Two Days A Week ... ?

With getting vaccinated, hopefully putting the pandemic behind me (we shall see), and no longer having a night test scoring job, I have finally started going back to the community center to work out.  Pair that with attending house parties again, and it almost feels like my evenings are just as busy as they were before the pandemic.

Maybe that's not good.  One of the better things to come out of the pandemic is a universal slowing down because I had nothing to do once I got home from work.  Lassitude settled in, and I got out of shape -- that's why it's important for me to exercise again.  But I did a lot of running around back before the 'Rona hit.  That was a lot of money that burned through my wallet.  Lot of mileage on my car, too.  Finally, as much as naps eff up my sleep routine, being able to catch up on rest does wonders for my body.  Maybe I've become a homebody in the past 17 months, and that possibly is for the better.

But all work and no play make U-Dub (that's me) a dull boy.  Therefore, I endeavor to strike a balance and go out two days per workweek.  That way I can work out (which I want to do at least one evening during the week, then add a second day during the weekend once the gym opens back up seven days a week), hang out with my wang out (possibly; otherwise I'll, like, eat at one of the places that host our Game-watching parties), and still be able to relax and catch up on my sleep.  Last week I exercised on Tuesday (when I wanted to do so on Monday but had a very long nap), then went out to a stripper party on Friday.  This week I want to work out today/Monday and either go to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) or ... uh, do something else because I work late into the afternoon on Friday, and it doesn't make sense for me to come home to eat when my parents have already cleaned up the dining table.

I need to start placing other things I plan to do over the rest of the month.  A friend and I are going to a St. Paul Saints Game next week.  I need to reconnect and meet up with another friend.  I need to go to the strip club all the strippers went to after My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) closed.  State Fair's coming up.  And bridging the end of the month and the beginning of next month, I snagged a job working a Golden Gophers football Game.

I'll be busy, for both business and pleasure.  Just like before.  But I don't want to forsake the happiness of home, and of not doing anything, which is something I realized was worth cherishing over the past year-plus.  And so I hope I can do, and maintain, both.

Oh yeah, so about the alumni event ... so it turns out that we didn't have too many volunteers, but in fact exactly enough.  There were enough people saying they had to cancel that everybody who wanted to come in and volunteer.  God bless 'em, because at least they told me they weren't coming, because a few people no-showed.  Not a huge deal, but just telling people you can't make it is just an act of consideration.

So everything else went fine.  I did not ask the screening questions like I should have; I instead just asked them to fill out all contact information on the sheet while telling them I assumed they didn't have any symptoms of COVID-19, wasn't exposed to anyone who has COVID-19 in the past 14 days, etc.  I'm glad they all understood, especially the ones whose names weren't on the sheet and to whom I asked to put all their contact info down.  Now, I saddled that one guy with a half-dozen pens that didn't work.  I had a fleeting thought before I left to use those because I didn't want to lose any of the ones that did work.  I hope he doesn't think I was making fun of him, and I hope he doesn't think I'm a schmuck.

Now, posting social media and a post-event report, and I'm all good.

My Dick Don't Work

So last week, when I saw *****a for a handjob, it took a while, but she eventually got me off.  On Friday, I visited my first stripper party since the pandemic began, I ran into ****e* (formerly ******e), who was visiting from Las Vegas.  She said that hadn't given anyone there a private, and I believe her, and she doesn't live in town anymore, so I decided that I was going to take her to a room.  And as much action as we had, I had to jerk myself off.

I used to be so responsive, but now, sexual stimulation by the woman doesn't get me off.  Why not?  Old age?  Been there, done that?  Am I not -- criminy -- attracted to these women anymore?  Or maybe my dick doesn't work anymore?

****e* has invited me to ***e*'s place for another threesome, which would be the third we've done together.  The first one we did (which I blog posed about) was a mind-blowing, seminal moment in my life, the first time I did stuff with two women at once.  This time, however, I am scared as hell I won't be able to perform.  But ****e* is leaving in about ten days, so I have to take advantage of this before it's gone for good.  I think I can see those two next weekend.  But will my dick work by then?

The alumni event is in the afternoon and I am nervous as hell.  I usually am nervous, but the damn alumni association Thursday dropped on my proverbial lap a set of COVID-19 screening questions I'm supposed to ask the other volunteers, after which I have them initial on a check-in sheet which I have to scan and send back to them.  Contract tracing purposes, which I understand, even though I am still at loggerheads with them over, well, destroying the club I presided over.  But I'm not sure whether to hue to these questions strictly and risk coming off as a tyrant whose events won't ever be attended by these people again, or just ignore them and risk getting in trouble in case an outbreak occurs.  Too much pressure for an organizer.  A president of an alumni chapter, no.  But like I said, I am not president of an alumni chapter anymore.

And after that I'm supposed to go to the United Match in the evening.  I know that's supposed to be fun, but with all the stress and anxiety I'm already feeling over the event, it sounds like a lot.  And it'll be as humid as all get out, too, so that won't be fun.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: 0).  In its only Match of the screening Week, on the road versus Vancouver at Real Salt Lake, they drew with the Whitecaps, 2-all, in what really was a bullshit call.  In the dying embers of the Game, a Whitecap attacker, in the Loons box, dragged down Ethan Finlay.  The Referee called a Foul on Finlay and, because this happened in the box, awarded Van City a Penalty Kick, which Cristian Dajome (who scored the 'Caps' other Goal) converted to salvage a Tie.  Worse than the initial call itself was both the ref and the Video Assistant Referee refusing to take another look at what is a clear and obvious mistake.  MNUFC is still in playoff position, but every Point counts, and this keeps the club on the edge.  Still, because by all rights the Loons should have won this, I am placing them above negative numbers.

They host another woebegone squad, Houston, Saturday.  This is the Match I have a ticket for, and if the storms that are forecast for the evening don't happen when the Game happens (fingers crossed), I will be able to attend it.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Went 3-3 this past Week, but no matter.  Just checked; only Arizona, The Bastard St. Louis Browns, The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0, and Pittsburgh have worse records than the Twinks.

Let us review the transactions the Nine made at the Trade Deadline -- and the ones they didn't.  The big one is Jose Berrios, who was shipped off to Toronto.  I don't want to be a hypocrite because in last Week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey I verbally shook my head in disbelief at how he blew that lead vs. the White Sox on July 19.  He is barely an ace; I think he's old enough, and has thrown in enough Innings, for me to slot him in as a third- or possible second-Starting Pitcher on a championship team.  But he would be the ace for the Twins, and he is homegrown, which I believe is a prerequisite for this organization to break the bank to re-sign a player.  But they didn't.  Berrios was signed through next Year, and it appears as though his agent told the front office he's going to sow his wild oats, and that made him attractive trade bait.

However, while I slag this trade as yet another sign of "same ol' Twins," the return the ballclub got for Berrios was universally considered great.  Both Shortstop Austin Martin (nice name if he's into luxury vehicles) and Pitcher Simeon Woods-Richardson (has there ever been a good baseball player with a hyphenated last name?) immediately become the two best prospects in the Twins organization, and it's not as if Minnesota has a barren farm system.  And it doesn't appear as if fans have to wait a half-decade for them to come up to The Show.  They'll be here, if not in 2023 then maybe even next Year.  And, if all goes right, they'll be very productive for the main club ... and be traded before their second contract.

They finish up a four-Game set in Houston, then come home to host the ChiSox as part of their final big homestand.

#-2: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  Being so capped with two max players meant the Woofie Dogs have little-to-no wiggle room in which to make trades, sign Free Agents, and improve the roster.  That's why I am relatively unperturbed that the squad completely sat out last Week's Draft.  Still, I'm disappointed that they sent away Ricky Rubio to Cleveland.  As much of a liability he is on Offense, he was a veteran presence for a young team that still needs leadership and direction.  Moreover, Rubio loved it back in Minnesota, and by all accounts, you can count on both hands the number of NBA-caliber players who love it in Minnesota.

This largely looks like a move for cap relief, although the player the Timberwolves got back, Taurean Prince, is a stretch 4 that this team has needed for a long time.  But they now have enough money to go out and spend on a Power Forward better than Prince and can help on Defense.  Who could that be?  There are a slew of guys prognosticators have tossed out as possibilities, so I don't know where they'll turn.  But it still seems as though the person coming in won't be a needle-mover.  No, Karl-Anthony Towns will have stay off the Injured List, D'Angelo Russell needs to D up more (and stay off the Injured List), and the role players have to, well, grow up.

#-3: Wild (Re-Entry!).  The more I think about it, the more I think Bill Guerin made a huge mistake in buying out both Zach Parise and Ryan Suter.  Both of them may not be there, but their contracts are, especially for the next four seasons.  You might as well keep them around to hope they can still produce; right now, they're millstones that will prevent the big club from getting any better.

Meanwhile, and don't look now, but the Defenseman corps, once the bedrock of this franchise, suddenly seems to be soft.  Suter, still a good second pairing on his best days, is cavorting with The Bastard North Stars, and Carson Soucy was plucked by the Seattle Kraken in the Expansion Draft.  And I'm sorry, but the Free Agents the team signed a couple weeks ago -- Alex Goligoski (One Of Us), Frederick Gaudreau, Jon Lizotte, Dominic Turgeon -- are far from difference makers either at the pivot or on the blueline.  I'm making a prediction: The Minnesota Mild will have one of the worst Defenses in the NHL next Year.  Book it.

Meanwhile, the wrangling over signing Kapril Kaprizov and Kevin Fiala are going nowhere, and talk of trading for Jack Eichel has cooled significantly.  All this in an offseason before a one-Year window in which the squad may have enough salary cap room to go all-in on a Stanley Cup before the dead money from Parise's and Suter's contracts really begin to bite.  Great.

#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  These guys had bad news comparably as bad as the Wolves and Wild.  But seeing that Training Camp has just started, being able to fear the worst of the Vikes' upcoming season as it's just starting invites a doom that is starker and more imminent than those other two teams.

It was a uniquely shitty couple days for the Purple.  They released First-Round Corner Jeff Gladney after details of his domestic violence arrest came out.  I haven't seen them myself because I don't want to get a sick stomach, but apparently they have to be so bad that even a football team won't put up with it.  And a reconfigured Cornerback group undergoes even more entropy.

But then the unforced error that is the Quarterback Quarantine really embarrassed this organization.  I don't know if I have all my facts straight, but it seems as though rookie QB Kellen Mond, who definitely did not get vaccinated, got COVID-19.  He, starting QB Kirk Cousins, and fellow QB Nate Stanley all had to be separated from the other players, the latter two under protocols whereby they get tested more frequently.  I don't know about Stanley, but Cousins came back yesterday/Thursday.

Give him credit for at least answering questions, but Cousins was pretty deflective when it came to queries over his vaccination status.  When asked point blank if he got the shot, he basically said that's a personal matter, so that means he didn't.  He went on to show that he is doing what he is supposed to do to keep safe from the coronavirus (according to the rules set by the NFL) and, at the very least, acting as if he believes that the virus is a big deal and a bad thing.  At the same time, he was tap-dancing like a motherfucker when it comes to getting the vaccine, something that could solve a lot of problems for the Vikings -- to ease restrictions for his team, if not necessarily to stay healthy, even though it does.

Contrast that vacillation with Head Coach Mike Zimmer.  I gotta tell you that I had no idea at all that Zim would be so pro-vaccine.  I don't know where it comes from -- whether he is trying to tell his players that getting shots clears away a lot of unnecessary obstacles or if he is personally invested in the benefits vaccines provide -- but I have to say that I like this (trigger word) "wokeness" from him.  Note that in his press conferences he isn't just saying that vaccines is good to ease NFL virus policy; he actually believes vaccines work, and moreover, he actually commented on some of the anti-vax disinformation that's on the Internet.  He said, "Woof" -- and "Woof" is right.

Zimmer's forthrightness (one of his most appealing qualities) is clashing with his starting Quarterback's anti-vaccine obfuscation.  On top of all that, Zimmer is scared as hell that Cousins will actually get infected, and that it will come during the regular season, or at the end of the regular season as they're fighting for a playoff spot.  He sees the statistics of transmission of COVID spiking everywhere.  I'm sure he believes that the vast majority of people getting sick, or worse, is almost universally affecting the unvaccinated.  And the linchpin of his team, the most important player on the Vikings, is one of Those People.  He can see disaster coming, and because of the players' union, there isn't a damn thing he can do about it.

Well, actually, he did do something about it: Give Jake Browning first-team reps.  I don't know know why and/or how Browning got to train while the others had to sit out, although I assume Browning has received the jab.  But I have the feeling that Zimmer would not mind starting the season with Browning under Center -- and beyond.

Too Many Volunteers

I have a big ex-alumni chapter event coming up Saturday.  I didn't think many people would reserve and show up.  But now, sadly, there are so many people that I don't know if I can fit them all in.  I actually cut by 40% the number of spots I reserved, and now I wish I could have those back.  And I don't know if they can all show up and squeeze in because of COVID-19 restrictions.

I really, really don't want to disappoint anyone.  But if I must, I will sacrifice my own spot so the rest can volunteer.  Well, maybe that's a dumb idea.  Who knows if I can come up with a better one.

I was told up to, like, a week before deadline that there were, like, eight people who were going to show up.  Well, maybe there was a raft of late registrations, plus there are a couple people who bypassed the normal registration process and just asked me if they could show up.  Yep, maybe this is my fault.

I Pissed Money Away On Yet Another Loons Ticket

I have so royally frittered away money in deciding which MNUFC Matches I go to, it's not even funny.

I originally bought two tickets for the season after opting out and getting all the money I had paid into the 2020 season as a credit.  The first Game, against San Jose, I decided not to go to because of the soccer tournaments I wanted to watch instead, and I eventually sold that ticket on a loss.  Because of that and because I don't know if I can get to any other Matches, I decided that for the other Game for which I bought a ticket, this Saturday's vs. Houston, I was going to sell the cheaper, upper-deck ticket I originally bought for a more expensive one on the other side of the stadium because 1) I want to know what it's like to be rich and 2) I wanted to be shielded from the rays of the sun that will be beating that side of the stadium that evening.

Once again, it was not a seller's market when it comes to scalping tickets online.  Like I did with the Earthquakes ticket, I originally set the price so that if someone bought, I would recoup the money I paid for the other ticket I bought.  Of course, that didn't sell.  And this time, unlike the first ticket, I quickly moved to cut the price to clearance levels.  The guy who bought it probably got The Deal Of A Lifetime.  You're welcome.  But I priced that ticket to move because wanted to get out of the decision/mistake I made.

I took a $40 bath for the San Jose ticket.  I don't even want to know how much money I pissed away for switching the Dynamo ticket.  Maybe I'll revisit it and tell you guys later, to put into a dollar amount how stupid I am for changing my mind like this.

Back To My Whoring!

The rise of the Delta variant is spooking all of us.  I have been convinced to start wearing my mask again everywhere, even though I am not as consistent with it as I was before I became fully vaccinated.  But I may have no choice; municipalities all around the country are reinstituting mask mandates, and just last night it appears that a bunch of private organizations -- from businesses like Target to hospitals to performance venues including First Avenue -- are mandating their employees to get vaccinated and are either demanding proof of no COVID-19 and/or strenuously asking customers to wear a mask.  People are fatigued, sure.  And I do not envy any employee if they're tired of putting masks back on and, more importantly, asking customers to mask up.  But they're the problem: We're not done with this pandemic because motherfucking anti-vax, anti-mask motherfuckers aren't getting their shots and are thus inviting the coronavirus to infect them and, in turn, giving the virus a shot at mutating into something worse.  Honestly, I would jail and/or even kill maskholes at this point.  I'm done with them.

In the meantime, however, I am going back to normal, and that will include going to house parties.  And it just so happens that I was invited to not one but two of these stripper parties via text yesterday.  And because I no longer have a night job, I can go.

First, there's *****e, who continues to invite me to her parties even though I can't go because they're so far away.  About a month ago she invited me to a place that's a lot closer, but I couldn't go because I still had that test scoring job.  She's the one I called dumb as a box of rocks, and frankly, she confirmed my assessment of her when, last week, she invited me to that same party ... the same party to which I told her I couldn't go because I had work.  Stupid me, however, because I didn't remember that; I just told her that I couldn't make the party *****e invited me to because I had that test scoring job, as if it was a different, brand-new party she was hosting.

No matter.  This afternoon she texted me saying she was going to host another party for later this month, and it is at this house that's a lot closer to me.  And, like I blog posted when I called her stupid, I am desperate, so I am giving her another chance.  I have only gotten one lapdance from her, but according to my principles, since she invited me, I intend on taking her to a room for some shit.  Let's see if not being smart correlates to being a fucking animal in bed.

And it gets better, a lot better.  This past evening, *****y, out of the blue, texted me that she is hosting a party with three other babes I remember, and it's happening this Friday.  The great thing about the pandemic (such as it is), and about working two jobs, is all the money you make.  And now I have plenty to burn through, starting this Friday.

I wanna get my fuck on, and hopefully my cock works in service of all the hot strippers I'm going to see, both later this week and later this month.  But, well, there's that damn virus.  I am almost certain that at a house party like this there will be people (mostly mouthbreathing stripper hounds) who are not vaccinated, don't believe that the coronavirus is real, thinks shots implant tracking chips in their bloodstream, and insists that Trump is still president.  I probably am walking into an unsafe environment.  But, to be honest, I am perverted enough to risk it, all because I want to go back to my whoring.

And Now, My Weeknights Are ... Mine!

This is going to be weird.  Starting tonight, after dinner, I ... have nothing to do.

It's been, I think, since mid-April when I have had evenings to myself, and that's because of the test scoring job I picked up.  If you don't count the break for a couple weeks that ended mid-April, I think it's been mid-March when I have had evenings to myself.  Now, the test scoring gig actually ended the week before last, but last week I had second shift for three days, I went out to watch the NBA Draft Thursday, then decided to catch up with one of the two places that will host our football game-watching events in the fall.  So in essence, I was busy evenings until this week.

By the way, Friday was scheduled to be the last day of our scoring project.  I obviously had to skip the first three days of the week, and I really wanted to see the NBA Draft so I was going to bug out of scoring papers Thursday.  But I was asking the supervisors whether I could make one final cameo appearance on Friday (and I would move around my work schedule in order to accommodate that), just to be with my work colleagues whom I have never seen in-person before and they were going to get back to me ... until we got the bombshell that that Friday before Friday was going to be our last day.  (Did we hear about it that Friday, or that Thursday?  Doesn't matter.)  That cameo appearance question was thus moot, because no one would be working that day.

So, now I have my weeknights back.  That's great!  And now I can spend that ... well, probably by lying around on my bed and taking a nap.  Or, I could catch up on work and e-mails.  Or, work out, something I should do.  Or, go to a strip club and catch up with my stripper girlfriends.  Or ... etc.  On the other hand, they say that idle hands are the devil's workshop, and I would be lying if I didn't think there'd be a good chance I will do nothing but lie on my bed and take naps for the time being.  Also, I've been spending a hell of a lot of money on OnlyFans, and I justified that by thinking that my test scoring money would pay for it.  Well, that's gone now, so if the only active thing I do weekday evenings is get onto OF and pay for porn, it's coming out of my real job's paycheck.  What to do, what to do. ...

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One other unrelated thing I want to slide in here.  For dinner we had egg rolls and meat, and then I go out to see the Gold Cup Final (U-S-A!  U-S-A!), and because the Match started a half-hour later than it had been advertised everywhere, I was so bored I bought myself a Heggies pizza to eat.  It took me more than an hour to eat the whole thing, and obviously that's because I had an actual dinner a few hours before then.  My weight and cholesterol are through the roof, man, seriously. ...

Team USA Is Underachieving

Those are the facts.  Quite simply, they are not winning the medals they were projected to win.  As of press time, they lead all countries with 52 medals total.  However, in the all-important gold medal count, they are behind China -- oh, those overachieving Chinese! -- 22-19.  America leads in silvers with 20 ... which I believe is a symptom of the problem.

I believe I am correct in saying that Team USA has been the victim of many, many upsets so far these Olympics.  As I write this, according to FiveThirtyEight, our country has won 15 medals fewer than expected.  And while the website has not provided their prognostications, I can think anecdotally of the many times America was projected to win gold but had to settle for silver, or worse.

Unfortunately, I must point out, most of the upsets I can think of off the top of my head have come from women.  Female swimmers won only three gold: Katie Ledecky in her two longest races but was beaten by an Australian nipper named Ariarne Titmus in her two shortest, and Lydia Jacoby out of Seward, Alaska (and high school) with one of the very few surprise wins for Team USA.  Hannah Roberts was slated to win in BMX Freestyle but lost.  I think a beach volleyball that was expected to at least contend for bronze got bounced in the eighthfinals half a day ago.  And, most notably, because Simone Biles withdrew from competition, the women's gymnastics team settled for silver even though they were a lock for gold.  I am not happy about these results, at all.  But these are the, well, facts.

There are those of you who say I should not be caught up in this "USA!  USA!" jingoistic bandwagoning, the type of if-you're-not-first-you're-last mentality that was an enormous weight on Biles and caused swimmer Lily King to regard thinking that she had to settle for silver and bronze medals "bullshit."  First of all, I think there are people on the United States Olympic Committee whose job it is to count gold -- and if things don't turn around, they'll be out of those jobs.  Second, this "obsession" with being first is rooted in the notion of American excellence, which, while it has caused many problems for ourselves and the world, has also resulted in this country still being, at its best, better than any other on Earth.  Don't blame The Media for this, in other words; they track medals because the fans at home track medals, and you can bet there are a lot of Olympics fans who are dismayed by the underachievement so far by Team USA.

Finally, and this is a tit-for-tat argument that will lead me and other people down a bad rabbit hole if we continue to nitpick over this, these athletes gain fame and, frankly, fortune from viewers like us.  And many of us want to see Team USA win -- not finish second or just podium, but win.  We are conditioned to root for and expect winners, and I will also bet that those athletes are conditioned to look out for #1, as well.  If you expect us to cheer you on feverishly for grabbing silver or bronze -- and we're not related to you -- then I think it's fair to say that we'll downplay any gold medals you win.  If you insist the color of the medal doesn't count, then we will just be happy that you competed.  Enthusiasm for grabbing any medal will then appropriately be meh.  And we won't throw money at you once you come home from Tokyo either, OK?

Team USA can solve schism this very easily: Just fucking win.