire, I thought that this was the work of a virus that started in my genitals and then decided to squat in my left eye. Or, maybe I had pink eye. But now that both eyes are red ... well, maybe I have pink eye in both eyes, or the virus has spread to my right eye. Or, allergies are still pretty bad this time of year.
I don't know. I just looked in the mirror and both eyes are deep red. That may be why my vision is so blurry. But right now, since I'm otherwise healthy and feeling good, I think I'm going to ignore it.
I don't know. I just looked in the mirror and both eyes are deep red. That may be why my vision is so blurry. But right now, since I'm otherwise healthy and feeling good, I think I'm going to ignore it.
Wednesday, September 12, 2018
Blindness?
Just for the record, ever since, oh, I realized I have needed new glasses (so ... the beginning of the year? Maybe?), sometimes my vision gets blurry. It has worsened since getting these new glasses, but I'm still believing that's because I'm still not used to looking through bifocals, and not because of any advanced vision malady, such as cataracts, glaucoma, or night blindness or something.
But, if it is something that bad ... well, I've noted it here.
But, if it is something that bad ... well, I've noted it here.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
Should say that with everything that I've been busy with over the past week -- State Fair, my dick pain, my potential pink eye, the mix-up with watching our alma mater's game, working the Vikes game over the weekend, recuperating from working the Vikes game over the weekend, and using my free Hooters coupon -- I sort-of realized all throughout the week that this was the opening week at the U. If I wanted to go back to school, in all likelihood I would have needed to enroll these past five days ... ending yesterday/Monday.
I did not. Now, I have looked and there are some, like, online classes that may start whenever. But if I were serious about going back to school, I would have done something by now. And I did not do anything, therefore. ...
I did not. Now, I have looked and there are some, like, online classes that may start whenever. But if I were serious about going back to school, I would have done something by now. And I did not do anything, therefore. ...
Monday, September 10, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Not a bad start. As a Vikes fan, I was really afraid that these guys would lose the season opener to the San Francisco 49ers at home. Why? Because they're the Vikings.
And the 24-16 win was not flawless, by no means. The inability for this team to put the screws into the Niners and absolutely dominate this game, especially after that pick-six about five minutes into the Third Quarter, is a familiar sight to many Vikes fans. But they won this game, and they have 15 more games to get even better. So let's look at the superlatives. First of all, Kirk Cousins looked very good. There were a couple precise strikes where I went, "Wow, how did he do that?" That includes this touchdown to Stefon Diggs, Cousins's 100th TD pass as a pro:
The offense did bog down in the Second Half, and that needs to be fixed. Also, and even though this didn't rear its ugly head yesterday, Case Kennum was very good when plans go awry and the O needed to improvise. Sure, Kennum bogged down late in the year, but Defenses remain good enough where I think being able to think on the fly is a requirement to succeed. I want to see Cousins scramble, at least tactically. Maybe that comes next week when the squad starts its first of two tough stretches in its schedule where they go to Lambeau and faceMethuselah Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers.
But let's end on a high note and praise that Defense, huh? Three Interceptions, including that Mike Hughes Interception Return For A Touchdown? Sweet. Jimmy Garoppolo suffers his first loss as San Francisco QB, even though he threw some spectacular passes? Even better. And Safety Harrison Smith (seven solo Tackles, two Tackles For Loss, one Sack, and one INT)? We need to start talking about Canton for him. He was freakin' everywhere.
#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). As is the Golden Gopher football team's current lot in life, this game vs. Fresno St. was close. The U. was leading, 21-14, but late in the game the Bulldogs were driving. And then this happened:
Wow. Antoine Winfield, Jr., that was fucking impressive. You father, who could ball back in the day despite his relatively small stature, should be proud.
For that win-preserving pick, Winfield has been named B1G Defensive Player Of The Week. Congratulations also go out to Kicker Emmit Carpenter for becoming Big Ten Special Teams Player Of The Week. Hey, it could be worse than 2-0. And it should be 3-0 after Fleck & Co. beat Miami (OH) at TCF Bank Stadium Saturday afternoon.
#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). This needs to be discussed. You can't park at Gopher soccer games anymore!
So I saw on Twitter from a friend that they had extreme trouble parking. What has happened, for years, is that there are a couple places relatively close to Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium where you could park, for free, and you could walk to the stadium. One of them is Les Bolstad Golf Course, which is on the same grounds as Robbie; you could park in the lot and cut through the driving range to the entrance. What I do is park at Falcon Heights City Hall, walk through a tract of crops which I assume is owned by the University of Minnesota (the St. Paul Campus is just south of Robbie Stadium), then dodge traffic coming up and down Cleveland Ave. It's a pretty walk, and even if I didn't want to walk, I could get a shuttle provided by the U. to get to the front arch of the pitch. Simple -- and free.
But my friend tweeted out that those places were closed. Now, these were for the matches the side was playing during the Minnesota State Fair, so I thought that was the reason the golf course and the city hall was not open for parking. But he further stated that the U. gave him instruction for the places he could park -- and he was charged for parking. And not only that, it was for over ten bucks. Ten bucks?! What the hell? This is for a University of Minnesota soccer game!
Last week, realizing that the game vs. North Dakota St. was on a Friday and not a Thursday (even though I said in last week's WMNSS that the match was on Friday ... man, I don't know how my brain works sometimes, it was an oversight [I'm so going to develop Alzheimer's]), I scoured Twitter to see what the deal with parking is. And this is what I saw:
So City Hall is no-go and Bolstad, along with other new lots, now charge? And six bucks, at that?! Fuck no!
And so I sojourn out into the town of Falcon Heights for that most elusive of things, free parking. There is a residential zone east of Falcon Heights City Hall, and there were ample spaces, but I saw this sign (and I thought I would embed my first-ever personal photograph on WAF here, but I can't), and it was so damn confusing that I put my tail between my legs and left. I did find a street with that same exact sign, but since others were parked along that street, I figured it was safe to do so ... well, that or I would be able to commiserate getting my car towed with a few other strangers.
I guess that's The New Normal now: Residential street parking. It's a longer and a much less bucolic walk, but I'll take it -- assuming Falcon Heights lets me. I think there was some push-back from the city and from Bolstad officials into continuing to allow people to park for free. But I'm not sure if this drastic change, from very little charged parking to nearly total charged parking, is going to go over well -- especially for a non-revenue program that hasn't made a whole lot of noise so far in its existence. Now, this was for a Friday match. The Gophers host Northwestern Sunday, so maybe Falcon Heights will open up City Hall for parking on the weekend. But I'm not sure how many fans, diehard or casual, know about this new policy, and for those who got blindsided by it, I don't know how many will slough it off or just ... not go anymore.
As for on the field, the U. kicked ass over the Bison, 4-0. The club scored three Goals in the Second Half, all of them in 2:29. April Bockin braced; she "opened her account" for the year with those that brace, it was the first two of those three Second Half Goals, and she scored them just 24 Seconds apart. Nice!
So the squad ends the non-con on a high note. But let's be honest: The awesome goodwill from starting off the season 3-0 with two of those victories on the road were dashed with three straight losses, all of them at home, the most inexplicable of which was the 1-0 defeat to DePaul. That win over the Bison ended that streak, but the team now sits at a pedestrian 4-3, and so I don't think they have any margin for error as they begin conference play. They've got to run the table, I think.
They host Illinois Friday; probably will go to that game because I've been invited to a party around town that night. Then there is that aforementioned contest versus the Wildcats Sunday afternoon, playing at the same time as Vikes-Pack.
#-4: Twins (Last Week: -3). Truly irrelevant team this point of the year. So irrelevant that I wonder if I just stopped talking about them, would anyone notice?
Began the screening week getting swept at Houston. They were in Boston over the weekend and took two-of-three, the preview of possibly the American League Championship Series. Saw a photo of Fenway Park where a section of the stands were festooned in Astro orange. Not too long ago the Astros were terrible, losing 100 games or more. They were so bad that the organization got into a fight with cable companies over carriage fees for the sports network the owner of the Astros owned. But with tanking comes top draft picks, and credit to the Astros Front Office for drafting the right guys and building what is now a juggernaut that should be good for the next few years, at least.
The Twinks should take a page out of the Astros' playbook, or just take some Astros front office people. ESPN The Magazine lamented the latest manifestation of sabermetrics, tanking in order to get championship-caliber players, before the season started. The conclusion the essay came to is that baseball fans (what is left of them, anyway) have also realized that you have to stoop so low in order to rise so high. Losing 100+ games used to be cause for humiliation; now it's seen as a clear-the-brush tactic that will all but guarantee greatness in the future. And it's that clinging to hope, the willingness to being emasculated now because that will ensure (if not entitle) you to a pennant and more later, that makes being shitty not only no longer bad, but almost like a badge of honor. It is fucked up ... and totally right, as you can see by what the Astros have done. Do that, Twinks!
Lately, the squad has tried another sabermetric wrinkle, the "opener." This phenomenon serves as the opposite of the Closer. A reliever actually starts the game and, if he does his job, he will give his team about three Innings and one run through the opponent's starting lineup before the "scheduled Starting Pitcher" replaces him. With more Pitchers pitching fewer Innings, starters now frequently only go through the lineup twice before being pulled. If that's the case, how advantageous is it for a reliever to start the game? I mean, if a Pitcher has to see a batter twice, does it matter if he does it in the last two-thirds of the game and not the first two-thirds? Couldn't this all be solved just by getting damn good Pitchers?
Damn good Pitchers is not what the Twinks have, because when they've tried this "opener" idea, they've gotten shelled. Have no idea if they used it this screening week, but at the very least they won their series vs. Kansas City. I don't know if this works if you don't have arms worth a shit.
This week: I don't remember seeing the Yankees coming to Target Field this late in the season, but their three-game series starts Monday. The club then embarks on their final roadtrip, and their final long roadtrip, with four games at K.C. against the Royals.
#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). It would be just like a Minnesota sports team to shit the bed just as they reached the pinnacle. Last Monday Minnesota reached #1 in the AVCA Top 25 the week just as they went to Palo Alto and drop back-to-back four-set matches to ranked Oregon and Stanford in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge. Not the worst thing, of course, and I think it's good to face big opponents (and suffer losses) early in the year. But I wonder how far these guys will fall in the poll.
The final of four non-con weeks is back at Maturi. The Gopher Fall Classic (is this new? Is this made-up?) has the U. hosting Green Bay (Thursday) and Kansas St. (Saturday).
And the 24-16 win was not flawless, by no means. The inability for this team to put the screws into the Niners and absolutely dominate this game, especially after that pick-six about five minutes into the Third Quarter, is a familiar sight to many Vikes fans. But they won this game, and they have 15 more games to get even better. So let's look at the superlatives. First of all, Kirk Cousins looked very good. There were a couple precise strikes where I went, "Wow, how did he do that?" That includes this touchdown to Stefon Diggs, Cousins's 100th TD pass as a pro:
The offense did bog down in the Second Half, and that needs to be fixed. Also, and even though this didn't rear its ugly head yesterday, Case Kennum was very good when plans go awry and the O needed to improvise. Sure, Kennum bogged down late in the year, but Defenses remain good enough where I think being able to think on the fly is a requirement to succeed. I want to see Cousins scramble, at least tactically. Maybe that comes next week when the squad starts its first of two tough stretches in its schedule where they go to Lambeau and face
But let's end on a high note and praise that Defense, huh? Three Interceptions, including that Mike Hughes Interception Return For A Touchdown? Sweet. Jimmy Garoppolo suffers his first loss as San Francisco QB, even though he threw some spectacular passes? Even better. And Safety Harrison Smith (seven solo Tackles, two Tackles For Loss, one Sack, and one INT)? We need to start talking about Canton for him. He was freakin' everywhere.
#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -1). As is the Golden Gopher football team's current lot in life, this game vs. Fresno St. was close. The U. was leading, 21-14, but late in the game the Bulldogs were driving. And then this happened:
We were trying to come up with a clever caption for this but...we'll just let @liltweeze26 and his interception do all the talking. pic.twitter.com/3xzZE2EC4I— Minnesota Football (@GopherFootball) September 9, 2018
Wow. Antoine Winfield, Jr., that was fucking impressive. You father, who could ball back in the day despite his relatively small stature, should be proud.
For that win-preserving pick, Winfield has been named B1G Defensive Player Of The Week. Congratulations also go out to Kicker Emmit Carpenter for becoming Big Ten Special Teams Player Of The Week. Hey, it could be worse than 2-0. And it should be 3-0 after Fleck & Co. beat Miami (OH) at TCF Bank Stadium Saturday afternoon.
#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4). This needs to be discussed. You can't park at Gopher soccer games anymore!
So I saw on Twitter from a friend that they had extreme trouble parking. What has happened, for years, is that there are a couple places relatively close to Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium where you could park, for free, and you could walk to the stadium. One of them is Les Bolstad Golf Course, which is on the same grounds as Robbie; you could park in the lot and cut through the driving range to the entrance. What I do is park at Falcon Heights City Hall, walk through a tract of crops which I assume is owned by the University of Minnesota (the St. Paul Campus is just south of Robbie Stadium), then dodge traffic coming up and down Cleveland Ave. It's a pretty walk, and even if I didn't want to walk, I could get a shuttle provided by the U. to get to the front arch of the pitch. Simple -- and free.
But my friend tweeted out that those places were closed. Now, these were for the matches the side was playing during the Minnesota State Fair, so I thought that was the reason the golf course and the city hall was not open for parking. But he further stated that the U. gave him instruction for the places he could park -- and he was charged for parking. And not only that, it was for over ten bucks. Ten bucks?! What the hell? This is for a University of Minnesota soccer game!
Last week, realizing that the game vs. North Dakota St. was on a Friday and not a Thursday (even though I said in last week's WMNSS that the match was on Friday ... man, I don't know how my brain works sometimes, it was an oversight [I'm so going to develop Alzheimer's]), I scoured Twitter to see what the deal with parking is. And this is what I saw:
🚨PARKING UPDATE🚨— Minnesota Soccer (@GopherSoccer) September 7, 2018
Great news fans, additional parking lots have been opened! SC 175 has been added in addition with limited spots at the Les Bolstad Driving Range. Charges for lots noted by the $ symbol will be $6. pic.twitter.com/1dpHxxWbFT
So City Hall is no-go and Bolstad, along with other new lots, now charge? And six bucks, at that?! Fuck no!
And so I sojourn out into the town of Falcon Heights for that most elusive of things, free parking. There is a residential zone east of Falcon Heights City Hall, and there were ample spaces, but I saw this sign (and I thought I would embed my first-ever personal photograph on WAF here, but I can't), and it was so damn confusing that I put my tail between my legs and left. I did find a street with that same exact sign, but since others were parked along that street, I figured it was safe to do so ... well, that or I would be able to commiserate getting my car towed with a few other strangers.
I guess that's The New Normal now: Residential street parking. It's a longer and a much less bucolic walk, but I'll take it -- assuming Falcon Heights lets me. I think there was some push-back from the city and from Bolstad officials into continuing to allow people to park for free. But I'm not sure if this drastic change, from very little charged parking to nearly total charged parking, is going to go over well -- especially for a non-revenue program that hasn't made a whole lot of noise so far in its existence. Now, this was for a Friday match. The Gophers host Northwestern Sunday, so maybe Falcon Heights will open up City Hall for parking on the weekend. But I'm not sure how many fans, diehard or casual, know about this new policy, and for those who got blindsided by it, I don't know how many will slough it off or just ... not go anymore.
As for on the field, the U. kicked ass over the Bison, 4-0. The club scored three Goals in the Second Half, all of them in 2:29. April Bockin braced; she "opened her account" for the year with those that brace, it was the first two of those three Second Half Goals, and she scored them just 24 Seconds apart. Nice!
So the squad ends the non-con on a high note. But let's be honest: The awesome goodwill from starting off the season 3-0 with two of those victories on the road were dashed with three straight losses, all of them at home, the most inexplicable of which was the 1-0 defeat to DePaul. That win over the Bison ended that streak, but the team now sits at a pedestrian 4-3, and so I don't think they have any margin for error as they begin conference play. They've got to run the table, I think.
They host Illinois Friday; probably will go to that game because I've been invited to a party around town that night. Then there is that aforementioned contest versus the Wildcats Sunday afternoon, playing at the same time as Vikes-Pack.
#-4: Twins (Last Week: -3). Truly irrelevant team this point of the year. So irrelevant that I wonder if I just stopped talking about them, would anyone notice?
Began the screening week getting swept at Houston. They were in Boston over the weekend and took two-of-three, the preview of possibly the American League Championship Series. Saw a photo of Fenway Park where a section of the stands were festooned in Astro orange. Not too long ago the Astros were terrible, losing 100 games or more. They were so bad that the organization got into a fight with cable companies over carriage fees for the sports network the owner of the Astros owned. But with tanking comes top draft picks, and credit to the Astros Front Office for drafting the right guys and building what is now a juggernaut that should be good for the next few years, at least.
The Twinks should take a page out of the Astros' playbook, or just take some Astros front office people. ESPN The Magazine lamented the latest manifestation of sabermetrics, tanking in order to get championship-caliber players, before the season started. The conclusion the essay came to is that baseball fans (what is left of them, anyway) have also realized that you have to stoop so low in order to rise so high. Losing 100+ games used to be cause for humiliation; now it's seen as a clear-the-brush tactic that will all but guarantee greatness in the future. And it's that clinging to hope, the willingness to being emasculated now because that will ensure (if not entitle) you to a pennant and more later, that makes being shitty not only no longer bad, but almost like a badge of honor. It is fucked up ... and totally right, as you can see by what the Astros have done. Do that, Twinks!
Lately, the squad has tried another sabermetric wrinkle, the "opener." This phenomenon serves as the opposite of the Closer. A reliever actually starts the game and, if he does his job, he will give his team about three Innings and one run through the opponent's starting lineup before the "scheduled Starting Pitcher" replaces him. With more Pitchers pitching fewer Innings, starters now frequently only go through the lineup twice before being pulled. If that's the case, how advantageous is it for a reliever to start the game? I mean, if a Pitcher has to see a batter twice, does it matter if he does it in the last two-thirds of the game and not the first two-thirds? Couldn't this all be solved just by getting damn good Pitchers?
Damn good Pitchers is not what the Twinks have, because when they've tried this "opener" idea, they've gotten shelled. Have no idea if they used it this screening week, but at the very least they won their series vs. Kansas City. I don't know if this works if you don't have arms worth a shit.
This week: I don't remember seeing the Yankees coming to Target Field this late in the season, but their three-game series starts Monday. The club then embarks on their final roadtrip, and their final long roadtrip, with four games at K.C. against the Royals.
#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). It would be just like a Minnesota sports team to shit the bed just as they reached the pinnacle. Last Monday Minnesota reached #1 in the AVCA Top 25 the week just as they went to Palo Alto and drop back-to-back four-set matches to ranked Oregon and Stanford in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge. Not the worst thing, of course, and I think it's good to face big opponents (and suffer losses) early in the year. But I wonder how far these guys will fall in the poll.
The final of four non-con weeks is back at Maturi. The Gopher Fall Classic (is this new? Is this made-up?) has the U. hosting Green Bay (Thursday) and Kansas St. (Saturday).
Sunday, September 9, 2018
Making A List For Tomorrow
I've told you guys before about not being able to make lists on my day planner. Well, tomorrow is one of those days where it sucks the most. There are a lot of things I should do, a lot of things I could do, and a lot of things I have the time to do, and therefore I don't know what to do.
So, because there's no room in the FQ, I will jot down my list of tasks for tomorrow here now:
- Go to Hooters and use one of those coupons for a free appetizer
- Visit my friend at the cemetary
- Shower and trim my nails
- Do the laundry
- Fill out The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
- Grab a bag from storage and look through it
- Eat a salad
- Water my parents' plants
- Go to the library and scan in the Minnesota United FC ticket to sell
- Cancel my health insurance through the state
- Watch So You Think You Can Dance
Saturday, September 8, 2018
Expenses Without Receipts
Starting from Friday, September 7:
- I needed to go to the library. I don't remember if I had blogged about winning some free appetizers from Hooters for predicting enough World Cup matches and picks right. If I didn't, I'll let you know that I predicted enough World Cup matches and picks right that I won two different apps. But I was waiting after the WC to get them, and I didn't get them. The Official Rules said to contact your local Hooters, so I did, and after confessing that they have no idea what was going on (I'm skeptical about that, and if that were true, I have no idea how they did not know what they winners get in a contest they were advertising on their table tents), a manager called me up and said that they were giving me a $25 gift certificate. And then, out of the blue, early this week Hooters e-mails me two coupons, each for a free appetizer, for winning both the group and the knockout stages out of everyone competing at Hooters MOA. I was afraid of getting no free coupons, and now I have one extra. OK. I printed those out because I'm sure I'm going to be using one very soon. And I printed out a United FC ticket because I know I won't be going to the game and need to sell it. Total: 30 cents.
- Went to the Gopher soccer match in the evening. Actually thought the game against North Dakota St. was Thursday, not Friday. I have more to talk about in the WMNSS. Hot dog, medium Coke and program, which has been shrunk from a folding one to a single sheet: $11.50.
- Even though I am working the Vikings game this weekend, I decided to get not one but two cups of coffee this Friday evening. First I went to Wesley Andrews, the hoity-toity coffee place close to Eat Street. You should see the cup and carafe I got my pour-over coffee in. It's sweet, and even though it's expensive, I thought for presentation alone the price would be more than it actually was. With tip: $4.89.
- I then went to Glam Doll around the corner. Admit that I may have spent a bit too much, but the shop was rolling out new donuts, and I tried one that was four bucks and one that was three. With another pour-over coffee and tip it all came out to: $13.66.
- Still don't have a whole lot of money in my checking account, so I've been still charging my expenses for the most part. But I didn't on Tuesday the 4th -- well, at least when it came to tipping for my way-overdue shave at Moler. The cost of a shave has gone up a buck, to six, but my tip is still the same amount: $4.
- Monday the 3rd, aka Labor Day -- last day of the Fair, and before and after my stint at the Mensa table, I balled out. Finally got that Elote (corn roast with Mexican toppings) and two different State Fair beers (Passionfruit Pils and Two To Mango, Three To Tango) before my volunteer time and, uh, maybe I shouldn't have shown up drunk. (At least I got a Holy Land lemonade to ease my way back on my way to the table.) Afterwards I finally found Giggles to get Walleye Cakes, waited in line for that obscene Rainbow Cloud Roll with Superman ice cream, and a Rhubarb Blueberry Cobbler from the Farmers Union on way out the door for the final time at #mnstatefair2018. Total, regretless damage (including tip for the second beer): $50.25.
- Went to the Fair Sunday the 2nd also because I was volunteering at Mensa then, too. It was the morning shift, so I was able to partake in the new breakfast options: The All-Day Breakfast Nordic Waffle and the Nitro Cold Brew from Anchor. After Mensa I got the Manny's Tortas Pina Colada and did the Sweet Martha's/All-You-Can-Drink milk combo, which I think I skipped last year. Total: $30.
- Since my folks are not here, I went out to Caffetto to work on my computer at night. Apple pie, small coffee and tip: $6.
- To Friday, August 31, where the only EWR I have actually is an Infusion. I signed up for a sizing study because it was on the way to where I needed to go to the doctor's. I had to wear this skimpy underwear and stand and sit while making positions with my arms and hands. It was weird, but at least I got to keep the underwear. In fact, I'm wearing it right now. Oh, and I made money, too, an Infusion of: $25.
- Wednesday the 29th ... second time at the State Fair. Got the Up North Pasty, a grilled peach, the Helles Ya, You Betcha beer, another Farmers Union BLT and the Ultimate Minneapple pie. Man, I gorged myself at the Fair this year: $40.25.
- OK ... Friday, August 24 ... I went to a party because it was high time I got a BJ from ****e. It'd been a long time, and she was still fantastic as always. Also got a lapper from an Autumn, who works at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version). Whipped it out on her, which, frankly, felt good because I don't think I blindsided any new stripper with my cock yet this year. I think she's down; I'll try and get her to a bed next week, maybe. With cover and the goddamn bed fee (maybe I won't see ****e all that soon): $175.
- I needed to pay for this, of course, so before going to the party I pulled out some cash from the ATM. But I lost the receipts. I think I lost them at the party, so I have to mark down these here as EWRs. And I actually withdrew twice because I only took out $60 the first time. Took out another $120 after that, so it's a total Infusion of: $180.
- Thursday the 23rd was the opening day of the State Fair. Got the following: a BLT and strawberry-basil lemonade from the Farmers Union (even though I waited 15 minutes for that BLT, not because they were out but because they forgot to give me one; the one I got was sitting under a damn heat lamp, so that's why I got a second one); finally a Swedish egg coffee; corn, the Sociable Black Currant ale (very good and distinctive); and cheese curds. I spent a ton of money at The Great Minnesota Get-Together, and I don't mind injecting my own money back into the state economy one bit: $34.75.
- Wednesday, August 22 was the final of Da Beauty League. Not a bad idea. Hopefully it'll get more people to come over the years; Braemar Arena was, I think, 60% full. Ticket, hot dog, large Pepsi, and a small order of mini-donuts come out to: $19.
- On Tuesday the 21st I went all the way to the theater at the Megamall for the back half of my personal double feature, Equalizer 2, aka The Sequelizer. (I put everything for the first film, Ant-Man 2, on my credit card.) Didn't know this was Denzel Washington's first-ever sequel, and he is at his Denzeliest here. There is a speech that basically defines his roles in film, and it's a good speech, almost as good as Liam Neeson's in Taken. The rest of the film? Meh. I don't get why he threatened his mentee; the kid knows about death, too. I think I have the receipt for the pizza and Coke, so this EWR is for the ticket only: $5.40.
- On Sunday the 19th I went to The Local, first for EPL and then for the All-Ireland hurling final. This is the first time I have ever seen hurling and ... not bad. But because it's a sporting event with a very loyal but small following from the local Irish ex-pat crowd, I had to pay a cover, even though that covered a huge breakfast buffet. Maybe I'll do it again: $20.
- In the afternoon I went to the Northeast Brewers' Block Party at Sociable Cider Werks, a brewery I've wanted to go to for some time. Wouldn't mind doing it again. Cover, donation, their Road Rash cider, a pork dish from the Cafe Racer truck and tips, and it all came out to: $23.
- In the evening I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition). Got an LD from Cicily. With tips and coffee: $32.
- After that I went to Caffetto for a key lime pie and a small dark roast. With tip: $6.
- Thursday, August 16: My friend got comp tickets for the Twins game vs. Detroit that evening. Wish I talked to him and his two buddies more, but I was too wrapped out scoring the game to chit-chat. I decided to ball out and, instead of just a hot dog, got a cheesy brat from Kramarczuk's and a Bud Light Lime. Oh, and I tipped one of those guys who drum on those white plastic pails outside of the ballpark. Total: $19.50.
- After the game, went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division). Tips, coffee and a lap dance from Ashlee: $32.
- To Wednesday the 15th, where I had the time to take in a tripleheader from Da Beauty League. Ticket, program, a Braemer Brat and Coke cost me: $19.
- And on Sunday, August 12 I found a penny at ... Caffetto, I guess? An Infusion of: 1 cent.
Thanks For The Rubber, Random Dude!
So I'm here at Glam Doll. I see a party of happy people sitting on the couches, as there often is here at Glam Doll.
I'm working on my receipts when I see one of the guys in this party come up to me. I was assuming he was going to ask me something, or maybe ask to take a picture of the group. But instead, without saying a word, he slips me a condom on my table, right next to my mouse.
Two things. First, I would've said something to the effect of, "Naw, man, thanks, but if you know my sex life, there's no way I would ever need this." But, truth be told, I have been thinking about fucking ****y again. She was the one who gave me a handie but said that she would have let me inside her if I gloved up. I have since imagined arranging something with ****y, and then after I show up at her apartment, I'd whip myself out and show her that I already had a condom on my dick and thus I was ready to get down. I'd love to see the reaction on her face. But I had no intention on buying a rubber. Maybe if I, say, went to the U. and saw a health department or a student group giving condoms away I would get one, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to grab one. Well, one was just given to me. I take it as a sign that I should call up ****y again and tell her it's time.
Second, I noticed one of the girls in the group as she was getting up to use the bathroom. She had African/Somali cheekbones. More importantly, I could tell from her tight shirt that she had huge (fake?) tits and from her tight pants that she had a nice big (fake?) ass. Believe me, she was physically gorgeous. And I just happen to have a condom right next to me, given to me by her friend. You know, I had half a mind to be a creep, go up to her, contraceptive in hand, and say, "Hey, your friend gave me this, and after looking at you, I think I know who to use this on!" But I didn't. I think we exchanged a half-smile after she came back after her group left because she needed to retrieve her keys.
Anyway, thanks for the rubber, random dude!
I'm working on my receipts when I see one of the guys in this party come up to me. I was assuming he was going to ask me something, or maybe ask to take a picture of the group. But instead, without saying a word, he slips me a condom on my table, right next to my mouse.
Two things. First, I would've said something to the effect of, "Naw, man, thanks, but if you know my sex life, there's no way I would ever need this." But, truth be told, I have been thinking about fucking ****y again. She was the one who gave me a handie but said that she would have let me inside her if I gloved up. I have since imagined arranging something with ****y, and then after I show up at her apartment, I'd whip myself out and show her that I already had a condom on my dick and thus I was ready to get down. I'd love to see the reaction on her face. But I had no intention on buying a rubber. Maybe if I, say, went to the U. and saw a health department or a student group giving condoms away I would get one, but I wasn't going to go out of my way to grab one. Well, one was just given to me. I take it as a sign that I should call up ****y again and tell her it's time.
Second, I noticed one of the girls in the group as she was getting up to use the bathroom. She had African/Somali cheekbones. More importantly, I could tell from her tight shirt that she had huge (fake?) tits and from her tight pants that she had a nice big (fake?) ass. Believe me, she was physically gorgeous. And I just happen to have a condom right next to me, given to me by her friend. You know, I had half a mind to be a creep, go up to her, contraceptive in hand, and say, "Hey, your friend gave me this, and after looking at you, I think I know who to use this on!" But I didn't. I think we exchanged a half-smile after she came back after her group left because she needed to retrieve her keys.
Anyway, thanks for the rubber, random dude!
Friday, September 7, 2018
A Health Update
OK, so it doesn't burn when I pee anymore. I think it started to get better, real talk, on Tuesday when the earliest time I could see the urologist was next month. Then I was like, "Well, penis, you might as well deal with it, because I can't see a piss doctor sooner." And I think my cock was like, "Well, if we're gonna wait that long, I might as well get better." I felt nothing as of Wednesday. And it's a damn miracle. I feel so free now.
However, I may have pink eye. The craziest thing, but my left eye has been red the past few days or so, but my right eye has not. Isn't that pink eye? Should I wear sunglasses, like I remember my schoolmates doing when they had pink eye? More importantly, is this in any way related to my piss hose? Could the infection that infected my dick have traveled up to my left eyeball? I'm serious!
Oh, and for the past week or so my right index finger has been hurting, especially around the fingernail. I think it began right around the time I was using that and my right thumb to pick my nose hairs. Maybe I used it so much that I bruised it or something, but whenever I touch something with that finger, it hurts, and it's noticeable.
However, I may have pink eye. The craziest thing, but my left eye has been red the past few days or so, but my right eye has not. Isn't that pink eye? Should I wear sunglasses, like I remember my schoolmates doing when they had pink eye? More importantly, is this in any way related to my piss hose? Could the infection that infected my dick have traveled up to my left eyeball? I'm serious!
Oh, and for the past week or so my right index finger has been hurting, especially around the fingernail. I think it began right around the time I was using that and my right thumb to pick my nose hairs. Maybe I used it so much that I bruised it or something, but whenever I touch something with that finger, it hurts, and it's noticeable.
Thursday, September 6, 2018
Everything Went Fuckin' Sideways On Me In The Last, Like, 36 Hours
I was hoping for a non-eventful week where I would come down from the high of the Minnesota State Fair and Labor Day, enjoy Tuesday off, mow the lawn after work and auction my fantasy football team on Wednesday, pick up Potbelly and eat it while watching the beginning of the NFL Thursday, do nothing on Friday, then work the Vikings game over the weekend while squeezing in my alma mater's game at our usual spot. And this is where I say that the best laid plans are often ruined.
Start Tuesday night, when, out of the blue, one of the guys from The League (just between you and me, I consider him to be the slightly creepy scofflaw of the bunch) e-mailed and said he doesn't want to play anymore. That fucks all of us over because that means we are at an odd number of teams, and with a non-even number, we can't draft. Now, it turns out that Yahoo! Sports has instituted a new policy whereby a "bot" team can be created in order for leagues with odd numbers to draft and play. I don't know how new this feature is. But it saved our asses, even though this is an auto-team that will not pony up the $100 ante from which the rest of us humans could win.
In the meantime I'm squaring away the site of my alumni club's next game this weekend. I assumed it would be at our old place, our home for games for the past, uh, eight years or so. But I just got an e-mail from the head manager saying that he didn't realize until well, last night I guess that our game conflicts with the UFC PPV event. I don't remember them holding UFC PPV events, but I guess they are now, and it looks as though it'll be so crowded that we'll be crowded out. So I now have to hightail it downtown and either find some place that'll house us on short notice or tell the head manager face-to-face that we'll swallow our pride, hold our breaths in and squeeze into a corner to watch the game there.
Look, I don't think either the person who wanted out of fantasy football or the head manager of this bar are dicks. I don't really think they pulled dick moves, either. But the commonality with both of them is that they dropped bad news on me way too late. With some foresight (easy foresight from the scofflaw fantasy footballer), I could have been given enough of a head's-up where, even though I wouldn't like it, I would have ample time to come up with a solution. Now, there's no harm, no foul with The League, and I guess we could make do with a shitty situation come Saturday night. But I really could have used some advanced warning.
---
Oh, and while those two predicaments were unfurling, Mother was fucking freaking out at LAX. She called me twice to beg me to write a letter to a property management company over fines the homeowners' association in which they own a property levied against them. It's a complicated issue, I have found; it's been going on for a long time, and my folks are definitely not at fault. But Mother kept complaining and pleading that she doesn't know what to do, and she's scared and anxious, and she demanded that I write an e-mail to the prop managers basically saying, "I'm so skirred, what should I do now?" And I really don't think it's necessary because I read the chain of e-mails between my parents, the company and the HOA, and there's really nothing that can be done until the HOA rules on my folks' appeal on the fines. But Mother is losing it like a sundowning Alzheimer's patient -- she can't be suffering from ... can she? -- and what actually felt good because she was being needy towards me for once turned into outright annoyance. "Alright, I'll send an e-mail before I go to bed!" I screamed at her before I hung up the phone. Goddamn, she is fucking impossible to deal with. And I know that she's not going to be satisfied with my e-mail and she's gonna let me hear about it because she thinks she can.
---
But hey, it doesn't hurt when I pee anymore! Then again, my left eye has been red the past two days (but not my right -- do I have pink eye?). Say, could they be related? Am I having an infection that started in my dick but floated up to my eyeball? Oh, well, my eye feels better now, so at least I'm healthy, right?!
Start Tuesday night, when, out of the blue, one of the guys from The League (just between you and me, I consider him to be the slightly creepy scofflaw of the bunch) e-mailed and said he doesn't want to play anymore. That fucks all of us over because that means we are at an odd number of teams, and with a non-even number, we can't draft. Now, it turns out that Yahoo! Sports has instituted a new policy whereby a "bot" team can be created in order for leagues with odd numbers to draft and play. I don't know how new this feature is. But it saved our asses, even though this is an auto-team that will not pony up the $100 ante from which the rest of us humans could win.
In the meantime I'm squaring away the site of my alumni club's next game this weekend. I assumed it would be at our old place, our home for games for the past, uh, eight years or so. But I just got an e-mail from the head manager saying that he didn't realize until well, last night I guess that our game conflicts with the UFC PPV event. I don't remember them holding UFC PPV events, but I guess they are now, and it looks as though it'll be so crowded that we'll be crowded out. So I now have to hightail it downtown and either find some place that'll house us on short notice or tell the head manager face-to-face that we'll swallow our pride, hold our breaths in and squeeze into a corner to watch the game there.
Look, I don't think either the person who wanted out of fantasy football or the head manager of this bar are dicks. I don't really think they pulled dick moves, either. But the commonality with both of them is that they dropped bad news on me way too late. With some foresight (easy foresight from the scofflaw fantasy footballer), I could have been given enough of a head's-up where, even though I wouldn't like it, I would have ample time to come up with a solution. Now, there's no harm, no foul with The League, and I guess we could make do with a shitty situation come Saturday night. But I really could have used some advanced warning.
---
Oh, and while those two predicaments were unfurling, Mother was fucking freaking out at LAX. She called me twice to beg me to write a letter to a property management company over fines the homeowners' association in which they own a property levied against them. It's a complicated issue, I have found; it's been going on for a long time, and my folks are definitely not at fault. But Mother kept complaining and pleading that she doesn't know what to do, and she's scared and anxious, and she demanded that I write an e-mail to the prop managers basically saying, "I'm so skirred, what should I do now?" And I really don't think it's necessary because I read the chain of e-mails between my parents, the company and the HOA, and there's really nothing that can be done until the HOA rules on my folks' appeal on the fines. But Mother is losing it like a sundowning Alzheimer's patient -- she can't be suffering from ... can she? -- and what actually felt good because she was being needy towards me for once turned into outright annoyance. "Alright, I'll send an e-mail before I go to bed!" I screamed at her before I hung up the phone. Goddamn, she is fucking impossible to deal with. And I know that she's not going to be satisfied with my e-mail and she's gonna let me hear about it because she thinks she can.
---
But hey, it doesn't hurt when I pee anymore! Then again, my left eye has been red the past two days (but not my right -- do I have pink eye?). Say, could they be related? Am I having an infection that started in my dick but floated up to my eyeball? Oh, well, my eye feels better now, so at least I'm healthy, right?!
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
My 2017 Playboy Playmate Of The Year
Before the year is through I should select someone.
And I wish I could consider these 12 girls more than I am. However, I have things to do right now. And also, you have to remember that in 2017 Playboy changed their minds about nudity and started to show tits again. That's all great, but without full nudity I find myself much less compelled to, uh, ruminate over the beauty of these girls. Saying that, I think they might be showing bush again this year ... blog post about this might be ahead.
This transition back started in the March/April issue (they might be flip-flopping over nudity, but not over cutting down to only six issues per year, goddammit), so although they are obviously cute, Miss January, Bridget Malcolm and Miss February, Joy Corrigan are immediately disqualified. From there ... uh, well, I posted a perverted comment on one of the Instagrams of Miss March, Elizabeth Elam, and she removed it and had me reported, so fuck her. And about Miss November, Ines Rau, the first-ever transgender Playmate: I don't mind that PB picked a tranny PM, if only to see Republicans get all grossed out and shit over it. But if Playboy is going to commit to making one a Playmate, they need to go all the way. You may not know this, but Rau did not show any lady parts. No, in a flashback all the way back to the Jan./Feb. issue, her tits and pussy remained hidden. I really do think the magazine wants to be progressive, but in this spread, it teased and then ultimately chickened out.
Everybody else is OK, I guess, but frankly, it's difficult to single out one centerfold above the others when they're all so ... good enough, you know? I certainly would not have selected Miss April, Nina Daniele, who has become the Playmate Of The Year. My runner-up is Allie Leggett, Miss December. She has some fantastic-sized bazoombas, and she is a former pageant girl; she was Miss Kentucky 2013 and went on to compete in the Miss USA pageant. She resumes a long line of pristine pageant beauties who went on to take off that tiara and evening gown and show everything (well, at least her boobs), yow!
But my pick for PMOY goes to Miss July, Dana Taylor. If everyone is playing on the same, even, fallow playing field (no pussy), I have to find some other differentiation. And that comes in what the photographer poses the Playmate in. So credit goes to tog (I think that's what people in the biz call "photographers" these days) Derek Kettela for choosing a water/scuba theme. He has Taylor partially wearing a one-piece swimsuit, except that her neon orange suit is unzipped from the front, and so her ample boobage is flashing through, as if she's stripping on the ocean water. For those two shots alone, I select Dana Taylor as my Playboy Playmate Of The Year.
Of course, I would fuck all of these women.
And I wish I could consider these 12 girls more than I am. However, I have things to do right now. And also, you have to remember that in 2017 Playboy changed their minds about nudity and started to show tits again. That's all great, but without full nudity I find myself much less compelled to, uh, ruminate over the beauty of these girls. Saying that, I think they might be showing bush again this year ... blog post about this might be ahead.
This transition back started in the March/April issue (they might be flip-flopping over nudity, but not over cutting down to only six issues per year, goddammit), so although they are obviously cute, Miss January, Bridget Malcolm and Miss February, Joy Corrigan are immediately disqualified. From there ... uh, well, I posted a perverted comment on one of the Instagrams of Miss March, Elizabeth Elam, and she removed it and had me reported, so fuck her. And about Miss November, Ines Rau, the first-ever transgender Playmate: I don't mind that PB picked a tranny PM, if only to see Republicans get all grossed out and shit over it. But if Playboy is going to commit to making one a Playmate, they need to go all the way. You may not know this, but Rau did not show any lady parts. No, in a flashback all the way back to the Jan./Feb. issue, her tits and pussy remained hidden. I really do think the magazine wants to be progressive, but in this spread, it teased and then ultimately chickened out.
Everybody else is OK, I guess, but frankly, it's difficult to single out one centerfold above the others when they're all so ... good enough, you know? I certainly would not have selected Miss April, Nina Daniele, who has become the Playmate Of The Year. My runner-up is Allie Leggett, Miss December. She has some fantastic-sized bazoombas, and she is a former pageant girl; she was Miss Kentucky 2013 and went on to compete in the Miss USA pageant. She resumes a long line of pristine pageant beauties who went on to take off that tiara and evening gown and show everything (well, at least her boobs), yow!
But my pick for PMOY goes to Miss July, Dana Taylor. If everyone is playing on the same, even, fallow playing field (no pussy), I have to find some other differentiation. And that comes in what the photographer poses the Playmate in. So credit goes to tog (I think that's what people in the biz call "photographers" these days) Derek Kettela for choosing a water/scuba theme. He has Taylor partially wearing a one-piece swimsuit, except that her neon orange suit is unzipped from the front, and so her ample boobage is flashing through, as if she's stripping on the ocean water. For those two shots alone, I select Dana Taylor as my Playboy Playmate Of The Year.
Of course, I would fuck all of these women.
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
No? Not An STD?
Alright, now that it's not, I can talk about it freely.
Just got the results from tests I took before the weekend about my hurting dick. I knew from my doctor's last visit that it wasn't a urinary tract infection, which made me think that it absolutely had to be a venereal disease. But it turns out my results are all negative. I don't have a sexually-transmitted disease! I am clean as fuck, baby!
But I don't know if that's a good thing.
Hear me out. The way my doc told this, if it were a VD, he could prescribe me antibacterials to clear it up. (When he said this, he said, "If the tests for STDs are positive, great!" And I'm going, is it really great that I could have an STD?) But if my VD test is negative, then, what do I have? It still burns when I pee, and even though I know it's not an STD, what the hell is it?
So my next step is setting up an appointment with this urologist my doc referred me to, and hopefully I'll have time to do it today, but now I made this spill after trying to fill up the water pot and then I want to go out to the U. to get first-day-of-school free stuff. I get the day off from work, and I'm busy, and I'm pissing a firehose. (sigh)
Oh, by the way, just to let you know, if the tests turned out to be positive, and that I did have a VD, I sure as hell wouldn't tell. Come on, I have my principles!
Just got the results from tests I took before the weekend about my hurting dick. I knew from my doctor's last visit that it wasn't a urinary tract infection, which made me think that it absolutely had to be a venereal disease. But it turns out my results are all negative. I don't have a sexually-transmitted disease! I am clean as fuck, baby!
But I don't know if that's a good thing.
Hear me out. The way my doc told this, if it were a VD, he could prescribe me antibacterials to clear it up. (When he said this, he said, "If the tests for STDs are positive, great!" And I'm going, is it really great that I could have an STD?) But if my VD test is negative, then, what do I have? It still burns when I pee, and even though I know it's not an STD, what the hell is it?
So my next step is setting up an appointment with this urologist my doc referred me to, and hopefully I'll have time to do it today, but now I made this spill after trying to fill up the water pot and then I want to go out to the U. to get first-day-of-school free stuff. I get the day off from work, and I'm busy, and I'm pissing a firehose. (sigh)
Oh, by the way, just to let you know, if the tests turned out to be positive, and that I did have a VD, I sure as hell wouldn't tell. Come on, I have my principles!
Monday, September 3, 2018
The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey
#-1: Gopher football (Re-Entry!). I don't know what is there to glean from the team's season-opening 48-10 victory Thursday over New Mexico St., a program that is already 0-2, got kicked out of the Sun Belt Conference, is trying to make a go of it as an independent and should by all rights drop down to second-flight college football. Of course, if somehow the Aggies marched into TCF Bank Stadium and beat the Gophers, I'd be losing my shit. But they won, convincingly, so I don't have to worry about that.
All I will say is that this is P.J. Fleck's second year. He may not have all of his players installed in his program, but he got his mulligan last year. Going 5-7 last year wasn't bad, and there were a couple losses that could have been victories with a break or two. But I've heard at least one person believe that this club won't win more than four games this year, and that would be a disaster. I need to see improvement. A bowl game, even a shitty one that occurs in mid-December, is a reasonable goal. And the schedule is lined up so that there are enough games against similarly-mediocre programs where Fleck and Row the Boat to, and I am not joking, eight or nine wins. And it is not unreasonable to expect the Gophers to defeat Fresno St., also at home, this Saturday evening.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). OK, what I thought these players need to do, sweep all three matches of their Diet Coke Classic, they did. Nevertheless, I am not impressed with North Dakota St., Georgia Southern and Arkansas as opponents, so compared to that, I didn't really have any program putting this squad behind a Gopher football team that might struggle all year. I am just surprised as hell that even after their struggles against two vastly superior teams in the previous week's Big Ten/ACC Challenge, they rose in the AVCA Top 25 from #4 to #3 -- although that was mostly because Nebraska lost to Florida (in an actually tough non-conference tournament, the VERT Challenge) and dropped from second to fifth.
I still have doubts as to how tough this team is. Maybe I will get answers this upcoming weekend in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge (can a conference play in two Challenges against two different BcS conferences in the same season?). The Gophers and Penn St. represent the B1G in Stanford; the Gophs will play Oregon Friday and then the host Cardinal less than 24 hours later.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). A 2-4 screening week, losing series to Cleveland and Texas, both on the road. This listless week was punctuated Sunday with an 18-4 drubbing at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, where the foes racked up 16 runs between the Fifth and Eighth Innings and only one Rangers player, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, did not come around to score a Run in the contest, and that's only because he came in as a Pinch-Hitter in the bottom of the Eighth.
This squad has been largely irrelevant since, oh, the All-Star Break. But now that football season and autumn is winding up, it makes it that much easier to even forget that the Twinks are still playing. Maybe moreso since, after playing three in Houston beginning this (Monday) afternoon for a special Labor Day game, they will come home and play a trio with Kansas City. Will anyone show up?
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). It's weird; I always make a point to attend U. of M. non-con games because they feature teams that may not ever come up here ever again. For the novelty alone I want to see them; I'm sure I'll attend a game vs. Michigan St. or Illinois some time before I die. Customarily women's soccer teams play non-conference matches and tournaments for the first four weeks of the season. But it looks as though I will attend none of them this year.
How did that work? The Minnesota female XI began their year in Utah. They came home to the Robbie for a mini-tournament, of which I intended to actually go to all three matches being played on that weekend. But because of lightning, officials and the teams involved decided to split up the planned Doubleheader that Thursday; I had my heart set on seeing back-to-back matches, so I didn't want to go when it was determined the Iowa-Washington St. match was going to kick off early, around noon time. (Turns out that there were so many weather delays that it was decided that that match was cancelled.) I was going to see the match versus the Cougars Sunday right after watching the EPL downtown, but again, due to inclement weather, it was decided that the time would be moved up by two hours, and I decided I wanted to watch soccer on TV and cash in on a deal provided by The Local.
This week things went sideways on me. There was a game Thursday night, vs. DePaul, but I decided to help *****e*, one of the strippers I get to fuck, move. And on Sunday Stanford -- which is #1, of all things -- would be playing at high noon, but I already made plans to help out Mensa at the Minnesota State Fair around that time. There's one non-con game left, Friday against North Dakota St., but ... shoot, it's North Dakota St. It's not that exotic of a school, is it? They'll be around here to play again, I'm sure of it.
So at any rate I'm not playing on seeing any matches with this club for a while. And that's probably a good thing because these young women went winless this screening week. The Blue Devils beat the Goofers 1-0, and although Molly Fiedler tied up the match against The Farm in the 75th Minute to send the game into Overtime, Stanford's Sam Hiatt gave the foes the 2-1 Golden Goal victory in the 94th. The U. is now on a three-game losing streak, and more importantly, it has given up pretty much all of its CV in case it winds up a bubble team drawing comparisons with other bubble teams. At this point these Goofs need to play nearly flawlessly in-conference ... although they need to finish up their non-con against the Bison on Friday.
All I will say is that this is P.J. Fleck's second year. He may not have all of his players installed in his program, but he got his mulligan last year. Going 5-7 last year wasn't bad, and there were a couple losses that could have been victories with a break or two. But I've heard at least one person believe that this club won't win more than four games this year, and that would be a disaster. I need to see improvement. A bowl game, even a shitty one that occurs in mid-December, is a reasonable goal. And the schedule is lined up so that there are enough games against similarly-mediocre programs where Fleck and Row the Boat to, and I am not joking, eight or nine wins. And it is not unreasonable to expect the Gophers to defeat Fresno St., also at home, this Saturday evening.
#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). OK, what I thought these players need to do, sweep all three matches of their Diet Coke Classic, they did. Nevertheless, I am not impressed with North Dakota St., Georgia Southern and Arkansas as opponents, so compared to that, I didn't really have any program putting this squad behind a Gopher football team that might struggle all year. I am just surprised as hell that even after their struggles against two vastly superior teams in the previous week's Big Ten/ACC Challenge, they rose in the AVCA Top 25 from #4 to #3 -- although that was mostly because Nebraska lost to Florida (in an actually tough non-conference tournament, the VERT Challenge) and dropped from second to fifth.
I still have doubts as to how tough this team is. Maybe I will get answers this upcoming weekend in the Big Ten/Pac-12 Challenge (can a conference play in two Challenges against two different BcS conferences in the same season?). The Gophers and Penn St. represent the B1G in Stanford; the Gophs will play Oregon Friday and then the host Cardinal less than 24 hours later.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). A 2-4 screening week, losing series to Cleveland and Texas, both on the road. This listless week was punctuated Sunday with an 18-4 drubbing at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, where the foes racked up 16 runs between the Fifth and Eighth Innings and only one Rangers player, Isiah Kiner-Falefa, did not come around to score a Run in the contest, and that's only because he came in as a Pinch-Hitter in the bottom of the Eighth.
This squad has been largely irrelevant since, oh, the All-Star Break. But now that football season and autumn is winding up, it makes it that much easier to even forget that the Twinks are still playing. Maybe moreso since, after playing three in Houston beginning this (Monday) afternoon for a special Labor Day game, they will come home and play a trio with Kansas City. Will anyone show up?
#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). It's weird; I always make a point to attend U. of M. non-con games because they feature teams that may not ever come up here ever again. For the novelty alone I want to see them; I'm sure I'll attend a game vs. Michigan St. or Illinois some time before I die. Customarily women's soccer teams play non-conference matches and tournaments for the first four weeks of the season. But it looks as though I will attend none of them this year.
How did that work? The Minnesota female XI began their year in Utah. They came home to the Robbie for a mini-tournament, of which I intended to actually go to all three matches being played on that weekend. But because of lightning, officials and the teams involved decided to split up the planned Doubleheader that Thursday; I had my heart set on seeing back-to-back matches, so I didn't want to go when it was determined the Iowa-Washington St. match was going to kick off early, around noon time. (Turns out that there were so many weather delays that it was decided that that match was cancelled.) I was going to see the match versus the Cougars Sunday right after watching the EPL downtown, but again, due to inclement weather, it was decided that the time would be moved up by two hours, and I decided I wanted to watch soccer on TV and cash in on a deal provided by The Local.
This week things went sideways on me. There was a game Thursday night, vs. DePaul, but I decided to help *****e*, one of the strippers I get to fuck, move. And on Sunday Stanford -- which is #1, of all things -- would be playing at high noon, but I already made plans to help out Mensa at the Minnesota State Fair around that time. There's one non-con game left, Friday against North Dakota St., but ... shoot, it's North Dakota St. It's not that exotic of a school, is it? They'll be around here to play again, I'm sure of it.
So at any rate I'm not playing on seeing any matches with this club for a while. And that's probably a good thing because these young women went winless this screening week. The Blue Devils beat the Goofers 1-0, and although Molly Fiedler tied up the match against The Farm in the 75th Minute to send the game into Overtime, Stanford's Sam Hiatt gave the foes the 2-1 Golden Goal victory in the 94th. The U. is now on a three-game losing streak, and more importantly, it has given up pretty much all of its CV in case it winds up a bubble team drawing comparisons with other bubble teams. At this point these Goofs need to play nearly flawlessly in-conference ... although they need to finish up their non-con against the Bison on Friday.
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