Goddamn I Hate Motherfucking March Madness

Gonzaga.  Kentucky.  Duke.  I had three teams that I picked that could have gotten to the Final Four if they won their Regional Finals this weekend.  (I had no shot of winning anything in either of my bracket pools.  Unlike what I said on WAF before, I did not realize that I was already eliminated from my frenemy's pool.)  It's been at least three years since I correctly picked a Final Four team.  I can't win any money, so breaking this streak and thus showing I can predict something right is now the only thing I'm living for.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK FUCKING HAPPENED?!  GONZAGA -- DEAD!  KENTUCKY -- DEAD!!  DUKE -- DEAD!!!  I GO 0-FOR-3 -- 0-FOR-3!!!  HOW DOES THAT FUCKING HAPPEN?!?!  WHY DOES THIS BULLSHIT ONLY FUCKING HAPPEN TO ME?!  WHY CAN'T I CHOOSE FINAL FOUR TEAMS ANYMORE?!  AND WHY IN THE FUCK DID I TRICK MYSELF INTO PLAYING THIS STUPID, CRUEL FUCKING GAME AGAIN?!?!?!

And now do I realize that it may have been incredibly stupid of me to bet on this tournament because I am working the Final Four.  I am lying to myself right now, thinking that losing three of my Final Four teams this weekend simply could not have happened.  Because if I truly accept the fact that I swung and missed on not one, not two, but three Elite 8 games and going from having something to look forward to in The Big Dance's final weekend into being done early for the fourth fucking year in a row ... well, I might just fucking throw myself off a bridge.  Seriously, this could cause me to have a real bad fucking attitude, and I don't want to feel that while I'm working a job concerning that bracket.

(Aside: Even though I just had dinner, I spent an hour almost polishing off a whole bag of Doritos.  My rage and depression is seeping out in the form of eating my feelings.  Do you know a whole bag contains 1,500 calories?  And I just ate, like, 1,350 or so?)

I should have just stepped away from gambling for just this one year, so I won't be swayed by any teams that reached the Final Four.  I could have come into this gig with no skin in the game and thus a clean slate on which I could project a positive attitude.  But ... no, I had to think that I could master The Big Dance this time around.

Boy, am I so goddamn wrong.

Goddamn, I hate motherfucking March Madness.

Why Aren't I More Nervous?

Starting later this morning I will be helping out for the Final Four.  Will be doing that for the whole week.  One of the great perks of my job is their version of Paid Time Off.  I will be using it for the whole week in order to work at Oooos-Bahnk Stadium.  In other words, I will get paid for two jobs for this week.  Is that called double-dipping?  Do some jobs frown upon that?  Who cares, I need the money!

And yet ... I have worked with the network before, but not in this capacity; football, but never basketball.  I really can't assume anything.  For one thing, the set-up on the field will be vastly different.  I can't rely on going up to the booth because I know the announcers will be courtside.  And where is courtside?  I saw the early-season games at the stadium, but I think the set-up for the Final Four will be different.  Moreover, besides the person I've been speaking with to get this job, I don't know anyone for this event.  And this network keeps an aloof distance from the local help; I could be bullied and mistreated for an entire week if I have to answer to dicks.  In that sense, I should be more nervous about what I've gotten myself into.

And that's not even considering getting there.  I believe that the security apparatus for the Final Four will be similar, if not the same, as the Super Bowl.  At least I have instructions on where to go and what I need to do.  It's just that, once I do go there and do what I need to do, I am not treated like chattel.  But I have no right to think I won't, will I?

2019 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4

Record, Round 3: 4-2
Overall Record: 22-15
Total Outlay, Round 3: $500.00
Total Return, Round 3: $668.15
Gain, Round 3: $168.15
Overall Gain: $1,835.39

I continue to do well.  Nailed four of my five single bets, and although the one that I lost (Florida St. +7 1/2) was part of my only parlay, I eked out a small profit and thus further burnished my payroll.

In the meantime (and please indulge me here), my setback after Round 1 in both my pools has subsided.  In the big pool, where, frankly, all is already lost, I missed out on Michigan and North Carolina, but I still have Duke, Kentucky and Gonzaga all alive to make the Final Four.  That puts me in better-than-fair position for my other pool, where I still have those three to make the Final Four, which is that pool's main objective.  Now, knowing my luck all three damn teams will lose.  (If they do, I will seriously, seriously consider quitting this.)  And even if all three teams get in, I will be forced into tie-breakers because a lot of other people had the Blue Devils, Wildcats and Bulldogs making it, too.  But there were some dark days after Round 1 this time last week.  All I could do was hold and see better days, and yes, those days are better, IRL and with these fake Anti-Picks.

---

I have to make an announcement: This will be the last stage at which I gamble fake.  As you probably already know, the Final Four is in Minneapolis this year, and I have been able to snag a job working it.  As such, I think it is unethical for me to these picks, even if they are fake.  I want to keep some distance to ensure I remain employed in a job that I love.

With that being said, I can take one final run at the Regional Finals:

1) Texas Tech +4 (I am a pessimist, and the Red Raiders still have the most efficient defense in top-flight college basketball.  I am a big proponent on using margins of victory in The Big Dance as an indicator of strength.  Both TTU and Gonzaga won by double digits.  I was heartened to see the Zags crush a Florida St. team that matched up well against them on paper.  But I also see the Raiders stifling Michigan.  Might as well bet against myself) $100

2) Virginia -4 1/2 (I have to admit I want to punish the Cavaliers for losing to UMBC as the overall #1 seed last year.  They won't ever live that down.  But winning it all this year will make up for a lot of that, and I'm afraid they'll steamroll Purdue to get to here) $100

3) Michigan St. +1 1/2 (I have doubted Tom Izzo -- after considering him to be the best pound-for-pound coach in the land -- for the past several years, so, like with Kentucky, it would be my comeuppance to pick against them, because I have Duke winning it all.  Yes, Virginia Tech matched up well against them.  But this is a second nail-biter the supposed kings of the hill had to endure, and I don't know if one can escape with a third consecutive close call) $100

4) Hell, parlay all three of them, for $50.

Good luck!

So ... What's Going On With The Group?

I'm getting blindsided by this, and frankly, I don't know how much I should care.

My membership with these guys is coming up soon.  In fact, I had planned on re-upping later today.  Other people who are members get together on Facebook; I am in one of the groups.  Lot of silly shit, mostly memes.  I have to admit there's been more than one occasion where I'm scrolling through and I'm thinking, "What use is this to me?"

But yesterday, as my notifications once again told me there was more activity there, I gleaned a bit of news.  Apparently, some members who are members of the Facebook group I am a member of (still with me?) have been kicked out.  Of what, I am still not quite sure.  But it seems as though a bunch of these guys got tossed from ... this place because they chose not to, or have not been, upstanding members of the main group for a while because they haven't paid their dues.  This apparently has been a sore spot for a long time, and just recently someone acted on a "membership" purge.

I have no freakin' clue how this pertains to me.  But all those who got expelled quickly formed their own Facebook group, of which I was invited and accepted.  And, at least through this first day, their main comments regard how they were removed and how those people suck.  Content-wise, it is just as irrelevant to my stress-filled life as the first Facebook group was.  And right now I am a member of both.

There is no inner tension with me, just bewilderment.  And I will say that, assuming I remember, I'm renewing my membership.  But this schism brings to mind a couple things: Rumblings I have heard in the past about a major division within this group and how split has never really healed; and the concept of joining a group, of paying money to be a member and doing things such as making friends and having beers -- two activities you can do without necessarily paying dues to a group.  In other words, What price friendship?

That's all I got.

2019 March Madness, Anti-Picks, Round 3

Record, Round 2: 5-6
Overall Record: 18-13
Total Outlay, Round 2: $1,100.00
Total Return, Round 2: $1,240.85
Gain, Round 2: $140.85
Overall Gain: $1,667.24

The Round of 32 went unlike most Rounds of 32.  I'm not talking about the blowouts, although there were so many of them (LSU-Maryland and, more importantly, Duke-UCF) that in has put a damper on this year's edition of March Madness.  But what I am talking about are the lack of upsets.  Note the seed numbers, ordered here in descending order within the four regions: 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-5, 1-2-3-12.  I remember the exact order of seeds for another tournament, and through Wikipedia I just found the year: 2009, exactly a decade ago, the Sweet 16 comprised the exact same 16 seeds.  In fact, the "Cinderella" came from the Pac-10/12; Oregon this year, Arizona then.  I don't remember how thrilling (or not) the Round of 32 was ten years ago, but like back in 2009, it showed that the favorites won out.  This year, through the explosion of routs, the favorites really won out.

Because of that I thought my bets, leaning heavily (as usual) on underdogs, would sink my round.  It did not.  It helped that the three favorites I gambled on (Michigan St., Auburn and Oregon) all beat the spread.  But Central Florida executed the perfect plan to (almost) take out the Blue Devils, and I got extraordinarily lucky that Iowa found its heart and came back from 20+ down to force Overtime on Tennessee; the Hawkeyes lost, but only by six, thus beating its +8 spread.  Wish the four-team parlay came through, but I also wished I did not put in 11), which was the number of the parlay itself.  Have to catch those errors.  But I wound up with a modest profit.

---

I have heard that this year, the top eight teams are noticeably better than the rest.  I also note that in 2009, the Elite 8 turned out to have a pair of 1-2 matchups and a pair of 1-3 matchups.  Will history repeat itself in 2019?

1) Florida St. +7 1/2 (Uh, no.  Well, history will repeat itself -- from last year, when the Seminoles dispatched Gonzaga in this same round [and, I think, this same West Region].  But FSU still has the length and athleticism to patrol the paint on one end and bull to the hole in the other.  This is a chic dog pick, so I'm wondering why the odds are so much in the Bulldogs' favor.  But I will bet. ...) $100

2) Texas Tech +2 (The Red Raiders have the top Adjusted Defensive Efficiency Rating according to Ken Pomeroy, and even though I think that statistic should be downplayed in the wake of such good shooting this days [and especially the last round], I think they could be too much to handle for a Michigan club that can get cold at times) $100

3) Oregon +8 1/2 (I still don't trust Virginia.  Plus the Ducks are playing a lot better, and in particular shooting the three a lot better, lately) $50

4) Michigan St. -6 (I really don't know how LSU is surviving despite losing Head Coach Will Wade.  And I'm not really high on the Spartans.  This is a flyer, so it's a small-bet flyer) $50

5) Virginia Tech +7 (The Golden Knights unveiled the perfect strategy to defeat Duke.  Plus, the Hokies defeated the Blue Devils at home during the regular season.  The Hokies have the muscle to go toe-to-toe with Duke, and they sure as hell aren't scared of them either) $150

6) Parlay 1) and 5) together, for $50.

Good luck!

No, I Do Not Believe

Whatever Attorney General Bill Barr said, that Special Counsel Bob Mueller found no evidence that Donald Trump conspired with Russia to win the presidential election nor that he obstructed justice ... bullshit.

Bull.  Shit.

He colluded with Russia.  And he has done so many things to cover up that collusion.  The facts -- the truth -- is out there, if you are of a correct mind and what to find it out.  Let's start with David Corn's fantastic takedowns, both before and after Barr's sham of a summary.  You might fuss over the details, although I think doing so helps Republicans who have been trying to obfuscate this whole treason, but the bottom line is Donald Trump and his people (and, in my belief, Republicans) coordinated with Russia to help Trump get elected.

I have to admit that I felt that Bob Mueller would save us with his report.  It didn't.  But the reaction to his report, and Barr's fake interpretation of Mueller's report, has, frankly, pissed me off.  What Barr has done is a goddamn lie, but I have seen Democrats, in the wake of this report, either begrudgingly accept the findings of the report (which, again, is false because BILL BARR IS ONLY GIVING HIS BIASED OPINION OF THE REPORT) or, worse, pivoting to other pressing issues that Trump is fucking up and saying, basically, "Oh, I really didn't think the Mueller report was going to show anything anyway -- it didn't matter!"  That deflection is the province of a Republican weasel.

The reaction by the #Resistance -- either desperate reframing of the narrative or dejection over this contrived spin -- is deeply dispiriting.  Why aren't more people fighting?  Why aren't more people believing their own eyes and ears?  Why are they not bringing up all the people around Trump who have been indicted and are going to jail?  Why are they not bringing up the fact that Trump has been going to bat for Vladimir Putin like the buttboy he is?  And why in the hell are they not bringing up the fact that Trump isn't doing shit to protect are elections for 2020?  There is too much circumstantial evidence not to believe in conspiracy and obstruction of justice, and yet people on my side have just ... forgotten about it?

No, I have not forgotten.  And no, I do not believe.  I still do not believe.  I can see with my own eyes what this "president" and his party has done to win the presidency.  And if Bob Mueller somehow lets Trump off the hook in his full report, which should be made public, and now -- and by the way, I blame Bob Mueller for not doing the obvious thing and stand up this own Republicans in order to save this country -- I still will not believe Trump is exonerated.  He and his Republicans are guilty as fuck.  I will believe that to my dying day.  And goddammit, I will do everything I possibly can to stop them.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  It is impossible to determine which team should be on top this week.  Both the baseballers and softballers lost a midweek non-conference game, but then opened up Big Ten play with a sweep out East.

It is a toss-up, but I'll give this week to the male Nine.  Despite losing at Pepperdine 13-12, they swept Penn St. over the weekend.  (Friday's game was rain-delayed to make a Sunday Doubleheader.)  With their record non-con record -- and a loss to the Waves does not help -- the only way they can make the NCAA Tournament is to have a sterling record in-conference, if not win the conference tourney around Memorial Weekend.

They actually start the home portion of their season against Augsburg Wednesday, in a Game hastily put together.  They then host Nebraska for three.

#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  The softball Nine swept at Maryland over the weekend -- Saturday's 19-5 rout was mercy-ruled after Five Innings -- but I put them lower than the baseball U. because they went to Florida Wednesday and lost to the Gators, 2-0.  Kendyl Lindaman, who was once an All-American for the Gophers before transferring to Florida over the winter, went 1-for-3, walked and drove in two against her former team.  So not only did an ex-Gopher play well against the Gophers, her new team won.  That has to hurt.  And so I place this club before the baseball squad.

Like the baseballers, Minnesota finally opens up the home portion of their conference schedule this weekend with a three-game series vs. Purdue.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6).  Beat Memphis Saturday, but that was after defeats vs. Golden State and Charlotte, and I believe that even with the win over the Grizzlies, the Wolves were officially eliminated Saturday.  The team acted as though they were eliminated before then, though, as they shut down Derrick Rose, Jeff Teague, and Robert Covington.  And ... eh.

Four games this week, all at Target Center: Clippers, Warriors, Philadelphia (and the return of Jimmy Butler?) and Portland.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -5).  No, this is not going well at all.  Despite a surprise 2-1 win at Washington, they lost three other games this screening week, and as such, they now sit two Points outside a playoff spot.  Last (Monday) night's loss may have been the worst -- at home (which has been a house of horrors for the Mild all season), to a very good Nashville team, and the only Goal of the Game was given up shorthanded.  I have heard there were boos raining down on the Mild after a period, and I don't blame the fans for this shitshow.

At Vegas Friday, at Arizona Sunday.  Time is running out on extended this franchise's playoff streak.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's hockey, Gopher men's basketball, Gopher wrestling (Last Week, respectively: 0, -1, Re-Entry!).

A three-way tie for absolute bottom!  That means a whole lot of suckage that ended in the same week!!  That also means this is the time of the year where the survey finally stops being so doggone crazy!!!

I don't know where to begin, so I'll just, uh, start with the U. lady icers.  All year, top-flight women's college hockey was going to boil down to Minnesota and Wisconsin.  And after they shut out Cornell 2-0 in Friday's Frozen Four Semi, that preordained showdown with the Badgers was pretty much all set.

But a chill ran down my spine when Wisky crushed defending NCAA champion (and prime nemesis for the Gophers, at least to me) Clarkson, 5-0.  And sure enough, that difference in margin of victory foretold Wisconsin (who held the #1 overall seed) beating Our Team, 2-0.  No, our club of mostly Minnesotans were largely, I'm afraid, impotent in the wake of a team that has only four Wisconsin natives.  There are, in fact, five Minnesotans, and one of them, Wayzata's Sophia Shaver, scored the Game-winning Goal in the First Period.

So being the wire-to-wire second-best team in the nation in your sport doesn't exactly spell a program's fall from grace, a la the Tennessee women's basketball program.  But it has now been three years since Minnesota, the state that produces the most hockey talent out of any in the nation, has won an NCAA championship.  Just sayin'.

I feel a little bit better for the male ballers, who got blown out by 20 versus Michigan St. in the Round of 32 to end their season Saturday.  But I had them falling to Louisville in the First Round Thursday (at least I had the Cardinals in my bracket) and they actually controlled the game and thoroughly handled Louisville, 86-76.  Like I said last week, you can thus consider this win, the first in Richard Pitino's stint as Coach of the Gophs, a success.  Combine that with another impressive recruiting class coming in (although they are going to lose Jordan Murphy -- bon voyage and thank you for your service, sir), and, yes, Pitino is off the hot seat.  I don't know if this is a team on the rise, but they are not falling, at least not this year.

And the wrestlers ... well, they finished eighth, a distant eighth.  Another top ten finish that means quite nothing.  And once again, no Gopher won his class.  The squad's best hope, Gable Steveson, finished third in Heavyweight after losing, again, to Anthony Cassar of Penn St. (who, once again, won the NCAA title) 4-3.  And ... (sigh)

No, Casinos, I'm Good

I have lost some money -- money I can't afford, but still only some -- on the two casinos I hit before today.  So it doesn't really matter, I guess, that when I went to the third casino today (one of the final three in the St. Louis area I have gone to regularly -- there is a sixth that is too far south to go to) and won eight bucks the first time I pulled on the slot machine, I got up and left the casino with the eight bucks I took from the casino.  And that totally took the piss out of me gambling.  Well, I wasn't going to go all crazy anyway, since I have no money.  But I had to go to the other two casinos -- just to, you know, let the casinos know I still care -- and I spent only two bucks in each place because I wanted to preserve a "profit" from the casinos I went to today.

Sad?  Smart?  Eh?

Worst Day Ever? Worst Day Ever.

Shit.  Bad day all around on my vacation.  Got late to the Billikens baseball game mostly because of my laziness.  Then I skipped out of it to eat some barbecue, only to see that the line was so long they would run out of food, so I went back to the baseball game.  Then I got late to the Weezer concert; feature act The Pixies was playing "Where Is My Mind?" as I got into the Enterprise Center.  And I got so caught up with Attorney General Barr's "interpretation" of the Mueller Report that I missed Weezer opening their act by singing "Buddy Holly" as a barbershop quartet.

Oh yeah, the Mueller Report.  I have to think we're being gaslighted/gaslit; there is too much fucking bullshit that smells to believe that Trump and the Republicans weren't in on this, no matter what Barr is saying.  But that is what Barr is saying, and The Media, which I have been trying to defend for so long, is fucking failing on the true facts of this situation, declaring that son-of-a-bitch Trump completely exonerated from all collusion with Russia.  One again: Bull and shit.

Once I saw the news of the Barr Summary my day went to shit.  Didn't help things that I went to the stripclub and no girl approached me.  I then went to the casino and promptly lost $38, and the craps woman was terse to me.  Almost lost my watch, too, but I found it.  I guess that's a win.

Oh, and the Gopher women's hockey team lost the NCAA championship game last night.  And to fucking Wisconsin, of all goddamn teams.

And now I'm typing this about six hours before I have to check out of this hotel room.  Well, seven because I asked for an extension, but the receptionist to whom I asked this request, bless her heart, seems daffy.  So I might get charged another damn night, because I am typing this at 5 in the morning and I am tired and depressed as fuck.

Everything In St. Louis Is Closing

Was going to go to Coffee Cartel tonight, but yesterday I looked up the address to make sure I knew how to get there ... and I learned that they closed in August!

And just this afternoon I was planning on going to the Hard Rock Cafe before (maybe) seeing the Weezer concert, but I was looking online to see where there's Sunday-free parking ... and I learned that they also closed in August!

Holy shit!  Two of the regular places I go to when I go St. Louis, and they're gone.  That frees up a lot of free time, but damn, things are getting bad, at least around here. ...

People Who Should Be Fired: TSA Power-Tripping Motherfucker

Oh, so just because I forgot to take off my belt you get to go on a power trip ... "This is what you get for not taking of your belt, meep-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep-meep. ..."  Yeah, I bet you got off groping my groin, TSA asshole.

2019 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2

Record, Round 1: 13-7
Total Outlay: $2,400.00
Total Return: $3,926.39
Loss Gain: $1,526.39

I had no idea how much I "spent" on the first round of March Madness until I tallied up all the amounts I fake-bet.  But I cannot, at all, be mad at the results.  I don't know if I have ever done so well, record-wise, at the Round of 64.  (Ironically, though, for my brackets, where I gambled actual money, I am in a world of shit.  I have three picks right in the East and South Regions, and as of right now, before the Round of 32, I cannot get any more points out of the South.  I suck royally.)  And thus I have amassed a bankroll I have never had this early in an NCAA Tournament.

It's fair to say that St. Mary's helped me the most.  IRL the Gaels hurt me the most because I had them coming out of the South as a Final Four team, and yet they lost to Villanova.  (I was going back and forth between these two teams to represent the South.  I chose wrong, of course.)  But St. Mary's only lost by 4, and since the line on Doc's was +4 1/2, I won the solitary bet and, much more importantly, I nailed a three-leg parlay with Yale and Florida covering, returning me $695.79.

---

Honestly, I should quit while I'm ahead.  I have said in the past that I have done better in Round 2, but I have precious little insight into the 16 matchups.  But, here goes nothing:

1) Wofford +5 (Terriers can shoot the lights out; meanwhile, Kentucky might be without P. J. Washignton, the player whose play catalyzed a turnaround for Big Blue Nation) $100

2) Florida +6 (A 2-seed has to go down to this round, so why not Michigan?) $50

3) Michigan St. -10 1/2 (I don't want to bet so heavily against my Golden Gophers, but I truly believe they have no shot to even come close to winning this game) $100

4) Villanova +3 (I had thought for some time to take Villanova to the Final Four.  Plus, I don't quite believe Purdue has it this year) $50

5) Auburn -2 (The Tigers are the 5-seed, and yet they are favored over Kansas, the 4-seed who just blew out Northeastern?  Someone in Las Vegas knows something) $150

6) Iowa +8 (I really don't think Tennessee will make it out of this round.  And the Hawkeyes just shot the daylights out of Cincinnati Thursday) $150

7) Washington +11 1/2 (Betting on this because the Huskies play zone defense, and I think any team coming off a tournament game just two days ago will have a hell of a hard time playing against it, inclduing 1-seed North Carolina) $150

8) UCF +13 (I just have this vision that Duke can't shoot the 3 and won't be able to make their free throws.  They'll have to rely on two-point attempts, and they'll all be swatted away by Tacko Fall) $100

9) Ohio St. +5 1/2 (Why didn't I believe double-digit seeds from BcS conferences?  Houston is the opponent) $50

10) Oregon -5 (Why didn't I believe double-digit seeds from BcS conferences?  Ducks draw UC-Irvine, which upset Kansas St.) $150

11) Parlay 5), 6), 7) and 11), for $50.

Good luck!

First Day Home And They Were ... Eh ...

Talked to my therapist after work and before coming home, telling him how I dreaded them treating me now that they're home.  It's so weird to have people here in the house now.  It's been seven months, and it really feels like a home invasion.

The first thing Mother tells me when I get home (and after running to Target to get her 2% milk): "Why didn't you eat the chicken I froze for you?"  My aunt bought me one of those whole chickens from the grocery store because ... shit, I don't know why she did it then, so I have no clue now.  Mother was bitching about how it's now too spoiled to eat.  Hey, it's in the freezer.  Food keeps in the freezer for years, don't it?  Whatever.

Father was docile, although he was mansplaining that I should vacation out of the country instead of St. Louis.  And I also forgot to get the mail after I ate; I showered instead, and Father got the mail.  But Mother needed my help with some real estate stuff, and although I've been holed up in my bedroom listening to The Big Dance, they have left me alone.

This will go south soon.

2019 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 1

You know, I remember the second week of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament last year, after Duke crashed out against Kansas, killing off my bracket with none of my picks reaching the Final Four, and I absolutely was crushed.  So crushed, in fact, that I decided to seriously consider not playing anymore.  I'm no good at it, so why do I even bother pissing away money like this?

Well, fast forward to this week, where I printed a bracket, spent hours online looking for the inside dirt on teams, and just tonight I PayPaled the two people who run the two brackets I have signed up for for years.  Whatever navel-gazing I vowed to have, well, I totally forgot.

---

If not for preparing for my parents to come home tomorrow morning, I would actually be able to research this field.  But I can't.  But the money I'm gambling on is fake, so here goes nothing (all lines courtesy of Doc's Sports):

1) Yale +7 $200

2) Yale M/L +257 $100

3) New Mexico St. +5 1/2 $50

4) Vermont +9 $50 

5) Belmont +3 $200

6) Belmont M/L +136 $100

7) Northeastern +6 1/2 $50

8) Murray St. +3 1/2 $300

9) Murray St. M/L +150 $150

10) Florida +2 $100

11) Florida M/L +122 $50

12) St. Mary's +4 1/2 $300

13) St. Mary's M/L +172 $150

14) Baylor +2 $50

15) Utah St. -3 $50

16) Liberty +6 1/2 $50

17) Central Florida -1 $100

18) Saint Louis +10 1/2 $50

19) Parlay 6) with 9), for $200

20) Parlay 1), 10) and 12), for $100.

Good luck!

Just Fucking Aggravated Right Now

Getting ready for my parents to come home tomorrow is fucking ruining everything.  There are so many things I want to do -- prepare for the bracket, look at some applications, prepare for my vacation -- that I have to put aside because I need to clean the house, put my stuff away, and other shit I don't want to do.

Oh, I need to say this.  I was stupid enough to stow away our garbage bin because I figured I could just throw the trash at some gas station somewhere.  So I roll it off to the side in the backyard ... where it stayed all winter ... through the snow and the cold ... to the point where it is now stuck where I left it.  I have tried to dig it out, to no avail.  I have only till tomorrow to jar that sucker loose.  Maybe one more day of above-freezing temperatures will do it.  Or, I'll have to explain this shit to my parents, who I know will not understand.

And now I'm fucking tired and all the things I need to still do I can't do.  Fuck my life!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).

I was able to catch both Whitecaps Isobel Cup Playoff games over the weekend, and I've got to tell ya, even though TRIA Rink holds only 1,200, the stands for both games were so packed I had to stand not at the rails but behind the people who were standing by the rails.  I don't mind standing, but the sight lines up there, even though they would give me a wide-open view of both ends of the ice if there were no other people there, were obviously terrible in the face of, well, bodies in front of me.  I resorted to stopping and looking underneath the armpit of a cameraman for Sunday's final.

Honestly, though, I didn't mind.  The support this team had throughout the season -- they apparently sold out every single game they played in St. Paul -- had to have been a decisive home-ice advantage in the National Women's Hockey League (and, as an aside, had to have made a relatively enormous amount of lucre for the league; I would venture to guess that this team is now the most lucrative in the NWHL).  That's what you get when you field a professional-league hockey team in The State Of Hockey.

And the 'Caps responded with their first Isobel Cup ever.  Friday night they thoroughly demolished defending Cup champs the Metropolitan Riveters, 5-1.  I didn't think there was much to worry in the Semifinal Game.  What I was worried about were the Buffalo Beauts, who finished just a Point behind the Whitecapse for the regular season title.  That means that both teams were just about even, and the final played the same way.  There were tallies by both clubs about 2 1/2 Minutes apart in the First Period, and that was it for scoring.

And then, just 49 Seconds into sudden-death Overtime, this happened:

Isobel Playoff Most Valuable Player Lee Stecklein (who is One Of Us!!!) shot her wrister five-hole. Seeing it from my vantage point, I thought it had gone above the shoulder of Nicole Hensley.  Regardless, a Minnesota team showed true grit and pulled a title-winning victory out of a tense championship game ... the perfect birthday gift for me!

One thing I should address: I harped last season about the inappropriate success of the Vegas Golden Knights, who, last year, its expansion year, went all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals.  I still don't believe an expansion team should be able to even come close to competing for a championship.  So why am I not pooh-poohing Minnesota for winning the Cup in its first year playing pro in the NWHL?  There's a very simple explanation for that: I am a hypocrite.

So congratulations, Whitecaps.  For winning a championship, you all are now exempt from the WMNSS until you end a season short of winning one.

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -5).  It can be safely said that the state of local women's hockey in the area is much nicer than that of men's hockey.  Or, in other words, don't send a man out to do a woman's job.  In the Quarterfinals of the NCAA Women's Hockey Tournament, the U. dismantled poor Princeton Saturday afternoon at Ridder Arena, 5-2.  Reaching the Frozen Four is a good thing, but it is expected.  In fact, the inevitable Final Round against Wisconsin, in a season where the Gophers and Badgers basically stood above the rest of Women's College Hockey Nation, remains on track ... even though Wisconsin draws defending national champ Clarkson while Minnesota gets to face a Cornell team that sprung the upset of Northeastern.  The Frozen Four is being held this year in Hamden, Conn., with the Semifinals listed above being played Friday.  The title game is set for Sunday at 1:30.  Go Gophers!  Please don't let me down!

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1).  The victory in the Big Ten Tourney over Penn St. probably was enough to get them into the Big Dance.  The subsequent win over a Purdue who may not have been motivated to try probably boosted them into a 10-seed.  And the following rout at the hands of Michigan in the conference tourney semifinals gives even more solid credence these guys ain't winning the championship this year.

Nonetheless, these guys got a good draw in the East Region.  They face the 7-Seed Louisville, a team that is coming in cold down the stretch.  Moreover, the game, which kicks off the "real" tournament as the traditional Thursday at 11:15 tip-off match-up, will be held in Des Moines, so there will be a ton of Gopher fans and probably not too many Cardinals ones.  Finally, the storyline is too juicy to ignore: Richard Pitino, head coach of the Gophers, facing the school which fired his legendary father, Rick Pitino.  Some people on Twitter are speculating that Rick Pitino will parachute into Iowa and try and curse the Cards from his seat.  But Pitino is coaching in Europe now and his team actually has a game that evening, which translates to the early afternoon here.

Nevertheless, the U. has a good shot of winning its First Round game.  They then would probably face Michigan St., which trounced them during the regular season.  But hey, a first tournament win for Richard Pitino is probably in line with what many of us thought this club could and would do.  So ... yeah, this is probably a good season for this program?

#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  A 4-1 screening week down in Tampa, including matching 3-0 Shutouts of host South Florida.  The only blemish: A 4-1 defeat to Florida Gulf Coast, which, if you compare the two box scores, started an hour after the first game of the U.'s Doubleheader, vs. Wichita St., began.  I ... don't get it.

Tomorrow/Wednesday the Gophers travel to Florida to face the Gators and former Gopher (and current All-American) Kendyl Lindaman.  They then begin conference play with a three-game series at Maryland.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  Won two-of-three over the weekend at Long Beach St., who are a traditional power but is 3-15 so far this year, ugh.  But hey, at least the Gophs are above .500 for the week!  They face Pepperdine in Malibu this (Tuesday) evening before starting B1G play at Penn St.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: 0).  OK, so they lost an eminently winnable at the Los Angeles Galaxy Saturday night.  I caught the First Half (before the guy at Buffalo Wild Wings inexplicably changed the channel), and the Galaxy tore through the middle of what I thought was a now-vaunted Loons Defensive Midfield.  That resulted in a Foul in the Box by Ozzie Alonzo which resulted in a Penalty Kick Goal, and then an easy cross where the crosser was totally unmarked about a dozen feet from MNUFC Goalkeeper Vito Mannone.

And yet ... I am kind of heartened to see United mount a comeback.  Jan Gregus (I think you pronounce the last name "Grey Goose," which means there is a hell of a sponsorship just waiting for him) ripped one in the 75th Minute, and then, after the Galaxy's Match-winning Goal, Angelo Rodriguez scored in the 87th.  There was no quit, especially in a team that is gaining a reputation of being able to drive and score at will.  So they have that going for them.

International break this weekend; they're back in action on the 30th.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -7).  This may have been the pivotal week where the team will break its streak of years getting into the playoffs.  Despite a rousing 5-2 victory over the Rangers, the Mild sandwiched that with losses to The Team That Was Stolen For Us (4-1, a humiliating gut punch) and 3-2 in Overtime to the Islanders, where Ryan Suter gave up a cheap turnover after a no-call regarding to many Islanders on the ice.  That has allowed The Bastard Winnipeg Jets to slip past them for the last spot in the West, plus they have one extra Game in which to play.  Meanwhile, all three Games this week were at home, and their home record this season has been a main factor in the downfall of this squad.

Their five-game homestand (in which they are 1-3) finishes tonight (Tuesday night) against The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.  They then have road games back-to-back versus Washington and Carolina before hosting Nashville Monday.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Well, even the rosiest Wolves cultists had to have seen the Woofs go 0-3 on the road this week and believe they are toast.  The club is tenth in the West, but about eight Games behind the Clippers for the last spot.  There's ... shit, there's nothing left to say about these guys except that they host Golden State tonight (Tuesday night) before ceding Target Center to high school boys teams for the weekend.  Meanwhile, they will play at Charlotte and Memphis.

#-Infinity: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  It's over.  Took Notre Dame into OT Saturday in South Bend, but lost 2-1, and in controversial fashion -- Tyler Sheehy was sent to the box for a penalty where it looked like all he did was lift the stick of a Fighting Irish player.  That was enough for ND to score on the power play, and the miracle run the U needed to win an eminently winnable B1G is over.

Once again, since Bob Motzko is in his first year (there were reports he upbraided the head ref after the defeat, BTW), I have to give him a mulligan.  But it nonetheless is worrying that this Goofers team reminds me a lot of his best St. Cloud St. teams -- high-flying but defense-poor, resulting in many an early exit from the NCAA Tournament.  This serves as a second straight year that Minnesota is out of it, further damaging the fanbase, so let's hope Motzko can implement his vision, and succeed with that vision, starting next year.  Because crowds of 1,000-2,000 have already started to happen.

The Four Cutoff Teams In The 2019 Men's Basketball Tournament

According to the NCAA Men's Basketball Selection Committee Chair:

• Team 64/The Real Last Team In: Ohio St.
• Team 65/The "Best" Play-In Team/Should Be The Top Overall Seed In The NIT: Belmont
• Team 68/The Last Team In: St. John's (NY)
• Team 69/The Last Or Best Team Out: North Carolina-Greensboro

You're welcome.

Got screwed over by a dance by the same chick.  Gotta stop that.

The 2019 Tournament Bubble, According To The Bracket Matrix

As of press time the guy who runs The Bracket Matrix is still going through other bracketologists' latest projections, presumably based on games that were played last night, but I have to blog post this now because I'll be out on the town soon.

From left to right, the teams listed are in order of, uh, "in-ness":

• Real Last Four In: VCU, Oklahoma, Florida, TCU
• Play-In Games/Should Be In The NIT: Arizona St., Ohio St., St. John's, Temple
• Real Last Four Out: N. C. St., Belmont, Clemson, Indiana
• Penultimate Four Out: Alabama, Texas, North Carolina-Greensboro, Creighton

Where's My Nude Photo? (Scheduled Post)

Oh, yeah!  Totally forgot this.

I am Facebook friends with a Playboy Playmate.  As many PMs do, she has photos of herself, both non-nude and nude, to sell.  Well, I remember masturbating to her photos and I know her, sort of, on Facebook, so around the holidays I said I would buy one, and I PayPaled her for a photo ... which I have yet to receive.

I thought about giving her about a month before I would inquire about the status of the picture I bought.  I did that, and that was about six weeks ago, and she hasn't answered me back.  Meanwhile she's still active on Facebook, and I still like her status updates and pictures.  Just now I liked a photo of her daughter as she announced that her daughter got a job.  But $40 is a hell of a lot of money, and I think she's obligated to complete her end of this transaction.

I'll be honest: I have been hesitant to press the issue with her because I don't want a Playmate to hate me and defriend me.  But ... dammit, where the hell's my photo?  I don't want to be pushed around while she takes my money without giving anything in return.  On top of that, I don't know how to get back my money.  I should look at PayPal policy to see if I can demand a refund.  But really, what I should do is start pestering her for my picture.  She might be airheaded enough to accuse me of not giving her money, and if I keep asking, maybe she'll block and/or report me on Facebook.  I cared about that before, but do I now?

They Come Home Thursday

On the one hand, I am relieved.  For one thing, I can keep my trip to the Loo next weekend and won't have to cancel.  In fact, the timing might be good; they'll be home, we'll catch up for 48 hours, and then I won't see them for three days.  Those 48 hours probably are a good time to ingratiate ourselves with each other and take each other's temperature.  For another thing, I have certainty, namely about how much time I have to get ready.  At least I have several days to clear out my stuff to storage and, maybe, get the house cleaned one more time.

The anxiety of them asking me questions and judging me ... well, I'm sure I'll start hyperventilating and getting really angry at them returning in no time.  But, well, I have a drop-dead date, and thus time, and thus plans.

Asshole Warning (Scheduled Post)

As I get further and further into training in my new departments, I am told and confronted with people who won't be courteous and professional.  I'll be vague about it, since this has to do with work, but I will say that there are enemies, both foreign and domestic, and my job will, eventually, have to do with dealing with them.

Am I ready?  I don't know.  A part of me is looking for a way out -- again, as I usually do, and as I think is the smart thing to do.  But there's this one dude, one who isn't at the company but one who works for a company that my company works with, who apparently is motherfucker, and a dumb one at that.  If I have to speak with him, and he doesn't cooperate, well, I don't think I will want to run away then.  Will I react professionally ... or will I defend myself, and possibly be fired for doing so?

I might have to come up with an answer.  Or maybe I need to find a solution so that I don't have to even have an answer.

Internet Down Again

First time in a long time it's been this bad.  Started last night.  Probably due to the rapidly melting snow; the rain may be doing a number on either the telephone lines or the coaxial.  My network is down, so I have to do this publicly.  Hopefully it won't be this bad for too much longer.

This probably serves as my blog post for the day.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: -1).  Could this be a new dawn, a new day, for the Loons?  And could the organization's vaunted Three-Year Plan actually be panning out in Year Three?  They crushed the Earthquakes in San Jose Saturday, 3-0, and are now one of only four teams in Major League Soccer to be both unbeaten and untied.  Sure, it's only Matchday Two, and sure, MNUFC beat a an Earthquakes squad that is going through some serious rebuilding.  But remember that in last year's season opener, United lost at Avaya 3-2.  Neither Loons outfit last year or the first year could be seen as beating anyone on the road.  So a convincing win like this is solid progress, and because of lingering doubts over the immediate postseason fates of the two teams just below in this survey, I am giving United FC the top spot with a qualified non-negative score.

Now to step up in class; next Saturday they travel to Carson, Calif. to face Zlatan Ibrahimovich and the Los Angeles Galaxy.  They have a solid chance to win that; if so, that will get tongues wagging.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  The season-ending nine-Point loss at Maryland Friday was to be expected.  But this is a case where you should look on the bright side.  On Tuesday, at The Barn, the Gophers outlasted ranked Purdue, 73-69.  These guys have not reached 20 Wins yet.  But nearly all bracketologists say that that win over the Boilermakers sews up a spot in the NCAA Tournament -- moreover, a spot in the real tournament, not that fake ass play-in game bullshit.  That is worth something, even if the record can make you believe that presumption isn't warranted.

However, I am not giving this squad the top spot.  If I am wrong about Minnesota's certainty about getting into The Big Dance, and that if they get upset against Penn St. in the B1G Tourney Thursday they actually are out -- well then, a drop short of the top spot all the way down to the bottom would be much better than one from the absolute roof.  At any rate, I would suggest that they beat the Nittany Lions.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: 0).  This isn't really the purview of the WMNSS, but we have to talk about the anemic crowds at Mariucci for the Gophers' two-Game Big Ten First Round sweep of Michigan.  Both announced crowds were less than 2,000, and since those numbers are tickets sold, you can bet your ass that the actual attendance was fewer for both nights.

How can you explain a conference tournament weekend bringing in a ninth of the crowd that watched the Boys' State High School Hockey Tournament in St. Paul?  I've got some reasons.  In descending order:

• The team hasn't been good.
• The weather, especially for Saturday's game.
• Was the weekend before or after Spring Break?
• Ticket prices are high.
• It has been ... uh, six or eight years since the U. has played a tournament game, conference or NCAAs, on campus.
• No one gives a damn about Gopher hockey ever since Terry Pegula and the Big Ten realigned top-flight men's college hockey and, in detractors' eyes, destroyed the WCHA.

So, the actual reason is all of the above.  Thus, even though they went 2-0 this week, I still have to place them third because of the lack of outward caring by a dwindling fan base.  I also place them third because, even with the sweep of the Wolverines, they still have no shot getting an at-large bid through the PairWise.  So it's conference tournament or bust for the Gophers, who advance to a one-game Semifinal Saturday night at Notre Dame.  Minnesota is the hottest team in the league, so the chance to notch the upset at South Bend is there.  Or, this could be a rout, in which case it's best to hide this squad down here so the fall all the way down to -Infinity next week isn't so precipitous.

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  A very productive 4-1 screening week over the weekend in Austin, Tex.  They swept a pair of contests versus Texas Southern while winning two out of three against the host (and higher-seeded!) Longhorns.  Those are the quality wins this club needs.  This weekend they go to Tampa to play five games: Two against host South Florida and one-offs vs. Butler, Wichita St. and Florida-Gulf Coast.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6).  Hey, these guys had a good week!  Lost their only road tilt, to Detroit (and by 17), but won all three of their home games, including a come-from-behind Overtime victory over Washington and a rout of New York even though Karl-Anthony Towns was out injured.  Little note that I just picked up from Michael Rand of the Star Tribune: This month, the Wolves are 4-0 when Andrew Wiggins is not playing.

And yet this club is six Games behind the Clippers for the final spot out west.  This week they're on the road, necessitated because the Girls' State High School Basketball Tournament takes over Target Center.  They travel to Denver, Utah and Houston, three very good foes that could blunt this team's nascent improvement.

#-5: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Look, I guess it doesn't matter.  It's going to be (or at least it should be) Wisconsin vs. the Gophers at the end.  But I still think it's a gut punch that the Badgers came into Ridder Arena and beat Minnesota to win the WCHA Final Faceoff Sunday by a score of 3-1.  (The U. beat Minnesota-Duluth the afternoon before, 4-1.)  That gives Sconnie the #1 overall seed while the Gophs get the 2-seed and, thus, several marks down in this week's survey.

For the NCAA Tournament Quarterfinal, they draw a home date Saturday afternoon against Princeton.  Win that and they'll be headed off to Hamden, Ct., the following weekend.

#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -7).  I appreciate this club playing a tough schedule.  But JFC, they're now 3-11 after getting swept in the Seattle Baseball Showcase.  To be fair, all three Games were close.  On Friday they lost to defending champion, fourth-ranked and team that eliminated the U. last year, Oregon St., 2-1.  On Saturday they had a 5-4 lead on San Diego but lost 6-5 on back-to-back bases loaded Walks after eight Innings (the game was shortened due to time constraints).  And on Sunday they lost to host Washington, 7-5.  Only Monday's 3-2 win at Seattle University prevented a complete wipeout of a weekend.  (Side note: The Redhawks Pitcher who threw the most Pitches is the son of a woman I am Facebook friends with.  I am Facebook friends with her because she used to bodybuild and I saw her pictures and she's fucking hot and I would tap that, even though she is married to what I know is a very good man, and now I feel kind of ashamed to not only admit that but to leave it in here.  Anyway, her son pitched pretty good.)

All is not lost.  But there's no use to challenging yourself if you can't succeed at some level.  This weekend brings another challenge: An intriguing, straight-up three-Game series at traditional power Long Beach St.

#-7: Wild (Last Week: -3).  A 1-3 screening week, and so I was totally prepared to say something like, "Well, that mini-Renaissance was nice while it lasted," and note that the Mild have fallen out of the playoff picture.  But I'll be goddamned, as of right now, this fucking team still has the last playoff spot in the Western Conference.  They have teams nipping at their heels, of course; The Bastard Winnipeg Jets are a Point back, and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques are only two.  But try as the Mild might to give away their postseason chances, somehow the rest of the West keeps giving it right back to our team.

The good (or bad) thing about this upcoming stretch is that, with The Tourney finally over, this squad is back at home for the next four games: The Team That Was Stolen From Us (which is also only a Point ahead of the Mild) Thursday, Rangers Saturday, Islanders Sunday.

#-8: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Finished fourth in the B1Gs, held at Williams Arena, over the weekend.  But that's not the saddest thing about this weekend for the grapplers.  You see, Gable Steveson had been the #1 Heavyweight in top-flight wrestling.  He was mowing down opponents as they stood in front of him.  His performances Dual after Dual harkened back to the halcyon days of the program, with J Robinson imperiously coaching up his monsters to victory after victory.  Steveson, basically, is the most memorable rassler who has worn the "M" in, oh, a decade.  And have I mentioned that he went into the weekend undefeated?

No more, goddammit.  In the Final, he got upset (sure he was the second-seed, but it still counts as an upset) by Penn St.'s Anthony Cassar, 4-3, on a late takedown.  Not only was that Steveson's first blemish wearing the maroon-and-gold singlet, that ended any chance Minnesota was going to have a conference champion.  It's been a few years, and it might be a few years longer, especially if Steveson can't get back up off the mat, literally, and now upset Cassar and/or Oregon St.'s Amar Dhesi and/or Oklahoma St.'s Derek White in the NCAAs in two weeks.

#-Infinity: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -5).  This season, which really should be three seasons in one, ended with a surprising thud in the B1G Tournament in Chicago Thursday, where they got upset by lower-seeded Indiana, 66-58.  I saw part of the First Quarter while hanging out at Rosedale.  The Hoosiers started off with the lead because the Golden Goofers shot cold, and apparently that was the hole this squad could not get themselves out of.

For one final time with these players: Yes, I should give them a mulligan because Lindsay Whalen is in her first year.  But remember that this team started out the year 12-0, beating a very good Syracuse team in the process, and rose to #12 in the country.  But then the club's second season started, when hey lost seven-of-eight.  That, combined with their otherwise shitty non-conference strength-of-schedule, ended their tournament hopes, even though they finished the season 7-2.  (The tourney loss to the Hoosiers is its own outlier.)  I don't know what to make of this, or how Whalen can fix it.  Well, she can fix it by getting more players, and/or having enough confidence to giving role players some PT in order to give her the depth she decided she didn't have and couldn't rely upon in the second half of the year.  That entails recruiting, and she has signed five, including a four-star-er in Jasmine Powell, a Detroit-area Point Guard (just like Whalen) from Detroit.  Good.  Build on that, and let's hope the U. can be less up-and-down and make The Big Dance next year.

The Snow Burden

You know, one thing about all this snow that I have to emphasize (if I have not blog-posted about already) is that I am will be so goddamned relieved once winter is over because of the responsibility of tending to it.  All of it.  Not just shoveling, although that's a huge part.  But there are ancillary other considerations that go into this ... thing/concept of snow that radiates to all parts of your day.

I will start with today's pain-in-the-ass.  Like I blog-posted about before, I didn't think raking the roof was enough because the ice is damming at the gutters.  So I spent some time today (after becoming too lazy to do it last night) finding roof pucks, those discs of calcium you're supposed to toss onto your roof in order to melt the snow and ice.  I spent a good amount of my afternoon hunting around for it, finding it, getting upcharged up the wazoo for it (I just know it), then practicing trying to hurl those damn things up two stories to a patch of the roof that will help melt the ice and stop the ice dams.  Those damn things dropped onto the floor once too often this afternoon, I tell ya.

Oh, and one thing I may be should have realized well before today: If any human touches snow that has fallen on the ground, it becomes tremendously icy and heavy.  I was able to chip away at the end-of-the-driveway snow, that heart-attack snow that was shoved onto my property by the city, but I literally have no energy to do clear any more of my driveway now.  Well, I did try and attack the mounds of snow that I raked off my roof and, uh, just left there.  But I need an ice-breaking ship in order to penetrate into those mounds -- frontyard and backyard -- and I failed.  There is literally a mountain (OK, maybe not literally) of hardened snow lining the walkway up the front door, and literally a mountain (OK, maybe not literally) of hardened snow that currently sits on my back deck.  After trying to scrape down the front mound, I stood on top of the back mound to shovel, and I fuckin' couldn't do that, either.  So I gave up.

The sun was shining today.  And for this part of the year, it is warm.  I had my jacket on when I tried to start the snowblower (and that didn't work, for crissake), but by the time I went to shovel, I was too hot!  I took off my jacket and my sweater, and I felt fine shoveling with just my thermal shirt on.

When a Minnesotan suffers through a winter as hellacious as we've gone through, and you feel the warm radiation of the sun like we had today, dammit, you feel like going out.  That's what I want to do after I blog post this.  But there were days (and, to admit, those days are in the past now) where your cabin fever compels you to do something, but you can't because it's snowing, or, like Saturday, forecasts say it will snow and you don't want to get into an accident on the road.  It sucks that your free time is dictated by the weather during the winter, and Mother Nature's oppressive barrage of snowstorm after snowstorm probably ginned up a lot of internal frustration in people.  I continue to think Minnesotans are great people because the winters keep out the pussies and the stupid, but for a second consecutive winter, I have had enough.

So, even though the advent of spring means the advent of my allergies (let alone the return of my parents), I welcome it.  I can do whatever the hell I want without needing to shovel, or rake the roof, or worry about ice dams, or check the weather report to see if it's smarter just to stay home.

This week, however, may not be the week where we bust out our spring clothes.  It'll be above freezing starting tomorrow ... where we'll get rain, and lots of it, to the point that there are Flash Flood Warnings being issued for our area.  At least I can drive in it -- well, assuming it's not flooded -- and at least that rain will eat into the snow that's on my roof and walkway and deck.  But snow is supposed to come back in Thursday night, and with it temperatures back below freezing.  So, for all I know, even though we're all done with this fucking winter, this fucking winter ain't completely done with us.

It's Over

Mother said something about coming home this weekend, and I think she's gonna do that.  The weather isn't great, but it's rapidly improving.  What appears to be the last snowstorm of the season probably occurred over the weekend.  No more polar vortex, and not even any more below-zero temperatures.  It won't be warm, but it'll be above freezing, at least for most days.  No snow, either, at least not really.  The drawback is that there will be rain, and lots of it, for this week.

And in my estimation, that's good enough for my parents to think that it's warm enough to come back to Minnesota.  I think I have a lot of stuff prepared for them.  The main things -- getting the house cleaned and most of my stuff out of sight -- is ready to go.  I just want to make sure I'm not forgetting anything.

So I am not totally unprepared.  Am I happy they're coming back?  Fuck no!

Oh, It's Just Me, Raking The Roof

I can't fucking believe that I care about strangers looking at me, but pretty soon I am going to go out to the front of my house and rake my roof.  The last time I did was the first time I ever used this thing, and the asshole neighbor who moved in last year kept telling me it wasn't going to work and that I should pay the guy who did his roof eighty bucks instead.  Told him "Screw you," so if I wind up dead in the middle of the night, the guys in the yellow house are the first suspects, OK?

Look, I don't even know if I'm doing it right.  I think I'm getting the hang of it -- pull down a foot at a time, don't over-exert yourself, do not rake against the shingles, stuff like that.  I'm not sure if it's going to make a damn bit of difference against the ice damns I'm scared as hell about.  If anything, it's already too late.  I can see the build-up of ice on the gutter, and while clearing the snow behind it might be a good thing, in a couple days that ice, and the rest of the snow that's going to still be on the roof, is going to melt and refreeze.

What else can I do?  Well, maybe getting these calcium pucks is the only solution.  But I already have to explain to my parents about buying this huge rake which will be a PITA to put away.  It doesn't look like I can buy, you know, a starter pack of these melting pucks.  It's going to be a huge bucket, and I don't think I'm going to go through them all as we finally will be done with the snow for the season.  And then I'm going to have to explain to my folks why I have, like, four dozen of these pucks used to melt ice on the roof and gutters when there is no more ice on the roof and gutters.

But what's foremost on my mind right now is trying to rake my roof and some bleepin' stranger commenting on it -- "Oh, you're doing it wrong," "It's just gonna melt in the next week anyway," "Man, you're gonna hurt yourself -- here, here's a roofer I know who'll do it for good and for cheap."  Crap like that.  Crap that I don't need nor want.  I just want to be left alone, and I'm scared as hell that won't be possible.

But I'm running out of daylight.  Here goes nothing.

Could I Have Gone To The Boys' State High School Hockey Final Last Night? Probably.

Am I heartbroken that I didn't go?  Uh. ...

The blizzard that was supposed to be last night and this morning wasn't and isn't -- at least, unless there's a whipsawing change to the storm that I haven't seen yet.  From the beginning of the week up to, oh, Wednesday morning we were supposed to get upwards of a foot, and maybe even 15 inches.  Then they were cutting back those enormous totals, but only slightly, to about a foot, which is still shitty.  (That made me panic about the frozen garage door and the huge need to really use the snowblower for this storm; fortunately for me, I tried the door yesterday morning and it opened up just fine, thank God.  Guess it really was the polar vortex that froze it shut and didn't thaw open until Friday.)  And by Friday, looking online and watching TV, it appears that forecast were coalescing around a forecast of 6-10 inches of snow -- a total around which we've seen (and I've shoveled out of) before, but plenty bad.

As bad as the severity of the storm was, my more pressing concern was the timing.  I was really scared that the early forecasts would be correct in saying that the snow would start in the late morning.  See, my alumni group had a thing in the early afternoon, and there were a few people thinking that if it was going to be as bad as the weatherpeople said it would be, they would play it safe and cancel.  Totally understandable, but I would freak out over the shitty turnout.

However, come Friday some forecasts were pushing the advent of the snow till about 1, which is when our shift would wrap up.  As a result, nearly everyone who signed up attended the event -- whew!  In fact, the sky was still dry when we got totally done, so I was able to come through on my plan on getting hot food from the local grocer and hunker down for the snowstorm that was coming later, but still coming hard.

But by, oh, 6 o'clock it hadn't really come.  I had heard some crackling outside after I got home, which I think was the sleet and the freezing rain.  Well, hell, I could have driven through that.  But it was around 6 when I opened the front door and saw that, at last, the snow had begun, almost eight hours after some early forecasts said it was going to come.

I looked at my phone, thought about putting on my things and driving out to St. Paul.  And then I decided to close the front door and go to my bed.

Why?  Well, the main reason was the snowstorm.  As late as it was, models said that the snow would get here, and get heavy, in the evening.  And I didn't want to drive out in that.  But I went outside to shovel after watching Saturday Night Live (in anticipation of the Whitecaps NWHL playoff game this afternoon) and there wasn't a foot of snow.  There wasn't half a foot.  We might not have three inches, in fact.  Sure, snow was falling.  But shit, I could have driven through that -- carefully and slowly, of course.

But, do I regret it?  Well, no, not really.  First of all, the skies and roads looked bad, and I didn't want to brave the weather if I thought it was going to get worse.  Plus, although I think I could have gotten around OK, I don't know for sure that, even with the much smaller amount of snow, it would pile up on my driveway to the point where I wouldn't be able to drive my car up onto it.  (Not for nothing, but looking online, there were many spinouts and accidents on the road last night.)  Plus (and this does have something to do with my thinking even though that's not readily apparent) I remember last year, where I got a ticket to the game through the box office but it was standing room only and my vantage point from the upper deck kind of sucked.  And then there's the time I got rejected for a credential; I always found it kind of odd that I would go back to an event that rejected me as a reporter.

But all those reasons could be me just rationalizing.  I think I could've gone, gotten a ticket (heard it was far from a sellout; I wasn't the only one hunkering down at home because of The Snowstorm That Wasn't) and driven back home just fine.  Could I be made at the weather people for overestimating how bad this storm would be?  Yeah, but I don't want to be like all those other people who will complain that the meteorologists don't know anything.  Those people think meteorologists are God and they better know everything before it happens.  Bullshit.  They're not perfect.  Nobody is.  And besides, if they were wrong and it turns out the weather wasn't as bad as they predicted, isn't that a good thing?

I guess I have a hard time feeling I got screwed, even though the Class AA Boys' State Hockey Championship Game was a fantastic one.  Maybe I should care more than I do, but I don't.

So Nervous Right Now

It's the day of the club's volunteering event, and even though it's our fifth time there (so nothing is new) and most of the people who are volunteering know what's up and I know we're gonna have a great time, I'm still scared of ... something wrong happening.  Just because, you know?

Yes, the impending snowstorm is scaring the hell out of me, too.  How bad is it?  More importantly, when is it coming?  Because more than a few people might cancel if it looks bad enough.  I totally get it, but it still makes me nervous.

Man, it's so bad that I'm awake right now.  Sure, the event is in the early afternoon, but now I'm scared I'll be too tired for it, even though I begged off work today and it's the only thing I'll have to do ... well, besides shovel.  Oh, and maybe plow, if the garage door would freakin' open.

I'm so nervous that -- ugh, I'll confess: I feel the urge to masturbate.  Just to cut the tension.  I really don't want to the day of an event like this, but ... I'm just ... anxious right now.  Forgive me.

List Of Items I Am Donated To Goodwill Yesterday:

• The light gray fitted bedsheet that has a huge tear in it.  I am surprised something from Target would tear so easily.
• The red flat sheet, also from Target.  There's nothing wrong with it, but it's a flat sheet; how in the hell can I use it to cover my mattress?  Or is it supposed to go above my mattress?  I don't use those things; I just have a bedsheet and a blanket.  I mean, that's all you need, right?
• The dark gray fitted bedsheet, brand unknown.  It's not torn, but it's so big (it may be a queen-sized sheet) that it frequently pops off the corners.  It got so frustrating that I've come to the conclusion that it's useless for me to keep it.
• The brown long underwear top, brand: Kenyon.  I've complained about this on WAF before; the reason I'm dumping this clothing item, even though it is so warm it actually makes me feel hot in the winter, is that this long underwear is, uh, too short.  This is the one where, if I sit down, the edge of the shirt rides up and exposes my lower back.  I have tried tucking it back in too many times, so even though it does its job so (too?) well, I've had enough.
• The Puma long underwear/jogging pants that my sister bought me when she was working for the company's Europe division.  The elastic around the waist finally wore off, and the waistband was slipping down to my ass.
• The dark brown pants from the Gap, the one whose waist button has a tongue.  It held up extremely well, but I just don't fit in them anymore.
• The khakis with the cuffs, brand Route 66.  Which means that I bought these from K-Mart.  I got too fat for these, too.  But donating these pants means another thing I bought from a store I frequented a lot when I was a kid will have slipped away from me.
• And, finally, my porno pants, the grey linens I paid a pretty penny for from H&M.  It tore in the back, from right above to the top of my buttcrack.  But all the times I shocked strippers by walking around with my dick out through the button fly of those pants was worth it.  Got my return on investment from them, and so much more.  I will miss you, porno pants.

Oh, It's Just A Herpes Blister

Started a week or two ago: Something growing on the right side of my lower lip.  It may have been, oh, five days or so ago when I looked at it in the mirror and went, "Hmmm, that's a big one."  Tried pinching it and there is some blood that's coming out, and it's starting to subside, but it's still there, and it's still conspicuous.

Only one guess as to how it formed: Lack of hygiene/not showering.  Have gone, oh, maybe upwards of a week without showering by the time this thing possibly formed.  But I've gone up to a week of not showering before and I haven't seen this.  (shoulder shrug)

And no, it's not herpes.  Um, at least I don't think it is. ...

I haven't weighed myself lately, but I swear I've put on five, if not ten, pounds in the past week.  It's the stress/depression of the winter added to my parents about to come home.  I'm eating my feelings again (and drinking, too -- as of press time I have five different cups of pop), and it shows in my belly.

I just ate through a good chunk of Gardetto's.  That's even though I have to go to bed soon, even though I am risking needing to defecate at work tomorrow, even though I wasn't really hungry after having popcorn and pop over the course of watching not one but two movies last/Tuesday night.  (The movies: The intriguing WWI documentary They Shall Not Grow Old and the small, beautifully shot survival flick Arctic.)  I really wanted to control myself, but I have no self-control.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).  Congratulations go out to the Whitecaps, who, in their first year in the National Women's Hockey League, finished the regular season this weekend on the road and won both of their games to win the regular season title (if there is one)!  Saturday was the more important, and impressive, game as the club got the game-winning Goal from Jonna Curtis with about 90 Seconds left to beat the Boston Pride, 2-1.  With the next day's 4-1 shellacking of the Connecticut Whale, the title was theirs.  Not bad for an expansion squad, huh?

Now the Isabel Cup Playoffs begin.  I'm not totally sure on the format, but all five teams play.  On Thursday the Whale visit the Metropolitan Riveters.  This year has been starkly bifurcated, with Minnesota, Boston and the Buffalo Beauts finishing two Points from each other; Metropolitan escaped last place by two Points, but they finished 14 Points behind third-place Boston.  The winner of that game flies to St. Paul to face the Whitecaps Sunday afternoon ... in a game I got a ticket for!!!  And if the regular season is any indication, I don't think this game is going to be a problem.  Meanwhile, the game between the Beauts and Pride should be a stem-winder.  The winner of the game plays probably Minnesota, and then we'll see who lifts the trophy.

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  It may not matter much, but this weekend they finally achieved their first home sweep in the regular season.  And they did so against a very good opponent, albeit an unfamiliar one -- Arizona St., which, despite being only in its fourth season in top-flight men's college hockey and without a conference to call home, are all but assured of making it into the NCAA Tournament for the first time ever.  (I would have loved to have seen the Sun Devils' hockey sweaters, but parking restrictions discouraged me from going, sad face.)  And the two wins were decisive: 5-1 Friday, 5-2 Saturday.  This despite some hard, borderline dirty play from ASU.

But I have to confess that that sweep didn't move the needle when it came to the PairWise.  As it stands right now, they are tied for 20th alongside North Dakota.  They would need to jump at least five spots to get an at-large to the tourney.  So the only way for them to get to the Ice Dance is to win the league tournament.  That task starts this weekend with a best-of-three series vs. Michigan at 3M at Mariucci.

#-1: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Wanted to watch this game Saturday.  The team had a watch party at City Works in downtown Minneapolis, but the game started a half-hour after my shift was over, and I thought there would be a snow emergency declared in the city, so I thought I didn't want to deal with the hassle.  I decided to go to a burlesque show close to home (instead of the Gopher men's hockey game; again I didn't want to deal with a potential tow, but I missed a very good performance, as noted above), so I decided to eat close to home, at the Mill NE.  But they didn't have a TV, and I swore they had a TV.  The closest sports bar on Central Ave. to the Mill NE and to the Minnsky Theatre (place where the burlesque show was) was Mac's Industrial, but it was crowded and no TV was tuned to the match.  So I listened on the radio until I had to go to the show.

And it started off badly, with the team conceding the lead to Vancouver off of, you guessed it, a Corner Kick.  But you know what?  The side picked itself off the mat and started fighting back.  Francisco Calvo, who appears to be taking a more offensive role this year, got fouled in the box, and Darwin Quintero deposited the Penalty Kick to knot it up at 1 late in the First Half.  Then, in four Minutes, the Loons took the lead for good on tallies by Calvo and Romario Ibarra.  The Whitecaps scored late, but MNUFC held on for a 3-2 win, matching its road win total for 2018 and getting them above .500 for the first time in franchise history (in Major League Soccer, of course).

The main change appears to be their defensive mettle.  I had a feeling that in the previous two years, Vancouver's tactics would have sliced through the Loons.  But after a wholesale (and, might I add, ruthless and even rude) off-season where they told many of their starters to leave the squad, their additions, most notably MLS stalwarts Osvaldo Alonso and Ike Opara, bossed around the 'Caps and neutralized any attacks through the middle.  That's something previous editions could not do.

To make sure Allianz Field would be ready and to ensure there wouldn't be matches played below freezing, United FC will play their first five Matches on the road.  Next Saturday they play San Jose, projected by many to finish as the worst team in the league.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -8).  These players did what they needed to do and routing the Wildcats in Northwestern Thursday, 62-50.  Joey Brackets, as of right now, not have the U. in the field, but in as an 11-seed.  They are still projected to avoid the play-in game.  Frankly, these guys aren't that good.  And they're still in The Big Dance with room to spare?

We'll see if they burn through that room.  They finish the regular season with a pair of foreboding opponents.  On Tuesday they host Purdue.  And on Friday they finish the regular year at Maryland.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -1).  They are in the middle of a scary stretch of games against teams that, to be honest, are better than them.  And these guys cannot afford a slip-up like what happened Sunday night, when they had a lead at the X on Nashville but lost in a Shootout.  Nevertheless that is a point, and that defeat comes at the end of a week where the squad won two very impressive games on the road.  On Tuesday they came back to score twice in the final two minutes of the game to take a 3-2 victory over The Central Division-leading Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, and then on Saturday night they had their way against a very shaky Goalie in their 4-2 win over The Western Conference-leading Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.  (They flew home from Calgary to play the next night in St. Paul; that would explain their loss to the Predators, even though having a lead and blowing it is inexcusable.)

With all that, the Wild are still clinging to the last playoff spot in the Western Conference; as of press time, they are two Points up on The Bastard Winnipeg Jets.  But the tough road to hoe continues, and boy, it's a hellish four-Game screening week: At Nashville tonight/Tuesday night; back-to-backs at the Florida clubs; then home Monday to face San Jose.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  See, I should be stoked that the softballers won four-of-five Games in Tucson, Ariz., over the weekend.  But look at the wins -- Two over Drake, one over James Madison (who were ranked above the U., I should add), and a 12-1 rout of Kent St. called after Six Innings.  But the loss was a 2-0 decision Saturday evening against host Arizona.  You look at the name "Wildcats" and then recognize that the victories are over non-BcS teams, and it's starting to become clear that we're not looking at a title contender.  They may be good, even great, but they are nowhere near excellent enough to see them hoisting the NCAA Championship.

This weekend they (and current B1G Pitcher Of The Week Amber Fiser) are in Austin, Tex.  They play a three-game series vs. Texas, and yet are squeezing in a Saturday night contest against Texas Southern.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -7).  It may not have mattered, but man, they could have used a win Thursday at Rutgers.  Instead, as has been this club's bugaboo, they tired down the stretch and squandered a four-Point lead by getting outscored 22-12 in the Fourth Quarter, losing 60-54.  It has been striking to see what was a wide rotation get narrowed down to basically five players playing the entire game after that rotation stopped working.  But Head Coach Lindsay Whalen has tightened them up even further; lately, Minnesota has been a two-player game, with Destiny Pitts and Kenisha Bell basically being the entire offense.  That worked in the regular season finale Sunday, routing Michigan St. at The Barn, 82-63.  But finding the right combination to unlock this team's potential has come too late, I'm afraid.

There is always the Big Ten Tournament; win that (something Minnesota has never done) and the Gophers get the auto-bid.  Thursday they begin play in Indianapolis versus Indiana.  Win that and they stare down Iowa the next evening.  And then, who knows?

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  People, including me, continue to think these guys have a chance of reaching the postseason just because there is still time left in the regular season.  But maybe it's time to give up the ghost after the week the Woofie Dogs had.  Sure, they won at home vs. The Bastard Rochester/Cincinnati Royals/Kansas City-Omaha Kings, but in three games out east, they fell to Atlanta, Indiana and Washington.  Wednesday's loss to (too many cities and team names to mention) Hawks was particularly devastating; they couldn't close out the game despite a late lead and basically crashed out in Overtime, losing 131-123.  Karl-Anthony Towns continues to astound, but there has been more scrutiny of Andrew Wiggins' passivity and lack of outward passion for the game and for improving his game.  I have heard the Common Man call him "Standrew" Wiggins, which is funny, vicious, and probably accurate.

Busy week for the Woofs: Home to The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics tonight/Tuesday night, straight out to Detroit to play the Pistons tomorrow/Wednesday night, then back-to-backers against the Wizards and New York at Target Center.

#-7: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  I really like actual series between teams not from the same conference in the early non-con baseball part of the regular season at the actual home stadium of one of the teams.  It's so different from this weekend tournament where you see squads play three different teams, even if they are teams they may not play again for decades, if ever.

It would also be good if, you know, your team would win one game.  Unfortunately, the U. did not do that, getting swept in a three-game series at N. C. St. over two days (Friday was rained out, so the Goofers were swept in a Saturday Doubleheader).  Sunday's loss was the worst; the Golden Goofers held a 4-2 lead heading in to the bottom of the Ninth but coughed up three Wolfpack runs to lose.

I should say more than that, but I need to end this survey early because I know I won't have any time Tuesday to complete this before the evening begins.  This weekend the club's back on the tournament circuit.  But this time the nine's in Seattle for something called the Seattle Baseball Showcase.  They will play Oregon St., San Diego and presumptive host Washington.  And then these guys will tack on a road game versus Seattle University.

Where Not Brushing My Teeth Finally Comes Back To Haunt Me

For the first time this winter, I think, I feel a stinging or a numbness on my right front tooth.  I really feel this sensation when cold air brushes around it, so it's at its worst when I'm, say, breathing in when I'm walking outside.

I don't think it's a sign of getting old.  I think it's gum disease, or some other disease I could have prevented if I actually brushed my teeth every day, as I should.  But I don't, and I haven't.  I don't remember ever routinely brushing my teeth.  I remember my parents teaching me once, and like the dick I was, I cried and refused to do it, and so I have brushed my teeth occasionally, or when I can, ever since.

And now is the comeuppance.  I'm sure of that.  And my years of not brushing my teeth on the regular will probably result in Alzheimer's, if this study is found to be true.  And it would be my fault.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February

Another very good month.  They're all in red (in honor of the holiday in February, of course), and in various states of skin exposure.

The model with the big picture is Hailey Slobodzian of Fort Myers, Fla., and a repeat; she was a "big" model in last year's calendar.  She's in a one-piece, though, even though I can see a bit of inside side boob.

No one howlingly bad.  The runners-up are the ones who are wearing two-piece bikinis and facing the camera: Shelbe of Houma, La., Mikayla of Arlington, Tex., Alexis of Chicago, and Nia of Lansing, Ill.  I will say that the latter two seem to work out, since they have abs.

But I will sort of break my own rule in naming Hottest Babe, who is Emily out of Fairview Heights, Ill.  She has her back turned, uh, 105 degrees away from the cam.  You can't see much ... except her ass.  Well, like, 20% of it; her bikini bottom is not one of those fully covered ones, but it is, er, sort of Brazilian.  However, such a bikini bottom is as daring as I think Hooters gets.  That ass, plus her arching her back, plus her long, brown hair, plus her throwing her arms up, and plus her smile makes her a winning combination.  Although, since she lives and works in the St. Louis area, I might be able to see her and get her autograph when (if?) I go to the Loo later this month, so that's another reason I chose her.

So it's Emily, even if it appears as though she is posing in front of a giant domestic truck.  Hope to see you soon, Emily!

And now I'll be able to pud one out and finally turn the calendar to the right month.

Went to Wendy's just now.  Clipped out a few coupons because today was the last day I could use them.  Got one of their new sandwiches.

And just as I was about to leave, the cashier apologized for not giving me my discount.  I could be mad.  But I should be, and am, mad at myself.  Why in the fuck did I not notice that the guy didn't use the coupon?  I got the coupon because I didn't want to pay regular price.  But when he told me the price, which was regular, I didn't stop to think, "Hmmm, that doesn't sound right.  Dude, did you put in the coupon?"  But I didn't.  I just handed over my money to him.

I'm disgusted with myself.  But I also think what would've happened if My Fucking Father were with me.  He would roll his eyes, scream at me for not paying attention, start to yel-- and then stop because he knew it would be useless to try to talk any sense into me.  He's pulled that shit on me all my life.

I'm replaying it in my head right now.  Goddamn him for ruining my life.

And in the meantime I have to figure out a way to save two bucks on something I usually spend money on.  Fuck me.

4, 6, 4, 5, 9, 3, 5 (1/2-ish? I Don't Remember)

These are the inches of snow I measured at our house for the snowstorms that hit us since February.  And that, my friends, is more than enough for one life winter.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Friday, March 1:

• Well, actually I need to go back to Tuesday because I either have receipts or used my credit card (mostly the latter).  I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) for the late shift.  Fucking coffee now costs $3.25.  A cup there costs more than one at Starbucks.  Unbelievable.  No lap dances, so with stage tips I spent just: $12.
• Monday, February 25 -- I had to use cash for the party at ****y's place.  It was the third time I got sucked and fucked by her, and even though I am not really physically attracted to her, I appreciate the fact that she lets me do shit to her.  And she gets me off.  There was another stripper there (there was supposed to be a third, but I didn't see her before I left).  Since I was the first and only customer there, I whipped it out in front of both in the living room after I peed.  ****y told me I was "reckless," ha!  Got a lapper from the other dancer.  With tip, I spent an inexpensive (as far as house parties go): $145.
• Back to Saturday the 23rd, where I skipped out of work early to, for the first time, attend both class finals of the Girls' High School Hockey Tournament in the afternoon and evening.  The A Final was a laugher, but the AA Final went into Double Overtime, so I think I got my money's worth.  I was feeling anxious (actually I still am feeling anxious), so not only did I stuff a hot dog and Coke down my gullet, I got a vanilla malt from Snuffy's, too.  With ticket and program: $43.
• And now we leap back to Tuesday, where I ate at Flameburger.  Wanted to eat at Flameburger at least once before my parents get home.  With tip: $12.55.
• On Friday the 15th I went to another party.  I only spent cash on one girl: *u****.  It was her birthday, and I wanted to give her a birthday present: My cum.  She also got me off without needing to step in.  But she lubricated my cock (HJ, no BJ) by taking swigs of water from a bottle and spitting on me tip.  Not only did it feel cold, the water spilled all around my pelvis and onto the bed.  Sorta icky.  And then she wanted a bonus because it was her birthday.  I gave her, like, 40 extra bucks, but that meant that I didn't have enough money to get dances from anyone else.  With cover: $195.
• I then went to Glam Doll.  The store cut down its hours; they now close at midnight, not 1.  I am saddened that I can't while away the midnight hour eating a donut.  But I got a free donut, at least.  Paid for one donut and a pour-over, and with tip I spent: $9.83.
• Wednesday, February 13 ... went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version) because 1) I needed to go to Godiva to get chocolates for the Valentine's Day party at work and 2) I wanted to see my ATF down there before my folks come home.  But even though I checked the roster to make sure she was scheduled, when I went, she wasn't there.  Well.  That allowed me to just spend my time there seeing all available strippers do their stage sets.  And once they went back to the first girl I saw and tipped, that's when I left.  Free cover, one beer and tips and I had a good time (albeit without seeing my ATF) while spending merely: $29.
• On Monday the 11th I gave money to ***e*.  She said she needed money to buy new snow tires for her car.  What's wrong with her regular tires?  Anyway, she said she will pay me back by either cleaning my house or jerking me off.  I'm gonna hold her to that.  Gave her: $200.
• Then went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Sprite (it was Monday, so I didn't spend any money on caffeine), stage tips and an LD from JJ and it came out to: $30.
• Sunday, February 3: Went to Jersey Mike's for lunch.  They sent a coupon every month, and so far this year I have used it each month.  I charged the sandwich to my credit card, but I did tip: $1.
• I then got my car washed at Central Car.  It has been months since I got it cleaned.  But goddammit, they didn't vacuum the back.  I took out all my shit in the back, too, so they would have the room to suck up all the dust.  Since that was the second time they ignored my car's back, I'm now looking for other car washes.  And because of that oversight I tipped (charged the wash on my credit card) only: $2.
• And just before it closed (and before I went to my cousin's place to watch the Super Bowl), I went to the library.  I needed to print out some documents related to my parents' real estate investments in Las Vegas.  I could have printed them out about four months ago, but my access to them "lapsed" because there is a 90-day time limit in which you could go on a website and print these documents out.  After that, requesting documents comes with a fee.  I don't know why there is a time limit for printing documents for your own real estate.  But at least, when I called them, they were re-sent as a courtesy so I could print them out.  Total: 30 cents.
• Back on Sunday, January 27 I went to the final of the Open Division of the U.S. Pond Hockey Championships.  For the first time since I started going to the final day of this tournament, Wright Homes, which I'm guessing is a property management company, did not even reach the final.  Good -- I don't know why exactly, but I just got the feeling that those guys cheat.  Anyway, before watching the game in the cold (the afternoon before snow and the polar vortex both hit successively), I got an MGD Light so I could nurse it during the game.  It got so cold that a significant part of the beer froze.  I certainly didn't get my money's worth for that beer.  And I bought that beer for (with tip I think): $7.

Done through March 1.