Just finished watching It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown on Apple TV.  It's nice the streamer is allowing people to watch it for free between Friday and tonight, but it should be on broadcast TV (and at that it should be on CBS, where I remember watching it when I was really young).  But I'm glad I'm still able to watch it as it's my Halloween tradition.

Saying that, it's dated as hell.  Not just the animation, but the increasingly anachronistic and, I think, troglodyte thinking that passed as humor back in 1966, when it was broadcast for the first time.  Let's face it: Lucy is a bitch.  Yeah, she brought her little brother Linus in from the cold, but that's the least a big sister should do.  All the "blockhead" references get tiresome after the third time and, frankly, a bit hurtful after the tenth.  And they all pile on Charlie Brown so hard I go from feeling sorry for the dude to thinking that Charles Schultz is throwing a pity party for himself.  (There was a biography about him that painted him as all-too human, his anxieties and biases shading the reputation of a comic strip artist that inked a certain age of childhood so indelibly in the newspaper every day.)

Saying that, I think the subplot of Snoopy as the WWI flying ace remains one of the most psychedelic and brave pieces of animation ever made.  Apparently, Executive Producer Lee Mendelson told The Washington Post that Snoopy flying on his doghouse like it's a Sopwith Camel is "one of the most memorable animated scenes ever."  Not going to disagree.

My Computer Is Blinking -- What Does It Mean?

I changed the battery in my laptop (the thing I'm blog posting this on right now) early in the year, and while I think it's been doing OK, lately it's sapping energy like the old battery has.  It's gotten super hot, too, and a sign that it's working harder than it should.

But a few weeks ago (I believe) I noticed something real weird.  Whenever I plug in my lap, there is a white rectangular light that, uh, lights up at the front of my laptop.  But one day, while it was working overtime and I felt like I was handling hot coals, I looked down and saw that that light was blinking, even though (I think) it was plugged in.  Moreover, it wasn't blinking white; it was blinking orange, and, as I stared at it in puzzlement and fear, in a pattern of, I think, four orange "bleeps" followed by one white one.

I looked it up; if I'm right (and I could be wrong because those orange blinks go by so fast), that 4-1 pattern is a sign of a bad battery.  That's not good.  I thought I was good using this computer while not having it plugged in for at least a couple years.  But as I just used it for the Game this afternoon, when it's not plugged in, and battery crashes and dies in, oh, about 90 minutes.  That's not what I expected from a battery I got new about half a year ago.

I might be tethered to an outlet again for as long as I have this laptop.  I don't really have the money nor the time to find another one, Jesus bleepin' Christ.

Oh, He Quit? Oh OK

So one of the people who trained me at work -- the one whose personality, let's just say, did not mesh with mine -- quit.  He has changed lately.  Not personality-wise; he had set a work milestone just before leaving for a very long vacation.  He didn't seem to come back when he was supposed to, and when he did, he only worked second shift, something he has never done while I worked there, as if his new work milestone gave him the power to just set his own hours.  And then, on Friday, my boss told me he is done as of today/Sunday.  In retrospect, this new "schedule" makes sense; he worked second shift the past two weeks because, I think, that is the bare minimum he needed to work at our company right before leaving the company to preserve any chance of coming back to the company, per company policy.  I don't know how old he is, so maybe it doesn't make sense to keep the door open, but I can't think of any plausible explanation of his, for lack of a better term, odd behavior.

Besides possibly my boss, I don't know if anyone at work knew what he was about to do.  That would be in line with his personality; no one really knew him because he kept to himself.  Then again, for that same reason, maybe no one at work cared about what he was doing.  I honestly don't know if he regarded any one at work as a friend, and I am more certain that we didn't consider him one.

And yet there was a farewell card that was quickly passed around on Friday.  I signed it, and my note to him was sincere.  But I made sure I left work before he could come in.  Hey, we weren't close.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -4).  Both the women's and men's ice hockey teams play in Columbus this weekend.  Sure hope they're on the same plane; saves money and greenhouse gases, ya know.

The Gopher men are #1 in the polls this Week.  The Gopher women are #2.  The Ohio St. men's squad is #11.  The Buckeyes women's squad is #1.  So, on the women's side, you have a titanic early-season matchup of #1 hosting #2.  The men's Game of #1 at #11 is pretty damn good, too.

However, only one Minnesota club won on the road against a formidable opponent.  And since you understand how rankings work, you know it's the women who upset the #1 team in the nation last/Friday night.  More remarkably, they did it in come-from-behind fashion.  The Gophers drew first blood nine Minutes into the First Period courtesy of Nelli Laitinen.  The Buckeyes took the lead on back-to-back Goals late in the Second less than a Minute apart.  The U. tied it just 18 Seconds into the Third Period on a Power Play Goal by Taylor Heise.  The Game-winning Goal from Peyton Hemp came halfway through the period, and Abigail put this gargantuan tilt away with 3 1/2 Minutes left for the 4-2 Win.

The only, and I mean only, reason, these players aren't above negative numbers is because of the first Game of this team's screening Week.  In Saturday afternoon's series-ender versus St. Cloud St. at Ridder, the Gophers were playing catch-up against an inferior opponent for much of contest.  Emma Gentry opened up scoring for the Huskies just 54 Seconds into that Game.  Minnesota didn't tie it up till about eight Minutes left in the Match (by Madison Kaiser), and Grace Zumwinkle tallied the Game-winner four Minutes from the end of regulation.  It's a Win, and like with Ohio St., it's impressive they didn't quit in either Game after going down.  But dynastic teams never trail.  That's why they're at #1.  OK, so that might be petty.

One more in Columbus this/Saturday afternoon.  And then the schedule continues to be on the challenging side; they host Minnesota-Duluth, currently ranked fifth in the country, for a pair beginning Friday.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  With the shock of the news Hugh McCutcheon is leaving the program at the end of their season starting to subside, the Gopher volleyball club is putting things together.  Saturday they avenged their road embarrassment at Purdue earlier in the season by putting away the then-twelfh-ranked Boilermakers at the Pavilion in four Sets, then they sweep Michigan St. at home Wednesday.  That's four in a row since getting swept at home to Ohio St.  That streak, however, will be put to a severe test this/Saturday evening, when they're at fifth-ranked Wisconsin.  Then they play Michigan at Maturi Friday night.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  With nothing to play for (since their eighth-place finish and a spot in the conference tournament was secure), the U. finished the regular season with a 2-2 Draw at Illinois, who about a couple Weeks ago was fighting with the Golden Gophers for that final spot in the field.  They have had a Week to practice, and boy, will they need it.  Tomorrow/Sunday afternoon they play at Michigan St., who has the Big Ten Forward, Defender, Goalkeeper, and Head Coach Of The Year.  Good luck!

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -6).  OK, so maybe they're putting that shit-ass start behind them.  Lost in OT to Boston Saturday, then beat Montreal Tuesday and Ottawa Thursday, their first regulation Wins of the Year.  I'm just happy that Marc-Andre Fleury has allowed a normal number of Goals his previous two outings (one to the Canadiens, two to the Senators).  They finish their five-Game road trip with a backer-to-backer tonight/Saturday night and tomorrow/Sunday night vs. Original Sixers Detroit and Chicago, then host Les Habitants and Seattle Tuesday and Thursday, respectively.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  Went 3-1 this Week.  But two lines of thought convince me to put the Wolves under the Wild even though the latter went 2-1.  First, Brandon Mileski of KFAN's The Common Man Progrum pointed this out yesterday/Friday afternoon, the day Minnesota's current pro basketball team hosted Minnesota's former (and stolen) pro basketball team.  So far, the Woofs have had to play San Antonio twice, The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics twice, The Bastard New Orleans Jazz and The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0.  Now, Utah and the Spurs have surprised, but it's not like these guys are playing Red Auerbach's Celtics.  The Timberwolves beat The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers (sans Anthony Davis) by nine.  That squad started off their season playing The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors, The Bastard Buffalo Braves/San Diego Clippers, two teams off to great starts (Portland and Denver), and our team.  What would the Dogs' record be playing their schedule?

Second is something I find more infuriating.  The squad had a back-to-back: At Oklahoma City Sunday, home to San Antonio the next Monday.  Neither of the two teams are considered to be championship contenders, so Minnesota could take them.  Moreover, Head Coach Chris Finch stumbled upon an cobbled-together lineup featuring Anthony Edwards and four bench players that boatraced OKC in the Fourth Quarter on their way to a 116-106 victory.  That means that Karl-Anthony Towns, Rudy Gobert and D'Angelo Russell were able to rest most (if not all) of the Fourth -- and they would, theoretically at least, be fresh to rotate in and play big minutes the next evening against a Spurs club headed by Greg Popovich, considered to be as close to a master of the Game of pro basketball as there is walking this earth.  Still, Minnesota has much more talent on paper.  So, what happens?  They lose, 115-106, and the deficit was not laughable only after they outscored San Antone in the final stanza, 35-12.  They were down by as much as 35 Points in the Second Quarter.  The team's starters, their most talented players, were as rested as they can be, and they get flattened into lefse like that?  Their effort isn't consistent, at least not yet, and that's why I slip these guys under the pro ice hockey team this Week.

(Aside: I hear The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers on Sunday will retire the #99 jersey in honor of George Mikan ... who played for the Minneapolis Lakers ... in Minneapolis.  Why in the fuck is his jersey getting retired in L. A.?  He ended his playing career in 1956, never, ever playing for or in Los Angeles.  Why in the fuck would anybody out in L. A. give two shits about this guy?  And I don't give a fuck about the organization's history [wanking motion].  As a bitter Minnesota North Stars fan, that is fucking bullshit.  A legend is celebrated by the place he played in, not by the fucking team he played for.  A team is nothing without its community.  A TEAM IS A TEAM BECAUSE OF ITS COMMUNITY.  Now, if the Mikan family wanted this ceremony, as I heard on Common yesterday/Friday -- well, frankly, shame on them.  They shouldn't give a good goddamn about Los Angeles.  They should give a good goddamn their family member has a statue in the front lobby of Target Center, in the city whose residents revered him, and whose descendants will learn about him forevermore.)

Playing the Spurs again (this time in San Antonio) tomorrow/Sunday night, then at Phoenix Tuesday, then hosting Milwaukee Friday.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Hey, no shame in losing at the 11th-ranked team in the nation.  Unfortunately, this comes on the heels of these Gophs losing Saturday at Mariucci to North Dakota, then the seventh-ranked team in the country, 5-4 in Overtime, splitting their two-Game set vs. their sworn-but-now-intermittent rival.  They will try to break their first losing streak of the season this/Saturday afternoon at Value City Arena.  The team then comes home for a two-Game series against Notre Dame starting on Friday.

#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -7).  I somehow thought the Goofs had a chance of making this one interesting.  Nope -- 45-17 was the final score, and the boat is listing after losing three in a row.  Even if he has come up woefully short the previous two Losses, Tanner Morgan was the squad's best bet at pulling off an upset.  Once he was determined to be out for the Game (replaced by newcomer Athan Kaliakmanis, 9-22-175-1-1), I think it was a safe bet that Minnesota was going to go down in flames.  So's the season now, therefore there's nothing this team can do except the equivalent of changing into sweatpants, plopping down in front of the couch and watching Real Housewives while eating a pint of ice cream.  The ballclub's next three opponents are beatable, starting with Rutgers this/Saturday afternoon.  I just don't know if we can assume they'll win anymore.

Bye, Bye, Democracy

Should never have looked at FiveThirtyEight.  Since the last time I looked, momentum has swung in the Republicans' favor, and in a major way.  It said before that those fucking people are going to take back the House, and that has become more of a sure thing now.  The Senate was leaning toward Democrats, but now the site says it's a toss-up.  And now I'm depressed as fuck.

I'm afraid I trust what FiveThirtyEight is aggregating, even though founder Nate Silver has become a frighteningly surreptitious libertarian/horseshoe smart guy; I stopped following him on Twitter when he went after California Gov. Gavin Newsom for a sarcastic tweet at Republicans by comparing that to Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis ... uh, shipping undocumented immigrants from Texas to Martha's Vineyard.  That man ain't right.  He really wants to get pegged up the ass by Peter Thiel.  Also, what the site is following are polls, and polls aren't the same thing as votes.  FiveThirtyEight doesn't determine the make-up of Congress; we do.  (Well, maybe not in Republican states where House districts are gerrymandered to the point they'll side with Republicans in perpetuity, but you get my point.)  But polls do have a way of predicting votes, and if they're right, the country's going to be an embarrassing shitshow.

Assuming Republicans aren't colluding with Russians to brainwash stupid Americans into voting for them (I hope that if it is happening, they get caught, unlike 2016), this will be all our goddamn fault.  Too many Americans voting in fear and lies.  And I'm afraid that will work.  Bye, bye, democracy.

I did something that I sort-of vowed never to do because I can't afford it ever happening.  You know how I talked about changes at work in my previous blog post?  Well, that change happens today; namely, I adjust my shift by an hour.  But I did not adjust my alarm clock an hour.  No, it was set at the previous time -- one hour earlier.  And so I woke up at 6 o'clock groggy ... and then I, you know, "woke up" to realize that was the wrong time.  So I re-set my phone for 7, but the realization I woke up too early pretty much fired up my brain, so even though I tried to go back to sleep this past hour, I couldn't.  So now I'm, like, awake, and yet at the same time I feel my body and mind shutting down because they know they woke up a goddamn hour too early, which means I am going to crash real bad some time in the afternoon.  In the meantime I'm in a pretty foul mood, and I know all day at work I will have to fight myself from hating myself for not setting the alarm clock.  I hope I don't lash out at anybody as a result.

Fuck, this fucking sucks. ...

The Latest Changes At Work

So, because a former co-worker quit, only two other people (me and my supervisor) are the only ones who man The Fourth Department.  There has to be one person there each day, and for the first, oh, few weeks or so, the breakdown was I took the front half (two or three days) and she would take the back half (two or three days).  That was a change from before, when my ex-co-worker would take the first half and I the second.

That change changes things.  Starting off on my own after I got trained in, I was so wiped out from working back there that I needed to unwind by going to a bar and having a cocktail or two.  Once I saw that I would be working back there semi-regularly, I realized I couldn't be doing that every day I worked back there, for the sake of both my liver and my wallet.  Nevertheless, I believe going, say, once a week isn't the worst thing in the world.  However, these bars I go to are the "secret" ones -- you know, the ones that don't really have a sign out.  These bars usually aren't open every night.  All of them are open Thursdays and Fridays -- days I used to work in The Fourth Department, so it lined up perfectly.  But now that I'm back there Mondays, Tuesdays and sometimes Wednesdays and I want to knock back one or two, I can only go to one place ... well, actually two, but that "secret" bar downtown is open every day except Monday, so I don't worry about when that won't be open.

And yet there has been another change.  Very shortly after my ex-co-worker departed, someone from third shift decided to move to a normal work schedule and took the same position as me -- not the same work sched as my ex-co-worker, but the one from the ex-co-worker before this one (who, to be fair, just moved to a different job within the same building; we see each all the time).  She starts training tomorrow/Thursday -- not in The Fourth Department but my favorite one.  But the one who trains her is my supervisor.  And I don't know why, but it was decided that this training will take place for two days between Wednesday and Friday each of the next four weeks.  So, whenever my supervisor trains my new co-worker, I go to The Fourth Department.

Now, my supervisor doesn't work Mondays.  Moreover, for some reason, there will be no training on a Tuesday, so my supe can and will work that day of the week.  Which means that for the next month or so, I will start off at The Fourth Department for the week and come back to work The Fourth Department to finish off that same week.  Doing that job is an exhausting grind.  But I have come around to thinking that there are advantages to working consecutive days there.  You are familiar with the work, in particular the forms you have to track, and if getting information one way doesn't work, you know that you need to go somewhere else without remembering where you went to first.  I still don't think I can do that job full-time (unless they double my pay), but I think it would be best for all involved if I just work there until my supervisor has completely trained my new co-worker at this other position.  It's a month.  I don't think I'll bang my head against the wall and quit.  At least I don't think.

But it's probably futile to bring up that suggestion.  So, I will be bobbing in and out of there, not getting into a rhythm back there, and then, once all this training is done, I'll have to adjust to a new schedule that may or may not look like the one before the one I will have done.  It's all so confusing, and tiresome, and so I look forward to that one day a week where I treat myself to a drink or two at a "secret" bar.

Stripper Read My Mind!

I am going to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version ... but come to think of it, I don't think I need to make that distinction now that My Favorite Stripclub [Non-Cover Edition] has been closed for close to three years) after work tonight because I want to see my All-Time Favorite there.  I was hoping to see her on Halloween because I have nothing to do on Halloween, but I texted her to make sure she was working then, and she told me she wasn't.  Good to have her number.

I still wanted to see her, so I thought that tonight would be a good time.  I figured I be nice to unwind after a long and trying day at The Fourth Department.  My schedule has changed, though, and I think I might save the details on that for my next blog post.  Anyway, I told my ATF I'd drop in tonight, and I'm sticking to it.

Just to make sure she's still going into work -- and to give my penis a little rise -- I thought I would text her tonight to say, "Hey, see you tomorrow!"  I was going to do it late last night.  But, just as I picked up my phone to text her, I saw that she had texted me first -- "See you tomorrow!"  Wow!  Not only is she thinking of me, she thought of me at the same time as I thought of her!  It's like we share the same brain!!  Man, I'm gonna totally tell her that tonight and she's gonna totally be blown away by that!!!

Seriously, though, that was nice, both the coincidence and the text.

Order Of Shots

I revealed this fact briefly in my previous blog post, but yeah, I finally got my shots Friday afternoon.  Didn't plan on getting both my COVID bivalent booster and my flu shot at the same time, but I finally had to admit that it's probably more convenient for me to do it this way.  Besides, according to many (though probably not an overwhelming majority of) experts, this is probably the latest I could get both shots in time to meet the waves of both COVID and the flu expected to hit later this winter.

For the record -- and I think I'm committing this to the Internet because of my OCD -- the COVID shot went in first and into my right arm, and then the physician and I switched chairs so that she could then inject the flu shot into my left arm.  So COVID right, then flu left.

This Is My Weekend

I don't know if there has ever been a season where both my alma mater's football team and my pro football team (the Vikings) both had their byes on the same weekend.  That means there is no party to organize and show up for, nor is there a Game I have to work.  This is ... noteworthy.

If this weren't pandemic times, I probably would jet off to St. Louis or some other city that's cheap to go to because Southwest held a sale.  Nevertheless, I want to note here that I was happy this weekend.  I chose not to go to work, even though (as far as I know) overtime is now offered on an open-ended basis.  I got my shot on Friday before going into work second shift.  After that, the time this weekend was mine.  Like I said in my previous blog post, I had planned on just sitting on my ass yesterday/Saturday (I should have said before that I wanted to do that because I got my shots and I wanted to take it easy the day after), but the opportunity to clear the yards of excess leaves before what may be a decreasing chance of rain over the next few days forced me to not engorge in college football all day.

I woke up this morning very early to watch EPL downtown.  I would never wake up early on a weekend morning when I don't have to do anything unless I wanted to, and I want to watch EPL downtown.  I planned on making myself a Tequila Sunrise in the 11 o'clock hour, before the NFL started, but I grocery shopped for a smoothie before coming home just before noon.  And then the effect of waking up at 7 a.m. got to me; I took a nap some time just after noon and came to at a quarter to 3, I think just after Dallas defeated Detroit.  Drinking the Tequila Sunrise now, but I plan on finally taking a shower at 6 (or after the Chiefs-49ers Game, whichever is later), before getting to the Cannons concert tonight.  Yes, I am going downtown twice today.  Thought that might not be the smartest thing to do, but like I said, it's my weekend.

Leaves Done In A Day, Man!

There were a whole lot of leaves that needed to be swept up.  (I have heard that it's better to just leave them on the lawn, but there was too much for me to mow and mulch over them.  I have more than enough, and I need to find time to mow again.)  I needed to clear the gutter, then rake up the leaves together, then put them in bags, then (and I'm not sure if I could just throw them in the trash, but in case I can't) take them to the county compost site.  I really wanted to just sit in my house all day, but with rain coming tomorrow/Sunday night and possibly lasting till Tuesday, I was not comfortable leaving wet leaves on the ground that I still might need to sweep up anyway, so today/Saturday, I worked.

I gave myself tomorrow as well in case I was too tired, but ... darn it, I did it all today.  Over the course of a late morning and much of the afternoon, but with the help of a couple of these scoops that the neighbor across the street lent me (cool!), I was able to bag a dozen bags' worth of leaves (well, two of them were needles from the back yard) and de-bag them at the compost site.  And then I was able to get the minivan washed and cleaned, too!

Have to say, I'm proud of myself.  And I rewarded myself with a hard nap tonight.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  Sporting a record of 8-2-7 is nothing to write home about.  But even though they probably aren't going anywhere, the Gopher women's soccer team at least is getting hot at the right time.  Finishing up with the easiest part of their schedule, the XI beat both Maryland and Purdue, and with help from Illinois, the program they were fighting with for that eighth and final spot in the Big Ten Tournament, they locked that up with Thursday night's Win over the Boilermakers.

I was at that Match.  Sophia Romine braced for the Gophs, scoring just a tad over 14 Minutes apart in the First Half.  They outshot the Boilers, 27-7.  The lead in Shots On Goal, 12-3.  They had 14 Corner Kicks to Purdue's one.  The Boilermakers are winless in conference play and are just 3-3-10 overall, and they looked like it at Robbie.

I think this is more due to inattention rather than merit, but I am surprised by Minnesota's recent run of good form, and so I am being generous in not only awarding this squad the top spot, but also putting them above negative numbers, just this once.  They have that chair, that chip and that chance.  And like that team from several Years back, who knows, maybe Minnesota can make a run, take the tourney title and clinch a spot in the NCAAs.

Finish the regular season tomorrow/Sunday afternoon in Champaign against the vanquished Illini.  B1G Quarterfinals begin the following Sunday.

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5).  With Denver losing over last weekend, Minnesota, despite having a Loss to Minnesota-Mankato on its resume, rose up to the #1 spot in the polls.  Honestly, I don't remember the last time the Gophers were ranked #1.  Is it recent?

They took that target into Mariucci last/Friday night to begin a two-Game series with sworn old rival North Dakota.  The Fighting Hawks took leads twice but the Golden Gophers came back to tie it both times, the latter of which was scored by Mason Nevers with 1:24 left in regulation.  And in Overtime, this happened:

Nothing better than beating North Dakota in hockey. #Gophers pic.twitter.com/xksaAxEi3l

— Noel Thompson (@N0ELTHOMPSON) October 22, 2022

Man, I wish I were there.  And man, it's so great to see Mariucci filled with fans again.  It's rare these days to see that.  For the good feelings seeing that Goal elicits, I'm going to place these guys in second place.

Another one against NoDak tonight/Saturday night, then two at Ohio St. (beginning conference play so soon?) beginning Friday.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -7).  Swept both Illinois (at home) and Iowa (in Iowa City) this past screening Week.  No matter; the big news -- and it's real big news -- is that Head Coach Hugh McCutcheon announced that his leaving the program after this Year.  Holy shit.

Who knows why, especially since he signed an extension in the off-season.  Everybody who reacted to this news pointed out how much of a gentleman he is, and how is an exemplar of the best of women's college volleyball, and of coaching in general.  I respect that.  My thinking is that the losing got to him, and in particular the Losses that have hung a low ceiling again this season (getting swept by Ohio St. at home, getting swept at Purdue, the inexplicable defeat at home to Northwestern).  This is shaping up to be yet another great-but-clearly-not-championship squad he's leading, and he's had enough of it.  If that's the case ... yeah, I agree with him.  Speaking only for myself as a fan, I'm tired of this program being unable to take that next step.  Three Final Fours and an advancement in the caliber of recruits under his watch are notable.  But I am not satisfied that this school hasn't won a title.  Maybe McCutcheon agrees ... or, he has found another job that fulfills him.  I'm not against finding someone new that can finally get this Gopher club to lift a trophy.

Inevitably, however, this change brings on the unknown, and that's something that is bad.  People on the team are probably Googling "transfer portal" already.  But this is where Mark Coyle has to talk to his bosses and leverage some of that sweet-ass Big Ten Network money and say to them, "If you want Minnesota to remain the class of this Olympic sport, you'll give me an unlimited budget to hire the person I want as Head Coach."  Renovating the football weight room can weight one fucking Year; get someone who actually has won this fucking championship -- say, Kentucky's Craig Skinner -- and pay that person whatever he or she wants to wear the maroon and gold.  Then, the players might stay.  And if they don't, the U. has one of the best Coaches in the sport who can bring in new great players from the transfer portal.  Pay to play, Coyle, pay to play.

Revenge Game vs. the Boilermakers tonight/Saturday night, then Spartans Wednesday night, both at Maturi.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -3).  I don't like how these guys are winning by the skin of their teeth.  I mean, which team do you think is better: The 5-1 Vikings or the 4-2 Chiefs?  Or the 4-2 Cowboys?  Or the 4-2 Jets?  Still, The Purple once again come up with the clutch play when it counts to eke out a win, this time a 24-16 victory over the Dolphins in Miami, led by former Vikes Quarterback Teddy Bridgewater, who had to step in because starting QB Skylar Thompson injured his right thumb.

Miami was marching down the field, poised to take the lead.  Bridgewater completed a pass to Dolphins Wide Receiver Jaylen Waddle.  But Safety Harrison Smith knocked the ball loose, the Vikings recovered, and two plays later, Running Back Dalvin Cook busted it up the middle for 53 Yards and what turned out to be the Game-winning Touchdown.

And still the Vikings didn't sew up this contest until very late.  On the second play of the next Dolphins possession, Bridgewater was picked off by Patrick Peterson.  But the Vikings Offense went three-and-out, expending only 24 Seconds.  Miami drove down the field and scored with 84 Seconds left to make it an eight-Point margin, but couldn't recover the onside kick.  That's when Minnesota could finally take it easy knowing they beat the Dolphins in Miami for the first time in five tilts and since 1976, when I was mere months old.

It's not pretty, but coupled with Green Bay's shocking home defeat to the Jets, Minnesota currently holds a two-Game lead in the NFC North and have greatly improved their chances of making the playoffs.  The increasing and increasingly visible horizon is enough to give this club a lift up the rankings here.

This is their bye Week.  They host The Bastard Chicago-By-Way-Of-St. Louis Cardinals on the 30th.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Sorry, not a whole lot I can say about this team because they just keep on keepin' on and beating overwhelmed programs.  On Saturday they finished a home-and-home sweep of Minnesota-Mankato by crushing the Mavericks, 9-4.  Then yesterday/Friday afternoon, they beat the Huskies, 4-2, in St. Cloud.  This is also a home-and-home; St. Cloud St. comes down to play the U. at Ridder this/Saturday afternoon.  But finally, actual competition: They travel to Columbus to begin a two-Game series versus the top-ranked team in the country, Ohio St., on Friday.

#-5: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  The Most Anticipated Season In The History Of The Minnesota Timberwolves -- I think even moreso than the season Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell became teammates of Kevin Garnett because that team was trying to get over the hump for several Years and it was getting a bit tiresome -- began Wednesday at Target Center.  New Owners Marc Lore and Alex Rodriguez went all-in and brought a big puzzle piece that fits in Center Rudy Gobert, and he, KAT, D'Angelo and Ant started with a seven-Point Win over The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics.  Things were far from perfect.  Chemistry issues abounded.  Edwards scored only 11.  Towns didn't shoot a whole lot.  Gobert led the team in scoring with 23.  Jaden McDaniels, who probably will be the fifth starter and whose improving Defense may be the X factor in rocketing this ballclub into true contention, dropped 19.  Things still needed to be ironed out after last/Friday night's six-Point Loss at home in Overtime to The Bastard New Orleans Jazz, but hey, it was nice to see a couple of the old Timberwolves back (Jarred Vanderbilt, Malik Beasley) at Target, right?

The Wolves start their year with five-of-six at home.  Tomorrow/Sunday night is that sole roadie; they return the favor and visit Oklahoma City.  Then they come back home to host San Antonio twice (on Monday and Wednesday) and The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0 Friday.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -6).  This goddamn team could -- and maybe still should -- be at the bottom.  They started with a four-Game homestand, and not only did the Mild lose their first three, they did so in spectacularly shitty fashion -- first shipping seven Goals against the Rangers, and then this Week allowing another seven in a thriller Loss to Kevin Fiala and Los Angeles, then another six to The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.  The 20 Goals allowed through three Games (I think any three and not just the first three Games of a season) far eclipses the 17 the North Stars allowed ... back in the seventies, I think?

Well, Minnesota salvaged something by winning Thursday.  They had to go to Overtime, but the Wild scored the Goal that sent it to OT, and then Kirill Kaprizov scored in the extra session, and our long, State Of Hockey-wide nightmare is over.

One writer at The Athletic says not to worry.  The Goaltending has been unprecedentedly abysmal and can't help but revert back to the mean.  He also says the Defense hasn't been that bad.  Well, this club has a five-Game road trip that will really expose how overrated or overlooked they are right now.  The first three happen this Week: Boston this/Saturday afternoon, Montreal Tuesday, Ottawa Thursday.

#-7: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  The B1G West was theirs for the taking, and it's going to be snatched away by Bret fucking Bielema.  Last Saturday afternoon, the Goofer gridiron team went into Champaign and were promptly turned away by the Fighting Illini, 26-14.  In the Game, Minnesota Quarterback Tanner Morgan threw only twelves Passes -- and only four of them were complete, for a grand total of 21 Yards.  It seems as though if Morgan is having a bad day (and he now has had two of them, back-to-back), there is no way they are going to score.  And they didn't, losing to an Illinois team that -- Illinois!!! -- seems to be in the driver's seat to win the West and head to Indianapolis.

Meanwhile, this coupled with the Loss to Purdue has ruined any chance of a Big Ten title Game.  Moreover, they're looking at another Loss as they are in Happy Valley tonight/Saturday night to face Penn St. on ABC in prime time.  P. J. Fleck's accomplishments and shortcomings are starting to mirror possibly The Last Best Golden Gopher Football Head Coach, Glen Mason.  He was competent, mostly beat the teams his team was supposed to beat, pulled an occasional upset but nonetheless managed to lose, like, five Games a Year.  I don't know if Fleck is going to lose that many this season, but Saturday night's result pulled the ceiling down to where it's touching his head.  Are we going to accept Glen Mason v.2.0?  Because we don't have a breakthrough, we have a pattern.

#-Infinity: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Probably best I was volunteering for an event Monday evening around the time the Loons were playing FC Dallas in Frisco in the First Round of the MLS Playoffs.  Emmanuel Reynoso -- who, it must be said even though it's obvious, has become The Best Player In MNUFC History -- scored in the 53rd Minute, but his team couldn't keep that lead; FCD's Facundo Quignon scored in the 64th to tie it up, and it went into Extra Time ... and then Penalties, where all but one PK was missed.  And of course that miss was made by one of our guys, in this case Will Trapp in the second round of Penalty Kicks.  The guy who iced the Game for FC Dallas apparently Panenka-ed United FC Goalkeeper Dayne St. Clair.  Man, Penalty Kicks are still the worst form of overtime in any sport -- well, right next to college football.

This wasn't the end of the Loons' season; this was the end of the Loons' four seasons.  They started off OK, then hit a very rough patch, then were flying through the middle of the summer, then stumbled and wheezed their way into the postseason.  At one point they were a contender for the MLS Cup; at another point, they looked to be eliminated from playoff contention.  That's a sign that this season is hard to evaluate.

The #HeathOut people have their knives out for him, no doubt.  But -- and I might be saying this because I'm trying to justify remaining a season-ticketholder -- is it possible you can chalk up the death of this season because of injuries?  Romain Metanire (and at least one person tweeted that he thinks his time here is up -- that would be sad because he was a forceful contribution on the Backline), Hassani Dotson (his versatility was missed), Bakaye Dibassy (the team's fortunes nosedived with his season-ending injury) and even Jacori Hayes (a role player that thinned out an already-thin bench) were the biggest parts of MNUFC's season-long injury list.  It's possible, even probable, that if all of those guys didn't get hurt, United FC would still be on its run.  Now, though, people are saying that the club needs more defenders and yet another Striker.  They could be right.

Dangerous, Delirious Drowsiness

Wednesday night I stayed up way later than I should have for someone who was going to go into work early to take advantage of overtime the next workday.  I could have stayed later Thursday afternoon instead of going in early Thursday morning, but I arranged a tele-health session with my therapist just after work, so yesterday/Thursday I started my day a lot earlier than usual.  I didn't adjust my sleep schedule because I was too busy surfing the Internet.

Nevertheless, I had a vivid nightmare that usually results in me being fully rested and wide awake after I wake up from it.  Don't remember the full story of it, but I remember hearing my late Grandmother bang on my bedroom door telling me to open the door and let her in, but I could not move.  (I get frequent nightmares where I can't move; that must mean something.)  It was so real to me that I swear that I lifted my head and looked at my bedroom door as I woke up.

Shortly thereafter I checked the time on my watch: 3 a.m.  I went to bed around 1:30 in the morning.  I conked back off until my alarm went off at 4, at which point I hit the snooze button for, I think, a whole hour.  But I eventually got out of the house and, after making a pit stop at at gas station for food and drink, I think I got to work a bit before 5:30.

And I was great, really refreshed.  Like I said, a nightmare like that usually means I'm up and at 'em, no matter how many hours I slept.  But, around 9 ... damn, I got tired.  Like, really tired.  I have been hard-to-close-my-eyes drowsy at work many times before, but yesterday it felt ... different, like my body is telling me, "No, man -- you have to go to sleep now."  I usually get real tired after a short period of sleep at around 10, not 9, which kind of freaks me out.  But I powered through and got to lunch, where I slept a very hard sleep for, I want to say, 25 minutes.

Whenever I go unconscious for lunch, I am spry for the rest of the day, and I was.  But my body just crashed, again, after work.  We got out late because we are short-staffed, so I was rushing to get home in time for my 4 o'clock call with my psychotherapist.  Got home late, and then I spent five minutes trying to find my iPhone headphones (and couldn't; that's a blog post there).  I eventually called him and put him on speakerphone, but over the course of the call, I got so, so tired that I had to end the call early, after about 40 minutes, just so I could rest my eyes before I went back out to see the U. soccer Match at 6 and, if I had time, get lottery tickets before getting out to Robbie Stadium.

It was freaky.  During the middle of my phone call, just before I started to crash, I reached for peanuts and grabbed a couple slices of cheese in the fridge.  I remember being hungry, and I remember wanting to eat.  But looking back, eating those peanuts and cheese slices seems like a reflex, like I wasn't totally conscious through that whole process.  I think I was too tired to know 100% what I was doing.  And that scares me.  I may not have been, uh, "present" at all yesterday.  Moreover, after that call, I set my alarm for, I think, eight minutes, and I was able to shut my eyes and immediately conk off, and I snapped to eight minutes later.  I was totally out.  Totally.

But that quick nap helped me (I think) get to the gas station and the Match and then Caffetto, where I stayed for a few hours to catch up on paperwork.  I got home and drank a couple drinks, too, but I finally rested at around 2:30 in the morning.  Set my alarm for 10:30; if I hadn't done that, I'd still be asleep.  But I think I'm OK now.  I don't think I'll be dangerously, deliriously drowsy today.

The Miffiness Tuesday Increased To Annoyance Yesterday

So, this bullshit happened yesterday:

• I went to McDonald's before I headed into work.  For a moment, as I sat down to eat my biscuit, I thought I should drive and park at work instead of eating at Mickey D's.  Nah, I thought, I want to stay as far away from work as much as possible.  So I ate for a few minutes.  I walk out to see an SUV park between me and the car on the other side.  "Lord, don't let that driver hit my car," I thought, but goddamn shit hit it.  Now, I circled around to the passenger side, but I couldn't see anything that made me think she put a serious dent in my car.  Honestly, even if she did I couldn't tell because there are a few dings on that side; I've had the car for a while now.  But I fucking hate it when someone is that fucking careless.  And I hate myself that I decided to relax a bit at a fast food restaurant when skedaddling turns out to be the right choice in retrospect.  By the way, the driver works at this McDonald's.  Gawd -- can't go back there ever again.  (Kidding.)
• My supervisor who I thought was miffed at me on Tuesday?  Yeah, she's absolutely annoyed as fuck with me.  Didn't talk to me at all unless I had questions to ask her; that's why I was on my best behavior, or at least I hoped I was.  Her?  Don't know.  See, I asked her a question that apparently I asked her last week, and she meant into condescending/mom mode and reminded me, "We talked about this last week, you should've written down notes."  Turns out she was right; I did go through all of this last week, and I should have written this shit down.  I'm still swimming in a bunch of bullshit when I'm working back there, and it looks like she's come to the conclusion that I should be up to speed on things by now.  As fucking if.  Like I said in my previous blog post, I need to stay in good graces with her because I'll need her.  But fucking God, man, I don't like her fucking attitude towards me right now.
• To cap it all off, ***u**, the stripper girlfriend, was supposed to come clean the house and then suck my dick last/Wednesday night.  Just as I got home, she texted me that she had a family emergency and had to go to the hospital.  OK, but on Snapchat around, oh, the 9 o'clock hour I see her in her jammies; that photo is timestamped around 7:30.  I asked her to get here around 7.  Things that make you say "Hmmm."  Hey, she was the one who asked me if she could come over and make some money.  I'm not saying she lied.  Yet.  I just don't fucking get it.

So glad I can talk to my psychotherapist this afternoon.  I just hope annoyance doesn't boil over to full-blown anger today.  It's a bad trend.

A Tad Miffed Yesterday

Despite getting out of work "only" 45 minutes after my shift should have been over, I think yesterday/Tuesday was a shitty day in The Fourth Department.  Everybody sucked today, from the truck driver who may have given me a sideways finger (what the fuck is that?  Didn't have the wrist strength to turn your finger all the way up?  Lol!) after honking at me on my way to work to the two little kids who wanted me to open the exercise room door for them even though I'm not supposed to.

But yesterday, the people who really sucked are my co-workers.  There is one person from another department who wanted to let us know that she could step in when we get forms from this company for which we don't know a piece of information.  This goes against our policy, but we turned it over to her.  But for this particular form, there were two pieces of information I needed, but she gave me only one.  Well, once a form gets to The Fourth Department, we usually reach out to the employer/client to give us the information we need.  But if this person volunteered to step in and do the fact-finding herself, I figure she could just investigate on her own and tell me that other piece of info I need.  No, she hands it back to me and says, in no uncertain terms, to find that my own damn self.  Look, if you're going to step in and say you can find this, and you know my job is to find this and that (if I need to find this and that), wouldn't it be easier for you to find this and that?  Shakin' my head.

My supervisor pissed me off, too, probably moreso than anyone else at work yesterday.  She wasn't there (she was working at another building), but I reached out to her for a question.  She basically said, "I'm not there, so why don't you ask the boss instead?"  Now, I understand that she probably didn't want to be bothered, and she may have been busy at her job.  But I swear -- I swear -- that she told me that if she ever had a question, even if she was home from work, I could ask her.  I have asked her questions even when she was off the clock, and most of the time, she answered them.  I don't know why she rejected me this time.  Yeah, it's not as if I can stay mad at her -- I will have to ask her questions when she is there -- and besides, she has done and will probably continue to do a lot for me.  Still, it rubbed me the wrong way when she said that, OK?  I am still a tad miffed at her, though I was a tad miffed at everybody yesterday.

When speaking in public to impress people who are thinking about going to your college, wouldn't it be better to talk about what you're doing with the degree you got from that college, and not talk about sports?  Probably, and I probably stood out because no one else talked about sports.  But hey, better to be an awkward weirdo than a liar, right?

Do-Nothing Day

Yesterday/Sunday was a do-nothing day.  It's not like I didn't do anything -- I finally got around to looking at an old Onion I was saving from 2011, and I got around to looking at the past few days of mail, plus I wrote something for the ex-club, and I exercised on the stairclimber and lifted weights downstairs.  But it was mostly me eating the frozen leftovers my parents left for me and watching football.

It was important for me to do nothing.  It helps me feel as though I'm in control and not at the dictates of other people.  In particular, I did not open my door for anything.  I did not step outside once.  That is basically, to me, a requirement with a do-nothing day.  I have shut out the world in order to rule the one within these four walls.  And it was bleepin' awesome.

Who Is This Guy?

So a guy popped up at our alma mater's college Game last/Saturday night.  Never seen him before, but he sounded like an alum and a fan.  He wanted to be kept abreast of our activities, so I lent him my phone so he could put in his e-mail address in my Notes app.  And then, after out team, we hugged and said goodbye and I told him I'd catch him another time.

And then his check came.  And he wasn't there.  He was gone.

So I paid his tab, and I planned on e-mailing him this/Sunday morning telling him that hey, maybe he was upset and/or drunk and he skipped out on his bill.  But then I re-checked the e-mail address he put into my phone.  And maybe I was upset and/or drunk, because I noticed that his address wasn't formatted the right way.  There was no "@."  Instead, there was an "&" and then there was nothing after it.  And I am hating myself right now for not noticing until today that he didn't give me a goddamn e-mail.

So who is this guy?  Is he some fake who wanted to act like he was with us just so he could skip out on a $10 bill?  I don't want to believe that.  For one thing, that's sad.  And for another, he gave us so many accurate details that I have to believe that he did go to our school.  If he was going to do this much research in order to lie, he'd use it to sucker somebody out of more money than just fucking $10.  Which leads to me not doing the smart thing and giving him my cellphone because I have a money app on it.  People still money by asking to borrow a stranger's phone to call someone, for example, and instead go to their app and take their money online.  Well, I checked my account this morning and I still have all my money.  Maybe I need to check again.

The easier explanation is that he was pissed off and just left.  So what explains the e-mail?  I swear I saw something like gmail.com and not this "&" thing.  Did I somehow undo what he typed?  As bad as this guy could be a shyster, my opposite fear (although I'm not as much fearful of that as this is some guy who gets off on lying to people to skip out on tabs) is that he is an alum and he'll be upset at me because I haven't included him in my e-mails.  Great -- I gotta worry about this problem and then I gotta worry about that other problem.

Hopefully this is all an oversight and he'll come around to watch another game with us later in the season, and he'll profusely apologize for not paying his bill.  And then I'll get his e-mail address for real this time.  But dammit, why couldn't he just pay for what he drank?

But Seriously Though, Is A Smart And Decent Democrat Really Any Better Than A Lying, Batshit Crazy Republican?

I've been getting into listening the podcast Pod Save America at work.  They know what they're doing; they were speechwriters under the Obama Administration, and one of them now helps with polling and leads focus groups for Democrats.  Please don't take what I say next as questioning their expertise or intelligence.  They talk about politics on each episode and I learn a lot.

Instead, I am infuriated at the voters whom the hosts frequently talk about.  And this past week, I heard something I have heard from time to time but absolutely goddamn triggered me at work.  One of the hosts (can't remember which one, I'm still having trouble learning and remembering their names) conducted a focus group on, I think, the Georgia Senate race between Democratic incumbent Reverend Raphael Warnock and Republican challenger (and Georgia Bulldog Running Back great and golden goose of The Most Lopsided Trade In Sports History when he was traded to the Minnesota Vikings) Herschel Walker.  One person in this focus group has heard and believes that Walker put a gun to a former girlfriend's head, that he has fathered several children with different women, that he paid for a former girlfriend's abortion even though he says he is pro-life with no exceptions, and that he is a serial liar.

But, I paraphrase what the host said this person said, What has Sen. Rev. Warnock done for me, and what will he do for me?

What the fuck?!  Forget that Walker is a brain-battered psycho who will only speak words he has been told to say.  He is a Republican, and he will toe the party line on every backward policy and culture war that fucked-up mob of adolescents will legislate on if those motherfuckers are given back power.  Forget abortion; that's already done with.  No, he will ban gay marriage and adoption for gay parents, take away any federal protections for gays, outlaw birth control, and say that no one has a right to privacy in any area of human need or endeavor.  Oh, and he'll take away your Social Security and Medicare, and call for deeper tax cuts for the rich, the only policies you can even consider to be related in any way to how Americans are living now.

Republicans are nothing more than a hissing nest of vipers, and they will cheat and lie in order to win and assume power, and they will let bad things happen presuming that they will collect a tangible benefit as a result of said bad thing happening.  Yeah, Herschel Walker knows none of that shit, but he will vote with the Republicans who are using him as some Black token that might siphon off enough Black voters who get hard-ons remembering the Year he won the Heisman Trophy that he'll win.

But the thing is is that he might win.  Maybe I'm being a tad overdramatic, even though I haven't seen the latest polls.  But I know it's not a double-digit lead for Warnock right now.  Fuckin' A, man, it should be 100%-0%.  However, it's not, and it's because of dumb fucking people like this would-be voter up there thinking, "Sure, Walker's got CTE and he can't talk his way out of a wet paper bag ... but is this Reverend any better?"

OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!!!  The Republic Party wants this country to be run by a dictator.  And they only want the richest people in the country to get richer and everybody else can go fuck off.  And oh, they want to dehumanize anyone who's not White ... just don't tell that to Herschel Walker, and even if you do, he's got too much dementia to remember.  You don't need The Media to tell you this, so don't blame them.  These Republicans are telling the truth about themselves and what they plan to do if they're voted into Congress.  And you're talking about what a Democrat has done for you lately?  Goddamn, they're going to uphold democracy and freedom!  Fucking Christ, that alone should be enough for you to vote Democrat -- and to vote, period.  But a common sense, non-crazy person ain't good enough for the people in Georgia?

Where do these people come from -- from Georgia or any state where a race between a Democrat and a Republican is close, so by that I mean every state in the union?  As much Republican cheating that has happened in the past (the Trump campaign asking Russia for help to interfere in the Presidential election, which is illegal and which indeed helped Republicans sweep into power in Congress and state legislatures) and probably will happen next month (through gerrymandering and voter suppression tactics), people are still wondering if these same goddamn Republicans would be better in putting food on the table and fighting inflation.  No, if these Republican pricks get into power, all they'll do is throw more guns into the streets, allow police to beat people of color to death, and ban books, while abolishing capital gains taxes or some bullshit.  They won't do shit except take money from the common folk and re-establish a dictatorship where White men rule all.  A march toward fascism is what we need to stop from coming true in November.  And I don't know if enough people give enough of a shit to stop it.

There is a saying misattributed to Werner Herzog (I want to know who really said it) that, and I'm paraphrasing, one-third of Americans would kill another third while a third watches.  This dumbshit voter above is one of the one-third who will watch.  Fuck us.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Want to note that with the Wild beginning their season, the Timberwolves starting back up next Week, and the Gopher women's and men's basketball teams kicking off around Veterans Day, we officially have started the WMNSS's busy season.  However, because I have to take time installing a new battery for my car (and I hope to Buddha the slow and fitful starts in this downturn of weather is because of the battery and not something more serious), I don't think I can afford deep dives for any of the clubs below.  I have to wake up early in the morning:

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3).  Nope, parity has yet to come to collegiate women's hockey, as evidenced by a 4-1 ass-kicking of Bemidji St. at Ridder Arena last Saturday afternoon and an 11-0 immolation of Minnesota-Mankato in Mankato yesterday/Friday afternoon.  More tomato cans, apparently.  The Mavericks will be served up for fodder again this/Saturday afternoon at home, then this Minnesota program faces, for the third straight Week, another in-state school this weekend, St. Cloud St.  The teams start to blur together when they're not actually decent, huh?

#-2: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Do I regret not being at Allianz to see the Loons seal their fourth consecutive playoff birth by defeating the Vancouver Whitecaps 2-0 on Sunday?  No, not really.  I think I was grazing through every single meal the Vikings laid out for press and the television production crews during the Match, and that wouldn't stress me out like trying to get out of the post-Game traffic congestion to get to the Game in St. Paul on time.  (Plus, I think I sold the ticket for way higher than the average season ticket price, so there's that.)

There is also the case that, as euphoric the fans there probably were (and I think they said they had the largest crowd ever in that stadium, surprising given that the Vikings Game let out maybe 90 Minutes prior so sports traffic around town had to be a bitch), they could've easily sewn up a spot if they beat Kansas City and San Jose, two clubs way worse than the Whitecaps, in their two previous Matches, but instead lost and lost humiliatingly.  If they had won both those Matches, they would've wound up in third place and would have hosted a First-Round Match.  Now, they have to go to Dallas to play FC Dallas on this round's nightcap, Monday night at 8:30.  (The only upside is that I don't have to stress out not being able to attend a Game because I have to do something.)  The Major League Soccer postseason is a topsy-turvy one, and road teams win all the time.  But not this one.  It's a Minnesota team.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  So this is how this squad is going to win Games -- by looking good early, looking like shit in the middle, then getting their shit together and making a play at the end to win.  They were firmly in control against the Bears at Das Bank v.2.0, but then allowed Justin Fields -- Justin Fields! -- to lead them back.  And this matchup wasn't sealed until Cornerback Cam Dantzler, who was beaten on a catch by Chicago Wide Receiver (and former Vikings Wide Receiver) Ihmir Smith-Marsette, came back and ripped the ball away from Smith-Marsette like he was a purse-snatcher.  Minnesota wins 29-22, and thanks to the New York Giants upsetting Green Bay in London, the Vikes are in first place.

Tomorrow/Sunday afternoon's tilt at Miami appeared to be a probable loss.  But that was before Tua Tagovailoa became the poster child for the NFL's inadequate concussion protocol and backup (and former Vike) Teddy Bridgewater followed him into that protocol.  So the Dolphins will be led by their third-string Quarterback, Skylar Thompson, a Rookie out of Kansas St.  And it'll be no fucking surprise at all if the Vikings let Thompson beat them like they let Cooper Rush (with the Dallas Cowboys) beat them last Year.

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -6).  An actual decent -- dare I say good -- screening Week for the Dinkytown XI!  On Senior Day (I think, and if this is correct, that's weird, because these players have one more home Match) Sunday afternoon they beat Iowa, 1-0.  Maybe more impressive is the club going to eighth-ranked Rutgers on Thursday and managing a 2-all Draw.

I have no true idea on this squad's tournament hopes, even though being 6-2-7 overall and 2-1-4 in the Big Ten doesn't appear to be good.  However, these Gophers, believe it or not, deserved or not, have a decent shot at making the conference tournament ... as eighth and final seed (assuming the tournament takes only the eight teams with the most Points), but they'd still be in.  With three Matches left, the U. is tied with Illinois in eighth place with seven Points.  (The gap between those two schools and the seven ahead of them is gaping; seventh-place Penn St. has 13.)  Those two teams face each other in Champaign the afternoon of the 23rd in the last Game of the regular season, aka Decision Day.  Before then, this Week, Minnesota travels to 1-0-6 Maryland and hosts 0-2-5 Purdue.  Yes, there are chances to grab hold of the final spot in the B1G tourney ... or squander a gift big-time.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  The Mavericks paid back the U. in their half of the home-and-home series Saturday, beating the Gophers 3-2 in Mankato last Saturday night.  No shame there, seeing as Minnesota-Mankato is/was ranked fifth and Minnesota was ranked second.  The season is young.  Maybe too young for a break, but that's what Minnesota sorta has this screening Week before rekindling their rivalry with North Dakota with a two-Game series at Mariucci beginning on the 21st.

#-6: Wild (Re-Entry!).  The Mild began their season Thursday and they began it with a fucking turd, a 7-3 loss at home to the New York Rangers whereby the back half of the team was absolute shit.  A young-ish defensive corps to its share of the blame, but this was Goaltender Marc-Andre Fleury's worst regular season Game in a long, long time.

There a lot of people high on this squad to repeat at least the regular season success that they enjoyed last Year.  I'll be a killjoy and say they're wrong.  The huge sword of Damocles is the decision by General Manager Bill Guerin to trade Zach Parise and Ryan Suter and eat the dead-cap space.  That happened before the start of the 2021 season, but that choice is going to start to bite this Year, as those two ghost contracts eat up over $12 million.  That's $12 million other teams have that Minnesota won't, and that's a, if not the, reason why Kevin Fiala was traded to Los Angeles during the off-season.  These guys have no choice but to roll with what they've got, in particular tapping a much ballyhooed group of young Defensemen who have cut their teeth in Iowa.  But they didn't look good Thursday.  And even if they do gel, what happens if Flower continues to flounder?  This could be another goddamn situation where a Minnesota team grabs a legend who's way over the hill.

By the way, Fiala and the Kings come to the X tonight/Saturday night, part of a four-Game homestand to start the Year; they'll host defending Stanley Cup champs The Bastard Quebec Nordiques Monday and Vancouver Thursday.

#-7: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  This fucking team continues to befuddle me.  The Sports Pavilion used to be a fortress where no opponent won, but this fucking squad is now 5-4 at home after not just losing but getting swept at home by sixth-ranked Ohio St. Wednesday.  Yeah, this is sixth-ranked Ohio St.  But this is also Ohio St. -- a big school, but a relatively light history when it comes to women's volleyball, even compared to Minnesota.  Well, apparently not this Year.  (In this context, their sweep at Michigan St. Sunday truly is irrelevant.)

Host Illinois this/Saturday afternoon, then travel to Iowa Wednesday.  But this is yet another club that will surely make the NCAA Tournament and just as assuredly will not win the NCAA Tournament.  Ho-goddamn-hum.

Safe Space No More

So I went to this basement bar for the second Thursday in a row last night.  I planned on doing it after having a wonderful time there last Thursday; the drinks were great, the customer service excellent, and it was a great way to unwind after working The Fourth Department -- even though, as far as I can recall, last Thursday wasn't so bad and yesterday was quite possibly the easiest day ever back in that position because there was not an avalanche of work that was stressing me out late in the afternoon.  I started going to these secret bars because I needed to unplug for a bad day at work.  I didn't have that bad day yesterday, but I wanted to go back to this bar that I was set on going as soon as I left there last week.  Hell, when I came in and saw the same bartender who served me my drinks last week, I told him that I wanted to be back in my safe space.  Also, I wanted to go back because this will be the last Thursday I'll be back in The Fourth Department for a while now.  Because my co-worker left, chances are I will be filling in that position Mondays through Wednesdays (though sometimes just through Tuesdays), and this place is open only Thursdays through Saturdays.

I also had a great time last night.  Got a different bartender, but she made fantastic drinks.  They now serve food, and after getting one of the three plates last week, I actually got the other two this time around.  Add all that up and, frankly, I may have been a little punchy.  But hey, I was in my safe space.

They have great music there.  So much so that, when my ears perk up on a really interesting song, I Shazam it.  Well, there was this one that I had to know about, so I got up off my chair and stuck the butt of my phone at the nearest speaker.  This song was so damn obscure, Shazam couldn't identify it.  This speaker was close to a couple sitting at a table.  The man of the couple tried to peg the song through Shazam, but he too was unsuccessful.

The cool part about this bar is that these songs are played on turntables.  And right next to this speaker I sidled up against are the two turntables the bartenders play the music from.  They put the album covers right behind both turntables.  I swear -- I swear -- on a previous visit I was told by a bartender that I could pick up an album cover and look at it.  So that's what my drunk ass did.  I looked at it and put it back -- and by the way, I ate finger food before all this and I didn't wipe my hands, I confess -- and I turn around and almost run into one of the bartenders.  Now, I say that the customer service here has been excellent.  It has.  But I have to say that this bartender, the first time I met her, she fucked up my order.  She gave me a spirit different from the one I asked for, and so she made me two drinks that were similar to each other, and she charged me for both.  That's OK.  But ever since, whenever I've seen or spoken to her, she's given off nonplussed vibes.  So I apologize for grabbing the album sleeve and she said it was OK ... "just ask first."  And you know that means she didn't want me touching their records.

It could be me, but I kind of felt a chill from the bartenders after that.  I was going to leave soon after anyway, but at that point it felt like I overstayed my welcome, so I skedaddled -- well, after drinking a couple cups of water to cool down my tongue after eating the serrano peppers that came with that finger food.  It's going to be a while before I have an occasion to go back there, and maybe it's best that I cool it for a while.  But I don't know if I can be as 100% happy as I had been after that, uh, encounter.  And all because I got a little handsy with an album cover and she didn't like it?  Maybe I push things too far ... but I swear I was told I could pick 'em up and look at 'em!

RIP, Streak (For The Cash)

Oh yeah, I forgot this: With the end of last month, ESPN.com ended their Streak For The Cash (since re-named ESPN Streak) quasi-gambling game after 14 years.  I never won -- never came close -- but ever since I started playing (and I don't remember when) it became an occasional obsession (if there is such a thing).  It cost nothing to go to the webpage (or, later, pull it up on the ESPN Games app) and choose which team will win, or pick over or under on the number of Points scored in the First Quarter, etc.  It was fun and, whenever I wasn't losing, it was a solid diversion in my life.  (I had three pat patterns: I always bet the tennis player more people thought would win [there were percentages for each side of the this-or-that choice]; I always bet the golfer more people thought would lose, and I always bet on the UFC underdog if he or she garnered more than 20% of the vote.  Those three edicts served me well.)

Occasionally it felt like a chore, if not a pain in the ass, to remember that it hadn't been a while since I picked something, so in that sense, I was relieved to see this fantasy game taken from me.  But by the same token, I'll miss it.  Whenever I won, it made me feel good.  Sure, I felt bad whenever I chose wrong.  But I took a screenshot of my overall record, and I won (made more right choices) much more than I lost, so I got a little pep in my step way more than I felt stupid.  And for that, I will miss you, ESPN Streak (For The Cash).

Just Booked A Reservation At The Hottest Restaurant In Town, Baby!

I am late to reserving tables at restaurants online.  It seems to cheap and easy to do it.  I'm Generation X, and when you wanted to reserve a table at a restaurant, you call them up and ask for one.  But convenience and my aversion to talking to people have accelerated my preference for doing these things online.  Yes, I'm giving in.

On the other hand, if you have a very popular restaurant to which you want to go, the advent of online reservations reshapes your chances of getting a reservation.  It's a free-for-all, and only the quickest, nimblest and most aggressive get tables.  If you eschew online reserving, doing it this way will suck.  But if you know how to play the game, and if you like playing the game, getting a table on the Internet turns into a beaucoup advantage for you.

Owamni is the hottest restaurant in the Twin Cities right now.  Tables are extremely hard to come by, and I imagine they've gotten harder since The New Yorker named it The Best New Restaurant Of 2022.  Their website points you to the website Resy to do their reservations.  This sort of feels like the time when people stopped camping out to buy concert tickets and started bombing websites to the point where tickets sold out in minutes.  But like I said, if you know how to work the system, the system will work for you, and beautifully.

The key thing to know, I have come to find out, is that reservations for a certain day open up at midnight local time.  That might not be a state secret, but nonetheless I was armed with that information so I knew that at midnight, BAM!, I needed to get to the page where they had reservations for that day and find a table.  It was as if the Red Sea parted for Moses, in a way: Every single popular dinner time was there, in virgin white (with border and text in ... orange?  I wasn't paying attention), waiting for me to pluck it.  And I selected 7 p.m.  And I selected six seats, even though I only know for certain that me and my friend, with whom we have made a holiday tradition of going to the Arrows and then eating at a fancy restaurant, would be dining at Owamni.  Two people (one a mutual friend of ours from high school, one his friend who is now also my friend!) joined us for dinner last year, however, and who knows, maybe two more of our friends would want to join us to see what the hubbub over this place is about.  Frankly, I was ready to reserve more spots, but I would have had to, well, call if I wanted a table for more than six.

So that's what I got: A table for six at 7 p.m. on Saturday, December 10 at Owamni.  Right now, I feel that snagging this reservation is a bigger accomplishment than getting my degree.

God May Not Have Answered Antonius Block, But He Sure Did Me A Solid!

I knew there was construction around the Heights Theatre and I knew I needed to get there sort-of early in order to get to the screening of The Seventh Seal because of that.  What I did not anticipate was that so many freakin' people wanted to see the movie, too, so I when I got to the parking lot, there was no parking.  So I had to go to the spillover parking, which was on the street across from the theater.  Got in well in time, but I eschewed getting popcorn and pop because there was a long line at concessions and I didn't want to find a seat in a darkened theater.

Looking back at my car, I noticed a red or pink post on the other side of it.  Didn't think nothing of it.  Maybe I should have, because that's the post that's attached to a fire hydrant.  I parked right next to a fire hydrant, and I didn't even notice.  I didn't notice until I got back to my car after the movie was over.  I instinctively check the passenger side of my car in case someone wanted to egg or damage it (I'm paranoid like that), and that's when I saw the hydrant.  I panic like a mofo, then check my windshield to see if a cop left a ticket for me.  And by the grace of God, there was no ticket there.  I got out of there with a quickness while wiping my brow.

A big theme of The Seventh Seal is the feeling that God does not care about Man's suffering, aka The Silence Of God.  Well, I think he whispered quietly, if not communicated telepathically, to the city police to not drive down that street while the movie was on.  My goodness did I dodge a bullet!

Penultimate Warm Day, Which I Cannot Enjoy

Officially, as I type this (a bit past 5 p.m.), Channel 11 says we have reached 71.  It's supposed to reach 80 tomorrow, but then there's a storm, followed by a big cooldown, and I don't know if it's going to be that hot/warm for the rest of the year.

It was gorgeously sunny.  Dry, too.  Seeing the sun dapple through the changing leaves, man, it was beautiful.  Too bad I only was able to enjoy nature as I walked the three or so blocks from my car to Centro and back.  I woke up a bit past 8 to the sound of the sprinkler system operating for the final time this season.  I took today off because the guy who's supposed to blow out the system was coming by, just didn't know when.  He got her a quarter till noon; the only productive thing I did was eat Cuban toast that was a make-up for the waitress at Victor's 1959 Cafe putting in my order incorrectly.  After that guy got done winterizing the sprinklers, I could tell ******e that I could go over to her hotel so she could give me a handjob.  I got gasoline and lottery tickets slips after that, and while I wish it were earlier, I had plenty of time to have a late lunch/early dinner and get tickets for Father.  After I get done with this, I'll crash for about an hour, then go watch The Seventh Seal for the first time ever.  Go home, use the lime juice I have sitting in the fridge for a late cocktail, maybe do more laundry, then finally gear up for work tomorrow.

Nope, no nature anywhere in that rundown of my day.  No enjoying the next-to-last warm day of 2022, no sirree (sigh)

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2022

I've been ruminating on this month well into October now, and I think it's grown on me.  This is a solid roster; of the ten babes pictured here, I want to point out seven.  In ascending order:

In seventh place we have Sara, from Katy, Tex.  Sporting a white two-piece bikini that has black, er, "cracks" or something.  Nice boobage, but I love her long dark hair; seeing so many blondes and brunettes, her hair stands out.

In sixth place is Alyssa, hailing from Denham Springs, La.  Blonde with white two-piece which is linked by circles.  I'm not a fan of poses on one's side, but her beautiful hair and face make it work.

In fifth place is Tiffany, out of Kennesaw, Ga.  Another long-haired blonde wearing a white two-piece bikini (this one with chains for straps).  She's posed at an angle, but she's arching her back a bit, and that makes her look sexier.  And, I gotta say, I like her smile.

In fourth place is Taryn, of Weston, Fla.  Dark blonde, long hair.  I have to say she's not as, uh, slim as the other waitresses you see in the calendar (this month or any month), and I have to think that she's aware of that.  Still, she posed, and that's great, because I don't mind her showing off the shape of her body because I think it's fuckin' hot.  And it helps that the two-piece she's wearing is Hooters-branded.

In third place, and she shot up the rankings the more I saw her, is The Main Girl, Ireland, from Madeira Beach. Fla.  I swear she has posed for the past couple years.  She has flowing black hair, and she's wearing a black one-piece bikini that's cut out to show off her flat stomach.  Not a fan of that style of swimsuit because it covers too much.  Also not not a fan of her putting her arm in front of her body.  But her hand is on the zipper that's holding up the top part of the swimsuit, which gives off the impression that she's going to unzip it.  I like that, lie as it is.  Plus, having such a big photo shows how much of a tight body (she's a short girl, a spinner) she has.  She's fuckin' gorgeous.

In second place is Kindra, hailing from Jacksonville, N.C.  Long brunette hair, blue two-piece.  She is just about completely facing the camera, so her bangin' body is on completely display.  Nice-sized tits generating good, deep cleavage.  I think she's a tall drink of water.  Hmm-hmmm.

Finally, in first place is Amanda, of Odessa, Fla.  Very long brown hair, orange two-piece bikini.  She is posing with her left side toward us as she's resting on what appears to be the edge of a pool.  But she's showing off her ass -- I'd say 70% of it -- and according to my rule, she shoots straight to the top.  But to be clear, I think her ass is totally fine.  And her throwing up her left arm to hold the top of her head is a very nice touch.

So, congratulations to Amanda, and to all the other notable women in September '22, a memorable month.  Maybe I will masturbate to all of you after having fun with ******e today!

The iPhone's New Fat Time Numbers

OK, so it's been a while since I updated my iPhone.  But because I wanted to upload a photo, I connected my phone with my laptop and then opened up iTunes, something I haven't done in a long while.  I was prompted to search for an update, I did, there was an update, and I updated it.  Honestly, I'm still confused if this would have happened if I checked for updates just on my phone.  Is it the same?

I ask because the update has brought about something new that I didn't think would ever happen, and frankly it's rocking my world.  Yeah, I know that after updates there aren't just updated security patches and whatnot; there are new formal characteristics that you see.  And yet this time around, a new formal characteristic pops up as soon as I see my screen: The numbers on the time are fat.  Like, real fat.  They used to be skinny, and after every update, those numbers were still skinny.  But now they're fat.  Don't know why they're fat, although there is no law saying they can't be.  But they're fat.  And I'm like, Holy shit.

And still, every time I see the pop-up screen on my iPhone, I'm thinking, Holy shit, those are some fat damn numbers.  It's like ... well ... OK, so LeBron James had "The Decision" on TV, and after he announced that he was leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat, the owner of the Cavs, Daniel Gilbert, put out a bitter press release that was just him getting all pissed off about James, but the words in that release were in the very unserious Comic Sans font, and you shouldn't use such a font when blasting a legendary player for leaving your team because people will only notice you are using a goofy font.  Now that I think about it, maybe the numbers are now in Comic Sans.  But the numbers definitely look silly when compared to the vermicelli-thin digits of before.

Have you all updated your iPhone and are getting these fat numbers?  What do you think?  It's weird, isn't it?

Finally gave in and turned on the central heat in the house today.  It was 70 last week, but it's gotten colder since.  Nevertheless, it wasn't that cold, or it wasn't cold enough for long enough to turn it on before then.  Besides, I have the space heater; when I am cold, I go into my bedroom and turn it on.

However, this morning, when I went into the bathroom, it was cold.  Checked the thermostat; it was 58.  I wanted to see how cold I could take it, and I didn't blink much last night when it hit 60.  But I think the coldest I have left the house in the dead of winter is 58, and I think it was time to spend some money and turn it on.  But just in case the heat coming through the vents is musty because it's been months since it's been turned on, I turned it on just before I went out to mow the lawn.  I come back about two hours later to see the house has been heated up to 68, which is the temperature we have set ... and it's sunny and "seems" warm outside.  So maybe I didn't need to turn it on.

Oh, and while we'll be in the sixties the next few days, it's supposed to bubble up to 75 Tuesday -- what?! -- before crashing into the fifties after that.  Maybe I'll try to keep the heat off for, oh, the next week.  Saves me money then.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  One of the two tickets I bought at the Minnesota State Fair was for the men's hockey team's Game versus Lindenwood, a private university located in the St. Louis suburb of St. Charles, Mo., who had a storied history at the (I guess you would call it club-level) ACHA, winning four championships including last Year.  Back in March, Lindenwood announced that it would upgrade its program to varsity level, competing in top-flight Division I as an independent.  (It follows in the footsteps of the women's program, which has been top-flight since 2011.)

The University of Minnesota were proud opponents of the Lindenwood Lions' first-ever Games at the Division I level, held last weekend at Mariucci Arena.  The first Game, on Saturday, was a 4-0 Gopher shutout.  I had a ticket to the Sunday Game (which, it has to be said, I gladly would have skipped out on if the Chiefs and the Buccaneers indeed did play their Sunday Night Football Game up here instead of Tampa because of Hurricane Ian), and apparently the Lions were smarting from that Saturday ass-kicking.  It was an extremely chippy contest; Lindenwood followed up its 33 Penalty Minutes Saturday with another 18 Sunday, but the Gophers responded to the cheap shots and the shit-talking with 14 of their own.  Hey, what the Lions did wasn't "right," but if you're a program that upgraded to the bigtime and you know you're going to take your lumps, wouldn't you expect that you'd try and dirty up the Game a little to make it a fairer fight, and to see if the other team takes the bait and plays down to your level?

That thuggery, by the way, worked, at least up to a point.  Lindenwood got its first-ever Division I Goal five Minutes into the Game (on the Power Play) courtesy of Kyle Jeffers.  The Lions also got their first-ever lead at the DI level, taking a 3-2 lead on Minnesota with seven Minutes left in the Second Period on a Goal by Adam Conquest.  And they were able to tie it up a minute into the Third Period on Ryan Finnegan's PP tally.  But the Gophs finally were able to clinch victory on Power Play Goals by Bryce Brodzinski and Mike Koster.  (All ten Goals scored in the Game, by the way, were scored by ten players -- no braces, no hat tricks.)  I never felt as though the Win was in doubt, but maybe I should have.  It certainly makes one doubt why Minnesota was the preseason #2.

But then last/Friday night happened, where fifth-ranked Minnesota-Mankato came to town and got poleaxed, 4-1.  Many players from last Year's Frozen Four team decided to come back for One Last Ride, and that veteran presence and hunger will be key if they take it all this Year.  It'd be one hell of a feat, but results like that ass-kicking over the Mavericks show that they're capable of doing it.

They complete a home-and-home tonight/Saturday night in Mankato.  They then begin a two-Game series at home vs. sworn rival North Dakota beginning Friday.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  I still don't fucking get this squad.  They beat Iowa at Maturi Sunday in four Sets, then travel to Ann Arbor and sweep then-24th-ranked Michigan last/Friday night.  But that goddamn home Loss to lowly Northwestern bothers me and haunts them.  I am still not convinced this club can last till the final weekend of the NCAA Tournament.  They finish the Michigan roundelay with tomorrow/Sunday afternoon at Michigan St., then return home for a pretty big contest against sixth-ranked Ohio St.

#-3: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Started off their season curb-stomping Bemidji St. at Ridder Arena last/Friday night, 6-0.  Once again, Minnesota is a program that will crush all lesser programs.  The question once again comes at tournament time: Will they underachieve again and bow out before they're supposed to, like in last Year's tourney?  All Games between now and then really don't matter.  Nevertheless, they finish up their series against the Beavers this/Saturday afternoon, then do a home-and-home with Minnesota-Mankato beginning with the road portion Friday.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  Yes, I keep saying that you give a mulligan to a Head Coach's first Year.  Still, I can see the shortcomings of an old and thoroughly overmatched group.  Against the Saints Sunday in London, facing a New Orleans outfit without its star Wide Receiver (Michael Thomas) and starting Quarterback (Jameis Winston), the Vikes Defense got picked apart by, of all people, Andy Dalton.  The Red Rifle was able, when it counted the most, to march the Saints down the field for a Field Goal attempt at the end of regulation that would have sent the Game into Overtime, only for Saints Kicker Will Lutz to hook it left (even though he had plenty of distance).  And yet it shouldn't have come down to that.  The Defense, to its credit, got forced and recovered two Fumbles.  However, the Vikings Offense continued to stagnate in the Red Zone, settling for Field Goals instead of scoring Touchdowns after both Turnovers.  They left eight Points on the field, meaning it should have been an eleven-Point Win at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium, not three.

While they're 3-1, the Vikings have so far been more lucky than good.  I think their Wins are going to look more like the ones the past two Sundays, where they squeak by thanks to finding their competence a little later than they should and good breaks provided by the opponent, not the winning gameplan executed in beating Green Bay.  Which probably makes tomorrow/Sunday afternoon's fight with the Chicago Bears another tight, discomfiting one.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  And wouldn't you know it, they did fuck it up, losing at home to Purdue, 20-10 -- and on Homecoming, too!  The Offense completely derailed as Tanner Morgan got intercepted thrice.  (By the way, it's the first time they've lost to the Boilermakers since 2017.)

This hurts a lot more than it usually would because of the huge opportunity that lays before this squad.  The two traditional powers in the Big Ten West (aside: Conferences are so big that meeting some fellow conference members have fallen into such infrequency that Divisions within the Conference matter much more than the Conference itself) are Iowa and Wisconsin.  Well, Iowa can't seem to score if you give them the ball at the one-foot line, and Wisconsin just blindside-fired their Head Coach, Paul Chryst, Sunday night (I saw the news while scrolling through Twitter at the Gopher men's hockey Game).  The Division, and a date in Indianapolis for the B1G Championship game, are there for the taking.  All the Gophs have to do is take advantage, and yet they come up woefully short against a probably mediocre Purdue club.

So now the B1G West is up for grabs.  Yes, the U. still has a chance, even a solid one.  But could the title return to the tradition bluebloods, the Hawkeyes or the Badgers?  Could Purdue sneak in and take it?  Or how about, of all teams, Illinois, who seems invigorated under first-Year Head Coach Bret Bielema, who went up to his old stomping grounds of Madison, Wisc., last Saturday and humiliated his old team so much that they decided to can Chryst the next Night?  The Fighting Illini is Minnesota's next foe, by the way, on the 15th.  P. J. Fleck & Co. have two Weeks to gameplan against what could be the Division favorite.

#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  A 2-1 defeat at then-23rd-ranked Wisconsin on Sunday extends the side's losing streak to three.  They're 5-1-7 -- yeah, no tournament for this XI.  Host Iowa tomorrow/Sunday afternoon, then visit Rutgers Thursday.

#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -Infinity).  It doesn't matter how they finished up their season.  After spending the first half of the season in first place in the American League Central, they finish in third place with an utterly forgettable record of 78-84.  They also finish 14 Games behind first-place Cleveland.  Don't forget: At the end of Labor Day, they were tied with the Guardians in first place.  Now, again, Cleveland has caught fire.  But the Twinks did not, and now they have so many replacement-level players on their roster (at least I think so) that a fan doesn't know where they should begin to improve.

But hey, at least Luis Arraez won the American League batting title!  He prevented Aaron Judge from getting the Triple Crown, which is even better.  (And by the way, all the cut-ins to see Judge chase down Roger Maris for the A. L. Home Run record were pretty fucking gratuitous.  First of all, steroid-riddled Barry Bonds, like it or not, holds the record for most HRs in a season.  And second, and probably more pernicious, if Judge were a Twin, ESPN wouldn't be cutting into broadcasts to show his at-bats, and no one would be lauding him for surpassing Maris when Major League Baseball recognizes the professional level, both leagues record of 73 Homers, not Maris's 61.  Fucking Yankees bias.)

At any rate, Arraez is a keeper.  So is Jhoan Duran.  I don't know if Carlos Correa is going to opt out and play the field.  But he had enough of a down Year where I wonder if the Twins would welcome him back if he did opt out, but if he does come back, he's a cornerstone.  Joe Ryan, Gio Urshela, maybe Sonny Gray, maybe Gary Sanchez, maybe Kenta Maeda?  That's eight players the Twins could build around ... and yes, that doesn't include Byron Buxton, whose load was managed and yet he was still fucking shut down before the regular season was over.  The Goal by management was for Buxton to play 100 Games.  He got to 92.  Oy.  The public stopped giving a shit about these guys around Labor Day.  I wonder if people will give a shit about them on Opening Day.