Farewell, 2018

I'm running kind of hot over a false accusation made to me by this prick bartender at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division), so I won't fully and accurately be able to say what I want to say because my head isn't clear.  Goddamn him.  Maybe I'll talk about it some other time.

But I still have to recognize that it is the last day of 2018.  Man, 2018.  That seemed so far away when I was a kid.  But we're going to be at 2020 very soon, and that seems like such a, you know, futuristic number.  We're hurtling into the future, and before you know it, we'll all be dead.

I think the year has been dominated by Donald Trump, the Republicans and their selfish ways of destroying the world.  I have felt, and been a part of, the world-wide anxiety and depression over knowing that truly evil people are in power.  However, putting that aside, I have to say that the year has been pretty good to me.

I think there have been two major milestones that happened to and for me in 2018.  The big thing was landing a full-time job, the first in my life.  I am still mere months into it, and I still don't quite know how I feel about it.  But getting benefits through my employer feels, for lack of a better word, right, and now that I have fled to normalcy, I should at least give normalcy some time to make sure it does or does not suit me.  The other big thing is working Super Bowl LII in February at U.S. Bank Stadium.  It is not as if it was a big position.  But I am, on a peripheral plane, still working in my dream field of sports, and I was able to be in the room where the biggest sporting event in the country was happening and not only did I not need to shell out thousands of dollars for a ticket, I got paid for it.  I am still hoping to work the Final Four in April, and that will be the second-biggest sporting event I will ever work.  But the biggest?  That's a true milestone.

What else?  I'm not sick, besides the time it burned when I peed and when I had a really bad sinus infection and cold.  I have been able to afford more trysts with my whores, even though I have lost a few really good ones this year, ***a* being the most tragic.  And even though the turn of the year will make me feel as though they are just about to come back -- because they are -- I am going to be by myself for six straight months while my parents are away enjoying their retirement, and that is freedom from a lifetime vise that still has ruined my life.

So, all in all, even though this marks a year closer to my death, 2018 was good to me.

---

Tonight, if the weather isn't too bad, I will be doing my usual New Year's Eve routine: Going down to my friends' place to celebrate with them and their kids.  I confirmed with them, and through Messenger the wife got back to me saying I could come over.  She said, "Nothing fancy, just the kids and (the husband's brother)."  It has always been just the kids and the husband's brother.  And you know what?  That is exactly what I look forward to for New Year's Eve.

Happy New Year, everybody.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

(Note: This is the last Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey for 2018.  With the impending death of the year, I adhere to tradition and will readjust the day of the week the WMNSS is published for 2019.  That day of the week readjusts to whatever day January 8 is [to reflect the results of the first full week of 2019, as well any ones for December 31], and for 2019, that day is -- ugh -- Tuesday.)

#0: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  I suspect that the opposition was, uh, less than forthright.  But they are coming back from the South Beach Duals in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., sweeping all four matches Saturday and yesterday/Sunday.  They followed up victories over Lehigh and North Carolina (possibly the most notable win of the four Duals) on Day 1 with even better results on Day 2.  They completely wiped out Kent St., 51-0.  It is the first time the U. grapplers pitched a shutout since beating up on a community college six years ago, and it's the first time they rolled up at least 50 Points in a decade.  They finished their time in Florida sextupling a ranked Utah Valley club, 36-6.

So, uh, that's real good, right?  For sheer tonnage I didn't think it was fair to give them a -1, but it's not as if that team beat Penn St. or Oklahoma St. either, so 0 it is.  And they begin Big Ten play Sunday afternoon vs. Rutgers at Maturi.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  Well, Whalen & Co. have not slipped yet.  The team opened conference play Friday with a convincing 74-56 win at Williams Arena over Wisconsin.  Kenisha Bell continues to beast, scoring 17 and hauling down ten boards.

The 12th- or 15th-ranked Gophers remain undefeated at 12-0.  However, Mechelle Voepel of espnW.com cautions against the anointing oil.  With evidence (namely that the U. has only beating one ranked team, Syracuse, and boast a Strength Of Schedule on the good side of 200), she proves that this isn't really a stellar 12-0 record.  This club does not face another ranked foe until the 14th, when they host Iowa, who has, as of press time, an SOS in the twenties.  (It's also a game I'm hoping to work.)  So maybe the games this week, when they travel to Michigan this/Monday/New Year's Eve afternoon and then host Illinois Sunday afternoon, won't tell much about how good they are.  But, of course, it's better to win these games than to lose them.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Finish their non-con with a pair of hardwood beatings: Over North Carolina A&T Friday by 19 and Mount St. Mary's yesterday/Sunday afternoon by 18.  These guys are 11-2, but like their female analogues, maybe that record isn't all that.  They are the 63rd-best team according to Ken Pomeroy as of press time.  Their Adjusted Offense is ranked 70th, and its Adjusted Defense is 66th.  Thank goodness that is tournament-worthy advanced numbers for a BcS school, because it's nowhere near the real of very good.  And now we will get to see what these Gophers are made of in conference play.  They begin Thursday, when they visit Wisconsin.

#-3: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).  Almost forgot to check on this team; the National Women's Hockey League is so fledgling, these women go weeks without playing.  But after a long hiatus, they played two in Buffalo.  They were blitzed in yesterday's/Sunday's capper, 4-0, but the 'Caps defeated the Beauts, 2-1, Saturday afternoon in the first half of a unique NWHL/NHL doubleheader.  Saturday's match was played at the Key Bank Center, which is where the Buffalo Sabres also play.  The Sabres played (and lost in Overtime to) the Boston Bruins that evening; Sabres ticketholders were able to come in early to watch the Beauts/Whitecaps game.  See, Terry Pagula, the mogul who seeded both Penn St. hockey programs, not only owns the Sabres but also the Beauts.

Despite the split, the Whitecaps lead the league with a 7-3 record.  They resume play in two weeks (as opposed to their four-week furlough before this series) to play their first non-series games: At Boston the 12th, at Connecticut the 13th.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Sandwiched a home loss to Atlanta with wins on the road versus Chicago and Miami.  The rout over the Bulls can be glossed over.  But the defeat to the Hawks and the victory over the Heat is a small sample size of the rapidly diverging career trajectories of the supposed twin foundations of this organization.

On Friday, the Woofie Dogs were getting blown out, only to come back in the Second Half and be up by as many as nine Points in the Fourth, only for the Hawks to storm back and, with a wild sequence, get the game sent to Overtime.  There, Andrew Wiggins had a chance to tie the game late, but missed both Free Throws, contributing to a 123-120 loss.  Big Wig was 3-of-8 from the stripe in the Fourth Quarter and in OT.  Furthermore, for some goddamn reason, he forgot to put on his jersey at the beginning of the game.  And after it, he called some Wolves fans "shitty" for booing him.  Wiggins' future as a star, here or elsewhere, is just about over.  Jesus fuck.

Contrast that, hopefully, to last (Sunday) night.  Maybe he learned that the Vikings broke Minnesota fans' hearts (again) by choking the bit with a playoff spot on the line.  But in leading the T-Wolves to a 113-104 win, Karl-Anthony Towns scored 34, hauled in 18 Rebounds, dished seven Assists, and blocked six shots.  I think this needs to be researched more, but the only player in National Basketball Association history to notch more in each of those four categories in a single game was Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, who went 35-19-9-8 in a 114-107 win over Phoenix back in 1975.  This huge night will no doubt be overshadowed in Twin Cities sports lore because 1) it happened on the road and 2) it happened on a day the Vikings screwed the pooch and underachieved for the fan base once again.

The Woofs are still near the bottom of the Western Conference, and Big Kat has yet to show he can bring a night as huge as his performance over the Heat on a regular basis.  That's why these guys are rooted down here for the survey.  But KAT is young enough, and he has shown enough, to earn patience.  Time may be running out on Wiggins, however.

The team plays in New Orleans tonight/New Year's Eve Night.  Man, there aren't a whole lot of places better to party in the New Year than the Big Easy.  They then travel to Boston before coming home and hosting Orlando and The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Went to Saturday night's tilt against Ferris St. at 3M; it was the last of the three Golden Gophers tickets I bought at the Minnesota State Fair.  And goddammit, just like versus St. Lawrence, I had to go to a contest where the U. lost to a vastly inferior opponent, by a score of 3-2.  Look, again, I need to give Bob Motzko this first year to bottom out the program.  But shit, man, it's so weird to see this team not able to impose their will against the likes of Ferris St.  And meanwhile, defensive breakdowns have made this club so leaky that it oftentimes feels like this isn't a program from a BcS conference.  And from what I heard from the crowd Saturday night, a lot of people feel that same way.  But at least they won the first game Friday, 5-3.

They resume B1G play with a pair vs. Penn St., also at Mariucci.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -5).  A losing streak that grew to five with Thursday's 5-2 loss at Chicago (where Devan Dubnyk was pulled for the third time in his last ten Games, what?!) was broken Saturday when they beat The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers 3-1 at division-leading Winnipeg.  But the big, and probably season-destroying, news for the screening week came late last week.  Offensive Defenseman Matt Dumba, the Wild player probably punching above his weight the most this year, had surgery to repair his ruptured right pectoral muscle and will miss the next three months.  That'll mean he could be able to return to the team in time for a playoff push.  But these guys have had trouble scoring -- they scored a total of five Goals during that five-game losing streak; he suffered the injury vs. Calgary, the second of the five defeats, on the 15th -- and without Dumba providing Goals for them, there might not be a playoff push by the time he's fully healed.

I cannot believe that not too long ago, this team had the third-best record in the National Hockey League.  Now, they are four Points off of the final playoff spot in the Western Conference.

This week: They host Pittsburgh in the squad's annual New Year's Eve game.  Say, is the Mild hosting a game every NYE a tradition?  I never noticed that.  They then do an Eastern Canada three-step -- Toronto Thursday afternoon, Ottawa Saturday afternoon, Montreal Monday evening.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  Man, I have to lol at the fucking Vikings season so I don't cry.  Just because I predicted they would lose last week mean that I wanted them to lose.  Of course I want them to win!  But I knew they wouldn't.  And they didn't, they fuckin' didn't.

I was wrong about the logic through the game.  I thought San Francisco would push the Rams in their game playing concurrently.  The Rams would lose the 2-seed and a first-round bye if they lost and the Bears won.  So any news that the Rams were losing would give Chicago much more incentive to beat the ViQueens in order to overtake them for that 2-seed.  And for this year at least, if the Bears were motivated to win, they have more talent and they would beat Minnesota.

Well, even though The Bastard Cleveland-By-Way-Of-St. Louis Rams were in Santa Clara, they blew out the 49ers, so the Rams were doing to get that first-round bye no matter what the Bears did.  So, did Chicago let up and rest their starters and maybe let Minnesota win, setting up a probable rematch between these two teams in Chicago next week, where they would inevitably beat the shit out of the Vikes?  No!  To the Bears' credit, they played, straight-up and honestly, even though there was no tangible reason for them.  And they went into Us-Bank and whipped the Vikes' asses, no joke.

Chicago's drive spanning the Third and Fourth Quarters, that 18-play monster that was capped off with a Touchdown ... well, that was the dagger.  But everything about that damn squad was off, as it has been all year.  The Offense bogged down when they could least afford it.  Kirk Cousins burnished his reputation as a Quarterback who shrinks when the stakes are highest, and Wide Receivers Adam Thielen and Stefon Diggs got so frustrated by the neutered passing (which, to be fair, was largely a by-product of the Bears Defense) that they outright started venting at Cousins on the sidelines.  But let's not forget the ViQueens D, either.  Advanced metrics continue to say that they had one hell of a season.  That may be the case, but I sure as fuck didn't see any third-down stoppages yesterday/Sunday, where the Bears made close to two-thirds of their Third Downs, including three in that long, season-killing drive.  It felt as though this supposedly vaunted Defense could not stop the best teams when they needed to, especially when Minnesota's Offense went buggy.

In fact, this club's 8-7-1 record is a complete reflection of their season.  (By the way, I predicted these guys would go 8-8 and miss the playoffs.)  They beat bad teams (Detroit, Arizona, the Jets), but they did not beat good teams, nor even ones supposedly equal to them (New England, New Orleans, Seattle).  Furthermore, in a last-week, win-and-in situation, at home, against a Bears team that may have decided to cut their losses if the Vikings showed even a fucking smidgen of fight in them, they not only lost, they were handled like a joke to the tune of a 24-10 meep of a defeat.

How is that nothing but failure?  Every other single team that controlled its own destiny yesterday/Sunday won (well, maybe not The Bastard Houston Oilers, who lost at home to The Bastard Baltimore Colts).  If you cannot handle your own shit, if you lay a turd of this magnitude -- how fucking good can you possible be?

Right now I feel the need to fire everybody -- Head Coach Mike Zimmer, General Manager Rick Spielman, the entire Offensive Line, everyone.  But frankly, heads may very roll after next year.  I am guessing that ownership feels staying the course is best, especially since they are paying Cousins a total of, what, $84 million for this season and the next two?  The O-Line will go begging because Zimmer will draft another goddamn Cornerback in the first round of the draft, and not only will this team be in the same situation as they are this year, they conceivably will be worse.  Because this is Minnesota, and improvement is something none of the local sports teams are able to do.

Fuck these guys.

I have noticed that I have gotten really, really tired lately.  And my body signals this crash by making my dick hard.  I have no idea if this is scientifically proven, but blood rushing into the penis means blood rushes out of the head, and that may be a prime setting for a body to shut down and rest.

I have listened to my body and stopped everything I was doing and gone to bed whenever my cock got hard.  Most of the time.  An instance or two I have cashed in on the erection by masturbating.  But these days, in my advanced age, I need sleep more than pleasure.  Most of the time.  So I rest.

That's all I've got to say.

Who's The On-Call Blowjob Whore?

Still blown (tee-hee!) away by the findings of the independent investigation into Les Moonves's long and vast history of sexual misconduct.  As a result, CBS has found cause not to pay him a severance of -- holy shit -- $120 million.

There is one finding by CBS investigators that, frankly, arouses me.  It is also unclear to me; as I have seen article after article breaking down the lengthy report, there may be multiple women, they may all have been promised acting roles or jobs with CBS, and they may all have felt coerced by Moonves.  I wish that the facts were much clearer on this.

However, one of the salacious takeaways these articles, um, take away from the report is the allegation, backed up and confirmed by several people interviewed for the investigation, that Moonves hired a subordinate whose main, or sole, job it was to suck his dick at his office whenever he wanted.  Now again, the articles I've read are not entirely clear whether she did this against her will, whether she felt pressured to do this in order to break into the business, or even if she is the only person who served under Moonves in such a situation.

But I can't help thinking this in a perverted way.  She is hired, and just so she has something to do, she, like, files during the day.  However, from time to time Moonves calls her and says, "I need you up in my office."  And everybody in the office knows he's actually saying, "I need you up in my office to suck my dick."  And she's totally cool with it.  Like, he actually interviewed her, and he said, "I'll be honest with you -- your main duty with this job is to suck my cock whenever I want you to."  And she said, "Sure, I'll do it!"

I'll be honest: If that's the case -- if there absolutely was no transactional relationship besides, "You are hired to blow me" -- then ... I want my own on-call blowjob whore!  I mean, that sounds fucking awesome!

And yes, I need to know who the hell this on-call blowjob whore is.  I want to know why she did, and why, if this is the case, she was cool with it.  And then I would want to know what her price is to suck my own dick.  And then I might actually go back to school in order to get a job powerful enough where I could get my own on-call blowjob whore!

I'll Miss You, Second Shift

So last (Friday) night represented the last of three days filling in for someone in my new department from 1:30 until 10 at night.  And goddammit it, I'll miss it.  A lot.

How will I miss it?  Let me count the ways.  Well, really, it's a bunch of things, some of them layered up against the next.  But I should start with a contrast I noticed with my old department, one I always join on Saturdays.  The interdependence of that job is driving me crazy.  I am either dependent upon, or am depended on, for work in this particular position.  And knowing that I'm in relatively close quarters is really pissing me off.  For example, last Saturday, That Bitch (yeah, I'm calling her That Bitch again) was tired of me being so slow that she just started doing her own thing.  That is not the protocol with this job.  Last Saturday, she had to wait for me to give her work.  If that isn't the process, if she can do whatever the hell she wants because I ain't fast enough for her, then what the fuck are we even tied to one another for?  Why don't we all just do our own fucking thing?  Pisses me the hell off -- her and the work.

But this department?  Relatively stress-free.  I have run into a bunch of things I've done wrong, and there are still a lot of things I have yet to master.  But it doesn't feel as though I'm getting called on the carpet for it here as I am in my old dept.  It helps, tremendously, that this new dept. is not interdependent on other people.  We're just a bunch of folks doing our own thing, working at our own pace.  Plus, this department isn't predicated on the work.  It doesn't have to "go out" at the end of the day.  It gets hectic, but there is no mandate, for example, where we have to stay until we get all the work pushed out.  That drives down the stress, that's for sure.

And now I have to add the particulars of the past three days.  In this department the employees' hours are staggered -- some leave at 3, some at 3:30, some at 5:30, etc.  So when I get there at 1:30, some of the other people there have an eye towards what they're doing after work.  (Don't get me wrong, though -- these people, almost to a person, are great, and I love talking with them.  And they've been so patient with me as I ask questions, continuously and, sometimes, redundantly.)  As people leave for the day, the department, which is a hell of a lot less hectic than my Saturday duties, get progressively quieter.  And I got the added bonus these three days of a co-worker who was scheduled to work until 6:30 deciding to leave early -- 5:30 Wednesday and Thursday, 5 last night.

There is another room where a couple people came in to look for files or made copies.  But for the back half of my shifts this week, I was all alone.  And even though the entire campus is 24/7, it gets really quiet after the 9-to-5ers around my area leave.  I had the entire department to myself -- no one to correct my mistakes, no one to check on my work, no one to look over my shoulder as I, uh, surfed the Internet, no one to notice that I was not filing papers and instead was going through my receipts, or eating even though I wasn't supposed to bring food in there.

I like working alone.  I like being alone.  I did do work, don't get me wrong.  But with the run of the place, I felt no stress.  I brought my satellite radio in to listen to music and sports during the evening (and it worked in this part of the building when it doesn't work at the old department; maybe being close to a window helps), and I turned it up because there were no co-workers I could bother.  And I worked -- or not worked -- at my own pace.  If I wanted to disappear into the warehouse to refile, I could.  So long as the important tasks got done in a timely manner, I don't think I stuck out.  And again, with a skeleton crew after first shift, there wasn't a whole lot of important tasks to do these past few days.  (Thanks to Buddha, come to think of it, for the time of the season; work everywhere slowed down because we are in the working week between Christmas and New Year's, when not everybody works.)

Now, maybe I will get caught on my relative laziness.  There were still papers to refile, for example, and maybe someone will question why I couldn't get around to those with all the time I had in the evening.  The meager shift of workers came out to "lunch" to the break room just as I was taking my spaghetti/makeshift goulash into the department.  Maybe someone will say something to someone about illegally eating at my desk.  And I just remembered that I forgot to open the blinds I closed after everyone left.  Someone will notice; will whoever notices stir shit with me?

But if all of those fears is just paranoia, that meant that I was able to do whatever the hell I wanted (after working some, of course) and got paid for it.  And I was left to be in my own cocoon, to boot.  Being able to do relatively easy work in a giant safe space with no one else around?  I am jealous of the person I was filling in for.  Heck, I wouldn't mind subbing for her again.  Maybe even taking over her position in the future.  (That might create a kink in the schedule with my parents, but who cares?)

Oh, and it was fun to go to work in the afternoon.  I needed to get one of my car's tires patched, and I could get it done Wednesday morning.  I could go and see Grandmother's friend late Thursday morning.  And I could have my sister-in-law's leftover prime rib and green beans for lunch yesterday/Friday.  I had to get up at 7 in order to get the tire patched because I wanted to go to downtown Minneapolis and catch the Boxing Day EPL matches.  All of those things -- the tire patching, watching soccer, seeing Grandmother's friend, having lunch at home -- all of those things I wouldn't be able to do on my usual schedule.  Plus, at least for Thursday and yesterday, I could listen to my body tell me when it was ready to wake up.  Woke up at around 9 Thursday and around 10 yesterday, and I woke up not to the sound of an alarm.  My daily work schedule leaves my afternoons free.  But for the past three days I felt so refreshed and didn't feel shitty about waking up at a time violently against my circadian rhythms.

That old schedule is coming back, of course.  I'll be cursing everyone when I get up at 5:30, and I'll need that power nap for lunch to get through the rest of the day.  Plus I will have (or at least feel) the scrutiny of other people around me, even though they aren't watching over my shoulder or jumping down my throat.  So I need to put on the record just how much I truly, truly loved working this second shift the past three days.  I miss it already.

Addendum To: The Impending Ice Storm

So yes, I went outside, and everything is iced over.  And all the melt that I put down last night got sucked up by the precipitation and then more sleet came down, and that's ice I see all on my driveway.

I need to leave now.  Getting to work might be hell.  Getting my car back up my driveway might be a worse hell.

Wish me luck.

The Impending Ice Storm

I remember a scenario like this once before.  It is warm enough that any precipitation from an incoming storm falls as rain.  But since it's winter, a cold friend inevitably swoops in afterward, bringing with it cold winds that turns anything liquid into ice.  And try as I might to shovel, there is still enough standing water and snow I don't get to, and so getting around turns into a nightmare because everything is frozen and icy.

That is the scenario I am facing now.  This snow/rain/icestorm, which was a blizzard just northwest of the metro area (at least we ain't facing that shit), created a window in which people had time to clear their driveways before it was too late.  Well, complicating matters is that sleet was falling while I was shoveling, so it may be a case of one step forward, one step back.  I was putting down a lot of ice melt, and yet I thought that if the precip was just going to melt that away while more shit was falling from the sky, well, what's the use of even trying to prepare the driveway?

It may be useless.  My time tonight could have been spent better washing the dishes and going to bed early.  Who knows, really?  But I'd like to think that things will be much worse tomorrow if I didn't clear snow off my driveway.  And by the way, after dealing with the "heart attack" snow at the bottom of the driveway, I cleared the whole thing and I am proud of that!

There were three factors in my favor when it came to shoveling just a few hours ago in order to beat the cold winds and air:

1. The weather was warm enough, and calm enough, where no frigid and biting wind would compel me to say, "Fuck this, I'll just deal with it tomorrow."
2. I don't have to get to work today until 1:30.  That allowed me to take my time and do a thorough job of both shoveling and applying ice melt.  No rushing to get to bed in order to wake up at, say, 5:30.
3. And this is the big reason: I can do whatever the hell I want because my parents are not home.  I know that if they were, My Fucking Father would open the front door while I'm trying to take a shovelful of wet snow and throw it up on the grass and say, "Get in here!"  That is stupid.  So right now I get to shovel to my heart's content, even if it's around midnight.

Again, maybe the weather's so bad that all this preparation is useless.  But regardless of efficacy, I have done my best to prepare.  So bring it.

So I just ate lunch at Boston Market, where I got this huge cup for pop.  And I had just refilled it with Pepsi/Coke before leaving.  And I got my jacket on and gloves and hat and book bag and left ... and left the pop there, on the table.  I realized this as I had turned out of the parking lot.

Look, man, I'm busy.  Got back from seeing Grandmother's friend, plus I had to get home to prepare dinner for myself at work, and I was afraid I wouldn't be back in time (even though I am -- I am blogging this while taking a crap) and I'm scared that the snow that fell won't be completely melted by the rain that's falling so I might have to abandon my plans to eat at my alma mater game-watching place and shovel and I'm scared the roads will be so slippery I'll get into an accident and ... hey, I forgot the cup of pop.

Probably wouldn't fit in my car's cup holders, anyway.  Maybe.

And of course my mouth is dry now.

Need to get to work.

Expenses Without Receipt

OK, starting from Wednesday, December 26:

• I have spent so much money this long holiday season, so I charged most of it.  So I have to go back to Sunday, December 23 to encounter (going backwards of course) my first EWR, which is going to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Coffee, tips, and a lapdance with Katie, who I saw come to a house party shortly before I had to leave; more on that below.  Total for the trip: $30.
• I received change in the form of dollars, and I got a few singles that were sequential and brand new.  I couldn't just tear them away from each, now, could I?  So I stored them: $3.
• All the way back to Tuesday the 18th, when I went to the library so I could print out the tickets for me and my friend to the Walker for the British Advertising Awards/Arrows.  No, no change I found in the printer dispenser this time, so I spent: 20 cents.
• On Monday the 17th I went to a lot of places on my weekday off.  I first went to Rosedale; it was on the way to my psychotherapist, who I wanted to see once before the year ran out.  I had customer service wrap up my niece's gift, for which I paid: $6.50.
• I then went to this restaurant I wanted to go to ever since I saw the write-up on City Pages: The Best Steak House, along University Ave. in the Midway area.  The interior is wholly Greek blue.  I got served steak the way I remember it from all the times we went to Ponderosa back in my childhood days: Where I would take a tray, tell the people what I wanted to eat, and keep sliding my tray while taking any food I wanted to eat.  I had a huge meal, a T-bone, baked potato, Texas toast and salad you had to take while you slid your tray down, and I ate the whole thing in less than an hour.  I love long-time mom-and-pop shops like this.  With tip: $20.
• In the evening I went to an event I've wanted to go to for a few years now: The NA3HL Showcase, held at the Schwan's Rink in the National Sports Center.  I still have just a faint clue as to what level of hockey the NA3HL is, but it's nationwide, and they hold these series of games around the holiday season in Blaine, so I wanted to go.  Over the course of three days, all the teams in the league play three games, travelling tournament/vaudeville show style, with multiple games being played in the Center's eight (!) rinks over the course of each day.  I was able to just pop in to see the late wave of three games.  These players are just kids, so the play was good but imperfect, even though a couple of the games were close and thus enjoyable.  The other one, the first one I saw, was a rout, and after the end of the First Period there was so asshole screaming to the players of a team, the Niagara Falls PowerHawks, as they were headed to the locker room.  I fear to believe that that prick was either a member of the organization's front office or, like, the owner's son who thinks he has full control over all those players and thus believes he's entitled to scream, "Get the fuck off the ice!"  I did not go back to that game after the First Period was over.  By the way, the PowerHawks lost to the College Station Spirit by a score of 9-2.  Finally, I just like to add that I did not know the NSC serves alcohol.  I'll remember that next time.  Hot dog, fries, Pepsi, tip (I charged the ticket), and my evening came out to: $8.50.
• On Sunday, December 16 I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Got a dance from the hot and intriguing Belle.  But we talked so much that she thinks we went to two dances even though I only wanted one.  She was at first adamant that I needed to give her $40, but I bargained her to tell her I would give her another $20 the next time I see her.  Sheesh, I need to be cognizant of getting just a single dance from these strippers.  With tips and coffee: $38.
• Saturday the 15th -- went to a party in my hometown, just five minutes away, the first time I've been to this place in a couple years, I think.  But even though I was going to go to the NCAA women's volleyball championship later that evening, I wanted to go real quick because I wanted to see ****m*.  She followed up my surprise dick-showing the last time I saw her at a house party with a full-on bed session.  She is absolutely smoking hot, and for the occasion she was wearing a red Christmas-themed costume that showed off her hot belly.  And not only did she give me a handjob, ****m* may -- may -- have sucked my dick, too.  Unfortunately, none of that got me off.  I totally am getting old and worn out.  So I had to do it myself while ****m* cooed in my ear, "Come for me, baby."  I did ... into a drawstring bag she found while I was furtively masturbating.  Yeah, neither of us thought of a plan to gather up my semen once I started to ejaculate, so she found the first damn she could find.  Hope the host isn't mad that I came into one of his things.  Hope the host's son isn't mad, either.  With cover and a lapper from a chick I've never seen before named Cali, and I spent: $200.
• Then I lit out for Target Center and the v-ball title game.  First one in a while where the final went the full five Sets.  But it was weird in the sense that after the first two Sets, split between Stanford and Nebraska, the Cardinal ran away with Set 3 and then the Cornhuskers dominated Set 4.  Set 5 was really good; a Challenge by Stanford led to an overturned in/out call, giving the Farm Championship Point.  The Huskers (I believe) salvaged the first CP but not the second.  Many people are saying it's the best championship game in the sport in a long time.  That may be true, but I would have enjoyed it more if Sets 3 and 4 weren't routs.  Besides, I think Nebraska's 0-2 comeback win over Illinois in the Semifinal was a lot more memorable.  But I got my money's worth anyway!  All I got for the contest was a Cidre.  With tip: $13.
• On Friday, December 14 I went to another party, this time in a place I hadn't been to yet.  I went because someone I did not recognized Messengered me through Facebook that she was hosting a party at her place on the other side of the river.  Also, ***e* was going to be there, and I wanted to arrange for her to come up to clean my house and my cock.  So with promising to give money to her then, that freed up money to give to the other girls there ... all of whom were black.  Unfortunately, they upcharged the price of an ordinary lapper to $25.  That is an extra $20 I frittered away getting LDs from Tiny, Jasmine, Sierra and Paris.  At least I was able to lowball the host, **a*, for an HJ.  She has invited me over for a party on New Year's Eve.  I think I'm going to say no -- just to show that I'm not a lapdog that'll come running every time she hosts a party.  With cover: $225.
• And after that I went to Glam Doll, just to re-familiarize myself with the people there.  Except that for one guy, a worker in the back, all the people there seemed to be new.  Oh well.  With tip: $10.77.
• Tuesday the 11th: Went to the library to print out the NCAA Volleyball Tournament tickets for that weekend.  Cost: 20 cents.
• Monday the 10th ... there was an EPL game on, and it had been a month since I got my shoes shined, so I went to downtown Minneapolis for the afternoon.  Unlike the nightmare the month prior, I decided to park at Cedar-Riverside and LRT into downtown.  There and back: $4.50.
• The shoe shiner gave me a half-off discount the last time I saw her, but this time she charged me full price.  Hmmm. ...  With tip: $15.
• After the match I went to Rosedale to get the candle I bought for my co-worker, as part of our Secret Santa exchange, wrapped.  Her other options for me, her Secret Santa, to buy were body spray and lotion.  Yeah, um, since I don't even know who you are, I'll just stick to the candle.  But I do value you as a co-worker.  Just, you know, nothing more than that.  The cost to get it wrapped was: $4.50.
• On my way out of Rosedale I donated to the Salvation Army kettle: 25 cents.
• My friend was doing a cabaret show.  It was his first time ever doing it.  It is part of a cabaret act in this wine bar in Uptown.  Well, it was; the night I went to see my friend was the last night of this show being held at that bar.  I had never been to this place.  In fact, I don't remember the last time I had gone to Uptown.  Had a glass of wine to tide me over through my friend's hour, then the main act's hour.  With donations to both acts: $31.50.
• I then went three doors down to a place I went to frequently when I was younger: Uncommon Grounds.  Man, I remember this place!  I went there all the time to buy a mocha, go upstairs and just surf the Internet by myself.  It was pure bliss.  But then they enacted new rules where you cannot sit with a laptop upstairs, and you cannot sit by yourself downstairs.  Well shit, then -- what the hell is a guy by himself with a laptop supposed to go?  And so I had stopped going there.  It had been years, and the place hasn't changed.  Well, the barista serving me was new.  He didn't remember a time when UG used punch cards, so the one I have now is useless.  And they relaxed the rules, somewhat: I could use a laptop, by myself, downstairs, so long as it's not busy.  And it sure as fuck wasn't busy on this Monday evening.  (The door leading to upstairs was closed, and it appeared to be closed firmly.)  Oh, and the prices haven't changed much, either.  I got me a small mocha while I worked on my receipts, and with tip this small damn thing set me back a whopping: $6.70.

Whew.  Glad I got on top of this.  Good through Boxing Day.

So I Get To Sleep In The Rest Of This Week, Right? Nope!

I have been shifted in my schedule for this week, what stands to be the first time I will actually be "floating."  I am filling in for someone on second shift, which means that instead of a 6:30-3 workday, it'll be 1:30-10 for the next three days starting today.

That's great.  I won't have to wake up overnight to start my day.  In fact, it should mean that I can sleep in however the hell I want, right?  Uh, that's not going to be the case, unfortunately:

• There appears to be a puncture in my tire.  And with weather getting a little hairy with a snow/ice/rainstorm coming the next three days, I think it's best that I wake up early and go to this place to get my tire patched up.  I was going to wake up early anyway because, with this shift in the schedule, I have time to watch Boxing Day EPL matches.  I will get liquored up, go down to the Mall Of America to see shoppers get really passionate now that they can shop for themselves, get a salad and then go immediately to work.  That is assuming I get my tired patched up.
• I could let this wait, but I think it's best that I see Grandmother's best friend Thursday morning.  That way I can pay my AAA membership on the way back.  That would also free up my Monday/New Year's Eve to do something else.  And ... well, she is getting up there in age. ...
• The drive in on Friday morning appears to be the worst (although the worst period of time to drive with this incoming storm looks to be tonight, sadly).  So if there is any time to just sleep in, it'll be on this day.  That is assuming that the forecast is right and there will be at most a couple inches of snow.  Otherwise, I'm getting up early to bleepin' shovel.

I accomplished a lot on an otherwise lazy Christmas.  Balances out all the crap I have to do the rest of the week, even though the work schedule would be a whole lot easier on my body.

Wait, I have to get gasoline in the morning, too.  Need to go to bed now.  Night-night.

Addendum To: Christmas Thoughts

OK, so I made the spaghetti.  I did what I wanted to do, and the initial look of the spaghetti which I rolled in the pasta looked great.  But I sort of tailed out at the end, at least a bit.  I maybe should not have let the angelhair pasta cook with the lid on.  And maybe I should have gotten a picture of the pasta before I put cheese on it, because it was almost Instagram-worthy.

As for taste, well, I don't know if it tasted well because I'm not that discriminating, but I liked it.  I liked it so much I made seconds on pasta, some leftover large elbow macaroni that I think needed to be eaten.  And I think I have thirds to take to work for dinner.

---

No bills to pay, like I thought.  I do have clothes to clean, and they're in the dryer now.  I underestimated how much time I would have left over after making spaghetti, so I've been on the Internet for much of the afternoon.  In the meantime I'm watching basketball on TV and noticing that Christmas Day 2018 is a cloudy, if not overcast, one, and I think that, along with the distinct lack of snow on the ground (let alone no snow falling from the sky), this day is absolute bliss, totally perfect.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Christmas Thoughts

• OK, so it's going to be a Brown Christmas.  There was, like, a couple to a few inches of snow one time, but temps went above freezing after that, and even though there was a dusting a few days ago, I can see grass.  My initial rule of thumb regarding snow is that it is absolutely necessary to have snow on the ground in order to confirm the image of a White Christmas.  But lately I've noticed how easy it is to get around.  If there were snow, we'd be sliding all over the place.  And I don't miss that.  So maybe I don't want a White Christmas after all.  Maybe I'm a hypocrite.
• Went back to my brother's place last night for Christmas Eve prime rib, and once again, my bro was being an antisocial, antagonistic dick to ... my sister-in-law.  I maybe will expound on this some other time, but I remember him being this much of an asshole to me when we were kids, and the dude's 43 and he's still talking shit, this time to the person to whom he supposedly pledged his heart and soul.  After he starting bagging on him I decided I wasn't going to stay long.  (I left earlier than I did Sunday because Mother wanted me to come home and call her.)  What does she see in him?  Is she blind?  Does she think she can change him?  Or does this insulting form, scary as it is for me to say, the foundation of a flourishing marriage?  If that's the case, she may be as much of a psycho as My Asshole Brother is.  And maybe even moreso.
• Things were all out of whack yesterday.  Sister wanted to WhatsApp in and talk to my brother and sister-in-law and niece, but she didn't reply while I was at their place, and she finally replied once I left.  This is all because Mother seemed really determined to get me on the phone.  I was afraid something bad happened to Mother.  Turns out she was only panicky because she freaked out over me not being able to access my parents' stock portfolio online.
• I was looking forward to a relaxing day of not doing anything but sleep and watch basketball.  But I am trying to make spaghetti.  Plus there are bills to pay and clothes to wash, so maybe I'll be doing a lot of stuff on Christmas.  Dammit.

---

For this year's Christmas song, I chose Hall & Oates' version of "Jingle Bell Rock."  It was first performed by Bobby Helms in 1957, but H&O did their cover in 1983, and it's been a Christmas staple ever since.  I like this most for the way lead singer Daryl Hall punches the "ROCK!" in the line, "To ROCK! the night away."

But when trying to see if there is a video for me to embed here, I came across a couple intriguing facts.  First of all, the person who does the quick guitar solo in the middle (dressed in drag) is none other than G. E. Smith.  Smith played lead guitar for the duo for tours and recordings, and eventually he became musical director at Saturday Night Live.  I remember shots of him soloing; his demonstrative expressions left an indelible impression on my mind.

The other thing about this?  Look at how the video is captioned:



"Daryl's Version?" So you mean to say that there is a "John's Version?" Why, in fact, yes!  John sang lead on the flip side of this non-album single.  And there is a "John's Version" video, too!



I don't remember Oates singing lead for any song they did.  Researching things that don't mean anything in the long run are cool!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Things Are Just Bothering The Hell Out Of Me Right Now On This Christmas Eve

Alright, so first an addendum on the three family things I'm doing:

1. Didn't talk to my aunt in Hong Kong yet.  Thought I had her number.  I don't know where I put it.  I swear I have it.  I just don't know where it is.
2. Grandmother's best friend was sleeping by the time I got to the nursing home.  I don't like getting woken up, so even though I schlepped my ass all the way there, I wasn't going to wake her up, either.  That means that I need to see her again soon -- probably later this week, when I work second shift and thus can squeeze some time in before heading off to work.  Don't like using up my car and gas for this, but hey, what can you do?
3. Brother wasn't being a dick when I went to their place yesterday.  No, he was a dick to his wife.  I should touch more on that, but let me throw this out right now: I think the sins of our parents continue to live on, and even thrive, in us.  Besides that, things actually were great -- ate, watched football, didn't feel too much static because my brother was looking at his tablet.  And my niece recognized me too, and she was nice to me ... well, after being fussy because she didn't want to get up at 1:30 in the afternoon.

Yep, things went so great with the visit that ... I'm going back this afternoon, for dinner.  I had plans to, uh, be alone, but it's family, and I need to patch things up and be a responsible family member, so yeah, I'm going, even though this won't allow me to just dawdle at the Megamall or dawdle at Southdale.  I'll have to get slices at The Cheesecake Factory a lot sooner and then leave them in the car.  And I still want to go out for a drink on Christmas Eve and I hope to Buddha I still have the energy for it.

And on top of all that, My Father texted me late last night telling me to sell off stocks.  I was going to do that, but his password doesn't work.  We went through this about a month ago, and I swear it worked then, but it's not working now.  And I feel as though this stock is just sinking like a stone now.  But I can't sell it.  And all I can think of is how mad My Fucking Father's gonna be.

Oh, and they still might come home early.  I just bought sandwich and spaghetti food for myself, and it might go to waste because they might be coming home early.  Fucking great.

I need to go now.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  In a sleepy screening week on the campus at the U. (leading to a relatively short WMNSS, thank Jesus!), the Gopher women b-ball team finished running the table on their non-con sked Saturday afternoon with a 91-71 rout of Rhode Island at Williams.  Lindsay Whalen, a great player who has not coached a lick on any level of basketball before, somehow has her alma mater at 11-0 and in the Top 15 of the polls.  It's almost too good to be true.  And, frankly, we will see how much of that undefeated record is signal and how much is noise now that we finally dive into B1G play, as the Gophers host Wisconsin Friday night.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Meanwhile, the male ballers pulled away from North Carolina A&T in a bodybag game at the Barn Friday, 86-67.  They have played a tougher schedule than the women, but they have two blowout losses that give me pause.  This club finishes their non-con Sunday afternoon at home vs. Mount St. Mary's.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  2-2 for the week.  Started it off by destroying Sacramento at home, but then on Wednesday (also at Target) they blew a sizable lead late, then lost in Overtime to Detroit.  They promptly got throttled by the Spurs in San Antonio Friday.  But in what might be their most thrilling game yet this season, they outlasted The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics Sunday in Oklahoma City, 114-112.  (ETA on 1:56 a.m. Christmas Eve that this is the first road victory for the Woofie Dogs against a Western Conference foe.)  (ET also A on 2:53 a.m. Christmas Eve that Andrew Wiggins sank the game-winning bucket.)  Looks as though they have enough pride to redouble their efforts in the wake of an embarrassing loss.  They sit third from the bottom in the Western Conference, but wins are good, you know?

This week: At Chicago Boxing Night, home to Atlanta Friday, then in Miami Sunday.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  Sure, they won against the Lions in Detroit yesterday/Sunday, maintaining control of their own destiny.  But I'll say it right now: They won't make the playoffs.

First of all, if you saw the beginning of the game (and I heard most of it on the radio), the offense was absolute shit for the first, oh, 22-3 minutes.  They didn't really pull away, even with the miraculous Hail Mary Kirk Cousins threw to Kyle Rudolph just before Halftime.  They still look like they have major deficiencies, on both sides of the ball, that a playoff team easily will exploit.

Finally, you have to look at the now sole opponent for the final playoff slot in the National Football Conference.  The Philadelphia Eagles won a back-and-forth contest vs. Houston at Lincoln Financial, despite Deshaun Watson somehow avoiding getting sacked and completing a pass that led to a go-ahead Touchdown.  The Eagles came back to win because of fucking Saint Nick Foles who, by all rights and signs of a team regaining steam (again), seems destined to be the starting Quarterback of the Eagles over two-year vet Carson Wentz.  The Eagles travel to Washington this weekend.  Meanwhile, the Vikes on Sunday host a Chicago Bears team that is fighting for a first-round bye.  If a Bears club has the motivation to win, they will win.  Have very little doubt of that in my mind.

That's why it was important for the Texans to pull out the win.  And it may be even more important to believe that Daniel Carlson is the reason the Vikes are in this fucked-up position.  If he had made one Field Goal to defeat the Green Bay Packers in Week 2, they would be 9-6 instead of 8-6-1.  The Eagles are right now 8-7.  Remember also that Minnesota defeated Philadelphia earlier in the year, thus gaining the tiebreaker.  Which means that if they had beaten the Pack, yesterday's/Sunday's win over the Lions would have clinched a playoff spot for them.

These are just too many woulda-coulda-shouldas for this cursed team to overcome.  I dread to see and hear the scene from the stadium once the Vikings go down, a season with so many expectations going up in smoke.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Oh, fuck.  Went winless this past screening week -- including losing at home to The Bastard North Stars -- and that means they have extended their losing streak to four games.  I have a feeling that if this weren't Christmas, Bruce Boudreau would have been fired.  The only saving grace is that the Mild is only two Points out of the final spot in the West.  But these fuckers can't score.

Maybe having four days off will help.  They return to action for games Thursday and Saturday, but both contests are on the road (Chicago and Winnipeg, respectively).

Need To Be A Good Family Member (Sigh)

So on my agenda today are three things, all family-related:

1. I have totally forgotten to talk to my aunt from Hong Kong, the one who decided to come here for two weeks.  She left me a couple messages a couple months ago, and I need to call her back.  The thing is, I need a phone card to call her.  But then I remembered that I still have a phone card from when I called Grandmother from time to time.  So now I have no excuse.  I just hope that she remembers me, or isn't pissed at me.
2. I need to visit Grandmother's best friend, something I haven't done in a while.  The last time I saw her, her face was bruised.  She fell, though she didn't talk about it.  Instead, the first thing she said when she saw me was her plans to go to Paris with her friend.  Again.  And I'm sure she'll say it again when I drop by this afternoon ... assuming ...
3. And after that I need to drop by my brother's and sister-in-law's and niece's place to give them their presents.  I'm still dreading it.  We still don't get along, and I've shown it by not speaking to him all year.  I contact them through the wife.  I barely speak to my niece, and I have no idea if she likes me or even knows me.  I have this urge to just get out of there as soon as I get in, but what kind of family member would that make me?  But what happens if they invite me to stay for dinner?  What then?

Shoot, this being a good family member thing is hard.

Oh, Fucking Great -- They Might Be Coming Home Soon

Fuckin' A.  Just got done dealing with Mother, but this time there's a big problem.

They're in China right now.  She sent me a photo of Father's arm.  It's bruised all over and it's supposedly swollen.  He keeps saying it's OK now, like a typical man.  But they're going to hop back over to Hong Kong to see a doctor and, if this is something more than the "infection" Father thinks it is ... well goddamn, they're coming home.

I'm glad ***e* came over to dust everything.  But there's still a lot of stuff to move out.  Could be worse, but I'm still kind of screwed.

Goddamn old man and his health problems.

I'm Not Half The Man I Used To Be Because My Stomach Isn't Half The Stomach It Used To Be

I don't remember the last time I had such an amazing night out eating at a fancy restaurant, course-for-course, than where I went last night.  However, I ate too much and overindulged.  Maybe my friend wanting to split three appetizers didn't help.  But the dessert -- oh, damn, it was so good, and yet my blood sugar spiked to the atmosphere and my stomach shut down.  I was so tired getting home, and I wasn't able to talk to Mother like I wanted to because I think I ate so much my body just wanted to shut down to process it all.

Can't help but think that if I were in my twenties that dinner wouldn't knock me for such a loop.  But I'm not, so it did.  Again, I'm not complaining over the food.  Just the aftereffects, of which I'm still suffering now.

My Dick And Balls Has Never Felt Smoother, At Least

So ***e* swung by the house the other night to clean it up, and then to dirty me.  She arouses me in ways that many others I've started these tryst with still can't.  Nevertheless, my old ass didn't get off until I jerked myself off.  It was not for lack of trying, though.  One of the best things I love about ***e* is that she continues to try and try, and she does not quit.  No, I relented before she did.

That meant a lot of lotion.  Don't really know why, but whenever a girl gets me off, she uses lotion.  I just bought a bottle, but to moisturize my own body.  Still, a girl comes over, get naked, gets me naked, looks at the lotion and goes, "Hey, I can use that!"  But I don't get off from that.  To me, that just adds a barrier between her hand and my dick.  Not intimate.

But ***e* used a lot because she took a lot of time trying to jerk me off.  So that means that my dick and balls are totally moisturized.  I'm blogging this from my toilet, and I just felt myself, and it's totally smooth, like it was yesterday and Wednesday night, when ***e* put the lotion on me.  And I have to say I've never felt my genitals like this and ... I don't mind it.  Don't think that'll mean I'll lotion up my junk from now on, but my penis and testicles will not chip and crack in this dry air, I'll tell you what.

Still Not Getting It

Was in the new department all day today in anticipation for working there second shift all by myself next week.  Felt good not to have my supervisor there.  It's totally not his fault, but based on the fact that he's an authority figure -- and my authority figure -- I sort of get the willies whenever I'm around him.

Instead, however, I was bothering the three other people in the department with all sorts of questions which, frankly, I should have known myself.  Very demoralizing for me.  But the worst part about it was seeing a bunch of applications I did being put in a place different from where I put it yesterday.  And I put them in the wrong place.  When I saw them on the hanging basket instead of the basket this morning, I was mentally slapping myself in the head for not remembering.  Of course those things go in the hanging basket!

I could use more practice.  A lot more practice.  That I won't have, however.  I am in my old department tomorrow, and in a weird situation Saturday, I start off at the new department but work there for only two hours, switching to the old department for the remainder of the day.  (Yesterday I mentally laid out my schedule for the week.  I alternate strictly between the two places a total of six times.)  I am so screwed next week.

Third Time's The Charm To Deposit A Fucking Check

Parents got a check from our gas utility.  Refund -- Minnesota's cool like that, even though other states may do the same thing.  Anyway, it's my job to deposit it according to my folks' wishes.

I have tried doing that, I swear.  But the first time I went to the bank, I had brought my parents' checkbook so I would know the account number, but I had forgotten the check.  I had left it on the piano.  And the second time I tried to do it, just yesterday/Tuesday, I had brought the check but I forgot the checkbook and thus the account number.  I left it in my computer bag.

Swear to God, I have never had such goddamn trouble depositing a fucking check.  I hope today/Wednesday, after work and before ***e* cleans the house and dirties me with a handjob, will finally be the bleepin' day I can turn in this son-of-a-bitch check.

I'm The Fantasy Football Man!

It was pretty much over as of Sunday, but after Monday night's game it's official: I have won my semifinal matchup in both of my leagues, and I will play for the title in both this upcoming weekend!

This has never happened before, playing for the title in both of my leagues in the same year.  Guess it's a combination of skill luck in drafting, skill paying attention to the Internet in waiver wire pick-ups, and good fortune against injury.

I am already in the money on both.  In particular, the league I want to win more is the league that I don't commish for, and the one I have yet not even reached the final till now.  You only win money in the final -- $200 if you win, $100 if you lose.  In the other one, the one I do run, there is a complex formula taking in the regular season as well, so I may have only increased my winnings by winning this week.

Regardless of the details, even though I will end up being in the black in both leagues this year, it would be pretty sweet if I was able to win both.  That would be the highlight of my year.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: 0).  The University of Minnesota, its students and its teams are on Winter Break now.  That means Dinkytown is a relatively quiet place right now.  Means that this week's WMNSS is relatively quiet too, because three clubs are at rest till around New Year's Eve.  But that slumber does not extend to the basketball teams because hey, the NCAA needs to pump out some content around the holiday season.

No matter for the women, who continue to roll in their relatively soft schedule by crushing HBCU Coppin St. Wednesday, 84-52 in a bodybag game.  Cupcakes aside, what Lindsay Whalen is doing in her first year -- notching the longest unbeaten streak to start a season at the U. in 15 years -- is amazing.  But I'm pushing this squad (and all the teams below it) back into the negatives because, hey, a team that throttled an HBCU doesn't really deserve anything more than a -1 anyway.

These women play the final game of the non-conference portion of their schedule Saturday afternoon when they host Rhode Island.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1).  The men's team at the U. was in a similar position: Bodybag game against a no-name opponent and winning.  But Tuesday's 80-71 win was a lot more perilous than the women's team, and that's why the men fall in line behind the women once again.  This was only a two-possession game with about four Minutes left in the game before the team pulled away ... or "pulled away."

Team hosts North Carolina A&T Friday.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -6).  Consecutive blowout victories over Montreal and Florida was followed by a 2-1 defeat to The Bastard Atlanta Flames, all of them at the X.  The big controversy settles now on the somewhat-hurt Mikko Koivu.  His "lower body injury" (ACL tear?  His dick broke just like mine?) allowed the underachieving, about-to-be-traded Charlie Coyle to be moved up to Center alongside Nino Niederreiter and Zach Parise ... and they have been dynamite.  But with Koivu back (don't know if he is now or will be soon), Koivu might be slipping back into that line alongside Neener-Neener and Zach -- but their line hasn't been that potent, so why?  Because he's Mikko Koivu, and he's The Captain, and you never disrespect The Captain by shunting him to a line he's not familiar with just because there's a hot line.

These guys are tied for ninth in the West.  (shrug)

The team finishes their homestand vs. San Jose Tuesday.  They visit Pittsburgh Thursday, but come back home to face The Team That Was Stolen From Us Saturday.  This is a second straight week where the Wild play Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

#-4: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  A split ... bridging the firing of Offensive Coordinator John DeFilippo after the loss in Seattle Monday.  I really didn't think Mike Zimmer would do such a thing; he seems like such a ... steady-as-she-goes type of guy, you know?  But he had been openly bitching to Flip about running the ball more, and after not doing that enough (at least according to Zim) against the Seahawks, again, Flip pissed Zim off, and it probably wasn't the first time.  So Zim pushed Flip out and elevated Kevin Stefanski, longtime Vikings coach who was the Quarterbacks Coach, to OC -- with precise orders to run the ball more.

That they did yesterday/Sunday.  For the first time all year, they ran the ball more than they passed it.  And 130+ yards from Dalvin Cook, Touchdowns for Cook and Latavius Murray, 101 Yards rushing (and 101 Yards passing) in the First Quarter (it's the first time this year a team has racked up 200 Yards in the First Quarter), and nine Sacks from the defense quelled a short-lived Miami Dolphins uprising in the Third Quarter were the main ingredients in a 41-17 win.

The Vikes continue to hold onto the sixth and final spot in the NFC.  But frankly, that may be because the bottom of the NFC playoff race is the thinnest and weakest I have ever seen.  Before Sunday's results, the teams behind Minnesota were losing.  Now, Washington and Philadelphia righted themselves by winning yesterday (and Carolina might also keep their playoff hopes alive with a victory over New Orleans tonight/Monday night), but they remain behind a Vikings squad that had just lost to both New England and Seattle.

And don't put Kevin Stefanski in the NFL Coordinator Hall Of fame yet.  The Offense petered out after the First Quarter.  That allowed Miami to come back from a 21-0 First Quarter to make it a 21-17 game in the Third.  That's when the D stepped up to help out the O while the O had to retool things.  That may be the type of readjusting that is necessary for great teams to continue to win in the NFL.  But let's see if this formula works next week, on the road vs. Detroit.  And then let's see if this strategy works against a good team two weeks from now, at home against a Chicago club that may or may not have incentive to try hard, admittedly.

In other words, maybe things haven't changed all that much yet.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Well, this isn't good.  Defeats out west this screening week to Golden State, Sacramento and Phoenix put the Woofie Dogs on a current four-game losing streak.  Saturday's 107-99 defeat vs.. the Suns is the worst, in no small part due to Phoenix being the worst squad in the Western Conference by a country mile.  But the Woofie Dogs were horrible from the field, and so the Suns had enough to hold them off.  BTW, the Woofs are now ahead of only Phoenix in the Western Conference.

If Jimmy Butler were still with the team, there would be dissension all over that lockerroom.

Very busy next week.  They'll attempt to turn around their fortunes with home games against Sacramento and Detroit.  They then embark back on the road for contests in San Antonio and Oklahoma City.

#-6: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I should have put this side on the survey sooner because the news I think is important to note for the WMNSS broke three weeks ago.  That was around the time each Major League Soccer franchise had to either shit or get off the pot in regards to their players.  And sure enough, coming from a management team who turned their back on the players and stated somewhat pissily that only a handful of players deserved a job even in the league, let alone with the Loons, they cut ties with 14 players.

Jerome Thiesson is one departure that hurts.  He seemed a like an affable guy, he provided serviceable-to-very good defense in the Backline, and I'll never forget him flapping his arms like, supposedly, a loon when he scored the Goal I saw him score in-person.  But again, the front office was looking for reasons to cut people.  Plus, Thiesson's injury-riddled year is, on the whole, a good excuse to let a player go.

But I'm much more torn over the decision to cut bait on Ibson.  Normally, when a 35-year-old player is let go by a team, everyone understand that that player had to be moved aside to make way for a younger, probably cheaper, and possibly better replacement.  And God knows his decision-making needs a lot of work.  But he was a holdover from the NASL days.  Not only am I getting sentimental over those who graduated with the organization, I am cynical enough to believe that Adrian Heath and Manny Lagos never thought that Ibson was MLS material, and only kept him around because Bill McGuire wasn't going to devote more money into finding other players until Allianz Field was making money for him.  That feeds into my belief that these two will never give NASLers a fair shake of making it to The Show.  I just wish there was a better end for a man who was loyal to a club, through thick and thin.  Buddhaspeed, Ibson.

My Last Day Working For Those Guys There

Got a text from a co-worker for today's Vikings game.  He's wondering if I can pick up the bigwigs (either those in front of or calling the shots behind the camera) from their hotel to the stadium.  Seeing as it's a big pain-in-the-ass to get to the stadium from the route I was told was the only route police will allow you to take, plus this would be the first time I am a driver for anyone, plus I am picking them up from a hotel I'm not familiar with, this will turn into a total goddamn disaster.  And I will be blamed for either not knowing where to go on time or doing things so slowly they wonder how I get to the game on time.  And then I'll be fired.

Hooray!

Wish me luck.

My Dick Don't Work

Last night proves it.  Despite refraining from masturbation, getting a spur-of-the-moment handjob from a completely different stranger didn't get me hard at all.  I was as limp as I have been for several parties now, and like those parties, I've had to jerk myself off onto the girl, even though in last night's case, **a* did help me and make me feel good by tittyfucking me as I was trying to ejaculate.

And I am doubling down.  There is a party in town, and I have time between work and the NCAA volleyball championship where I'm going to drop by and take another dancer (one whom I have seen before, though not in a while) to a bed in the hopes she'll jerk me off to completion.  But she probably won't.  Because I am an old man who can't get it up anymore without doing it myself.

Wish me luck, futile as that may be.  Gotta go to work.

No One There Likes Chocolate?

Yesterday/Thursday work had another food-related shindig.  It was our Secret Santa/bring-cookies-to-work, holiday-themed day.  We exchanged gifts (I gave a candle; I got a Subway card) and brought treats for all of us to eat.

As I always have, I have used this as an excuse to buy high-end chocolates.  Can't get enough of 'em, and I thought the rest of the crew would agree.  But after opening up the box in the morning, no one, and I repeat no one, has touched my chocolates.  OK, maybe a few have.  But there are way more chocolates than I thought there would be.  There are two layers to the box, and they haven't even gotten through the first layer yet.

I don't the reason people aren't touching them.  They look great, and once they bite into one of the bonbons, they'll know they taste great, too.  Is it because of the rule where you can't eat at our desks?  Do they not like chocolate?  Or ... do they not like me?

At any rate, if this keeps up, I will have no reason to buy chocolates.  Well, I could order these bougie chocolates for myself.  Maybe that's what I'll have to do, instead of wasting chocolates on people who don't like them.

Can I Stay Upright Over Eight Hours?

We're having our Secret Santa party over lunch today at work.  In preparation for that, I wanted to go to bed earlier, because I won't have time to sleep over lunch.  But, well ... after a quick nap early yesterday evening, I stayed up, dinked around on the Internet, masturbated ... and I went to bed approximately 4 1/2 hours before waking up, which is about the amount of time I usually give myself for sleep.

I think I'm OK -- now.  But the past few days I have been fading, badly, in the late morning, and I'm scared as hell that's going to happen again today.  And today I won't have lunch to save me for the afternoon.  And beyond that, there are the NCAA volleyball tournament semifinals tonight at Target Center, of which Minnesota, the hosts, are not a part of, even though they're supposed to be, because they bleepin' choked.  I have about, oh, an hour or so to nap if I'm really tired.  But then Mother might be calling, so I might not have any time at all, and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. ...

Too Much Mail

You know what?  I get too much mail.  Well, actually, my parents get too much mail, at least as far as I'm concerned, and I'm the one who has to sort through these.  I'm busy, so I'm not able to get through each day's mail.  Instead, I wait and let it pile up, and when I have an evening all to myself, that's when I go through them.

And let me tell you, it's a lot.  One day's worth of mail is usually voluminous.  A few?  Forget about it.  Right now I'm going through Monday's and Tuesday's mail.  There is some junk mail, mostly pertaining to real estate.  But my parents have so many accounts that I've been ripping open bank statements left and right.  Of course there's been a couple bills, too.  The rest I don't remember; I've thrown those into the recycling bag.  But I'm not done, not yet.

This is nearly all my parents' mail, so this is on my parents.  They have their fingers in a lot of pies, and I'm not sure if they need all of these accounts and thus correspondence.  It's just a lot of crap to me.  But still I have to plow through them ... after I schedule time to plow through them.

To Donate Perfectly Good Themalwear

It's Monday, which means it's time to exchange all my clothes for new ones.  (Yes, I change my clothes on weekly.  Wanna fight?)  And since it's winter, that includes thermal underwear, tops and bottoms.

Right now I am wearing this white Starter (remember them?) thermal shirt.  I think it was one of the last things I bought from my local K-Mart before they shut down for good.  It fits me just fine and it keeps me warm just fine.

One problem, which I noticed as soon as I put it on: It makes me itch.  Specifically, there is one spot on the inside of the shirt that makes me itch.  It's on the right shoulder, right around the clavicle, and that's because the stitching is bunched up there.  That part is making me itch, and it pisses me off.

I have another thermal shirt that is stitched up at the exact same place and makes me scratch my collarbone red because of it.  Well, maybe I had that shirt, because I may have become so frustrated with scratching myself all day that I decided to donate what was an otherwise-fine shirt to Goodwill because of that one glaring problem.  And as first-world problem-ish that is, I think I was justified with that annoying shirt (if I indeed donated it already), and if this itching keeps up, I would not hesitate doing the same with this one, too.

Add this shirt, and maybe that shirt, to a third shirt which is so short it pokes up from behind, exposing the small of my back.  That one is the warmest and heartiest thermal top I have, and yet because of that up-riding, I'm thinking of donating that, too.  Oh, and the Puma running bottoms I got at a huge discount because my sister worked there ... well, the elastic waistband is too loose, so I don't think I will wear that anymore.  That one I definitely will donate -- and three other shirts might go along with it.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  I do not want to say that Lindsay Whalen has rolled to a 9-0 start with smoke and mirrors.  I fear there will be a rude awakening as soon as the Golden Gophers begin B1G play.  There will be no Incarnate Words then; the U. won't be beating the shit out of anybody like the Cardinals, which they did Wednesday, 75-39.  (Incarnate Word, by the way, is a Roman Catholic university in San Antonio.)

But it's awesome to see this team rocket into, and then up, the Top 25.  Starting off unranked, they then grasped onto the poll at #25, and then has gone up to #23, #20, and for this week, #14.  They should be going higher for the poll that comes out tonight (Monday night), for they followed up their almost doubling of the Cards with their second road win of the season, 77-69 over Boston College yesterday (Sunday) afternoon.  The Eagles are no slouches; it's only their second loss of the season.  And so I am curious.  I look back to the other true road game, and win, the U. has.  Xavier currently sits at 7-1.  Yep, their only loss so far in their year was to the Gophers, and it was at their place.

Again, maybe Xavier and Boston College are nowhere close to the caliber of what this team will face.  But I do know that Minnesota entered the Fourth Quarter of their match vs. BC down by two and survived a three-minute stretch where neither team scored before Taiye Bello sank a jump shot to tie the game at 60.  That was quickly followed by a Steal by Destiny Pitts (who led all scorers with 35!!), which Jasmine Brunson converted to a bunny in the paint to take the lead, and the U. never looked back.  That shows heart -- which another women's team in Dinkytown refused to use Friday (see below).  And for all of that, the University of Minnesota women's b-ball team takes the top spot in this week's WMNSS and grabs a #0, too.

The club begins a three-game homestand Wednesday against Coppin St.  They head into an abbreviated Winter Break after that.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6).  This squad's loss to Ohio St. to start Big Ten play was the wake-up call their analogues on the female side has not yet received.  It looked as though these guys would be exposed as frauds in front of the home crowd Wednesday as Nebraska led by as much as 13 in the Second Half.

However, starting halfway through the half, when the Cornhuskers led by 11, the U. outscored them the rest of the way, 29-11.  The guys finally took the lead with three Minutes left to play on a pair of Free Throws by, who else, Jordan Murphy.  Now, Nebraska has been picked as a darkhorse candidate for the league this year, but maybe Minnesota exposed them as frauds.  At the very least, the Gophers won't go winless in conference play.

With league shenanigans over, it was back to bodybag games.  There are four left, and Minnesota dispatched the first one, Arkansas St., easily Saturday afternoon, 72-56.  They next host North Florida Tuesday before taking an abbreviated Winter Break for finals.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -3).  Oh, I had mused in last week's survey about whether I should go see Robert Morris over the weekend at Ridder.  I don't think I reasoned enough; I worked all day Saturday, and Saturday's match was at 1.  I also got lucky; due to my laziness and forgetfulness, I completely forgot about the Robert Morris series.  I went to a dinner Friday night even though I could have blown that off and gone to the game instead.  But that game dropped at 7, and there would have been a pall all over Dinkytown because of The Choke Job (see below).  I dodged a bullet Friday.

Nevertheless, the U. crushed the Colonials, 6-1 Friday, 5-0 Saturday.  So the squad goes into the end of the year and its extended Winter Break with a 17-2-1 record overall, 9-2-1 in the Western Collegiate Hockey Association.  They play in the "Minnesota Cup" (whatever that is) early in 2019.

#-3: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -4).  Went to Fresno St. and crushed the Bulldogs Saturday night, 31-6.  Three notable things.  First, at 149 lbs., unranked Tommy Thorn beat #23 Khristian Olivas, 3-1.  Second, the U. got Technical Falls at 125 (Sean Russell) and 197 (Brandon Krone).  Third and finally, the Bulldogs either were short or quit, because for the last match, Heavyweight, they did not offer an opponent for Gable Stevenson (ranked second amongst all Heavyweights), and so Minnesota won by forfeit.  (A forfeit is worth six Points; I did not know that!)

Hey, at least the U. can still beat tomato cans.  And they have a sizable Winter Break before going to Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., just before the New Year to participate in the South Beach Duals.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  For the third week in a row, the T-Wolves go 2-1.  They held serve at home, roaring back from Halftime tight ones to beat Houston Monday (what happened to the Rockets?!) and Charlotte Wednesday, and they had their chances to beat the Trail Blazers in Portland, but couldn't close the deal Saturday.  Karl-Anthony Towns continues to grow into the leadership role a man with a supermax contract should want to have.  They currently sit at 13-13, and even though the conferences are a tad more balanced these days, the Wolves are tenth in the West.  But hey, the bully's gone, right?

The game versus Portland started a four-game West Coast swing which lasts through this screening week: Golden State Monday (and BTW, the Dubs aren't really clicking right now, either), Sacramento Wednesday and Phoenix Saturday.  Hey, this is also the third week in a row where they play games Monday, Wednesday and Saturday!

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -7).  Friday's match at Michigan was the third game in a row where 1) the game went into Double Overtime 2) tied at two 3) before the opponent (which in this case is Michigan) scored to win.  But at least the Goofs came back in Saturday's tilt with two Goals in the Third Period to win, 4-3, to salvage a split.

They are now off on a sizable Winter Break before they close out their non-conference schedule with a two-game stint at Mariucci vs. Ferris St.  I have tickets to the Saturday night match, which I bought at the Minnesota State Fair.

#-6: Wild (Last Week: -9).  The freefall continues.  In their Prairie Provinces swing, they outlasted Vancouver, but got shut out against Calgary (2-0) and then got their asses kicked in Edmonton (7-2).  That defeat to the Oilers helped in vaulted them past the Mild for the final spot in the West.  Yep: Minnesota, which once had the third-best record in the National Hockey League, is now out of playoff position.  They get to turn the arc of their season away from suck with a four-game homestand -- with contests vs. Montreal, Florida and the aforementioned Bastard Atlanta Flames this screening week -- but the Mild are where we thought they would be, and that's not good for Bruce Boudreau.

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  No.  Just no.  Un-fucking-acceptable.

I was bitching in last week's survey about not being able to watch the Sweet Sixteen matches at Maturi Friday because of work.  Now?  Now, I'm glad I wasn't able to.  Otherwise I would be fucking scarred for life.

I don't know the details, obviously.  I don't really care to know.  But I saw the box score, and I caught on Twitter the now-fateful Second Set, where Oregon took them the distance and, despite, staving off nine Set Points, lost 41-39.  I am familiar enough with the sport where, if a team pours all of its effort into a Set that they eventually lose, their heart basically goes out.

And that's what happened in the ensuing Set, where they got blasted by the Ducks by a score of I Don't Give A Fuck.  But then they realized they were the goddamn 2-seed in the NCAA Tournament -- a tournament whose Final Four will be played in their fucking hometown -- and regrouped ... but against a poised school from an above-average volleyball conference, they went down in the Fourth, and for good, 26-24.

Here might be a good time to point out that of the four clubs that will be at Target Center Thursday and possibly Saturday, three of them, by seed, are supposed to be there: Top seed Stanford, 3-seed Illinois, and 4-seed BYU.  I will also add that of the eight squads to reach the Elite Eight, seven of them were, by seed, supposed to be there: The aforementioned plus 5-seed Texas, 6-seed Wisconsin, 7-seed Nebraska (which beat Oregon Saturday to get to the Final Four) and 8-seed Penn St.  The one team that got upset, the one team that did not hold up its end of the bargain, was the 2-seed.  The hosts of the final weekend of this year's tournament.  Minnesota.

Us.

I understand that the team and the staff probably are still in mourning.  I don't give a rat's ass how they feel.  Because I am beyond angry.  Title contenders -- champions -- do not do what they did in the Third Set -- expose themselves as spent and weak.  What happened during that game showed a frightening lack of resilience.  I don't know if these players ever had to rally like this during the regular season, but I know the stakes had not been higher until Friday.  Looking at it like that, these Goofers wilted at the first sign of significant adversity.  And that will forever be on those players -- and, frankly, on Hugh McCutcheon and the rest of the coaching staff.

This program, which has fielded team after team that rolled through the regular season, only for those editions to excuse themselves quietly without even sniffing the championship game, was gifted a once-in-a-generation chance to play for its first NCAA championship in their hometown.  These players responded, at least, with a conference championship ... and then not only failed to reach their sport's showcase weekend, they didn't even fucking get close.  Let's be brutally honest about this: They pissed down their legs.  They choked.  This program will never get a chance like this ever again.  And therefore these players, and these coaches, will not, and should not, ever live down the shame of what they allowed to happen in front of their home crowd.

This is not just an embarrassing upset.  This isn't just an utter humiliation.  It's not even an epic failure.  This upset loss, when that team ostensibly demonstrated they were one of the best in the country, with a chance to get home-court advantage for the two most important matches of the season in order to play for the school's first volleyball title, is an absolute disgrace.  And because of that, I cannot support this program anymore.  I can't.  I'm done.  This is too much.  You fuckers win a title and I'll jump back on the bandwagon.  But I'm not going to be suckered by you underachieving chumps ever again.  Fuck all of this and fuck all y'all.

(My God, I bought tickets to the Final Four for this weekend and I really, really don't want to go.  But maybe, just maybe I'll look back on this and, if I decide not to go, I'll truly regret it.  GODDAMMIT, MINNESOTA, WHY THE FUCK COULDN'T YOU WIN TWO MORE FUCKING GAMES?!?!?!)

This Is Bliss ... But

Went to bed around 2.  Woke up a bit past 10 -- a full eight-hour sleep.  Worked on my computer, then got up around 11 to make myself an egg-and-turkey sandwich while watching NFL pregame shows.

You want to know what I'm doing now?  I'm doing this, obviously -- while at my dining room table, the dining room TV showing Falcons-Packers and the living room TV, two rooms away, showing Ravens-Chiefs.  I took a dump in the bathroom (I think the egg was bad) for most of the Second Quarter.  I might go work out after this, but I expect not to spend any money today.

This is bliss.  Right now, as I type this, alone at home, warm and safe, this is bliss.

But then I check my fantasy football teams.  Tyreek Hill has a bad ankle and Drew Brees is playing poorly.  My fantasy football teams are done.

This is not bliss.

I Really Didn't Want To Know

I was able to walk into last (Saturday) night's regional final at Maturi without knowing the result of the Gophers match with Oregon.  I know about the marathon second Set they had, and once I saw that the Ducks blew the doors off the U., I turned away from any news source online that I could come across as they were scrolling the score.  Somehow, I remained blissfully unaware of what happened.

That was the plan.  I had a grave feeling they lost.  But if I had learned in the wrong moment concretely they had lost, I would have lost my shit.  So I didn't want to be in a foul mood going into work, let's just say.  No, I would delay knowledge of the result as much as possible -- all the way to going to the game after work.  At that point there would be nothing that would stop me from at least speculating on what happened.  I mean, if there was no traffic around the U., I figured they lost because no Gopher fans would show up to see Oregon play Nebraska.

And you know what?  Even though I parked my car and started walking just before the scheduled 5 p.m. start time, there was no traffic.  They lost, I thought to myself.  And that assumption was affirmed once I got my ticket scanned at Maturi.  I looked up to see that I had missed the first point of the match -- between Nebraska ... and Oregon.

And I muttered to myself, un-fucking-believable.

I'll have more on the U. of M. flailing volleyball squad, but let's just say that since they got upset, I am now very upset.  (Then again, I said the same thing on my last blog post.)

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Friday, December 7:

• Well, since I used my credit card on this Friday (and actually I've used my credit card a lot lately), I need to go back to Thursday the 6th, where I went to the stripper party I talked about in my last blog post.  Lappers from ******y and *****a, and a bed dance/fuck from *****e*.  No cover because I helped her move.  Total: $160.
• After this stripper party I went to the library because I had to print out the ticket to Saturday's NCAA volleyball tournament match.  As of press time, I do not know whether Minnesota beat Oregon on Friday or if they got upset.  And if the Gophers got upset, I'll be very upset.  I also printed out an Arby's coupon, so I spent: 20 cents.
• On Monday the 3rd I got cranked by ****y.  Oh, yeah, I should talk about her after teasing her before ... so this ****y, turns out, is not the ****y I met at a party before.  The one I "know" is Latina; this one is black.  I didn't tuck in my dick, regardless.  But for a girl I had just met, I am absolutely impressed by what she did to me (handjob, blowjob) and what she allowed me to do to her (fuck her without a condom).  The clandestine meeting lost out to my unfamiliarity and, I should admit, disappointment that I got someone who was, frankly, plain-looking.  But if I need another go, I could see her in a pinch.  Price: $150.
• I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  I planned on going even before seeing ****y; this was a, uh, palate-cleanser.  Coke, tips and a dance from ***i*, who I have not been able to see at a house party in a long time: $30.
• We got back to Friday, November 30, where I went to the library to print out a ticket to that evening's first-round NCAA v-ball tourney match between South Carolina and Colorado, as well as an Arby's coupon.  Two printouts equal: 20 cents.
• I then went to Maturi for that volleyball match.  Hot dog, medium Coke and program: $18.50.
• I then bugged out shortly after the Gamecocks' win to go to U.S Bank Stadium downtown and the Gopher men's basketball game vs. Oklahoma St.  Used cash to buy a Skol dog and a souvenir Coke, which set me back: $20.
• To Tuesday the 27th, where I went to Moler to get a shave.  Dude talked a lot of game, tried to ingratiate himself, and people like that make me weary.  Sure enough, he cut me.  With tip: $9.
• Then I saw Instant Family, which is a sweet movie illustrating the travails of adoption.  For all those stupid-ass Republicans who decry Hollywood for being a moral cesspool, this is a film about a guy using his real life to try and educate people about what should be described as a societal problem.  Bought a ticket, but I got a free large popcorn and pop, so the price of just the ticket was: $5.37.
• Then went to Caffetto at night to work on my receipts for November.  Small coffee, pumpkie pie and tip: $6.50.
• All the way back to Friday, November 23, aka Black Friday.  Caribou's Black Friday special was a coffee for a buck.  Went down to the Mall Of America to shop, and I took them up on their offer.  With tip: $1.25.
• After buying myself boxers, I went to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch some college football games.  With tip: $11.
• Oh, and I donated to the Salvation Army, stationed outside the MOA doors: 25 cents.

Good through December 7.

Maybe It's Time I Get The Blue Pill

I went to a party hosted by *****e*, celebrating finding new digs for herself and her son.  It was a very intimate setting, just her and two other strippers (though two more were supposed to come) and, well, it was a sausage fest with ten guys, I think, in the apartment.

I like parties like that.  Well, too many guys, at least nine too many.  But there were a few girls, and with me having not an unlimited budget, I was able to toss some $20 dances to two of the girls and take the host to a bed, where I was finally able to cum by fucking her doggystyle.

But I wasn't hard.  Never got hard after ******y rode me on a regular lap dance.  *****a was there too, and she is hot as fuck, but I didn't get erect on her lapper.  If I were half the age I am now, I would have been sporting wood as soon as I stepped inside.  But I was flaccid no matter what those other two babes did to me.

Maybe I'm going to too many parties.  Maybe I'm getting old.  But this is not the first time I have, uh, underachieved.  In the last three parties I have not been as hard as I should be.  Hell, I don't think I've been showing my fuck stick in full for some time now.

Is it time for Viagra?  Heard today that I can now get it over-the-counter.

Shoot, let's see those automated ads get filled with erectile dysfunction pills.