Rejected By The Health Insurance Company; Was I Not Good Enough?

As my time with the health insurance company wound down, I applied for two positions there.  Both of them were up my alley, and I think one of them was actually at the department I have worked for the last three seasons.

Well, after I applied, I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  No answers.  A month ago one I heard that I was rejected outright for one of the jobs.  That's OK, it was sort of a reach.  But just now I checked my e-mail and I got rejected at the department I had been working for.  What the fuck?!

I really don't understand.  I've demonstrated my competence and aptitude.  I worked hard -- well, as hard as most other people there.  I think people like me there ... right?  So why didn't I get considered?!  Shit, man, I didn't even get a fucking interview.  I got one when I applied for one last year, and that was for something I wasn't an exact fit for.  I don't even get that this time around?  That hurts.  That hurts a lot.

I'm at a loss as to why.  Maybe they don't like me, and word got around and I've been blackballed.  Or ... nope, that has to be the only explanation.  I don't get.  I've been a good worker, didn't make waves, got along with people.  That wasn't enough for them.  I don't fucking know.  And now, since there was little to no work for me last winter, I highly, highly doubt I'll be asked back.  If that's the case, that's one last swift kick out the door.

Man, I did good work for them.  I liked working there.  I had happy thoughts of working there.  But not even a goddamn interview??  What the hell do I do now???

So Fucking Happy, And Yet So Fucking Tired

Good news at work: Turns out that the law firm not only is closed for Independence Day but also Independence Eve, or Tuesday.  I would be bummed about losing a potential day's pay, but 1) I don't really care about this gig too much and 2) that allows me to go to, say, the Nomad and watch both World Cup tournament matches all day.  I like the freedom which comes from having an extra day off!

And you know what?  It was over the course of the day yesterday that I realized that the people who are in the same room as I am are chill and keep to themselves, and that my boss/supervisor does not micro-manage because he is too busy doing other things.  I am left alone doing this job, and I like that work environment a lot.  Still think it's strange af to not give a lunch break, but frankly, this job is growing on me.

Then finally I checked the standings in the Hooters World Cup prediction game ... and I'm close to the top!  I am only two points behind the leaders, and because I am the highest-ranking customer who patronizes the Hooters at the Mall Of America, I think I get a free plate of buffalo shrimp.  And it's not over yet.  The knockout round could push me over the top, which means that I get an HDTV screen and free wings for life!  I really want to forget about the real morass we're in IRL and just fantasize about how much soccer-predicting prowess finally results in me winning a gambling-esque game!

But now I need to end this blog post and go to bed because I am dying of fatigue here.

Addendum To: Should I Try Seeing Her Again?

Well, I did last night.  Twice, in fact.  Had so much time between work and meeting with the host (even when including a quick dinner) that I thought that instead of trying to see ***a* after my meeting, I'll try and see her before.  And guess what?  I got to her place ... and she wasn't home.

So the meeting went well and even though it was after 8 I was still jonesing to see her.  So I decided to drop by her a pad a second time because hey, I ain't no stalker!  And this time I noticed that the blinds to her bedroom were pulled up a bit when they were closed the first time I dropped by her place, which means she was home.  And when I rang the doorbell, got buzzed in and knocked on her door -- there ***a* was!  And she was ... not unhappy to see me!

***a* was, in fact, very busy.  She found a steady job during the day.  That's why I wasn't able to see her when I dropped by during the morning a few weeks ago.  But she could not explain why she didn't reply back to my texts.  I confirmed the number she gave me was still her number.  Oh, well -- she says she's been busy, not ghosting me, so I'll have to take her on her word that she simply didn't get my perverted missives.

Before her daughter and granddaughter came in -- they're babysitting -- ***a* said that she would be in touch.  It'll get tougher because she's busy during the day, but it looks like she is sort of looking forward to our next tryst.  I'll take it!

Should I Try Seeing Her Again?

OK, so the hosts for this event over the weekend invited me over after work tonight.  It just so happens to be around ***a*'s neck of the woods.  I tried her a couple weeks ago in the afternoon, but her daughter was there.  So surely, after I talk to the hosts in the evening, if I swing by her place, she'll be there, right?  And hey, maybe her daughter won't be there, and ***a* will be hard up for money, and she'll take my $60 and allow me to fuck her right there before her kid comes back in 30 minutes.  You know?

OK, so I'm getting over my skis a bit.  But I'm in the area, I have time, and I'm curious af to see if she really wants to see me again or if she is ghosting me.  I'll drop by again tonight.  I can't be considered a stalker if I do, less than three weeks after I did it before ... right?

I Just Need To Make It To The 4th

Our alumni club event is this Sunday, and even though everything seems to be all set (thank God for the hosts; they seem to think everything is in order, phew!), I am still nervous af.  I just don't think enough people are going to show up.  It doesn't help that our registration page appeared to close down orders on, I believe, Sunday.  I hate that shit.

I'm just afraid that it'll be a dud, that there will be, like, two families and me there.  That ain't no goddamn party.  And why?  Did I not do a good job advertising?  Do people not want to go?  Do people just not like me?  Man, it's so hard to be in charge of something you're afraid will go wrong.  These are the times I would love to pawn this off to someone else, but I can't.  It really is just me now.  And these are the times it sucks to be alone on this.

Coupled that with this dead-end gig (to which I called in sick, don't tell them) and this interview that may or may not lead to a job that I may or may not like and that may or may not be good for me, and I'm completely overwhelmed now.  I really am.  I'm looking forward to Independence Day not only because it's a holiday but also because that means this event is behind, for better and for worse.  This gig may also end, and that may not be good for my income, but at least I'll have a chance to nap in the afternoon.  At that point, I can exhale and then find more work later.

Right now, I'm holding on for dear life.  Just one week, and things may -- may -- get better.

The Interview Went Well. Almost Too Well.

We were open with each other.  Discussed a lot of things.  I think I can do the job, and I think she thinks that, too.


Now, the issues.  For one thing, the schedule; I'm looking at a M-F only.  Also, the pay.  I think I deserve more.  But do I just let this job go because of a few bucks an hour, especially if there seems to be some job security attached to it?  I've been complaining about going from gig to gig like Tarzan searching for a vine.  Well, I don't have to look anymore with this.  This is it.  But, do I just accept the relatively meager amount per hour that they will pay me?


Man, I shouldn't bother myself with these questions when I'm this tired.  Going to watch some soccer.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  OK, you know what?  I'm calling it right now -- the Twinks don't have it this year.  I understand they finished 3-3 this screening week, and they won the series against Boston (although lost the series versus Texas), they remain stubbornly below .500 and now sit eight games behind Cleveland in the American League Central.  (By the way, forget about the Wild Card: Both the Red Sox and Seattle sit north of .600.)  Too much inconsistency in the lineup and in the bullpen has contributed to choppy after choppy week, and even though it's before Independence Day, I think I can see the writing on the wall.

The big move is the demotion of Fernando Romero.  After a hot start, he has tailed off to the point where Rochester will now do him good.  On the flip side, however, we have the makings of a pretty good 1-2 punch.  Jose Berrios helped the squad avoid a sweep at the hands of The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 with a career high dozen Strikeouts.  And Kyle Gibson has been a man reborn since his return to the rotation the middle of last year.  He has turned from a hurler to a pitcher, and so he's been much craftier with his arsenal as he advances in his career.  I don't know if these guys can turn the season around, or even if these are the two best Pitchers for the team next year.  I do know that they are as reliable as anyone on this club this season, and that's saying something.

Well, I don't think I've seen these guys do this before; the Twins will be in Chicago the whole week.  First they go to the South Side to face the White Sox in Comiskey, and then they'll travel to Wrigley for a weekend trio vs. the Cubs.  This trip will totally save on money!!

#-2 (tie): Timberwolves and Wild (Re-Entry! and Re-Entry!, respectively).  I don't know much about either team's "draft grade," so I'm going to lump these two together and do my best to bullshit my through them.

The Woofie Dogs' draft has been poisoned by this talk that Karl-Anthony Towns may be on the move.  If that's the case ... well, first of all, this will show that Tom Thibodeau has full say in matters, but might not be in total control.  Both he and Andrew Wiggins, the two supposed foundation blocks for this damned squad, are the future.  But Thibs, by bringing in his favored sons from his time in Chicago, has not only accelerated that timetable but put a jackhammer to those foundational blocks.  Towns was on his way to becoming a star, but with Jimmy Butler arriving, KAT has not so much learned under Butler's tutelage but instead has turned inward in the face of a new alpha dog.  That's not good for development.  And yet still I would trade Big Wig before Towns.  There are still too many cases where Wiggins just looks unmotivated, and takes plays off.  If the T-Wolves could have pawned Wiggins off to, say, San Antonio, they would have had a great draft.

Instead, they made no big trades on Thursday and instead went with some guy in the first round I didn't even know existed until I heard his name: Josh Okogie, a Shooting Guard out of Georgia Tech.  He is not a big name and not even one of the names local reporters, Internet scribes and cable pundits had recommended: Chandler Hutchison from Boise St., Aaron Holiday from UCLA, Robert Williams from Texas A&M, or Bruce Brown, Jr. from Miami.  I hope that he is one of those "3-and-D" guys who are the main dudes in Today's NBA, but the next time I see him play is the first time I see him play.  At any rate, I really like the Timberwolves selecting Keita Bates-Diop, Small Forward and Big Ten Men's Basketball Player Of The Year, in the second round.  I don't think he should have fallen that far.

I know even less about hockey prospects, so everybody the Mild took Friday and Saturday are more people I didn't know I shared the earth with.  Well, I did look up the club's first-round pick, Swedish Defenseman Filip Johansson.  He has been described in one ESPN article as an "intriguing late-first round pick."  And that's all I got.  I could bag Tom Fenton for not doing more, but he just got into the job as General Manager, and even with this front office job, he gets a mulligan.  All in all, I can't say if either the T-Wolves or the Wild had a better draft, so I'll just put them into a tie here and then throw them off the survey until the regular season starts for both teams.

#-3: United FC (Re-Entry!).  People are saying that the side's 3-2 loss at Colorado Saturday was not only the low point of the season but for the brief history of the franchise.  I think we should pump the brakes on that sentiment.  I still believe it's San Jose coming to TCF Bank Stadium and whipping our Loons 3-1 on May 12 is the nadir because I think the Earthquakes were at the time the worst team in Major League Soccer and MNUFC lost embarrassingly at home.  Also there were a lot of mitigating circumstances surrounding this loss to the Rapids beyond the fact that this was being contested in Commerce City.  The ref, by all accounts, blew chunks, especially when he red-carded Miguel Ibarra for shoving the Rapids' Danny Wilson but didn't also toss Wilson for being a dick and not giving Batman the ball.  The ref also erred, by many accounts, for giving so much goddamn injury time, allowing Colorado to score the game-winner (and end a long losing streak) in the 97th minute.  Finally, by all accounts, the turf was shit, as Brent Kallman slipped and dug up a track of sod (do I have that right?) while tracking back, allowing the Raps to tally the tying Goal.

Nevertheless, while I was in St. Paul, on my way from the Jazz Fest, I passed by a restaurant with TVs showing the game.  I peer in, see that the Loons were leading 2-1, and I felt happy.  Not only did I see on ESPN's crawl that they blew that lead, but they also scored the first Goal of the game and blew that too.  And Colorado is (or maybe was) the worst team in MLS.  Minnesota: Every shitty team's slump-buster.  Again, I'm not saying this is an all-time low.  But it's close.

For the first time in a month and three days (these guys had five home games between April 28 and May 26; why couldn't the league swap one of those home dates for either road date on June 3 or Saturday?), Minnesota United play at home Friday against FC Dallas.  Maybe some long-overdue home-cooking will do these guys good.  Or not.

There Are Worse Ways To Spend A Day On This Earth Than At A Bar

So I'm here at the Nomad taking in all three matches of the final tripleheader of this World Cup.  Got up at 5:55 a.m. and am not tired yet.  Keeping my energy up by doing this, surfing the Internet and getting mad at asshole Republicans on Twitter.  (Get angry, but get energized, I tell myself.)

Best thing about this is that everybody here is chill.  I have whipped out my laptop and am drinking water after last ordering something five hours ago, and no one here cares.  I feel so safe here.

This is the first time I've hung out at a bar since my parents owned one when I was a kid.  I like the feeling.

Expenses Without Receipts

OK, starting from Saturday, June 23: 

• So I wanted to spend as much time as possible watching the World Cup.  But my relative was leaving for San Francisco after her two-week stay here, and I wanted to be at home for her when she left, and that was after the first game of the tripleheader and just before the second.  No bar-hopping for me on this day.  However ... Mexico was playing South Korea in the second game, and that was a good time to go to El Taco Riendo, which has a TV and most certainly was going to show the game.  Got there at the start of the second half.  The language barrier and my inability to listen to accent kind of dragged down the experience for me.  The woman making my food asked how spicy I wanted my chicken, and I thought she asked me if I wanted chicken or beef.  All I can think of is The Store and how frustrating it was to try to speak with someone who either doesn't speak the language or speaks English with an accent I cannot comprehend through.  I hate it, and I know she hated it, too.  But at least the food was good.  With tip: $8.67.
• I then went to the Nomad for the last game of the tripleheader, Germany-Sweden, and by God, that was one hell of a match.  Anyway, I felt, unlike the previous Saturday, I could eat a couple of things and not feel distended.  There was a food truck parked outside the Nomad, Marla's (Maria's?) Caribbean, and I ordered a plate of jerk wings to go with a special pilsner can rolled out for games involving Germany.  It's expensive, and I've been shelling out money like no one's business these days because, well, I have no self-control.  Beer, wings and tips for both come out to: $19.
• I then went to the library to print out a Groupon for this trip my parents and taking and for proof that the state wants in order to continue to give me my health insurance.  Ugh.  Total: 40 cents.
• After dinner I decided I wanted to head back out.  This time I wanted to go to the St. Paul Jazz Festival at Mears Park.  Took the old car, which was worked on that day.  My parents' old employee from The Store came over to switch out the shocks, but not the sway bar, if the banging I heard from home across the river is any indication.  It was hot enough, and I was thirsty enough, that I ordered a smoothie from this place called ... well, I don't remember it.  All I remember is that the strawberry-banana smoothie I got was good, but the cup was way smaller than the picture, and therefore I feel kind of burned over the deception.  It was not worth the price, which was, with tip: $8.
• I then went to original Glam Doll Donuts for the first time in a few weeks, I think.  Didn't want to be a stranger.  I've been spending a lot of money these past few weeks, most of it on food.  I had recently tried to limit myself to just coffee and one donut, but this time around, because I was staying here (I'm blogging this part of EWR here) a long time I picked up a second one, a cheap Pride one.  I was scared at how much it was going to cost anyway, but somehow my slow-playing of reaching into my wallet and taking out my wallet compelled the guy to just give it to me.  What a swell guy!  (I threw in a buck tip anyway.)  He said that today was his last day.  He is a guy who's served me donuts in the past.  I'm glad to have seen him on his last day.  I made the right decision to come to Glam Doll, even if I spent, with tip, I think: $9.67.
• Back to Friday the 22nd, where I was able to find parking closer to Brit's Pub in order to watch the opening kickoff in time.  I actually had to double back because I forgot my phone and I was still able to get to Brit's as the anthems starting playing.  Cost to park downtown: $8.50.
• Afterward I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) because it felt like something I should do once after work.  Was hesitant because of all the cars wizzing by as I was going to exit the parking lot, but again, I wanted to do it once.  Breezy is hot, so hot I tipped her twice.  Lotus has got some abs.  Got a Coke because I did not stay there long.  Total: $10.
• That evening I had to drop off my aunt at her place.  This is the last night before this relative was leaving, so we had one final dinner of salmon.  I thought that since I was taking her back to her place, I might as well exercise.  But I realized on my way there that the community center is closed.  But I didn't want to just hightail it back home immediately.  What to do?  Back to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), of course.  The last time I visited this place twice in the same day was years ago and it was because I wanted to see a specific girl there.  It was a waste of gas and money, but I just felt compelled to see boobs again.  And good thing too, because vet Giselle finally gave me her real name!  I don't know why she decided to, but thank Buddha she did, and thank Buddha that I made the right decision!  I was so happy I got a lap dance from her.  With Sprite (I wasn't staying long this time either) and tips and it came out to: $28.
• And just because I went to DQ for a mini Blizzard before going home: $3.20.
• Back to Wednesday, June 20 -- parked downtown: $8.
• Then to Caribou for coffee.  Stupid me, I forgot to bring my thermos with me, so I had to get a paper cup from them.  A large with tip set me back: $2.75.
• I know I shouldn't be spending any money, but I really, really want to just enjoy my time downtown while I'm working there.  And that means partaking in the food trucks.  First time in this gig I hit this truck called Habanero Taco.  Its quesadilla is alright, although they were pretty skimpy on the al pastor.  With tip: $10.
• My aunt has been coming home to eat dinner with us while my first cousin once removed is in town, so I have been taking her back to her place.  This time, after dropping her off, I went to Wal-Mart because I was hankering for a pop.  My excuse was I needed to drive the old car a little longer to burn off the oil.  Wal-Mart is a scary place, a wake-up call to The Real America, but damn, their vending machines are cheap: 50 cents.
• Tuesday the 19th ... I like downtown, but I hate parking.  Without relying on public transportation to dive into and out of downtown, this is the cheapest lot I could find within walking distance to work.  And even though it's outside, it doesn't matter because I'm apparently not allowed a lunch break, so I can't go in there to take a nap.  It costs me: $8.
• Oh, and this place's Keurig machine is broken.  So I have to get to parking early enough so that I have time to get to Caribou and get coffee.  This is a place where one would think things work, but I guess not.  And how do you break a Keurig?  Never mind.  Coffee plus tip: $2.75.
• Another good thing about working downtown?  After work I can visit my alumni club's hangout to keep up relations.  Just wanted to stop in for a beer for Happy Hour.  With tip: $3.
• On Monday the 18th I did the same routine as the day after.  Parked downtown: $8.
• Then I went to get coffee (ETA at 11:39 p.m. on June 24 that the coffeehouse I went to was Caribou) (with tip): $2.75.
• But that afternoon I was so dragged as a result of no nap that I just had to walk in order to wake myself up.  I went down to the ground floor of the IDS Center and looked at the Bogart's Doughnut kiosk, and apparently they run a "Happy Hour" where you buy one doughnut and get a second for free.  Guess people only think doughnuts are a breakfast food.  But I had to cash in -- you know, buy two, eat one when I go back up, and save one for the next day.  With tip the two doughnuts cost me: $2.75.
• Back to Sunday the 17th, where, after dim sum with the family, I managed to wiggle out of the house to see a World Cup game at the Nomad.  Maybe I got this before, but I didn't remember that the bar reimburses fully the cost of parking at that nearest lot.  Sweet!  That spares me trying to find a spot at the Somali apartments.  And that saved me more money for the Tecate cans that are on special for soccer matches.  Plus tip it set me back: $5.
• And then I went to the library afterward to print out these invoices Mother wanted me to make for her.  Her instructions for these invoices were why I was, uh, 32 seconds late for the beginning of the Brazil-Switzerland matchup.  Three invoices, three copies each, plus a mistake on one of them, equals: $1.
• On Saturday, June 16, even though everything I spent that day I put on my credit card, I found a penny, uh, somewhere.  I passed it by because I was not doing anything with money that day, but then thought, eh, what the heck, and I picked it up.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.
• Back to Friday the 15th, which was the first day I parked in this cheapest lot: $8.
• And because I could not adjust to a straight eight-hour day, I needed to go to my alumni chapter's hangout for a beer.  Bud Light, same as the EWR up top.  But I was only charged two bucks this time around; up top, that set me back $2.25.  Huh?  I rounded up the tip both times so I spent the same amount: $3.
• Back to Wednesday the 13th, the day before I started this new job/gig, where I spent most of my day thinking about whether I should go to ***a*'s place to see if she's ghosting me.  Inbetween visits I went to Caribou.  Bagel, mocha and tip comes out to: $8.50.
• And that evening I also had coffee, at Caffetto.  You know, just to clear my thoughts.  Dark roast plus tip: $2.
• And then afterward, to further clear my thoughts, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  No laps, just coffee and stage tips: $10.
• Let's go back to Sunday, June 10, my last day in Denver.  Say, do people tip housekeepers anymore?  I left for them: $2.
• And so people tip rental car shuttle drivers anymore?  I used to, then I didn't, but this time I did because he helped me with my suitcase: $1.
• Got home, fell asleep for several hours, woke up in the afternoon and declared that I needed to work out.  Actually, I needed to go to DQ!: 2.99.
• On Friday the 8th I went to one of the must-eat places in Denver: El Taco De Mexico, considered by many to have the best green chile sauce (a Denver specialty) in town.  Only had time to go there for breakfast, but dammit, that burrito was good, and huge!  Plus tip: $15.
• I then made it a burrito double by going to the original, the very first, Chipotle close at the University of Denver.  I planned on going there, and I planned on using this free burrito card that ****e*, the stripper-cum-maid who cleaned my house before my parents came back from their cruise, gave to me because she doesn't eat Chipotle.  I didn't want to eat two burritos in the same day, but considering my compressed schedule, it couldn't be helped.  Chipotle's Chipotle, but I was surprised at how small the store is.  Maybe I should not be surprised.  I wanted to celebrate this "pilgrimage" by going all out and gettin chips and guac too.  I believe I charged all the food , but the tip came out of my wallet (ETA on 11:39 p.m. on June 24 that I did not put any of this on my credit card, that I should not have said "all the food" because the burrito was free and I only paid for the chips and guac, and, including tip the amount that came out of my pocket is a lot different): $16.78.
• After Chipotle, on a whim, I went hiking.  As I think I said before, taking a long hike without easy access to facilities the day of eating not one but two big burritos is a big mistake.  I am so, so lucky to have reached a pit stop before I blew my pants.  It was at a wildlife refuge, the details of which I have forgotten.  I was the only one there until the attendant came in from wherever she was.  I stayed there only for five, ten minutes before, well, I had to go back to the bathroom a second time.  But I gave thanks by popping a buck into a donation receptacle disguised as a tree.  When I put it in the slot, I heard the chipmunk that was "living in the tree" make chipmunk thank-you sounds.  Cute!  Gave: $1.
• You know, I thought vacations are to unwind.  Instead I was everywhere on this day.  After hiking I somehow made it to the Rockies game and witnessed First Pitch.  Great seat; it was in the very back, accessible row, and I was the only one who got it.  I was not sure that the ticket got me a break on concessions, but apparently it did, but I'm not going to dwell on that right now.  Wish I had time to explore Coors Field more, and I wish it wasn't so hot, but the usher next to me was really nice.  Charged everything but the scorecard and pencil I bought, which set me back: $2.
• I finished my night going to Voodoo Doughnuts, the Denver outpost of the wildly successful and famous donut shop originating in Portland.  They're good.  Would I wait in a line for 15 minutes, like I did?  Only as a novelty.  Got two donuts and a cup for pop.  With tip the total was: $7.35.

Hopefully it's complete.  But probably not.  Good through June 23.

So for this job, that wants to bring me in for an interview, I asked if I could get an early time.  I got it -- for Monday.  Plus, I got this e-mail Friday after work.  This complicates things because, well, for one, it's the next workday, which sucks.  But I also needed to tell my temp agency and my supervisor on Friday that I can't come in on Monday, and that was impossible since I got the e-mail after the workweek was over.  Moreover, I was hoping I would get this interview time before Friday after work because my supervisor is taking off on a vacation for the early part of next week.

So now I have no choice but to call in sick Monday morning, and hopefully someone there will tell the authority figure filling in for my supervisor that I can't come in to work.  Ugh.

Well, I planned on taking the day of the interview off in its entirety because I want to see World Cup games during the day.  And besides, I don't care that much about this job.  Which one?  Heck, I don't even know!

I've been waking up at 5:45 each of the past two mornings.  The World Cup is on, the first match kicks off at 7 Central, I go to work at 8:30, I come to downtown for many mornings to watch the English Premier League, and I figure that as long as I am working downtown at this fortuitous time, I might as well take the two big pubs up on their offers of them being open for mornings for the games and come.

And you know what?  I'm not upset, and I'm not tired.  Heck, I'm blogging about this right now at Brit's.  I was at The Local yesterday morning, and both places have been great.  Your attitude can overcome a lot if you're looking forward to the thing you're waking up very early for!

From Uninvited To Unwanted

I can't quite forget the sight of my relative, sitting alone at the dining room table last night, looking through her phone.  She's done that the past couple nights.  There are three other people in this house, yet none of them have engaged with her after dinner.  She's just ... there.  I don't know if she's lonely.  But I know that other, and better, people would at least find something to talk to her about, or at least just hang out with her.

I should expound on this a lot more than I am, but I want to wake up really early to watch the first World Cup match downtown before I head into work.  Anyway, for the month before she arrived, my parents and I were complaining about why in the hell this person whom we've never seen before would want to crash with us for two weeks.  Honestly, I'm still wondering that.  But instead of blaming her, I'm starting to think the problem's us.

See, when my relative was out hanging with some of our other relatives -- you know, people who are hospitable and know how to show people around a hometown -- we were at home having dinner.  There, both of my parents bad-mouthed her to me.  They warned me not to give her my phone number.  (I confess: I did last night!)  My Father, the one who is related by blood to my relative, then said never to visit her in Hong Kong.  "She believes she owns Hong Kong," My Fucking Father said, and I still have no goddamn idea what he meant.  (I confess: I took her address last night too!)

It astonishes me that my parents tell me all the time to be nice to people.  And yet, with them retreating downstairs to their bedroom after dinner, leaving their houseguest alone to just tool around by herself, they are being the exact opposite of nice.  I understand it is a handful to show someone around, and it is quite difficult to think of places in the Twin Cities to take a tourist.  (And I'll be honest: This woman goes through toilet paper rolls like nobody's business.  She asked Father to put a new one in on Monday and it's now already more than half gone.  I don't remember toilet paper vanishing this fast since Grandmother still lived here.)  But to just ignore her, like she's an obstacle to your day?  Yeah, she kind of is.  That doesn't mean you don't speak to her and don't make her feel welcome.

I get my introversion from them.  Introversion oftentimes is rudeness, and my parents are nothing if not rude.  Then again, while they retreated to their bedroom, last night I retreated to mine.  I left her alone, too.  I'm guilty of not being nice to my relative, too.  Hey, I learn from the best.

Yeah, I Should've Kept My Mouth Shut

So last week I told the state that I lost my job.  That would've cancelled out the premiums I needed to pay for my health insurance.  I had recently been starting to pay for state health insurance, but after I lost my job, I didn't know when or even if I would be able to pick up another job.  Since every penny counts, I thought letting them I was back on the street was the wise move in order to move back down to total subsidized health insurance, like before.

I should have seen there was a problem when I went to St. Paul to break the news to them in-person.  I thought I was just sent on my way with a quick thank-you.  But nope, they had to ask about my other seasonal jobs, and then said to call them back when I got on unemployment, a prospect I was going to forestall for as long as possible.

And then I get this letter from the state.  Didn't help that it was mailed while I was in Denver and that, ahem, I couldn't find the letter in my room for a week.  Finally found it on Sunday.  It said that they "needed more information" and they needed it by Saturday.  Shoot.

In a panic I called before work Monday and profusely apologized.  The person on the other end said that all they needed was actual income totals for this year and projected income totals from here on out.  But then I called yesterday/Tuesday and stayed on the line for a total of 20 minutes because he had to review the status of all those other seasonal jobs.  And it turns out I didn't have to get actual and projected income for this year.  I could just ballpark an amount I'm supposed to make for 2018.

I straightened everything out.  I think.  So let's see if I get to pay a smaller premium, or maybe if I need to pay a premium at all, as a result of this "adjusted income."  Hopefully I'm not missing a blindside where I somehow become ineligible for state-sponsored health insurance.  But all of these hoops makes me regret going to the state and telling them I'm out of a job.  For one thing, I have a job, at least for now.  But more than that, inviting the government to pry into your business is a chance for my best-laid plans to be ruined, and I'm still not out of these woods yet.

Hey, what's $16 a month of health insurance, anyway?  I should have kept my mouth shut.

My Fucking Mother Wounds Me

So after dinner last night My Fucking Mother was carving up watermelon.  I wanted only a small piece.  Then she said something about making sure you take that piece before other people, yadda-yadda-yadda.  I didn't think anything of it as she put the plate of watermelon on the dining room table in front of me, my aunt and our guest, my cousin once removed.

My aunt takes a piece.  To me, they all looked the same, but to My Fucking Mother, my aunt to the small piece.  And she cried out: "My God!  I told you not to let her take the small piece!  You're so stupid!"

Stop calling me stupid, you fucking cunt.

For fuck's sake, the slices of watermelon looked the same to me.  The one I took was a bit smaller, in fact.  Why the fuck did she call me stupid?  You know what?  I'm not so much as angry as I am ... hurt.  That really hurts me, it really does.  Maybe this shows the limits of her understanding of English, or maybe she was just paling around and thought calling me stupid is a way to tease me.  But it hurts.  She didn't need to say that.  And I'm not fucking being oversensitive.

So now I have to decide how am I going to play it.  Do I give her the silent treatment and passive-aggressively let her know I'm not happy with her, possibly pissing her off over something she may have genuinely been just giving me shit over?  Or do I play along and act as if this was water off a duck's back, possibly giving her the green light to say even more mean things to me?  Man, I don't know.  But why in the fuck did she call me stupid?  I fucking hate her for that.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The big news is that Miguel Sano, who was an All-Star last year, was busted down to the minors last week.  And he wasn't just sent down to AAA Rochester, or even AA Chattanooga.  Nope, Sano was sent all the way down to A Fort Myers.

On first look this looks like an embarrassing, if not humiliating, happening for Sano, still considered to be the best long-ball threat for the Twinks.  I mean, everybody goes down to AAA at some point, but no one goes down to AA ... and Sano was shoved down one further level than that?  But then you realize that the organization holds Spring Training in Ft. Myers and has its complex there.  In that sense, that makes more sense.  And that gets to what Manager Paul Molitor was getting at when he tried to explain the move.  There were mechanics and other things Sano has to tweak, Molitor said, which probably means the franchise believes there are structural issues and conditioning routines they believe Sano must adhere to, and the best way to monitor that -- and thus to make Sano the superstar the Twins think he can be -- they need to look at him closely.  And that means Fort Myers.

For his part, Sano is saying all the right things.  That's good, because if he didn't, or if he shows in deed instead of word that he feels emasculated by this, then boy howdy, this career is lost for good.  And we don't even know if this new regimen is going to take.  This is all on Sano.

Meanwhile, the major league club remains choppy; losing a series on the road to Detroit and then winning a series on the road to Cleveland equals a 3-3 screening week.  And that keeps them behind both squads -- five behind Cleveland, 2 1/2 behind Detroit.  Still waiting (wondering?) for this team to kick in.  But at least they'll be at home this screening week, for three vs. Boston starting Tuesday, then three versus Texas over the weekend.

Oh, Have I Told You About My Federal Tax Refund?

I haven't gotten it yet!  Why?  Last week the IRS sent me a letter asking me about my eligibility for health insurance.  First time I ever got a letter like that, and I have no idea why they would ask.  I was eligible and I had insurance all last year; what's the problem?

You know, I want to think that this is some crackdown by Republicans to somehow steal the money owed me by saying I did something wrong with my health insurance or something.  Fucking Christ.  Trump, you greedy, money-grubbing bastard.

Thoughts On My Relative

OK, so she is My Father's uncle's daughter, which makes those two cousins, which means she is my first cousin once removed.  She is nice, for the most part.  She has this weird tic where her right eye is closed most of the time, and she laughs at inappropriate moments, like all old Chinese people do.  But she has never asked me about going back to school and she only has asked if I have a girlfriend only one time.  Whether it's obliviousness or a respect for boundaries, I appreciate the non-prying.

I also have to say that she has not been as big a pain in the ass as I initially feared.  I have felt I need to engage with her, ask her questions and even invite her to things out of the house.  That kind of sucks seeing as she came just as the World Cup started.  But it's been good, at least from my perspective; instead of needing to see if she wants to go somewhere in town, I have been able to go downtown to watch the soccer matches yesterday/Saturday, for example.  That's because, surprisingly, my aunt and uncle have been ferrying her around time for the past few days.  They've gone to the Megamall, the Sculpture Garden, and, get this, the bingo hall five minutes away from me that I have never heard of till last night's dinner.  I have no idea how my aunt and uncle know her.  But they have been doing all the sightseeing/escorting work I was afraid I would have to do.

Nevertheless, it's still kind of weird to have a fourth person living in the house.  I have taken my bath towel and put it in my room as long as my first cousin once removed is here.  I have to admit I still hold my nose whenever I take a shower after she does.  And it's weird to see her undergarments just hanging on the towel rack.  Oh, and I feel the urge to masturbate but I can't, because she's is in the room right next door.

I will still have to deal with this for a whole week.  A whole week!  But it's manageable.  I dare say that I will miss her when she leaves.

Thoughts & Anxieties

There are so many things I want to do.  Well, no, there is one thing I want to do: Go out and watch some soccer.  But can I do that with my relative still here?

But she's doing something with my aunt and uncle.  If/Once she leaves, I can go out and do whatever I want.  Right?

Well, I guess I could.  But we're having a family dinner at home this evening.  It'll be special; everybody's coming home.  Should I stay home?

But I don't want to stay home.  I want to go out.  And besides, there's nothing for me to do here.  I'm going to go out and ask if they need my help with anything, and they're going to say no.  If that's the case, what am I doing here?  My time would be better spent outside.

---

My Asshole Brother's coming over for dinner tonight.  Thought he was in Oregon?  Oh well, at least there are a lot of other people here acting as a filter -- this special relative, my aunt, maybe my uncle and aunt.  Hopefully we'll just sit and eat and not talk.  Or at least I'll be able to.

---

My alumni club event is coming up and I don't know if people are signing up.  Do people know about it?

---

I hate this gig I have now.  I need a goddamn hour.  But I need a paycheck, too.

---

That's all I've got.

This Violates Labor Law, I'm Sure Of It

Don't know what to make of my new job ... well, it's more of a gig, even though it might last three weeks instead of two.  But the weirdest thing is that, at least for now, our hours are being set ... and it lasts only eight hours.  Total.  There isn't a half-hour or (ideally for me) an hour.  No, you get two 15-minute breaks that are on their dime, but taking a long lunch?  No.

Is that even legal?  I swear that if you work eight hours, you're entitled to an unpaid break.  That is weird, and it messes things up for me because I'm dead tired without a nap.  Crikey.

Guess I Can Cross Two Cocksuckers Off My List

Both these things happened yesterday.

So remember when I talked to you about ***a*, who I miss fucking, and whose daughter I was afraid I was going to run into if I tried going to her apartment?  Well, after lunch I went to the apartment and buzzed myself in.  And I knocked on the door.  And I saw ... her daughter.  It has been several years, and I was wearing sunglasses and a backwards hat.  But seeing the daughter's face ... yeah, I can tell she remembers me from that fateful night.  She played it off, though.  And I just asked, straightforwardly, if she was there.  She wasn't, so I just asked if she could tell her mother that I came by.

Will she give ***a* my message?  Maybe.  Will ***a* reach out to me?  Probably not.  Cross one off.

---

Later in the afternoon I was at the library just tooling about.  I see ****e, a really intoxicating girl I've fooled around with, but who's been in and out of social media and sometimes incommunicado with me.  She had recently lost her phone and was asking for phone numbers; eventually, to make sure I wasn't being catfished, I gave her mine on Messenger.

I had been messaging her off and on until yesterday.  She had posted some footage of her at a baseball game.  The players were kids, and she referred to them as "the kids."  I have never heard her mention children.  So I asked her on Messenger if she actually is a MILF.  She said that those were her boyfriend's kids.

"Oh," I replied, "That kind of complicates things between us, if you know what I mean."

I checked back just now.  I can't get back onto her Facebook profile.

Did I do something?

Cross two off ... ?

---

Have to go to work now.  Two-week job.  Hope they like me.

Is This Considered Stalking?

With my "time off," I have spent it trying to do productive things -- blogging this, exercising, going to the library.  But one of the things I want to do is to meet up with ***a* again -- to talk, but more importantly, to fuck.

Weird thing, though, is that I haven't been in contact with her for the past few months.  It is very weird, in fact.  She has been pretty OK with getting back to my texts, and she appeared as though she was OK with our fuck sessions.  It's just that I haven't been able to hook up with her because of work.  The last time we messed around was back in the fall.  We texted a few months ago, when she was going to Duluth, but when I tried messaging her again, I haven't gotten a response.

So, with free time on my hands, I have decided to try and visit her place to see if she's in.  I first tried dropping by last week, and I saw her barking dogs, so she didn't move or anything, but I didn't see her.  I've tried a couple times since, including Monday morning, but I did not push my face up on her screen door like I did the first time.  All I saw was a dark living room, and so I didn't try to peer any closer.

The complication to all this is her daughter.  She has a daughter, see, and I remember her face looking up at me at the end of a party ***a* hosted many, many years ago.  I had messed around in that party (not with her, though, I don't think), and I don't think she was supposed to be there when I left.  The daughter may have come home too early.  But that look ... man, that look of getting caught doing things she doesn't quite know but knows is, uh, adult ... she remembers me.  And she'll remember me if she ever sees me again, even if it's been years.  She's a teenager now; she might remember my face even better now.

That first visit was last week, which was also the last week of that city's high school.  So when I drop by now, there's a very good chance that ***a*'s daughter will be there.  But you know what?  I don't care.  Why?  I want to see if ***a* still wants to fuck or if she's trying to ghost me.  I miss fucking her, I really do, so I'm going to drop by to see what the deal is.

I tried that this morning, for example.  But after eating my banana in my car, I was about to approach the apartment.  But then I see a taxi in the parking lot, and the driver was still in the car.  What is he doing, waiting for a fare?  At 8 in the morning?  Weird.  But that didn't stop me from walking to the apartment.  Well, sort of.  I went to the window which I know is ***a*'s daughter's room, and I was afraid that it was open.  What if she sees me?  So I didn't approach any closer, even though I wasn't that close.  And fuck-all if that matters because the cab driver saw me half-ass my way to this apartment.  Man, I should have just gotten back in my car and drove off as soon as I saw that driver.

But!  I don't need to go to the IRS to get copies of my W2's, and I'm still horny af.  I'm going to drive back to the apartment complex and see if ***a* is there now.  Anybody who lives there will be awake by now.  And who knows?  Maybe the daughter is off working or with friends now.  Maybe ***a* is there, all alone, with nothing to do.  And I, stopping off to get $100 from my ATM, will come swooping in, propositioning an offer for an afternoon of plunging into her.

And if she isn't there?  Well, it's not weird that I dropped by some woman's place four or five times in the past two weeks and twice in the same morning.  Is it?  Please tell me it isn't.

All My Voicemails Are Gone, And I Haven't Acted Like I Give A Shit

I had about 30 voicemail messages on my phone.  I don't know if this is true for you or not, but those voicemails have an expiration date of about a month.  I would have to access those voicemails and at least give a cursory listen or else they would be automatically deleted, forever.

I had the max, but one time I let that month period lapse without listening, or "renewing," to some of those messages, and they were gone forever.  After that mistake I resolved to be a lot more diligent in keeping them.  I admit that much of the reason is just OCD.  But the longer I keep renewing (although I had deleted a voicemail here and there and had planned on pruning some others), the more I got off on having voicemails that were one year, two years, three and four and, I think, five years old.

On top of that, the first four voicemails were very important to me.  The first one was from Enterprise Rent-A-Car, reminding me that the car I reserved for the family road trip out west was coming the next day.  The second came from my temp agency, preparing me that the flu biller place wanted me back in the fall, while I was working on a job downtown Minneapolis.  (These two were around the summer of ... I don't know?)  The third was just my sister asking me, "Where are you?"  I totally remember that I drove separately from my sister and cousin to the Walker Art Center to play mini-golf, and I parked far away because I didn't want to pay for it.  The fourth was from my usher friend.  It's been years since I listened all the way through it because, if I recall correctly, he broke the news that our usher friend died from complications from surgery.  I may have blog posted before about him; I felt really, really bad that for the months at the hospital, I never saw him.  I still regret it.  And I wanted to just keep that voicemail because, frankly, it's all I had to remember him.

Well ... this is a lame cop-out, but life happens.  And I let a month lapse.  I didn't think it had been more than a month.  But I was at work lunch, woke up from my nap, thought, "Hey, I should roll through my voicemails," called my number and heard, "Your mailbox is empty."  And then I looked through the last time I checked.  If I had only called earlier that week, maybe three days before I did, I would have been able to save them.  But I didn't.

So I thought about calling T-Mobile and telling them that the voicemails were important to me and maybe if I could get them back -- somehow.  But nah, that's impossible, and it's probably stupid to ask.  And then, well ... I forgot.  You see, this happened back in March.  And I planned on feeling sorry for myself by blog posting it.  But I waited, and then I forgot till now.  So, really, how much do I really care about this?

Well, now that I think through what the voicemails contained, I do really miss it now.  But, like renewing the VMs, it's way too late.  Can't really say I care about it if I didn't do a whole lot to save it or talk about it.  Right?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's outdoor track and field (FIRST TIME EVER!!!)  I only put the outdoor T&F team in (I don't follow this sport beyond the Olympics, but most people don't) because of one student-athlete: Obsa Ali, who won the NCAA 3000-meter Steeplechase Friday at the University of Oregon, becoming the first runner in the program to win an NCAA event since Luca Wieland took the Indoor Heptathlon three years ago (why didn't I do a write-up about him?) and the 14th national champion in T&F in U. history.  Also, he's one of us; he hails from Richfield High School.  Congratulations, Obsa Ali!

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  OK, now I'm worried.  When the media is talking up how their homestand was a success when they only went 6-5, we have a problem.  (With sports media as well as the team, but that's another story.)  Moreover, since the Twinks suffered through a 3-4 screening week, where they split four games vs. an awful White Sox team and dropped two-of-three with the Shohei Ohtani-less Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Angels of …, I am now having big reservations that this team is able to turn it around.  The problem, at least right now, is the lineup, supposedly the strength of this team going into this season.  With the exception of Eddie Rosario, no one is hitting well and consistently.  And with Byron Buxton regressing at the plate, Miguel Sano still not back on track and Joe Mauer out due to yet another concussion, the cavalry might not be coming.

They now have to hit the road this week against the two best teams in their division.  Three against Detroit mid-week, then three versus Cleveland for the weekend.

(ETA an aside: Last week I speculated whether that was the first time I skipped over #0 to put in teams in Positive Numbers and -1.  And this week I'm doing it for the second week in a row.  Ha-ha, I guess.)

#-Infinity: Gopher baseball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Well, that sucked.  I was hopping into my car, trying to escape early from the Big Head Todd and the Monsters concert at the surreal, sublime Red Rock Amphitheatre.  (It was around 11 when I got to my car, I had to return my car by 4 a.m. and I knew if I stayed till the end [and I think I left with three or four songs left] I would be stuck trying to get out of the area for at least an hour, if not two, and I'd be aggravated so much my heart would explode.)  The rental I got automatically (at least I think; we'll see if I get a bill for it) satellite radio, and I had been listening to college baseball's Super Regionals on ESPNU all day.

I turned on the channel to the Golden Gophers' Game 2 game against Oregon St. at the top of the Ninth Inning with the score tied at 3.  There were two Outs, but the bases were loaded for the Beavers (since it's Game 2, the team hosting the Supe is the visiting team).  Lockdown Closer Max Meyer, who came in to pitch starting in the Sixth Inning, was on the mound … and he allowed a hit that scored two.  Game over, I knew it, and I flipped the channel to Sirius XM Chill.  Or Real Jazz.  One of the two.

They Beavs tacked on another one, so the Gophers got doubled-up in their last game of the year, 6-3.  And they got blown out in Friday's Game 1, 8-1, where Minnesota starter Reggie Meyer got shaken down for six Runs over six Innings (striking out only three) while Oregon St. #1 (and convicted sex offender) Luke Heimlich was lifted with one Out left in that game, striking out nine in the process.  (Oh, and he wasn't drafted last week.)

Yes, it is a buzzkill, getting swept, especially in such heartbreaking fashion in a close game that could have extended its season.  But hey, Oregon St. is a damn good squad.  And besides, I have never seen the Golden Gopher baseball program win a Regional or advance this far in the NCAA Tournament.  Hell, I didn't think this club could make it to the NCAA Tournament.  This is, simply put, the best team this program has had probably in the last four decades.  That ain't nothing.  Maybe they'll be this good again next year, maybe not; six very important players graduate.  But SS (and First-Team All-American) Terrin Vavra is a Junior (although he was drafted in the third round of the MLB Draft by the Colorado Rockies -- ironically, a team I saw lose in person while I was in Denver this weekend), and Meyer and starter Patrick Fredrickson (who was named Big Ten Pitcher Of The Year, and started [and struggled through] Game 2 before being replaced by Meyer) are both Freshmen.  Maybe things are looking up.  Good season, Gophs.

To Be On Our Best Behavior, For Two Weeks

So my relative is coming to visit tomorrow.  She, apparently, is Father's cousin.  I don't know the last time he's seen her, or if he ever has.  But she's here for two weeks.  Two weeks?!  Shit, I wouldn't visit this place for two weeks.  That's actually why I love living here.  Think about it: Is a place you love to visit for a week or two a place you really want to live?

I really don't mind seeing a member of the family.  But she's here for two weeks, and I know she'll get bored really quickly.  We have no idea what she likes, let alone think of enough things for her to see over two weeks.  We'll be struggling after, oh, Wednesday.

In the meantime we have to change everything because we have a guest.  Father mopped my bedroom floor after I got home today, even though I was dead tired and was going to plop on my bed immediately.  I put all my bathroom things in the closet.  I have to put my bath towel in my room the next two weeks.  I have to put up with another person's, uh, smells for two weeks.  I'm going to have to be on my best behavior -- talk, be ingratiating, invite her to things, be there for her ... you know, shit I don't know how to do.  Again, I don't mind seeing a relative.  But I have to rearrange my life and pretend to be someone I'm not for two weeks.  That's pretty fucking hard to do.

Finally, I can't masturbate for two weeks.  How in the hell am I going to survive?

And I'm Still Mad

I don't know what it is, but I'm seething with rage right now.  It's overwhelming.  And I don't know why.  I think it has to do with that fucking talk Mother gave me on the way to the airport.  Because of that, I am so goddamn anxious as to what awaits me.  I have no idea whether they've cleaned my room or moved out my stuff or what.  But that talk on the way to the airport made me feel incredibly unwelcome at home.  And after three days here in Denver, that hostility is what I return to.  And that makes me so fucking upset.

I don't see a future.  Can't be more specific than that.  But there's nothing to look forward to -- at home, with my folks, period.  And that makes me sad and scares me at the same time.

I'm Just So Fucking Pissed Right Now

I shouldn't be this keyed up, but I am.  I think I had a pretty successful day out.  Hit El Taco de Mexico, considered to be the place with the best green chile in town, for breakfast.  Then, after a nap, I hit the original Chipotle for lunch and was able to use the free burrito card given to me by the stripper who cleaned the house.  Then I had a pretty good hike to walk off all those calories, made it to the Rockies game on time, and then finished my night off seeing the hype behind Voodoo Doughnuts.

With all that, there were plenty of things that pissed me off.  Let me list them for you:

1. Eating Mexican followed by Chipotle did a number on my plumbing.  I had to shit, real bad -- once coming home from breakfast, once after the baseball game, and once trying to find my way home from Voodoo.  But the worst of it was at the hike.  I thought I was going to see the end of the trail when I felt this huge ... mass in my abdomen.  I knew I was going to blow shit all in my underwear if I didn't find a bathroom.  Luckily I was at the end of my hike and I reached a visitor's center's bathroom.  And then, after ten minutes, I had to use it again.  But that didn't stop my painful gas, which kept me uncomfortable, if not downright ornery, all day.
2. There was a huge line for the Coors brewery, which I wanted to knock off my list.  Probably will try and do that today, if I have time.
3. OK, the worst of all this.  My Rockies ticket was mobile, but on Stubhub it said that I could go to Rockies Customer Service to get my ticket printed off instead.  They did it ... at a price of $5.  Five goddamn dollars just to print a ticket?!?!  They had me over a barrel at that point, but fucking Christ, that is extortion.  I need to bitch at someone for that shit.
4. Oh, and I got lost, too.  It was OK in the afternoon, but coming home from Voodoo I was fucking lost.  And since I had this painful farting emanating from my colon, I started to panic whenever a gas attack came on.
5. One more: I'm leaving for home tomorrow.  It's going to be so fucking awkward after Mother supposedly called me out for yelling and having a temper.  Like I said: Where in the fuck does she think I get my yelling and temper from?  And I still don't have a job, either.
6. Yeah, I should add one more: For the first time, or at least since I can remember, a background check wasn't perfunctory.  I have my temp agency asking for more information about past jobs.  Seriously, didn't the background check uncover that?

Maybe I should just stay in bed today.

Expenses Without Receipt

I know I shouldn't be starting/ending any EWR in the middle of a trip, but I think I should nip this in the bud and not delay doing this any longer.  Starting from Thursday, June 7:

• I had to go to a strip club while I'm here in Denver, so after looking through TUSCL I decided I would go to PT's because they say it's the best for mileage.  Didn't get that from Emerald, but she was still a sweetheart.  In fact, her grind of a dance saved me from what was a strange and lonely experience.  I cannot say I was treated badly.  I think I gave off the vibe I wanted to be left alone, and so I was.  But I don't know if that's what I wanted.  Anyway, cover and tips means that my day here totaled: $144.
• But I found a dime on the carpet of one of the stages, an Infusion of: 10 cents.
• I then went to the nearby Wal-Mart because I needed batteries for my camera and a Coke for me.  Wal-Mart takes a piece of your soul every time you walk in, but hey, their cans are only: 50 cents.
• On Monday Wednesday the 6th I started out my day going to a Caribou closer to my shrink.  Had to tease out my time there; got an oatmeal, and then an hour later I got a medium dark roast.  I needed the coffee later because I wanted to use the rest of my creamer, the stuff I didn't use while I was working, that I brought with me.  I poured it in the car.  With tip: $6.35.
• In the afternoon I went to the library to print out my airline ticket and my receipt # for the Rockies game.  Total: 20 cents.
• Monday the 4th: I went to the dentist's that day.  Had an incident where the LRT ticket vendor took my two bucks but wouldn't take my quarters, so I hopped on the train without a ticket.  I figured it took my two bucks.  Had to spend a return ticket when I went from the dentist to downtown Minneapolis, so I spent a total on transportation: $4.
• Went downtown to get my shoes shined from Lisa.  With tip: $15.
• I then went to Bogart's at the close-by kiosk for a doughnut.  Funny story: While I was walking out with my buttercreme filled, I looked across the street.  It is Metro Transit.  I had time to go in and complain about the machine that took my money without giving me a ticket.  In ten minutes I was given a free voucher for an amount I did not hear clearly.  And there was balance in the world.  What if I didn't get that doughnut?  Thank you, Bogart's!  With tip: $4.
• Sunday, June 3 ... went to Caffetto in the morning.  Got a large mocha.  Usually don't get caffeine during the weekend, but I figure I can have some on this day because I will be at the dentist, and therefore would not be having coffee, Monday.  Plus tip: $6.
• Went to the final two games of the Minneapolis Regional of the NCAA Baseball Tournament at Siebert.  As I say, there are many worse ways to spend a waking day on this earth than at the ballpark.  Coke because the lines were too long for a hot dog: $4.75.
• To celebrate the Golden Gophers winning the Regional, I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  You know, I think I spoke about a girl that I saw on an earlier trip being someone I lost touch with several years ago.  Well, she was working, and yes, it was that girl.  She goes by a different name now, and she may be randier than I thought she would be, judging by the type of dance she gave me!  It's like reaching back into the past and seeing someone that remind you of better days.  With tips and coffee I spent: $34.
• On Saturday the 2nd I went to the library to print out the tickets to the baseball tournament games: 20 cents.
• Finally, on Tuesday, May 29, I finally went to the new theater at the Mall of America.  Very swanky, and I liked the screen where I saw Avengers: Infinity War.  I went there because tickets on Tuesdays are only five bucks.  Also, popcorn is only four.  Drinks, however, are neither amount.  They are close to seven.  That ain't much of a steal for a Tuesday deal.  Total: $16.35.

As depressed as I am right now, I think it's time I go out and do something.

Good through June 7.

Mother Gave Me "The Talk" -- No, Not That Kind

Have to talk about this even though I'm technically vacationing now.

Went to the airport this morning -- really early this morning -- to catch my flight.  Thought both of my folks would take me, but instead, probably because it was so early, only Mother did.

I never, and I repeat never, thought that she would take the time during our trip to the airport to bring up her meltdown two weeks ago.  She kept talking about why I have a temper, and why she feels as though I don't want to communicate with them.

This was awkward, OK?  I didn't say anything because I didn't want to start another fight.  But do you know why I have a temper?  I GOT IT FROM THEM, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!  All the yelling I was raised in (mostly from Mother but Father gave as good as he got) and all the times they screamed at me?  Shit, you guys were the example I had to follow.  And I think she brought the question again of why do I treat strangers better than I treat her.  I'm sorry if I already have addressed this, but let me address it again.  First of all, that's not true, at least not mostly.  And second, the reason why I treat strangers better than I treat her is because strangers haven't threatened to beat me with a frying pain for the last 42 goddamn years.

The obliviousness is strong with this one.  However ... she didn't ask for any answers from me; I just didn't say anything.  And she did talk calmly to me; even though she oftentimes doesn't (and the fact that she doesn't realize this has been a hallmark of her bad parenting), it was kind of weird, in a good way, to hear her try to explain her side, even if she wasn't all that successful.  Maybe she took pills.

She asked me to stay in the dining room for five minutes after I finish dinner in case she needs my help with anything.  Guess I could do that.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May (Scheduled Post)

I just broke out this calendar.  I looked at it at the beginning of May, when I was doing the April entry, so it's been a month since I looked at this.  And I apologize for not doing this entry on the 1st, like I have been doing.  Time just gets away from you, you know?

So ... Alexis from Orlando has a hot body and nice hair, but I think she's looking the wrong way.  Kim for Port Charlotte has a nice smile.  And I like the vague come-hither look from Deanna of Hampton.

This time around, though, the girl with the big picture isn't my favorite.  I love Tiffany Gabriel out of Orland Park  Tiffany gives me a stiffany!  But I will actually go with the babe in the lower right-corner: Rachel out of Denham Springs, because her long raven hair sets off her pale skin.

So, Rachel.  Yeah!

I Haven't Packed Yet

I leave tomorrow.  In the early morning, in fact.  And I haven't packed yet, not a thing.  Got my suitcase; it was in my sister's room and I took it to my room last night, and I planned on packing things in there, but I didn't.

I have started planning -- how to get to my hotel, what things I want to do there, got tickets to a Rockies game even -- but packing?  Pshaw!

Why not?  On the one hand, it's only three days and I've done this quick vacation thing before, so I think I can wing it and procrastinate until today.  But I've got to be honest: A part of me is not looking forward to this trip.  How can one not look forward to a vacation?  Well, if there's no work waiting for him when he comes back, like me, I'm not.  I don't have a whole lot of money, and if anything, I should be home and not spending money.  But for one thing, I know I will be spending money if I were here this weekend, and for another, Southwest was running their annual deal (or deals), and I can go to Denver for about $100.  I'm a sucker for a deal, even when poor.  But should I spend money while I'm there.  Guess I will anyway, but I'll feel guilty while doing it and regret it once I come home.

See, if I can't fully enjoy myself, feel like I can do whatever the hell I want while I'm there and be OK with everything once I get back, why go?  All I will be is preoccupied with going broke and figuring out what I should do next.  That's not the mindset one should take on a vacation.  But that's mine, and I'm going anyway, prepared or not.

Too Much Goddamn Food

Since I'm out of work right now, I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do with the lunch my parents give me.  Actually, I should be grateful.  Instead of buying food I really can't afford, I have a free lunch.  But with having my days free, the pull of buying what I want is way too strong.  Maybe I don't want a free lunch; maybe I want my lunch instead.

Such is the case today.  Well, let me take this back.  To relieve the food I'm tasked to pack with me, I asked my parents not to pack a lunch for me tomorrow (Wednesday) because I told them I was going to see the doctor.  Or the dentist.  I don't remember what I told them during dinner yesterday (Monday), but I'm taking a half-day and then I'm "seeing a friend for lunch."  That's good; it gives me time to get my own thing, for once, without feeling burdened to eat something I did not choose to eat.

I did not say that for today.  To my folks, I'm working -- or at least I hope they think I'm working.  So they packed a lunch for me -- a banana, de rigeur these days, and two hard-boiled eggs, something Father had stopped doing.  Mother dyed them red for the birth of my first cousin once removed, aka my cousin's daughter.  She's a month old, so all the eggs must be dyed red.

OK.  But now I have a banana and eggs to eat … plus I want to go see RBG early this afternoon, so that of course must mean popcorn and pop … plus I am at a coffeeshop right now, where I had a mocha with a small cookie.  A part of me thinks I should have asked to "take" today "off" to balance the food I would be eating today and tomorrow.  But then, wouldn't it be weird to be taking today off to "go to the doctor's/dentist," then go back to work for a day before going on vacation?

So I am going to get really fat today from the coffeeshop and the movie and my parents, but then really lean out with just fast food tomorrow.  Oh, who am I kidding -- I'll be fat both days.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Ignoring that the Lynx are 2-5 Ignoring that the Lynx are 2-5 Ignoring that the Lynx are 2-5 ...

Positive Numbers: Gopher baseball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  When was the last time I put the same team in Positive Numbers in back-to-back weeks?  Ever?  No, it has to be the University of Minnesota women's hockey team, right?

Anyway, congratulations go to the University of Minnesota baseball team, and program, for having, if I may say, little trouble sweeping through the Regional they hosted over the weekend and advancing past the Regional round for the first time since 1977 -- which included, I have just learned from Eric Sorenson of D1Baseball.com, current Head Coach John Anderson, who pitched on that team.

They had no problem dispatching Canisius Friday.  Then, battling through a few rain delays (there goes that "inclement weather" crap that's infected us all spring) and a marathon match against UCLA, they outlasted the Bruins in a game that went to the Tenth Inning and past midnight, 3-2.  I was able to get tickets to both games Sunday.  (I believe I got the very last ticket for Game 6, which pitted the Golden Gophers against the Bruins again, after they eliminated Gonzaga in Sunday afternoon's contest.  After I bought my ticket and went back to buy Game 5, it said that Game 6 is sold out.  Phew!)  The Bruins looked really good in beating the Zags, but I have to believe that going through four Pitchers in the afternoon meant that they were gassed for the evening.

I didn't know the the Gophers were going to be gassed as well.  Jack Stevenson lasted only 2+ Innings, getting lifted in the Third without getting anybody out in that Inning.  Stevenson finally got tagged for five Runs.  No worries, though; Bruins starter Jack Ralston got the hook after 1 1/3 and allowing four Runs.  And the weirdest thing about this game is that neither Ralston nor Stevenson got hung for the loss.

Minnesota won 13-8.  It was 7-5 Gophers after three.  The crowd gave a rousing, and possibly ironic, cheer after the Bruins went 1-2-3 in the top of the Fourth Inning.  And then the wave came crashing on UCLA with the Golden Gophers plating six in the bottom half.  Given the war of attrition that the game started out as (something in retrospect I should have foreseen), I didn't think 13-5 lead was safe, and the Bruins scored one in the Fifth and two in the Ninth.  But Fred Manke got Jake Hirabayashi looking to end the game and send the U. to its first-ever Super Regional (the Super Regional stage began in 1999).

The Gophers, the #14 overall seed, take on the Oregon St. Beavers, the #3 overall seed, in Corvallis, Ore., this weekend (thus sparing me guilt from being out of town for any potential to work the Supe at Siebert Field).  They are a damn good team, led by Shortstop Nick Madrigal, who was just picked fourth in tonight's (Monday night's) Major League Baseball Draft by the Chicago White Sox, and Right Fielder Trevor Larnach, who was just picked in the first round of the MLB Draft by ... the Minnesota Twins.  Awkward!  Regardless, even if they lose this weekend, this has been a smashing success for the team and the program.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Nor do I remember if I have ever skipped 0 whenever I put a team in Positive Numbers.  I could push up both of the other teams to 0 and -1.  But, well, United FC you can read below, and the Twins, although having a not-bad 4-3 week, remain in third place in the American League Central Division, 3 1/2 games behind Cleveland and a 1/2 game behind, of all teams, old Detroit and ex-Twins Manager Ron Gardenhire.  Not saying Gardy is bad, but let's face it; he's there to shepherd the organization through the end of the controlled fire, to be fired himself once all the dead weight, expensive contracts and old players are finally shipped out.  That he's got the remnants of a once-proud Tigers squad in second in June is sort-of remarkable.

That being said, this is still a winnable division, and I like the fight of winning three-of-four from Cleveland at Target after dropping the series in Kansas City.  Pitching has been uneven -- Fernando Romero seems to have been solved, at least for now -- but this past series finally saw the bats awaken, capped by Eddie Rosario smacking three Home Runs in Sunday's come-from-behind win, the last ending the game in a 7-5 victory.  Rosario now stands as the team's rep for the All-Star Game.

Squads are beginning to think about whether they're going to be buyers or sellers at the Trade Deadline.  The Twins have a week at home to get on the good end of their so-far choppy schedule.  They face the Pale Hose for four beginning tomorrow/Tuesday with a Doubleheader (the second game is the make-up for the snowed-out April 13 matchup).  Then the Angels come for a trio for the weekend.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: 0).  OK, so I'm glad I was totally out of the loop for the predictable 4-1 thrashing at Sporting Kansas City last/Sunday night because I was at Siebert.  Tyrone Mears's long-range howitzer was the only bright spot in that match.  And yep ... that's all I've got.  Maybe the less said, the better.  Well, except for that the Loons and the whole of Major League Soccer are taking the next 20 or so days off for the World Cup.  The club returns to action on the 23rd.

Nightmare

Fell asleep around 1:30 and woke up from an intense dream at around 5:30.  My God, the nightmare was about me getting caught having an affair with another woman.  I was escaping, as usual, but this time I was going down to the basement of some house for some reason.  Can you imagine me, getting caught cheating with a married woman?  Lol!

Hello? Does Anyone Want Me?

So I signed up to work the NCAA Baseball Tournament Regional at Siebert.  The guy actually called me up and left a voicemail, which I read on Google Voice.  I was busy with work, so I thought I could wait until later in the afternoon, and when I did, I couldn't get reception, so I waited until after work, when I would try again in the car.  That's where I finally connected with him.  Unfortunately, someone got back to him before I called him back, and that person got the runner job.

Look, I didn't answer the phone because I was unfamiliar with the number; for all I knew, it was a spam, and I'm not going to answer that.  And I waited to call him back after because I was busy with work for people and a company that I respect.  Plus, frankly, I thought I had time; I didn't think this guy was calling people around for people to work for him.  This particular, uh, set-up is new to me, so I want to forgive myself for not knowing how this works.  But dammit, it would have been nice to work this, especially now that (don't tell my parents) I'm out of work.

Meanwhile, the spate of jobs I've applied for last week I apparently sent out into outer space, because I have heard from absolutely no one, and I mean goddamn no one.  I really have no idea how in the fuck this is happening.  I see all these jobs, which means they're going unfulfilled, and I know they aren't great, which means there is still a need for someone to take them.  Shit, I'm overqualified for these jobs -- that's why I applied for them!  So why is no one contacting me?  The only reason I can think of is that people have made up their minds about me, whatever it is, even if they have never spoken to me, and therefore they don't want to even talk to me.  I wonder if it's my resume.  Maybe I shouldn't include my recent work because that leads people to exclude me.  If I use a less recent, or vaguer, resume, maybe I can get those jobs.  Oh, I don't know.

Finally, there's nothing coming from the temp agency I'm hearing from.  I am lined up for a two-week job, which, paycheck aside (and yes, it's important), is useless to me long-term.  On top of that -- and this is fucking weird, so I'll talk about it later -- My Father's cousin is staying with us for a couple weeks.  We may have to take her to Chicago to entertain her, and that might mean I can't take this job.  Again, since it's so short-term it doesn't matter, but ... oh, fuck it, I'm so lost right now.

I need work.  There is work.  I can't find long-term work.  And I can't even find goddamn short-term work.  I don't know what to do.

This Is Why I Don't Hang Out At Home

I woke up late this morning -- 10:30.  Felt good.  Thought I was owed.  But I wanted to wake up earlier so I could go work on stuff on my computer -- stuff like this blog post.  That's what I get for staying up.

In the middle of a rainstorm I wanted to go out to do a few things: Exercise, get a haircut, print out tickets for tomorrow's NCAA Baseball Tournament games.  As I was getting ready to leave, and to make my excuse to leave, I hear clanging in the pantry, which is right next to Grandmother's bedroom, which I am using.

As a courtesy -- I've got to be courteous to stay here -- I look and see My Father ... uh, moving things around.  There are pots and pans on the floor, and he is moving things on a shelf.  I ask, "Do you need help?"

After a second he says, "No.  You don't know what to do."

I've heard that a lot -- "You don't know what to do."  So I don't do anything.  I don't help out.  And I am free to do other stuff, such as, you know, leave.

That's basically been the story for the past 42 years.  Yeah, I don't do stuff with my parents like other kids do stuff with their parents.  This is why.

This Last Day Feels Different

Thought about this going to bed last night.

This is the time of year of The Last Day Of School.  I don't know when it usually is where you live, but for most of my life here, it ends around early June.  I remember The Last Day Of School as the most joyous day of the year for me.  There was no homework, no need to get up in the morning, no obligations after that day.  So every time I heard that bell for the last time on The Last Day Of School, I tore out of class like I was escaping prison.  Because I was.  I was free -- free to do what I want (or not), whenever I wanted -- well, until the fall, of course.  Summer still means something special to me.  I complain about how hot it is, but back then, it was my time to complain, or to enjoy at my leisure, free from the behest of anyone.

But, of course, that was my childhood.  Today is The Last Day Of Work for me.  And it breaks an impressive string for me.  Before this job was the one the floor above.  Before that I worked for Wells Fargo for a couple weeks, then before that was testing season and I latched onto job after job there.  then before that I was back at the health insurance company.

If I get the chronology right, and excepting that have been a couple weeks' furlough here and there, I have been continuously working since, oh, the late summer of 2016.  I have had enough work that I have not needed to go on unemployment since then, at least.  As I've said before, this is something I am proud of.  In fact, I consider it to be progress.

But unless lightning strikes, that ends after today.  Right now, I have no jobs lined up.  Health insurance company doesn't want me anymore.  Testing season is over; I have asked if there is work over the summer, and they have not gotten back to me.  And I should blog post about this soon, but nothing I've applied for over the Internet has gotten back to me either.

So, um, I'm out on my own.  And I am stuck as fuck.  I can't go back on the dole because then my parents will find out I am unemployed, and the shit I will take for that will break me.  All signs point to me going back to school, but ... ugh.  I may have no choice, but how ironic is it that the main joy of my childhood was not going to school in the summer, and now, as an adult, going to school in the summer may serve as my salvation?

---

I am not motivated to go to work, to be honest.  There are two tasks I could do, and then, well, I don't know what else there is to do.  I swear there is enough work for me to stick around, but they say there isn't.  They treat me real well there, this department, and I know they like me.  But I've got to admit I feel really bitter about this.  I want to find a place where I can stick.  I want to find a place that needs me, and wants me.  For three seasons I have been hoping that it's been this place, but, well, it's not.  And frankly, after I walk out that door at the end of work today, I don't know if they'll invite me back.

I am lost and scared, y'all.  I really, really am.  Being let loose for the summer -- this summer -- goddamn frightens me.  How fucking ironic is that?