Still Losing The Battle Of The Bulge

So on Friday, because I couldn't visit and fuck ***u**, I had lunch at a fancy place before going to my backup plan, ***e*, and getting a handjob from her.  The lunch was at Sidebar at Surdyk's, the somewhat-famous liquor store in Nordeast.  What came recommended (from the one website I was able to see as my "research") was the first dish I bought, the tartare.  But I thought I could eat a little more, and I am now on a Twin Cities burger group on Facebook, so I would try their burger.

My God, it's a fantastic damn burger.  Get it.  Get it now.  But the fries, while incredibly good as well, became my Waterloo.  If I didn't have that tartare, I think I could have polished off that meal without a problem.  But because it was my second course, I started having trouble finishing about halfway through my fries.  (What also quickly became an obstacle was how greasy the fries were.  The grease is what makes the fries so fantastic, but it's the thing that generates that pit in my stomach that finally makes me stop eating.)  I finished, but I felt, and was, fat the rest of the day.

And I still feel that way.  I just so happened to wake up this morning at a quarter to 9, and I took the opportunity to work out this morning.  I feel good exercising -- it makes me less inclined to work out tomorrow night, and this is a week where I am in The Fourth Department where I don't know if I'll even have the time to exercise -- but I still feel, and am, fat.  Dammit.

My Fucking Mother took this day of all days to take her sweet-ass time grocery shopping.  I was expecting lunch early enough for me to take in the St. Thomas men's soccer regular season final against Missouri-Kansas City at 1.  I thought I heard the front door slam shut a little after 11, which is around the time the alarm woke me up.  Father told me later that instead of making lunch, Mother was going to buy lunch after she got done with her grocery shopping.

So I waited.  And waited.  I thought about taking off at noon to make it to the Game on time (I've never been there before), but I decided I would be making too much friction if I decided to leave before Mother got home.  And I couldn't tell Father nor Mother I wanted to go to a soccer Match because that would be inviting questions I don't want to answer.  So once it got to 12:30, it was over.  I wasn't going to make the soccer Match.

My Mother came back a bit past 1.  I think.

Something good has to come from this.  So, between other things, I am at the library blog posting this while trying to whittle down my inbox.  I need to walk and take in this lovely, sunny fall day.  And maybe I'll get my car washed before I go to my alumni club game-watching event.

The Box

So, on Monday night, when I came home from working out, I saw a box at the front door.  I hadn't bought anything from Amazon lately, so I was wondering if my parents did, even though they always ask for my help when they want something through them.  I looked at the box, and it had the wrong address.  It was supposed to be dropped off at our neighbors.  Whoever dropped it off at our place made a huge mistake.

I was going to the United States Women's National Team soccer Match the next evening (this was Carli Lloyd's last Match playing internationally), so I was hoping my folks would just drop it off at their place during the day.  Came home, still saw the box there.  So after I got home Wednesday I told my parents I will take the box over.  And for some goddamn reason, they both said no.  What the fuck?!

Their reason, and I don't get it: The delivery people (UPS, Federal Express, who knows) will realize they made a mistake, or the neighbors will ask what happened to it, and they'll come and pick it up.  Because that's so much easier than just taking the fucking box and walking it over to them.  Geez.

I was acting like a smartass after they told me not to bring it over.  I think I got off a, "You really want to open up the box, don't ya?" to them, and they were acting like nothing but little bitches the rest of the night.  This was one time where, instead of resenting them because I feared their wrath, I resented them because they made a decision which I truly, wholeheartedly believed (and still believe) is flat-out stupid.  I have never heard of a deliveryman coming back to a house and saying, "Ope!  I need to take back that package I put here by mistake!  If you give it back to me, I can walk it over to your neighbor -- you know, that person who lives yards away from you, someone you might be friendly with, someone who could be friendly enough to start a conversation with you because, you know, you gave them a package that belongs to them!  But don't worry, I'll do it instead of your lazy asses!  Thank you!"

Laziness might be one reason.  I wonder if fear is another.  I have never spoken to them, but the neighbors have two signs showing they are progressive.  To me, they seem like cool people (even though the Minnesotan in me dreads ever even waving to them if we're both outside).  But when I suggested they should go over and drop the box off on their stoop, they were like, "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as if Jeffrey fucking Dahmer lives there.  I wonder how deeply Republican they are, but they hold conservative views, and I have a suspicion that they have an inkling of what those signs mean (I'm sure they don't totally understand what they mean) and don't want to even approach them.

(Sort of an aside: They don't talk to neighbors, therefore I don't talk to neighbors.  But there are a couple people around us whom they love to meet with, and they'll gossip with them about all sorts of shit.  My parents told me once that they chatted up a handyman who came by our other neighbors because that handyman was Hmong, and that guy apparently spilled the beans and tea about the people who live there.  Also, for a long time, they were creepily friendly with the neighbor kitty-corner from us.  I had never spoken to the woman who lived by herself there.  Moreover, I never saw any indication that she was ever friendly to my folks.  But sometimes they, and in particular My Father, would go out of their way to offer her anything, whether it be egg rolls or to shovel her driveway.  Fucking strange.  Oh, one night I came home and saw cop cars and fire trucks in front of her home.  Apparently she barricaded herself inside it and they had to go in there and drag her out.  The house was put up for sale days later.  My parents can pick the friendly neighbors, can't they?)

Finally, on Thursday, Father told me to just bring the box over.  I did.  Happily for me, I didn't see the neighbors, either in the front yard or stirring inside the house.  I left it on the stoop, then walked back home.  No out-of-nowhere incident with strangers, and now, no friction with the 'Rents at home.

Alright.  Fine.  It's over.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  I feel bad not doing last Week's survey before the U. beat Colgate -- then-third-ranked Colgate -- Friday.  Nevertheless, they beat the Raiders again -- and remember that the Gophers were playing in Colgate.  This impressive road sweep (I can't remember the last one of these they've had) pushed them up the poll from fifth to third, and until they play the WCHA powers again (which they won't until December), they'll have to ride on this.  They get the top spot this screening Week, and hell, I'll put them at 0.

In the meantime, they visit Bemidji St. for two this weekend.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -3).  It helps to be on the weaker side of the B1G.  But by pulling away from Maryland at Huntington Saturday, 34-16, they are now tied with Iowa in the Big Ten West Division, and they have won three in a row, and they are now one Win away from being bowl-eligible.  That Bowling Green Loss still stings, and just reaching a bowl should be something that's expected by now.  But things could be a lot worse with this team right now.  And they should handle Northwestern in Evanston Saturday.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  So after they beat The Bastard Charlotte Hornets on Saturday at Target Center, they lost the rematch on Monday (even though they mounted a spirited comeback to end the Third Quarter).  Head Coach Chris Finch and, surprisingly, Anthony Edwards said they had to do a better job of passing the ball.  Cool.  Good luck changing your fortunes around Wednesday against the defending world champion Milwaukee Bucks.

And they did.  It got hairy at the end, but they held off Milwaukee, in Milwaukee, 113-108.  I never thought they would be able to pull that off.  But they won a Game they had no business winning, and even though it's early, they're 3-1.  Moreover, I am beginning to come around on Ant.  Let's see what more he is capable of.

This Week they begin a four-Game homestand with contests vs. Denver, Orlando, and The Bastard Buffalo Braves.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  They beat then-sixth-ranked Ohio St. in four Sets at Maturi Sunday, then swept lowly Indiana in Bloomington Wednesday.  But I can't get over the club's sweep, at home, at the hands of then-#14 Penn St. Friday.  It's been readily apparent they don't have a championship squad this Year, but you couldn't win even one Set against a program you aspire to be?

In the latest poll out Monday (so before the Win over Indiana), the Gophers actually rose a spot from 12 to 11.  So, a Sweet Sixteen appearance, and that's it?  That sounds fair.

A pivotal Week: Hosting #6 Nebraska Saturday, then a revenge Game for the Buckeyes (now ranked ninth) as they host the U. Thursday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: 0).  I have to say something about the Seattle Kraken, the expansion team in the National Hockey League.  First, God help them if there is even anything close to a racist incident involving the franchise because then everybody would all them the Seattle Krakers.  It's right there, people.

Second, it's unbelievable to me that ESPN, holding rights to the NHL for the first time in 17 Years, has gone all in on showcasing the Kraken.  This is their first Year.  They have no track record.  They have no stars.  And yet the, well, fellatio The Worldwide Leader is performing on this virgin group is bizarre and downright distasteful.  Why are they promoting Seattle like they're America's Team?  Is it because they want to get in on the next Las Vegas Golden Knights if they pop in their charter Year to reach the Stanley Cup Final?  (I'm picking them to get all the way there, by the way ... losing to Zach Parise and the New York Islanders at the end.)  Is it the newness of the club they're attracted to?  Because other squads have identities and track records that the casual fan might want to follow instead.  But no, says ESPN; let's follow the shiny object and slurp all over the Kraken instead.

Oh, by the way, Seattle beat the Mild last/Thursday night in Seattle, and it wasn't even close: 4-1.  I am watching this space for a theory I developed after they cut Ryan Suter and lost Carson Soucy to the Krak in the Expansion Draft: Their Defense, long a hallmark of this organization, is going to be a lot leakier this Year, and so if the Mild win, they'll have to win, like, 5-4.  That would require Kirill Kaprizov to score, and even though he has been productive in helping his teammates score, including a great Assist to Ryan Hartman for the team's only Goal last/Thursday night, he isn't scoring yet.

The Loss in Seattle makes them 2-2 this screening Week; their first loss of the season was a 5-2 blowout at home Sunday to Nashville, while they beat Anaheim in Overtime Saturday and outlasted the Canucks in Vancouver Tuesday, both by 3-2 scores.  Things lighten up this Week: They're in Colorado Saturday, then host Ottawa Tuesday.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -6).  This squad has time to turn it around, but this is a bad home-and-home sweep at the hands of Minnesota-Duluth over the weekend.  They are now 3-3 and beginning conference play this weekend with a pair at home versus Notre Dame, and they still can't seem to defend.  That's been a defining trait of Bob Motzko's career, and that could continue to stymie the resurrection of this program.

#-6: United FC (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Don't want to sound like a broken record, but after this Week I am back to not quite understanding the #HeathOut fervor.  I once again didn't think the Loons were a prime contender to win it all, despite what some others said before the Year began.  And while Wednesday's 2-1 loss at the Vancouver Whitecaps was a devastating one in at least a putative and analytical standpoint (FiveThirtyEight said MNUFC's playoff chances dropped from 69% to 43% after that defeat), the 'Caps are fighting alongside the Loons for a postseason birth and they were on the road, playing a sport that has as bad as a home-pitch advantage than basketball.  I could see them losing, which is what I am saying.

Saturday's 1-all Draw against LAFC at home is the opportunity that was lost, in my opinion.  Laugh-See also is fighting for the playoffs, but at this time of the Year, you have to take all the Points you can when at home.  And they were playing behind after the 33rd Minute Goal from Cristian Arango.  Ozzie Alonso's clean-up Goal was great -- losing at home would have ended this season -- but now they are on the outside looking in, with two Games left, when the clubs MNUFC is fighting don't have too many obstacles in their way to sewing up the playoff spots they're in right now.

Halloween afternoon they host Sporting Kansas City.  They have to win this one.  Unfortunately they're facing one of the hottest sides in MLS.  Good luck.  (I have time to watch this Match.  I think I have just talked myself out of going.)

#-Infinity: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -7).  Well, shit.  They were in a mostly win-and-you're-in situation going into Sunday's regular season finale vs. Nebraska at home, and the Cornhuskers were already eliminated from tournament (Big Ten, and thus NCAA) play.  And I am confused that this XI turned in probably their worst performance of the Year, losing 2-0 on Goals scored three Minutes apart in the First Half.

So, after finishing their non-conference schedule both undefeated and without allowing a Goal, they finish league play with four Wins and six Losses.  They do not make the B1G Tournament, so there's no way they'll make the NCAAs, and therefore their season is over.

Well, this is Erin Chastain's first Year leading Minnesota, so this is her mulligan.

My Fucking Father Asshole Enough?

I have a day planner.  I write down every transaction I make with cash in it.  It takes me a while to write them down, however.  I just take all the receipts I have one day, put them in order, then write them in.  Sometimes I don't have receipts, in which case I dummy up a blog post here on Blogger as an online note.  When I am ready to write down the expenses for a month, I bring that up.

I add up all the expenses for the month, then compare that with the amount of cash I pulled out of my ATM.  I subtract the two, write down the difference in my day planner, than explain (to myself) how I reached that amount and if there are any trends or notable events during the month (sporting event, stripper party, fucking a chick) that would explain that amount.  Once I do, I take out the previous month's pages and have enough room to stick in the current month's pages.  I have been procrastinating on doing that for many years now, but I try to do it before the following month begins so as not to be two months behind.

---

Mother, for the past couple years or so, has asked me for help in finding stuff online.  She has also been on a retirement- and pandemic-induced cooking spree; she has bought many appliances (in garage sales, she says) that, like, does only one thing, but invariably 1) it either has a part missing or 2) she doesn't know how to use it.  So she enlists my help to find either the info or the part she needs on the WWW.  On the one hand she annoys me, especially when she keeps asking questions.  On the other, well ... I guess a son always wants to impress his mother.

So she bought this goddamn new contraption, but a part was missing.  She didn't know what it was called, but she pointed out that it's a (now playing charades) ... circle!  And it goes around this ... rim!  But there are two of them and she has only one of ... those doohickeys.  Find out what that is, then buy it at Amazon!  No, wait!!  Tell her how much it costs first!!!

---

This is coming together.  Bear with me.

I tell her I'll find this part for her, but I want to do my own stuff first, namely going through all my expenses and jotting them down.  When I calculate the numbers, I want to use a ten-keypad.  But I certainly don't have one on my laptop.  Father, however, has a desktop, with a keyboard with a keypad on the right side.  If I don't make it out to a library and use one of their computers, I walk downstairs and just use Father's down in his computer room.

So I booted up Father's computer, opened up the calculator and started inputting numbers.  Meanwhile, Mother gave me the instruction booklet on this contraption she bought because she thought a picture of the missing part was in an illustration.  There was, and I figured out what missing part it was (the part slips my mind).  I did all my calculations and did the month's financial post-mortem, and yes, I have continued to do this even though I now put most of my transactions on credit cards.  I then saw the missing part sold online and rushed up to show Mother how much it cost.

I then retreated to my room, thinking my tasks for the family were now done.  Later, I went out to work out.

But I forgot my day planner in Father's computer room.

I came home.  Father mumbled something from his computer room.  I ask if he's talking to himself like a crazy old man.  He then said I left something of mine down there.  Shit!

I go downstairs and my day planner is open to where I left it: My list of expenses and the lines I wrote about what I spent.  Now, I write in cursive, plus the day planner is small, plus my old man is old and he can't see well, so he couldn't read my writing.  But the numbers, and the headings of "Fast Food" and "Entertainment?"  Yeah, those are large enough for him to read, and he understands those words, and the large amounts underneath them.  Is he asshole enough to bring it up during dinner weeks from now -- "Hey, what did you write down in your book?"  "It looks like you spent more than a hundred dollars on fast food; why would you do that when we feed you at home?"  Fucking bullshit like that.

And all because I wanted to go downstairs and use his computer and then fucking left the stuff I brought down with me.

I can't wait for them to leave.  I've had it.

I'm Getting Thirsty Again

I continue to try and track down ****e, the girl I get to rawdog, and ******a, the stripper who massages me while I'm completely naked, and ****e*, the ex-stripper who does a hell of a job cleaning my house while my parents are away.  I have tried to communicate with them in the past, but they've ghosted me.  I tried texted them all a couple days ago, and still, no dice.

I really wonder what happened to them.  Did they change phone numbers?  If so, why didn't they tell me?  Was I not that important in their lives?  Has something happened to them?  Have they turned over new leaves and quit their whoring?  I hope they haven't quit their whoring.  I'm a whore and I want to get down with them.

Maybe I should take the hint and stop reaching out to them.  But I probably won't.  Shit, I might run by ****e's house to see if she's OK, even though I have no reason to go all the way the hell down there.  But I'm getting fucking thirsty again.

Stripper Flakes Out On Me Again

I don't know why I keep giving this stripper continuous chances to disappoint me.  No, that's not true -- the reason why I give this stripper continuous chances to disappoint me is because I think with my dick when it comes to her, and I will go to great lengths in the hope that she will get down and dirty with me.

But it hasn't happened yet and, egad, it didn't happen last night, either.  She said that this house party would end in the evening, which means I would be able to go.  But when I got there, I was told by everybody who was there (customers and strippers) that she left five minutes before I arrived.  Well, I guess I got closer to the house than the last party that was there; the whole party closed up by the time I drove up, with just one customer driving past me saying they were all done.

I had texted her that I was coming.  She didn't text me back before I was told that she had split.  As I was peeing to figure out whether to stay or go, she finally texted me that everybody from the party left, and that she had to leave because there was an emergency at home: Her kid cut her hand.  Riiiiiight.  She said there was a fucking emergency the last time.  So I said that there were people there -- why is she lying? -- and I decided to go and, just like the last time when my best laid plans were ruined, go exercise, even though I would be doing so while going commando, also just like the last time

There is wi-fi at the community center I go to.  Before I start my workout, I look at my phone in case someone wanted to reach me.  And I see that stripper had not only texted me a string of things, but she also tried to call me, something she has never done.  The string of texts got to be stalker-ish -- "Damn, I'm trying to call you," and "Now you're going to ignore me" -- but after I explained to her I immediately left the party and was probably driving when she tried calling me, I think she calmed down.

I said I would be popping by the stripclub where she works Halloween evening because I want to avoid trick-or-treaters.  She said she doesn't work Sundays.  I said I'll see her down the road.  I don't think she understands what I meant was I hope to never see her crazy-ass face ever again.  Because, again -- dumb.  And now a liar to boot.

Want to note that, for the second week in a row, I am kicking ass in both of my fantasy football leagues.  It feels good to see a lead that is virtually insurmountable as I start the workweek.  And it is particularly gratifying this week because some people are calling it "Byemageddon," where six teams are taking the week off (including the Vikings), therefore fantasy football managers are scrambling to either fill their players on those bye teams with reserves or agonizing over which free agents to pick up off the waiver wire.

I have not had to do that.  (Wouldn't have done it if I had to do that; I've been busy like a dog this past week.)  Well, I needed to switch the guys who have this week off with my reserves, and my bench players have done a good job being replacements.  It almost makes me feel like I know what I'm doing in fantasy football.

I need something to feel good about myself.  And destroying all my opponents in fantasy football the last two weeks definitely works!

And Now StubHub Fucked Me

I was looking all over -- StubHub, SeatGeek, Craigslist -- for a ticket.  I dawdled, unfortunately; I found the cheapest price at $73 at StubHub (I think), but waited just a skoosh to see if I could get a cheaper price on Craigslilst.  Everyone I texted, however, only had Venmo, for some damn reason.  So once I circled back, the cheapest price, on StubHub, was $86.

So I bought it.  And I waited for the ticket.  And I'm still waiting, because for some goddamn reason the dude whose ticket I bought ain't giving it to me.  So fuck it; after trying again on Craigslist and failing -- the guy actually had PayPal, but he had trouble transferring the ticket -- I just went to Ticketmaster and buying it legitimately.  For $92, but like I said before, going to the Rolling Stones concert is a bucket list thing.  Unfortunately, I'm going to have fucking fight like hell to get my $86 back because I got fucked over.  I really thought StubHub was going to be cool with me, but this is bullshit, and now I have to defend myself from it.

I plan on going to the Rolling Stones concert tonight.  Can't say I'm a huge fan, but of course I'm familiar with their songs, and I love most of them.  Also, I had a conversation with my sister some years back where she talked about going to a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert even though she and my brother-in-law couldn't afford.  They went because it was a bucket list kind of thing; how would you feel if you had a chance to see one of your favorite bands but didn't because of, well, something?  And that "something" happened with the Stones with the death of drummer Charlie Watts.  That one hurts; I think Mick Jagger and Keith Richards would even say the Rolling Stones aren't really the Stones now that Watts is gone.

Still, are the Rolling Stones as they are now good enough?  Yes.  Obviously they're getting up there; should I lift my nose up and not go because they're not "the real Stones?"  No.  So I plan on going.  I just hope me 1) wearing a mask and 2) being Chinese isn't going to mean other concertgoers are going to accost me.  Crossing my fingers.

Visited Grandmother's best friend this afternoon.  Try to do it once a month.

I'll be frank; since she is now in that stage where she's completely forgotten the English she learned and is now just speaking in her native Vietnamese (at least I hope it is), I do my best to cope for the hour I give myself being in her presence.  It's football season, though, and so my plan was to change her TV to a football Game and just sneak a peek once in a while as she speaks to me in Vietnamese as though I understand her.  (I have an app, Papago, to try and translate what she says, but it's gibberish, indicating either the app doesn't work or she is gone to the point where she is speaking gibberish.)

This time around I was transfixed with the end of Illinois' nonuple-overtime upset at Penn St., and so I was openly ignoring her for minutes at a time, honestly.  But during her Vietnamese ramblings, I noticed that her eyes started to redden and swell.  Is she ... about to ... cry?

When she started sniffling, I had to stop watching the Game and I held her.  And she started to weep some more.  I never saw any tears, however, and after a few minutes she seemed OK again, just talking about stuff and even laughing once or twice.  She then started to get sad again, but she pulled herself back from the brink.

See, this is where not being able to understand her becomes a big problem.  I want to console her, but I don't know what to say.  I think I left her (after about 75 minutes) in a good place; she wasn't about to cry or anything.  Well, at least I don't think.  I hope she's OK, but like I said, I don't know how to help her if she isn't.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: United FC (Last Week: -6).  First of all, I have to acknowledge that until last/Thursday night (which I'll cover at the bottom of this survey), the Twin Cities sports scene was on a roll that is unprecedented in WMNSS history.  Unless I am wrong (and I could be; someone please check), the teams I cover here went 11-0 between Saturday and Wednesday.  Think about that; not only did local sports go on an unbeaten streak, they were perfect for five straight days.  OK, Monday doesn't count because there were no sports teams playing that evening, but it's more impressive to say five straight days.

So how do you figure out who's on top when so many teams (eight, to be exact) had undefeated Weeks?  The tie-breaker, at least for me, at least for this screening Week, was the effect those Wins had for a particular team's postseason prospects.  That does favor squads that are closer to the end of the regular than the beginning, but the impact the Loons' 2-0 week had in making the MLS playoffs is hard to deny.

Of the two Matches, their road one against Austin Saturday night was the winnable one, and they did win, 1-0 on a Goal by Franco Fragapane in the 16th Minute.  Then they came home to host Philadelphia Wednesday evening.  (It was a Game I thought about going to, but supporters groups have assailed the organization recently for not tightening up their pandemic policies, and so many of them are boycotting the rest of the season, and I will too -- even though I already bought a ticket to the USWNT Match, Carli Lloyd's final one for the National Team, which is on Tuesday.)

The Union are where MNUFC want to be: Not opening the wallet for every Designated Player they could find, but consistently staying in the mix (and they have a playoff spot right now) through a combination of savvy signings and development.  The Match at Allianz was a wild affair, especially in the Second Half; Philly scored twice to come back from a 1-0 Minnesota lead, but Goals from Robin Lod (who subbed in -- look at Adrian Heath with the deft use of Substitutes!) and Fragapane four Minutes apart gave them the 3-2 victory and a precious three Points at home.  I saw What the Constitution Means to Me at the Guthrie that rainy, chilly evening, and even though the play is really good, I kind of wish I was at the Match -- now that I know they won.

Now, if you look at the standings, you'll see that United FC basically maintained; they moved up from seventh in the West to sixth.  They didn't sew up a playoff birth, absolutely not.  But back-to-back clutch Wins shows toughness, and using that toughness to tread water in a congested postseason race is something admirable ... and a sign that the team on top should get Positive Numbers.

Last Week marked the beginning of a stretch where they play five Matches in a fortnight.  The gauntlet continues Saturday night versus LAFC, then a Wednesday tilt in Vancouver.

#0: Wild (Re-Entry!).  I can see Wild fans getting up in arms over not putting their hockey club in the top spot of the WMNSS ... well, if they cared about this survey ... or if they even know about it.  Hey, a 3-0 start to begin their season -- their first such start in six Years -- is impressive.  But it's just a start.  They've got 79 more of these to go.  Also, while road Wins are always valuable, the club started off their season dispatching Anaheim and Los Angeles, and for at least the second Year in a row, all California teams are just ass.  They just are.

Tuesday's home-opening victory over The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers is the most gratifying of the three, and it also points to the team's future, and its potential.  The Wild came back from deficits of 1-0, 2-1, 3-2, and 5-3.  Four ties, the last of which came on a Goal by Joel Eriksson Ek, who is fast becoming a great player, with 59 Seconds left in regulation.  Then, in the crapshoot that is NHL 3-on-3 Overtime, a repelled Ducks rush turned into a 3-on-1 going the other way.  A tic-tac-toe move wound up with Eriksson Ek shoving the puck past Jet Goaltender Connor Hellebuyck for the OT winner ... and gave JEE a Hat Trick.

The ability to come back four times is the best thing I like about the Wild so far.  And people see how these guys are skating, flying down the ice, back and forth.  A small sample size, but it looks to be a byproduct out of ushering out the previous regime of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  Michael Russo of The Athletic had an extensive pre-Season interview with Wild General Manager Bill Guerin.  Guerin was candid in saying that he believes locker rooms get stale, and he bought out Parise and Suter because, well, there should just be new people on the team.  Furthermore, even though it is implied and not explicated in Russo's story, there was a feeling that Parise and Suter had too much of a hold on the team, to the point where their influence made the other players walk on eggshells around them.  If all that was needed to breathe new life into the franchise was to push away old players, well, I guess I don't have much to complain about.

Busy Week: Back-to-back home Games versus Anaheim and Nashville this weekend, then they hit the road Tuesday in Vancouver and Thursday for their first-ever contest against the Seattle Kraken.

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -4).  As you can tell, I failed to do and publish this survey overnight.  In fact, I am cutting it close doing it this evening.  I don't remember the last time I had to incorporate an afternoon Game the day of into the WMNSS, but I did, surprisingly, for the University of Minnesota women's hockey program, which played and beat Colgate, a team ranked above them, this/Friday afternoon, 5-3, in Hamilton, N. Y.  Combine that with sweeping a home-and-home with MSU-Mankato over the weekend by a combined 9-2 score, and all is right with the world.  They finish a two-Game series vs. the Raiders tomorrow/Saturday afternoon.

#-2: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  And holy crap, the T-Wolves got into this winning crap!  They began their season Wednesday with a 124-106 Win over Houston at Target Center.  Sure, it's the post-Harden/Paul Rockets, so they're firmly in rebuilding mode.  But you only have to go back to last Year to know that those Woofie Dogs would have struggled against the dregs of the NBA.  Now they're seems to finally be clear skies devoid of injuries and alignment on how to move forward.  Karl-Anthony Towns seems to have put COVID-19 behind him.  D'Angelo Russell is making shots and staying off the DL.  And Anthony Edwards continues to blossom.

Of course, it's only one Game.  They play two at home against The Bastard Charlotte Hornets and then travel to Milwaukee and play the defending NBA Champion Bucks Wednesday.  We'll see hot they are after that Week.

#-3: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  A gutty (is that the right word?) performance in getting off to a fast start and then holding on in the Second Half for a 30-23 victory over Nebraska at Huntington.  And don't look now, but the Big Ten West might be the Gophers for the taking.  Iowa looked mighty vulnerable in losing to Purdue -- whom the Gopher beat -- at home.  And Wisconsin clearly has some issues.  It's not a stretch to say that the U. might play in the B1G title Game.  But first they have to play Maryland tomorrow/Saturday afternoon in Dinkytown.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  It doesn't really matter that Kirk Cousins found K. J. Osborn for the Game-ending Touchdown in Overtime over the Panthers in Charlotte on Sunday.  Yes, they're 3-3 and would actually make the playoffs were the season to end today.  But these guys had an 11-Point lead and coughed it up.  Championship teams don't blow 11-Point leads; that's why these guys are down here.  Cousins is saving the Defense's -- and Mike Zimmer's -- ass right now, and even though his limitations will bubble up to the surface at some point, right now he is carrying the team.

This is their bye Week.

#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  The seventh and final team that went undefeated last Week are the U. volleyballers, who had only one Match and swept lowly Indiana at the Sports Pavilion.  But this weekend brings a great test: They host Penn St. tonight/Friday night (in fact it is starting as I am blog posting this), then hosting Ohio St. late Sunday afternoon.  Both are ranked.  Can this club show any marked improvement?

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Split a home-and-home with St. Cloud St. over the weekend.  Both road teams won.  But Minnesota really shouldn't have emerged victoriou Saturday.  In fact, it's absolute fucking bullshit that the Gophers won.  Because just look at this no-call:

Blake McLaughlin (#FlyTogether) steals the puck with what should be a penalty and then sets Sammie Walker (#GoBolts) up in front for the overtime goal.

Minnesota wins 4-3 in overtime, regrettably, on perhaps the worst non-call I've seen in some time. I feel for St. Cloud State. pic.twitter.com/DWu1G4DElD

— J.D. Burke (@JDylanBurke) October 17, 2021

I can't think of a lesser-deserved Win by a local team ever.  And that includes the Vikings.  What's worse: That gift allows the U. to pick up a valuable win for PairWise purposes.  Unbelievable.

Another home-and-home this weekend, this time Minnesota-Duluth.

#-7: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  Finally, we get to the U. footballers, who followed up their 1-0 victory at Northwestern Sunday with a 1-0 defeat at Iowa Thursday.  It's the first time in conference play they were shut out.  Moreover, that loss ended the Twin Cities winning streak, so because I'm bitter, I'm placing this XI in last place in this Week's survey.

Minnesota is at 4-5 and in a four-way tie for sixth place in the B1G.  All 14 squads have one Game left to play in the regular season.  With the exception of Illinois-Rutgers, which will kick off tomorrow/Saturday afternoon, all the other conference Matches will be played between 11 a.m. and 1 p.m. Sunday.  The latter is the kickoff time for the Gophers.  The top eight make it into the Big Ten Tournament.  While the U. is still fighting for a spot, Nebraska, Minnesota's opponent, is officially eliminated from tournament play.  That should mean a Win, especially considering this Game's at Robbie Stadium.  But I don't know if a Win is going to be enough for this team to get to the B1G.  Fingers crossed.

And as an addendum to the previous blog post, this article helps you if you want to create your own Molotov Girl Halloween costume.  Not asking, of course!  ;-)

By the way, about seeing Free Guy ... grade: A-.  Very sweet movie about free thought and what it really means to exist.  But the character of Molotov Girl ... frankly, the reason I wanted to watch this movie was her.  Well, the actor who portrays her, Jodie Comer, she's aces.  But "Molotov Girl" -- that character, the look of her, well ... she is as hot a woman I have ever seen fully clothed.  Hot damn!

Molotov Girl would make a great, under-the-radar Halloween costume.  Any woman who wears it would be instantly cool, with the added upside that she doesn't have to show any skin.  Just a thought.

Addendum To: Busy Days This Week

And to get through my busy week, I had to finally just shut things down and go to sleep early, something I have wanted to do in general.  And last night I finally did it: After putting in overtime after my usual shift was over and going to watch Free Guy, I came home and promptly just went to bed.  I didn't fall asleep immediately, but soon thereafter.  I woke up for a short bit at around 1:30 and then around 3:45, but I got up just now, around 5, and I feel refreshed -- something I need to do since I'm coming in to work early, potentially sticking around for work after my usual shift again, then going to see that play tonight.

Not only did I finally get a decent amount of sleep, I also eschewed eating late, and fasting (even if it's only for several hours, and I'm going to break that fast before I get to work) feels good because I didn't go to bed with a pit in my stomach.  That feels good, too.

Hope this gets me through the day, and night.

Busy Days This Week

• Yesterday/Monday: Got Pizza Hut for dinner, then worked out.
• Tonight/Tuesday: Anticipating overtime at work, then headed out to catch Free Guy.
• Tomorrow/Wednesday: I'll need to make up an excuse, but after dinner I am going to see, hopefully, What The Constitution Means To Me at the Guthrie, followed by a quick bite to eat at our bar to make sure we can watch our team there Saturday night.
• Thursday: After work I have a session with my shrink, then I plan on eating Chipotle and then getting a haircut, then seeing Law & Order: SVU which, according to a tweet by Wolf Entertainment head Warren Leight, is a special episode extended by four minutes which will never be seen on television ever again after that airing.  Well, I have to see that then, don't I?

So of course I would break my inner tension by indulging in online porn.  I went to OnlyFans and bought picture after picture after picture -- two dozen, I think an all-time high.  And the stupid thing is, I wouldn't have done it if I didn't do a late, before-midnight run on buying OF porn Sunday evening.  But I was in my horny mood, so I tried to buy up as much porn before it struck midnight.  Unfortunately, I wanted to sneak in one more purchase before 12:00 a.m., but I failed.  And, according to the rules I (or my OCD) set up, that means that it would only make sense to use that same credit card the next day.  So I did -- for McDonald's before work, Pizza Hut for dinner, and then for the OF porn after coming back from the gym.  (By the way, the picture I tried to buy before midnight but didn't?  There wasn't even any nudity in it.  Pssh.)

Glad I have a job.  Because next month's credit card bill is going to be a bad one.

The Concert

In another step back to normalcy, I went to a concert -- an actual indoor concert -- for the first time since the pandemic.

Jungle, a soul/R&B/dance/electronic outfit of two White producers from England.  I've heard a few of their songs on The Current, and I liked them, and they were playing in St. Paul, and it's a Sunday so street parking is free, so I went.  Great show.  Glad the other guy spoke up during the encore; up till then I was getting the feeling he wasn't friendly.

So I went despite having reservations.  This is the next step up, so to speak, in coronavirus risk.  I have been to fairly packed restaurants and ate indoors.  But a full-fledged concert, in a theater, with thousands (it wasn't sold out, but a lot of people were there) screaming at the top of their lungs -- and most of them not wearing masks?

I thought about not going.  But you have to step out of your house at some point, and risk assessment has to be on a spectrum.  Could some people say I'm foolish or even stupid for going to a concert in a state that, right now, is getting hit by the coronavirus worse than every other state in the union?  Yes, and if I get the 'Rona, they'd be right.  I'm not an anti-masker/vaxxer.  But I wanted to get back to normal.  And I wanted to see these guys.  And I got a discount on a ticket at StubHub.  So I went.

Also, I decided to break out the N95 mask, the ones I bought when the air was dangerous.  There is emerging evidence (although I would not count it as scientific consensus, no matter what this Atlantic article wants to say) that they are better than cloth masks, but I have eschewed using them again -- till now.  The close quarters and the loud expulsions of breath made me think that I need to break out the, um, heavy-duty masks and not just the ones everyone uses.  If the N95 also protects me from other people (instead of just the other way around for cloth masks), then I should be protected from concertgoers last night.

Actually, I was more perturbed by these two dudes who sat both behind and to the left of the seat I got in the balcony.  I moved away from them (and partly to move around to the music), only to be shushed back to my seat by the usher.  Hey, the couple in front of me aren't standing at their seats; why don't you tell them to go back?  Whatever.  Those two burly dudes wouldn't move despite open seating in other areas.  It's damn uncomfortable to be at a soul/R&B/dance/electronic concert and have these two bears watch right next to you, you know?

I had initially thought about forgoing my actual seat and stand in the General Admission area on the floor for Jungle from the get go.  The seats were closer to the stage and I would have a clear view of it without some tall dude standing in front of me, however.  But then, after all the crap I had to deal with upstairs, I went back downstairs, stood in the back, and did my best to move my head around the dancing guy in front of me.  And I was able to most of the time, and so I enjoyed the concert from there -- mask on.

I'll need to get tested.  Hope it comes back negative.

The Hottest Girl In The Hooters Calendar: September

I had first looked this over when I reviewed August and I wasn't impressed.  But now, seeing the dozen babes here, I think that my disappointment can be attributed more to the poses than the women, because this is a very good lot.

There are four women who are not unencumbered by the way they were told to shoot, but I want to single out four also-rans whose hotness shines through and would have made my best if not for something.  Amber, from Mesa, Ariz., has ample breasts, and Auna, of Madeira Beach, Fla., has an exotic (I want to say South Asian?) look that you don't see at Hooters (either in the calendar or at a restaurant) often but should.  Unfortunately, their hands are placed in front of their bodies, and that remains a huge distraction.  Meawhile, Romana of Weston, Fla., and Kayla of Montreal look absolutely gorgeous, but they're posed in strict side profile, thereby depriving us a chance to look at them in all their proper glory.  (Kayla, in particular, bums me out; she is wearing a dark one-piece with just a little sideboob, and she could be showing off her ass, but there's no way to tell because she's posed in side profile.)

So, to the clear top four ... in fourth place is Kylie of San Diego.  Not a fan of her hands nearly touching her shoulders, and the sides of her hair are kind of hiding her face.  But she's posing fully at the camera, and she is so showing off her nice body in a red two-piece bikini whose bottoms are the ones that tie up on both sides.  I like bikini bottoms like that.

In third comes Brianna, out of Joliet, Ill.  She is posed in slightly side profile, but she's turned just enough our way that we can see her cute, hot body in a camouflage two-piece.  Her cute face and her cute smile are vivacious, too!

Second place goes to Victoria, of St. Petersburg, Fla.  She is wearing a pale blue (maybe eggshell?) one-piece, but its design cuts a hole on around her stomach, and you can tell she is both tall and strong.  She is totally facing us and so her figure is bam!

Finally, the winner is the Main Girl, Lizzie from Chicago.  Long blonde hair, tiger print two-piece bikini, and she's got a set of bazoombas underneath that top.  Not smiling, but her beautiful face is seductive.  Guess it helps when that whole package is blown up to the size of a photo bigger than all the others.  But she's fantastic nevertheless, so congratulations to Lizzie.

And no worries, I have just masturbated to all of them.

So there's this website in which you can sign up to do what I do for Vikings Games.  It's obviously through a different company, and for a different network.  There is no "in" for me through these guys; apparently I just try and sign up, and hope that they call me back and hire me on.

I got alerted to this through a guy I connected to at work when the Final Four was in town.  I first tried signing up for a Gopher baseball Regional, and the hirer called me back and told me he already got all the people he needed.  I have tried signing up a few more times since, but not only have I not gotten a job, I haven't even heard back from anyone who is hiring.  It's ... not right.  I would at least like to know if I do not get the job.

So let's talk about today.  When the football schedules came out -- and this is not only for Vikings Games, but also for Gopher football and my alma mater -- I decided to block out the last three workdays this Week for a vacation.  My alma mater had its bye this Week, and the Vikings are at Carolina Sunday, so I wouldn't have to stick around to work for them.  And in the hopes that the pandemic would finally be behind us, I needed like mad to get out of town.  Like I have said, the pandemic hasn't subsided, plus since my parents didn't go anywhere, it didn't feel as if I could just take a trip out of town before them, either.  So I decided not to go.

However, this opened up the possibility that I could work anyway, for the Gophers Game.  A couple things had to fall into place.  For one, there had to be a home Game, and I obviously knew there would be one when the team's schedule came out.  Then, the networks needed to decide which of them would broadcast the Game, in which the Gophers would host Nebraska; this website helps hire through only a couple of them.  That happened as well; these network decisions are made the Monday before the week of the Game (13 Days in advance, in other words), and when I saw on the Gophers athletic website where it would be broadcast, I was anticipating seeing it on the website.

And then I waited.  And waited.  And I think it was on Thursday when I finally saw the opportunity to work for this Game pop up.  Kind of odd; thought it would have updated sooner.  Nevertheless, I filled out the form (I was in the bathroom at work during break when I saw it), and waited.  And waited.  And I never heard back from the guy.  Maybe he got pissed I applied twice because I was afraid my first submission through my phone didn't got through?

Hey, for the record, I took back two days and took only Friday off.  And I did stay home and help Father with a bunch of yardwork (plus rotated my bed) today.  It's not a total waste, and I don't mind the recharge.  But it would have been nice to work instead because I was available.  Moreover, if I had known I wouldn't be hired on for this Game ... well, I still don't know if I would have gone through with the vacation, because I would still be mortally afraid of needing an ICU bed if I got into an accident.  But yeah, I could have gone out of town and not really missed anything.

So Father has asked me to help him clean up the garden tomorrow morning.  I don't know exactly what that entails.  My parents said something about putting the vine trestle away, but I suspect there's more to it than that.  There's always more to it than that; they never say so until I think I'm done helping them and then they bleepin' blindside me.

I don't know why I'm always afraid of helping my parents.  It's not like I'm doing anything today.  In fact, since my alma mater's on a bye this week, I figured that this would be the only time I would have a Saturday off through the New Year (well, I didn't initially plan on having it off; see next blog post [at least that's my plan]), so I was going to just stay home.  I fear, however, that they're going to piss me off by, like, having me do chores all day -- those leaves are not going to rake themselves -- and then harangue me for not cleaning my room when I want to do just that today.

You know, come to think of it, there has to have been a pattern when I was young where every good deed I did for them did not go unpunished.  That has to be the reason why I'm not looking forward to this in the morning.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  I'm giving the top spot to the U. male icers, who, a Week late, kicked off their Year with a sweep at Mariucci of Mercyhurst.  I was at the Friday season-opener (although a couple Minutes late because of work -- darn shifted first shift), and while I saw a plethora of Goals, I also saw plenty of defensive lapses that led to Lakers tallies on the other end.  Only in the middle of Third Period, when Phoenician Matthew Knies scored the first of his two Goals to make it 6-3, did I feel as though they would win.  They followed that up with a 5-3 victory Saturday, another indication that Bob Motzko is all in on Offense and Defense, nah.

This Week: A home-and-home with St. Cloud St.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -5).  If there is a worse Win in sports, I can't believe it.  Because I saw it while in the bowels of the stadium and the victory still feels hollow because of the slow-moving calamity any long-suffering Vikes fan could feel while watching them in the lead.  The Detroit Lions are an inferior football club, yet even as they went ahead, you could sense they couldn't put them away.  Once for a fourth straight tilt, the Offense failed to score a Touchdown in the Second Half.  There were puzzling decisions and too many fizzling drives.  And then, as has happened before, a late turn of events made manifest the dread: The Vikes' Alexander Mattison, trying to run down the clock up seven, coughs up the football deep in their own territory.  And to the Lions' credit, they ran the ball down for a TD, went for two, made it, and took a one-Point lead.  If you weren't paying attention -- if you aren't a long-suffering Vikes fan -- you were stunned.  You shouldn't be.

Credit, then, goes to Mr. Anti-Vaxxer, Kirk Cousins, for engineering a drive that put them in Field Goal range.  I was perplexed as fuck that they let 20+ Seconds go by without advancing the ball, but Greg Joseph, unlike what he did at the gun against the Cardinals, hit a Game-ending FG from 54 Yards out to save Minnesota's collective ass, 19-17.  Yes, Cousins has his limitations, and if the Defense were world-class, we would be talking about how Cousins is holding the team back.  But for the second straight season, he is on the great assets on this squad (rest of the Second Half excepted), and he is carrying the Defense which, even with little help from the O, is dragging this team down.

And with all this crap, they're still only 2-3.  Surprise us: Win at Carolina Sunday with no Christian McCaffrey, OK?

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4).  They went 2-1 this Week, but championship teams beat the likes of a down Michigan program instead of blowing the last two Sets and losing in five, as they did Friday.  Defeating Michigan St. the next night in four?  Cool.  Sweeping Northwestern at Maturi Wednesday?  That's to be expected.  But the AVCA has them going from eighth to twelfth in their Top 25 poll (which was released on Monday, before the Win over the Wildcats), and that's kind of where I think they'll wind up after all of this is over.

Only one Match this Week: Hosting Indiana Sunday afternoon.  What, no Purdue?

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6).  And now we have two clubs that won once and lost once, and I don't know how to rank them.  I guess I'm going first with the U. female icers, who still don't seem to be clicking as usual after splitting at Minnesota-Duluth.  They lost Saturday afternoon in Overtime, 5-4, after beating the Bulldogs the previous evening, 3-1, so at least they get a Point ... I think?  They have a home-and-home with Minnesota State-Mankato this weekend.

#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  I hate collapses.  And the one the U. footballers undertook Sunday was classically awful.  They went up 2-0 in the First Half only to piss it all away in the Second, aided by an Own-Goal in 71st Minute to tie it all up, then the contest-winner by the Boilermakers' Sarah Griffith 14 1/2 Minutes later.  Sure, they responded by blowing up Illinois last/Thursday Night, 5-0, but the Fighting Illini are terrible, and Minnesota still appears to be on the outside looking in when it comes to the postseason.

Believe it or not, women's soccer is coming to an end, soon.  The final two road Games for this group happen this Week -- Northwestern Sunday, Iowa Thursday.

#-6: United FC (Last Week: -3).  I have to admit that I'm kind of shocked at all the angry yelling -- well, at least on Twitter -- after the Loons lost at home Sunday to Colorado, 3-1.  As a guy who is mostly proud of flying off the handle when his teams shit the bed, my first thought after seeing all the online vitriol, well, aimed mostly at Head Coach Adrian Heath has been, "Oh, come on, let's not get worked up here, huh?"

And after delving into the circumstances of the defeat ... yeah, I understand a little, but I'm still not moved to anger.  Thing is, MNUFC was leading at the break.  Also, the Rapids used all of their five Substitutions.  Heath used only three, continuing his practice of relying heavily on his starting XI, and brought them in after the Rapids subbed off four of their starters.  Unfortunately, Colorado's Subs scored the Game-tying (via Penalty Kick) and Game-winning Goals, highlighting the benefits of using them and the dangers of not using them.

And I just saw this now: The Rapids' Danny Wilson got Red-Carded in the 57th Minute.  The Rapids scored their three Goals after going down to ten men.  This continues a horrible pattern this season of not making the killshot on an opponent that's a man down.  But to yield three Goals even though they have one fewer guy out there?  Frankly, if I was there (and I wasn't because I was working the Vikings Game), I would be pissed the fuck off, too.

I get deferential when it comes to criticizing local soccer clubs because I'm still not versed in the sport and its tactics.  Plus, United FC is still where they were before the screening Week, which is clinging onto the last playoff spot in the West.  But maybe the anger emanating from Loons faithful just makes them another underachieving Twin Cities sports team, and I need to treat them as equally.

At Austin Saturday, then host Philadelphia Wednesday.  This could get ugly.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Wednesday, October 13:

• We're actually going back to Thursday the 7th, where I unwound from a long and sometimes-bad day at work by spending time with *****a.  It was nice just laying in bed with her, talking.  It actually made cumming from her handjob much easier.  Total cost (with an extra ten bucks thrown in because it was her birthday week): $160.
• I then had to go to Runyon's to make sure we had space for our alma mater football Game two days later.  I had a beer and chili fries, and with tip (I tip generously as a token of my appreciation) I spent: $25.
• Go back to Saturday the 2nd ... my college had an afternoon Game, and I wanted to spend my evening working out.  But I stopped by my local Chik-Fil-A because there was a reward on my application that I wanted to use before it expired.  The cashier who helped me was a trainee, she said.  But, bless her heart, I still, to this day, cannot understand how many mistakes she made.  She got my order wrong.  She got the cost of my free, uh, fries (?) and Arnold Palmer (they call it a Sunjoy -- whatever) wrong because she got flummoxed over the tax.  She got my change wrong.  She gave me the wrong food.  And then she forgot my drink, upon which she gave me a large instead of the medium I ordered, and I don't know whether she did that as a way to apologize for her mistakes or because she also got that wrong.  Finally, I looked at the name stuck to the bag of fries she gave me.  This Chik-Fil-A asks for names upon ordering, and she got my name wrong.  The name slapped on the sticker isn't even a name.  I have no idea why in the hell she thought what she heard was a name and didn't instead think, "Oh, he must've said (my real name)."  No, she came up with a made-up one.  Speaking of apologizing, she said sorry at every step at which I corrected her.  At some point, though, you're just a fuck-up.  Anyway, the Arnold Palmer/Sunjoy was: $2.35.
• Back to Tuesday, September 28, where I was facing a long day at The Fourth Department and I wanted to treat myself before going in.  So I had myself McDonald's: $6.10.
• Then after what was a long day, I went to Hooters to use the September coupon.  I failed to do what I vowed to do when I got up after my meal: Remember how much I spent.  And so I am guessing that I paid for the beer and the 20 boneless wings, with tip: $30.

Good through October 13.

I May Have Hit My Limit On Food

So I went to see No Time To Die Monday.  It's a deal through T-Mobile Tuesdays where I sign up through Atom Tickets and got to see the film for four bucks.  Had to sign up through the Atom app, though, yet another app that has my information.  Anyway, I wanted to see it later than just after opening weekend, but the app didn't show any showtimes for movies around me after, well, today, and so I thought going after my adjusted shift on Monday would be best.  (That was a disaster, though; I'll blog post about it some other time.)

The closest theater to me was part of a small chain, I think, called New Vision.  But that chain went out of business last year because of the pandemic.  That chain was formed four years ago by a private equity firm, and they bought 15 theaters movie exhibitor behemoth AMC had to divest in order to avoid antitrust laws and merge with fellow behemoth Carmike.  With New Vision going under, AMC offered to buy back ten of those theaters, this closest one to me being among them, and in late August 2020, a judge agreed to the buyback.  I've linked to the Variety story on it here, and I think it's kind of wild that the piece names a suburb I can actually walk to.

That's a lot of backstory to wind up on what I want to talk about: Concessions.  What I now miss about New Vision is their modestly-, or humanely-, sized popcorn bags and soft drink cups.  Sure, they're probably big compared to, say, Europe.  We're Americans, after all.  But AMC doesn't have those sizes.  The smallest size they offer (unless they're lying, and I wouldn't put that past them), their "medium," is what I would think you would consider to be a "large."  And actually, the popcorn bag might be more like a "jumbo" size.  They're jumbo-sized prices, that's for damn sure, and I didn't get much of a discount for food and drink (although I somehow had the tax waived off them, for some reason).

Anyway, I'm watching the movie and chomping and slurping away.  It's movie food, so it's fine and bad for you.  (Aside: The theaters I've been to have the Freestyle Coke machines, where you can call up nearly all their products from just one machine.  However, the past few times many of the flavors weren't available.  This supply chain issue is worldwide, and it sucks.)  But I got to the end of No Time To Die ... and I still had plenty of popcorn and Coke to eat and drink.

So, what do I do?  I go out to my car and try to finish the rest there.  I put up my windshield sun blocker because I didn't want any shopper going to their car that evening to see me eating popcorn and drinking pop in my car.  (Had a late thought about going to my storage unit and eating there because I need to see my stuff, but by the time I got there, the gate was about to shut down for the night.  Too late.)  And I still had one hell of a time finishing it all.  I finally got done with the cup of Coke (and by the way, I was lucky that that size up fit into my cup holder.  Jeez.)  But I saw I had bits of kernels at the bottom of the bag of popcorn intermingling with unpopped kernels.

And then I remembered going to Hooters to eat after I tipped the scale at my physical.  I had coupon whereby I got fried pickles for free because I also ordered a small batch of wings, fries, and a beer.  Maybe it was the fried pickles, maybe it was my lingering guilt over being so damn fat, but try as I might, I couldn't finish the fries.  And I felt embarrassed both ways when I told the Hooters waitress -- who I both know and think is fucking hot as fuck -- to just take the rest of the fries away.  I was embarrassed that I couldn't finish the fries, I was embarrassed that I asked her to throw perfectly good fries away, and I was embarrassed that I even tried to start eating the fries even though I had just seen myself be as fat as I have ever been.  Free doesn't mean much these days, and my stomach doesn't seem to stretch much, either.  So even though I had been taught by my parents to not waste food, I couldn't stomach eating one more piece of popcorn.  I stopped, started the car, and after deciding nah to my storage unit, threw the bag away at the gas station after getting gas.

If AMC is going to insist on not offering portions that are less obscene, well, sorry, but I am just going to not eat or drink at the movies anymore.  Those are ridiculous goddamn sizes, and I am not the person I was 20 or even ten years ago where I could scarf all that shit down and not feel the consequences.  And remember that I had to take out a goddamn mortgage in order to buy that popcorn and pop.  When I threw that unfinished bag of popcorn away, I pissed away some money.  So not only have I gained weight, I also feel shame over not finishing food I bought -- because of both the waste of food and the waste of money.

I can't go on like this.  It's incredibly difficult for me to see a movie without eating or drinking something.  I imagine it's kind of like trying to quit smoking.  But AMC, despite antitrust laws, now goddamn run this town, and they're going to keep holding those gargantuan bags and cups over me.  No!  I've had enough!!  I must resist!!!

The "Sweet Spot" Range In Which People Should (Or Would) Travel By Train Rather Than By Car Or Plane

I wish trains were better in the United States.  The romance of it, and it serves as a happy medium between taking too long to drive and being too short to fly.  I am absolutely convinced that if the federal government properly invested in infrastructure, negotiated with (or bullied) freight operators that control most of the tracks in the country, and demonstrated that they will maintain all services for good ... well, that would probably help erase the stigma of Amtrak being a transportation system that derails all the time.

President Biden was famous for taking Amtrak from Washington, D. C. all the way to his Delaware home.  So it is now when train travel, and train enthusiasts, have as much leverage as they probably have had in decades to expand and upgrade high-speed rail (HSR) in the nation.  I doubt it will happen.  But it's just a teensy-tiny closer to reality since "Amtrak Joe" is President, and so I daydream about implementing HSR with a twinkling in my eye that's brighter than it would be otherwise.

Right now, right this very minute, I am obsessed over the "sweet spot."  That is the range in miles at which either it is most efficient or experts say more people would prefer to travel via HSR.  Like I said above, if it's short enough, people would just hop in their cars and go.  If it's too far, they'd rather fly because they'd get there faster.  Trains provide both the comfort of not needing to do anything and the convenience of not needing to wait at a terminal and pass through security.

But what is that "Goldilocks" range, the mileage at which taking trains is not too short and not too long but just right?  There is one advocacy group that doesn't believe there is a "sweet spot."  But I am looking at other website that at least presume there is, and I want to note their ranges below:

• The Federal Railroad Administration: 100-600 miles.
• This site: 250 miles.
• This European-based report by PricewaterhouseCoopers: 400-800 kilometers, which is 248.5-497 miles.
• The map on this site: About 100-500 miles.
• A researcher in this old article: 100-600 miles.
• This article from India: 300-600 kilometers, or 186-373 miles.
• A briefing highlighted in this report: 100-600 miles.
• This story: 200-500 miles.
• This interview on National Public Radio from way back: 150-600 miles.

So ... I guess the "sweet spot" is between 100 and 600 miles.  Good to know!

Surprise, surprise, surprise: Got a text late last night from my boss.  I'm doing The Fourth Department today.  Guy is indisposed of, for some reason.

Being dropped into that bullshit position, I should have been in bed by now.  Naw, I'd rather avoid thinking about it by dinkin' around ... and failing to not think about it.

For some reason I decided to watch No Time To Die after work.  I got a four-buck ticket through T-Mobile Tuesdays, but there were no showtimes for which I could reserve that ticket beyond Wednesday unless I wanted to drive clear across town.  So, since I have to shift my hours to the point where I won't be coming home for dinner tonight, I might as well watch the movie that came out Friday at a clearance price a half-hour after I leave work instead of exercising ... or am supposed to leave work.  Who knows, I might have to stay an extra fucking hour to do all the work.

Goddamn, scheduling this movie after working The Fourth Department was a huge fucking mistake.

To Have Your Mood Depend On A Fucking Football Team

So the Vikings won this afternoon -- barely, and really, by all rights, they should have lost to lowly Detroit.  The Lions are an inferior team, but the Vikes just let them hang around because of questionable playcalling and constipated play.  Then the mistakes came -- a missed Field Goal, a Fumble in their own territory, and a blown coverage that turned into a made Two-Point Conversion and lead late ... once again, in a Game that, if they were any good, they would have put away by Halftime.

It's as angering a Win you can have rooting for your team.  But to be honest, I don't know if I would feel that way if my alma mater wouldn't have laid down and died last night.  Third time they have lost, third time they have been blown out, third time they have lost at home.  It's pissing me off.  Well, maybe; I may have been pissed off two blowouts ago.  Now, I'm numb.  And maybe the only reason I am feeling sour about this is because if I don't feel sour about it, I'll feel nothing about my alma mater shitting the bed, and the only thing worse than hating your team's sorry-ass play is not caring about their play at all.

And yet, should your outlook be dependent on a football team, or any sports team, you root for, one whose players don't know you and don't even know you exist?  The Common Man calls feeling such a way for the Vikes AVATAR -- Aggravated Vikings Anticipatory Traumatic Abandonment Syndrome.  Common has cured himself of it and, presumably, its analogue, ALATAR (replace "Vikings" with "Lions"; he was born in Detroit).  And even though I initially thought it was bullshit, his above-it-all indifference seemingly makes him a serene, peaceful man.  Fuck, I want that peace.  Is the secret to your well-being not caring about sports teams?  Because I sure as fuck want to learn how to not care about my sports teams now.

So My Folks Are Leaving After All

My parents dropped a bombshell on me when we had lunch at my asshole brother's place yesterday/Saturday afternoon: They are going to their condo next month, resuming their habit of wintering in warm climes.

I kind of wish they had told me sooner.  Now that I know they are going to go on an airplane and travel away from home, risking contracting the coronavirus every step of the way and potentially getting bedridden far from home (if they still consider the Twin Cities home), that means that I don't have to worry about doing the same thing and making them question my judgement.  See -- and I don't know if I blog posted about this already -- I had booked a flight to Baltimore that actually is scheduled for this week.  But partly because my parents haven't taken a trip anywhere, I decided weeks ago that I wouldn't take this one.  Now, if I were still hellbent on going, well, that would mean that all three of us would be taking possibly unwise decisions in the name of pleasure.  I should come clean that my parents' possible disapproval wasn't the only reason why I have decided not to go to B'more.  There are real COVID-19- and pandemic-related risks -- getting into a car accident and potentially having to deal with my injuries in a waiting room because there are no ICU beds, sky-high prices for rental cars -- that convinced me that I should stay.

Still, it sucks that I will need to cancel my trip just after my folks say they're going on a trip of their own.  Southwest will allow me to keep my funds as credit, but I will lose them if I don't use them by the New Year.  I had planned on just pissing the money away.  But shoot, I guess I can use those funds to visit my parents in Las Vegas now, can't I?

Wait, never mind -- I just checked Southwest.  There are no direct flights from here to Vegas, and I'm not going to make a stopover for this kind of trip, no way.

Addendum To: Dental Bill/Insurance Hell

So before work Thursday, the 7th, I went to the U. and picked up this itemized bill.  The accountant who printed it out for me remembered my name and said she sent it back on the 30th.

Working a modified first shift, then doing stuff in the evenings afterward, I'm not exactly sure when this happened.  But I think that last/Friday night, after getting back from the U. men's hockey Game and hanging out downtown to let my bar know about tonight's alma mater Game, I saw, of all things, the bill, sent from the U.  I think it was last night, although there's a slight chance it was delivered (left on my bed from my parents who got the mail) Thursday evening.  And for the record, last/Friday night was the 8th.

For what it's worth, the postage was stamped on the 4th.

(shrug)

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  For the longest time, Penn St. has been the jewel of Big Ten women's soccer.  So naturally schools that beat them will crow about it.  Such is the case after the Gophers whipped the Nittany Lions Sunday, 4-1 at Robbie Stadium.  The gamer was particularly rife with statistics about kicking PSU's ass.  Did you know it is the Nittany Lions' worst loss in conference play since 2002?  Did you know that 1997 was the last time the U. notched four on them?  If you didn't, you would know after reading the first paragraph.

Easy now.  Penn St. is 1-0-4 in the B1G and has already lost five Matches overall.  Meanwhile, you Gophers are 2-0-3 and are nowhere near sniffy the tournament.  Good Win, and I'll give them the top spot for all the superlatives achieved.  But what have you really accomplished?  Anything that should get you above negative numbers?

At Purdue Sunday, hosting Illinois Thursday.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  Went to West Lafayette Saturday and survived host Purdue, 20-13.  They are 2-0 on the road, but 1-2 at home.  Go figure.  Actually, check that -- don't figure.  Just believe that P. J. Fleck is no longer considered as a candidate to be the Head Coach at USC, and that this team still hasn't shown diddly-squat about who it truly is, good or bad.

They're on their bye Week.  Host Nebraska on the 16th.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -3).  In their only Match of the screening Week, they tied with FC Dallas on the road Saturday.  On the one hand, getting a Point away from home is a good result.  On the other hand, FCD sucks, the Loons needed three Points, and they weren't able to score.  Therefore, they yet again are clinging to the final playoff spot in the Western Conference, a measly Point in front of Vancouver.  And on Sunday afternoon, they'll be hosting Colorado, a team that currently sits third in the West, comfortably ahead of MNUFC.  Unlike last Week's Game, they have to at least draw here.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  Went into Madison last Friday and ran into a buzzsaw; Wisconsin swept them, and fairly easily.  That was sad, but predictable.  What wasn't predictable was going to Evanston the next night and giving the first two Sets, at 24 and 19, to Northwestern, a school that has never been good in women's volleyball.  They somehow were able to turn it around and win the Match, taking the last three Sets at 18, 29 and 7.  But my fucking God, championship clubs don't piss away the beginning of Games to the likes of fuckin' Northwestern, sweep hangovers be damned.

They continue out on the road, playing the Michigan squads this weekend.  Did they come home during the Week?

#-5: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  Watching the 14-7 debacle Sunday up close, I have to agree with the Vikings beat writer for The Athletic (whose name escapes me) when saying that it is hard to tell whether the Offense or the Defense was more at fault for the Loss.  On the one hand, it is absolutely criminal that a team led by a Head Coach who preaches running the ball could run it only for 65 Yards.  I believe another Athletic writer went into detail about how the Vikes Offensive Line may have turned in its worst Game in The Zimmer Era.  On the other hand, the D gave up Points after the Two-Minute Warning yet fucking again, and it wasn't the O which chose not to stop Kareem Hunt from rambling for 33 Yards at 3rd Down and fucking 20 Yards to go just 35 Seconds from Halftime.  So there's blame to go around.

I should say more about this, but I can't.  Well, except that I would not put it past this team to go down in flames to Detroit this Sunday.  If they lose to the Lions, surely Zimmer and Rick Spielman are out, aren't they?

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Winter season is upon us, as the college icers take to the, well, ice.  While the Gopher men were supposed to drop the buck last weekend as well, their series at Mariucci Arena against Alaska was postponed till January because the Nanooks have cases of COVID-19.  Unvaccinated Forty-Ninth Staters, pish.

But the female hockey Gophers started their season on-time, at Ridder Arena, vs. Ohio St. -- and they got swept, by scores of 4-2 and 4-1.  My goodness, when was the last time this program ever started a season 0-2?  Seriously, they haven't won the NCAA championship since 2016, they missed the tournament entirely last Year (it was a pandemic Year, but still), and they have now lost five in a row to the Buckeyes, a program the Goofers once looked down upon.  I'm sorry, but this team is going downhill, and if it doesn't return to its lofty and rightful position this season, I think structural changes need to be done.  Because I'm not sure they can go up to Duluth this weekend and win either of their two Games against the Bulldogs.

#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -4).  Finished this season by taking two-of-three in Kansas City.  This was a shitshow of a Year, one that began with credible World Series aspirations that were completely fucking dashed with execrable play from the second Week of the season till, oh, May 20.  It is accurate to say that every Free Agent signing the Twinks made for this Year blew up in their faces, and that was the reason why they finished 20 Games behind sworn rival the Chicago White Sox, a team many thought they were going toe-to-toe with for the American League Central Division.  Instead, they'll be picking eighth in the upcoming Major League Baseball Draft.

With that being said (and I know I shouldn't be given this organization any slack), the second half of their season was a lot better.  Everyone started to dial in, at least just a bit.  The franchise had time to trot out call-ups and new farmhands, and a lot of them showed promise.  Jorge Polanco, a guy I know I criticized in WMNSSs in the past, was red-hot after the All-Star Break.  And Byron Buxton was in the lineup enough, and produced enough, for his bobos to double-down on paying him whatever he wants -- conveniently forgetting that he was hurt for all of July.  Look, I saw the dude hit two Home Runs in the last home Game of the Year.  But how much fuckin' fWAR or whatever can Buck accumulate for the team if he's fuckin' hurt?  And you sabermetric motherfuckers want the Pohlads to pay him $25 million a goddamn Year?  I know I'm not ownership or the front office, but you've got to be kidding me.  Geez.

Dental Bill/Insurance Hell

I'll chalk this up to the pandemic.  A few months ago, over the summer, I finally went to the dentist's, at the U., for the first time in about 18 months, if not two years.  I had a clean bill of health, which surprised me.  I really thought that all this time meant I would develop at least one new cavity.

Anyway, on my way out, I had to pay.  I thought insurance would cover it.  According to these people, it didn't.  Thought it had in the past.  Because of the way they framed it, I stupidly did not use my HSA debit card but instead gave them my actual credit card.  I don't know why.

Once I realized my mistake, I had to call up my insurance company to figure out how to fix this, so to speak.  I remember doing this the last time I went to the U. to get my teeth checked.  The person on the line gave me a link to a form I had to download and send to them in order to get reimbursed.  That also sounds familiar.  Maybe this is going to happen every time I go to the U. to get my teeth checked.

So I need to fill out this form and send it back, but the insurance company also needs an itemized bill from the clinic in order to do so.  I have called them, several times, to get this bill mailed to me.  All I have come to is a voicemail, which I have left, several times.  Now, the last time I called I did get someone who said it was probably better for her to leave a note for the, uh, billing department or whatever.  But that was last week, and if they saw that note, I would have been sent a bill by now.  Nothing.

So even though I don't have to go into work until 10 the rest of the week, I have to fucking wake up early and, in about a half-hour from when I type this, fucking go to the University of Minnesota, march up to the billing department and demand they give me a bill.  It's absolutely goddamn ridiculous that I didn't even get a fucking bill as I paid for it.  But this is what I have to do, and I need to schlep from where I have to park and go across campus in order to do this so I can finally fill out this form (the instructions to which were given to me by the very nice woman over the phone and of which I have completely forgotten), send it to the insurance company, and get my goddamn money back.

The more I think about this, the more I think this is the fault of the University of Minnesota.  I have stayed loyal to them because I like the idea of young people getting trained in dentistry.  They need people to train on, so why not me?  Besides, they are always going to be looked over by professionals, so I feel extremely confident in the services I get.  That part of my visit is fine.  The customer service at the U., however, has been uniformly shitty.  Not getting a bill when I asked for it several times is really pissing me off.  But I could have avoided all of this bullshit if I could have gotten a goddamn bill right then and there, and the more I think about that, the more I think that's on them, too.

By the way, this clinic is out of network.  I could avoid this shit-ass customer service and pay less if I find someone in network.  I need to start thinking about that now.  I could have slept in a little more this morning if I had found someone, I think.

The Condom That Wasn't

Yeah, I should finally tell you all this story ...

So when I vacationed in Denver, I went to the University of Colorado.  I'm a huge sports fan, and whenever I visit a city in the United States, I try to go to a major college in the area and find a Game to watch.  Boulder is almost an hour away from Denver, but I hear the campus and the city itself is beautiful, and while I was in town the women's soccer team was hosting Oregon.

Boulder is beautiful.  So was the campus.  I remember being blown away because the small concessions set-up offered beer, and I didn't think alcohol would be sold for a Game in a non-revenue sport.  Also, the Buffaloes were up 2-0 but the Ducks came back, and the teams settled for a 2-all Draw.

I wanted to look around the UC campus after the Match, so I ducked into what I believe is The Department Of Chemical And Biological Engineering building.  I walked around a bit, then I used the men's room.  In the bathroom sat a small bag.  In that were condoms.  I saw that as a sign that I would get lucky, so I took the last one.

I had stored it in the locked drawer of my desk.  I have taken it out whenever I was going to a stripper party just in case I was offered a reasonable price for sex.  Either such an offer didn't happen or, frankly, the stripper allowed me to fuck her without one.  So there had been several instances going over ... I want to say just a couple years where I took this condom with me, only to not use it.

So now we get to a couple months ago (I think).  This was the party in St. Paul where ***u** invited me, she said she was horny, she invited me to fuck her, and then she convinced me to double the money I was going to shell out so the host, *******y, and her could double-team me.  I did not know before the party that ***u** was willing to have sex with me, but since this was a house party I unlocked my desk and took that protection with me.  So when she said she was willing to let me inside her, and for a reasonable price, I finally was able to break the condom open.  Was it expired?  Possibly.  The important thing to me was that I could finally use it!

And so, when ***u** asked if I had a condom, I finally was able to whip it out and use it.  Finally being able to stop carrying it only to put it back in my desk gave me an inordinate amount of relief.  It was a kind of blue balls in reverse.

To make things "romantic," I had ***u** rip open the package.  And she did ... and then this clear ooze came out.  And that was it.  There was no condom.  "This is lube!" ***u** cried.

Lubricant?  But the small bag said "condoms!"  Some sex-positive youngster on the University of Colorado campus lied to me!

We didn't want to waste it, so ***u** vainly tried to spread all the lube that squired onto her fingers onto my cock.  But then she was trying to find protection.  She looked everywhere -- drawers, the bathroom, any place (even though this was not her house).  You know, come to think of it, maybe that's the reason why she convinced me to get *******y down to the basement.  If I had that condom, I would only be fucking her, and only spending $200.

Anyway, *******y came down, and after doing some searching of her own, she found a couple rubbers, which I used on ***u** and then *******y.  But all this waiting, and then finally being excited to use a condom that I took home from my trip to Denver, sort of as a souvenir, and then it not being what I expected it to be?  Bummer.

Addendum To: I Am Losing The Battle Of The Bulge

I should add that I got my test results from the blood panel I underwent at my doctor's visit.  The turnaround time was as fast as I've ever seen it from this clinic; went in the early afternoon, and apparently the results were available for me to see mid-afternoon.

The results, however, suck.  My good cholesterol is way too down for their liking, and my bad cholesterol is way too up.  It's been that way for several years now.  Unfortunately, the numbers are getting worse.

I am getting the feeling that there's something wrong with me.  That feeling always puts me in a tailspin, and I am liable to do radical, even crazy things in order to "fix" myself.  But the obvious things -- eating less, eating better, exercising more, all the things I need to do in order to lose weight, which in itself is a contributing factor to my bad cholesterol levels -- are so difficult to both do and maintain.  And I exercised last night and I gotta tell ya, I hated every minute of it.  If I couldn't watch Monday Night Football while working out, I don't know if I could have stayed.

So I either do things that are supposed to extend my life but will probably make me want to die, or I stay on this track of gustatory overindulgence and travel to further weight gain and hardening plaque in my blood vessels.  Goddamn, man, growing old and breaking down fucking sucks.

I Was Demoted, And It's All My Fault

Well, what I was afraid was going to happen at the end of last Vikings season happened: I was busted down from my job in the lofty studio, banished instead to the guts of the production trucks.  I knew it: My lack of attention and interest in checking out my fantasy football scores instead of what was going on during time outs did not go unnoticed, and despite what the people I worked with said, I was passed over for a guy who had never done it before.

And you know what?  It's nobody's fault but mine.  I knew I should have been more attentive.  But I didn't, and it was obvious to the decision makers, and so they went in another direction.  It's not fine with me, but like I said, it's all my fault.

Now, this might be a case where they might prefer me to stick with them in the truck and have just some other dude looking at the field.  Or, maybe they don't care.  Or, they do care, and that's why I got demoted.

Well, I guess I should be lucky I still have a satellite job in the profession.

I Hate Marathons

Or rather I hate marathon days.  There's a marathon this morning, and it starts downtown ... the same place and the same time as the Vikings Game.  The chaos ensuing from that is bad enough; I need to find an alternate route to get to my parking spot.  But my co-worker for the Game asked me last night to come in early and ... shoot, I'll keep it a secret, and it involves going into the closed area of the start of the marathon.  Worse than that, I need to do this as the marathon starts.  It's going to be a shitshow, and it appears as though the people I work for are either blissfully unaware or simply don't care that they want something done in the middle of a marathon.

We ran into a similar situation several years ago.  It got so bad that people were literally yelling at another co-worker, seemingly for his incompetence.  Things would have been fine if not for all the road closures due to the damn marathon.  And so I have no earthly clue why a home Game is ever scheduled the same day as the marathon.  Why can't someone -- race organizers, the team, the city -- decide or at least declare that the marathon has to be on a day when the Vikings are out of town?

I am facing certain disaster.