I Was A 24-Hour Party Person, And Not By Choice

I took a nap around, oh, 4 or 4:30 Sunday as the Eagles were just killing the 49ers.  No use staying up for a football Game when it's not in doubt.

I woke up at around 5:30, fortunately just in time for me to see the kickoff the AFC Championship Game.  I did stay up to watch the whole thing, thankfully, and I didn't fall asleep because it was a great Game from beginning to end.

And I didn't sleep for another, oh, 28 1/2 hours.  I tried going to sleep.  I felt as though my energy was flagging around midnight, but I powered through by staying on the Internet until, oh, 2:30.  I turned off the lights, crawled back into bed ... then realized I wasn't tired at all.  Remember that 9 1/2- hour sleep I got for Saturday morning that made me late for my free Chick-Fil-A?  I think that made me so refreshed that my circadian rhythm got out of whack, and that nap Sunday evening threw it off even more, to the point where I couldn't sleep at all overnight.

That scared the crap out of me.  I was afraid I was going to conk off on my way to work, or at work.  I just wanted to make it to my lunchtime nap.  I got a free Rockstar energy drink from, uh, maybe a United Match over the summer that I had no real interest in drinking because energy drinks scare me, but I kept it in the refrigerator anyway in case I needed a jolt of energy.  Well, yesterday was it.  I popped it open mid-morning.  I've had them before -- they always taste too sweet, like they think you puckering your lips will keep you awake.  I felt a little as if my heart was going to burst through my chest.  I didn't feel a second wind or anything, but I was awake, so maybe the Rockstar can take credit.

I took lunch as usual, around 1:15.  Thought I'd be so tired that I could sleep through my alarm.  But I didn't fall asleep.  At all.  That scared me because I planned on working out last night.  Still did since apparently my body still thought it could go, go, go.  But a series of things stopped me.  First, it's damn cold out there right now.  Second, there was shopping for groceries and running off to the library I needed to do.  Third, I planned on grabbing some gasoline for storage, plus the minivan could get its tank topped off, and my coupon expired last night, so I wanted to do all that.  And finally, on my way to the community center, I just felt ... tired.  I think my body started to give out.  I needed to go there because I needed to check whether I paid for my membership last year; my company provides reimbursement for fitness-related expenses, and today is the last day to send in receipts.  (I paid for over a year in advance back in 2021; any reimbursement I would have gotten I did get last year.)  I was going to kill two birds with one stone and then work out, but ... yeesh, I didn't want to.

Getting gas was an adventure.  I had to go to a specific brand's station.  I was going to go to the one closes to me, but some asshole cut me off and by stupid goddamn coincidence was going to the same gas station as I.  Hey prick, did a hot bodybuilder diddle herself in front of you for free over Snapchat Sunday night?  No?  Fucking loser.  Anyway, the second I went to turned off all their pumps.  The whole fucking station was shut down.  The hell was that shit?  I finally went to the one I usually go to because there you can still pump before you pay.  Should have gone there straightaway.

By the time I came back it was 9.  I thought about working out at home, but my fingers and toes were really, really cold.  I bought some groceries at the gas station where I got gasoline, and so I made myself a sandwich.  I hopped on the computer and then my body felt really, really tired.  My body was finally giving out, so I called it a night a bit past 10.  Woke up around 5 this morning.  Don't feel refreshed, but I think my body is in better shape.

Oh, by the way: Since I was up, I thought that I could sneak in grocery shopping at Target before heading in to work.  But then I remembered that I still had the free chicken biscuit at Chick-Fil-A.  Yesterday/Monday was the last day to use it (did I say that in my previous blog post?  Guess not), and I figure it was kismet that I could use it.  So, top of the morning at 7, I went there and used it.  And hey, the restaurant was actually open!

No Free Chick-Fil-A For Me, And That's OK

The thing I like about Chick-Fil-A (and no, not its homophobic roots) is that it gives out rewards on its app in a way most other fast food places don't.  First of all, I can't think of another restaurant that gives out free food, period -- no BOGO, no stipulation that you need to buy it on the app or anything like that, none of that.  It is they give you free food.  You need to have the app, of course, but still.  Moreover, it's restaurant-specific.  I believe the general manager of each store is empowered to drop into the app of anyone who either frequents its store and names it as a favorite one of these free enticements.

And so it is with the Chick-Fil-A closest to me.  At the start of the month, I think, I was offered a free chicken biscuit.  They're great.  Unfortunately, that's a breakfast sandwich, and so that confines when I can get it to Saturdays.  (Sundays, of course, Chick-Fil-A is closed.  They're a godly fast food place.)  I guess I could've gone on the 7th or the 14th, but I didn't.  I was watching the EPL on the 21st.  So I had one final shot: The 28th, or Saturday.

I meant to set my alarm for 9:30; that way I would give myself enough "lazing time" to finally get up and drive to Chick-Fil-A before they switch to their lunch menu at 10:30.  In fact, I thought I did.  But ... well, I didn't have a whole lot to do, but I guess I just got caught up with figuring out if I could get a ticket to the Robert Glasper concert at the Dakota that night (I did) and ... well, I did some other things and got tired, and at around 2 in the morning I hit the hay, even though I thought I had already set the alarm.  But I didn't.  I knew that because I woke up at around, get this, a quarter to noon.

At first I was like, "What the fuck?!" and I checked my phone to see that I didn't sleep through the alarm but, most likely, I never set the alarm in the first place.  But then I calculated that I slept for 9 1/2 hours.  I haven't slept for more than, oh, 5 1/2 hours since ... well, since I can remember, and I definitely hadn't slept for at least the "recommended" eight hours in a long, long time.  And I felt refreshed.  And I needed rest to knock out what's left of my coughing fit, which I want to think I did.  (Oh, and I'm glad I could sleep uninterrupted until 11:45; no way could I do that with my parents making a ruckus outside my bedroom door.)

So, yeah, I missed getting a free biscuit, and I am sort-of upset that I didn't do what I had planned to do for some time.  But on the whole of it, I didn't mind because I was able to sleep in for an extra, oh, 2:15.  And besides, this one time this Chick-Fil-A closed their doors well before their stated lobby closing time and didn't provide an explanation.  So I went around to the packed drive-thru, and that's where the minivan started to overheat, so whatevs, I don't have completely fond memories of that place.

Apparently A Hot Woman Is Camming Just For Me Tonight ... ?

So I'm friends on social media with this hot bodybuilder chick.  She's from Utah, has a daughter who may or may not still be on OnlyFans (and whose boobs I saw), and she's fighting cancer.  And this is one of those women whom I've befriended on Facebook and Snapchat and OF to see naked, which she has done several times.

After I paid her a "cup of coffee" (I tipped her on some website somewhere, and that's what they called that), she volunteered to give me naked pictures and videos, and offered a private video show for me.  I took her up on the offer, but I didn't know when.  I even decided on one date before I had to back out because, uh, something happened, I don't remember what.

But about a week ago I thought it's best to finally get this session out of the way, so I asked her if tonight would work.  It does.  That's great, 'cause I want to see her diddle her cooter.  But this is the first time I've ever done something like this, so I don't know if what I'm expecting will happen matches up with what she expects will happen.  For example, does she expect me to pay her for this?  Another, more pressing issue: Does she expect me to get naked for her, too?  I certainly will show my face to her, but does she think I'll show my dick as well?  Because I'm not going to do that -- not on social media where she or anybody can record it and blackmail me.  Now, if this leads to me visiting her, I'll show her my cock all I want in the privacy of her own bedroom while we fuck.  But not now, not on social media.  Principles, people.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  This big train keeps on a-rollin'.  Swept Michigan St. this past weekend at Mariucci by a combined 14-3.  Moreover, the second-ranked Gophers are all but guaranteed to be the #1-ranked team in the country (again) next Week because current #1, St. Cloud St., got swept at Minnesota-Duluth.  For those two reasons, not only does this U. squad get the top spot in the WMNSS this screening Week, it gets the highest accolade possible, Positive Numbers.  It's be an upset, an embarrassment, and a damn shame if this incredibly talented team didn't reach the Frozen Four in Tampa in April -- at least.

Aside: Yeah, this Gophers club hasn't really accomplished anything besides getting crowds back into 3M Arena, which is nothing to scoff at.  But regardless of how this season ends, this is a good team, and they are kicking the ass of teams down on their luck, such as Michigan St. and, two Weeks from now, Wisconsin (even though the Gophs might be in for a tussle because this series is in Madison).  You shouldn't take for granted having a decent, competent sports program.  You could be a Spartans or Badgers hockey fan ... or, a Golden Gopher men's basketball fan (see below, like at the end).

#0: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Yes, I did say last Week this upcoming series vs. the sixth-ranked Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs will be the first stern test this club has gotten in a while.  Their sweep of the Bulldogs (by 3-1 and 4-3) proves that this team is not one to be fucked with.  However, I built up this team to get the top spot in the survey this Week if they took both Games from Minnesota-Duluth, and I didn't foretell that 1) the male icers would beat the shit out of a men's hockey team from a BcS school and 2) the U. will get the top spot in the rankings because the school ahead of them lost both of their Games.  The female icers still rise above negative numbers, but no, I'm afraid that the Gopher men's hockey team will reign supreme.  Now, if the third-ranked Gophers are able to sweep Ohio St., the #1-ranked team in the nation, this weekend at Ridder, they'll definitely get Positive Numbers and the top spot in next Week's WMNSS.  Probably.  Maybe.

#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -4).  Beat Purdue at Maturi Pavilion last Sunday, 20-12.  The greater achievement, however, is the U. trouncing #17 Illinois at home yesterday/Saturday afternoon by a score of 24-9.  Their last three Wins in the Dual (at 125, 141 and 149 Pounds) were all by Major Decision.  The big victory was at 141, where the U.'s Jake Bergeland, ranked 15th in his weight class in the country, MD'd the Fighting Illini's Danny Pucino, ranked ninth in the nation, by a score of 12-2.  And both Wins keep Minnesota perfect at home (5-0) and ran their winning streak to four.  I'm still skeptical at how they'll do overall, and they host always-mighty Iowa Friday night.  But their current run of form is impressive, and worthy of praise.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  On Monday the Wolves lost the back end of their home-and-home versus the Rockets in Houston, another Game against an opponent they should have beaten.  But a hot Third Quarter propelled them to a Win over the Pelicans in New Orleans Wednesday, and then they came back to Target Center and defeated Memphis and Sacramento back-to-back on Friday and last/Saturday night.  That 3-1 screening Week pushes them up into sixth in a still congested (and only above average) Western Conference, which is a mighty feat considering the massive weak points they still have.  Michael Rand of the Star Tribune believes the team has turned a corner.  I'd pump the brakes; the Timberwolves defeated the squads with the second- and third-best records in the West, but this is the doldrums of the season, plus the Wolves are at home, plus (and I don't make light of this, but mood does play a part in motivation) The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies were playing the night bodycam footage of those five ex-Memphis Police Department officers beating Tyre Nichols to death was released, so it's possible that team didn't want to play.

What is getting apparent is that Anthony Edwards is a stud and has the personality and the scoring touch to lead this organization as its face.  Karl-Anthony Towns is getting Wally Pip-ed.

The home cooking continues.  They are in the middle of a six-Game homestand, which continues in tilts against The Bastard Rochester-by-way-of-Cincinnati Royals/Kansas City-Omaha Kings (again; this is a one-site home-and-home) Monday, Golden State Wednesday, and Orlando Friday.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Maybe a stanching of the blood for the Wild this Week.  Maybe.  Lost in Tampa, 4-2, but they then came home and beat both Philadelphia and Buffalo -- even though the former was in Overtime after the Mild coughed up a lead and the latter was won in a Shootout.

As of press time, Minnesota just jumped The Bastard Quebec Nordiques into third in the Central, but since they have better players than the Wild, it'd behoove them to continue winning.  Meanwhile, we have become aware of three players that seem to be in varying phases of Head Coach Dean Evason's doghouse: Matt Dumba, Ryan Hartman, and Jordan Greenway.  Dumba got benched for, uh, playing dumb, and even though he hasn't been much this season, the team easily lost the two Games he was healthy-scratched.  He came back in time for the loss to the Lightning, and Hartman, who also turned the puck over too many times and drew too many Penalties, apparently took his place.  Greenway, however, is in the deepest part of the doghouse.  He overslept just one time, and now it looks as though the man they call Big Rig (the organization even made videos riffing on his nickname last year), not Dumba, will be the Wild player traded if the Wild trade any player.  How things change on a dime.

They're done now for the first half of the season.  The NHL All-Star Game is on Saturday (and Kirill Kaprizov is an All-Star for the second straight Year, congratulations to him), and even though teams play Games through Wednesday, the Wild don't start back up until next Monday.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -9).  It's getting excruciating the watch this sorry ballclub.  Currently it is mired in a five-Game losing streak after Losses to Michigan, Indiana and Northwestern this past Week.  Moral victories are now what this team leans on as markers of improvement, which is sad.  They were in the Games against the Wolverines and Hoosiers, but they both wound up as four-Point defeats.  Wednesday's Loss at home to Indiana was truly godawful; they were leading for much of the First Half before the Hoosiers chipped away, took the lead late in the First Half, and then held off the inept Goofs the rest of the way.  Minnesota appeared to have expended all of their energy just losing to the Hoosiers because early yesterday/Saturday afternoon, the Wildcats -- remember: This is fucking Northwestern -- beat their asses by 20 in Evanston.  Yes, I have heard that this team has been plagued by the injury bug.  But no matter; this program was supposed to be make strides this season, and not only has that not happened, but they are taking more steps back than they took forward last season.  And they didn't take too many steps forward last season.  This is not a good look for Ben Johnson.

This screening Week: At Rutgers Wednesday, home to Maryland Saturday.

The 36 Posts (Why, Blogger, Why???)

Blogger, you already put one of my blog posts under a second warning a few months ago, even though I don't quite understand why you need to do that since my whole blog has a content warning page everyone has to agree to before you enter.  But I saw yesterday on my e-mail that you put 36 posts behind this second content warning.  Why?  Why isn't one content warning not good enough for you?  And one of those was from 2018.  Are you in the middle of some review?  Or are you just reallly procrastinating?

I guess it doesn't matter, only because no one looks at Wailing And Failing anyway.  But if this is how you're gonna do me ... well, I'll have to check out how Substack works.  I know you guys must be so upset at me looking at other options.

And Then A Miracle Happened (No More Coughing)! Maybe!

Weirdest thing happened over the course of the day yesterday/Thursday.  I took some cough medicine the night before, before going to sleep.  And I woke up ... and I coughed a lot less.  I mean, like, a lot less.  Now, I did have a few coughing fits over the course of the day, so I'm not completely out of the woods.  But compare that to the myriad spasms of hacking I involuntarily bothered everybody at work with over the past few weeks.  Yesterday, I was relatively quiet.

I don't know what or how that happened.  I think the cough syrup worked, but I took it off and on the past few weeks and it didn't help.  Sleep is supposed to help, but I only got 4 1/2 hours of sleep last night.  The only hint I can give as to why it's gotten much better I gleaned around the few times I was coughing up a lung.  During those episodes, it felt as if something irritated my throat, and it reacted by coughing it out.  That's when I felt my throat was, for lack of a better word, active.  From the time I woke up yesterday/Thursday morning, I felt as if my throat was too tired to cough anything up that might be irritating it.  It's as if my throat got beaten down by all the coughing and said, "You know what?  I quit."

If it quit, frankly, that's good for me, because I'm tired of coughing like no one's business, too.  I hope it continues at work today/Friday.  I drank alcohol (ranch water, to be specific), so I am avoiding drinking anything else that is supposed to induce sleep in me.  If I limit myself to about the same number of coughing fits like I did yesterday/Thursday, I'll feel more confident I can put this cough behind me.

Psychologist, We Have To Talk

I am talking with my shrink after work today/Thursday.  It's been over a month since I last spoke to him, so before my trip to Hawai'i, so I have plenty to talk to him about, most notably the time My Fucking Mother humiliated me in front of the whole family.

However, I have to discuss something with him first.  I blog posted about a nonsensical, strange-as-hell text I got from him over the summer.  Well, earlier this month I got another one.  There wasn't a single word I could make out on this text.  I think it had two closed parentheses and a dollar sign.  I have no clue what that is or if he meant to send that to me.  But that is now two weird texts, and so he can no longer say it's an accident.

I'm really not getting what my therapist is doing.  I have to raise this issue with him, and today.

Back To The Grind (Of Data Entry)

I have been in The Fourth Department since ... well, actually, I can't remember the last time I put in a shift besides in The Fourth Department.  At least since I came back from vacation, but I am pretty sure I was back there every day for many days before then.  It was basically my full-time job.

But starting today/Wednesday, I am back to my first position, The Main Department.  Don't know how long.  I know I will be at Data Entry for the rest of the week.  I am slated to be back in The Fourth Department all of next week, but I'm sure that will change.  The other person who had recently filled the same position as I is slowly integrating into, uh, what I will call The Third Department.  There are some new tasks she has just trained in, and the next step is to see if she can do it by herself ... but with her (and my) supervisor working alongside her.  This sorta trainee's workstation is right next to the one for The Fourth Department, so it stands to reason that they work side-by-side as her training wheels slowly come off, but if she has any questions she can immediately lean over and ask our supervisor.

Eventually, this trainee will train and work The Fourth Department.  Ideally, us two and my supervisor (and, in a real ideal world, a third person in the same position as I) will be fully versed in everything, and so we can swap out and rotate regularly.  But frankly, I will miss The Fourth Department.  Yes, yes, I think I blog posted in the past about how much I hated it there, to the point where I wondered whether I should quit because I was no longer happy at the company.  But within the past several months, something clicked.  Maybe it was the lessening workload, which people say is always thinner in the winter months.  (That means things will get hectic starting in the spring; maybe I won't feel so confident in myself back there once the season changes.)  Or, like a quarterback who "gets it," the game (or in this case work) slows down for them.

Take, for example, the big responsibility in The Fourth Department, which is gathering missing information before we run tests.  When I started, I had no idea where to go.  But as I got more familiar with the account numbers and the company names, I remembered that, "Oh, that number looks familiar, I can talk to this person," or, "Oh, that company I've seen before, I think this goes to this person."  And I get replies from contacts for these employers and clients that slowly make me think I can rely on them.  Now, it is rare that I come across a name or an employer I haven't seen before.  It's fairly automatic that whenever I see a form, I usually know which person to contact and, in some cases, I know his or her e-mail address by heart.  That instant recall is something that really cuts down on time and, more importantly, eliminated the anxiety and anger that welled up in when I was just starting out.

With most of the stress gone from The Fourth Department, I could now enjoy all the benefits working there.  I am largely left alone, since this position is only manned by a single person each day.  I am tucked away from prying eyes, not like keying where my desk is literally in a hallway.  The workload has been such (and I go through said workload at a speed) where I have some downtime to surf the Internet.  (I complained when I started out that I was staying the maximum ten hours a day back there.  Now, I can leave after eight hours if I want to.)  And I have to say that I haven't gotten too much crap about the quality of my work or the use of my time, either from my supervisor, the people who work next to me, the people in the other buildings within the company, or the clients I have to reach out to.  Now, it's not fine and dandy all of the time.  Just yesterday/Tuesday I sort of got into it with my supervisor over these urine samples that were returned to us.  But those clashes have gotten fewer and farther between.  I think I confessed this before here on Wailing And Failing, but I'll say it again: I used to hate this position, but now I like it.  A lot.

So it bums me the hell out that I have been taken out of this cocoon of safety and thrust back into the cauldron that is data entry.  I don't have any responsibilities out there that's like The Fourth Department.  I just type and type and type.  But honestly, I see that as a problem now.  I will get bored as hell just doing data entry.  I might fall asleep, and I don't want to do that out in the open with people continually walking behind me at all hours of the workday.  (Which means, by the way, I should wrap this up and get as much sleep as possible.)  That bustle doesn't stop me from surfing the Internet while I'm in The Main Department, but I always feel as though I am getting caught not working, and while it doesn't deter me, it makes me self-conscious.  Also, keying is a regimented day, which means I have to take breaks and lunch at a specific time.  When I'm in The Fourth Department, I can take them whenever the hell I want, and I haven't really gotten much static from anybody, at least not as of late.  Finally, my shift starts an hour earlier than it does at The Fourth Department (which means, by the way, I should wrap this up and get as much sleep as possible).

I was a temp for two decades, and when I got hired for those gigs, I did data entry.  I was initially hired at this job just for data entry until my real boss saw my resume and thought I could do other things, such as The Third and Fourth Departments.  Keying is my bread and butter.  But I don't look forward to going back to simply typing fast, at least not right now.  I'm not going to say that I will hate it out there ... but it sure as hell is going to be awkward.  And shoot, I'll say I'll hate it for now.

So my current position (at least until today -- I'll blog post about it tomorrow) mainly consists of asking for information on all these forms that come in.  Well, a combination of a ton of work on Saturday, no one manning the position over the weekend, and, uh, some oversight on my part meant that, as I was about to leave work for the day yesterday/Monday, I realize I was sent forms that I did not work on.  Six of them, in fact.  I think one wasn't sent to me, and in that case I sent an e-mail out asking them to attach a copy of that form, which I would receive (and thus work on) the next day.

The other five, though?  I thought about staying after and getting the e-mails to them pushed through.  But honestly, it was a quarter after 5, I stayed a half-hour after I should've left (even though in this position I usually stay at least a half-hour), and I had already gone through almost 30 of these forms yesterday.  So I left them to work on till today/Tuesday.  I am banking on a relatively lighter workload so these leftovers won't seem like extra work, if that makes sense.  I am also banking on no one giving me any static over carrying these over one day.  I have done so in the past, even though back then I did it because I was so overwhelmed with what I had to do that I'm sure I finished those days with way less than 30.

They won't fire me because I didn't do the work as they came in, would they?  We're so short-staffed at work that firing me would be like cutting off your own thumb because you're mad.  Come on, I'll do it today.  Of course that won't be a problem ... right?

Should I Buy A Gas Can? Nah

So my parents (actually Father; Mother probably doesn't care and probably has never even touched it) a five-gallon metal gas can.  The problem is is that it is very old.  For one thing, that means it doesn't vent, and for another (and more importantly in my estimation), it doesn't have a spout that handles splashes very well.  So, when ever I refill my snowblower or my lawnmower, all this damn gas misses the target and spills onto the side of the hole.  Not only is that a waste, heaven forbid it somehow lights on fire.

I have never been impressed with this gas can, so lately (and even up to just now) I've been looking up gas cans, specifically where I can buy them and which ones are the best.  Scouring the Internet, it appears as though that plastic gas cans are very convenient, but can leach chemicals into the gas contents.  That's no good, so I think that metal is better, even though it'll corrode over time.  But I see that this one appears to be the most-highly regarded gas can.  And it's got a funnel attached to it, by which I mean you can't move the funnel; you stick the funnel into the hole you're trying to fill, pull back on a handle, and pour.  That's all great, and it vents too.  But I have to pay $65 for it?!

Then I realized that I do have a funnel at home.  If splashing is the main reason why I contemplated buying a gas can, maybe I should just grab the funnel, which is in the laundry room, and use that the next time I'm gassing up one of my vehicles.  Why didn't I think of that before?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Swept Bemidji St. in Bemidji by a combined score of 11-1.  Again, that's good, but it proves nothing.  Next weekend's road series against Minnesota-Duluth, who's ranked fifth ... yes, that might prove something.  Let's see if they can keep their winning streak going past ten.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  What may be the big thing coming out of this weekend's split vs. Michigan at Mariucci is the crowd.  The U. reported that the two-contest attendance is the highest the arena has ever had.  I and many others who lamented the death of the WCHA (v.1.0) and saw the Gophers fall off as a program saw 3M Arena with more empty seats than occupied ones too often in previous Years and wondered if 10,000 people would ever care about going to a Golden Gopher hockey Game again.  Well, they did this weekend, and in a high-powered showdown between a Wolverines squad full of blue-chippers and the most exciting talent Minnesota has collected in a long, long time, the crowd was treated with a pair of Overtime thrillers, Friday's won by the Gophers' Matthew "Nails" Kneis, Saturday's won (after a comeback by Minnesota) by Michigan's Jacob Truscott.

I might be a rube for saying this, especially when I think people who said the following about the Vikings' season that just ended with a thud are fucking stupid, but I'll say it anyway: I like the ride the Golden Gopher men's hockey team is taking us on now, and I want to see how it'll end.  They host Michigan St. over the weekend.

#-3: Whitecaps (Last Week: -3).  Finished a series road sweep of, uh, Metropolitan last Sunday afternoon, 4-1.  They remain in third place in the PHF and have separated themselves from the teams under them.  And now, unfortunately, they're out of sight until the weekend after next.

#-4: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -8).  Crushed #29 Michigan St. and #22 Indiana over the Week.  Great, but since they lost to #16 Nebraska the Week before, it just makes me think this U. team is only the 17th-to-21st best in the country.  Right now they're hosting Purdue; on Saturday they host Illinois.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  This is not exactly a Wally Pip situation.  But with Karl-Anthony Towns still in traction (and, in a bit of a tangent, Rudy Gobert severely underwhelming for what the organization traded to Utah for him), this is becoming more and more Anthony Edwards's ballclub.  They followed up Losses to Utah (which pipped them by a Point even though the Woofie Dogs led by eight at the start of the Fourth Quarter) and Denver (where the Woofs blew a five-Point lead with 2 1/2 Minutes to go and allowed the Nuggets to score the last nine Points of the Game) with comeback Wins over Toronto and Houston (both at home).  Edwards scored 23 and 44 both Games, and in the victory over the Rockets, Ant made not one but two poster dunks over beleaguered Houston Center Alperen Sengun (sorry, won't embed the dunks; I've got to get this survey done).  Edwards already excites much of the fanbase; if his scoring leads Minnesota to the playoffs (and right now Minnesota is in a three-way tie for sixth in a Western Conference where sixth place and 13th are within two Games of each other), Wolves fans might see KAT when he comes back and go, "Who are you?"

Didn't know that the Game against the Rockets was a de facto home-and-home; they play in Houston tomorrow/Monday night.  They play in New Orleans Wednesday, then play home Games back-to-back vs. two really good teams this season, Memphis and Sacramento.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -7).  This team has gotten shaky.  Michael Russo of The Athletic said that the Mild have been weirdly off since the New Year.  A three-Game winning streak capped off by a defeat of the Washington Capitals was cut off with a loss at The Bastard Hartford Whalers.  They finish the screening Week with another Loss in Florida.  Meanwhile, The Bastard Quebec Nordiques are getting through their injury bug and are now only a Point behind Minnesota for third place in the Central Division.

One problem one writer on ESPN.com sees: Lack of depth.  Nick Bjugstad and Nico Sturm were very productive for Fourth-Liners last Year, but the bite of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter's contracts forced General Manager Bill Guerin to let them go and find cheaper replacements, and those replacements aren't doing that well.

The Mild finish their trek to areas in the United States that don't get cold with a visit to Tampa Tuesday.  They then return home for Games vs. Philadelphia and Buffalo.

#-7: Twins (Re-Entry!).  I didn't write about Carlos Correa because I didn't know where the hell he was going to go, and besides, he's a fucking cheater.  But the trade of Luis Arraez to Miami on Friday is something I have to address, because I sure don't fucking like it.

Yes, I understand the trade: Arraez to budding Starting Pitcher Pablo Lopez and a pair of raw but promising prospects, Shortstop Jose Salas and Outfielder Byron Chourio.  One guy for three guys is, on a theoretical level, good.  But the one you're talking about is the defending A. L. batting champion and, more importantly, the biggest, and possible the only, shining star this big-league club has.  And you're trading him?!  One year after the only accomplishment of any worth the Twinks had in 2022?!?!  (By the way, Arraez is the last player to win a batting title and then get traded in the offseason since Rod Carew got traded after the 1978 season by ... the Minnesota Twins.  Trading batting champs right after they won it seems to be a kink for this franchise.)

In exchange, the Twins have traded for a lot of potential.  That includes Lopez, the centerpiece of this trade.  He's been with the Marlins for five Years, and he's had an ERA under 4 the last three, but he really blew up only last season, when he started 32 Games, struck out 174, sported an ERA+ of 108 and had an ERA of 3.75.  You could say that Arraez only blew up last Year, too, even though he had sips of coffee with the big club stretching back to 2018.  And Minnesota now has, like, nine Pitchers who can start a Game now.  But Lopez is projected to be, in a best-of-all-worlds scenario, a #2.  The Twinks need a #1, and I don't know if they got it.

Meanwhile, people who think this is The Best Trade Evah!!! note that Arraez is largely replaceable; Jose Miranda will now fill Arraez's place at First Base, and Alex Kirilloff will now lead the Lineup.  But with the proviso that Arraez only arrived last season, those replacements are maybes.  You had someone who won a batting championship and was on his way to being The Face Of The Twins (by the way, it's not Byron Buxton anymore.  He can't stay healthy, so he's washed, and anyone who thinks otherwise drinks the Kool-Aid).  Everything here is a maybe.  The closest thing to a sure thing is seeing a batting champion ply his trade at Target Field next Year.  And that's gone now.

#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -9).  Sandwich a Win at Penn St. with bad, bad Losses to Illinois and Purdue.  I have nothing else I can say.

Wow -- they don't play again until the 29th??  OK. ...

#-9: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  Oof.  Lost to Illinois by 18, then lost to Purdue by 22 ... and they scored only 39 Points.  I saw a tweet, I think last Week, that the program was building for something special next season.  I thought they said the same thing last season.

They're in Michigan right now as I type this.  After this, they host Indiana Wednesday and visit Northwestern Saturday.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  I, and probably most Vikings fans, didn't believe this team had the horses or the gumption to make it to the Super Bowl.  Maybe with the assistance of time smoothing out all the emotions emanating from last Sunday's upset Loss at U. S. Bank Stadium to the New York Giants, we can see, and maybe even appreciate, that this 13-5 squad overachieved, and that reflects well on Head Coach Kevin O'Connell's ability to draw blood from a stone.

But the defeat is only a Week old, so let me say: Jesus goddamn Christ, last Sunday was a fucking letdown.  And yet it felt inevitable, even fated.  I thought they were going to beat the Giants.  But I wasn't going to be surprised if they lost to them.  And every break this ViQueens club got during the regular season evaporated when they needed those breaks the most.  The team went 11-0 in one-score Games, but they lost by, you guessed it, one score.

The Defense was the problem.  It was all season, and it what fucking killed them versus the Giants.  The starters are veterans, some of them (Harrison Smith, Eric Kendricks) have been good soldiers for The Purple for a long time.  But they are old and slow, and they couldn't mount enough of a pass rush to stop Daniel Fucking Jones from embarrassing them.  Defensive Coordinator Ed Donatell was sacrificed for the D's failures this Week, but Donatell wasn't the one not pressuring the Quarterback and missing tackles and letting a mediocre set of Wide Receivers and Tight Ends continually get open (both last weekend and all Year).  Maybe Donatell didn't put his players in a position to blitz the QB or go man-to-man with those receivers, but I still think it was the players more than the coordinator.

So stop blaming Kirk Cousins for this disaster.  It was one dumb decision at the end of the Game to check down to T. J. Hockenson (who, by the way, should be signed long-term), but he carried this team in spite of his Defense -- that Game and for the whole season.  I still think he doesn't have much of a ceiling, and he continues to lose in big Games (that streak didn't end).  But he's good and he's indestructible, and those are two things not all teams in the NFL have.  Yeah, I'd give him one more Year before you seriously look for a young replacement in the Draft (the QBs coming out this Year don't interest me, but Caleb Williams next Year does).  But with O'Connell as HC and calling plays in the Offense, Kirko Chains ain't falling off.  And he surely has earned some latitude for next Year.

By the way, those who are relieved that the Vikes lost last Week and say, "Well, they were just gonna get killed by the Niners anyway" are a bunch of fuckin' doomsayers.  Yeah, they probably would get slaughtered in San Francisco.  Fine -- beat the Giants and then get slaughtered in San Francisco.  They were 3 1/2 Games better than the G-Men, and they lost.  Again.  At home.  In a playoff Game.  It wasn't supposed to happen, and yet you had a bad, bad feeling it was goddamn going to happen.  And next Year, because they won the NFC North, they'll face fellow first-place clubs San Francisco, Philadelphia, and Cincinnati.  This is going to hurt, but if they were smart, they'd seriously rebuild the Defense and take their lumps on their way to, like, a 4-13 season in order to get a top QB in 2024.  Like, say, Caleb Williams.

Rant over.

This poker game is RIGGED!!!

So I was playing Zynga Poker through Facebook at the library this afternoon.  (I was there to print something out for my parents' real estate stuff.)  I'm on this "tier" where, if I don't play and/or win by the end of the week, I drop a tier.  Not dropping a tier is now the most important thing in my life, so I snuck in some time to play.

Very first hand, I get pocket 10's.  The dude/bot/AI algorithm went all in on diamond 10-A.  He had way more money than I had, so if I called and I lost, I was done.  But my pair of 10's can beat diamond 10-A, right?

And Jesus fucking Christ, off the flop there were three diamonds.  I was drawing dead.  It's like this ... thing knew he had a flush from the jump.  He/it probably did, for all I know.

Now, it's not real money.  But it's a lot of fake money.  And even though it meant that I could do other things I needed to do at the library, I wanted to devote a hell of a lot more time to playing poker.  And I was wiped out after just one hand.  Bullshit.  This poker game is RIGGED!!!  RIGGED, I TELL YA!!!

OK, I'm Over And Done With Her

******a, the stripper who now massages me ... well, if I do ever invite her to rub me down again, it'll be a while, let's just say.

It continues to be a pain in the ass to reach her.  I have to call her and leave her a voicemail because she's paranoid about, like, people knowing where she's at and what she's doing, but she gets to text me.  Usually her texts are, "Call me."  And I do, and I get her voicemail again.  Whenever she finally gets around to calling me, I usually let it go to VM because she doesn't show up as her, even though I call her phone all the time, but "No Caller ID."  Would you pick up if you saw that?  But I do, because I have learned that it might be her.

We finally connect last/Friday evening while I'm sitting at another secret bar after she texts me this cryptic message: "So are you ready for me come over and do what you said?."  I see "No Caller ID" is calling.  She says something I couldn't understand because of the noise in the bar.  I go, "So, are you able to come tonight at 9:3-" and immediately she said, "I said don't say the time I'm coming over!  Someone might hear you!"  And I'm shaking my head.  This bitch is paranoid, and I don't think she's coming back.  But it's too late for me to back out because we committed to this time.  Plus, I'm hoping she brushes up against my dick again.

Everybody!  She was supposed to come over at 9:30!  But she got here at 10:15.  First thing she does after she bursts in is complain about getting lost on the way here.  Again.  And then I let her smoke weed inside the house, a very first, because I'm hoping that her calming down will lead to a better massage and, yes, maybe some pee-pee touching.

The massage was fine.  Not like a legitimate one, where a trained professional really is able to unwind knots and get the toxins out of my fascia.  But it was OK enough because she stripped down to her tank top and granny underwear.  The underwear had polka dots.  Inbetween hits from her pipe, she was complaining that she couldn't lean on something sturdy to really did into my muscles.  Near the end, when I asked her to run her fingers around my groin (because she doesn't do happy endings), she asked to work my arms.  ******a has never done my arms before, and they can be sore because I sit in front of a computer all day.  But my arms aren't my legs, or my ass, or my groin, or my dick.  (sigh) she really didn't want to please me last night.

Worse yet, she accused me of ... something while she was cleaning up after we got done.  That might be why she scooted out really quickly.  Not even a hug?  And then she was hovering just outside her car, which she parked at the end of the driveway with the front toward the street, for a couple minutes.  I don't think she dropped her keys.  I think she just stopped and spaced out.

Like I said, the massage was alright.  Coconut oil on the skin feels good during a dry winter.  But everything else -- the whining, the out-of-nowhere allegations, the fear of a cameraphone being pointed at her, the inability to be present and just, you know, calm for the massage?  Add all that to her paranoia and refusal to just be frickin' contacted easily, and you know what?  ******a isn't worth it anymore.  I'm over and done with this.  And her.

Now Everything Looks Like A Nail To Me

OK, so we had a snowstorm overnight.  It wasn't as bad as the previous overnight snowstorm, which forced me to plow in the morning, get to work an hour late, and forced both of my co-workers (who comprised a whole department) to stay home.  It wasn't forecast to be as bad, either, but I think because so many underestimated the previous snowstorm, we all swung the other way and over-anticipated and over-prepared for this one.

So, when I went out and surveyed the driveway, I saw that, while it was sort-of deep, contrary to the weather forecasts, the snow was light and fluffy.  And while I had to gun my car, I was able to back out of the driveway and get to work, albeit slowly and five minutes late.  The snow lightened up from then on, and I thought it wouldn't be so bad as to necessitate the use of the snowblower, but the city got the plowers to pitch the snow off the street and onto the base of the driveway.  I tried gunning my car onto my driveway, and I got it past that barrier and just onto my driveway, but I couldn't get it up any farther.  So, even though I eventually measured the snowfall at less than four inches, I backed my car back out because, turns out, I had to use the snowblower.

Whatever I have said in the past about my snowblower being unreliable, forget it.  It started up fine, it worked fine, it plowed like a beast, and my driveway is clear.  The end-of-driveway snow?  Not an obstacle at all for my blower.  The residual snow that was on my driveway that got icy because of the days of melting and freezing?  Well, some of it is still there, but I know that I was able to slide under some of it and pitch it through my blower's chute and onto either my front yard or the neighbor's front yard.

And yes, I felt like a man again.  Even moreso than I do after all the other times I plowed my driveway , because it took me just about an hour to clear it this time.  Light and fluffy snow is faster to get through, I guess.  Now that I believe my snowblower to be reliable, I do not regret at all using it when I could have, conceivably, just shoveled it all away.  I might use it for the next snowfall even if we get only a couple inches.  Why shovel when I can plow?  It's so much faster and easier on my body.  But maybe that would be overkill.  See, when you get a hammer, everything around you looks like a nail.

Addendum To: I'm Doin' It! I'm Gonna See A Masseuse!

Well, I still want to see this masseuse, but after an initial back-and-forth, I haven't heard from her in about two weeks.  And I did what she asked me to, namely give her two references, like I'm applying to school.  She wanted references from sex workers who, uh, worked me over.  So I gave them their contact information (after asking for their permission, of course).  This masseuse said she'll call them and get back to me ... and she's left me hanging ever since.

Yeah, she could be busy.  Or, she could be a policewoman (or policeman, why not) or one of these citizen activists posing as a masseuse to ensnare poor, innocent bastards like me.  They could be gathering information about me right now.  And then they'll finally get back to me -- "Sorry I haven't spoken to you in so long!  I've been busy!" -- and they'll lure me to "her" "salon" around Uptown.  And when I knock on the door, bam!, there will be cameras and police drawing their weapons and shit.  And my life would be ruined.

So let's hope she's just been busy.

Man, That (Legitimate) Massage Hit The Spot

First time in months I went up to my masseuse -- I've been using her off and on for the past nine months, so I think I have a masseuse now -- to get all the knots and kinks out of my system.  That didn't happen, but it's a sign of how badly, well, broken my body is.  She has very strong hands, and so I feel all the tension coming out (or trying to come out) of my fascia.  But last/Tuesday night more intense than any other session.  It was painful, truly painful.  But she did her best to work out the stress built up all over my body but especially my problem areas like the left side of my neck, the left side of my hip, and the nerves connecting to my lower back.

I have learned to take it easy on my body after massage sessions, and I am doing my best to heed that.  I am not much of a water drinker, but I am trying to drink a lot of water now, although I drank a hell of a lot of water right after my 90 minutes.  I ate light and healthy -- sort of; I ate a salad, then decided to put together a smoothie, which I feel right now as I type this.  And then I ate one salami and a piece of roast beef (shrug)

But it's the edict of rest that I heed the easiest.  I've stayed up more than I should lately, and I have thought about just conking off.  I did that around 11:30 when I usually stay up till 2:30 or so.  And I'm up; heck, I was alert about 15 minutes before my alarm went off.  I think proper rest is the best way for my body to recuperate after a massage.  Besides, I don't think I'll get a lunchtime nap because the company at work is giving away free sandwiches for lunch, and I'll need to eat that.  All the more reason, then, to sleep early.  And now I feel ... better.  Probably need to drink a lot more water.  And I probably could use another massage later in the week ... though that one will be of the "illegitimate" kind!

I Could've Escorted This Redheaded Babe, But Nope

So I worked a Twins Game for the network for the first time in years, and maybe even a decade (or more) early in the fall.  This was in the middle of the Twinks' freefall from the top of the Division to out of playoff contention.  Anyway, I was just overjoyed I could work for the network in this capacity again.  The baseball team is perennially skinflint, but watching a Game there, and getting paid to watch, is something I hope never to take for granted.

Anyway, when I get to the compound, I see someone who is running alongside me.  For the first time in a long time, it's a woman.  More than that, she's gorgeous.  Good lord.  And she's a redhead, and if I haven't told you yet, I have a weak spot for redheads.  (I have a weak sport for all beautiful women, but I digress again.)

She wasn't snobbish or standoffish.  Actually, she is kind of an extrovert.  I don't do much chit-chatting, but we got to Target Field really early because we were told to, and so during runs to get groceries and coffee, we had a lot of downtime, so we got to talking.  It's something that helps the day go by, and she was quite engaging, but yes, I was talking to her because she's fucking hot.

As I got to know her, though her, uh, quirks came out.  I kind of noticed this first when she wanted to take pictures of the booth the production had for the Game.  She wanted me to take pictures of her -- partially because she just wanted them, but partially because she has dreams of being a field reporter, and sports is one avenue she wants to work in.  No worries, I snapped a photo.  And then another.  And then a dozen more.  And then dozens more.  She asked if I wanted pictures.  I am in no way going to be a field reporter in this lifetime, but to mark the occasion, yes, I asked her to take photos of me.

After snapping, oh, 60 pictures, we went down to the field to make sure we knew how to get there in case we needed to get down there in-Game.  We were at a place not too many people are, so snap-snap-snap we took of each other on our phones.  It was there that she got really, really picky about how she was posed and how the shot was composed.  She was really apologetic about it -- "You know, you're gonna kill me since we already took a few dozen photos, but ..." -- but we soldiered on until she was satisfied.

Later I learned more of her backstory.  She was raised by her grandparents more than her parents.  No shame in that.  But then she got cagey about her age.  I think I was trying to give her advice about breaking into the business I said I was still trying to break into but, just between you and me, have largely given up on.  She's, and I quote, "In her twenties," and I could tell, but I didn't think she needed to be so vague.

---

I thought that was the end of that, and I probably would only see her again when she's doing some local Game on public access.  But for a Vikings Game during the regular season, I saw that she was running.  I have no idea how she latched onto this network, but I saw her beautiful face and smile again.  She was out on the field and I was working in the truck, though, so no small talk.  No matter.  We both had jobs to do.

After the Game, one of her fellow runners, and someone with whom I have worked with a lot over the years, found me in the break room while I was sitting down with a post-Game meal.  He was looking for me because she wanted someone to escort her to her parking ramp, and he wondered if I could do it.  Now, it makes total sense for a woman in downtown Minneapolis to ask for an escort; men are toxic, and you don't know what could happen to a solitary woman downtown.  But ... I usually stay after because 1) I want to eat free food and 2) to wait so the post-Game crowd can clear out of the area.  I hate waiting in a ramp to get out.  Hell, I did that at the end of the Twins Game.  Sorry, won't do that again.  Well, when she came up to ask me herself if I could escort her, I didn't say that.  Instead, I said that I want to eat and wait, and when I'm ready I'll text her -- we exchanged numbers while working the Twins Game -- and if she still needs an escort, let's do it.

I usually stay 90 minutes, two hours after the Vikings Game is over.  It's me time.  But because The Redhead asked, I got done after an hour.  I texted her, "Do you still need someone?"  Never heard back.  After a while, I assumed she found another escort, so I texted her again, "OK, it seems as though you're good.  I'll see you around."  And that was that.

---

But it didn't occur to me that she could work the Vikings again.  And on Sunday she did.  But this time she didn't ask for an escort at the end of the Game.  She didn't even see me until after the Game was over.

When I do have time to myself, I go to a personal bathroom and poop before I leave.  On my way up a couple levels, I saw The Redhead.  I thought she had been released to go home, but apparently she was still working.  I don't think she saw me; she was walking down the corridor but I was at the door leading up to the single bathroom.  When she passed me by, I thought, just for one second, to holler out, "Hey, if you need an escort to your car tonight, I can do it!"  But I thought better of it.  If she needed an escort, she'd ask me.  And quite frankly, I did kind of "reject" her that first time, so maybe she didn't think it'd make sense to ask me again, even though this time I totally would've done it.  So I looked at her fiery red hair and said nothing.

Maybe that was the last time I'd ever see The Redhead.  If so, there is a missed connection I might beat myself up over, from time to time, until I hit the dirt.  Take it, Pharcyde:

Another Surplus Of Food

So by my count, there are 11 servings of frozen meat that my parents left for me just before Labor Day that I haven't eaten yet.  I think there were at least twice that amount, maybe a little more.  Eleven is a lot, and I'm currently sweating whether I'll be able to consume them all before they come home.  I could just eat them eleven days in a row, but that would be boring as shit.  That's why I've left so many three months after they were frozen -- I wanted to eat other food, like fast food and, uh, fast food.

But the big variable is when they're coming home.  They say March, and I think that's a fair guess.  But at its earliest, they're back in six weeks.  That means I'll have to eat two of these a week to make them all disappear.  That's a fucking lot.  Maybe too much.  And then they'll ask, "You had six months to eat all the stuff we left you ... and you haven't eaten them all?!"  My God, I wish they were dead.

On top of that, I keep taking, and being given, free food.  I brought home a salad after the Vikings upset Loss yesterday/Sunday.  But some guy I was working for for the Game gave me a snack pack of nuts.  And then, after that emasculating defeat, I got a text from my uncle saying to call him.  I am not a guy who calls up his family to chit-chat, so whenever I get a text from a family member telling them to call them, I assume the worst.  But it was my aunt who picked up my uncle's phone saying that she dropped off some food in celebration of Chinese New Year.

So I have a big salad, a snack pack of nuts, and several take-home containers of food on top of the frozen stuff my parents left for me.  And now I am scared as hell that I can't eat this all.  Because on top of all that, I bought bread, cold cuts and cheese for sandwiches.  Oh, and I bought jelly for PB&J sandwiches.  And I bought ice cream to eat, just because.  And the liquor I have is another thing altogether.  So I have a bunch of perishable shit that I need to eat.  And guess what?  For tonight, I plan on not eating any of that because I want to grab some Pizza Hut.  Hey, Monday Night Football is on!

I don't know why in the hell I care what my parents think about the food they left for me.  But I do.  And that's a personal defect of mine.

How In The Fuck Does This Happen?!?!?!

I just sent a dispute letter on behalf of my fucking parents regarding a rental car they may or may not have reserved.  It was from September.  They say they didn't do anything.  I think they fucked up somehow.  But once again, the middle child has to clean up his parents' goddamn mess.

I sent a sternly worded e-mail.  Second time.  I tried to be polite the first time, but they have kept sending invoices once a month.  I am no longer being polite, not after I saw My Fucking Mother's credit card statement stating that that charge is considered resolved.  So why in the hell is this rental car company still bothering them?

I poured out my displaced anger in that e-mail.  (It's mostly about my mom, for whom I writing this e-mail, but hey, irony!)  I attach the image of the credit card bill, which I scanned at the library.  I send it.  Just in case, I go back to the sent e-mail and click on the attachment.  The credit card statement is there ... and so is the eyeglasses bill I scanned in order to send it online to the company that handles my vision insurance.  Now, this goddamn rental car company has both.

How in the fuck does that happen?  Yes, I scanned both the statement and my receipt at the same time.  But I made sure that they didn't get saved together.  I'm sure of it, goddammit!!!  And now I sent my receipt for fucking eyeglasses along with the credit card bill???

I'm worked up about it because of the tone of voice I injected into the e-mail.  I wasn't just not being polite.  I accuse them of harassment, and threatening legal action if they don't stop with these (truly) bogus bills.  And so the person handling this will be threatened (like I intended), and then they'll see this superfluous receipt which contains all my contact information.  If they can fuck me up, they now have the means to do it.

HOW IN THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  I continue to recognize the Golden Gopher women's hockey club's continued dominance over weaker programs.  This past weekend they swept St. Thomas at home by scores of 5-0 and 4-1.  They, well, continue to be a juggernaut.  But I'll keep repeating myself; there's nothing really worth getting hyped up about until they take down teams of their own size, like Wisconsin and Ohio St., and that won't really matter until the NCAA Tournament.  So this weekend's two-fer at Bemidji St. should -- should -- be a predictable, and victorious, snoozer.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Well, looky here!  They went 3-1 this screening Week.  Sure, that Loss was an inexplicable 17-Point Loss at Detroit, which completed the Pistons' season sweep of the Woofie Dogs.  And Rudy Gobert was quoted as saying after the Game that after the First Quarter, when they were up by three on Detroit, that they played harder, and they had to figure out why they weren't playing harder.  Kind of a dumb thing to opine about, but since then, they outdistanced Phoenix by five and defeated Cleveland (with former Wolves Kevin Love and Ricky Rubio).  Those home triumphs, along with an eight-Point road Win Sunday in Houston, has, somehow and someway, gotten the Timberwolves into a three-way tie for sixth place in the Western Conference.  And OK, they're only a Game up on Portland for 11th place.  But for the longest time they were stubbornly on the outside looking in, and look at them now, look at them now.

What's driving this surge is the Timberwolves' bench.  The role players, such as Naz Reid, Jaylen Nowell, Austin Rivers and, very lately, Luka Garza of all people, has been buoying and, in some cases, stepping in for The Big Four.  Gobert?  He started the Cavaliers Game last/Saturday night but played only 13 Minutes.  And D'Angelo Russell played only 21.  But seven others logged at least 20 Minutes (paced by Anthony Edwards's 35) and they beat the Cavs, 110-102.  If the starters aren't doing what they're supposed to be doing, but somehow the reserves are playing well as a team, you damn right Chris Finch should play them more.  I saw a quote from him on Twitter after the Cleveland Win that, and I'm paraphrasing, the T-Wolves can beat anyone and lose to anyone on any given day, and that scares any Head Coach.  He's right.

Another four-tilt Week: An MLK matinee at home versus Utah, then a quick trip Wednesday out to Western-leading Denver, then home to face Toronto and Houston.

#-3: Whitecaps (Last Week: -2).  The Premier Hockey Federation is getting no publicity; more of it, frankly, is focused on the rift from the sport's best players boycotting the league.  But if you're a fan of local women's professional hockey, start paying attention to the Whitecaps.  They started out the season losing four in a row, but they have reeled off three straight after completed a series sweep at Buffalo and kicking off a two-Match set at, uh, Metropolitan by beating the Riveters, 3-2.

Caveat: The Beauts and the Riveters are The Two Worst Teams In The PHF.  But that's not the Whitecaps' problem.  For fans, focus on the fact that Minnesota is firmly ensconced in third place and is closer to the top two teams of Buffalo and Toronto than the other four.  One more against the Rivs before they're done until after Groundhog Day.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  They're not this low because they had a bad Week.  It's just that everybody above them, in my opinion, had a better one.  Meanwhile, these guys were taken to Overtime by St. Cloud St. before beating them, 2-1, to get a split of their home-and-home, then lost in a Shootout at Notre Dame Friday before crushing the Fighting Irish last/Saturday night, 3-0.  I've seen highlights of this team, and I can't remember a club that had this much individual scoring talent.  They had somewhat rough-and-tumble Week, but they're still in it to win it, I believe.  A pair at home against Michigan this weekend.

#-5: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -9).  Look, these guys are probably not going to get higher up in any WMNSS than they are now, as low as this is.  Yes, they did win their only Game of the Week, 70-67 Thursday at Ohio St.  But most people agree that the Buckeyes got hosed late in that one: With the scored tied at 67, the U.'s Ta'lon Cooper drove for a lay-up which was blocked by Ohio St.'s Bruce Thornton.  Thornton was called for a foul even though, as seen on instant replay, it was a perfectly clean block.  Cooper made 1-of-2, the Buckeyes couldn't inbound the pass, Minnesota was fouled again and Dawson Garcia (possibly this team's MVP) made both Free Throws for the final scoring margin.  You get your Wins where you can, but at the very least, this Game should've gone to Overtime.

They are home this screening Week for Games vs. Illinois and Purdue.  They have a faint chance against the Illini, but don't be surprised if Thursday is the last time these Goofs win a Match in the B1G.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -7).  So they blasted the Bears in Chicago in last Sunday's regular season finale, 29-13.  Who knew that Nathan Peterman was still in the league?  Anyway, it was only the squad's second Win by more than one score, the other being, somewhat coincidentally, the first Game of the regular season, at home over Green Bay.

But really, all that matters is this/Sunday afternoon's Wild Card contest vs. the New York Giants at home.  There are a lot of people -- not a majority, I don't think, but a lot of people -- that predict an upset.  They've been making great escapes all season; their 11 victories by one score is an NFL record.  Do they escape again?  Do they make this easy ... somehow?  Or do they succumb to a Giants team that almost got their goat Christmas Eve?

#-7: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Got blanked at home by St. Louis and then lost at Madison Square Garden to the New York Rangers in a Shootout after they were up 2-0 in the First Period.  That extended their losing streak to three Games, but they since have broken that with victories in Long Island over the New York Islanders and at home to The Bastard Winnipeg Jets.  What may be more important is that they have opened up a seven-Point lead on the injury-riddled defending Stanley Cup Champions, The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, for third place in the Central Division.

This Week is the start of a four-Game roadtrip through the Southeastern(-ish) part of the U. S. -- Washington, D. C. Tuesday, Carolina (Raleigh) Thursday, Florida (actually Sunrise, Fla.) Saturday.

#-8: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -6).  So maybe Oklahoma St. isn't the big bad I thought they always were.  But the shine of that upset win in Stillwater is dulling big-time.  They lost their second consecutive conference Dual Friday at Nebraska, and by a score of 21-9.  The Gopher grapplers won only three of the ten Matches.  Three of the defeats were to Cornhuskers seeded below them; two of them were to unseeded Nebraska wrestlers when the U. wrestler was ranked.  What the fuck, guys?

As busy a Week a college wrestling program gets: Home to Michigan St. tonight/Sunday night, at Indiana Friday.

#-9: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -8).  This godawful team is on a four-Game losing streak after a close Losses at Wisconsin Sunday and at home to Rutgers Thursday.  The Common Man was watching Thursday's defeat, and as he retold his observations on his "progrum" Friday, it felt as though Minnesota was turning the ball over every other possession.  That has seemed to be a bugaboo all season long, and yet the Scarlet Knights matched the Goofs in TOs.  And they still lost.

And now they face a busy screening Week: Illinois at The Barn this/Sunday afternoon (the Game will end as the Vikings are going through the First Quarter -- this is bad scheduling, yo), at Penn St. Wednesday, at Purdue Saturday.

Addendum To: My New Year's Resolution: To Not Be A Pushover

So ***e* has tripped across the border and is planning to cum over to the house and jerk me off tonight.  It was supposed to be last night, but she said her babysitter couldn't come in from Denver in time.  She flies in her babysitters?

Anyway, I hope she sticks to this.  And I hope she also keeps her promise that she will pay me back for all the money I lent her so she could buy school supplies for her children.  I have repeated more than once that I have no money.  I hope she doesn't slyly ask after we're cleaning up that, like, the person who drove her to my house needs gas money or some bullshit.

And in case ***e* does fall through, I have plans on calling ******a and seeing if she could cum over to rub me down.  She texted me out of the blue this afternoon, I was able to call her back, and she told me she was ready when I was.  I was ready Tuesday, yet we communicated back-and-forth that night when I thought that was totally unnecessary.  Whatever; I plan on calling her if ***e* can't cum.  I need some hot woman to see me naked tonight.

Cough's Not Going Away

I've thought I've gotten better with my coughing this week (despite the Air Quality Warning we had earlier in the week), but yesterday/Friday ... man, it kind of came back with a vengeance.  Now, I might be saying that in reaction to a very uncivil run-in with this prick at a back bar I went to last night.  I come in, just happen to cough, and this motherfucker goes, "You're not sick, are you?  You're coughing a lot."  I just got here, asshole -- you think you know me?

So ... is this piece of shit right?  Am I coughing more?  Maybe (and don't tell that dumbass this) but maybe the reason I'm thinking my coughing is getting worse is because it actually is getting worse.  And I'll have to be in another rather crowded setting with people I don't necessarily know tomorrow/Sunday: I'm working the Vikings Game.  I don't really care about what some judgmental stranger thinks of me.  (Sloppy too; he was eating a pizza and he was leaving all his crumbs next to my area.  I brushed it in his direction.)  But I like the people I work with at Vikings Games, and I want to continue to work in the job I have.  Don't know if they'd appreciate me constantly hacking up a lung for three hours.

Need to go back on the NyQuil and try and knock this sucker out.  But that will be tonight.  I will try and use my allergy medicine again.  Maybe I need to try another tack to stop the snot from cascading down my throat and forcing me to cough uncontrollably.

When The Measuring Cup Measures Wrong

I noticed the first time I used my latest bottle of mouthwash (it's generic, from Target) a couple months ago.  I am supposed to use ten milliliters of it every time.  You, conveniently, get to use the bottlecap as the cup into which you pour the mouthwash because it has a little line that marks 10 mL.

But not this one.  Oh, no.  I open up the bottle, turn over the cap and pour ... but then I stop because I see that the line/notch doesn't measure 10 mL.  It measures 15.  I checked the instructions to make sure they didn't change because the changed the formula of the mouthwash or something.  Nope; you're still supposed to pour out only ten milliliters.  So I've been eyeballing my pours ever since.  But how can you tell if you're measuring exactly two-thirds of the only sure measurement you see in the cup/cap?

More importantly, how in the hell does this happen?  How does a company/warehouse/manufacturer use a cap that has a measuring notch that does not match the recommended amount of liquid that cap is being used for?  Is it a supply chain issue?  Does it have anything to do with the pandemic?  Or did they just flat-out screw up?  I can't believe it's a case of them saying, "Oh, well, we have these caps that totally fit with this bottle, but it has a measuring line that is five milliliters more than the recommended dose on the instructions ... eh, whatever, use those, we need to get rid of them.  People can deal."

The instructions also have a customer service phone number.  I might call it and ask what's up.

The Air (And The Weather) Sucks Right Now

The past ... oh, I don't know, three or four days, the quality of the air has sucked.  And for the past ... oh, I don't know, two or three days there's been an Air Quality Alert for the area.  The air aloft is so warm, and the wind so calm, that the pollutants have been able to stick close to the ground and not move anywhere.

The thing is, I thought this Air Quality Alert was supposed to end some time around Tuesday.  Then they extended it to yesterday/Wednesday at 6 p.m.  I just saw on the 10 o'clock news that they extended it to midnight.  And on one website (though not on another) I saw that it was extended yet again, to 2:30 this/Thursday afternoon.  Do Air Quality Alerts get extended this frequently?

I have had this aggravating cough since my sister gave it to me in Hawai'i.  Whenever I have caught these winter coughs, I'll be coughing for weeks.  I think it's gotten better the past few days, but I still aggressive hack at times throughout the day, and I wonder if it's because of the shitty air outside.  Then again, I am a hypochondriac; maybe just hearing about the bad air quality makes me cough.

One more observation.  This past week we've had temperatures around freezing.  That's great -- in a way.  Honestly, if you live in Minnesota, daytime temps around 32 isn't that bad to walk around in.  The snow that we got assailed with last week (and when I was gone for the two weeks prior) has been melting, sometimes through the night as well.  In fact, it doesn't have to get to 32 degrees for the snow to melt; if it's sunny, the air temp can dip to 30 and even, dare I say, 28 and snow will still melt.  (I want to think that climate change has something to do with this, but it could just be physics.)  However, there is a downside.  If there is precipitation, it can come in the form of ice, and in my opinion, ice is a hell of a lot more dangerous than snow because ice is way, way more slippery to drive on than snow.  We've had that off and on this week.  It was really bad yesterday/Wednesday morning, where there was so much ice the traffic was essentially at a standstill.  It took me half an hour to get to work; when it's smooth sailing, I can get to work in 12 minutes.  I have never taken that long to drive in to work at my current company.

Also, it seems like whenever we haven't been hit with ice, there's been this "freezing fog" to worry about.  It's where the dense air meets up with surfaces that are cold enough to where that fog freezes onto that surface like, well, ice.  We've had that a couple days this week, and it's supposed to happen, again, this/Thursday morning.  I hope to God that the ride in this morning won't be as bad as yesterday's, but I can't guarantee that.  I can guarantee that if it were only 10 degrees outside, we wouldn't have to worry about this freezing fog and/or ice crap.

Holy Shit, I'm Spending My Way Back Into Poverty

Wow, I just looked at the credit card statements for which I need to pay ... and for the second month in a row, I will have to carry over money into the next month and accrue interest.  Some of it is porn, but a lot of it is just eating out, and that is something I have to get control of, dammit.

I thought that my parents paying for everything in Hawai'i would lessen this month's bill.  Nope.  I mean, they are paying for a lot; my bill would otherwise be astronomical.  But I had spent enough money before I went on vacation that my bill is still very frickin' high.  And frankly, the next billing cycle is going to be high, too.

Like I said, porn is one big category even though it isn't the biggest.  Nevertheless, I am compelled to, after completing this blog post, going over to OnlyFans and shut off all but one subscription.  As much as I enjoy it, that is one way I'm spending my way back into poverty, and I sure as hell don't want to do that.

Goddamn, what a fucking buzzkill seeing my credit card bill is.

My Neck

Since ... Saturday (I think) the usual knot on the left side of my neck has been excruciating.  I don't know if I tensed that muscle up while sleeping, whether it got aggravated from all the plowing and shoveling of snow I did last week, my body is just breaking down or what have you, this goddamn pain has been acute and never-ending ... like "I want to die" bad.  I've had to cut down on the NyQuil so I could pop some pain pills (don't want to take too much medication -- I believe in better living through chemistry, but always in moderation), and right now, it still doesn't seem to work.

Over the past day or so the air has stagnated, and so the quality of the air has worsened.  Maybe that's the reason why my neck feels all oogy, and why I feel so oogy, too.  If that's the case, the wind that will finally start blowing in around noon today could -- could -- clear up what's wrong with my neck.  And if it doesn't?  Well, that means there's something else, wrong and really bad going on with my neck.

******a was supposed to cum over and massage me, by the way.  But we had been playing phone tag for some fucking reason, and I think that's why she eventually decided not to come over.  It's so weird to just get a straight word from her sometimes.  I think she might be calling me from a phone number different from the one I have from her because yesterday/Monday I had three calls from "No Caller ID," and I think that was her.  She can't call me from her own phone?  I think she's decompensating again.

Expenses Without Receipt

OK, starting from Sunday, January 8, 2023, and hope to Buddha I'm right because it's been almost a month and a huge two-week trip happened inbetween:

• I actually need to go back ... all the way back to Thursday, December 22, 2022, when we were on The Big Island.  My brother really wanted to take a tour of Kona Brewing Co.  I didn't even think to go do a brewery tour, but it's not bad.  I'm not a huge of Kona -- I'm not a huge fan of beer in general -- but their (I think) previous commercial tag line -- "One life, right?" -- is an existential epistle that basically sums up my outlook on life and the outlook all people should take to.  We had to pay for the tour, but at the end of it, we went to its little bar/merchandise shop called The Thirsty Gecko.  Yes, I was compelled to be a tourist and buy a couple things (and charge it on my credit card).  I also "donated" to the tour guide: $5.
• Later that day we all went to the Safeway on The Big Island -- I swear I didn't think there would be a giant grocery store chain on The Big Island -- because we all wanted to buy food, some of which we didn't eat and had to throw away.  My parents paid for everything, but because I shelled out money at Kona, I threw in a donation in one of those tiny plastic jars you see at the checkout line.  I don't remember what the charity organization was.  Left: $1.
• On Monday the 19th, back when we were in Honolulu, we spent most of the day at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  Think Disney World.  It's a very interesting and entertaining place to learn about cultures of the South Pacific.  It is somewhat concerting however, to learn two facts: The vast majority of entertainers and workers there are students at nearby BYU-Hawai'i; and this place is founded and run by The Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints, aka Mormons.  Anyway, we wound up the long (and mostly rainy) day eating at the giant buffet.  Great buffet; lots of food, some of which is geographically and culturally representative of the PCC.  There was musical entertainment: A duo that waited a long time between songs so someone in the crowd could ask for a dedication for their loved one's birthday or graduation, etc.  Whenever they sang "Happy Birthday" -- and they did it more than twice -- they would go, "Happy Birthday to you/Woo!/Happy Birthday to you/Woo!"  That got annoying.  I went over to their stage; they looked old and thus probably are not students.  But I threw in some money anyway: $1.
• On Saturday the 17th we went to this famous steakhouse in Honolulu called Hy's.  The steaks are smoked in Hawaiian wood; other than that, it's a steakhouse.  They graciously took a photo of us; unfortunately, it was on their 2000's camera, we all posed terribly, and the picture they gave us consequently looked, uh, ghastly.  But there was also a musician playing music to enliven the environment.  Nice guy.  Wanted him to play something jazzy, like "'Round Midnight" or even "Skylark."  He knew "Fly Me To The Moon."  I took it, and once he was done and went on break, I went back over to his line of sight and gave him a double thumb's-up.  Oh, and I also tipped him: $1.
• Friday, December 16: I accompanied my parents to Chinatown.  Whenever they go anywhere, they go to that place's Chinatown.  It's their happy place, their oasis of familiarity in a foreign land.  (Me, I go to secret bars.)  Instead of troubling my sister and brother-in-law, they learned how to get there on the bus -- or, rather, The Bus, the actual official name of public transportation in Honolulu.  Neat name, and I hear it's one of the best systems in the country.  But it is expensive: Three bucks per ride.  Getting to Chinatown and back was thus: $6.
• Finally, very early on Wednesday the 14th I got a ride from **y, who a few days before sucked my dick with a condom on.  After our session I nonchalantly told her I was going to Hawai'i and asked if she could pay her for a ride; she had said she takes gig jobs to supplement her income.  And she said she could.  Buddha bless her, it was sleeting that overnight/early morning, but she got there early and got me to the airport well in time.  So yes, it was worth paying her: $50.
• I hopscotched from MSP to SEA to LAX to HNL.  That was not my decision; I bought a two-legged one-way trip, but my airline (which, by the way, would not give me miles for this ticket because I went Basic Economy -- oh, fuck you) added a third leg, the one from SEA to LAX.  I was running on red and getting quite tirangry, but this apparently local favorite coffeeshop called Alfred Coffee hit the spot.  They say they are known for their iced vanilla latte.  Sure, I could go for that.  I don't know if it was the best iced vanilla latte I've ever had, but it kept me both going and sane.  With tip it cost me: $10.

Assuming I'm right, I'm good through December January 8.

Sucks to have your day ruined by some road rager who just has to get in front of you.  So I have to remember the nice people, such as the Culver's server who handed me my food.  Trying to look on the bright side. ...

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Reminder that for 2023, The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey will be published on Sundays.  This WMNSS will cover all Games played by Twin Cities sports teams from December 31, 2022 to January 7, 2023.  From next Week's survey to the end of the Year, it will cover contests from the previous seven Days -- well, it'll try to.

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Right now, my vibes for the local sports teams aren't great.  Overall, I think all the clubs put together lost more Games than they won this screening Week -- I could be wrong, who knows, who cares -- and the prospects for these squads to win championships seem very, very low.  It feels highly likely that the last Minnesota title of any kind will remain the Lynx way, way back in 2017.

With that being said, if there is any local team that could win it all in 2023 ... well, I don't know if it's the University of Minnesota women's hockey team.  They resumed their season after their customary (and long) holiday break by hosting what is called the East/West Showcase this past weekend.  Merrimack and New Hampshire from the (where else) East Coast to play both the Golden Gophers and St. Cloud St.  And the U. were rude hosts, destroying the ... Lakers (?) and Wildcats (?) by scores of, respectively, 9-2 and 8-1.

Great.  Really, sincerely, that's great.  The problem is is that the polls don't have them at #1, and at (what I assume are) most points of the women's college hockey season, they are around the fourth- and fifth-best team in the country ... and two of the teams consistently beating them out are in the same conference as the U., Wisconsin and Ohio St.  The Gophs have played a series against both.  They have won twice and lost twice, even though one Win and one Loss are technically Ties (Points and Overtimes and Shootouts and blah-blah-blah).  But there are other, inexplicable defeats the U. has suffered that I don't think either the Badgers or Buckeyes have.

I keep saying that the rubber won't really meet the road until tournament time; this team's next series is a home one vs. St. Thomas, so they'll kick the Tommies' asses.  But if they lose more than they win against those two heavyweights in the back half of the season, there's a possibility they won't even make the NCAA Tournament.  And it could not get any clearer that, as good a program as Minnesota is, they are clearly a tier below true championship clubs.  I want to be proven wrong, but I don't think I will be.

#-2: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).  Meanwhile, it appears as though the professional (or as much as they can be) women's hockey team in town has turned things around after two Years in the doldrums.  They also have returned from their holiday break with the first of a two-Game series versus the Beauts in Buffalo last/Saturday evening where they kicked six different kinds of dog crap out of them, 4-1.  They remain in third place in the Premier Hockey Federation, even though they're clearly behind both Boston and Toronto.  The PHF still has a hodgepodge of a schedule; the Whitecaps just played the first of a six-Game roadtrip, but that goes until mid-February.  But after finishing up in Buffalo, they start the first of a duo in ... New Jersey (?) against the Metropolitan Riveters starting on Saturday afternoon.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Extended a losing streak to six Games with a desultory 12-Point defeat at home to bottom-feeding Detroit New Year's Eve.  However, they have won three straight since to begin 2023, and it ain't bad competition: Denver, Portland, and the Clippers.  Still, this might be a dead-cat bounce; they are still 11th in the West.  And Rudy Gobert continues to be a ghost of the player the Woofie Dogs mortgaged their future for.  Meanwhile, Chris Finch is doing everything to unlock the best out of this ballclub, now benching their high-priced stars Gobert and D'Angelo Russell.  It might be a desperate move in order to save his job, but if they get him Wins, more power to him.

Busy this Week: At Houston and Pistons, then home to Phoenix and Cleveland.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Beat the Blues in St. Louis New Year's Eve, then began the New Year by routing Tampa Bay at the X, 5-1.  But last/Saturday evening they lost in Overtime at suddenly getting it Buffalo.  Kirill Kaprizov continues to both rocket up the franchise record book and increase his Q rating by being named to the All-Star Game.  And they are firmly ensconced in third place in the Central Division.

This team is also busy this Week: Home to St. Louie, visit New York for Games vs. the Rangers and Islanders mid-Week, then back home to face The Bastard Winnipeg Jets.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  The other team I can see possibly winning the championship in their sport is the Gopher male icers.  But it's going to be a fight, if their 3-0 humbling at St. Cloud St. last/Saturday night is any indication.  No shame in the Loss; the Huskies are ranked fourth in the country, and they'll have a return date this/Sunday afternoon at Mariucci.  I'll put up their chances of winning it all with anyone else.  But the problem is is that there is an "anyone else."

After finishing up the home-and-home with SCSU, they play a two-Game set versus Notre Dame in South Bend, Ind.

#-6: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  I'm still pretty fucking stunned that this group of grapplers went down to Stillwater, Okla., and upset Oklahoma St. on December 4.  I thought any echo of this program's glory days were permanently behind them.  And yet they finally lost their first Dual of the season yesterday/Saturday afternoon, 18-11, at ... Northwestern?  Really, Northwestern??  But then I see that the Wildcats are ranked seventh in the nation (it looks like the U. is eighth), and even though I don't remember Northwestern wrestling ever being that good, they're good this season.  Hey, I still am a tad optimistic that they could make themselves a pest in the NCAAs.

At Nebraska Friday.

#-7: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  This is, by far, The Worst 12-4 Team In The History Of The NFL.  My friend texted me during Sunday's 41-17 beatdown at Green Bay that when these ViQueens lose, they look fucking awful.  He's right.  Moreover, this team has three times as many Wins and Losses and yet they have allowed 19 more Points than they have scored.  Does anyone think this team will win the Super Bowl with such a red flag on their stat sheet?

That humiliation eliminated the Vikes from getting the top seed in the NFC and a bye.  Worse than that, the San Francisco 49ers, the team with the best Defense in the league, has jumped them for #2.  Those Niners face Arizona; win that and Minnesota is assured of the 3-Seed and will have to go on the road for the Divisional Round instead of staying home.

Minnesota will be the 3-Seed and will have to go on the road for the Divisional Round.  The Loss, as pre-ordained as it may have been, was that devastating.  Sure, they'll beat the Bears in Chicago because Justin Fields isn't playing and Nathan Peterman is.  But any chance that they'll even reach the Super Bowl is gone now.

#-8: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Let's face it; B-ball in Dinkytown may be at its nadir in a long time, if not all time.  Mark Coyle's possible ploy to just install local legend Lindsay Whalen as Head Coach and not worry about finding a replacement for the next two Decades may be blowing up in his face.  They lost by a dozen at The Barn to Ohio St., a program that isn't a dynastic power in women's college basketball but are (or were) ranked third in the country.  The Buckeyes have found a winning formula; the U. hasn't.  And they currently sit at 8-7 overall and 1-3 in the Big Ten.  How much goodwill does Whalen still have because she's Lindsay Whalen?

At Wisconsin this/Sunday afternoon, then home to Rutgers Thursday.

#-9: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  Man, I swear this ballclub was supposed to be better this Year.  But they are 8-7 overall and still winless (at 0-4) in the B1G after losing by three at Wisconsin Tuesday and, much more embarrassing, a two-Point Overtime Loss at Williams Arena to Nebraska.  Nebraska!!!  Ben Johnson was supposed to show improvement in Year Two.  This sure as shit is not improvement.  This could be a long goddamn Year for that team.

At least they have only one contest to deal with this screening Week: At Ohio St. Thursday.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2022

You know, I want to start off with getting the Honorable Mentions out of the way.  Out of the dozen (or baker's dozen -- you'll see what I mean) babes for this month, I want to give some plaudits to Haley out of Lone Tree, Colo., and Kimi of Costa Mesa, Calif. -- the former for her, uh, full-frontal posing and the latter for having that sexy-ass vertical line down her abs.

I can rank five/six above them, but I'm torn between the top two.  Again, that's a tease that I'll pay off later.  At any rate, fifth place goes to Katherine, hailing from Downers Grove, Ill.  She's a blonde wearing a light-purple two-piece swimsuit.  What I like best about her is her aw-shucks body language -- right arm languidly hanging just in front of her body, left hand up to her neck, head slightly tilted to its right -- even though she is so goddamn hot.

In fourth place is Olivia, of Loveland, Colo.  Slim brunette sporting a light-blue two-piece.  There is a general cuteness about her, an approachability that some of the other models, for all their gorgeousness, lack.  And her smile, as Mona Lisa as it is, helps a lot.

OK, so the reason I gave two different numbers up at the top is that, for the first time I can recall, there is one photo of twin Hooters waitresses, Megan and Kalen, out of Pensacola Beach, Fla.  Long raven hair and matching red two-piece bikinis.  Yes, twin fantasies stir in my mind whenever I see that photo.  So they get third place.

So now I'm up to two.  One of them is the main girl, Allie, also hailing from Lone Tree, Colo.  The other is Haley, also of Loveland, Colo.  (Aside: There are two Hooters waitresses from not one but two cities in the same month, and they both just happen to be in the same state.  Maybe next time you wanna, y'know, mix up the women so that they aren't all on the same damn month?)  I remember Allie.  She has been in previous calendars.  She was just in the last Hooters pageant, and I believe she placed fourth.  Hell, I vacationed in Denver, went to her Hooters restaurant, and had her sign her photo (from a previous year) for me.  And yes, she's fucking hot as hell, including in her photo: Periwinkle two-piece bordered in white, cascading blonde hair, kneeling on a rock with her right leg in the water, fake snow giving the picture a unique mise-en-scene.  Allie's a knockout.  However, Haley is showing her ass.  Showing only about half of it around her deep blue two-piece bikini, but showing it nonetheless.  And I have a rule that if a Hooters girl shows her ass, she immediately rises to the top of that month's list.  But ... it's Allie!  (Like she remembers who the hell I am, but still.)

So, who to pick first and who second?  You know what?  I'm not going to decide.  Allie and Haley can tie for first.  That way I don't violate my rule and, more importantly, I don't have to decide.  You two are both winners!  And I will eventually masturbate to you and all the rest of you so I can retire the calendar and actually move on to 2023!