Good Fucking Riddance To 2020

So, 2020?

Pandemic.

Black Lives Matter.

The Election.

That's it in a nutshell.  A year that seemed to stretch so long (even though some times, at least for me, it went by in a flash) boiled down to those three things.  Maybe knowing that a year can be summed up by three topics is a sign that it was a long year.

I have to admit that personally, without national and world context, it was a good year personally.  No one I know died, thank Buddha.  I was in good health all year, even though I could stand to lose a few pounds.  (I am sitting on the dining room table, and I just finished the rest of my Coke, and I am about to finish this small bottle of Mumm Napa Brut Prestige -- maybe that's why I could stand to lose a few pounds.)  Work is still ... work, in that I still have a job that I have not gotten tired of nor been run out of yet.

My sex life has gotten better because I've done way more one-on-ones, even though I haven't been to a house party in months.  And I think that is the main reason why my savings accounts have swelled: I haven't had any place to go to spend it.  That really is a good thing, even if I have charged hundreds of dollars on my credit card(s) every month.

With that being said, I won't miss 2020 for a goddamn second ... well, unless 2021 is appreciably worse for me on a personal level.  Anyway, I cannot really separate what has happened to me personally from the countrywide and global context, so in that sense, 2020 has been an annus horribilis.  And I think we can all agree that we can't wait for it to go.

Good fucking riddance, you evil, evil year.

Am I Finally Wearing Her Down?

******a swore she would never touch my pee-pee.  I showed it to her for the first time ... I wanna say about a decade ago, at a stripper party at her sister's house.  I came out of the bathroom with my cock out, I was the only customer there, they were the only strippers there, and I shocked the shit out of them.  ******a immediately got dressed; I got a lap dance from her sister and tucked my dick back in when I was about to cum.  Should have kept it out.  I mean, I would've helped out wiping up the splooge from her coffee table.

The second time I whipped it out in front of her was under similar conditions.  It was a house party ... well, it wasn't a house but an apartment -- ******a's, actually.  And I was again the only customer.  There were two other strippers there, but instead of ******a's sister, it was the sort-of-forgotten ***e*, who alerted me to the party.  Once again, ******a refused to even let me walk around with it hard and out.  ***e* wanted me to hang out with my wang out, but I decided not to in order to comply with ******a's rules.

It was a bit later than this that My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) closed, so strippers and customers were figuring out new ways to maintain contact, by which I mean both the usual sense and the physical sense.  Instead of dancing, ******a offered to give me massages -- with no happy endings, of course.  Again, I wanted to respect her rules because I like her.  Plus, she gives very good massages.  Actually, not too long ago she worked on my left hip so well that I didn't feel pain for a good week or so.  That is darn close to a miracle.

Now, about my hip ... the first massage I got from ******a was fully clothed.  I then asked if I could take my shirt off.  She said that was OK.  A session or so later I asked if I could be fully naked.  She said no.  I respected her wishes.  Then, and I said this sincerely and without any ulterior motive, I told her about my hip.  She asked how far down the knot went.  And -- OK, this is where I stretched the truth in order to get naked -- I told her it went down as far as the bottom of my ass.  So she started massaging my left butt cheek, albeit hesitantly.  That's when I asked again if I could take off my underwear.  Finally, ******a relented.  I think she said in a later session that she understood that I didn't want the grease from the lotion she uses to massage me from staining my undies.  I don't know what I did or said to lead her to that conclusion, but so long as I get to be naked in front of her, OK.

And even then she wasn't completely comfortable seeing my twig 'n' berries.  The first time *****a permitted me to kick off my knickers, she put a blanket right on top of me as I laid on the floor.  She has stopped insisting on a blanket now, however.  She still does put on booties, and most of the time she uses her feet, and sometimes her knees and elbows, to get at that knot on my hip and ass.  But sometimes, ever so slightly, she uses her hands, and sometimes, ever so slightly, those hands drift down to other parts of my ass, even the ones I had not told her where knotty.  But she, I think, is being naughty.

In our last session she was in a bit of a state.  I got to her apartment in time, but she was late.  She came back (almost a half-hour after our scheduled appointment time, I think) and said she had to dash out to her phone company because, according to her, she keeps getting these bizarre messages from a phone number that is not hers and is constantly coming up on her devices.  ******a has gotten paranoid enough that she told me to shut off my phone, and then she hid it in her couch when I was scared that I had lost it.  It's a long story.

Anyway, she has been in a terrible state over something that may or may not be happening, but after coming home on this day, she was very happy and light on her feet.  Apparently her problem was solved when she went to the store.  And that may be what led ******a to act even more permissible, and maybe even flirty, with me.  I took off my underwear, she massaged my ass ... and then I felt as if she was pushing me up sideways.  So I obliged, and as we were lying on our sides, facing each other, she continued to talk to me about ... uh, massaging me or something, and ******a did all this while rubbing the side of my hip with her hand.  My penis wasn't too far away.

Later, ******a pushed the envelope even more.  With a few minutes left in our session, she, I think, grabbed me by my left hip in such a way that I turned over.  Because I think she wanted me to turn over so she could start massaging my front, even though I didn't ask!  She didn't touch my pee-pee; my left side was on her knees while she was kneeling on her carpet.  But she moved her hands up and down my left side, from my nipple down to the front of my hip.  She was smiling at me the whole way.

So I'm convinced that the next time I see her, she will either flip me over or I will flip myself over.  And she'll look at me, smile, and maybe even lick her lips.  Then I'll tell her as she massages my front, "I like how you massage my front.  Feels good.  Don't be shy.  You can put my hands wherever you want."  And then I'll get hard.  And that's when she'll finally give me that handjob I've wanted from her for years!!!

That next time, by the way, is scheduled for today.  I set something up with her earlier in the week, but then she said something might come up, but then she asked me to call her in the morning.  So either I'll be finding something to do for the last day of 2020 ... or I'll get to be naked, once again, in front of ******a, where maybe, just maybe, I've finally worn her down and will get that HJ from her!!!

Oh my God -- my boss just texted me about a folder that he says I handled that has now gone missing.  First of all, I don't even remember the type of folder he's talking about.  Second of all, this happened Sunday, and I barely remember what I did this morning.  And third of all, he told me the time of day this was supposed to have happened, and from what little I do remember (and I do remember a little), around that time I checked out no folders.  Around that time I didn't handle folders at all.  I was doing data entry.

This really pisses me off because that fucking guy is either losing his shit over something I didn't do (... well, something I don't think I did) or is the one making the accusation to my boss that I put something in our system saying I did one thing to this folder when I did another.  Maybe this is all a mix-up.  Or, this motherfucker really has it in for me.

Goddamn, I was hoping that things would go smoothly second shift this week, and there has been nothing but obstacle after obstacle ... and that asshole's a part of my stress.  And I don't appreciate it.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Note: This is the last Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey that encompasses all of 2020.  As is my policy, come 2021 and the turning of a new Year, the survey will be published a different Day of the Week.  I cover all sports teams playing Games January 1 (actually December 31 and maybe December 30, depending on when I publish that Week's WMNSS) to January 7 and I publish on January 8.  Since January 8, 2021, falls on a Friday, all surveys for 2021 (at least the ones I remember and am able to do) will be posted on Fridays.

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1).  OK, color me shocked.  I don't know the last time a team posted back-to-back surprises like the U. men's b-ball team did this past week.

First is the Christmas Miracle at The Barn (no, not a barn -- and by the way, it appears as though this is the first time a University of Minnesota varsity team, in any sport, played an official Game on Christmas.  That's pretty fucking wild).  Fourth-ranked Iowa came to town, and they led 80-73 with 44 Seconds left in the Second Half.  The U. somehow were able to score ten Points in those 44 Seconds (actually 39; Marcus Carr's three-ball went in with five Seconds left to tie the Game at 83 at the end of regulation).  And then Minnesota dominated Overtime, outscoring the Hawkeyes 19-12 on the strength of four straight three-Point makes by Brandon Johnson to open the scoring in the extra frame for Minnesota.

And then a different kind of win Monday night, also at Williams, against Michigan St., a school that has Minnesota's number.  But not on this night: The Spartans made only four of their first 31 shots from the field.  And after Carr, who was named a Co-Big Ten Player Of The Week after the Iowa win, sank a three-Pointer at the Halftime gun, they were crushing Sparty 36-16.  I was waiting for Michigan St. to make a run in the Second Half, but it never materialized, and the U. just beat the shit out of the then-17th-ranked Spartans, 81-56.  The Gophs snap a five-Game losing streak to Sparty.  And Michigan St. starts B1G play 0-3 for the first time in 19 Years.

They just beat ranked teams back-to-back for the first time since the 2010 conference tournament.  Minnesota entered the Associated Press Top 25 for the first time in just over three Years after the win over the Hawkeyes, and by springing two upsets in arguably the best league in top-flight college basketball, the Gophers are going to skyrocket from their current rank of 21 like an old-school radio hit.  If this were a normal Year, they probably would be the talk of the sports town.  They'll have to settle for grabbing the top spot in the WMNSS.

Can they keep this going?  The gauntlet continues tomorrow/Thursday afternoon at Wisconsin in a New Year's Eve tilt, then a home date versus Ohio St. Sunday afternoon.  Sure, they could get killed in these two Games.  But I thought they were going to get killed these past two Games.  No one expected this team to play this well, and they already have two fantastic victories to sport on their tournament CV.  It'd be awesome if they can keep it going.

#0: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  I feel kind of weird for giving the Woofie Dogs a non-negative number for a 2-2 screening week.  But I have such low and sorry expectations for this woebegone squad that I'm shocked how they didn't go 0-4.  They're falling back to earth with back-to-back poundings at Staples Center to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers and The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers.  But let me take you back to the first, oh, four Minutes of the first regular Game of the season, Wednesday at home vs. Detroit.  They were getting their doors blown off by, like, 14-4, and I tweeted something to the effect of, "Man, a third of a quarter into the new season and the Wolves already look like shite."  But after I took a shower, Minnesota asserted control of the Game and put away a Pistons squad that should be just about as bad as the Wolves are supposed to be, 111-101.

Even more impressive was their win in Salt Lake City Boxing Night over The Bastard New Orleans Jazz, 116-111.  This was a Game where the Dogs' Overall #1 draft pick, Anthony Edwards, actually showed a lot of athleticism and moxie.  He did his best to distance himself from the perception he is just the second coming of Andrew Wiggins.  He made decisions, he made smart decisions, and most importantly, he wasn't afraid of taking it to the rack.  If Edwards keeps this up, I might confess I was wrong about him.

Minnesota hosts Washington New Year's Night, and there's a home-and-home with Denver (first home, then away) Sunday and Tuesday.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  I see from time to time that Lindsay Whalen is bringing in these really good classes in this and future Years.  But I don't see how she keeps her job.  The Gophers got waxed at home by Indiana last Wednesday afternoon, 75-54, and the club is no currently in the throes of a four-Game losing streak.  I don't think the teams these Goofs are losing to are world-beaters, either.  Are these recruits overblown talent-wise?  Or is this a case where they're not developing?  There is some serious rot going on with this program, and people need to see some life in it.  Will it come Sunday afternoon at Wisconsin?

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  I need to remember this the next time the Vikings really blow, or even the next time they're less than great.  I'll look at who the ViQueens' Week 16 opponent is, then I'll make sure I draft that team's best players onto my fantasy football squad.  If I'm able to keep them all the way to my leagues' championship Weeks, I can sit back and see my team rack up the Points all the way to fantasy football supremacy!

I'm glad my opponent didn't have Alvin Kamara on his team for my league's title Game (still lost anyway), but in retrospect it seems almost inevitable and even obligatory for a player to run up the score against a shitty Vikings club this time of year.  And from the New Orleans Saints' perspective, it was like taking candy from a baby: They have a stud Running Back and the Vikes have a sieve of a Defensive Line, so just keep handing Kamara the ball until Minnesota proves it can stop him.  The Vikes never did.  And Kamara finished with 155 Yards rushing (a career high in a Game, which seems kind of odd considering he's Alvin Kamara) and fuckin' six Touchdowns.  That reminds me of the time the Vikes allowed the Seattle Seahawks' Shaun Alexander to run them over for five TDs ... in the First Half.

Oh, and the Saints crushed the Vikings on Christmas Afternoon 52-33, thereby officially eliminating them from the playoffs.  In a season where most people thought they would be in the postseason, they will finish, at best, 7-9 and is a loss in Detroit to the Lions this Sunday afternoon away from (if I'm not missing something) from finishing dead last in the National Football Conference North Division.  Everything needs to be overhauled, even though there is no cap flexibility in order to do it.  And yet I have heard little to no scuttlebutt on the possibility Mike Zimmer will be fired.  Is it a done deal that Zygi Wilf brings him back?  The track record (like I said last week, Wilf fired his three Head Coaches before Zim a season after each of them made the playoffs) says no, but the extenuating circumstances surrounding the pandemic and its knock-on effects for the National Football League says otherwise.  Could Zimmer be playing for his job on Sunday?

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch, That's All He Does

So yeah, I got an e-mail from my boss telling me I made more mistakes last night.  And according to my co-worker, the guy who trained me at this job was the one complaining about me, to my boss and to my co-worker -- again.  I threw some forms into a basket when I shouldn't have, and I put a folder in a file I shouldn't have.

I think I've said it before, but this cowardly prick seems to enjoy being pissy about my mistakes, so I'll just say this shit again.  He (unfortunately) is within his right to complain about me doing things wrong.  And these are mistakes which, sadly, I probably will make again because I just can't pick up the intricacies of putting papers away in the right place.  But he's not being helpful.  And I don't think he's saying these things (behind my back, because he probably thinks I'll bite his head off if he says it to my face ... and I think he's right) because he wants me to do it the right way; oh, he's beyond that.  He just enjoys pointing things I'm doing wrong out because I'm ruining his territory, and I'm messing up his "thing."  I could be wrong, but right now, I am so over him (I'm ignoring my mistakes, I know) that I really think I'm right.  And that means he's being a passive-aggressive horse's ass.

Man, I should fuck up some more around here just to piss him off.  Fuck him.

You Know, 2020 Was Supposed To Be Lit

Hey, any of you remember seeing a meme like this at the end of 2019?

🎉🥂 🍾 2020 is gonna be LIT! 🍾🥂🎉

(Courtesy: KUTV 2News) pic.twitter.com/8Xq92LEZZl

— FOX Baltimore (@FOXBaltimore) December 13, 2019

Yeah, this didn't age well.

Weird Schedule Not Starting Out All That Great

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Expenses Without Receipt

Shit, man, I continue to not do these in a timely manner.  I already reconciled the expense list for November in my Franklin Quest day planner even though I have EWRs that go back to November.  Worse yet: I don't have many EWRs to type out.

Starting from Boxing Day:

• I have receipts from then back to Wednesday, December 16, when I went to the library and that self-centered bitch started talking on the phone with her mask down.  I was there ostensibly to print out copies relating to my parents' real estate holdings, and it cost me: $1.
• I then drove down to Uptown -- this was my annual Holiday Night In Uptown -- to grab a mocha from the Caribou connected to the Lunds/Byerlys.  I was going to use cash since I used cash at the library, but the barista said her boss took the till.  So I used the credit card for my Ho Ho Mint Mocha.  I gave a cash tip anyway: $1.
• We go back to Saturday the 12th, where I went to ******a's place for a well-needed massage: $80.
• I then went to Firehouse Subs out in Maple Grove.  I have the T-Mobile Tuesdays app, which gives me some stuff that's free and sometimes good.  This one was real good: A free medium sub, no purchase necessary.  Depending on what sub you got, that's a savings of ... gosh, I can't remember ... $5-6?  Anyway, I still wanted chips (although I got my pop somewhere else, can't remember).  And I tossed in a donation, too.  Total: $2.71.
• Now we have to go all the way back to Wednesday, November 25, where I went down to the Mall Of America and encountered a Salvation Army bell ringer and kettle: 25 cents.
• I then ate my customary turkey sandwich from Subway ... in my car.  Charged the sub and the chips (got my pop from the Target nearby), but threw in a tip of: $1.
• And then went to Lisa's, not only to get my Doc's shined up but also to buy a shirt she made.  She's a really nice person and want to help her out since the pandemic has made (or allowed) many downtown workers to work from home and thus has dried out her business.  She opened up a side hustle of making shirts.  Total: $65.

And hopefully I got everything.  Good through December 26.

There Was One Christmas Tradition That Was Broken:

I did not see A Charlie Brown Christmas this year.  For some reason the Charlie Brown specials moved from ABC (even though I remember it airing on CBS for the longest time; ABC must've bought the rights like a sports league) to Apple TV+.  Once the news hit that these specials were migrating onto the streaming platform only -- and the news I think hit just before It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown would normally air on over-the-air TV -- there was concern that people would have to pay to watch them.  Now, I don't remember the chronology, but Apple TV+ announced a short time later that Pumpkin and A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving would be free.  No news, however, on Christmas, and no news meant the worst-case scenario, namely that you would have to pay for the privilege of watching a show that generations of people have watched for free.

Later on in the fall, Apple TV+ tried to assuage further outrage by selling or giving the rights to Thanksgiving and Christmas to PBS, which then announced it was showing both specials once some early Sunday evening before each respective holiday.  That doesn't help me none because I am busy watching the NFL then.  But I do have a phone and Apple TV+ app magically was installed on it one day, so I was able to watch Pumpkin and Thanksgiving on it.  And, I was able to watch them on the days you are supposed to watch them: Halloween and Thanksgiving, respectively.  That did not happen for Christmas, like I said.  Don't exactly know why: I understand that special has special reverence for Linus' show-stopping, heart-rending recitation of the birth of Jesus Christ alone, but frankly, I think Pumpkin is the best and the most popular of the three.  (Thanksgiving is the middle special if you go by time of the year and it is regarded like any middle child ... but it deserves its less-than-hallowed reputation because it ain't that great.)  If I could have seen the first two on their holidays, I really don't see why I couldn't do the same yesterday.

And not for nothing, but I just checked the application and looked up all three specials online.  They are not free now.  But you can sign up for a free weeklong trial of Apple TV+ and then you can see them.  Just understand you'll be paying seven bucks a month after your trial period is over.

Most of all, what worries me now is that I won't be able to see any of the Peanuts specials during the holidays without paying for them.  I'm afraid Charles Schulz's gang is going by way of Sesame Street -- into not just for-profit, corporate America, but cut-throat, what's-in-it-for-me America.  Charlie Brown never had a hand out, as far as I can remember. ...

Christmas Thoughts

I'll be honest: Even though 2020 is supposed to be a year to reassess and/or reflect on traditions and family especially in light of, uh, all that's happening, I don't feel any more reverent or solemn this Christmas than I do any other.  Maybe it's because I have my parents here and I feel that things are alright with the world.  Or, maybe it's because Mother's driving me crazy with her stupid questions and narcissistic requests and so I don't want to reassess and/or reflect.  I'm not saying Christmas is a joke.  This day is the holiest in the Western calendar, and I respect that.

---

I had no intention of going out today.  But Father blindsided me with this bag he wanted me to give to uncle.  Well shoot -- if I'm going to have to go out, I'm going to go out.  After dropping it off, I went to Dunkin' Donuts for the final Free Donut Friday ... but the store was closed.  Then I went to McDonald's because they'll be open of Christmas ... except the two I went to were not.  So I resort to the final, sure-thing refuge on this most holiest of days: The gas station.  And God bless 'em, the gas station was open.  I took time to myself to get a convenience store cheeseburger, a Wild Cherry Pepsi, and a ticket each of Mega Millions and Powerball.  I then sat in my car and ate and drank.  Yep, that's Christmas, and Christmas in 2020, and 2020.

---

Uncle is not doing well.  Watch this space.

---

The roads continue to not be good.  The blizzard that came through Wednesday started out as a rain event, and the storm eventually turned colder, freezing the liquid to the roads.  I'm sure MNDOT has put down salt and brine, but the temperature yesterday and today I don't think is warm enough to activate them to melt away the ice, at least not yet.

I went from work to Southdale and the Cheesecake Factory yesterday.  I drove around a bit today.  Both times, the roads remained slippery, if not dangerous.  There is no more scary feeling that driving on a road and knowing you don't have any traction whatsoever.  Inertia and luck are the only things keeping you straight.  Meanwhile, a couple times when I turned, I heard this awful rumble underneath my car.  I think that noise was my tires as I was sliding sideways.  Scared I did a number on my tires.

Hope to God that the roads are better when I go to work tomorrow.

---

Oh, for my Christmas song this year I am choosing one that I have yet to hear on the radio this season.  I'm not the biggest fan of Stevie Wonder's "Someday at Christmas."  But it has a good message about yearning for peace and equality, and in these fraught times, well, it's a political song.  (And I should add that I really like the sober reality that grounds his dream: "Maybe not in time for you and me."  He still yearns for it, for humanity's sake, even if he himself cannot live to see that day.)  I wanted to highlight Wonder because Slate did something similar.  Almost four years ago to the day, the website did a major rebranding, and to kick it off, they had "Wonder Week," a series of essays praising the genius of Wonder.  That theme was determined, in a way, by the calamity and sadness not unlike what is happening now.  Even though I swear it was more recent, 2016 was that year where every singer seemed to die -- David Bowie, Prince, Leonard Cohen, Sharon Jones, etc.  And so, partially at least, Slate decided to extol Wonder's virtues while he was still around.  I mean, why do we wait to sing an artist's praises once he or she has died?  I am following that same no-brainer logic.

Here is the original, from Stevie Wonder's own YouTube channel ...

... and here is an updated version that more people might be more familiar with: A duet Wonder does with Andra Day:

For those who celebrate it, Merry Christmas.

A Shoutout To Holiday Pops

For the past x number of years I have been an enthusiastic adherent of Holiday Pops, the Christmas-only pop-up channel on SiriusXM featuring Christmas carols performed by classical artists.  This year at least (I don't know if SiriusXM has done this in years past) it was an Internet-only channel before taking over their Pops channel for Christmas Eve and Day and then being extinguished till next holiday season.

I admire classical music, but I don't listen to Pops or the other Classical channels on SiriusXM.  Yet, come the holiday season, I leap at the chance to listen to Holiday Pops once it's back on.  There is something beautiful, appropriate and, yeah, holy about listening to these carols performed with such reverence.  It is perfect Christmas music; at no other time am I entranced by classical music unless the artist is performing something germane to the holiday, and then I am in near-complete bliss.

Shoot, I even have begun to identify some performing arts groups that I like after listening to them on this channel over the years: The King's Singers, Cantus (these guys are based in Minneapolis?!?!?!  Get outta here!), Handel and Haydn Society, the Isthmus Brass (an outfit based in Madison, Wisc., which I am not sure is still together).  I might go to their concerts and purchase their music.  That's what finding great music can do, and SiriusXM Holiday Pops has done that for me.  I'll miss this channel, and this music, once it's gone tomorrow night.

Bitch Mom And Her Stupid Fucking Questions

Don't want to talk about it now, but My Fucking Mother is really pissing me off right now.  She has been asking some really stupid questions, and she also has asked me to help her more and more with things I don't understand.  It came to a head after I got home from work early (in the beginning of the blizzard) and she wanted my help transferring her photos from her iPhone into the computer.  It said that she couldn't because there was not enough storage space.

She then shows me a hard drive.  Could I get her to move the photos from her phone into the hard drive?  I told her I'll take a look.  Well, I took a nap first, then did a cursory look around the Internet to see that you can't hook up a hard drive to a phone in order to transfer pictures, which is weird to me, but whatevs.

I took this cursory look after dinner and told Mother about that you can't transfer photos from a phone into this hard drive without going through the computer first.  She said that is not what she asked me.  Bullshit.  That is exactly what she asked me.  And she's pulled this fucking bullshit a lot in the past ... oh, year or so -- namely saying she wants something (usually something outlandish) and then later saying she did not want that.  I think she's starting to slip.  Even if she's not, she's pissing me off.

Great -- fighting the day before Christmas Eve.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  First of all, I have to notice this: Even being Christmas Week, this is a short list for a survey this time of year.  We would have the Timberwolves and Wild going full bore, and the pandemic has affected the start of their 2020-1 seasons.  So we have only three options this screening week, and overall, it's a down week.

Well, except for one obvious, uh, exception.  In their final non-conference Game of the Year (at least for now), the Gophers defeated a pretty good, and then undefeated, Saint Louis team Sunday night at Williams.  Three things stand out in the Gophers' 90-82 win:

1. The difference in Three-Point makes, and attempts, between the two schools was lopsided: 10-for-25 for the U., 2-for-15 for the Billikens.  Ten more shots and 24 more Points from the arc?
2. The Free Throw disparity was even more ridiculous: 12-of-17 for SLU, 34-of-41 for the Gophs.  Twenty-four more attempts from the charity stripe, and 22 more Points?
3. Redshirt Junior Marcus Carr went off for 32, his fifth Game this season where he's scored at least 20 Points.

Just took a look at Joey Brackets' Bracketology at ESPN.com for the first time just now.  He has the Gophs as one of the first (actually Last) Four Out.  That victory over the Bills might come in handy, because this squad now has to face a gauntlet that I have not seen on a schedule for any Twin Cities team, college or pro, as far as I can recall.  Their next seven Games are against five Big Ten schools that are all ranked.  At least they begin at home (not that it matters -- there are no fans and I don't think Minnesota has a chance of winning any of these Games) for this upcoming week vs. Iowa Christmas Night and Michigan St. Monday night.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -3).  The Vikes were the conventional home team three-Point favorite, and yet I was as certain as Unforgivable Wetness is my Internet name that they were going to lose.  The Chicago Bears have given them fits for as long as I can remember, the Bears were playing well, and the house of cards surrounding the ViQueens finally fell around them in the loss to Tampa Bay.  They were damn lucky to beat Carolina and Jacksonville; even up against a club that didn't get their shit together until recently, Minnesota simply was no match, and the home loss was bigger than the 33-27 loss indicates.

This edition stands out for how each unit seemed to have taken turns in sucking in each loss.  This time around it's an area that I, frankly, have never seen blow as much as they did Sunday: The Defensive Line.  The era of Doleman, Randle, Millard, the Williams Wall, Allen, and Griffen has been nowhere to be seen this season, to be honest, and it was non-existent Sunday, where David Montgomery ran for a career high 146 Yards and two Touchdowns.  The D-Line did not sack Chicago Quarterback Mitchell Trubisky once; Linebacker (and backup to Eric Kendricks, whose absence has blown a hole through this Defense) Todd Davis did.  Yannick Ngouke, who was traded to The Bastard Cleveland Browns six Games after getting traded here from Jacksonville, still leads the team in Sacks.  The complete inability to stop the run nor pass rush is becoming an embarrassment to this club.

You can say that the delayed arrival of Michael Pierce (the run-stuffing Defensive Tackle taking the Year off due to COVID worries) and the possible return of Danielle Hunter will make that unit better next Year.  But the question now becomes whether Mike Zimmer gets to return next Year.  Each defeat gives more evidence that he shouldn't, but I'm still trying to give Zim a mulligan because of the craziness of this Year.  Note that Zygi Wilf has had four Head Coaches since he bought the Vikings.  The first three -- Mike Tice (whom he inherited), Brad Childress and Leslie Frazier -- Wilf fired the Year after Minnesota made the playoffs.  Be forewarned, Zim.

The Vikings can still make the playoffs if: They win their remaining two Games; The Bastard Chicago-By-Way-Of-St. Louis Cardinals lose their remaining two; and Chicago loses of one of its last two.  The Minnesota Vikings kick off Week 16 of the NFL schedule playing the Saints in New Orleans Christmas afternoon.  The Minnesota Vikings will be eliminated from the postseason Christmas afternoon.  What a fucking present, eh?

#-3Infinity: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  Once again, I'm just glad that the B1G decided to reschedule the battle for Paul Bunyan's Axe after the Nov. 28 Game was canceled.  It would have remained as the oldest rivalry in top-flight college football, but not playing this Year would have broken a streak of these two big universities playing each other since 1907.  That is important enough to preserve that the conference decided to break their promise of pairing up all the West and East teams not in the conference championship Game on Saturday and make sure these two teams played.

Under that historic context, I didn't really mind that the U. ended up under .500 for this crazy-ass 2020 season after losing to the Badgers 20-17 in Overtime.  It sucks that the Kicker for the Goofers, Anders Gelecinskyj, couldn't hit a 36-Yard Field Goal in the U.'s drive in OT.  That miss bookends the season; I went back to see if Gelecinskyj was also the student-athlete who missed the Point After Touchdown in Overtime in the U.'s loss to Maryland on October 30.  He is not -- Brock Walker missed that one.

So, probably to not go through the grind of getting tested and isolated themselves in order to schlepp down to Nashville and play the Music City Bowl again in program history but also to show some self-goddamn-respect, P. J. Fleck & Co. decided to just end their season.  Good thing; bowls are bullshit anyway (even though Fleck and the coaching staff surely will make up for passing up bonuses for getting into shitty bowls by getting paid double if they reach one next season).  But remember the high this team was on after they beat Penn St., and dreams of heading to the Rose Bowl (a non-shitty bowl) actually seemed plausible?  You can chalk this Year up to COVID-19, but yeah, that was a long, looooooooooooooooooong Year ago.

I Was Told There Would Be No Math With This Job

I am in this weird position of being really, really concerned about working too much this week.  I will try to explain.

So I work hourly, and my company still is not allowing overtime.  Christmas is Friday, so of course we have that off (with holiday pay).  I therefore am working 32 hours this week, and I have repeatedly been told by my boss to hew to that, down to the minute.

Two big complications this week, however.  I am still filling in on Sundays (a half-day), and I also volunteered to come in Saturday.  Moreover, my boss does not know how heavy or light the workload each day this week will be, seeing as this is the week of Christmas and, to a smaller extent, who knows if the pandemic has convinced some businesses to shut down for the whole week.  There is a possibility, my boss says, that I could be cut early on one more days this week.  But I have looked at my timesheets for this time last year and the year before; I left work early due to no work on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas), but the days before were all full days.

When I volunteered to come in Saturday, I thought that it would be a straightforward case where I would take the twelve hours I'm working both ends of the week and take them from, ideally, Thursday, where I can do my Christmas Eve ritual of going to Southdale and pick up something from the Cheesecake Factory.  But I am in a special position Thursday because everybody else is taking that day off.  My boss cannot give me even a half-day off because there might be enough work to last the whole day.  Or, maybe there won't be and I can leave early.  Who knows?

This leaves me/us no choice but to monitor my hours and ... well, I don't know what to do then, maybe complain to my boss.  I have been working out in my head how long I can stay each day in order to get to only 32 hours.  (By the way, if I go past 32 hours, I don't get holiday pay but instead regular pay, and for that reason my boss says he does not want me to go over.)  I also have to take into consideration I am basically at my boss' disposal Thursday and that I should plan for six hours Saturday/Boxing Day even though past years indicate I can get out of there a lot quicker.

Even though I see the reason not to go over 32 hours, I would rather do that than work less than 32 hours and then need to use my paid time off to make up for it.  Still, I am constantly doing the math in my head on how many hours I've worked so far this week to see what I've got left the rest of the week.  After the four on Sunday, I had 28 hours to spread over five days, so I was thinking to myself, "So, after Saturday, there would be two days where I could work four hours and two I could work five ... right?"  And then, even though I felt there was a chance I could leave early yesterday/Monday, I worked the whole eight, which means I now have only 20 hours to spread over four days.  That's five hours per day on average, but I'm supposed to plan out for at least six on Saturday, plus up to eight on Thursday.  If that's the case, I would be working only ... Christ, only three hours both today and tomorrow.  So why can't I just work one day for six hours and take the other day off?  Maybe I could ask my boss -- but he's on vacation until Wednesday.  Any leeway I may have to make the math work will be gone by then, I'm afraid; if he really wants to monitor my hours so that I don't go above 32, Wednesday would be the last day to do something about it, and if I'm coming in to work that day, I don't feel like leaving after 120 minutes just to make sure I stay below 32 hours.

If it were my call, I'd work a half-day Thursday.  If not, I would compromise and take all of tomorrow/Wednesday off to go to Southdale, take a COVID test, then see ******a to hopefully get a handjob which I think she's closer to giving to me.  (Just saw the forecast that we are supposed to get snow tomorrow; maybe it's better for me to work a whole day then?)  But it's not my call.  It's someone else's.  And I don't think he's stepping in in time for me to avoid this impending calamity.

Addendum To: These Are Still (Those Were?) Glorious Days

Saturday I planned on getting a massage -- and maybe, just maybe, a handjob -- from ******a, but she didn't return my texts.  I had also planned on taking a COVID test, but I was able to walk down from Glam Doll (which was sold out) to the clinic and get one in half an hour.

So, what I did instead was eat at fast food for the first time in some time (at Culver's), retrieve my phone because I forgot it, drive down to the Megamall to buy some Godiva, freak out because shopping traffic was not unlike the Saturday afternoon before Christmas, saw that there was a line at Godiva, leave after an hour (I should have left earlier; maybe I'll blog post about this some other time if I remember), and then, finally, park at Lyndale.  I was going to eat at two ice cream places, Milkjam and then Bebe Zito while walking up and down the street.  This idea was spontaneous, sorta; I went to Revival the day before to eat its very good burger, and seeing Nicollet was a good-looking street, I regretted that I didn't have time to walk it.  Also, being indoors at the Megamall with so many people made me want to make up for it by walking outdoors.  And I need the exercise, especially after I ate two scoops of ice cream, although I like Milkjam better (I will try Bebe Zito again in the future).

It was on my way back to my car, waiting for the walk light, when I finally stopped looking ahead or down at my feet so I wouldn't trip over the unlevel sidewalk, and I looked up.  I spoke about how I have loved the weather we've been having: Overcast, cool but not cold, and no snow on the ground.  What I like in a day, and what I have enjoyed many times this late fall/early winter I had right now, and under even more perfect conditions than all those other days.  Walks like this should make me ecstatic.  But I didn't realize I should have been stopping and smelling the roses until I was within eyeshot of my car, ready to leave.

Now, to be fair, Lyndale ain't a scenic route.  Well, it is interesting, but it's not a walk in the park.  Even in the afternoon I feel as though I need to keep my wits about myself.  If I just take a few steps to look hither and yon at the old homes and the beautiful gray sky, some asshole zipping up or down the street could throw a can of pop at my head.  However, when I got my ice cream, both times I found a good spot, stopped, stood, and ate.  After Milkjam I didn't do much looking or reflecting; no, I just ... ate.  And no one tried to zing a can at my head.  After Bebe Zito I kind of remembered why I was doing this, and so I did a little observing and being grateful, but mostly I was concentrating on comparing their ice cream to Milkjam's.

I actually got mad at myself for being more concerned with walking to my destination than enjoying the walking itself -- so much so that I decided I was going to drive to the Sculpture Garden and take a better, more meditative walk there, even though it was getting late in the afternoon.  My thinking was that I would feel safer just lollygagging there instead of the sidewalk of a busy street, so I would slow down there.  I took up to half an hour at the Garden, slowing down a bit and looking up at the sky and being thankful I could exercise my body in this glorious gray weather at my own pace and in my own time.  And yet I caught myself wanting to get to this sculpture or that sculpture, and then being distracted by the thought that I could have contracted the coronavirus at MOA, and then checking my watch to see when it really was time to go.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.  Maybe I did enjoy the walk and I'm being a perfectionist.  But maybe I'm too much in my head, thinking about what I should do, or the problems waiting to greet me at home, instead of just ... walking for its own sake, underneath dreary, perfect weather.

Tracks On The Front Yard??

I think it was some time last week, late enough in the morning to see it, when I looked outside and saw two track marks on my front yard.  I can't tell measurements by sight really well, but the more I think about it, the tracks are the width of a car.  And they came from the end of the driveway, across the lawn, and it died just before the other side of it, which abuts the neighbor's driveway.

Nothing looked damaged.  The mailbox was close to where the tracks start to appear, but it was untouched.  Besides the indentation, the grass is, well, dead, since it's winter.  There are just ... tracks.

I did not wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a screeching car.  No honks, no yelling, nothing.  And yet, it appears as though a car, or possibly a smaller vehicle, ran up and across the front yard, and then, like, backed down precisely where its tires were.  That, or the neighbors did it.

Regardless, this is weird.  Where did the tracks come from?

I Think This Will Cost Me My Job

The nightmare scenario with working the Vikings happened yesterday/Saturday morning.  I woke up with a text from one of the networks, asking me if I could come in to work tomorrow's Game (vs. the Bears).  I can't.  Promised my main job I was going to fill in for an important Sunday shift that has not been filled.

This predicament was close to one I encountered earlier in the season.  I remembered this when the person whose job included this Sunday shift quit.  As had been the case for the 2019 Vikings season, when a domino effect of people resulted in a position being created to include Sundays for the purpose that I am coming in half a day for, I needed to plan ahead of time to let both of my jobs know which place I could work.  Of course, back in 2019, I felt confident the broadcasts would hire me for all Vikings home Games, and I knew that before the Sunday shift opened up.  That plan changed this year, whereby I would not be working all Vikes Games ... well, until I got this frantic text and e-mail two days before the first home Game of the season (versus the Packers) saying I could, but someone beat me to it.

I had that in mind when this woman quit.  I knew Sundays needed to be covered by someone, and I was happy to do it ... provided I wasn't working Vikings Games.  It is my preference to work Vikes Games because it's fun, the pay is good, it's in my field of interest, and I worked it longer than my main job (even though it is seasonal).  And so I asked the crewer for this broadcast to tell me, as soon as possible, whether there would be a need for someone to work a Game.  She texted back that she'd try.  Best we both could do.  But I waited till Wednesday to tell my boss I could come in on Sunday, and now she tells me this.

It is ironic that the first time someone frantically called me to sub for a Vikes Game I could do it, though I was just beaten to the punch, but the second time I was asked I think I was the first one offered but I couldn't do it.  And I have the very, very bad feeling that this time around will cost me my job with them.  There are other people who have been there for her this season -- who have been "dependable."  And my 15-Year history with these guys won't mean dick next season, when things go back to normal and the usual positions will be filled.  People (and they probably aren't the same people who I'd be dealing with because they turn over a lot) will just look at who helped them in Minneapolis the season before and just hire them on to the jobs I used to do.  And I will be cast aside because I couldn't help these people in a pinch.

That's my fate because I had to say no to the crewer yesterday morning.  That ain't fair.  But I'm afraid that is what's going to happen.

May I say that of all the recent failings of my alma mater's football team that I have endured, last night's loss was one of the worst, and dreading the possibility that they could lose didn't help things.  Undefeated (sure, they only played half a season, but they didn't lose a game!), playing at home, and they got upset by a team that wasn't even supposed to be there and were told they were playing us Monday.  And now they're going to Glendale and we're going to San Antonio.  They rule the West again, those fuckers.

Our Quarterback was shit for a lot of that Game, and those two Interceptions in the First Quarter were killers.  Our Offensive Line was.  And how did a Defense make a 3-2 team look like the fucking Kansas City Chiefs?

I am a doomsayer, and it's not the first time I turned off the TV before a Game was over -- shit, I did it last week.  But I had a bad feeling before this Game, I had it when it began, and I had it late in the Third Quarter when I turned it off.  I was Zooming with some alums, and I heard the rest of the Game through them.  I made the right choice, and the smart one, too.

Fire the Head Coach?  Sure.  They just need to do better ... uh, fuck it, everything goddamn sucks.

If That Yappy Bitch At The Library Gave Me COVID I'll ...

So I went to the library Wednesday after eating.  I didn't have to, although it was time to print out my parents' LLC stuff.  I was just kind of sick of being around my parents in the evening, plus I wanted to just go out in the evening.  But mostly, it was because I have this "tradition" where, one night before Christmas, I get a mocha from the Caribou Coffee in the Lunds/Byerlys Uptown and walk around to enjoy the winter and the Christmas season.  Killing two birds with one stone.

I eat dinner, then get to the library.  I was there for just about an hour.  I looked for a computer that is as far away from other people (even beyond the cordoning-off of computer to ensure people were sitting six feet apart) as possible.  I went into the Teen Section of the library, and the only person there was this young girl at a table, seemingly doing homework, with a mask on.  Cool.

So I find and print the forms and then, just because I thought I had time, I surfed around the Internet.  Mostly shopping for gourmet chocolate and then burning through my e-mail.  And then, beyond the computer, I hear: "So what does the textbook mean about finding the vein. ...?"  (I have no idea what she said, I totally made that up beyond thinking that she said something that maybe a nursing student would say.)  And she was talking loudly, louder than library level.  I look past my computer at her ... and goddamn her, she's screaming into her phone with her mask pulled down.

Being the paper tiger I am, I now feel as though I should have said, "Pull your mask up, cunt!" or at least, "Shhh!"  But I didn't.  And worse than that, I didn't end my computer session and leave right after that teenage bitch started acting like a teenage bitch.  I stayed because I wanted to go through the 100+ e-mails I had in my inbox, and I think I had, like, 40 left, and I wanted to go through them all before I left.  I stayed 10-15 minutes, even though it might be my white-hot anger thinking I "had" to stay longer than I really did and it was only five minutes or something.  Regardless, that fucking dilettante was spewing her fucking germs into the same corner of the library I was in.  And me wearing a mask when she fucking didn't have the decency wasn't going to protect me from much.

So now I'm really worried I got it from her.  A new rash of people I see and hear on the TV and radio appear to have gotten it since Wednesday evening, and I'm freaking out.  I plan on getting tested Saturday, but knowing the high-risk situation that bitch put me in (and, to be honest, I did not immediately get myself out of), I need to get tested again about 5-7 days after Wednesday evening, and then a week after that.  But I feel really, really scared about this time around.  The coronavirus noose is tightening around the world, and this time, I think it got me, goddammit.

Fucking Got Caught Coming Back From Break Late

Yeah, I was a few minutes late coming back, and I just fucking happened to run into one of my bosses on the way back to my seat.  And sure enough, several minutes later I got an e-mail from her -- a "friendly reminder" that I needed to be back at work when everybody else was, because "the others see me."  And now I regret not doing the bootcamp and eventually finding a job where I can be late to come back from break and no one will bust my balls.

I will use this time to complain, once again, about My Father insisting on packing a lunch for me.  I had repeatedly told him no, that it was unnecessary, that I can find my own food, that what he gives me is too much, and he fuckin' did it anyway, and I got tired of fighting him because he could threaten to throw me out of the house.  So I suck it up (the food, literally), but not in time to come back from break in 15 goddamn minutes.  If I don't have any food I have to eat, I'd be chilling in my car for ten minutes and then I'd be back in no time.

Yeah, I stayed long.  And yeah, I had a feeling that one day I would get caught.  And yet, still, I feel this wave of humiliation coating my skin like paint from a roller brush.  I don't think it's a big deal, but fact is, it's my fault for not coming back on time.  And now I have to be a good boy and do so or else I'll really get in trouble.  Man, I need to find a new line of work, shit. ...

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November

Overall ... very good, maybe great.  There isn't a falling domino effect of stunners in the 14 women on this page, but there are very good ones.

I'll give an honorable mention to the main girl, Jorra from Schererville, Ind.  Unique name, unique city name.  Sultry smile, beautiful Black skin, and I love her straight black hair.  She's wearing a one-piece, but it's off-orange and it scoops almost down to the navel, so there's sideboob (hers is petite, but you can see lumps).

More ... solid (solider?) are the six-pack of babes above and below the calendar.  All but two are front-facing.  The three above the calendar are front-facing, and they're a 1-2-3 punch of bangers, so shout out to Ashley of Albany, N.Y.; Blakelyn of Jacksonville; and Jordyn of Hollywood, Calif.

Now I will describe the three below the calendar.  One is Tymia of Waco, Tex., and while she's almost side profile, I like her straight reddish hair and slim body.  The other non-front-facer is Samantha, of Daphne, Ala.  She is side profile, but we can see her nice ass, and although her yellow bikini bottom covers up 95% of her butt, it's a nice butt.  She's in third place.

In second place is the last of the three below the calendar, Rochelle out of Pretoria, South Africa.  I remember her from last year's and/or the 2018 calendar.  Tall, blonde, pale skin.  Wearing an off-pink two-piece bandeau bikini and a Mona Lisa smile.  Hot damn, she's tap-worthy!

But the first place woman was a no-brainer because she signed my calendar.  In fact, I think she was the one who sold me the calendar.  I was in Denver on vacation last year.  As is my wont on vacations, I went to a Hooters.  I don't think I planned on buying a calendar away from home, but in retrospect I couldn't pass up the opportunity for any girl posing in it to sign before I had to leave town.  So Bree of Westminster, Colo., was soliciting calendars and I bought one, and she got one other girl who was also in the calendar and working that shift to quickly put in an autograph.  I'll be honest: She wasn't the most gregarious Hooters girl I've encountered.  Also, her photo in November is OK.  She looks great, don't get me wrong, but the big drawback is her blue bikini, which is a two-piece but is distractingly thick.  It covers a lot of her top and a lot of her bottom, a lot of fabric for a two-piece.  Nevertheless, I here she's a calendar girl, if not headlining a month, for 2021, and she has won at least one Colorado area Hooters beauty pageant.

So yeah, things are looking up for Bree.  Also up?  My penis.  Congratulations to Bree!  And yes, I will masturbate to all these girls in short order as soon as I have the time and the privacy.

Just Be A Good Boy For One More Day

Just be a good boy for one more day, and I can Toobin it for as fuck all as I want.  I hate Zoom and I hate people who don't give two shits about me, but after tomorrow, I'm free.  Just need to hold onto my urges until then.  But goddamn, it's gonna be so difficult. ...

Fucking Father Threw My Fucking Stuff Away

Oh, I'm so pissed off at him right now.

First time in a long time he pulled this shit.  I thought we were doing good.  But he had to fuckin' throw that away, literally.

OK, so I wanted to put some topical on the acne in the back of my head; maybe I'll talk about it some other time.  I had a bag of cotton balls that I took from the closet in my bathroom and threw on the floor.  I left the bag there because I know where it is.  But it wasn't there.  I suspected My Father, who went through and cleaned my bedroom, took it and put it back because he deemed such a task his birthright.

So I go to the bathroom and open the closet.  I see the cotton balls.  I also see everything organized.  That would be great ... except for one thing.  I frequently throw my reading material -- Entertainment Weekly, City Pages, etc. -- in the shelf where the towels are.  The towels are there, neatly folded.  Those magazines are not.  And that fucking pisses me off because My Fucking Father has gone back to his stealing, entitled fucking ways and threw away my shit that he had no goddamn right to throw away.

Problem is, I don't know where it is right now.  I don't know when he cleaned it.  If it was before Thursday, and he wanted to be cruel enough to throw all those things in the trash instead of the recycling bin (which is picked up biweekly, not weekly), they're all gone.  If not, I need to check both the trash bin and the recycling bin and, I swear to fucking God, I am going to take all those magazines out and put them in my storage unit, where it'll be safe from the evil clutches of My Fucking Father.  I don't know how I'm going to do it surreptitiously, but I figure I'll just fucking lie to my parents about "doing something back at work," and, either before I leave or after I come back, fucking open those bins in the middle of the night and the cold and search for my shit.  If that motherfucker doesn't think I will do it, he has no goddamn idea that I care more about those things than even him right now.  I'll open trash to find them, and he can fuckin' try me on that if he thinks I'm bullshittin'.

And in the meantime I'm going to go through the recycling bag out in the kitchen to see if my stuff is still there.  Save me a trip if I get lucky.  And I need to wash my hands anyway; why can't I get a little dirtier?  Have to learn how to roll in the mud with My Fucking Father.

I Fucking Hate Fantasy Sports

Since late last night I have been obsessed with my fantasy football team.  I listened to podcasts and satellite radio that I should bench my starter, and then pick up this guy.  I overturned the rosters of both of my teams to shoot for the moon against opponents I felt -- and sort of still feel -- had the better talent on paper.

Well, I got trampled in the league I am not commissioner in, also known as the league that actually pays out money for champions.  I have a chance with Lamar Jackson in the league I am Commish in, but I'm fearing for the worst there.

And yet I find myself more pissed at losing at Eliminator.  Yep, I am gone at Week 14.  Why in the fuck didn't New Orleans beat Philadelphia?  They're a dome team playing on the road outside, but they've won like that before.  Why didn't I choose Seattle instead?  They were playing the Jets; in retrospect, why shouldn't I have chosen the Seahawks, even though they got upset, also at home, vs. the Giants last week?

All this losing, and at the same time, pisses me off.

I fucking hate fantasy sports.

These Are Still (Those Were?) Glorious Days

From here on out I have Fridays free.  Well, it started after the week after Thanksgiving.  Well, I had a couple Fridays before that, I think ... anyway, I've been working about 4 1/2 days a week for the past couple months, and there is a run of Fridays that I don't work that I am now in the middle of which ends at the start of 2021.  Like I have said before, I thought I had a lot of paid time off I needed to use before the end of the year, until my company abruptly changed the number I could carry over.  But I had my heart set on having all these days off that I couldn't go back and volunteer to work them again, so I'm not.

I am telling my parents I am working half-days, and that packing a lunch won't be necessary.  So once I get up and roll out of bed (has to be by 11, otherwise my folks will get suspicious) I have (and I think I've documented some of this before on WAF) I get lunch at some above-fast-food place, walk around the cemetery to visit my Grandmother and uncle, and get dessert.

It's those walks that are the most energizing.  With gyms closed and me not going in them during the time they were open because they were coronavirus hothouses, I needed an outlet for exercise.  Increasingly, when I had the time during daylight hours, I would go to a park, and oftentimes it has been Lakewood.  The cemetery is a beautiful place, yet it is usually bereft of people.  I think people don't walk there because it's creepy.  I thought so at first, but then the pandemic came and I needed some exercise and the park was too crowded.  There is peace walking around a cemetery.  Besides, are the residents bothered by me walking around them?

The past few Fridays I noticed how good, and fortunate, I've been to walk in good-to-great weather.  It can snow in November and December, and yet so far, there has been little of that.  It can also get very, very cold those months.  But it has been above average.  It was above 50 last Friday, and a Friday before that.

I reflected on that while I was walking around Lakewood.  It was a great day for a walk -- not too hot but definitely not too cold, little wind to complain about, certainly not humid.  I prefer cloudy days when the temperatures are in the fifties, and it was sunny out, but even then that made me feel good, because in the throes of winter, sunlight is at a premium.  And I thought to myself, one more than one of these days, "I should enjoy this, because I don't know how many more of these I will have."  And I take a picture to memorialize my cliched epiphany.

Well, I didn't know how many of these glorious days I would still have.  I really thought the first time I thought such a thought, it would be the last time I would be able to walk around anywhere peacefully and happily.  But I did it the following week, and I think the following week, too.  Snow hasn't come yet, so I've been able to take quick walks around a park a couple times as well.  Now the fifties and forties are gone; I walked at Lakewood Friday when it was just above freezing, and although I was OK, it wasn't that great.  Still, I consider myself fortunate to have been able to stretch my legs out outside.

Did the same thing yesterday/Saturday, just before coming home and just after eating a free sub from Firehouse thanks to the Free Tuesday T-Mobile app.  I tried taking a brisk walk, but the weather was brisker: It was barely 32 if it was, there was no sun, and the wind was whipping.  I lasted maybe ten minutes.  I would not consider that to be walking weather.  And the forecast for this week is not showing temperatures during the day rising through the thirties, so, well, maybe I was right to cherish those walks because they could be gone now.

Put Papers On My Bed, Take Papers Off My Bed

I don't remember how I generated it, but there are a bunch of papers that I have, uh, together.  This is different from the piles and piles of stuff I have that are on the dresser.  I guess I could add this particular pile to those piles, but I haven't yet.

Instead, I have piled them up and ... kept them separate.  I place this pile on the floor.  Before I go to work in the morning, I throw this pile onto my bed in case Father wants to clean my bedroom floor and/or Father looks at this pile and freaks out about me not cleaning up.  When I get home, I put this pile on the floor.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

I endeavor to go through this pile, maybe recycle stuff I don't need, then merge this pile with my crap on the bureau.  But I have wanted to do this for, oh, the last month, and despite numerous opportunities to take care of it, I haven't.  It's as if I've gotten in a rhythm of putting this pile on my bed in the morning and putting it on the floor in the evening.  (shrug)

I Can't Do It. I Just Can't Do It.

I knew that this boot camp was coming in soon.  The person trying to recruit me said mid-December.  Well, the technical mid-December is coming up next week.  I thought it would start Tuesday.  At any rate, it was coming soon, and if I was going to do it, I would have to make a decision and tell the recruiter soon -- like, yesterday/Friday.

I had the day off, so I was walking around and eatin' stuff (it was Hazel's Northeast, which was celebrating being in business ten years by selling its famous Swedish Meatballs for ten bucks; Patisserie 46 for its famous chocolate cake and a hot chocolate; and Dunkin' Donuts, for a free donut on its Free Donut Fridays along with yet another hot cocoa) and thinkin' about it.  I have thought a lot about going back to school for this Data Analysis bootcamp, and yesterday there were so many things that coalesced around doing it starting next week.  They're doing Zoom meetings exclusively because of the pandemic, and that would be perfect because I can't really go out and do anything right now.  The course is six months, and there is talk that things will open up mid-2021, just as I will get done and go back to doing things like normal.

The big hangup -- well, besides wanting to go back -- was money.  I really did not want to plop down $11,000 on my own.  But the other alternative was asking my parents for it.  I think I knew this all along, but yesterday I finally came to peace with it -- that I didn't feel comfortable at all asking them for money to pay for this.  I decided I would have to pay for it on my own, and even though I would have seek a payment plan that covers the tuition over two years, that would be the best choice.

So yesterday afternoon, after walking around Lakewood again, I called the recruiter for the first time in over a month and asked for a payment application for this 24-month plan.  He told me classes actually begin Monday -- egad, or perfect timing, depending on how you want to look at it -- but if I could rush this funding application back to him by end of business yesterday, he'll send it up to his boss in the hopes of getting me starting on Monday.

That was cutting it way too close for me, so I asked when's the next bootcamp.  He said March.  That'll take me through the summer, and although the pandemic could stretch to Labor Day, I think that if vaccinations come quicker than that my eyes will be wandering in the hot months as people take off their masks and congregate in close quarters again.  Plus, I wanted to visit my storage unit because I had some things I wanted to take care of over there (and to make up for not realizing I had my damn keys in pants all along).  Once I came back, I'll take care of the application, and if I can zip it back to them before end of business day (whenever that is), I will.

So I do get home, a bit past 4.  I open up my e-mail and see the link to the application, which is from a company based in the United Kingdom called Ed App.  The first thing they ask me is my social security number, which ... well, I kind of expected that, but sending something so personal gave me pause, even if there was a lock on the webpage.  And then, to the left, they're asking me to upload copies of my identification and address?  What the hell?  Really?  I got scared off at what I consider to be red flags.  So I logged off.  I thought about going back, but after eating dinner it was after business hours, and then I doomscrolled, and then I fell asleep.

After I woke up I Googled something to the effect of "is Ed Aid/Trilogy (the company using the University of Minnesota's name for authenticity) a scam/ripoff" and, naturally, I got replies basically saying yeah, it is.  The complaints are legion but familiar if you're pessimistic -- it costs too much money for what you get, the teachers and teaching assistants suck, I didn't get a job in programming after I got done, etc.  All of this scares the hell out of me, so I am just going to call my recruiter on Monday and make up a lie -- I have to work in the evenings through the end of the year, when the Zooms are, and I will miss enough classes whereby I will not be able to take the courses.

But I have to be honest: The reviews about these bootcamps, and bootcamps in general, are not unanimously negative.  Some of them are measured about bootcamps' limitations, but for their place, those reviewers understood the value of them anyway.  Some people praised the TAs, or the professors themselves.  And more than a few liked the education they got.

I can't say I'm torn between doing this and not.  I've just been looking up ways to learn programming for free, and if I have the initiative, I can learn what I can without spending 11 grand.  But there's something more existential about my flip-flopping that I don't like.  While the majority of reviews say that Trilogy and Ed Aid are ripoffs and that people can do better, I have to be honest that I have been finding reasons not to do this, to not go back to school.  And I found them.  However, there are big, fundamental reasons I want to learn new things, and eventually go back to school.  I want more money.  I want a better job.  I want to learn skills that will keep me employable as the world gets more automated.  And I want to do this while I still have some means to finagle money and still have some time to spare.

It seems to me, at least according to racist chatboard Reddit, that a majority of people who have taken these coding/data analyst bootcamps felt cheated and would do something different if they knew better.  But there are also a lot of people who were well aware of the limitations -- about these bootcamps and about themselves -- and have found a way to use what they learned anyway.  They're making lemonade out of lemons ... and isn't that what life is about?  I won't go through this life perfectly.  There may be times I get screwed, maybe royally.  But are those good enough reasons not to go out and get what you want if, eventually, it'll lead you to a better place, and self?  Am I just shortchanging myself if I reject learning anything out of hand if I feel there is a chance I will feel I wasted ... something from it?  Is there some level of getting ripped off inevitable?

See, a part of me is now thinking that I should bite the bullet and do this anyway, if only because not doing it will instead lead me to doing nothing at all, and that should be unacceptable.  But ... dammit, I go back to feeling as though I will get ripped off, and so my decision to back out of this, again, has already been made.  So I pull back, comfortable in feeling I have protected myself by not venturing out, and doing nothing.

Fuck COVID, I Need To Get Fucked

Yeah, my promise not to whore around while Minnesota is aflame with coronavirus is not going perfectly.  Sort of.

Two days before the blog post I linked to above, I did a litany of Happy Thanksgiving texts to everyone I knew, but especially my stripper girlfriends.  I really wanted to check in with all of them, but mostly I wanted to maintain communication with them in case I could fuck them for money.

My dream scenario, in which one of my lines in the water bit, actually happened the day after I blog posted.  ****e, someone with whom I have had halting dalliances for years, started a conversation with me (I paraphrase below):

"How are you?" she said.

"Lonely a bit," I replied, "You?"

"Didn't really celebrate.  Wasn't feelin' that good."

"Sorry about that.  Hope you feel better."

"I'm sorry your (sic) feeling lonely.  Do you want some company anytime soon?"

CHA-FUCKING-CHING!!!  WE GOT A LIVE ONE!!!

So I volunteered a date of last Friday afternoon to ring twice, so to speak.  She needed to get back to me, then said she could not find a babysitter for her two young sons (actually grandsons ... long story).  OK, I said, I am free the following Friday, which is today.  She said on Wednesday that she still needs to confirm, but that should work.

As I was priming my cock for some fucking around, I texted last/Thursday evening to confirm we were still good.  Have not heard back.  She does have a flightiness factor with her, but I don't consider her a cocktease.  Nevertheless, I am planning for a no-go, and even a ghosting, although I'm looking at porn right now and deciding I won't jerk off, just in case ****e comes back with a "Sorry, totally forgot about you ... yeah, cum on over!"

But if she does freeze me out, maybe I should take it as a sign.  Her kids (who I think she adopted from their mother/her daughter, who died unexpectedly last year) may or may not be in school, but are of an age that has been proven (maybe?) to be germ wagons for the coronavirus.  Also, she posted on Facebook this week asking her friends if they are going to get the vaccine as soon as it's available.  You only ask such a question if you're really thinking about not getting the vaccine yourself.  That combination worries me.  It makes me think ****e isn't serious about the pandemic.  And that raises the possibility that she has contracted it (either from her kids or, say, going to a bar in Wisconsin), and then, while I'm kissing and am inside her, I'll catch it.  (Aside: Of all the women I've been seeing during this pandemic, none of them have kids.  And, as of the test I took last week, I am still testing negative.  Coincidence?)

So I'm not going to be bent out of shape if I don't hear from her.  But I'll be honest: I have a condom I got back on the campus of the University of Colorado last year that's waiting to be used.  I plan on using it in ****e -- if not today, then next Friday, because I am free next Friday, too.  Even in the midst of a deadly pandemic, this man has to get his fuck on.  Heh.

I Feel It Comin' ... It Being COVID-19

Yesterday at work I felt a slight tickle in my nose.

In the afternoon I felt some congestion down my throat.

And right now, I feel ... something in my chest, as if I'm about to cough, maniacally.

I have heard that those are signs that you have the coronavirus.

Fucking great.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  I have been to Gopher men's hockey Games in the past, oh, few Years, and it's been sad to see more and more empty seats in a spectacular and grand edifice like Mariucci Arena.  You can blame The Big Realignment for severing many longstanding rivalries (when it's time to write the historical corrective on men's top-flight college hockey, Terry Pegula's decision to invest his fortune into creating a varsity Penn St. men's hockey team may be considered the most important event in sport), but keeping attendance largely comes down to winning, and lately, Minnesota has not been doing that.

So it's kind of sad that they can't even play in front crowds, at least not right now, and maybe this program has been so bad for so long people have not paid attention.  But with last/Tuesday night's 3-1 win over Michigan in Ann Arbor, Minnesota remains undefeated at 7-0 ... and all those are conference victories.  In fact, according to a statistics I heard during the radio broadcast, this squad has yet even trail this season.  Yep -- 420 total Minutes of game time, they have not been behind for even a Second.  That is very impressive, and that is why not only do these guys take the top spot, I feel as though I can give them a nudge over negative numbers.

One more Game for the currently-fourth-ranked (at least according to USCHO) Gophers against the currently-fifth ranked Wolverines tonight/Wednesday evening.  And then ... well, then we don't know.  Only this part of the schedule, through the end of this godforsaken Year, had been announced.  Conferences seem to be waiting for the pandemic environment and any make-up Games that need to be rescheduled from the first part of the season before they map out the next phase.  Smart.  And in the meantime, if they win tonight, that will keep their perfect record embossed in amber for a while.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: 0).  Kudos to the male U. ballers for they are 5-0.  Getting to that record has been touch-and-go, however.  I don't know how good North Dakota's supposed to be, but the Gophers mustered only a nine-Point victory over the Fighting Hawks at The Barn Friday.  In their (so far) only non-conference matchup versus a fellow BcS school, last/Tuesday night they were taken to Overtime before they beat Boston College (also at home), 85-80.  Early in the Second Half, the Eagles led Minnesota by 15.  Gritty is good, so long as you win.  But I now believe style points is a measure of how good you are over your opponent.  And this is a far-from-perfect outfit.

The team's sixth and final home Game to start this season is tomorrow/Thursday night against Missouri-Kansas City.  They then kick off Big Ten play Tuesday at Illinois ... which is ranked in the Top 5 and beat Duke last/Tuesday night at Cameron Indoor.

#-2: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  I had a perfect view of the field and thus the Game for work Sunday (yeah, club seats are fucking awesome, for the vantage point and for the luxury studio setup each suite has -- if you ever tour a stadium, do so for the club suites).  And I thus was witness to maybe the worst win in Vikings history, a sloppy, turgid, hardscrabble affair in putting away a one-win Jacksonville Jaguars franchise whose starters (save for James Robinson) would be bench players on other NFL teams.

There were players and moments of greatness from the Vikes.  Once again, oft-maligned Kirk Cousins played very well.  Justin Jefferson is a keeper.  And one could see maturation from the Cornerbacks and Secondary when picking off easy throws from Jacksonville Quarterback/journeyman Mike Glennon.  But for all the sublime plays, there were too many stupid plays.  The fumbles.  The bad Pick-Six to start the Second Half.  The Defense not waking up before Jacksonville put up nine Points in the First Quarter.  Dan Bailey missing not one but two Points After, as well as a Field Goal late that could have iced the Game.

And speaking of that missed FG, we have to talk about Mike Zimmer's decision-making.  That FG was from more than 50 Yards.  With that miss, the ball was spotted at the Jaguar 41, and there was enough time at the end of regulation for Jacksonville to march down the field and kick a Game-winning Field Goal.  Which they sort-of did; luckily for the Vikes, a 61-Yard FG try was short.

The Game-ending FG in OT was made after Zimmer initially brought the FG unit in on Second Down and with the ball at the JAX 2, then yanked Bailey & co. and brought the Offense back on the field.  Neither unit played well on Sunday, but the flip-flopping during this sequence leads even more credence to the belief Zimmer has made some bad decisions.  After Bailey's chippie went in, nobody on the Vikes' side was celebrating.  There were muted handslaps and hand-shaking, but I feel as though they felt that what they just did, winning this Game, was an injustice against football and nature.

And they're right.  We were looking at this three-Game stretch, all at home, and thinking the Vikings would slingshot their way into a playoff spot and maybe round into contender form.  Instead, they lost to an execrable Dallas Cowboys club, then, frankly, got extremely lucky in victories over Carolina and the Jags.  The only good news is that, somehow, if the season were to end right now, the Vikings would be in the playoffs.  That's a hell of a climb to get out of a 1-5 hole.  But no one -- not Vikings players, let alone Vikings fans -- thinks that club has solved all its problems or is building momentum.  Besides, they have a relatively stiff last quartet of Games, starting Sunday when they visit Tom Brady and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  Everyone is thinking the Vikes could backslide out of a playoff spot with a loss there.  And most would think it would be fitting.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  I wasn't sure women's college basketball was not going to be pushed into the New Year, but they're not.  Still, it was delayed to the point where I finally wondered, "So, are they going to play now, or later?"

This Gophers squad, unfortunately, is one of a litany of squads dealing with COVID-19 issues.  Lindsay Whalen's group has been hit so hard that they went into their season-opening contest vs. Eastern Illinois on Wednesday with only seven players.  And, somehow, they outlasted the Panthers, 72-68.  Unfortunately, despite getting an eighth player out from protocol (Freshman Guard Caroline Strande), the Gophs got decimated Sunday afternoon by Drake (which was played, like the tilt against Eastern Illinois, at Williams Arena), 99-66.

That Bulldogs ass-kicking is scary.  You could blame depth issues for the loss, but a 33-Point defeat?  And this is where it's fair to start worrying about the current direction of the team under Whalen, a program and state legend.  The team simply isn't progressing in Whalen's third Year, where good programs are locked into good recruits, good development and good results.  We'll see what unfolds for the Golden Gophers now that they're entering conference play after a quick non-con schedule; they are slated to host Michigan St. tonight/Wednesday night and visit Northwestern Monday.  Neither Games are gimmes.  If the U. ends up dropping both, mumblings about how a recently-retired player was immediately given a BcS team to coach with no prior experience will resurface -- and rightly so.

#-Infinity: United FC (Last Week: -1).  You know, I was going to be OK if the Loons lost in the Western Conference Final to Seattle Monday night.  That's because on Thursday night, shoved into a national, broadcast spotlight ceded by Thursday Night Football, MNUFC marched into Kansas City, a city where they have historically not played well (even in its second-division days) and not only upset but crushed Sporting Kansas City, 3-0, largely on the strength of wunderkind Emmanuel "Bebelo" Reynoso, who assisted in all three tallies.  Winning on the road when you're not expected to is something that at least feels few and far between when it comes to Twin Cities teams, so this was an overwhelmingly positive surprise.  Not only did I hope the side got some pub for their shock pummeling, I really, really started to believe that United FC could reach MLS Cup ... and maybe even win it.

And then I remembered who I am, and where I live.

They took a 2-0 lead late into the Second Half against the Sounders.  Seattle had tied it up at 1-all, but Video Assistant Referee wiped it out because of a Sounders foul.  And while I was starting to get all giggly and wet inside with about 20 Minutes left to go, I am a damned Minnesota sports fan, and I remember Vikings '98, and 41-0 ... and the Twinks losing a North American-record 19 playoff Games in a row ... and Year after Year of regular season ineptitude ... and the North Stars being stolen from us ... and that goddamned Gopher football Game where they blew the lead and lost to Michigan ... and no championships for Minnesota in The Big 4 since 1991.  And then Seattle scored one.  And then then Sounders tied it up.  And that's when I turned off the radio.  Because I knew what was going to happen.  And it did.  They didn't even get it to Extra Time.

Maybe I will feel differently at the start of next season, or even tomorrow.  But I refuse to look on the bright side.  These motherfuckers held a 2-0 lead.  It doesn't fucking matter that the Loons are on the road or that the Sounders have reached MLS Cup four of the last five seasons.  There is no acceptable goddamn reason a professional team who think they can win a title should blow a 2-0 lead.  Where was the marking on that Match-winning Goal?  Why in the fuck did Adrian Heath not use all his substitutions?  Most importantly of all -- why the fuck did you all choke?

I can find one silver lining with this collapse, even though it is perverse.  By losing this way, the Loons have flown home.  By losing this way, Minnesota United has proven they truly are a Minnesota sports team.

Feeling Fat Getting Fat Am Fat

After work I had a taste test I went to on the other side of town.  What was I sampling?  Oh ... I just remembered that I was sworn to secrecy and I can't tell you.  Let me say I ate five slight variations of this food, I ate all five variations completely -- didn't leave any food to waste -- and they were all very, very damn good.  I wish I knew what company these samples came from.  I never say this, but I mean it: If one of these prototypes is eventually offered for sale, I would buy it.

I don't remember if I was told I would be eating what I ate, but I don't remember the last time I went into a taste test knowing exactly what I was about to sample.  Maybe I should.  Anyway, I ate enough during this taste test to skip dinner.  But I promised I would be home eventually to eat dinner.  What awaited me at the dinner table?  Spaghetti.  I love spaghetti ... but I don't know if I love it after eating five of what I had just an hour before.  Still, I ate it all.

Do you know what goes well with spaghetti?  Pop.  And I had a can of Pepsi I took from the Vikings game waiting for me in the refrigerator for a food like this.  But I couldn't just haul it out to the table because my parents will then lecture me about how I need to avoid drinking sugary soft drinks.  (And they would be right.)  So what I do (and what I have done since I have gone back to drinking pop regularly in the last, oh, few months) is sneak the can or bottle into my bedroom and drink it there.

So I did that just now.  But it's been about two hours after I ate the spaghetti.  The Pepsi tastes great tonight, I'm just responding like that.  But there's something ... I don't know, I guess "missing" as I am drinking the Pepsi tonight.  I feel the need to eat something as I am drinking the Pepsi.  And so I just ate a bag of chips, which I also took from the Vikings production, so the pop had something to wash down.

So, since about 4:30, I ate a lot of (taste test food), spaghetti, Pepsi and chips.  And I still have a pastry Mother made (and Father set aside for me for lunch, along with a banana) to finish, and I should finish it tonight.  Oh, and I still have coffee from work.

I am feeling fat because I am getting fat because I am fat.

And I wonder why my HDL is too high and my LDL is too low.

All For A Fucking Garage Battery

So a couple weeks ago my parents complained about beeping coming from the garage.  Turns out the backup battery, in the ... uh, housing thing was out of juice and needed to be replaced.  Who knew that the garage assembly needed a backup battery -- isn't it connected to the central power?

Instead of going to Lowe's to buy a replacement at the same price, my parents were OK with me buying it on Amazon because ... they were able to tolerate the beeping every 30 goddamn seconds coming from the garage, I guess.  No skin off my ass to drive to Lowe's to get one of these things.  The 'Rents were getting a little antsy, but it finally came yesterday/Monday because Father tried to replace it.

I emphasize the word "tried."  I came home and they told me they needed help replacing it.  Didn't think it was a big deal, at least from the YouTube video I saw about replacing the battery.  So I went up the ladder and, using the battery and Philips screwdriver that was on the top of that ladder, I opened up the housing opposite the one Father opened up, unscrewed the battery lid, and looked ... well, at what I presume to be the burnt-out battery.  All I am staring at is this black square.

And that's a problem, because what I should have been looking at is the top of the battery, with the black and red contacts and the wires connected to them.  That's because, according to the instructions on the YouTube, I can use those wires and contacts to pull the battery out of the housing.  But I have nothing to grab onto in this case.  And so Father and I spent, oh, a good half-hour trying to move, dislodge, coax and pry what we assume to be the battery (again, we don't know for sure -- we are just staring at the smooth black surface of a ... thing) out, and we couldn't.  We just stopped.  Father's going to try again today after he sleeps and gets back the energy he lost trying to fix this fucking thing.  If we still can't, I might try and buy a suction tool to yank that goddamn battery out.

Father asked me to look at some other YouTube videos -- the ones featuring the exact brand we have.  It still boils down to the same procedure: Unplug the whole thing, open up housing, unscrew lid, yank out battery, take out contacts, reverse said instructions with new battery.  All those videos have the contacts out and visible, so they are of no help to me at all.  But I noticed something: These "instructional" videos, showing you step-by-step what you need to do, doesn't show the step of physically yanking the battery backup out.  You see the battery and the contacts, and then there's an edit, and then you see the battery fully or partially out of its housing.  Is there something missing here?  Are the people making the videos hiding something?  Is it, in fact, a hell of a lot harder to pull out the battery than they're letting on?

There's some weird conspiratorial bullshit going on with this bullshit.