And Now It's Too Hot

It's summer now.  Had eighties earlier this week, it reached 90 yesterday, probably hit 90 today, and we'll be around that temp through the weekend.  I can remember not too long ago when it was cool enough to wear a jacket, and it was early last month where we had snow.

Speaking of snow ... I want to reiterate that I don't miss the snow, especially the freak spring snow that is so wet that it started melting as soon as the strong-angled sun hit it, thereby preventing the snowblower from blowing it onto the grass.  The cold?  I don't miss it, but I also want to reiterate that I prefer the cold over the heat and humidity we have now.  Like I have said before, if it gets too cold, I can add layers of clothing; if it gets too hot, I can't tear off my skin so my bones can cool off.  It's pretty damn hot as I type this.

In preparation for my colonoscopy, I have been ordered to drink a lot of water.  I have drank so much yesterday and today that I am now drooling through my mouth as a default.  I guess it's good that I have to drink water now that it's hot.  If it were cold, I might be more hesitant to drink so much water than I am now.

You're Making Me Dizzy, My Head Is Spinning

Don't tell my folks, but after work I saw Guardians Of The Galaxy, Vol. 3 tonight.  Loved it; didn't think it'd be a Rocket origin story, but it was incredibly affecting.

And yet somewhere in the middle of it, I got nauseous.  Real nauseous.  There were some scenes that were animated as if the (CGI) camera was whipping around all over the place, so that could have been it.  I wonder, however, if what I ate (just a banana) and drank (coffee, lots of water, and a huge cup of Barq's and lime and raspberry Coke) set up me for my light-headedness instead.  If that's the case, I'll need to be a bit more careful as my diet is restricted up through my colonoscopy.

That being said, I am tired.  I need to wake up a bit early tomorrow.  But I am off the rest of the week, so just one more day and I'm in like Flynn ... assuming my nausea goes away.

Is it OK to masturbate the week leading up to your colonoscopy?  Well, I just did.  I will check my list, but I don't think it's forbidden.  And even if it is, hell, I already did it, so (shrug)

So I'm Getting A Colonoscopy This Week ...

... and I have been alternately frightened and bemused.  I have heard about the clear liquid diet, the preparation for that, about downing diuretics and Gatorade and lots and lots and lots of water, then evacuating your colon to the point where your fecal matter is urine.  When my sister was here we had dinner with my brother.  He talked about the colonoscopy he went through, and he called it "pissing out of his ass," and I think I lost my appetite then and there.

Then again (and sorry to be graphic here), Saturday night, returning from the MNUFC Match, I stepped into Kwik Trip because I wanted something to consume, and I tried their smoothie machine for the first time, and by God, for the next three hours I was running into the toilet to take a crap.  I have had diarrhea attacks before, and I want to think that I will go through something similar later this week when I get on this regimen.  I've been on the toilet for 45 minutes at a time.  I've felt as though I am excreting my organs.  My anus has been on fire before.  It's not great, but it's not an unfamiliar feeling.  So how different can this be?  Right?

What scares me a little more is the food restrictions that I will be, and am now, under.  I start the low-fiber diet soon, and I'm scared I'll accidentally eat something I'm not supposed to eat.  Worse than that, I will be working two days before I have to start the clear liquid diet and I can see myself not thinking and eating something I'm not supposed to eat.

Moreover, I don't know what other people (including Mother, who is also getting her colonoscopy this week, what a coinky-dink) are told to do, but I was told that starting last Friday, I am not to eat anything with corn, popcorn, nuts or seeds.  My clinic says that these things can stay in my system for a long time, and they can interfere with the probe.  I don't think Mother and her clinic has that prohibition.  At any rate, I can totally brainlessly consume stuff with those things.  For example, all this weekend I've been watching soccer Matches (the leagues are winding up this weekend), and I planned on drinking myself silly on Bloody Marys.  But I think the mix includes celery seed.  That counts as a, you know, "seed," right?  In the long run it's no big deal -- I drank ciders instead -- but I like my Bloody Marys.  Also, I want to finally see Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 on Tuesday, and I always get popcorn.  But not this Tuesday.  And T-Mobile is giving me a free large popcorn too, but that expires ... on Tuesday.

(Aside: The low-fiber diet is weird in the sense that what I can eat is oftentimes bad for your health and what you can't eat is oftentimes good.  I was given a list and I can't help but see what is permitted and forbidden.  I'm not supposed to have any whole wheat, nuts, oatmeal, prunes, or granola.  There are some foods that I can eat that are good for you -- I think I'm going to lean heavily on bananas this week -- but most meats are permissible, as are milk (some people think it's too fattening, so I'm going to include it in the "bad food" column) butter and carbonated drinks, so I assume that means pop.  [I may not be able to eat popcorn, but I sure as hell will drink pop when I see the movie on Tuesday.]  Isn't it strange that to pull off this colonoscopy, I need to lean on stuff that's bad for me?)

Again, it's not a big deal (even though I hate passing up on free food), but the timing kind of sucks.  Then again, if I don't do it this week, the earliest possible date is the week of Independence Day, and I get the feeling my parents don't want to be in Minnesota that long.  So, I take the plunge this week.

I was told by my physician that if I get a clean bill of health, I won't have to do another colonoscopy for ten years.  There is the other method, the one pushed by ColorGuard, the one where you just shit in a box and send it in for testing.  I was told by my doctor that if you come up negative that way, you don't have to do anything like this for three years.  Honestly, I'd rather do the old-fashioned colonoscopy because it seems more thorough (I'll be knocked out, and if the doctor sees polyps he can just cut them out during the probe).  I also don't like pooping into a box.  Not to say the preparation isn't classy, but shitting into a box seems to be really, really barbaric.  I spoke about colonoscopies with my cousin (when my sister was here, we had dinner at his place), and he totally preferred pooping in a box.

Oh yeah, I also don't like shitting in a box because this Saturday Night Live skit scares the fuck outta me:

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Before we begin, I just want to make my annual note that, with the University of Minnesota baseball and softball seasons concluded, we are now at the fallow season of The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  The following three teams will be it, barring possible one-time cameos by the Timberwolves for the NBA Draft or if any team makes a huge-enough off-season splash that it warrants commenting, until the U. soccer team begins its season approximately 11 1/2 Weeks from now.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A 2-4 screening Week ... and they still lead the American League Central by two Games over sprightly (if you can be so while sporting a below-.500 record) Detroit.  You want to know how much of a sorry-ass Division this is?  Not only would the Twinks be fifth in the A. L. East (ahead of only Toronto, the club they're hosting this weekend and with whom they have already split the first two Games of their three-Game series), but they'd also be tied for fourth in the A. L. West with Seattle, and no one's saying the A. L. West is a juggernaut (even though The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 are surprising Baseball Nation by leading the Asterisks by three Games).

The Rotation remains the strength of this squad, although it's gotten dinged here and there.  No, it's the relief corps and Lineup that's killing Minnesota right now.  This Week (or at least as it relates to Tuesday), Pablo Lopez was the one to crap the bed, allowing the tying and winning Run to The Bastard New York Giants.  Meanwhile, while the Twinks scored seven in beating the Giants Wednesday and nine in outlasting the Blue Jays yesterday/Saturday, they scored a total of seven Runs in their four Losses this Week.

They finish up with the BJs this/Sunday afternoon, then jet down for three in Houston beginning Memorial Afternoon.  They then come home to play four versus The Cleveland Guardians starting on Thursday.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  Tuesday they went down to Houston, not a good squad, and got squashed, 4-0, crashing out of the U. S. Open Cup.  They gave up a Goal to the Dynamo just before Kervin Arriaga picked up his second Yellow Card of the night, dropping the Loons down to 10 men for the final 52 Minutes.  MNUFC allowed Corey Baird, who has yet to score in league play, to score a Hat Trick on them.  I think this fucker mocked Bongokuhle Hlongwane after he scored his third in the 89th.

United FC seemed to try, but once that third Goal went in, I thought they quit.  I didn't really see that lassitude in last/Saturday night's Major League Soccer Match vs. Real Salt Lake.  What I did see was a piss-poor defensive effort in allowing RSL's Jefferson Savarino to score in the 28th.  But thank God for Hlongwane, whose shot mere inches and a bad angle away from goal caromed off RSL's Justen Glad for the equalizer.  Unfortunately, this was another winnable Game that MNUFC did not win, as the two teams settled for the 1-all Tie.

Luis Amarilla remains an enigma up top.  There has been talking he'll be moving back to his team in Ecuador.  That would move either Mender Garcia or Sang Bin Jeong to Striker, and frankly, given Amarilla's invisibility so far this Year, a change might do this side good.

Doubling up this Week -- at Austin Wednesday, home to Toronto Saturday.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -3).  On Tuesday the Jynx completed their part of The Triple Crown Of Suckshit: All three local teams played and lost that evening, but it probably was the Jynx's that was the most infuriating.  They led The Atlanta Dream at Target Center by eight entering the Fourth Quarter and got outscored 24-10 in the final frame to lose by six.  (Remember that right next door, at Target Field, Pablo Lopez was blowing the Twinks' nascent 3-2 lead on their way to losing.  Goddamn, the pain-inducing chokejobs by both teams so close to each other had to have formed a Black Hole Of Failure.)  And on Thursday night, they lost in Phoenix by nine.  And I still think it's alright because you've got a loaded draft class coming and you might as well have the pick of the litter.

This club will be busy this Week: At Las Vegas tonight/Sunday night, in Dallas Tuesday, home to Connecticut Thursday, at Washington, DC Saturday.

New Desktop As Paperweight

Father bought a desktop a year or so ago, but he put it back in its box because he wasn't going to be home much nowadays.  Instead, he keeps using his very old desk, one that I think still runs on Windows 7.  That does make a kind of sense if you're OCD.  Then again, would it really hurt to just, you know, use a new desktop, even if you're only going to use it sparingly, if the old one is using a no-longer up-to-date operating system?

Anyway, even though I think they're not going to be here for more than a month, yesterday/Friday Father took out this new desktop.  On our way home from the airport he said something about Microsoft automatically updating the very old, Windows 7 computer.  Anyway, after dinner and before I wanted to take a much-needed, start-of-Memorial Weekend/start-of-long-holiday nap, Mother shouted out from the basement to Father about asking me for his help with something.  That something was helping Father get into the new computer because he forgot the password.

I don't remember the circumstances for why we needed to set up a password to get into it in the first place because if he was going to mothball this new desk, why set up a password to get into it when we all know we're going to forget it?  Maybe there was no way to use it without it.  Anyway, I remember seeing this new computer one day and not seeing it the next.  When I brought it up with my parents, Father showed me that he stashed it back in its box.  I thought that would be trouble later because we would have to re-learn and remember everything, including the password, but that's a problem for when that day comes.

Well, that day came yesterday/Friday, and I spent a frustrating several minutes trying to type all of our pet passwords we regularly deploy (I know that's not secure, but c'mon, everybody does that, and if you say you don't, you're a liar) and keep getting rejected.  We brought up the security questions, but we forgot the answers, including the pet answers we regularly deploy.  We could use a password reset disk, but we don't know where that is.  So now there is a new, barely-used desktop computer that might as well be a paperweight because it's not doing anything.

I just looked up a way that I might be able to circumvent this all, but I'll do that for my parents after I get home from watching the EFL Championship Play-Up Match this/Saturday morning and going to the library.  Hope it works; otherwise, this computer is pretty damn useless.

So my parents are home, and frankly, I can't wait for them to leave again.  But by Mother asking me to keep my colonoscopy date for next week instead of one at a clinic closer to us for the Independence holiday, I think they want to leave quickly, too.  And that makes me sad because I do like having them around.  They feed me, they pay for my food, and yeah, it's nice to have my folks around as long as they're in good health and good spirits.  So I feel guilty for wanting this whole big, cavernous house to myself.  And then watch me change my mind on this, and them, this time tomorrow.

I just went through a whole slew of things I need to do around the house in order to tidy up for my parents, and yet the one thing, the one very thing I've been thinking about all night is how to answer this asshole on Twitter.  Obsession is a two-way street, especially with a guy who really needs to get his ass kicked, but I have to respond.  I hope I can do it perfectly, and then go on about my night.

Lot Of Stuff I've Done, Lot Of Stuff Left To Do

Still haven't done everything I truly can in preparation of my folks coming home.  I did wash some of the dishes tonight, which is something I didn't think I had the will to do, but I guess I had some pissed-off energy I needed to shed after going to this bar and watching Minnesota United fall apart in the U. S. Open Cup.  Oh, after work I also threw some twigs from the unfinished backyard fire pit into the trash, another thing I've wanted to do but thought I wouldn't have the energy for, but it helped tremendously that work was so slow yesterday/Tuesday that I left work after eight hours.  I even had time for a hard nap before going to the bar.

Working on getting a big load of wash cold/dry low clothes done right now.  Geez, I guess I am doing a lot of stuff.  But there's still a lot of stuff to do.  More dishes need to be done.  I could pick up my room, but maybe I don't care.  Finally, I need to move all the stuff I took out of storage back into storage.  And no, I made no headway on all my stuff.  I just used my barware that I now have to clean and stash again.

I'll have two relatively free days to do it.  But like I said before, I have to take the car in in the morning and hopefully get it back to drive to my dental appointment in the afternoon.  (Still can't quite wrap around the fact that my teeth aren't "done" getting cleaned, but that's what you get when students are working on them.)  I then have the evening to do all the above stuff as well as eat the leftover Mexican food from Friday -- if I'm not so tired that I just pass out for the rest of the night.  

The Babes Are Out In Force!

I have to admit that sexually, I've lost a step.  I can't cum like I used to.  And I can't get hard like I used to.  It'll be quite, uh, hard for me to accept that.

Still, I appreciate the divine beauty of the female figure.  And with the weather finally turning in a hotter direction -- I think winter's behind us now -- and us heading into Memorial Weekend and The Official Start Of Summer, I am going to see some hot fucking women walking around.  I won't be able to sprout wood, but I sure as fuck will turn my head.

Happened last/Monday night after a long day at work.  Went to Bebe Zito for some fries before going next door to Caffetto for a cola (and then back to Bebe Zito where I stood in line for 15 minutes after the sun set for ice cream, but anyway. ...).  I went in and I saw these two gorgeous young women.  One of them had purple highlights in her hair.  She was wearing all black, but her top was cropped and her skirt was short.  She's fucking hot, but I gotta tell ya, I went all gaga for her friend, who was wearing nothing but a red bikini top and red Daisy Dukes shorts.  Her boobs were big for a girl her size, and I was fantasizing that she would adjust her top or her tits would fall out or something.

What I did next is something that will probably get me canceled if someone ever found me out.  While they were eating their ice cream across the parlor, I snapped a photo of her.  It's not great; she had her side to me.  But I was lucky that she turned her face toward me as I shot her.  Again, I don't have her full face, but at least I have something to attach to her body.  Moreover, I was sitting against the outside window.  If anyone through the window or walking into the store saw me, I'd be dead to rights.  (I also made sure the ice cream scooper didn't see me; I waited until she turned her back on me.)

I still might take a run and jerk off to this grainy picture.  It might take me some time before I spurt.  But while my physical, uh, admiration for hot young women might abate, I'm still glad I can appreciate a smokin' young thing whenever I see her.  I'm glad I'm alive!

Time To "Clean"

My folks come home this week and I really haven't done anything to clean up.  I have not hired one of my stripper girlfriends to clean the house because they've been gone only a month.  If they bitch, I'll tell them that I'm not going to do a deep clean if they're only going to be gone a month.  But I should clean up some things: Take my stuff back to storage; wash the dishes and the clothes; finish doing the laundry my sister left; and clean up the common areas (dining room table, kitchen, bathroom) a little bit.  Those things I haven't done, at least not yet.

I thought about doing them this weekend, which I had totally free.  But then I started to piece together things I wanted to do: See my friend in his musical; see another friend at her jewelry display; see a United away Match at a watch party with fellow Loons fans; and going out to eat ice cream because dammit, this was a beautiful weekend and why in the hell would I want to stay cooped up at home?  So yeah, I decided to do the things I wanted to do instead of the things I should have or could have done.  I washed my sister's bedsheet.  That's it.

Now I have several days left to make up for it, but I've gotten to the point where all the stuff I should do has combined with a shortened-enough period of time to compel me to panic.  Plus I don't know if I'm going to do anything today/Monday because I want to work on my receipts instead (and Monday is my long day at work), and the same thing goes for tomorrow/Tuesday because I plan on seeing yet another United FC Match at the same place I watched that miracle Win Saturday night.  So I do have some of Wednesday, which I have off because I need to get the rest of my teeth cleaned in the afternoon (and I'm going to bring in my car for some repairs in the morning), plus the evening of Thursday before they come home.  Will I finish "cleaning" in time?  I'll just have to see if I have that in me.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -5).  Won both of their Matches this screening Week, and in the process we may have the Loons next star.  Both Games were 1-0 victories, and South African Forward Bongokuhle Hlongwane scored both.  When he signed on to the side last Year and scored late last season, he was known for a celebration dance (or "celly") where he would mimic a goose (or maybe a snake, who knows) with his hands in a striking motion.  I don't think he does that anymore, but who cares if he becomes the finisher this team so desperately needs.

It helps if the opponent is both inferior and appears to be mailing it in.  Houston appeared to be in that headspace when they came to Allianz Wednesday.  In the First Half, some Dynamo player, trying to clear the ball in his team's defensive Half, instead tackled the ball into open space in front of goal.  Who was Johnny on the spot?  Bongi, who slotted it home, bottom corner.  The somewhat leaky Loons Defense made that Goal stand, and MNUFC finally won a league Game at home in 2023; cue "Wonderwall."

What was more impressive was pulling out a Win in Portland late last/Saturday night.  I went out to the Black Hart to see the Match with a bunch of my people.  I've done this there a couple times before, but never on the same night as their drag show at the front of the bar.  (Thank God we live in a blue state, otherwise the whole place probably would get shut down.)  Me and about two dozen of us were in the lounge in the back seeing United FC have plenty of chances, especially in the First Half, but as the time melted away, I was OK going into Portland and getting a Point for a Tie.  (By the by, I cannot believe that the Loons have a winning record over the Timbers in Major League Soccer play, according to a statistic that flashed on the screen during the Match.  I swear Portland would have been trouncing us.  Or maybe I'm conflating what Seattle does to us.)  Anyway, in the 95th Minute (and there should have been only four Minutes added on to the end of the Game) MNUFC got the ball into the offensive Half and, after some passing around, Hlongwane bounced an ant-burner to the far corner for the Match's only Goal.

I was at that U. S. Open Cup Match where they finally outlasted Philadelphia even though the Union tied it up "at the death" at the end of regulation and the end of Extra Time.  We were due for one of these extremely late scores to go our way, and thank Buddha Bongi seems to know where to put them.  

This makes me forget that Robin Lod tore his meniscus in the Dynamo Match and it's possible he'll miss the rest of the season.  He has gone from fall guy to organization stalwart throughout the years, so his absence may be missed as much from fans as from his teammates.  In a sweet gesture, both after Hlongwane scored and after the final whistle blew, he did Lod's customary "shoot the aware" celly in his honor.  Aw!

So Lod and his adaptability are gone.  But if Bongi can keep up his finishing, and if Emanuel Reynoso can get up to speed quickly and reassert his place as one of the most adept ballhandlers in the league, the club can float up from fifth place, which is where they are now.

They have a U. S. Open Cup eighthfinal at Houston.  I'm surprised it's Tuesday, but I've made the decision not to watch Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 (I hope it's still in theaters the following week) and instead go back to the Black Hart to watch with my people.  Saturday they host Real Salt Lake in Major League Soccer action.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Finished 3-3 for the Week.  The bats have awakened, sort of, but now the Bullpen has serious leaks.  Look no further than Friday's 5-4 defeat at The Los Angeles Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of ..., where the Twinks battled back from a 3-0 deficit after four Innings (from the arm of Joe Ryan, surprisingly) to take a 4-3 lead at the top of the 7th Inning, only for Griffin Jax to surrender two Runs, the lead and subsequently the Game.  Not to pick on Jax, but Twins beat writer for The Athletic, Aaron Gleeman, notes that Jax is responsible for the vast majority of instances where Minnesota has lost the lead this Year up-to-date.

And still Minnesota is the only team in the A.L. Central above .500, and they continue to maintain a bigger-than-slight lead in the Division; the Twins are 3 1/2 Games ahead of, of all clubs, Detroit.  This Week: After finishing up in Orange County, they fly home to face San Francisco for a three-Game series beginning Monday and Toronto for a trio starting on Friday.

#-3: Lynx (New Season!).  Started their Year Friday at home with a 77-66 Loss to Chicago.  Even with so many good players and only about 121 spots open for anyone who wants to play in the WNBA, this is clearly a rebuilding Year for the Jynx.  Napheesa Collier is back and will probably get back to her steady, unassailable ways.  And their First Round pick in this Year's Draft, Diamond Miller, probably is the ball-hawking Guard that will fill in a dimension this squad lacked last season.  Still, with the league dangerously lining up so that there are only two superteams, Las Vegas and New York, there doesn't appear to be much sense trying to go for the brass ring -- especially when the 2024 and 2025 WNBA Drafts seem impressively loaded.  So the Lynx are going to suck this Year -- and that's good, because that will increase the likelihood of a high Draft pick and a chance to select one of a bounty of prime studs, after this season and after the next.

Meanwhile, this screening Week they will host Atlanta and travel to Phoenix.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher softball and Gopher baseball (Last Week, respectively: -1 and -4).  Welp, let's start with the Goofer baseballers first.  They finished their regular season with a 3-2 screening Week.  They dropped the rubber Game at Maryland, 15-9, beat South Dakota St. at home on Tuesday, 9-6, then beat Rutgers at Siebert by scores of 5-3 and 8-7 before losing yesterday/Saturday afternoon to the Scarlet Knights, 14-6.  Their 10-14 conference record puts them in tenth place, 1 1/2 Games behind Michigan St. for eighth and the last spot in the Big Ten Baseball Tournament.  So their season is over.

They finish 10-14 in the league with an 8-20 record off it.  That's not great, and is certainly a far cry from their days when they reached the NCAA Tournament on an occasional basis.  I still believe they're rising up from rock bottom.  John Anderson has announced he's returning for another Year, and while I believe in continuity and hope he sees this Renaissance through, I can't shake the feeling that the program can be turbocharged into something better if another, younger man was in charge.  Just my gut feeling.

Now, unfortunately, we must go to the U. softballers, who crashed and burned out of the NCAAs by getting beaten twice by a team seeded lower than them, McNeese (who, by the way, apparently no longer identifies as "McNeese St.").  Now, it's not as if they were embarrassed by the ... Cowgirls, I believe.  The first Game between them on Friday went a ridiculous 13 Innings before the Goofers lost, 5-4.  It was tied at three at the end of regulation; the Cowgirls obviously scored two in the top of the 13th, but the U. managed to score only one in the bottom.  Minnesota bounced back by eliminating the 4-Seed in this Seattle Region, Northern Colorado, 4-0 last/Saturday night, but in a rematch from the Night before, they lost to McNeese by a single Run again, 1-0.  That Run was scored in the Second; the Pitcher who allowed that solitary Run and thus gets hung for the Loss, Jacie Hambrick, allowed only one Hit, that Single to Cowgirl First Baseman Corine Poncho that scored the Game-winning, Season-ending Run.  McNeese's Ashley Vallejo went the distance, allowing six Hits but no Runs in upsetting the Goofers and sending them home prematurely.

McNeese?  Really?  A BcS school losing to McNeese St.?  I don't think I know where that place is -- Louisiana?  And the U. lost twice to them?  I know these players weren't going to win the Women's College World Series (that probably belongs to Oklahoma), but still ... McNeese St.?

Smart People Can Be Real, Real Dumb

I endeavor to participate in more of this club's events.  This particular sub-group goes out for dinner once a month, and I'm down.  I went to a local Mexican restaurant chain, and it was fantastic.  Well, I got full really quick because I ate my fill of their free chips and salsa, and I kind of regret doing that because I felt full ever since I made myself two cocktails Thursday night.

The company was ... good.  I don't know them well, but we were united in our objective smartness.  But once again I am reminded that just because we're smart doesn't mean we're, like, smart in other areas, if you know what I mean.  If you don't, let's just say that the guy sitting across from me, a very mild-mannered, conservatively-dressed man who was very nice to me, kept spouting Republican talking points about how there should be no minimum wage, there should be fewer regulations when it comes to creating housing (he was joined in agreement by the guy sitting beside me, another person who, when not talking about these issues, was also really nice), and the perils of socialism.  While MAGAts in polos, khakis and masks are terrifying, it's the quiet ones, the men and women who look so normal they will blend into the scenery, that probably hold the most insidious opinions on politics and life.

This club holds a massive worldwide convention every year.  In one convention (probably one just before the pandemic), organizers apologized to attendees after some made allegations of sexual harassment and unwanted touching.  There was a Facebook group with club members who solely told racist, sexist and anti-Semitic jokes; the global board knew about this group but did nothing about them because ... uh, they believed in free speech or something.  That group finally got shut down after some members made a lot more noise about it.  Finally, I remember going out for beers one night with another sub-group, and one of the people there consistently wanted to tell jokes that always included oral sex.  Consistently.

We might be book smart.  We could be intense in our passions, and very probing with our curiosities.  That doesn't mean, at all, that we put the knowledge we have gathered to good use, or draw reasonable conclusions from what we learn.  And it sure as hell doesn't mean we won't say or do stupid things, or that we'll even behave like grown-ups.  I keep falling into the trap that because we are smart when it comes to one thing, we know what to do -- we are "smart" -- when it comes to all things.  You can't be further from the truth, and last night's dinner is a prime reminder of that.

I Fixed It All By Myself!!!

Yesterday/Thursday morning, right before I was headed off to work, I noticed a hissing sound coming from my toilet.  I didn't use it in the morning (for variety's sake I used the master bathroom downstairs), but as I was walking back to my bedroom I heard it.  It was loud, so loud I wondered why I didn't hear it overnight, or even the previous evening.

I could not for the life of me diagnose what was going on.  There wasn't any obvious leaks anywhere, and once both the bowl and the tank filled up with water the water stopped -- well, supposedly.  I think I know my way around the inner workings of a toilet a little bit, and I pulled off a hose to see that water was dripping out when it shouldn't have.  I was pressed for time, and what I really wanted to do was make the noise stop.  Thankfully, I head my head on straight enough whereby I knew to turn off the water going into the tank.  And I was able to restore my peace.

All day at work I was distracted by going on the Internet to Google "how to stop hissing sound in toilet," or variations thereof.  There were some sites I got to that said I needed to take out the, uh, fill valve assembly, or something.  But I was hoping for a simple silver bullet, and I figured I might as well start off with something simple.  If it were indeed complicated, I probably would make things worse if I tried to disassemble something.  So the simplest thing I saw was to, uh, wash the inlet water valve of sediment and deposits.

I did that as soon as I got home from work.  And guess what?  That did the trick!!!  After I washed the gasket and everything else (and I used CRL, even though that may have been overkill), I put everything back together and turned the water back on.  I flushed the toilet again, saw the bowl and then the tank fill and once the water filled to where it had to go, it stopped ... and there was no more hissing.  Ah, the sound of silence!  It means I was able to fix it.  And all by myself!!  I'm a big boy now!!!

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Wednesday, May 17:

• OK, we're going back to Monday, May 15, where, after a long day at work, I decided on the fly to hit this basement hotel bar called Constantine for a second and presumably final time before it closes (no hard feelings; there's a new management company and apparently they want a new concept for it and Monello, the ground-level restaurant on top of Constantine) at the end of the month.  I have been mentally mapping out my evenings for the next couple weeks before my parents come home, and I've been stressing that I would not be able to go back to this place and its dark and funky vibe before it's gone forever.  Thankfully, as bad as work was that day, I was able to get out before I stayed too late as compared to other dates.  Anyway, I'm not doing an EWR on Constantine because I used my credit card.  I am doing an EWR for Caffetto, the coffeeshop I like to frequent because, unlike with Constantine (which I went to before Caffetto), I had planned to go to Caffetto to work on my receipts.  Chocolate cake, small hot chocolate, and tip comes out to: $9.32.
• Back to Thursday the 4th, where I went to Hooters for lunch.  This was the week where I filled in second shift and I had a May coupon, and this date felt like the perfect time to use it (even though I found myself at Hooters the first day of the NFL Draft, so in retrospect I maybe didn't have to go there on this date at all).  Had a Jedi Juice instead of my usual Angry Orchard -- May the 4th be with you -- get it?  Plus tip: $24.
• While I knew and planned about Hooters in advance, I only was told about this stripper party the week of.  I didn't know if I could squeeze both in, but I needed to get my fuck on so bad that I made the trek from the Mall Of America to North Minneapolis.  There I was greeted by *****y and *****y, both of whom I had once gotten a tandem dance from a house party close to my house.  There, I whipped it out and both women looked at me luck I had a mushroom for a dick.  (Since then, *****y has warmed to me to the point where she gives me handjobs.)  This time around, they were both, uh, more handsy.  Maybe they are just going by house rules.  At any rate, even though I didn't cum much, I came.  Both beautiful women don't mess around; they jacked me off as though they were angry with me, and I couldn't have been happier.  Now, I didn't really appreciate both of them taking all the money I had taken out of my wallet out of my hands, but doing mental math after eating at Hooters, I don't think they ripped me off.  I didn't come in to the party with enough money for a proper door fee for the guy who's hosting, so I owe him ten bucks the next time I see him.  Total: $210.
• To Monday the 1st ... went to Great Clips to get my hair cut.  Guess I could've waited, but I had my day free, so I thought it was a good time to get it out of the way before I get too annoyed with what's on top of my head.  The girl who cut me was Asian, so when she talked about my "Asian afro," she seemed to know me better than I did.  I mean, "Asian afro" is a perfect way to describe my hair once it gets long!  But as soon as I paid, she shut down as if I was physically in her way.  I would've taken a buck off your tip if I knew you were gonna be like that.  But I didn't.  Have the receipt, BTW, so this EWR is just for tip: $5.
• OK, back to Saturday, April 29, where there was this food truck festival that seemed cool, plus I didn't have much else to do, so why not enjoy a day being alive?  The weather, unfortunately, was unsettled; I went into my car once to avoid the hit-and-miss rain.  Thank goodness the food trucks circled the wagons around one end of a parking lot, the rest of which was parking for us festivalgoers.  After seeing which places did have lines and targeting the ones that didn't, I started off at Sweet Taste Of Italy, where I got its Ken's Club.  Plus tip: $15.
• Then, for dessert, I went to Pretty Great Cheesecake.  Had its key lime.  Man, I'm always down for some key lime.  Plus tip: $11.
• Wednesday, April 26 -- this was the day I took off to bring my car in for service.  What I thought could have been an all-day repair took only a few hours.  That gave me time to get my face shaved at Moler.  With tip: $13.
• After that I went to the Black Hart, the only combination soccer pub and drag burlesque place in the world, I think.  It is serendipity that I took a day off on the same day that one of the most anticipated Matches in English Premier League history, first-place Arsenal at second-place Manchester City, took place.  Glad to have a free afternoon to watch this with my people.  The Game itself was a rout; Man City crushed the Gunners, 4-1, and finally it looked as though the pre-season prognostications from many people who said the Cityzens were going to win the league this year were going to be proven right.  I was thirsty as hell, so I got me a Coke to go along with a Bloody Mary (with beer chaser, of course).  Plus tip and it came out to: $10.
• Finally, on Thursday, April 13, I went to the classic movie theater close to me to partake in that theater's Hitchcock Festival.  They were showing Rebecca, the only Hitch-directed film to ever win the Oscar for Best Picture.  It is not the psychosexual or action-packed thrillers like Vertigo or North By Northwest are, so I can't say I loved the movie, but I appreciate finally seeing it.  (A long time ago, Entertainment Weekly came up with a list of 100 films every film buff should see before he or she dies; Rebecca is one of them, and I'm glad I can cross that off my list ... as soon as I can find that list.)  The problem was that everybody seemed to have caught wind of the Hitchcock Festival; I had to wait in the lobby before the ushers and manager decided there were enough seats for all of us on the waiting list to get in.  Never seen that before at this theater.  Anyway, cost of the ticket and to tip the organist who played before the show equaled: $13.

Good through May 17.

Food And Porn, Man, Food And Porn

I continue to have credit card bills so big they eat up nearly my entire paycheck.  I mean, like every single check I get every two weeks.  It really boils down to food and porn.  And what I did yesterday/Tuesday is illustrative, and typical, of how I fuck myself.

Because I was working The Fourth Department yesterday/Tuesday, I was set on buying a mocha and breakfast before coming in to work as a way to ease into what would be a hectic day.  (By the way, the morning was; I don't remember having to go through so much bullshit in so few hours.  But there was a blessedly light load of new work, and I was able to clock out at just about eight hours, a first on a day I work back there.)  Caribou Coffee had an offer where I can buy a large drink for the price of a medium.  But ever since the company updated its application, I have never been convinced that they were charging me the correct price after I used the discount I was offered.  In this case, I wanted to buy a large mocha, and it felt as though the price I was quoted on the app was for a large, not a medium.  Moreover, there was no text indicating that that was the price of a medium.  I want to say that Taco Bell, for example, assures me that "the discount will be taken out upon checkout," and that would be enough for me.  But I don't see a "- $x" line item anywhere on Caribou's.

That has always cheesed me off.  That has discouraged me from going there as much as I had when there was the earlier version of the app.  But I am value-conscious, and if there's a large-for-the-price-of-a-medium deal Caribou is offering, I'm going to get it.  So I didn't use the app; I drove there and ordered there, old school-style.  And guess what?  It was more expensive that it was on the app!  Fuck if I know why!  Well ... I have a theory.  Caribou is now saying that anyone who participates in its rewards program can now get milk alternatives as a substitute for free.  With the oatmeal I had intended to buy and the tip I had intended to give, I think I paid, like, 27 cents more for my breakfast in-person than I would have through my phone.  I think that the upcharge for substituting non-dairy milk is about 20 cents.  Maybe it's the cashier or the register that fucked up.  But now I have evidence that I was wrong, and that the application actually does take all the discounts I think it should take.  (And by the way, a medium mocha at Caribou now costs about $6.50.  Damn, that's expensive!)

---

So I charged my mocha and oatmeal on my credit card, and so by my OCD rules, I need to use that credit card one other time that day.  (Maybe I should reconsider that if I'm so damn worried about spending so much money.)  I was going to use it to donate to an alternative Commencement party for the New College of Florida, that university that fucking Republican fascist governor DeSantis has appointed other Republican pricks to run (into the ground).  That COVID-denying Stanford doctor asshole, Scott Atlas, is Commencement speaker, and the graduates are saying fuck that, we'll set up a GoFundMe so we'll actually have a good ceremony featuring people based in reality.  But the credit card I had planned to use for that GoFundMe was not the one I used at Caribou.  I will not use both of my credit cards on the same day.  OCD rule.

The credit card I did use at Caribou, however, is one I use for my OnlyFans account, and cha-ching, a-ruuuga-a-ruuuuga, I took that as a sign to buy porn.  And I did: Three photo sets and an introductory monthly subscription for a total of $25.  That amount is tame compared to what I have paid for in the past.  But is, oh, 2 1/2 hours' worth of take-home pay.  At least I got actual boobies and pussy; sometimes I charge my credit card on faith and get only the equivalent of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.  But is jerking off (and to a video of a woman [surreptitiously being videotaped by her husband] bending over while vacuuming her couch cushions with just a crop top on, thus showing her nice tits -- and for free, no less) worth yet adding more to my credit card bill?  While I was masturbating, the answer was yes.  As I type this, the answer is no.  And my answers are situational like that every time I do fall into this trap I set for myself.

Food and porn, man, food and porn.  They're going to put me in the poorhouse, and it'll be all my fault.

I Need To Be Aware Of The Non-Zero Possibility I'll Be Fired

Working in The Fourth Department on a regular basis, at least for the time being, means a steady chance of making mistakes.  And I do so, on the regular.  I wonder if my higher-ups think I should not be making those mistakes by now, and that by doing so, I'm proving that I'm not cut out for it.  I think I am; I'm just human.  But still, you know?

Something happened yesterday/Monday that might be a bit more egregious than my other fuck-ups.  Let's just say that someone from some other department thinks I said something to someone whom I was not really allowed to speak so freely.  I don't think I said anything untoward, and I am pretty sure I didn't break any laws.  But the way I described it in our ... well, let's just say our log of communication, it may have given someone the idea that I was a little loose with my information.  Which I was not; I was careful to provide as much info as I could, but no further.  That doesn't mean someone won't believe me and have me fired.

On top of all that is a newish revelation that higher-higher-ups are looking closely at the overtime we're pulling in.  That seems strange since we are seriously short-staffed.  There are now regular calls for people to work OT and the work still lags behind.  But according to my direct superiors, the kind of OT we're working is under scrutiny.  As someone who works The Fourth Department, I don't think I have to say anything as to why I am working more than eights hours a day back there; it just goes with the territory.  But one time a few weeks ago, my boss e-mailed me asking what exactly I was doing that forced me to stay longer than my shift.  I told him ... and he hasn't asked me about it again.  But we had a meeting saying that they are watching.  Am I supposed to give an e-mail to my boss every single time I stay past eight hours?  He hasn't said that specifically -- I don't think -- but is he presuming that I should be just e-mailing him, and since I haven't, I have committed repeated cases of insubordination that subjects me to termination?  Because there's a non-zero percent chance that's the possibility.

My fucking God, I am getting paranoid that I'm not doing enough to cover my ass, even though I'm doing a lot of shit at work.  Yes, and it's not right 100% of the time.  Goddammit -- I screw up, and I don't tell people why I'm working late.  That's two reasons I'll be fired, ffs.

Grandmother's Friend ... I Don't Know

Saw Grandmother's best friend at the home on Saturday.  Glad I did because ...

Like I'm sure I've said here on WAF before, as she has aged, communicating has gotten a lot more difficult.  Before she would speak English to me, and we could talk about things.  Then she would begin to repeat herself over the course of the hour I usually spend with her.  Then she wouldn't speak English, just her native Vietnamese.  Still, she would talk incessantly to me as if I was able to speak Vietnamese, which I cannot.

That slow (and I hate to use this word) deterioration was hard to take, but it was, you know, OK.  That was in March.  In April I popped in only to see her asleep, and since I don't want to be waken when I'm asleep, I left the home early without talking to her.  This time around she was napping, but she did wake up, or at least open her eyes.  I said hi, and she just looked at me.  When I asked her if I could sit and talk (well, more like look at her), she nodded, but she didn't speak.

Things are different with her, if things I saw in her room are any indication.  She had the TV on (well, an orderly turned it on for her, I'm sure), but for the first time I can remember, the TV was muted and instead someone popped in an old iPod Mini and blared old time music from the 40's and 50's in the room.  (It was tuned to A&E, and there was this footage of a car crash on the road.  But since big band music was playing, and I didn't know the TV was on mute, I thought that big band music was the music bed for this found footage of the car crash.)  She has been given packages of Lay's potato chips to eat, but there were about a half-dozen unopened ones on her tray and dresser.  And on the drawer upon which sits the television set, there sat unconnected parts of what appears to be a breathing apparatus.  I don't recall her ever having any issues with breathing.

As soon as I saw her, with the skin around her mouth drooping to the point where it creased an inevitable frown, I knew things may have taken a turn for the worse.  For some time she no longer was the vivacious, even plucky, woman with the well-coiffed hair (she was a hairdresser) who gossiped about all the men who wanted to talk to her all day.  Her hair, straggly for a long time, settled stiffly on her head.  And while this was the first time in a long time I spent some time looking at her, intently looking at her, she nodded off a few times.  She was still responsive; whenever she heard a noise in the hallway, she would open her eyes (if they were closed) and look up.  But there was no talking while I was with her.  Her energy has flagged significantly, and now it looks as though she needs help breathing, and that scares me for her future.

I had to go.  I told her, and she surprised me when she asked, in English, "Where are you gonna go?"  I said home.  I took a couple photos of the both of us in case it was the last time.  I kissed her forehead and cheek, and I whispered in her ear, "Thank you for everything.  I love you."  And then I grasped her hand for a long time, if indeed this truly was the last time.  And then Grandmother's friend kept gripping my hand, and started touching and pinching parts of it.  That actually lasted another 40 minutes; the 1:40 is the longest I ever stayed with her.  Finally, she stopped holding my hand, and I took that as an opportunity to truly say goodbye.

Except that I didn't.  I turned her wheelchair toward the window so I could get good pictures of the two of us, but as I left her room it looked as though she wanted to watch TV, but she had to look up and to her left to do so.  So I went back into her room and reoriented her and her tray so that she could look straight at her set.  And I just had to kiss her and tell her I love her again, but thankfully, she didn't hold onto me for dear life.  However, I did say something I hesitated to say the first time: I told her I will see her again next month.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: 0).  Finished the regular season by sweeping Michigan at Cowles, 2-0.  The third-seeded Gophers had to survive their first Game of the B1G Tourney Thursday, outlasting Ohio St. in eight Innings, 3-2.  But the underdog run some bracketologists (and I think I found at least one other person who does bracketology in softball, so that makes two) predicted came to an end the next afternoon as they were stopped by second-seeded Indiana, 5-3.  (The Hoosiers in turn lost to top-seeded Northwestern in yesterday/Saturday afternoon's Championship Game.)  No worries, for the most part.  It appeared as though they were going to be a 2-Seed in some Regional for some time, and their run to seed in the tournament probably didn't change that.  Oh well.  We'll see where they go, and we'll hope that they have an upset in them that gets them to the following Week's Super Regional.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The thing currently plaguing this ballclub right now is hitting.  They're not, Carlos Correa more than the others (or least he's taking the heat the most out of any Twin).  They broke out the sticks yesterday/Saturday afternoon in beating the Cubs at Target, 11-1, but it's the first time they reached double-digit Runs since April 19.

That Win got the Twinks to 3-3 for the Week.  They started Sunday losing a rubber Match in Cleveland, then won two-of-three at home versus San Diego (themselves a squad being assailed for not hitting with Runners In Scoring Position), and have so far split with the Cubbies with this/Sunday afternoon's tilt being the decider.  And still they hold a not-narrow lead in the A. L. Central, namely 3 1/2 Games over the Guardians.  And Minnesota remains the only team in that Division above .500.  I don't think this team is all that good, and they're definitely not playing great right now, so lording over this dungheap of a Division is ... bemusing, to say the least.

After finishing up at Target Field, they'll go out to Los Angeles to play the Dodgers for three beginning tomorrow/Monday night.  They'll then hit Orange County to play The Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of ... for a trio starting on Friday.

#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  Forgot to talk about the Vikings NFL Draft haul.  Well, there's not much to say.  I like that they drafted Jordan Addison only because he's from my alma mater.  But other than that, meh.  They should have gone Defense, I really do.  Some people think the talent dropoff in Wide Receiver after Addison was steep.  Some other people think finding a complement to Justin Jefferson (and, don't forget, T. J. Hockenson) was a priority.  I think they're wrong.  Now, if Addison wins Offensive Rookie Of The Year, I'll admit I'm wrong.  But I'm sticking to my guns here.

Meanwhile, they had a relative paucity of draft picks compared to normal years, so it's not a normal haul of fresh, cheap talent that can help replace an old, cash-strapped team.  They still need to shed salary.  They started doing that Friday night when they traded disgruntled Edge Za'Darius Smith to Cleveland; the two teams traded a couple of Day 3 picks to balance out the deal.  Meanwhile, I keep hearing that Dalvin Cook is as good as gone.  This team is going to look hella different.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  Couldn't complete the sweep of Michigan at Siebert Field last Sunday, losing 4-1.  Starting a three-Game set at 19th-ranked Maryland Friday by winning a slugfest, 10-7, but lost in a one-sided affair yesterday/Saturday evening, 14-5.

It is possible that they sneak in to the Big Ten Tournament, which takes only the top eight teams.  But they have no margin for error.  They've got to beat the Terrapins this/Sunday afternoon, and they're gonna have to sweep a pretty decent Rutgers outfit for the last series of the regular season, which is at home and will begin Thursday and end Saturday.  Plus they'll probably need Michigan St. or Purdue to have a bad Week.  Otherwise, it's curtains for the Golden Gophers this time next Week.  (Oh, and to give the benchwarmers some playing time, the U. hosts South Dakota St. Tuesday.)

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -3).  Got drilled last/Saturday night at Kansas City, 3-0, in what may have been the worst Match these Loons have played (or "played") since their TCF Bank days.  Adrian Heath trotted out a 3-5-2 formation against SKC.  They don't have the horses to pull off Heath's pet 4-2-3-1 formation until Emanuel Reynoso gets back on the pitch.  But the players looked lost, if not completely disinterested, as the ass-kicking on the scoreboard indicates.  I was watching on Apple TV+.  I have a rule to turn off any Game I'm watching on TV or listening to on the radio until the team playing my team takes the lead, at which point I turned it off.  Sporting Kansas City scored in the Ninth Minute and I watched something else.  As always when it comes to loser Twin Cities teams, doing that is a smart move.

And that may not have been the worst result for MNUFC this screening Week.  It could've come Wednesday -- and that's a Game they won.  In their U. S. Open Cup Round of 32 Game at home vs. the Philadelphia Union, United FC built a 2-0 lead, only to blow it and be taken by the Union into Added Extra Time at 2-all.  That second Union Goal, by Kai Wagner, came with seconds to go in regulation.  The Loons scored in the First Half of AET (Bongokuhle Hlongwane's second of the Match), but Philly tied it up with seconds to go in the Second Half of AET on a Free Kick by Kai Wagner.  And to (sorta) square the circle, the two clubs had to go to Added Penalty Kicks before MNUFC Goaltender Clint Irwin (this is only the U. S. Open Cup, so Dayne St. Clair ain't playin' this) blocked the PK by ... Kai Wagner.  I was looking at my phone during PKs.  Fuck, man, I was scrolling through my phone once the Union tied it up at 2.  I was distracting myself from thinking, "Yep, I wasted my goddamn money on this bullshit."  And I am right.  They didn't deserve to win that Game.  They deserved to lose that Game.  And pulling that fucking Match off still exposed the Loons as the underwhelming frauds that they are, as last/Saturday night attests.

Bebelo can't come back soon enough.  In the meantime, United FC, who has lost five of their last six league matchups (and that other contest was a scoreless Draw) continue a busy part of their schedule.  On Wednesday they host Houston, and then on Saturday they travel to Portland.

No Home To Go Home To ... And I'm Sorry

So my sister left early this morning.  It really was nice to see her, even if we don't talk online and, of course, I saw her over Christmastime.  I had to orient my week around her even though I had plans, but that's what you do for family, good, upstanding family.  And while she left a pile of clothes and dishes to clean, it made the house less empty and lonely.

One of the only things I didn't like, to be honest, is all the gossip she soaked up and spewed in my direction when she was visiting family members.  I hate hearing how so-and-so secretly hates so-and-so; it may be true, but I don't want to hear it, you know?  But more concerning is hearing how certain family members are in trouble.  Health is one thing; I have many elderly relatives and they're getting up there, and any sad information about them is something that I have to know, no doubt.

However, shelter is another thing.  I have a couple of people who live in an apartment and the new landlord is jacking up rates.  They've been there for a long time, but it looks as though they might move.  I have never known them living in another place, and it's jarring for me to think about them living somewhere else.  So it must be terrifying for them.  As far as I know, the apartment they've been living in has been safe all these years.  There is no guarantee they'll find another spot in a good place.

And yet ... I heard, through my sister, that these family members have asked other family members if they can take them in.  And I would love to, but ... there's also that damn "but," isn't there?  As empty and lonely as this house may be, I cannot even imagine a scenario where they would live with me.  I have the run of the place and I want the run of the place.  I can throw my mail on the dining room table, and my clothes on my bedroom floor.  And masturbating?  Can't do that with them in the house.  That would be awkward as hell.

And yet ... if they have nowhere to go but an area that is so dangerous, I have no choice -- do I?  Father and I have talked about this, and as long as my parents are alive and have any say in who stays in this house, they aren't moving in.  I think; Father is as sentimental when it comes to family as I am, and he might eventually give in and take them in if need be.  If it were up to me, well ... I would hate to see them fend for themselves, and yet I hate losing my privacy.

It is heartbreaking and frightening to not know where you can rest your head day after day.  Will I do anything about it if someone in my family faces that possibility?  Possibly not, and that may be my failure of moral character.

Sister and I went to our Grandmother's gravesite; it's something she should do before she leaves, and it's something I haven't done in a long while even though I live here.

She asked me if I had my Swiss Army knife with me.  She later told me, once we got home after our evening going to the cemetery, the Megamall, and this emporium I often go to, that she wanted my knife to cut the stems of the flowers so it'd suck in the water better.

I told her, back when she asked me at our Grandmother's plot, that I didn't have it with me.  But once I was home and just chit-chatting with my sis, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Swiss Army knife.  I had absolutely no idea that I put it in my pocket.  But I remember how: Wednesday night, after we visited our cousin, we had to take the trash and the recycling out.  She wanted me to recycle this big box, since broken and smelly (the latter according to her), but I had to break it down first.  She didn't want any bugs that might be living in there to stay in-house, so I took out the box to break it down, and so I had to go back inside to grab my knife.  Once I broke down the box, I shoved it into my pants pocket.

Totally forgot, which is not the end of the world.  But she had a slightly out-of-this-world favor to ask, and it just so happened I had exactly what she wanted, and I couldn't help her.  Now the flowers are going to be suffocating for water just because I forgot.

Just spent over five hours at my cousin's place, the location of which I barely remembered from the first (and only) time I've gone there.  First time I've seen him in a long time.  Also, first time I've seen my cousin-in-law and their daughter in the longest time and their son ever.

Totally enjoyed my whole time there, even when the cousin-in-law was upstairs tucking their kids in and my cousin and sister went out to walk the dog and then sit on the front steps for an hour-plus.  I was just watching NBA playoff basketball and The Big Ten Softball Tournament.

But it makes me wonder: How come I've never been back there?  It can't be a situation where they won't invited me back unless my sister's in town ... is it?  Nah, it has to be because they're busy and I'm in introvert.  I can't be blackballed ... right?

My sister gets emotional and starts to cry ... but she doesn't let me hug her?  Man, I don't get that. ...

Do They Know I Take Half An Hour In The Bathroom?

OK, so whenever I'm not in The Main Department at work, I take my breaks whenever I want.  It's one of the best perks about my job.  While data entry is brainless and nothing is expected of me, the regimented shifts are a pain-in-the-ass.  Sometimes the work requires you to stay until a natural break in the workflow.  Sometimes you just don't want to break when people expect you to.

Moreover, whenever I'm not in The Main Department, I don't have a direct supervisor keeping track of where I am.  Sure, I still have supervisors and bosses, but whenever I'm not keying, they're doing their own thing while I get to keep to myself.  I have taken breaks all over my shift and I have yet to be questioned -- either as to when I take them or, ahem, how long my breaks are.

See, as I am left to my own devices when it comes to breaks, I come and go as I please, and I pay no attention to the clock.  These breaks are supposed to be only 15 minutes, but I have regularly exceeded it.  Usually, I have exceeded it by an obscene amount.  This happens more for the morning break, which I usually take some time after 11 a.m., which is when The Stephanie Miller Show ends, because I usually have a bowel movement that I need to, you know, pass.  So I grab my phone, walk halfway in the building, lock the door and use the single-person bathroom.  While I poop, I'm scrolling through my phone -- you know, Twitter, maybe newsletters, possibly a text or two.  And it's great to just defecate in peace on your own time, with no one expecting you to be back at work at a certain time.  So I let it go past 15 minutes ... to maybe 20 ... or, probably, 25.

And then there was yesterday, when I think I spent a half-hour in the toilet taking a crap.  I was reading an article in my News app, I texted a stripper apologizing for missing yet another of her house parties, and, yes, nature was calling.  By the time I got done, it was possible, possible, that I spent 30 minutes in there.  And to be honest with you, this probably wasn't the first time I was in the bathroom for that long for my break.  It's just ... safe and comfortable in there, you know?

The thing is, though, is that, inbetween the other places I work at besides The Main Department and these single-person bathrooms is ... The Main Department.  As I am walking back to where I work, I am walking past my co-workers.  Normally I don't think about them, but yesterday/Monday I walked past my supervisor, who came in on a Monday to help out because we're behind on work.  This is not the first time this has happened, either.  But perceiving as though I may have taken the longest I ever have taken a morning break, I wonder if she noticed that I was gone a long time.

Come to think of it, I also have to walk past the break room, too.  Sometimes, when I start my break, I see my co-workers sitting and eating.  I see them sitting and eating when I come back.  But I know it has been way more than 15 minutes.  Do they notice that when they notice me?  And even worse, what if they see me going as they're eating, but when I come back they're back at work?  Is there an internal clock that makes them think, "Geez, he's been gone way more than 15 minutes -- and it's not the first time he's done that!!!"

I try and make up for it by cutting short my afternoon break, maybe way shorter.  It helps when there is no Father around stuffing me with food I don't want to eat.  But I don't think that's really "allowed" in an effort to take only 30 minutes' worth of break time.  And I really don't think you can plan on joining your breaks together to make a half-hour break where you get paid.  Besides, if no one is noticing me, I really plan on taking my breaks whenever and doing whatever the hell I want.  Well, until my supervisor and/or boss finally brings up that, "Hey, we've noticed that you seem to be taking really long breaks."  At which point I'll feel humiliated, stop doing that, and/or quit.

The Car Is Getting A Workout

What I suspected, and feared, as my sister stays for the week is coming true: My car is going to get a workout.  She drove all the way to my brother's place to spend the afternoon with my niece and give her her belated birthday presents from the family.  That's 45 minutes there and back.  And that's just the start.  She obviously has family and friends she wants to see, and they're scattered all throughout the Twin Cities.  I don't know if she's even tall enough to reach the pedals of the minivan, plus I don't know if she feels safe in a 23-year-old minivan.  So, unless she wants to stay home one of these days this week, she's going to take my car while I take the minivan to and from work every day this week.

I don't mind.  My car was just worked on, and besides the rear shocks and the battery cables getting a little creaky (so says the mechanic I just tried for the first time a couple weeks ago), it's as good as it'll be.  But I am dying to check the oil to see if it's leaking like I'm paranoid that it is.  And besides, that car is going to go all over the place, so the miles on the odometer will be ticking like no one's business.  My sis is going to give it a workout while she's here.  And hopefully it'll stay strong by the time I take her to the airport ... which is over half an hour away ... in my car.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  It's been a dreary fucking spring, both weather- and sports-wise, and no one should be under any illusions that they'll win the Women's College World Series or anything.  But as of press time, the University of Minnesota softball squad deserves a lot of notice.  They completed a sweep of Ohio St. in Columbus last Sunday by crushing the Buckeyes, 7-0, then took the first two Games of a three-Game series at home versus Michigan by playing a Pitchers' duel Friday (3-0) and a slugfest yesterday/Saturday afternoon (13-10).  Notably, it's the U.'s first series Win over the Wolverines in 11 Years.  Most notably, the Golden Gophers are on a ten-Game winning streak.  With the regular season final this/Sunday afternoon left to go, they will clinch at least third-place in the Big Ten standings and Tournament (to be held later this Week at Illinois), and their spot in the NCAAs seems a lock.  And that's why they're not only topping this screening Week's WMNNS, they get to rise above negative numbers, too.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A 3-3 screening Week.  The Chicago White Sox are, next to the St. Louis Cardinals (and what the fuck has happened to them?!), The Most Disappointing Team In Major League Baseball, and yet they were able to take two-of-three in their midweek series against the Twinks in Comiskey.  (Pablo Lopez gave up the lead to the ChiSox in Tuesday's 3-2, ten-Inning Loss, and he's been absolutely scuffling lately.)  And they've split their first two contests with the Guardians in Cleveland this weekend, shutting them out Friday, 2-0, but losing yesterday/Saturday, 4-3.

The only saving grace is that somehow the Twins have increased their lead in the American League Central to three Games ... and it's not over Cleveland, who technically are in third as of press time, but Detroit, of all teams.  Let's not get carried away here; Minnesota is the only team in the Division sporting a record above .500.  To get to the postseason, it feels likely Minnesota will have to be the squad that ends up on the top of a pile of crap.  So it goes in professional baseball.

One more at Cleveland today/Sunday, a day off, then they come home for a pair of three-Game series with San Diego and the Cubs.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Got swept at Nebraska, losing last Sunday, 11-5.  But, like the softball club, they came home and have also beaten Michigan to take the series, winning 4-0 Friday and 4-2 yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  I just refreshed my memory of how the B1G formats their baseball tournament.  The top eight teams advance to play in a double-elimination format.  I doubt it could happen, but Minnesota currently is tenth and only two Games behind the Wolverines for the eighth and final spot.  They could complete the sweep of Michigan this/Sunday afternoon, but they'll have to then go to College Park for a three-Game set vs. Maryland, who leads the league.  There's a non-zero chance that they'll still make it to the conference tourney.

#-3: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Yeah, I wonder why I'm a season ticket-holder.  Plenty of chances in last Sunday night's scoreless Draw at Allianz against FC Dallas, then they lose 3-2 last/Saturday night in Vancouver where they ship the go-ahead and winning Goals in the Second Half four Minutes apart.  Jeong Sang-bin scored for the first time as a Loon to bring MNUFC to within one, but he was subbed off late due to an apparent injury.  United FC has now lost four-of-five to slip into the Western Conference Play-In Game.

Maybe this is the perfect time for the cavalry to ride in.  And miraculously, yesterday/Saturday came word that Emmanuel Reynoso is flying from his native Argentina to the Twin Cities to finally rejoin the XI.  I still have no fucking clue as to what is going on with him, and some others are so fed up with both the in-season return and the radio silence over his absence that they're saying fuck this guy, trade him and use the money to bring in people who want to play for this club.  Can't argue with that, but on the flip side, this team is sinking like a stone, and the sooner Rey gets in shape, he can get on the pitch and (possibly) save this squad.  I'm not really sure if we have any choice other than hoping he can get his fitness back ASAP.

They host Philadelphia in a U. S. Open Cup Round of 32 tilt Tuesday at The Nest; I'm going and paying $44 to probably see them go down in flames.  They then visit Kansas City in league play Saturday.

So my sister's home.  I always considered her the one in my family I can relate to the most.  My parents, well ... and my brother and I are like Cain and Abel.  I can talk to my sis, though.  I can relate to her, talk about my feelings with her, and let my guard down to her.

And then she pulls diva crap like washing all her sheets and towels.  Seriously?  You're here a week.  Who cares?  And then, just now, as we were both waking up, she calls me.  Our bedrooms are side-by-side with only a wall separating us.  I could get up and walk to her bedroom door.  Hell, I could shout through the wall to her.  And she calls me.  What kind of lazy BS is that?

Yeah, sometimes this house is very empty with just one person living here.  It feels kind of nice, then, to have another person around.  I'll see if I feel that way when she leaves next week.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2023

I've got to say that this month has grown on me, or at least my dick has.  The baker's dozen women here have collectively been impressive.  In fact, I may call it out as one of the best months for the Hooters calendar I have ever seen.

Moreover, I think I am going to finally throw out my edict of automatically awarding the top spot each month to the Hooters waitress showing off her ass.  I mean, Gabriela of Sunrise, Fla., seems to have a nice half-ass (that's what she seems to be showing).  But for one, she's posing with her side toward the camera, so I'm not entirely sure what percentage of her nice ass is uncovered.  But more than that, there are five more babes who, truly, look better than Gabriela.

So Gabriela is sixth (and by the way, the seven I will not mention here are still pretty good lookin'; these also-rans are probably better than the also-rans of most any other month I've seen in a Hooters calendar.  That's how good April '23 is).  In ascending order, here are the Top 5:

• In fifth place is Maria, hailing from King of Prussia, Pa.  She stands out largely for the side of her picture.  I have noticed over the years that there are essentially three sizes of photos in the calendar: The biggest one for The Main Girl, and then there's a ... smaller one, and then a ... smaller one than that.  Maria's is second-biggest, in a size I have never seen before.  But that's great because it shows off her gorgeous, thin, athletic body.  She has long, dark hair and a distinctive Roman nose, and she's wearing a yellow (or gold, or what) two-piece bikini joined together with rings.  And the backdrop is a beach at sunset; I am a sucker for such shots, even moreso if that backdrop is fake.  Nonetheless, it's a fantastic photo.
• In fourth place is Alix, from Bradenton, Fla.  Long brunette hair, cute cat's eyes, patterned two-piece.  What I like most about Alix is that she's posing right at me, showing off her hot, taut body.
• In third place is Tulita, of Rock Hill, S. C.  Long brunette or dark hair, and she's wearing a purple two-piece bikini that is tied everywhere.  She's posing up against a volleyball net for some reason, and that's alright because I like volleyball.  But it's her eyes that do it for me.  Maybe it's because they're beady, or it's the color, but the way Tulita looks at the camera ... ooh, goddamn, she makes me hard!
• In second place is Savannah, hailing from St. Peter's, Mo.  The only blonde on my list, her long hair cascades off her shoulders and rests against her milky skin.  She's posed at a sort-of 45-degree angle towards the camera, and she's sporting a tri-colored two-piece.  Two things stand out with Savannah: Her radiant smile and the vigorous vertical line from her boobs down to her navel.  That's a sign of toned body, and fuckin' A, I'm a sucker for it!
• Finally, in first place is Brittany, also from King of Prussia, Pa.  Long, pitch-black hair resting over her left shoulder, posed at 45 degrees, wearing a white two-piece bikini with what looks like red-and-white ropes.  What stands out is that Brittany, I think, is the first Hooters woman I've seen in the calendar with tattoos.  She's got two big ones, one on her left forearm and one on her left shoulder.  Also, I just noticed that she's got big lips.  She just looks fuckin' badass, like she'd mount me, close her vaginal walls around my cock, and tear it off of my body ... and I'd be cumming and smiling once she did it.  Devastatingly gorgeous.

So congratulations to Brittany and all the hot women of April 2023, especially my Top 6.  I will masturbate to you half-dozen as soon as I have the house to myself again!

Addendum To: Addendum To: Goddammit, My Sister's Coming Home To Visit

And fuckin' A, the washing machine just broke.  The final thing I am going to wash for my sister (and if she doesn't like it, she can go fuck herself) were bath towels, and I came back from Hooters and getting jerked off by two hot women to see the towels in standing water.  If the washer's clogged, I'm going to go fucking ballistic.

And I was hoping, even praying, that it would be OK for me to do what I want to do outside while the washer was going.  I always have fears that it would break down, but I am trying to overcome that.  I did that this morning, and goddammit, the fucking thing broke down.

I am putting it on rinse, and I hope it works.  If not ...

Addendum To: Goddammit, My Sister's Coming Home To Visit

Yeah, my fucking sister does seem to think I am her goddamn maid.  I did ask her about these sheets that was lying on her bed.  She told me to wash them.  I don't think she uses sheets.  I don't use a sheet.  I mean, I do have, like, a sheet around the mattress, but then I lie on it, and then I put a blanket on top of myself.  I don't need no sheet.  But she says to wash them.  It'll piss me off so bad if she doesn't use the sheets that I'm washing as I type this.

Moreover, she says, and I quote from her text, "Wash them all."  I don't know what "all" is to her, but I saw two towels laying amongst the sheets, too.  I don't feel like asking if she wants the towels washed, because I will totally fucking resent her if she says yes.  But I can't not wash them and have her pissed at me all week.  She's such a petty bitch that she'll complain to our parents that I didn't wash her bath towels, and if they start yelling at me, I'll start yelling at them, and then goddamn motherfuckin' World War III will break out.  Fuck that and fuck her -- and I will wash the towels.

She's not even here and I fucking hate my sister right now.  This bullshit pisses me off so bad. ...

Monday morning, while I was sitting up on the side of the bed, I sneezed, and apparently I sneezed so, uh, robustly that the snot reached my mirror, which was about a yard away.  And it wasn't just one drop of snot, big as it is; I sprayed it over a good area on the mirror.  And I think that's cool, and a sign of my virility.  I still got it, even though I have never sprayed snot a yard away onto my mirror before!

Wish I could do that when I cum.

Goddammit, My Sister's Coming Home To Visit

Yes, I love my sister.  And I will do as much as I can with her while she is home -- a place, by the way, she does not necessarily want to go, but I think she felt like she needed to get away from my brother-in-law.  But I have to confess that when she told me she was coming home last week, and she's arriving this weekend and staying for a week, she basically fucked up my plans.

Said plans included finally getting a much-needed massage on Friday and working out during the daytime, something that obviously is rare when you're working 9 to 5, so I wanted to take advantage of that this week, since I'm working second shift.  But last weekend she told me she was coming in overnight Friday/early Saturday morning.  I'm a vibe kind of guy, and I was hoping that on Friday I would wake up late, immediately go to the massage, come home, take a nap, work, then come home again to begin enjoying my weekend.  But now I have to go all the way down to the airport to pick her up -- not relaxing.  Furthermore, her plane arrives at a quarter to 2.  I am done at midnight, but it doesn't make sense to go back up to my house and chill for an hour before I have to go all the way down to the south side of the metro area.  There is overtime available for pick-up at work, and so I might as well spend another hour or so after I should be done just to occupy my time before picking up sis.  But working nine hours instead of eight is taxing on my body, and I think I have to eat something unhealthy just for my mental state.  So bye-bye, benefits of a massage.

What is worse is that my sister wants her bedroom to be clean.  She thinks I'm a maid?!  This edict from hers has freaked me out.  She wants clean sheets, so I spent Monday washing and drying her pillowcases.  But does she use a bedsheet as well?  Meanwhile, after I asked for clarification, goddammit, she wants her floor mopped and/or swept.  So I fucking bought a goddamn Swiffer yesterday/Tuesday just so I could mop her bedroom floor.  I thought about buying one because I could use it for my bedroom too, but still, damn!

I am being selfish about this, I know.  But I wanted a quiet week where I didn't have to shell out any money, and because of her, it's become the opposite.  Yesterday/Tuesday I was hoping I could just stay home, go out to work and come back.  But now that sis is coming home, I spent damn well near $100 on not only the Swiffer but all the other things I couldn't help but buy because I spent money that day and hey, in for a penny, in for a pound.  And since I'm not done preparing her bedroom, I don't know if I have the time to go work out in the morning or early afternoon.  And I hate that.  Plus, as of right now, her bedroom isn't clean.

But I love my sis, and I look forward to seeing her -- right?

OF Craps

You know, sometimes you take a chance on OnlyFans because she's a Playmate and she's delivered for you before, so why not spend $29?  But I looked back on my spreadsheet and paying that much, or more, for the photo or video is a crapshoot.  Sometimes they come through; sometimes it's no nudity at all, and I get really fucking burned.

And then there is the technical shit like this time around.  She said she was doing these photos and video in an airplane bathroom, and I'm a sucker for shit like that.  Well, for $29 I saw her tits in two photos ... and that's it.  Yeah, I saw her boobs, so I'm happy, but for $29?  Not happy.

So I Won Something!

I keep to my usual routine of complaining about stuff, and I'll get back to that in short order.  But I have to admit yesterday/Monday was a good day.  That's because I won something at work.

We were celebrating ourselves as a company, and so we were given raffle tickets to enter to win one of seven prizes.  From what I hear, the most intriguing prize was a portable fire grill.  And I got it!  Now, I don't know how to use it, even after seeing a couple videos on it.  And even if I do learn how to use it, I don't know when I would use it; I don't go camping, and I can't see myself taking it with me on a hike, which is one of the occasions the company that sells this says one can use it.

No matter.  I won it, and since I think a lot of other people wanted it and didn't win it, this portable fire pit, which I may never even open, has tremendous value to me right now.  This win strokes my ego.  It might even justify my existence.

Nightmare

I thought I was on a long highway, and I was driving on it.  And then it went up.  And then it turned into a rollercoaster.  And I thought I was driving on it, but I then was grabbing onto the rail with my whole body.  And this rollercoaster became an actual rollercoaster, where it was going real high and there were loops way ahead of me.  And I was somehow moving forward on this rollercoaster, but then I looked down and looked up and saw what the hell I had to go through in order to stay on this ... thing.  And I got scared that I won't be able to stay on, but I won't be able to move forward, either.

And then I woke up.

She's Hot, And She Believes In Conspiracy Theories!

Got into it with another hot Facebook friend who posted basically a "Don't Tread On Me" meme.  Harboring hopes that she'll do nude modeling and flash me her twat again, I engaged her and how, uh, coincidental all these "government should mind their own business" memes pop up whenever a Democrat is President.  She immediately got defensive and told me to prove that she hasn't just began to publish anti-Democratic, pro-fascist, stupid slogans just now.  I'm not going to prove that; I have more important things to do.  Well, maybe eventually, seeing as, you know, I am trying to convince her to show me her pussy again.  She's hot and she has impulse control - the perfect combination!