Thoughts On 2023

Things weren't bad, if I am being honest with myself.  Lost Grandmother's best friend back in May or June -- I should look for an obit again -- and that represents the final closing of any connection with Grandmother on Earth ... well, there is her family, so I am being melodramatic.  But everyone else I know and love are still alive.  I risk that streak in 2024, but I don't want to think about that right now.

Work is good.  I think my boss's discouragement of me having overtime may grow to be a problem, but it hasn't been more than an occasional pain-in-the-ass.  As another person gets trained in, I will be working in The Fourth Department fewer and fewer days.  I will see how I feel when that finally happens.

Family is good.  Parents and I didn't fight as much while they were here.  I still get annoyed and sometimes get into arguments with Mother, like last/Saturday night, over being diligent over bills and stuff.  But hey, as long as they're on the other side of the world, they can't touch me.  And really, as long as they're over there, I like them more.  Because they can't hurt me while they're in the house.

I continue to try and maintain relationships with my stripper girlfriends.  I don't go out to strip clubs anymore, and I realize now that the ones I have made friendships, and friend-with-benefits-ships, with, are basically the ones I've got.  Going out to new strip clubs is an expensive venture, and maybe I'm happy with who I have.  Or, maybe I will get restless and see if I want to see other women.

I love the stability 2023 gave me.  But I wonder if I am, or am going to get, restless, and not just with seeing other women.  Eating and getting fat remain an issue with me, for example.  I feel very obligated to eat everything my parents made for me in the freezer -- I still have, I think, more than half of it left -- and to drink all the alcohol I have bought.  That's a lot of pounds I'm packing.  And after tomorrow/Monday/New Year's Eve, I don't have the excuse anymore of indulging for the holidays.  I should be watching my weight regardless, but I really, really should start taking care of my body starting in 2024, specifically slimming my waistline and lowering my cholesterol and high blood pressure.  (I honestly think that I now weigh more than most of the people I know.  I was a rail all through college.  Swear I was 125 pounds when I graduated with my bachelor's.  Humbling and sad.)  You know, I should work on my temper, too.  I fall into a violent dream and my heart starts racing to the point my chest hurts.  Maybe I should do things to stop that.

That requires change, and I hate change.  But there are some things that I can do and be better at, and I wonder when, or if, I will get sick of the same old same old.  Should I go back to school and upgrade my skills so I can get a better-paying job?  Should I make a more concerted effort to find someone to spend the rest of my life with?  The more things stay the same, the more I fear things get staid.  And the world won't stay the same for me.  If things change around me, what will happen, and how will I fare?

You know, maybe this time next year I will be doing the same damn thing I've always done.  And maybe I will be fine with it knowing that, deep down in my heart, I am who I am.  But there might always be a chance that I will do something different.  Will I reject that?  Or will I embrace that?

Happy New Year, everyone.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

A reminder that since this is the last Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for 2023, we will reset the day of the week these come out for 2024.  It is the day of the week January 8, 2024 falls under, and that means that all WMNSSs for next year will be published (unless I'm busy, or I forget) on Mondays.  And now I'm thinking how that'll impact me trying to start my workweek.  This time last year I was thinking about how I would spit these out on Sundays when I'm working Vikings Games.  I'm trading one bad situation for another, but maybe Mondays are worse.  Anyway, I am now musing aloud.  Herewith, The Final Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for 2023:

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Lost at The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics by 23, and there's no shame in that, they're a good squad.  They then came home and beat Dallas and, in an extremely tight one, The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers.  Defeating Lebron James & Co. was important: James made a deep jumper late that would have tied it at 107 except it was ruled his foot was on the line; they beat The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0 on a Saturday when the Wild and the Gopher women's basketball team lost, saving the Twin Cities from another #MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA result (not to mention both of my alma mater's basketball teams lost last/Saturday night as well); and this Win means The Minnesota Timberwolves finish calendar Year 2023 as The Best Team In The Western Conference (and the second-best team in the NBA behind Boston).  I think it's fair to be scared of what misfortune may befall this club, but this season has given ample reason for a beleaguered fanbase to finally hope that this franchise will finally see better and more successful days.

Looks like they'll be close to Times Square as the ball drops; they face New York at Madison Square Garden New Year's Afternoon.  They then host The Bastard Charlotte Hornets before embarking on a four-Game road trip starting with a Texas two-step of Houston and Dallas.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Finished their non-con with an 18-Point Win over Maine at The Barn.  Finished that portion of their schedule with a 9-2 record, which is a hell of a lot better than the 7-5 non-con record they had last Year.  But there are no bodybag Games from here on out -- it is league play from now until the end of the season, with a road date with Michigan Thursday and Maryland at Williams next Sunday.  I hope for improved play from this program for 2024, but I'm still not sure.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  I thought the Golden Gophers would put up a better fight than they did at Iowa yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  Actually, I confess I thought there was a 2-5% chance they would win.  Either they would triple-team Caitlin Clark and make her teammates beat them, or they would allow Clark to get 55 if she wanted and make sure no one else on the Hawkeyes would score.

Well, turns out everybody got theirs; Clark went off for 35 (on 13-for-22 shooting where she made half of her 16 Three-Point Attempts) in a 94-71 rout.  This squad continues to live or die -- well, in this case die -- by the three: 3-for-19, egad.  In nearly all statistics Iowa had sizable advantages: Rebounds (43-32), Assists (23-14), Shooting Percentage (58.3-39.4), Fast Break Points (17-4), Bench Points (25-12), you name it.  So maybe Iowa has proven themselves to be a very, very good group.  And maybe I should slow my roll as to how much of a breakout surprise the U. will be.

The challenges don't stop as Maryland comes to town Wednesday.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Doubled up Detroit at home Wednesday, but got doubled up in Winnipeg yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  Kirill Kaprizov has finally picked it up and Matt Boldy and Marco Rossi seem to be settling in and contributing.  But the climb to get back into playoff contention appears to be a greater obstacle now that The Bastard Winnipeg Jets (and are they moving out of Phoenix or what?) are four Points ahead of Minnesota for the final postseason birth when they were only two this time last survey.  By the way, even though this may be more causal than correlative, replacing Dean Evason with John Hynes has proven to have sparked this squad.

They finish the home-and-home with The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers this/Sunday afternoon.  They then host The Bastard Atlanta Flames and Tampa before visiting Columbus.  All of these four tilts will occur on alternating days.

#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  The Vikes' playoff chances took a massive, massive hit last Sunday when they couldn't close the deal yet again, this time at home to Detroit.  In a story told too many times this season, it looked like the team would have been able to pull out a victory if not for the play of the Quarterback.  This time it was Nick Mullens being responsible for a lot of the Loss; it was his four Interceptions that largely did Minnesota in, especially the last one, late in the Game as the Vikings were driving for a go-ahead Touchdown.  Brandon Powell evidently was open, but Mullens threw to Justin Jefferson in the End Zone in triple coverage.  Mullens has had a propensity in his short, journeyman career as an NFL QB to throw picks, but remember that he threw to Jefferson in double coverage on Fourth Down and JJ went up and fuckin' got it, so Mullens thought he was God and could catch anything no matter how many Lions were stuck to him.

Note that we are all pining for Kirk Cousins right now.  A man who has shown time and time again he has difficulty when it's on him to win contests is now the savior Vikings fans pine for but know they can't get because he's out for the Year.  Some of us were ready to move on from him, but because of what has transpired this season, we're all ready for the franchise to re-up with him.  Meanwhile, Head Coach Kevin O'Connell has decided to bench Mullens and go back to Rookie and anointed back-up Jaren Hall to start tonight/Sunday night against Green Bay at U. S. Bank Stadium in what I think is a de facto eliminator.  The Packers will be without their two best Cornerbacks -- one is on Injured Reserve, the other is suspended for this Game for conduct detrimental to the team -- and yet I still think Hall will have to outscore The Cheeseheads to win.  This could be the final nail in the coffin for this team.

Why Are My Eyes Watering In My Bedroom?

This has happened for as long as I can remember since I forced to move in there, and yet I haven't really noticed until maybe a couple days ago.  Oftentimes, as I lay in bed, my eyes start to water.  It eventually stops, but some times it lasts a lot longer than other times.

Why is that?  I have no idea, but I should investigate more.  It shouldn't happen, right?  It might have something to do with the room, like the paint.  Or, it might have something to do with the air, whether it's the vents in my room or the central air itself.  Or, maybe it's radon?  The city has radon detectors.  It's weird in that it appears to be a longitudinal study of a kind: You set it up somewhere in your house and you just leave it for, like, three months.  It's free, so maybe I should do it?

For the first time in a long time, I came twice in one day.  In one evening, in fact.  Didn't pud out much; it's not like I can turn back the clocks on my ejaculate.  But both times I was out of my mind tired, and that meant that all my blood rushed into my dick, and that got me all horny, and so I looked at some porn on the Internet and started touching myself.  There might not have been semen, but there was completion, and thank goodness I can still get it up and get it out if the mood strikes me.

Addendum To: Do I Or Do I Not Want To Get Cut Early?

Well, I blog posted my thoughts about 24 hours ago, but then what happened at work yesterday/Thursday happens.  When I left work Wednesday, my boss told me the last two days this week will be so light that we will be cut early.  Were we cut early yesterday/Thursday?  Fuck to the no.  The lab did other stuff, so in the morning he decided we would be keying that stuff once we got done with our stuff.  (Turns out there was more of our stuff that we needed to do, and because the goddamn scanner is shit and I had to literally shove the forms in them every five fuckin' minutes, we basically had a full day.  The other people in The Main Department did that other stuff for the last, oh, 20 minutes of their workday.)  See, I was led to believe I would have a short day, so I began to plan my afternoon after leaving work, but then I was told that I would not be leaving early after all, and so I feel misled.

Near the end of the day, my boss came over and said I could leave early.  It was only 15 minutes or so, but, as he has been telling me more and more often as I finish out my day in The Main Department, if I built up overtime because of working in The Fourth Department early in the week, I could thus leave early later in the week.  Well, maybe I shouldn't say, "I could thus leave early"; it's more like, "my boss is telling me to leave."  He's on me doing only 40 hours again, and while he might not be directly haranguing me about it, I think he is doing the next best thing, which is just telling me to go when the opportunity to go arises.

He in fact told me as I was leaving yesterday/Thursday that his intent is to have me leave early enough today/Friday so that I work only 40 hours.  Well, he expected to cut us all yesterday/Thursday and that shit didn't happen, so we'll see if he can come through with his promise this time around.  (I have already planned on exercising at the community center straight from work if I leave early enough.)  But even though he was straight with me late in my day, I'm still bothered by his manipulation into making sure I don't get overtime.  The work is the work.  We need to stick around until the work gets done.  We are still short-staffed; in fact, another person was let go a week ago, and I don't think that departure was either planned or, from my former co-worker's point-of-view, wanted.  Regardless, my boss is damned to prevent me from getting any OT.  And I'll be honest: I have gotten a good quaff of OT this year, and I want some more goddamn OT.  So yeah, what he said yesterday got my goat a little.

And yes, I am upset at him for wanting to cut me early when, in the morning, I got upset with him for not cutting me early.  My grievance swings in one direction and then swings in the other.  Does that make me a hypocrite?  Sure!

Do I Or Do I Not Want To Get Cut Early?

I should keep remembering this, but I'm not certain whether I've been cut early for Limbo Week, like My Main Department was yesterday/Wednesday.  I missed part of Limbo Week last year as I was coming back from family vacation to Hawai'i, but I clocked in full days that Thursday and Friday.  I thought I could check 2021, when I know I was in town and probably working Limbo Week 2021, but we switched timecard systems some time in 2022 because I saw no record of my hours two years ago.

One the one hand I'm not a fan because when you get cut early you have to use your paid time off.  I have mentioned here in WAF before that I am way below want I want to carry into 2024.  I feel like I took off one day too many, and now that we're getting cut early (at least that's what my boss anticipates will happen both today/Thursday and tomorrow/Friday), I will be using way, way more.  (My boss was making a big push to make sure all of were below the carryover limit of 40 hours, but maybe we shouldn't have panicked because we all seem to be needing to use some paid time off for Limbo Week.)  In fact, a part of me wishes I could be asked to come and work Saturday because there might be a chance I would be getting paid time off back if I do.

On the other hand, it would be nice to come home early from work, or exercise in the afternoon when the community center is free, especially during Limbo Week when no one else seems to be going out to work or the gym.  There are some things I have been neglecting for a while -- my fitness, my sleep pattern, etc.  I'm to the point where I will take paid time off in order to physically and mentally reset.

What should have happened was that I got to, oh, around 48 hours of paid time off as I got into December, meaning I needed to burn off eight hours or else I lose some of it.  With the pattern of getting cut early being established, I feel as though I would be able to use eight hours of it this week, meaning I would be just under the 40-hour cut line as we head into the New Year.  That would've been perfect.  What's happening now?  Eh, not so perfect. ...

Welcome To Limbo Week

This year, probably more than any year before, I am jealous of people who have this week -- the last week of the year, the one between Christmas and New Year's -- off as a matter of course.  What jobs do they have, and are they hiring?  Because it has always been kind of a waste to go in and work.  If there are enough people not working the week, there probably isn't enough work for other people to go into work and work, you know?  (Having said that, I worked till 6 o'clock yesterday/Tuesday, so maybe I am the exception.)

Limbo Week is affecting me in other ways.  I am dependent on calling other places for missing information, and yesterday/Tuesday I received several automated, on-vacation e-mails.  Time is of the essence in my line of work, so not getting any replies for a week is going to screw some things up.  On the bright side, there were less cars on the road yesterday/Tuesday morning because of those of you who don't need to work this week, which should make my morning commute easier and faster.

Went to see Aquaman 2 last/Tuesday night.  (Not a bad movie, but much of the movie was banter between the two leads who are brothers, and that could've been a lot more clever.)  I came in after the announced showtime because of trailers.  What I forget was that kids don't have school Limbo Week, and so families were out at the movies -- including the three big ones who were in front of me at the concession stands.  And they weren't budging.  I was about to miss the start of the movie, and I don't want to do my OCD thing whereby I pay a second time to make sure I see the start of the film, so I left the line and just went into the screen to watch.  This is a broke-down theater, and it has been understaffed ever since the pandemic, and even before then.  I bought a ticket through Atom for which I got a massive discount through T-Mobile Tuesdays (thanks, T-Mobile!).  I needed to scan the ticket, but I wasn't going to wait for these stupid groups in front of me to decide what they want to eat for the film they wanted to see.  So I just headed in.  I figured that if someone was going to stop me, I would show them my phone and the electronic ticket I bought online and just say I didn't want to wait.  Got in, at most, two minutes before Aquaman 2 started (which was about 20 minutes after its advertised showtime of 6:50).  I made the right decision.

Finally, Limbo Week is also College Football Bowl Week, and my alma mater is playing tonight/Wednesday night.  I, as organizer of our Game-watching parties, had to go downtown Minneapolis last/Tuesday night to make sure our bar is cool with us watching there the next evening.  Limbo Week is the only week I would need to make sure a large group of people can watch a bowl Game, and I would specifically have to go this place on back-to-back days.  If this were next week, I would, or could, be going straight home.

Yes, Limbo Week is kind of weird.

I Think I Now Hate Data Entry

Hey, first of all (even though it's a bit late), I should add one clarifying detail to the Christmas Song Blog Post from yesterday/Monday/Christmas.  Even though Donny Hathaway was plagued with paranoid schizophrenia, he was diagnosed with that in 1971, and he wrote and released "This Christmas" in 1970.

OK.  I was going to blog post about this last week, but the damn car drama dominated my thoughts and Wailing And Failing.  I worked in The Fourth Department all week last week, and it may be the last time I will ever do that at work.  I had pulled in many weeks, and in fact (if I recall correctly) several weeks strung together (months maybe) this past year as one person who can do the job was busy supervising and the other who can do the job had to take leave.

This position is still a pain-in-the-ass many times, and I reserve the right to bitch about it here on WAF perpetually.  But yes, I have grown to love it.  For one, I like the variety of problems that crop up, even though I beg you not to tell the people at work I complain to about those problems.  It keeps me on my toes and makes the day go by, even if the work forces me to extend that day.  Also, I like the independence that goes with it.  I am the only person working in this department most times, and I have few people peering over my shoulder ever micromanaging me.  That autonomy has become very important to me.  (Have I talked about all this before here already?)

But the arrangement, at least for now, is that I do the first half of the week and the person who is back from leave do the back half.  Understandable since I can't be the only person who does this job and it's the type of job where you need to keep doing it from time to time to keep your skills sharp.  But for the back half of the week I am back in The Main Department, and while I am happy that no one is e-mailing me about a problem when I work there, I am bored to death keying all day.  Plus, I am back working in a hallway, and I hate having people walk around me while I'm at my desk.  Maybe saying I hate data entry now is harsh to say.  But The Fourth Department has such tangible benefits that I think they now outweigh most anything My Main Department can give me.  But alas, that's where I am going to be Fridays and Thursdays and every other Wednesday.  And, by the way, another person is going to be trained in The Fourth Department after the New Year, and she works the first half of the workweek, so technically she will be able to work the same days in The Fourth Department I am working now.

So I need to count my blessings that I work in The Fourth Department today/Tuesday and tomorrow/Wednesday, because I will just be banging keys Thursday and Friday, and slapping the sides of scanners that don't work and trying to stay awake at my computer (sigh).  Great.

Christmas 2023 Thoughts

So I went down to The Only Place Open Late Christmas Eve for some scotch.  Really nice to resume this tradition I have for myself after a year in Hawai'i and two years of the pandemic.  Hope the bartender wasn't mad I took the cap of the whiskey she recommended out of her hand.  I ... thought that was OK.

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The car is working just fine.  Still paranoid, though.  Apparently I haven't treated it well, and so the car is no longer optimal.  I just hate feeling as though whenever I drive to a place for pleasure, I am hurting my car, and so my car, or God, will punish me for just trying to live.  But I am driving my car slower and easier -- at least for now.

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It's not winter.  It's been raining since, I think, yesterday/Sunday.  Doesn't matter to me because I'm not going out today.  Just eating the stuff my parents froze for me, making myself some drinks, washing clothes and going through my parents' financial affairs.  Maybe I could just stay in my bed and do nothing, but I should take time today to do some stuff.  I work tomorrow, and honestly, I'm bummed about it.  I want to be one of those people who have that limbo week between Christmas and New Year's off.  But I'm not, and so I feel like if I need to work tomorrow, I should get back into the swing of things and "work" today.

I feel bummed that, I think more this year than many other years, Christmas seems "over" now, as I type this.  This is solidly in the afternoon, and there's nowhere I have to be, and I am enjoying myself (even though preparing for tomorrow isn't fun at all).  But once I was preparing for bed last night, all the Christmas music I was enjoying leading up to today (and by the way, I think this Christmas season [and I define that as from Black Friday until Christmas] has been as long as I expected -- not too long, not too short) feels stale.  It never made sense to me to listen to that music on December 26, but it feels weird to me to listen to it now.  Maybe it's because it doesn't look like winter outside.  Or, maybe I'm distracted; I worked the Vikings Game yesterday/Sunday, and there was and is football and basketball to watch and listen to yesterday and today.

Or, maybe I'm sad.  I love anticipating great days because they are coming; you're just waiting for it to get here.  But once it is here, you know it's going to be gone at some point.  That always depresses me.  Something can't go away if it doesn't get here.  It can't die.  And so, as much as I am content right now, Christmas Day is, well, dying in front of my eyes.  And if it is, maybe I just want to get it over with -- you know, save myself arduously enduring its death so I can get on with my life, even if it is getting back to, ick, work.

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Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas, everyone.

This Year's Christmas Song Is ...

... and I hope I'm not repeating myself, but it's one I have wanted to highlight for some time: "This Christmas," performed by soul artist Donny Hathaway and written by him and Nadine McKinnor.  With no disrespect to other hits and classics, if Black America had a Christmas song, it would be "This Christmas."  This is a perfect Christmas-themed tune created with soul in mind.  It is rhapsodically joyous, and it hits all the tropes of the holiday and the season in a fresh way.  Plus, I like how the time signature of the song changes, if only for one note: It's 4/4 until the last part of the horns sting, which only lasts three beats.  That little change makes "This Christmas" stand out from most other seasonal standards.  In many, many ways, it's a perfect Christmas song, and I feel really bad that I didn't appreciate it until recently:

The story of Donny Hathaway, however, is as tragic as his song is glorious.  He was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and in the mid-seventies he was in and out of hospitals so much it derailed his career.  One day in 1979, a recording session was cancelled because Hathaway was having bouts of mental illness again.  That evening, he jumped 15 floors from his New York City hotel to his death.

So sad that a man who gave the world this beautiful song met such an untimely end.  But we get to celebrate his contribution to the Christmas canon this time every year.

For those who celebrate, Merry Christmas.

Do you remember the "WALK" and "DONT WALK" signs on stoplights?  They've been replaced a long time ago by pictures of a walking person and ... shoot, I don't remember the last time paid attention, a hand, right?  Well, coming back from my second taste test last Sunday (and yes, I used the minivan, and yes, I got home just fine), I was waiting on the intersection of Carlson Pkwy. and Cheshire Ln. and I noticed those old "WALK and "DONT WALK" signs, and my goodness, it took me way, way back.

I was going to blog post about this earlier than now, but my fucking car blew up on me.  But I have time now to blog post, so I'm going to just slide this one in.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  Overall, this has been a great Week for local sports -- a combined 8-2 record.  But with all but the money-making basketball teams at the U. taking the holidays off, it's the two pro teams (the Vikings technically didn't play over the screening Week) that did the heavy lifting.  Both Gopher squads won their sole (non-conference) Game this Week.

So am I really going to hew to hackneyed dictate and just throw both college clubs on top just because they went undefeated even though they played three fewer contests than the Wolves and Wild.  Well, yes.  It's the Christmas season.  I don't think both teams have been above both winter pro teams yet this Year.  I'm being generous!

Now, with that being said, I am putting the women's team above the men's team.  I have to break the tie somehow.  And while eviscerating Lindenwood Thursday afternoon, 100-45, as part of a Williams Arena Doubleheader featuring both teams is quite impressive, I am more impressed with the women's team's future prospects than the men's.  They finished non-conference play at 10-1 (the only Loss being to UConn), they eked out a Win in their only conference matchup so far, and Mara Braun is on the brink of stardom.  This talented-on-paper club finally has the discipline and the tactics to be a fearsome foe, and I am expecting big, exciting things for them the rest of the season.

With that being said, the squad's biggest conference throwdown in a long, long time happens Saturday afternoon as Caitlin Clark and Iowa come to town.  Game's already sold out.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3).  Now, I don't want to shade the men's team.  In the back half of that Doubleheader, the men ran away from Ball St., 80-63.  That might not be a big accomplishment, but I'm not sure last season's club would beat the Cardinals.  Still, while I am glad they're 9-3, I think the jury's still out on how good they'll be once they plunge into the B1G.  But they don't have to do that yet; they finish up their non-con schedule hosting Maine on Friday.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  Outlasted the Heat (and Jimmy Butler; he finally played them after ducking them so often) in Miami, beat The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers at Target and went on the road to defeat Sacramento.  They lost in Philadelphia to the 76ers, but that's understandable; they're a very good team, Joel Embiid went off for 51, and he was getting all the calls.  What's remarkable is that, as of press time, Minnesota is tied with Boston for The Best Record In The NBA.  That they're doing this 28 tilts into the season is mind-blowing.  In fact, the only thing I'm now scared of is whether these guys are peaking too soon.

At OKC Boxing Night, then host Dallas and The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers again.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  It's possible they've dug too deep a hole for them to crawl out of.  But you have to acknowledge they swept Boston and beat Montreal at the X despite starting off the screening Week with a Loss in Pittsburgh where Kris Letang embellished a Penalty that led to the Game-winning Goal for the Penguins on the Power Play.

It is strange to see this squad play well now on the ice despite all the weird crap that continues to come out of the front office.  Yesterday/Saturday the organization announced that Team Operations Director Andrew Heydt is leaving after a decade working for it.  It was revealed not too long ago that it was Heydt who filed a complaint to Wild Human Resources that General Manager Bill Guerin was verbally abusive on the job.  Guerin may have faced disciplinary action as a result, but this is another person in Wild brass who has left.  To my untrained eye, this feels like Guerin, whose public aura has been tarnished because of team dysfunction, is consolidating power.  But that's just me.

Meanwhile, have you noticed that Minnesota is only two Points off the final playoff spot in the Western Conference?  No matter how you slice it, the Wild still have a chance, and it's not an absurd one.  This Week: Home to Detroit, at Winnipeg.

Addendum To: I Don't Trust My Car Anymore

Oh, and another thing ... when I brought my car in, one of the other mechanics wondered aloud to everyone else in the shop whether I blew out the motor.  One of the other people told me right before I got my newly-restored, corrosion-free car back.

I'm guessing he was joking, but since this is my car, and I am nothing without it, I kind of need to lose it here a bit.  First of all, like I've said, I don't ride my car that hard.  I may be neglectful, and sure, I might gun my car to get in front of the traffic when I need to take a right onto 65 every morning, but I'm not driving like I'm in Fast & The Furious, OK?  Second of all, they all changed the oil.  The oil, and my car, is as new as it's going to be.  And he thinks I blew out my motor the day I get it back?!  That doesn't make any fuckin' sense!!!

So hearing all of this makes me feel bad, like I screwed up my car.  No, I don't feel as though I can trust driving my car, at least not now, but I now feel as if it's my fault.  Man, I'm just trying to live.  I do my best to maintain things, but I think I did the best I could with this.  And now I'm being told that it has one foot in the grave?  Don't tell me that when I have Christmas shopping I still have to do today.  And seeing my ATF at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  And working the Vikings Game tomorrow.  And vegetating at the Irish pub as Christmas Eve turns to Christmas Day.  I don't need to hear that shit now.

I Don't Trust My Car Anymore

So the lights go up because it needs an oil change, one the car didn't say I needed.  But the mechanic said that once they changed the oil, the lights stayed off.  So there's that.

The really fucking adventure began not after I picked it up yesterday/Friday morning, after which I drove it to work, but once I got cut from work early.  First, the low tire pressure light came back on.  I was able to drive to the bank, where I wanted to go.  I checked the tires and none of them seemed low.  A few years ago that same light came on inexplicably, and I used my tire pressure gauge to confirm that none of the tires were low, so, after calling the car shop again, it's possible that indicator light sensor has a dead battery.  There's a button turn off that indicator light, and I pressed it.

But once I got back on the road, I started to, at first, hear a rhythmic thumping coming from the back of the car.  And then I felt a massive knocking back there.  It only got worse the faster and more I drove.  It got so bad that I immediately drove back to the car shop to figure out what the hell was going on.

They figured out that it was something that puzzled me about this car once before: The corrosion on the wheels grinded against the newly-rotated tires.  Someone had to chisel away the corrosion, but now it's driving fine and, thankfully, quieter.  I remembered that the first time I drove away from the previous shop I took my car to, there was a loud clacking noise too, only that time it happened when I applied the brakes, not the gas pedal.  Still, rust was the problem then, and that had to be cleaned out.

It ain't great that I have to immediately bring my car back to the shop the same day I picked it up, and I have now done this twice for this car.  I don't necessarily blame my car for that, even though there's something about my car or this model accumulating such harsh corrosion that it appears that sanding that off looks like it needs to happen before every tire rotation.  But I am starting to blame my car for all the other shit that keeps happening.  Stuff like not telling me that the oil could use a change until the dashboard lights came on all at once.  Like being so goddamn sensitive that losing a quart of oil and not having it changed after 7,000 miles now makes things go all haywire.  And like scaring the absolute fucking life out of me as I was trying to drive the car back to the mechanic even though the back end of it was shaking so fucking much.  There are fewer things in life scarier than driving a car that suddenly decided to stop working.

I could go on and on about how I no longer trust my car, but 1) I'm tired, 2) I'm still way too emotional from the trauma I felt driving my jalopy, and 3) my thoughts are all over the place, so I think it makes sense to just leave it here.

I Hate It When My Car Mechanic Talks Down To Me

Well, I am glad I asked and then was given permission to drive my car to the car shop Wednesday night and not last/Thursday night, even though they said they couldn't look at my car till today/Friday.  Turns out they caught up on their work and so was able to look at my car yesterday/Thursday.

That, I reckon, is the good news.  The bad news ... well, turns out the cost to fix what was ailing my car isn't that bad.  But the reason, according to the mechanic, as to why my dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree on Monday is, of all things, it needed an oil change.  Now I am not sure if even they know if what they did was the right fix.  But they said that the engine light code that was spat out had something to do with the camshaft or the crankshaft, and there was a timing issue that made the actuator go out of phase ... honestly, when he tried to explain it to me, nearly the whole damn thing flew over my head.  The thing I think I got is that the oil pressure got so low that the timing of ... uh, something got out of whack.

And then he started in on the oil.  He said it was running a quarter low, which doesn't sound bad to me, and it was quite dirty.  Hell, the dashboard indicator didn't say it was time to change it.  But this is where the car mechanic (who owns the place, by the way) started to admonish me about lazily depending on the car to tell me when to get its oil change and not the sticker he routinely puts on the top of my windshield.

Unfortunately for me, this is not the first time I ran into trouble with him regarding checking my oil.  Two visits ago he informed me that the reason I heard shaking noises from my car was because it had no oil left in the engine.  So he made me paranoid to check it.  I did, religiously.  I even threw in a quart once when it looked like it had only 25% left, and subsequent dipstick checks made me think that I in fact overfilled it.  And now he tells me losing a quarter of the oil that could be in my engine is enough to signal all these indicator lights?  Get out of here with that.

He was not done lecturing me.  He says the tires are worn out, too.  Now, ****e*, the stripper who cleaned my house a couple weeks ago, said the same thing.  I checked the tread and thought I could last another year, or before next winter.  But he made the executive decision to rotate the tires because what once were the front tires are at the bare minimum of usefulness (even in perfect weather).  "I drive my car hard," he says.  I don't think I drive it farther or harder than anyone else.  Besides, I use my car to, you know, live my life.  What's the saying?  "A ship in harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."  (John A. Shedd, in 1928.)

So my car maintenance, according to him, isn't enough.  I need to bring my car in for oil changes more frequently, I guess.  And shoot, maybe the tires need to be changed sooner rather than later.  Oh, and when I come in pick up my car this morning, he is going to give me some reading material to take with.  I think he said it was a Technical Service Bulletin, or TSB.  There's more stuff that needs to be fixed?  Or is it another thing my mechanic thinks I should do even though there's a chance I won't do it?

Either I'm going to give in to whatever he thinks should be done to the car and bring it in before my parents come home, or I won't see him again until the indicator lights come back on, whether it be next week or six months from now.  When I come back might depend on how badly he talks down to me.  Man, if this guy were a dentist, he'd condescend to me about not brushing my teeth twice a day.

Actually, I Should Be Depressed, But For Some Reason, I'm Not

With the owner's permission, I drove my broke-down car to his shop.  Even though he says he can't see it until tomorrow/Friday, I told him I didn't know if I had the time to drive it over tonight/Thursday night, like I initially wanted to.  Didn't tell him I planned on going to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division); more on that in a bit.

Honestly, my car drove fine.  Maybe I could drive it anywhere.  But those goddamn four indicator lights are still on, and so I have to get those checked out.  I looked at the Internet to make sure I knew what the indicator lights were indicating; I wanted to write them down on the envelope in which I was throwing my fob so they knew what was wrong.  I came across this website from a helpful Honda dealership in Ann Arbor, Mich.  And what it says actually calmed me down: "The good news is that not all dashboard warning lights require panic or anxiety," and, "Yellow means that you should drive with caution and have the problem checked out at your earlier convenience."  Those four lights are yellow.  And I drove cautiously, and the car gave me no problems.  I didn't hyperventilate once.  And it may have been because I read what I read just before I drove my jalopy to the shop.

Anyway, I'm hoping all of them came on as a result of the recent (and relative) cold snap that reached its lowest point Monday evening, when I started the car and when my dashboard lit up like a Christmas tree.  Therefore, maybe it just needs the lights to be reset.  Or, this guy is going to tell me the damn car needs two grand to get fixed.  If so, I'll just go, "Welp, he's the mechanic, whatever he says goes!"

---

My plan was to see my ATF, ******a, tonight/Thursday night.  But she prefer me cum tomorrow/Friday or Saturday.  I had planned on spending Saturday at the Megamall.  That's why I wanted to see her tonight, even though her club is on the way to MOA.  But if I get to the club early enough in the evening, I can see her and then go shopping.  That way I can do both things on one trip.

OK, Saturday it is.  And you know, I felt kind of a burden lifted off my shoulders.  I don't know why.  Despite my pessimism, the minivan is working just fine -- even very well.  I think it could have made the trek down to the strip club and back.  Me being Eeyore is the only reason I was scared that that car would break down out in the middle of nowhere.  But since ******a wants me to see her later in the week, that anxiety has just vanished.  And you know, there are some things closer to the metro area I should and could do instead.  I need to pick up a lemon and a lime because I don't plan on leaving the house on Christmas Day.  I could go to a speakeasy after work.  Mother wants me to go to a bank and pick up money for her, even though my parents are not even in the country right now.  All those things I can do now that I am not seeing my ATF tonight like I planned.

Of course, I might be staying at work long enough that I can't do any of those things.  And who knows, maybe the minivan will still break down closer to home.  But despite all my negative thoughts, I feel relatively unburdened right now.

I drank some leftover wine ****e* left for me when she cleaned the house.  Maybe that's why.

Friday? FRIDAY???

So the lights are still coming on, so I need to take my car to my mechanic.  Called him during lunch yesterday/Tuesday afternoon ... and he says he can look at it on Friday.  Friday?  So that means that that needs to be fixed over the course of that day or else I won't get it back until fucking Boxing Day.  I'll need to go to the Megamall on Saturday driving the minivan.  I will need to drive the minivan to the Vikings Game Christmas Eve.  Jesus fucking Christ, help me.

On the bright side, I drove the minivan to and from downtown to have a couple drinks from a speakeasy.  It didn't get stolen, and it didn't go to shit on me.  In fact, my blood pressure went down a tad once I turned off the car.  Maybe that thing can get me around places for the next week.  It has a new alternator; in some ways, it's newer than my car.  And that false sense of confidence probably means it'll go kaput on the way to work today.

My Car's Dashboard Lit Up Like A Fucking Christmas Tree

Started the car to go home last night.  And by God, not one, not two, not three, but four indicator lights came on.  The Check Engine and Vehicle Stability Assist System ones stayed on after the initial start, while the Tire Pressure Monitoring System one began blinking and then finally stayed on.  Then, just a bit later, the Electric Power Steering one came on too.  All four of those indicators are clustered on the upper-left part of the dashboard, so driving (slowly and carefully) on the way home, all I could do was look at that cluster praying to Buddha, God and all the deities above that no other lights, or one that was red (those four were all amber, and I guess I have to thank my lucky stars none of them were red), popped up on my way home.  But I got home -- with a heart attack, but I got home.

This is my worst fears come to life.  Is the car broken?  It's got more than 100,000 miles on it, but does that mean it's broken?  I have places I want to go this week.  I have to work the Vikings Game on Sunday.  And yes, I have the minivan, but I am still scared as hell to depend on one car, even though I know most people in the world have only one car.

And do I really need to get this car fixed?  It was working just fine yesterday.  It is very strange that all four indicators lights popped up at the same damn time.  And it is as cold as it has been all winter.  I did look online, but this may, may be a case where the sudden cold weather blindsided the sensors, and that's why they are lit up now.  (By the way, even though the power steering light popped on, I had no trouble steering the car all the way home.)

I don't want to bring my car in.  I never do, but not now, not when I have to work in The Fourth Department all week (and oh, I wanted to blog post about working in The Fourth Department all week ... maybe when I'm less anxious).  If I turn the car on this morning and all the lights stay off, I'm not bringing it in.  I might even try it again in the evening if they do come on in the morning (I'll use the minivan to drive to work if that's the case); it's supposed to warm back up to the above-freezing temperatures they've been at all winter by the afternoon, so if they don't come on, I might not think twice.  Or, they might still light up as soon as I turn the ignition and I'll fucking have to bring it in, goddammit.  I might need to bring it in anyway in case it's not the indicator lights but something worse.

God, I hate life right now.

Analyzing The 2022 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

First of all, I was not aware that I have been analyzing a year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue the following year.  Seems kind of late, but I have been doing that since I analyzed the '16 edition in 2017.  Then again, I have managed to do the review, at the latest, some time in the summer of the following year, and for 2022's, well, I have about two weeks left.  But, to be frank, even though I obviously bought this issue in 2022, and I think I opened up the box it came in at some point, I don't think I even leafed through the pages until, I think, Saturday.  Hey, I've been busy!

Maybe my procrastination in cracking open the magazine, let alone reviewing it her on WAF, stems from its progressiveness towards inclusion in its photo shoots.  I consider myself to be a progressive guy, but seeing more big-boned women in the issue over the years has been a massive turn-off (which probably means that I'm not that progressive of a guy).  The, uh, change in the SI Swimsuit Issue mirrors the downfall of the actual magazine itself, from being a treasure trove of soon-to-be-classic pieces of deep and insightful longform journalism into employing Artificial Intelligence to write up articles and to come up with images of "writers" who authored those articles.  In different ways both the weekly and the annual issues have become desiccated husks of what they proudly once were.  Honestly, I think I am buying the issue every year out of habit.

But then comes something as daring as fuck as Kelly Crump exposing her left breast with no nipple and a mastectomy scar on page 137, and like I said, I beat off to it just fine.  There are scant ways these days for Sports Illustrated to push the envelope, and while Crump's survivor story fits into the inclusion bent of the magazine, it happily serves a double purpose of being exceedingly kinky.

I should be grateful, but (and I have to admit I haven't done a real deep dive into the mag), I think this is another year where there aren't a whole lot of banger pics in it.  The more pages devoted to celebrities, the less I like it.  I mean, Ciara looks great, but that doesn't mean I want to see Mrs. Russell Wilson in beachwear (although I will recognize the getup she's wearing on p. 57, where she's wearing a denim two-piece ... and that's top as well as bottom).  And I don't need to see Elon Musk's mom in this issue because she birthed a bigot.  Finally, I bought the edition with Kim Kardashian on the cover; why there isn't a shot of her with her ass hanging out, I don't know.

I'm glad there are still veterans looking good and getting it done -- Kate Bock (who I think has been "forced to retire" because the edition gave her a retrospective celebrating ten years modeling for the Swimsuit Issue), Camille Kostek, and Hailey Clauson (welcome back, Hailey!).  And there are thin, model-looking models that are being introduced into the pages -- Katie Austin (fellow alum), Olivia Ponton (she's bisexual!), Christen Harper, Georgina Burke, Cindy Kimberly.  If they continue feeding us red-blooded heterosexual males hot-looking women, maybe this isn't a lost cause after all.

When it comes to particular photographs, I am reduced to seeing which models do show off their asses -- Tanaye White does it with a Cheshire Cat grin on page 122, Kimberly displays her sensual one on p. 130, and WNBA player DiDi Richards flashes ass (with kiss tattoo) on page 98.  There are some other beautiful photos, to be fair -- Natalia Mariduena looks borderline regal sitting in water on page 48; Josephine Skriver is lounging on bales of hay and twirling her hair while sporting a yellow two-piece bikini on p. 74; Lorena Duran is wearing a shirt collar thing that looks as though she's flashing her green bikini top on p. 78; and Brooks Nader looks spectacular with the sun making her hair glow on page 84.  You know, the more I look through this, the more I am warming to this (well, last) year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

Unfortunately, I have bought and have had the good sense to at least speed-read (or -see) the 2023 issue.  Kelly Crump appeared in the 2022 SI swimsuit edition's "Swim Search" because she was trying to appear as a "Rookie" in the 2023 edition.  She doesn't show up.  No more nipple-less boob shots to jerk off to, I'm afraid.

This Has Been A Very Good Weather Weekend

It's my kind of weather -- overcast, not hot nor humid.  Daytime highs have been above freezing today and yesterday -- and I think Friday and Thursday, too.  It could be ten or even 20 degrees warmer, and it has been raining so it could be less damp.  But hey, at least it isn't 19 degrees (feeling like only 7 above) with snow on the ground, which it was on this date last year.

What it has felt like this weekend is fall-like, what you typically expect in November, even October.  I took a walk after my first taste test yesterday/Saturday afternoon because I wanted to enjoy the cloudy weather (and totally avoid catching the end of the Vikings Game, which, of course, they lost).  There are new signs along 694 indicating a Mississippi River recreation area that is close by, and I decided to take the county up on its advertising by finally driving down there exploring the trails around there for half an hour.  Don't know why some of the parking lots and trails are closed to driving through, but I managed to get some exercise in while trying to quiet my mind and stay in the moment.  When you look up to the sky and see clouds and no overpowering sun, and you're not bothered by shivering, sweating (well, at least not too much sweating, I was walking), insects or slipping and falling on ice ... man, how can I complain?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  They had their winning streak end at six Monday in New Orleans, so no more Positive Numbers for the Wolves.  But they have since gone back on a two-Game winning streak with victories over Dallas Thursday and Indiana last/Saturday night.  They no longer have The Best Record In The NBA (that currently belongs to Boston), but they still have The Best Record In The Western Conference.

Brandon Mileski of The Common Man Progrum said it best after they went to Big D and defeating the Mavericks: That 119-101 Win was the type of professional Win that you have never, ever seen The Minnesota Timberwolves demonstrate.  This is a gigantic about-face from last season, let alone their entire franchise history.  But this screening Week is yet more proof that these guys may not be a flash in the pan and may more be like actual championship contenders.  And to think that these guys would ever have their shit together and the Wild, their fellow winter pro franchise in Minnesota, wouldn't (see below).

Busy Week this Week: At Miami tomorrow/Monday (will Jimmy Butler be impressed by how the T-Wolves are playing Defense now??), visiting Philadelphia then home versus The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0 back-to-back, in Sacramento Saturday before the Christmas break.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0).  The squad's first B1G matchup under Head Coach Dawn Plitzuweit was an extremely close affair.  But buoyed by the Williams Arena crowd, the Golden Gophers came back from a five-Point deficit to start the Fourth Quarter to beat Purdue last Sunday, 60-58.  The contest was tied at 58 with the Boilermakers having the ball with 13 Seconds to go, but Amaya Battle was able to get the next-to-last of 19 Purdue Turnovers and get fouled with three Second left.  She hit both Free Throws, then Mara Braun was able to steal the ball to salt away the Win.  Great stat for the U.: The Boilermaker bench scored no Points in the tilt.

Their 96-64 pasting of Grambling St. on Wednesday was, well, predictable.  But they are currently at 10-1 and within shouting distance of the NCAA Tournament.  They will finally finish up non-con play hosting Lindenwood Thursday afternoon before the men's Game.

#-2: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  They're 5-0 after pummeling North Dakota St. at Maturi last Sunday, 33-7.  All of their opponents so far have been tomato cans and I doubt more formidable in-conference foes will be so accommodating, but for now, hey, they're undefeated!  There's some military-themed tournament just before New Year's Eve, but real competition doesn't ramp back up until January 15, when they face Iowa on the road to begin Big Ten play.

#-3: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Demolished IUPUI Tuesday, 101-65.  Elijah Hawkins dished out 17 Assists, a school record which, given the team's bodybag-stuffed 8-3 record, is something I think the athletic department is crowing a little too much over.  Host Ball State Thursday evening after the women's Game.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  OK, forget about what the team's doing on-ice for a second; what the hell is going on with the Mild front office?  First, Assistant General Manager Chris O'Hearn abruptly leaves the team -- just about a year after signing an extension, by the way.  Then it was revealed that Andrew Heydt, the organization's Director Of Team Operations And Player Relations, filed a complaint to Wild Human Resources about GM Bill Guerin.  Journalists are still trying to get a read on what has happened and what is going on right now.  From a quick canvas on the Internet, I'm not sure if either investigation is completely closed.

As an aside, the fact that the complaint about Guerin leaked is a big symbol of what, to me, likely is dysfunction in the Wild front office.  It's great for fans.  It's great for The Media, too.  But frankly, a professional, buttoned-up franchise would not let something like this leak to a reporter.  It wouldn't happen at all, to be honest, but stories like this don't always come out, at least not, oh, a couple weeks or so after the complaint was filed.  Now, I have to kind of get back to The Media side in all this.  Michael Russo, longtime Wild beat writer who now works for The Athletic, is, in my not-so-humble estimation, The Best Hockey Beat Writer In The NHL.  He was blindsided by the O'Hearn "firing."  It makes me think either he somehow got caught flat-footed with the news ... or that one of his sources within the organization is O'Hearn himself.  If the latter, I wonder about the real reason for the "mutual parting of ways"; the actual reason has not been found yet.

Add all of that to the recent firing of Head Coach Dean Evason, justified as it may be, and the perception of the Wild as a straight-laced, no-drama franchise has incinerated into ash.  This is a shitshow, guys, and add that the season may just be lost already, and that the squad will be spitting out a roster with about $15 million less than all the other teams in the league next year, and we might be looking at a local franchise with as much direction and maturity as the Love Boat-era Vikings.

Now, back to on the ice ... well, they're actually really good.  They ran the table this Week, shutting out The Kraken in Seattle, then coming home and drawing out Shootout Wins over Calgary and Vancouver at home.  They're 28 Games into their season and they're only three Points behind St. Louis for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference.  This cavalcade of disaster still might make the postseason.

Very busy screening Week for these guys, too.  At Pittsburgh and Boston back-to-back, then hosting Montreal and said Bruins before Christmas.

#-5: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  I don't get this team.  I just don't.  The Defense under Brian Flores is getting a lot of pub, and they deserve it after shutting out The Bastard Oakland (By Way Of Los Angeles) Raiders last Sunday.  But then that D failed to hold a lead for the third consecutive Loss yesterday/Saturday afternoon in Cincinnati.  I didn't see the Game because I was at that taste test, but I was listening to the Game up until the point Greg Joseph made it a 14-Point Game.  By the time I got done with the research study, they were approaching the end of regulation and it was tied.  Apparently the D was burned by yet another jump ball in the End Zone.  Memo to Kwesi Adofo-Mensah: Draft a tall Cornerback.

But the this Week's two Games, the Win over Los Vegas and the Loss to the Bengals, have exposed holes in the Offense, of all things, something Kevin O'Connell was brought in to help and to paper over.  The Defense shut down The Bastard Oakland (By Way Of Los Angeles) Raiders, but the O scored only three Points, and that was in Overtime.  That impotence when the Vikes had the ball signaled the end of The Joshua Dobbs Experiment -- he was the emergency Quarterback vs. Cincy -- and man, I can't remember a player on a Minnesota team whose star burned so bright and then burned out so fast than the Passtronaut.  Nick Mullens saved the team's ass last Sunday, but he apparently wasn't able to QB sneak for a First Down in Overtime.  Maybe you need to hire Tom Brady as a Tush/Bush Push Coordinator or something.

At the start of the season, I thought that because of the amped-up schedule and the churning of so many players on the defensive side of the ball, I thought that this was, at best, an eight or nine-Win club.  But after seeing them play well after injuries to Justin Jefferson and Kirk Cousins, I thought, "Hey, maybe this squad can keep it together and make the playoffs!"  I don't know if this defeat is fatal -- everyone thought they would lose, it's just crushing and unacceptable that they choked on yet another lead -- but their postseason hopes had to have taken a blow yesterday/Saturday.  Through all the ups and downs, these Vikings might end up with eight or nine victories after all.

They host Detroit Christmas Eve.  Fuck, good luck with that.

Two Taste Tests

First time in years that I'm doing a taste test.  In fact, I'm doing two -- one today, one tomorrow.  The place it's being held at is a hike, however, and I'm kind of scared of driving out there.  I am being paranoid, but I'm frightened that, somehow, either of the cars I use will somehow break down on the way there.  I'm using my car for the taste test today because I already used my parents' minivan to Diamonds just now.  But I plan to use the minivan to drive to tomorrow's taste test because I have a huge ... uh, to-do with my friend and his friends tomorrow where I'll be out for most of the afternoon going through most of the evening.  I am going to use my car for that event, and so I think I will use the minivan to drive to the taste test tomorrow, and it's an old car, so I'm scared that if that breaks down, my plans tomorrow will be totally ruined as I wait to get towed and stuff.

Let us hope that doesn't happen.

When Is Showing A Tit Not Nudity, And When Does It Stop Turning You On?

I was struggling with what to blog post, but thank goodness I signed off on my e-mail and scrolled through the front page of Yahoo!  There is a story about Kelly Crump, who posed in this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.  She is not a model, or at least she didn't model at all before she answered one of SI's auditions.  But she was compelled to try out after getting a mastectomy in her left breast to combat her breast cancer.  And like it often is with the now-woke Swimsuit Issue, Crump's unique backstory got her on its pages.  (It helps that the 44-year-old is in very good shape and hot as fuck.)

What I didn't expect is that the magazine would show the scar.  Thing is, it's right across the middle of her left tit ... and yes, you see that, her whole left tit, in the magazine.  There is no nipple or areola, just the breast.  But Crump flashes it for all to see.

Bold choice by Sports Illustrated.  But I have to ask: Isn't that nudity?  If it isn't, are you saying that it's only a nipple and/or areola that turns a breast into an obscenity that needs to be regulated?  I would think that a breast would be enough to have a magazine that picture is in be covered in plastic ... but then I see the photo in question and it is ... just ... skin.  Maybe this picture lives in a liminal state where it isn't pornography, but it isn't something we should freely allow children to see either.  Or maybe the mag and society are just trying to figure out what should be acceptable.

Moreover, how, uh, titillating is a tit without a nipple?  Is it no longer arousing without one, or can you get up for it?  Maybe context is important; like I said, Kelly Crump is fucking gorgeous, and she is wearing a swimsuit whereby (I think) the part of the suit that would cover the left boob is pulled down to show it off, and like I have said before, I love flasher photos.  But maybe you disagree?

Anyway, here is the story.  If you have any opinion, let me know in the comments below.  But for right now, I will say that showing a tit with a mastectomy scar is still nudity, and a tit with no nipple nor areola is still erection-inducing.  I bought this issue a couple months ago through Amazon and I still haven't opened up the box, but if she and her exposed boob is in there, I'm ripping open that box as soon as I have time.  And I will probably jerk off to that picture, too.

Did I Really Need This Day Off?

I woke up at noon, went to Lindey's, realized I didn't have my wallet with me, went home, came back to Lindey's and ate, decided not to go to Diamonds to work on my receipts, then opted to go back home and nap.  So in that sense, yes, I needed the day off.

What I mean is that I may have blown the math when it comes to paid time off at work.  We are able to carry over up to 40 hours past every calendar year (besides the COVID years, but we don't need to get into that).  Any more than 40 you just lose.  So there is usually a scramble for everyone who are diligent company people to find days in December to take off while still having a credible workface to take care of the work each day.

I thought I did the match right back in early November, whereby I had, like, three days (technically less than 24 hours, but right now I am not in the mood for taking half-days off) I needed to take off.  One of them actually was the last Monday in November, which turned out to be a day where I did work Monday Night Football after all.  I then had an appointment with the local utility to change my smart meter, but that person could only come Thursday the 14th, or yesterday, so I decided to take that day off and, because it sucks to have one day off mid-week only to come back the next day, I decided to take Friday, or today, off as well.

Now even with these back-to-back days off, I thought that I had cleared just enough to get below 40 hours.  But as I was checking to make sure that I didn't somehow still have more than 40, I saw that I was, in fact, below 32.  In other words, I could have opted to work, say, today/Friday instead of taking it off and I would still carry less than 40 hours into 2024.  It's obviously too late, but that bothers me.  My OCD is making me feel as if I have taken too much time off.  Moreover, I hate that either I blew the math or that I was somehow misled by the HR software into taking off more time than I needed to.

Now, again, if I knew this before today, would I have taken today off, especially considering that I slept a full eight hours overnight, something I rarely do?  Well ... (shrug)

You Know, Maybe I Drink Too Much

Went to the newest, hottest hidden bar (which isn't really hidden since they have stickers of their name up on the bollards just outside its door) after two previously unsuccessful tries because there was a huge line and I didn't want to wait.  I'm glad I finally went on a Thursday and got there by 6; in about 45 minutes' time, it was just about full.  It was as awesome as it was in its previous incarnation -- people enjoying drinks and having fun with friends.  And I was having fun on my own enjoying drinks.

I usually get two whenever I go out.  But one of the bartender well faucets broke off and sprayed a few people sitting at the bar area with water, including me, so I got our drinks comped.  (I like this place even more now.)  A guy who eventually sat next to me at the bar started chatting me up.  I was at first scared that he was hitting on me and would eventually try and take me to his home, strangle me and cut me up like Jeffrey Dahmer, but he was a good guy.  In fact, he offered to buy me a third drink.  So, with a massive, massive discount on my credit card and having such good fortune and bonhomie emanating all around the place, I got a third drink.  It was a Korean rice beer that I heard you can't get just anywhere.  I don't know if I like it; it has the consistency of skim milk and I'm still trying compare it to familiar tastes.  But again, it was free, so who am I to complain?

With three drinks in me, I made it home OK.  Helps that I took a brisk walk around the North Loop and then bought a few things from Target.  But I got home, felt tired, and immediately fell asleep with the presumption that I would not wake up till morning.  However I did wake up, and I woke up with a pretty sizable headache.  And this is not the first time I have woken up from a nap or sleep with a pretty sizable headache after drinking at a speakeasy or hidden bar.

Headaches frequently happen when you're hung over, and they're not pleasant.  It may be just part of the deal when you're drinking and having fun.  But at least right now, right this very second, all the memories of feeling bad after drinking are flooding my mind.  This is not good.  So maybe, just maybe, I should cut back on my drinking.  There won't be any headaches, and for all I know, I might start to lose weight, too.

With that being said, guess what I'm drinking as I compose this blog post?  Wine left over from ****e* as she cleaned the house.  Wouldn't want it to go to waste, so why not drink a glass while hung over, huh?

Ate a whole pizza at Boludo for lunch.  It was bigger than a small, and definitely more substantial.  Still, I ate it (with some trouble), and I feel fat again.  But hey, I still got it!

Now I'm waiting at home for someone who is supposed to replace the smart meter connected to the house.  I was given a two-hour window, and we are approaching the midway point.  Hope he gets here, the sooner the better.  I am getting tired and want to take a nap because I plan on heading out to a speakeasy soon.  This guy was supposed to come about six weeks ago, and I made this appointment more than a month ago.  If he doesn't show up, man, he ain't coming back till the spring.

Hey, She's A Stripper -- What Should I Expect?

So ***u**, one of my stripper girlfriends who I occasionally fuck with, texted me about a week ago asking if she wanted to fuck around again.  I was kind of busy up to that point, but I was going to get back to her in a few days.  But then, around Monday I think, she hit me up for money -- she doesn't get paid till Friday, her kids need something to eat, blah-blah-blah.  She's done this before ... and like then, I Venmo'd her money.  Not as much as before, but enough to where she was grateful -- and promised to pay me back the next time we fuck around.  She has time this week, especially today/Thursday.

So, after making sure this house party that I thought was going to happen today fell through (I texted the host, who is another stripper girlfriend, and she has yet to get back to me), I texted her saying that I was free today.  Well, first she asked me what time, and then after I told her, she said, "Nope, have work."  She said she didn't have work today/Thursday, but now she does.  This is also not the first time she has pulled this bullshit on me.  I have been trying to be patient with her when it comes to getting, uh, reimbursed on money I gave her through a discount on sexual acts.  I wanted to pay her back as soon as I could, but when I try to set a date, she brushes me off.  It took me a while before I finally went to a party whereby she "paid me back" when she gave me a HJ.  But that took months.  Apparently, she won't pay me back until she's damn good and ready.

And that seems to be the case now.  Passive-aggressively I reminded her that she told me she was busy today.  She threw it back in my face, saying that she found work and that she couldn't wait around until I made up my mind as to when I could see her.  She could be telling the truth.  Bottom line is, this is stripper bullshit that makes me feel she just wanted money from me without rendering services.

But, like I said, this isn't the first time.  And like a sucker whose dick needs to be sucked, I fell for it.  Now I'm praying she'll remember she owes me money, like she said, and that she'll make good on it before too long.  Hate feeling used, though, again.

10/14

Ran across a picture on Facebook from one of my stripper girlfriends.  She often republishes those "See Your Memories" photos and status updates, and not too long ago she republished one from a Christmas party being held at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) in 2015 with her and many of her fellow stripper girlfriends posed for a photo (clothed, by the way).

And then I started to sort out which of the strippers in the picture have gotten down with me, either at house parties, at her house, or at my house.  After making sure I remember which stripper each of them is, I can tell you that of the 14 who in the pic, ten of them at least have seen my cock.  Of those, all but one of them have touched my pee-pee.  Of those, seven of them have jerked me off to completion.  (As for the other two, one I think really didn't want to grab my hose -- but I cajoled her -- and the other only brushes my genitals with her fingers as she's massaging me all over.)  Of those, two of them have sucked my dick.  And finally, I have fucked two of them.  The last two categories are not overlapping circles: One of them took me into her mouth only; one of them went straight to sex, no mouth play at all; and one of them followed up an HJ and a BJ with doing the deed.

You know, when I was in high school, I would dream about going to stripclubs and getting laid.  In my adolescent mind, of course that's the goal.  I grew up a bit after college and realized that doesn't usually happen unless you want to get thrown out of the club.  Thank Buddha, then, for My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), for the strippers there were in fact going to make my wildest fantasies come true and participate in sexual activities with me.  However, it took this particular photo for me to understand how many of the strippers that worked there were ready to "party," let alone how often  I was able to fuck around with them.  Ten out of 14?  Not bad!  Not bad at all!!!

Blows To The Back Of The Head? Not A Good Thing

Ever since I saw The Hunger Games prequel a couple weeks ago (by the way, excellent movie -- The Hunger Games series has always excelled in exploring the idea of putting on a show and cultivating narratives, and how people plot what they want the world to see when their reality is a lot messier and sinister, and also, Rachel Zegler can fucking sing), I've been obsessed with blows to the back of the head.  We're really vulnerable back there, you know.  Our skulls are pretty thick, but every time I see a movie involving a killing, whether it be a blow or, in The Ballad Of Songbirds & Snakes, a fall from a high place (poor guy), it's always to or on the back of the head.  We don't have eyes back there, so we don't know what's coming.  And if you've got a heavy object or a bullet that can shatter the skull, boy, you're dunzo.

I just looked up "safety helmets" on Google.  The results that come back feature helmets for the elderly to protect against falls.  I am looking for helmets that protect against falls in the workplace or, say, while you're on a ladder doing work around the house.  Or for, say, walking around slippery ground, which it is around here after the light dusting of snow we just had.  If I fall backward and hit my head ... well, I'm old now, and I don't know if I can come back from a blow to the back of the head like I used to.  That's why I sometimes wonder if I should shell out for a safety helmet -- for work, of course.  Or for winter.  Or both.

That's all I got.

I Am A Hypocritical Gift Giver

Just bought my niece her presents at Amazon.  They should arrive at her/my brother's place in a week.

I bought her some of the gifts she wanted (which her mother/my maybe-still sister-in-law texted to me).  That's the best way for me to buy gifts for Christmas: I ask someone what he or she wants, and I give it to him or her.  It's better than me trying to figure out something that person would like, because I never know what he or she likes, and so the gift will be worthless to him or her.  I have bad memories of giving gifts to people, and they cannot hide their reaction of, "Ooooooh, great ... yeah, thanks for this," and my heart immediately sinks.

Possibly an in-between case that happened at work.  Our departments put out calls for a Secret Santa last week.  My supervisor handed over this piece of paper to which our Secret Santa will either get inspiration from or directly buy a gift; we will hand them out just before Christmas.  As the deadline was approaching I finally got around to reading this cheat sheet for my giver as well as the general guidelines.  The cheat sheet wasn't direct: It had vague themes such as, "My favorite scent is," and "If there was one thing I've been obsessed over all year, it's," etc.  The guidelines gave the parameters of the gift giving: Nothing over 30 bucks ... and no gift cards.

Dammit.  Our department didn't do a Secret Santa last year.  Instead, my supervisor just put up little stockings for each of us and encouraged all of us to drop small presents into them before Christmas.  I thought this was a great idea, so I bought a bunch of $20 gift cards from Target and wedged them in (the stockings were smaller than the width of the gift cards).  Maybe it was overkill, but I thought it was a great pick-me-up for the holidays (even though I was not there because I was doing my family vacation over the holidays in Hawai'i).

I decided not to do the Secret Santa.  Partially it was because I didn't know if I wanted to spend the time looking for a gift for someone who was not family.  Partially it was because I was looking at the cheat sheet and felt overwhelmed.  I don't know if I want my Secret Santa to know this stuff about me, I thought to myself.  But honestly, I think my decision not to do it comes from my feeling that I did not want to be confined to getting gifts for which I had no input.  I think I am of the mind that if you know what you want, why don't you get it yourself?

And obviously that mindset is ... well, dick-ish for this time of year, but also hypocritical.  For one, I need my niece to tell me what she wants me to give her.  Isn't my hypothetical recipient just doing the same thing?  And for another, I feel like a damn heel for not doing the Secret Santa while lustfully tossing money around for my co-workers last year.  Gift cards are an easy gift to give, maybe too easy.  But I felt good doing it because it was my idea, and my gift to you -- even though I gave you no say in what I am going to give you.  Isn't gift giving supposed to be for the person receiving the gift, not the one giving it?  That should be the case.  And if so, why in the fuckety-fuck do I have a problem giving someone a present he or she wants?

I feel absolutely awful now for not participating in the Secret Santa at work.  Moreover, I feel bad for giving out all those Target gift cards last holiday season and then not participating in the Secret Santa at work this holiday season.  My co-workers know about what I did last year and decided not to do this year, and my co-workers will probably think that I am at the very least strange and at the very worst a freakin' Grinch.  And they, I'm afraid, wouldn't be wrong.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  So the Minneapolis Lakers v.2.0 (I'm going to try out that name for a little bit here and there and see if it suits me) didn't make The In-Season Tournament Knockout Round because they lose in their pool to Sacramento and they didn't blow out enough teams to beat Phoenix in the tie-breaker.  (By the way, I do have a few thoughts on how they can make this IST better, but I am going to keep them to myself for now in case I read up on other peoples' suggestions.  Besides, even though the IST has gotten a lot of positive reviews, I wonder if anybody's going to care about it this much next season, and then, I might have more and better notes.)  They just have to be content with winning the two hastily-arranged Games the NBA set up for the 22 squads that didn't make the Knockout Round -- at home over a game San Antonio Spurs team Wednesday (I was at that Game; once Victor Wembanyama figures it out, hoo-boy) and at Memphis Friday.  Oh, and finishing the Week with The Best Record In The NBA.

Yeah, I am convinced that this is not your older sibling's Minnesota Timberwolves.  The team I saw on Wednesday plays defense.  The experiment with pairing Rudy Gobert with Karl-Anthony Towns, aborted last Year due to injury, finally is paying off this season.  And the role players -- Naz Reid, Kyle Anderson, Nickeil Alexander-Walker and, lately, Troy Brown, Jr., who came off the bench to fill in for an injured Anthony Edwards (he played only four Minutes into the contest), played 30 Minutes and scored 20 Points in beating The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies -- might be emphatically answering anyone who has questions about the bench.  I probably need to see this team actually, you know, succeed before saying they have what it takes to win it all.  But, OK, these guys can be a contender.  And I know that they'll be in Positive Numbers until they lose.

They have won six in a row and take that streak at New Orleans tomorrow/Monday night and Dallas Thursday.  They then come home to face NBA Cup Game loser Indiana Saturday.

#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0).  Am I wrong to think this should be a bigger deal than it was?  In their only true road tilt of their non-conference schedule, these Golden Gophers went down to Lexington and crushed Kentucky by 19, 76-57.  It doesn't look as though the Wildcats are ranked, but I remember they had Rhyne Howard.  So, how did they do it?  They attempted 22 Threes and made 13 of them, a season high.  (This was the strategy they employed, possibly among other Games, vs. UConn; if they made 13 shots from deep against the Huskies, that would have been a hell of a lot closer.)

This team has proven they can play; they just needed the right coaching.  And they finally step into league play this/Sunday afternoon when they take on Purdue at Williams Arena.  They then flip back to non-con play as they host Grambling St. Wednesday.

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  In their annual regular season series with Wisconsin (at Ridder), the Gophers and the Badgers split: Minnesota won Friday, Wisky yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  Guess that means nothing's solved.

And they are off for the rest of the Year.  They return first weekend in January.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  They started B1G play losing at Ohio St. by ten last Sunday.  Then on Wednesday, they trailed Nebraska at Halftime by 15, then lost their best player, Dawson Garcia, a few minutes into the Second Half.  This team in The Ben Johnson Era would shrivel up and die.  But in what might, might be seen as a turning point, they came back to defeat the Cornhuskers, 76-65.  Yes, it's Nebraska.  But this squad would've lost to even Nebraska before.  Maybe this group is learning something.

Oh yeah, they beat Florida Gulf Coast by 20 early yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  They host IUPUI Tuesday.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  Split at Ohio St.; the U. won Friday, Buckeyes won Saturday via Shootout last/Saturday night.  Wonder if they are happy going into their holiday break with a 9-5-4 record.  An exhibition against the U. S. National U-18 Team at Mariucci New Year's Afternoon.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -3).  The John Hynes Effect continued early in the screening Week with Wins over Chicago and Calgary, but the Mild finally lost in the middle of their sojourn to the Pacific Northwest to, first, Vancouver and then, second, Edmonton.  It was going to happen, obviously.  But this may be that dead cat finally back to ground a second time ... and for good.

They finish up their trip to the PNW tonight/Sunday night in Seattle.  They then come home to play return dates versus two of the clubs they just played: The Bastard Atlanta Flames Thursday, Vancouver Saturday.

Addendum To: Not Prepared For My Stripper Girlfriend ... Cleaning

I eventually got all the "cleaning" done -- by pushing all my stuff into a room I have asked ****e* not to clean.  I did this just as she got here -- I got home from watching EPL downtown, and I slept until she got here -- and then I had to leave before picking up my bedroom because I wanted to watch MLS Cup at the Black Hart.

But when I came home, she picked up my bedroom.  Everything was lined up, stuff strews on the floor were put into bags, and even my charges were organized into plastic bags I didn't know I even had.  This is what it's like when someone who has obsessive-compulsive disorder cleans your house.  All of this took her an hour to organize, she said, but damn, my room looks so damn clean.  I think I'm in love with her.  And I almost regret leaving the door open when I pee so she can walk in on me with my dick out.  Almost.

Not Prepared For My Stripper Girlfriend ... Cleaning

She is coming over today/Saturday, and unlike previous times, I have my stuff strewn everywhere around the house and I don't have the energy, and therefore don't have the compunction, to pick all that stuff up.  I need ****e* to clean and dust and mop the floors, but that last thing might be difficult to do if my stuff is in the way.  Well, I'll tell her she doesn't have to clean there, or maybe she'll move stuff around in order to clean.  She's very OCD like that, which I like now because I'm being lazy, but might become an issue if she moves things around that I don't want moved.  We shall see.

Plotting My Speakeasy Sojourns

I spend a lot of time daydreaming about things: How to get my revenge against people who did me wrong, fucking all my stripper girlfriends, and what to eat and on what days.  I know I spend a lot of time brainstorming the first two things, but only recently have I realized how much thought I expend on the third.  Turns out eating out is that important to me.

A subset of that obsession is going to speakeasys.  Man, I've gotten to be a fucking drinker as an adult.  Never drank in high school, didn't drink much in college beyond a glass of wine or two.  Once I grew up, though?  Man.  And I think that has accelerated since the pandemic ended ... and since I read an article about the early days of Volstead's, the new place with the clandestine directions to its front door.  I fell in love with the mystery of the speakeasy, and the thought that I know something other people do not.  It makes me feel cool, to be honest.

Since then, there have been a few others that have popped up -- Young Joni, Sooki and Mimi (now Bronto Bar), Cobble House, Flora Room, etc.  And I try to go to them as often as I can.  My initial excuse was that I needed a wind-me-down after a hellish day at The Fourth Department at work.  Since work in that position isn't so arduous -- and since I can't wind up my day at a speakeasy since most of them are not open Monday through Wednesday, the days where I now work The Fourth Department -- I don't have that excuse.  But I've come up with one for right now: The holiday season.  Because of that, I am trying to parcel out going to one of these bars once a week up to Christmas.  I might have to double up depending on other things I want to do.  But right now I am mentally trying to put the puzzle pieces together.  It's exhausting in an exciting way, if that makes any sense.

There is another wrinkle to all this: Just before I left work for the day yesterday/Thursday I checked my work calendar, and my boss has put me in The Fourth Department every day the week before Christmas.  Ah, just like old times, where I dreaded being stuck back there and leaving late every day, and thus my belief that I deserved to drink at a speakeasy was born!  Even though I only hit a speakeasy on a Friday of a week where I worked in The Fourth Department, I kind of wonder if I could hit more than one that week because, and I might lose you here, I am feeling kind of festive, and maybe I want to go out every night of the week before Christmas.  I'm still thinking about it -- whether I want to go speakeasy-hopping and, if so, which one on which day.  And the gears in my mind continue to turn!

Bad Fruit

There's an on-site commissary at work.  It's not staffed, unless you call a surveillance camera "staff."  So you're basically on the honor system if you want food from there, although you'll obviously need a credit card.

Sometimes the person who swaps out food leaves what he is taking out for us workers as free food.  One of those packages, which someone (maybe that worker, maybe someone from the company) put in our refrigerator, was a fruit pack.  Someone wrote "FREE" on it, so obviously it was for the taking.  But no one took it, day after day I kept opening that door to the fridge when getting my creamer.  So finally, I think on Monday, I took it and brought it home.  And last/Wednesday night, after coming home from work, then the Timberwolves Game, then getting gasoline for my car and a Gatorade for working out tonight/Thursday night, I was still kind of hungry, so I ate it.

Fruit has never tasted how it tasted to me.  It was ... blech.  There was a nasty taste to it, as if it were, well, moldy and expired.  It didn't look expired.  And the plastic package it was in had a safety seal: I ripped a tab off the package, and then I popped off the lid.  I don't think it was exposed or anything.  I guess I just left it in the work fridge, day after day, and it got to ... that state.

Well, I powered through because I don't want to waste any food.  Don't know why.  I am not suffering any gastrointestinal distress, but I have this nagging paranoia now that I just ate something akin to bad English beef, and like with mad cow disease I have just eaten a prion that is now going to eat my brain.  So if something like that occurs to me over the next months, or if I don't wake up in the morning because I poisoned myself, or if I die some time between those two time periods because of some bad food-borne disease I picked up from the fruit, well, you now know why.

I Must Have Pissed Off My Boss Yesterday

I was egregiously late for work yesterday/Tuesday for the second day in a row.  I have been warned in the past by my boss to get to work on time.

So why was I late to work?  I don't know.  A combination of the winter blahs -- yeah, the winter so far has been anything but, but it flurried overnight and it caused all the traffic to slow down -- and me absolutely needing to go get breakfast, and then eat said breakfast, before clocking in to start my day at The Fourth Department.

Also, I stayed about 1 1/2 hours after my shift should have been over yesterday/Tuesday for the second day in a row.  He hasn't bitched about OT in a while, but man, I can see and hear him get all fuckin' bent out of shape again for staying super late to the point where I'm racking up that sweet overtime money.

So why did I stay late at work?  I don't really know.  For a while there in the mid-afternoon I really thought I would get out of there at a reasonable time.  But I didn't realize then that I spent the first half of my day doing make-up work, cleaning up calls on forms I made on Monday.  I didn't get to the new stuff till around noontime.  The work that did come in seemed small enough that I didn't break a sweat, but the answers I got back seemed to grow by the hour, and by the time I got around to my end-of-day stuff, I was kind of scared that I wouldn't be done before I would have had to have stayed ten hours.

I don't know if there's anything I can do about staying late, but I can get there on time.  I just have to get out to the car and drive out in time.  And that might mean getting up a little earlier than I usual do.  Will I do that?  Ha!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November 2023

My first reaction for this month: There are a lot of props that the waitresses for this month were told to hold and play with.  Like, a lot.  I don't think I've seen so many babes for a single month having stuff in their hands.  It's distracting, in my humble opinion.  I prefer to just see the beautiful woman and let me judge her by her looks.  The props are a dodge, and besides, they often obscure their beautiful bodies.

But, hypocrite that I am, of the five hotties that I am singling out for the month, two of them are holding stuff.  All of them are blondes with long and cascading hair, too, so that might be my excuse as to why I include them.  Anyhoo, here are the five in ascending order:

In fifth place is the way too vowelly Kyleie, hailing out of Mesa, Ariz.  She is holding what appears to be a paddling bat with "HOOTERS" carved in it.  Oh, so she's a dominatrix?  That doesn't interest me, although it usually would.  She's wearing what looks to be a Hooters-branded baseball jersey that's tied up at the waist.  She's wearing either a black or a dark purple two-piece bikini, and so the combination of the jersey and the bikini top focuses your eyes on her sizable cleavage (and what seems to be a boob job).  That does interest me.

In fourth place is Shelbe -- her name appears to be a letter short -- working from Houma, La.  She is lying on her front with her face closer to the camera than her feet.  She has tucked her fists underneath her chin, and even though it's different, the more I see that, the more I'm distracted by that pose.  She is wearing a white two-piece that is linked with chains.  But what gets me about her are her penetrating baby blue eyes.  They're absolutely bloody gorgeous, even if she is not smiling.

In third place is Morgan, of Gainesville, Fla.  She has the most ostentatious prop, a Hooters-themed bubble bottle and net.  (Does Hooters sell bubbles?)  All those damn bubbles get in the way of her body and the patterned, cross-necked two-piece bikini, even if the bubbles are out-of-focus.  But from what I can see she's got cut abs, and her smile is really, really cute.

In second place is the main girl, Fort Worth's Grace.  She's wearing a hot pink, chained-together two-piece, the top of which she's tugging as if she's about to take it off.  But the large photo works to her benefit; she is toned as fuck.  It might be her tan or the way the shadows of the lighting highlight her musculature, but she looks to be one goddamn hot Amazon.  In that sense her lack of smiling emphasizes her goddess aura.  And she's got piercing blue eyes, too.

Finally, the top spot goes to Baylee, from Destin, Fla.  Also wearing a periwinkle two-piece bikini, also not smiling, and she's turning away from the camera.  But that means only one thing: She has to turn her ass to us, and she's got an ass!!!  She's showing only 50% of it, but the bunching around her asscrack makes me think that the bikini bottom is full, but activity and rolling around made it roll up inside that hot crack of hers, showing her ass, and I'll take that fantasy!!!

So congratulations to Baylee and all the other girls on what is a pretty good month, weird merchandise props aside.  I have jerked off to all of you already, so no problems on that front!!!